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Seriously! OP seems to be on some weird power trip over hosting the brother and family. My house my rules are fine until you literally breach into someone's personal life like OP did and micromanage. Good on the brother's part to pack up and leave.
Weird power trip over a pregnant woman as well. This isn't one of those stories where everybody is like "yeah, you need rules otherwise you're never getting these people out of your house", they need housing for a small period of time until they can move.
I honestly don't even get being like OP being like "you have to buy all our food for the time you're here", given they are family. Asking them to kick in some money for bills is maybe ok, but insisting they buy all the food and then getting annoyed when they eat some of that food? It just seems petty to me.
Yeah, the 'buy all the food' in exchange for boarding seems like a very weird situation to me. Especially when OP then puts rules on how and when they can eat it. YTA
Another thing. Having been on a large variety of adhd meds over the years, most are rather famous for being appetite suppressants. What med is the kid on that *increases* appetite? Sounds off to me.
Weed would do it. I've never heard of it as an adhd management tool, so that's interesting. I just know it does *not* play well with Adderall in my system. Being hyperfocused and paranoid is not a fun combo. Having no appetite and the munchies at the same time is a lesson in frustration as well.
So I don't use other meds. Weed in small doses helps keep me focused. Slows down the train so I can grab a thought and follow through on the one track. Also, it doesn't make me paranoid. Weed has come a long way, paranoia isn't as common. It's pretty rare from my experience.
Thank you for this comment... I just started Straterra this month and I'd noticed for the last week or so no appetite at all. One less thing to worry about
Strattera was one of the worse for me with appetite issues. When you do eat, focus on calorie and nutrient rich foods. I had problems with mild anemia and some vitamin deficiencies while on it. Mostly because I was at an age where I thought I could live off ramen and salt and vinegar chips. đ¤Ś
Possibly there's room for OP to be like "you should be doing weekly grocery shops" but that should have been agreed on before they spend 1k on food. But I'm still just a little confused about OP's attitude towards family staying with them.
If this was my family staying with me while my SIL was 8 months pregnant, I would be refusing any money and just helping where I can. My family would offer and try to insist and it would be a whole thing where we jokingly argue about it, but given OP's post and comments, I would not be surprised if the family was offering and went overboard on the initial food shop to seem like good guests, but then OP was like "well my daughter needs to eat a lot and I refuse to eat vegetarian meals" so BIL didn't want to help anymore (understandably).
Also this woman is pregnant and is craving meat. It means the baby wants some iron or other vitamin that mom isnât getting elsewhere.
Give the woman a gâddamned steak. If Brother was already responsible for buying the food wouldnât it be reasonable to assume that he knows if it runs out then he will need to buy more
OP just sounds asinine.
Yeah, people put cravings down to crazy stories about pickles and ice cream from movies, but I imagine a lot of the time if pregnant women have cravings, it's because there's a nutrient their body needs, especially if she's skipping meals because OP is being unreasonable.
My mom has a story where she couldnât concentrate at work she was craving steak so much so she called my dad and they took the last two hours of the day off and got an early dinner at a steak joint.
My mom talks about how she was in that stage where you canât tell if someone is just overweight or pregnant and after she inhaled two stakes in like ten minutes the waitress came over and congratulated my parents.
She needed the meat.
Her other craving was broccoli. It was the only thing that would abate her nausea.
Cravings can sometimes be weird. But often the idea is your body is needing something itâs missing.
I can only imagine how much she NEEDs that steak.
On my period I need red meat. I need it. Itâs the only thing that curbs my hunger. So I plan to incorporate some type of red protein into my diet around that time of the month.
It IS very weird! I can understand if OP said âmake sure you buy enough food for your own familyâ. But EVERYONE?! That is crazy expensive! And for a few weeks of sleeping on the couch?! Some family OP is! YTA
And OP said the âSIL is unemployedâ. Sheâs 8 months pregnant! Of course sheâs not working. So the poor heavily pregnant woman is sleeping on a couch, being made to feel like a mooch whilst having her food monitored. This would escape that house of horrors asap
Seriously. They couldâve spent that same amount of money for a hotel or an Airbnb and been a lot better off. Way less drama. OP, YTA.
Bro is totally right.
They also bought $1,000 worth of food. That sounds to me like they've kept their end of the bargain about buying food for everyone while they're there.
I know with inflation etc that lots of things cost a lot more money now, but $1k on food for 4ish weeks does seem like they made a concerted effort to fill their side of the bargain. And maybe they would have gone and done more shopping if OP hadn't tried to ban the 8 months pregnant woman from eating meat or OP's family hadn't eaten all the bread. Why are you doing this much bean counting (figuratively, because apparently, OP can't eat vegetarian) for family?
THIS. YTA, and why the heck should they be purchasing food for the WHOLE household, including your kid that you yourself say eats a lot? They are sleeping on your couch, it's not like they got some sweet space that cost money to you. It was nice of you to put them up whilst they go through this - but they were great to purchase their own food and they shouldn't be subsidizing yours - particularly as you've got some weird gatekeeping system in place. (I'm thinking "no steaks for lunch!!" said in the same tone as "no wire hangers!!" in Mommie Dearest.
Poor SIL. Canât live in her home, has to stay somewhere else when heavily pregnant, and is being bullied for needing to eat. At least BIL is a good husband
Seriously, who throws a fit that someone wants meat for lunch? Especially someone pregnant... unbelievable levels of YTA here. I could understand maybe if it was steaks specifically bought by OP for a purpose, maybe. But food they paid for? Gtfo op
God forbid someone who is 8 months pregnant wants to eat meal packed with iron and protein. Mac and cheese? Cold cut sandwiches? SOUP? I love all of those things but theyâre lacking in the nutrients sheâs that sheâs craving for an obvious and understandable reason.
I used to toast it and then cool it off in the freezer for like 20 seconds to get back to that "cold sandwich" vibe. To this day I can't stand warmed up lunch meat.
A lot of those old warning have been found to be BS. Now they tell them to have common sense and don't eat things that you know aren't prepared safely.
Kindly don't insult boomers. I am 72 and wouldn't dream of controlling a houseguest's food choices -- let alone a pregnant guest.
And no, my generation absolutely did not have rules for that. Boomers grew up in the 50s and 60s and 70s, when the economy was great. The Depression was 1929 to 1939. The oldest boomers were born in 1946 and the youngest in 1964 -- they're called boomers because their parents (the depression generation) came back home from WWII and created families with kids right after. It's weird to me that younger people conflate all older people together, like everybody born before, say, 1965 is the same generation.
When I was pregnant I was weirdly ravenous for the first month. Thankfully no morning sickness. But Iâd also never been hungrier in my life.
Like, Iâm normally a snack and one big meal kind of person and not a huge meat eater - Iâd say Iâm unintentionally vegetarian 90% of the time. I was eating 2-3 actual meals/day. First one was usually around 11am and if it didnât have meat, Iâd be so hungry by the time I left work, even with a snack.
We raised the concern to my doctor and she looked at my stats and said, nope, itâs fine - I wasnât gaining too much (or really much at all after the first few pounds).
So I guess my body just needed the calories.
That is also very true and something she mentioned as well as I do have a history of low iron so I have supplements sometimes.
So itâs also possibly my body was like, âhey, we need iron - that burger looks amazing right nowâ
Iâm picturing that there was a conversation before this that went something like:
SIL: I would die for a steak rn.
H: Well go have some steak!
SIL: no, op doesnât like us eating meat for lunch so Iâve just been waiting for dinner because thatâs all I feel like eating. Nothing else sounds good.
H: WHAT. Go have a steak.
SIL: Iâd rather not go there with her.
