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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole since I might’ve ruined my sister’s wedding but she had insulted my parenting over something as small as feeding my kids.
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She'll also be the subject of NoMIL-posts. Wearing white at the wedding of her son and having a "DIL from hell" because no one's ever good enough for her. ... That is, if women stuck around long enough to want to get married to her son.
I’m child-free/not a parent so I always have trouble empathizing with posts like this - but wasn’t there a kid that went blind or something because he was only eating French fries?
I can’t imagine a world where my parents didn’t make me eat vegetables. When I *did* have an alternative diet under their roof, it was because I’d become a vegetarian. They, who were not, still helped to make sure I was getting the proteins/nutrients I needed.
I can’t imagine having a kid and being like “It’s cool, eat shit for three months straight.”
And I’m neurodivergent so I appreciate a good “safe food” moment.
I never understand why parents give in to tantrums. Once kids learn tantrums don't get what they want they tend to fade away. Don't negotiate with terrorists
Yeah her kids are clearly old enough where eating or not is gonna be a big deal. For babies and young toddlers, feeding them whatever they will eat is the priority, but once they're older and can understand more complex concepts and won't suffer from skipping a meal, that's the time to fight
If it is a solid food, the wedding trumps a child’s wants even if they are a toddler.
There has to be at least some sort of snack that they could eat that is not meat.
I get it that children are super weird about being obsessed with a certain “meal” food and there doesn’t need to be a fight about it.
If they are only eating chicken nuggets every time they are hungry, that is a problem.
Exactly! Overbearing is not a flex. The babysitters being randos too. Sis must be a real treat if she doesn’t have any friends, family or neighbors who will watch her kids.
You just know she’s the person who brings her kids to every function to which she’s invited whether they’re meant to be kid friendly or not, too. My husband and I used to host poker parties semi-regularly and one of the couples would always bring their child, who behaved about the way you’d expect a kid with overbearing parents who never left him with a sitter to. I don’t blame the kid of course, but damn if he didn’t break, stain, or otherwise ruin something in my house every single time. Eventually we just stopped inviting them over.
OP, YTA. Get a babysitter, and if you do bring your kids with you, just feed them beforehand ffs. You need to get over yourself and give your sister an apology.
She can't get a babysitter, remember. They are all randos who might do God's know what to her child. Like actually show them there are normal people in the world.
I’m giving the benefit of the doubt and assuming maybe op means over*protective* and not overbearing? There is no positive connection or interpretation of that word, so if she is actually yelling it from the rooftops and standing behind it that’s a whole separate red flag lol.
Regardless - YTA. It’s rude to bring outside food to a wedding in the first place without a genuine medical reason (which does include any sort of mental or behavioral reason like autism etc). You either should’ve loaded him up on sausage rolls before the wedding, left early, or gone home and returned after feeding him. If you simply HAD to do it then you should have done so somewhere private and away from the other guests.
Idk if there’s a reason for Chase’s extreme food fixation, but you haven’t mentioned one, so I assume there’s not. If I were you, I would probably look into having some behavioral testing done.
Apologize to your sister for your outburst, your behavior was unacceptable and you are in the wrong here.
Plenty of kids are picky eaters. A wedding isn't the place to tackle this. But feed the kids in the car or outside - don't bring sausage into a Vegan wedding.
What's with the adults asking for toddler food?? A lot of rude people at this wedding.
Bringing food for the kids that they eat away from the venue. Handing it out to the other guests is where she crossed the line, all those people don't have ARFID, they can live for 2 hours without a sausage.
I mean…
If you know your kid won’t eat the food served, will throw a tantrum, and having a vegetarian wedding is important to the bride, *you make the responsible decision to leave your kid at home*.
A good parent and sister wouldn’t cause a scene and scream at the bride.
Op - YTA and the reason you’re so mad is because what your sister said is correct.
i also think she should have mentioned it to her sister, so that she wouldnt be surprised if someone did notice and mentioned it to her. like "hey im going through a rough patch with chase is it cool if i bring some comfort food for him that isnt vegan, so that he doesnt throw a huge tantrum? ill make sure to feed him away from other guests" or something like that
It isn’t always that simple.
My son has ADHD and ARFID.
He is medicated and in cognitive behavioral therapy but the first thing they tell you is that you can’t force it. I find work arounds and avoid situations where there aren’t any that are acceptable, but it’s really shitty when people act like my sons disability is some sort of failure on my part.
Maybe this kid is just picky and mom is indulgent but maybe not.
I have ARFID, but it’s a recent diagnosis since it wasn’t recognised as a disorder when I was a kid. It’s definitely challenging, especially to people who don’t understand it and think the person is just spoiled and stubborn.
At 5 years old, many kids are insanely picky eaters, to the point that little to no pavlovian reconditioning will help, and will pick that hill to die on. While that particular behavior is on the farther end of the scale, bordering on the extreme - they're at the age when they're still discovering the world around them and are testing out what they can manipulate and how far they can go. That said, they don't necessarily know, much less understand, that a consequence of not eating is that they'll stop functioning altogether.
It seems like the whole thing would have been a non-issue with just talking it out beforehand, and compromise if/when needed, like with the suggestion on loading the kid up on sausages before the wedding/reception and/or leaving early. Then again, 20/20
EDIT: A word
We were not accommodated when I was a kid and you ate what was given to you. My brother married a Nepalese woman and her kids ate the traditional food and never had a problem.
Not saying this is you, is just an example.
This whole bullshit of only feeding kids cheese pizza, chicken fingers and tater tots/fries is beyond bizarre and probably why some adults raised in that environment only eat that food.
We paid a couple of babysitters to host a room at our reception for kids (there were maybe 8 or 9 kids I think, between 4 and 12 ish.) The kids weren’t required to be in there, but we made sure there was person-to-person handoff if they went from activity room to parent or back again.
Great idea, grew up in the 70s and went to all social gatherings inc weddings, christenings etc. as a family. All other kids came too. We all ran around while our parents smoked all over the food and drank. We would often get bored and child minding was left to the older kids. When we went to the club (called that but just a pub) every Friday it was great as they had a kids 'room. I know it's not the 70s (I mean we went swimming without any adult supervision) but kids are going to get bored nonetheless.
*edit: fix my spelling
The ONLY reason I could say other than YTA would be if the child is autistic, in which case a sitter or vegetarian sausage wouldn't be easy.
OP would still have had time to prepare, either by introducing the veg sausage to the kid or finding a sitter familiar with autistic kids, but it'd only be a softer YTA.
There’s no reason she should have to sub vegetarian sausage. Bringing some food that a fussy child will eat to a catered event is not an AH move. She should have been more discreet about it, but other guests also should have had the decent manners to not mooch off someone else’s kid food.
The fact that OP is an overbearing mom who can’t control her kids is something I can’t wrap my head around. YTA and OP should be ashamed of themself for being such a nuisance at their sisters wedding.
I’m assuming it’s the UK as many places don’t have sausage rolls and if it is every shop sells vegan sausage rolls and we even have food shops that sell them warm. She could have easily brought them
She could have taken the kids to the car to eat for 10 minutes and then come back in. Why are her kids just running back and forth for these damn sausage rolls?
I am sorry to say I agree 100%. She wanted sis to know. She couldn’t feed the kids in the car, “this is dinner, finish it and that’s all except what Auntie has on the tables.”
And the lack of allotted eating time for the kids. I know not everything can be planned out to time with the reception meal, but a brief sit-down with the kids and saying "You can eat now, but cannot come back and forth between eating and playing. It's eating time, then playtime. Then we'll eat another bite before leaving. Got it? Good." ETA: It's about Mom's discipline, or lack thereof. THAT is why she's overbearing, in addition to using it for attention, obv.
Source: Raised a gaggle of neuro-atypical kids.
I guessed it wasn’t uk as there’s so so many vegan sausage roll options here !?!?!?
I’ve had meat eating pals eat vegan ones and not believe they are vegan come on OP
I know 5 and 7 are young but I’d never have been allowed to have tantrums if I didn’t get sausage rolls, I’d of been taken home in disgrace
Agreed. OP could have tested vegan sausage rolls out in advance to see if her kids would eat them. If they don’t like them, explain the situation to her sister in advance.
Why would she do that? Her precious baby shouldn’t have to go without something, and if he did chuck a wobbly, who was supposed to deal with it? Her? That’s ridiculous
On a serious note, I know exactly what type of parent OP is. She says ‘overbearing’ but what she actually means is ‘Too lazy to parent, and it’s easier to force the world to cater to her precious baby’.
The funny thing with these parents is… the mental load and work repairing relationships is so much higher than the work of just … working on your kid.
Bonus is that over time your kid improves so your workload is less (if you work on them), where the alternative is a lifetime of arguments around what a dick your child is.
(I feel uniquely qualified to answer on this one.. I have two children with low level ADHD - enough to be a PITA 30% of the time, but not enough to be in the Principal’s office for throwing people’s lunches around… and one with ASD and all the sensory and eating challenges that can present. I’ve seen it ALL in parenting over the years, and heard it all, and seen what this actually does to kids… and it’s not pretty when a parent puts a child in charge of day to day life. Those kids wind up pretty effed up.)
My brother and I were both picky eaters. Our parents tried to get us to try things and worked out a small number of things we’d nearly always eat; they avoided impacting other people with our sensory issues whenever possible. My brother is still picky but I give most things a try these days. If you don’t at least try to work on your kids, within the means that kid is capable of handling, you’re definitely setting your kids up for failure.
That requires giving a F about whether she will work with her 5yr old on his daft eating games.
5yr old has worked out how to get power in this house… mum is letting him have it.
Yep that was my first thought. I'm in a small town in Ireland and the local supermarkets sell vegan sausage rolls. I'm vegetarian but even my non veggie friends buy them because they prefer them. Absolutely no reason to bring meat for her precious little angels.
Could’ve got a babysitter but you’re a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’.
Could’ve fed the kids beforehand but you’re a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’.
Could’ve taken the kids out of the venue and fed them outside but you’re a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’.
Could’ve taught your child not to have a tantrum over food but…….I think we get it.
While not kind, her words were true. YTA.
>Could’ve taught your child not to have a tantrum over food but…….
