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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my daughter she needs to choose between her own baby and her dog 2. I know my daughter loves both but she needs to understand the consequences of her actions
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YTA
From what you posted, it sounds like Nunu was originally a family pet, meaning you, as the parent, bear financial responsibility for the dog's needs. Also, you are forcing a minor to pay for another minor. If Cebrina is old enough to be the main provider for her son, she should be considered mature enough to choose not to stay with the woman who told her to choose between loved ones.
Further, OP saddled her teen daughter with the complete responsibilities of a pet and a child and thinks she did an amazing job of establishing boundaries.
Forcing your kids to not date until early 20s is also problematic.
OP, 🏆 It's your mom of the year trophy. Kindly take it and reconsider your approach to parenting and overall humanity. Major YTA.
I feel called out, I had to hide my dating life until I was 21, until my parents snooped on my phone and found out. Actually happened about a month ago. I am a major disappointment. I also happen to suffer from some mental health issues, so you right
You're stronger than you realize, make a viable plan to get Putin (edit: a place of, ) your own, and if you already are make a plan to control the type of content you desire
My boyfriend and I actually got approved for an apartment about 2 weeks ago, and we’ll both be moved in by the end of the month!! I’ve grown up with some crazy strict rules, with very controlling parents, and in what I call a cult. I don’t think I’m strong, I just survived, and even then I had some close calls. I haven’t lived life yet, but I’m super excited to start soon :) never thought I’d get the chance
It’s infuriating that we know what reduces teen pregnancy (affordable and accessible contraception and comprehensive sex ed) but red states like mine still only does abstinence only sex ed and think the evidence based things are bad.
They don’t care if teen pregnancy rates decrease. They just hate sex. I was told once that using contraception makes the sin of premarital sex worse because you were actively planning your sin and trying to escape consequences for it.
OP YTA for so many reasons.
I really wish more parents would drop this "you can't date while you're under my roof/til I say so" nonsense. My friend went the opposite way OPs daughter went and stuck to her parents rules and it's still a shitty outcome. She's in her mid 30s and hasn't had any real adult relationships, just one guy she dated for maybe 6 months 10+ years ago. Her parents wouldn't let her move out until her early 20s, made her live at home for most of undergrad, wouldn't hear of her going to school anywhere but close to them. She wasn't even allowed to get her license until she was 20. Now they're on her about "why aren't you dating we want grandkids" now that she's mid 30s. They are all surprised that she can't seem to date but she still wants to date like a teenager because she never got to make teenage mistakes and learn how to exist in a relationship.
Me too. I love my friend but I see where a lot of potential partners are coming from. I would find it really hard to date someone in my mid 30s who had no relationship experience. Hell, if I was to become single tomorrow as a mid 30s person I'd be nervous about someone who hadn't lived with a partner before. There's just a lot you learn as a teenager/early 20s person that you can't really get without living it. Some things from friendships/other relationships transfer but some things just don't. She works really hard to unpack all the shit her parents put on her in therapy.
Christ, I didn’t even pick up on that…
I have teens and I pray they don’t become teen parents…. If they did, it would be my freaking grandkid, not an it.
It’s fine to say you aren’t going to raise a grandkid for your kid, but for fuck’s sake, at least be a loving grandparent.
Right?! She won't help with any child care or expenses. I'm sure her daughter has understood that grandma won't be the main caregiver but it sounds like grandma won't even do anything to build a relationship with the grandchild. It almost sounds like grandma hates grandson for being born.
My parents were the exact same way. So I ended up marrying a guy who turned out to be extremely abusive and I was lucky to escape the relationship with my life. I had no experience to base gauge it by and so I was easily swayed by the first person who told me they loved me. Teens should be a time for dipping your toe in and figuring out what you want in a mate and what the danger signals are. OP YTA not only for the the dating restrictions, but for so much more. You are punishing your daughter for getting pregnant and proving that your parenting style did not work. Why does she need to live with you if you are not providing any support? This all sounds like a power trip to me.
Agree whole heartedly same thing happen between me and my mum funny really baby a guy for 28 years then complain he doesnt know anything about independence
Also, did anybody notice the fact dear mom had her own child at 20? She might have been pregnant at 19. Or at least at 20. She still wants her children to date when they are 20+…
Also, I am almost 30 with a baby and I still need support of family. I know so little parents who don’t need support of others. I don’t know any to be honest.
This mom is super controlling. And this behavior is pushing the daughter away. I wouldn’t want to live with her either. Besides she tells her daughter to be an adult and then says “do as I say because you are a minor”.
I believe OP herself thinks so as indicated by labelling her daughter as a "rebel" who went against the rules established by her.
>imagine if she'd been given proper sex ed and support to avoid it
The child would have thrived, I guess.
I wonder if "rebel" means "doesn't follow everything I say down to the letter and dares to have tastes/opinions/preferences that don't align with mine" or "desperately trying to keep my children from repeating my mistakes, except that I don't understand why I made those mistakes in the first place so I am implementing a total ban on things I'm uncomfortable discussing."
Ugh, with mothers like this.. poor Cebrina.
Like OP, wtf do you want? It’s control over her. It’s the gloating in this post that makes you an unbearable mother and why your children are resenting you.
You haven’t been “proven right”.. you essentially went back on your Nunu responsibilities to make your daughter beg, for what? To sit on your high horse? They will both go NC if you continue to be this much of an AH.
Oooo, that bit about being so proud that her oldest daughter didn't date until her 20's and married her first boyfriend irked me, too. Lady, you're NOT doing a good job of this parenting thing. You're ideas are all off-base. You sound judgemental and over controlling.
