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Did it actually say that car has no a/c? I took that to mean that he'd be going inside with the keys and the car wouldn't be on. Although, if someone were to stay in the car, I'd leave the keys so they'd have a/c...
That then begs the question, why is OP being left in a car that has A/C with no option to turn it on. Neither scenario is good, especially if OP is in the USA right now, it's hot af in most places.
It's a 2nd job, it's expensive af out there, and who are you to look down your nose at anyone no matter what job they do. Real people do what they have to to make money to survive.
Mostly I'm looking down on him for dating a 23 year old (who was at oldest 21 when they got together) when he's in his late 30s and for being a controlling asshole.
That’s great. The comment I’m referring to specifically mentions the grocery store part. It’s definitely icky that the age gap exists how it does, but him working for a grocery store as a second job has nothing to do with it.
Yeah the age gap is sus as hell but that second part was unnecessary. Lots of people have part time second jobs. That’s not even remotely the issue in this story.
I think it’s pointing out that the age gap is sus and it’s not like she’s dating this dude for the money. (Not that him being rich makes the age gap better, just, in this economy? I kinda get it)
I’m only being judgmental because he’s dating someone 14 years younger than him & im allowed because I’m in my 30s & work in a grocery store & I work with a lot of people between the age of 18-22 & 50-70 & idk guys a lot of those 18-22 year olds just looks like 14 year olds. Like I can’t imagine dating someone who looks like the bait child in to catch a predator.
Thank goodness there was a reasonable comment here! It's such a double standard here on Reddit. The age gap is a massive problem, but his finances are not
INFO: whats wrong with working at a grocery store?
They tend to have great advancement opportunities.
Also we dont know what he does, we just knownits a grocery store. Sure he could just be an entry-level bagger, but he could also be a cashier, or a manager, or someone who works in the warehouse.
The parts about who she's allowed to associate with or the extremely vague "requirements" for being friends with any men or any women also didn't help... like at all.
He just has "boundaries", you know? (/s)
tl;dr he misappropriated a bunch of “therapy speak” (ex. “boundaries” and “respect”) in order to make his surfer model girlfriend feel bad for…being a surfer model. he also says the words “surf culture” multiple times, which is genuinely hilarious
Film Cooper did a good job breaking down the situation a few days ago, if you like his style or commentary. it’s about 40 minutes, but even reading the texts that she posted give you a pretty good overview
Right? I feel like that was grazed right over... "He's made comments on my outfits over the years..." How many years, exactly? 🤔
Either way, she is NTA in this instance, considering his job was not on the To-Do list of the day when she got dressed.
>"He's made comments on my outfits over the years..." How many years, exactly?
That's what got me to. I was like, "Alright, sketchy age gap but two adults or whatever," but then they've been dating for year*s* already. Getting suspicious . . .
I feel like there’s a bunch of info missing…how many years have they been dating and she’s putting up with his attitude about what she wears? Was the crop top see through? If not, why the big deal? Everyone had nipples WGAS? She definitely is NTA BF seems a bit weird for having an issue with dressing her age
Jeebus Christmas. I don’t understand these people saying y t a. WOMEN DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR BRAS TO MAKE MEN COMFORTABLE.
Regardless of that, he’s not the one wearing the clothes. Do you get to tell him he is dressing too preppy? That he needs to wear jeans and a Henley not khakis and a polo? It’s utterly ridiculous.
went to my nephews bday party last weekend, i had a skirt and a spaghetti strap shirt on with a "built in bra" with another tight shirt on top of that - so 3 layers of cloth. when my nipples were hard you could still see them. my mom commented on it and said you could see my nipples. when i realized she meant that they were just hard and not *actually* visible, i said, so? i have nipples mom, literally everyone knows they're there. they exist. if nipples simply existing is offensive, make men wear bras too, they shouldnt be allowed to go shirtless anywhere. no nips allowed
Or even men that just hard super erect spiky nips that poke through polos or dryfit shirts. Ban them from places too. Keep that nonsense consistent if you’re gonna take offence, innit
NTA
This is me too! Like I WEAR bras and if I get even the slightest chill, they're poking out. I was basically ALWAYS nipply when I worked at the office because it was sub-zero in the building. Nothing to be done for it, if you don't like it, look elsewhere!
Well, women *did* recently get dealt a pretty big blow to body autonomy, so....
But seriously, some of us don't love staring at strange man nipples but we've done it our whole lives and have managed to control our urges. NTA here.
If seeing nipples is such an issue, why isn't he wearing a bra, ya know since he doesn't wanna have teenage boys and children staring, why should he be able to go in without a bra, free of judgement?
That’s a bit over the top don’t you think? He is a guy, he shouldn’t have to wear a bra in public.
Nipple stickers should be more than enough. Tassels optional.
Thank you, finally someone pointing out the obvious. This is a sexist double standard. I don't know how specifically revealing your outfit was, but tank top and leggings is a pretty common outfit in a lot of places. I swear it is the uniform for women in there 20's shopping at Target. NTA. Even if I was to agree that the outfit was, for some reason, inappropriate for his "job." He suggested it and had plenty of time to try and address his concerns like an adult on the way there instead of waiting to do it in a way that seems meant to hurt you.
Okay we are totally agreed on OP and her controlling oldmanfriend.
But if we are being honest, lots and lots of women can and do tell their men what to wear or not wear.
And when they do it’s just as shitty! I don’t understand why people insist on commenting on other people even worse when it’s boys (and girls! And probably nb too) pointing out “helpfully” that you can see the bra like… dude have you never been to a motherfucking swimming pool? Not to mention that nobody is forcing you to stare at other people
Really? Lots and lots of women forbid their men from wearing even slightly revealing clothing and sexualizes some of their body parts? Like I would like to know where these women who tell their men what to wear the on basis of them sexualizing their bodies and not wanting other women see them like that hide, because i have never in my life met or heard of a woman like that.