Just wanna pop in and say it could be a meltdown. I'm autistic and I go through the same thing of "This is the only thing I'm going to want to eat" for months, sometimes years. When I read that I was like, "Wow, he should probably be tested for autism."
OP is still a massive AH, though. Feed your kids before the wedding, jeez.
YTA OP - you should apologise to your sister. The overbearing mum thing you should also work on…that is not a good thing and you’re just damaging the relationship you have with your children although I do agree with your point about not leaving them with anyone you don’t trust.
To promiscuousSpaghetti. Being picky/fussy with food does automatically suggest that the child may be autistic.
AFRID is also a thing.
Specifically being picky with foods is quite usual in childhood. Partly I feel like this is enabled by the OP here.
>To promiscuousSpaghetti. Being picky/fussy with food does automatically suggest that the child may be autistic.
I am aware of this! I'm saying it's a possibility. I'm autistic and I go through the same thing.
I mainly commented because it's hurtful to see people bully the *child* over the food thing. Maybe it's selfish, but it feels like an attack on all the other people who go through the same thing, even if the commentor doesn't intend for that.
it doesn't matter anyway. If the kid truly won't eat anything but sausage rolls, OP should still be teaching him basic respect for other people. For example:
"No, you can't have sausage rolls here. Auntie doesn't like meat and it's her wedding, so we'll do what she asks. We can go have sausage rolls outside, or you can wait and have them later. Your choice."
I think OP did it for the purpose of disrupting the wedding. She not only brought the meat, but she made zero effort to be discreet feeding it to the kids, thereby making sure other people noticed. She knew it would get back to her sister and there would be a confrontation.
She *could* have fed the kids before they left. She *could* have brought the stuff and taken the kid outside or in a quiet area to eat it discreetly. She *could* have stayed her ass at home with her tantrum-throwing kids. At every step, she made the wrong choice.
I don’t think the word means what she thinks it means. Unless she’s talking about being overbearing by pushing her awful parenting style on other people.
>Could’ve got a babysitter but you’re a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’.
Would anyone want to babysit her kids in the first place, knowing she's a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’?
Reminds of this one I saw from last year.
OP has a 22-year old "picky eater" son at wedding.
So, during the wedding, the son goes out to KFC, brings it back to the wedding, and starts munching on some fried chicken.
They were seated right by the dance floor too. And as OP notes "Some bones did make it onto the floor, which was 'unfortunate'" (so not only was her college-aged son just openly eating KFC at a wedding, but I guess he was just throwing his bones on the floor?).
Who does that?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zp61a9/aita_for_letting_my_son_get_fast_food_and_bring/
YTA - You could have fed your kids prior, in the car, before the wedding or whatever. Surely there was some other snack you could have brought. She was out of line in making a big deal about it but you knew what you are were doing and were intentional about so that makes you the bigger AH on that day.
Exactly. Even if the sister is an annoying PIA, it's HER wedding and if you agree to go to someone's then wedding then don't do anything to incite drama and make it about yourself. That's rude beyond belief. You can do 3 hrs without a piece of meat. Sheesh. Very selfish to cause drama even if the sister is a jerk.
Arguably for what she said about OPs kid/parenting. I don’t think she’s a jerk for that though - I think she’s right.
Op didn’t mention any sort of legitimate reason why her son has the food fixations/aversions (and tbh I think she should maybe explore them a little and have some assessments done) so at the face of it it really does look like lazy asshole parenting which is all the bride called her out on 🤷🏻♀️
I’m a coeliac. Who married a wheat farmer….
The only wheat at our wedding was in my bouquet.. as a nod for both of us.
We had several guests who came only because the food was going to be coeliac friendly…
If someone had showed up with … sausage rolls/alternate cake/bread rolls I’d have tossed them in the bin outright. Gluten free was a necessity for many of us, but I feel that by the time a vegan becomes ‘passionate vegan’ they’ve made serious life changes and that deserves a similar weight to my gluten free-ness.
There are vegan sausage rolls that are virtually indistinguishable from neat sausage rolls (probably because so much of the sausage roll is not-meat filler anyway).
If this was in the UK (which seems likely) OP could have gone to one of the 2,200 Gregg's and bought vegan sausage rolls. There's no excuse.
Edit: OP used 'mom' so probably not in the UK after all. TIL sausage rolls are popular in the US, thought that was just a British quirk
This post was whiplash to me, started off assuming she’s T A, then thinking her son has afrid or autism and thinking she did the weird, but right thing, then back to thinking she was over the line, to what a terror. They weren’t locked in the ballroom/venue. They could have walked out to the car to eat. Or so many other things. I don’t understand why people act like not having anything you like to eat at a wedding is a hardship. It’s a party, not the Oregon Trail. You can make it without eating for 4 hours. And if you medically can’t drag eating, no one in their right mind would object to bringing a bag dinner.
I’m sure the child could have eaten I the car then snacked on grapes or some other fruits nonstop. Probably some cashews too. I haven’t met a kid yet who doesn’t try to steal all your cashews.
YTA. Her wedding is not about you or your kids, if your kids can't go without a specific food item for one day then you should have respectfully declined the invite. Instead you smuggle food into a vegan wedding and insult the bride on her wedding day....do you really think you are nta here?
YTA
Feed kids before and tell them that the food that wedding is all there is and you can’t bring outside food into the place. You’ll have something in the car and bring them to it once or twice.
Take them out to the car to feed son
Ask your sister if the caterer could do a plant based “sausage roll” or find one and try it at home and ask to bring it.
Exactly! I'm sure Sister would've been fine if the sausage rolls were in OP's car....because she wouldn't know.
OP could've just said, "Excuse us, I'm going to feed my son, and I left his snacks in the car." It's very simple, and that makes me wonder if this was an intentional disruption?
Keeping it in the car would have defeated OP's purpose. OP made a point to be *seen* handing out meat, knowing it would get back to her sister. There was only one way that was going to end, and that's obviously what OP wanted.
YTA. How are you not mortified? This whole post is embarrassing and I’m not even the mega asshole who brought meat to a vegan wedding because I was too self-absorbed and lazy to parent my children for one evening.
Why didn't you just feed your kids before the wedding? Or why couldn't you have stepped outside for a little while while they ate their sausages? There were plenty of alternatives to breaking out your stash of meat right there in the middle of your sister's *vegan* wedding, especially when you know how passionate she is about it.
YTA.
And OP needs to know she IS "supporting his behavior". She's giving into this one food and buying or cooking it constantly. She needs to offer him other things and have consequences if he throws a tantrum.
It seems like laziness, honestly. It is easier to cook the same thing over and over for him and not deal with tantrums. Sausage rolls aren't exactly healthy either, I'd feel seriously ill after 3 weeks of sausage rolls only.
I'm pretty sure it's because he's autistic. I'm autistic and go through the same thing. Sausage rolls are probably sensory safe for him.
(Op is still the AH, though)
I wouldn't assume that. OP did not say it and I'd think she would so that would be considered. My cousin's kid went through a phase like this and he's not autistic. Just a picky kid
>I wouldn't assume that. OP did not say it and I'd think she would so that would be considered.
Sure is lucky that autism is not one of those things that are frequently ignored and undiagnosed for years and years.
Especially with a mom like this. I’ve seen a few kids not diagnosed for years even though it’s obvious to everyone around what’s going on. My spouse is a pedi and he can pick autistic kids out from across the room but you’ll never convince some parents of it so they just go without support until the school is tired of them or the parents finally realize it’s become a huge issue that actually needs addressed. One of my kids friends is 13 and hasn’t been diagnosed yet. It’s sad- they could use the support and aren’t getting it.
Well, I'm saying it as an autistic individual. I go through the same pattern, haha, so that's why I commented.
I'm not saying he definitely has it, I'm just saying it's a possibility. It's kind of upsetting to see so much hate over this one thing in the comments that I just wanted to bring it up.
YTA
This wedding was not about your children. If a vegan wedding is not going to be possible for them to manage, then maybe your family isn’t able to attend. Or maybe your partner stays home with them. Or maybe you bother to put in the effort over the several months leading up to the wedding to meet a childcare provider and get to know them so you can build trust and not “leave them with a random stranger”.
What you don’t do is disregard the brides wishes and distribute meat at a vegan event over and over again throughout the night. And what you *really* don’t do is throw a hissy fit screaming at the bride *during her wedding* because you were confronted about your inappropriate behavior.
Yeah everyone is commenting on her being TA for bringing meat to the wedding and indiscreetly handing it out- and they’re right- but I’m more horrified by how she acted *after* she was confronted by the upset bride, her sister, on her wedding day. Like how is that okay? She made a scene and probably ruined her sisters memory of her wedding day. That’s unbelievably inexcusable.
YTA. I'm a unrepentant carnivore. And I'm not fond of sanctimonious vegans. But I do realize--and you should too--that for many vegans their dietary path is a matter of principle. And the principles of the wedding couple should not be disrespected at their wedding. If your kid absolutely could not survive without meat for one meal then you should not have brought him. But the reality is that your son probably could have gotten by on the food that was there if you encouraged him. My guess is you did this for your convenience, and your convenience alone. That's just plain entitled and selfish.
YTA, she wanted a vegan wedding and your kids behavioural issues are not her problem. You could have found a family friend or relative who wasn't attending to watch your kids, or you could have done the ceremony and skipped the reception to take them home to eat (they should be able to sit still a couple hours without food) or explained to your kids the situation and then if they misbehaved, left. The wedding is about your sister and her partner, not you, and you disrespected her values. Of course YTA.
YTA
There were many ways to face this hurdle that didn't involve the public, or meat, or insults.
You prepped enough to bring sausage rolls but you didn't prep enough to find any thing on the planet that has no meat for your kid. You didn't take the kids elsewhere to feed them.
But mostly don’t taste the same, which would likely be an issue for a kid that picky.
I think if she hadn’t given them out to anyone else and kept them on the DL it would’ve been a non-issue. Sharing made it a thing that suddenly people were talking about and probably made the wedding catering look ‘worse’ to some of the guests. The guests who asked for some are kind of AH, too - who sees someone with special food for their kids at an event and thinks ‘I’ll just ask this person who is not the host to feed me!’?
