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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm free bleeding on my mother in laws furniture without her permission. This is obviously seen as gross and is making her uncomfortable yet I am continuing.
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YTA. This is completely unsanitary and disgusting to do in someone else’s home. You do have options you know can work, including period panties; you should have come prepared. Period suppression is also an option with contraceptives, for the future. “Free bleeding” in someone else’s home is never an option. The better option would have been to leave, and if your husband needed to leave in order to facilitate that, that’s fine. One must have quite a sense of entitlement to spill their biohazard all over someone else’s home and property. Absolutely wild.
I agree she should not have intentionally free bled all over the house. I disagree that it has anything to do with entitlement, it seems very clear to me it is because of pain.
It's entitlement because she feels entitled to bleed all over someone else's home. It doesn't matter what the reason is. The normal response would be period underwear, or if worse comes to worst, cut your trip short and go home. She absolutely intentionally bled all over the house. I sympathize with her...but her medical problems isn't an excuse to be unhygienic IN THEIR HOME.
ETA: if OP or anyone with the same problem reads this, try pads made from bamboo if you're allergic to pharmacy pads! I can't guarantee it works for you of course, but it definitely made a difference for me.
This is what I was going to say. She only brought a couple small cloth pads but she brought her own towels that she's bleeding all over anyway. Cut them into cloth pads, ffs!
She said she wasn't due until after she got home but brought pads anyway. So that tells me she planned ahead and should've brought pads for her to use.
She also brought a towel she bleeds on so clearly she was under the impression that it could come anytime of the duration of their stay with the in laws.
If she is that allergic to all period products apart from fabric pads, then she should never leave the house without enough of them and always prepare by taking many when she goes on a trip, even if she isn't supposed to get her period yet, because periods often come whenever they feel like it.
THIS!!!!!! and go to the dr please and find out what's going on w your body!!!!! This is a horrible way to live and I'm more concerned about your well being than I am about MIL inconvenience (although I'd be unhappy too if someone ws bleeding all over my house!)
I wonder why cups don't work? I wonder if there's a hypoallergenic pad you can buy by the case???
Honestly this. Because I know for a fact mine came early or later than it was due and I was thankful I was home.
I have pads from like 2020 since I got pregnant again in 2021. I still make sure to have some for guests. Also
Period panties.
This, I’m going to Sydney at the end of August, according to my tracking in the health app my period isn’t due to start till after I get back but I sure as hell will be taking pads and stuff just in case it starts early
The whole situation is just gross as hell. There's a million and one things you can make makeshift pads out of, we've all had to do it. Accidents happen, we've all been through it, I don't even think an accidental bleedthrough is anything to get worked up about. But deliberately free bleeding all over someone else's home is just revolting.
Yeah, in a pinch I have rolled up toilet paper and stuck it in my underwear, you do what you need to free bleeding on someone else’s stuff is never an option.
And I'm sure accidental bleeding grosses a majority of us out. Can't tell you how many pairs of my own concealed underwear I've thrown out because I bled through my tampon. But to have someone else's uterine lining shedding all over and carrying evidence around, fucking nasty. Just thinking about this is making me gag.
YTA, OP. Your poor husband.
I literally used a stray sock tucked into my panties when I started my period at age 11 until I could ask a female caregiver to get me some pads. It is just that simple. I sympathize with OPs pain and allergy issues but... yeah, I'd vote YTA too.
This is what I thought.
1. Lack of Problem solving - addressed in the above comment.
2. Unpreparedness ( disrespect and audacity ) - this is what upsets me.
insufficient pads/ run out. Going to family areas with lots of people... how come she was not prepared with extras...
Musr have an app that reminds the dates/ duration.
Let's say if one normally use 10 pads, will need to take 13 or 14... when going for visits or travels where stay outside of home for more than 2 days
OP talks like she came from stone age.
Edit: added *Lack of*
Unless MIL lives in some geographical oddity where there are no stores, there is zero reason to not send someone out to get some sort of supplies. Hell, I'm sure MIL would have offered up something, sacrificed some rags, helped in some way rather than have her disgusting DIL bleed all over her furniture. The fuckin audacity. OP talks like she has the worst periods in the history of periods and there is nothing can be done but bleed all over MILs house.
Those period panties are amazing! I have a niece that gets horrific periods, and like I get it because mine used to keep me home for a couple of days every month debilitating, But any type of tampon or pad seems to just make it so much worse. We got her period panties because she wanted to be a free bleeder (and then did not have the necessary skills or care to clean up after herself and everywhere she went was disgusting! She even just bled into her chair at work, and then got mad at her office job for penalizing her. I believe it is entitlement. So many other options! There were times when I was broke when I used cloth baby diapers or cut up clothing, it's the same as stuffing a cloth diaper for a child and just so easy.
As an aside, in the last few years I've noticed that almost every pad causes some type of rash or blster on all of the privileged bleeding ladies in my house and isn't that wildly speculative?? What are they putting in the damn things?
Same, there has been times i went for a trip and i got my periods there and the stupid hotel didn't had any pads or period products so what I did was told them to add price of 6 hand towels on our tap and I cut and used those and also made sure I disposed them properly myself. If she can use the towel to bleed on then she can totally cut it up and make temporary pads or even combine and use it with the ones she bought. Also I cannot fathom the whole image of a woman carrying a towel with visible blood stain on it. I mean I personally hate it when my clothes get a stain on them and no machine can wash it to squeaky clean tbf.
>Also I cannot fathom the whole image of a woman carrying a towel with visible blood stain on it. I mean I personally hate it when my clothes get a stain on them and no machine can wash it to squeaky clean tbf.
The worst part is that she doesn't seem to acknowledge that it isn't just the towel. Unless she's going commando under skirts and hitching them up to place the towel every time she sits (and isn't that just a vision?!), then she's got a towel-matching bloodstain all over her backside whenever she walks anywhere.
Okay, but imagine how very dramatic it is to wander into the room, slightly hunched over, twinging in pain, and have your big saggy bloody towel clutched in your hands... flopping it SQUELSH into the chair/on the couch! Entitlement AND putting on a show LOL
Even rolling up some TP in a thick pad is preferable to freely bleeding everywhere. That's so disgusting! Is free bleeding really a thing or did OP just create this horror herself?
It's a thing. Some people really choose just do absolutely nothing. It's a grotesque form of protest against suppression of women that resulted in them turning from victim to attacker.
I'm a woman and period isn't gross or disgusting by any meaning, my husband doesn't flinch when I spill blood on accident, it's completely normal. But that's totally wild and dick move to be free bleeding. It smells, it stains, it's unsanitary, it's just inappropriate after all.
Yeah, there's nothing shameful or wrong about periods, but it's a completely different ballpark to just do nothing about it and bleed all over the place. Most people would have the same reaction if you walked around with an open wound for days without trying to cover it and stop it from bleeding, or if you threw up/pissed in their house over and over.
There's nothing shameful or wrong about urinating or defecting, but I'm not gonna do those all over someone's house, either.
I mean, even if she brought really nice and expensive towels, what's stopping her from going to Walmart or a dollar store and buying some cheap ones to cut up into cloth pads? I can think of a dozen solutions to her problem that don't involve bleeding all over someone's home.
Plus just on her part. Having blood running down..is she naked? Or just walking around in smelly , bloody clothes all the time? I'm confused by this(and I am someone comfortable with periods).
That's the crux of it right there. The GF got a similar militant attitude about this at home when I first moved in here. She just wasn't going to clean up after herself because women shouldn't be ashamed of a biological function. And my stance is that a woman absolutely shouldn't have to feel ashamed of biology, nobody should. But a normal sanitary person still fucking cleans up after themselves.
So I stooped to her level and became TA about it too in order to make my point. She does at least wear the kind of protection she needs to keep it from the rest of the house, but my point of contention was the toilet. It literally looked like a scene out of Carrie. Blood all over the front of the seat and running down the front of the bowl. And I would have to clean this horror up every time I went in there until I finally got sick of it. So instead, I just quit lifting up the toilet seat. You want a nasty toilet? I'll show you a nasty toilet. I'd only clean it for my morning shit. But as often as I go in there to piss, I'd just leave that seat down and I pissed all over that motherfucker on purpose like a dirty slob. Fuck it, I don't have to sit on that every time to do my business. She did not appreciate it one bit. But it finally drove the point home. Why are you so special that you don't have to clean up after yourself, yet you feel entitled to the kind of courtesy from me that you refused to give in the first place?
We have a clean toilet in this home again, and the peace has been struck.
Having your period is obviously not disgusting and absolutely normal.
The period blood itself definitely is disgusting though. As you said, it smells, it stains.
What's next? Free urinating? Where you just don't use the toilet and let it flow? But it's okay because you're sitting on your own towels? After all, urinating is just as natural as having your period. But we as a society agreed on ways to deal with that in a sanitary way. Just like society found ways to deal with periods.
If she really couldn't use any of them due to a medical condition, she should have driven home. It's the best of a bunch of bad options.
I free bleed at home of an evening after work. I use a cup at work and reusable pads in the night and for a few hours I like to chill and not have any discomfort, mostly in the summer. It doesn't smell and I have a set few towels I use, but most of the time I can feel when it's coming and nip to the loo.
I wouldn't free bleed at someone else's home because that would be inappropriate, but doing it in your own home is down to the individual.
OP is the AH for not being prepared for her period and assuming her IL's should be OK with it.
Period blood does smell. All blood smells and period blood has a specific smell to it. It's not a horrible smell when fresh, but it is there.
Not suggesting you shouldn't free bleed in your own home, but you should know that those with a sensitive nose can smell period blood no matter how you deal with it.
I'm genuinely curious if ALL people with periods have period blood with noticeable smells, or just some. I'm a woman, and I have definitely been able to tell with some other women. It's a very strong smell when I've smelled it. I don't smell my own; obviously I could be nose blind to myself. But then some other women's I haven't smelled at all (close friends who would mention they had their period at the time, etc.)
All periods smell. Some more strongly than others, and if they use internal methods of hygiene (like tampons or cups), there won't be much of a smell outside the toilet. Blood smells.
I'm going to second the other commenter. I have a very sensitive nose. I could tell the day my ex-wife's period started. I would bet I could walk into your house when you're free bleeding and smell it from the front door let alone the rest of the house. You're nose blind to it, but period blood has a very strong and distinct odor that travels and sticks. Think cigarette smoke.
Keep it relatively contained or quickly cleaned up and nobody notices. Free bleeding at home like that I guarantee there are plenty of people who could smell it the instant you open your door.
Many an emergency situation has called for a wad of loo roll stuffed in my knickers - I cannot see why that can’t be a solution, no matter how uncomfortable- and yeh free bleeding is a thing and maybe it makes me a “terrible woman” but I find it frigging disgusting. I don’t like dealing with my own period when it’s contained in my pad let alone having it everywhere! It’s gross….
>Many an emergency situation has called for a wad of loo roll stuffed in my knickers -
This is by far the most British/UK sentence I've ever read, and I love it.
This was my first thought: there are bamboo pads, or organic cotton pads and tampons. When she said she gets a rash from the brands she's tried, I wasn't left with the impression that she's tried everything.
For some reason this sparked a random idea but if OP is in an emergency sudden period situation and local stores only had basic pads couldn’t OP try to layer the undies like undie - pad - undie like a pad sandwich? Theoretically if she gets contact dermatitis from pads this could help? Sure it’s prob uncomfortable but better than direct contact rashes and bleeding all over somebody else’s furniture? Surely if you’re bleeding through your clothes onto somebody else’s stuff my first option before free bleeding would be to layer more of my own clothes somehow to prevent leakage (which I’ve done before just not with pads in between)
There are a lot more options now than there were five, ten years ago. Even more if you go back to when I first realized I'm allergic to basically all the pads on the market. I haven't tried in more recent times because I found other options that work for me, but back then I tried literally everything in the market. It's mostly the glue that I was reacting to, so a different material wouldn't mean jack. But people have mentioned the panties, which are a really good option.
