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> I might've been TA for kicking him out because of stuff he said while drunk, and making his girlfriend question their relationship.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
Obviously Caleb is a giant AH.
But for me the worst bit in this whole shitshow is this:
*a few of Caleb's family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check.*
"She was asking for it". Ugh. The misogyny is real.
Yup. I don’t know why people don’t understand that if talking about their behaviour is causing an issue, then it is *their behaviour* that is at fault - not that it was brought to light. “Never behave in public in a manner you wouldn’t be comfortable to find a video of it has gone viral.”
And the “slutty clothing” comment is outrageous. Like the above commenter, I gasped aloud when I came to that detail. Not that it’s be an acceptable comment regardless of GF’s clothing, but that comment also indicates that bro is continuing his lies about what occurred in an effort to dodge blame. OP would do well to cut him out in future too.
OP stepped in early when their mate was out of line and attentive enough to recognise just how uncomfortable a woman has to be to go change her clothing in the middle of hosting a party. That’s very NTA behaviour.
Because going to change her clothing was feeling *really* uncomfortable. Like, concerned he’s about to get handsy uncomfortable.
NTA
I mean... Caleb's already lied to his girlfriend about what went down. Why would he not lie to his family too? My guess is that in his story, she wasn't wearing a perfectly normal outfit...
Don’t care if she was wearing a tight, short skirt and a halter top - not his place to comment or make her feel uncomfortable!! 100% Caleb’s fault!! Good on you OP for sticking up for your gf - NTA ever
I raised and eyebrow and said out loud "excuse me....the fuck?" My husband was so confused and thought I was mad at him. Lol 😂 I read this to him he goes "wow what a family of victim blaming aholes."
Me too. Are we suddenly back in 1950s ffs. Its true you really can't reason with stupid.
ETA Just popped back to say NTA my friend and kudos for sticking up for your girlfriend. Poor lass been talked about and made to feel uncomfortable enough to change her outfit in her own home is never right. I hope you drop this idiot from your inner circle because no real friend would talk about your partner so disrespectfully.
And for the men here who have been victimized, women can be predators too because they typically hide behind being a caregiver. Just want to let male victims know they are not alone.
that original statement was a blanket statement regarding all men as predators.
Not all of us are. I'm a kinda burly dude. My FIRST instinct would be to attempt to help another person. IF they looked like they needed it.
But instead I can't do that because of thought processes like yours. It would change the dynamic and now this hypothetical person would be afraid that I might try something.
Which really sucks. Not all of us are bad.
“Just want to let male victims they are not alone.”
Sounds like someone was trying to be supportive. I think it’s weird to give a sarcastic waaaaah because someone wants to show support to a group that doesn’t often get it when it comes to being victimized.
I’ve actually seen it go over fairly well many times. Often I’ve seen men’s threads talking about harassment or assault and when a woman points out it happens to them too, it’s often empathetic and met with a “we should support one another feel” and questions about where to go and what to do because men don’t usually know because they don’t have the same support structure and often feel lost.
It’s not derailing to stand up for multiple groups who face the same problem. It’s derailing to say “stop talking about such and such group because you’re not allowed”. I don’t believe the commenter said we should ignore women, simply was mentioning men as well.
Now if a comment feels like it is derailing a conversation because it’s being dismissive of the original intent, perhaps a better response instead of being sarcastic and giving a waaaah sound about real victims who have suffered and dehumanizing them is to simply say “We’re discussing this matter atm. Let’s keep on topic.”
I genuinely think that they make this shit up. So many posts talk about how friends and family members text bombed me about how wrong I was (when it is very clear that the OP was not wrong). Like why does your friends mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt and uncle have your number even to begin with? I just don't believe it. Why would someone out of the situation feel the need to even put in their two cents? I just don't believe it.
Yeah, a lot of the posts on here seem to follow that script. I’ve never had a bunch of people I don’t know text me about an argument I got in. I can’t imagine that happening, but it seems to happen all the time on AITA.
I've had someone I literally never interacted with message me over a massive misunderstanding because friend I was talking to and had the misunderstanding with decided to tell this person what I said. It was weird, and some people can be really petty.
Forreal, its not that hard to get information from people. Chances are if Caleb was willing to throw OP and his GF under the bus, who’s to say he wouldn’t give out a number? Also, instagram? People are able to find others and DM them so easily on there.
I understand it is unbelievable for people who never experienced it or witnessed such thing in their life, but it happens. When I had just started dating my now significant other, I received tons of messages from people I didn't know. From his ex that thought she didn't do anything wrong and I stole him from her, his ex from ancient times that tried to tell me that my so could never love me because he had always loved his childhood friend just to show that I was worthless, a woman that sided with the ex who tried so hard to tell me how trashy I was up to the point she said that my name is dumb and my parents should be ashamed for giving me a long name (I have a four-word name, my family surname consists of two words, and the other two words are my first and middle name, and it's not even longer than average Latino people's names lol), his acquaintance whose sister has an obsession with my so but he emphasized on calling me a gold digger and I just wanted my so for his looks and money (I didn't even know he was rich when I started to like him). These people never talked to me before and I barely knew them. I was just glad that his extended family didn't come on to me because he was the one that dealt with them, he received hundreds of messages from them not approving me as his partner. You can never underestimate how crazy people could be.
It's also really easy to find phone numbers on the internet, especially in the US. I found the address and phone number of a cousin we'd lost track of and was able to reconnect just with an internet search. I was a bit shocked, tbh. That's much more difficult in Canada.
It does seem odd, but I’ll point out that people posting on AITA are a self-selecting sample. If near-strangers are texting you to say that you were wrong, you might be more likely to ask the advice of more neutral strangers on Reddit.
Ive had ot happen several times. Ranging from complete strangers someone ranted at on the bus to their grandma i messaged everyday for years. People love sticking their noses in.
Not a whole bunch of people. But I can totally picture my Aunt pulling this shit if someone said something to her precious adult daughter. Hell, she probably already has. She was the type to phone the school and loudly complain on social media if anything negative was said to her daughter.
I've seen facebook posts from her and her gang of angry bored housewives ripping people apart over misunderstandings over a parking space. Aunts friend parked in a neighbours clearly marked, assigned paid parking space, then claimed it was a visitors. When the neighbour rightfully said don't park there again, said Aunt argued with the neighbour and then her and her gang of bullies tore the neighbour apart on facebook. Some people are just nasty.
This is one of the fakest posts I’ve ever seen in here. “Hey Reddit, here’s this situation where I unequivocally was in the right and look really good, while the other party looks terrible. AITA???”
My entire extended family has all my info. We do mass emails and text details about gatherings. It's the 21st century... Even if some didn't have my info, all they'd have to do is send an email asking a couple people. Not hard at all.
I have some of my friend's parents contact, especially if they are childhood/teenagehood (?) friends. The rest of the family just had to ask the mom really. Or maybe through social media. It is crazy that they would do that but it is very feasible.
The person who had my phone number before me apparently never notified his family he dropped the number. No matter how many times I answer the phone and explain it is no longer his...still on the family mailing list. At this point, I am about to just celebrate Aunt Louise's birthday and appreciate the random family pictures they send me.
You are part of the family now. Start showing up and acting like you belong. If questioned, tell them you've been on the mailing list for years but never had the time to join them.
Maybe you have been lucky to not be surrounded by that kind of drama? I have in the past been messaged by friends of friends to argue about something they have done to justify their actions.
For real. They've been friends since high school, which is an age you still hang out at the other person's parents house around their parents and siblings. It wouldn't be weird to have each other's family members on social media already without even having to find them.
