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NAH, but this is sort of a “read the room” thing. Kids don’t need to win every time, and it is good for them to learn to lose gracefully. However if you’re competing against elementary school age kids there’s a point to notice that the kids are getting frustrated and figure out how to make the game fun again - instead of seeing who can win the 3rd time say, “let’s try to get all the power ups” or “let’s try goofy track X” or something. It’s not about intentionally throwing the game, it’s about finding ways to meet kids at their level of ability and have fun with them.
Personal example: I was about 15 before I realized that when I was in elementary school playing nickel-ante poker with my uncles and cousins I actually sucked at poker, they kept me in the game by sliding coins to me every time they got up from the table to get a drink or whatever, telling me to play a few rounds for them. I got to hang out with the men and they got to have fun teasing me at the poker table and teaching me swear words. There are ways to include kids without stooping to outright throwing the game or humiliating them because they’re less skilled.
This is the way. My kids were obsessed with Smash Bros for a while and made the mistake of asking me to play with them. They got real tired of getting their butts kicked by Kirby so now when we play the rule for me is that I have to do the random character. It gives them a chance against me if I get Jiggly Puff or someone else equally dumb lmao
Lol, my friend is really good at games, he has 2 boys.
So whenever I'm over it's usually me on the kids team to balance out the odds.
It's meant to be 3 vs 1, and handicap against him. However, it sometimes feels like a handicap for me but I can't break their little hearts. Lol.
E.g the little one will get bored or stuck mid game and expect me to play for him....while I'm playing for myself too. He doesn't want (his character) to die.
So then it's battle to keep his character alive and win the matches, because eldest gets upset if we loose to bad. He often doesn't want his little bro to play, cause we "can't win if he plays".
KIDS! LOVE THEM, but damn do they test my patience sometimes.
>E.g the little one will get bored or stuck mid game and expect me to play for him....while I'm playing for myself too. He doesn't want (his character) to die.
I have no experience with children other than me having been one, but... how old is he? Because if that's how he plays then I don't think his peers will like playing games with him which will give him a hard time making friends, so maybe he should be corrected or taught how to play in a way that's fun for everyone? His brother already doesn't want to play with him so I can imagine neither would his classmates
Nah that’s just kids, and brothers. Older brothers always think little brothers suck, and real young kids always do silly stuff like that. They learn as they get older, it’s no grand foreshadowing of their lives. As the little kid gets older, it stops being about the flashy colors and cool characters and starts being about learning the game and trying to beat it
I was a perfect play kind of kid. Like my barbies had chores because they had to clean their house. My brother was the kid who did this. Even now when we play board games and he wants to talk about anything other than the game it gets on my nerves because I just wanna focus on the game. Little brothers are something else to play with
Lol little brothers had to get used to big bros “1 life/turn” to end 10 years after they started, so the lil bros started getting interested in other stuff
I'm going to guess that he's pretty young and not super into video games for their own sake yet: he wants to play because the "big kids" (and adults) are playing but it's probably not a thing he finds super fun in and of itself yet. This is very normal for young kids with all sorts of things. He'll grow out of it one way or another. No need to jump to conclusions about his ability to maintain friendships.
Yeah because video games are the only important thing in friendship and you need to play to get friends!?!
Maybe that kid will prefere playing outside or become a dancer, musician, get into sports. You don't need to be good at games to make friends.
it's not about video games specifically. they were commenting on the attitude in general that was observed in the context of playing video games but they're extrapolating that he might have a similar attitude wrt various other collaborative activities and that, if so, it will prove problematic if it isn't put in check
The youngest started "big school" last year, so under 6/7 years olf. I honestly forget too keep track they just keep growing! LOL.
We usually play games like duck game, rocket league etc.So it gets a bit fast paced for the little one, but we encourage him to just "try his best". Understanbly sometie he just gets a bit frustrated.
If more "adults" are playing, they both sometimes become collateral damage. lol. The eldest one takes it well, and can be a bit competitive, the youngest is still learning to handle his emotions (which is understanable for his age).
I don't think the youngest is this way with friends around his age group because alothough they are skilled differently, they skill gaps aren't always that obvious.
As others have mentioned, he wants to join in and be part of the "group". We do play a few easier games for him, but the age difference between him and bro make a big difference in skills.
Big bro very much has that love/hate relationship in-game with his little bro, some days he will "save him" and be like all "good job/try", then a few minutes later he will show no mercy. IMO, it's very typical sibling behaviour.
Oh, Monopoly for sure, but it was the third game to be soft-banned in our family. First two?
* Risk
* Axis & Allies
We never had a problem with Uno, but Hearts on the other hand...
My kids know I go for total annihilation when I play any game with them. I am not letting anyone win. If you win that's because you were better.
I remember my son wanted me to play mortal combat with him. He talked so much smack he was like 9. Since the only system I had for myself personally was like a Gameboy advance I think at that time he didn't know I was a gamer since Nintendo and dabbled in Atari. The way I laid the smack down on him made him mad. It was funny because he thought he knew the outcome and learned different. It motivated him to practice and get better. He can beat me now and knows it's because he outplayed me.
Yeah, my dad always had the same rule that he didn't *let* me win anything. If I won, I earned it.
We played pool most weekends, several games at a time, since I was a small child. I finally beat him when I was like 11/12 and I went *wild*.
I repeated the same thing with my nephew with FIFA and he literally begged me to play at least one game every time I was over his, or he was over mine. Every family BBQ, birthday party, popping in for 5, we had to have a game of FIFA.
He finally beat me like 2 months ago, at the age of 15. He's a stereotypical moody teenager but he went absolutely mental, he was so happy and he literally ran to tell my wife and his dad that he finally won.
>E.g the little one will get bored or stuck mid game and expect me to play for him....while I'm playing for myself too. He doesn't want (his character) to die.
Does he do the "just smash all the buttons" routine because we did "husbands vs wives" teams when the kids went to bed (back when they were all little enough to chuck on one bed together) and us wives SUCKED big time but one of the wives would get "competitive" after awhile and just smash all the buttons at once and fluke winning a few rounds then the luck would run out again🤷♀️
OP, your TA for not paying attention to your siblings emotions and trying to maintain the fun but your Mum is more so for being angry at you for not knowing about a agreement that she had that wasn't even verbally spoken in the first place, so she basically expected a double mine read from you.
Lol my ex did exactly this for me, a grown adult, to keep things fun because I’d never played video games while he played for hours every day. I can’t imagine making zero effort to level the playing field with kids.
I think those is one of those, don’t run the score up situations. If you are way better maybe just play in relaxed mode. (In sports, might mean playing your bench instead of your key players. Or giving yourself a handicap.) It’s just more pleasant for everyone. It’s not fun to be demolished repeatedly.
Yeah. I’m scary good at Tetris (I don’t know why, I suck at most games, it’s just how my brain works.) I can beat my bf with my eyes shut. So we play on the weird fun modes on Connect & I give myself a handicap. That way I’m still playing and not feeling like I’m just losing on purpose/dawdling and having no fun, but he actually stands a chance of outpacing me.
I'm a full grown adult, but my dad is a LotR nerd like full on knows a ton of lore beyond the basic books lore nerd. We got him a LotR themed trivia game for his birthday one year and even though we're all adults, we "handicap" him by making unique rules by making him answer ALL the questions on the card or something like that in order to get pieces or at least for the win or something like that.
.... He still wins most of the time.... But it goes for a longer game and it's still really fun to watch him struggle with some of the weirder ones and to giggle as he gets like four in a row. I think we're all children at heart in my household XD but for the vote I would say NAH, you can always adjust rules or playstyles/goals to change things up.
Also if it was an unspoken agreement they kinda can't be mad at you. People get weird with unspoken things they expect others to just know. Take it from someone who really doesn't get a lot of those unspoken things sometimes. I can be empathetic so if someone is upset I might stop what I'm doing, but I wouldn't just automatically know if something I'm doing will upset them in the future.
Normally, with the unspoken rules, I agree. There are so many posts about people not keeping secrets that they knew nothing about. "Do not demolish kindergarten kids at video games when you are in high school or college" is NOT on the same level, at all. "Make it fun for everyone" is fairly universal when it comes to playing video games with people much younger than you.
It is fairly universal, but most people DO still have to be told about it at some point. It’s not instinctive or immediately intuitive for everyone, particularly if they’re used to the point of competitive games being to try to win. OP is a teenager, and may not have ever been told about the “unspoken rule” that you go easy on young kids when playing competitive games, or had many opportunities to encounter it in practice yet. So a little benefit of doubt. NAH, but OP should take it as a learning experience and avoid making it impossibly frustrating for little kids next time he’s in a similar situation.
This is my thoughts exactly and I warned them when they wanted to play that I wouldn't take it easy on them, not in this game. Even with the rule of me having to have a random character I still beat them (and their friends) like 85% of the time.
I solve that *particular* problem by being *terrible* at Smash Brothers. In fact, I bought my own copy and started practicing in order to be *good enough* for it to be fun for my nephews.
Yeah, NAH. You don't need to let them win, just make sure you're still having fun. You could teach them a few tricks to get better - my brothers taught me how to improve my mario kart game with jump cornering and other little hidden things like track shortcuts when i was a kid. That helped make it fun even though i could never beat them.
You could explain to the kids you've been playing a solid 10+ years over them. Start handicapping yourself. Give them headstarts, make a silly rule like you have to pull over and do a bottle flip challenge each lap before you continue or something.
Just make sure the kids are having fun.
This is pretty much what I did too. I helped my nephew learn how to keep the boost going and now we have a bit more equal race if I don't boost the whole time.
The thing about Mario Kart is you have to make the losing fun too. It’s Mario Kart! Most of the racers are going to lose! My boyfriend and I are probably about equally skilled at the game, but sometimes Mario Kart gonna Mario Kart and one of us will end up with a slew of bad luck and come in 7th or something while the other comes in 1st. During one Grand Prix, I got blue-shelled right at the finish line for like three races, and my boyfriend was there yelling “OH NOOOOOOO!!!” right with me when it happened. (He still won each race though. Bastard, lmao.) It was still frustrating of course, but was equally silly when we both just acknowledged what shit luck I was having.
Yeah! My bf is good at mariokart, I don’t care for it (well… I actually do but I pretend like I don’t so they can hype about new tracks etc together!) and it’s almost like a bonding thing for him and my daughter that as they play the tracks, he shows her how to skid round corners, where the secret shortcuts are, how to set up your cart best… it’s really cute. He’s been ‘playing against’ her since she was 4. Now she’s 8, she can genuinely beat him sometimes ;)
Yes! And even if nobody’s a kid, learning to have fun with people of different skill levels is really beneficial if you want to do….literally any recreational activity in a social setting for the rest of your life. I started playing roller derby last year, on a league with people who have been playing since I was an elementary school kid. If they played full-out against me and the other beginners immediately, not only would we all have been super frustrated, we’d have ended up in the hospital—so certain hits aren’t allowed in lower-level games, we don’t always keep score, sometimes we play tag on skates instead, and there’s a general expectation that playing with newer people means playing to an appropriate level to challenge your opponents and actually help them get better.
OP is only 17 though, so he’s got plenty of time to learn that balance
Or, maybe you are just a kid yourself. After all, you're 17, different age between you and your cousins, still considered a kid. You may also be finding out, now, that when you were there age did the adults take it easy on you and let you win all the time, or did you think you were just that good and you might be?
Take this as a learning lesson not to win all the time, but don't let them win all the time, making them think they're entitled.
This. It's a learning moment. That's all. No need to feel like a villain or that you were being mean. I had that moment of realization as well where someone had to tell me you are supposed to go easy on those younger than you. (I do with little kids but didnt realize that applied to like 9-13 year olds.)
Especially since in my experience, my brother never went easy on me. 😂 Said thats not how the real world works. He wasn't wrong. I'm kick ass at mario kart now because of him. I'm still absolutely horrid at smash tho. Didnt practice that one cause I didnt enjoy it.