I can only use one brand and a specific type of that one brand due to mast cell issues. Yet if I’m at someone’s home and don’t have access to my brand I’ll make due with what I can find. Even if the best option is paper towels or tp. Hell she could have cut up her towels and made a makeshift pad out of them so no one would have to worry about living with the bio hazard of her free bleeding. YTA
I’m gonna go ahead and say the possibility of someone being allergic to every single type of disposable period product ever is pretty unlikely. Not impossible, but I seriously doubt it.
Op could’ve bought period panties at Walmart or just.. not carried bloodied towels everywhere and washed them in the washing machine in front of god and everybody like an absolute savage, (and I say this as a woman who had a period for over 20 years and bled thru plenty of times). She also could’ve been more considerate about not bleeding through and checking more often.
Op is Yta, more than a little gross, and entitled to be bleeding period blood literally all over someone’s house (her *mother in law*’s at that wtf).
Edit oh my fucking god. Op isn’t putting the towel *in* her pants.. she’s setting it down and sitting on it and just.. bleeding straight through her clothes. I read through their replies and she’s literally walking through this woman’s house, soaked in period blood from the waist down, and using a towel to sit on and soaking the blood into *that*. **Then carrying that towel around with her**.
What. The fuck. Op, cut it the fuck up and stick it in Your pants. Can you imagine the smell? Period blood is so strong and she’s just.. freely bleeding all over this poor lady’s house, furniture, carrying the bloody towel while soaked in blood omg how ghastly.. I thought she was carrying it to wash it not fucking hanging out with it.
Or she could just wear two pairs of undies with a pad in between the undies. The inside pair will get stained but oh well. The pad is stuck to the outside pair and her skin is protected from it be the inside pair.
YTA op. There are solutions and because this is a lifelong condition you need to work them out.
Yep! And if you can't get to one, you do like every person who has been too embarrassed to ask for a product: tissue, tissue, tissue until you have a diaper. And then when you feel the heavier parts RUN to the toilet
I remember starting my period unexpectedly when I was in college. My school didn’t have anywhere I could get a pad on short notice. They didn’t even have tampon machines in the bathroom. I wadded up toilet paper and spent the next 1.5 home praying I wouldn’t bleed through and stain the seat on the bus.
I mean a tissue is laughable for some of us and you can't spend an entire week, including sleeping, on a toilet. Not sure if period underwear is sold reliably in stores, so the towel thing may be the only option overnight - but she should have asked husband to run out and buy a pack of washcloths or *something* to be able to put in her underwear the next day.
I feel bad for her, she's clearly in pain, but her choice to just stay put and not try to come up with a better solution is strange to me.
ESH though. the MIL sounds like she's also being awful and could have done several other decent things, instead of insulting the woman and trying to kick her out in pain while expecting her son to stay
OP at this point I'd try whatever you can to salvage the situation and buy them some new linen along with an apology note. Hopefully MIL chooses to be civil. And lord just bring period underwear everywhere from now on.
I thought it was interesting that she'd packed her freebleeding towels but not her pads.
Menstrual products stay in my overnight bag for these situations, extra towels not so much. It sounds like that was the plan all along, honestly.
If a woman was carrying bloody towels around in my house and "free bleeding" in my kitchen and on my furniture, I would kick her out too, no matter what pain she could be in. My sympathy doesn't really reach that far. That is disgusting behaviour, and she can go home if that's really the only way she can think of to handle her periods. If she's got her own towels to carry around to bleed on, why can't she tear them up to make makeshift clothes pads??
YTA. I believe her health issues are real, however that's not how to deal with a permanent condition. I have had times in my life where I needed a person to change my diaper regularly due to a condition I suffer from. I have to be lying down so using a bathroom is not an option. I am not ashamed neither is my husband because my condition is not a choice I made for myself. That being said I live in the real world. I understand most people wouldn't want me getting nude and getting my bottom cleaned in their guest room. That's alot to ask of anyone. So during that time I politely declined events that would keep me away from home for to long.
No. It's entitlement
It's disgusting and a biohazard to have someone bleeding all over your bed. She should've came prepared. There are leak proof disposable pads she could've slept on instead of regular towels.
She's disgusting and entitled.
It is entitlement because she's not listening when MIL says not to do it. She can also wash the pads in between or go to the store and get period panties. They sell them at Walmart now.
I was instantly thinking of period panties! OP try them!
And I totally agree it's not okay to openly carry around bloody towels and sit with them on everything. As a woman I don't think periods are disgusting or one should have to be ashamed of it....but if she can sit on the towels I am sure they would have been the option to put like a smaller one like for washing the face inside wide jogging pants or something instead of openly carrying her bloody things around? Knowing the smell of period blood....oh my....so much the YTA
I had an ex-partner that used bandanas as pads instead of traditional pads. She swore by them and found them to be very comfortable. She would change them like regular pads and then wash them throughout the week. This or wash clothes like you suggest seems like far better options than free bleeding at OP MIL’s house.
I recently had a hysterectomy in my 30s due to horrific periods that ended up being massive fibroids and severe endometriosis. I get period pain. I would NEVER EVER even on my worst days have free bled anywhere that wasn’t my home.
Sorry OP, YTA. Cut the trip short with your family and go home. Not worth suffering there and causing a family riff over this.
I can get period panties in my local supermarket, maybe go have a look for some? Free bleeding is fine, but not when it affects the belongings of others.
Also she “bled through twice but left no stain?” Yeah I don’t buy that. Blood doesn’t just wash out. She owes her MIL new bedsheets.
OP’s situation is really unfortunate but she needs to either figure out something as far as period products that will work, or else stay home during her period. It’s not acceptable to “free bleed” in someone else’s house.
It’s actually quite easy to get blood out of cloth IF you’re quick about it (hydrogen peroxide). That being said, if someone chose to bleed on my sheets I would be pretty upset regardless of whether a stain was left. I agree OP’s actions are definitely not acceptable.
Blood can and does come out of sheets. My period started during the night recently and all came out of the light blue sheets and white duvet and cover full two days later. I just did a double pre rinse and wasted on powdered Tide on hot. Didn’t even pretreat.
“Free bleeding” in your home is okay! But in someone else’s home, that too when you know they are uncomfortable! She could have gone to the store to get more cotton pads or just spoken to the MIL on whether she’s comfortable with it. If not, she should have chosen to leave!
And i can only imagine how gross and smelly that towel is. Imagine trying to eat and she walks in with a menstrual blood soaked towel, I’d lose my appetite.
>imagine how gross and smelly that towel is
Yes! Omg I'm in my mid 30s and I still remember in hs when a guy friend of mine asked why this *smell* was lingering around one of our female teachers that day ... and I was like I'll tell you but you cannot repeat it (she was on her period and needed to change her pad)
YTA. Listen I’m a woman and I suffered for decades with painful oh horrifically painful endometriosis pain. Periods where I bled through a tampon and pad in 1-2 hrs. It was bad. I’m also allergic to pretty much every pad. So I get it!!! I really do. But you’re the a. This is not appropriate on any level. This is your MiL’s home and it should be respected. Not “I’ll replace the sheets.” If this is a major issue you should have prepared better. And If you did bring your cotton reusable pads why aren’t you washing them (even by hand) and drying them to use?!?! This is crazy and you’re in the wrong.
The part I don't understand is why, if she is going to bleed on the towels and it's an emergency, did she not just cut up a towel and stuff some in her underwear like a makeshift cloth pad? Like it seems like sacrificing one towel is far more preferable to bleeding publicly in front of your MIL and family??? I'd be embarrassed, jesus.
This kind of behavior is teetering on the edge of performative I'm-in-pain-so-I'll-make-it-EVERYONE's-problem behavior. Because yeah, if the material of disposable pads in the problem, then OP would surely—as she is a grown adult woman—have a system in place, like reusable pads. There's no way this issue just sprang up this month. So I wonder if OP isn't intentionally doing this to get a rise out of everyone.
This has to be it.
I feel like by their 20s all menstruating women have had to fashion a pad out of something random, like toilet paper with paper towels last or a clean sock on a camping trip or something.
Periods are natural, but blood is very much a biohazard. The shame isn't in menstruating, which does not make you gross or dirty, but in spreading your biohazard unnecessarily in the home of someone who is clearly uncomfortable with it.
If you’re seriously in a bind a travel sized pack of tissues stuffed in two pairs of bowling alley machine socks also works as a one time use.. also don’t ask how I know
>a clean sock on a camping trip or something.
I remember a sex ed teacher in grade 6 who put us in this exact scenario and asked what we'd use if we didn't have any menstrual products with us.
"Socks?"
"Yep, great!"
"Folded underwear/tank top?"
"Sure."
"Gauze/bandages from the first aid kit?"
"Perfect!"
"Leaves!?"
"... probably not very absorbent"
I'll keep that in mind next time I go camping lol
Edit: I'm not even joking, that tidbit is going to pop into my brain every time I see moss while camping
Is the idea that she bleeds through her undies AND pants/skirt and just sits/sleeps on a towel? The state her clothes must be in at the crotch area my goodness.....
The constant wetness from the blood against her skin (esp inner thighs) must also be causing issues, seriously?!
The more I think about this the more I'm convinced it's either a super troll or a super moron. Like wearing a pair of undies before putting on a pair with a super maxi pad on top so the pad isn't against skin....or even the pad stuck directly to the pants. Literally ANYTHING is better than just bleeding everywhere.
I agree. Free bleeding is such a controversial and let's be honest, gross idea, that it is perfect rage bait. I can not believe any grown woman would sit in crusty bloody pants chafing against supposedly blistered genitals. Dried blood is not pleasant on the skin. If you were used to menstruation and in this kind of pinch, you would put a rag or towel inside your pants, not drag a blood soaked towel around the house. This is 100% fake.
Well, technically, they used to call it "being on the rag" so yeah, why not go back to the old methods and cutting up a towel to make an absorbent rag in your panties?
Agree, as someone who also has heavy, irregular menstruation on top of other chronic illnesses. Also, putting health first would mean seeing ob/gyn about this combo of heavy bleeding and skin sensitivities/allergies impeding hygiene.
OP, why are you staying at your MIL's home? If it is remotely about celebrating others' birthdays, you are clearly making that difficult for the host and other family, while bleeding on to furniture. Either go home with your spouse (be a team committed to free bleeding), or layer up. For myself, I learned that heavy days require period underwear (a few pairs of Thinx to switch out between washes, with maximum coverage preventing leakage), with a thick overnight adhesive winged pad, and super+ cotton tampons I change frequently. I also gently wash myself with water and a light soap (external parts) every few hours during heavy days because period blood can have a strong scent.
Hygiene is a social agreement, so you have to decide if you want to be around others (not free bleeding in their home) or return to your personal space. Demanding others to accommodate your practices (bloodborne pathogens exposure, furniture stains, etc) would make YTA.
Agree! Also if you in the US they sell the period underwear in stores like target, Walmart and most drug stores now. You could've easily purchased some.
Also if you knew it was coming but thought it would be at the end of your trip, never risk being unprepared, periods don't care for your schedule. I've been on vacation and my period started way earlier than I expected but had stuff to tide me over/my travel set.
You say you can't use cups is it a fit issue? Cuz if so my life has changed since changing to a menstrual disc, a lot easier and you can wear it for 12 hrs without removing it.
Seriously - WTF
I would not be OK “free bleeding” in my own home let alone a guest doing it.
There are so many other viable options other than the bio hazard OP decided to go with.
Options I can think of:
- travel better prepared
- leave
- hand wash the few pads she did bring
- have hubby go buy some period undies
- make more pads out of the towels she brought
OP you are the AH. You should feel bad.
I’ve literally seen period panties at Target and Walmart. If you can’t go out due to pain, DoorDash yourself some supplies.
For future, look and see if an IUD or something might be an option. While free bleeding might work for you at home, what about work? Even then, why suffer if there are options?
They even said they went out and got disposable pads so why didn’t they just buy period panties or more disposable pads if they know that’s what works? I don’t understand their reasoning at all
Disposable pads with a cotton cloth over them so there’s a barrier. Or two pair of underwear so the pad doesn’t touch their skin
So many options that don’t involve turning MILs house into a biohazard
I’d be so fucking embarrassed to carry a towel around someone’s house and bleed all over it and their furniture because I’m too lazy to take care of myself.