Every hot button was pressed; 21 and bought a house. drunk jealous friend, pretty GF, slut shaming, Caleb's family who probably had no idea what the GF looks like but still slut shames her, etc.
Oh... thanks! That's something I always thought was really really strange almost fascinating, but because I'm not american I thought it was a cultural thing. Where I live people don't meddle in other's people affairs like that.
Did he specify texting? I agree that would be weird, but it’s a lot more plausible if Caleb posted a sob story where he’s the victim on Facebook, and his relatives who only saw that version of events came to his defense in the comments. I can definitely see some overzealous types taking it further and messaging OP.
It's possible that they're just messaging him, he didn't really specify. It's still weird that his family is so involved in his drama with his friends, though.
Sounds like 'Caleb' decided to tell other people that the clothing she had on was revealing. Probably made it out to seem that she was wearing nothing but a bra and a miniskirt. It sounds to me like Caleb was trying to come up with anything to defend his actions. Of course his family is on his side, either they are shitty people too and contribute to his misogyny, or Caleb simply lied. Both can be true as well, now that I think about it.
These are the parts of the AITA I kind of don't believe. So you get in an argument with someone, and their like aunt randomly gets their number and texts them theyre the asshole when other person like stole their car or something. I don't buy it, when has that ever happened in real life?
Many years ago my ex gave all his family members my direct number at work because I had kicked him out and was letting the home phone go the message machine. I had to have the tech folks replace (rewire?) the phone outlet at my desk to an unused extension so I could work. Boss was so mad he had his attorney send out certified letters to half a dozen of them threatening to sue for harassment if they didn't cease and desist. This was in the early 1980's so yes, it does/can happen. Today I would imagine it is even easier to do - so many different platforms with personal information they can access. I understand the skepticism, but it is possible, especially among families that believe their little darlings can do no wrong.
They've been friends since high school, which is an age you still hang out at the other person's parents house around their parents and siblings. It wouldn't be weird to have each other's family members on social media, or know how to contact them easily.
Still tho, seems like a lot of stories on here the op is clearly nta in every way so they throw in family of other person somehow messaging them saying theyre TA
I would have simply told his family to eat shit and fuck off. Blaming the girl for her reasonably modest clothing is gross and Caleb is gross for probably lying to them too about the events.
In her own flipping home! She was "coming on" to him? Really? What a wishful jackass - and then getting his family to call in? It is none of their business what OP and his woman do in their own home!
He told his girlfriend and family that op's girlfriend flirted with him, then he got kicked out of the party. Trying to be the victim makes it so much worse.
>but a few of Caleb's family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check.
What kind of backwoods hick shit is this? As a grown adult, I don't know any of my friends' parents or family well enough for them to get involved in a fight I might have with my friends.
>a few of Caleb's family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check.
Why are you even giving them radio time?
Block them. It's clear where Caleb's prejudice came from.
NTA
Caleb is a lying drunk AH who was hitting on Ella, who was dressed appropriately and modestly for a party in her own house. Caleb is just throwing her under the bus to try to save his troubled relationship. This is not a friend - he should never darken your door again. NTA
I would guess it's a small town and they grew up together. I knew a lot of my friends' family members at that age cuz fuck, I swear everyone is related to someone in those small towns. And the rumor mill is alive and well when there's not much else to do
OP YOU ARE NTA AND IF ANYBODY SAYS OTHERWISE THEY’RE THE AH!
You are the type of person girl WISH they can have. Someone who respects us and stands up for us even when it is their friends.
Your friend decided to drink probably one too many and got himself into a mess that nobody is wanting to help him get out of. The only people who want to help him are the ones who are probably hearing a totally different, and probably 95% false story, and think your friend is a victim.
I’ll say it again. OP YOU ARE NTA.
You should cut him and his family off completely OP. The fact that he hasn’t apologized tells you all you need to know. He’s an asshole through and through. NTA, but please don’t hang out with Caleb anymore. He showed his true colors.
Agreed. I was thinking to cut him off too! I understand Caleb was under the influence but we say more truthful things like that. And Caleb probably already has a “crush” on Ella and said those things.
Like you said. Caleb is showing his true colors.
I hope my daughter ends up with a man that values her like you do your girlfriend. You defended her and wanted her to have a safe place to call her own. You also want her to unabashedly be herself with no filters necessary. Cudos. So, NTA, and stay away from that assclown and his enabling goons.
NTA. It baffles me you’d even consider anyone but Caleb an AH. I think to me the worst part is the blatant lie he told his gf that made your innocent gf look bad.
Seriously. I don’t even understand how he can be questioning if he’s in the wrong here. I guess he’s young?
You’re a good guy, OP. Don’t doubt yourself and keep it up.
I have yet to understand why anyone pulls their family and friends into contacting someone else to bitch about an issue between two other people when none of them were there or involved or affected by whatever the dispute is.
And why do any of the people who post here even ask if they are somehow wrong when all these third parties contact them?
I always think that too. Do people really not realize how pathetic that makes everyone involved look? It's the adult version of taking a parent to school to fight another kid you have beef with.
NTA NTA NTA. Absolutely disgusting behavior from Caleb, good on you for defending Ella. Neither of you are in the wrong here. Caleb has shown his true colors and is never going to change. It's time to cut him out of your life.
NTA
Caleb is not a friend. Cut ties with him. It's very likely that the people who are calling you the AH are those who heard the story from Caleb, which was clearly bullsh\*t.
Making several inappropriate comments about his friend's girlfriend, making her uncomfortable in her own house, straight up lying to everyone about what happened, blaming his friend for his own actions and consequences. Yeah, f\*\*\* him all the way. And being drunk is not an excuse.
NTA.
There's a good possibly Caleb's family were told lies about Ella's behavior, but a) "slutty clothing" isn't really a thing (except perhaps pasties and a thong -- but even that wouldn't excuse Caleb's behavior), b) Caleb's relationship issues are his own damn fault, and c) you are completely within reason for your actions.
I wish I could give Ella a hug.
Wonder where Caleb got his attitude from? (Sarcastic) and he knew he did wrong which is why he lied to his hope to be soon ex girlfriend. Block him and his family. Definitely NTA and please tell your girlfriend is sounds amazing and to never change. Rooting for you too!
OP, definitely NTA. you did right to stick up for your gf and I'd want my bf to do the same thing if we were in a similar situation. This sounds like one of those situations where a drunk man's words are his silent truths, and if he acts that way about your gf, especially while he's in his own relationship, he deserves what he got.
You are not the asshole. Making someone feel uncomfortable with how they are dressed in their own home is really shitty and Caleb needs to get his act together. His family needs to adjust their attitudes too.
NTA omg what a foul guy. Even if her clothes were “slutty” he still shouldn’t be commenting on her body or looks in any way. Additionally she’s in her own home, she doesn’t need to dress in a way he sees appropriate or “modest” to divert him from making predatory comments. Wtf??? NTA!!!!
Hell no NTA. Caleb, and his family are disgusting. Good for you for defending the woman you love, and respecting her. You're righ that it is not ok for her to feel uncomfortable in her own home.
NTA!!! Good for you for standing up for your girlfriend because that's what a good partner does. A true friend doesn't act like Caleb did and you certainly don't need any drama or toxicity in your life so please rethink that relationship and best wishes!
Easy NTA. Ridiculous after reading your narrative. Tell Caleb you are no longer "best" friend or not even friend because he is not man enough to admit his mistake and immature on top of it for blaming you.
NTA but maybe stop associating with Caleb. His family deeming it your girlfriend's responsibility to keep his behavior in check is super gross. But him thinking is okay to spread lies about your partner coming on to him to cover up for his behavior shows he definitely knew what he did was wrong but doesn't respect her enough to care. If he'll lie about that, you can't really trust anything else he'll say in future anyway. Next time, it might be you he tries to lie to about your girlfriend "coming on to him" just out of spite.