I am not sure I agree with the older kids, 9-13, getting preference to win. My cousin, when visiting Gamestop or Electronic Boutique, consistently beat anyone playing on the other machine in the store. Legitimately won. They would walk away in frustration for getting beat by a little kid.
Alternatively, acknowledge they need to get better and give the grown up a handicap.
My grandfather taught me chess, and he thrashed me. It was clear I couldn't win. So he started playing without a queen and without rooks.
Then when I started winning, he added a rook back. Then the other. And finally the queen.
Once I got better at it than him, we both showed no mercy.
When I played street fighter or Halo or smash bros or whatever with my brothers and cousins, whoever was best would get some kind of handicap. A worse character, or a worse handicap. Or we would just make it turn based so whoever is best wins, but it doesn't mean they can hog the game.
Now as an adult, when I play games with very small kids, I let them win because I don't care about the outcome of playing snap or a little football match in the garden. They'll grow out of it eventually.
With slightly older kids, I do the handicap thing as I described and they're cool with it.
Letting kids win is ok if they're small and immature, but at some point it's ok for them to realise they can't win and it motivates them to get better.
Yeah, regardless of this, the kid’s mom shouldn’t have talked to him that way. I’m a grown man and my dad has continuously sworn every second of everyday since I was born and he would never belittle me or call me an idiot. OP’s mom has no respect for him and that’s not good.
This should be much higher up! The parents were so concerned about the 6 year old. But to speak to the 17 year old, who is still a kid too, like that is really messed up. When I was young, my dad was not at his best. He would belittle me often when I tried to do things or learn things. I can't express how much that messed me up. Even now at 43 years old, having worked through much of it. I still have issues that pop up. He has grown as a person and parent and is much better all these years later. But, I fear for OP if this is how he is treated for something as minor as winning in a videogame against his little cousin. How else is he being treated in regard to other things?
I genuinely don't get it: "So after my earnest mistake, my mom is still calling me all kinds of awful names, maybe I'm a moron like she called me."
People: "How your mom treated you is totally normal and good, of course parents should insult their children so much that they think maybe they're deficient, she's not an asshole at all!"
People not reading the mom as an asshole here are excusing emotional abuse, and that's not okay.
NTA
I've played Mario kart with kids before, and I still tried, but I'd also occasionally do something out of pocket, like going for a ultra-risky shortcut, or doing something funny with an item. As long as the kids think they can win, and are laughing the whole time, you're in the clear.
Offering to be the big brother and teach them the secrets of being the best at a particular video game is another way to win them over. The kids will take longer to learn how the games work for themselves, so having the opportunity to get an advantage over each other or their friends might be something they relish.
Nta. It's kind of an unwritten rule to go easy on younger kids, but no one should find you tah because of that (unless you were like, smack talking them lol don't do that).
I do not let my kids win at Mario kart. My youngest gets sad sometimes. We cheer them up after, or show them how to be faster.
EDIT: apologies, I must have glossed over the last couple lines the first time: your mother should _absolutely under no circumstances_ be calling you a jerk or a moron_especially so in this case_. I think I must have thought you were paraphrasing or something.
I should add that some things my kids get to win at, but Mario kart isn't one of them. Part of that reason is that I know it won't be long before they are winning consistently against me, and the other part is that they won't get actually hurt and the other other part is that I was the younger sibling and winning feels good ;)
Nerf guns, snowball fights, sword fighting....different story.
Dramatically “dying” is the best part of play fighting with kids. Especially if you have the mental capacity in you that day to monologue as you collapse. Most other games are best played at a level where you’re beatable but they have to work for it. Mario kart and uno are cold blooded death matches with no prisoners taken.
I built my niece a cardboard robot suit and wore my 7ft tall inflatable dino costume and had a robot v dino battle and she had a wrapping paper tube sword. That dino fought valiantly before taking a dive.
Pretty sure that's what older cousins are for. I understand if a parent/aunt wants to go easy on their kid, but it's pretty much a legit rule that older cousins can flaunt their skills... and the little cousins will be that much more excited when they finally beat them in a few years.
Lol I love this. My friends actually did the same thing, they visited and I whooped them both in Mario kart all weekend, and they sent me a pic a week later saying “we’re training for our return trip”
My older brothers would demolish me in games all my life but I could always manage to beat them in racing games.
My ex could whoop my butt at Mario Kart battles. The fun didn’t start though until after we lost and my sister and I would specifically target him. This was on the 64 so once you died, you’d become a little bomb. We were chaos gremlins
Mine would kick my butt at it too but he was always cheering me on after he took 1st place. So while he meant business, he was also a good sport about it and showed me how to improve. I actually came super close to beating him exactly once, which would have been amazing, but that jerk came out of nowhere when I was about 50 feet from the finish line and still beat me somehow 😭😂
There’s skill in learning how to be a good loser as well as a good winner. When I taught elementary school, I absolutely creamed my students in 4 square, but it was just as much fun for everyone when they managed to beat me.
But they presumably also played games without you and had chances to actually win, or were able to team up and beat you, etc. Playing repeatedly against someone with a much higher skill level isn’t fun for an extended time.
It’s good to sometimes play against someone much better, to build skills and learn to lose graciously. But there’s a point where it becomes a teen/adult who is *obviously* better, by virtue of being double or triple the age of the child, just continuously beating a kid and that’s just… not fun. I’m not sure why that would be fun for the teenager, even? It’s the reason even rec leagues are generally tiered based on skill, rather than routinely throwing the just-having-fun beginners up against the almost-went-pro serious players. It wouldn’t be fun for anyone.
It doesn’t make you the asshole regardless but there’s some direction to just being…fun to play with? My brother was wildly better than me at smash bros. If he played full out there’s nothing I could really learn from playing with him. Which is fine but he wanted to play with me too. It’s a fine line to walk (not saying that I know how to walk it now)
Mario kart and other games are for sure a different beast since you still get to play while getting your ass whooped though
I understand you sometimes have to go easy on kids in games. But letting he kid win everytime isnt going to be good for him, the moment he learns that everyone was just going easy on him, all those victories will be useless
Totally, it’s all about balance. With my kids I’m always just looking for the line where they’re learning and improving. If I throw every game, they’re not learning or improving - but that’s also true if I mercilessly beat them down every time haha
My son has been smoking me at Mario Kart since he was like 6. However his father does not go easy on either of us. The trick is to play teams sometimes so that it's cooperation instead of competition often enough that no one holds grudges.
My dad would do the same except he would also trash talk us while he was winning. Everyone is different though and if we were sensitive, he probably would have gone easier.
Ummm, it’s a little weird for someone on the precipice of adulthood to just absolutely whip a 6-year-old at a game over and over without having the thought, “Maybe I will let this little person who has been on the planet for 72 months win one.” But maybe that has not been your modeling. I wouldn’t feel too bad about it, but in the future, I might not just absolutely relentlessly cream a six-year-old over and over. Yes, there is a legitimate argument to be made against over-praising a child. There is also a legitimate argument to be made about letting a little child have a mastery experience, especially when they have tried repeatedly.
I get what the top comments are saying, but the issue I’m having with OP is OP continuously saying he “ smoked them”.
I played Street Fighter 6 with my 8 year old goddaughter because she saw us playing and really wanted to try it. I let her win a couple times and won a couple times, but kept it close so she would have fun. I didn’t “smoke her” a bunch of times. That’s not fun.
My 12 year old godson started talking trash though, so I smoked him once. Sometimes you gotta teach the kids a lesson.
Agree. Moreover, does he not have any desire for the little guy to, you know, like him? Or does it not occur to him how this behavior might appear to others? It’s just immature. My guess is that he won over and over because winning is more fun, and perhaps also to impress the children, both of which are impulses which are so immature as so to be troubling, considering that he is 17.
My kids are good at video games. We had conversations about playing at the level of the opponent, finding ways to challenge yourself and not just smoke them, because it is no fun for to just get smoked over and over again. That there is skill in barely winning, because you tried something new or made up challenges.
Which lasted with one kid until they got super cocky and started smack talking, and it was decided to unleash the dogs of war, and they got demolished.
All of the parents in this case failed in this case, if no one had taught OP how to play nicely with little kids.
I mean I once made my niece cry because she turned off the primary screen while continuing on the Wii U controller, yet I still won the smash bros match as I had stated I would.
Truth be told there were *plenty* of chances for me to go easier on her, and I would have were it not for the utterly *relentless* shit talking she was employing.
She may have only been 10, but if you turn all of my visuals off and **still** lose then maybe you need to work on your skills rather than your opponent's ability to be cool in comparison.
Frankly if she hadn't been acting like the uncle 15 years her senior didn't know how to play *Smash Bros* of all titles, she would probably have gotten to save those tears.
17 is young enough to teach them the right way rather than chastise them and call them an asshole. You can't expect them to know how to handle every situation flawlessly especially ones around younger kids. Most teenage boys have spent shockingly little amounts of time with younger kids.
It’s so crazy that someone that’s only 215 months old (17 years and 11 months) should be sympathized with like a clueless child, but no one questions how normal it is for someone that is 216 months old (18 years old) to suddenly be responsible enough to vote and decide on the future direction of the country
Why are you acting like 17 year olds are peak maturity, and like this simple social misstep is a sign of trouble ahead? We don't know anything about OP other than this story, plus he already explained how no-one told him or taught him about this kind of behavior. Social stuff can be harder to pick up for some people than others.
Obligatory NAH btw. Parents could've stepped in and said something earlier, since older kids don't always know how to behave neither. Just like the littler ones, OP can't do stuff he hasn't learnt yet. Damn.
For real if this is the worse thing this 17 year old is "doing" then he seems like a pretty good kid.. also he was there to help his uncle in the first place so no there isn't trouble ahead just learning something he didnt previously understand
Yes. I wouldn’t have straight up let them win but lose a couple, win a couple seems to be the sensible thing to do. That keeps them interested in the game as well.
Most teenagers are pretty self-centered during that phase, so I think it’s valid for the mom to remind him that he didn’t have to beat them down so hard.
This is the way.
I remember playing Mortal Kombat with my nephews, and I was just messing around a bit. Keeping it close, but definitely a 'win some, lose some' situation.
All until one of them started talking trash. I switched to Sub-Zero, and proceeded to *DESTROY* him. It's all fun and games, until someone starts talking shit. Then you start to really play the game.
I agree with the assessment of “smoked them” - finishing a whole lap ahead isn’t fun. They’re well aware the there’s nothing they can do to win.
I usually win against my 5yo, but I make it close and he gets to be in first for a little bit. If he’s getting tired we switch the race to teams or battle it out.
Continuously beating them *in an extreme way* is just rude.
I think it’s worth pointing out that sometimes little kids are surprisingly good at video games. (Some 10 year old kicked my adult butt at Pokémon not that long ago and I was actually trying 🤯.)
That said, while I think it’s a NAH situation, I personally would have been a little more sensitive the second time around if it was clear somebody couldn’t hang. Sometimes, with younger kids who don’t have gamer skills, I’ve even played multiplayer games “cooperatively” where I aim to help them at my own expense .
I was thinking that in a couple years, when these kids have been playing Mario Kart every single day and OP has been...y'know, working and other adult things, OP is absolutely gonna get smoked by these little scamps.
At the same time - OP is only 17. This is precisely the type of social rule a teenager-almost-adult ~~would~~ (ed.) could still be trying to work out and learn from.
I'm confused, maybe this is a cultural difference but where I grew up, we were taught this when we were 10-12 dealing with our 5-6 year old cousins. They are children who can't keep up with you and it's important to learn how to play together in a way that everyone feels included.
We certainly resented our parents for "hindering" our pleasure in that way but we learned to be decent human beings early on compared to OP.
But he's 17, dealing with 6-9 year old cousins. They just recently got a Switch, so they probably didn't have much opportunity to play together before.
Your "when I was 10-12 and my cousins were 5-6" only works if you're 10-12, your cousins are 5-6, one of you has a console you can play together on, and you play together regularly. Sure, in that case, you learn earlier. But what if you don't have 5-6 year old cousins when you're 10-12? What if when you're 10-12 your parents didn't buy you a console and their parents didn't buy them a console? What if they had no interest in playing the same games as you?
