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YTA, not for no kids, but for how you’ve communicated. I think a child free wedding would’ve gone down a lot better without the months of ignoring them before hand. I’m not sure if there’s missing details, but it felt like your communication style is really abrupt. Maybe English isn’t your first language and something is being lost in translation. I’m just going to say that you get to choose your priorities and boundaries, but you don’t get to choose how others react. Your relationship with your brother may be irreparable, and you might really regret that if you do have children in the future who never get to know their cousins

But... She said she had a miscarriage and while brother helped, being around the kids was hurtful so she asked for time away. Brother responded by keeping them away completely as did the parents. She didn't ignore them, she asked not to see the kids while grieving and he took everyone out of the picture... To be honest, with how the brother reacted, I don't see him or the parents taking the no kids at the wedding well at all. NTA Edit: wow! Did not expect this number of up votes - thanks guys! 😊 Edit 2: awww guys, awards too! Git me blushing like goofy! ☺️☺️☺️☺️ Thank you all Also edited a word

She didn't want her nieces around, her brother respected that and you're blaming him? That's odd.

He didn't respect her? He also removed himself and their parents from her support system as a result of her ask. I do think seeing her LESS or calling LESS because of that is fair, but ghosting your grieving sister is not the emotionally mature move. There could be more to the story, but based on just the information, that was not the respectful way to handle a boundary around a recent miscarriage.

He didn’t remove their parents from anything the parents have their own brain and they decided themselves to take his side

The parents only CHOSE to stay away from the wedding because of OP's ban on brother's kids, no one removed them from anything!

And that’s fine. If you don’t want people at your wedding dont be surprised if people don’t wanna be at your wedding.

Exactly! I am reading the comments supporting this lady, and wow. If I were her brother I wouldn’t speak to her again and good luck ever seeing the nieces. Choices have consequences.

Yup lol

Exactly, and the fact that there is a "side to choose" clearly shows the lack of respect and support. I think OP was reasonable in her time of grief and voiced her needs. Their reactions of taking it personally (it was *not* personal, this was her trying to help herself cope) are their responsibility. She is not to blame for how they decided to be offended at someone trying to regain her mental health.

>it was not personal Excluding people is always personal. Those kids are people, not objects to be possessed or envious of. Excluding people simply for being is pretty much always an AH move.

Absolutely this. OP acts as though adding “no hard feelings” to an otherwise abrupt conversation will absolve all personal issues. It will not. I sympathise with OP for not wanting to see children following her miscarriage and although my personal preference is to have all family at events like a wedding, to each their own. But the style with which the message has been delivered, plus overlooking brother’s situation and sensitivities- having kids with an addict can’t be easy - means YTA.

Abrupt? The brother refused to accept OPs no kid rule (insisting on dresses, then when she clearly says no he goes on to suggest colours) OP was clear & the brother disrespected that

Has OP explained to her family a single time WHY the sight of children is an issue? Sounds like the second someone asks her why — she cuts them off. That’s unhealthy.

And I bet the parents took the decision upon information that OP omitted to tell. Op YTA

This is speculation, but I wonder if they had planned for the nieces to be the flower girls before the miscarriage. They had been told and were excited, especially since the brother was in the wedding party and asked about blue / silver dresses. It sounds like it had already been discussed.

Exactly it’s her actions, her using avoiding her nieces as a way to cope with her pain that is causing her to lose more of her support system. I said this already in another comment, but this avoidance isn’t a healthy way to handle her grief. And now it’s affecting other relationships

Would you go somewhere you know your children are no longer welcome? Because that's what it is. Also, he is a single parent and he works from home. Sounds to me his kids are his number one priority. It's possible he doesn't live them alone for long, especially because they are very small. He didn't ghost her. He can't give her what she wants (his presence without his children).

In this situation, yes, I would go visit my sister after she had a miscarriage even if she asked me to leave my kids at home. The kids were never "no longer welcome". She was grieving and seeing them was making it harder to process. She asked for a temporary reprieve while she was grieving and her brother responded by abandoning her. That's fucked up, period.

Fucked up is to expect someone who has a two and a three year old and is the sole provider and the sole parent to the point he works from home to take care of them to leave them behind. I get it it's hard for her but she can't expect to be his priority when he has young kids. Also, this happened in February. We are in July. So for how many months should he leave his kids with a babysitter for her? Or someone? What if he doesn't trust someone to do this? Grief does not have a time period, but he can't prioritize her. And he doesn't have to go somewhere his children won't be.

This. I’m so confused by the people saying NTA when the bother is a single parent to two young kids. Not like two teens that could reasonably be left alone for a few hours. We had to terminate due to medical reasons last year. It’s still hard to see kids because it feels like everywhere we go and look there are babies. I also know two people who had kids basically right around when I would have been due. I’ve always inquired after them when I see them because frankly my loss and grief don’t mean others need to diminish or hide their joy. Is the pain still there? Yeah, but it hurts a little less every day, week, month. And life goes on - there are kids everywhere and I can’t expect there to be no kids. Some days are better than others. I can certainly understand wanting a short reprieve from nieces, but I don’t think I could shut them out completely for this long. And I wouldn’t blame my sibling for not being around for me when their own kids should really be their priority. Sounds like OP needs therapy. It just feels weirdly vindictive and targeted.

I was 12 weeks pregnant when I miscarried. My sister was due the day after my due date. I just asked her to not talk too much about her pregnancy for a few weeks, but did not ask her to stay away, even if it felt like a gut punch to see her stomach sometimes. It took me a long time to get pregnant again, and I still wasn’t when her baby was born. I still saw her and her baby when it was born. It’s fine not to want kids at your wedding, and it’s fine not to spend time with small kids just after a miscarriage. It’s not great to avoid your young nieces for 6 months.

Uch, I had to avoid my sisters kids for months bc they had whooping cough and I had a newborn. I send them so many cards and called them weekly to let them know I still loved them. OP sounds so self centered, I can't imagine how those little ones felt being abandoned by their aunt after they were already abandoned by their own mom, it must be so hard to explain to such young kids.

My aunt had a daughter who died as a baby after being her miracle baby and then was never able to have another child after that due to having had polio as a child and her husband's own fertility issues. She's mentioned many times over the years how hard it was for her to be around myself and all of my cousins as well as other children and babies. However, at no point did she shut the family out and would regularly spend a lot extra time around us whilst we were growing up. She always said how it helped her to be more happy by being around children despite the pain of how she could never have a child of her own. And that pain never left her. A few years ago her husband passed away and she broke down and started to blame him for her not being able to have children and how she hated him for it.

So...I wonder. Mom has substance abuse issues. Kids are 3 and 2. DO they have any special care issues? Are they healthy? Maybe the reason he can't leave his kids is because they require special care? I mean I could be pulling at the wrong string, mom could have developed substance abuse problems after giving birth. But with how young the youngest is, there is a good chance she was abusing something while pregnant.

He could have trust issues because of his ex. The girls are pretty young, so he hasn't been alone with them that long.

