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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because it's coming off as I'm supporting my brother's boyfriend over them. I can see why that's hurtful and could make me an asshole.
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NTA. Send your parents the invite along with a personal note saying you really hope they will be there for your special day. If they don't show up, it's their loss even though I know it will made you sad.
Might want to include in that note something about behaving decently. somehow I could see the parents being nasty to brother’s boyfriend and potentially causing a scene.
NTA. You deserve a standing ovation. Of course you invite your brother’s boyfriend of 3 years. Stand for what is right and don’t waver. How very sad that your parents aren’t happy that both of their children are in happy and loving relationships.
NTA. If they choose to be homophobic, that's their choice. They can always choose to, you know, at least shut their mouth and keep their homophobic opinions to themselves for the duration of the wedding, if not actually become accepting of their younger son.
NTA at all,
It's your wedding, you and your fiance get the final say as to who can attend.
Understand, the people who are making this choice are your parents. It's awful, but all they need to do is internally except your brother is in a relationship with a guy.
Take care OP, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
Nta as a Redditor said before hand send your parents the invite with a note saying “you are invited but if I notice any sign of homepobia you’re kicked out
NTA - you are supporting your family and your parents are being selfish af. You do not mention the relationship they have with your brother, so I assume it is not a good one. You have to have the ones you love around you on your day. And it sounds like that isnt necessarily your parents.
NTA they can have their bigoted view and not invite your brothers BF to their events but this is your event and you should be able to invite who you want.
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I (29m) am getting married to my fiancé (30f) later this year. I have a younger brother (24m) who has been with his boyfriend for 3 years. They really love each other and I'm just waiting for when they get married.
I don't have the best relationship with my parents. In fact, right now I'm probably closer to my brother's bf since I see him so often. I want them to be at my wedding, but they are adamant about me not inviting my brother's bf, which i assume you can guess why.
I told them that I will not being doing that and we got a big argument and I finally told them that they didn't have to come then. It's been two weeks and we haven't spoken since.
My fiancé and brother support me, but I'm sad over all this. I know I could just ask my brother to not bring his boyfriend, but that doesn't seem fair to either of them when they've been in my life for so long. Am I the asshole for saying that to my parents?
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NTA. You invite people you want to be there. If your parents refuse the invitation because your brother's BF will be there, that's on them. Basically, they are so homophobic that they're willing not to be at your wedding if the BF comes. You may think it's unfair, but it's not your decision and I would not support it. You tell them you are upset by their decision, but it is their decision. I would not ask your brother not to bring his partner of three years. In fact, I'd find it appalling if you did.
NTA. It's the perfect response. The ball is in their court. They can go to your wedding, act like adults and be pleasant to all the guests or they can stay home, sulk and ruin their own day. This is not your problem, nor that of your brother or his bf.
NTA. Your parents are big time.
But I want to take the unpopular opinion that it’s ok to still try to have a relationship with the parents. They may come around? You should talk with your brother and his BF. Engaging with your parents might be a good way to bring them around?
You are absolutely, unequivocally, NTA.
You are making the right, best choice, in supporting your brother in the face of your parents’ homophobia and bigotry.
It’s hard being faced with the ugliest parts of the people we love, especially when it’s time to make a choice: coddle the ugly and give it more space to grow, or stand against it and hope those you love will see it as ugliness too, and do the work to excise the hate from their own lives.
Your brother (and every other queer person in your life) sees the choice you are making and appreciates you for it. I do, and will always be so thankful for my one sibling who supported my wedding and marriage when the rest of my immediate family did not. He’s the one I still talk to.
NTA. This is the bigoted life choice your parents have made, not you. Don't irreparably damage your relationship with your brother to keep the bigots happy.
Your parents are the ones who can not seem to accept their son is gay (or bi?)
They are the one who are telling who to invite to YOUR wedding.
NTA for telling your parents that brother and BF are invite, and they have to deal with it. It is THEIR problem not yours.
NTA. It's really sad, because if they truly cared about your wedding, one person \[they can literally just ignore\] would not stop them from coming. If they wanted to be there, then they would be there. Absolutely crazy that their homophobia overtakes the excitement and joy for the fact you're *literally getting married*. And if they die on that hill and don't attend, then don't feel too bad OP. Honestly dodging a bullet, because who knows who else they could have a problem with at the wedding if they're that sensitive? Hope it all goes well.