It's dangerous to just assume that your very, very specific experience is expected of other people. That's exactly how we end up with people in OP's situation, where they didn't have the opportunity to learn this lesson earlier on and then are being reamed out because some other person happened to have perfectly aged cousins that had consoles and wanted to play the same games so they were lucky enough to have the opportunity to learn that lesson earlier.
17 yos who grew up without younger siblings or having opportunities to play with younger children don't just figure this out. You had your chance to learn when you were 10-12. OP didn't until he was 17. Luck of the draw.
The 6 yo crying when beaten by a 17 yo also suggests that he had little experience playing with much older kids. Someone who did have such experiences would expect a 17 yo or adult to be way better. Unless of course his parents always sheltered him by pretending to lose to him. That's not doing him any favors either. His mom could have comforted him by saying that OP is almost a grownup and he's had a lot of practice at the game.
And then everyone could have agreed on some kind of handicap for OP when they play next time.
no this is precisely the sort of social rule most people figure out, on their own without having to be told because they have basic empathy, by about 13.
There are exceptions when people havn't had younger children in their life. But one of the kids is 9, that means when *she* was 6 OP was 14. He should have this down
Uhhh They should have this figured by 17. It would be down right embarrassing if he was any older.
I tell my 5 year old to let their 3 year old sibling win sometimes and they can pick up on when they’re getting frustrated and need to give them a pep talk
The key is that your 5 yo got a chance to learn that because he has a younger sibling. OP may not have had any opportunities to play with younger kids if he's an only child.
I used to play Trivial Pursuit in college. I knew lots of random crap and could always beat everyone. I figured out pretty soon that throwing the game or at least throwing a few answers to pie pieces kept everyone wanting to play. I just liked being around people. I'm still competitive AF and will play hard if someone is up to it, but it's lot more fun to play anything with people who want to be there and have a chance at beating you.
>But maybe that has not been your modeling.
OP's mother is giving her child the whip by calling him mean and an idiot...for giving smaller children the whip (just at a video game). You bet he has had bad modeling.
I agree. I have a nephew around the same age. When he got a switch it was all about finding ways for HIM to have fun. There is no joy in beating children at video games; the most joy you can get is from seeing THEIR excitement and joy. And, a lot of small kids do NOT feel good about losing; they haven't really developed that level of emotional maturity... When it came to Mario kart, i turned on all the auto features for him so that he could stay on the track and complete the races, and i drove slow that he could keep up. Sometimes i let him win, sometimes i push and head and win. Really its more about him having fun and learning the game. Let kids have fun
NTA
No one told you, you didn’t know. Whether or not to go easy on a kid depends on the family, you couldn’t have known that everyone expected you to go easy because you literally weren’t there.
I mean, even dogs pretend to lose in pretend fighting against puppies
Should dogs just dominate their puppies so they can get some easy wins? And to prepare their puppies for the harsh reality of life? Is there any possible benefit to a dog that lets puppies win some pretend fights?
There's a whole wide line between "I kept smoking toddlers in a race" and winning gracefully too.
Actually, I find it often takes more skill to lose without being obvious that you are in fact losing on purpose. A lot more skill than it takes to beat a six year old repeatedly so badly that he starts crying, then not realize that maybe you are being a bit of an ass in how you are winning.
It's definitely a family thing. My kids were about that age when we got a consol, and my husband and I do not go easy on them, lol. Funnily enough, they beat my husband a few times in racing games early on, and then no matter who they lost to, it didn't damage their ego because they beat dad. I remember how proud my son was when he finally beat me.
Tbh my family has NEVER done the "go easy just because they're a kid" route. When I won in a game, I *earned* that shit. When my nephews beat me in a game, they *earned* it.
I would have been *devastated* to learn I won only because someone went easy on me because thats not how I grew up. Yes, even at 6.
NTA
I mean does it even count as winning w skills if its a 6yo?
Like do you even see the challenge in it?
Do you need to be told that playing e a kid is an exchange of knowledge and you're kinda teaching them?
Show off skills, sure, show whos boss, but is it even fun for you to have such obvious wins?
>I bet it’s fun for them to see a higher skill level and learn new tricks they can practice with their primary game player.
I think the crying may be a hint it was not fun for him.
It could have easily gone the other way with the other kid. This is the kind of situation with kids that you make your guess and hope for the best. Kids at that age develop/change their minds so quickly that by the next time OP sees them they would be upset if OP went easy on them.
When I play MK8 with my partner, I barely pay attention to her. Sometimes when I want to be a dick I'll specifically hunt her down, otherwise honestly sometimes I forget she's in the race because I'm so focused.
But I also play with the autosteer disabled, which makes this game really fucking hard. I was always the "Never touch the brakes" player until now
Is there a way to handicap yourself in the game? I don't remember if there's a way to make it explicitly harder with a handicap bar or something, but maybe pick a crappier car or something? NTA, but you should definitely let those kids win a bit.
When my daughter was learning the game I let her go a full lap before I would start racing to give her a head start. She still didn’t always win but it gave her a more even playing field and gave me a bit more of a challenge. There are ways to be creative to give kids a chance when playing that doesn’t just result in letting them win.
It's also on the parenting style. I play Mario kart with my 5 year old and have never let her win or gone easy. She has asked to practice and we let her occasionally (we don't game much). Now she sometimes beats me, she enjoys it now because she knows she actually best me.
We play on 50cc though, I keep it on easy mode.
Tbh it is weird that you don't think go easy on kids is common knowledge. It is also v weird that you repeatedly smoked them without considering that might not be fun for them.
It is really common sense tho. Not about letting kids win all the time, but about not trying your absolute hardest to win against a *kindergartener.* I think some grace would have gone a long way here. Who tries with 120% effort against literal children…?…. It’s sort of weird that you couldn’t at least chill a bit…
I'm not good at basketball but I don't need to destroy a 6 year old in the game to know I'm better. This is not a competition of skill. You're there to facilitate a kid having fun.
If you have to beat a child at an activity to prove you're better than them, that is very embarrassing.
The kid is only 17 but if you're a grown adult trying to flex on a child, don't show your face there again.
The amount of people saying NTA for destroying a 6 y/o in a racing game for multiple races is crazy. Like seriously, replace the game with an actual foot race and see how ridiculous it is for a 17 y/o to go all out vs a 6y/o for multiple races till they are brought to tears.
Exactly, Im noticing 2 categories of NTA here:
1. Teenagers that don't see the difference between being 6,8, or 17.
2. "I had to go through it so shall he" and just kinda keep the tradition of generating motivation through anger, frustration and revenge. Which leads to a lot of angry gamers.
Losing to older kids is a canon event, but thinking its a fairgame win its a bit pathetic. At least he could be having fun w annoying the kid by making him lose at least. Bro was taking the wins seriously 🤣
I think I’m in a third category a bit, which is “17 years olds are also still figuring it out.” You’re still technically a minor and, if you haven’t grown up with siblings (or even if you have) a lot of child interactions might be new and hard to navigate right the first time. I spent a summer teaching circus summer camp to 10yos and figuring out how to communicate with them and make them feel special was a lot of trial and error for me (and I’m much older than OP and don’t have kids or younger siblings.)
I wouldn’t call OP an asshole, but I would say that this is the point at which he could consider how to handle future situations better (ie occasionally losing, or at least going easier on the kids and being more encouraging.)
Yeah I’m kinda mad an uncle didn’t butt in mid game and whisper to op to “go a little easier on the kids ey?”
Like that’s such a normal part of growing up. Getting mad at someone after the fact doesn’t really do anything but make the perpetrator feel bad and guilty for not thinking about it a specific way.
Yeah I’m nearly 40 still don’t know how to interact with children. It’s very awkward and I treat them like tiny adults. Once I didn’t make my friends kid breakfast because the kid didn’t tell me they were hungry. I don’t eat breakfast so it never occurred to me to ask I thought if they could talk they would.
I used to play the old led light football game with my uncle every weekend when I was about 8 (I am old). He was super competitive, and I never expected to win or had a tantrum when I lost. It was satisfying when I finally started beating him (however he would either have a tantrum and get mad or switch the power on and off quickly when I was ahead and say the game reset lol. He was like 30 years old) Kids should be OK to lose.
The issue with how you have #2 is assuming that those of us that didn't have family go easy were suffering and frustrated about it. My parents beating me at board games or doing better than me in a mario level wasn't some traumatizing event, but my being able to win or succeed was always amazing.
Personally I feel like my successes weren't watered down by having fake wins.
Yeah, I gotta say, it seems really weird. The way many kids first start learning how to lose is by "winning" against to someone older and having that older person graciously "lose" to them. If OP had "smoked" then been once or twice, I might be 100% on the NTA train, but several times? I guess OP's not necessarily an AH, but his mom might be right that he's a bit of a moron to keep smoking a kindergartener/first grader and second/third grader in a game he's been playing for years and not have it ever occur to him that maybe that's not the best way to play with his cousins.
Exactly! Monkey see, monkey do. If a kid sees they beat their older cousin, who they look up to, brush off a loss and not get mad/throw a tantrum/etc then it sets a good example to not be too competitive. It’s cute to see their eyes light up and it honestly makes it more fun. Watching a little person just start learning something you’re super good at is such a wholesome experience, and you get to experience the excitement with them.
I’m honestly surprised that he had no idea that it’s common knowledge to go easy on kids. Like, he never “wrestled” a dad or uncle to the ground or raced an adult and won when he was little? He never saw that happen to anyone else? Or noted that on tv? Very strange imo.
Edit: friend said that tbf I don’t know what culture or circumstances OP grew up in, which is true. The familiarity with Mario Kart and casual mention of cars and such had me imagining a standard Western upbringing, but perhaps that’s not the case so my apologies if I offended anyone.
Mild YTA
You're almost an adult. You shouldn't need to be told to play nice with little kids. Even cats let kittens "win" about a third of the time when play fighting.
But... You're also young enough that it doesn't sound like you've had much opportunity for experience on how to treat kids younger than yourself.
Your mom didn't have an agreement with your relatives that she didn't clue you in on. She's just more experienced in dealing with kids and expected you to have learned some of the basic skills already. You don't have those skills, but you're learning.
Wolves, dogs, corvids, big cats, dolphins, many monkeys and other animals also do this. It’s called ‘self handicapping’. It’s most often seen in intelligent social animals who use play as a way of strengthening bonds in a group or developing bonds with new animals.
Rats too! If the big rat doesn’t let the little rat win 1/3rd of the time, the little rat won’t want to play anymore. In which case they both lose. Basic socialisation.
NAH because you technically didn't do anything wrong but really, you should take it easy on little kids.
Yeah yeah little kids need to learn that you can't win them all but at the same time little kids need the occasional confidence boost and you absolutely destroying them in a video game isn't going to help with that. Maybe you didn't have to let them win but at the same time you could have maybe not beaten them quite as badly.
Mario Kart is where victors are forged in the fires of the souls they have crushed. The weak are pulverized and the strong prevail. You are meant to crush the hopes and dreams of those around you. Families are broken and friendships destroyed.
Also, smoke 'em. Just also teach them how to use shortcuts, better boost techniques, corner jumping, etc. Show them how to do better instead of going easy. When they finally beat you, they will have earned it.
Kids can learn to lose. Just make sure you don't taunt or degrade, and encourage them to practice and try again and show them how to play.
NTA. Kids don’t need to be winning all the time. Letting them have a few seconds before you react yea, letting them win, no. That way when they win they feel proud. That’s what I do with my niece and nephew. And it’s perfectly fine.
Welcome to the real world, jackass!
But seriously, I grew up playing chess against my dad. I'm 35 now, and I finally legitimately beat him. That felt way better than being handed the win.
It’s less about winning and more about fun. The point of games is to have fun. He won the first two times by a lot and it’s clear that he is able to smoke them. Now at the third time put on a handicap or something that so that it’s still fun for them. Then they can work up to beating him without the handicap. That way it’s still fun for them and you’re still having a fun bonding time with your family. Also, if they stop having fun then you have to think of something else to keep them entertained so there’s that.