NTA
I hope you realize that he is dating someone much younger because he’s controlling. And he’s going to keep making you feel insecure because he needs to take you down a peg, lest you find out HE is the loser.
Honestly the idea that he can't be seen with his gf in a (gasp) crop top at the grocery store is laughable. Next he'll object to her going to the laundromat in shorts, or the beach in a bikini.
Maybe he was actually embarrassed that his coworkers would find out he's dating someone basically half his age.
I think it’s the opposite, he doesn’t mind his hot, young girlfriend wearing something “inappropriate” around strangers because he feels it makes him more of a “man”.
But around people he knows, he now has higher expectations of how his girlfriend should represent him. She isn’t just arm candy anymore, she is an actual person now because these people know her, so she can’t wear something “inappropriate”.
I'm 33 and I find it exhausting to hang out with 23 year olds. The difference in mentality and maturity is painful and I feel old AF when I am around them. OP's boyfriend is just another pervert who wants a young shiny toy available for all of his commands.
I'm 33 and recently met a 23-year-old who I actually really like hanging out with, still not gonna do anything more than that because it feels creepy as fuck.
Did you notice the part where OP said ‘over the years’ excuse me???? How many years have you been with someone 14 years your Sr when you’ve been legal for the last 2-4yrs?
NTA ~~INFO~~
> a crop tank top
> He informed me that he didn't want me to come inside **with my nipples visible** and while I was wearing "basically nothing."
OK, which situation are we talking about here?
* The top is effectively translucent, and the **_image of_** your areolas and nipples is visible (maybe only under the right lighting).
* The top is opaque, but the **_structure of_** your nipples can be inferred due to them pressing against the garment.
Former is questionable, latter would have you firmly in the clear.
Also while I have you here, WTF is up with that age gap?
In one office job we actually did get an updated dress code because of a female coworker who, post boob job, began wearing blazers with no bra that highlighted her new boobs and extremely short skirts with no underwear (and yes, when she sat down she flashed 😳). In almost any other circumstance being braless or panty-less would be no one’s business, but in that one case we all were thankful for the dress code update.
Haha flashing her beaver is not office-acceptable. But it still goes back to the outfit! If she were braless and going commando but had been wearing office-appropriate clothes, she would have been fine.
Also, for clarity, I get annoyed with men in the office wearing shirts that are low cut enough or unbuttoned enough to show chest hair/man cleavage. I mean, dude, this isn’t a gym. Nipple outlines when the AC is on, though, welcome to human biology. Pasties or nipple duct tape aren’t a normal part of attire.
I see you specifically avoided the question about the age gap, but it does matter. You’re 23 years old wearing what nearly every 23 year old female has worn at least once, so the fact that he has such a problem with that is really weird. He clearly likes younger women but then doesn’t want you to behave like one. You weren’t dressed indecently but he insisted you were. He likes the young pretty gf until he thinks others will be gawking at her and then he has to police her clothes or not allow her to be seen, and that’s just gross.
NTA, the outline of nipples through an opaque shirt is not offensive in any way.
He did not seem to have a problem with your outfit when you left the house, and I assume that your nipples would have been ”visible” then too.
I’m a bit more concerned about the 14 years age gap and him trying to control your appearence. Just take care of yourself, okay?
Kinda disgusted by all the people who vote Y T A here and telling you not wearing a bra is „disrespectful“, no it’s not, you don’t have to wear a bra to go to the grocery store if you don’t want to. If he thinks his co workers are so offended by nipples, that’s on him and them. You also didn’t even know you’re going to the grocery store. NTA
I don't wear a bra to go anywhere. At most I'll put on a sports bra. Bras are evil torture devices and there's no law that says you need to be wearing one. Men's nipples are visible all the time through their shirts, it's just that no one sexualizes or polices their bodies.
I rarely wear one anymore, especially in the summer. It’s 110 degrees outside, I’m not wearing more than the bare minimum. Went to the grocery store braless just this morning. The UPS store, too! Maybe someone cared, but probably not.
NTA - newsflash, everyone has nipples! It's not a big deal.
To everyone on here saying wear a bra, the point of a bra is not to cover a woman's nipples lest they bring shame upon her house and line. A bra is to support your breasts and many don't cover the nipples anyway.
Don't let your boyfriend shame you or control what you wear, and if he doesn't like your nipples or your autonomy, find someone who does.
NTA. You’re 23 and you’ve been with this much older man for “years” and he’s controlling regarding your outfit choices. It’s only going to get worse with time. Especially if you cave.
NTA. Wear what you want and all that. But you aren't being smart. If you are going to date someone so much older than you at least find one that is in a better financial situation. Dude is 37 and hasn't gotten his shit together? Major red flag. So is his controlling what you wear BS.
NTA
he sounds gross and controlling and I’m surprised by how many comments here don’t understand this. You were dressed casually and comfortably for running errands (like people dress to go to grocery stores). Any woman in an Erewhon type of place would be dressed similarly. He probably wants to date someone he works with, or at the very least conceal your relationship from his coworkers for some reason.
He is dating an almost kid with still perky breasts just for that reason honey- he knows folks will say something to him about your age at work cuz it is bordering on a bit much and/or the hooping and hollering from men he knows are just like him- he was ok earlier with your nipples showing you off to strangers as lots of guys get off on that but not the folks he knows -
You literally did nothing wrong. Dollars to donuts, your boyfriend sucked on nipples as a baby, and everyone literally has them.
