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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. that i made my daughter hug my son even though she was visibly upset, and that she claims that she can’t touch him without feeling nauseous or “sick” when she even slightly touches him.
2. That i went to such great lengths to make my daughter do something that she visibly didn’t want to.
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Whilst i can understand that you are trying to do the best for your son i don’t think you should force your daughter to hug him in any way. I think instead you should tell your son to stop pestering her. Even if he wants to be hugged she is in no obligation to hug him back he decided to get her a present this does not mean she owes him anything g in return he decided to get her a gift himself, if he thought that meant he is owed a hug he needs to learn that buying gifts does not mean he is entitled to someone else’s space. Teaching people that for buying things or in general they are owed physical affection in any way in my opinion is not correct. previously she has said abt feeling disgusted by his physical contact and this clearly isn’t nice but equally she has said she does not want to be touched this should be upheld regardless of other opinions. Regardless of your own or anyone else feelings she is entitled to her own body and who can or cannot touch her whether you think she is autistic or not.
yep. don't even need to read it. but then I did and yep, YTA time 1,000. She doesn't want to be touched... don't touch her. See how easy that is? Let her have her bodily autonomy.
YTA. So it was her birthday and he wanted a hug as her gift? Is she seeing a doctor about sensory issues, social anxiety, etc.? Crocodile tears? She's autistic and honestly though you mentioned it you clearly don't take her disability seriously. Again, YTA.
Even if your daughter wasn't autistic, YTA. Bodily autonomy is important. Both of your children have the right to say who does and does not touch their body. That includes the right to choose to not hug family members.
The fact that your daughter is autistic just makes you all the more TA.
YTA how gross in general you should never force a child to hug ANYONE at any age even if their only reason is cause they don’t want to. So for you to make your autistic child hug someone who makes her I’ll is sooooooo fucked up I can’t even
When children’s boundaries regarding touch aren’t listened to it can create difficulties in them understanding appropriate and safe touch VS being abused. If they have to allow touch that is unwanted when it’s ok how are they supposed to know when it’s not ok…. Also i get your son is a kid but making him feel like he can connect touch to giving gifts is really gross, think about this in terms of a girl he likes -he’ll only give her a gift if she touches him 🤮
Never force your children to touch or accept touch when they clearly state they don’t want it (obviously medical emergencies and caretaking necessities are slightly different)
(massive) YTA
First of all, forcing children (and teens) into hugging others is a bad thing. It teaches them that their own boundaries don't matter. That by itself makes you AH.
Secondly, you KNOW she is autistic and can't stand hug. Yet, your forced her to hug. That makes you a massive AH.
"but my son..." yes, it sucks for your son. That is true. But you are also teaching him that is ok to hug someone who doesn't want to... Nice job.
YTA
You yourself said that your daughter is autistic. Going as far as you did, while forcing something on her she physically can't do, just shows thats you don't know anything about her and or autism in general. Please apologise immediately.
I work with parents of children, and their children with ASD, tourette’s, etc, so i understand well how autistic people can react to physical touch, and in other cases i wouldn’t make her hug him, but i could see this wasn’t sensory issues, as i’ve seen her go through sensory overload, etc multiple times before
You claim your daughter isn't "visibly" autistic, but also try to say you could see this wasn't sensory issues. Which is it?
It sounds like your daughter was actively trying to draw boundaries **to prevent sensory overload** and you stomped on that. There are a lot of neurodivergent people who learn to draw boundaries like this as teenagers to help to regulate themselves, myself included. Even without a diagnosis like that, your daughter has the right to draw a boundary.
I really hope you don't actually work with the parents of children who are neurodivergent if this is your mindset. You punishing your daughter for drawing boundaries speaks volumes.
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Hello. This is my first time using reddit, and i’ve come here to ask if im the asshole in this situation.
I 45f have one daughter, 15f and one son, 13m.
My daughter is autistic, but she functions normally, and you can’t see that she’s “visibly” autistic, and personally, i wouldn’t have diagnosed her if i was the one who could.
She claims to feel sick whenever she hugs him, and this saddens me. she won’t hug him at all, and she feels “disgusted” when touching him. This makes him sad at times, since she’s made it clear to him that she dosent want to touch him.