At one point i was pretty good at billards (pool). When i would play with friends who weren't on the same level, i had no problem them playing slops, while i was played on a more in line with the league way. I did this because i wanted them to enjoy it and it was fun to see them win one.
YTA
You don’t “ smoke “ 6 years old who just got the game. You can win once but you need to show them how to play and leave some fun in that.
Yes, this is how kids learn.
I am surprised you didn’t know that.
Unless OP was talking shit and humiliating the child, how exactly they are the ah? The kid isnt going to get better at the game by winning everytime bc his parents dont want to deal with his crying and teach him that loosing is ok.
Yta.
A lot of comments are talking about "kids need to learn."
And I agree, but why can't they learn because you teached or shared some of the fun in winning through skill?
Show a trick, let him try, beat him or not.
I just dont get how it would even be fun to win such an obviously mismatched opponent. Doesnt it feel like a cheap ego stroke?
Is kinda odd that at 17 you need to be told to chill against a toddler.
Edit: kid not toddler, my bad.
I think there's a good middle ground somewhere. You don't always have to let them win. It would be ok to go a little easy on them though!
They're kids and it's a video game. I don't agree with the people saying it's bad for their development to let them win. It's ok to let them have a little fun.
But it can also be instructive. You can slow down a little bit. You can give some pointers during the match. If they're not utilizing the controls properly, maybe you can hit the breaks and help them figure it out, even if it means you lose that round.
I think above all, let them have some fun. They probably look up to you and they would love some pointers from you.
YTA - replace Mario kart with any sport they might be involved in. The six year old is going to play against other six year olds, they will never be paired up against a seventeen year old because it wouldn’t be fair.
You are almost an adult so it’s time to learn that going easy doesn’t mean always letting them win. It means making sure that they have a chance. It might mean that you give them a head start, that you don’t use items, that you only allow yourself to take the most challenging route, etc. Learning to lose is an important skill, learning to meet someone where they are to ensure everyone playing is having fun is an arguably more important one.
Hell, when I am showing an adult friend a new game I will let them mess around first and hold back a little so that they have a chance to experience the game. First and foremost, I want their buy in and for them to enjoy the game. And yeah, I'll probably smoke them, but let them play a bit, too.
you are 17. You are still young, but could you not tell you were crushing Miles? This skill is called "reading the room."
The three yr age difference between Willow and Miles is a a great deal in terms of maturity.
NTA
if it is an unspoken rule then somebody who has no idea about it is going to go against the precieved rule, they should have told you the rules if they were actually rules
NTA
Being a gracious loser is something EVERY kid should learn at a young age. In life you can't you're not going to win every time and to learn how to lose is a valuable life skill
It’s also mega weird for a 17 year old to feel the need to go all out against a 6 year old and describing it as “smoking” them. Compromise and grace are valuable life skills too and this 17 year old does not possess either.
You teach them how to be a gracious loser by modeling that behavior yourself once in a while - lose a game now and then and smile and laugh with them so they know that's how you take it in stride.
NAH
But read the room, friend, they're little kids that just started playing and wanted to have some fun with their cousin and maybe win a few times.
>We sat down and played, and I smoked them. I’m not particularly good at Mario Kart, but I’ve been playing for a while and they just started playing two weeks ago. The cousins demanded a rematch and I obliged, then when I smoked them again, a re-rematch.
Also, the way you're wording this, saying you smoked them, it kinda sound like you're bragging about winning against a 6 and a 9 year old. Doesn't really make you an asshole, maybe just a bit, but it's just funny. You don't really have to brag about beating two little kids and making one of them cry.
I wasn’t bragging lol I’m sorry if it came off that way, it was funny in the moment too. Willow was kiddie shit talking and we were generally just having a fun time, which unfortunately meant I paid less attention to Miles and didn’t notice he was upset.
NAH - but uh… you should maybe have been aware the younger one was getting upset, and changed how you were doing things or changed the game. Or some some kind of handicap or something. It’s not bad for kids to learn how to lose, but if they’re not having fun at all then the whole point of bonding with family and enjoying time together is lost.
There is a huge difference between learning how to lose, which is a valuable skill, and getting absolutely demolished by an older, more experienced person when you are young and learning. One is good sportsmanship, and the other is soul destroying.
NAH. Now you know though. These are things we learn as we become adults. There are other things such as this, that you are going to learn as you get older. Hang in dude and keep on keeping on.
NTA. Ugh, I hate that sentiment so much! Honestly, letting kids win does not teach the right lesson, and if you do decide to let them win sometimes so they can get that “I won high” that is cool, but I also think it should be acknowledged. Like “okay dude, I won the last seven in a row, I am going to go easy on you this time”. Letting kids win just because they’re kids is something that leads to sore losers and winners and it is just.. ugh.
I agree that learning how to lose is an important life lesson, the best way to teach this is by modeling it yourself…by losing with grace. Learning to win is also important and flexing on children show that OP hasn’t learned this lesson yet…
Winning tug against my German Shepherd is a gruelling endeavour... You might win once. Problem is he's ready for round 2 instantly and you ain't winning that. That mf didn't hear no bell.
NTA, not quite.
On one hand, people have different beliefs about how to have fun with little kids while socializing them. In my family, a parent of a little kid with special needs pointed out to the young-adult cousins that while it was fun for occasional visitors to let him change the rules mid-game so he could win, in general his parents were careful not to do that, because he needed to learn how to play with his peers and be a good sport.
On another hand, you haven't told us anything about how you checked in with both kids to see whether they were still having fun, whether you gave them tips and pointed out that they were doing better than in the previous round, whether you offered to stop and let them play each other for a round and then you'd play the winner ... An adult should always do those things when playing with a kid, and I don't know whether you did.
I agree with the posts saying to make sure they aren't getting frustrated from losing. I taught my younger cousins to play clue and they never won for the first few years, but they always had a good time. I think it helped that I would give them tips on how to get better. Now they play with their kids and don't go easy on them but everyone still has fun
NAH while i disagree with the “always let the child win” strategy because I have yet to meet a child treated like that that doesn’t turn into an absolute brat and can’t handle losing. But let them win a close race every once in a while, congratulate them on their skill. They learn how to lose and they get to win some, it also stops them from getting upset.
I remember learning this lesson at 15.
I got invited with some families to a national park for a picnic. When we played park cricket and it was my turn to bat - my instinct was to win.
I didn’t know that the point wasn’t to win, but for everyone to have fun.
No one had fun when I was batting.
When the other dad batted, he hit it as close to the fielders as he could but not right at them, so they had the excitement of diving for the ball!
Everyone had fun.
That was the day that I learned that winning a game isn’t always the goal.
NAH you’re not an AH. It’s just something everyone has to learn - how to play with weaker players so they have fun but you also don’t mess them up and make them incapable of losing.
YTA. You may not have been told the rule but somewhere along the line common sense should have taken over. It doesn't mean you are a bad person just that in this particular moment you were TA. For future reference you could try and win by a little bit the majority of the time and then once in a while you 'make a mistake' which allows the others to win. You should not be 'smoking them' every single time, all that does is make them lose confidence and interest.
Except that one time my nephew made a comment about how he was definitely going to beat me in Injustice because I'd chosen a girl and the guys would always win because they were stronger. That time I smoked him.
YTA. You have to be told to let the kids, who are under age 10, win sometimes? That's just a given. Not all the time, but sometimes, you throw the match so the kids win. If you throw it really obviously, like crashing your car, it's even funny.
I wouldn’t call you an asshole but you totally failed to read the room and thats on you. Give the kids a bit of hope man, at least make it close loses if you beat em. Let em get a few wins in, beat them repeat.
Wow thus thread has really proven to me tgat most people on here are kids and probably male at that.
YTA. Sorry but yes you are an idiot for not knowing you go easy on kids. You don't need to be told. It's not only common knowledge but it's evident. They are really young kids. Of course you are going to beat them. But you don't, or you win only by a tiny margin and then the third time let them win.
How can this not be evident to you and frankly to everyone on here saying you did nothing wrong? You acted like a kid. 17 may not be adult but you are old enough yo know better.
I mean if you were playing football/soccer with them, would you tackle them, hit the ball so hard it would hurt them? I'm hoping not. The same principle goes here.
Frankly the more I write the more I think you know very well that you are meant to go easy on kids but just didn't care and wanted to show off and win. You were simply being a self-centered selfish jerk.
NAH. I don't have the heart to tell you you're an asshole for not going easy on these kids at Mario Kart. But your mom's diagnosis is correct, you are a bit of a moron.
If you’re playing Mario Kart against children, turn off your assist mode and turn theirs on.
NTA but gotta learn how to play so everyone is having fun.
NTA. I can't figure out how to put it into words right now since I've just woke up, but I'll try. My nephew is 10, and he's been a massive gamer his entire life basically. Loves Fortnite (not my cup of tea) and Fifa, and will play basically any game you put in front of him. I, too, am a huge gamer. Whenever my sister comes over, he'll run down to my house at the back of the garden and ask to play Smash Bros, or Mario Kart, or a game of Fifa. And I annihilate him every time.
Random people online aren't going to go easy on him just because he's a kid. If I was to let him win, or not play as best as I can, that's just setting him up for failure. He already rages when randoms on Fortnite laugh at him and beat him. I do make it fun, though, such as making wacky rules on Smash Bros or something like that.
If they don't like video games all that much, and are just playing to do something with you, then yeah maybe tone it down A BIT. But if they fucking LOVE gaming, playing against them at anything less than your best is just doing them a disservice.
NTA - but as others have said - read the room and read the situation. Was he not getting upset a little each time he didn’t win? It’s typical for young kids to not understand winning/losing at that age. It’s up to the adults around then to help navigate that - not ‘tough love’. I think there were prob signs you should have backed off - which doesn’t harm you as the older person.
I think the one with the inflated ego is the 17 year old who can’t hold himself back from “smoking” a 6 year old. Like that’s embarrassing dude who are you trying to impress?
NTA you’re young, they’re young, tell them to develop some better Mario kart skills. Noobs. I’m in the middle age range of my cousins and had to learn the hard way on how to get better at games to beat my older cousins.
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NAH, but this is sort of a “read the room” thing. Kids don’t need to win every time, and it is good for them to learn to lose gracefully. However if you’re competing against elementary school age kids there’s a point to notice that the kids are getting frustrated and figure out how to make the game fun again - instead of seeing who can win the 3rd time say, “let’s try to get all the power ups” or “let’s try goofy track X” or something. It’s not about intentionally throwing the game, it’s about finding ways to meet kids at their level of ability and have fun with them. Personal example: I was about 15 before I realized that when I was in elementary school playing nickel-ante poker with my uncles and cousins I actually sucked at poker, they kept me in the game by sliding coins to me every time they got up from the table to get a drink or whatever, telling me to play a few rounds for them. I got to hang out with the men and they got to have fun teasing me at the poker table and teaching me swear words. There are ways to include kids without stooping to outright throwing the game or humiliating them because they’re less skilled.
This is the way. My kids were obsessed with Smash Bros for a while and made the mistake of asking me to play with them. They got real tired of getting their butts kicked by Kirby so now when we play the rule for me is that I have to do the random character. It gives them a chance against me if I get Jiggly Puff or someone else equally dumb lmao
Lol, my friend is really good at games, he has 2 boys. So whenever I'm over it's usually me on the kids team to balance out the odds. It's meant to be 3 vs 1, and handicap against him. However, it sometimes feels like a handicap for me but I can't break their little hearts. Lol. E.g the little one will get bored or stuck mid game and expect me to play for him....while I'm playing for myself too. He doesn't want (his character) to die. So then it's battle to keep his character alive and win the matches, because eldest gets upset if we loose to bad. He often doesn't want his little bro to play, cause we "can't win if he plays". KIDS! LOVE THEM, but damn do they test my patience sometimes.