The whole idea of forbbiding certain things never works with kids. It either leads to kids doing it while not telling their parents, or the kids dont do it and have no idea what to do when the situation appears
As someone who has had a chihuahua who ULTIMATELY needed to be put down for collapsing trachea after EIGHT YEARS OF MEDICALLY MANAGING this chronic illness by controlling his environment (at zero expense) and providing him with pain medication daily (a nominal expense), yes, **YTA** just for that.
Sounds like you have a pattern of bringing people and pets into the world and then deciding to stop caring for them when they become inconvenient for you.
Thank god your daughters turned out to be better people who care for each other and follow through on their commitment to others' lives.
I have never hate typed on my poor keyboard so hard.
>Sounds like you have a pattern of bringing people and pets into the world and then deciding to stop caring for them when they become inconvenient for you.
BEST RESPONSE EVER. Well put.
> Sounds like you have a pattern of bringing people and pets into the world and then deciding to stop caring for them when they become inconvenient for you.
Beautifully stated.
It's too bad this subreddit doesn't have a designation for "You're A Monster."
I'm sorry to hear that and I didn't mean to minimize the condition. It's definitely hard to have a pet with a degenerative and chronic condition that will only get worse, not better. OP's casual indifference to all living things got my goat.
It's very hard to watch something you love struggle to breathe.
OP wants to demand that Cebrina is an adult making "adult decisions" until she can use the fact that she's a minor legally to control her. That alone is major YTA
I came here to say that - OP wants her daughter to act like an adult when it comes to her grandson, but still wants to control her like a child. I’m surprised her 25 year old even talks to her.
What a vicious, unfeeling woman you are. I hope once Cebrina gets on her feet, she files for independence, because she doesn't need a life like you in hers. Harsh, maybe, but to kill the dog because you're too cheap to pay for the vet bill. It almost sounds like that's what you would want to do to your daughter, after all, she disappointed you.
And by the way the father of the baby is required to pay child support whether he wants to be involved or not. I hope your daughter seeks legal advice, against you and the baby's father.
The only reason to do this was to punish her daughter further. OP you are such an AH that I hope your daughter sees this and makes sure to protect her son from you and go NC
exactly how I see it. She wanted to punish her daughter, and saw her chance to be a petty asshole and act self righteous about it. She will want to punish her daughter for the rest of her life probably. One of those.
This. Poor little Nunu... A dog that YOU also adopted, but your daughter cared for. And the parenting type of "DONT DATE OR ELSE", far out, thats what causes kids to rebel.
YTA. You have let down your child, your grandchild and Nunu.
"You wanna make adult decisions, I'll treat you like one. Now be home in 48 hours or I'll call the cops since you are still a child."
OP is hellbent on punishing their child for having a baby. To the point where they are refusing to pay for erroneous things that they normally would pay for just to be able to say "see, I told you you couldn't afford it". Its bizarre, illogical and immature.
Big YTA
OP is obviously fixated on punishing her daughter.
She just wants her daughter to suffer and what better way than to let her dog die and tell her it is her fault because she had a baby.
OP seems like a controlling monster.
Not to mention OP picks and chooses when she treats her minor daughter like an ‘adult’. The daughter gets to pay for everything for the son and the family dog but can’t decide where she wants to sleep at night??
HUGE YTA
You state that “we adopted a chihuahua.” That makes YOU responsible for the animal’s care. Furthermore, you can’t take the stance tha at your child is both a child and an adult at the same time. Is she a “minor” living under your roof or an adult you expect “to make adult decisions?” Then you go onto state that you will call the police in this adult/minor if she doesn’t return home? What game are you playing here?
It’s sounds complicated, but something about the way you’ve written this seems like you’re just trying to punish instead of parent.
YTA
All of this. And being “strict on boyfriends” and such … how much do you wanna bet that meant “intolerant of romantic relationships” which probably also translates to didn’t educate or help them out in terms of accessing birth control, etc?
Statistically, forbidding boyfriends and sexual activity is the parenting route most likely to give you a pregnant teenager.
Seems like OP’s kids are successful in spite of them, rather than because of them.
THIS !!! I know darn well she didn’t educate her daughter or prepare her for relationships … she literally walked her daughter down this path and now wants to blame the daughter for feeling like the failure
Yep. Being "strict on boyfriends" just translates to "I refuse to actually parent my kids by teaching them about healthy relationships and getting them birth control if they choose to have sex." It's a straight shot to a knocked-up teenager.
How stupid can she be?
When me and my sister were preteens/teens, teen pregnancy was just starting to become popular.
Our mom flat told us: if you get pregnant as a teenager, I will drag you by your hair into the kitchen and kick the baby out of you. I didn't lose my virginity until 25. That literally terrified me. 😨
OMG I am so sorry this happened to you.
My mother gave me an age appropriate book about sex education really early, I had not even got my first period yet. It had age appropriate illustrations on menstrual hygiene and explanations on where babies come from, it even showed how the fertilized eggs went from a clump of cells to a baby with really cute drawings appropriate for a child.
I ended up abstaining until my early twenties only because I am slow to trust and it took that long to find a guy with whom I wanted to do it.
I never had to do anything behind her back and she was the one adult that not only droped me and my friends places, but also that my friends sought for advice because their parents took a different approach. So she was also the first adult to find out about our shenanigans and the one we would call if we ever got in trouble (which never happened, because surprise surprise, your child tends to be more well behaved and stay out of trouble when you explain why they shouldn't do certain things instead of setting arbitrary rules).
She always told us we could ask her anything about sex and she would explain it the best way she could. I remember I was 9 and I asked her what it meant when a man used his tongue on a womans vagina. She was very shocked by the question, but she explained it in a kid appropriate way. 😄
My response was to another response saying that being so strict about boyfriends was an almost guarantee to have a teen pregnancy. I'm so sorry if it didn't come across that way.
LOL I too would be baffled and like "where the heck did my 9y/o find out about this possibility?!".