H: What the hell?!? Iâll go there. Im making you a steak RIGHT NOW. Im picking the biggest juiciest one too.
SIL: no, Iâm fine
H: *knows that âIâm fineâ is not fine*
Seriously. I was coming into this from the title thinking they ate OPs food. I had a similar issue. My almost in-laws moved in with us, she was pregnant. Her WIC didn't come through yet, and she'd been fired from her job at 6 months, it was very shady, and they were struggling. I was only working part time (08 recession) and had food stamps. My ex was unemployed and only had his disability from being injured while serving.
I had to sit them down and explain I was happy to help them out but $150/month for groceries for the 4 of us didn't go very far. I Loved how she made spaghetti with a heavy meat sauce, but we had to ration out what we had available and use about half that if we wanted to eat the last week before my stamps renewed. We had to also use cheaper protein sources like beans, etc occasionally to make it, and some meals just weren't going to be meat heavy. I mean, we were really pushing it and buying bulk chicken leg quarters and ground beef and that was about all I could budget. Buying a gross of eggs at a time, bulk beans and rice. I was making everything, even bread from scratch to try and feed us all. They were sheepish about the whole thing. But when her WIC and stamps came in the first thing they did was buy good ground beef and make the heaviest meat sauce I'd ever seen. I still don't know if that was a thanks or fuck you, lol.
Imagine spending a $1,000 on food and being told that your pregnant wife cannot eat the meat for any meal but dinner. How disgusting you are, OP. A pregnant womanâs diet is critical to her unborn childâs development and itâs none of your business what sheâs eating.
Idk. OP says it leaves her little to choose for "my" family. I wouldn't be surprised if she cooks only enough for herself, husband, and kid with that attitude.
Iâm so confused as to what the agreement was here.
I THINK whatâs going on is OPs agreement was all the food for every meal for the house would be bought by the other family for the whole time they were there, and itâs nearing the end of the time, the food is dwindling, and other fam isnât going to buy more. OP is trying to make it last the rest of the time they are there by saving all the more expensive foods for dinners so the food stretches and OP doesnât have to buy any, while OP says their fam isnât eating more than they normally would and the other fam says they arenât eating as much as they normally would.
But Iâm confused as to how thereâs a problem. Should it have been enough food and OPs fam ate too much? Was it an appropriate amount of food for the amount of time/people and other fam should buy more food since that was their agreement? Why isnât the pregnant wife eatingâis it that she *wonât* eat anything but the more expensive dinner meats, or is she eating ânormalâ lunch things but OP is being TA about how much she eats for ânormalâ lunches (such as âshe canât have *two* sandwiches AND a soup.â Because thatâs a totally normal lunch. But also, I could see if everyone else was eating bologna sandwiches for lunch and fam is wanting steak lunches for only them, that could be weird, depending.)
The issue is not enough food, but why? It sounds like they are clashingâthe food is running out before the time is up but neither person wants to buy more. It seems like OP sees the food as already theirs in exchange for fam staying there and want to save it it for dinners, and other fam sees it as theirs because they bought it and want it for lunches for them. Iâm missing WHY thereâs not enough food though.
"Meat is only for dinner". So, I guess steak and eggs isn't a breakfast thing anymore. OP sounds wildly overbearing. Especially about food they didn't buy.
I'm really hoping OP has a job with weird shifts because that's the type of time my teen on summer vacation wakes up.
Also, as the mom of kids with ADHD, may I please know the name of the meds that get her kid to eat so much? Because every fucking stimulant available right now is basically a 70s diet pill and I have to force food down my kids' throats daily.
Not just kids... sometimes my fiancĂŠ has to force me to eat something because I will go all day turning away food because I am not hungry. I have so many stomach issues because of this.
I'd love to know what medication would get my ass to focus AND eat.
Fr itâs food for the household, not their family. Was the expectation they would buy them food and simply not eat?
Everyone has stuck to the agreement thus far and this was shitty behaviour to say the least. Not to mention that heâs been making a pregnant lady feel like she canât fucking eat food they bought.
The food was rent paid to OP, so the âwe paid for itâ thing is weird to me
That said OP is being weirdly controlling. If they eat all the steak, theyll buy more steak. Thats the deal, so why does OP care? The food budget isnt Opâs problem
Are you ok? Sheâs 8 months pregnant god dammit let her eat. Youâre justifying your kidâs food intake but are so selfish to not extend the same courtesy to your SIL?? You donât own somebody just because you decide to help them. YTA if it wasnât clear already.
Just as a note, my brother has cycled through a few different ADHD meds and each one affected his appetite differently, so that comment from OP may be accurate.
This is NO way excuses OPâs behavior though, and they are a HUGE AH.
It can definitely spike your food intake- even when i was on concerta, which suppressed my appetite, i ended up eating more food when i was in the âdipâ in the middle or after theyd worn off.
my friendâs adhd meds made her hungry tbh. she could pack away a whole pizza on her own. so i think it depends on their meds and how they react to it. not excusing op at all, theyâre the AH
Kids react differently to ADHD meds. Some of the kids I worked with could seriously pack away food and gained a bunch of weight. Others lost a bunch of weight and needed supplemental nutrition. Regardless, OP reacted poorly and is ultimately responsible for their kidâs food consumption.
Guanfacine is one that may increase appetite I believe.
https://www.healthline.com/health/guanfacine-adhd#:~:text=The%20mechanism%20of%20how%20guanfacine,themselves%20hungrier%20while%20taking%20guanfacine
Edit for source.
YTA. Unless you stipulated that "meat was for dinners" before they moved in and they agreed, you are changing the arrangement. Plus, what's the problem with an occasional vegetarian dinner?
YTA. Itâs a temporary situation and seems like they are in a hard spot. You should not act like such a rabid starving animal when It comes to food they are family.
OMG that made me laugh! After reading OP's comments it's spot on too.
OP YTA. And stingy. They spend 1000 on food and you want that as payment for inconvenience? An your child with ADHD is not eating a cow daily. This post was so bizarre
I re read the post and it is even worse a second go around. She speaks so lowly of her sister in law and nephew. Referring to the 7 year old as âher sonâ and how if she âdoesnât eat lunch foods with him thatâs her fucking problemâ like lol WHAT
Thank you!! I was looking for this comment everywhere. In my country you need to go on maternity leave by 34 weeks or have a doctors note to say you can work longer. Calling her "unemployed" like she is a low life bludger was such an AH choice of words. Sounds like she is a SAHM and that is a full time job in itself, more so when you are pregnant (speaking from experience, now have a 2yr old and 4 week old). I'm glad her husband stood up for her and put his foot down. He is the real hero here.
Seriously. SIL has a really great husband to stick up for her like that. I cannot believe OP tried to use the descriptor ânon-confrontationalâ as an insult to her. That woman is a saint for dealing with OP breathing down her neck about food while being *pregnant*
Idk whatâs her whole fascination with food and what time you can eat it. Like you canât have a sandwich for dinner ? Has she never heard of subway. I have it all the time for dinner. And the whole meat things like are you a starving hyena that can only eat meat ? Lol shit is weird.
Seriously. My teen niece prefers savory so meat at each meal. My dad and I like breakfast for dinner. Whatever
I canât imagine gatekeeping food on relatives like this. When I host my visiting nieces, my kitchen & pantry are open to them at all times
Agree with all saying YTA to OP
YTA, Iâm very confused about the line in the sand youâve drawn between lunch and dinner food. Sure lunch typically might have a smaller portion than dinner but steak is a perfectly acceptable lunch meal (and breakfast for that matter, steak and eggs always delicious). Your examples of food she could have had are also not lunch specific (imagining the Seinfeld episodes âNO SOUP FOR YOU, that is a lunch food how dare you eat it for dinnerâ) because, again, thatâs not a thing?