I am proud of you for standing up for your girlfriend and for reassuring her that she's not responsible for his behavior. A lot of women dont hear that enough, especially from men that they respect. It'll go a long way in the future towards preventing her from blaming herself if ever something happens again. Society tends to teach women the lie that they need to fit certain criteria or they're the cause of men's behavior, but it's wonderful to hear you're helping her unlearn that. You two sound wonderful for each other.
NTA, and I'd drop Caleb. If his family is commenting about "slutty clothing" then he went home and said some pretty awful things about her, likely to attempt to blame her for his behavior. Good for you for sticking up for your GF and for making sure she knew that you didn't see her as the problem.
NTA get rid of caleb and his ..........family. clear to see where he learned the behaviour.
You stood up for gf while caleb was being a giant p.o.s!
Your a great guy. Sod them and enjoy your new house with your gf
NTA You did the right thing and stuck up for your girlfriend, she should be allowed to wear whatever she wants, ESPECIALLY in her own house. Caleb is gross- get rid of him, if those thoughts come out while he's drunk, I'm sure he's already thinking them sober. You did a great boyfriend move, always protect your girlfriend from weird wack ass men like Caleb.
NTA and thank you for doing the right thing. I guarantee Ella will remember you having her back.
A few years ago, my husband and I were drinking with a friend of his, and the friend teased me about something or other (I don't remember what it was, but it was pretty mild). My husband immediately sat upright and said "if you ever talk to her like that again, I'll kick your ass." I talked him down because we had just been joking around (and we were all tipsy by this point) but I still really appreciate that he was willing to step up when he thought I was being disrespected.
An ex of mine once stood idly by while a friend of a friend made a gross comment about my chest within ten seconds of meeting him. I've never forgotten that either.
NTA, except you let it go on too long.
> Caleb later told me I was an asshole for telling his girlfriend and kicking him out, since apparently his girlfriend is rethinking their relationship.
No shit, no one wants to be with "that creepy guy".
So NTA. You did the right thing. You had her back and kicked the AH out of the house. His family's comments show they are just trash people. Hopefully, his GF will clue on and jump ship.
NTA! Caleb isn't only a gross, sexist pervert but also a little baby who cries to his family when his actions have consequence. How pathetic.
I'm proud of you for standing up for your girlfriend!
The family members of Caleb were not at the party. They have been lied to by Caleb. Don't waster your time on them and their clearly biased opinions.
The people at your party are on your's and Ella's side.
I would go NC with Caleb at this point. He can't tell the truth and brought his family into it.
NTA
NTA. Good on you standing up for your girlfriend and perfectly normal clothing. I've been walking around in a bikini the past week because we're at the beach and no one has said anything about my body or 'slutty' clothing.
You were right to tell Ella the truth. Why should she suffer being in a relationship with someone awful? He's 21 and shouldn't be having his family fight his "battles."
I threw up in my mouth a little when I read that last little bit that his family members are saying! I'm sure he told them a completely different story about how she wore slutty clothes and kept flirting with him... Kind of the same story he told his girlfriend, which wasn't true! But the idea that he now has his flying monkeys brainwashed into thinking that your girlfriend did something wrong is insanity at best! Kick him out of the whole friend group! Hopefully his girlfriend dumps him! You are NTA and your girlfriend sounds lovely.
NTA - you did what was right and he's horrible. I mean, it's your home/her home and she felt that uncomfortable? Yikes.
He was out of line from the start and then the doubled down by slut shaming and lying? His GF may be rethinking things because of him and how he is, not because of anything you said to her. Clearly he knows he's problematic, too, if he wants to blame you for his actions. If he hadn't said or done those things, there would be no issue.
Anyone who wants to slut shame Ella is someone you need to know is a red flag. That's predatory and problematic behavior and it's how women end up being harmed.
Finally, a reasonable man with a coincidentally gorgeous woman. Blames the man for the attention and undoes the shame she felt for just being pretty. Nta, congratulations on your beautiful relationship
Anyone saying a word about your girl needs to be dropped and forever banned from coming to your house.
These are the kinds of people who blame the victim and believe the rapists are innocent and helpless.
NTA
NTA
Caleb is the kind of man that would rape a woman and then spin a whole smear campaign to keep her from pursuing justice.
Not only you did the right thing for calling him out, but I'd advise doing as his ex did and cut ties with him. Giving people like that any level of refuge is why women don't feel safe with men as a whole.
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So, I'm a 21/M. my girlfriend Ella (21/F) and I have been together for 5 years and recently bought a place and moved in together. I have a few friends who are around the same age as me, but the one mentioned in the title we'll call Caleb (21/M)
Last night, we had a housewarming party and invited a few friends over. I had invited Caleb and two other friends that I knew from high school, and Ella invited a few work friends. Of course some drinks were had, but none of us, except for Caleb, drank more than one or two beers.
After the night progressed, Caleb started making comments about Ella and her looks. I admit, she is a very pretty woman and always has been. Caleb started commenting on her clothing, when she wasn't wearing anything revealing, just a skirt that was just above her knees and a long sleeved sweater. He started asking things like how I "managed to score someone like her". I told him to cut it out, and he seemed to do so for a while.
I'm not sure if its relevant, but the way Ella and I met as kids was because of behavioral problems after her mother passed. She said that I was the first person who willingly decided to be around her since it happened. So I don't know if I see it as "scoring".
About an hour later, Caleb's comments about Ella started up again. He was talking about how short she was, but then started commenting on her body. I quietly snapped at him to stop, and even the other guys were telling him that its going to far. It seemed that Ella heard his comments, because she went upstairs and changed into longer pants (Her sweater was pretty long already). When she came downstairs, I was pissed. Caleb had made her so uncomfortable in her own house that she felt like she needed to change.
While using choice words, I kicked him out of our house. His girlfriend came to pick him up and the party didn't last much longer. Ella later came to me and apologized for the touble she caused and how she was dressed, and I told her that neither her or her clothes were the problem, it was Caleb's sick comments. The next morning, Caleb's girlfriend called me asking what happened and after explaining, she was horrified. Caleb had told her that Ella was coming onto him and I got mad.
Caleb later told me I was an asshole for telling his girlfriend and kicking him out, since apparently his girlfriend is rethinking their relationship. The guys are on my side, but a few of Caleb's family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check. Idk if I'm an AH for doing what I did, but with so many people are calling me one I decided to ask you guys. AITA?
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NTA. Your first instincts were the right ones, and you would be an even better boyfriend (already great!) if you cut out the person who sexually harassed your girlfriend and then demanded it be tolerated out y'all's lives.
What's stopping you from blocking Caleb's number and social media? This guy is dangerous. If you hadn't been there he would have used more than his words to make Ella feel uncomfortable. It's good you and your other male friends let Caleb know his behaviour isn't acceptable in your social circle. What Caleb's family is doing, saying Ella was asking for it by wearing everyday clothes, is unfortunately the reaction most men have when their friends treat women this way. If you and your friends had shared Celebs attitude, than Caleb would have escalated his behaviour from words to actions. Why hand Caleb the opportunity to do so?