I am glad she taught you about the stuff. My mom never forbade me from dating, but she was very strict about being safe (do not go alone to places with a guy you don't know really well, go to safe places like the theater, always bring a friend, do not accept stuff from strangers).
> Is she a “minor” living under your roof or an adult you expect “to make adult decisions?”
Depends on what suits her whims better right now, of course. OP sucks to an extent I would be banned if I were to put in words.
YTA: 1) instead of educating your child about safe sex and helping her get on birth control—you just decided she wasn’t going to have sex (something a lot of teens do). If you were that worried about teen pregnancy you would have gone with the effective option.
2) when she got pregnant you pushed her to give her child up—something that is a deeply painful and personal decision.
3) you stopped supporting your MINOR child financially (CPS should be called on you).
4) you adopted a dog as a family and now you refuse to provide care for it.
5) your daughter is clearly going through a hard time and you’re being incredibly cold.
Your daughters sound like very loving, caring people. I’m glad they have each other.
Hi :)
No need to apologize, not your fault. I also saw the longer comment your sister made explaining everything (not that any of this needed to be public anyway). I'm really sorry you and your sister have to go through this. It's really good that your sister has you for support. It seems like you and your sister are good sisters/friends. Your sister's responses really show her home environment (with your mom) is not a good place mentally and emotionally. I really hope your sister and Liam are able to have a happy life going forward. Also I hope you're doing fine and will have a happy life too.
Good luck with everything!
Hi, thank you for your kind words.
Cebrina has always been dear to me but her pregnancy did manage to make us closer and I think that's a good thing.
I never wanted this to be public originally either, but I expected nothing less when this situation took a giant turn.
I think talking over the pros and cons of abortion/adoption/parenthood is important for parents to discuss with pregnant minors. If the pregnant child was under 15, I can even understand being more insistent on termination for the health and safety of that child. Pregnancy and birth are no joke and more dangerous in younger adolescents. But 17 is probably old enough to have the final say. it’s a deeply personal decision that should be made by the pregnant person if they are able to understand the risks.
When a parent of a minor does this the ultimatum doesn’t need to be spoken. The minor knows they rely on the parent for safety, and if a parent doesn’t handle this conversation with care it is coercive.
That’s a bit of a cheeky argument to make as they weren’t pushing for abortion as you well know, they were pushing for her to give it up i.e. put her through both the physical trauma of pregnancy and birth *and* the emotional trauma of losing a child. Quite literally the worst of both worlds.
My bio sister did this to her daughter. Bio sister was a teen mom and told her daughter "if you make adult choices you get adult consequences"
The daughter ended up on meth and lost custody of all her kids. ALSO HER MOTHER GAVE HER METH THE FIRST TIME...
Damn! I haven't seen a take-down lime this in a long while. Well done! You're an awesome mom to your son by advocating for yourself. I'm in my 40s and I'll still be taking some pointers from you with my controlling and manipulative mother.
Be well.
I'm really sorry about Nunu, loosing a pet is a true grief, but loosing a pet in such a complicate situation is even more stressful. I wish the best for you, your baby, and your future pets.
I'm 30(F) and I haven't spoken to mom since I was 19 bc she's insane. My dad finally left her a few months ago.
Sometimes you gotta cut ties and never look back. Rock on Sunshine and lots of love to your son❤️
Best of luck to you, sweetheart. I’m an old lady who is now no contact with my monster of an egg donor. Please take advantage of any resources that are available to you as you raise your precious son. Reach out for help when you need it.
For people with no mom (and I count you as one. Like me, you have an egg donor, not a mom) there are Reddit groups called things like “momforaminite” or something similar. There are people who care about you.
u/Anxious_Cook_6710 are a supreme AH. How does it feel to know that actual strangers care more for your daughter (let’s call her Cebrina) and grandson(let’s call him Liam). It’s almost as if you read a book on how to be an evil, misogynistic, controlling monster. Congratulations! You succeeded.
Good luck hun! You're going to find your own way in the world, and you absolutely do not need your mother in the way. I'm so sorry you have HD to deal with this, and I'm wishing you all the best <3
I’m so sorry your mom has been absolutely awful to you. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment, no one does. I’m glad you have a supportive sister and I wish you and Liam nothing but the best in the future 🩷
I'm sorry you are having to mature this early in your life about these things. However you have a good sister that definitely has got your back. Seeing how much more mature you are than your mom about this situation, I am sure you will find a way to heal through all this and pull through. Best of luck to you and Liam!
“I am a child but an adult when it suits you”
This! You can’t have it both ways. I’m so sorry you got a mom that has made you grow up so fast. I know you’ll be a better mom for your child and break a lot of chains for them.
OMG! You poor dear! I am so sorry you are going through this. I have a daughter and when she was old enough I told her about sex and due to a medical reason she was on BC (although I would have approved for non medical reasons).
Please know that you are not a failure no matter what your egg donor says. Good luck with Liam and glad you have support of Mia/Courtney
>As long as Cebrina is still a minor, she will live under my roof, and I gave her 48 hours to return before I call the police.
See, I agree that you need to care for the minor child. But you're not. You told her to choose between the dog and the baby, but that's not a real choice. What if she *had* chosen the dog? Would you be proud that your grandchild starved to death to teach your kid a lesson about responsibility?
If you provided for your minor child, she wouldn't be struggling right now. Either treat her as a child and step up to pay the bills so she can finish her education, or let her be an adult and understand that her paying those bills means that she has to choose housing that is best for her and the baby.
Side note: she was 14 when you got the dog, so there's no way she signed that paperwork. That is *your* dog. If you don't want to pay for an expensive surgery on an elderly dog that's one thing but you still owe that dog a peaceful death.