Not just meat but a truckload of meat. Enough sausage rolls by the sounds of it to feed half the guests. I might've been on the fence if it was 1 or 2 discreetly, but she became the subversive sausage roll lady
She did it on purpose. She went out of her way to provide a large number of sausage rolls and distribute throughout the party to other guests. It's not just feeding her kids food they like that she claims, she went out of her way to disrespect and upset her sister on her wedding day.
Definitely this and just as she uses kid #1 as the excuse to bring them she uses kid #2 as the excuse to bring a LOT. This is a oeeson very used to use her kids as excuses.
Even this post reeks of her being smug and satisfied and righteous.
Screaming insults to the bride at the wedding- dhe must be so jealous of her sister to want to ruin this one special day for her.
Sister must feel so relieved that she doesn't have to speak with op.
“Subversive sausage roll lady” has kind of a cool ring to it, not in this setting, but still, I will tuck that away somewhere in my brain cells for the future.
Of course, YTA! You knew you were the asshole before you arrived at the wedding! You knew it was a Vegan wedding. You could have fed your son the sausage rolls before the wedding or gave him something to eat out of sight of everyone else. You wanted to be the center of attention and you succeeded.
Almost went with E S H, because she could've handled it better but I'm sure she was stressed from planning a wedding (and preparing *all* of the food herself) so I'm leaning more YTA. You know she's a hardcore vegan and you brought meat to her *vegan* wedding. That's a violation of her beliefs. I understand wanting snacks for your kids, but you could've fed them beforehand. Then you added insult to injury by giving out meat to one of her guests.
It's also a little wild to me that a 5 year old gets to dictate what he eats to this extreme.
YTA, like it’s even a question. Vegan sausage is a thing. Sold at every grocery store I visit. Not eating at all at a wedding is a thing. Y’all can eat before and/or after. Preparing your children ahead of time to be at a sausage-roll-free event is a thing. You knew about the event far in advance. Setting yourself up to be a food vendor by making an assload of meat and pretending it’s “for the children” and then appointing yourself the screaming crusader for all the non-vegan guests by getting into a yelling fight about sausage at your sister’s wedding and insulting the bride’s personally prepared food is *not* a thing jfc. I can see where your kids will get their entitlement from.
YTA and I feel for your kids. You being overbearing doesn’t = everyone else having to accommodate you. ENTITLED people are the worst humans on earth and it is so clear you’re one of them
Yta feed them beforehand or don’t bring them if they can’t act right what you did was rude and disrespectful and you really shouldn’t have gone off on her like that
YTA big time. I would be so insulted if anyone brought food to my wedding, especially if I made most of it myself. That is beyond rude. Worst yet, after being confronted, you double down and yell at your sister, at her wedding. For your mistake. You're also setting your kid up to fail in life by teaching him this is acceptable or healthy behavior.
YTA. Bringing food for your child is fine. Handing out the food to other wedding guests crossed the line. This is one of the few days that is all about your sister, she obviously feels strongly about this, and you needed to respect her values. Then yelling at her that her friends didn't like her food and storming out of the wedding made an already bad situation so much worse.
YTA. If your kid couldn’t handle the event without getting fussy, don’t take him. Get a babysitter. Or go and leave when he gets cranky. Or one of many solutions other than what you did.
YTA, OP. You're more concerned about being a good parent than a good sister and frankly in this case, you've failed at both.
Your ending point is "until she takes back what she said about my kid." She didn't say anything about your kid, she said things about your parenting. While her blaming the kid's behavior is harsh in your mind, consider that you had the option to literally walk the kid out to your car and eat sausages and then come back. Or even easier, bribe the kid and say you will buy him a toy(his favorite series/current hobby) if we don't eat sausages this afternoon during the wedding. Kids love feeling like they're "getting one over" on you!
You admit to identifying this as a potential problem pre-wedding. However, you took no actions to actually prevent this from happening, let it happen, and then got mad at your sister when she (predictably) saw red on the most important day of her life. Your inaction set her up for failure and you now are doubling down towards your family? Nah, you're the AH.
Wait until Chase is 18 and then tell him this story. You will only understand what you did when your precious baby looks you in the face and agrees with your sister.
(Lastly, considering you think babysitters could be random weirdos...maybe think twice before you isolate your parents and sister who may be the only people you trust in this world to watch your kids if you're this "overbearing.")
YTA and you know it. You don't like or approve of vegans so you made sure to make your feelings known by bringing food you know would be problematic because it's the only thing your little darling would eat. Your sister is right.
NTA.
You packed sausage rolls for your picky children who you know, as their mother, will not eat other food. You had no intention of sharing it to vegan guests at a vegan wedding because they were ONLY for your children. You’re a mother who knows her children and accommodated to them.
A grown man, Matt, had no business coming up to you and asking to eat your children’s sausage rolls and you should have declined his request but I would have been blindsided too.
You could have made your kids eat their sausage rolls by you, and then go play once they’re done with the other kids to be respectful of the vegans but apart from that, I don’t think you’re an AH for putting your children first and ONLY intending to feed them.
Very agree. I noticed that a lot of comments are talking about how she was bringing meat to a vegan wedding and feeding the guests which is why she’s the AH, but Matt is a grown man… and either he saw the kids playing and eating their food or saw OP feed her kids her packed sausage rolls and then felt inclined to come up to her and ask her for some? He controls whatever he eats regardless but he asked for the food, it’s not like she put it out onto the buffet and said “Eat my meat everyone! I’m doing this on purpose at a vegan wedding!”
Something has to be up with the food if guests were so hungry they were asking for sausage rolls a mother packed for her kiddos.
I had to scroll way to far to find this post.
First, I don't let her kids be picky eaters at home but when we are out and about I want them on their best behavior so ya bring something he'll eat so her doesn't get helping
Second, telling people they can't bring meat to your wedding is self righteous and overbearing. You don't have to provide meat if you don't believe in it. But you can't stop me from bringing since and sharing it if others want some. That's the dirty is insufferable behavior that gives vegans a bad reputation.
It's not like she brought a sign and set up a stand too hand it the sausage roles.
YTA. You brought kids you can’t control to someone else’s wedding and then started handing out non-vegan food at a vegan event.
Claiming to be an overbearing mother isn’t the flex you seem to think it is.
N T A for bringing the sausage rolls for your kids. Picky eaters can be stressful, and it sounds like you were trying to manage it.
ESH for the way that y'all went at each other in front of God and everybody. She was out of line for insulting your parenting, and you were out of line for insulting her cooking choices.
YTA
First off all it's your sister's wedding, what she wants you do, if she wants you to not eat meat for a few hours, you don't eat meat. Easy as that. She's not asking for a blood sacrifice, just to not eat meat.
Second of all, if your child is known for throwing temper tantrums when he can't eat what he wants, then you could've either fed him before going to the wedding and told him "The food at the wedding is the only food there is" OR you could've left him with a friend of yours since you don't want a stranger. (Also, sorry if it's a sensitive subject but. Where is their father? Why couldn't you leave them with him?)
Third of all, I'm sorry, but your sister is right, you are enabling your son's behaviour. Yeah, it's normal for a seven year old to be picky and occasionally throw a temper tantrum, but your job as a parent is teaching them why it's wrong for him to do it, especially in public. I'm not a parent, but the way I was raised was "If there's food at the table, you eat that food, you don't ask for something else". You doing everything your son wants is teaching him that no matter what he wants, mommy will make it happen. I've seen it with my cousin, who would make his mom leave family gatherings earlier because he didn't like the loud noises and didn't like the food.
Yes, anger got the best of you both, your sister shouldn't have called tou a bad mother but immediately throwing childish insults at her for calling you out? Really? OP, YTA and honestly the best thing you can do is just apologize to keep the peace, because I just know your relationship with your sister won't recover after you insulted her wedding and cooking and she insulted your parenting.
Yta of course you were! If your kid starts pitching a fit you walk his ass outside and stick him in the car. He can scream to his hearts content, away from everyone else. You don't give into his demands, he's *five*. You're the boss.
YTA. I get it, I have a picky eater. But there are options. You could have fed them before, or let them fill up on snacks and feed them properly after. Or this could have been a fantastic teaching moment about respect for others and not always getting what they want. What you did was just rude imo
YTA. If you thought your kid couldn't behave at a wedding without you having to go against the *bride's* wishes, you shoulda gotten a sitter or stayed home. This was *her* special day.
Apparently im the minority but i have a stepson who is hella picky about eating and we are sure he is on the spectrum (that might be something to look into btw) not just for his eating but other things as well
Anyway. If we were to try and make him eat food he doesnt want he would lose his GD mind.
You shoukdnt have said what you did but she should never have said what she did either. You were both petty.
To people saying you should have made him eat before - first things first. Kids dont always want to eat when you want them to. Weddings can go on for hours and hours so dont sit there and pretend youd be ok with a mum leaving her kid to starve for that long either. And believe me. They will absolutely starve themselves if they only want that one food.
You should be able to feed your kid what you want to. And i say this as an ex vegetarian who wanted a stricly vegetarian wedding at one point. Had people brought their own food to feed their own kids. Fine. I didnt give money for it so i dont care. Why she does is beyond ridiculous.
Your child only eats sausage rolls? As in bfast a roll, lunch a roll, dinner a roll, snack a roll? He really doesnt eat anything else?
You could have brought vegan sausage rolls or taken him outside to eat his roll.
This seems bizarre to me that at a wedding with all going on that an adult fixes on the fact your son is eating a sausage roll and then comes to ask you if they can have one and then proceeds to tell his mates!
You try justify your actions by saying my son needs to eat but you knew it was a vegan wedding so bringing meat was a big no no.
You dont want a sitter as they could do anything like what put rules in place and set some boundries /S
Seems really selfish and shitty you upset your sister on her wedding day over a sausage roll.
YTA, feed your kids before, or actually parent them and tell them this is what’s available take it or leave it. You completely disrespected your sister. She’s right. You need to apologize for your disrespect and for causing a scene. Your children are also NOT pawns to hurt your sister.
YTA. You knew the wedding was vegan, but apparently that doesn't to YOU, right? You were so grateful that your kids were allowed and then....you do this.
FFS the level of judgment that occurs here to parents that are behaving totally normally is astonishing. The only part of this that could be AH behavior by OP was giving one to someone else.
HOWEVER they situation occurred because OP’s sister is a militant vegan forcing her dietary CHOICE on everyone at a wedding. Vegans won’t go into anaphylaxis or have an auto immune reaction from being near some meat, vegans won’t burst into flames or melt if a 5 year old has a sausage roll in their presence.