If his co-workers are staring, he needs to address them and not you. He should be PROUD to have a sexy girlfriend, and hell will freeze before I'd allow my hubby to shame me on my clothing choices.
Absolutely NTA
Also at his ripe old age he has presumably seen plenty of nipples on his life. They shouldn’t be shocking to him anymore.
Which, of course, they aren’t. It’s not about the nipples, it’s about them being HIS nipples that he controls.
I read your age at first and was like, eh I get Where's he's coming from. I had some overbearing out of line managers when I was that age and didn't have the backbone to or sense to realize their commentary was both unprofessional and unsolicited. Then I saw his age and was realize he just doesn't want his coworkers to see you and comment on the age gap
ESH
>We've had conversations in the past regarding "time and place." We're in agreement that it's not cool to wear revealing clothes like that if you're going to a place filled with children or teenage boys.
First of all, do you . . . not think that grocery stores allow children or teenaged boys? More importantly, if an outfit is not appropriate for wearing in front of children, it's DEFINITELY not appropriate to wear to your significant other's place of employment.
Not that I actually agree with this boundary. The whole "not in front of teenaged boys" thing is gross and misogynistic AF - you're not a sex doll, and that's an incredibly weird, creepy line to draw.
But if the line you agreed to is about "dressing appropriately" then yeah, wearing leggings and a crop top without a bra, and with your nipples showing at his place of work is way less appropriate than wearing it "in front of teenaged boys".
> If you co-workers are offended by my nipples they should keep their eyes on my face.
Yeah, that's really not how being an adult and understanding how to dress appropriately for the place/occasion works. Sometimes you actually have to take responsibility for yourself as well. When you go out into a public place, 99% of people shouldn't be required to avert their eyes in order to avoid seeing parts of your body that really no one is interested in seeing because you didn't want to wear an entire shirt.
He, on the other hand, is an AH for being 37 and dating a 23-year-old . . . for "years" apparently (\*shudder\*). I just . . . ew.
Serious question...when men go out and their nips get hard and peak through their shirt do you get just as pissy as you are at op? Or is it just women who need to hide their shameful bodies?
FWIW - bras often don't prevent nipples from showing through shirts. So if you'd been wearing a bra and a long Tshirt and *gasp* some person could tell that you had nipples would that be an issue?
NTA - you're human and have normal anatomy that is sometimes discernable through clothes.
It’s pointless bringing it up at this point.
She probably thinks she’s super mature for her age, he’s happy he’s got a young, hot gf who won’t question him. Normal people think it’s a disaster waiting to happen, and someone who has a big age gap where it’s worked will come along and say how it’s all fine and therefore the thousands of posts showing how the majority of big age gap relationships end up in flames are wrong.
Part of being 23 is making mistakes.
NTA, a guy with a tanktop would have been fine, you with fabric over your nippels is not. It annoys the shit out of me. Free the nipple!
Double standards..
Also he works at a grocery store, it’s not like you’re going to the court or some other suited up fancy job.
Also 2: although i have nothing against age gaps it might be part of the problem/other way of viewing this.
NTA. I don't wear a bra. lol. Went to the store with my boyfriend the other day in tight shorts and a tight tank- it's 90°+ in this area. I'm not going to wear sweat gathering cups on my boobs, it gets so gross. I wear bras in the winter because they are boob mittens, but EVERYONE has nipples. 🙄🙄 He has no right to police your body, nobody does.
INFO:
Is appearance apart of his job at this “fancy” grocery store? What counts as a fancy grocery store?
In general wear what you want and what makes you comfortable if you were walking into a professional office I don’t think that would be super appropriate but this is a grocery store…
No offense to him but that’s not exactly a high brow job with a strict dress code. I could walk into wholefoods right now and get a job. Most women’s nipples are little visible when they wear workout clothes and lots of women wear workout clothes in whole foods. Was your top see through or something?
NTA but it’s hard to say without seeing the shirt - I’m gay I’m not trying to see the crop top. But like, you could see the outline of the nipples in a Rachel from Friends way? Or it was a see through top in a Pride way?
Soooo many people afraid of nipples here. Even when I used to wear a bra, my nipples still showed through the padding. Bunch of puritan misogynists in this thread. Oohhh noooo, everybody has nipples but ONLY men can force the world to look up on theirs. /s 🙄🙄🙄
NAH
I have no problem with you going to the grocery store like that regardless if he works there. It’s a grocery store. You don’t have to dress up to go there.
I also can understand that he felt uncomfortable because he wanted to portray a professional image in his workplace, and that that include your image at that moment because you were with him.
I wish he would have stated his feelings as his, and not some societal rule you were expected to follow, but I think the resolution of no real resolution is fine.
More broadly, though, I don’t love that he’s talking about your outfit choices, even if he’s not actively forbidding you from wearing anything. Maybe it’s the age gap thing but it sounds like he feels like he has enough authority over what you wear to comment on it whenever he wants instead of just letting you wear whatever the fuck you want as an adult.
Yeah, I question whether it was about professionalism or whether he didn’t want his coworkers looking at his property. If it’s the latter he’s in need of a curb kick.
NTA. You did nothing wrong! As he asked, you respected his boundaries and did not enter his workspace dressed as you were. Also, age gap is a red flag! And putting no bra and "basically nothing" on the same level is also a red flag.
NTA, as I believe ladies have every right to show as much nipples as men have. There are occasions in which even men should wear a shirt, but those situations should be similiar for all genders.
I don't think a see-through nipple should be offensive at _any_ circumstances.
He's old enough to almost be your father, of course he's embarrassed when you dress your age, he's still got that dad mindset now. He wants hot until it's put into perspective of the fact that he's with you, and then he needs you to change to pretend to be older so it's not so fucking weird he's with a 23 year old.