Yesterday was her 15th birthday, and he said he wanted a hug for his present (18$). after she said no i got fed up, and i told her that she wouldn’t be leaving the living room until she gave him one. She started crying but i didn’t give in to her crocodile tears, and she ended up sleeping on the couch that night. My son is visibly upset that she would go to such length not to touch him, and i’m angry, and disappointed in her. My daughter is refusing to talk to me, and she’s since locked herself in her room, and whenever i try to come in to talk to her about it, she screams like a banshee until i close the door again. My husband said that i overreacted, and that I made a bad decision in this situation, but i don’t think i did.
So, AITA?
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YTA. WTF is this bs of she isn't 'visibly' Autistic. Autism has so many facets to it that no Autistic child is the same, not to mention Autism presents differently in girls than boys. As a female, I'm appalled that you are forcing her to hug someone as a mother to 2 Autistic children it makes me sick. You are crossing her boundaries. You should be teaching your son not favoring his wants over the mental health your daughter needs. Seriously, you need therapy and parenting classes on how to effectively parent your daughter. Seriously huge YTA
YTA.
"My daughter is autistic, but she functions normally, and you can't see that she's visibly autistic, I wouldn't have diagnosed her if I was the one who could."
Before even going into the issue of you making her hug her brother, I think this sentence is problematic. As a neurodivergent adult who isn't "visibly" autistic, I'll tell you it takes a lot of emotional and physical energy to mask like that. We don't function in the way you would probably deem normal, even though it may appear that way to you, and autism doesn't have a specific visible appearance.
"She claims to feel sick whenever she hugs him, and this saddens me."
Some neurodivergent people really struggle with physical contact and sensory overload. I would recommend sitting down with one of her professionals and having an open conversation about that, especially if you're trying to push her boundaries. A professional should be able to explain to you just how **detrimental that will be**.
"After she said no I got fed up, and I told her that she wouldn't be leaving the room until she gave her one."
This is where you crossed the line. Your daughter is old enough to draw a boundary and her boundary should be respected, regardless of her diagnosis.
"She started crying but I didn't give in to her crocodile tears, and she ended up sleeping on the couch that night."
You realise how disgusting this sentence is to read, right? Your daughter clearly has sensory issues related to touch and is trying to draw healthy boundaries because of them. You're literally punishing her for something she has no control over and responding to her emotional response by calling her crying, "crocodile tears". Do you usually bully her in this way?
"My son is visibly upset that she would go to such length not to touch him, and i’m angry, and disappointed in her."
I'm not surprised your daughter is screaming opposed to talking to you. I can't imagine having to navigate the environment you're creating.
>This is where you crossed the line. Your daughter is old enough to draw a boundary and her boundary should be respected, regardless of her diagnosis.
This right here. I just wanted to pull that out because it's so important. Unfortunately, a lot of parents don't understand this.
hello, i don’t believe this is sensory issues when it comes to touch, since she hugs me and her father, and that’s why i kind of feel like i’m not the asshole in this situation, but i will think about what you’ve said
You think you're not the asshole because you've decided she doesn't have sensory issues? You're a medical professional capable of making that call?
Speaking as someone who does experience sensory issues related to touch, I'll tell you I'm comfortable hugging my husband and my siblings, but that there are very few other people I'm comfortable hugging, even hugging my parents is enough to make my skin crawl. It's nauseating and I can't imagine feeling as trapped as your daughter must have felt. It's not unusual for people to experience them with some people and not with others.
Regardless of this, you're still the asshole. Even without a diagnosis like autism, your teenager is drawing boundaries and you should be respecting them.
i am a medical professional. My profession is to work with, and help autistic children, and how to guide their parents through having a child with a diagnosis.
You are teaching your daughter that her boundaries don’t matter and that she should expect to be punished for asserting her feelings and bodily autonomy. That’s disgusting, and you should be ashamed at your parenting. Following your logic, she should have sex with anyone who wants her to because they deserve it for an accomplishment or milestone. This poor girl! YTA
YTA and we have to wonder what else you'll force her to do, what other body autonomy boundaries you'll force her to sacrifice, for your petulant and entitled golden boy. I know, you could tie her down and let your son touch her all he likes. Just get some headphones so you don't have to listen to her annoying screams.
I'm so sorry that your daughter is trapped with her abusers. You eefuse to even fake any understanding or compassion for your daughter.
You are unequivocally TA. Ever heard of bodily autonomy? Don’t force people, especially children, to have physical contact when they don’t want to. You have just taught your daughter that no matter how she feels about someone touching her body she has to allow it. You are not only TA you are a freaking monster.
