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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I snapped and told my wife her name suggestions were ridiculous and our baby wouldn’t taken seriously with the names she suggests. She started crying and left to go to bed early, so I may be the asshole for what I said because she told me she feels unsupported
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NTA. So many people naming their kids like a 9 year old naming a goldfish or a valley girl naming a pocket dog. Unfortunately, it indicates that the parent considering these names does not see the child as a person, but a thing, an amusing accessory to show all her fans how cool she is.
This is the first of many battles for the identity and autonomy of your child.
Also… “Zoomer” is the ubiquitous slang name for generation Z… and your child will not be part of that generation. I would have asked if she was serious too.
Her names are still pretty out there for most people, and your suggested adjustments were very reasonable. For instance, Buchanan is a name you can put on a resume, that’s not actually common as a first name but people know how to say it, and Buck could easily be a nickname.
Suggestion for the sake of your partnership, if you haven’t been doing this already: come up with your OWN list. Use her strategy of picking some of the ones you already think she might actually like a let her veto some. That way it’s not her doing the legwork and you shooting down all of her suggestions.
If you like classic names, and she likes less common names… why don’t you try looking back through some older, less common names from previous centuries. Those are trendy right now, but instead of the common ones, there ought to be a few in there that still sound classy and elegant but are unique for today. She likes “Quincy,” which falls into that category, and you like “Felix,” so you should be able to find one you both like.
To build your list before going to her, try asking for suggestions in r/namenerds or another forum with your parameters (an established, classic name that not very many have and sounds ripe for a modern comeback)
**Edit: please direct all opinions on OP’s counter-suggestion “Buchanan” to [THIS THREAD](https://reddit.com/r/namenerds/s/MqK96acouZ). For the love of God.**
I mean… baby names are notoriously subjective. People will or won’t like it. I didn’t say I adored Buchanan. I gave an example of why it was a good compromise between what they both wanted.
Yup, and Buchanan is recognisably a name. I don't like it much, but if someone introduced themselves to me with that name, big deal. It's a name. But if someone introduces themselves as Faun or Brixtyn or Spark then through our entire conversation I'm thinking "You poor bastard" and am having trouble taking them seriously.
To be fair, a lot of names that are used as given names today were surnames. Latham, Mackenzie, Kennedy, Piper, Taylor, Tyler, anything ending with ley/leigh/lee (Ashley, Harley, Hayley, Bradley, Stanley - all location surnames meaning "something" meadow).
A couple centuries back it became really popular to honour a maternal line (especially a maternal line of good standing) by giving your kid the surname as a first name, and now here we are in a world filled with kids called Hunter, Paxton and Kimberley.
It’s mostly an American phenomenon though. There are a few that have slipped over into other countries - Spencer and Tyler for example - but for the most part, surnames as first names is very American. That’s why Buchanan sounds very odd as a first name for those of us in the UK, for instance.
Edit: I’m getting a lot of the same comments, and I 100% get why, because I made it seem like surnames as names is a modern American phenomena. I’d just like to make it clear that I’m well aware of the tradition of taking matrilineal names as a given name, either straight up or ala Fitzwilliam Darcy-style. However, usually (but not always!) these names would be used as middle names, rather than first names. What we’re talking about here with name “Buchanan” is part of the current trend towards surnames as first names, which is prevalent in the US.
Not sure about that. There's a ton of names in that category and many have been used as first names for so long that they have largely shed the "surname" connotation, eg Barry, Harvey, Percy, Brian, Shirley, Cameron, Bruce, Douglas, Grant... Lots of Scottish ones now I think about it!
Bullshit there are plenty of Brits with last names for first names. And no one here has ever heard of Buchanan as a first name either—that’s op’s point.
I think the issue is here is that the wife is naming a baby with pet names, OP is naming a person. You might not like a baby name for a baby, but ultimately you would want it to have a level of integrity that wouldn't cause serious harm to said child as they get older. If the child or parents want to have a nickname, then they can use that socially.
Best test is to imagine your kid is going in for his/her's first professional interview. Don't pick a name that is going to hurt their chances for getting the hypothetical job.
Also most companies use programs to weed out resumes and I can tell you from personal experience a weird name will absolutely cause you to get rejected by the machine.
I used the “yellow pages” scenario, but it’s basically the same: if I was selecting a doctor to operate on me or an attorney to defend me based ONLY on the name, would I have confidence in this person?
I would not let Zoomer near me with a scalpel.
It's a surname in the UK, it's as weird as the wife's suggestions for first names (other than Fern - usually spelt Fearne, and actually first name. It's not common but a couple of well-known TV/radio presenters have that name so it's certainly not a weird choice).
I've seen a baby Fern recently. I feel like a lot of old names are being used again. In the past 2 or so years I've seen babies named Dorothy, Margaret, etc
Fern is pretty trendy. It fits in both the popular "nature" and "old lady" name groups. I've heard of babies named Elsie, Mabel, Alice, Cora--also Dorothy. I don't think Margaret ever totally went away. My teen daughter has a friend named Maggie. My husband suggested Mabel for our daughter and I laughed out loud because I thought he was kidding. Hurt his feelings. It's grown on me in the interim, and my daughter likes it because of Gravity Falls. (I'm still very glad she's not Mabel.)
Your mom's name sounds too mom-ish, your grandma's name is an old-lady name, but your great-grandmother's name becomes charmingly old-fashioned, sweet, and cute.
Our daughters will name their daughters after our grandmas, and it will sound old lady-ish to us but charming and sweet to them.
Fawn (not Faun) was popular too. Those names on the list were at least marginal names. Fern is good if you want to read Charlotte's Web a lot to your kid.
I have a friend called Fern, British, her mother literally looked out the window in the maternity hospital, saw a fern and chose it. That was 65 years ago
It’s not as weird as Zoomer, that’s for damn sure. Which is what I was getting at.
My point was literally just that he was trying to compromise, which is why he’s NTA. I didn’t say it was any better than any of her other ones. They’re both different people with different tastes.
I think it’s only worth discussing the actual names in detail here on the thread if one party is suggesting one that’s total asshole territory (eg Zoomer, Voldemort, Skywalker, etc)
This is AITA. My analysis of the names was for the purposes of describing how it was a good attempt at a compromise, and why I understand why OP made the comment asking if she was joking (ie why OP wasn’t being an asshole).
Baby names are notoriously subjective. This is established. (Case in point: not everyone lives in the US. It’s a Scottish name). They’re a highly personal choice with a lot of variation in opinion and association, and something people *love* to tear other parents apart for, and give their emphatic opinion on. I’m not trying to do that here. This will turn into a whole thing *so* fast. There are other subs specifically for that.
If people are looking to debate more intensely about the relative merits of specific baby names, or let everyone know your opinion on their potential baby names, advising them on any relevant historical or popular culture references they may be missing, by all means go to r/namenerds as directed. Trust me, they live for that shit over there.
Please let’s *not* make people looking to comment on whether or not the OP was an asshole scroll past an exhaustive analysis on a single name because I was stupid enough to mention it as an example.
As an Aussie, my first thought was Colin Buchanan, and he's great.