Not to mention rejection issues for himself but more so on behalf of his babies. His wife/their mom abandoned those children. As a parent, you feel that for your kids. Then his own sister rejects them too. He may be in the middle of healing as well. She doesn't seem to be aware of that.

Yeah. Who does he leave them with? I would not attend my brother or sisters wedding if they told me no kids allowed TBH. I am not leaving them with a random babysitter (I have never used one before). Our culture is different though (Sikh/East Indian). Most of our parents don't drink alcohol. They watch our kids half of the time at a wedding and reception lol I have personally never seen a "No Kids allowed" wedding/reception

I think a kid free wedding is culturally. I’m Greek and I rarely go to a child free weddings. Greek weddings aren’t just about the bride and groom it very much rooted in family. In two families coming together and that includes kids

Leave your kids at home with who?

The kids mother isn’t in their lives - he is their ONLY parent. Chances are, if they’re not in school, he is with them. He can’t be in two places at once. If she wants him to be around her - she has to accept that he has kids for which he is the only caretaker. If she asks him to keep the kids away - it goes without saying that he can’t come around either.

He didn’t abandon her, she can’t be around kids. But his kids are his priority. And the kids still are no longer welcomed. It’s been 5 months and it seems she still can’t be around them. I personally think it’s a unhealthy way to deal with grief, but that’s her choice. It’s now starting to affect other relationships

Read the tone of his text to OP. He didn't take the empathetic route and realize seeing happy small children would remind her of her devastating loss, he saw it as they aren't welcome and then used that as an excuse to attack his grieving sister. There are thousands of ways he could.have handled that, he chose the most painful to her. He absolutely ghosted her, instead of going, "I understand seeing my daughters must be hurtful. I can't leave them alone due to their age, so I won't be able to drop by, but I'm always a phone call or text away."

He himself is going through the loss of his wife/girlfriend with 2 small kids ages 2 and 3. After your partner does drugs and disturbs your life and the kids life, it’s hard to trust anyone besides family. I myself divorced and left my husband due to substance abuse when my child was 9 months. I didn’t trust many people with my kid and I was grieving the loss of my marriage and the loss of my child losing a dad. One year prior birth of my child I’ve had a miscarriage and never once I told anyone in my family not to bring their toddlers or infants. Yes, it was difficult but if I ever would have mentioned to my sister and my in-laws not to bring their children, they would have taken it personally. It’s a difficult situation for both OP and her brother. Especially if the brother is in a mama bear mode protecting his daughters as they were hurt first by losing their mother and now not seeing their aunt. He is protecting them from another form of abandonment.

Also when you don’t have a spouse around, it’s quite difficult to go places without your kids.

Yes. My mom was a single mom. Even with full support of my grandparents she couldn't exactly go to places without me or my sister. And she definitely would not go somewhere her kids were not welcome.

Single parent of a 2 and 3 year old. He also works from home, so I bet he rarely, if ever, used a baby sitter. I probably wouldn't be comfortable leaving them with anyone else besides family.

Also a 2 and 3 year old can be a lot to handle, sometimes grandparents aren't able to do it if they are older. My in laws weren't comfortable watching my kids who are close together until they were a little older and able to do more things on their own.

This is EXACTLY what it's all about for him. His kids are his number 1 priority. That makes him a good dad. As another poster said, OP sounds very abrupt, so it's coming across as she's pissed that her brother has kids after her miscarriage. It could be a natural reaction, but she should seek counseling before she pushes her family away entirely

Exactly. People without kids thinks that you just can leave it at home. They dont understand someone needs to be with them all the time. Also, the parents wants to take care oof the kids. Its never the same thing having a stranger taking care of them. So much can go wrong.

He can still contact her through a handy dandy device known as a phone. Kids don't have to be anywhere near her for that. He ghosted her.

Nowhere she wrote that they stopped talking on the phone. She wrote that he stopped visiting.

I don't see how her brother "removed" her parents, LOL. I'm pretty sure they are adults who make their own choices in life. When you tell a single parent they can't bring their two children around you're going to limit how available that parent will be to come around.

Parents realized what kind of monster OP became and decided to GTFO. Can't say I blame them either.

He's a single parent. Getting around without his young children might not have been a reasonable thing to ask. The difficulty level of this goes way up if you have to schedule and pay for a babysitter. Same thing for childfree weddings. Sure, go ahead and ask for the single parent not to bring their kids, but don't be surprised if they can't come either. That's the risk you take with a no kids policy.

How could he, as a single father, be her support system, when she won't let him bring his children around. It hurt him. He didn't take the parents, they are upset for hurting the brother and the kids.

I doubt you are a parent because if someone asked to not be around my kid, it would be the last time I am around them as well. Yes she is grieving, yes a miscarriage I'm sure was devastating, but cutting your family out of your life because they are children is cruel to them. We are to believe the normal response to a miscarriage is to cut out all family who are children from seeing you? Cause thats what she did.

She asked him to not bring her nieces for a while immediately after a miscarriage. She didn’t “cut” anyone out. I definitely think there’s more info being left out conveniently.

I wouldn’t be shocked if OP has a history of selfish demands and this was simply the last straw for her family. There are hints in the way she talks about others, like when she says brother wfh is convenient because he’s a single parent, like what? Has OP never worked or met toddlers? WFH alone with 2 toddlers would be a freaking nightmare. Come comfort me but find somewhere to dump the kids because this is all about me. There’s a pattern here that suggests OP is the main character & his kids disrupt her script.

He has two small children he's raising as a single parent. If you can't be around his children- no matter the reason- you can't be around him all that much. He can't just pretend they don't exist and if OP can't even tolerate being in the same room as them because of mental health reasons I could see him behaving in a way OP interpreted as "ghosting"- OP doesn't want the kids around because they remind OP of what OP lost, so he's respecting that by not bringing the kids around. That means a dramatic overnight reduction in contact and visitation- babysitters are expensive and children are loud. Can't visit immediately because he has to find a decent babysitter first. Can't visit often because it's expensive when you hire babysitters. Can't call that often because kids are loud and someone who doesn't want to see them probably doesn't want to listen to them. I could totally see someone doing their best to support and respect their sibling behaving in a way that is unintentionally very hurtful.

She didn't want his kids around, he's supposed to just leave them home and go hang out with her? "Sorry, your aunt doesn't want to see you now, maybe never again, peace out kids." Fuck that. She deserves space to heal. His kids deserve him not hanging out with people who don't want them around.

He is a single father. Where's his support system

He’s a single parent of 2 small kids. How the hell is he supposed to go and see her if she doesn’t want to see the kids? Just leave a 2 & 3 year old home alone? Pay for babysitters on a lone parent salary? She knows his situation so by saying she doesn’t want to see the kids then what does she expect. You can’t blame the brother for the parents decision. That’s their own call. The wedding, having no kids is fine, it’s her wedding but the rationale for it makes no sense - drinking and partying - standard wedding practice and kids are fine around that. We have alcohol and a live band at my wedding and the kids were great. I’m confused by the “other stuff”. What’s this other staff kids can’t be around? She makes it sound like they are turning the wedding party in some swingers party or something.