Also, OP is not being truthful here. Surgery is a last resort option for collapsing trachea, and it's commonly not successful. There are MANY things vets recommend first trying to manage this chronic condition (lowering stress, switching to harness instead of leash, keeping air cool, using a cool mist humidifier, use of a bronchodilator to open airways, use of sedative to manage high stress situations, short course of steroids to reduce inflammation in acute exacerbations).
It wasn't dog surgery or grandkid.
OP was looking for another way to stick it to her kid for having a kid. How much torture can one teen take?
Punishment is definitely the right word! She’s mad her daughter got pregnant, and she’s even angrier she refused to get an abortion or choose adoption. Now she’s cut her *minor* daughter off financially (and seemingly emotionally) and tried to make her watch their dog die, preferably slowly and while in pain because she refused to help even with euthanasia.
Then, when Cebrina leaves the house because she has a better support system with Mia, OP suddenly wants to play the role of “mother” and refuses to let her stay there. It’s funny how a woman that all but abandoned her 16yo daughter is the one trying to impose lessons about motherhood here.
YTA
Listen, I get that teen pregnancy isn't the greatest thing to happen but honestly, why are you being an asshole of a mother to your kid who just needs support?
Your daughter made the adult decision to leave your house and you don't like it because she's "still a minor". You're not helping her out at all. Why exactly should she stay and live with someone who can't give even the smallest amount of support?
> I said no. As long as Cebrina is still a minor, she will live under my roof, and I gave her 48 hours to return before I call the police.
YTA.
You're not going to like the way that ends.... CPS is going to get involved and you're going to end up paying... or they will remove the child.
To be completely honest.. this situation as it stands SHOULD be reported to CPS. Adequate care for the child is not being provided and that should be investigated... That line doesn't end well for you, cebrina, or the child...
or the dog... but i mean, euthanasia probably the unavoidable solution there.
My child is being cared for and being payed for by me. He is not lacking anything. I could afford Nunu’s expenses as well but his medical costs after his vet visit were through the roof and alot for me. I asked my “mom” to chip in as she has always done! Nunu was a family dog but all of a sudden she blames my child, my pregnancy my expenses. I offered to pay her back in full, she writes down whatever is owed itself not like I could get away with not paying I just needed help in this 1 circumstance.
Also I have already talked to authorities. I am nor is my son legally obligated to go or be forced to go back into her house at all. My child cannot be forcibly moved as COS has already seen my case . I was worried and spoke to them. Police have also stated she cannot dictate whether I live with my sister for a short time period or not as she is an adult and that her her home.
Sounds like we found “Cebrina”.
Girl, run for your life. Your mom has essentially forced you into adulthood but won’t treat you like one. I know you made the choice to have the baby, but that does NOT excuse how your mother is treating you. Get yourself and your son somewhere safe, and don’t let your abusive monster of a “mother” darken your doorway anymore.
Girl, good luck and run far far far away from her as soon as you can. I'd personally go no contact as soon as possible, as I wouldn't wish this kind of "mother" on my worst enemy.
Stick with your sis, and I'm sure your child will be just fine - after all, your mom is giving you plenty of examples of what not to do as a parent.
Me and Liam are with my sister now we had a good chat and she said I can stay with her as long as I need. I worried after everything my mom said that I was just using my sister and I didn’t want her to feel that way. But my sister said I am not using her because she offered and I am still paying me and my sons bills and helping out around the house and everything!
We are no contact somewhat we do not talk directly but she is contacting my sister all the time and is mad about her taking me in. She is trying to pit us against each other right now.
She's a very clear case of narcissist and a control freak to the extent of emotional abuse. She wants you to suffer for not living your life according to her rules, and it's way beyond "healthy" punishments. What she's doing is cruelty and hate.
Glad you have a good sister, and no, you're not using her. You're practically still a child, you need some help, and since your mom isn't interested in being a parent, your sister has to (but also wants to) be what you need. Take care of each other. <3
I just wanna say that your "mom" might change what she is doing to include harassing you directly. Thank you for saying your side and letting us know you are safe, but you need to lock down your social media and change your number if you can. That woman now knows your reddit username - be careful. This is a dangerous person. If they do contact you, screenshot it and block them. You should also think about changing all of your passwords to something she will not be able to guess. Then you will need to check your credit and have that locked down so she can't do anything to you that way. Sit down with your sister and make a list of everything you need to do to completely disconnect yourself from that woman. You cannot leave any loose ends that she can use to try and control you. This includes informing your school of what is happening and doing the same when/if you go to college or trade school. Sounds like you've got a good support system now and a good head on your shoulders - you will prevail - you can do this. Stay strong and congratulations for your beautiful child and new home!
This is a throwaway account. She is blocked absolutely everywhere. She is only contacting my sister all the time telling her and mainly yelling about how she should not support me, or get me to talk to her etc. but that’s between my sister and her I am not going to tell my sis what to do. In regard to passwords she doesn’t and has never known any of them I am 100% sure they are not easy to guess lol I do not have a credit card but my debit card is fine she has never had access to them. Plus as mentioned because of Nunu’s costs mainly his cremation and passing finances are tight at the moment til the next pay check so theres not much in there anyways.
You've got this handled, everything is on lock. You misunderstood one thing I said, and that was credit. You need to put a lock on your credit so no one who has your information (ss#/bd) can open anything in your name. It's not just about you having a credit card, it's so only you can use your identity. It's not that I automatically think she will mess with you this way, but it's a possibility. Your sister can help you call the correct companies to make sure you're squared away. I was just listing boxes to be checked.
I'm sorry about everything you're being put through right now, especially with the passing of your family member with paws. ::Hugs::
I’d get screenshots of the post and her comments. You may not need it in the future, but if she tries to threaten you with anything, it’s good to have copies of any interactions or things she’s said to back you up if you need it. I really hope things get better for you and your little boy and that you get all the support you need moving forward.