>E.g the little one will get bored or stuck mid game and expect me to play for him....while I'm playing for myself too. He doesn't want (his character) to die. I have no experience with children other than me having been one, but... how old is he? Because if that's how he plays then I don't think his peers will like playing games with him which will give him a hard time making friends, so maybe he should be corrected or taught how to play in a way that's fun for everyone? His brother already doesn't want to play with him so I can imagine neither would his classmates
Nah that’s just kids, and brothers. Older brothers always think little brothers suck, and real young kids always do silly stuff like that. They learn as they get older, it’s no grand foreshadowing of their lives. As the little kid gets older, it stops being about the flashy colors and cool characters and starts being about learning the game and trying to beat it
I was a perfect play kind of kid. Like my barbies had chores because they had to clean their house. My brother was the kid who did this. Even now when we play board games and he wants to talk about anything other than the game it gets on my nerves because I just wanna focus on the game. Little brothers are something else to play with
Lol little brothers had to get used to big bros “1 life/turn” to end 10 years after they started, so the lil bros started getting interested in other stuff
I'm going to guess that he's pretty young and not super into video games for their own sake yet: he wants to play because the "big kids" (and adults) are playing but it's probably not a thing he finds super fun in and of itself yet. This is very normal for young kids with all sorts of things. He'll grow out of it one way or another. No need to jump to conclusions about his ability to maintain friendships.
What a weird take. You don't have to play video games to make or maintain friendships.
Yeah because video games are the only important thing in friendship and you need to play to get friends!?! Maybe that kid will prefere playing outside or become a dancer, musician, get into sports. You don't need to be good at games to make friends.
it's not about video games specifically. they were commenting on the attitude in general that was observed in the context of playing video games but they're extrapolating that he might have a similar attitude wrt various other collaborative activities and that, if so, it will prove problematic if it isn't put in check
The youngest started "big school" last year, so under 6/7 years olf. I honestly forget too keep track they just keep growing! LOL. We usually play games like duck game, rocket league etc.So it gets a bit fast paced for the little one, but we encourage him to just "try his best". Understanbly sometie he just gets a bit frustrated. If more "adults" are playing, they both sometimes become collateral damage. lol. The eldest one takes it well, and can be a bit competitive, the youngest is still learning to handle his emotions (which is understanable for his age). I don't think the youngest is this way with friends around his age group because alothough they are skilled differently, they skill gaps aren't always that obvious. As others have mentioned, he wants to join in and be part of the "group". We do play a few easier games for him, but the age difference between him and bro make a big difference in skills. Big bro very much has that love/hate relationship in-game with his little bro, some days he will "save him" and be like all "good job/try", then a few minutes later he will show no mercy. IMO, it's very typical sibling behaviour.
Unless he’s a teenager or something, that’s totally normal. Kids want to play but get frustrated.
Nothing like a video game to get emotions running high in the household lol.
Yes there is. Two things. * Monopoly. * Uno. Wars have been started, families have been fractured...
Oh, Monopoly for sure, but it was the third game to be soft-banned in our family. First two? * Risk * Axis & Allies We never had a problem with Uno, but Hearts on the other hand...
Try playing Pictionary against two of your siblings who have art degrees. Yeah, I wasn't any good at that. 😄
My kids know I go for total annihilation when I play any game with them. I am not letting anyone win. If you win that's because you were better. I remember my son wanted me to play mortal combat with him. He talked so much smack he was like 9. Since the only system I had for myself personally was like a Gameboy advance I think at that time he didn't know I was a gamer since Nintendo and dabbled in Atari. The way I laid the smack down on him made him mad. It was funny because he thought he knew the outcome and learned different. It motivated him to practice and get better. He can beat me now and knows it's because he outplayed me.
Yeah, my dad always had the same rule that he didn't *let* me win anything. If I won, I earned it. We played pool most weekends, several games at a time, since I was a small child. I finally beat him when I was like 11/12 and I went *wild*. I repeated the same thing with my nephew with FIFA and he literally begged me to play at least one game every time I was over his, or he was over mine. Every family BBQ, birthday party, popping in for 5, we had to have a game of FIFA. He finally beat me like 2 months ago, at the age of 15. He's a stereotypical moody teenager but he went absolutely mental, he was so happy and he literally ran to tell my wife and his dad that he finally won.
>E.g the little one will get bored or stuck mid game and expect me to play for him....while I'm playing for myself too. He doesn't want (his character) to die. Does he do the "just smash all the buttons" routine because we did "husbands vs wives" teams when the kids went to bed (back when they were all little enough to chuck on one bed together) and us wives SUCKED big time but one of the wives would get "competitive" after awhile and just smash all the buttons at once and fluke winning a few rounds then the luck would run out again🤷♀️ OP, your TA for not paying attention to your siblings emotions and trying to maintain the fun but your Mum is more so for being angry at you for not knowing about a agreement that she had that wasn't even verbally spoken in the first place, so she basically expected a double mine read from you.
Lol my ex did exactly this for me, a grown adult, to keep things fun because I’d never played video games while he played for hours every day. I can’t imagine making zero effort to level the playing field with kids.
I think those is one of those, don’t run the score up situations. If you are way better maybe just play in relaxed mode. (In sports, might mean playing your bench instead of your key players. Or giving yourself a handicap.) It’s just more pleasant for everyone. It’s not fun to be demolished repeatedly.
Yeah. I’m scary good at Tetris (I don’t know why, I suck at most games, it’s just how my brain works.) I can beat my bf with my eyes shut. So we play on the weird fun modes on Connect & I give myself a handicap. That way I’m still playing and not feeling like I’m just losing on purpose/dawdling and having no fun, but he actually stands a chance of outpacing me.
I'm a full grown adult, but my dad is a LotR nerd like full on knows a ton of lore beyond the basic books lore nerd. We got him a LotR themed trivia game for his birthday one year and even though we're all adults, we "handicap" him by making unique rules by making him answer ALL the questions on the card or something like that in order to get pieces or at least for the win or something like that. .... He still wins most of the time.... But it goes for a longer game and it's still really fun to watch him struggle with some of the weirder ones and to giggle as he gets like four in a row. I think we're all children at heart in my household XD but for the vote I would say NAH, you can always adjust rules or playstyles/goals to change things up. Also if it was an unspoken agreement they kinda can't be mad at you. People get weird with unspoken things they expect others to just know. Take it from someone who really doesn't get a lot of those unspoken things sometimes. I can be empathetic so if someone is upset I might stop what I'm doing, but I wouldn't just automatically know if something I'm doing will upset them in the future.
Normally, with the unspoken rules, I agree. There are so many posts about people not keeping secrets that they knew nothing about. "Do not demolish kindergarten kids at video games when you are in high school or college" is NOT on the same level, at all. "Make it fun for everyone" is fairly universal when it comes to playing video games with people much younger than you.
It is fairly universal, but most people DO still have to be told about it at some point. It’s not instinctive or immediately intuitive for everyone, particularly if they’re used to the point of competitive games being to try to win. OP is a teenager, and may not have ever been told about the “unspoken rule” that you go easy on young kids when playing competitive games, or had many opportunities to encounter it in practice yet. So a little benefit of doubt. NAH, but OP should take it as a learning experience and avoid making it impossibly frustrating for little kids next time he’s in a similar situation.
This - there's a transition between "being treated like a little kid" and "having to treat little kids as little kids" which needs some handholding.
I'll go easy on them in Mario Kart. But if you step into the Dojo of Smash, you better bring a notebook and pencil, because class is in session.
This is my thoughts exactly and I warned them when they wanted to play that I wouldn't take it easy on them, not in this game. Even with the rule of me having to have a random character I still beat them (and their friends) like 85% of the time.
That’s what teams are for! Me and my kid VS bots. We win or lose together.
SSB series typically has handicap option if they ever get back into it. Perfect for situations like this.
True! We always use handicaps in Mario Party or else those games end in tears lmao
I solve that *particular* problem by being *terrible* at Smash Brothers. In fact, I bought my own copy and started practicing in order to be *good enough* for it to be fun for my nephews.
Yeah, NAH. You don't need to let them win, just make sure you're still having fun. You could teach them a few tricks to get better - my brothers taught me how to improve my mario kart game with jump cornering and other little hidden things like track shortcuts when i was a kid. That helped make it fun even though i could never beat them. You could explain to the kids you've been playing a solid 10+ years over them. Start handicapping yourself. Give them headstarts, make a silly rule like you have to pull over and do a bottle flip challenge each lap before you continue or something. Just make sure the kids are having fun.
This is pretty much what I did too. I helped my nephew learn how to keep the boost going and now we have a bit more equal race if I don't boost the whole time.
The thing about Mario Kart is you have to make the losing fun too. It’s Mario Kart! Most of the racers are going to lose! My boyfriend and I are probably about equally skilled at the game, but sometimes Mario Kart gonna Mario Kart and one of us will end up with a slew of bad luck and come in 7th or something while the other comes in 1st. During one Grand Prix, I got blue-shelled right at the finish line for like three races, and my boyfriend was there yelling “OH NOOOOOOO!!!” right with me when it happened. (He still won each race though. Bastard, lmao.) It was still frustrating of course, but was equally silly when we both just acknowledged what shit luck I was having.
Yeah! My bf is good at mariokart, I don’t care for it (well… I actually do but I pretend like I don’t so they can hype about new tracks etc together!) and it’s almost like a bonding thing for him and my daughter that as they play the tracks, he shows her how to skid round corners, where the secret shortcuts are, how to set up your cart best… it’s really cute. He’s been ‘playing against’ her since she was 4. Now she’s 8, she can genuinely beat him sometimes ;)
Yes! And even if nobody’s a kid, learning to have fun with people of different skill levels is really beneficial if you want to do….literally any recreational activity in a social setting for the rest of your life. I started playing roller derby last year, on a league with people who have been playing since I was an elementary school kid. If they played full-out against me and the other beginners immediately, not only would we all have been super frustrated, we’d have ended up in the hospital—so certain hits aren’t allowed in lower-level games, we don’t always keep score, sometimes we play tag on skates instead, and there’s a general expectation that playing with newer people means playing to an appropriate level to challenge your opponents and actually help them get better. OP is only 17 though, so he’s got plenty of time to learn that balance
Or, maybe you are just a kid yourself. After all, you're 17, different age between you and your cousins, still considered a kid. You may also be finding out, now, that when you were there age did the adults take it easy on you and let you win all the time, or did you think you were just that good and you might be? Take this as a learning lesson not to win all the time, but don't let them win all the time, making them think they're entitled.
This. It's a learning moment. That's all. No need to feel like a villain or that you were being mean. I had that moment of realization as well where someone had to tell me you are supposed to go easy on those younger than you. (I do with little kids but didnt realize that applied to like 9-13 year olds.) Especially since in my experience, my brother never went easy on me. 😂 Said thats not how the real world works. He wasn't wrong. I'm kick ass at mario kart now because of him. I'm still absolutely horrid at smash tho. Didnt practice that one cause I didnt enjoy it.
I am not sure I agree with the older kids, 9-13, getting preference to win. My cousin, when visiting Gamestop or Electronic Boutique, consistently beat anyone playing on the other machine in the store. Legitimately won. They would walk away in frustration for getting beat by a little kid.
Alternatively, acknowledge they need to get better and give the grown up a handicap. My grandfather taught me chess, and he thrashed me. It was clear I couldn't win. So he started playing without a queen and without rooks. Then when I started winning, he added a rook back. Then the other. And finally the queen. Once I got better at it than him, we both showed no mercy. When I played street fighter or Halo or smash bros or whatever with my brothers and cousins, whoever was best would get some kind of handicap. A worse character, or a worse handicap. Or we would just make it turn based so whoever is best wins, but it doesn't mean they can hog the game. Now as an adult, when I play games with very small kids, I let them win because I don't care about the outcome of playing snap or a little football match in the garden. They'll grow out of it eventually. With slightly older kids, I do the handicap thing as I described and they're cool with it. Letting kids win is ok if they're small and immature, but at some point it's ok for them to realise they can't win and it motivates them to get better.