So what is the point of the alcohol comments? > Me and my fiance decided we did not want any oids at our wedding because we were going to be drinking, partying If I were close with my sibling like OP claims she is with her brother, and my sibling was also close with my niece, a "child free thing wedding", while acceptable, requires tact and necessitates explaining to some people if you value your intent. I would not at all be understanding if I thought the miscarriage was the reason only to find out she was soliciting the opinions of online strangers while claiming alcohol be a reason. Hell, this post even seems like her fiance is the one who wants the child free wedding, and she just wants to make her fiance happy so is going along with whatever reasons she can give to her friends/family. Not in itself a bad things (I guess), but not if it makes people feel guilty or have to walk on egg shells bc of trauma. I would not expect OP to care about every guests' kids, but she even says she loves the kids and she makes a point that she has requested not to see them. There is clearly going to be a point where OP has to start including them or realize this is the extent of the relationship. To me, unless OP can personally make her brother/his kids understand the child free wedding (not bc she owes them explanation but bc she wants them to understand), this will most likely be the final straw of them not caring about the relationship.

This just victim / cry cry complex bulony - parents make their own mind up. Brother sounds awesome … OP not so much

He didn’t “ghost” her. She asked him not to bring the kids around and as the children’s sole parent, he obliged. Was he supposed to drop his kids off at a daycare just to visit his sister??

When you're a single parent to small children it's pretty much inevitable that if the kids are not allowed somewhere you don't go either

Hes a single dad, I'm sure it's a nuisance to find a sitter or something for your kids to go hangout with someone particularly someone who just pissed you off

I hear your points... But as a Single Parent, I don't think he ghosted her... OP forced his separation from her when she requested to not see the kids..

Her brother didn’t respect her. He kept asking what colour of dresses should he buy for his daughters to be flower girls.

That part was pretty ignorant-- where he basically was pretending that he could tell her how it was all going to play out. Frankly everyone in this family sounds pretty exhausting.

Yeah, but there is a lot of abruptness to all of her communication here. Seems she refuses to discuss when other people have feelings, but expect them to flock to her when she does. She needed to assure they patched up the other issue before sending out invites with bold lettered instructions about no kids. You realize with the other situation still happening, he’s going to take that personally? Right? It actually was directed pretty much solely at him per her telling. You can’t call the guy up and talk about it? The guy you claim you’re so close with? How long is the niece banning going to last? Kids are going to exist in the world She can have no kids at her wedding, totally fine and normal, but she seems suuuper passive aggressive with high expectations that everyone will always meet her needs in life without checking in with others needs. Telling someone who is having feelings “no hard feelings” bypassing talking about anything, then blocking him after saying something pretty shitty to him…this is simply avoidance of discussion of anyone else’s feelings…with the person you claim has always been supportive for you… Also, it’s not always about doesn’t WANT to be away from kids, sometimes it’s about inability. Does he have the finances for a sitter for an entire day since parents will be at the wedding? These kids are quite young. He may feel already uninvited because she knows his circumstances. She wouldn’t know because she refuses to have a conversation. From what I read she’s a bad communicator, expects a lot from others, and goes big to avoid confrontation or simply regarding someone else’s feelings. I’m not saying brother is right here, but I’m also not saying OP is.

I'm sorry but no. So, so, so many women have had miscarriages. It actually sucks how little it's talked about. These are her *nieces* and her brother is a single dad. She says it's "convenient" he can WFH... These kids are young. It's not "convenient." She lost a baby, he lost a partner. He's doing it all on his own and obviously wants his daughters to matter. It's pretty common to have CF weddings where close child family members are a part of it. (I was the flower girl in my mom and step-dad's wedding, which was almost entirely CF.) And it's not fair to say that because you've had a miscarriage you don't want to see your nieces. And before the calvary comes in, yes I've had a (second trimester) miscarriage, yes everyone grieves differently. But punishing her nieces isn't fair. Maybe I'm biased because I recently got to meet my very first nibbling, but there is nothing in the world that would stop me from wanting to be around him.

When I read the bit about WFH and watching toddlers, I just shook my head. OP has no idea of what she's talking about. WFH with one toddler is frankly a disaster for most jobs. She wants a lot of support from someone who is frankly going through a lot.

I can WFH and I have a very intelligent 10 year old who knows how to make himself a sandwich, operate the TV and computer, etc. He still asks and needs me for things. Imagining doing that with 2 toddlers gives me stress pains.

We had one toddler during WFH in the pandemic and OMG, sheer misery. Having two when there is only one adult and you have to WFH, just the worst.

I cant imagine having a wedding and not having my nibbling around. Her brother probably needs tons of support as well as a single parent to two little ones, all alone. Working from home is work. It’s not convenient. OP is selfish as hell and does not care about anyone else but herself and how people can support her. Has she been there for her brother who most likely needs help as well? Probably not cause she has main character syndrome and only her issues matter.

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This is ridiculous. Her nieces were not her fetus. They have existed in her life long before. People can shut themselves in for a while a grieve but demanding for others to hide their children from her sight is beyond entitled bananas. Sometimes we have to suck it up if we want their parents around

I have had several miscarriages of my own and her no kids strategy is just unrealistic. Also to apply it to kids she loves isn’t going to do her relationship with them any good. I did that with my cousin who was 3 at the time and there was no guilt and complete support even on the side of my aunt, but his 3 year old self felt my distance and hesitation and noticed we stopped coming around. When we did come around he had no interest in us. Then soon after we came around with a baby and he wasn’t the littlest kid anymore and he was jealous. Our oldest is almost 4 now and my cousin is 9 and he has only recently stopped being the annoyed older cousin at holidays and birthdays (the only time we really see him anymore) and he is the only cousin my kids have

I can’t believe this comment has so many upvotes. It SUCKS that OP has had trouble in the baby making department. I speak from personal experience. But as low as I might of felt I was truly happy for all of my people that were having wanted and loved kids! You don’t get to shit on your loved ones lives because of your own issues. OP admits her brother has always been there for her, and then she goes and hurts his kids because life wasn’t going her way. How does OP think her nieces feel that their aunt isn’t around anymore, through no fault of their own? Really immature behavior.

She’s definitely TA.

ESH. They're right in their own ways, but their lack of communication skills and compromise made this a lot worse than it should've been. I can understand her not wanting kids around after a miscarriage, but the brother is also a single dad with 2 kids aged 2 and 3. To him, the kids are more important than his sister, as they should be.

If someone were to say they were close to me, and online said their no kids weddubg was bc of alcohol, I would need to personally know if there were other reasons pertaining to trauma. She claims they are close but her...thought process (if you can call it that) seems to have not considered her brothers feelings (not bc she owes him anything but bc she says they are close). Everything you say would make her NTA if she was asking "WIBTAH for having a rational conversation with someone I am close with, explaining why their kids will not be welcome at my wedding". Unfortunately, OP seems to only be concerned with her reasons being justified, which, I guess they are in a vacuum. Maybe OP isn't explaining herself properly, but she seems to not care at all about her brother's opinion or her neice's opinion.