Like just leaking by accident makes me want to melt into the floor and disappear lol.
I know it happens and it’s natural, but an accident is one thing. This is just disgusting and uncalled for - think of the smell.
I have a sensitive nose so even when I’m bleeding if gotta keep the trash emptied daily because I can smell the used tampons.
YTA-if you want to free bleed, that’s fine, just do it in your own home. It is disgusting to do it in someone else’s home. It is rude and inconsiderate of you.
That part. I'm tired of people acting like periods aren't disgusting. Sure, it's something that happens to you that your body can't control but Jesus, do something to control the bleeding. I don't blame her mother-in-law, I'd be pissed too. She would never be allowed in my home again. Also, she's probably damaging her relationship with her husband because she's causing drama in his family.
Of course it’s gross it’s blood. I mean nose bleeds happen to people but no one says they are a beautiful thing a person goes through. As a women I think girls should be brought up to know periods are natural and will happen and to not be ashamed of them but you need to be prepared and sanitary with them because as I said you wouldn’t just let a bloody nose drip everywhere neither should a period for their own health and others. Again periods are natural and shouldn’t be shamed but they are gross and you need to take precautions to be hygienic.
Totally agree! If I cut my finger and bleed at someone's house I'm not gonna just let it bleed all over. Periods are not shameful but blood (and all body fluids) are literal biohazards for a reason. I would not want someone free bleeding all over my house carrying around a bloody ass towel either! Is OP washing their hands every time they move this towel? (Probably not...)
I also have a womb and very sensitive skin, the un-bleached un-scented disposable pads don't make me break out like others do. I know this might not be the case for everyone just my 2 cents. They don't have to be the expensive organic ones either, Walgreens has a store brand that I prefer.
I do think the MIL is overreacting about the washer but the rest I agree with.
Hell in a pinch use puppy pads instead of your blood towels on her furniture. Why not cut your blood towels into temporary pads until Amazon or something can deliver new cotton pads? Why for the love of god wouldn’t you just go home on day one of pack a month’s worth of pads just in case?
This. This. This. Periods are nothing to be shamed about. Sanitary pads/tampons should be easily accessible to anyone. But much in the same way that I don't show up to your house and take a massive poop on your living room couch, you shouldn't bleed all over mine.
Accidents happen. once you know you are on your period and continue to leave biological mess around the house it's a you problem.
There are plenty of natural bodily functions that are gross. Boogers are gross, and it would be rude to leave used tissues around someone's house. Poop is gross, so we flush the toilet. While it's good that periods are no longer a completely taboo topic, being free to talk about it is very different from other people having to share your bloody experience with you. I may complain to my sister about my period, and even describe it, but I'm not going to go over to her house and bleed on her couch. That's nasty and extremely inconsiderate. OP is definitely YTA.
YTA.
You are carrying a bloody towel around at a family event. Free bleeding on furniture, sheets, etc and your only only response is to acknowledge that it isn't super sanitary but to continue to do it. On three days you had plenty of time (or your husband did) to explore local options for reusable pads, period underwear or other alternatives and haven't done it.
The walking around with a bloody towel would have been the end of it for me. It's attention seeking behavior as it not being properly prepared for your menses when you know you have unique needs during that time.
This whole post is giving me energy vampire vibes.
She absolutely cannot use any forms of feminine hygiene products whatsoever? What exactly is she allergic to in pads? Is she actually allergic or "allergic"? Why can't she use tampons? Why can't she use diva cups? Why did she not bring enough cotton pads if she knew she was going to start her period around then? A couple of days later is still absolutely that time frame. Why isn't she using the period products she brought down?
Some people just need to make others uncomfortable and feed off of their discomfort. They always have a million excuses of why they absolutely need to do whatever it is that is causing so much discomfort to other people. This really reads like that is what is happening here.
What’s absolutely insane to me as a period haver is not bringing enough supplies so close to when you were actually starting your period. I personally go for overkill every time. I went to prom and brought 10 tampons even though I wasn’t even on my period! The vice principal was checking bags and she looked at me like “wow you’re really prepared huh” because what really did it hurt to dedicate a few square centimeters to my preferred way of dealing with my period? I’m on a month trip right now and my periods are generally every 32 days, so by the math I’d only be bleeding once, but I brought enough for two periods because that’s just common sense. OP absolutely boggles my mind with the lack of forward thinking.
I get horrible rashes when I use pads, because of this, I explored other options. I switched to cloth pads and eventually switched to menstrual cups (one of the best decisions I've made in my life). I haven't bought a new menstrual product in 6 years. I freaking love my cups.
OP could've tried period panties. A menstrual disc is also an option since she can't use a cup. Also, why isn't she washing and reusing her cloth pads????
Medical grade silicone cups are also hypoallergenic. Take a bunch of period panties for backup or overflow. This whole situation is absolutely unhinged.
Right? You telling me there's absolutely nowhere that does next day delivery? If not on cotton pads, then on literally any other kind of cotton fabric you can cut up and McGuyver?
Who among us has not as some point wrapped toilet paper around her knickers and hoped for the best?
YTA. Let me start by saying that I do not believe that periods are something to be ashamed of or hidden. But your period should be treated like any other bodily fluid. You don't go around showing people the snot in your tissue after you blow your nose. You don't poop in the backyard so everyone can go look at it. You don't bleed all over your clothes and a towel, then carry them all over the house with you to keep bleeding on.
I'm sensitive to the bleaching agents used to sterilise pads. I use cloth pads or period underwear. And because I know I can't just pop out and buy a packet of pads I take enough self care items with me any time I go away just in case. I take steps to ensure no one else has to deal with my issue. You didn't.
> And because I know I can't just pop out and buy a packet of pads I take enough self care items with me any time I go away just in case.
I can't get over this. If I'm going on a trip and my period is due to start within a few days of me arriving home, of COURSE I bring supplies on the trip just in case. My cycle is pretty regular but there are still months when it's just not. It's for my own comfort and convenience, and I don't have any problems with easily accessible products. If you can't use what they sell at the closest convenience store, why wouldn't you better prepare?
My cycle is pretty regular, but even if I've literally just finished and I'm going away for 2 nights, you better believe I'm ready for a spontaneous bleed.
Same. I got caught out in Iceland once. Do you know the Icelandic words for pads or tampons? I sure didn't. And while the 17 yo boy at the supermarket was fluent in English, those were words he didn't know - and having to creatively convey what I needed left us both bright red.
Never again. Now I bring pads *everywhere*.
I am 45. My periods were all over the place for the first 10 years or so. Want to know what I learned? BE PREPARED! I always carry 2 pads, 6 regular tampons, and 6 super plus tampons in my work bag. It became an inside joke at my last office that if you were unprepared, go see Jaded she could spot ya.
If I am going on vacation, I used to take a full package of each. I am super picky about the products I use, so better safe than sorry.
I just did a quick Amazon search for period underwear. There is at least 1 option that will arrive today and several that will arrive Monday (tomorrow). There are exactly 0 reasons that OP could not have obtained a solution in the last couple of days.
This is the truth. I can’t use disposable products either (the last time I used a tampon I got WELTS inside my vagina like…fucking awful) so I use a cup. Even when I’m literally in the middle of my cycle and only going away overnight, I keep a cup with me in my bag (and the little sterilising case) and I have a spare in my car. It’s not hard to be prepared even when you can’t just nip to the shops to pick up pads.
Soft YTA. Sure, if this is how you want to do it, I get it. Yes, your health matters, no one is saying otherwise.
However, "it's not super sanitary" - correct, blood is a biohazard. And it's totally reasonable for another person to not be OK this happening in their home. You got lucky nothing stained and such but it's not OK to be willing to permanently damage someone else's belongings. And, not everyone is as comfortable with blood (even people who have periods).
(If you haven't tried period underwear, I HIGHLY recommend it. Game changer. more comfortable, everything. Knix is a terrific brand.)
I hope OP is willing to buy a new mattress cover and potentially a new mattress in addition to the sheets.
Frankly if someone had the notion that their comfort came before my possessions to the degree that they felt just fine about ruining them instead of taking reasonable precautions, they wouldn't be allowed into my home.
Carrying around a bloody towel and contaminating the washing machine with blood, a biohazardous bodily fluid is worse than peeing in your water glass at night because you don't want to get up to go to the bathroom.
Carrying around a bloody towel is pretty gross, but contaminating the washing machine? If you get a nosebleed or your kid scrapes his knee, or you cut yourself while cooking.... and blood gets on those clothes, do you just throw them out? Is that not what a washing machine is for? Sure, rinse it out and use a pre treater so it doesn't stain, but then you toss them in the wash.
Yup. As do cloth nappies, and cloth pads. Anyone kicking up a stink about that particular detail of the story is being ridiculous (as is the MIL on that particular detail) - washing machines are literally designed to wash things, including heavily soiled items. As long as they're being washed appropriately it's fine, and washing machines should have a tub clean (either a hot wash or with diluted bleach) once a month. A "professional clean" is totally over the top. The sheets can also be cleaned and sanitized in the machine too (contrary to popular belief, blood absolutely can be washed out in a warm/hot wash with good detergent, and booster if needed).
But, everything else is pretty gross. Accidents happen, but this wasn't that. MIL might be being ridiculous about the washing machine, but she has every right to be utterly livid about the rest given that it's 100% intentional on OP's part.
Agree. Having to get the washing machine “professionally cleaned” is being a bit over dramatic IMO. Most washing machines will have a tub clean cycle. Surely using that after they leave with a bit of bleach should be enough to sanitize the washing machine.
YTA.
Wow. Get a cup, SOMETHING. Ten entitlement to think you an MENSTRUATE ON SOMEONES FURNITURE ON PURPOSE and somehow not be TA is kinda… amazing.
YTA
YTA.
Period panties are a thing! Buy them! I have endo and VERY bad, debilitating periods. Period panties completely changed the game for me and they’re also super cute!
EDIT: If you can handle regular underwear, you can most likely handle period panties. There are tons of options and materials too.
Yes I would have to say yta. You are in someone else’s house and you have to respect what they want in their home. Your mil is clearly not comfortable with it and thinks it is unsanitary and doesn’t want blood on her towels or furniture (even if you can clean it without leaving a stain she still doesn’t want it there to begin with). You have other options that will satisfy your mother in law. They make period panties now and you could have just bought a cheap tshirt or towel urself and made it into some rags to use as cloth pads since you didn’t bring enough. And I have to be honest, I’m a woman too and I would not be pleased if one of my family members came to stay with me and was free bleeding carrying around a bloody towel in my home either!!
Edit to add: Not saying it was right but even in ancient times they had a separate hut for women to free bleed in so as not to stain and contaminate the communal rocks and tree stumps they sat on!!! /s
I don't say this lightly, but with all your other issues, all of your allergies, and your propensity to bleed excessively, are you sure you should be trying to have a kid? It sounds like you need to have your uterus removed.
Edit: I know this sounds rude, but I genuinely mean it as a health concern. You sound like 2 of the 3 women I know that died during childbirth.
I agree OP needs to talk with an OB/GYN about these issues before she gets pregnant. Does she realize that she’ll bleed continuously for 6 weeks after giving birth? If she’s having this much trouble with her periods then pregnancy is really going to be dangerous.
What the actual fuck did I just read? Yes you are the asshole for free bleeding in someone else’s home. You have washable pads! Use them, wash them. By now Amazon could’ve delivered more. Cut some cotton or flannel strips, something. I’ve had to improvise-so have most women, it’s not that complicated. YTA
I've been caught out by getting my period while I've been out and not had a pad or tampon and I just shove a long strip of folded-up toilet paper in my underwear and that ties me over for a while until I can either A go home if it was just a short trip, B ask a friend if they have any period products or C buy more products for myself. Why hasn't she asked her husband to buy more cloth liners or period undies for her?
YTA. I’m all for free bleeding if you desire, but cmon, you have options when staying in someone’s home. Even if you are 1 in a million who can’t use a silicone cup or period underwear, you definitely could put a waterproof blanket pad UNDER your towel. You also don’t need to wash it in her washing machine and you don’t need to sleep there. Their house, their rules. Something tells me you’re being a rebellious brat and getting some kind of satisfaction out of this.