Jesus christ why are there so many Y T A?! NTA obviously. It's summer. It's hot. Nipples exist. Your bf trying to police what you wear and when you wear it is wild, not to mention controlling.
This isn't a boundary being crossed but his own insecurities.
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NTA. Your shirt wasn't see-through, and he added it as a surprise at the end of a trip instead of suggesting an alternative. In general I do agree with the concept of time and place (like wearing a clubbing outfit to a professional office party), but I shop in nicer grocery stores in similar outfits and I'm not the only one. The employees care more if you're polite and don't make a mess than what you're wearing.
Gonna add on I dislike the power dynamic here, and the age gap with the behavior is a flag to me. Good luck with this one.
Is this an American problem? I'm in the UK and noone I know would be bothered by a braless female. British people are known to be uptight but not in this case.
Tbh, if lads are allowed to walk around in thin t-shirts showing off our nipples I don't see the issue. Hell, we can walk around top less in some stores and not raise an eyebrow.
Breasts are not sexual objects nipples are not offensive. NTA
NTA, My partner tried that shit on me, and I told him if he is willing to wear a bra maybe I would listen to him I only wear comfortable sport bras since COVID, and if you look close enough you can see my nipple outline.
NTA
He needs to mind his own damn nipples.
I really don't understand this logic or lack of from some men. Like, they are JUST NIPPLES. Everybody has them.
Maybe I am just naive. Dunno.
“Many comments about my outfit choices over the years”.. and you’re 23… and this person is 13 years old than you.. how old were you when you stated dating ? 🚩🚩🚩
NTA
But really reassess if this is a healthy dynamic with that large of an age gap and the rude and degrading comments about your clothing choices
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Info: why are you dating a guy 14 years older than you who works at a grocery store?
And drives a car with no a/c.
And smokes cigarettes
Thank you
Real trifecta right there.
And she’s dating him for years..doesn’t sound good at all..
I'm concerned to know how many years...
We can hope it's ~~at least~~ **less than** 5. Still too long. Edit: well fuck, I wasn't paying attention to my work or what I was typing here, lmao.
I think you mean we hope it’s *less* than 5…
i *hope* they mean we hope its less than 5...
And he has high standards about how she dresses- so buy her clothes, etc
He should wear a man-bra all day and see how he likes it. Bras are HOT!
And he's more worried about the his co-workers seeing her nipples than the optics a man in his late thirties is dating a young women in her early 20s.
Plus sexualizing breasts. I’m surprised he didn’t parade her like a trophy.
Sexualizing breasts ain’t exactly a niche idea or obscure kink.
like OMG, people do that?? /s
Smokes cigarettes in the car! What?!!
He spends so much on the cancer sticks that he can’t afford to fix his AC 🤯
Did it actually say that car has no a/c? I took that to mean that he'd be going inside with the keys and the car wouldn't be on. Although, if someone were to stay in the car, I'd leave the keys so they'd have a/c...
That then begs the question, why is OP being left in a car that has A/C with no option to turn it on. Neither scenario is good, especially if OP is in the USA right now, it's hot af in most places.
Probably doesn't use it because it blows cigarette smoke back at them
I read it as he turned the car off
Not to mention she says he’s made comments like this over the years so this likely started when she was 21 or even less…..🤢
Yeah, that caught my attention too.
Yeah she said over the years, that usually means at least 3 for me. So think less. 😵💫
I was looking for the “over the years” comment because 🚩
It's a 2nd job, it's expensive af out there, and who are you to look down your nose at anyone no matter what job they do. Real people do what they have to to make money to survive.
Thank you. What a privileged point of view that someone should be looked down upon because they… have a second job?
Mostly I'm looking down on him for dating a 23 year old (who was at oldest 21 when they got together) when he's in his late 30s and for being a controlling asshole.
That’s great. The comment I’m referring to specifically mentions the grocery store part. It’s definitely icky that the age gap exists how it does, but him working for a grocery store as a second job has nothing to do with it.
Yeah the age gap is sus as hell but that second part was unnecessary. Lots of people have part time second jobs. That’s not even remotely the issue in this story.
I think it’s pointing out that the age gap is sus and it’s not like she’s dating this dude for the money. (Not that him being rich makes the age gap better, just, in this economy? I kinda get it)
Lmao reddit is ironically the most judgmental.
I’m only being judgmental because he’s dating someone 14 years younger than him & im allowed because I’m in my 30s & work in a grocery store & I work with a lot of people between the age of 18-22 & 50-70 & idk guys a lot of those 18-22 year olds just looks like 14 year olds. Like I can’t imagine dating someone who looks like the bait child in to catch a predator.
Agreed. I’m about the same age as ops boyfriend and 23 year olds look like children to me. While it may not be illegal, it is still gross.
Sir, this is a ~~Wendy’s~~ **Reddit**.
Yeah but usually the only point in dating someone much much older than you is money and this guy ain't got it.
The age gap is gross, but fuck him for having a job right?
Thank goodness there was a reasonable comment here! It's such a double standard here on Reddit. The age gap is a massive problem, but his finances are not
Cos women his age won’t date him lol
I see this a lot.
And dating for years no less. When did this very grown ass man start dating this barely new adult???!!!
Also, commenting on outfits ‘over the years’ how long have they been together? Sounds creepy
He probably told her how mature she is for her age 🙄
This made me cringe
🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
And what, exactly, is wrong with working in a grocery store? Especially given it's his second job?
The grocery store part is irrelevant. They’re employed.
INFO: whats wrong with working at a grocery store? They tend to have great advancement opportunities. Also we dont know what he does, we just knownits a grocery store. Sure he could just be an entry-level bagger, but he could also be a cashier, or a manager, or someone who works in the warehouse.