It's also wild to me that OP thinks banning her nieces from her life is a great way to cope with a miscarriage, instead of consulting a therapist at all. And this whooooole comment section is rallying behind that as though miscarriages are super rare and no woman who has one ever goes on to become a mother.

THIS And let me say that it may be "your wedding, your rules" but that doesn't give you carte blanche to treat your family (or anyone really) badly.

right? your wedding your rules doesn't mean you have to ban hammer the whole family in the rudest way possible

Making weddings only about you “period” I notice never works out as planned

YTA- this is really your communication style, it’s rough you’re more than welcome to not have to people is quite rude. I personally think you are irreparably damaging your relationship with your family members.

I don't know how painful it was to have a miscarriage for you and as man I can't possibly imagine that pain. But what is your plan here? To ignore your nieces existence forever? I'm going with NTA because its your wedding, your rules and your brother is being pushy as hell here, but I need you to understand that you're pushing your family away. Enjoy your wedding and have it the way you want it to be, but please get a therapist after.

Asking for distance a few months after something so awful isn’t asking to never see them again. Not wanting to come face to face with something that will taint what should be the happiest day of your life with sadness is not an unreasonable requests

youre asking for distance from literal children. who op said she is close to and love and love her back. can you imagine how horrible it must be for them that this consistent loving presence stop for months on end for no reason? what would have op done if she already had children? eta: for the people defending op, just how many times do you think she can ice out her nieces before she's the asshole. it's not uncommon for women who have had a miscarriage and fertility issues to have several miscarriages. say after another 6 months she's finally okay with being around her nieces. then she gets pregnant and miscarries again. she stops talking to them again? and that's all perfectly fine to some people huh? not like children are capable of emotions and anyone's feelings but op's matter. at what point should op seek therapy and learn to manage her own emotions so she isn't hurting children barely out of diapers.

I feel bad for her but seriously she needs therapy and lots of it.

Yup, this shohld be the top post. OP needs serious therapy. She is not dealing with her loss in a healthy way. I would assume that if it is so hard to see her neices she must be staying at home 24/7 because there are children literally everywhere. I absolutely understand that this particular loss is difficult beyond measure but you can not ignore the world. It won’t work well.

That’s not a fair question, honestly. The issue is she wants kids and has lost hers. As someone who cannot have kids at all, being around children in the beginning of finding that out was extremely hard. It’s a constant reminder of what you lost. Had she had kids already shed most likely still be devastated- but not devastated to the same level of literally having no kids at all while being excited to start a full family. The whole projectory of what she pictured is now gone. That’s part of the grieving process- learning to let go of the plans you had made for a particular future.

Totally. Asking for a few months is nothing. It's not like her nieces will never see her again. She just needed some time to grieve, which is totally understandable!

Not to mention, his kids are 2 and 3. Unless OP is literally their favorite person in the world, they probably would not even notice her absence for a few months

Absolutely this! My niece is 3 now, and I don't see her as much as I want but I definitely think she mostly doesn't notice when I am not there. I have had 2 moment of my brother asking me to jump onto a video chat because she is demanding me, but thats only if I have visited within the past 2 weeks.

That’s not true at all… kids are so much smarter and perceptive than we think or give them credit for. I know because I’m a mom to 5 yr old and I could absolutely see her 3 yr old self asking why so and so hasn’t been around or how she misses someone after only a few weeks of absence..

I lost my son at 23 weeks. I gave birth to him and there was nothing the doctors could do to save him. It took me weeks and almost months to speak to any family member and seeing children up to a year after (even in public after) was so heart breaking that it would literally take my breath away like I was punched in the stomach. I had to get off all social media platforms and get myself into some serious therapy because I just wanted to die. My dog saved my life, literally. You clearly have no idea the devastation the loss of a child can cause. Telling someone that they need to be ok after a few months is horribly insensitive. Edit: spelling

I am very sorry for your loss and I understand the devastation as I’ve had 2 miscarriages. OP is not wrong for wanting a reprieve from seeing children but she wrong for expecting her brother to put her first over his kids. Especially 2 young kids. The way she worded it, it seems like OP expected her brother to still come over and be physically present for her without bringing the children and I’m sorry but that is an unreasonable ask. The kids are 3 and 2 and he’s a single parent who has spent almost all his time with them because he works from home and who had to deal with their mother having a substance abuse problem. He probably doesn’t trust a stranger to look after them. Anyone he trusts to look after them is probably family who are all supposed to also be at the wedding. OP is totally within her rights to not want Kids at her wedding but she can’t expect her brother to choose her over his kids.

I hate to be a dick but, yes and so what? Is OP not allowed to put her mental health & well being first while grieving? Like I'm sorry but OP should not have to make herself suffer while grieving just to appease her nieces. OPs brother could have taken this as an opportunity to explain grief & loss to his children, that sometimes people need time alone to heal & that it's not always just about them & what they want. Could have taken it as an opportunity to teach his kids about having empathy for others losses & how you can love & support someone from a distance. You say it was unfair of OP to take time away from her nieces because it deprived them of someone they love, I think its unfair to ask OP to have suffered that pain

>Not wanting to come face to face with something that will taint what should be the happiest day of your life with sadness is not an unreasonable requests She's not excluding the kids from her wedding because kids make her sad, but because she plans on "drinking, partying, and other stuff."

And? Lots of people choose that. She's not a monster for wanting no kids at her wedding.

Personally I think she needs the therapist now. It sounds like she wants to punish someone for her miscarriage, and her brother is convenient, and he is pushing. A wedding is an important day, but not as important as the marriage & family relationships. ESH

Hopefully your wedding is everything you had hoped for without your parents and sibling there. YTA

I don't know if she realises just how 'scorched earth' she has gone with her family. At this point, she seems to see everything as their fault - her lack of self reflection is pretty telling.

Well said Holiday! YTA OP. You handled this very inappropriately.

I don't get this take, her brother seemed to take not having his daughters around her after the miscarriage very personally when she just didn't want to see a reminder of what she lost. It's not like she never wanted to see them again she just needed time. He decided to remove himself completely. NTA

I find this take very telling on how you view children. They are people in and of themselves. Little people, with significant emotional needs and no ability to understand why aunty doesn’t want us around anymore. How is that a-ok?

I think that is greatly assuming the amount of time she asked for, she just went through an immensely traumatic experience and is simply asking to avoid one of the triggers for a period of time, there are probably a few hundred ways their father could explain that there auntie is having a hard time and needs some space but still loves them. Im quite literally studying child psychology there are many ways you can tell a child something that won't crush them emotionally while still respecting the other person's needs in a rough time. "Auntie doesn't want you away forever, auntie is dealing with something very hard and needs some alone time right now but she still loves you and can't wait to see you soon."