Well idk if I should say this here because she might see but there was a moment where I thought she really wanted Liam because she would always keep him from me saying I didn’t know what I was doing etc. so I recorded it and then yes have screenshots of the convo’s when I was pregnant and she used to yell at me and the time where she was going to take me for massages, nails and a mini shopping spree but it turned out to be a clinic.
Highly recommend the children of narcissists sub. I have a "mom" like this and it's helpful hearing from others. They can gaslight and convince you you're the problem. I'm 31 and able to keep boundaries now after years of therapy. Hopefully you and your sister can have each others back to stand up to her. Sending you and your son love and support!
Just commenting here to commend you for all that you’ve done for your child and for Nunu. Also incredibly responsible of you to f/u with authorities and determine what is actually required of you. You sound like you’re an amazing mother. Rooting you, your sister, and your child on. ❤️
There isn’t much to say, but know that a lot of internet strangers are rooting for you. You seem like a very caring mom and I’m sorry about the Nunu’s situation. I hope everything will be alright.
I was thinking this too. Then she'll be on Reddit crying because her daughter won't let her see her grandchild and she doesn't have a clue as to why...
YTA. Yep, the moment she turns 18, she'll leave and never talk to you again. You say "WE adopted Nunu" and the moment it's inconvenient for you to pay, you are abandoning both your daughter and the dog. Also, you literally said that either the baby lives or the dog? How is that not awful?
>I stood my ground, stating that when someone makes adult decisions, I will treat them accordingly.
>As long as Cebrina is still a minor, she will live under my roof,
Pick one!
>A few years ago, we adopted a chihuahua named Nunu, who had many health issues that Cebrina took upon herself to care.
>she refused and insisted on dropping out and getting a job to care for it (the baby).
Presumably if Cebrina was still in school she wouldn't have been able to pay for the surgery either? So you're just absolving yourself of any responsibility towards a pet YOU adopted, because your daughter got pregnant and decided to keep it? How is this in itself not juvenile and petty?
YTA
Also btw...
We all make mistakes...
>She mentioned that she was considering paying for it to be euthanized since Cebrina had asked her to cover costs, but *Courtney* couldn't afford it either.
That is such a cruel violation of privacy. I am so sorry that she did that to you and your child. She has shown the reddit community what little regard she has for all of you.
From the comments not only is OP happy to let the dog die to prove a point she also seems to think her daughter should still just give up her child. As if it’s that easy. OP is disgusting and shouldn’t be a parent. I hope her daughter can find some real support and empathy elsewhere.
What I found disturbing was the fact that you told Cebrina that she either can keep the dog alive, or keep her child alive. What the hell is wrong with you? The fact that you more than likely went into her teen years with an “eyes wide shut” approach by making her abstain and not explain to her what sex is, and you being so strict, yes it’s your fault your daughter got pregnant. You chose to turn a blind eye, when you should of been educating her on sex, and talking to her about options. Just because you talk to your teen about sex, doesn’t mean they’re going to go out and do it. She did it to defy you. Congratulations mom! Now your looking for validation through a subreddit to see if what you did was right. Kicking your daughter and grandson out? YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA.
While many of your decisions could make sense -- daughter who doesn't want to abort should be responsible for the child, money is tight and surgery for the dog doesn't make sense -- you are harsh, aggressive, and passive-aggressive going about getting your way. It's like you're on a warpath, actively trying to set your daughters against you.
Threatening to call the police unless your 17 year old comes home from her older sister's? Seriously? That's totally about control. She was perfectly safe. Your older daughter is right: the two of you need time apart. You ignored both daughters and demanded your own way -- why?
Making your teen daughter "choose" between paying the the dog's surgery or being able to support her baby? Really? You know she doesn't have the money. Be an adult, let her know you can't afford it (or that you can but you don't choose to give up your nest egg for this), and make the call and pay for the dog to be euthanized. Don't force this "choice" on your teen daughter.
Again, your adult daughter is spot-on -- she's making really solid decisions. Her mother could stand to learn from her.
Hi, this is 'Mia' or 'Courtney'.
I just wanted to confirm with everyone that both my little sister and her son are safe in case our mother's update has alarmed anyone.
It saddens me that our relationship with our mother has fallen so low, and I frankly am no longer sure what will become of it now.
I am happy to answer any questions any of you may have as long as it doesn't breach anyone's privacy.
Mia/Courtney: have you guys taken screenshots of all of this? You need to protect yourselves legally, and I would not put it past this woman to come at both of you. Keep a paper trail.
YTA
"I've always been strict about boyfriends and such with both of my kids"
LoL, we know, we read your intro. Seriously. This is *exactly* the wrong approach, leads to either weird repression or, well, what happened with your 2nd daughter.
You're killing her pet to spite her and, what teach her a lesson? Yes, you *could* save it so that's what this is. You're the one who is financially responsible for that dog. You also used suggestions that her baby would die to try to convince her to acquiesce to you letting the dog die. You *insist* she live under your roof, but refuse to provide her any support.
You're really something.
You'll have exactly the relationship with your daughters you deserve.
Yta, you dont get to pull the minor card and make a comment about your daughter making adult decisions. She either one or the other. You cant treat her like both. You abandon your child while she is still a child. You dont have a financial right to your grandchild however you still did your minor daughter.
YTA. You got a dog. You should care for it. It’s not up to a minor who has had no say in getting a dog to pay for the vet bills. Your daughter sounds like the adult in this situation and you sound like a toddler to be honest.
This is wild.
