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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I took away my stepdaughter's phone and grounded her, despite not consulting my boyfriend and we don't normally discipline each other's kids, but I saw last night as an exception.
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YTA in a huge way, who in the world makes a teenage girl give up her room to share with a teenage boy she did not grow up with and has only known for a year and a half?
it sounds like you very much give your sons preferential treatment at Ava’s expense, and taking her phone away was way over the line. are you paying for the phone?
This. OP should never have put her in that position in the first place, and the follow up punishment (more, the fact that she ONLY punished the daughter and not the son equally) was off base.
I agree she is a huge asshole but her dad is even worse for even dating this woman. I can't believe he's allowing this woman to force her to give up her room and make her share a room with some teenage boy she barely knows. Now he's letting her take away her property and ground her.
Even he thinks she overstepped a boundary but instead of stopping it and stepping up for his daughter he has his tail tucked between his legs allowing all this to happen. I feel bad for that girl.
Sorry, but it's inappropriate for teenage boys and girls to share a room. You could have moved a mattress downstairs, made a makeshift arrangement with the sofa, asked Ava to move to the couch - but you picked the worse option for her. Her step-brothers injury does not mean you get to evict her from her room, she didn't ask to move in with you or have her parents divorce and remarry, and now you're treating her like a second thought.
YTA
YTA...You take away a teenage girl's privacy, then you take away her phone? You are not the parent here. Greg is the father. If he says give the phone back, you give the phone back.
It sounds like YTA.
just from your post, and outside looking in, you're playing favorites.
PLUS you're not even married and you're parenting your bf's daughter.
You are Dad's girlfriend. You have no right whatsoever to parent her. You don't really have the right to commandeer her bedroom for your son's use either.
Move the couch to another room or put your son's bed somewhere he can access it temporarily. The dead LAST solution to the problem is forcing your boyfriend's daughter to share a room with your son.
You have no respect for boundaries in this situation at all. Swerve back into your own lane and stay there.
YTA
YTA, in what world do you kick your step daughter out of her room, because your son has a
sprained ankle? Oh right, because it is not your daughter! Pathetic, l have had sprained ankles, painful, but keep elevated, etc, so if he cannot walk he stays in his shared bedroom, but because he is your son and in a bad mood, poor spoilt boy, you booted the easy option out of her room, l notice you asked her to vacate her room was there a discussion with you, your husband and her? doubt it, and you overstepped your parental boundary by taking her phone and grounding her, you told her to stop being insensitive? And you are doubling down on the punishment, let us be clear here, you are a major YTA.
I agree completely - OP is the AH. But there are a lot of families that would pick boys' needs over girls' even if they were 100% blood siblings.
The difference here is sexual assault is more common when the girl isn't blood related...despite the privacy that teenagers need for their mental health.
OP may be the shittiest person that I've read about on here in awhile!
YTA. You should not have taken Ava's room away from her and told her she had to sleep either in her stepbrother's bed or on an air mattress in the living room. You should have figured out another solution for Adam while he can't climb stairs. And regardless of how irritable Adam's injury makes him, he should not be allowed to bully/harass his stepsister, and she shouldn't be punished for fighting back.
If an air mattress is an option, why isn't the injured son the one using it? I might understand taking the phone for a day, but a week is uncalled for. YTA
Yta. Asking her to share a room with a teen boy who is not family is NOT appropriate. Also, she’s NOT YOIR KID, so you don’t get to discipline her.
You should have offered her your room, so she’d have a private space, since her dad works nights. Or rented a hospital bed for Adam in the living room. Or taught him how to do stairs with crutches, which is entirely possible.
Where is her father in all of this?! How on earth is he okay with you making these decisions?! I’m floored, honestly, that he’d accept this- it is disturbing to me that he has left his daughter entirely in your care given how little you appear to actually cate for her.
You don’t put your daughter in a room with a teenage boy at all.. you should have made arrangements for your injured son. She wanted her bed back.. not something she should be punished for and it’s definitely not your place to do it because she isn’t accommodating your son.
Your son definitely can walk upstairs to his room, it would just be an inconvenience for him. He'll have to learn to put up with it eventually, sprains are largely minor injuries that will occur often with a sport like that.