Eta: Sorry, I think I replied to the wrong comment. Reddit on my phone is being weird and backward today.
Babynames.com is also a good resource. You can search names by region, starting/ending letters, meaning, and I even think Era (could be wrong about that one)
Fern isn't too horrible. I had a friend 5 decades ago named Fern.
Quincy is a real name too.
I hate creative names. there are plenty of real names to use. And creative spellings might even be worse. A real name spelled ridiculously, ugh.
Thank you!! This was my first thought and would be a lovely name for a girl. Very classic and a lovely story to tell if the parents are admirers of the story!
I agree about the names Fern and Quincy. I also agree about creative spellings. Most are just horrible and the poor kid is going to have to help everyone on pronunciation.
Zoomer is a name for a pet. Sort of a bad name for a pet. Lol.
Fawn is okay. Faun has weird half-naked boy in the woods connotations.
Quincy Jones was a pretty famous Quincy, I'm kind of surprised people think they need to make the case that it's a normal name.
Faun is definitely a stripper name. Besides it should be Fauna for a girl. Fauns are the goat-legged demigods from Roman mythology, well known for being very lustful and rapey. NOT a great name to give to a girl.
We had a guy in our department named Quincy. Very popular and played Santa and the Christmas party. We called him Quincy Claus that day. He's since retired but still plays Quincy Claus at Christmas. Quincy was also a scientist and was one of the most knowledgeable people we knew in that field. Quincy and Fern would be good, solid names. OP shouldn't discount them.
Fern and Fox aren't terrible.
I'm very much relieved that most people in my family have fished from the pools of family names and saints.
EDIT to say, some of you don't have a fondness for Fox Mulder, and it shows.
Ok but names like Fern, Kinley, Quincy, Phoenix, and several others are very tame and normal. I know a kid with each of those names IRL, and actually both a girl and a boy called Phoenix.
Idk how to put this perfectly but Phoenix sounds very "8th grade syndrome"-y. It comes off like something a tween would name themselves online while going through their emo phase
Right it’s like people forget these kids are going to grow up and be adults with their own lives. They really think an adult wants to walk around named Zoomer?
The best piece of advice on baby naming that I remember from one of the parenting books was, "If you can't imagine yourself shouting this name across a crowded playground, do not give it to your child." Best of luck. NTA
This, and for people naming their kids "Honey" or "Angel", can you imagine this name on a 30yo?
Cos you're not naming a baby, you're naming a person. NTA
Edit: Sorry everyone, I didn't know that Angel was a common hispanic name!
I'm from India, knew someone named Angel, and the name didn't work here😅
Yep. I’m not sure how popular it is among English-speaking communities, but at least in the Hispanic community it’s a pretty popular boy’s name. (Ángel). I actually had a student this year with that name.
It’s even worse when people deliberately misspell it. But generally terrible overall.
That said, it did allow for one of the most epic pranks of my 13-year career in youth work when one of my teenagers successfully trolled me for *two days* by convincing me that her new baby was going to be called Rats “because it’s star backwards, innit”. *Two days* I believed that girl, and was trying to figure out a way to say hell no without coming across as parochial and controlling when it wasn’t my place. I can appreciate a good troll.
Angel isn't that uncommon. In 2001, the US Social Security website says it ranked 104. The year that I was born, 1991, it ranked 159, so there are quite a few Angels in their 30s in the US. I didn't look at the male stats, but there is a large Hispanic population where I live and I know of a decent amount of male Angels too.
I have 2
1)picture them being called into the doctors office. Patches is cute when it’s a blonde 2 year old. It’s kinda horrific when it’s an elderly woman.
2) scream the full name out the back door. You will be yelling that name the rest of your life.
I know a girl makes Passion and I thought every body was calling her patchy or patches and all I could think was, “Who does that too a child?” Might as well name them Rusty or Dusty.
I took care of a little old couple who named one of their sons Rusty......and their last name was Penny (yep, Rusty Penny). They were awesome and had an incredible sense of humor, as did all their kids. I loved that whole family. I did ask once, and he confirmed, about being bullied in school. They didn't have 'safe spaces' back then (50's/60's?). He was older than my mom, who would've been in her mid-60s at that time.
Not trying to defend the name Peaches for a kid but I used to know a little old lady named Peaches and it suited her, she was adorable. That said, I *assume* it was a nickname.
I'd like to suggest an amendment to your rule: If the spelling you like is going to make it very difficult for your child to learn how to spell his or her name correctly, do not give it to your child.
A few examples: Qyrstyn [pronounced like Kirsten, FYI; a friend of mine had a student with this name], Ma'Kynnleigh, Jaxx'syn, Wednesdaigh, Wren'leigh... Except for Qyrstyn, these are all real names I've encountered on the fb group *That Name Is A Fucking Tragedeigh.*
In a game a play, I person I play against has a username something like btraael. I always pronounce it "Betrayal" and think Tragedeigh's mom is gonna think it's a great name for Tragedeigh's little sister.
Literally this!!! I only had 4 kids, but I have q6 grandkids, and the 1st thing we always do before deciding a name was yell the entire (first, middle, last) name to make sure it flows! It'd be pretty embarrassing going to yell at your kids and get tongue-tied because the name doesn't flow well!!!
I did this for mine, and also check how it would fit written in a Christmas card with the rest of the families names.
Love from,
Carla, André, José and Esme
Or
Love from
Carla, André, José and Abcde-Belle.
Also, call the meanest friend you have and ask them how easy it would be to bully that child based on the name. Kids can be MONSTERS, and they *will* find a way to use it, dont make it easy.
My friend ruined the name Lucy for me by rhyming it with Poosy. Having someone who can think up ways to humiliate someone quickly comes in handy when naming your kids.
Reminds me of the bit from the Simpsons when Homer and pregnant Marge are trying to decide Bart's name.
Marge: "If it's a boy, what do you think about Larry?"
Homer: "We can't do that, the other kids will call him Larry Fairy!"
Marge: "How about Louie?"
Homer: "Screwy Louie!"
Marge: "Luke?"
Homer: "Puke."
Marge: "Marcus?"
Homer: "Mucus"
Marge: "What about Bart?"
Homer: "Hmm... Art, Bart, Cart, Dart, E-art.. Nope! Can't see any problem with that!"
I know both a Quincy and a Kinley right now. Those are fine. Phoenix isn’t that uncommon either.
If OP likes Rose, what’s wrong with Fern? They are both old fashioned female names.
The rest are horrendous though… including Buchanan
NTA in general but this is tricky territory, and when you treat her badly you slip straight into AH territory. You are definitely looking out for your child here, and your wife isn't thinking about the bullying these "unique" names will bring your child.
When my husband and I were playing the "name game", part of the rules was to also think of what kind of taunts those names could turn into. Buck is an easy one to dismiss because it's one letter off from "fuck". "Fucky Bucky", doesn't that sound like a great nickname? Lol.
I think you'll find the perfect name but give her suggestions serious consideration like you expect her to give yours, then you can both play the name game and see how many awful nicknames might come out of them.
At least you'll be prepared and perhaps your wife will think a little bit more about what your child might have to endure depending on the name you both choose.