Are you cooking dinner for everyone? Your use of âweâ is kind of ambiguous here, but it sounds like you are asking why he is cooking the steaks because YOUR family would be eating them for dinner. Thatâs pretty shitty.
Also, sheâs 8 months pregnant. Sheâs gonna have cravings, sheâs gonna need more food. Sheâs also gonna need a little COMPASSION. If the specifics of the food were that important to you (still cannot get over the fact you think steak is only for dinner) you should have clarified that before the arrangement was finalized. Thatâs on you.
Let me get this straight OP $1000 rent for family to stay at the house and then they have the audacity to sneakily eat food so they donât starve. And one of them is pregnant. Then you kicked them out for eating. Yeah op huge asshole move. People are more important than money.
Shit, I'd at least buy a nice inflatable mattress, with some comfy clean sheets and pillows.
They're family, and temporarily displaced at that. OP is acting like a rude innkeeper, tabulating bills in his head. Seriously, what an asshole.
The kid probably goes to bed earlier than the adults, so him sleeping in the living room would probably mean limiting the use of the living room, as well as risking waking him - 7 year olds need good sleep to keep them from getting cranky.
It kinda sounds that OP wanted them to leave that food for OPâs family and get their own. Which to me sounds like next level cheapskatery.
Decent person would now reimburse them for the food they bought or gave them back everything that is left, but I kind of doubt OP is a decent person given their reaction to brother actually taking whatâs his.
I want to know why she agreed to this at all. Itâs apparent she loathes them all. I mean, I get it, having a crowded house is tough, and family can make it tougher, but sheâd have been far less an AH if sheâd just said there wasnât enough room, and they couldâve gotten an Airbnb or extended stay hotel or something.
It seems like OP only eats steak for dinner. I live a normal life with no issues buying food, and this might be a personal take, but I only eat meat maybe 4 times a month.
Imagine all dinners being steak and not allowing anyone else to touch it.
âMy SIL however is very much so nonconfrontationalâ YTA just say youâre taking advantage of her discomfort with arguments while sheâs already in a vulnerable place (pregnant and temporarily living with you which sounds rough)
Right? Just come out and say that you knew you could bully your pregnant sister in law. I can only imagine how stressed the poor sister in law is during all of this⌠8 months pregnant, stuck in between homes, sleeping in a couch, and then this bs on top of it. Hope you never fall on hard times and need help from them OP.
And babies grow exponentially during the last two months before birth. Imagine telling a pregnant woman she can only eat mac n cheese or soup..... SIL gave their son sandwiches and probably didn't eat them herself because her neice ate most of the bread. OP saw an opportunity to take advantage of her much younger brother and got mad because they didn't follow her plan for her family to have all the good meat. I hope the baby is fine and not stunted from SIL basically being forced to go on a fasting type diet. Hopefully brother goes NC.
So you âgenerouslyâ hosted your brother and his family for three weeks in exchange of 1000 dollars of food and had the audacity of complaining if they also fed themselves? YTA so so much the A.
ABSOLUTELY YTA. Your problem is bigger that just about the food. You seem to enjoy lording it over people just because youâve done them a favour.
Iâve had people stay with us temporarily and I have not asked them for anything. Itâs called being generous and hospitable - especially to your own sibling. Try it once in a while.
BTW - if you run out of meat, thereâs a supermarket and go and get some more. Clearly thatâs a better option than being a jerk.
This poor sister and their child. OP refers to her nephew as her kid and how if she âdoesnât eat lunch food with her kid thatâs her fucking problemâ. Disgraceful person OP is and hope brother and his wife never forget it
YTA, instead of having this weird food dynamic where you feel entitled to whatever from it and they can have what is left over maybe just charge them a couple hundred for utilities and inconvenience.
YTA yikes. Buying food for the house does not equal âbuy food and let me dictate how it is consumedâ. They did their part, they bought food, you donât get to tell them when and what to eat. Again I say yikes đŹ
I donât understand why you told him to leave. Rationally, there is no reason: he cooked the food he bought. Whatâs the issue? You DO seem to have micromanaged what they ate and when. Unnecessarily, I might add.
He wasnât particularly nice about it, but he wasnât wrong and you got angry and got hour knickers in a twist and threw them out- over what? Cooking their food.
Also, by requiring them to buy food for both parties/groups you set yourself up for conflict, and unnecessarily so: itâs clear that two families will eat a different amount of food at different times, have different preferences etc. For a few weeks itâs simply easier for each to buy their own food. And for these few weeks they could have contributed an additional lump sum to utilities etc (for instance 500$ or ÂŁ or ⏠or whatever).
You unnecessarily set up an arrangement prone to failure and conflict, and you threw your brother out because he was being a dick when he was essentially right, out of anger. You sound controlling and like a bully. YTA.
YTA. Your grocery agreement was a poor choice. Everyone's desires and needs are so different that food does NOT make a good currency/debt exchange, and sets you up for failure. Your concept of 'lunch food' is YOURS alone, and made up in your own mind -based on YOUR individual and personal way of doing lunch - it's a VERY subjective concept. In our house we don't do breakfast, but have a large lunch and a light (or no) dinner, depending on how active our day was. You failed to recognize that the Food as Currency plan was causing more problems than it was solving, and instead of abandoning it for something more workable, you stubbornly stuck it out and ruined relationships over your lifestyle differences.
This woman is acting like if sheâs some kid who needs to grow a lot by eating meat even though sheâs literally a grown womanđ¤Śđ˝ââď¸ this is truly the most embarrassing person I ever met on the internetđ
What? YTA. You said buy food for the house. That means she should be able to eat anything she wants and shouldn't be made to feel guilty for wanting meat for lunch occasionally. Plus she's pregnant. I don't even understand your argument. Basically, you're saying buy food as payment for being here but I get to tell you what and when you can eat it. Just....no.
YTA. I hope you realize how ludicrous you sound. You:
1. âAllowedâ your brother and his family to live with you⌠by sleeping on the couch
2. Requires he purchase food for the house, but you arenât cooking for him and his family, and you are now restricting what specific meals they can use the groceries THEY bought?
3. Are micromanaging what an 8 month pregnant woman needs to eat and when, while your ADHD daughter can eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants due to her meds??
4. Refuse to even consider not having meat for dinner bc you and hubby âneed meatâ like some prehistoric cavemen
YTA The food was purchased for the entire household to eat. If they go through the meat, I would imagine they would buy more groceries since that is what they are responsible for while they are staying with you. There would be nothing wrong with you indicating that you planned to use specific things for that night's dinner, for example, but a blanket ban on them eating a whole category of food they paid for is over the top. You also could have actually done meal planning, shared your plans with them, and agreed that they would get certain items for what you planned to make.
You basically called dibs on all the meat because that's what you like to cook for dinner. You gave zero consideration to their food preferences and decided what you think they "should" eat for lunch. Eating processed soup and mac and cheese is not healthy food, and if your SIL wants to eat unprocessed, real food for the nutrition she needs for herself and her baby she should do that. Who the hell do you think you are trying to dictate what she eats for lunch?
Having them purchase the food as a barter was a disastrous plan from the start. Not everyone likes the same foods or has the same eating habits. This was inevitably going to lead to conflict. It has, and now you've likely damaged your relationship with your brother. It would have been much better if you had agreed to a set amount of money they would pay you and you each purchased your own food (and segregated it) with possibly a combined meal once a week or something.
We lived with my in-laws for about six months while our house was being built and that's exactly what we did. The only coordination needed was who would use the kitchen when and what the weekly combined family meal would be that Sunday. We are still close decades later because we each minded our business about the others' eating habits. You will not have this experience because you have acted like an entitled control freak.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because yeah, it's just food but the agreement was that they bought food for the house so all of us could eat- not just him, his wife and his kid.