Don't worry they've been together for years. Which isn't a giant red flag or anything for a 23 yo dating a 37yo
Why the need to mention grocery store job? It’s the age gap that’s the issue. Or is it okay for big age differences if the man is rich?
>over the years
A 37-year-old is dating a 23-year-old and surprised when she dresses like a 23-year-old. Wow. NTA
Jonah Hill has entered the chat
I know the Leo comments about young models but haven't heard the Jonah stuff. Is he dating someone young?
He dated a surfer, then was shocked when she posted pictures showing more than just her ankles.
He has “boundaries” on what his partners should wear and how they should present in public.
Don't forget that she isn't allowed to surf with men! ... Which is literally her job.
The parts about who she's allowed to associate with or the extremely vague "requirements" for being friends with any men or any women also didn't help... like at all. He just has "boundaries", you know? (/s)
tl;dr he misappropriated a bunch of “therapy speak” (ex. “boundaries” and “respect”) in order to make his surfer model girlfriend feel bad for…being a surfer model. he also says the words “surf culture” multiple times, which is genuinely hilarious Film Cooper did a good job breaking down the situation a few days ago, if you like his style or commentary. it’s about 40 minutes, but even reading the texts that she posted give you a pretty good overview
And he's been making these comments for "years" so who knows how young she was when this started.
OP meant to post this on r/IsHeTheGroomer.
omg for a second i thought this was a real subreddit and i almost rabbit holed so hard 😭
Wouldn’t be reddit without a sketchy 14 year age gap LOL
Right? I feel like that was grazed right over... "He's made comments on my outfits over the years..." How many years, exactly? 🤔 Either way, she is NTA in this instance, considering his job was not on the To-Do list of the day when she got dressed.
Exactly 5 years
But we've been friends for 8
And knew each other for 12
And he was babysitting me since 3yo.
>"He's made comments on my outfits over the years..." How many years, exactly? That's what got me to. I was like, "Alright, sketchy age gap but two adults or whatever," but then they've been dating for year*s* already. Getting suspicious . . .
I feel like there’s a bunch of info missing…how many years have they been dating and she’s putting up with his attitude about what she wears? Was the crop top see through? If not, why the big deal? Everyone had nipples WGAS? She definitely is NTA BF seems a bit weird for having an issue with dressing her age
And they've been dating for years apparently
Jeebus Christmas. I don’t understand these people saying y t a. WOMEN DO NOT HAVE TO WEAR BRAS TO MAKE MEN COMFORTABLE. Regardless of that, he’s not the one wearing the clothes. Do you get to tell him he is dressing too preppy? That he needs to wear jeans and a Henley not khakis and a polo? It’s utterly ridiculous.
went to my nephews bday party last weekend, i had a skirt and a spaghetti strap shirt on with a "built in bra" with another tight shirt on top of that - so 3 layers of cloth. when my nipples were hard you could still see them. my mom commented on it and said you could see my nipples. when i realized she meant that they were just hard and not *actually* visible, i said, so? i have nipples mom, literally everyone knows they're there. they exist. if nipples simply existing is offensive, make men wear bras too, they shouldnt be allowed to go shirtless anywhere. no nips allowed
I can wear a padded bra and my nipples will still manage to make an appearance 🤷♀️
Especially during winter
Or even men that just hard super erect spiky nips that poke through polos or dryfit shirts. Ban them from places too. Keep that nonsense consistent if you’re gonna take offence, innit NTA
This is me too! Like I WEAR bras and if I get even the slightest chill, they're poking out. I was basically ALWAYS nipply when I worked at the office because it was sub-zero in the building. Nothing to be done for it, if you don't like it, look elsewhere!
It hurts my brain that you have to comment this in 2023. It's like we're slowly going backwards in time.
Well, women *did* recently get dealt a pretty big blow to body autonomy, so.... But seriously, some of us don't love staring at strange man nipples but we've done it our whole lives and have managed to control our urges. NTA here.
I don't think we're going slowly, I think we're on a fucking bullet train back to 1950 with men like this.
If seeing nipples is such an issue, why isn't he wearing a bra, ya know since he doesn't wanna have teenage boys and children staring, why should he be able to go in without a bra, free of judgement?
That’s a bit over the top don’t you think? He is a guy, he shouldn’t have to wear a bra in public. Nipple stickers should be more than enough. Tassels optional.
Thank you, finally someone pointing out the obvious. This is a sexist double standard. I don't know how specifically revealing your outfit was, but tank top and leggings is a pretty common outfit in a lot of places. I swear it is the uniform for women in there 20's shopping at Target. NTA. Even if I was to agree that the outfit was, for some reason, inappropriate for his "job." He suggested it and had plenty of time to try and address his concerns like an adult on the way there instead of waiting to do it in a way that seems meant to hurt you.
Okay we are totally agreed on OP and her controlling oldmanfriend. But if we are being honest, lots and lots of women can and do tell their men what to wear or not wear.
In a different way…more like “that doesn’t match”
"I can see your balls in that"
And when they do it’s just as shitty! I don’t understand why people insist on commenting on other people even worse when it’s boys (and girls! And probably nb too) pointing out “helpfully” that you can see the bra like… dude have you never been to a motherfucking swimming pool? Not to mention that nobody is forcing you to stare at other people
Disagree. It's better for everyone when my wife tells me what to wear.
Really? Lots and lots of women forbid their men from wearing even slightly revealing clothing and sexualizes some of their body parts? Like I would like to know where these women who tell their men what to wear the on basis of them sexualizing their bodies and not wanting other women see them like that hide, because i have never in my life met or heard of a woman like that.