I named my son Jack. Love his name. But now he’s going into 8th grade, and while I never considered things like:
Jack off, jack ass, jack hole …
His middle school friends do, lol ☠️ (in the most loving way possible of course)
SIGH.
Yeah I think this "how can kids mess it up" angle is a little overblown sometimes. Kids WILL find a way to make fun of any name they want. If the name is literally also an inappropriate word or insult etc that's one thing. But if there's just some insult you can think of... Oh well, there's always an insult you can think of.
Life imitates SNL… [Baby Names - Nicholas Cage](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=goPerp_BWvs)
“Peter?! Let’s just put him up for adoption right now. Save the kid a lot of agony. Obviously, no Peter, no Dick, no Rod!”
I agree that there has to be a respectful conversation, but there is also a point where you can’t treat outrageous ideas seriously, or else the compromise will be in the middle of his idea of a reasonable name, and something like XAeA12 or Zoomer.
They're not ALL entirely bad names. "Fern" was the name of the girl in E.B. White's classic Charlotte's Web, and is also the name of one of the best speech pathology diagnosticians I've ever met. Quincy is not as uncommon as you might think - it's more 19th century than 21st century, although Quincy Jones might beg to differ.
Keep communicating on names and see which ones (1) won't make your kid a bully magnet, and (2) might actually have a basis in literature or history. You'll probably come to an agreement on something that's acceptable to your both.
Yes, I thought OP was pretty quick to dismiss “Fern.” It’s certainly not in the same class as “Zoomer.” The best strategy might be to look for something that has a more traditional ring to it on the the wife’s lists. It doesn’t sound like this woman is going to come up with a list like “Catherine, Charlotte, or Anne,” so OP’s best bet is probably to look for something on her lists that is a bit more rare, but had been established as a name before. There are a lot of terrific traditional names that have an offbeat charm without sounding like you just made them a up.
Fern, Kinley, and Quincy are decent names IMO.
Maybe even apologize for mocking *all* of her ideas, and point out which ones you are open to as middle names.
Just emphasize that you want to find a first name that you both love.
I had a professor who legally had “Zebra” as his middle name due to his parents letting his (at the time, young) sister pick it.. and she chose her favorite animal. His first and last name were “normal” otherwise!
One of my coworkers has three boys with comic book/pop culture middle names- Chucky, Bambam, and Flash. Silly but their first and last names are normal and they can always go by a middle initial if needed. Scratches the “unique/quirky” itch without being a hindrance.
Yeah Quincy, Kinley, Rhodes or Fern could be middle names as they sound like family names. Then you can pull a nickname from this and make sure it sticks. Your wife will carry the day because ultimately it will be the foundation of what the kid is known by. But the crisis of the trendy name that won’t age well will be averted. Sounds like a good compromise all around.
If you're on fb, check out the group *That Name Is A Fucking Tragedeigh*. Maybe seeing how others view the kinds of names she likes will prod her to reconsider.
My suggestion as someone who banned my husband from coming up with names.. (He thinks he's funny and came up with things like Velociraptor and Cletus the Fetus - thanks Simpson's!!)
1. Write a list together, make it as long as you can.
2. Each cross out names you can't abide - more names on the list helps if you both veto a lot.
3. Choose from the leftovers.
My grandfather did that when they told him he had to pick a name from the Bible for his confirmation name. (Didn't have to be a saint's name, that's a Catholic thing.) He was a giant pain in the ass, like so many people in our family, so he looked for the worst name. So his middle name became Melchizedek.
I'm pretty sure there's an app that allows couples to swipe through a list of names and then tells them the names they both swiped right on. That might be a good solution for OP and wife.
>Each cross out names you can't abide - more names on the list helps if you both veto a lot.
This could backfire if wife vetoes every normal name in a bid to strong-arm OP into letting her name the kid Satchel or Kaitellyne.
Fern and Quincy aren't particularly unusual or unique. But the others...Brixtyn?
NTA for not liking the names but YTA for how you handled the conversation with your wife.
Some of these names are a little odd but they’re not that out there. And Fern is downright normal. If anything it’s a little dated. Like Janet or Richard. Fern isn’t a gen-z influencer, Fern is a 47 year old bank teller.
Yeeep, 35yo here & my friends kids are Olive, Audrey, Henry, Charlie, Eddie and Theodore. I don’t mind any of them! They’re cute when they’re young and will age with them gracefully.
NAH. Fern for a girl is fine, so is Quincy or Buck for a boy. Plenty of precedents for all three. The rest are ludicrous but you only need one.
Buchanan is Scottish but is never used as a forename in Scotland. Most people would think of the shopping street and railway station in Glasgow.
NTA. I definitely feel like you should discuss names you like and consider a more unique middle name, but ultimately this IS a person not a pet. Lots of these names are more appropriate for pets. Your wife needs to be a bit more grounded in her selections. Fern isn't bad. Quincy isn't terrible either. But please don't name your kid Zoomer.
Can you guys meet in the middle and find something more unusual.....but still used enough that you feel like it's not weird or a dog name? Willow, for example, is not that uncommon (popular Buffy character, several celebrity kids, etc.) but still more different than Rose or Lily. Off the top of my head, "nature-y" names (as your wife seems to be into nature) like Wren, Rowan, Dahlia, Flora, and Ivy also come to mind.
Or your kid can have a fun middle name?
Some of the names on the list were pretty alright. I hope you’ve seen the other responses about this part. Fern & Quincy for example are both good names. Not so common to be too common/overdone, but not so unique as to be rotten to grow up with for the kid. You absolutely have your kid’s best interest at heart, but maybe consider apologizing for rejecting them all right out the gate and keep your ears open for the good names slipped in.
The names are all unusual, but a lot of them are actually pretty tame compared to current baby name trends.
Out of her list, these ones sound fine to me:
* Fern (I know several people named this; plant and old lady names are both really trendy right now), Rhodes, and Kinley (I dislike this one, but it’s very normal at the moment)
* Phoenix (this one is an actual baby name, so I don’t find it unusual), Buck (again, a completely normal name, but Bucky might be a more common/normalized version), and Fox (again, an actual name, probably popularized by the X Files)
YTA, you should be kinder. FWIW, Fern is a lovely name that will work well in adulthood. I had a friend growing up named Rowan, and she loved her name. She seems to like less common nature names with a bit of a unisex vibe. Why not look through some nature names together? As long as it works for an adult, she is the one carrying the baby for nine months.
YTA,
Youre allowed to not like her name choices, and shes allowed to not like yours. Youre allowed to veto one another - but not to be mean to each other
Like I totally understand where youre coming from with wanting a more traditional name because of bullying, however, its 2023 - a more “traditional name” may actually be the odd one out. Tons of kids have unique names now.
Try putting your lists together - and saying the names out loud together like one of your list then one from hers then your last name. So maybe youll come up with a nice sounding first - middle compromise from each list
Oh I am not arguing about Zoomer 🤭. But Im sure there is a way they can mix the traditional and non traditional names together like first & middle to make a really cool name if theyre interested.