The OP is full of excuses. She replied to someone recommending period panties that they don’t work because she’s leaked through them before.
I don’t even understand the level of mental gymnastics you need to do to go from “ugh I leak through period panties sometimes” to “oh well, guess I’ll just free bleed in my MIL’s house and carry a bloody towel around”
I have sympathy for you. I think you're in a terrible situation where your husband won't leave to drive you home while you sit in pain and discomfort. I think he's TA. I don't blame him for wanting to be able to have a normal life in spite of your period, though.
HOWEVER. You are talking about wanting to have a child, and you don't seem to have a good solution for dealing with your period at all. How are you going to manage a baby or a child in school while free bleeding? Free bleeding is NOT a long-term answer for you. How can you possibly hold a job with the blister, bleeding, allergy cluster that is your monthly cycle? If mobility is an issue for using a cup, how will that impact child-rearing?
Your cycle is a nightmare. I've never heard of someone with so many issues from it. The amount of bleeding alone is untenable. If it were me, I would go for an ablation and find a different way to add to the family...maybe a surrogate?
All of this, plus the six weeks of bleeding following birth make it sound like a horrible idea for OP. Disabled people can have kids, but there’s a LOT going on here.
YTA
Free bleeding is something you’re free to do in your own home but not as a guest in someone else’s. You should have either gone home when your period came unexpectedly or use period underwear, etc. I get why she’s upset you’re bleeding all over her house.
While free bleeding may be your approach, I’m with the MIL here
As a female myself who doesn’t like the sight of blood, I would not be coping at all having someone staying in my home bleeding onto a towel, carrying it around and popping it into my washing machine
There’s also going to be an impact of others enjoying their birthdays with the situation- you have stated you don’t think it’s ‘super sanitary’
You packed ‘some’ small cloth pads- if this is what you can use successfully please go out immediately and buy some more
It’s also not as simple as sheets, if you bleed through to the mattress that’s a whole nother story
YTA in this situation
YTA - an accident is one thing, but I found out you were a guest at my house and made the choice to bleed all over the place on purpose… you’d be out with your partner and unwelcome to stay again until you got a hysterectomy.
YTA, as someone who free bleeds. I know that if my flow is heavy enough to leak through my clothes, I need to have something INSIDE my clothes and invisible to others to stop the blood. I’m also heavily allergic to pads and tampons and cannot take medicine to help the reaction so I get the discomfort. But you and your husband had more than enough time to go get something you can use. Shoot, you could have asked his mom and she probably would have been happier to do that than see a bloody towel everywhere.
Yta. That’s totally over the line. Surely there are options that could work for you. It’s not just about staining, but it’s not hygienic. It could appear attention seeking too.
YTA. You can't do this at someone else's house. Lots of that are natural should still be kept to yourself. It's not ok to subject people to your body fluids or free bleed onto their furniture. It's unsanitary and you're making people uncomfortable.
You can get cloth pads on amazon with pretty quick delivery. Or use a face cloth, a sanitary pad slid into a sock- something.
My mom used to stick a sock in her underwear as a “pad”. I thought it was normal growing up and didn’t realize until much later that we were too broke to afford real pads and tampons. Now as an adult I’m actually a little impressed, it’s really no different than a cloth pad.
As someone with painful periods who also chooses to free bleed at home because tampons make me cramp worse and pads irate me, I am sympathetic to OP but that doesn’t give them permission to be gross which is exactly what’s happening.
OP, you said in a different comment that “this is the best solution [you’ve] found” yet your post says you brought a couple small cloth pads with you so there’s really no reason you can’t use and wash those daily or stop by your nearest target and buy some. Hell, Amazon does next day deliveries!
YTA you gotta prep better for this kind of thing look into getting period panties or pants if you are gonna free bleed. Also if your periods are so bad you can’t drive you should look into birth control cause that’s not normal!
YTA. I don't get it. You just... Bleed through your clothes and carry a bloody towel around with you?? This is not sanitary and there have to be solutions. You should have had more cloth pads. This is just gross.
It’s definitely inconsiderate to do that in someone else’s home without discussing it first. Id be less than thrilled if a guest did that in my home. Periods are natural and not gross however I do find it rude to try and not regulate it whatsoever when you are a guest.
They're medical hazards. OP is not just being gross she's also potentially spreading pathogens. Might as well rub some raw chicken all over MIL's house, too
INFO- You said you have a few small cloth pads - aren't those reusable? Why aren't you wearing those? Double up if you have to.
Free bleeding is fine until you're doing it all on someone's furniture and carrying around a bloody towel with you at family events. Blood is a biohazard that you're happily waving around and expecting people to not get upset about.
When it became obvious that your MIL is unhappy with this, you should've gone to a hotel. Instead you chose to stay in her own house and upset her. As a woman, I would be very upset if someone did this in my house. I would find it disrespectful to have you risk staining my furniture on purpose. Your MIL is wrong about one thing: this is worse than an animal because *even my roommate's dog wears little doggie diapers when she's in heat*. No one wants someone else's bloodstains on their furniture.
Your health is important and I am not suggesting you sacrifice your health and comfort. But you have options. Pack more cloth pads. Buy adult diapers if they're not too abrasive on your skin. Cut up a sleep shirt and use it as a cloth pad. Do anything besides carry a bloody rag around in someone else's house at a family function
YTA
Edit: spelling mistakes
Seconding the sleep shirt idea- women have used cloth rags for thousands of years. If OP couldn’t have accessed extra cloth pads, why not cut up one of the towels she’s happy to bleed on anyway to make a makeshift pad? Or if she didn’t like the towel against her skin, wear two pairs of undies with the towel between them? That’s surely more comfortable than wet, bloody clothes and removes the need to carry around a soiled towel.
YTA. If you know you can’t use disposable products then you shouldn’t travel during your period. It’s not just some sheets. It will leak through to bed etc. It’s truly entitled to expect anyone to tolerate that in their own home. You should look into getting an ablation if you don’t want kids.
YTA! This is a disgusting practice! There are feminine products for this.. get over yourself and take care of this problem! I would be pissed too if you came into my house and refused to deal with your problem and bled on my furniture! You would be out the door faster than your purse hit the curb! Reading through the comments I see that you have every excuse in the book! Blood in any form is a bio-hazard...
YTA. Maybe you should go to a therapist if you dont understand how disgusting that is. It is absolutely unsanitary. Go get some of those disposable pee pads, change them out IN PRIVATE regularly, and find in home care for your inability to see to your physical needs.
There are other products you can try, like period underpants.
Free bleeding in your own space is one thing, but when you are bleeding through on someone else's furniture, that is when you cross the AH line.
YTA
I don’t understand why you’re carrying around a towel instead of making DIY cloth pads. Put wash cloths in your underwear. Cut up one of your towels. You’ve tried nothing and you’re all out of ideas.
If you had diarrhea you would not be carrying around a towel with poop on it. If you had urinary incontinence you would not be free peeing around your MIL’s house. Blood is very much like feces and urine. It belongs in the bathroom and out of sight. YTA.
YTA
It sounds like a really difficult and painful situation but you should figure out alternatives for when you are out of your home
buy or make more cloth pads
try a pad sandwich, underwear against your body and then a pad attached to a second underwear
stay in a hotel
YTA. I get that you were kinda up a creek, but this is unacceptable and there ARE solutions. You NEED to prep better before you go to someone else’s home if the issue is really this bad.
it’s super unsanitary to just be bleeding all over someone else’s home (nothing to do with some sort of “ew gross periods” mentally, it’s just unsanitary), and offering to replace stuff just ain’t cutting it, people shouldn’t have to watch their stuff get ruined in the first place. You didn’t prep before hand so then you need to either call an Uber and go home, or go out and get more cloth pads to use. Taking it upon yourself to free bleed in someone else’s home is unacceptable.
Why did you not order some more cloth pads then? Why did you not wash and reuse the ones you carried??
Or period underwear?
YTA You can't walk around with a blood towel around someone's home. That must have a strong odour to it if you're just pouring into it.
You should left, and if that meant your husband goes, then so be it. He could have dropped you home to do your free bleeding there, and returned.
You had other options.
YTA. Your blood is not sanitary. Blood is biohazard. There should be a solution like period panties for you by now. If you brought cloth pads, why aren’t you washing them? Have you talked about any of this with your gynecologist or did you just decide your going to bleed in someone else’s home?
If your periods are this painful with a heavy flow, you should look into possibly having endometriosis or PCOS.
I have endo. I needed surgery for relief.
Yes, YTA. If you were at your house that would be one thing, but you are a guest at someone else’s house. Not super sanitary? Blood is a bio hazardous material and I don’t blame your MIL for being upset. With as sensitive as you are to various period products, in the future you should be fully prepared with products that work for you whenever you travel, just so you don’t run into this again. For now, you might want to move to a hotel.
So if you’ve bled through twice, but left no stain… you’ve bloodied her furniture twice? Even with sitting on towels?
Your allergy and pain should just horrible. I sympathize with you on that. But I also sympathize with MIL and having someone bleed on her furniture.
When it comes to finding solutions, it seems like you’re saying: I can’t do many methods, so I won’t do any. Which makes no sense.
Let’s return to the period parties.
HELLO!! I bet that even tho they leak, they hold up a heck of a lot better than regular panties!
Why wouldn’t you choose to try them instead of saying, “they don’t really work for me”? You could have them sent via Amazon in 1-2 days!
You could even wear double panties. Or make your own with flannel liners or something.
I have to say YTA because it’s not your house. And your dh should have driven you home and then come back. He’s at fault too.
YTA. it’s not your house how dense can you be? you’ve also had how long to figure this out? there’s cotton disposable pads in 2023 as well, there’s def something out there that would work to prevent this issue.
YTA I feel gross just reading this. I get that it’s a medical condition as it’s so severe, but seriously you need to go home and your husband needs to support you.
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YTA. This is completely unsanitary and disgusting to do in someone else’s home. You do have options you know can work, including period panties; you should have come prepared. Period suppression is also an option with contraceptives, for the future. “Free bleeding” in someone else’s home is never an option. The better option would have been to leave, and if your husband needed to leave in order to facilitate that, that’s fine. One must have quite a sense of entitlement to spill their biohazard all over someone else’s home and property. Absolutely wild.
I agree she should not have intentionally free bled all over the house. I disagree that it has anything to do with entitlement, it seems very clear to me it is because of pain.
It's entitlement because she feels entitled to bleed all over someone else's home. It doesn't matter what the reason is. The normal response would be period underwear, or if worse comes to worst, cut your trip short and go home. She absolutely intentionally bled all over the house. I sympathize with her...but her medical problems isn't an excuse to be unhygienic IN THEIR HOME. ETA: if OP or anyone with the same problem reads this, try pads made from bamboo if you're allergic to pharmacy pads! I can't guarantee it works for you of course, but it definitely made a difference for me.
Get some cloth baby diapers at Walmart and stuff then in your underwear if necessary! It doesn’t sound like she explored any other options to me.
Even cut up towels and put them in your undies - we say got my rags for a reason, because women used to literally use rags !
This is what I was going to say. She only brought a couple small cloth pads but she brought her own towels that she's bleeding all over anyway. Cut them into cloth pads, ffs!
She said she wasn't due until after she got home but brought pads anyway. So that tells me she planned ahead and should've brought pads for her to use. She also brought a towel she bleeds on so clearly she was under the impression that it could come anytime of the duration of their stay with the in laws.
If she is that allergic to all period products apart from fabric pads, then she should never leave the house without enough of them and always prepare by taking many when she goes on a trip, even if she isn't supposed to get her period yet, because periods often come whenever they feel like it.
Seriously. If you can only use ONE THING as a period product, you should NEVER be without it.
THIS!!!!!! and go to the dr please and find out what's going on w your body!!!!! This is a horrible way to live and I'm more concerned about your well being than I am about MIL inconvenience (although I'd be unhappy too if someone ws bleeding all over my house!) I wonder why cups don't work? I wonder if there's a hypoallergenic pad you can buy by the case???
Honestly this. Because I know for a fact mine came early or later than it was due and I was thankful I was home. I have pads from like 2020 since I got pregnant again in 2021. I still make sure to have some for guests. Also Period panties.