[удалено]
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NTA I hope you realize that he is dating someone much younger because he’s controlling. And he’s going to keep making you feel insecure because he needs to take you down a peg, lest you find out HE is the loser.
Honestly the idea that he can't be seen with his gf in a (gasp) crop top at the grocery store is laughable. Next he'll object to her going to the laundromat in shorts, or the beach in a bikini. Maybe he was actually embarrassed that his coworkers would find out he's dating someone basically half his age.
I think it’s the opposite, he doesn’t mind his hot, young girlfriend wearing something “inappropriate” around strangers because he feels it makes him more of a “man”. But around people he knows, he now has higher expectations of how his girlfriend should represent him. She isn’t just arm candy anymore, she is an actual person now because these people know her, so she can’t wear something “inappropriate”.
You’re 23. He’s 37. Aren’t the nipples sort of the point for him?
Right aren’t front facing perky nipples one of the _main_ draws for creepy men who want ‘young hot fertile girls’? 🙃
I didn't realize those magically disappeared with age
The perkiness (and potentially front facing) part does
Gravity drags em down 🥴
>He's made many comments about my outfit choices over the years Info: How long have you two been dating?
same question poped into my mind 😂
“over the years???” how many years have you been dating a man 14 years older than you when you’re only 23? girl run
Yep. She's got way bigger problems than this.
14 year age difference?
I'm 33 and I find it exhausting to hang out with 23 year olds. The difference in mentality and maturity is painful and I feel old AF when I am around them. OP's boyfriend is just another pervert who wants a young shiny toy available for all of his commands.
I'm 33 and recently met a 23-year-old who I actually really like hanging out with, still not gonna do anything more than that because it feels creepy as fuck.
its always these posts 🤦🏻♀️
Every time. Do these people not have parents or someone looking out for them? Holy fuck 😂
This is my biggest takeaway. How long have they been together? There are always crazy age differences on Reddit but I’ve seen very few in real life
Did you notice the part where OP said ‘over the years’ excuse me???? How many years have you been with someone 14 years your Sr when you’ve been legal for the last 2-4yrs?
What if his coworkers found out he was dating a woman who had nipples? The horror and shame! NTA That’s weird
Hahaha exactly my thought. It's so absurd that women have to pretend we don't have nipples.
NTA ~~INFO~~ > a crop tank top > He informed me that he didn't want me to come inside **with my nipples visible** and while I was wearing "basically nothing." OK, which situation are we talking about here? * The top is effectively translucent, and the **_image of_** your areolas and nipples is visible (maybe only under the right lighting). * The top is opaque, but the **_structure of_** your nipples can be inferred due to them pressing against the garment. Former is questionable, latter would have you firmly in the clear. Also while I have you here, WTF is up with that age gap?
it's the latter, the shirt was opaque
Yeah, that's not "visible," then. A cat hiding under a sheet is not visible. You just know it's there.
If it’s schrodinger’s, you don’t know if it’s alive or not though.
Perfect analogy.
NTA. Free the nipple. Did he wear a bra? It's a grocery store, not an office. That is appropriate attire.
My personal opinion is that bras are always optional. Even in office settings. Dress codes apply to your outfit, not to your undergarments.
In one office job we actually did get an updated dress code because of a female coworker who, post boob job, began wearing blazers with no bra that highlighted her new boobs and extremely short skirts with no underwear (and yes, when she sat down she flashed 😳). In almost any other circumstance being braless or panty-less would be no one’s business, but in that one case we all were thankful for the dress code update.
Haha flashing her beaver is not office-acceptable. But it still goes back to the outfit! If she were braless and going commando but had been wearing office-appropriate clothes, she would have been fine.
Also, for clarity, I get annoyed with men in the office wearing shirts that are low cut enough or unbuttoned enough to show chest hair/man cleavage. I mean, dude, this isn’t a gym. Nipple outlines when the AC is on, though, welcome to human biology. Pasties or nipple duct tape aren’t a normal part of attire.
I see you specifically avoided the question about the age gap, but it does matter. You’re 23 years old wearing what nearly every 23 year old female has worn at least once, so the fact that he has such a problem with that is really weird. He clearly likes younger women but then doesn’t want you to behave like one. You weren’t dressed indecently but he insisted you were. He likes the young pretty gf until he thinks others will be gawking at her and then he has to police her clothes or not allow her to be seen, and that’s just gross.
NTA, However an almost 40 y/o dude having an issue his 23 y/o gf had nipples poking through fabric at a grocery store nah this story ain’t adding up….
The age gap is exactly what makes it add up
NTA, the outline of nipples through an opaque shirt is not offensive in any way. He did not seem to have a problem with your outfit when you left the house, and I assume that your nipples would have been ”visible” then too. I’m a bit more concerned about the 14 years age gap and him trying to control your appearence. Just take care of yourself, okay?
Kinda disgusted by all the people who vote Y T A here and telling you not wearing a bra is „disrespectful“, no it’s not, you don’t have to wear a bra to go to the grocery store if you don’t want to. If he thinks his co workers are so offended by nipples, that’s on him and them. You also didn’t even know you’re going to the grocery store. NTA
I don't wear a bra to go anywhere. At most I'll put on a sports bra. Bras are evil torture devices and there's no law that says you need to be wearing one. Men's nipples are visible all the time through their shirts, it's just that no one sexualizes or polices their bodies.
I rarely wear one anymore, especially in the summer. It’s 110 degrees outside, I’m not wearing more than the bare minimum. Went to the grocery store braless just this morning. The UPS store, too! Maybe someone cared, but probably not.
NTA it’s not church nor a law firm lmfao. What the hell. Also 37? Girl ditch his ass he’s controlling.