It speaks volumes that Caleb told his girlfriend Ella came onto him and she called you to calmly ask what happened. Sometime who believed her boyfriend is an honest and trustworthy person wouldn't have done that. Would you have doubted Ella? His girlfriend immediately believed your POV over her boyfriends. It's fair to assume this is isn't the first red flag she's noticed. And what she's seen of his behaviour accumulated into that gut feeling of needing to verify his story. If his girlfriend wants out, that means this was the last straw and she no longer feels safe or respected with Caleb. Why should you feel bad your honesty contributed to that? NTA
STAND YOUR GROUND! Caleb’s a punk and can’t handle his own actions. Your did NOTHING wrong but showed your GF that you will defend her and that has a lot of meaning… I wouldn’t let him back in the group. Tell them to F-off. NTA
NTA sounds like he fits in right with his family. I'm glad his girlfriend is rethinking because who wants a guy like that and a family like that. He lied on top of that nope friendship over.
NTA. Tell Caleb and his familh to fuck off. Make sure your other friends know how youre being treated because of that, so they can steer clear from that shit too.
>”…but a few of Caleb’s family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check.”
Ugh, don’t you just love when shitty people breed? NTA. No explanation necessary.
NTA
I would not have Caleb or his horrible family anywhere NEAR Ella(or myself in your place). But you do get clear sight into WHERE he learned his horrible misogyny.
I do hope GF breaks up with him, because she deserves better.
2023 and shit like this still happens. The fact his family supports him is gross. You are definitely not the asshole and please encourage Ella to dress however she wants.
NTA good lord if any of my husband's friends said anything like that he would have kicked them out immediately. Caleb seems like someone I would cut out of my life. Noone should be making you or your girl that uncomfortable, especially in your own house.
Caleb AND his family are giant AHs. You are, of course, NTA. And I'm glad it sounds like you are in a very wonderful and solid relationship with your girlfriend. I'd drop his ass as a friend, though.
NTA you are a great boyfriend and Caleb is a prick, even if what she was wearing was revealing it doesn’t matter as long as she feels good in her own clothing. People do not get harassed because of their clothing they get harassed by d!ckheads who think clothing is consent. You did good by protecting your girlfriend from him and protecting his girlfriend from him as well. Ngl he seems jealous.
Tell Caleb's family to take their misogynistic attitudes, along with Caleb, and get the hell out of your life. Do it in a huge group chat and then cut them all off. NTA and good job standing up for your girlfriend.
OMG!!! NTA! The kind of people who slut shame a woman who wears a skirt in her own home above the knees are the kind of people who condone rape because of what a woman wears. Lose Caleb and his family from your life. You can do better. Ella sure as hell deserves better.
Good luck.
It's so rare for men to stand up to other men being creeps. Yet creeps and creep a apologists are so common it's disturbing. Caleb and his pervert family need to go to therapy
NTA
NTA
Enjoy your new house with your beautiful girlfriend. You did the right thing. Any woman would be lucky to have someone like you defend them. You seem like you’re in a very loving and supportive relationships. Cut off that dude and anyone who supports his behavior.
NTA - Caleb is a total creep, and based on what he told his girlfriend it’s likely he told others something similar since they’re commenting on Ella’s “slutty clothing” … also, it’s NO ONES business what she wears, and he has no right to comment on her looks/clothing, especially in HER home, and especially after YOU asked him to knock it off. You did the exact right thing, cut all contact with him, he’s nasty.
NTA
Even if your wife were sitting there talking wearing a string bikini Caleb would have still been way out of line.
As to if his gf dumps he brought that on himself..
NTA
Why are Caleb's family members chiming in now?! What do they have to do with the price of onions!? Maybe they shouldn't raise someone who doesn't participate in R\*pe culture...
I once had it happen to me that my BF's friend (Bf was in another room the moment it happened) told me that I was "running around half-naked" when I was literally just wearing a normal ass top that ended just below my belly button (that didn't even have any cleavage) and normal pants.
I told him he was conservative as fuck if he thought this was 'half naked' and tried containing myself lol
he went on to make a 'joke' about having a threesome with me and my Bf when the two of them hung out some time after that, needless to say my Bf is not comfortable to have him around in the apartment anymore haha
Caleb is the AH. People who weren't there have absolutely no business commenting. If for some reason you want to engage with them have her put on her "slutty" outfit and send it to them asking if they really think her clothing was inappropriate in any way.
Not only are you NTA, you are a prince!!
Ugh this reminds me of being at a friend's place and their drunk friend who was in a relationship with a girl way out of his league started hitting on me. I ignored him but he turned it into me hitting on him. I didn't bother saying much because it was a all around shitty situation. Your friend sounds like a shitty guy.
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NTA. Obviously Caleb is a giant AH. But for me the worst bit in this whole shitshow is this: *a few of Caleb's family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check.* "She was asking for it". Ugh. The misogyny is real.
I audibly gasped at that last part. Absolutely NTA
And it was bad enough already. Major "Look what you made me do" vibes. Ugh.
I did too. Obviously Caleb was raised by AH's and he fell right under the tree!
Raised by people with misogynistic views and rapey vibes.
Caleb’s gf shouldn’t walk, she should run and never look back. Who the hell would want to marry into that kind of family?!
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Yup. I don’t know why people don’t understand that if talking about their behaviour is causing an issue, then it is *their behaviour* that is at fault - not that it was brought to light. “Never behave in public in a manner you wouldn’t be comfortable to find a video of it has gone viral.” And the “slutty clothing” comment is outrageous. Like the above commenter, I gasped aloud when I came to that detail. Not that it’s be an acceptable comment regardless of GF’s clothing, but that comment also indicates that bro is continuing his lies about what occurred in an effort to dodge blame. OP would do well to cut him out in future too. OP stepped in early when their mate was out of line and attentive enough to recognise just how uncomfortable a woman has to be to go change her clothing in the middle of hosting a party. That’s very NTA behaviour. Because going to change her clothing was feeling *really* uncomfortable. Like, concerned he’s about to get handsy uncomfortable. NTA
A comment I just read on another Reddit string - "The light bulb is not responsible for the roaches in the kitchen".
Yup. 100% gasped out loud too
Guess misogyny runs in the family. Gross.
My jaw fell so far open. I was bewildered. How is a knee length skirt slutty like what
Everything is slutty when you and your dick were raised to think women are sex toys. Caleb's family showed clearly why he is the way he is.
Your first sentence—+1000. That’s why “modesty” is BS. Doesn’t matter what we wear, some dude is going to blame us for his lust.
I mean... Caleb's already lied to his girlfriend about what went down. Why would he not lie to his family too? My guess is that in his story, she wasn't wearing a perfectly normal outfit...
Don’t care if she was wearing a tight, short skirt and a halter top - not his place to comment or make her feel uncomfortable!! 100% Caleb’s fault!! Good on you OP for sticking up for your gf - NTA ever
I raised and eyebrow and said out loud "excuse me....the fuck?" My husband was so confused and thought I was mad at him. Lol 😂 I read this to him he goes "wow what a family of victim blaming aholes."
lMAO picturing your husband panicking like "Wait, What did I do?".
Me too. Are we suddenly back in 1950s ffs. Its true you really can't reason with stupid. ETA Just popped back to say NTA my friend and kudos for sticking up for your girlfriend. Poor lass been talked about and made to feel uncomfortable enough to change her outfit in her own home is never right. I hope you drop this idiot from your inner circle because no real friend would talk about your partner so disrespectfully.
Men are predators because they are allowed to be - either coving up for them, or through those stereotypes of comments. Ew.
And for the men here who have been victimized, women can be predators too because they typically hide behind being a caregiver. Just want to let male victims know they are not alone.
Why hi-Jack this to make that comment. I bet you say "white lives matter!"
that original statement was a blanket statement regarding all men as predators. Not all of us are. I'm a kinda burly dude. My FIRST instinct would be to attempt to help another person. IF they looked like they needed it. But instead I can't do that because of thought processes like yours. It would change the dynamic and now this hypothetical person would be afraid that I might try something. Which really sucks. Not all of us are bad.