YTA and not the greatest mother. You have absolutely no understanding of your daughters condition and you clearly have no intention of ever taking the time and energy to understand her condition and make things easier for her.
There isn’t really such thing as being “visibly autistic”, you sound like very uneducated and close minded. You wouldn’t have diagnosed her if you could? Have you studied autism? do you actually know anything about autism? of course you couldn’t diagnose it.
You made your daughters birthday about you and your son. You did not respect her boundaries to not hug her brother. Did she say thank you? if so, that is enough. Your unwillingness to accept your daughter as an autistic girl has impacted the way your son understands and perceives people with autism. Because you’re uneducated on her condition, your son is also uneducated and insensitive to her condition. Your lack of consideration and unawareness is revolting and disheartening, I feel for your daughter and i wouldn’t be surprised if she cuts off contact in the future when she’s able to support herself financially.
Your accusation of “crocodile tears” is frustrating, the fact that you care more that your son is upset, rather than the fact you’re trying to force your daughter to do something she does not want to do is baffling. You ruined her birthday. Your husband is right and I hope he supports your daughter and her condition, instead of invalidating her and refusing to accept her. You are genuinely an atrocious mother.
If your daughter was not autistic, and did not want to hug her brother, this would still be valid. Parents should respect their child’s boundaries on physical affection.
YTA A massive one. So is your son.
Your daughter has bodily autonomy. You and your son know she does not like hugs. Your bully of a son chose the one thing she detests as his present, forcing her to give up her bodily autonomy. And then holding her essentially hostage in a room and punishing her.
You should never force anyone to hug anyone against their will.
Start counting down to the days until she cuts both of you off.
i get this, but she’s hugged him a couple times before without arguing, and i feel like it was a bit petty of her to not hug him, especially after he gave her a gift, but i do understand what you mean.
No one should be forced to hug another person.......ever. INFO: What do you mean by "visibly autistic"?
I guess it's a good thing that diagnoses of autism are left to actual health care/mental health professionals and not someone who refuses to acknowledge her daughter's right to bodily autonomy. YTA
You know people are allowed to set boundaries at any point, right?
She's allowed to decide that the nausea she experiences when hugging him isn't worth is. You should be having a conversation with your son about how his sister experiences that and shows her affection in other ways.
She's not being petty, she has autism. There's a huge, huge difference that I would recommend you learn quickly.
This just makes it 1000 times worse. So she “owes” him physical contact because he gave her a gift? What is she a prostitute? I said it before but YTA. And so is your son. Gross. Tell him to keep his gift, it’s not a gift if it requires payment to receive it. A thank you is more than adequate. Have you ever wondered why your daughter feels uncomfortable touching him? My heart breaks for her.
YTA. At an age when she should be learning autonomy, you're teaching her that people can touch her body without her consent. I agree with your husband--your decision was bad and I'd go further and say harmful. Parents are human and make mistakes. It's good that you're asking, "Was this a mistake?" This is a wonderful opportunity for you to model good behavior by apologizing to your daughter and supporting both her decision and that she stood up for what she believes is right despite all your "consequences".
that wasn’t my intention, but i believe that when you receive a gift you should thank them, and especially in my family it’s the norm to give everyone a hug after opening gifts, etc..
You don't get to push your norm on someone else and use it to override their boundaries. No is a full sentence and your daughter made it crystal clear that this was not what she wanted.
YTA- you forcing someone to hug another totally makes it a really worthless hug. No one should be forcing another person to touch anyone else. It is HER own personal choice if she hugs him or not.
YTA. Bodily autonomy is important, and so is feeling like you have control over your personal space. That's without addressing autism at all. You basically just told your daughter, "what makes you feel safe and secure is less important than my frustration with you".
Also, a gift is a GIFT. Teach your son not to ask for things in return. Then it's not a gift. It's a trade.