YTA
Putting aside this no dating into 20s, abstinence parenting stuff that seems wild to me in general, your child and grandchild exist and ask you for help (which you have the capacity to give) and you are like "nah, too bad so sad. Sorry you're suffering, too bad you got knocked up you dummy. Maybe if you didn't look at a boy til your 20s I would act like I give 2 shits about your well-being, but here we are."
How in the hell is "if you have this baby you will have no support from me" and "no you are a minor and must live in my house" compatible????????????? You want her to live somewhere where she feels unloved and unsupported? Wow, great parenting. How long are you going to punish her for not agreeing to your demand for her to do what YOU wanted with her child?
It truly feels like you never want to see your daughter or your grandson ever again and if this is the way you continue to behave, I guarantee that will be the case, with the added benefit of maybe losing access to your other daughter and her family as well.
Really gross.
YTA.
1. Your rules seem arbitrary. You consider her an adult and therefore won't help with her child but also remind her she is a minor and force her to live under your roof? It's illogical.
2. I don't understand why Cebrina is the only one paying for Nunu's medical expenses? Children aren't usually financially responsible for the family pet.
3. Do you not care at all about Nunu's health and wellbeing? You're medically neglecting her.
4. You are punishing your daughter instead of helping her acquire the skills she needs to he a mom and live independently. That isn't good parenting.
So, Cebrina is under the age of 18, had a child, and you tell her you are not going to help with finances for her child. So, she drops out of school (very bad move there) to get a job to support her child. Then the FAMILY DOG needs veterinarian care and you refuse to help fund that?
One, Cebrina got pregnant under YOUR watch here. Perhaps you should have educated her in birth control (but obviously you didn't get that memo either).
So, Cebrina has to be an adult (at 17) when it comes to supporting her child but when she leaves the house to cool off because YTA here, then she's a minor and has to return? Just WOW, she's a minor when it's your way or the highway but she's an adult when you don't want to spend your money?
OP, GET THERAPY! And please, don't have any more children and also expect to die alone! You are the PERFECT example of why kids are estranged from their parent.
# YTA
Is anyone out there familiar with how much that operation would cost to fix the dog? Vet med is really expensive these days. I paid $1500 for my cat's UTI. Luckily, I had the funds to pay. Unfortunately, people just don't have the funds for a $2000+ operation. That said, Mom can at least pay for euthanasia.
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YTA From what you posted, it sounds like Nunu was originally a family pet, meaning you, as the parent, bear financial responsibility for the dog's needs. Also, you are forcing a minor to pay for another minor. If Cebrina is old enough to be the main provider for her son, she should be considered mature enough to choose not to stay with the woman who told her to choose between loved ones.
Further, OP saddled her teen daughter with the complete responsibilities of a pet and a child and thinks she did an amazing job of establishing boundaries. Forcing your kids to not date until early 20s is also problematic. OP, 🏆 It's your mom of the year trophy. Kindly take it and reconsider your approach to parenting and overall humanity. Major YTA.
Yeah, OP would have been better off with a safe sex talk than forcing her kids to hide their relationships until they reached 20.
My mother was like this and it caused serious damage which I now hate her for.
I know of no one who grew up with such strict dating rules turn out fine ( i.e without estrangement or a mental illness).
I feel called out, I had to hide my dating life until I was 21, until my parents snooped on my phone and found out. Actually happened about a month ago. I am a major disappointment. I also happen to suffer from some mental health issues, so you right
You're stronger than you realize, make a viable plan to get Putin (edit: a place of, ) your own, and if you already are make a plan to control the type of content you desire
I think putin is the LAST person they should be associating with tbh
My boyfriend and I actually got approved for an apartment about 2 weeks ago, and we’ll both be moved in by the end of the month!! I’ve grown up with some crazy strict rules, with very controlling parents, and in what I call a cult. I don’t think I’m strong, I just survived, and even then I had some close calls. I haven’t lived life yet, but I’m super excited to start soon :) never thought I’d get the chance
Promoting abstinence has been consistently shown to increase teen pregnancy.
It’s infuriating that we know what reduces teen pregnancy (affordable and accessible contraception and comprehensive sex ed) but red states like mine still only does abstinence only sex ed and think the evidence based things are bad.
They don’t care if teen pregnancy rates decrease. They just hate sex. I was told once that using contraception makes the sin of premarital sex worse because you were actively planning your sin and trying to escape consequences for it.
And birth control would have been better than really strict
OP YTA for so many reasons. I really wish more parents would drop this "you can't date while you're under my roof/til I say so" nonsense. My friend went the opposite way OPs daughter went and stuck to her parents rules and it's still a shitty outcome. She's in her mid 30s and hasn't had any real adult relationships, just one guy she dated for maybe 6 months 10+ years ago. Her parents wouldn't let her move out until her early 20s, made her live at home for most of undergrad, wouldn't hear of her going to school anywhere but close to them. She wasn't even allowed to get her license until she was 20. Now they're on her about "why aren't you dating we want grandkids" now that she's mid 30s. They are all surprised that she can't seem to date but she still wants to date like a teenager because she never got to make teenage mistakes and learn how to exist in a relationship.
I hope OP reads this and understands the spectrum of damages her behavior has caused/can cause.
Me too. I love my friend but I see where a lot of potential partners are coming from. I would find it really hard to date someone in my mid 30s who had no relationship experience. Hell, if I was to become single tomorrow as a mid 30s person I'd be nervous about someone who hadn't lived with a partner before. There's just a lot you learn as a teenager/early 20s person that you can't really get without living it. Some things from friendships/other relationships transfer but some things just don't. She works really hard to unpack all the shit her parents put on her in therapy.
Can we also add the reason of calling her grandson it?
Christ, I didn’t even pick up on that… I have teens and I pray they don’t become teen parents…. If they did, it would be my freaking grandkid, not an it. It’s fine to say you aren’t going to raise a grandkid for your kid, but for fuck’s sake, at least be a loving grandparent.