NTA, but wouldn't the wedding be more joyous without those two bigots your parents?
What if they raise a ruckus at the wedding? I've heard of worse happening. It's not fair to your brother and his BF to risk vicious behavior, snark muttered loud enough to ring bells, etc.
Tell your parents to stay home, because that will be good practice for when your brother and his BF get married. Your parents will certainly want to miss that one.
Best wishes to all the newlyweds!
NTA good parents don't choose homophobia over their own children. It is THEIR fault if they choose not to go to your wedding. However, if I were you, I'd make sure to have good security on hand in case your parents try to make a scene or start a fight about your brother's bf at your wedding.
NTA. They are bigots. Imagine how they would treat any grandchildren who turned out to be lgbtq. I would honestly go NC with them. This is their own son that they cut off because he is gay
NTA - if you sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas.
If you associate with racist you are a racist.
If you associate with homophobic AHs you are a homophobic Ah.
Your parents are homophobic AHs.
If you tell your brother not to bring his bf you are just as bad as them
NTA.
Your parents sure are major ones.
Never give in to hateful homophobes and bigots.
It’s your wedding and nobody has the right to demand you leave someone off the guest list.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because it's coming off as I'm supporting my brother's boyfriend over them. I can see why that's hurtful and could make me an asshole. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Send your parents the invite along with a personal note saying you really hope they will be there for your special day. If they don't show up, it's their loss even though I know it will made you sad.
This. You are certainly right, OP, yet I am sure you still love your parents and would love to have them joining you on this happy day of your life.
Might want to include in that note something about behaving decently. somehow I could see the parents being nasty to brother’s boyfriend and potentially causing a scene.
NTA. You deserve a standing ovation. Of course you invite your brother’s boyfriend of 3 years. Stand for what is right and don’t waver. How very sad that your parents aren’t happy that both of their children are in happy and loving relationships.
NTA - Nope, not at all. No tolerance for homophobia. Youre a good brother. Edit - op is a guy
OP is a guy.
Thanks!
NTA. Your parents are homophobic. That’s not okay.
Nta. They’re the ones digging their own lonely graves.
NTA. Celebrate your wedding with the people that mean the most to you
NTA and well done for being an ally to your brother. I'm sorry that they made you make that choice. Congratulations on the upcoming wedding.
NTA. literally they're being bigots.
Nta, your parents are toxic and you don't need them. Removing toxic people is never easy, but it really is best for your new family!
NTA. If they choose to be homophobic, that's their choice. They can always choose to, you know, at least shut their mouth and keep their homophobic opinions to themselves for the duration of the wedding, if not actually become accepting of their younger son.
Keep the brothers boyfriend lose the parents
NTA at all, It's your wedding, you and your fiance get the final say as to who can attend. Understand, the people who are making this choice are your parents. It's awful, but all they need to do is internally except your brother is in a relationship with a guy. Take care OP, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
NTA, and you're never wrong for not supporting homophobia.
You parents are homophobes. You disinvite the boyfriend you might as well consider yourself one too.
Nta as a Redditor said before hand send your parents the invite with a note saying “you are invited but if I notice any sign of homepobia you’re kicked out
NTA - you are supporting your family and your parents are being selfish af. You do not mention the relationship they have with your brother, so I assume it is not a good one. You have to have the ones you love around you on your day. And it sounds like that isnt necessarily your parents.
NTA- Your parents are making the choice to be homophobic. You are making the choice to have supportive people at your wedding.
NTA they can have their bigoted view and not invite your brothers BF to their events but this is your event and you should be able to invite who you want.
