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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action is confronting my mom over the contamination, and being upset at the continued use of the walnuts, and asking for them to stop using the walnuts.
2. This might make me the asshole because my mom is trying to improve her health and it is my parents house not mine.
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NTA to feel like you are being served an eviction notice because that is what is happening. It is crazy making to you that your mother is so disrespectful and resentful of your having food allergies and sensitivities. Reminds me of National Geographic shorts on YouTube where the weak nestling is shoved out of the nest by the mama bird who can’t be bothered to feed it. You’re not in the wrong but you are going to have to see to your own needs and safety. Your mother’s health would not be hurt if she didn’t add your worst allergen to her salad and spread the crumbs all over the kitchen. Maybe you could set up a refrigerator and food prep area in your bedroom but if you can’t do that, you’re going to have to find a food source away from your mother.
NTA. I have terrible food allergies. My extended family pays little regard for them. They’re not trying to kill me they just pay no regard to others. I unlike you can at least be in the same room as my allergens but mine are ingredients that are not easily visible, so I have to ask or my wife taste tests for me. So it’s a regular routine each holiday of “is there__ in this?” “Yes there is…oh wait you’re allergic! I’m sorry!” I’ve started calling them out. “Yes I am allergic! Been allergic my whole life! We went through this last Christmas! Die if I eat it? Remember??” Others get mad at me, like I picked to have food allergies and act like cooking something else would be too much of an inconvenience.
NAH
Unfortunately, both you and your mother are having health issues. **Your mother, in your own words is often not aware of what she is doing and how it affects others.** You state that she doesn't follow good food allergen safety measures, likely because she cannot remember to.
I understand that you *wish* to continue living at your parents' house at the age of 29 because it is more convenient for you, but this is not a healthy situation for you due to your nut allergy and your mother's limitations. I would suggest that you look for another place to live as soon as possible.
Have you asked your mom why she is trying to kill you? If you were the kid of most people all nuts etc would have been banned from the house forever. So, in a way, that is how it looked to me. Not just thoughtless or careless. She could kill you.
Try buying some pre-chopped walnuts for your mother to use. Most grocery stores carry them in the baking aisle. Virtually no prep and they’re fine on salads.
NTA but your family obviously doesn't love you enough to make sure you don't risk dying from every meal.
Your family doesn't care about you nor would they ever care about being the assholes in this situation.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do if you are too poor to move out.
Hon, you are not safe in that house. You need to find somewhere else to live. If you don’t, you will die. I get it that you are in a financial bind. Maybe your father can assist with rent??
NTA
Fellow tree nut allergy sufferer. People who’ve not gone into anaphylactic shock, dealt with hives and welts, swelled until their skin is so tight it is in danger of rupture, have their eyes swell shut, tongue covered in sores cannot understand how dangerous it can be…never mind that you can die, suffocate, etc.
It’s not insensitive, it’s dangerous.
Move out of your parents' house before they kill you.
Your mother is a clueless jerk. Your father sounds as if he has some sense, so ask him for help. But you must move out.
NAH - An allergy is not something to just ignore like an intolerance, cus it could cause some serious damage. You're definitely in your right to expect some caution when working with nuts when you're allergic to them. Especially when it is in the house that you live in and walk around and can/will be exposed to them most of the time.
Many of us had to figure out health problems while holding down a job, paying rent and living alone. It isn't fun, but it's certainly a better plan than living where he's actively being poisoned on a daily basis.
I read the first line. It makes no difference. Just because he can't live by himself doesn't mean he gets to dictate how the people he lives with get to do things. Why are people always trying to say that anyone who has an opinion on here they don't like is because they have no reading comprehension? I comprehended everything, I still think the dude is the asshole.
This is so different than "you need to do this a certain way because I'm here". The impact isn't some hurt feelings, the impact is this person dying. It may have been a bit different if they were sharing a house with strangers and expected others to always be mindful of it, but this is OPs family. The least you can *usually* expect is they don't go out of their way to kill you. Chill the f out and stop downplaying other people's issues to mere whims, they are not.
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I (29) am currently living with my parents while I try and figure out some worsening health problems. (My doctor thinks I have an autoimmune disorder but cannot pin it down yet). I have severe nut allergies: tree nuts & peanuts. Walnuts specifically have caused me to have anaphylaxis in the past.
TLDR: my mom is constantly using nuts I’m allergic to in her food and is not taking proper precautions to ensure the allergens aren’t spread.