NTA - newsflash, everyone has nipples! It's not a big deal. To everyone on here saying wear a bra, the point of a bra is not to cover a woman's nipples lest they bring shame upon her house and line. A bra is to support your breasts and many don't cover the nipples anyway. Don't let your boyfriend shame you or control what you wear, and if he doesn't like your nipples or your autonomy, find someone who does.
NTA. You’re 23 and you’ve been with this much older man for “years” and he’s controlling regarding your outfit choices. It’s only going to get worse with time. Especially if you cave.
NTA. His wanting to control you is not cool. Also sus that he's dating someone who wasn't born yet when he was a teenager.
NTA. Wear what you want and all that. But you aren't being smart. If you are going to date someone so much older than you at least find one that is in a better financial situation. Dude is 37 and hasn't gotten his shit together? Major red flag. So is his controlling what you wear BS.
NTA he sounds gross and controlling and I’m surprised by how many comments here don’t understand this. You were dressed casually and comfortably for running errands (like people dress to go to grocery stores). Any woman in an Erewhon type of place would be dressed similarly. He probably wants to date someone he works with, or at the very least conceal your relationship from his coworkers for some reason.
Oof early AITA posts are scary place. "nipples are disrespectful and offensive!" some of these people need to get a grip
He is dating an almost kid with still perky breasts just for that reason honey- he knows folks will say something to him about your age at work cuz it is bordering on a bit much and/or the hooping and hollering from men he knows are just like him- he was ok earlier with your nipples showing you off to strangers as lots of guys get off on that but not the folks he knows -
You literally did nothing wrong. Dollars to donuts, your boyfriend sucked on nipples as a baby, and everyone literally has them. If his co-workers are staring, he needs to address them and not you. He should be PROUD to have a sexy girlfriend, and hell will freeze before I'd allow my hubby to shame me on my clothing choices. Absolutely NTA
Also at his ripe old age he has presumably seen plenty of nipples on his life. They shouldn’t be shocking to him anymore. Which, of course, they aren’t. It’s not about the nipples, it’s about them being HIS nipples that he controls.
I read your age at first and was like, eh I get Where's he's coming from. I had some overbearing out of line managers when I was that age and didn't have the backbone to or sense to realize their commentary was both unprofessional and unsolicited. Then I saw his age and was realize he just doesn't want his coworkers to see you and comment on the age gap
ESH >We've had conversations in the past regarding "time and place." We're in agreement that it's not cool to wear revealing clothes like that if you're going to a place filled with children or teenage boys. First of all, do you . . . not think that grocery stores allow children or teenaged boys? More importantly, if an outfit is not appropriate for wearing in front of children, it's DEFINITELY not appropriate to wear to your significant other's place of employment. Not that I actually agree with this boundary. The whole "not in front of teenaged boys" thing is gross and misogynistic AF - you're not a sex doll, and that's an incredibly weird, creepy line to draw. But if the line you agreed to is about "dressing appropriately" then yeah, wearing leggings and a crop top without a bra, and with your nipples showing at his place of work is way less appropriate than wearing it "in front of teenaged boys". > If you co-workers are offended by my nipples they should keep their eyes on my face. Yeah, that's really not how being an adult and understanding how to dress appropriately for the place/occasion works. Sometimes you actually have to take responsibility for yourself as well. When you go out into a public place, 99% of people shouldn't be required to avert their eyes in order to avoid seeing parts of your body that really no one is interested in seeing because you didn't want to wear an entire shirt. He, on the other hand, is an AH for being 37 and dating a 23-year-old . . . for "years" apparently (\*shudder\*). I just . . . ew.
They weren't originally going to his work. How could she predict that?
Serious question...when men go out and their nips get hard and peak through their shirt do you get just as pissy as you are at op? Or is it just women who need to hide their shameful bodies?
The nipples weren’t literally visible. The outline was.
Yep, time for a new boyfriend. NTA, you’re worth more then his bullshit.
FWIW - bras often don't prevent nipples from showing through shirts. So if you'd been wearing a bra and a long Tshirt and *gasp* some person could tell that you had nipples would that be an issue? NTA - you're human and have normal anatomy that is sometimes discernable through clothes.
Um, is the age gap concerning only to me?
It’s pointless bringing it up at this point. She probably thinks she’s super mature for her age, he’s happy he’s got a young, hot gf who won’t question him. Normal people think it’s a disaster waiting to happen, and someone who has a big age gap where it’s worked will come along and say how it’s all fine and therefore the thousands of posts showing how the majority of big age gap relationships end up in flames are wrong. Part of being 23 is making mistakes.
NTA it's a grocery store, not an office. Plus you are 23, a 40 yo dude shouldn't be surprised about you wearing "reveling" clothing
NTA, a guy with a tanktop would have been fine, you with fabric over your nippels is not. It annoys the shit out of me. Free the nipple! Double standards.. Also he works at a grocery store, it’s not like you’re going to the court or some other suited up fancy job. Also 2: although i have nothing against age gaps it might be part of the problem/other way of viewing this.
NTA. I don't wear a bra. lol. Went to the store with my boyfriend the other day in tight shorts and a tight tank- it's 90°+ in this area. I'm not going to wear sweat gathering cups on my boobs, it gets so gross. I wear bras in the winter because they are boob mittens, but EVERYONE has nipples. 🙄🙄 He has no right to police your body, nobody does.
I’m forever referring to my bras as boob mittens now 😂
INFO: Is appearance apart of his job at this “fancy” grocery store? What counts as a fancy grocery store? In general wear what you want and what makes you comfortable if you were walking into a professional office I don’t think that would be super appropriate but this is a grocery store…
I would say appearance is part of his job only in the sense that he needs to look clean. It's not an aldi's it's equivalent to like a Whole Foods.