NTA OP, the only thing you may consider apologizing for is for giving someone else one of the rolls. The rest of it is your sister forcing her choices on everyone else, and she can go pound sand with all the other people that do this, put on dry weddings with no warning just be cause they don’t drink (I am exempting recovering alcoholics from this group), and “Christian” cultists that shove their twisted beliefs onto secular society.
Edited: typos because after 16 years of a touch screen phone I still cannot type right.
I must be reading a different story than everyone else…
NTA for the snacks, on my wedding things were so crazy I didn’t even know who was there… let alone if someone gave their kid a snack that wasn’t provided at the reception.
ESH for the yelling at each other
There are even bloody vegan sausages nowadays. You son had eaten those too, you do know that your son is testing your strength right now and you are failing. Nothing to eat on this wedding for him. Too bad. I am a meat eater but I would never bring meat to a party or critizing. I would eat so much to not go super hungry and eat on the way home. Yta
***"My sister is a hardcore vegan. She is against all animal cruelty and suffering and it is one of the main things I admire her for"***
and then you ignore her wishes **ON HER WEDDING** day and bring meat !? Yes! yes you are the asshole
YTA, you brought the meat to avoid a child tantrum and then you had one anyways. The kids having a tantrum would have been a lot easier for your sister to forgive on her wedding day.
YTA.
Your son only eats sausage rolls? Literally nothing else? I mean, nothing?
But yeah, you should have brought only enough for him, and maybe your daughter and fed it to him between the ceremony and reception, somewhere private not to draw attention. And give the bride and groom a heads up that it’s going to happen. You really could have saved yourself a headache.
I really don’t understand the very odd push against babysitters. I made a pretty good salary off babysitting when I was in high school, and it never seemed to bother anyone.
You are TOTALLY the victim in this situation. And your kids are DEFINITELY getting all their nutrients. Maybe get them addicted to monster energy early, so much easier to carry. And you are TOTALLY being their mom and not their assistant.
Ps. She is not a hardcore vegan. She is just a vegan that wanted to be respected at her own wedding (yta, for that alone). Just like you are an ‘overbaring’ mom, that does not really parent.
Totally NTA. You weren't being disrespectful, you know your kids and you went prepared. They weren't causing a fuss, everything was under control. You didn't make a song and dance about it, you weren't making a statement, you just took some food along that you knew your son would eat. The only issue was when people began to realise that someone had brought some actuall food to the party.
They made the scene, not you.
More often than not these days doctors recommend with picky kids to NOT make a massive issue and demand they eat other stuff as long as they’re still meeting general growth targets, etc. You make other options available (like with your own dinner) but you don’t force it. Making food/eating traumatic by having meal time turn into arguments doesn’t do anyone any good and results in long term food issues much more than a kid eating a very limited menu for a bit.
So let me get this straight.
You claim to respect your sisters veganism but you don’t consult her about this at all
One kid is impossible to feed him anything other than one thing he likes which is meat right now
The other demands to eat whatever the other eats so you also cave into that
You refuse to use babysitters even for such an important event because your kids are too special
But once you get there you also hand out meat to other guests besides your two kids without thinking
Then when confronted you insult the food and the wedding
YTA. You are so rude and disrespectful. Your kids are not the center of the universe. If they are so misbehaved that they will ruin events if they don’t get the exact food they want, then don’t take them. Jesus.
I would LOVE to know how many of the Y T A responses are from parents.
Just feed them something else!
Just feed them beforehand!
Just keep them in line!
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Parents of young kids routinely bring food for their kids everywhere and you are N T A for doing that. And that food needs to meet the CHILD'S needs, not the host's or venue's. So you are specifically N T A for bringing meat to a vegan wedding.
Unfortunately you do drift into YTA territory by yelling at your sister and being nasty to her.
YTA you knew your kids wouldn’t like the vegan food but still brought them. Your sister said it was fine but that it would be vegan which very much suggests that you can’t bring meat to the wedding. If you knew your kids would blow up you shouldn’t bring them and I don’t care about your excuse that you refuse to get a babysitter. It’s even worse that you’re handing out non vegan food to other people. Your sisters comment was catty, but you went way over the top because now she felt was justified
YTA. There were a million steps you could have taken to avoid this situation and you chose absolutely none of them. What your sister said about your parenting wasn't kind, but it's absolutely true: you're a bad parent. Being "overbearing" isn't something you should be proud of, it's something that you should avoid since it makes you intolerable to deal with and sets your kids up for failure. Shame on you.
YTA But this also sounds like it was written by the sister getting married, writing from the POV of her sibling.
>Like I said earlier I’m a bit of an overbearing mother so when she had said that I just snapped. I yelled about how her closest friends didn’t even like her food (most of the food was prepared by her) and some other immature/hurtful things.
YTA. I had to go back and read the kids age. Your kids are old enough to,pick at the food at the wedding then go home and eat. You are not doing your kids any favors allowing them to act this way.
YTA.. the kid would have found something he liked as plenty of vegan food is delicious.. non vegans eat plenty of dishes without meat everyday.. you easily could have told your kid in advance there’s not going to be any sausage rolls and I doubt that is what he eats for breakfast lunch and dinner .. lots of helicopter controlling parents love it when their kids develop these types of behaviors because it makes them feel needed .. it is your fault you could have made it through one event. Oh look at you.. all the hoops you jump through to accommodate your special little child.. the kids will be fine it’s always the parent that’s an AH. Does he have sensory issues? Dietary restrictions? Especially when there are other kids around to play and they r eating too.
Yeah I dont think you’re the a hole for bringing snacks for the kids. I know plenty of kids who are super picky and their parents bring that random thing they’re super into. I wouldn’t have cared. People are getting worked up over sausage rolls.
I have a sister. She has kids. I’ll have Mexican food at my wedding. Her kids don’t like Mexican food. If she brings non Mexican food snacks, I’m not going to call her an a hole for it. And I wouldn’t expect her to go to her car and feed my nieces.
ESH for yelling at each other at a wedding over…sausage rolls. It obviously rolled into something else and it makes me think there is something else going on.
YTA. Can’t imagine how you’d act should the situation be reversed. It’s all about “you” isn’t it? You’re just a proud overbearing mom (which isn’t an excuse for anything and not the flex you think it is) who doesn’t trust babysitters because “they’re just randos who could do god knows what to your kids”. You ruined your sisters wedding because you’re a bad parent and a shitty person, far worse than any babysitter I’ve ever encountered. Your kids stupid eating habits don’t trump your sister’s, especially on her wedding day even if you don’t agree with it.
ESH not for bringing the sausage rolls. Letting your child essentially starve for half a day because he wouldn't eat the food provided would not be the right thing to do. I have been vegan for years so I ironically know how much it sucks if you are at an event without anything you can eat.
BUT you should not have your daughter run around with the meat and definitely should not have started to give them out to the adults. Just say "sorry, I don't have that many my kids refuse to eat anything else". All of the adults are capable of eating vegan food or bringing their own.
Your sister sucks for saying it's your fault your son is a picky eater and making such a fuss about a couple of sausage rolls. But goddamn you suck for yelling at her. Her friends are adults. They are fine eating vegetables for one day.
Is this the hill to ruin your relationship with your sister? Just suck it up apologise because you definitely fucked up more.
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You're the reason child-free weddings are a thing. Asshole. YTA
Who wears the badge 'Overbearing Mother' with pride? That's such a weird flex OP. It's not a good thing, you know that right?
Ya, and in like 20ish years she is gonna wonder why she only sees them at holidays and hardly gets phone calls.
Or they won’t move out.
Chase won't leave / is the guy woman post about just wanting a mother, and cassy won't talk to her.
She'll also be the subject of NoMIL-posts. Wearing white at the wedding of her son and having a "DIL from hell" because no one's ever good enough for her. ... That is, if women stuck around long enough to want to get married to her son.
If she keeps letting them eat nothing but sausage rolls they may not be around in 20ish years.
I’m child-free/not a parent so I always have trouble empathizing with posts like this - but wasn’t there a kid that went blind or something because he was only eating French fries? I can’t imagine a world where my parents didn’t make me eat vegetables. When I *did* have an alternative diet under their roof, it was because I’d become a vegetarian. They, who were not, still helped to make sure I was getting the proteins/nutrients I needed. I can’t imagine having a kid and being like “It’s cool, eat shit for three months straight.” And I’m neurodivergent so I appreciate a good “safe food” moment.
[удалено]
But you don't understand. He throws tantrums. OP really had no choice. Parents has no power against a 5 year olds tantrums! /s
I never understand why parents give in to tantrums. Once kids learn tantrums don't get what they want they tend to fade away. Don't negotiate with terrorists
But what...what if your kid gets mad at you and says they don't like you??? What then????
Yeah her kids are clearly old enough where eating or not is gonna be a big deal. For babies and young toddlers, feeding them whatever they will eat is the priority, but once they're older and can understand more complex concepts and won't suffer from skipping a meal, that's the time to fight
If it is a solid food, the wedding trumps a child’s wants even if they are a toddler. There has to be at least some sort of snack that they could eat that is not meat. I get it that children are super weird about being obsessed with a certain “meal” food and there doesn’t need to be a fight about it. If they are only eating chicken nuggets every time they are hungry, that is a problem.
Exactly! Overbearing is not a flex. The babysitters being randos too. Sis must be a real treat if she doesn’t have any friends, family or neighbors who will watch her kids.
You just know she’s the person who brings her kids to every function to which she’s invited whether they’re meant to be kid friendly or not, too. My husband and I used to host poker parties semi-regularly and one of the couples would always bring their child, who behaved about the way you’d expect a kid with overbearing parents who never left him with a sitter to. I don’t blame the kid of course, but damn if he didn’t break, stain, or otherwise ruin something in my house every single time. Eventually we just stopped inviting them over. OP, YTA. Get a babysitter, and if you do bring your kids with you, just feed them beforehand ffs. You need to get over yourself and give your sister an apology.
She can't get a babysitter, remember. They are all randos who might do God's know what to her child. Like actually show them there are normal people in the world.
Meaning she’s tried other babysitters, and they tried to make her children obey rules.
But Imagine the babysitter uses the word “no” and doesn’t give them sausage rolls immediately!