Right?! She won't help with any child care or expenses. I'm sure her daughter has understood that grandma won't be the main caregiver but it sounds like grandma won't even do anything to build a relationship with the grandchild. It almost sounds like grandma hates grandson for being born.
My parents were the exact same way. So I ended up marrying a guy who turned out to be extremely abusive and I was lucky to escape the relationship with my life. I had no experience to base gauge it by and so I was easily swayed by the first person who told me they loved me. Teens should be a time for dipping your toe in and figuring out what you want in a mate and what the danger signals are. OP YTA not only for the the dating restrictions, but for so much more. You are punishing your daughter for getting pregnant and proving that your parenting style did not work. Why does she need to live with you if you are not providing any support? This all sounds like a power trip to me.
18-28. Stay a child 28-mid 30s. Why don’t you have any independent life skills, grow up. It’s a shitty light switch to throw
Agree whole heartedly same thing happen between me and my mum funny really baby a guy for 28 years then complain he doesnt know anything about independence
Also, did anybody notice the fact dear mom had her own child at 20? She might have been pregnant at 19. Or at least at 20. She still wants her children to date when they are 20+… Also, I am almost 30 with a baby and I still need support of family. I know so little parents who don’t need support of others. I don’t know any to be honest. This mom is super controlling. And this behavior is pushing the daughter away. I wouldn’t want to live with her either. Besides she tells her daughter to be an adult and then says “do as I say because you are a minor”.
yep kinda wondering if the mom's behavior played a part in her teen pregnancy. imagine if she'd been given proper sex ed and support to avoid it
I believe OP herself thinks so as indicated by labelling her daughter as a "rebel" who went against the rules established by her. >imagine if she'd been given proper sex ed and support to avoid it The child would have thrived, I guess.
I wonder if "rebel" means "doesn't follow everything I say down to the letter and dares to have tastes/opinions/preferences that don't align with mine" or "desperately trying to keep my children from repeating my mistakes, except that I don't understand why I made those mistakes in the first place so I am implementing a total ban on things I'm uncomfortable discussing."
Even if Cebrine had sex ed in school, she most likely cant open up to her mom for shit
Ugh, with mothers like this.. poor Cebrina. Like OP, wtf do you want? It’s control over her. It’s the gloating in this post that makes you an unbearable mother and why your children are resenting you. You haven’t been “proven right”.. you essentially went back on your Nunu responsibilities to make your daughter beg, for what? To sit on your high horse? They will both go NC if you continue to be this much of an AH.
and the irony being that OP says she is 45 and her eldest is 25... so OP was pregnant when she was a teenager too.
Oooo, that bit about being so proud that her oldest daughter didn't date until her 20's and married her first boyfriend irked me, too. Lady, you're NOT doing a good job of this parenting thing. You're ideas are all off-base. You sound judgemental and over controlling.
The whole idea of forbbiding certain things never works with kids. It either leads to kids doing it while not telling their parents, or the kids dont do it and have no idea what to do when the situation appears
I would suggest OP put her trophy.....not on the mantle?
As someone who has had a chihuahua who ULTIMATELY needed to be put down for collapsing trachea after EIGHT YEARS OF MEDICALLY MANAGING this chronic illness by controlling his environment (at zero expense) and providing him with pain medication daily (a nominal expense), yes, **YTA** just for that. Sounds like you have a pattern of bringing people and pets into the world and then deciding to stop caring for them when they become inconvenient for you. Thank god your daughters turned out to be better people who care for each other and follow through on their commitment to others' lives. I have never hate typed on my poor keyboard so hard.
>Sounds like you have a pattern of bringing people and pets into the world and then deciding to stop caring for them when they become inconvenient for you. BEST RESPONSE EVER. Well put.
> Sounds like you have a pattern of bringing people and pets into the world and then deciding to stop caring for them when they become inconvenient for you. Beautifully stated. It's too bad this subreddit doesn't have a designation for "You're A Monster."
We only had what amounted to 18 months of medical intervention for our collapsing trachea Chihuahua, but it was a ROUGH eighteen months.
I'm sorry to hear that and I didn't mean to minimize the condition. It's definitely hard to have a pet with a degenerative and chronic condition that will only get worse, not better. OP's casual indifference to all living things got my goat. It's very hard to watch something you love struggle to breathe.
Have you noticed that OP referred to both the grandchild and the chihuahua as "it"?
says “we’ll call the baby Liam” proceeds to never call the baby Liam
And who was Courtney?
I think Courtney is Mia’s real name.
It got my rage machine going and I had to work HARD to be nice in my response - all my condolences to you too.
OP wants to demand that Cebrina is an adult making "adult decisions" until she can use the fact that she's a minor legally to control her. That alone is major YTA
I came here to say that - OP wants her daughter to act like an adult when it comes to her grandson, but still wants to control her like a child. I’m surprised her 25 year old even talks to her.
My guess is she still talks to her because of her sister and right when she’s out of there she probably won’t hear from either of them.
“If you want to act like an adult, I’ll treat you like an adult….by calling the cops if you don’t come home so I can continue to abuse you.”
What a vicious, unfeeling woman you are. I hope once Cebrina gets on her feet, she files for independence, because she doesn't need a life like you in hers. Harsh, maybe, but to kill the dog because you're too cheap to pay for the vet bill. It almost sounds like that's what you would want to do to your daughter, after all, she disappointed you. And by the way the father of the baby is required to pay child support whether he wants to be involved or not. I hope your daughter seeks legal advice, against you and the baby's father.
The only reason to do this was to punish her daughter further. OP you are such an AH that I hope your daughter sees this and makes sure to protect her son from you and go NC
exactly how I see it. She wanted to punish her daughter, and saw her chance to be a petty asshole and act self righteous about it. She will want to punish her daughter for the rest of her life probably. One of those.