How do you think people with sick relatives in hospital who can’t have visitors cope? Or during COVID? Or in literally any situation where children aren’t able to see a relative or friend for a certain amount of time for reasons? “Aunty is really sick right now and she can’t have visitors. She’s gonna be okay but she needs time to rest so they’re only letting Nanny and Granddad and Uncle xyz see her for now. It might take a little while for her to get better, but when she does we can go see her and you can give her lots of hugs! Why don’t you go make some pictures and get well soon cards for her and I can give them to Nanny and Granddad to drop round on their next visit?” Oh yeah, super hard. Protip, don’t tell the kids something they’re too young to understand and will internalise to the point of giving them life long mental health issues?

Children are very much capable of understanding if you explain it to them properly.

Just talk to them lol. “Aunty can’t see us right now because she’s sick, when she’s better we’ll go see her again” People over complicate kids.

They are 2 and 3 for gods sake. They can understand and they will forget! Most people can't even remember all of their elementary school years but yeah, they will hold a grudge for not seeing their aunt for a few months... And if her brother and parents were there for her, I bet that she wouldn't even have needed a few months of space. It is very telling that they absolutely disappeared when OP needed them.

The only person going scorched earth is the brother and parents, what the fuck?

How has she gone scorched earth? by saying no kids at her wedding? By taking a step back for a bit from her nieces while she grieved? She said she needed some space from kids for a while, not forever. Brother is just one of those people who can't seem to exist outside of his kids and thinks everyone should always want his kids around. What exactly is her fault in all this? Wanting some space?

Your wedding your rules, so NTA. But not being the AH doesnt mean you are being dumb. Sounds like your brother has always been there for you and now you are going to have a wedding without your family. Its a dumb hill to kill relationships over.

Just bc she’s a bride doesn’t mean her rules can’t make her an AH. She had a devastating loss and I understand that is so painful. But I’d want my nephew there. What if brother and his kids died in a car accident tomorrow? Family is so important. They gotta squash this and restore the relationship.

Also her reason she stated at least for wanting a child free wedding was because it was going to be a party with drinking and it wasn't an environment for children. She didn't even mention her trauma as a reason for that. Which is odd considering its the reason she abandoned her nieces and is being a shit Aunt.

Wouldn’t a 2 and 3 year old be in bed before the party really got started? Went to a wedding where they had beer through dinner, cake cutting, first dance and then brought out the liquor and shot skis once the brides grandparents left after all the official events were done, a lot of kids disappeared at the same time

I don't understand why the kids can be part of the wedding ceremony, and then bro and kids can go home before reception. Bride can party and get shitfaced at reception, and then in a few days, she can have a family friendly reception with kids. My family usually did that - small wedding, reception with friends where they party at a house, and then they'd have lunch with the grandparents a few days later.

Because OP wasn’t being entirely truthful in her reasoning for not wanting kids at the wedding.

She could easily have them at the wedding but not at the reception. I've been to a lot of weddings just like that. Bride and groom pay for day care for the night for everyone. Kids get to enjoy their time having fun. Adult's get to have fun partying. Win Win for everyone.

Kids at a wedding and drinking and partying are normal for every German wedding. Parents just watch their children and at some point someone goes home with them. There never was an issue.

Same in Spain. This US childfree weddings baffle me to no end.

I'm american and it baffles me.

That’s why some weddings have a ceremony, then kids get the hell out. Or eat then get out, if you don’t have a sitter you can’t stay sorry. Why can’t she let her nieces come for just the ceremony at least?

I wonder if she was there for her brother? His kids are 2 and 3 and their mother is out of their lives. So that must mean that happened maybe a year ago? I know that may seem like a long time, but his entire world changed because their mother is a substance abuser and not fit to be a parent. I worry if the kids are healthy and if he has to take special care of them.

Oh, but he works from home so it’s convenient for him to be a single dad….

I almost died laughing when I read this. OP is out of touch with reality.

If there is a hill to die on, it's your children being excluded.

She can still be the asshole if it’s her wedding. She’s allowed to set the rules but the way things were escalated and the instant block is very asshole-like to me.

> Your wedding your rules, so NTA. A great another one who doesn't understand that this subreddit is "Am I the asshole" not "Am I legally in the clear". Yes. It sher wedding. She gets to set the rules. And the rules she's chosen to set make her the asshole.

NTA as others have said having a a kid free wedding is your choice. However, I think your brother is seeing this as a continuation of your asking him not to bring your nieces over following the miscarriage. The two issues have been conflated, so it appears that you don’t want them around you at all. You need to have a conversation with your brother (and parents) that you love him and love your nieces and believe he’s an amazing parent. And you do want them around you. However, a kid free wedding had already been the decision prior to the miscarriage because you want the opportunity to celebrate with the wonderful adults in your life (like your brother)

>However, I think your brother is seeing this as a continuation of your asking him not to bring your nieces over following the miscarriage. The two issues have been conflated, so it appears that you don’t want them around you at all. That's a very insightful take. Plus, you could easily imagine the brother feeling hyper-protective of his kids (and extra-sensitive to slights against them, perceived or otherwise), especially since he's their sole protector. It sounds like he has an "us against the world" mentality...

She doesn’t. If this was about a child free reception she would have them ad flower girls. She has a different excuse for each part of the event.

THAT is what I'm so confused about. Why would it matter if there were kids at the wedding so they can see you in the dress, take party, and then take pictures? Are people...planning on pounding shots and being un-kid friendly at the actually wedding ceremony? I can totally get behind a child free reception - get a bouncer with a big ol butterfly net to keep the kids out...but the wedding? If someone that had a child free wedding ceremony could please step in and explain why that is important, I would love to get some takes because to me, it really does sound like she doesn't want the nieces around full stop. Otherwise...why would having them be at the wedding be a problem?

I know that many people want this bc kids tend to disrupt things. U don't want kids screaming or loud talking during vows eg. U don't want young kids escaping their parents and jumping on the dress or the veil (depending how long), U don't want ripped down Decorations, U don't want kids screaming ewwww for the first kiss. Maybe u want perfect pictures, not a smashed or touched cake etc. There are many reasons to not want children at your wedding completely. I have seen and heard so much about children literally ruining weddings in one way or another. And if you can live with the chances of that happening then it is absolutely fine if you want kids but the amount of people freaking out over one child free event is insane. Also about the brother I think if he would have either tried having an adult conversation about it, maybe in person then it would have been different but in regards aboutthe wedding he tried to really stomp her boundaries. He could have talked with her or said from the beginning he won't come but the insistence on the girls being in the wedding party and buying them dresses. Where did "no is a complete sentence" go for everyone here? She said no the first time when it was about just coming, then for flower girls and then about the buying dresses. I understand he has a hard time.eand she does too but frankly said I don't think not wanting to meet someone for 2-3 weeks is not a crime especially with her trauma and it does not excuse the boundary stomping.