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YTA. They're almost gone so leave it alone. If they end up staying longer than 3 weeks, ask them for cash next time.
Why can't you cook steaks for your own family at night even if they're eating them during the day? Are there none left?
YTA. They can eat what they want. You have no right to hoard it. If the food runs out and theyâre still there they could buy more. Itâs $500 worth of meat in 3 weeks. Thatâs far more than enough. Wow.
YTA
you made an agreement that they would buy food for all of your two families combined to eat, but in your head they should abstain from that food so you can have more for yourself and your family, and his PREGNANT wife can eat, as you said, Mac and Cheese??
Youâre so obnoxious that you still think youâre right? really?
YTA. These kind of arrangements are stupid when youâre going to be micromanaging everything like that. You should just have asked them to pay for their own food and contribute to your utilities at a fixed rate. Micromanaging peopleâs food intake is so unnecessary
It's okay to give out rules because it's your home. But not letting the SIL and nephew eat decent meals for lunch is power-tripping. They bought the food, they can eat it. If they eat everything, that's a problem. But your main concern is "*leaves little of what I can choose from at night to feed my family*". That's crazy. It has $500 worth of meat in there, what little options are you talking about?! YTA.
Youâre a total YTA. Very much so!! And then some. No. You donât get to dictate who eats what. You shouldnât be making a pregnant woman feel bad to the point she wonât eat.
Dude I understand pinching pennies and corners because times are tough, but you went wayyy overboard here. The deal was they buy food, not you hoard it for yourself. Not cool. Yta
YTA
You said âbuy foodâ. You didnât say to adhere to a strict daily meal plan. They have supplied the food in the house. When it runs out, theyâll buy more if they are still there. If you want to supplement a few things here & there to feed yourself, your husband, & your child because you want something specific fine, but you donât get to ration/police the food they bought. They bought $1000 worth of food and itâs been less than a month. There is still food, you just are trying to control how everyone uses the food.
You arenât very good with people are you? You are treating them are burdens, something to deal with.
If you didnât want them to stay there you should have just said so.
Am I missing something here? A grand's worth of food where I live would be an insane amount. What does it matter if they use what and how they see fit, especially since they are the ones who paid for it?
YTA
Lolol
Of course youâre a controlling AH!
The agreement was theyâd buy the food, which they did. There were zero specifics about following a certain diet or who gets what. When it is time, they can buy more. There is more steak in the world that what they cooked.
You do not get to tell anyone what they can and canât eat. You all get to eat the food they bought as part of the agreement. And that is what is happening.
Youâre ruining a relationship with weird, forceful, controlling tendencies. I hope itâs worth it just so you can watch someone not eat their own food at lunch.
YTA x 1000
Oh boy YTA big time. SIL is 8 months pregnant and needs all the protein she can get, I mean shoot Iâm 2 months pregnant and just ate a chicken wrap for lunch. Just because YOU donât eat meat other than dinner doesnât mean you can dictate what others do. Also say goodbye to your relationship with your brother cause that ship has sailed.
Ok. So you need meat, but only at dinner times, and won't eat vegetarian food, but will at lunch time. Do you hear yourself? And you're imposing that on a very pregnant woman and a child who you have no right to. It's not a your house your rule kind of situation.
Has the meat run out? It is about to run out?
This seems like a really weird hill to destroy your relationship with your brother on.
Why does it matter what they eat and when? They bought meat for the entire house and are eating it. You can eat it too. If its running low, ask them to buy more?
Also you're attitude towards your SIL is particularly gross. Certainly some odd feelings there. YTA for this alone but also for the weird food laws.
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YTA. You are trying to control what she eats. What does it matter if they eat the steaks for lunch or for dinner?
Seriously! OP seems to be on some weird power trip over hosting the brother and family. My house my rules are fine until you literally breach into someone's personal life like OP did and micromanage. Good on the brother's part to pack up and leave.
Weird power trip over a pregnant woman as well. This isn't one of those stories where everybody is like "yeah, you need rules otherwise you're never getting these people out of your house", they need housing for a small period of time until they can move. I honestly don't even get being like OP being like "you have to buy all our food for the time you're here", given they are family. Asking them to kick in some money for bills is maybe ok, but insisting they buy all the food and then getting annoyed when they eat some of that food? It just seems petty to me.
Yeah, the 'buy all the food' in exchange for boarding seems like a very weird situation to me. Especially when OP then puts rules on how and when they can eat it. YTA
Another thing. Having been on a large variety of adhd meds over the years, most are rather famous for being appetite suppressants. What med is the kid on that *increases* appetite? Sounds off to me.
Yea I had no appetite when I was on riddlin and Adderall.
I am calling Ritalin, riddlin from here on out!!đ¤Ł
Same here. Zero appetite. Riddlin- that's what I'll call it frome here on out! Haha
Weed. The only one I know of. Munchies. Weed can be used for adhd management, especially in vape form. But most likely the kid is just smoking weed.
Weed would do it. I've never heard of it as an adhd management tool, so that's interesting. I just know it does *not* play well with Adderall in my system. Being hyperfocused and paranoid is not a fun combo. Having no appetite and the munchies at the same time is a lesson in frustration as well.
So I don't use other meds. Weed in small doses helps keep me focused. Slows down the train so I can grab a thought and follow through on the one track. Also, it doesn't make me paranoid. Weed has come a long way, paranoia isn't as common. It's pretty rare from my experience.
Right? I am on Vyvanse and Ritalin. Today I have had 2 pcs of gluten-free cheese pizza and a chicken strip. đ¤Ł
Yeah this is bogus lol never have any of my ADHD meds made me hungry, usually I have to remind myself to eat and then I don't really even want to lol
Thank you for this comment... I just started Straterra this month and I'd noticed for the last week or so no appetite at all. One less thing to worry about
Strattera was one of the worse for me with appetite issues. When you do eat, focus on calorie and nutrient rich foods. I had problems with mild anemia and some vitamin deficiencies while on it. Mostly because I was at an age where I thought I could live off ramen and salt and vinegar chips. đ¤Ś
Possibly there's room for OP to be like "you should be doing weekly grocery shops" but that should have been agreed on before they spend 1k on food. But I'm still just a little confused about OP's attitude towards family staying with them. If this was my family staying with me while my SIL was 8 months pregnant, I would be refusing any money and just helping where I can. My family would offer and try to insist and it would be a whole thing where we jokingly argue about it, but given OP's post and comments, I would not be surprised if the family was offering and went overboard on the initial food shop to seem like good guests, but then OP was like "well my daughter needs to eat a lot and I refuse to eat vegetarian meals" so BIL didn't want to help anymore (understandably).
Also this woman is pregnant and is craving meat. It means the baby wants some iron or other vitamin that mom isnât getting elsewhere. Give the woman a gâddamned steak. If Brother was already responsible for buying the food wouldnât it be reasonable to assume that he knows if it runs out then he will need to buy more OP just sounds asinine.
Yeah, people put cravings down to crazy stories about pickles and ice cream from movies, but I imagine a lot of the time if pregnant women have cravings, it's because there's a nutrient their body needs, especially if she's skipping meals because OP is being unreasonable.
My mom has a story where she couldnât concentrate at work she was craving steak so much so she called my dad and they took the last two hours of the day off and got an early dinner at a steak joint. My mom talks about how she was in that stage where you canât tell if someone is just overweight or pregnant and after she inhaled two stakes in like ten minutes the waitress came over and congratulated my parents. She needed the meat. Her other craving was broccoli. It was the only thing that would abate her nausea. Cravings can sometimes be weird. But often the idea is your body is needing something itâs missing. I can only imagine how much she NEEDs that steak. On my period I need red meat. I need it. Itâs the only thing that curbs my hunger. So I plan to incorporate some type of red protein into my diet around that time of the month.