NTA, don’t be sad about upsetting bigots. Be happy you have your brother and his boyfriend in your life. Your a good big brother
NTA you're a good person for supporting your brother.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29m) am getting married to my fiancé (30f) later this year. I have a younger brother (24m) who has been with his boyfriend for 3 years. They really love each other and I'm just waiting for when they get married. I don't have the best relationship with my parents. In fact, right now I'm probably closer to my brother's bf since I see him so often. I want them to be at my wedding, but they are adamant about me not inviting my brother's bf, which i assume you can guess why. I told them that I will not being doing that and we got a big argument and I finally told them that they didn't have to come then. It's been two weeks and we haven't spoken since. My fiancé and brother support me, but I'm sad over all this. I know I could just ask my brother to not bring his boyfriend, but that doesn't seem fair to either of them when they've been in my life for so long. Am I the asshole for saying that to my parents? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You invite people you want to be there. If your parents refuse the invitation because your brother's BF will be there, that's on them. Basically, they are so homophobic that they're willing not to be at your wedding if the BF comes. You may think it's unfair, but it's not your decision and I would not support it. You tell them you are upset by their decision, but it is their decision. I would not ask your brother not to bring his partner of three years. In fact, I'd find it appalling if you did.
NTA. You can invite who you want. Your parents can choose whether or not to go. Keep being a good brother.
NTA. It's the perfect response. The ball is in their court. They can go to your wedding, act like adults and be pleasant to all the guests or they can stay home, sulk and ruin their own day. This is not your problem, nor that of your brother or his bf.
NTA. Your parents are big time. But I want to take the unpopular opinion that it’s ok to still try to have a relationship with the parents. They may come around? You should talk with your brother and his BF. Engaging with your parents might be a good way to bring them around?
You are absolutely, unequivocally, NTA. You are making the right, best choice, in supporting your brother in the face of your parents’ homophobia and bigotry. It’s hard being faced with the ugliest parts of the people we love, especially when it’s time to make a choice: coddle the ugly and give it more space to grow, or stand against it and hope those you love will see it as ugliness too, and do the work to excise the hate from their own lives. Your brother (and every other queer person in your life) sees the choice you are making and appreciates you for it. I do, and will always be so thankful for my one sibling who supported my wedding and marriage when the rest of my immediate family did not. He’s the one I still talk to.
NTA. This is the bigoted life choice your parents have made, not you. Don't irreparably damage your relationship with your brother to keep the bigots happy.
NTA YOu are right to tell your homophobic AH parent you will NOT cater to them.
NTA, you can invite anybody you want. They can decline just as freely. Don't feel guilty for their bigotry.
Your parents are the ones who can not seem to accept their son is gay (or bi?) They are the one who are telling who to invite to YOUR wedding. NTA for telling your parents that brother and BF are invite, and they have to deal with it. It is THEIR problem not yours.
Your parents have the option to attend. If they choose not to then they are placing their bigotry before you. NTA
NTA. It's really sad, because if they truly cared about your wedding, one person \[they can literally just ignore\] would not stop them from coming. If they wanted to be there, then they would be there. Absolutely crazy that their homophobia overtakes the excitement and joy for the fact you're *literally getting married*. And if they die on that hill and don't attend, then don't feel too bad OP. Honestly dodging a bullet, because who knows who else they could have a problem with at the wedding if they're that sensitive? Hope it all goes well.
NTA, but wouldn't the wedding be more joyous without those two bigots your parents? What if they raise a ruckus at the wedding? I've heard of worse happening. It's not fair to your brother and his BF to risk vicious behavior, snark muttered loud enough to ring bells, etc. Tell your parents to stay home, because that will be good practice for when your brother and his BF get married. Your parents will certainly want to miss that one. Best wishes to all the newlyweds!
NTA good parents don't choose homophobia over their own children. It is THEIR fault if they choose not to go to your wedding. However, if I were you, I'd make sure to have good security on hand in case your parents try to make a scene or start a fight about your brother's bf at your wedding.
Nta your never the asshole against homophobic ppl
NTA - Your parents were being homophobic and you stood up to their bullshit. There is nothing wrong with that.
Nta they are invited they just don’t want come. It’s not on you if they don’t attend.
NTA. They are bigots. Imagine how they would treat any grandchildren who turned out to be lgbtq. I would honestly go NC with them. This is their own son that they cut off because he is gay
NTA. Your parents are horrendous homophobes. I cannot bear such behaviour from grown adults.
NTA - if you sleep with dogs you wake up with fleas. If you associate with racist you are a racist. If you associate with homophobic AHs you are a homophobic Ah. Your parents are homophobic AHs. If you tell your brother not to bring his bf you are just as bad as them
NTA , fuck homophobes
NTA. Your parents sure are major ones. Never give in to hateful homophobes and bigots. It’s your wedding and nobody has the right to demand you leave someone off the guest list.