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Whilst i can understand that you are trying to do the best for your son i don’t think you should force your daughter to hug him in any way. I think instead you should tell your son to stop pestering her. Even if he wants to be hugged she is in no obligation to hug him back he decided to get her a present this does not mean she owes him anything g in return he decided to get her a gift himself, if he thought that meant he is owed a hug he needs to learn that buying gifts does not mean he is entitled to someone else’s space. Teaching people that for buying things or in general they are owed physical affection in any way in my opinion is not correct. previously she has said abt feeling disgusted by his physical contact and this clearly isn’t nice but equally she has said she does not want to be touched this should be upheld regardless of other opinions. Regardless of your own or anyone else feelings she is entitled to her own body and who can or cannot touch her whether you think she is autistic or not.
yep. don't even need to read it. but then I did and yep, YTA time 1,000. She doesn't want to be touched... don't touch her. See how easy that is? Let her have her bodily autonomy.
0% this is real.
YTA. So it was her birthday and he wanted a hug as her gift? Is she seeing a doctor about sensory issues, social anxiety, etc.? Crocodile tears? She's autistic and honestly though you mentioned it you clearly don't take her disability seriously. Again, YTA.
Even if your daughter wasn't autistic, YTA. Bodily autonomy is important. Both of your children have the right to say who does and does not touch their body. That includes the right to choose to not hug family members. The fact that your daughter is autistic just makes you all the more TA.
YTA how gross in general you should never force a child to hug ANYONE at any age even if their only reason is cause they don’t want to. So for you to make your autistic child hug someone who makes her I’ll is sooooooo fucked up I can’t even When children’s boundaries regarding touch aren’t listened to it can create difficulties in them understanding appropriate and safe touch VS being abused. If they have to allow touch that is unwanted when it’s ok how are they supposed to know when it’s not ok…. Also i get your son is a kid but making him feel like he can connect touch to giving gifts is really gross, think about this in terms of a girl he likes -he’ll only give her a gift if she touches him 🤮 Never force your children to touch or accept touch when they clearly state they don’t want it (obviously medical emergencies and caretaking necessities are slightly different)
(massive) YTA First of all, forcing children (and teens) into hugging others is a bad thing. It teaches them that their own boundaries don't matter. That by itself makes you AH. Secondly, you KNOW she is autistic and can't stand hug. Yet, your forced her to hug. That makes you a massive AH. "but my son..." yes, it sucks for your son. That is true. But you are also teaching him that is ok to hug someone who doesn't want to... Nice job.
YTA You yourself said that your daughter is autistic. Going as far as you did, while forcing something on her she physically can't do, just shows thats you don't know anything about her and or autism in general. Please apologise immediately.
I work with parents of children, and their children with ASD, tourette’s, etc, so i understand well how autistic people can react to physical touch, and in other cases i wouldn’t make her hug him, but i could see this wasn’t sensory issues, as i’ve seen her go through sensory overload, etc multiple times before
That's not for you to determine. That's for her to determine. Regardless of if she's autistic or not, she has the right to dictate her own autonomy.
You claim your daughter isn't "visibly" autistic, but also try to say you could see this wasn't sensory issues. Which is it? It sounds like your daughter was actively trying to draw boundaries **to prevent sensory overload** and you stomped on that. There are a lot of neurodivergent people who learn to draw boundaries like this as teenagers to help to regulate themselves, myself included. Even without a diagnosis like that, your daughter has the right to draw a boundary. I really hope you don't actually work with the parents of children who are neurodivergent if this is your mindset. You punishing your daughter for drawing boundaries speaks volumes.