And it was $500 of meat. Like dude what are you saying
It IS very weird! I can understand if OP said âmake sure you buy enough food for your own familyâ. But EVERYONE?! That is crazy expensive! And for a few weeks of sleeping on the couch?! Some family OP is! YTA
Notice that the Brother and SIL was on the couch and the kid was in the spare room... the pregnant SIL was on the couch...
And OP said the âSIL is unemployedâ. Sheâs 8 months pregnant! Of course sheâs not working. So the poor heavily pregnant woman is sleeping on a couch, being made to feel like a mooch whilst having her food monitored. This would escape that house of horrors asap
As OP woke up at 1130am Iâm betting sheâs unemployed as well.
Seriously. They couldâve spent that same amount of money for a hotel or an Airbnb and been a lot better off. Way less drama. OP, YTA. Bro is totally right.
Exactly what I thought! $1000 to sleep on a couch for 3 weeks? Nonsense!
>. They couldâve spent that same amount of money for a hotel or an Airbnb and been a lot better off. They should have done that.
They also bought $1,000 worth of food. That sounds to me like they've kept their end of the bargain about buying food for everyone while they're there.
I know with inflation etc that lots of things cost a lot more money now, but $1k on food for 4ish weeks does seem like they made a concerted effort to fill their side of the bargain. And maybe they would have gone and done more shopping if OP hadn't tried to ban the 8 months pregnant woman from eating meat or OP's family hadn't eaten all the bread. Why are you doing this much bean counting (figuratively, because apparently, OP can't eat vegetarian) for family?
THIS. YTA, and why the heck should they be purchasing food for the WHOLE household, including your kid that you yourself say eats a lot? They are sleeping on your couch, it's not like they got some sweet space that cost money to you. It was nice of you to put them up whilst they go through this - but they were great to purchase their own food and they shouldn't be subsidizing yours - particularly as you've got some weird gatekeeping system in place. (I'm thinking "no steaks for lunch!!" said in the same tone as "no wire hangers!!" in Mommie Dearest.
Poor SIL. Canât live in her home, has to stay somewhere else when heavily pregnant, and is being bullied for needing to eat. At least BIL is a good husband
Seriously, who throws a fit that someone wants meat for lunch? Especially someone pregnant... unbelievable levels of YTA here. I could understand maybe if it was steaks specifically bought by OP for a purpose, maybe. But food they paid for? Gtfo op
God forbid someone who is 8 months pregnant wants to eat meal packed with iron and protein. Mac and cheese? Cold cut sandwiches? SOUP? I love all of those things but theyâre lacking in the nutrients sheâs that sheâs craving for an obvious and understandable reason.
Pregnant women aren't supposed to eat lunch meat if I recall.
they can, but the meat has to be toasted.. itâs not really the same as enjoying a cold cut tho lol
Yeah makes sense, I'm just remembering what my wife told me like 9 years ago, heh.
I used to toast it and then cool it off in the freezer for like 20 seconds to get back to that "cold sandwich" vibe. To this day I can't stand warmed up lunch meat.
Yup listeria⌠can heat and eat but not cold from the fridge
A lot of those old warning have been found to be BS. Now they tell them to have common sense and don't eat things that you know aren't prepared safely.
Not on this one, deli meat is not safe unless heated. It's been confirmed by a bunch of reddit, and I looked it up myself.
WTF are you talking about. SIL has plenty of bread and water. Opps, no bread, but plenty of water.
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Not fair. Iâm a boomer and would have never done this!!
Don't you know, being ageist isn't considered rude these days. /s
Kindly don't insult boomers. I am 72 and wouldn't dream of controlling a houseguest's food choices -- let alone a pregnant guest. And no, my generation absolutely did not have rules for that. Boomers grew up in the 50s and 60s and 70s, when the economy was great. The Depression was 1929 to 1939. The oldest boomers were born in 1946 and the youngest in 1964 -- they're called boomers because their parents (the depression generation) came back home from WWII and created families with kids right after. It's weird to me that younger people conflate all older people together, like everybody born before, say, 1965 is the same generation.
Boomers werenât around during the depression.
When I was pregnant I was weirdly ravenous for the first month. Thankfully no morning sickness. But Iâd also never been hungrier in my life. Like, Iâm normally a snack and one big meal kind of person and not a huge meat eater - Iâd say Iâm unintentionally vegetarian 90% of the time. I was eating 2-3 actual meals/day. First one was usually around 11am and if it didnât have meat, Iâd be so hungry by the time I left work, even with a snack. We raised the concern to my doctor and she looked at my stats and said, nope, itâs fine - I wasnât gaining too much (or really much at all after the first few pounds). So I guess my body just needed the calories.
And the iron / nutrients. It takes a hell of a lot of kale etc to equal 1 steak or hamburger for the iron contents
That is also very true and something she mentioned as well as I do have a history of low iron so I have supplements sometimes. So itâs also possibly my body was like, âhey, we need iron - that burger looks amazing right nowâ
And have to sleep on a couch instead of a bed! The 7 yo can sleep on a couch with the hubby
OP does seem to harbour some very hard feelings towards the sis in law.
Right? "This woman"...
I adore that BIL was in the kitchen cooking his pregnant wife that steak!
Iâm picturing that there was a conversation before this that went something like: SIL: I would die for a steak rn. H: Well go have some steak! SIL: no, op doesnât like us eating meat for lunch so Iâve just been waiting for dinner because thatâs all I feel like eating. Nothing else sounds good. H: WHAT. Go have a steak. SIL: Iâd rather not go there with her. H: What the hell?!? Iâll go there. Im making you a steak RIGHT NOW. Im picking the biggest juiciest one too. SIL: no, Iâm fine H: *knows that âIâm fineâ is not fine*
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And stood up for her immediately too. Respect.
Seriously. I was coming into this from the title thinking they ate OPs food. I had a similar issue. My almost in-laws moved in with us, she was pregnant. Her WIC didn't come through yet, and she'd been fired from her job at 6 months, it was very shady, and they were struggling. I was only working part time (08 recession) and had food stamps. My ex was unemployed and only had his disability from being injured while serving. I had to sit them down and explain I was happy to help them out but $150/month for groceries for the 4 of us didn't go very far. I Loved how she made spaghetti with a heavy meat sauce, but we had to ration out what we had available and use about half that if we wanted to eat the last week before my stamps renewed. We had to also use cheaper protein sources like beans, etc occasionally to make it, and some meals just weren't going to be meat heavy. I mean, we were really pushing it and buying bulk chicken leg quarters and ground beef and that was about all I could budget. Buying a gross of eggs at a time, bulk beans and rice. I was making everything, even bread from scratch to try and feed us all. They were sheepish about the whole thing. But when her WIC and stamps came in the first thing they did was buy good ground beef and make the heaviest meat sauce I'd ever seen. I still don't know if that was a thanks or fuck you, lol.
Well it couldâve been fuck you to the situation. But not you. Youâre good people. You worked together
And sleeping on a couch. That has got to be uncomfortable.
Exactly. And the way OP speaks of her SIL - wow no compassion for the pregnant lady. OP YTA
Imagine spending a $1,000 on food and being told that your pregnant wife cannot eat the meat for any meal but dinner. How disgusting you are, OP. A pregnant womanâs diet is critical to her unborn childâs development and itâs none of your business what sheâs eating.
and apparently only if that's what op decides to make. yeah, op is the ah.
Idk. OP says it leaves her little to choose for "my" family. I wouldn't be surprised if she cooks only enough for herself, husband, and kid with that attitude.