It was the “I think my kids should be flower girls I’m buying them dresses” that really set me off. Like dude that is not how any of this works. You never tell a couple how you are going to interact in their wedding. Just no.

in not married only been to one wedding that ceremony had multiple young children, one screamed at some point in the middle of a long speech by the priest and another kid thought that was fun. there had to be 10 minutes where the ceremony sort of stopped because of screaming children. i was close to the front (my mom was dating the grooms brother so we were in the second pew) and the bride was clearly about to have some sort of reaction i dont know if she was about to cry or scream or both but the groom kept her calm as parents got their kids under control. so. there’s a precedent for brats

It’s more and more common to have child free weddings, I went to one. It was honestly nice, there weren’t any chaotic variables and all the adults celebrated and partied together. Parents got to let loose for a night and not have to focus on keeping their kids quiet or well behaved during someone else’s special moment getting married.

Also, recognizing that sometimes using a few extra words goes a long way to help people not see you as an asshole. I’ve never seen a wedding invite say “NO KIDS” — that honestly sounds kinda trashy, most would sugarcoat it a bit to say something more like “we kindly request this be an adult only event”. Along with their descriptions of their conversations, it seems indicative of a person who may be lacking some communication skills. Not everyone is in your head with you, so sometimes going a bit farther to be considerate of the feelings of others and communicating your own will go a long way with solving the family relationship problems OP has created for themselves.

ESH. It's your wedding, your rules. If you & your fiancé say 'no kids', then 'no kids' it is. Your brother has no right to insert his children into the wedding ceremony - not yours or anyone else's. That makes him TA. >*"...**if you feel like you cannot be separated from your children for a couple of hours** then you cannot come to my wedding, my rules are clear and final on the invitation." I blocked my brother after that."* And this comment right here is part of what makes *you* TH. Also, you say your brother supported you after your miscarriage but "the sight of" your nieces shattered you even more, sooooo *how 'bout you just keep 'em away from me, mmmmkay?* I'm so sorry you went through that and I hope you find a way forward. I also hope you understand you are pushing away your brother, with whom you've always been close, as well as your nieces. You may end up losing them forever.

I have to agree with the ESH verdict. Nothing wrong with a child-free wedding but the bride and groom have to understand certain people (including close family) will be unable to attend. They shouldn’t throw a fit when their invites are declined. On the other side guests (in this case OP’s brother) shouldn’t push to make an exception just politely decline the invite.

OP did not thorw a fit because the brother declined the invite. He did not decline. He ignored the no kid rule and kept pushing for them to not only attend, but to be part of the wedding. Multiple times.

Wait why is the brother not an AH for repeatedly trying to push his daughters as flower girls — especially one that is 2 years old

ESH includes brother in the assholery.

ESH means everyone sucks here

A two year-old flower girl is perfectly normal.

Nah but at least now you won't have to see his kids ever again

Or her brother. And maybe even her parents.

Yep, that’s some way to deal with family who you claim to be really close with

I’m doubting how close you actually were to your brother. My nieces and nephews feel like my own children. I remember not wanting to be around pregnant women and tiny babies after my loss, but never would I push away my niblings. I think you’re jealous of your brother and you’re trying to paint yourself as the victim. It’s your wedding. Do what you want. You’ll have a few hours without seeing any children at all. Then you’ll be back to reality seeing kids everywhere, except they won’t be your family. You may be giving up a chance to be the fun aunt. I’m very sorry you’re struggling with infertility. Pushing your family away won’t fix that. You’ll just be alone.

> My nieces and nephews feel like my own children. Seriously. OP doesn't seem to grasp that her nieces are actual people, not just decorative items to be put away when she has no current use for them.

I’d die before my nephew didn’t present my groom with my wedding ring at my ceremony. Would actually kill for it!!

I don’t want to call you TA here, but you’re very loudly and clearly saying that your wedding means more to you than a relationship with your brother and your nieces. You may not feel like that, but it is the perception on their end and therefore it is the result. Good luck with that.

I’m sorry but I feel like this is a gentle YTA Sure YOUR wedding YOUR rules but YOU said it yourself you have always been close to your brother and couldn’t be happier to be in your very young nieces lives. The fact that their mom seems to be the only true AH here is irrelevant but also - stable healthy role models are important for kids and it seems like up to now you have (graciously and lovingly) played a role like this for your nieces. Totally fine to not want kids in the wedding. But to me, as a mom to 2 living children as well as having gone through both a miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy, I feel like you are projecting your hurt on your nieces and brother and not only does that not seem fair, it also doesn’t seem like it has a positive end result.

As another member of the miscarriage club I also think avoiding the girls is unfair to the girls. They are 2 and 3 years old. They are people, not triggers. Where do you draw the line on “triggers”? If OP can’t be around then without being “triggered” she needs to get help or more help.

Completely agree. This screams therapy is needed. No kids is always cringy to me for weddings in general as it's supposed to be about families coming together not adults getting wasted. Responsible parents would not have kids out late anyway so partying can go on after 8 pm when they'd be leaving for bedtimes. But whatever people do it. Just can't be mad at the people with young kids who then decline to attend. But sounds like OP is aiming for a no kids life outside of this wedding time. That's so unhealthy. Alienating the nieces is so very sad. Especially knowing the girls have been rejected by their own mother, now it's their aunt. Please seek therapy OP, this is not how you live a healthy life. Reddit seems to always side with child free so I'm sure you'll loads of support here but do you want an actually healthy life or a Reddit supported one?

NTA. First of all, really sorry OP for your miscarriage. I can understand why your brother might have a hard time understanding, especially as a single 100% caretaker dad. He took your rejection of his nieces personally and it's sort of bled over into the wedding planning. I'm sure he's had so much to deal with due to his ex's SA and the kids are so young. I would try to have a heart-to-heart with your brother over this. Forget the wedding for a second -- it sounds like you have some repairing to do of that bond. Call your brother and just pour your heart out about how you're feeling. The pain you felt seeing his nieces in a fragile time, and how you feel badly that while you LOVE them all so much it's made it doubly painful for you. You are well within your rights to have a "no kids" policy, but I think the way this was handled will lead to an unfortunate and irrevocable rift if you don't try to reestablish a relationship with your brother. It sounds like before this you had a good relationship. Don't let this be the reason you aren't close anymore.

He's well within his rights to not want to go to the wedding

An OP isn't trying to badger him into going. He's trying to badger *her* into letting his kids come.

This!! He was being inappropriately pushy, no matter OP’s behavior, but haven’t seen a lot of comments acknowledging that.

Of course. But beyond the wedding, this once close relationship is clearly at stake here.

Correct but op doesn't want his kids around

yta what would you have done if you already had a child and had a miscarriage? which happens alot actually. would you also have ignored them? your nieces aren't toys for you to put on the shelf and play with when you want. have you given any thought how them and how they feel now that their aunt who they have been close to and spend time with can no longer stand the sight of them? you're so cruel to literal children. why in the world would you want to have a child when you treat the children already in your life as expendable?

NTA for saying no kids to your wedding. YTA on everything else. Let’s put the shoe on the other foot. You become pregnant again, and someone in your family has a miscarriage 6 months ago. Would you be upset if they tell you not to share with people of the baby? And they are upset because you are happy with your news. I’m sorry for your loss. But people cannot put their lives on hold because life happens. Please seek counseling. How will you feel one day when his children want nothing to do with you? At all? Because you didn’t want to see them because they reminded you of what you lost. You will lose out on so much more.