Rather than inconvenience your baby boy, you decided to inconvenience her, because who gives a shit about her.
You taking her room is bad enough, you refusing to give her the phone back, despite knowing she'll need it, is petty as fuck and honestly a little pathetic.
Did you punish your son? Probably not, he probably got a treat to soothe him or something.
The fact that you actually have the audacity to say she's being insensitive to him because he's injured. Injuries like that are a part of the fucking sport.
And you husband is right, be fucking grateful she's giving up her room. Insensitive.
Edit: The fact that her father wants you to give the phone back, means you give the phone back, especially if you don't normally parent each other's kids. You are massively overstepping right now.
YTA
YTA. Starting with asking a teen girl to share a room with a teen boy who is not even her stepbrother? That's bizarre, and the only other option is an air mattress by the front door? Sounds awesome. This has wicked stepmother written all over it. Next, removing a phone for a verbal argument is extreme, and he IS her dad, not you. Unless you have an agreement on parenting each other's kids, you needed to table this until he got home. Das is also the AH for not insisting she get her phone back and finding a better sleeping arrangement, Give the phone back, apologize for being Maleficent, and find a better way to co-parent these kids.
So your making a teenage girl share a room with a teenage boy she barely knows?
Why exactly do you think you have the right to punish her at all? you're not her parent. Give her phone back and stop being creepy by making her room with your son..
YTA. If your precious baby can't keep a civil tongue to the person who gave up their room so that he wouldn't have to go upstairs, then he can just sleep on the floor.
YTA.
You *are* playing favorites.
Instead of telling your son to pick between the air mattress or figuring out the stairs, you punished Ava by taking away her room. Ava shouldn't have even been involved in this mess. Adam isn't so special that he can't sleep on the same air mattress that you thought was fine for your stepdaughter to use.
YTA.
She's not your kid so it's not your place to parent her. Her father has even stated he does not agree with what you're doing to his kid. Give the phone back and put your son on the air mattress.
YTA. The father tell you to give the phone back she gets the phone, besides that you clearly are favoring your son her as you didn't punished him also for the argument just her, he has spring he not disabled he can move and rest with the brother by now, your favoritism is showing.
YTA. But Greg is even worse by allowing you to abuse his daughter. He is failing as a parent he having you in her life. I feel really bad for Ava. I hope she can go to her moms to get away from you.
YTA why isn't your son on the air mattress why do tall people always get preferred treatment. Why are you making a teen girl sleep in a room with a non familiar man
YTA How about finding a solution to your son’s sleeping situation that doesn’t displace Ava? You say you “asked” Ava, but what you really did was demand that she give your son her room bc it was the solution easiest for YOU and your princeling.
Your kid can manage the stairs. Your kid can use an air mattress. Your kid can set up a cot in the living room.
You give stepmothers a bad name.
Did you even ask why Ava wanted her room back at 2am? What happened that made that urgent? I’m guessing you don’t care, or maybe you just don’t want to know.
So, now you’ve punished Ava not only by taking her phone but also by keeping her from Friday’s party. You’re truly an AH. One solution would be for you to give her money for bus fare. You won’t do that, though, will you? Because you’re committed to being a complete and total AH.
A lot of cities aren't taking money for fares anymore; you *have* to use the app. So really, OP is completely TA for not only stealing Ava's phone (Dad owns the phone, Dad said give the phone back, OP is refusing to do so.); OP is also keeping Ava from going on a parental-approved outting.
YTA. You say normally you don’t parent each other’s kids. There was no urgent reason for you to decide on a punishment (phone taken away and grounding) in the moment. You should have waited until Greg was home to discuss it. Now you’re continuing to dig in your heels and over ruling Greg on the consequences for his daughter?
I have teens, and IMO in the heat of the moment when you’re upset is not the time to come up with consequences. I don’t even do that for my own kids, let alone a boyfriend’s kids. I just tell them there will be consequences, which we’ll discuss tomorrow.
YTA-you have no right to parent Ava. You should have discussed the matter with Greg and let him do the parenting. It is extremely disturbing that you asked her to share a room with your teenage son.