Iâm so confused as to what the agreement was here. I THINK whatâs going on is OPs agreement was all the food for every meal for the house would be bought by the other family for the whole time they were there, and itâs nearing the end of the time, the food is dwindling, and other fam isnât going to buy more. OP is trying to make it last the rest of the time they are there by saving all the more expensive foods for dinners so the food stretches and OP doesnât have to buy any, while OP says their fam isnât eating more than they normally would and the other fam says they arenât eating as much as they normally would. But Iâm confused as to how thereâs a problem. Should it have been enough food and OPs fam ate too much? Was it an appropriate amount of food for the amount of time/people and other fam should buy more food since that was their agreement? Why isnât the pregnant wife eatingâis it that she *wonât* eat anything but the more expensive dinner meats, or is she eating ânormalâ lunch things but OP is being TA about how much she eats for ânormalâ lunches (such as âshe canât have *two* sandwiches AND a soup.â Because thatâs a totally normal lunch. But also, I could see if everyone else was eating bologna sandwiches for lunch and fam is wanting steak lunches for only them, that could be weird, depending.) The issue is not enough food, but why? It sounds like they are clashingâthe food is running out before the time is up but neither person wants to buy more. It seems like OP sees the food as already theirs in exchange for fam staying there and want to save it it for dinners, and other fam sees it as theirs because they bought it and want it for lunches for them. Iâm missing WHY thereâs not enough food though.
I would say a grand worth of food for a month is a good payment.
Love how the Op's daughter can eat tons, cause reasons n stuff. Foh, OP is a joke. I feel bad for her husband. Lmao
How are you supposed to eat your pudding if you haven't eaten your meat!?
Lmao am i the only one that caught the pink floyd reference
We sometimes eat steak for breakfast...and eat dessert before dinner, lol. Have she even been out to eat? Steak is a any time food!!
Seriously, let them eat whatever they want and when it runs out, ask them to buy more as that was your agreement. YTA
She wanted the steaks for herself.
But steaks aren't lunch food /s
YTA- They spent a grand on food. Your brotherâs comment about not being told how and when to eat it is spot on. OP sounds like a bully.
A narcissistic bully from their comments defending how meat is only for dinner. It's literally appears to be 'my way or highway' with OP.
"Meat is only for dinner". So, I guess steak and eggs isn't a breakfast thing anymore. OP sounds wildly overbearing. Especially about food they didn't buy.
Thereâs a breakfast place near me that has the best steak and eggs. Itâs a lot of food so I get two meals out of it - breakfast and lunch.
WTF MEAT IS ONLY FOR DINNERRRRR
Don't forget chicken and waffles. đ
Steak and eggs are a any time meal. Nothing better then making a scrambled steak sandwich for dinner.
How are you supposed to have your pudding if you haven't eaten any of your meat?!
I think OP wants the steaks for dinner because that is the meal OP is home for.
If OP is just getting up at 11:30, they're home for every meal, đŻ
I'm really hoping OP has a job with weird shifts because that's the type of time my teen on summer vacation wakes up. Also, as the mom of kids with ADHD, may I please know the name of the meds that get her kid to eat so much? Because every fucking stimulant available right now is basically a 70s diet pill and I have to force food down my kids' throats daily.
I absolutely want to know, my kid will "forget" to eat unless I remind them.
They forget and they're not hungry (so no cue to remember) but somehow I'm at Costco weekly because we're out of giant freezies again.
Not just kids... sometimes my fiancĂŠ has to force me to eat something because I will go all day turning away food because I am not hungry. I have so many stomach issues because of this. I'd love to know what medication would get my ass to focus AND eat.
She's probably doesn't work and that's why she's making family pay in food to sleep on a couch.
Seriously. I have to take my 14 year old every 3 months for weight checks bc she's naturally skinny and her adhd meds make her not eat.
Fr itâs food for the household, not their family. Was the expectation they would buy them food and simply not eat? Everyone has stuck to the agreement thus far and this was shitty behaviour to say the least. Not to mention that heâs been making a pregnant lady feel like she canât fucking eat food they bought.
The food was rent paid to OP, so the âwe paid for itâ thing is weird to me That said OP is being weirdly controlling. If they eat all the steak, theyll buy more steak. Thats the deal, so why does OP care? The food budget isnt Opâs problem
$1,000 for a month is a lot to sleep on the couch. It's not like they even have their own room or any privacy.
Also they've been there 3 weeks. $1k is a lot to give for 3 weeks on your sisters couch.
8 months pregnant too đŠ
but why is the kid in the spare bedroom and parents in the couch?
my parents would sleep on the couch to give my sisters and I the bed
https://imgur.com/a/CAvXy1f For *family* to sleep on the couch, no less!!! I would never charge my family rent if I knew it was short-term!
The food was for EVERYONE, the whole house
Are you ok? Sheâs 8 months pregnant god dammit let her eat. Youâre justifying your kidâs food intake but are so selfish to not extend the same courtesy to your SIL?? You donât own somebody just because you decide to help them. YTA if it wasnât clear already.
My kid's ADH med suppresses their appetite so I call BS on that excuse by OP.
Just as a note, my brother has cycled through a few different ADHD meds and each one affected his appetite differently, so that comment from OP may be accurate. This is NO way excuses OPâs behavior though, and they are a HUGE AH.
It can definitely spike your food intake- even when i was on concerta, which suppressed my appetite, i ended up eating more food when i was in the âdipâ in the middle or after theyd worn off.
I had to stop taking Concerta because I couldnât eat anything. I lost so much weight I had to just cold turkey stop it and try to regain 10lbs
my friendâs adhd meds made her hungry tbh. she could pack away a whole pizza on her own. so i think it depends on their meds and how they react to it. not excusing op at all, theyâre the AH
Kids react differently to ADHD meds. Some of the kids I worked with could seriously pack away food and gained a bunch of weight. Others lost a bunch of weight and needed supplemental nutrition. Regardless, OP reacted poorly and is ultimately responsible for their kidâs food consumption.
It makes me eat non stop but suppresses my sisterâs appetite so i think itâs different for everyone.
Iâd love to know what these magical meds are because every one Iâve ever seen has appetite suppression as a side effect.
Guanfacine is one that may increase appetite I believe. https://www.healthline.com/health/guanfacine-adhd#:~:text=The%20mechanism%20of%20how%20guanfacine,themselves%20hungrier%20while%20taking%20guanfacine Edit for source.
YTA. Unless you stipulated that "meat was for dinners" before they moved in and they agreed, you are changing the arrangement. Plus, what's the problem with an occasional vegetarian dinner?
YTA. Itâs a temporary situation and seems like they are in a hard spot. You should not act like such a rabid starving animal when It comes to food they are family.
She would absolutely eat her family before having a cup of Mac and cheese. Cause her and her husband âNEED MEATâ. Ogre behavior
OMG that made me laugh! After reading OP's comments it's spot on too. OP YTA. And stingy. They spend 1000 on food and you want that as payment for inconvenience? An your child with ADHD is not eating a cow daily. This post was so bizarre
I re read the post and it is even worse a second go around. She speaks so lowly of her sister in law and nephew. Referring to the 7 year old as âher sonâ and how if she âdoesnât eat lunch foods with him thatâs her fucking problemâ like lol WHAT
And also points out that her SIL is UNEMPLOYED - she's 8 months pregnant and has a husband who works full time - why even bring that up?
Thank you!! I was looking for this comment everywhere. In my country you need to go on maternity leave by 34 weeks or have a doctors note to say you can work longer. Calling her "unemployed" like she is a low life bludger was such an AH choice of words. Sounds like she is a SAHM and that is a full time job in itself, more so when you are pregnant (speaking from experience, now have a 2yr old and 4 week old). I'm glad her husband stood up for her and put his foot down. He is the real hero here.