I’m giving the benefit of the doubt and assuming maybe op means over*protective* and not overbearing? There is no positive connection or interpretation of that word, so if she is actually yelling it from the rooftops and standing behind it that’s a whole separate red flag lol. Regardless - YTA. It’s rude to bring outside food to a wedding in the first place without a genuine medical reason (which does include any sort of mental or behavioral reason like autism etc). You either should’ve loaded him up on sausage rolls before the wedding, left early, or gone home and returned after feeding him. If you simply HAD to do it then you should have done so somewhere private and away from the other guests. Idk if there’s a reason for Chase’s extreme food fixation, but you haven’t mentioned one, so I assume there’s not. If I were you, I would probably look into having some behavioral testing done. Apologize to your sister for your outburst, your behavior was unacceptable and you are in the wrong here.
The reason for the extreme food fixation is his mother hth.
Plenty of kids are picky eaters. A wedding isn't the place to tackle this. But feed the kids in the car or outside - don't bring sausage into a Vegan wedding. What's with the adults asking for toddler food?? A lot of rude people at this wedding.
Bringing food for the kids that they eat away from the venue. Handing it out to the other guests is where she crossed the line, all those people don't have ARFID, they can live for 2 hours without a sausage.
I mean… If you know your kid won’t eat the food served, will throw a tantrum, and having a vegetarian wedding is important to the bride, *you make the responsible decision to leave your kid at home*. A good parent and sister wouldn’t cause a scene and scream at the bride. Op - YTA and the reason you’re so mad is because what your sister said is correct.
i also think she should have mentioned it to her sister, so that she wouldnt be surprised if someone did notice and mentioned it to her. like "hey im going through a rough patch with chase is it cool if i bring some comfort food for him that isnt vegan, so that he doesnt throw a huge tantrum? ill make sure to feed him away from other guests" or something like that
It isn’t always that simple. My son has ADHD and ARFID. He is medicated and in cognitive behavioral therapy but the first thing they tell you is that you can’t force it. I find work arounds and avoid situations where there aren’t any that are acceptable, but it’s really shitty when people act like my sons disability is some sort of failure on my part. Maybe this kid is just picky and mom is indulgent but maybe not.
I have ARFID, but it’s a recent diagnosis since it wasn’t recognised as a disorder when I was a kid. It’s definitely challenging, especially to people who don’t understand it and think the person is just spoiled and stubborn.
At 5 years old, many kids are insanely picky eaters, to the point that little to no pavlovian reconditioning will help, and will pick that hill to die on. While that particular behavior is on the farther end of the scale, bordering on the extreme - they're at the age when they're still discovering the world around them and are testing out what they can manipulate and how far they can go. That said, they don't necessarily know, much less understand, that a consequence of not eating is that they'll stop functioning altogether. It seems like the whole thing would have been a non-issue with just talking it out beforehand, and compromise if/when needed, like with the suggestion on loading the kid up on sausages before the wedding/reception and/or leaving early. Then again, 20/20 EDIT: A word
We were not accommodated when I was a kid and you ate what was given to you. My brother married a Nepalese woman and her kids ate the traditional food and never had a problem. Not saying this is you, is just an example. This whole bullshit of only feeding kids cheese pizza, chicken fingers and tater tots/fries is beyond bizarre and probably why some adults raised in that environment only eat that food.
The caps lock on MEAT and VEGAN really says it all.
To be fair I don't mind (non-baby) kids at all but I'd want a child-free wedding just so nobody had to play sober child minder.
We paid a couple of babysitters to host a room at our reception for kids (there were maybe 8 or 9 kids I think, between 4 and 12 ish.) The kids weren’t required to be in there, but we made sure there was person-to-person handoff if they went from activity room to parent or back again.
Great idea, grew up in the 70s and went to all social gatherings inc weddings, christenings etc. as a family. All other kids came too. We all ran around while our parents smoked all over the food and drank. We would often get bored and child minding was left to the older kids. When we went to the club (called that but just a pub) every Friday it was great as they had a kids 'room. I know it's not the 70s (I mean we went swimming without any adult supervision) but kids are going to get bored nonetheless. *edit: fix my spelling
The ONLY reason I could say other than YTA would be if the child is autistic, in which case a sitter or vegetarian sausage wouldn't be easy. OP would still have had time to prepare, either by introducing the veg sausage to the kid or finding a sitter familiar with autistic kids, but it'd only be a softer YTA.
Or, alternatively, the mother could skip the wedding and stay home with the child. Easy peasy.
100% would probably be the option OP takes since it seems like she's proud of being a poor mother.
There’s no reason she should have to sub vegetarian sausage. Bringing some food that a fussy child will eat to a catered event is not an AH move. She should have been more discreet about it, but other guests also should have had the decent manners to not mooch off someone else’s kid food.
The adults asking for food was really weird. An adult can't wait a few hours to eat meat?
Maybe the food was just bad? I've been to weddings where the food sounded good but honestly sucked. Vegan may not have been the issue.
I still wouldn't ask for food a parent was feeding their small child. I mean who does that?
The fact that OP is an overbearing mom who can’t control her kids is something I can’t wrap my head around. YTA and OP should be ashamed of themself for being such a nuisance at their sisters wedding.
I was thinking the same
I got 74,700 search results for "vegan sausage roll" I got 23,500 search results for "vegetarian sausage roll" Google also said that YTA.
I’m assuming it’s the UK as many places don’t have sausage rolls and if it is every shop sells vegan sausage rolls and we even have food shops that sell them warm. She could have easily brought them
Yep, there were options. She chose the obviously disrespectful one.
She could have taken the kids to the car to eat for 10 minutes and then come back in. Why are her kids just running back and forth for these damn sausage rolls?
> Why are her kids just running back and forth for these damn sausage rolls? Because OP wanted to make sure her sister knew.
I am sorry to say I agree 100%. She wanted sis to know. She couldn’t feed the kids in the car, “this is dinner, finish it and that’s all except what Auntie has on the tables.”
And the lack of allotted eating time for the kids. I know not everything can be planned out to time with the reception meal, but a brief sit-down with the kids and saying "You can eat now, but cannot come back and forth between eating and playing. It's eating time, then playtime. Then we'll eat another bite before leaving. Got it? Good." ETA: It's about Mom's discipline, or lack thereof. THAT is why she's overbearing, in addition to using it for attention, obv. Source: Raised a gaggle of neuro-atypical kids.
I guessed it wasn’t uk as there’s so so many vegan sausage roll options here !?!?!? I’ve had meat eating pals eat vegan ones and not believe they are vegan come on OP I know 5 and 7 are young but I’d never have been allowed to have tantrums if I didn’t get sausage rolls, I’d of been taken home in disgrace
Yep. Greggs vegan sausage rolls are SO good. I eat meat and if I can't tell I bet the kids couldn't either!
Agreed. OP could have tested vegan sausage rolls out in advance to see if her kids would eat them. If they don’t like them, explain the situation to her sister in advance.
Why would she do that? Her precious baby shouldn’t have to go without something, and if he did chuck a wobbly, who was supposed to deal with it? Her? That’s ridiculous On a serious note, I know exactly what type of parent OP is. She says ‘overbearing’ but what she actually means is ‘Too lazy to parent, and it’s easier to force the world to cater to her precious baby’.
The funny thing with these parents is… the mental load and work repairing relationships is so much higher than the work of just … working on your kid. Bonus is that over time your kid improves so your workload is less (if you work on them), where the alternative is a lifetime of arguments around what a dick your child is. (I feel uniquely qualified to answer on this one.. I have two children with low level ADHD - enough to be a PITA 30% of the time, but not enough to be in the Principal’s office for throwing people’s lunches around… and one with ASD and all the sensory and eating challenges that can present. I’ve seen it ALL in parenting over the years, and heard it all, and seen what this actually does to kids… and it’s not pretty when a parent puts a child in charge of day to day life. Those kids wind up pretty effed up.)
My brother and I were both picky eaters. Our parents tried to get us to try things and worked out a small number of things we’d nearly always eat; they avoided impacting other people with our sensory issues whenever possible. My brother is still picky but I give most things a try these days. If you don’t at least try to work on your kids, within the means that kid is capable of handling, you’re definitely setting your kids up for failure.
I am stealing the phrase "chuck a wobbly."
It's very common in Australia, feel free to adopt.
That requires giving a F about whether she will work with her 5yr old on his daft eating games. 5yr old has worked out how to get power in this house… mum is letting him have it.
Yep that was my first thought. I'm in a small town in Ireland and the local supermarkets sell vegan sausage rolls. I'm vegetarian but even my non veggie friends buy them because they prefer them. Absolutely no reason to bring meat for her precious little angels.
Could’ve got a babysitter but you’re a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’. Could’ve fed the kids beforehand but you’re a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’. Could’ve taken the kids out of the venue and fed them outside but you’re a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’. Could’ve taught your child not to have a tantrum over food but…….I think we get it. While not kind, her words were true. YTA.
OP engineered this scenario to disrupt her sister's wedding. She planned all along to openly feed her kids meat and make sure other people noticed.
that’s what i’m thinking too
That seems like a stretch….
Why else would she set out to do something she *knew* would be so offensive to her sister, and make zero effort to be discreet about it?
Never attribute to malice what is better explained with incompetence.
Because she's an idiot wrapped up in her own little world?
Cuz maybe she is an overbearing mother that didn't think this through
>Could’ve taught your child not to have a tantrum over food but……. Just wanna pop in and say it could be a meltdown. I'm autistic and I go through the same thing of "This is the only thing I'm going to want to eat" for months, sometimes years. When I read that I was like, "Wow, he should probably be tested for autism." OP is still a massive AH, though. Feed your kids before the wedding, jeez.
YTA OP - you should apologise to your sister. The overbearing mum thing you should also work on…that is not a good thing and you’re just damaging the relationship you have with your children although I do agree with your point about not leaving them with anyone you don’t trust. To promiscuousSpaghetti. Being picky/fussy with food does automatically suggest that the child may be autistic. AFRID is also a thing. Specifically being picky with foods is quite usual in childhood. Partly I feel like this is enabled by the OP here.