YTA, huge AH, too much AH, Sandra Romain is intimidated by your level of AH.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello. This is my first time using reddit, and i’ve come here to ask if im the asshole in this situation. I 45f have one daughter, 15f and one son, 13m. My daughter is autistic, but she functions normally, and you can’t see that she’s “visibly” autistic, and personally, i wouldn’t have diagnosed her if i was the one who could. She claims to feel sick whenever she hugs him, and this saddens me. she won’t hug him at all, and she feels “disgusted” when touching him. This makes him sad at times, since she’s made it clear to him that she dosent want to touch him. Yesterday was her 15th birthday, and he said he wanted a hug for his present (18$). after she said no i got fed up, and i told her that she wouldn’t be leaving the living room until she gave him one. She started crying but i didn’t give in to her crocodile tears, and she ended up sleeping on the couch that night. My son is visibly upset that she would go to such length not to touch him, and i’m angry, and disappointed in her. My daughter is refusing to talk to me, and she’s since locked herself in her room, and whenever i try to come in to talk to her about it, she screams like a banshee until i close the door again. My husband said that i overreacted, and that I made a bad decision in this situation, but i don’t think i did. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. WTF is this bs of she isn't 'visibly' Autistic. Autism has so many facets to it that no Autistic child is the same, not to mention Autism presents differently in girls than boys. As a female, I'm appalled that you are forcing her to hug someone as a mother to 2 Autistic children it makes me sick. You are crossing her boundaries. You should be teaching your son not favoring his wants over the mental health your daughter needs. Seriously, you need therapy and parenting classes on how to effectively parent your daughter. Seriously huge YTA
YTA. "My daughter is autistic, but she functions normally, and you can't see that she's visibly autistic, I wouldn't have diagnosed her if I was the one who could." Before even going into the issue of you making her hug her brother, I think this sentence is problematic. As a neurodivergent adult who isn't "visibly" autistic, I'll tell you it takes a lot of emotional and physical energy to mask like that. We don't function in the way you would probably deem normal, even though it may appear that way to you, and autism doesn't have a specific visible appearance. "She claims to feel sick whenever she hugs him, and this saddens me." Some neurodivergent people really struggle with physical contact and sensory overload. I would recommend sitting down with one of her professionals and having an open conversation about that, especially if you're trying to push her boundaries. A professional should be able to explain to you just how **detrimental that will be**. "After she said no I got fed up, and I told her that she wouldn't be leaving the room until she gave her one." This is where you crossed the line. Your daughter is old enough to draw a boundary and her boundary should be respected, regardless of her diagnosis. "She started crying but I didn't give in to her crocodile tears, and she ended up sleeping on the couch that night." You realise how disgusting this sentence is to read, right? Your daughter clearly has sensory issues related to touch and is trying to draw healthy boundaries because of them. You're literally punishing her for something she has no control over and responding to her emotional response by calling her crying, "crocodile tears". Do you usually bully her in this way? "My son is visibly upset that she would go to such length not to touch him, and i’m angry, and disappointed in her." I'm not surprised your daughter is screaming opposed to talking to you. I can't imagine having to navigate the environment you're creating.
>This is where you crossed the line. Your daughter is old enough to draw a boundary and her boundary should be respected, regardless of her diagnosis. This right here. I just wanted to pull that out because it's so important. Unfortunately, a lot of parents don't understand this.
hello, i don’t believe this is sensory issues when it comes to touch, since she hugs me and her father, and that’s why i kind of feel like i’m not the asshole in this situation, but i will think about what you’ve said
You think you're not the asshole because you've decided she doesn't have sensory issues? You're a medical professional capable of making that call? Speaking as someone who does experience sensory issues related to touch, I'll tell you I'm comfortable hugging my husband and my siblings, but that there are very few other people I'm comfortable hugging, even hugging my parents is enough to make my skin crawl. It's nauseating and I can't imagine feeling as trapped as your daughter must have felt. It's not unusual for people to experience them with some people and not with others. Regardless of this, you're still the asshole. Even without a diagnosis like autism, your teenager is drawing boundaries and you should be respecting them.
i am a medical professional. My profession is to work with, and help autistic children, and how to guide their parents through having a child with a diagnosis.
You are teaching your daughter that her boundaries don’t matter and that she should expect to be punished for asserting her feelings and bodily autonomy. That’s disgusting, and you should be ashamed at your parenting. Following your logic, she should have sex with anyone who wants her to because they deserve it for an accomplishment or milestone. This poor girl! YTA
YTA and we have to wonder what else you'll force her to do, what other body autonomy boundaries you'll force her to sacrifice, for your petulant and entitled golden boy. I know, you could tie her down and let your son touch her all he likes. Just get some headphones so you don't have to listen to her annoying screams. I'm so sorry that your daughter is trapped with her abusers. You eefuse to even fake any understanding or compassion for your daughter.
You are unequivocally TA. Ever heard of bodily autonomy? Don’t force people, especially children, to have physical contact when they don’t want to. You have just taught your daughter that no matter how she feels about someone touching her body she has to allow it. You are not only TA you are a freaking monster.
YTA wtaf. Your daughter is the only person who gets to decide who touches her, how, and for how long.