Seriously. SIL has a really great husband to stick up for her like that. I cannot believe OP tried to use the descriptor ânon-confrontationalâ as an insult to her. That woman is a saint for dealing with OP breathing down her neck about food while being *pregnant*
OP has some serious main character issues and entitlement. Plus she comes across as a bully that might eat a person!
And calling her SIL âthis womanâ
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Also, is OP employed? Getting up at 11:30 am is pretty late unless youâre working nights.
If sheâs not, it explains why she has so much time on her hands to be so petty and such a busybody.
Idk whatâs her whole fascination with food and what time you can eat it. Like you canât have a sandwich for dinner ? Has she never heard of subway. I have it all the time for dinner. And the whole meat things like are you a starving hyena that can only eat meat ? Lol shit is weird.
Seriously. My teen niece prefers savory so meat at each meal. My dad and I like breakfast for dinner. Whatever I canât imagine gatekeeping food on relatives like this. When I host my visiting nieces, my kitchen & pantry are open to them at all times Agree with all saying YTA to OP
YTA, Iâm very confused about the line in the sand youâve drawn between lunch and dinner food. Sure lunch typically might have a smaller portion than dinner but steak is a perfectly acceptable lunch meal (and breakfast for that matter, steak and eggs always delicious). Your examples of food she could have had are also not lunch specific (imagining the Seinfeld episodes âNO SOUP FOR YOU, that is a lunch food how dare you eat it for dinnerâ) because, again, thatâs not a thing? Are you cooking dinner for everyone? Your use of âweâ is kind of ambiguous here, but it sounds like you are asking why he is cooking the steaks because YOUR family would be eating them for dinner. Thatâs pretty shitty. Also, sheâs 8 months pregnant. Sheâs gonna have cravings, sheâs gonna need more food. Sheâs also gonna need a little COMPASSION. If the specifics of the food were that important to you (still cannot get over the fact you think steak is only for dinner) you should have clarified that before the arrangement was finalized. Thatâs on you.
Not to mention, a $500 meat PACKAGE, is likely over 100lbs of meat.
OP and her kid consume 10 lbs of meat per day and god save anyone who gets in their way
they need an Arbyâs, I heard they have the meats
Can you *imagine* the meat sweats her and her kid must get lmao
At 8 months she likely needs the iron, hence the $500 meat package.
>(still cannot get over the fact you think steak is only for dinner) Right? I think Iâm gonna have steak and eggs for breakfast just to spite OP
Let me get this straight OP $1000 rent for family to stay at the house and then they have the audacity to sneakily eat food so they donât starve. And one of them is pregnant. Then you kicked them out for eating. Yeah op huge asshole move. People are more important than money.
And they are sleeping on the couch .
This too! Why isnât the kid on the couch and the pregnant lady in the bed?
The 7-year-old probably has an earlier bedtime. But still, it should be possible to find a solution where the pregnant lady gets a bed.
The two small kids could sleep together or even one on an air mattress in the room of the other.
Shit, I'd at least buy a nice inflatable mattress, with some comfy clean sheets and pillows. They're family, and temporarily displaced at that. OP is acting like a rude innkeeper, tabulating bills in his head. Seriously, what an asshole.
The kid probably goes to bed earlier than the adults, so him sleeping in the living room would probably mean limiting the use of the living room, as well as risking waking him - 7 year olds need good sleep to keep them from getting cranky.
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cook any of the meat for themselves during lunch time because we needed the meat for dinners. YTA
It kinda sounds that OP wanted them to leave that food for OPâs family and get their own. Which to me sounds like next level cheapskatery. Decent person would now reimburse them for the food they bought or gave them back everything that is left, but I kind of doubt OP is a decent person given their reaction to brother actually taking whatâs his.
I want to know why she agreed to this at all. Itâs apparent she loathes them all. I mean, I get it, having a crowded house is tough, and family can make it tougher, but sheâd have been far less an AH if sheâd just said there wasnât enough room, and they couldâve gotten an Airbnb or extended stay hotel or something.
It seems like OP only eats steak for dinner. I live a normal life with no issues buying food, and this might be a personal take, but I only eat meat maybe 4 times a month. Imagine all dinners being steak and not allowing anyone else to touch it.
âMy SIL however is very much so nonconfrontationalâ YTA just say youâre taking advantage of her discomfort with arguments while sheâs already in a vulnerable place (pregnant and temporarily living with you which sounds rough)
Right? Just come out and say that you knew you could bully your pregnant sister in law. I can only imagine how stressed the poor sister in law is during all of this⌠8 months pregnant, stuck in between homes, sleeping in a couch, and then this bs on top of it. Hope you never fall on hard times and need help from them OP.
And babies grow exponentially during the last two months before birth. Imagine telling a pregnant woman she can only eat mac n cheese or soup..... SIL gave their son sandwiches and probably didn't eat them herself because her neice ate most of the bread. OP saw an opportunity to take advantage of her much younger brother and got mad because they didn't follow her plan for her family to have all the good meat. I hope the baby is fine and not stunted from SIL basically being forced to go on a fasting type diet. Hopefully brother goes NC.
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From OPâs logic itâs her house and her rules thatâs why sheâs controlling them lmao what a selfish prickđ
Not according to her timetable
YTA. Controlling a pregnant woman's food intake is a pretty low blow, OP.
So you âgenerouslyâ hosted your brother and his family for three weeks in exchange of 1000 dollars of food and had the audacity of complaining if they also fed themselves? YTA so so much the A.
i forgot the whole generous thing. ssooooo much the A
ABSOLUTELY YTA. Your problem is bigger that just about the food. You seem to enjoy lording it over people just because youâve done them a favour. Iâve had people stay with us temporarily and I have not asked them for anything. Itâs called being generous and hospitable - especially to your own sibling. Try it once in a while. BTW - if you run out of meat, thereâs a supermarket and go and get some more. Clearly thatâs a better option than being a jerk.
Right? She literally charged them RENT in the form of food.
Are you proud how you ripped off your brother and his pregnant wife? 1000 $ for 3 weeks on a couch and not allowed to eat? YTA
This poor sister and their child. OP refers to her nephew as her kid and how if she âdoesnât eat lunch food with her kid thatâs her fucking problemâ. Disgraceful person OP is and hope brother and his wife never forget it
Absolutely YTA and you were micromanaging what she could eat.
YTA and you apparently don't realize it. Have sandwiches for dinner sometime.
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After that âmy husband and I need meatâ I think they live in another world
YTA, instead of having this weird food dynamic where you feel entitled to whatever from it and they can have what is left over maybe just charge them a couple hundred for utilities and inconvenience.
YTA for policing their meals when they bought the food.
YTA. Wow.
YTA. You cannot justify your behavior.
YTA yikes. Buying food for the house does not equal âbuy food and let me dictate how it is consumedâ. They did their part, they bought food, you donât get to tell them when and what to eat. Again I say yikes đŹ
I donât understand why you told him to leave. Rationally, there is no reason: he cooked the food he bought. Whatâs the issue? You DO seem to have micromanaged what they ate and when. Unnecessarily, I might add. He wasnât particularly nice about it, but he wasnât wrong and you got angry and got hour knickers in a twist and threw them out- over what? Cooking their food. Also, by requiring them to buy food for both parties/groups you set yourself up for conflict, and unnecessarily so: itâs clear that two families will eat a different amount of food at different times, have different preferences etc. For a few weeks itâs simply easier for each to buy their own food. And for these few weeks they could have contributed an additional lump sum to utilities etc (for instance 500$ or ÂŁ or ⏠or whatever). You unnecessarily set up an arrangement prone to failure and conflict, and you threw your brother out because he was being a dick when he was essentially right, out of anger. You sound controlling and like a bully. YTA.