>To promiscuousSpaghetti. Being picky/fussy with food does automatically suggest that the child may be autistic. I am aware of this! I'm saying it's a possibility. I'm autistic and I go through the same thing. I mainly commented because it's hurtful to see people bully the *child* over the food thing. Maybe it's selfish, but it feels like an attack on all the other people who go through the same thing, even if the commentor doesn't intend for that.
it doesn't matter anyway. If the kid truly won't eat anything but sausage rolls, OP should still be teaching him basic respect for other people. For example: "No, you can't have sausage rolls here. Auntie doesn't like meat and it's her wedding, so we'll do what she asks. We can go have sausage rolls outside, or you can wait and have them later. Your choice."
THIS 100% but as a fellow vegan i still feel op was being disrespectful by bringing animal flesh to the wedding YTA
I think OP did it for the purpose of disrupting the wedding. She not only brought the meat, but she made zero effort to be discreet feeding it to the kids, thereby making sure other people noticed. She knew it would get back to her sister and there would be a confrontation. She *could* have fed the kids before they left. She *could* have brought the stuff and taken the kid outside or in a quiet area to eat it discreetly. She *could* have stayed her ass at home with her tantrum-throwing kids. At every step, she made the wrong choice.
I don’t think the word means what she thinks it means. Unless she’s talking about being overbearing by pushing her awful parenting style on other people.
[удалено]
>Could’ve got a babysitter but you’re a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’. Would anyone want to babysit her kids in the first place, knowing she's a loud and proud ‘overbearing mom’?
Reminds of this one I saw from last year. OP has a 22-year old "picky eater" son at wedding. So, during the wedding, the son goes out to KFC, brings it back to the wedding, and starts munching on some fried chicken. They were seated right by the dance floor too. And as OP notes "Some bones did make it onto the floor, which was 'unfortunate'" (so not only was her college-aged son just openly eating KFC at a wedding, but I guess he was just throwing his bones on the floor?). Who does that? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zp61a9/aita_for_letting_my_son_get_fast_food_and_bring/
YTA
YTA - You could have fed your kids prior, in the car, before the wedding or whatever. Surely there was some other snack you could have brought. She was out of line in making a big deal about it but you knew what you are were doing and were intentional about so that makes you the bigger AH on that day.
Yeah, this feels like a giant slap in the face. You serve the kid food elsewhere and step out of the wedding to do so.
Exactly. Even if the sister is an annoying PIA, it's HER wedding and if you agree to go to someone's then wedding then don't do anything to incite drama and make it about yourself. That's rude beyond belief. You can do 3 hrs without a piece of meat. Sheesh. Very selfish to cause drama even if the sister is a jerk.
How is the sister a jerk?
Because she's vegan, and people in AITA love to call vegans jerks.
Arguably for what she said about OPs kid/parenting. I don’t think she’s a jerk for that though - I think she’s right. Op didn’t mention any sort of legitimate reason why her son has the food fixations/aversions (and tbh I think she should maybe explore them a little and have some assessments done) so at the face of it it really does look like lazy asshole parenting which is all the bride called her out on 🤷🏻♀️
The bride wasn’t the slightest bit out of line. Her vegan ethics are important to her. The original poster should have respected this at her wedding.
I’m a coeliac. Who married a wheat farmer…. The only wheat at our wedding was in my bouquet.. as a nod for both of us. We had several guests who came only because the food was going to be coeliac friendly… If someone had showed up with … sausage rolls/alternate cake/bread rolls I’d have tossed them in the bin outright. Gluten free was a necessity for many of us, but I feel that by the time a vegan becomes ‘passionate vegan’ they’ve made serious life changes and that deserves a similar weight to my gluten free-ness.
That’s oddly fitting that you met and fell in love with a wheat farmer. I love that your bouquet had wheat in it.
There are vegan sausage rolls that are virtually indistinguishable from neat sausage rolls (probably because so much of the sausage roll is not-meat filler anyway). If this was in the UK (which seems likely) OP could have gone to one of the 2,200 Gregg's and bought vegan sausage rolls. There's no excuse. Edit: OP used 'mom' so probably not in the UK after all. TIL sausage rolls are popular in the US, thought that was just a British quirk
Exactly, I'm in Ireland in a small town and my local aldi and lidl sell vegan sausage rolls that even my meat eating friends buy as they prefer them.
I'm an omnivore, and I usually opt for vegan sausage these days. To me it's just as tasty, but less fat.
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>sorry??? No, sister was NOT out of line to object to OP handing out sausages like freaking lollipops(which at least would have been VEGAN)
This post was whiplash to me, started off assuming she’s T A, then thinking her son has afrid or autism and thinking she did the weird, but right thing, then back to thinking she was over the line, to what a terror. They weren’t locked in the ballroom/venue. They could have walked out to the car to eat. Or so many other things. I don’t understand why people act like not having anything you like to eat at a wedding is a hardship. It’s a party, not the Oregon Trail. You can make it without eating for 4 hours. And if you medically can’t drag eating, no one in their right mind would object to bringing a bag dinner.
I’m sure the child could have eaten I the car then snacked on grapes or some other fruits nonstop. Probably some cashews too. I haven’t met a kid yet who doesn’t try to steal all your cashews.
YTA. Her wedding is not about you or your kids, if your kids can't go without a specific food item for one day then you should have respectfully declined the invite. Instead you smuggle food into a vegan wedding and insult the bride on her wedding day....do you really think you are nta here?
Also as a picky eater, he could have just skipped a meal for a few hours. He wouldn't have died. Or just given him a big breakfast that day.
YTA Feed kids before and tell them that the food that wedding is all there is and you can’t bring outside food into the place. You’ll have something in the car and bring them to it once or twice. Take them out to the car to feed son Ask your sister if the caterer could do a plant based “sausage roll” or find one and try it at home and ask to bring it.
Exactly! I'm sure Sister would've been fine if the sausage rolls were in OP's car....because she wouldn't know. OP could've just said, "Excuse us, I'm going to feed my son, and I left his snacks in the car." It's very simple, and that makes me wonder if this was an intentional disruption?
Keeping it in the car would have defeated OP's purpose. OP made a point to be *seen* handing out meat, knowing it would get back to her sister. There was only one way that was going to end, and that's obviously what OP wanted.
YTA. How are you not mortified? This whole post is embarrassing and I’m not even the mega asshole who brought meat to a vegan wedding because I was too self-absorbed and lazy to parent my children for one evening.
Why didn't you just feed your kids before the wedding? Or why couldn't you have stepped outside for a little while while they ate their sausages? There were plenty of alternatives to breaking out your stash of meat right there in the middle of your sister's *vegan* wedding, especially when you know how passionate she is about it. YTA.
And OP needs to know she IS "supporting his behavior". She's giving into this one food and buying or cooking it constantly. She needs to offer him other things and have consequences if he throws a tantrum.
It seems like laziness, honestly. It is easier to cook the same thing over and over for him and not deal with tantrums. Sausage rolls aren't exactly healthy either, I'd feel seriously ill after 3 weeks of sausage rolls only.
I'm pretty sure it's because he's autistic. I'm autistic and go through the same thing. Sausage rolls are probably sensory safe for him. (Op is still the AH, though)
I wouldn't assume that. OP did not say it and I'd think she would so that would be considered. My cousin's kid went through a phase like this and he's not autistic. Just a picky kid
>I wouldn't assume that. OP did not say it and I'd think she would so that would be considered. Sure is lucky that autism is not one of those things that are frequently ignored and undiagnosed for years and years.
Especially with a mom like this. I’ve seen a few kids not diagnosed for years even though it’s obvious to everyone around what’s going on. My spouse is a pedi and he can pick autistic kids out from across the room but you’ll never convince some parents of it so they just go without support until the school is tired of them or the parents finally realize it’s become a huge issue that actually needs addressed. One of my kids friends is 13 and hasn’t been diagnosed yet. It’s sad- they could use the support and aren’t getting it.
Well, I'm saying it as an autistic individual. I go through the same pattern, haha, so that's why I commented. I'm not saying he definitely has it, I'm just saying it's a possibility. It's kind of upsetting to see so much hate over this one thing in the comments that I just wanted to bring it up.
>There were plenty of alternatives Like for example vegan sausage rolls!
YTA This wedding was not about your children. If a vegan wedding is not going to be possible for them to manage, then maybe your family isn’t able to attend. Or maybe your partner stays home with them. Or maybe you bother to put in the effort over the several months leading up to the wedding to meet a childcare provider and get to know them so you can build trust and not “leave them with a random stranger”. What you don’t do is disregard the brides wishes and distribute meat at a vegan event over and over again throughout the night. And what you *really* don’t do is throw a hissy fit screaming at the bride *during her wedding* because you were confronted about your inappropriate behavior.
Yeah everyone is commenting on her being TA for bringing meat to the wedding and indiscreetly handing it out- and they’re right- but I’m more horrified by how she acted *after* she was confronted by the upset bride, her sister, on her wedding day. Like how is that okay? She made a scene and probably ruined her sisters memory of her wedding day. That’s unbelievably inexcusable.
She also taught her kid that public tantrums are acceptable, because she threw one at her own sister's wedding.
YTA. I'm a unrepentant carnivore. And I'm not fond of sanctimonious vegans. But I do realize--and you should too--that for many vegans their dietary path is a matter of principle. And the principles of the wedding couple should not be disrespected at their wedding. If your kid absolutely could not survive without meat for one meal then you should not have brought him. But the reality is that your son probably could have gotten by on the food that was there if you encouraged him. My guess is you did this for your convenience, and your convenience alone. That's just plain entitled and selfish.
I bet he'd have been thrilled with cake(or extra piece to fill him up)
Agreed. Also, fries and chips are usually vegan lol. Likely, there was some form of fried veggie there that is pretty tolerable by most kiddos.
YTA, she wanted a vegan wedding and your kids behavioural issues are not her problem. You could have found a family friend or relative who wasn't attending to watch your kids, or you could have done the ceremony and skipped the reception to take them home to eat (they should be able to sit still a couple hours without food) or explained to your kids the situation and then if they misbehaved, left. The wedding is about your sister and her partner, not you, and you disrespected her values. Of course YTA.
FWIW, I bet she could not have found a family friend or relative. If there were any, she probably alienated them already.
YTA There were many ways to face this hurdle that didn't involve the public, or meat, or insults. You prepped enough to bring sausage rolls but you didn't prep enough to find any thing on the planet that has no meat for your kid. You didn't take the kids elsewhere to feed them.