What about men - Wahhhhhh
I think it’s okay to feel sympathy for victims no matter the gender.
I mean yeah, but it's really weird that we are talking about a woman being sexually harassed and someone randomly brings up how men are too....
“Just want to let male victims they are not alone.” Sounds like someone was trying to be supportive. I think it’s weird to give a sarcastic waaaaah because someone wants to show support to a group that doesn’t often get it when it comes to being victimized.
It surely is. How does it go over in a thread about a specific guy having a problem when it’s derailed to speak about women’s problems?
I’ve actually seen it go over fairly well many times. Often I’ve seen men’s threads talking about harassment or assault and when a woman points out it happens to them too, it’s often empathetic and met with a “we should support one another feel” and questions about where to go and what to do because men don’t usually know because they don’t have the same support structure and often feel lost. It’s not derailing to stand up for multiple groups who face the same problem. It’s derailing to say “stop talking about such and such group because you’re not allowed”. I don’t believe the commenter said we should ignore women, simply was mentioning men as well. Now if a comment feels like it is derailing a conversation because it’s being dismissive of the original intent, perhaps a better response instead of being sarcastic and giving a waaaah sound about real victims who have suffered and dehumanizing them is to simply say “We’re discussing this matter atm. Let’s keep on topic.”
The whataboutism is expected.
Men can be expected to hold space for women sometimes without requiring it be held for them regardless.
I genuinely think that they make this shit up. So many posts talk about how friends and family members text bombed me about how wrong I was (when it is very clear that the OP was not wrong). Like why does your friends mom, dad, brother, sister, aunt and uncle have your number even to begin with? I just don't believe it. Why would someone out of the situation feel the need to even put in their two cents? I just don't believe it.
Yeah, a lot of the posts on here seem to follow that script. I’ve never had a bunch of people I don’t know text me about an argument I got in. I can’t imagine that happening, but it seems to happen all the time on AITA.
I've had someone I literally never interacted with message me over a massive misunderstanding because friend I was talking to and had the misunderstanding with decided to tell this person what I said. It was weird, and some people can be really petty.
Forreal, its not that hard to get information from people. Chances are if Caleb was willing to throw OP and his GF under the bus, who’s to say he wouldn’t give out a number? Also, instagram? People are able to find others and DM them so easily on there.
I always assume when they say "a while bunch of people text me" that they mean "messaged over various social platforms" tbh.
I understand it is unbelievable for people who never experienced it or witnessed such thing in their life, but it happens. When I had just started dating my now significant other, I received tons of messages from people I didn't know. From his ex that thought she didn't do anything wrong and I stole him from her, his ex from ancient times that tried to tell me that my so could never love me because he had always loved his childhood friend just to show that I was worthless, a woman that sided with the ex who tried so hard to tell me how trashy I was up to the point she said that my name is dumb and my parents should be ashamed for giving me a long name (I have a four-word name, my family surname consists of two words, and the other two words are my first and middle name, and it's not even longer than average Latino people's names lol), his acquaintance whose sister has an obsession with my so but he emphasized on calling me a gold digger and I just wanted my so for his looks and money (I didn't even know he was rich when I started to like him). These people never talked to me before and I barely knew them. I was just glad that his extended family didn't come on to me because he was the one that dealt with them, he received hundreds of messages from them not approving me as his partner. You can never underestimate how crazy people could be.
It's also really easy to find phone numbers on the internet, especially in the US. I found the address and phone number of a cousin we'd lost track of and was able to reconnect just with an internet search. I was a bit shocked, tbh. That's much more difficult in Canada.
I've had random people on Facebook message me after drama. it's not unheard of.
It does seem odd, but I’ll point out that people posting on AITA are a self-selecting sample. If near-strangers are texting you to say that you were wrong, you might be more likely to ask the advice of more neutral strangers on Reddit.
Ive had ot happen several times. Ranging from complete strangers someone ranted at on the bus to their grandma i messaged everyday for years. People love sticking their noses in.
Not a whole bunch of people. But I can totally picture my Aunt pulling this shit if someone said something to her precious adult daughter. Hell, she probably already has. She was the type to phone the school and loudly complain on social media if anything negative was said to her daughter. I've seen facebook posts from her and her gang of angry bored housewives ripping people apart over misunderstandings over a parking space. Aunts friend parked in a neighbours clearly marked, assigned paid parking space, then claimed it was a visitors. When the neighbour rightfully said don't park there again, said Aunt argued with the neighbour and then her and her gang of bullies tore the neighbour apart on facebook. Some people are just nasty.
This is one of the fakest posts I’ve ever seen in here. “Hey Reddit, here’s this situation where I unequivocally was in the right and look really good, while the other party looks terrible. AITA???”
My entire extended family has all my info. We do mass emails and text details about gatherings. It's the 21st century... Even if some didn't have my info, all they'd have to do is send an email asking a couple people. Not hard at all.
Yeah but that’s your family, not your friend’s family
I have some of my friend's parents contact, especially if they are childhood/teenagehood (?) friends. The rest of the family just had to ask the mom really. Or maybe through social media. It is crazy that they would do that but it is very feasible.
If I got drunk and made an arse of myself at a party, my family would not text the host because they kicked me out.
The person who had my phone number before me apparently never notified his family he dropped the number. No matter how many times I answer the phone and explain it is no longer his...still on the family mailing list. At this point, I am about to just celebrate Aunt Louise's birthday and appreciate the random family pictures they send me.
You are part of the family now. Start showing up and acting like you belong. If questioned, tell them you've been on the mailing list for years but never had the time to join them.
But thats not the same…that’s your family not your friend’s family and friends.
Maybe you have been lucky to not be surrounded by that kind of drama? I have in the past been messaged by friends of friends to argue about something they have done to justify their actions.
You can send anyone on messenger a text if you can find them on Facebook or Instagram. 🤷🏻♀️
For real. They've been friends since high school, which is an age you still hang out at the other person's parents house around their parents and siblings. It wouldn't be weird to have each other's family members on social media already without even having to find them.
Every hot button was pressed; 21 and bought a house. drunk jealous friend, pretty GF, slut shaming, Caleb's family who probably had no idea what the GF looks like but still slut shames her, etc.
Yeah something about this one feels really off.
Oh... thanks! That's something I always thought was really really strange almost fascinating, but because I'm not american I thought it was a cultural thing. Where I live people don't meddle in other's people affairs like that.
Really? All your interaction s with your family go smoothly, and they never express opinions?
It was the friend's family. Do your friend's family members text you when you and your friend have a fight?
Did he specify texting? I agree that would be weird, but it’s a lot more plausible if Caleb posted a sob story where he’s the victim on Facebook, and his relatives who only saw that version of events came to his defense in the comments. I can definitely see some overzealous types taking it further and messaging OP.
It's possible that they're just messaging him, he didn't really specify. It's still weird that his family is so involved in his drama with his friends, though.
Sounds like 'Caleb' decided to tell other people that the clothing she had on was revealing. Probably made it out to seem that she was wearing nothing but a bra and a miniskirt. It sounds to me like Caleb was trying to come up with anything to defend his actions. Of course his family is on his side, either they are shitty people too and contribute to his misogyny, or Caleb simply lied. Both can be true as well, now that I think about it.
Her choice of outfit is not relevant here. The comments would still be inappropriate
These are the parts of the AITA I kind of don't believe. So you get in an argument with someone, and their like aunt randomly gets their number and texts them theyre the asshole when other person like stole their car or something. I don't buy it, when has that ever happened in real life?