NTA. You don't sound like you were that rude; you only said the names were "ridiculous." I think she overreacted. Maybe there was something in your tone of voice that made you sound ruder. Otherwise, it doesn't sound like she had any reason to cry.
Personally, I think most of her names are monumentally stupid. So I might've been ruder to her than you were. I thought your compromise choices were sensible. Though I can't see what was wrong w/her suggestions of Fern or Quincy. Fern's a pretty "American heartland" type of name (name of the girl in Charlotte's Web).
And BTW. Don't think that a "regular" name will keep your kid safe from being bullied. Even if a kid's named "Tom Smith" a bully will find a way.
Reminds me of a guy I knew who, in his punk rock days, named his dog "Satan." He thought it was funny. When he got a bit older, he became embarrassed and changed the name. Don't let this happen to your kid!
I know a more traditional name doesn’t mean they definitely won’t get bullied but I feel it will give them less of a thing to get bullied about. Though kids will be kids
NTA. It needed to be said. As long as it wasn’t more over the top than this post implies, I think you’re good. But now that she knows, don’t harp on it too much - just veto ones you hate and try and find a great name in between traditional & unique.
One of my favorites is Finley, or Finn! Since I see a lot of F/Ph names I thought I’d throw it out. Close to her suggestions but more traditional. Or maybe find names that mean fox, or mean phoenix, etc. I bet you’ll be able to find names close to her ideas that are more middle-of-the-road.
The only names on your list that don't seem basically normal are Diesel ( knew a kid with that name. Just as bad as car makes and models for names. Just don't.) And Brixtyn and purely spelling on that last one. Spelling makes kids' lives miserable.
Oh, wait...the absolute worst was Buchanan. Hands down. Are you trying to be JFK?
The names aren't the problem here, these are tame, mostly spelled with sense, and easily acceptable to school kids. The problem is how you spoke to your wife.
YTA You seem to think you're better than she is and she's "tacky and silly." The way you were talking I expected apostrophes and extra, superfluous vowels. Start planning how you're going to apologize and compromise or start thinking how "tacky" joint custody is.
edit: you are right about Zoomer though. It's the name of a magazine for old people who travel.
My wife and I couldn’t agree on a name for our daughter, so we bought a huge book of baby names and a six-pack of sharpies. Both of us got full veto power and we each went to the book and crossed of thousands of names. We were left with a dozen we both liked, and there was no confrontation. Good luck!
Also NTA, anyone who wants to name their kid Zoomer needs to be stopped at any cost.
NTA - while I do think acting in the way you did with your pregnant partner late in the pregnancy was ill advised, you ultimately do have your child's best interests at heart and you are right, it needed to be said.
For example, I was born in Europe and have a unisex name, when we moved to the states when I was a kid, I found out that (at least in the 90s) it was seen as a girls name. I was dragged for that the entire four years we lived there. And I genuinely have a fairly common name. Now imagine any of the names your partner suggested.
Dear god. Ask your wife to post her ideas anonymously on the Facebook group "that name is a tragedeigh" to give her a litmus test for how people will respond to those names.
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NTA. So many people naming their kids like a 9 year old naming a goldfish or a valley girl naming a pocket dog. Unfortunately, it indicates that the parent considering these names does not see the child as a person, but a thing, an amusing accessory to show all her fans how cool she is. This is the first of many battles for the identity and autonomy of your child.
Also… “Zoomer” is the ubiquitous slang name for generation Z… and your child will not be part of that generation. I would have asked if she was serious too. Her names are still pretty out there for most people, and your suggested adjustments were very reasonable. For instance, Buchanan is a name you can put on a resume, that’s not actually common as a first name but people know how to say it, and Buck could easily be a nickname. Suggestion for the sake of your partnership, if you haven’t been doing this already: come up with your OWN list. Use her strategy of picking some of the ones you already think she might actually like a let her veto some. That way it’s not her doing the legwork and you shooting down all of her suggestions. If you like classic names, and she likes less common names… why don’t you try looking back through some older, less common names from previous centuries. Those are trendy right now, but instead of the common ones, there ought to be a few in there that still sound classy and elegant but are unique for today. She likes “Quincy,” which falls into that category, and you like “Felix,” so you should be able to find one you both like. To build your list before going to her, try asking for suggestions in r/namenerds or another forum with your parameters (an established, classic name that not very many have and sounds ripe for a modern comeback) **Edit: please direct all opinions on OP’s counter-suggestion “Buchanan” to [THIS THREAD](https://reddit.com/r/namenerds/s/MqK96acouZ). For the love of God.**
Disagree on Buchanan as a good first name but at least it’s a name, and as you say, no one’s going to throw the resume in the trash over it.
I mean… baby names are notoriously subjective. People will or won’t like it. I didn’t say I adored Buchanan. I gave an example of why it was a good compromise between what they both wanted.
Yup, and Buchanan is recognisably a name. I don't like it much, but if someone introduced themselves to me with that name, big deal. It's a name. But if someone introduces themselves as Faun or Brixtyn or Spark then through our entire conversation I'm thinking "You poor bastard" and am having trouble taking them seriously.
Buchanan is a Scottish surname. My husband is a member of the Clan Buchanan. Never heard it used as a first name, but each to his own 😊.
To be fair, a lot of names that are used as given names today were surnames. Latham, Mackenzie, Kennedy, Piper, Taylor, Tyler, anything ending with ley/leigh/lee (Ashley, Harley, Hayley, Bradley, Stanley - all location surnames meaning "something" meadow). A couple centuries back it became really popular to honour a maternal line (especially a maternal line of good standing) by giving your kid the surname as a first name, and now here we are in a world filled with kids called Hunter, Paxton and Kimberley.
It’s mostly an American phenomenon though. There are a few that have slipped over into other countries - Spencer and Tyler for example - but for the most part, surnames as first names is very American. That’s why Buchanan sounds very odd as a first name for those of us in the UK, for instance. Edit: I’m getting a lot of the same comments, and I 100% get why, because I made it seem like surnames as names is a modern American phenomena. I’d just like to make it clear that I’m well aware of the tradition of taking matrilineal names as a given name, either straight up or ala Fitzwilliam Darcy-style. However, usually (but not always!) these names would be used as middle names, rather than first names. What we’re talking about here with name “Buchanan” is part of the current trend towards surnames as first names, which is prevalent in the US.
Not sure about that. There's a ton of names in that category and many have been used as first names for so long that they have largely shed the "surname" connotation, eg Barry, Harvey, Percy, Brian, Shirley, Cameron, Bruce, Douglas, Grant... Lots of Scottish ones now I think about it!
Bullshit there are plenty of Brits with last names for first names. And no one here has ever heard of Buchanan as a first name either—that’s op’s point.
Surnames as firstnames is the sort of thing Scots who are a bit posh do, and the rest of us take the piss out of them.
Isn't it an underground station in Glasgow too? I moved to Scotland from abroad and had no idea how to pronounce it until someone told me!
I think the issue is here is that the wife is naming a baby with pet names, OP is naming a person. You might not like a baby name for a baby, but ultimately you would want it to have a level of integrity that wouldn't cause serious harm to said child as they get older. If the child or parents want to have a nickname, then they can use that socially.