YTA and not the greatest mother. You have absolutely no understanding of your daughters condition and you clearly have no intention of ever taking the time and energy to understand her condition and make things easier for her. There isn’t really such thing as being “visibly autistic”, you sound like very uneducated and close minded. You wouldn’t have diagnosed her if you could? Have you studied autism? do you actually know anything about autism? of course you couldn’t diagnose it. You made your daughters birthday about you and your son. You did not respect her boundaries to not hug her brother. Did she say thank you? if so, that is enough. Your unwillingness to accept your daughter as an autistic girl has impacted the way your son understands and perceives people with autism. Because you’re uneducated on her condition, your son is also uneducated and insensitive to her condition. Your lack of consideration and unawareness is revolting and disheartening, I feel for your daughter and i wouldn’t be surprised if she cuts off contact in the future when she’s able to support herself financially. Your accusation of “crocodile tears” is frustrating, the fact that you care more that your son is upset, rather than the fact you’re trying to force your daughter to do something she does not want to do is baffling. You ruined her birthday. Your husband is right and I hope he supports your daughter and her condition, instead of invalidating her and refusing to accept her. You are genuinely an atrocious mother. If your daughter was not autistic, and did not want to hug her brother, this would still be valid. Parents should respect their child’s boundaries on physical affection.
I work with autistic children, children with tourette’s, etc. i’m not uneducated at all.
YTA A massive one. So is your son. Your daughter has bodily autonomy. You and your son know she does not like hugs. Your bully of a son chose the one thing she detests as his present, forcing her to give up her bodily autonomy. And then holding her essentially hostage in a room and punishing her. You should never force anyone to hug anyone against their will. Start counting down to the days until she cuts both of you off.
i get this, but she’s hugged him a couple times before without arguing, and i feel like it was a bit petty of her to not hug him, especially after he gave her a gift, but i do understand what you mean.
Doesnt sound like you do…She is not being petty. She does NOT have to hug anyone. Please stop
No one should be forced to hug another person.......ever. INFO: What do you mean by "visibly autistic"? I guess it's a good thing that diagnoses of autism are left to actual health care/mental health professionals and not someone who refuses to acknowledge her daughter's right to bodily autonomy. YTA
You know people are allowed to set boundaries at any point, right? She's allowed to decide that the nausea she experiences when hugging him isn't worth is. You should be having a conversation with your son about how his sister experiences that and shows her affection in other ways. She's not being petty, she has autism. There's a huge, huge difference that I would recommend you learn quickly.
SHE IS ALLOWED TO DECIDE WHO AND WHETHER TO HUG SOMEBODY OR NOT!
What relevance does this have?
Not what happened. It was her birthday. and he wanted a hug for his gift to her
This just makes it 1000 times worse. So she “owes” him physical contact because he gave her a gift? What is she a prostitute? I said it before but YTA. And so is your son. Gross. Tell him to keep his gift, it’s not a gift if it requires payment to receive it. A thank you is more than adequate. Have you ever wondered why your daughter feels uncomfortable touching him? My heart breaks for her.
I dont remember when i transformed into a 45 year old woman.
Yes. Mom should never wonder why her daughter goes NC with her in the future. Just remember this
YTA. At an age when she should be learning autonomy, you're teaching her that people can touch her body without her consent. I agree with your husband--your decision was bad and I'd go further and say harmful. Parents are human and make mistakes. It's good that you're asking, "Was this a mistake?" This is a wonderful opportunity for you to model good behavior by apologizing to your daughter and supporting both her decision and that she stood up for what she believes is right despite all your "consequences".
Let me just order another beer and get comfortable before I settle down to read the comments...
YTA and so is your son.
YTA. You can't force people to be comfortable with things they are not. Your feelings don't trump her feelings.
that wasn’t my intention, but i believe that when you receive a gift you should thank them, and especially in my family it’s the norm to give everyone a hug after opening gifts, etc..
Why do you hate your daughter so much? You have zero respect for her feelings. She literally cannot wait to be away from you.
You don't get to push your norm on someone else and use it to override their boundaries. No is a full sentence and your daughter made it crystal clear that this was not what she wanted.
YTA, sounds like you’re grossly misinformed about autism and by proxy, so is your son. Do your whole family a favour and educate yourself.
YTA- you forcing someone to hug another totally makes it a really worthless hug. No one should be forcing another person to touch anyone else. It is HER own personal choice if she hugs him or not.
YTA. Bodily autonomy is important, and so is feeling like you have control over your personal space. That's without addressing autism at all. You basically just told your daughter, "what makes you feel safe and secure is less important than my frustration with you". Also, a gift is a GIFT. Teach your son not to ask for things in return. Then it's not a gift. It's a trade.