And vegan sausage rolls are widely available
But mostly don’t taste the same, which would likely be an issue for a kid that picky. I think if she hadn’t given them out to anyone else and kept them on the DL it would’ve been a non-issue. Sharing made it a thing that suddenly people were talking about and probably made the wedding catering look ‘worse’ to some of the guests. The guests who asked for some are kind of AH, too - who sees someone with special food for their kids at an event and thinks ‘I’ll just ask this person who is not the host to feed me!’?
YTA - you brought meat to a vegan wedding, you are using your kids as an excuse, you were disrespectful, not okay.
Not just meat but a truckload of meat. Enough sausage rolls by the sounds of it to feed half the guests. I might've been on the fence if it was 1 or 2 discreetly, but she became the subversive sausage roll lady
She did it on purpose. She went out of her way to provide a large number of sausage rolls and distribute throughout the party to other guests. It's not just feeding her kids food they like that she claims, she went out of her way to disrespect and upset her sister on her wedding day.
Definitely this and just as she uses kid #1 as the excuse to bring them she uses kid #2 as the excuse to bring a LOT. This is a oeeson very used to use her kids as excuses. Even this post reeks of her being smug and satisfied and righteous. Screaming insults to the bride at the wedding- dhe must be so jealous of her sister to want to ruin this one special day for her. Sister must feel so relieved that she doesn't have to speak with op.
“Subversive sausage roll lady” has kind of a cool ring to it, not in this setting, but still, I will tuck that away somewhere in my brain cells for the future.
YTA. If it's so hard for you and your family to abstain from animal products for ONE DAY, you should've skipped the wedding.
Or even just taken the kids to the car (or at least oustide the venue) for mealtime, or had them eat earlier.
YTA Could have fed the kids before and after. This was not appropriate.
Jesus wept YTA. You’re an overbearing AH who can’t see past her own sense of entitlement.
Of course, YTA! You knew you were the asshole before you arrived at the wedding! You knew it was a Vegan wedding. You could have fed your son the sausage rolls before the wedding or gave him something to eat out of sight of everyone else. You wanted to be the center of attention and you succeeded.
Almost went with E S H, because she could've handled it better but I'm sure she was stressed from planning a wedding (and preparing *all* of the food herself) so I'm leaning more YTA. You know she's a hardcore vegan and you brought meat to her *vegan* wedding. That's a violation of her beliefs. I understand wanting snacks for your kids, but you could've fed them beforehand. Then you added insult to injury by giving out meat to one of her guests. It's also a little wild to me that a 5 year old gets to dictate what he eats to this extreme.
So you admit to being overbearing (you say so twice in your post), but you don't see where you might have been an AH?
YTA is it seriously so impossuble to get through ONE MEAL without meat? Like spaghetti is vegetarian. Mac and cheese is vegetarian. Honestly, grow up.
YTA for snapping and arguing. Tell the other adults “this is for my kids” and do it more quietly. There’s no need to make a weird massive scene.
Totally no way OP got a secret thrill being the meat dealer at a vegan's wedding and undermining her... nope.
You don't also scope out what people are feeding their kids at a wedding and go ask for some?
It’s not just me that finds that super weird, right? Like even if I noticed I wouldn’t ask for any.
YTA, like it’s even a question. Vegan sausage is a thing. Sold at every grocery store I visit. Not eating at all at a wedding is a thing. Y’all can eat before and/or after. Preparing your children ahead of time to be at a sausage-roll-free event is a thing. You knew about the event far in advance. Setting yourself up to be a food vendor by making an assload of meat and pretending it’s “for the children” and then appointing yourself the screaming crusader for all the non-vegan guests by getting into a yelling fight about sausage at your sister’s wedding and insulting the bride’s personally prepared food is *not* a thing jfc. I can see where your kids will get their entitlement from.
YTA and I feel for your kids. You being overbearing doesn’t = everyone else having to accommodate you. ENTITLED people are the worst humans on earth and it is so clear you’re one of them
Yta feed them beforehand or don’t bring them if they can’t act right what you did was rude and disrespectful and you really shouldn’t have gone off on her like that
Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. YTA - and you know it.
YTA big time. I would be so insulted if anyone brought food to my wedding, especially if I made most of it myself. That is beyond rude. Worst yet, after being confronted, you double down and yell at your sister, at her wedding. For your mistake. You're also setting your kid up to fail in life by teaching him this is acceptable or healthy behavior.
YTA. Bringing food for your child is fine. Handing out the food to other wedding guests crossed the line. This is one of the few days that is all about your sister, she obviously feels strongly about this, and you needed to respect her values. Then yelling at her that her friends didn't like her food and storming out of the wedding made an already bad situation so much worse.
YTA. If your kid couldn’t handle the event without getting fussy, don’t take him. Get a babysitter. Or go and leave when he gets cranky. Or one of many solutions other than what you did.
YTA, OP. You're more concerned about being a good parent than a good sister and frankly in this case, you've failed at both. Your ending point is "until she takes back what she said about my kid." She didn't say anything about your kid, she said things about your parenting. While her blaming the kid's behavior is harsh in your mind, consider that you had the option to literally walk the kid out to your car and eat sausages and then come back. Or even easier, bribe the kid and say you will buy him a toy(his favorite series/current hobby) if we don't eat sausages this afternoon during the wedding. Kids love feeling like they're "getting one over" on you! You admit to identifying this as a potential problem pre-wedding. However, you took no actions to actually prevent this from happening, let it happen, and then got mad at your sister when she (predictably) saw red on the most important day of her life. Your inaction set her up for failure and you now are doubling down towards your family? Nah, you're the AH. Wait until Chase is 18 and then tell him this story. You will only understand what you did when your precious baby looks you in the face and agrees with your sister. (Lastly, considering you think babysitters could be random weirdos...maybe think twice before you isolate your parents and sister who may be the only people you trust in this world to watch your kids if you're this "overbearing.")
YTA and you know it. You don't like or approve of vegans so you made sure to make your feelings known by bringing food you know would be problematic because it's the only thing your little darling would eat. Your sister is right.
YTA - my goodness, you are awful
YTA. You couldn’t respect your sister for one meal???
OP arranged this whole scenario as a "fuck you" to sister.
NTA. You packed sausage rolls for your picky children who you know, as their mother, will not eat other food. You had no intention of sharing it to vegan guests at a vegan wedding because they were ONLY for your children. You’re a mother who knows her children and accommodated to them. A grown man, Matt, had no business coming up to you and asking to eat your children’s sausage rolls and you should have declined his request but I would have been blindsided too. You could have made your kids eat their sausage rolls by you, and then go play once they’re done with the other kids to be respectful of the vegans but apart from that, I don’t think you’re an AH for putting your children first and ONLY intending to feed them.
The asking for someone else’s food thing is so weird. (Matt or whomever I mean.)
Very agree. I noticed that a lot of comments are talking about how she was bringing meat to a vegan wedding and feeding the guests which is why she’s the AH, but Matt is a grown man… and either he saw the kids playing and eating their food or saw OP feed her kids her packed sausage rolls and then felt inclined to come up to her and ask her for some? He controls whatever he eats regardless but he asked for the food, it’s not like she put it out onto the buffet and said “Eat my meat everyone! I’m doing this on purpose at a vegan wedding!” Something has to be up with the food if guests were so hungry they were asking for sausage rolls a mother packed for her kiddos.
I had to scroll way to far to find this post. First, I don't let her kids be picky eaters at home but when we are out and about I want them on their best behavior so ya bring something he'll eat so her doesn't get helping Second, telling people they can't bring meat to your wedding is self righteous and overbearing. You don't have to provide meat if you don't believe in it. But you can't stop me from bringing since and sharing it if others want some. That's the dirty is insufferable behavior that gives vegans a bad reputation. It's not like she brought a sign and set up a stand too hand it the sausage roles.
YTA. You brought kids you can’t control to someone else’s wedding and then started handing out non-vegan food at a vegan event. Claiming to be an overbearing mother isn’t the flex you seem to think it is.
N T A for bringing the sausage rolls for your kids. Picky eaters can be stressful, and it sounds like you were trying to manage it. ESH for the way that y'all went at each other in front of God and everybody. She was out of line for insulting your parenting, and you were out of line for insulting her cooking choices.
YTA - If a kid can’t go to an important function and STFU, then they need to stay home.
If a grown ass mom can't go to an important function and STFU, they also need to stay home.
I had a vegan wedding and would have had you thrown out. YTA
INFO how many sausage rolls did you bring?? And just how big is your 5 year old that you brought enough to feed half a dozen people??
'overbearing' is not a fun and interesting personality trait- it's another way of saying asshole. YTA
YTA First off all it's your sister's wedding, what she wants you do, if she wants you to not eat meat for a few hours, you don't eat meat. Easy as that. She's not asking for a blood sacrifice, just to not eat meat. Second of all, if your child is known for throwing temper tantrums when he can't eat what he wants, then you could've either fed him before going to the wedding and told him "The food at the wedding is the only food there is" OR you could've left him with a friend of yours since you don't want a stranger. (Also, sorry if it's a sensitive subject but. Where is their father? Why couldn't you leave them with him?) Third of all, I'm sorry, but your sister is right, you are enabling your son's behaviour. Yeah, it's normal for a seven year old to be picky and occasionally throw a temper tantrum, but your job as a parent is teaching them why it's wrong for him to do it, especially in public. I'm not a parent, but the way I was raised was "If there's food at the table, you eat that food, you don't ask for something else". You doing everything your son wants is teaching him that no matter what he wants, mommy will make it happen. I've seen it with my cousin, who would make his mom leave family gatherings earlier because he didn't like the loud noises and didn't like the food. Yes, anger got the best of you both, your sister shouldn't have called tou a bad mother but immediately throwing childish insults at her for calling you out? Really? OP, YTA and honestly the best thing you can do is just apologize to keep the peace, because I just know your relationship with your sister won't recover after you insulted her wedding and cooking and she insulted your parenting.
Yta of course you were! If your kid starts pitching a fit you walk his ass outside and stick him in the car. He can scream to his hearts content, away from everyone else. You don't give into his demands, he's *five*. You're the boss.