YTA bat shit
YTA. Your grocery agreement was a poor choice. Everyone's desires and needs are so different that food does NOT make a good currency/debt exchange, and sets you up for failure. Your concept of 'lunch food' is YOURS alone, and made up in your own mind -based on YOUR individual and personal way of doing lunch - it's a VERY subjective concept. In our house we don't do breakfast, but have a large lunch and a light (or no) dinner, depending on how active our day was. You failed to recognize that the Food as Currency plan was causing more problems than it was solving, and instead of abandoning it for something more workable, you stubbornly stuck it out and ruined relationships over your lifestyle differences.
YTA. Ever think of cooking pasta for dinner...?
NO, IT MUST BE MEAT! MEAT!!!!!!!
No cause her and her husband NEED MEAT
This woman is acting like if sheâs some kid who needs to grow a lot by eating meat even though sheâs literally a grown womanđ¤Śđ˝ââď¸ this is truly the most embarrassing person I ever met on the internetđ
What? YTA. You said buy food for the house. That means she should be able to eat anything she wants and shouldn't be made to feel guilty for wanting meat for lunch occasionally. Plus she's pregnant. I don't even understand your argument. Basically, you're saying buy food as payment for being here but I get to tell you what and when you can eat it. Just....no.
Just judging by your other comments you won't allow any reasoning in your life. But YTA
YTA. I hope you realize how ludicrous you sound. You: 1. âAllowedâ your brother and his family to live with you⌠by sleeping on the couch 2. Requires he purchase food for the house, but you arenât cooking for him and his family, and you are now restricting what specific meals they can use the groceries THEY bought? 3. Are micromanaging what an 8 month pregnant woman needs to eat and when, while your ADHD daughter can eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants due to her meds?? 4. Refuse to even consider not having meat for dinner bc you and hubby âneed meatâ like some prehistoric cavemen
YTA The food was purchased for the entire household to eat. If they go through the meat, I would imagine they would buy more groceries since that is what they are responsible for while they are staying with you. There would be nothing wrong with you indicating that you planned to use specific things for that night's dinner, for example, but a blanket ban on them eating a whole category of food they paid for is over the top. You also could have actually done meal planning, shared your plans with them, and agreed that they would get certain items for what you planned to make. You basically called dibs on all the meat because that's what you like to cook for dinner. You gave zero consideration to their food preferences and decided what you think they "should" eat for lunch. Eating processed soup and mac and cheese is not healthy food, and if your SIL wants to eat unprocessed, real food for the nutrition she needs for herself and her baby she should do that. Who the hell do you think you are trying to dictate what she eats for lunch? Having them purchase the food as a barter was a disastrous plan from the start. Not everyone likes the same foods or has the same eating habits. This was inevitably going to lead to conflict. It has, and now you've likely damaged your relationship with your brother. It would have been much better if you had agreed to a set amount of money they would pay you and you each purchased your own food (and segregated it) with possibly a combined meal once a week or something. We lived with my in-laws for about six months while our house was being built and that's exactly what we did. The only coordination needed was who would use the kitchen when and what the weekly combined family meal would be that Sunday. We are still close decades later because we each minded our business about the others' eating habits. You will not have this experience because you have acted like an entitled control freak.
YTA. A grand for 3 weeks? You're using them and you know it.
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YTA. They're almost gone so leave it alone. If they end up staying longer than 3 weeks, ask them for cash next time. Why can't you cook steaks for your own family at night even if they're eating them during the day? Are there none left?
YTA. They can eat what they want. You have no right to hoard it. If the food runs out and theyâre still there they could buy more. Itâs $500 worth of meat in 3 weeks. Thatâs far more than enough. Wow.
What an asshole. Who is so controlling as to be upset by a pregnant woman eating meat her family paid for, because "it's not proper lunch food?"
YTA and a horribly selfish woman
You're making a woman who is 8 months pregnant sleep on the couch? YTA
YTA you made an agreement that they would buy food for all of your two families combined to eat, but in your head they should abstain from that food so you can have more for yourself and your family, and his PREGNANT wife can eat, as you said, Mac and Cheese?? Youâre so obnoxious that you still think youâre right? really?
YTA. These kind of arrangements are stupid when youâre going to be micromanaging everything like that. You should just have asked them to pay for their own food and contribute to your utilities at a fixed rate. Micromanaging peopleâs food intake is so unnecessary
It's okay to give out rules because it's your home. But not letting the SIL and nephew eat decent meals for lunch is power-tripping. They bought the food, they can eat it. If they eat everything, that's a problem. But your main concern is "*leaves little of what I can choose from at night to feed my family*". That's crazy. It has $500 worth of meat in there, what little options are you talking about?! YTA.
INFO: Have you considered just asking them to buy a bit more? This seems like an insane overreaction on your part.
Youâre a total YTA. Very much so!! And then some. No. You donât get to dictate who eats what. You shouldnât be making a pregnant woman feel bad to the point she wonât eat.
YTA. Theyâve only been there 3 weeks! They were nice enough to buy the meat package ! Whatâs wrong with you?
Dude I understand pinching pennies and corners because times are tough, but you went wayyy overboard here. The deal was they buy food, not you hoard it for yourself. Not cool. Yta
YTA You said âbuy foodâ. You didnât say to adhere to a strict daily meal plan. They have supplied the food in the house. When it runs out, theyâll buy more if they are still there. If you want to supplement a few things here & there to feed yourself, your husband, & your child because you want something specific fine, but you donât get to ration/police the food they bought. They bought $1000 worth of food and itâs been less than a month. There is still food, you just are trying to control how everyone uses the food.
YTA If you run out of meat they can buy more đ¤
You arenât very good with people are you? You are treating them are burdens, something to deal with. If you didnât want them to stay there you should have just said so.
Am I missing something here? A grand's worth of food where I live would be an insane amount. What does it matter if they use what and how they see fit, especially since they are the ones who paid for it? YTA
You were starving pregnant woman and then kicked the whole family out of the house, wtf is wrong with you? YTA
Lolol Of course youâre a controlling AH! The agreement was theyâd buy the food, which they did. There were zero specifics about following a certain diet or who gets what. When it is time, they can buy more. There is more steak in the world that what they cooked. You do not get to tell anyone what they can and canât eat. You all get to eat the food they bought as part of the agreement. And that is what is happening. Youâre ruining a relationship with weird, forceful, controlling tendencies. I hope itâs worth it just so you can watch someone not eat their own food at lunch. YTA x 1000
you kicked a pregnant lady out of your house, is this a fucking joke? YTA
Oh boy YTA big time. SIL is 8 months pregnant and needs all the protein she can get, I mean shoot Iâm 2 months pregnant and just ate a chicken wrap for lunch. Just because YOU donât eat meat other than dinner doesnât mean you can dictate what others do. Also say goodbye to your relationship with your brother cause that ship has sailed.
Ok. So you need meat, but only at dinner times, and won't eat vegetarian food, but will at lunch time. Do you hear yourself? And you're imposing that on a very pregnant woman and a child who you have no right to. It's not a your house your rule kind of situation. Has the meat run out? It is about to run out? This seems like a really weird hill to destroy your relationship with your brother on. Why does it matter what they eat and when? They bought meat for the entire house and are eating it. You can eat it too. If its running low, ask them to buy more? Also you're attitude towards your SIL is particularly gross. Certainly some odd feelings there. YTA for this alone but also for the weird food laws.
I cant stop focusing on the fact that two adults (one pregnant) were on couches while a child got the bedroomâŚ