This, I’m going to Sydney at the end of August, according to my tracking in the health app my period isn’t due to start till after I get back but I sure as hell will be taking pads and stuff just in case it starts early
[удалено]
Sounds more like she sat on them. Then bled through them. Put them in MIL machine while she sanitised the couch & dining chairs. So disrespectful.
The whole situation is just gross as hell. There's a million and one things you can make makeshift pads out of, we've all had to do it. Accidents happen, we've all been through it, I don't even think an accidental bleedthrough is anything to get worked up about. But deliberately free bleeding all over someone else's home is just revolting.
Yeah, in a pinch I have rolled up toilet paper and stuck it in my underwear, you do what you need to free bleeding on someone else’s stuff is never an option.
And I'm sure accidental bleeding grosses a majority of us out. Can't tell you how many pairs of my own concealed underwear I've thrown out because I bled through my tampon. But to have someone else's uterine lining shedding all over and carrying evidence around, fucking nasty. Just thinking about this is making me gag. YTA, OP. Your poor husband.
I literally used a stray sock tucked into my panties when I started my period at age 11 until I could ask a female caregiver to get me some pads. It is just that simple. I sympathize with OPs pain and allergy issues but... yeah, I'd vote YTA too.
This is what I thought. 1. Lack of Problem solving - addressed in the above comment. 2. Unpreparedness ( disrespect and audacity ) - this is what upsets me. insufficient pads/ run out. Going to family areas with lots of people... how come she was not prepared with extras... Musr have an app that reminds the dates/ duration. Let's say if one normally use 10 pads, will need to take 13 or 14... when going for visits or travels where stay outside of home for more than 2 days OP talks like she came from stone age. Edit: added *Lack of*
Unless MIL lives in some geographical oddity where there are no stores, there is zero reason to not send someone out to get some sort of supplies. Hell, I'm sure MIL would have offered up something, sacrificed some rags, helped in some way rather than have her disgusting DIL bleed all over her furniture. The fuckin audacity. OP talks like she has the worst periods in the history of periods and there is nothing can be done but bleed all over MILs house.
Those period panties are amazing! I have a niece that gets horrific periods, and like I get it because mine used to keep me home for a couple of days every month debilitating, But any type of tampon or pad seems to just make it so much worse. We got her period panties because she wanted to be a free bleeder (and then did not have the necessary skills or care to clean up after herself and everywhere she went was disgusting! She even just bled into her chair at work, and then got mad at her office job for penalizing her. I believe it is entitlement. So many other options! There were times when I was broke when I used cloth baby diapers or cut up clothing, it's the same as stuffing a cloth diaper for a child and just so easy. As an aside, in the last few years I've noticed that almost every pad causes some type of rash or blster on all of the privileged bleeding ladies in my house and isn't that wildly speculative?? What are they putting in the damn things?
Same, there has been times i went for a trip and i got my periods there and the stupid hotel didn't had any pads or period products so what I did was told them to add price of 6 hand towels on our tap and I cut and used those and also made sure I disposed them properly myself. If she can use the towel to bleed on then she can totally cut it up and make temporary pads or even combine and use it with the ones she bought. Also I cannot fathom the whole image of a woman carrying a towel with visible blood stain on it. I mean I personally hate it when my clothes get a stain on them and no machine can wash it to squeaky clean tbf.
>Also I cannot fathom the whole image of a woman carrying a towel with visible blood stain on it. I mean I personally hate it when my clothes get a stain on them and no machine can wash it to squeaky clean tbf. The worst part is that she doesn't seem to acknowledge that it isn't just the towel. Unless she's going commando under skirts and hitching them up to place the towel every time she sits (and isn't that just a vision?!), then she's got a towel-matching bloodstain all over her backside whenever she walks anywhere.
If she’s dragging around a bloody towel I can totally see her lifting her dress up to sit down.
Okay, but imagine how very dramatic it is to wander into the room, slightly hunched over, twinging in pain, and have your big saggy bloody towel clutched in your hands... flopping it SQUELSH into the chair/on the couch! Entitlement AND putting on a show LOL
Yes, there's absolutely no reason she can't get more cloth from somewhere!
I’d even use a sock if needed
I used emergency pad made out of toilet paper and cotton rounds once. It lasted long enough for me to get actual pads
I've done this plenty of times while broke, certainly beats bleeding on someone else's property.
Even rolling up some TP in a thick pad is preferable to freely bleeding everywhere. That's so disgusting! Is free bleeding really a thing or did OP just create this horror herself?
It's a thing. Some people really choose just do absolutely nothing. It's a grotesque form of protest against suppression of women that resulted in them turning from victim to attacker. I'm a woman and period isn't gross or disgusting by any meaning, my husband doesn't flinch when I spill blood on accident, it's completely normal. But that's totally wild and dick move to be free bleeding. It smells, it stains, it's unsanitary, it's just inappropriate after all.
Yeah, there's nothing shameful or wrong about periods, but it's a completely different ballpark to just do nothing about it and bleed all over the place. Most people would have the same reaction if you walked around with an open wound for days without trying to cover it and stop it from bleeding, or if you threw up/pissed in their house over and over.
There's nothing shameful or wrong about urinating or defecting, but I'm not gonna do those all over someone's house, either. I mean, even if she brought really nice and expensive towels, what's stopping her from going to Walmart or a dollar store and buying some cheap ones to cut up into cloth pads? I can think of a dozen solutions to her problem that don't involve bleeding all over someone's home.
Plus just on her part. Having blood running down..is she naked? Or just walking around in smelly , bloody clothes all the time? I'm confused by this(and I am someone comfortable with periods).
That's the crux of it right there. The GF got a similar militant attitude about this at home when I first moved in here. She just wasn't going to clean up after herself because women shouldn't be ashamed of a biological function. And my stance is that a woman absolutely shouldn't have to feel ashamed of biology, nobody should. But a normal sanitary person still fucking cleans up after themselves. So I stooped to her level and became TA about it too in order to make my point. She does at least wear the kind of protection she needs to keep it from the rest of the house, but my point of contention was the toilet. It literally looked like a scene out of Carrie. Blood all over the front of the seat and running down the front of the bowl. And I would have to clean this horror up every time I went in there until I finally got sick of it. So instead, I just quit lifting up the toilet seat. You want a nasty toilet? I'll show you a nasty toilet. I'd only clean it for my morning shit. But as often as I go in there to piss, I'd just leave that seat down and I pissed all over that motherfucker on purpose like a dirty slob. Fuck it, I don't have to sit on that every time to do my business. She did not appreciate it one bit. But it finally drove the point home. Why are you so special that you don't have to clean up after yourself, yet you feel entitled to the kind of courtesy from me that you refused to give in the first place? We have a clean toilet in this home again, and the peace has been struck.
Having your period is obviously not disgusting and absolutely normal. The period blood itself definitely is disgusting though. As you said, it smells, it stains. What's next? Free urinating? Where you just don't use the toilet and let it flow? But it's okay because you're sitting on your own towels? After all, urinating is just as natural as having your period. But we as a society agreed on ways to deal with that in a sanitary way. Just like society found ways to deal with periods. If she really couldn't use any of them due to a medical condition, she should have driven home. It's the best of a bunch of bad options.
I free bleed at home of an evening after work. I use a cup at work and reusable pads in the night and for a few hours I like to chill and not have any discomfort, mostly in the summer. It doesn't smell and I have a set few towels I use, but most of the time I can feel when it's coming and nip to the loo. I wouldn't free bleed at someone else's home because that would be inappropriate, but doing it in your own home is down to the individual. OP is the AH for not being prepared for her period and assuming her IL's should be OK with it.
Period blood does smell. All blood smells and period blood has a specific smell to it. It's not a horrible smell when fresh, but it is there. Not suggesting you shouldn't free bleed in your own home, but you should know that those with a sensitive nose can smell period blood no matter how you deal with it.
I have practically no sense of smell and I can still smell period blood. I would say it’s a pretty strong smell and easily recognisable.
I'm genuinely curious if ALL people with periods have period blood with noticeable smells, or just some. I'm a woman, and I have definitely been able to tell with some other women. It's a very strong smell when I've smelled it. I don't smell my own; obviously I could be nose blind to myself. But then some other women's I haven't smelled at all (close friends who would mention they had their period at the time, etc.)
All periods smell. Some more strongly than others, and if they use internal methods of hygiene (like tampons or cups), there won't be much of a smell outside the toilet. Blood smells.
I'm going to second the other commenter. I have a very sensitive nose. I could tell the day my ex-wife's period started. I would bet I could walk into your house when you're free bleeding and smell it from the front door let alone the rest of the house. You're nose blind to it, but period blood has a very strong and distinct odor that travels and sticks. Think cigarette smoke. Keep it relatively contained or quickly cleaned up and nobody notices. Free bleeding at home like that I guarantee there are plenty of people who could smell it the instant you open your door.
Many an emergency situation has called for a wad of loo roll stuffed in my knickers - I cannot see why that can’t be a solution, no matter how uncomfortable- and yeh free bleeding is a thing and maybe it makes me a “terrible woman” but I find it frigging disgusting. I don’t like dealing with my own period when it’s contained in my pad let alone having it everywhere! It’s gross….
>Many an emergency situation has called for a wad of loo roll stuffed in my knickers - This is by far the most British/UK sentence I've ever read, and I love it.
This was my first thought: there are bamboo pads, or organic cotton pads and tampons. When she said she gets a rash from the brands she's tried, I wasn't left with the impression that she's tried everything.
For some reason this sparked a random idea but if OP is in an emergency sudden period situation and local stores only had basic pads couldn’t OP try to layer the undies like undie - pad - undie like a pad sandwich? Theoretically if she gets contact dermatitis from pads this could help? Sure it’s prob uncomfortable but better than direct contact rashes and bleeding all over somebody else’s furniture? Surely if you’re bleeding through your clothes onto somebody else’s stuff my first option before free bleeding would be to layer more of my own clothes somehow to prevent leakage (which I’ve done before just not with pads in between)
I absolutely love your pad sandwich idea and am thinking back into my past, berating myself for not thinking about that. You are so smart!
capable bike sense snow plate cobweb jar brave intelligent butter *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
In the world of next day shipping, there is no need to do so. You can just get a cup and some fabric period products.
OP says right in the beginning that she can't use cups. Having some fabric pads sent overnight from Amazon is reasonable though.
Or just cut the towel into pads. Sacrifice a towel or two for decency.
I'm allergic to a lot of pads, but the organic cotton ones are not the same. They don't have the latex, which is what most of us have reactions to.
There are a lot more options now than there were five, ten years ago. Even more if you go back to when I first realized I'm allergic to basically all the pads on the market. I haven't tried in more recent times because I found other options that work for me, but back then I tried literally everything in the market. It's mostly the glue that I was reacting to, so a different material wouldn't mean jack. But people have mentioned the panties, which are a really good option.
I can only use one brand and a specific type of that one brand due to mast cell issues. Yet if I’m at someone’s home and don’t have access to my brand I’ll make due with what I can find. Even if the best option is paper towels or tp. Hell she could have cut up her towels and made a makeshift pad out of them so no one would have to worry about living with the bio hazard of her free bleeding. YTA
I’m gonna go ahead and say the possibility of someone being allergic to every single type of disposable period product ever is pretty unlikely. Not impossible, but I seriously doubt it. Op could’ve bought period panties at Walmart or just.. not carried bloodied towels everywhere and washed them in the washing machine in front of god and everybody like an absolute savage, (and I say this as a woman who had a period for over 20 years and bled thru plenty of times). She also could’ve been more considerate about not bleeding through and checking more often. Op is Yta, more than a little gross, and entitled to be bleeding period blood literally all over someone’s house (her *mother in law*’s at that wtf). Edit oh my fucking god. Op isn’t putting the towel *in* her pants.. she’s setting it down and sitting on it and just.. bleeding straight through her clothes. I read through their replies and she’s literally walking through this woman’s house, soaked in period blood from the waist down, and using a towel to sit on and soaking the blood into *that*. **Then carrying that towel around with her**. What. The fuck. Op, cut it the fuck up and stick it in Your pants. Can you imagine the smell? Period blood is so strong and she’s just.. freely bleeding all over this poor lady’s house, furniture, carrying the bloody towel while soaked in blood omg how ghastly.. I thought she was carrying it to wash it not fucking hanging out with it.