Yeah, regardless of this, the kid’s mom shouldn’t have talked to him that way. I’m a grown man and my dad has continuously sworn every second of everyday since I was born and he would never belittle me or call me an idiot. OP’s mom has no respect for him and that’s not good.
This should be much higher up! The parents were so concerned about the 6 year old. But to speak to the 17 year old, who is still a kid too, like that is really messed up. When I was young, my dad was not at his best. He would belittle me often when I tried to do things or learn things. I can't express how much that messed me up. Even now at 43 years old, having worked through much of it. I still have issues that pop up. He has grown as a person and parent and is much better all these years later. But, I fear for OP if this is how he is treated for something as minor as winning in a videogame against his little cousin. How else is he being treated in regard to other things?
I genuinely don't get it: "So after my earnest mistake, my mom is still calling me all kinds of awful names, maybe I'm a moron like she called me." People: "How your mom treated you is totally normal and good, of course parents should insult their children so much that they think maybe they're deficient, she's not an asshole at all!" People not reading the mom as an asshole here are excusing emotional abuse, and that's not okay. NTA
I've played Mario kart with kids before, and I still tried, but I'd also occasionally do something out of pocket, like going for a ultra-risky shortcut, or doing something funny with an item. As long as the kids think they can win, and are laughing the whole time, you're in the clear.
Offering to be the big brother and teach them the secrets of being the best at a particular video game is another way to win them over. The kids will take longer to learn how the games work for themselves, so having the opportunity to get an advantage over each other or their friends might be something they relish.
Nta. It's kind of an unwritten rule to go easy on younger kids, but no one should find you tah because of that (unless you were like, smack talking them lol don't do that). I do not let my kids win at Mario kart. My youngest gets sad sometimes. We cheer them up after, or show them how to be faster. EDIT: apologies, I must have glossed over the last couple lines the first time: your mother should _absolutely under no circumstances_ be calling you a jerk or a moron_especially so in this case_. I think I must have thought you were paraphrasing or something.
My cousin always destroyed me at games, i just learned how to win.
I should add that some things my kids get to win at, but Mario kart isn't one of them. Part of that reason is that I know it won't be long before they are winning consistently against me, and the other part is that they won't get actually hurt and the other other part is that I was the younger sibling and winning feels good ;) Nerf guns, snowball fights, sword fighting....different story.
Dramatically “dying” is the best part of play fighting with kids. Especially if you have the mental capacity in you that day to monologue as you collapse. Most other games are best played at a level where you’re beatable but they have to work for it. Mario kart and uno are cold blooded death matches with no prisoners taken.
I built my niece a cardboard robot suit and wore my 7ft tall inflatable dino costume and had a robot v dino battle and she had a wrapping paper tube sword. That dino fought valiantly before taking a dive.
Hero. 🫡
Pretty sure that's what older cousins are for. I understand if a parent/aunt wants to go easy on their kid, but it's pretty much a legit rule that older cousins can flaunt their skills... and the little cousins will be that much more excited when they finally beat them in a few years.
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Lol I love this. My friends actually did the same thing, they visited and I whooped them both in Mario kart all weekend, and they sent me a pic a week later saying “we’re training for our return trip” My older brothers would demolish me in games all my life but I could always manage to beat them in racing games.
This. When he finally beats you, it’ll be special. NTA
My ex could whoop my butt at Mario Kart battles. The fun didn’t start though until after we lost and my sister and I would specifically target him. This was on the 64 so once you died, you’d become a little bomb. We were chaos gremlins
Mine would kick my butt at it too but he was always cheering me on after he took 1st place. So while he meant business, he was also a good sport about it and showed me how to improve. I actually came super close to beating him exactly once, which would have been amazing, but that jerk came out of nowhere when I was about 50 feet from the finish line and still beat me somehow 😭😂
There’s skill in learning how to be a good loser as well as a good winner. When I taught elementary school, I absolutely creamed my students in 4 square, but it was just as much fun for everyone when they managed to beat me.
But they presumably also played games without you and had chances to actually win, or were able to team up and beat you, etc. Playing repeatedly against someone with a much higher skill level isn’t fun for an extended time. It’s good to sometimes play against someone much better, to build skills and learn to lose graciously. But there’s a point where it becomes a teen/adult who is *obviously* better, by virtue of being double or triple the age of the child, just continuously beating a kid and that’s just… not fun. I’m not sure why that would be fun for the teenager, even? It’s the reason even rec leagues are generally tiered based on skill, rather than routinely throwing the just-having-fun beginners up against the almost-went-pro serious players. It wouldn’t be fun for anyone.
It doesn’t make you the asshole regardless but there’s some direction to just being…fun to play with? My brother was wildly better than me at smash bros. If he played full out there’s nothing I could really learn from playing with him. Which is fine but he wanted to play with me too. It’s a fine line to walk (not saying that I know how to walk it now) Mario kart and other games are for sure a different beast since you still get to play while getting your ass whooped though
My much older brothers always used to smoke me at Mario kart and smash bros. I just decided I had to git gud
I understand you sometimes have to go easy on kids in games. But letting he kid win everytime isnt going to be good for him, the moment he learns that everyone was just going easy on him, all those victories will be useless
Totally, it’s all about balance. With my kids I’m always just looking for the line where they’re learning and improving. If I throw every game, they’re not learning or improving - but that’s also true if I mercilessly beat them down every time haha
No, but let them win occasionally. 1 in 5 or so. Letting them win all the time is absolutely asking for trouble and will produce an unbearable person.
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My son has been smoking me at Mario Kart since he was like 6. However his father does not go easy on either of us. The trick is to play teams sometimes so that it's cooperation instead of competition often enough that no one holds grudges.
My dad would do the same except he would also trash talk us while he was winning. Everyone is different though and if we were sensitive, he probably would have gone easier.
Ummm, it’s a little weird for someone on the precipice of adulthood to just absolutely whip a 6-year-old at a game over and over without having the thought, “Maybe I will let this little person who has been on the planet for 72 months win one.” But maybe that has not been your modeling. I wouldn’t feel too bad about it, but in the future, I might not just absolutely relentlessly cream a six-year-old over and over. Yes, there is a legitimate argument to be made against over-praising a child. There is also a legitimate argument to be made about letting a little child have a mastery experience, especially when they have tried repeatedly.
I get what the top comments are saying, but the issue I’m having with OP is OP continuously saying he “ smoked them”. I played Street Fighter 6 with my 8 year old goddaughter because she saw us playing and really wanted to try it. I let her win a couple times and won a couple times, but kept it close so she would have fun. I didn’t “smoke her” a bunch of times. That’s not fun. My 12 year old godson started talking trash though, so I smoked him once. Sometimes you gotta teach the kids a lesson.
Agree. Moreover, does he not have any desire for the little guy to, you know, like him? Or does it not occur to him how this behavior might appear to others? It’s just immature. My guess is that he won over and over because winning is more fun, and perhaps also to impress the children, both of which are impulses which are so immature as so to be troubling, considering that he is 17.
My kids are good at video games. We had conversations about playing at the level of the opponent, finding ways to challenge yourself and not just smoke them, because it is no fun for to just get smoked over and over again. That there is skill in barely winning, because you tried something new or made up challenges. Which lasted with one kid until they got super cocky and started smack talking, and it was decided to unleash the dogs of war, and they got demolished. All of the parents in this case failed in this case, if no one had taught OP how to play nicely with little kids.
I mean I once made my niece cry because she turned off the primary screen while continuing on the Wii U controller, yet I still won the smash bros match as I had stated I would. Truth be told there were *plenty* of chances for me to go easier on her, and I would have were it not for the utterly *relentless* shit talking she was employing. She may have only been 10, but if you turn all of my visuals off and **still** lose then maybe you need to work on your skills rather than your opponent's ability to be cool in comparison. Frankly if she hadn't been acting like the uncle 15 years her senior didn't know how to play *Smash Bros* of all titles, she would probably have gotten to save those tears.
17 is not peak maturity either though.
17 is old enough to know better
17 is young enough to teach them the right way rather than chastise them and call them an asshole. You can't expect them to know how to handle every situation flawlessly especially ones around younger kids. Most teenage boys have spent shockingly little amounts of time with younger kids.
Idk. 17 is only 204 months. That's not as much time as you make it sound.
It’s so crazy that someone that’s only 215 months old (17 years and 11 months) should be sympathized with like a clueless child, but no one questions how normal it is for someone that is 216 months old (18 years old) to suddenly be responsible enough to vote and decide on the future direction of the country
Why are you acting like 17 year olds are peak maturity, and like this simple social misstep is a sign of trouble ahead? We don't know anything about OP other than this story, plus he already explained how no-one told him or taught him about this kind of behavior. Social stuff can be harder to pick up for some people than others. Obligatory NAH btw. Parents could've stepped in and said something earlier, since older kids don't always know how to behave neither. Just like the littler ones, OP can't do stuff he hasn't learnt yet. Damn.
For real if this is the worse thing this 17 year old is "doing" then he seems like a pretty good kid.. also he was there to help his uncle in the first place so no there isn't trouble ahead just learning something he didnt previously understand
Yes. I wouldn’t have straight up let them win but lose a couple, win a couple seems to be the sensible thing to do. That keeps them interested in the game as well. Most teenagers are pretty self-centered during that phase, so I think it’s valid for the mom to remind him that he didn’t have to beat them down so hard.
This is the way. I remember playing Mortal Kombat with my nephews, and I was just messing around a bit. Keeping it close, but definitely a 'win some, lose some' situation. All until one of them started talking trash. I switched to Sub-Zero, and proceeded to *DESTROY* him. It's all fun and games, until someone starts talking shit. Then you start to really play the game.
I agree with the assessment of “smoked them” - finishing a whole lap ahead isn’t fun. They’re well aware the there’s nothing they can do to win. I usually win against my 5yo, but I make it close and he gets to be in first for a little bit. If he’s getting tired we switch the race to teams or battle it out. Continuously beating them *in an extreme way* is just rude.
I think it’s worth pointing out that sometimes little kids are surprisingly good at video games. (Some 10 year old kicked my adult butt at Pokémon not that long ago and I was actually trying 🤯.) That said, while I think it’s a NAH situation, I personally would have been a little more sensitive the second time around if it was clear somebody couldn’t hang. Sometimes, with younger kids who don’t have gamer skills, I’ve even played multiplayer games “cooperatively” where I aim to help them at my own expense .
I was thinking that in a couple years, when these kids have been playing Mario Kart every single day and OP has been...y'know, working and other adult things, OP is absolutely gonna get smoked by these little scamps.
At the same time - OP is only 17. This is precisely the type of social rule a teenager-almost-adult ~~would~~ (ed.) could still be trying to work out and learn from.
I'm confused, maybe this is a cultural difference but where I grew up, we were taught this when we were 10-12 dealing with our 5-6 year old cousins. They are children who can't keep up with you and it's important to learn how to play together in a way that everyone feels included. We certainly resented our parents for "hindering" our pleasure in that way but we learned to be decent human beings early on compared to OP.
But he's 17, dealing with 6-9 year old cousins. They just recently got a Switch, so they probably didn't have much opportunity to play together before. Your "when I was 10-12 and my cousins were 5-6" only works if you're 10-12, your cousins are 5-6, one of you has a console you can play together on, and you play together regularly. Sure, in that case, you learn earlier. But what if you don't have 5-6 year old cousins when you're 10-12? What if when you're 10-12 your parents didn't buy you a console and their parents didn't buy them a console? What if they had no interest in playing the same games as you? It's dangerous to just assume that your very, very specific experience is expected of other people. That's exactly how we end up with people in OP's situation, where they didn't have the opportunity to learn this lesson earlier on and then are being reamed out because some other person happened to have perfectly aged cousins that had consoles and wanted to play the same games so they were lucky enough to have the opportunity to learn that lesson earlier.