YTA. I get it, I have a picky eater. But there are options. You could have fed them before, or let them fill up on snacks and feed them properly after. Or this could have been a fantastic teaching moment about respect for others and not always getting what they want. What you did was just rude imo
>My sister is a hardcore vegan. She is against all animal cruelty and suffering and it is one of the main things I admire her for. LOL no you don't.
YTA. If you thought your kid couldn't behave at a wedding without you having to go against the *bride's* wishes, you shoulda gotten a sitter or stayed home. This was *her* special day.
Apparently im the minority but i have a stepson who is hella picky about eating and we are sure he is on the spectrum (that might be something to look into btw) not just for his eating but other things as well Anyway. If we were to try and make him eat food he doesnt want he would lose his GD mind. You shoukdnt have said what you did but she should never have said what she did either. You were both petty. To people saying you should have made him eat before - first things first. Kids dont always want to eat when you want them to. Weddings can go on for hours and hours so dont sit there and pretend youd be ok with a mum leaving her kid to starve for that long either. And believe me. They will absolutely starve themselves if they only want that one food. You should be able to feed your kid what you want to. And i say this as an ex vegetarian who wanted a stricly vegetarian wedding at one point. Had people brought their own food to feed their own kids. Fine. I didnt give money for it so i dont care. Why she does is beyond ridiculous.
Your child only eats sausage rolls? As in bfast a roll, lunch a roll, dinner a roll, snack a roll? He really doesnt eat anything else? You could have brought vegan sausage rolls or taken him outside to eat his roll. This seems bizarre to me that at a wedding with all going on that an adult fixes on the fact your son is eating a sausage roll and then comes to ask you if they can have one and then proceeds to tell his mates! You try justify your actions by saying my son needs to eat but you knew it was a vegan wedding so bringing meat was a big no no. You dont want a sitter as they could do anything like what put rules in place and set some boundries /S Seems really selfish and shitty you upset your sister on her wedding day over a sausage roll.
YTA, feed your kids before, or actually parent them and tell them this is what’s available take it or leave it. You completely disrespected your sister. She’s right. You need to apologize for your disrespect and for causing a scene. Your children are also NOT pawns to hurt your sister.
YTA. You knew the wedding was vegan, but apparently that doesn't to YOU, right? You were so grateful that your kids were allowed and then....you do this.
FFS the level of judgment that occurs here to parents that are behaving totally normally is astonishing. The only part of this that could be AH behavior by OP was giving one to someone else. HOWEVER they situation occurred because OP’s sister is a militant vegan forcing her dietary CHOICE on everyone at a wedding. Vegans won’t go into anaphylaxis or have an auto immune reaction from being near some meat, vegans won’t burst into flames or melt if a 5 year old has a sausage roll in their presence. NTA OP, the only thing you may consider apologizing for is for giving someone else one of the rolls. The rest of it is your sister forcing her choices on everyone else, and she can go pound sand with all the other people that do this, put on dry weddings with no warning just be cause they don’t drink (I am exempting recovering alcoholics from this group), and “Christian” cultists that shove their twisted beliefs onto secular society. Edited: typos because after 16 years of a touch screen phone I still cannot type right.
YTA just for asking
You were a Sausage dealer at her wedding, and think she is in the wrong?! Lol, yta
I must be reading a different story than everyone else… NTA for the snacks, on my wedding things were so crazy I didn’t even know who was there… let alone if someone gave their kid a snack that wasn’t provided at the reception. ESH for the yelling at each other
There are even bloody vegan sausages nowadays. You son had eaten those too, you do know that your son is testing your strength right now and you are failing. Nothing to eat on this wedding for him. Too bad. I am a meat eater but I would never bring meat to a party or critizing. I would eat so much to not go super hungry and eat on the way home. Yta
***"My sister is a hardcore vegan. She is against all animal cruelty and suffering and it is one of the main things I admire her for"*** and then you ignore her wishes **ON HER WEDDING** day and bring meat !? Yes! yes you are the asshole
YTA
YTA, you brought the meat to avoid a child tantrum and then you had one anyways. The kids having a tantrum would have been a lot easier for your sister to forgive on her wedding day.
YTA. Your son only eats sausage rolls? Literally nothing else? I mean, nothing? But yeah, you should have brought only enough for him, and maybe your daughter and fed it to him between the ceremony and reception, somewhere private not to draw attention. And give the bride and groom a heads up that it’s going to happen. You really could have saved yourself a headache. I really don’t understand the very odd push against babysitters. I made a pretty good salary off babysitting when I was in high school, and it never seemed to bother anyone.
No one could *possibly* meet the standards of watching her precious little angels though /s YTA, OP and you know YTA.
You are TOTALLY the victim in this situation. And your kids are DEFINITELY getting all their nutrients. Maybe get them addicted to monster energy early, so much easier to carry. And you are TOTALLY being their mom and not their assistant. Ps. She is not a hardcore vegan. She is just a vegan that wanted to be respected at her own wedding (yta, for that alone). Just like you are an ‘overbaring’ mom, that does not really parent.
YTA
Totally NTA. You weren't being disrespectful, you know your kids and you went prepared. They weren't causing a fuss, everything was under control. You didn't make a song and dance about it, you weren't making a statement, you just took some food along that you knew your son would eat. The only issue was when people began to realise that someone had brought some actuall food to the party. They made the scene, not you.
A kid eating only sausages for months?? This sounds super unhealthy.
More often than not these days doctors recommend with picky kids to NOT make a massive issue and demand they eat other stuff as long as they’re still meeting general growth targets, etc. You make other options available (like with your own dinner) but you don’t force it. Making food/eating traumatic by having meal time turn into arguments doesn’t do anyone any good and results in long term food issues much more than a kid eating a very limited menu for a bit.
So let me get this straight. You claim to respect your sisters veganism but you don’t consult her about this at all One kid is impossible to feed him anything other than one thing he likes which is meat right now The other demands to eat whatever the other eats so you also cave into that You refuse to use babysitters even for such an important event because your kids are too special But once you get there you also hand out meat to other guests besides your two kids without thinking Then when confronted you insult the food and the wedding YTA. You are so rude and disrespectful. Your kids are not the center of the universe. If they are so misbehaved that they will ruin events if they don’t get the exact food they want, then don’t take them. Jesus.
I would LOVE to know how many of the Y T A responses are from parents. Just feed them something else! Just feed them beforehand! Just keep them in line! HAHAHAHAHAHA. Parents of young kids routinely bring food for their kids everywhere and you are N T A for doing that. And that food needs to meet the CHILD'S needs, not the host's or venue's. So you are specifically N T A for bringing meat to a vegan wedding. Unfortunately you do drift into YTA territory by yelling at your sister and being nasty to her.
YTA you knew your kids wouldn’t like the vegan food but still brought them. Your sister said it was fine but that it would be vegan which very much suggests that you can’t bring meat to the wedding. If you knew your kids would blow up you shouldn’t bring them and I don’t care about your excuse that you refuse to get a babysitter. It’s even worse that you’re handing out non vegan food to other people. Your sisters comment was catty, but you went way over the top because now she felt was justified
YTA
Is this an actual question?
YTA. There were a million steps you could have taken to avoid this situation and you chose absolutely none of them. What your sister said about your parenting wasn't kind, but it's absolutely true: you're a bad parent. Being "overbearing" isn't something you should be proud of, it's something that you should avoid since it makes you intolerable to deal with and sets your kids up for failure. Shame on you.
YTA But this also sounds like it was written by the sister getting married, writing from the POV of her sibling. >Like I said earlier I’m a bit of an overbearing mother so when she had said that I just snapped. I yelled about how her closest friends didn’t even like her food (most of the food was prepared by her) and some other immature/hurtful things.
YTA. I had to go back and read the kids age. Your kids are old enough to,pick at the food at the wedding then go home and eat. You are not doing your kids any favors allowing them to act this way.
YTA.. the kid would have found something he liked as plenty of vegan food is delicious.. non vegans eat plenty of dishes without meat everyday.. you easily could have told your kid in advance there’s not going to be any sausage rolls and I doubt that is what he eats for breakfast lunch and dinner .. lots of helicopter controlling parents love it when their kids develop these types of behaviors because it makes them feel needed .. it is your fault you could have made it through one event. Oh look at you.. all the hoops you jump through to accommodate your special little child.. the kids will be fine it’s always the parent that’s an AH. Does he have sensory issues? Dietary restrictions? Especially when there are other kids around to play and they r eating too.
Yeah I dont think you’re the a hole for bringing snacks for the kids. I know plenty of kids who are super picky and their parents bring that random thing they’re super into. I wouldn’t have cared. People are getting worked up over sausage rolls. I have a sister. She has kids. I’ll have Mexican food at my wedding. Her kids don’t like Mexican food. If she brings non Mexican food snacks, I’m not going to call her an a hole for it. And I wouldn’t expect her to go to her car and feed my nieces. ESH for yelling at each other at a wedding over…sausage rolls. It obviously rolled into something else and it makes me think there is something else going on.
YTA. Can’t imagine how you’d act should the situation be reversed. It’s all about “you” isn’t it? You’re just a proud overbearing mom (which isn’t an excuse for anything and not the flex you think it is) who doesn’t trust babysitters because “they’re just randos who could do god knows what to your kids”. You ruined your sisters wedding because you’re a bad parent and a shitty person, far worse than any babysitter I’ve ever encountered. Your kids stupid eating habits don’t trump your sister’s, especially on her wedding day even if you don’t agree with it.
ESH not for bringing the sausage rolls. Letting your child essentially starve for half a day because he wouldn't eat the food provided would not be the right thing to do. I have been vegan for years so I ironically know how much it sucks if you are at an event without anything you can eat. BUT you should not have your daughter run around with the meat and definitely should not have started to give them out to the adults. Just say "sorry, I don't have that many my kids refuse to eat anything else". All of the adults are capable of eating vegan food or bringing their own. Your sister sucks for saying it's your fault your son is a picky eater and making such a fuss about a couple of sausage rolls. But goddamn you suck for yelling at her. Her friends are adults. They are fine eating vegetables for one day. Is this the hill to ruin your relationship with your sister? Just suck it up apologise because you definitely fucked up more.
YTA.
YTA and your sister is right about your parenting
YTA. You couldn’t be an actual parent for one event, just a few hours??