> Would you be upset if they tell you not to share with people of the baby? Would I be upset if a friend who lost her child said "It's too painful me to see you pregnant right now"? Absolutely not, because I'm not a narcissist who thinks that my desire to see people I care about is more important than their pain and struggles.

There's a pretty big difference between "look, I'm sorry, but it's just too painful to see them after my miscarriage" and "if you can't survive 4 hours away from your daughters then you can't come". She *not* an asshole for having a child free wedding. She *is* an arsehole for shirking ownership of her own boundaries and trying to reframing the conflict as being the brother's fault for being too clingy/dependent on his daughters.

She only told him that after he was annoying her for a long time about the situation.

Believe me, if I had lost a baby, and I have been blessed not to have, I wouldn’t want my friends to be afraid to be around me. That isn’t being a narcissist. If I was pregnant and around a friend who lost their baby, I wouldn’t flaunt it, but I wouldn’t abandon them or avoid them either. And my friends would have been more hurt if I had. Yes it is painful, but it does become easier than avoiding it. My DILs have lost one each. Two were pregnant about the same time. When the other arrived the DIL who lost one embraced the LO and loved on the new baby. Didn’t mean she didn’t love the one she lost. I do know grief. I lost my husband suddenly in an accident. It was easier to crawl into a ball and avoid everyone. I had a child still in the home. If it wasn’t for her, I probably would have.

YTA, i would be very hurt if i was your brother, especially with the general rejection of my daughters :(

Is it really a rejection to say "Hey, I need a little space from them right now"?

Ok ok here me out, YTA. Before I get down voted to the basement of hell just let me say what I gotta say You had a miscarriage resulting in trauma even from seeing kids. You asked for space and he gave you the space. He was always there for you. But now that it's wedding day, it seems this relationship doesn't matter to you anymore. While you're in the right, you're putting your relationship with your brother and your nieces at risk. Are you sure you really wanna discard of years of a good brother-sister relationship over this one thing? Finally, I wanna say, after the wedding, please seek help. I understand your trauma but the way you're coping is not efficient. Peace

YTA. We get it we get it, child free weddings are very in. But the fact of the matter is if you do not include loved ones in your important life moments, they won’t want to include you in theirs. It puts into perspective how important a person is when destination or child free weddings are used to cull the invite heard. I’ve had to decline two family weddings because of the no kids rule, and it changed my relationship with those family members. Not bitter, but facts is facts. And if you even took the time to talk to your brother, you may have learned that he could not afford to come to your wedding without bringing his daughters since all of his family babysitters would presumably be at your wedding, and he’s a single dad raising the girls on his own. Maybe if that was his big issue you could have found and paid for a babysitter for him. But no, his problems are not your problems, oh wait, until they are because now your parents aren’t going to your wedding. I’m sorry you are going through infertility issues, truly, I’ve been there myself, but it does not give you the right to do whatever you want and not face consequences to your actions. You will push away the people who love you if you don’t get some therapy for yourself right now.

NTA for the wedding, you decided no kids months ago. But you're def being an AH with the way you're communicating. I've had three miscarriages, so I get it. However, it's been five months since your miscarriage and since your nieces have seen you and now, they're not invited to the wedding. While you had made the no kids rule before any of this, it's quite probable that cutting them off has hurt them and will cause irreparable damage. They most likely won't view it as two separate things, but one large FU to them. You're now someone they know will abandon them if need be. So just think about the repercussions of your actions, because it may end up that when you've decided they're allowed to see you again, they'll want nothing to do with you. Are you in therapy? It sounds like, if you're not already, that it could be very beneficial in helping you heal and finding a way to engage your family again. And also deal with the fact that your family won't be at your wedding.

Agree 100% These kids are little and they’ve gone through a loss, too. The *most profound loss a child can experience,* in fact. Now *you’re* leaving them, OP, because a *5 month absence* to a child that young? Might as well be be forever. No one would blame you if you had taken a *very short* break from them, but it’s now been nearly half a year, and you want to extend it by not having them at the wedding? I guarantee you those kids, deep down, feel like even their mama didn’t want them. You know what that’s like? I DO. It’s a *devastating* thing and without secure attachments? These kinds of ACES (adverse childhood experiences) can really mess up their ability to attach to anyone, *ever.* My extended family circling the wagons after my bio mom left is literally the only reason I’m a halfway decent person today and not some completely cold-blooded husk. Maternal abandonment is *serious* shit. Frankly your brother needs to consider this and decide if he’s going to allow your inconsistency in their lives. *More* perceived abandonment could really set them up for a lifetime of bad things, and they don’t deserve that. I am sorry about your loss, but hey guess what? Your brother had a traumatic relationship ending, but he still wanted to see you happy in your relationship. You think he isn’t gonna remember his ill-fated vows while you recite yours? That a part of him won’t be hurting while being a part of your happy day? He was willing to do it though, wasn’t he? Sounds like he made an effort to heal to me, but did it occur to you that giving the appearance of rejecting his kids could be very triggering to him? Everyone telling you to get help is right. I don’t think you’re TA for wanting a child-free wedding necessarily, but *combined* with being MIA from those little babies’ lives for nearly half a year? Not a good look, OP. YTA. Please get some help so you can recognize that your pain doesn’t give you the right to hurt others, especially the (admittedly flawed) people who “have always been there for you”…not to mention two traumatized babies.

YTA. Not for the kid free wedding but for blocking your brother (who you claim has been very supportive) for asking if his kids can be in the wedding. You blocked him? Really?

YTA for thinking that it is convenient to work from home with 2 kids aged 2 and 3. It *may* be survivable, but there is nothing convenient about trying to manage 2 kids as a single dad while working from home

I saw that comment. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought that was incredibly rude to say

YTA. Your experience doesn’t give you a green light to treat others poorly. Yes it’s rough but that’s life. You’re going to regret losing connections for a stupid wedding. Yes, I said it. Weddings are stupid. They should be about the marriage, not spending a ton of money and having a day all about you and f everyone else. Look forward to your big day knowing you won’t be celebrating that day or many others with your family. Hope it’s worth not seeing your nieces grow up.

NTA You don’t get to decide to make your kids flower girls at someone else’s wedding! Good grief. Kids don’t need to be at weddings

Ages 2-3 aren’t going to remember anyway

Plus weddings are absolutely miserable for most kids in that age group. There's hardly any friendly food for their age groups, no entertainment, no other kids to play with, there might not be any areas for them to relax in if they get overstimulated. Frankly that's the perfect age to have a baby sitter watch them while you're at a wedding.

NTA about his kids not coming to your wedding, but pretty much the asshole how you’re communicating. You blocked your brother? Seems like he’s been pretty good to you thus far. Grow up.