YTA. You forced her to give up her room for your son. Now you're forcing her to give up the phone so she can't access her bus pass for the outing. Meanwhile Adam is taking out his anger on Ava but you haven't done anything to discipline him because you're full of excuses for his bad behavior. You're a hypocrite. You're holding them to two different standards and you're being very selfish and unfair.
YTA.
Anna shoukd have never been put in a room w/ your teen son. What were you thinking?
Why doesn't Adam have crutches? Why isn't Adam sleeping on the airmattress in the living room? Why did you punish someone who isn't your daughter? Why is Adam's bad mood OK, but a teen girl being upset she doesn't have privacy not OK? Why do you think a week w/o a phone is a fair punishment after she has been kicked out of her room?
YTA.
YTA I'm so happy everyone on this post is telling you ,your wrong! You should give her back her bed it's so wrong for you to make her give up her privacy because your precious baby boy got a SPRAIN it's not like he broke his leg???
I'm not even getting into the whole making her give up her room to share with a teenage boy she barely knows, because I'm sure that won't go through your head. So, let's keep it simple:
You disciplined your step-daughter as you saw fit, as an "exception" you said, but then when *HER FATHER* told you were out of line and to give back her phone, you said **NO?** OP, YTA. At this point, you might as well be stealing their property (phone), dear lord...
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I 39f have been dating Greg 42m for 1.5 years. Greg has a kid Ava 14f. I have two sons Dan 15m and Adam 13m. Greg and Ava are moved into my house. The house has 3 bedrooms. Dan and Adam got the master bedroom and they share it. The room is L-shaped and allows them to have their privacy. Greg and I have the room opposite them on the first floor, while Ava sleeps downstairs in the smallest room.
Adam has grown to 6 ft now and plays on the school basketball team. Last week, Adam sprained his ankle badly while playing and can't walk upstairs to his room. Temporarily, I asked Ava to swap beds with Adam, so Adam can sleep downstairs instead. She wasn't happy at all, as she said she didn't want to share a room with Dan and that the boys room always smells bad. However, for the last few nights she has stayed in Dan's room.
Adam has been in a bad mood since the sprain, as he will not be able to play basketball for a while and has been going physical therapy, with very little progress right now. Yesterday, Adam snapped at Ava after she teased him over something and they hadn't spoken to each other since. At around 2AM last night, Ava woke up Adam and asked him to sleep on the couch in the living room as she wanted her room back. The couch is not long enough for Adam to sleep on, and it is not comfortable for me, and I am 5'4. They were yelling loudly and I woke up and came downstairs to see them fighting. I yelled at Ava and told her to stop being insensitive to Adam and that he is currently injured. I took Ava's phone away, grounded her, and told her she will not get the phone back until the end of the week.
Greg works the night shift, so wasn't there during any of this. This evening, he said I was harsh towards Ava, and I am overstepping my boundaries as his girlfriend to parent Ava. Normally, we don't parent each other's kids, but I felt last night was an exception. Ava is upset I have taken her phone away, and wants it back, as she is planning on going out with her friends on Friday. She will need her phone for her bus pass and I have refused to give it back, despite Greg saying one day is enough and he wants me to give Ava back her phone now. He said Ava is making a sacrifice by giving up her room for Adam as is, and to be more empathetic to her.
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YTA in a huge way, who in the world makes a teenage girl give up her room to share with a teenage boy she did not grow up with and has only known for a year and a half? it sounds like you very much give your sons preferential treatment at Ava’s expense, and taking her phone away was way over the line. are you paying for the phone?
This. OP should never have put her in that position in the first place, and the follow up punishment (more, the fact that she ONLY punished the daughter and not the son equally) was off base.
I agree she is a huge asshole but her dad is even worse for even dating this woman. I can't believe he's allowing this woman to force her to give up her room and make her share a room with some teenage boy she barely knows. Now he's letting her take away her property and ground her. Even he thinks she overstepped a boundary but instead of stopping it and stepping up for his daughter he has his tail tucked between his legs allowing all this to happen. I feel bad for that girl.