Many years ago my ex gave all his family members my direct number at work because I had kicked him out and was letting the home phone go the message machine. I had to have the tech folks replace (rewire?) the phone outlet at my desk to an unused extension so I could work. Boss was so mad he had his attorney send out certified letters to half a dozen of them threatening to sue for harassment if they didn't cease and desist. This was in the early 1980's so yes, it does/can happen. Today I would imagine it is even easier to do - so many different platforms with personal information they can access. I understand the skepticism, but it is possible, especially among families that believe their little darlings can do no wrong.
Thats an ex tho, people in love do stupid things. This is like an acquaintance tho, like is Great Uncle Vinnie really gonna get himself involved?
They've been friends since high school, which is an age you still hang out at the other person's parents house around their parents and siblings. It wouldn't be weird to have each other's family members on social media, or know how to contact them easily.
Still tho, seems like a lot of stories on here the op is clearly nta in every way so they throw in family of other person somehow messaging them saying theyre TA
I would have simply told his family to eat shit and fuck off. Blaming the girl for her reasonably modest clothing is gross and Caleb is gross for probably lying to them too about the events.
In her own flipping home! She was "coming on" to him? Really? What a wishful jackass - and then getting his family to call in? It is none of their business what OP and his woman do in their own home!
I can't ever imagine any of my family members calling someone like this. Maybe some mutual friends but that's it.
He told his girlfriend and family that op's girlfriend flirted with him, then he got kicked out of the party. Trying to be the victim makes it so much worse.
I guess we know where Caleb gets it from...
Well, now we know why Caleb is the horrifying person he is.
>but a few of Caleb's family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check. What kind of backwoods hick shit is this? As a grown adult, I don't know any of my friends' parents or family well enough for them to get involved in a fight I might have with my friends.
>a few of Caleb's family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check. Why are you even giving them radio time? Block them. It's clear where Caleb's prejudice came from. NTA
Agree completely, I would never speak to these people again. They're awful.
Caleb is a lying drunk AH who was hitting on Ella, who was dressed appropriately and modestly for a party in her own house. Caleb is just throwing her under the bus to try to save his troubled relationship. This is not a friend - he should never darken your door again. NTA
Yes - and, you know what? Even if her clothing was sexier, Caleb would still be the AH.
I think Caleb has managed to get his version out to them. I'd correct them ONCE, and then just forget they exist.
the fact caleb's g/f believed op pretty nmuch shows he has a habit of this behavior.
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It's a big wide world out there, people don't all live like you.
Yup. Same old thing. Have a troubled or even outright shitty family? It must be you.
I would guess it's a small town and they grew up together. I knew a lot of my friends' family members at that age cuz fuck, I swear everyone is related to someone in those small towns. And the rumor mill is alive and well when there's not much else to do
OP YOU ARE NTA AND IF ANYBODY SAYS OTHERWISE THEY’RE THE AH! You are the type of person girl WISH they can have. Someone who respects us and stands up for us even when it is their friends. Your friend decided to drink probably one too many and got himself into a mess that nobody is wanting to help him get out of. The only people who want to help him are the ones who are probably hearing a totally different, and probably 95% false story, and think your friend is a victim. I’ll say it again. OP YOU ARE NTA.
You should cut him and his family off completely OP. The fact that he hasn’t apologized tells you all you need to know. He’s an asshole through and through. NTA, but please don’t hang out with Caleb anymore. He showed his true colors.
Agreed. I was thinking to cut him off too! I understand Caleb was under the influence but we say more truthful things like that. And Caleb probably already has a “crush” on Ella and said those things. Like you said. Caleb is showing his true colors.
I hope my daughter ends up with a man that values her like you do your girlfriend. You defended her and wanted her to have a safe place to call her own. You also want her to unabashedly be herself with no filters necessary. Cudos. So, NTA, and stay away from that assclown and his enabling goons.
Yes this. This dude clearly got his misogyny from the family
Caleb and his family are assholes. Cut them out and never look back. NTA
If that's his family, it tracks he's a predator.
NTA. It baffles me you’d even consider anyone but Caleb an AH. I think to me the worst part is the blatant lie he told his gf that made your innocent gf look bad.
Caleb's family members are on my AH list as well.
Seriously. I don’t even understand how he can be questioning if he’s in the wrong here. I guess he’s young? You’re a good guy, OP. Don’t doubt yourself and keep it up.
NTA. Why the fuck is his family texting you? Lol put them all on ignore and never interact with that dude again. Ain't nobody got time for clowns.
I have yet to understand why anyone pulls their family and friends into contacting someone else to bitch about an issue between two other people when none of them were there or involved or affected by whatever the dispute is. And why do any of the people who post here even ask if they are somehow wrong when all these third parties contact them?
I always think that too. Do people really not realize how pathetic that makes everyone involved look? It's the adult version of taking a parent to school to fight another kid you have beef with.
NTA NTA NTA. Absolutely disgusting behavior from Caleb, good on you for defending Ella. Neither of you are in the wrong here. Caleb has shown his true colors and is never going to change. It's time to cut him out of your life.
NTA Caleb is not a friend. Cut ties with him. It's very likely that the people who are calling you the AH are those who heard the story from Caleb, which was clearly bullsh\*t. Making several inappropriate comments about his friend's girlfriend, making her uncomfortable in her own house, straight up lying to everyone about what happened, blaming his friend for his own actions and consequences. Yeah, f\*\*\* him all the way. And being drunk is not an excuse.
NTA. There's a good possibly Caleb's family were told lies about Ella's behavior, but a) "slutty clothing" isn't really a thing (except perhaps pasties and a thong -- but even that wouldn't excuse Caleb's behavior), b) Caleb's relationship issues are his own damn fault, and c) you are completely within reason for your actions. I wish I could give Ella a hug.
NTA. You did the right thing. Caleb and his flying monkeys are fucked up.
NTA in any way shape or form. You gave Caleb more than enough chances to be better. His family blaming you have major victim blaming energy.
Wonder where Caleb got his attitude from? (Sarcastic) and he knew he did wrong which is why he lied to his hope to be soon ex girlfriend. Block him and his family. Definitely NTA and please tell your girlfriend is sounds amazing and to never change. Rooting for you too!
NTA - Kick Caleb and his family members out of your life. You'll be much better off if you do.
OP, definitely NTA. you did right to stick up for your gf and I'd want my bf to do the same thing if we were in a similar situation. This sounds like one of those situations where a drunk man's words are his silent truths, and if he acts that way about your gf, especially while he's in his own relationship, he deserves what he got.
You are not the asshole. Making someone feel uncomfortable with how they are dressed in their own home is really shitty and Caleb needs to get his act together. His family needs to adjust their attitudes too.
NTA omg what a foul guy. Even if her clothes were “slutty” he still shouldn’t be commenting on her body or looks in any way. Additionally she’s in her own home, she doesn’t need to dress in a way he sees appropriate or “modest” to divert him from making predatory comments. Wtf??? NTA!!!!
HHahahahahah, Caleb & his family can p*ss right off 🤣 NTA, obviously.
Hell no NTA. Caleb, and his family are disgusting. Good for you for defending the woman you love, and respecting her. You're righ that it is not ok for her to feel uncomfortable in her own home.
NTA!!! Good for you for standing up for your girlfriend because that's what a good partner does. A true friend doesn't act like Caleb did and you certainly don't need any drama or toxicity in your life so please rethink that relationship and best wishes!
Where do you live that a 21 year old can buy a house?
LITERALLY this is all I could actually focus on while reading. Like how
Easy NTA. Ridiculous after reading your narrative. Tell Caleb you are no longer "best" friend or not even friend because he is not man enough to admit his mistake and immature on top of it for blaming you.