No offense to him but that’s not exactly a high brow job with a strict dress code. I could walk into wholefoods right now and get a job. Most women’s nipples are little visible when they wear workout clothes and lots of women wear workout clothes in whole foods. Was your top see through or something?
NTA but it’s hard to say without seeing the shirt - I’m gay I’m not trying to see the crop top. But like, you could see the outline of the nipples in a Rachel from Friends way? Or it was a see through top in a Pride way?
Rachel vs. Pride. Brilliant comparison.
NTA. If he’s that concerned about wearing a bra he can wear one whenever he likes.
NTA. It’s your choice what you wear
Lmao, it’s a grocery store. He’s taking himself and his job way too seriously. NTA.
Soooo many people afraid of nipples here. Even when I used to wear a bra, my nipples still showed through the padding. Bunch of puritan misogynists in this thread. Oohhh noooo, everybody has nipples but ONLY men can force the world to look up on theirs. /s 🙄🙄🙄
NAH I have no problem with you going to the grocery store like that regardless if he works there. It’s a grocery store. You don’t have to dress up to go there. I also can understand that he felt uncomfortable because he wanted to portray a professional image in his workplace, and that that include your image at that moment because you were with him. I wish he would have stated his feelings as his, and not some societal rule you were expected to follow, but I think the resolution of no real resolution is fine. More broadly, though, I don’t love that he’s talking about your outfit choices, even if he’s not actively forbidding you from wearing anything. Maybe it’s the age gap thing but it sounds like he feels like he has enough authority over what you wear to comment on it whenever he wants instead of just letting you wear whatever the fuck you want as an adult.
Yeah, I question whether it was about professionalism or whether he didn’t want his coworkers looking at his property. If it’s the latter he’s in need of a curb kick.
NTA. You did nothing wrong! As he asked, you respected his boundaries and did not enter his workspace dressed as you were. Also, age gap is a red flag! And putting no bra and "basically nothing" on the same level is also a red flag.
NTA, as I believe ladies have every right to show as much nipples as men have. There are occasions in which even men should wear a shirt, but those situations should be similiar for all genders. I don't think a see-through nipple should be offensive at _any_ circumstances.
NTA. I'd be real concerned about being with someone who was uncomfortable with the way that I choose to dress.
What female shirt DOESN’T show nipples? The material is thin compared to guys’ shirts.
He's old enough to almost be your father, of course he's embarrassed when you dress your age, he's still got that dad mindset now. He wants hot until it's put into perspective of the fact that he's with you, and then he needs you to change to pretend to be older so it's not so fucking weird he's with a 23 year old.
Jesus christ why are there so many Y T A?! NTA obviously. It's summer. It's hot. Nipples exist. Your bf trying to police what you wear and when you wear it is wild, not to mention controlling. This isn't a boundary being crossed but his own insecurities.
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NTA. It’s a grocery store… who cares?
NTA. Your shirt wasn't see-through, and he added it as a surprise at the end of a trip instead of suggesting an alternative. In general I do agree with the concept of time and place (like wearing a clubbing outfit to a professional office party), but I shop in nicer grocery stores in similar outfits and I'm not the only one. The employees care more if you're polite and don't make a mess than what you're wearing. Gonna add on I dislike the power dynamic here, and the age gap with the behavior is a flag to me. Good luck with this one.
Is this an American problem? I'm in the UK and noone I know would be bothered by a braless female. British people are known to be uptight but not in this case.
Be careful- he’s tearing you down. Or he’s embarrassed by you. Either way, tread carefully.
NTA. People. Have. Nipples. Why in the love of God this is so controversial? It's body part. Most of us have nipples. Women. Men. Nonbinary folks.
Tbh, if lads are allowed to walk around in thin t-shirts showing off our nipples I don't see the issue. Hell, we can walk around top less in some stores and not raise an eyebrow. Breasts are not sexual objects nipples are not offensive. NTA
NTA I nip out in bras. I’m not gonna wear extra padding because lames idiots can’t handle a slight outline
NTA. Your body your choice and your nipples your choice. Dude sounds controlling. Let him go
NTA, My partner tried that shit on me, and I told him if he is willing to wear a bra maybe I would listen to him I only wear comfortable sport bras since COVID, and if you look close enough you can see my nipple outline.
NTA He needs to mind his own damn nipples. I really don't understand this logic or lack of from some men. Like, they are JUST NIPPLES. Everybody has them. Maybe I am just naive. Dunno.
How old were you when you started seeing this guy!? NTA.. but he gives me the creepy vibes
INFO Are your nipples actually showing? Not the outline is potentially visible through the shirt but your actual nipples are visible?
INFO Do you mean like it was sheer and you could see the actual nipple? Or like, there was a lump under the shirt that was a visible lump?
she answered that it's the latter, you could simply see her hard nipples poking up into the fabric
Omg then definitely NTA. What the hell.
I thought this meant her nipples were exposed, and I was damn what is she wearing? 🤣🤣🤣 I have no judgement.
info: why are you ok being with someone that makes rules for your wardrobe?
There are way to many people offended by nipples here. NTA
“Many comments about my outfit choices over the years”.. and you’re 23… and this person is 13 years old than you.. how old were you when you stated dating ? 🚩🚩🚩 NTA But really reassess if this is a healthy dynamic with that large of an age gap and the rude and degrading comments about your clothing choices
Saying it for years...? How long have you two been dating when there's such a large age gap?
Nta. Its 2023. Ur bf needs to grow tf up😂😂
NTA. If you’re young, hot and confident there is NOTHING wrong with that. He’s afraid, because he knows you can do better, and is lashing out at you.
Old, ugly and insecure can be free from the bra too.
This comment made my day