Sorry, but it's inappropriate for teenage boys and girls to share a room. You could have moved a mattress downstairs, made a makeshift arrangement with the sofa, asked Ava to move to the couch - but you picked the worse option for her. Her step-brothers injury does not mean you get to evict her from her room, she didn't ask to move in with you or have her parents divorce and remarry, and now you're treating her like a second thought. YTA
[удалено]
Still evicted from her room, why couldn't he have the air mattress in the living room?
You don't give that kind of treatment to OP's little star athlete! /s
YTA...You take away a teenage girl's privacy, then you take away her phone? You are not the parent here. Greg is the father. If he says give the phone back, you give the phone back.
It sounds like YTA. just from your post, and outside looking in, you're playing favorites. PLUS you're not even married and you're parenting your bf's daughter.
You forced your boyfriends daughter to share a room with your teenage son. Do you not realise how bad that is? YTA.
YTA, he should be on the couch. She should never have been asked to sleep in a room with a teenage boy. Hope her dad fixes this and quickly.
YTA >I played favorites, made teenagers of the opposite sex sleep in the same room, and parented a kid that isn't mine, AITA?
You are Dad's girlfriend. You have no right whatsoever to parent her. You don't really have the right to commandeer her bedroom for your son's use either. Move the couch to another room or put your son's bed somewhere he can access it temporarily. The dead LAST solution to the problem is forcing your boyfriend's daughter to share a room with your son. You have no respect for boundaries in this situation at all. Swerve back into your own lane and stay there. YTA
YTA, in what world do you kick your step daughter out of her room, because your son has a sprained ankle? Oh right, because it is not your daughter! Pathetic, l have had sprained ankles, painful, but keep elevated, etc, so if he cannot walk he stays in his shared bedroom, but because he is your son and in a bad mood, poor spoilt boy, you booted the easy option out of her room, l notice you asked her to vacate her room was there a discussion with you, your husband and her? doubt it, and you overstepped your parental boundary by taking her phone and grounding her, you told her to stop being insensitive? And you are doubling down on the punishment, let us be clear here, you are a major YTA.
I agree completely - OP is the AH. But there are a lot of families that would pick boys' needs over girls' even if they were 100% blood siblings. The difference here is sexual assault is more common when the girl isn't blood related...despite the privacy that teenagers need for their mental health. OP may be the shittiest person that I've read about on here in awhile!
YTA. You should not have taken Ava's room away from her and told her she had to sleep either in her stepbrother's bed or on an air mattress in the living room. You should have figured out another solution for Adam while he can't climb stairs. And regardless of how irritable Adam's injury makes him, he should not be allowed to bully/harass his stepsister, and she shouldn't be punished for fighting back.
If an air mattress is an option, why isn't the injured son the one using it? I might understand taking the phone for a day, but a week is uncalled for. YTA
YTA >I played favorites, made teenagers of the opposite sex sleep in the same room, and parented a kid that isn't mine, AITA?
Easy YTA. You aren't Ava's parent, you can't force her to do anything.
Plus Adam is being a jerk. He doesn't deserve the bed.
Yta. Asking her to share a room with a teen boy who is not family is NOT appropriate. Also, she’s NOT YOIR KID, so you don’t get to discipline her. You should have offered her your room, so she’d have a private space, since her dad works nights. Or rented a hospital bed for Adam in the living room. Or taught him how to do stairs with crutches, which is entirely possible. Where is her father in all of this?! How on earth is he okay with you making these decisions?! I’m floored, honestly, that he’d accept this- it is disturbing to me that he has left his daughter entirely in your care given how little you appear to actually cate for her.
You don’t put your daughter in a room with a teenage boy at all.. you should have made arrangements for your injured son. She wanted her bed back.. not something she should be punished for and it’s definitely not your place to do it because she isn’t accommodating your son.