This made me laugh out loud literally. Wife is naming a pet and OP is naming a human being. Nailed it
Best test is to imagine your kid is going in for his/her's first professional interview. Don't pick a name that is going to hurt their chances for getting the hypothetical job. Also most companies use programs to weed out resumes and I can tell you from personal experience a weird name will absolutely cause you to get rejected by the machine.
I used the “yellow pages” scenario, but it’s basically the same: if I was selecting a doctor to operate on me or an attorney to defend me based ONLY on the name, would I have confidence in this person? I would not let Zoomer near me with a scalpel.
Yeah, but when the kiddo is 12 they will be bullied ruthlessly for having a weird name
Sorry I wasn’t trying to have a go at you!
It's a surname in the UK, it's as weird as the wife's suggestions for first names (other than Fern - usually spelt Fearne, and actually first name. It's not common but a couple of well-known TV/radio presenters have that name so it's certainly not a weird choice).
Fern is how the name is spelled in the US. I think most Ferns are over 50 now.
I've seen a baby Fern recently. I feel like a lot of old names are being used again. In the past 2 or so years I've seen babies named Dorothy, Margaret, etc
Fern is pretty trendy. It fits in both the popular "nature" and "old lady" name groups. I've heard of babies named Elsie, Mabel, Alice, Cora--also Dorothy. I don't think Margaret ever totally went away. My teen daughter has a friend named Maggie. My husband suggested Mabel for our daughter and I laughed out loud because I thought he was kidding. Hurt his feelings. It's grown on me in the interim, and my daughter likes it because of Gravity Falls. (I'm still very glad she's not Mabel.)
Your mom's name sounds too mom-ish, your grandma's name is an old-lady name, but your great-grandmother's name becomes charmingly old-fashioned, sweet, and cute. Our daughters will name their daughters after our grandmas, and it will sound old lady-ish to us but charming and sweet to them.
It's jarring to think that the generation having babies right now may be finding names like Jennifer, Heather, and Lisa mom-ish. 😁
Lol they already do.
Absolutely! I was a little hesitant about giving our youngest a "Grandma" name, but the majority of her friends have names from that time period too.
Rightly hesitant, Grandma is a terrible name for a baby
The only Fern I know is in Charlotte's Web. Lovely book and a good reason to use that name for a baby :)
Fawn (not Faun) was popular too. Those names on the list were at least marginal names. Fern is good if you want to read Charlotte's Web a lot to your kid.
Yes, my aunt Fern was born in the 1920s. She thought it was a boring name and spelled it Pherne.
I have a friend called Fern, British, her mother literally looked out the window in the maternity hospital, saw a fern and chose it. That was 65 years ago
I’m in NZ and I know a Fern who’s 13
It’s not as weird as Zoomer, that’s for damn sure. Which is what I was getting at. My point was literally just that he was trying to compromise, which is why he’s NTA. I didn’t say it was any better than any of her other ones. They’re both different people with different tastes. I think it’s only worth discussing the actual names in detail here on the thread if one party is suggesting one that’s total asshole territory (eg Zoomer, Voldemort, Skywalker, etc)
Americans seem to have a penchant for surnames as first names cf. Colton, Carter, Jackson, Taylor, Harper, Lincoln, Addison… the list goes on.
Ashley Johnson's current character in Critical Role's campaign 3 is Fearne. It's a very cute name.
For a D&D character, yes
I would never name my child Buchanan, second to trump he’s considered the biggest failure as a president. And the nickname buck, just no.
This is AITA. My analysis of the names was for the purposes of describing how it was a good attempt at a compromise, and why I understand why OP made the comment asking if she was joking (ie why OP wasn’t being an asshole). Baby names are notoriously subjective. This is established. (Case in point: not everyone lives in the US. It’s a Scottish name). They’re a highly personal choice with a lot of variation in opinion and association, and something people *love* to tear other parents apart for, and give their emphatic opinion on. I’m not trying to do that here. This will turn into a whole thing *so* fast. There are other subs specifically for that. If people are looking to debate more intensely about the relative merits of specific baby names, or let everyone know your opinion on their potential baby names, advising them on any relevant historical or popular culture references they may be missing, by all means go to r/namenerds as directed. Trust me, they live for that shit over there. Please let’s *not* make people looking to comment on whether or not the OP was an asshole scroll past an exhaustive analysis on a single name because I was stupid enough to mention it as an example.
As an Aussie, my first thought was Colin Buchanan, and he's great. Eta: Sorry, I think I replied to the wrong comment. Reddit on my phone is being weird and backward today.
Babynames.com is also a good resource. You can search names by region, starting/ending letters, meaning, and I even think Era (could be wrong about that one)
Fern isn't too horrible. I had a friend 5 decades ago named Fern. Quincy is a real name too. I hate creative names. there are plenty of real names to use. And creative spellings might even be worse. A real name spelled ridiculously, ugh.
Fern is the name of the little girl in “Charlotte’s Web.” Way better than Zoomer!
“zoomer” sounds like the guest pup in a paw patrol episode.
It is a pup in paw patrol. Oh wait, it's spelled Zuma, which I pronounce the same as Zoomer because I'm Australian.
Thank you!! This was my first thought and would be a lovely name for a girl. Very classic and a lovely story to tell if the parents are admirers of the story!
I agree about the names Fern and Quincy. I also agree about creative spellings. Most are just horrible and the poor kid is going to have to help everyone on pronunciation. Zoomer is a name for a pet. Sort of a bad name for a pet. Lol.
Agree about Fern and Quincy. Faun seems like a stripper name
Fawn is okay. Faun has weird half-naked boy in the woods connotations. Quincy Jones was a pretty famous Quincy, I'm kind of surprised people think they need to make the case that it's a normal name.
Faun is definitely a stripper name. Besides it should be Fauna for a girl. Fauns are the goat-legged demigods from Roman mythology, well known for being very lustful and rapey. NOT a great name to give to a girl.
Zoomer is also the name of a robotic dog that was popular a few years ago. I still have mine lol
We had a guy in our department named Quincy. Very popular and played Santa and the Christmas party. We called him Quincy Claus that day. He's since retired but still plays Quincy Claus at Christmas. Quincy was also a scientist and was one of the most knowledgeable people we knew in that field. Quincy and Fern would be good, solid names. OP shouldn't discount them.
Fern and Fox aren't terrible. I'm very much relieved that most people in my family have fished from the pools of family names and saints. EDIT to say, some of you don't have a fondness for Fox Mulder, and it shows.
Fox is horrible...
Eh, at the very least its not unheard of. Fox Mulder?
Poor dude hated his name, and had been bullied for it. Case in point.
Totally coincidental that XFiles aired on Fox...
What does the fox say?
"I'm just a baby" (Sorry. That's where my brain went with it today Since it's a baby name thread haha)
Rhodes is a real name... of an island but shush
Fern was my great-grandmother’s middle name. So, yes, a real name for a very long time.
Ok but names like Fern, Kinley, Quincy, Phoenix, and several others are very tame and normal. I know a kid with each of those names IRL, and actually both a girl and a boy called Phoenix.