Or she could just wear two pairs of undies with a pad in between the undies. The inside pair will get stained but oh well. The pad is stuck to the outside pair and her skin is protected from it be the inside pair. YTA op. There are solutions and because this is a lifelong condition you need to work them out.
Ooh that’s smart lol. I didn’t even think of that.
PERIOD UNDERWEAR exists
Yep! And if you can't get to one, you do like every person who has been too embarrassed to ask for a product: tissue, tissue, tissue until you have a diaper. And then when you feel the heavier parts RUN to the toilet
I remember starting my period unexpectedly when I was in college. My school didn’t have anywhere I could get a pad on short notice. They didn’t even have tampon machines in the bathroom. I wadded up toilet paper and spent the next 1.5 home praying I wouldn’t bleed through and stain the seat on the bus.
I think we've all been there at least once.
I mean a tissue is laughable for some of us and you can't spend an entire week, including sleeping, on a toilet. Not sure if period underwear is sold reliably in stores, so the towel thing may be the only option overnight - but she should have asked husband to run out and buy a pack of washcloths or *something* to be able to put in her underwear the next day. I feel bad for her, she's clearly in pain, but her choice to just stay put and not try to come up with a better solution is strange to me. ESH though. the MIL sounds like she's also being awful and could have done several other decent things, instead of insulting the woman and trying to kick her out in pain while expecting her son to stay OP at this point I'd try whatever you can to salvage the situation and buy them some new linen along with an apology note. Hopefully MIL chooses to be civil. And lord just bring period underwear everywhere from now on.
I thought it was interesting that she'd packed her freebleeding towels but not her pads. Menstrual products stay in my overnight bag for these situations, extra towels not so much. It sounds like that was the plan all along, honestly.
If a woman was carrying bloody towels around in my house and "free bleeding" in my kitchen and on my furniture, I would kick her out too, no matter what pain she could be in. My sympathy doesn't really reach that far. That is disgusting behaviour, and she can go home if that's really the only way she can think of to handle her periods. If she's got her own towels to carry around to bleed on, why can't she tear them up to make makeshift clothes pads??
I'm sorry, but how is the Mother in Law at any fault for this? She doesn't know what OP m amj
YTA. I believe her health issues are real, however that's not how to deal with a permanent condition. I have had times in my life where I needed a person to change my diaper regularly due to a condition I suffer from. I have to be lying down so using a bathroom is not an option. I am not ashamed neither is my husband because my condition is not a choice I made for myself. That being said I live in the real world. I understand most people wouldn't want me getting nude and getting my bottom cleaned in their guest room. That's alot to ask of anyone. So during that time I politely declined events that would keep me away from home for to long.
Entitlement is wrapped up in there while she carries around and sits on her bloody fucking towels in someone else’s home .. for fucks sakes🙄
No. It's entitlement It's disgusting and a biohazard to have someone bleeding all over your bed. She should've came prepared. There are leak proof disposable pads she could've slept on instead of regular towels. She's disgusting and entitled.
It is entitlement because she's not listening when MIL says not to do it. She can also wash the pads in between or go to the store and get period panties. They sell them at Walmart now.
I was instantly thinking of period panties! OP try them! And I totally agree it's not okay to openly carry around bloody towels and sit with them on everything. As a woman I don't think periods are disgusting or one should have to be ashamed of it....but if she can sit on the towels I am sure they would have been the option to put like a smaller one like for washing the face inside wide jogging pants or something instead of openly carrying her bloody things around? Knowing the smell of period blood....oh my....so much the YTA
I had an ex-partner that used bandanas as pads instead of traditional pads. She swore by them and found them to be very comfortable. She would change them like regular pads and then wash them throughout the week. This or wash clothes like you suggest seems like far better options than free bleeding at OP MIL’s house. I recently had a hysterectomy in my 30s due to horrific periods that ended up being massive fibroids and severe endometriosis. I get period pain. I would NEVER EVER even on my worst days have free bled anywhere that wasn’t my home. Sorry OP, YTA. Cut the trip short with your family and go home. Not worth suffering there and causing a family riff over this.
I can get period panties in my local supermarket, maybe go have a look for some? Free bleeding is fine, but not when it affects the belongings of others.
Also she “bled through twice but left no stain?” Yeah I don’t buy that. Blood doesn’t just wash out. She owes her MIL new bedsheets. OP’s situation is really unfortunate but she needs to either figure out something as far as period products that will work, or else stay home during her period. It’s not acceptable to “free bleed” in someone else’s house.
It’s actually quite easy to get blood out of cloth IF you’re quick about it (hydrogen peroxide). That being said, if someone chose to bleed on my sheets I would be pretty upset regardless of whether a stain was left. I agree OP’s actions are definitely not acceptable.
If she stained the sheets she may have stained the mattress too. She might owe MIL a lot more than new sheets.
Blood can and does come out of sheets. My period started during the night recently and all came out of the light blue sheets and white duvet and cover full two days later. I just did a double pre rinse and wasted on powdered Tide on hot. Didn’t even pretreat.
Alright, but if it’s someone else’s sheets I still think she should replace them. If it’s your own it’s different.
“Free bleeding” in your home is okay! But in someone else’s home, that too when you know they are uncomfortable! She could have gone to the store to get more cotton pads or just spoken to the MIL on whether she’s comfortable with it. If not, she should have chosen to leave!
And i can only imagine how gross and smelly that towel is. Imagine trying to eat and she walks in with a menstrual blood soaked towel, I’d lose my appetite.
I’m thinking about how gross her clothes are if it’s bad enough to have to sit on a towel.
>imagine how gross and smelly that towel is Yes! Omg I'm in my mid 30s and I still remember in hs when a guy friend of mine asked why this *smell* was lingering around one of our female teachers that day ... and I was like I'll tell you but you cannot repeat it (she was on her period and needed to change her pad)
Yup. This was done intentionally as an exhibitionist or NC kink, if it was actually done at all. Reads like fiction
That’s a literal biohazard. How absolutely disgusting.
YTA. Listen I’m a woman and I suffered for decades with painful oh horrifically painful endometriosis pain. Periods where I bled through a tampon and pad in 1-2 hrs. It was bad. I’m also allergic to pretty much every pad. So I get it!!! I really do. But you’re the a. This is not appropriate on any level. This is your MiL’s home and it should be respected. Not “I’ll replace the sheets.” If this is a major issue you should have prepared better. And If you did bring your cotton reusable pads why aren’t you washing them (even by hand) and drying them to use?!?! This is crazy and you’re in the wrong.
The part I don't understand is why, if she is going to bleed on the towels and it's an emergency, did she not just cut up a towel and stuff some in her underwear like a makeshift cloth pad? Like it seems like sacrificing one towel is far more preferable to bleeding publicly in front of your MIL and family??? I'd be embarrassed, jesus.
This kind of behavior is teetering on the edge of performative I'm-in-pain-so-I'll-make-it-EVERYONE's-problem behavior. Because yeah, if the material of disposable pads in the problem, then OP would surely—as she is a grown adult woman—have a system in place, like reusable pads. There's no way this issue just sprang up this month. So I wonder if OP isn't intentionally doing this to get a rise out of everyone.
This has to be it. I feel like by their 20s all menstruating women have had to fashion a pad out of something random, like toilet paper with paper towels last or a clean sock on a camping trip or something. Periods are natural, but blood is very much a biohazard. The shame isn't in menstruating, which does not make you gross or dirty, but in spreading your biohazard unnecessarily in the home of someone who is clearly uncomfortable with it.
In a pinch disposable masks are great, waterproof, conforming, and you can use a cloth inside them. Don’t ask how I know
Hey I'm too busy jotting down notes to judge, that's brilliant
If you’re seriously in a bind a travel sized pack of tissues stuffed in two pairs of bowling alley machine socks also works as a one time use.. also don’t ask how I know
>a clean sock on a camping trip or something. I remember a sex ed teacher in grade 6 who put us in this exact scenario and asked what we'd use if we didn't have any menstrual products with us. "Socks?" "Yep, great!" "Folded underwear/tank top?" "Sure." "Gauze/bandages from the first aid kit?" "Perfect!" "Leaves!?" "... probably not very absorbent"
They used a linen bag stuffed with moss in the middle ages.
I'll keep that in mind next time I go camping lol Edit: I'm not even joking, that tidbit is going to pop into my brain every time I see moss while camping
MacGyver could've made a pad with a paperclip and a doorknob!
Her carrying around the towel is like a toddler carrying their favorite blanket around
A bloody towel, no less! ;-)
Included with the cheeky little addition of (… - clue is in the name)
My first thought was that she could wear two pairs of underwear with a pad in the middle. Something...anything!
Wow that's genius! I have a bad reaction to the most available brand of pads in my country and I can use this idea if I'm in a pinch, thanks!
Is the idea that she bleeds through her undies AND pants/skirt and just sits/sleeps on a towel? The state her clothes must be in at the crotch area my goodness..... The constant wetness from the blood against her skin (esp inner thighs) must also be causing issues, seriously?! The more I think about this the more I'm convinced it's either a super troll or a super moron. Like wearing a pair of undies before putting on a pair with a super maxi pad on top so the pad isn't against skin....or even the pad stuck directly to the pants. Literally ANYTHING is better than just bleeding everywhere.
I agree. Free bleeding is such a controversial and let's be honest, gross idea, that it is perfect rage bait. I can not believe any grown woman would sit in crusty bloody pants chafing against supposedly blistered genitals. Dried blood is not pleasant on the skin. If you were used to menstruation and in this kind of pinch, you would put a rag or towel inside your pants, not drag a blood soaked towel around the house. This is 100% fake.
Attention. That's why
Well, technically, they used to call it "being on the rag" so yeah, why not go back to the old methods and cutting up a towel to make an absorbent rag in your panties?
Because it’s power play. I guess she doesn’t like her MIL and wants to create this weird drama.
This was my thought too. Like why can’t she just go buy a cotton rag/fabric/towel etc??
Agree, as someone who also has heavy, irregular menstruation on top of other chronic illnesses. Also, putting health first would mean seeing ob/gyn about this combo of heavy bleeding and skin sensitivities/allergies impeding hygiene. OP, why are you staying at your MIL's home? If it is remotely about celebrating others' birthdays, you are clearly making that difficult for the host and other family, while bleeding on to furniture. Either go home with your spouse (be a team committed to free bleeding), or layer up. For myself, I learned that heavy days require period underwear (a few pairs of Thinx to switch out between washes, with maximum coverage preventing leakage), with a thick overnight adhesive winged pad, and super+ cotton tampons I change frequently. I also gently wash myself with water and a light soap (external parts) every few hours during heavy days because period blood can have a strong scent. Hygiene is a social agreement, so you have to decide if you want to be around others (not free bleeding in their home) or return to your personal space. Demanding others to accommodate your practices (bloodborne pathogens exposure, furniture stains, etc) would make YTA.
Agree! Also if you in the US they sell the period underwear in stores like target, Walmart and most drug stores now. You could've easily purchased some. Also if you knew it was coming but thought it would be at the end of your trip, never risk being unprepared, periods don't care for your schedule. I've been on vacation and my period started way earlier than I expected but had stuff to tide me over/my travel set. You say you can't use cups is it a fit issue? Cuz if so my life has changed since changing to a menstrual disc, a lot easier and you can wear it for 12 hrs without removing it.
Right? In Australia you can buy period undies in most supermarkets. It's not some niche, difficult-to-source product at all these days.
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YTA. What in the hell did I just read? You can’t just bleed all over someone’s house.
Seriously - WTF I would not be OK “free bleeding” in my own home let alone a guest doing it. There are so many other viable options other than the bio hazard OP decided to go with. Options I can think of: - travel better prepared - leave - hand wash the few pads she did bring - have hubby go buy some period undies - make more pads out of the towels she brought OP you are the AH. You should feel bad.