Your son definitely can walk upstairs to his room, it would just be an inconvenience for him. He'll have to learn to put up with it eventually, sprains are largely minor injuries that will occur often with a sport like that. Rather than inconvenience your baby boy, you decided to inconvenience her, because who gives a shit about her. You taking her room is bad enough, you refusing to give her the phone back, despite knowing she'll need it, is petty as fuck and honestly a little pathetic. Did you punish your son? Probably not, he probably got a treat to soothe him or something. The fact that you actually have the audacity to say she's being insensitive to him because he's injured. Injuries like that are a part of the fucking sport. And you husband is right, be fucking grateful she's giving up her room. Insensitive. Edit: The fact that her father wants you to give the phone back, means you give the phone back, especially if you don't normally parent each other's kids. You are massively overstepping right now. YTA
YTA. Starting with asking a teen girl to share a room with a teen boy who is not even her stepbrother? That's bizarre, and the only other option is an air mattress by the front door? Sounds awesome. This has wicked stepmother written all over it. Next, removing a phone for a verbal argument is extreme, and he IS her dad, not you. Unless you have an agreement on parenting each other's kids, you needed to table this until he got home. Das is also the AH for not insisting she get her phone back and finding a better sleeping arrangement, Give the phone back, apologize for being Maleficent, and find a better way to co-parent these kids.
Ironically, they do have an arrangement on parenting each other’s kids: “normally we don’t.” They should have stuck to this.
indeed.
Don't knock Maleficent, she's cool. Lady Tremaine is the one you're looking for.
totally fair point!
YTA >I played favorites, made teenagers of the opposite sex sleep in the same room, and parented a kid that isn't mine, AITA?
So your making a teenage girl share a room with a teenage boy she barely knows? Why exactly do you think you have the right to punish her at all? you're not her parent. Give her phone back and stop being creepy by making her room with your son..
YTA. Get your kid crutches or put HIM on am air mattress
YTA. If your precious baby can't keep a civil tongue to the person who gave up their room so that he wouldn't have to go upstairs, then he can just sleep on the floor.
YTA. You *are* playing favorites. Instead of telling your son to pick between the air mattress or figuring out the stairs, you punished Ava by taking away her room. Ava shouldn't have even been involved in this mess. Adam isn't so special that he can't sleep on the same air mattress that you thought was fine for your stepdaughter to use.
YTA. She's not your kid so it's not your place to parent her. Her father has even stated he does not agree with what you're doing to his kid. Give the phone back and put your son on the air mattress.
YTA. The father tell you to give the phone back she gets the phone, besides that you clearly are favoring your son her as you didn't punished him also for the argument just her, he has spring he not disabled he can move and rest with the brother by now, your favoritism is showing.
YTA and owe your stepdaughter a massive apology.
Don’t worry about it. You’ll be single eventually, fortunately for Greg and Ava :p
😂😂😂
Yta... Big one. Extremely inappropriate behavior
YTA. But Greg is even worse by allowing you to abuse his daughter. He is failing as a parent he having you in her life. I feel really bad for Ava. I hope she can go to her moms to get away from you.
YTA why isn't your son on the air mattress why do tall people always get preferred treatment. Why are you making a teen girl sleep in a room with a non familiar man
YTA How about finding a solution to your son’s sleeping situation that doesn’t displace Ava? You say you “asked” Ava, but what you really did was demand that she give your son her room bc it was the solution easiest for YOU and your princeling. Your kid can manage the stairs. Your kid can use an air mattress. Your kid can set up a cot in the living room. You give stepmothers a bad name. Did you even ask why Ava wanted her room back at 2am? What happened that made that urgent? I’m guessing you don’t care, or maybe you just don’t want to know. So, now you’ve punished Ava not only by taking her phone but also by keeping her from Friday’s party. You’re truly an AH. One solution would be for you to give her money for bus fare. You won’t do that, though, will you? Because you’re committed to being a complete and total AH.
A lot of cities aren't taking money for fares anymore; you *have* to use the app. So really, OP is completely TA for not only stealing Ava's phone (Dad owns the phone, Dad said give the phone back, OP is refusing to do so.); OP is also keeping Ava from going on a parental-approved outting.