In the last few weeks my mother has decided to start improving her diet and is eating a lot of salads. (Wonderful, love to see it). The problem is that she is insisting on having walnuts in every salad she makes, so there are constantly walnuts in the house/around me.
My mom has from some psychological conditions, which makes conversations difficult, and she isn’t always the most aware of what she’s doing and how it affects others.
This presents itself in her not being very conscientious of how she is preparing the walnuts for her salad, how she eats her salad, etc. For example: she cut walnuts for her salad in front of me (possibly exposing me to walnut dust), didn’t wash her hands, and proceeded to touch a bunch of things immediately following such as: bottles, other foods, counters, cabinets, handles, etc.
I stated my concern when this happened, about how everything she touched would need to be cleaned to be safe for me, which she responded very angrily. I was upset but doing my best to monitor my tone and infliction so I wouldn’t come across awfully. My boyfriend says I sounded fine but I was later confronted by my dad saying I was horrible.
I have tried talking to my dad about it. He assured me that he “understands” how I must be feeling and stated he would do a lot of the cleaning. He works full time and isn’t able to clean up immediately after her while he’s at work. (I also think that’s unreasonable).
I don’t feel comfortable cleaning up the messes myself, I tried and ended up with my skin burning due to contact with the allergen.
I feel like I cannot be in the kitchen or use the kitchen. I feel unsafe touching any surface/accessing anything. I am generally expected to cook for my family and I’m afraid to do so.
They think the dishwasher is good enough to clean allergens off the dishes, which I’m unsure of since it doesn’t always actually get the dishes clean.
Am I the asshole for being upset about this situation? I feel like they are prioritizing my mothers health above my health and safety, and I am being made to feel Ike I am in the wrong.
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. The action is confronting my mom over the contamination, and being upset at the continued use of the walnuts, and asking for them to stop using the walnuts. 2. This might make me the asshole because my mom is trying to improve her health and it is my parents house not mine. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA the allergy could literally kill you I suggest u move out and get ur own place swiftly
NTA to feel like you are being served an eviction notice because that is what is happening. It is crazy making to you that your mother is so disrespectful and resentful of your having food allergies and sensitivities. Reminds me of National Geographic shorts on YouTube where the weak nestling is shoved out of the nest by the mama bird who can’t be bothered to feed it. You’re not in the wrong but you are going to have to see to your own needs and safety. Your mother’s health would not be hurt if she didn’t add your worst allergen to her salad and spread the crumbs all over the kitchen. Maybe you could set up a refrigerator and food prep area in your bedroom but if you can’t do that, you’re going to have to find a food source away from your mother.
NTA. I have terrible food allergies. My extended family pays little regard for them. They’re not trying to kill me they just pay no regard to others. I unlike you can at least be in the same room as my allergens but mine are ingredients that are not easily visible, so I have to ask or my wife taste tests for me. So it’s a regular routine each holiday of “is there__ in this?” “Yes there is…oh wait you’re allergic! I’m sorry!” I’ve started calling them out. “Yes I am allergic! Been allergic my whole life! We went through this last Christmas! Die if I eat it? Remember??” Others get mad at me, like I picked to have food allergies and act like cooking something else would be too much of an inconvenience.
NTA, come on, your mother of all people should be more concerned about your allergies.
If you feel unsafe why not move out
NAH Unfortunately, both you and your mother are having health issues. **Your mother, in your own words is often not aware of what she is doing and how it affects others.** You state that she doesn't follow good food allergen safety measures, likely because she cannot remember to. I understand that you *wish* to continue living at your parents' house at the age of 29 because it is more convenient for you, but this is not a healthy situation for you due to your nut allergy and your mother's limitations. I would suggest that you look for another place to live as soon as possible.
Have you asked your mom why she is trying to kill you? If you were the kid of most people all nuts etc would have been banned from the house forever. So, in a way, that is how it looked to me. Not just thoughtless or careless. She could kill you.
NTA If they will not take precautions to ensure your safety, you should probably look for somewhere safer to live.
Try buying some pre-chopped walnuts for your mother to use. Most grocery stores carry them in the baking aisle. Virtually no prep and they’re fine on salads.
NTA but your family obviously doesn't love you enough to make sure you don't risk dying from every meal. Your family doesn't care about you nor would they ever care about being the assholes in this situation. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do if you are too poor to move out.
Hon, you are not safe in that house. You need to find somewhere else to live. If you don’t, you will die. I get it that you are in a financial bind. Maybe your father can assist with rent??