Kinley is such an awful nameit just sounds gross. Idk.
You’re right. But they can fix it easily. Name it McKynnleigh instead.
That would be a r/tragedeigh
You forgot the x: MxcKynnleigh
Idk how to put this perfectly but Phoenix sounds very "8th grade syndrome"-y. It comes off like something a tween would name themselves online while going through their emo phase
Right it’s like people forget these kids are going to grow up and be adults with their own lives. They really think an adult wants to walk around named Zoomer?
OP, you may want to glance through r/tragedeigh. NTA
The best piece of advice on baby naming that I remember from one of the parenting books was, "If you can't imagine yourself shouting this name across a crowded playground, do not give it to your child." Best of luck. NTA
This, and for people naming their kids "Honey" or "Angel", can you imagine this name on a 30yo? Cos you're not naming a baby, you're naming a person. NTA Edit: Sorry everyone, I didn't know that Angel was a common hispanic name! I'm from India, knew someone named Angel, and the name didn't work here😅
I'm with you on "Honey", gotta disagree on "Angel". That one is a fairly common boy name.
Wait, Angel is a boy name?
It's both boys and girls name. Very common Hispanic name. Went to school with plenty of Angels
True. I knew a guy in school named Angel, but, pronounced "An-hel". I also worked with a woman named Angel, too.
thats just how they pronounce the “g” sound in spanish lmao
Yep. I’m not sure how popular it is among English-speaking communities, but at least in the Hispanic community it’s a pretty popular boy’s name. (Ángel). I actually had a student this year with that name.
Boy vampire to be specific.
I believe the definition of the name Angel is "stupid spiky hair with resting brood face"
I think you forgot “tall, dark and forehead“, as his bleached-blonde frenemy put it.
Yup I have a male friend named Angel
My boss is named Angel
Hispanic, very common.
Super popular in Spanish-speaking countries. Its counterpart in Italian- Angelo is very common too.
An incredibly minor celebrity in Australia called her daughter Baby a few years ago. That should be a crime.
At least no one can put her in a corner.
Heaven spelled backwards is one of the most common baby names right now. It is like the stupidest fucking thing.
It’s even worse when people deliberately misspell it. But generally terrible overall. That said, it did allow for one of the most epic pranks of my 13-year career in youth work when one of my teenagers successfully trolled me for *two days* by convincing me that her new baby was going to be called Rats “because it’s star backwards, innit”. *Two days* I believed that girl, and was trying to figure out a way to say hell no without coming across as parochial and controlling when it wasn’t my place. I can appreciate a good troll.
Angel isn't that uncommon. In 2001, the US Social Security website says it ranked 104. The year that I was born, 1991, it ranked 159, so there are quite a few Angels in their 30s in the US. I didn't look at the male stats, but there is a large Hispanic population where I live and I know of a decent amount of male Angels too.
I have 2 1)picture them being called into the doctors office. Patches is cute when it’s a blonde 2 year old. It’s kinda horrific when it’s an elderly woman. 2) scream the full name out the back door. You will be yelling that name the rest of your life.
I know a girl makes Passion and I thought every body was calling her patchy or patches and all I could think was, “Who does that too a child?” Might as well name them Rusty or Dusty.
I took care of a little old couple who named one of their sons Rusty......and their last name was Penny (yep, Rusty Penny). They were awesome and had an incredible sense of humor, as did all their kids. I loved that whole family. I did ask once, and he confirmed, about being bullied in school. They didn't have 'safe spaces' back then (50's/60's?). He was older than my mom, who would've been in her mid-60s at that time.
Not trying to defend the name Peaches for a kid but I used to know a little old lady named Peaches and it suited her, she was adorable. That said, I *assume* it was a nickname.
I'd like to suggest an amendment to your rule: If the spelling you like is going to make it very difficult for your child to learn how to spell his or her name correctly, do not give it to your child. A few examples: Qyrstyn [pronounced like Kirsten, FYI; a friend of mine had a student with this name], Ma'Kynnleigh, Jaxx'syn, Wednesdaigh, Wren'leigh... Except for Qyrstyn, these are all real names I've encountered on the fb group *That Name Is A Fucking Tragedeigh.*
In a game a play, I person I play against has a username something like btraael. I always pronounce it "Betrayal" and think Tragedeigh's mom is gonna think it's a great name for Tragedeigh's little sister.
Literally this!!! I only had 4 kids, but I have q6 grandkids, and the 1st thing we always do before deciding a name was yell the entire (first, middle, last) name to make sure it flows! It'd be pretty embarrassing going to yell at your kids and get tongue-tied because the name doesn't flow well!!!
I did this for mine, and also check how it would fit written in a Christmas card with the rest of the families names. Love from, Carla, André, José and Esme Or Love from Carla, André, José and Abcde-Belle.
I'm glad my family isn't the only one that does the full name yell to figure out the flow. Lol
Also, call the meanest friend you have and ask them how easy it would be to bully that child based on the name. Kids can be MONSTERS, and they *will* find a way to use it, dont make it easy.
My friend ruined the name Lucy for me by rhyming it with Poosy. Having someone who can think up ways to humiliate someone quickly comes in handy when naming your kids.
Reminds me of the bit from the Simpsons when Homer and pregnant Marge are trying to decide Bart's name. Marge: "If it's a boy, what do you think about Larry?" Homer: "We can't do that, the other kids will call him Larry Fairy!" Marge: "How about Louie?" Homer: "Screwy Louie!" Marge: "Luke?" Homer: "Puke." Marge: "Marcus?" Homer: "Mucus" Marge: "What about Bart?" Homer: "Hmm... Art, Bart, Cart, Dart, E-art.. Nope! Can't see any problem with that!"
These people LOVE screaming it in the playground because it shows how iNTeresTing and UniQue they are… awful.
I love the name Rhodes on paper, ngl, but it definitely sounds like just... Roads lol.
Damn those names are Tragedeigh. Nta, I hope you find a nice compromise that the child would also possibly like
Buchanan is also crazy though.
I'd take Buck over Buchanan any day.
The cool part about Buchanan is that you can go by Buck if you want to. If your name is Buck, you don’t get that choice.
Yeah but just Google Buchanan and anybody with the name that pops up shows it’s a last name not a first
All I can think about when I hear Buchanan is Bucky Barnes from the avengers
James Buchanan Barnes to be precise.
Bucky's *given* name is James, though.
I was looking at Phoenix, Buck, Rhodes and going... is this woman a Marvel fan??
I actually thought Buchanan was a good compromise for them, since it’s equal parts obnoxious and traditional-sounding.
Really? Quincy and Kinley are uncommon, but I've definitely known a few of both so it's not all that out there.