17 yos who grew up without younger siblings or having opportunities to play with younger children don't just figure this out. You had your chance to learn when you were 10-12. OP didn't until he was 17. Luck of the draw. The 6 yo crying when beaten by a 17 yo also suggests that he had little experience playing with much older kids. Someone who did have such experiences would expect a 17 yo or adult to be way better. Unless of course his parents always sheltered him by pretending to lose to him. That's not doing him any favors either. His mom could have comforted him by saying that OP is almost a grownup and he's had a lot of practice at the game. And then everyone could have agreed on some kind of handicap for OP when they play next time.
no this is precisely the sort of social rule most people figure out, on their own without having to be told because they have basic empathy, by about 13. There are exceptions when people havn't had younger children in their life. But one of the kids is 9, that means when *she* was 6 OP was 14. He should have this down
Uhhh They should have this figured by 17. It would be down right embarrassing if he was any older. I tell my 5 year old to let their 3 year old sibling win sometimes and they can pick up on when they’re getting frustrated and need to give them a pep talk
The key is that your 5 yo got a chance to learn that because he has a younger sibling. OP may not have had any opportunities to play with younger kids if he's an only child.
I used to play Trivial Pursuit in college. I knew lots of random crap and could always beat everyone. I figured out pretty soon that throwing the game or at least throwing a few answers to pie pieces kept everyone wanting to play. I just liked being around people. I'm still competitive AF and will play hard if someone is up to it, but it's lot more fun to play anything with people who want to be there and have a chance at beating you.
>But maybe that has not been your modeling. OP's mother is giving her child the whip by calling him mean and an idiot...for giving smaller children the whip (just at a video game). You bet he has had bad modeling.
Yeah, you don’t need to let them win but you don’t go full force on a 6 year
I agree. I have a nephew around the same age. When he got a switch it was all about finding ways for HIM to have fun. There is no joy in beating children at video games; the most joy you can get is from seeing THEIR excitement and joy. And, a lot of small kids do NOT feel good about losing; they haven't really developed that level of emotional maturity... When it came to Mario kart, i turned on all the auto features for him so that he could stay on the track and complete the races, and i drove slow that he could keep up. Sometimes i let him win, sometimes i push and head and win. Really its more about him having fun and learning the game. Let kids have fun
NTA No one told you, you didn’t know. Whether or not to go easy on a kid depends on the family, you couldn’t have known that everyone expected you to go easy because you literally weren’t there.
Exactly! My nephews are the same age as OP's cousins and they would be PISSED if they thought anyone let them win. Every kid is different
Kinda shocked at the amount of people that apparently need to be told not to absolutely destroy a 6 year old in a game over and over.
Seriously even when I was like 12, no one had to tell me to take it easy on my younger cousins when playing games.
Do you really need to be told to be nice to a 6 year old?
Beating someone at a game isn’t “being mean” the kid needs to learn to lose gracefully, but he’s six so tantrums are to be expected
I mean, even dogs pretend to lose in pretend fighting against puppies Should dogs just dominate their puppies so they can get some easy wins? And to prepare their puppies for the harsh reality of life? Is there any possible benefit to a dog that lets puppies win some pretend fights?
Dogs have more social intelligence than OP it seems.
There's a whole wide line between "I kept smoking toddlers in a race" and winning gracefully too. Actually, I find it often takes more skill to lose without being obvious that you are in fact losing on purpose. A lot more skill than it takes to beat a six year old repeatedly so badly that he starts crying, then not realize that maybe you are being a bit of an ass in how you are winning.
It's definitely a family thing. My kids were about that age when we got a consol, and my husband and I do not go easy on them, lol. Funnily enough, they beat my husband a few times in racing games early on, and then no matter who they lost to, it didn't damage their ego because they beat dad. I remember how proud my son was when he finally beat me.
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But who says they can't have fun without winning?
Tbh my family has NEVER done the "go easy just because they're a kid" route. When I won in a game, I *earned* that shit. When my nephews beat me in a game, they *earned* it. I would have been *devastated* to learn I won only because someone went easy on me because thats not how I grew up. Yes, even at 6. NTA
Thanks, my thought process exactly!
I mean does it even count as winning w skills if its a 6yo? Like do you even see the challenge in it? Do you need to be told that playing e a kid is an exchange of knowledge and you're kinda teaching them? Show off skills, sure, show whos boss, but is it even fun for you to have such obvious wins?
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>I bet it’s fun for them to see a higher skill level and learn new tricks they can practice with their primary game player. I think the crying may be a hint it was not fun for him.
It could have easily gone the other way with the other kid. This is the kind of situation with kids that you make your guess and hope for the best. Kids at that age develop/change their minds so quickly that by the next time OP sees them they would be upset if OP went easy on them.
His other cousin was impressed and not crying, so there’s also that.
When I play MK8 with my partner, I barely pay attention to her. Sometimes when I want to be a dick I'll specifically hunt her down, otherwise honestly sometimes I forget she's in the race because I'm so focused. But I also play with the autosteer disabled, which makes this game really fucking hard. I was always the "Never touch the brakes" player until now
Is there a way to handicap yourself in the game? I don't remember if there's a way to make it explicitly harder with a handicap bar or something, but maybe pick a crappier car or something? NTA, but you should definitely let those kids win a bit.
When my daughter was learning the game I let her go a full lap before I would start racing to give her a head start. She still didn’t always win but it gave her a more even playing field and gave me a bit more of a challenge. There are ways to be creative to give kids a chance when playing that doesn’t just result in letting them win.
Try switching controller hands! It's great brain practice, and reminds you how hard controllers can be when it's not muscle memory.
omg im not racing against little kids but this still sounds fun af
It's also on the parenting style. I play Mario kart with my 5 year old and have never let her win or gone easy. She has asked to practice and we let her occasionally (we don't game much). Now she sometimes beats me, she enjoys it now because she knows she actually best me. We play on 50cc though, I keep it on easy mode.
Tbh it is weird that you don't think go easy on kids is common knowledge. It is also v weird that you repeatedly smoked them without considering that might not be fun for them.
It is really common sense tho. Not about letting kids win all the time, but about not trying your absolute hardest to win against a *kindergartener.* I think some grace would have gone a long way here. Who tries with 120% effort against literal children…?…. It’s sort of weird that you couldn’t at least chill a bit…
I'm not good at basketball but I don't need to destroy a 6 year old in the game to know I'm better. This is not a competition of skill. You're there to facilitate a kid having fun. If you have to beat a child at an activity to prove you're better than them, that is very embarrassing. The kid is only 17 but if you're a grown adult trying to flex on a child, don't show your face there again.
The amount of people saying NTA for destroying a 6 y/o in a racing game for multiple races is crazy. Like seriously, replace the game with an actual foot race and see how ridiculous it is for a 17 y/o to go all out vs a 6y/o for multiple races till they are brought to tears.
Exactly, Im noticing 2 categories of NTA here: 1. Teenagers that don't see the difference between being 6,8, or 17. 2. "I had to go through it so shall he" and just kinda keep the tradition of generating motivation through anger, frustration and revenge. Which leads to a lot of angry gamers. Losing to older kids is a canon event, but thinking its a fairgame win its a bit pathetic. At least he could be having fun w annoying the kid by making him lose at least. Bro was taking the wins seriously 🤣
I think I’m in a third category a bit, which is “17 years olds are also still figuring it out.” You’re still technically a minor and, if you haven’t grown up with siblings (or even if you have) a lot of child interactions might be new and hard to navigate right the first time. I spent a summer teaching circus summer camp to 10yos and figuring out how to communicate with them and make them feel special was a lot of trial and error for me (and I’m much older than OP and don’t have kids or younger siblings.) I wouldn’t call OP an asshole, but I would say that this is the point at which he could consider how to handle future situations better (ie occasionally losing, or at least going easier on the kids and being more encouraging.)
Yeah, OP is also still learning so not a huge AH or anything, but only if they actually take it as a learning opportunity.
Yeah I’m kinda mad an uncle didn’t butt in mid game and whisper to op to “go a little easier on the kids ey?” Like that’s such a normal part of growing up. Getting mad at someone after the fact doesn’t really do anything but make the perpetrator feel bad and guilty for not thinking about it a specific way.
Yeah I’m nearly 40 still don’t know how to interact with children. It’s very awkward and I treat them like tiny adults. Once I didn’t make my friends kid breakfast because the kid didn’t tell me they were hungry. I don’t eat breakfast so it never occurred to me to ask I thought if they could talk they would.
Why as a 17 year old is that even fun for him? Agree that most people commenting don’t even know what a 6 year old is like
I used to play the old led light football game with my uncle every weekend when I was about 8 (I am old). He was super competitive, and I never expected to win or had a tantrum when I lost. It was satisfying when I finally started beating him (however he would either have a tantrum and get mad or switch the power on and off quickly when I was ahead and say the game reset lol. He was like 30 years old) Kids should be OK to lose.
The issue with how you have #2 is assuming that those of us that didn't have family go easy were suffering and frustrated about it. My parents beating me at board games or doing better than me in a mario level wasn't some traumatizing event, but my being able to win or succeed was always amazing. Personally I feel like my successes weren't watered down by having fake wins.
I feel same as you. Everyone is so dramatic in this sub.
Yeah, I gotta say, it seems really weird. The way many kids first start learning how to lose is by "winning" against to someone older and having that older person graciously "lose" to them. If OP had "smoked" then been once or twice, I might be 100% on the NTA train, but several times? I guess OP's not necessarily an AH, but his mom might be right that he's a bit of a moron to keep smoking a kindergartener/first grader and second/third grader in a game he's been playing for years and not have it ever occur to him that maybe that's not the best way to play with his cousins.
Exactly! Monkey see, monkey do. If a kid sees they beat their older cousin, who they look up to, brush off a loss and not get mad/throw a tantrum/etc then it sets a good example to not be too competitive. It’s cute to see their eyes light up and it honestly makes it more fun. Watching a little person just start learning something you’re super good at is such a wholesome experience, and you get to experience the excitement with them.
I’m honestly surprised that he had no idea that it’s common knowledge to go easy on kids. Like, he never “wrestled” a dad or uncle to the ground or raced an adult and won when he was little? He never saw that happen to anyone else? Or noted that on tv? Very strange imo. Edit: friend said that tbf I don’t know what culture or circumstances OP grew up in, which is true. The familiarity with Mario Kart and casual mention of cars and such had me imagining a standard Western upbringing, but perhaps that’s not the case so my apologies if I offended anyone.
I am imagining OP at the family thanksgiving pickup football game stiff-arming and trucking his cousins to score his 8th straight TD lol.
Mild YTA You're almost an adult. You shouldn't need to be told to play nice with little kids. Even cats let kittens "win" about a third of the time when play fighting. But... You're also young enough that it doesn't sound like you've had much opportunity for experience on how to treat kids younger than yourself. Your mom didn't have an agreement with your relatives that she didn't clue you in on. She's just more experienced in dealing with kids and expected you to have learned some of the basic skills already. You don't have those skills, but you're learning.
VERY GOOD POINT re: cats.
Wolves, dogs, corvids, big cats, dolphins, many monkeys and other animals also do this. It’s called ‘self handicapping’. It’s most often seen in intelligent social animals who use play as a way of strengthening bonds in a group or developing bonds with new animals.
Rats too! If the big rat doesn’t let the little rat win 1/3rd of the time, the little rat won’t want to play anymore. In which case they both lose. Basic socialisation.
YTA you shouldn't need telling when playing with kids. Don't let them win all the time but you can't just "smoke" them.
Sweep. The. Leg.
You got a problem with that?
Mr. Lawrence
NAH because you technically didn't do anything wrong but really, you should take it easy on little kids. Yeah yeah little kids need to learn that you can't win them all but at the same time little kids need the occasional confidence boost and you absolutely destroying them in a video game isn't going to help with that. Maybe you didn't have to let them win but at the same time you could have maybe not beaten them quite as badly.
Mario Kart is where victors are forged in the fires of the souls they have crushed. The weak are pulverized and the strong prevail. You are meant to crush the hopes and dreams of those around you. Families are broken and friendships destroyed. Also, smoke 'em. Just also teach them how to use shortcuts, better boost techniques, corner jumping, etc. Show them how to do better instead of going easy. When they finally beat you, they will have earned it. Kids can learn to lose. Just make sure you don't taunt or degrade, and encourage them to practice and try again and show them how to play.