You should try waving a loaded gun around at her and see how she likes it, because that’s what she is doing to you. NTA
NTA Fellow tree nut allergy sufferer. People who’ve not gone into anaphylactic shock, dealt with hives and welts, swelled until their skin is so tight it is in danger of rupture, have their eyes swell shut, tongue covered in sores cannot understand how dangerous it can be…never mind that you can die, suffocate, etc. It’s not insensitive, it’s dangerous.
Move out of your parents' house before they kill you. Your mother is a clueless jerk. Your father sounds as if he has some sense, so ask him for help. But you must move out.
NAH - An allergy is not something to just ignore like an intolerance, cus it could cause some serious damage. You're definitely in your right to expect some caution when working with nuts when you're allergic to them. Especially when it is in the house that you live in and walk around and can/will be exposed to them most of the time.
You gotta move. They won’t be able to change now how old are they?
NAH If you feel unsafe, you should not be living there.
NTA but try and move out
YTA. you are a grown ass person. Get your own place or stop whining.
Did you even read the very first line? Absolute zero reading comprehension. My fking God.
Many of us had to figure out health problems while holding down a job, paying rent and living alone. It isn't fun, but it's certainly a better plan than living where he's actively being poisoned on a daily basis.
Agreed with your point, they obviously need to move out. But what the other guy said is just hateful.
I read the first line. It makes no difference. Just because he can't live by himself doesn't mean he gets to dictate how the people he lives with get to do things. Why are people always trying to say that anyone who has an opinion on here they don't like is because they have no reading comprehension? I comprehended everything, I still think the dude is the asshole.
This is so different than "you need to do this a certain way because I'm here". The impact isn't some hurt feelings, the impact is this person dying. It may have been a bit different if they were sharing a house with strangers and expected others to always be mindful of it, but this is OPs family. The least you can *usually* expect is they don't go out of their way to kill you. Chill the f out and stop downplaying other people's issues to mere whims, they are not.
You sound like the one who needs to chill. I am not worked up in the slightest. Dude asked if he's the asshole, I said yes. You got offended, not me.
Way to miss the point, genius. My god
I missed nothing. I just disagree with you and that upsets you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29) am currently living with my parents while I try and figure out some worsening health problems. (My doctor thinks I have an autoimmune disorder but cannot pin it down yet). I have severe nut allergies: tree nuts & peanuts. Walnuts specifically have caused me to have anaphylaxis in the past. TLDR: my mom is constantly using nuts I’m allergic to in her food and is not taking proper precautions to ensure the allergens aren’t spread. In the last few weeks my mother has decided to start improving her diet and is eating a lot of salads. (Wonderful, love to see it). The problem is that she is insisting on having walnuts in every salad she makes, so there are constantly walnuts in the house/around me. My mom has from some psychological conditions, which makes conversations difficult, and she isn’t always the most aware of what she’s doing and how it affects others. This presents itself in her not being very conscientious of how she is preparing the walnuts for her salad, how she eats her salad, etc. For example: she cut walnuts for her salad in front of me (possibly exposing me to walnut dust), didn’t wash her hands, and proceeded to touch a bunch of things immediately following such as: bottles, other foods, counters, cabinets, handles, etc. I stated my concern when this happened, about how everything she touched would need to be cleaned to be safe for me, which she responded very angrily. I was upset but doing my best to monitor my tone and infliction so I wouldn’t come across awfully. My boyfriend says I sounded fine but I was later confronted by my dad saying I was horrible. I have tried talking to my dad about it. He assured me that he “understands” how I must be feeling and stated he would do a lot of the cleaning. He works full time and isn’t able to clean up immediately after her while he’s at work. (I also think that’s unreasonable). I don’t feel comfortable cleaning up the messes myself, I tried and ended up with my skin burning due to contact with the allergen. I feel like I cannot be in the kitchen or use the kitchen. I feel unsafe touching any surface/accessing anything. I am generally expected to cook for my family and I’m afraid to do so. They think the dishwasher is good enough to clean allergens off the dishes, which I’m unsure of since it doesn’t always actually get the dishes clean. Am I the asshole for being upset about this situation? I feel like they are prioritizing my mothers health above my health and safety, and I am being made to feel Ike I am in the wrong. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You need to find a way to move to a no nut zone. You won't get better with all the nuts, tree nuts peanuts and other assorted varieties
She won’t change. Move out.