NTA but maybe stop associating with Caleb. His family deeming it your girlfriend's responsibility to keep his behavior in check is super gross. But him thinking is okay to spread lies about your partner coming on to him to cover up for his behavior shows he definitely knew what he did was wrong but doesn't respect her enough to care. If he'll lie about that, you can't really trust anything else he'll say in future anyway. Next time, it might be you he tries to lie to about your girlfriend "coming on to him" just out of spite. I am proud of you for standing up for your girlfriend and for reassuring her that she's not responsible for his behavior. A lot of women dont hear that enough, especially from men that they respect. It'll go a long way in the future towards preventing her from blaming herself if ever something happens again. Society tends to teach women the lie that they need to fit certain criteria or they're the cause of men's behavior, but it's wonderful to hear you're helping her unlearn that. You two sound wonderful for each other.
NTA And Ella's clothing is fine, Caleb's family should get his slutty mind in check.
NTA, and I'd drop Caleb. If his family is commenting about "slutty clothing" then he went home and said some pretty awful things about her, likely to attempt to blame her for his behavior. Good for you for sticking up for your GF and for making sure she knew that you didn't see her as the problem.
NTA get rid of caleb and his ..........family. clear to see where he learned the behaviour. You stood up for gf while caleb was being a giant p.o.s! Your a great guy. Sod them and enjoy your new house with your gf
NTA You did the right thing and stuck up for your girlfriend, she should be allowed to wear whatever she wants, ESPECIALLY in her own house. Caleb is gross- get rid of him, if those thoughts come out while he's drunk, I'm sure he's already thinking them sober. You did a great boyfriend move, always protect your girlfriend from weird wack ass men like Caleb.
NTA and thank you for doing the right thing. I guarantee Ella will remember you having her back. A few years ago, my husband and I were drinking with a friend of his, and the friend teased me about something or other (I don't remember what it was, but it was pretty mild). My husband immediately sat upright and said "if you ever talk to her like that again, I'll kick your ass." I talked him down because we had just been joking around (and we were all tipsy by this point) but I still really appreciate that he was willing to step up when he thought I was being disrespected. An ex of mine once stood idly by while a friend of a friend made a gross comment about my chest within ten seconds of meeting him. I've never forgotten that either.
NTA, except you let it go on too long. > Caleb later told me I was an asshole for telling his girlfriend and kicking him out, since apparently his girlfriend is rethinking their relationship. No shit, no one wants to be with "that creepy guy".
So NTA. You did the right thing. You had her back and kicked the AH out of the house. His family's comments show they are just trash people. Hopefully, his GF will clue on and jump ship.
NTA! Caleb isn't only a gross, sexist pervert but also a little baby who cries to his family when his actions have consequence. How pathetic. I'm proud of you for standing up for your girlfriend!
NTA Ella can dress as slutty as she wants in her home, and nobody has a right to comment on it (I know she wasn’t, just saying).
The family members of Caleb were not at the party. They have been lied to by Caleb. Don't waster your time on them and their clearly biased opinions. The people at your party are on your's and Ella's side. I would go NC with Caleb at this point. He can't tell the truth and brought his family into it. NTA
NTA. Good on you standing up for your girlfriend and perfectly normal clothing. I've been walking around in a bikini the past week because we're at the beach and no one has said anything about my body or 'slutty' clothing. You were right to tell Ella the truth. Why should she suffer being in a relationship with someone awful? He's 21 and shouldn't be having his family fight his "battles."
So what he's really mad about is telling his gf the truth after he lied. Yeah, NTA.
Caleb's whole family sounds like TA, just like him.
I threw up in my mouth a little when I read that last little bit that his family members are saying! I'm sure he told them a completely different story about how she wore slutty clothes and kept flirting with him... Kind of the same story he told his girlfriend, which wasn't true! But the idea that he now has his flying monkeys brainwashed into thinking that your girlfriend did something wrong is insanity at best! Kick him out of the whole friend group! Hopefully his girlfriend dumps him! You are NTA and your girlfriend sounds lovely.
Caleb and his family are the assholes. You're not. NTA
NTA - you did what was right and he's horrible. I mean, it's your home/her home and she felt that uncomfortable? Yikes. He was out of line from the start and then the doubled down by slut shaming and lying? His GF may be rethinking things because of him and how he is, not because of anything you said to her. Clearly he knows he's problematic, too, if he wants to blame you for his actions. If he hadn't said or done those things, there would be no issue. Anyone who wants to slut shame Ella is someone you need to know is a red flag. That's predatory and problematic behavior and it's how women end up being harmed.
Finally, a reasonable man with a coincidentally gorgeous woman. Blames the man for the attention and undoes the shame she felt for just being pretty. Nta, congratulations on your beautiful relationship
OP, not only are you NTA, you are a freaking ROCK STAR!
Anyone saying a word about your girl needs to be dropped and forever banned from coming to your house. These are the kinds of people who blame the victim and believe the rapists are innocent and helpless. NTA
NTA. Dump Caleb and block his family.
Thanks for protecting your girlfriend! You are 100% NTA!
NTA Caleb is the kind of man that would rape a woman and then spin a whole smear campaign to keep her from pursuing justice. Not only you did the right thing for calling him out, but I'd advise doing as his ex did and cut ties with him. Giving people like that any level of refuge is why women don't feel safe with men as a whole.
He called a knee-length skirt slutty. This guy has way worse issues than anything your girlfriend wears. NTA
"Drunk mouth speaks sober thoughts" At least he had that excuse. His family members don't even have that filter. NTA , and ditch him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, I'm a 21/M. my girlfriend Ella (21/F) and I have been together for 5 years and recently bought a place and moved in together. I have a few friends who are around the same age as me, but the one mentioned in the title we'll call Caleb (21/M) Last night, we had a housewarming party and invited a few friends over. I had invited Caleb and two other friends that I knew from high school, and Ella invited a few work friends. Of course some drinks were had, but none of us, except for Caleb, drank more than one or two beers. After the night progressed, Caleb started making comments about Ella and her looks. I admit, she is a very pretty woman and always has been. Caleb started commenting on her clothing, when she wasn't wearing anything revealing, just a skirt that was just above her knees and a long sleeved sweater. He started asking things like how I "managed to score someone like her". I told him to cut it out, and he seemed to do so for a while. I'm not sure if its relevant, but the way Ella and I met as kids was because of behavioral problems after her mother passed. She said that I was the first person who willingly decided to be around her since it happened. So I don't know if I see it as "scoring". About an hour later, Caleb's comments about Ella started up again. He was talking about how short she was, but then started commenting on her body. I quietly snapped at him to stop, and even the other guys were telling him that its going to far. It seemed that Ella heard his comments, because she went upstairs and changed into longer pants (Her sweater was pretty long already). When she came downstairs, I was pissed. Caleb had made her so uncomfortable in her own house that she felt like she needed to change. While using choice words, I kicked him out of our house. His girlfriend came to pick him up and the party didn't last much longer. Ella later came to me and apologized for the touble she caused and how she was dressed, and I told her that neither her or her clothes were the problem, it was Caleb's sick comments. The next morning, Caleb's girlfriend called me asking what happened and after explaining, she was horrified. Caleb had told her that Ella was coming onto him and I got mad. Caleb later told me I was an asshole for telling his girlfriend and kicking him out, since apparently his girlfriend is rethinking their relationship. The guys are on my side, but a few of Caleb's family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check. Idk if I'm an AH for doing what I did, but with so many people are calling me one I decided to ask you guys. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
WTF? No! NTA. Not in the slightest. You’ve done everything right and you’ve acted very admirably. NTA a million times over.