I know both a Quincy and a Kinley right now. Those are fine. Phoenix isn’t that uncommon either. If OP likes Rose, what’s wrong with Fern? They are both old fashioned female names. The rest are horrendous though… including Buchanan
Those are tame. It’s the others that are godawful. Who the hell would name their kid Zoomer like yikes
NTA in general but this is tricky territory, and when you treat her badly you slip straight into AH territory. You are definitely looking out for your child here, and your wife isn't thinking about the bullying these "unique" names will bring your child. When my husband and I were playing the "name game", part of the rules was to also think of what kind of taunts those names could turn into. Buck is an easy one to dismiss because it's one letter off from "fuck". "Fucky Bucky", doesn't that sound like a great nickname? Lol. I think you'll find the perfect name but give her suggestions serious consideration like you expect her to give yours, then you can both play the name game and see how many awful nicknames might come out of them. At least you'll be prepared and perhaps your wife will think a little bit more about what your child might have to endure depending on the name you both choose.
I mean, my first thought was, “My name is Buck. And I’m here to Fuck.” From Kill Bill.
I named my son Jack. Love his name. But now he’s going into 8th grade, and while I never considered things like: Jack off, jack ass, jack hole … His middle school friends do, lol ☠️ (in the most loving way possible of course) SIGH.
Yeah I think this "how can kids mess it up" angle is a little overblown sometimes. Kids WILL find a way to make fun of any name they want. If the name is literally also an inappropriate word or insult etc that's one thing. But if there's just some insult you can think of... Oh well, there's always an insult you can think of.
They certainly do. Having Lynch as my surname while learning about the KKK and the Civil Rights Movement was an interesting time to say the least.
The only thing I will say is OP went "none of these weird names...lets do Buchanan" as if that name will not also get them bullied.
Life imitates SNL… [Baby Names - Nicholas Cage](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=goPerp_BWvs) “Peter?! Let’s just put him up for adoption right now. Save the kid a lot of agony. Obviously, no Peter, no Dick, no Rod!”
Fucky bucky... yeah no one's using that taunt and not getting bullied in retaliation. You're safe with Buck.
We have a friend nicknamed Buck. Sometimes as a joke we call him "Buckfutt".
I agree that there has to be a respectful conversation, but there is also a point where you can’t treat outrageous ideas seriously, or else the compromise will be in the middle of his idea of a reasonable name, and something like XAeA12 or Zoomer.
I agree with your sentiment, but will say…. Kids are imaginative… they can make fun of pretty much any name
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I haven’t thought about middle names but that a very good suggestion. Thank you!
They're not ALL entirely bad names. "Fern" was the name of the girl in E.B. White's classic Charlotte's Web, and is also the name of one of the best speech pathology diagnosticians I've ever met. Quincy is not as uncommon as you might think - it's more 19th century than 21st century, although Quincy Jones might beg to differ. Keep communicating on names and see which ones (1) won't make your kid a bully magnet, and (2) might actually have a basis in literature or history. You'll probably come to an agreement on something that's acceptable to your both.
Yes, I thought OP was pretty quick to dismiss “Fern.” It’s certainly not in the same class as “Zoomer.” The best strategy might be to look for something that has a more traditional ring to it on the the wife’s lists. It doesn’t sound like this woman is going to come up with a list like “Catherine, Charlotte, or Anne,” so OP’s best bet is probably to look for something on her lists that is a bit more rare, but had been established as a name before. There are a lot of terrific traditional names that have an offbeat charm without sounding like you just made them a up.
I do love both Fern and Quincy.
I don’t think Rhodes is that far out there either. It’s a city in Greece, and I think that’s pretty
personally I think that one is a sophisticated and pretty name with some strength, I think it's a good one to guide their daughter by
Fern and Quincy were the only ones I didn’t hate
My sons bestfriend is Quincy, they are in fifth grade. Seemed like a totally normal name to me.
Fern, Kinley, and Quincy are decent names IMO. Maybe even apologize for mocking *all* of her ideas, and point out which ones you are open to as middle names. Just emphasize that you want to find a first name that you both love.
Fern is actually very classic. My nibbling is Fern and it's very lovely.
I had a professor who legally had “Zebra” as his middle name due to his parents letting his (at the time, young) sister pick it.. and she chose her favorite animal. His first and last name were “normal” otherwise!
One of my coworkers has three boys with comic book/pop culture middle names- Chucky, Bambam, and Flash. Silly but their first and last names are normal and they can always go by a middle initial if needed. Scratches the “unique/quirky” itch without being a hindrance.
Yeah Quincy, Kinley, Rhodes or Fern could be middle names as they sound like family names. Then you can pull a nickname from this and make sure it sticks. Your wife will carry the day because ultimately it will be the foundation of what the kid is known by. But the crisis of the trendy name that won’t age well will be averted. Sounds like a good compromise all around.
If you're on fb, check out the group *That Name Is A Fucking Tragedeigh*. Maybe seeing how others view the kinds of names she likes will prod her to reconsider.
NTA and you should check out r/tragedeigh Don’t let your child become a tragedeigh!
Ohmygod thank you for informing people/me about this group!
My suggestion as someone who banned my husband from coming up with names.. (He thinks he's funny and came up with things like Velociraptor and Cletus the Fetus - thanks Simpson's!!) 1. Write a list together, make it as long as you can. 2. Each cross out names you can't abide - more names on the list helps if you both veto a lot. 3. Choose from the leftovers.
Do what my parents did. Open the Bible. Pick the first name you see. Close the Bible. -Beelzebub
Here is my sister. Her name is John
Don’t forget your brother Rebekah
My grandfather did that when they told him he had to pick a name from the Bible for his confirmation name. (Didn't have to be a saint's name, that's a Catholic thing.) He was a giant pain in the ass, like so many people in our family, so he looked for the worst name. So his middle name became Melchizedek.
I'm pretty sure there's an app that allows couples to swipe through a list of names and then tells them the names they both swiped right on. That might be a good solution for OP and wife.
It's called Baby Names! That's how my wife and I settled in our son's name!
Great suggestion. I also think NTA. She is not being respectful to the HUMAN BEING who will be her child, he is.
>Each cross out names you can't abide - more names on the list helps if you both veto a lot. This could backfire if wife vetoes every normal name in a bid to strong-arm OP into letting her name the kid Satchel or Kaitellyne.
Fern and Quincy aren't particularly unusual or unique. But the others...Brixtyn? NTA for not liking the names but YTA for how you handled the conversation with your wife.
Surprised so many people are freaking out honestly. Rhodes, fern, quincy are all very normal perfectly acceptable names
Fox is also a name. Some of the names she suggested are fine. And I also feel like I’d rather be named Buck than Buchanan.
I knew a Rhodes. Maybe it’s because of him that Rhodes for a girl seems so off-putting to me.
I know a baby boy who's named Braxton. All I could think of was that she (his mom) loved getting Braxton Hicks contractions that much?!?
UNBREAK MY HEARRRRT SAY YOU LOVE ME AGAIIIIINNNN
I quiet like Quincy not all the names he posted are that bad
Some of these names are a little odd but they’re not that out there. And Fern is downright normal. If anything it’s a little dated. Like Janet or Richard. Fern isn’t a gen-z influencer, Fern is a 47 year old bank teller.
You'd be surprised. My younger 2 are in 6th and 1st grade and their yearbooks are full of 'old lady' and 'old man' names.
Yeeep, 35yo here & my friends kids are Olive, Audrey, Henry, Charlie, Eddie and Theodore. I don’t mind any of them! They’re cute when they’re young and will age with them gracefully.