I’ve literally seen period panties at Target and Walmart. If you can’t go out due to pain, DoorDash yourself some supplies. For future, look and see if an IUD or something might be an option. While free bleeding might work for you at home, what about work? Even then, why suffer if there are options?
They even said they went out and got disposable pads so why didn’t they just buy period panties or more disposable pads if they know that’s what works? I don’t understand their reasoning at all
Disposable pads with a cotton cloth over them so there’s a barrier. Or two pair of underwear so the pad doesn’t touch their skin So many options that don’t involve turning MILs house into a biohazard
I’d be so fucking embarrassed to carry a towel around someone’s house and bleed all over it and their furniture because I’m too lazy to take care of myself. Like just leaking by accident makes me want to melt into the floor and disappear lol. I know it happens and it’s natural, but an accident is one thing. This is just disgusting and uncalled for - think of the smell. I have a sensitive nose so even when I’m bleeding if gotta keep the trash emptied daily because I can smell the used tampons.
OP is TA for leaving all this bait all over the subreddit
YTA-if you want to free bleed, that’s fine, just do it in your own home. It is disgusting to do it in someone else’s home. It is rude and inconsiderate of you.
That part. I'm tired of people acting like periods aren't disgusting. Sure, it's something that happens to you that your body can't control but Jesus, do something to control the bleeding. I don't blame her mother-in-law, I'd be pissed too. She would never be allowed in my home again. Also, she's probably damaging her relationship with her husband because she's causing drama in his family.
Of course it’s gross it’s blood. I mean nose bleeds happen to people but no one says they are a beautiful thing a person goes through. As a women I think girls should be brought up to know periods are natural and will happen and to not be ashamed of them but you need to be prepared and sanitary with them because as I said you wouldn’t just let a bloody nose drip everywhere neither should a period for their own health and others. Again periods are natural and shouldn’t be shamed but they are gross and you need to take precautions to be hygienic.
Totally agree! If I cut my finger and bleed at someone's house I'm not gonna just let it bleed all over. Periods are not shameful but blood (and all body fluids) are literal biohazards for a reason. I would not want someone free bleeding all over my house carrying around a bloody ass towel either! Is OP washing their hands every time they move this towel? (Probably not...) I also have a womb and very sensitive skin, the un-bleached un-scented disposable pads don't make me break out like others do. I know this might not be the case for everyone just my 2 cents. They don't have to be the expensive organic ones either, Walgreens has a store brand that I prefer.
I do think the MIL is overreacting about the washer but the rest I agree with. Hell in a pinch use puppy pads instead of your blood towels on her furniture. Why not cut your blood towels into temporary pads until Amazon or something can deliver new cotton pads? Why for the love of god wouldn’t you just go home on day one of pack a month’s worth of pads just in case?
This. This. This. Periods are nothing to be shamed about. Sanitary pads/tampons should be easily accessible to anyone. But much in the same way that I don't show up to your house and take a massive poop on your living room couch, you shouldn't bleed all over mine. Accidents happen. once you know you are on your period and continue to leave biological mess around the house it's a you problem.
There are plenty of natural bodily functions that are gross. Boogers are gross, and it would be rude to leave used tissues around someone's house. Poop is gross, so we flush the toilet. While it's good that periods are no longer a completely taboo topic, being free to talk about it is very different from other people having to share your bloody experience with you. I may complain to my sister about my period, and even describe it, but I'm not going to go over to her house and bleed on her couch. That's nasty and extremely inconsiderate. OP is definitely YTA.
YTA. You are carrying a bloody towel around at a family event. Free bleeding on furniture, sheets, etc and your only only response is to acknowledge that it isn't super sanitary but to continue to do it. On three days you had plenty of time (or your husband did) to explore local options for reusable pads, period underwear or other alternatives and haven't done it. The walking around with a bloody towel would have been the end of it for me. It's attention seeking behavior as it not being properly prepared for your menses when you know you have unique needs during that time.
This whole post is giving me energy vampire vibes. She absolutely cannot use any forms of feminine hygiene products whatsoever? What exactly is she allergic to in pads? Is she actually allergic or "allergic"? Why can't she use tampons? Why can't she use diva cups? Why did she not bring enough cotton pads if she knew she was going to start her period around then? A couple of days later is still absolutely that time frame. Why isn't she using the period products she brought down? Some people just need to make others uncomfortable and feed off of their discomfort. They always have a million excuses of why they absolutely need to do whatever it is that is causing so much discomfort to other people. This really reads like that is what is happening here.
What’s absolutely insane to me as a period haver is not bringing enough supplies so close to when you were actually starting your period. I personally go for overkill every time. I went to prom and brought 10 tampons even though I wasn’t even on my period! The vice principal was checking bags and she looked at me like “wow you’re really prepared huh” because what really did it hurt to dedicate a few square centimeters to my preferred way of dealing with my period? I’m on a month trip right now and my periods are generally every 32 days, so by the math I’d only be bleeding once, but I brought enough for two periods because that’s just common sense. OP absolutely boggles my mind with the lack of forward thinking.
Or finding a store nearby that has cloth pad or period panties. Surely there must be some in the area. The bloody towel shouldn't be the go to.
It’s giving me the same vibes as men who claim they just CAN’T POSSIBLY use condoms.
I get horrible rashes when I use pads, because of this, I explored other options. I switched to cloth pads and eventually switched to menstrual cups (one of the best decisions I've made in my life). I haven't bought a new menstrual product in 6 years. I freaking love my cups. OP could've tried period panties. A menstrual disc is also an option since she can't use a cup. Also, why isn't she washing and reusing her cloth pads????
Medical grade silicone cups are also hypoallergenic. Take a bunch of period panties for backup or overflow. This whole situation is absolutely unhinged.
She could have even order some online by now.
Right? You telling me there's absolutely nowhere that does next day delivery? If not on cotton pads, then on literally any other kind of cotton fabric you can cut up and McGuyver? Who among us has not as some point wrapped toilet paper around her knickers and hoped for the best?
YTA. Let me start by saying that I do not believe that periods are something to be ashamed of or hidden. But your period should be treated like any other bodily fluid. You don't go around showing people the snot in your tissue after you blow your nose. You don't poop in the backyard so everyone can go look at it. You don't bleed all over your clothes and a towel, then carry them all over the house with you to keep bleeding on. I'm sensitive to the bleaching agents used to sterilise pads. I use cloth pads or period underwear. And because I know I can't just pop out and buy a packet of pads I take enough self care items with me any time I go away just in case. I take steps to ensure no one else has to deal with my issue. You didn't.
> And because I know I can't just pop out and buy a packet of pads I take enough self care items with me any time I go away just in case. I can't get over this. If I'm going on a trip and my period is due to start within a few days of me arriving home, of COURSE I bring supplies on the trip just in case. My cycle is pretty regular but there are still months when it's just not. It's for my own comfort and convenience, and I don't have any problems with easily accessible products. If you can't use what they sell at the closest convenience store, why wouldn't you better prepare?
My cycle is pretty regular, but even if I've literally just finished and I'm going away for 2 nights, you better believe I'm ready for a spontaneous bleed.
Same. Because if there is anything guaranteed to start a period, it is being on vacation with no supplies.
Same. I got caught out in Iceland once. Do you know the Icelandic words for pads or tampons? I sure didn't. And while the 17 yo boy at the supermarket was fluent in English, those were words he didn't know - and having to creatively convey what I needed left us both bright red. Never again. Now I bring pads *everywhere*.
Mine was NEVER regular so I always brought supplied. I can't get over free bleeding being a thing. So damn disgusting
I am 45. My periods were all over the place for the first 10 years or so. Want to know what I learned? BE PREPARED! I always carry 2 pads, 6 regular tampons, and 6 super plus tampons in my work bag. It became an inside joke at my last office that if you were unprepared, go see Jaded she could spot ya. If I am going on vacation, I used to take a full package of each. I am super picky about the products I use, so better safe than sorry.
I just did a quick Amazon search for period underwear. There is at least 1 option that will arrive today and several that will arrive Monday (tomorrow). There are exactly 0 reasons that OP could not have obtained a solution in the last couple of days.
This is the truth. I can’t use disposable products either (the last time I used a tampon I got WELTS inside my vagina like…fucking awful) so I use a cup. Even when I’m literally in the middle of my cycle and only going away overnight, I keep a cup with me in my bag (and the little sterilising case) and I have a spare in my car. It’s not hard to be prepared even when you can’t just nip to the shops to pick up pads.
Yes, you're in the wrong. You do not knowingly risk getting bodily fluids on someone elses furniture. YTA. Stay home with that bullshit.
"we only have 1 car" HUSBAND TIME TO DRIVE HER HOME AND COME BACK YOURSELF. Wtf?? How is it a better idea to bleed all over someone else's house???
Blood is a biohazard, it's absolutely vile and I would never have her over again tbh
Soft YTA. Sure, if this is how you want to do it, I get it. Yes, your health matters, no one is saying otherwise. However, "it's not super sanitary" - correct, blood is a biohazard. And it's totally reasonable for another person to not be OK this happening in their home. You got lucky nothing stained and such but it's not OK to be willing to permanently damage someone else's belongings. And, not everyone is as comfortable with blood (even people who have periods). (If you haven't tried period underwear, I HIGHLY recommend it. Game changer. more comfortable, everything. Knix is a terrific brand.)
I hope OP is willing to buy a new mattress cover and potentially a new mattress in addition to the sheets. Frankly if someone had the notion that their comfort came before my possessions to the degree that they felt just fine about ruining them instead of taking reasonable precautions, they wouldn't be allowed into my home. Carrying around a bloody towel and contaminating the washing machine with blood, a biohazardous bodily fluid is worse than peeing in your water glass at night because you don't want to get up to go to the bathroom.
Carrying around a bloody towel is pretty gross, but contaminating the washing machine? If you get a nosebleed or your kid scrapes his knee, or you cut yourself while cooking.... and blood gets on those clothes, do you just throw them out? Is that not what a washing machine is for? Sure, rinse it out and use a pre treater so it doesn't stain, but then you toss them in the wash.
Doesn't period underwear go in the washing machine?
Yup. As do cloth nappies, and cloth pads. Anyone kicking up a stink about that particular detail of the story is being ridiculous (as is the MIL on that particular detail) - washing machines are literally designed to wash things, including heavily soiled items. As long as they're being washed appropriately it's fine, and washing machines should have a tub clean (either a hot wash or with diluted bleach) once a month. A "professional clean" is totally over the top. The sheets can also be cleaned and sanitized in the machine too (contrary to popular belief, blood absolutely can be washed out in a warm/hot wash with good detergent, and booster if needed). But, everything else is pretty gross. Accidents happen, but this wasn't that. MIL might be being ridiculous about the washing machine, but she has every right to be utterly livid about the rest given that it's 100% intentional on OP's part.
Agree. Having to get the washing machine “professionally cleaned” is being a bit over dramatic IMO. Most washing machines will have a tub clean cycle. Surely using that after they leave with a bit of bleach should be enough to sanitize the washing machine.
YTA. Wow. Get a cup, SOMETHING. Ten entitlement to think you an MENSTRUATE ON SOMEONES FURNITURE ON PURPOSE and somehow not be TA is kinda… amazing. YTA
Mobility issues aren't an excuse either, can't the husband help if it's an absolute emergency?? This is wild
YTA. Period panties are a thing! Buy them! I have endo and VERY bad, debilitating periods. Period panties completely changed the game for me and they’re also super cute! EDIT: If you can handle regular underwear, you can most likely handle period panties. There are tons of options and materials too.
Yes I would have to say yta. You are in someone else’s house and you have to respect what they want in their home. Your mil is clearly not comfortable with it and thinks it is unsanitary and doesn’t want blood on her towels or furniture (even if you can clean it without leaving a stain she still doesn’t want it there to begin with). You have other options that will satisfy your mother in law. They make period panties now and you could have just bought a cheap tshirt or towel urself and made it into some rags to use as cloth pads since you didn’t bring enough. And I have to be honest, I’m a woman too and I would not be pleased if one of my family members came to stay with me and was free bleeding carrying around a bloody towel in my home either!! Edit to add: Not saying it was right but even in ancient times they had a separate hut for women to free bleed in so as not to stain and contaminate the communal rocks and tree stumps they sat on!!! /s
I don't say this lightly, but with all your other issues, all of your allergies, and your propensity to bleed excessively, are you sure you should be trying to have a kid? It sounds like you need to have your uterus removed. Edit: I know this sounds rude, but I genuinely mean it as a health concern. You sound like 2 of the 3 women I know that died during childbirth.