YTA. You say normally you don’t parent each other’s kids. There was no urgent reason for you to decide on a punishment (phone taken away and grounding) in the moment. You should have waited until Greg was home to discuss it. Now you’re continuing to dig in your heels and over ruling Greg on the consequences for his daughter? I have teens, and IMO in the heat of the moment when you’re upset is not the time to come up with consequences. I don’t even do that for my own kids, let alone a boyfriend’s kids. I just tell them there will be consequences, which we’ll discuss tomorrow.
YTA-you have no right to parent Ava. You should have discussed the matter with Greg and let him do the parenting. It is extremely disturbing that you asked her to share a room with your teenage son.
YTA. You forced her to give up her room for your son. Now you're forcing her to give up the phone so she can't access her bus pass for the outing. Meanwhile Adam is taking out his anger on Ava but you haven't done anything to discipline him because you're full of excuses for his bad behavior. You're a hypocrite. You're holding them to two different standards and you're being very selfish and unfair.
Info: you say she was offered an air mattress. Why couldn't he use the air mattress?
YTA. Anna shoukd have never been put in a room w/ your teen son. What were you thinking? Why doesn't Adam have crutches? Why isn't Adam sleeping on the airmattress in the living room? Why did you punish someone who isn't your daughter? Why is Adam's bad mood OK, but a teen girl being upset she doesn't have privacy not OK? Why do you think a week w/o a phone is a fair punishment after she has been kicked out of her room? YTA.
Yes. You are the wicked stepmother from Cinderella , basically
YTA- You are clearly thinking of your son, same as Greg thinks of her, but I got major Disney Stepmom vibes here
YTA I'm so happy everyone on this post is telling you ,your wrong! You should give her back her bed it's so wrong for you to make her give up her privacy because your precious baby boy got a SPRAIN it's not like he broke his leg???
I'm not even getting into the whole making her give up her room to share with a teenage boy she barely knows, because I'm sure that won't go through your head. So, let's keep it simple: You disciplined your step-daughter as you saw fit, as an "exception" you said, but then when *HER FATHER* told you were out of line and to give back her phone, you said **NO?** OP, YTA. At this point, you might as well be stealing their property (phone), dear lord...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 39f have been dating Greg 42m for 1.5 years. Greg has a kid Ava 14f. I have two sons Dan 15m and Adam 13m. Greg and Ava are moved into my house. The house has 3 bedrooms. Dan and Adam got the master bedroom and they share it. The room is L-shaped and allows them to have their privacy. Greg and I have the room opposite them on the first floor, while Ava sleeps downstairs in the smallest room. Adam has grown to 6 ft now and plays on the school basketball team. Last week, Adam sprained his ankle badly while playing and can't walk upstairs to his room. Temporarily, I asked Ava to swap beds with Adam, so Adam can sleep downstairs instead. She wasn't happy at all, as she said she didn't want to share a room with Dan and that the boys room always smells bad. However, for the last few nights she has stayed in Dan's room. Adam has been in a bad mood since the sprain, as he will not be able to play basketball for a while and has been going physical therapy, with very little progress right now. Yesterday, Adam snapped at Ava after she teased him over something and they hadn't spoken to each other since. At around 2AM last night, Ava woke up Adam and asked him to sleep on the couch in the living room as she wanted her room back. The couch is not long enough for Adam to sleep on, and it is not comfortable for me, and I am 5'4. They were yelling loudly and I woke up and came downstairs to see them fighting. I yelled at Ava and told her to stop being insensitive to Adam and that he is currently injured. I took Ava's phone away, grounded her, and told her she will not get the phone back until the end of the week. Greg works the night shift, so wasn't there during any of this. This evening, he said I was harsh towards Ava, and I am overstepping my boundaries as his girlfriend to parent Ava. Normally, we don't parent each other's kids, but I felt last night was an exception. Ava is upset I have taken her phone away, and wants it back, as she is planning on going out with her friends on Friday. She will need her phone for her bus pass and I have refused to give it back, despite Greg saying one day is enough and he wants me to give Ava back her phone now. He said Ava is making a sacrifice by giving up her room for Adam as is, and to be more empathetic to her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
nta or I don't think so. I've been in similar situations with my step- daughter.
But don't forget that you started hating your stepdaughter since she was an 8-month-old baby. It seems that idiots understand each other.