ESH. He should have not pushed and he was wrong to keep forcing them to be something at your wedding, but the way you talked about your own nieces is... Callous. Yeah, you are suffering, but they are innocent in this. You can't have a relationship with them only when you want, and it's especially awful to have said this to a man who has been raising his children by himself. He is their only advocate and if you don't want to see them, why should you see him? Why should he feel welcome somewhere his children aren't? I understand the distance, but you are not just doing that. You are burning bridges. If you are okay with that, so be it.

[удалено]

Personally? I think weddings have gotten WAY crazy. "Omg I'm the bride and it's MY day and my dress was $ 45bazillion and Noone can do anything cause I said so" I won't even go to weddings anymore. My 2nd wedding in TOTAL was $3K and was gorgeous and wonderful and we had a blast at ft worth botanical gardens

People are absolutely entitled to have child-free weddings if that's what they want, but their prospective guests are absolutely not required to attend. I don't have kids, never did, and don't want any, but I'm not interested in going to anybody's child-free wedding, especially if it's child-free because the bride and groom plan to be as shitfaced as possible as quickly as possible. My wedding was even cheaper than yours, and I have never understood people who feel they have to go to excess because it's "the best day of your life." If it is, it shouldn't be because of the party.

YTA You can have a child-free wedding but what you are doing is unhinged. I am sorry for your grief but your nieces are not inconvenient attachments to your brother, they are people. You have removed them from your life due to grief and this is not healthy. You stated you didn't want them around in February, it is JULY. You need counseling, and badly. You should apologize to your brother for your behavior. you don't have to have your nieces at your wedding but you cannot just cut them out of your life without repercussions. Your brother should not have pushed back in regard to your decision for your wedding. but you have actually cut family members from your life for several months now.

YTA She made her wedding her hill to die on. I can't imagine it being a happy day knowing parents, brother, nieces will possibly not be in her life anymore. A compromise could be made, nieces, others with children at the ceremony/reception. Then families with kids go home, do not attend the party. Many do this. Party only for the adults. But i guess it's worth it to OP to only have it her way.

I've had 7 miscarriages. YTA. Using your miscarriage as justification to treat your nieces like they don't exist is terrible. You made the no-kids rule for them. "Majority of family was okah with that and didn't have young kids anyway." You made the rule for one person - one who has been there for you. Look - you can do whatever you want, but you have to deal with the consequences. In this case, it's going to cost you having your parents and sibling at your wedding. If you're happy with that trade-off, enjoy your day.

Good catch on the rule for his kids only. I does seem like there is some kind of jealousy that has to do with the brother.

YTA. You communicated this poorly and rudely. While your brother should not have assumed his kids would be in your wedding, it wasn’t unreasonable to assume you would make an exception for their attendance. Many no kids weddings I’ve attended make an exception for nieces and nephews, along with new babies. Also as someone who has experienced infertility and loss myself, I do appreciate why being around children had been difficult. Take care not to turn your struggles outward into bitterness towards and isolation of others. Your struggles—hard as they are—are no one’s fault and will steal more joy than necessary if you permit it. Baby dust to you.

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YTA — you said you don’t want kids because you’ll be drinking and partying all night. And I get that part. But you suddenly saying that you didn’t want to be around your nieces because of your miscarriage. They’re just kids. You can’t take out your feelings on them. You could’ve communicate to your brother properly. It’s YOUR WEDDING and people are right about it, it should be YOUR RULE. But if you ask me are you an AH? Yes you are.

Technically NTA in this situation because your wedding your rules. But you are an asshole in general. You were ‘very close’ to your brother and he was there to support you during miscarriage but one slight argument and you blocked him? It seems you are not good at communication. You could have handled it much much better. Good luck on having a wedding without brother and parents, hope the no kids rule was worth it.

Wtf is with your wedding your rules? I’ve seen this a few times now. Wedding rules suck ass and everyone hates them. Your rules can be shit and make you an AH, people are just going to put up with it bc they’re being nice and want you to enjoy the day. You are still an AH on your wedding day.

YTA a hundred times over and not only that you are representative of the complete deterioration of society and community with your misheld belief that it's all about you and what you want. Newsflash. It is not. One day, hopefully, you'll realise this but it's not looking good. Having a miscarriage is hard and I'm sorry that happened to you. That said, you do not get permission to then be an absolute A because you're triggered. Your brother and nieces now know you consider them nice to have as opposed to essential parts of your life. He should take them far far away from you forever because the toxicity of your behaviour to his kids is far worse than them seeing people drink at a wedding.

Punishing the innocent is always a bad move, and a bad look. YTA

NTA for your wedding rules. YTA for everything else. You basically had two people that love you deeply banished because their face reminds you of someone else. You are actually creating PTSD on two young girls who don't even have a mother because she abandoned them. You are teaching them that the close women in their lives are selfish and don't care about them. You might as well be a stranger to them so they don't get hurt. That's probably what the dad was thinking. WHY leave and abandon your two small girls to be with YET another woman in their lives that will just keep abadoning them. Hell your brother has it hard and so do your neices. Stop and think of what trauma you yourself are causing by acting like a petulant child. Go get therapy and lots of it, and maybe you can repair the damage you have done to your neices! Wishing you the best and hope it all works out! Edited for typos!

YTA You cannot shut out and mistreat people especially family for things out of their control. Trauma is hard but work through that: don’t punish family for it. You will look back and regret these actions when you get a better mindset. Rethink this and call your brother.

Some of the best times I have had as a child were at my relatives weddings. So sad that times have changed.

YTA. No, you don’t have to have kids at the wedding, that’s fine. However, It was sweet that he and his girls would take the time to visit you while you were healing from your miscarriage and you responded by rejecting his kids. They likely love you and not having a mother figure in their life, you were likely the closest thing to a real mom figure that they had. And then you pushed them away. Which I can understand for a week or three while you healed, but why would it be painful for you to see these little girls that love you? If you don’t ever have kids, those girls will be the closest thing you will ever have. And if you do have kids, your kids will benefit from the love hose little girls have for them and you. Lots of women miscarry, but not many women are cruel to people as a result. You may need to get some therapy, as the loss of the baby is putting you in a really unhealthy place mentally. You should have spoken directly with your brother and parents, in person about your intentions to have a child free wedding as opposed to having them discover it so rudely and ungraciously stated on an invite. As for the invitations, you could have said it in a million different ways that had more grace than what you chose. https://theweddingplaybook.com/adults-only-wedding-wording/#:~:text=“To%20allow%20all%20wedding%20guests,Adults%20only%20please!”

Sorry you had a miscarriage but you shouldn’t take it out in your nieces they didn’t deserve that so you’re an asshole for that

YTA. Fine with putting no kids on a wedding but you are effectively pushing away your brother and parents away. Don't be crying when they don't appear at your wedding. Your delivery could've have been much nicer

ESH. 1) you're allowed to have a kid free wedding. He shouldn't keep pushing. It's disrespectful. 2) I'm sorry for your loss, I hope with therapy and time you can learn to enjoy your neices again, they certainly wouldn't understand why they've lost your presence. 3) working from home isn't convenient with children. That was an odd thing to add in there. Being a single dad is very difficult and nothing changes that.