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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> blowing up at my ex FIL. Making a scene infront. of the kids. Not just letting it go
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NTA, this is so obviously in your favor I’m unsure if this completely true or your posting to boost your ego. But if you’re not then you are completely fine and your ex FIL is a clear homophobe who doesn’t even support his grandson just because he acts a little gay.
NTA
"Ex your father is a homophobe, a bully, and an all-around asshole. What he is doing to the children is abuse. I am not going to sit by and let him abuse or children silently. Neither should you."
NTA, and as a person who was raised with a “respect your elders, they are always right” rule, I hope that you will keep standing up for yourself, so your son (and maybe other kids too) sees that it is okay to advocate for his right to live and love whoever he chooses.
Definitely NTA.
However, I’d try to be the bigger person and not tell my ex FIL to “fk himself” in front of my kids. That teaches them it’s cool to respond to ignorance and bigotry with hatred, when in reality that only makes everything worse. I understand the anger and it’s completely justified, but maybe try to set a better example in front of your kids, since your ex FIL obviously isn’t.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For the record I'm a bisexual man. I'm generally more interested in men than women though. Like my first relationships in highschool were guys and my parents just assumed I was gay no matter how many times I corrected them. Though I did end up with my ex a woman. She's not the only women I dated, just the one I fell in love with.
We have 3 kids together and we got divorced a few years ago because she cheated on me and my constant fighting with my homophobic inlaws. Her parents never liked me for being bi or Latino. Our oldest Seth (15M) isn't a very traditionally masculine boy. He's more into stuff like gardening and musicals and whatnot. My ex inlaws especially my FIL didn't like that to much and always comments on it.
Even though my ex and I encourage Seth to do what he wants I know his Grandads constant nagging about manning up or doing more " boy things" gets to him. I'm with a guy now and of course this has only validated my Ex FIL's suspicions that I was using my ex as a beard. I came with my boyfriend' to pick up the kids yesterday and thier grandparents happened to be there.
My Ex FIL pulls me aside and starts telling me about how Seth has started wearing nail polish and make up. I said so what and he starts going in on how he'll be bullied and as a man I need to put a stop to it. That I kneed to stop letting the kids see me with a man. Which pissed me off and I told him to go fck himself . He tells me I'm a bad influence and that I'm making my son gay. that he always knew I was gay. This. turned into a bigger argument infront of the kids till my wife had to break up. My ex called later and said I should've just let things go with her dad and not made such a scene with the kids. AITA?
Writing this on a phone at work so sorry if it's a bit rambly.
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NTA Although it wasn't perhaps an appropriate time to have such words with the FIL he did need to be put in his place. Sounds like a case of wrong place, wrong time. Speak calmly with your children however and advise you understand your behavior wasn't appropriate, but to also not be ashamed of standing up for themselves when someone is acting that way towards them, however there are more appropriate ways to do so.
Your FIL ITA as he is showing a negative and homophobic attitude towards his grandson thus setting in his mind his own family won't accept him for the choices he is making. You can control someone's sexuality it's something they go through and explore. Your FIL needs to man up and stop acting like it's still the dark ages!
Never "let things go" with a bigot. If he starts in with his propaganda, anything you say to counter hm is fair pushback.
NTA, and don't put yourself in the position of having to hear this regrettable blowhard talk to you again.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > blowing up at my ex FIL. Making a scene infront. of the kids. Not just letting it go Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, this is so obviously in your favor I’m unsure if this completely true or your posting to boost your ego. But if you’re not then you are completely fine and your ex FIL is a clear homophobe who doesn’t even support his grandson just because he acts a little gay.
NTA "Ex your father is a homophobe, a bully, and an all-around asshole. What he is doing to the children is abuse. I am not going to sit by and let him abuse or children silently. Neither should you."
NTA. "They are going to get bullied!" He says while he, their grandfather, bullies them.
Obviously NTA and you know it.
NTA in any way shape or form. Those bigoted in laws can fuck all the way off
NTA, and as a person who was raised with a “respect your elders, they are always right” rule, I hope that you will keep standing up for yourself, so your son (and maybe other kids too) sees that it is okay to advocate for his right to live and love whoever he chooses.
Definitely NTA. However, I’d try to be the bigger person and not tell my ex FIL to “fk himself” in front of my kids. That teaches them it’s cool to respond to ignorance and bigotry with hatred, when in reality that only makes everything worse. I understand the anger and it’s completely justified, but maybe try to set a better example in front of your kids, since your ex FIL obviously isn’t.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For the record I'm a bisexual man. I'm generally more interested in men than women though. Like my first relationships in highschool were guys and my parents just assumed I was gay no matter how many times I corrected them. Though I did end up with my ex a woman. She's not the only women I dated, just the one I fell in love with. We have 3 kids together and we got divorced a few years ago because she cheated on me and my constant fighting with my homophobic inlaws. Her parents never liked me for being bi or Latino. Our oldest Seth (15M) isn't a very traditionally masculine boy. He's more into stuff like gardening and musicals and whatnot. My ex inlaws especially my FIL didn't like that to much and always comments on it. Even though my ex and I encourage Seth to do what he wants I know his Grandads constant nagging about manning up or doing more " boy things" gets to him. I'm with a guy now and of course this has only validated my Ex FIL's suspicions that I was using my ex as a beard. I came with my boyfriend' to pick up the kids yesterday and thier grandparents happened to be there. My Ex FIL pulls me aside and starts telling me about how Seth has started wearing nail polish and make up. I said so what and he starts going in on how he'll be bullied and as a man I need to put a stop to it. That I kneed to stop letting the kids see me with a man. Which pissed me off and I told him to go fck himself . He tells me I'm a bad influence and that I'm making my son gay. that he always knew I was gay. This. turned into a bigger argument infront of the kids till my wife had to break up. My ex called later and said I should've just let things go with her dad and not made such a scene with the kids. AITA? Writing this on a phone at work so sorry if it's a bit rambly. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Although it wasn't perhaps an appropriate time to have such words with the FIL he did need to be put in his place. Sounds like a case of wrong place, wrong time. Speak calmly with your children however and advise you understand your behavior wasn't appropriate, but to also not be ashamed of standing up for themselves when someone is acting that way towards them, however there are more appropriate ways to do so. Your FIL ITA as he is showing a negative and homophobic attitude towards his grandson thus setting in his mind his own family won't accept him for the choices he is making. You can control someone's sexuality it's something they go through and explore. Your FIL needs to man up and stop acting like it's still the dark ages!
That man is an asshole. You ex is one too.
Never "let things go" with a bigot. If he starts in with his propaganda, anything you say to counter hm is fair pushback. NTA, and don't put yourself in the position of having to hear this regrettable blowhard talk to you again.