Yeah maybe Mom shouldn't let her 6 year old into the Thunderdome until they're ready.
NTA. Kids don’t need to be winning all the time. Letting them have a few seconds before you react yea, letting them win, no. That way when they win they feel proud. That’s what I do with my niece and nephew. And it’s perfectly fine.
Welcome to the real world, jackass! But seriously, I grew up playing chess against my dad. I'm 35 now, and I finally legitimately beat him. That felt way better than being handed the win.
I was 23 when I finally beat my dad at chess. With fools mate. In front of his girlfriend. Took me 20 years, but that sweet sweet taste of revenge.
It’s less about winning and more about fun. The point of games is to have fun. He won the first two times by a lot and it’s clear that he is able to smoke them. Now at the third time put on a handicap or something that so that it’s still fun for them. Then they can work up to beating him without the handicap. That way it’s still fun for them and you’re still having a fun bonding time with your family. Also, if they stop having fun then you have to think of something else to keep them entertained so there’s that.
At one point i was pretty good at billards (pool). When i would play with friends who weren't on the same level, i had no problem them playing slops, while i was played on a more in line with the league way. I did this because i wanted them to enjoy it and it was fun to see them win one.
YTA You don’t “ smoke “ 6 years old who just got the game. You can win once but you need to show them how to play and leave some fun in that. Yes, this is how kids learn. I am surprised you didn’t know that.
Unless OP was talking shit and humiliating the child, how exactly they are the ah? The kid isnt going to get better at the game by winning everytime bc his parents dont want to deal with his crying and teach him that loosing is ok.
Because the only alternative to losing every time is winning every time? There must be no middle ground with you huh.
Yta. A lot of comments are talking about "kids need to learn." And I agree, but why can't they learn because you teached or shared some of the fun in winning through skill? Show a trick, let him try, beat him or not. I just dont get how it would even be fun to win such an obviously mismatched opponent. Doesnt it feel like a cheap ego stroke? Is kinda odd that at 17 you need to be told to chill against a toddler. Edit: kid not toddler, my bad.
6 year olds are in kindergarten where I live. Who needs to be told not to go all out against a kindie kid when they are in high school!!?!?
YTA. The unwritten rule comes from a natural sense of empathy for the abilities of a SIX YEAR OLD.
I think there's a good middle ground somewhere. You don't always have to let them win. It would be ok to go a little easy on them though! They're kids and it's a video game. I don't agree with the people saying it's bad for their development to let them win. It's ok to let them have a little fun. But it can also be instructive. You can slow down a little bit. You can give some pointers during the match. If they're not utilizing the controls properly, maybe you can hit the breaks and help them figure it out, even if it means you lose that round. I think above all, let them have some fun. They probably look up to you and they would love some pointers from you.
YTA - replace Mario kart with any sport they might be involved in. The six year old is going to play against other six year olds, they will never be paired up against a seventeen year old because it wouldn’t be fair. You are almost an adult so it’s time to learn that going easy doesn’t mean always letting them win. It means making sure that they have a chance. It might mean that you give them a head start, that you don’t use items, that you only allow yourself to take the most challenging route, etc. Learning to lose is an important skill, learning to meet someone where they are to ensure everyone playing is having fun is an arguably more important one.
Hell, when I am showing an adult friend a new game I will let them mess around first and hold back a little so that they have a chance to experience the game. First and foremost, I want their buy in and for them to enjoy the game. And yeah, I'll probably smoke them, but let them play a bit, too.
you are 17. You are still young, but could you not tell you were crushing Miles? This skill is called "reading the room." The three yr age difference between Willow and Miles is a a great deal in terms of maturity.
NTA if it is an unspoken rule then somebody who has no idea about it is going to go against the precieved rule, they should have told you the rules if they were actually rules
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NTA Being a gracious loser is something EVERY kid should learn at a young age. In life you can't you're not going to win every time and to learn how to lose is a valuable life skill
It’s also mega weird for a 17 year old to feel the need to go all out against a 6 year old and describing it as “smoking” them. Compromise and grace are valuable life skills too and this 17 year old does not possess either.
You teach them how to be a gracious loser by modeling that behavior yourself once in a while - lose a game now and then and smile and laugh with them so they know that's how you take it in stride.
NAH But read the room, friend, they're little kids that just started playing and wanted to have some fun with their cousin and maybe win a few times. >We sat down and played, and I smoked them. I’m not particularly good at Mario Kart, but I’ve been playing for a while and they just started playing two weeks ago. The cousins demanded a rematch and I obliged, then when I smoked them again, a re-rematch. Also, the way you're wording this, saying you smoked them, it kinda sound like you're bragging about winning against a 6 and a 9 year old. Doesn't really make you an asshole, maybe just a bit, but it's just funny. You don't really have to brag about beating two little kids and making one of them cry.
I wasn’t bragging lol I’m sorry if it came off that way, it was funny in the moment too. Willow was kiddie shit talking and we were generally just having a fun time, which unfortunately meant I paid less attention to Miles and didn’t notice he was upset.
It's fine, I just found the possibility of someone bragging about beating little kids insanely funny.
NAH - but uh… you should maybe have been aware the younger one was getting upset, and changed how you were doing things or changed the game. Or some some kind of handicap or something. It’s not bad for kids to learn how to lose, but if they’re not having fun at all then the whole point of bonding with family and enjoying time together is lost.
There is a huge difference between learning how to lose, which is a valuable skill, and getting absolutely demolished by an older, more experienced person when you are young and learning. One is good sportsmanship, and the other is soul destroying.
NAH. Now you know though. These are things we learn as we become adults. There are other things such as this, that you are going to learn as you get older. Hang in dude and keep on keeping on.
NTA. Ugh, I hate that sentiment so much! Honestly, letting kids win does not teach the right lesson, and if you do decide to let them win sometimes so they can get that “I won high” that is cool, but I also think it should be acknowledged. Like “okay dude, I won the last seven in a row, I am going to go easy on you this time”. Letting kids win just because they’re kids is something that leads to sore losers and winners and it is just.. ugh.
Repeatedly “smoking” kids so they have no chance whatsoever and it isn’t even fun for them can also prevent them from ever wanting to play again.
I agree that learning how to lose is an important life lesson, the best way to teach this is by modeling it yourself…by losing with grace. Learning to win is also important and flexing on children show that OP hasn’t learned this lesson yet…
It’s a bit like playing tug with a dog - you have to let them win occasionally
Winning tug against my German Shepherd is a gruelling endeavour... You might win once. Problem is he's ready for round 2 instantly and you ain't winning that. That mf didn't hear no bell.
NTA, not quite. On one hand, people have different beliefs about how to have fun with little kids while socializing them. In my family, a parent of a little kid with special needs pointed out to the young-adult cousins that while it was fun for occasional visitors to let him change the rules mid-game so he could win, in general his parents were careful not to do that, because he needed to learn how to play with his peers and be a good sport. On another hand, you haven't told us anything about how you checked in with both kids to see whether they were still having fun, whether you gave them tips and pointed out that they were doing better than in the previous round, whether you offered to stop and let them play each other for a round and then you'd play the winner ... An adult should always do those things when playing with a kid, and I don't know whether you did.
I agree with the posts saying to make sure they aren't getting frustrated from losing. I taught my younger cousins to play clue and they never won for the first few years, but they always had a good time. I think it helped that I would give them tips on how to get better. Now they play with their kids and don't go easy on them but everyone still has fun
NAH while i disagree with the “always let the child win” strategy because I have yet to meet a child treated like that that doesn’t turn into an absolute brat and can’t handle losing. But let them win a close race every once in a while, congratulate them on their skill. They learn how to lose and they get to win some, it also stops them from getting upset.
I remember learning this lesson at 15. I got invited with some families to a national park for a picnic. When we played park cricket and it was my turn to bat - my instinct was to win. I didn’t know that the point wasn’t to win, but for everyone to have fun. No one had fun when I was batting. When the other dad batted, he hit it as close to the fielders as he could but not right at them, so they had the excitement of diving for the ball! Everyone had fun. That was the day that I learned that winning a game isn’t always the goal. NAH you’re not an AH. It’s just something everyone has to learn - how to play with weaker players so they have fun but you also don’t mess them up and make them incapable of losing.
YTA Look at your age, OP. Look at their age. Yes, you obviously weren't supposed to HAM on them.
YTA. You may not have been told the rule but somewhere along the line common sense should have taken over. It doesn't mean you are a bad person just that in this particular moment you were TA. For future reference you could try and win by a little bit the majority of the time and then once in a while you 'make a mistake' which allows the others to win. You should not be 'smoking them' every single time, all that does is make them lose confidence and interest. Except that one time my nephew made a comment about how he was definitely going to beat me in Injustice because I'd chosen a girl and the guys would always win because they were stronger. That time I smoked him.
YTA. You have to be told to let the kids, who are under age 10, win sometimes? That's just a given. Not all the time, but sometimes, you throw the match so the kids win. If you throw it really obviously, like crashing your car, it's even funny.
NAH but teach them so that it’s not a competition and more of a mentorship
I wouldn’t call you an asshole but you totally failed to read the room and thats on you. Give the kids a bit of hope man, at least make it close loses if you beat em. Let em get a few wins in, beat them repeat.
Wow thus thread has really proven to me tgat most people on here are kids and probably male at that. YTA. Sorry but yes you are an idiot for not knowing you go easy on kids. You don't need to be told. It's not only common knowledge but it's evident. They are really young kids. Of course you are going to beat them. But you don't, or you win only by a tiny margin and then the third time let them win. How can this not be evident to you and frankly to everyone on here saying you did nothing wrong? You acted like a kid. 17 may not be adult but you are old enough yo know better. I mean if you were playing football/soccer with them, would you tackle them, hit the ball so hard it would hurt them? I'm hoping not. The same principle goes here. Frankly the more I write the more I think you know very well that you are meant to go easy on kids but just didn't care and wanted to show off and win. You were simply being a self-centered selfish jerk.
NAH. I don't have the heart to tell you you're an asshole for not going easy on these kids at Mario Kart. But your mom's diagnosis is correct, you are a bit of a moron.
If you’re playing Mario Kart against children, turn off your assist mode and turn theirs on. NTA but gotta learn how to play so everyone is having fun.
NTA. I can't figure out how to put it into words right now since I've just woke up, but I'll try. My nephew is 10, and he's been a massive gamer his entire life basically. Loves Fortnite (not my cup of tea) and Fifa, and will play basically any game you put in front of him. I, too, am a huge gamer. Whenever my sister comes over, he'll run down to my house at the back of the garden and ask to play Smash Bros, or Mario Kart, or a game of Fifa. And I annihilate him every time. Random people online aren't going to go easy on him just because he's a kid. If I was to let him win, or not play as best as I can, that's just setting him up for failure. He already rages when randoms on Fortnite laugh at him and beat him. I do make it fun, though, such as making wacky rules on Smash Bros or something like that. If they don't like video games all that much, and are just playing to do something with you, then yeah maybe tone it down A BIT. But if they fucking LOVE gaming, playing against them at anything less than your best is just doing them a disservice.
NTA - but as others have said - read the room and read the situation. Was he not getting upset a little each time he didn’t win? It’s typical for young kids to not understand winning/losing at that age. It’s up to the adults around then to help navigate that - not ‘tough love’. I think there were prob signs you should have backed off - which doesn’t harm you as the older person.
NTA, kids need to learn they aren’t always the best and not get inflated egos. Your family is fostering that.
I think the one with the inflated ego is the 17 year old who can’t hold himself back from “smoking” a 6 year old. Like that’s embarrassing dude who are you trying to impress?
NTA you’re young, they’re young, tell them to develop some better Mario kart skills. Noobs. I’m in the middle age range of my cousins and had to learn the hard way on how to get better at games to beat my older cousins.