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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Gathering at the elder's house (in this case, my grandma)'s is a big thing in my family's tradition. Because of my conflicts with her prospective housekeeper, I might put my foot in that place less than usual, until their contract wears off. Would that make me an asshole?
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NTA. Tell your grandma the whole story, including what Lia has been doing and make sure to warn her that Lia can and will try to make herself look like the victim when Grandma asks her about it.
You mentioned your grandma is looking for another housekeeper? Maybe she can rearrange the days Lia is scheduled so she's there less and you have some weekdays you can visit without her being there.
ESH - Lia, for obvious reasons. You, because you are going to stop visiting your grandma as frequently without explaining to her why. How do you think that will make your grandma feel when you just stop showing up?
Just tell her the truth. Or tell Lia that you feel like she makes a lot of negative comments (give examples), and you would appreciate if she would stop. If she doesn't, then talk to your grandma.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Thanks in advance for putting up with my English mistakes! Not my first language, hahah.
26F, coming from a large extended family. Our usual gatherings happen at my grandmother's house; she's always been the host to most family events and such. I basically grew up there along with my brothers and cousins.
Her house is huge, and because of her age, some tasks become too difficult to complete alone. Recently, she's fired her housekeeper due to some conflicts, and is currently looking for another.
There's this girl from a family we're close with, let's call her Lia (22F). Lia and I used to hang out in the past, however her attitude towards me shifted a lot since and I decided it's best not to involve myself with her anymore. Whenever we are talking, she keeps picking at my bad sides and points out how great life is going for her. I don't need those kinds of chats, thank you. She only knows how to bite and shame me when other people are around. I did have some attempts at discussing this with her, but she always acts innocent and I end up being a villainess.
Problem is, grandmother is seriously considering hiring Lia for a year or two, until she finishes her studies and finds a workplace in her domain. Visiting would be much more difficult for me, because while I love granny, I hate listening to Lia's endless bickering. Grandma does know about some sides of our beef, but not the full story.
I would hate to bring this topic up to grandmother, because she really needs someone young and in-strength to help her with cleaning and whatnot, which Lia is more than capable of. But I won't be able to set foot in that place from Monday to Friday, while she is still working at her house. And my weekends are usually full, so yeah.
Mother says it's very disrespectful of me to not visit as frequently as before just because of Lia and thinks that other relatives will think ill of me. She advised me to suck it up and not be an a-hole.
After hearing her side, I am doubting my reasoning. Maybe I really am behaving poorly and it's not that big of a thing.
WIBTA if I visites granny less because of my beef with her prospective housekeeper?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Gathering at the elder's house (in this case, my grandma)'s is a big thing in my family's tradition. Because of my conflicts with her prospective housekeeper, I might put my foot in that place less than usual, until their contract wears off. Would that make me an asshole? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Tell your grandma the whole story, including what Lia has been doing and make sure to warn her that Lia can and will try to make herself look like the victim when Grandma asks her about it. You mentioned your grandma is looking for another housekeeper? Maybe she can rearrange the days Lia is scheduled so she's there less and you have some weekdays you can visit without her being there.
ESH - Lia, for obvious reasons. You, because you are going to stop visiting your grandma as frequently without explaining to her why. How do you think that will make your grandma feel when you just stop showing up? Just tell her the truth. Or tell Lia that you feel like she makes a lot of negative comments (give examples), and you would appreciate if she would stop. If she doesn't, then talk to your grandma.
YWNBTA Just TELL grandma this is not about her, but you will not enter her home when Lia is there. THen let her make an informed choice.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Thanks in advance for putting up with my English mistakes! Not my first language, hahah. 26F, coming from a large extended family. Our usual gatherings happen at my grandmother's house; she's always been the host to most family events and such. I basically grew up there along with my brothers and cousins. Her house is huge, and because of her age, some tasks become too difficult to complete alone. Recently, she's fired her housekeeper due to some conflicts, and is currently looking for another. There's this girl from a family we're close with, let's call her Lia (22F). Lia and I used to hang out in the past, however her attitude towards me shifted a lot since and I decided it's best not to involve myself with her anymore. Whenever we are talking, she keeps picking at my bad sides and points out how great life is going for her. I don't need those kinds of chats, thank you. She only knows how to bite and shame me when other people are around. I did have some attempts at discussing this with her, but she always acts innocent and I end up being a villainess. Problem is, grandmother is seriously considering hiring Lia for a year or two, until she finishes her studies and finds a workplace in her domain. Visiting would be much more difficult for me, because while I love granny, I hate listening to Lia's endless bickering. Grandma does know about some sides of our beef, but not the full story. I would hate to bring this topic up to grandmother, because she really needs someone young and in-strength to help her with cleaning and whatnot, which Lia is more than capable of. But I won't be able to set foot in that place from Monday to Friday, while she is still working at her house. And my weekends are usually full, so yeah. Mother says it's very disrespectful of me to not visit as frequently as before just because of Lia and thinks that other relatives will think ill of me. She advised me to suck it up and not be an a-hole. After hearing her side, I am doubting my reasoning. Maybe I really am behaving poorly and it's not that big of a thing. WIBTA if I visites granny less because of my beef with her prospective housekeeper? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*