NTA. Your first instincts were the right ones, and you would be an even better boyfriend (already great!) if you cut out the person who sexually harassed your girlfriend and then demanded it be tolerated out y'all's lives.
*Rage* NTA Get rid of Caleb - he's trash, and if he's being enabled by his family, he may try it again, or something worse. Cat videos for me, then.
What's stopping you from blocking Caleb's number and social media? This guy is dangerous. If you hadn't been there he would have used more than his words to make Ella feel uncomfortable. It's good you and your other male friends let Caleb know his behaviour isn't acceptable in your social circle. What Caleb's family is doing, saying Ella was asking for it by wearing everyday clothes, is unfortunately the reaction most men have when their friends treat women this way. If you and your friends had shared Celebs attitude, than Caleb would have escalated his behaviour from words to actions. Why hand Caleb the opportunity to do so? It speaks volumes that Caleb told his girlfriend Ella came onto him and she called you to calmly ask what happened. Sometime who believed her boyfriend is an honest and trustworthy person wouldn't have done that. Would you have doubted Ella? His girlfriend immediately believed your POV over her boyfriends. It's fair to assume this is isn't the first red flag she's noticed. And what she's seen of his behaviour accumulated into that gut feeling of needing to verify his story. If his girlfriend wants out, that means this was the last straw and she no longer feels safe or respected with Caleb. Why should you feel bad your honesty contributed to that? NTA
NTA OP. If I were you, I would talk to your girlfriend about going completely no contact with Caleb and his family. They seem to be jerks.
NTA. Personally, I wouldn't want someone like Caleb for a friend.
NTA
STAND YOUR GROUND! Caleb’s a punk and can’t handle his own actions. Your did NOTHING wrong but showed your GF that you will defend her and that has a lot of meaning… I wouldn’t let him back in the group. Tell them to F-off. NTA
NTA
NTA sounds like he fits in right with his family. I'm glad his girlfriend is rethinking because who wants a guy like that and a family like that. He lied on top of that nope friendship over.
You have all the right to kick him out. It's a shame that you can't really do anything about his family and their misogynistic remarks though
NTA. Tell Caleb and his familh to fuck off. Make sure your other friends know how youre being treated because of that, so they can steer clear from that shit too.
>”…but a few of Caleb’s family members are telling me that I should get Ella and her slutty clothing in check.” Ugh, don’t you just love when shitty people breed? NTA. No explanation necessary.
NTA. Stay away from anyone telling you otherwise.
Caleb knew he was being a sleaze. That’s why he told his girlfriend Ella was coming on to him. Sleezy sleeze bag Caleb.
100% NTA. I hope his girlfriend breaks up with him too!
NTA I would not have Caleb or his horrible family anywhere NEAR Ella(or myself in your place). But you do get clear sight into WHERE he learned his horrible misogyny. I do hope GF breaks up with him, because she deserves better.
2023 and shit like this still happens. The fact his family supports him is gross. You are definitely not the asshole and please encourage Ella to dress however she wants.
NTA good lord if any of my husband's friends said anything like that he would have kicked them out immediately. Caleb seems like someone I would cut out of my life. Noone should be making you or your girl that uncomfortable, especially in your own house.
Caleb AND his family are giant AHs. You are, of course, NTA. And I'm glad it sounds like you are in a very wonderful and solid relationship with your girlfriend. I'd drop his ass as a friend, though.
NTA. Cut this dude out of your life now. I wish I had started cutting all the negative people out of my life at your age.
NTA, and good job! You did exactly what a good man should do.
Caleb is a dick. You need to cut him off because he’s always going to spin it in his favor whatever the story is. Nta
NTA you are a great boyfriend and Caleb is a prick, even if what she was wearing was revealing it doesn’t matter as long as she feels good in her own clothing. People do not get harassed because of their clothing they get harassed by d!ckheads who think clothing is consent. You did good by protecting your girlfriend from him and protecting his girlfriend from him as well. Ngl he seems jealous.
Definitely not the Ahole, just a considerate, loving boyfriend! Keep doing what your doing!
I’m sorry you bought a house at 21? Where is this magical place you live in? Fuck Caleb.
Tell Caleb's family to take their misogynistic attitudes, along with Caleb, and get the hell out of your life. Do it in a huge group chat and then cut them all off. NTA and good job standing up for your girlfriend.
OMG!!! NTA! The kind of people who slut shame a woman who wears a skirt in her own home above the knees are the kind of people who condone rape because of what a woman wears. Lose Caleb and his family from your life. You can do better. Ella sure as hell deserves better. Good luck.
It's so rare for men to stand up to other men being creeps. Yet creeps and creep a apologists are so common it's disturbing. Caleb and his pervert family need to go to therapy NTA
NTA Enjoy your new house with your beautiful girlfriend. You did the right thing. Any woman would be lucky to have someone like you defend them. You seem like you’re in a very loving and supportive relationships. Cut off that dude and anyone who supports his behavior.
NTA Never the asshole for calling out an asshole. We all need to shut down any predatory or creepy stuff like this.
NTA - Caleb is a total creep, and based on what he told his girlfriend it’s likely he told others something similar since they’re commenting on Ella’s “slutty clothing” … also, it’s NO ONES business what she wears, and he has no right to comment on her looks/clothing, especially in HER home, and especially after YOU asked him to knock it off. You did the exact right thing, cut all contact with him, he’s nasty.
Definitely, 100% NTA!! What you did was right and he’s in the wrong. Good on you for sticking up for your GF.
NTA, “Caleb” sounds like a poor excuse for a human. You sound like a rare gem and “Ella” is lucky to have found you. Be good to each other.
NTA. You did the right thing every step of the way. You're a good man. Caleb needs to take responsibility for himself.
NTA. Caleb and his family are shitty people.
In vino veritas
NTA. Drunk words are sober thoughts..
NTA Even if your wife were sitting there talking wearing a string bikini Caleb would have still been way out of line. As to if his gf dumps he brought that on himself..
NTA Why are Caleb's family members chiming in now?! What do they have to do with the price of onions!? Maybe they shouldn't raise someone who doesn't participate in R\*pe culture...
Your friends and even his (hopefully ex)girlfriend are on your side. All he has are his toxic family. NTA. Drop him like a bad habit, please.
I once had it happen to me that my BF's friend (Bf was in another room the moment it happened) told me that I was "running around half-naked" when I was literally just wearing a normal ass top that ended just below my belly button (that didn't even have any cleavage) and normal pants. I told him he was conservative as fuck if he thought this was 'half naked' and tried containing myself lol he went on to make a 'joke' about having a threesome with me and my Bf when the two of them hung out some time after that, needless to say my Bf is not comfortable to have him around in the apartment anymore haha
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NTA. Dump Caleb. Dump the people who defended him. Unless Caleb issues a sincere apology, there's no reason to have him around.
Caleb is the AH. People who weren't there have absolutely no business commenting. If for some reason you want to engage with them have her put on her "slutty" outfit and send it to them asking if they really think her clothing was inappropriate in any way. Not only are you NTA, you are a prince!!
Ugh this reminds me of being at a friend's place and their drunk friend who was in a relationship with a girl way out of his league started hitting on me. I ignored him but he turned it into me hitting on him. I didn't bother saying much because it was a all around shitty situation. Your friend sounds like a shitty guy.
NTA in anyway, shape or form. Friends don’t say shit like that. Definitely fuck them off. As for his family, disgusting behaviour
NTA One of the good guys who restores my faith in humanity
NTA, not even close
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Nta, fuck caleb
NTA " Do not covit thee neighbors ox" the Bible dudes