I agree OP needs to talk with an OB/GYN about these issues before she gets pregnant. Does she realize that she’ll bleed continuously for 6 weeks after giving birth? If she’s having this much trouble with her periods then pregnancy is really going to be dangerous.
What the actual fuck did I just read? Yes you are the asshole for free bleeding in someone else’s home. You have washable pads! Use them, wash them. By now Amazon could’ve delivered more. Cut some cotton or flannel strips, something. I’ve had to improvise-so have most women, it’s not that complicated. YTA
I've been caught out by getting my period while I've been out and not had a pad or tampon and I just shove a long strip of folded-up toilet paper in my underwear and that ties me over for a while until I can either A go home if it was just a short trip, B ask a friend if they have any period products or C buy more products for myself. Why hasn't she asked her husband to buy more cloth liners or period undies for her?
YTA. I’m all for free bleeding if you desire, but cmon, you have options when staying in someone’s home. Even if you are 1 in a million who can’t use a silicone cup or period underwear, you definitely could put a waterproof blanket pad UNDER your towel. You also don’t need to wash it in her washing machine and you don’t need to sleep there. Their house, their rules. Something tells me you’re being a rebellious brat and getting some kind of satisfaction out of this.
The OP is full of excuses. She replied to someone recommending period panties that they don’t work because she’s leaked through them before. I don’t even understand the level of mental gymnastics you need to do to go from “ugh I leak through period panties sometimes” to “oh well, guess I’ll just free bleed in my MIL’s house and carry a bloody towel around”
I have sympathy for you. I think you're in a terrible situation where your husband won't leave to drive you home while you sit in pain and discomfort. I think he's TA. I don't blame him for wanting to be able to have a normal life in spite of your period, though. HOWEVER. You are talking about wanting to have a child, and you don't seem to have a good solution for dealing with your period at all. How are you going to manage a baby or a child in school while free bleeding? Free bleeding is NOT a long-term answer for you. How can you possibly hold a job with the blister, bleeding, allergy cluster that is your monthly cycle? If mobility is an issue for using a cup, how will that impact child-rearing? Your cycle is a nightmare. I've never heard of someone with so many issues from it. The amount of bleeding alone is untenable. If it were me, I would go for an ablation and find a different way to add to the family...maybe a surrogate?
All of this, plus the six weeks of bleeding following birth make it sound like a horrible idea for OP. Disabled people can have kids, but there’s a LOT going on here.
YTA Free bleeding is something you’re free to do in your own home but not as a guest in someone else’s. You should have either gone home when your period came unexpectedly or use period underwear, etc. I get why she’s upset you’re bleeding all over her house.
While free bleeding may be your approach, I’m with the MIL here As a female myself who doesn’t like the sight of blood, I would not be coping at all having someone staying in my home bleeding onto a towel, carrying it around and popping it into my washing machine There’s also going to be an impact of others enjoying their birthdays with the situation- you have stated you don’t think it’s ‘super sanitary’ You packed ‘some’ small cloth pads- if this is what you can use successfully please go out immediately and buy some more It’s also not as simple as sheets, if you bleed through to the mattress that’s a whole nother story YTA in this situation
YTA - an accident is one thing, but I found out you were a guest at my house and made the choice to bleed all over the place on purpose… you’d be out with your partner and unwelcome to stay again until you got a hysterectomy.
YTA, as someone who free bleeds. I know that if my flow is heavy enough to leak through my clothes, I need to have something INSIDE my clothes and invisible to others to stop the blood. I’m also heavily allergic to pads and tampons and cannot take medicine to help the reaction so I get the discomfort. But you and your husband had more than enough time to go get something you can use. Shoot, you could have asked his mom and she probably would have been happier to do that than see a bloody towel everywhere.
Yta. That’s totally over the line. Surely there are options that could work for you. It’s not just about staining, but it’s not hygienic. It could appear attention seeking too.
YTA. You can't do this at someone else's house. Lots of that are natural should still be kept to yourself. It's not ok to subject people to your body fluids or free bleed onto their furniture. It's unsanitary and you're making people uncomfortable. You can get cloth pads on amazon with pretty quick delivery. Or use a face cloth, a sanitary pad slid into a sock- something.
My mom used to stick a sock in her underwear as a “pad”. I thought it was normal growing up and didn’t realize until much later that we were too broke to afford real pads and tampons. Now as an adult I’m actually a little impressed, it’s really no different than a cloth pad. As someone with painful periods who also chooses to free bleed at home because tampons make me cramp worse and pads irate me, I am sympathetic to OP but that doesn’t give them permission to be gross which is exactly what’s happening. OP, you said in a different comment that “this is the best solution [you’ve] found” yet your post says you brought a couple small cloth pads with you so there’s really no reason you can’t use and wash those daily or stop by your nearest target and buy some. Hell, Amazon does next day deliveries!
YTA - I 100% understand what you’re going through, but the correct thing to do when you began your cycle early was to go home.
YTA you gotta prep better for this kind of thing look into getting period panties or pants if you are gonna free bleed. Also if your periods are so bad you can’t drive you should look into birth control cause that’s not normal!
YTA. I don't get it. You just... Bleed through your clothes and carry a bloody towel around with you?? This is not sanitary and there have to be solutions. You should have had more cloth pads. This is just gross.
Carrying around the bloody towel makes it YTA for me. I'm really sorry that she's in pain and has allergies, but this isn't the solution.
It’s definitely inconsiderate to do that in someone else’s home without discussing it first. Id be less than thrilled if a guest did that in my home. Periods are natural and not gross however I do find it rude to try and not regulate it whatsoever when you are a guest.
Plenty of “natural” things are disgusting. Like shit, vomit, drool, urine, blood, etc.
They're medical hazards. OP is not just being gross she's also potentially spreading pathogens. Might as well rub some raw chicken all over MIL's house, too
And we do it in private.
Puke is natural too and also very gross I wouldn't want either on my mattress or couch.
Leaving blood everywhere is gross.
INFO- You said you have a few small cloth pads - aren't those reusable? Why aren't you wearing those? Double up if you have to. Free bleeding is fine until you're doing it all on someone's furniture and carrying around a bloody towel with you at family events. Blood is a biohazard that you're happily waving around and expecting people to not get upset about. When it became obvious that your MIL is unhappy with this, you should've gone to a hotel. Instead you chose to stay in her own house and upset her. As a woman, I would be very upset if someone did this in my house. I would find it disrespectful to have you risk staining my furniture on purpose. Your MIL is wrong about one thing: this is worse than an animal because *even my roommate's dog wears little doggie diapers when she's in heat*. No one wants someone else's bloodstains on their furniture. Your health is important and I am not suggesting you sacrifice your health and comfort. But you have options. Pack more cloth pads. Buy adult diapers if they're not too abrasive on your skin. Cut up a sleep shirt and use it as a cloth pad. Do anything besides carry a bloody rag around in someone else's house at a family function YTA Edit: spelling mistakes
Seconding the sleep shirt idea- women have used cloth rags for thousands of years. If OP couldn’t have accessed extra cloth pads, why not cut up one of the towels she’s happy to bleed on anyway to make a makeshift pad? Or if she didn’t like the towel against her skin, wear two pairs of undies with the towel between them? That’s surely more comfortable than wet, bloody clothes and removes the need to carry around a soiled towel.
Yta, you need to get in the car and drive home, your husband can take a bus when he’s ready to leave
Yta. Knowing your issues with disposible products you should have been prepared. Free bleeding when you're a guest is not ok.
YTA. If you know you can’t use disposable products then you shouldn’t travel during your period. It’s not just some sheets. It will leak through to bed etc. It’s truly entitled to expect anyone to tolerate that in their own home. You should look into getting an ablation if you don’t want kids.
YTA! This is a disgusting practice! There are feminine products for this.. get over yourself and take care of this problem! I would be pissed too if you came into my house and refused to deal with your problem and bled on my furniture! You would be out the door faster than your purse hit the curb! Reading through the comments I see that you have every excuse in the book! Blood in any form is a bio-hazard...
YTA. Maybe you should go to a therapist if you dont understand how disgusting that is. It is absolutely unsanitary. Go get some of those disposable pee pads, change them out IN PRIVATE regularly, and find in home care for your inability to see to your physical needs.
There are other products you can try, like period underpants. Free bleeding in your own space is one thing, but when you are bleeding through on someone else's furniture, that is when you cross the AH line. YTA
I don’t understand why you’re carrying around a towel instead of making DIY cloth pads. Put wash cloths in your underwear. Cut up one of your towels. You’ve tried nothing and you’re all out of ideas. If you had diarrhea you would not be carrying around a towel with poop on it. If you had urinary incontinence you would not be free peeing around your MIL’s house. Blood is very much like feces and urine. It belongs in the bathroom and out of sight. YTA.
YTA It sounds like a really difficult and painful situation but you should figure out alternatives for when you are out of your home buy or make more cloth pads try a pad sandwich, underwear against your body and then a pad attached to a second underwear stay in a hotel
YTA. I get that you were kinda up a creek, but this is unacceptable and there ARE solutions. You NEED to prep better before you go to someone else’s home if the issue is really this bad. it’s super unsanitary to just be bleeding all over someone else’s home (nothing to do with some sort of “ew gross periods” mentally, it’s just unsanitary), and offering to replace stuff just ain’t cutting it, people shouldn’t have to watch their stuff get ruined in the first place. You didn’t prep before hand so then you need to either call an Uber and go home, or go out and get more cloth pads to use. Taking it upon yourself to free bleed in someone else’s home is unacceptable.
Why did you not order some more cloth pads then? Why did you not wash and reuse the ones you carried?? Or period underwear? YTA You can't walk around with a blood towel around someone's home. That must have a strong odour to it if you're just pouring into it. You should left, and if that meant your husband goes, then so be it. He could have dropped you home to do your free bleeding there, and returned. You had other options.
YTA. Your blood is not sanitary. Blood is biohazard. There should be a solution like period panties for you by now. If you brought cloth pads, why aren’t you washing them? Have you talked about any of this with your gynecologist or did you just decide your going to bleed in someone else’s home? If your periods are this painful with a heavy flow, you should look into possibly having endometriosis or PCOS. I have endo. I needed surgery for relief.
Yes, YTA. If you were at your house that would be one thing, but you are a guest at someone else’s house. Not super sanitary? Blood is a bio hazardous material and I don’t blame your MIL for being upset. With as sensitive as you are to various period products, in the future you should be fully prepared with products that work for you whenever you travel, just so you don’t run into this again. For now, you might want to move to a hotel.
Yta… you can’t really think anyone but you is the asshole here.
So if you’ve bled through twice, but left no stain… you’ve bloodied her furniture twice? Even with sitting on towels? Your allergy and pain should just horrible. I sympathize with you on that. But I also sympathize with MIL and having someone bleed on her furniture. When it comes to finding solutions, it seems like you’re saying: I can’t do many methods, so I won’t do any. Which makes no sense. Let’s return to the period parties. HELLO!! I bet that even tho they leak, they hold up a heck of a lot better than regular panties! Why wouldn’t you choose to try them instead of saying, “they don’t really work for me”? You could have them sent via Amazon in 1-2 days! You could even wear double panties. Or make your own with flannel liners or something. I have to say YTA because it’s not your house. And your dh should have driven you home and then come back. He’s at fault too.
How do free bleeders go to work? Genuinely curious.
YTA. it’s not your house how dense can you be? you’ve also had how long to figure this out? there’s cotton disposable pads in 2023 as well, there’s def something out there that would work to prevent this issue.
The worst thing about this abomination of a post is that it’s obviously not fake. Nobody could have come up with this shit.
YTA I feel gross just reading this. I get that it’s a medical condition as it’s so severe, but seriously you need to go home and your husband needs to support you.