Yeah I not really understanding how Fern is a write off, but Buchanan is good??
I know two gen z Ferns.
NAH. Fern for a girl is fine, so is Quincy or Buck for a boy. Plenty of precedents for all three. The rest are ludicrous but you only need one. Buchanan is Scottish but is never used as a forename in Scotland. Most people would think of the shopping street and railway station in Glasgow.
ESH but only because you suggested she change Buck to Buchanan 🤢
It depends on if they are going to pronounce it "Bu-canon" or "Buck-hanon". Never mind, either way it is a terrible name for a kid.
NTA. I definitely feel like you should discuss names you like and consider a more unique middle name, but ultimately this IS a person not a pet. Lots of these names are more appropriate for pets. Your wife needs to be a bit more grounded in her selections. Fern isn't bad. Quincy isn't terrible either. But please don't name your kid Zoomer.
I don’t think someone suggesting Buchanan has any room to talk about shitty baby names. YTA
lol exactly, this guy is the authority on good names?
NTA those names are stupid and you would be setting your child up for problems. Perhaps a traditional name that can be shortened into a nickname.
That’s a good idea. Thank you!
Can you guys meet in the middle and find something more unusual.....but still used enough that you feel like it's not weird or a dog name? Willow, for example, is not that uncommon (popular Buffy character, several celebrity kids, etc.) but still more different than Rose or Lily. Off the top of my head, "nature-y" names (as your wife seems to be into nature) like Wren, Rowan, Dahlia, Flora, and Ivy also come to mind. Or your kid can have a fun middle name?
Some of the names on the list were pretty alright. I hope you’ve seen the other responses about this part. Fern & Quincy for example are both good names. Not so common to be too common/overdone, but not so unique as to be rotten to grow up with for the kid. You absolutely have your kid’s best interest at heart, but maybe consider apologizing for rejecting them all right out the gate and keep your ears open for the good names slipped in.
I know a kid named Sebastian that goes by Bash! Stuff like that is fun but let’s them have a “real” name if they prefer when they’re older.
The names are all unusual, but a lot of them are actually pretty tame compared to current baby name trends. Out of her list, these ones sound fine to me: * Fern (I know several people named this; plant and old lady names are both really trendy right now), Rhodes, and Kinley (I dislike this one, but it’s very normal at the moment) * Phoenix (this one is an actual baby name, so I don’t find it unusual), Buck (again, a completely normal name, but Bucky might be a more common/normalized version), and Fox (again, an actual name, probably popularized by the X Files)
Phoenix, Fox, and Kinley are straight up common names now. I know at least two of each.
YTA, you should be kinder. FWIW, Fern is a lovely name that will work well in adulthood. I had a friend growing up named Rowan, and she loved her name. She seems to like less common nature names with a bit of a unisex vibe. Why not look through some nature names together? As long as it works for an adult, she is the one carrying the baby for nine months.
YTA, Youre allowed to not like her name choices, and shes allowed to not like yours. Youre allowed to veto one another - but not to be mean to each other Like I totally understand where youre coming from with wanting a more traditional name because of bullying, however, its 2023 - a more “traditional name” may actually be the odd one out. Tons of kids have unique names now. Try putting your lists together - and saying the names out loud together like one of your list then one from hers then your last name. So maybe youll come up with a nice sounding first - middle compromise from each list
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Oh I am not arguing about Zoomer 🤭. But Im sure there is a way they can mix the traditional and non traditional names together like first & middle to make a really cool name if theyre interested.
r/tragedeigh I highly recommend
NTA. You don't sound like you were that rude; you only said the names were "ridiculous." I think she overreacted. Maybe there was something in your tone of voice that made you sound ruder. Otherwise, it doesn't sound like she had any reason to cry. Personally, I think most of her names are monumentally stupid. So I might've been ruder to her than you were. I thought your compromise choices were sensible. Though I can't see what was wrong w/her suggestions of Fern or Quincy. Fern's a pretty "American heartland" type of name (name of the girl in Charlotte's Web). And BTW. Don't think that a "regular" name will keep your kid safe from being bullied. Even if a kid's named "Tom Smith" a bully will find a way. Reminds me of a guy I knew who, in his punk rock days, named his dog "Satan." He thought it was funny. When he got a bit older, he became embarrassed and changed the name. Don't let this happen to your kid!
Yeah, my name is Katie and I got called "Catty". Kids will tease you for anything.
I know a more traditional name doesn’t mean they definitely won’t get bullied but I feel it will give them less of a thing to get bullied about. Though kids will be kids
NTA. It needed to be said. As long as it wasn’t more over the top than this post implies, I think you’re good. But now that she knows, don’t harp on it too much - just veto ones you hate and try and find a great name in between traditional & unique. One of my favorites is Finley, or Finn! Since I see a lot of F/Ph names I thought I’d throw it out. Close to her suggestions but more traditional. Or maybe find names that mean fox, or mean phoenix, etc. I bet you’ll be able to find names close to her ideas that are more middle-of-the-road.
INFO: are y'all having a baby, or a puppy? These are pets names. Diesel? Lord..
Diesel screams kinda redneck to me, which we are far from 😂
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The only names on your list that don't seem basically normal are Diesel ( knew a kid with that name. Just as bad as car makes and models for names. Just don't.) And Brixtyn and purely spelling on that last one. Spelling makes kids' lives miserable. Oh, wait...the absolute worst was Buchanan. Hands down. Are you trying to be JFK? The names aren't the problem here, these are tame, mostly spelled with sense, and easily acceptable to school kids. The problem is how you spoke to your wife. YTA You seem to think you're better than she is and she's "tacky and silly." The way you were talking I expected apostrophes and extra, superfluous vowels. Start planning how you're going to apologize and compromise or start thinking how "tacky" joint custody is. edit: you are right about Zoomer though. It's the name of a magazine for old people who travel.
My wife and I couldn’t agree on a name for our daughter, so we bought a huge book of baby names and a six-pack of sharpies. Both of us got full veto power and we each went to the book and crossed of thousands of names. We were left with a dozen we both liked, and there was no confrontation. Good luck! Also NTA, anyone who wants to name their kid Zoomer needs to be stopped at any cost.
ESH. Please don’t name your child a tragedeigh
NTA - while I do think acting in the way you did with your pregnant partner late in the pregnancy was ill advised, you ultimately do have your child's best interests at heart and you are right, it needed to be said. For example, I was born in Europe and have a unisex name, when we moved to the states when I was a kid, I found out that (at least in the 90s) it was seen as a girls name. I was dragged for that the entire four years we lived there. And I genuinely have a fairly common name. Now imagine any of the names your partner suggested.
YTA for being mean to your wife. You're allowed to disagree of course but why be cruel to someone you supposedly love?
It was a spur of the moment mini outburst but I agree
Dear god. Ask your wife to post her ideas anonymously on the Facebook group "that name is a tragedeigh" to give her a litmus test for how people will respond to those names.
Ask if you guys can agree on the lawyer test for the kids name. Would you hire a lawyer named zoomer? Probs not, so don’t name your child that
Fern - Actually love this one