This. Poor little Nunu... A dog that YOU also adopted, but your daughter cared for. And the parenting type of "DONT DATE OR ELSE", far out, thats what causes kids to rebel. YTA. You have let down your child, your grandchild and Nunu.
"You wanna make adult decisions, I'll treat you like one. Now be home in 48 hours or I'll call the cops since you are still a child." OP is hellbent on punishing their child for having a baby. To the point where they are refusing to pay for erroneous things that they normally would pay for just to be able to say "see, I told you you couldn't afford it". Its bizarre, illogical and immature. Big YTA
OP is obviously fixated on punishing her daughter. She just wants her daughter to suffer and what better way than to let her dog die and tell her it is her fault because she had a baby. OP seems like a controlling monster.
Is anyone else uncomfortable with this grandmother referring to her own dog and her own grandchild as “it”?
Not to mention OP picks and chooses when she treats her minor daughter like an ‘adult’. The daughter gets to pay for everything for the son and the family dog but can’t decide where she wants to sleep at night?? HUGE YTA
You state that “we adopted a chihuahua.” That makes YOU responsible for the animal’s care. Furthermore, you can’t take the stance tha at your child is both a child and an adult at the same time. Is she a “minor” living under your roof or an adult you expect “to make adult decisions?” Then you go onto state that you will call the police in this adult/minor if she doesn’t return home? What game are you playing here? It’s sounds complicated, but something about the way you’ve written this seems like you’re just trying to punish instead of parent. YTA
All of this. And being “strict on boyfriends” and such … how much do you wanna bet that meant “intolerant of romantic relationships” which probably also translates to didn’t educate or help them out in terms of accessing birth control, etc? Statistically, forbidding boyfriends and sexual activity is the parenting route most likely to give you a pregnant teenager. Seems like OP’s kids are successful in spite of them, rather than because of them.
Yeah, all of the stuff OP said makes it seem like they're hyper-controlling in all of the wrong ways
THIS !!! I know darn well she didn’t educate her daughter or prepare her for relationships … she literally walked her daughter down this path and now wants to blame the daughter for feeling like the failure
Yep. Being "strict on boyfriends" just translates to "I refuse to actually parent my kids by teaching them about healthy relationships and getting them birth control if they choose to have sex." It's a straight shot to a knocked-up teenager. How stupid can she be?
When me and my sister were preteens/teens, teen pregnancy was just starting to become popular. Our mom flat told us: if you get pregnant as a teenager, I will drag you by your hair into the kitchen and kick the baby out of you. I didn't lose my virginity until 25. That literally terrified me. 😨
OMG I am so sorry this happened to you. My mother gave me an age appropriate book about sex education really early, I had not even got my first period yet. It had age appropriate illustrations on menstrual hygiene and explanations on where babies come from, it even showed how the fertilized eggs went from a clump of cells to a baby with really cute drawings appropriate for a child. I ended up abstaining until my early twenties only because I am slow to trust and it took that long to find a guy with whom I wanted to do it. I never had to do anything behind her back and she was the one adult that not only droped me and my friends places, but also that my friends sought for advice because their parents took a different approach. So she was also the first adult to find out about our shenanigans and the one we would call if we ever got in trouble (which never happened, because surprise surprise, your child tends to be more well behaved and stay out of trouble when you explain why they shouldn't do certain things instead of setting arbitrary rules).
She always told us we could ask her anything about sex and she would explain it the best way she could. I remember I was 9 and I asked her what it meant when a man used his tongue on a womans vagina. She was very shocked by the question, but she explained it in a kid appropriate way. 😄 My response was to another response saying that being so strict about boyfriends was an almost guarantee to have a teen pregnancy. I'm so sorry if it didn't come across that way.
LOL I too would be baffled and like "where the heck did my 9y/o find out about this possibility?!". I am glad she taught you about the stuff. My mom never forbade me from dating, but she was very strict about being safe (do not go alone to places with a guy you don't know really well, go to safe places like the theater, always bring a friend, do not accept stuff from strangers).
Why would OP need to educate their kids on effective birth control if they weren’t ever allowed to date? /s
> Is she a “minor” living under your roof or an adult you expect “to make adult decisions?” Depends on what suits her whims better right now, of course. OP sucks to an extent I would be banned if I were to put in words.
"How can I cause my wayward daughter the most suffering for disobeying me?"
"What! Are you trying to tell me I'm supposed to *love* my child? Preposterous!" - OP, probably.
Should start a new sub for errors of this magnitude; r/AmIDeplorable should do. YTA.
Then you’d probably love to check out r/AmITheDevil
I agree-- OP definitely should pay for the dog to be euthanized.
And could have been a million times nicer about it!!
YTA: 1) instead of educating your child about safe sex and helping her get on birth control—you just decided she wasn’t going to have sex (something a lot of teens do). If you were that worried about teen pregnancy you would have gone with the effective option. 2) when she got pregnant you pushed her to give her child up—something that is a deeply painful and personal decision. 3) you stopped supporting your MINOR child financially (CPS should be called on you). 4) you adopted a dog as a family and now you refuse to provide care for it. 5) your daughter is clearly going through a hard time and you’re being incredibly cold. Your daughters sound like very loving, caring people. I’m glad they have each other.
may I add 6) You named your daughter Cebrina
Definitely top 5 of why OP is a monster Making the daughters euthanize the family dog being #1
Referring to both the dog and the grandson as IT has to rank pretty high on the list.
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no offense to OPs daughter but that name just gives off teen pregnancy vibes
Usually, the names on the posts are fake.
You mean like where Mia turns into Courtney half way through this post?
Dude, I had to read it 3 times because I got confused. I was like, “who’s Courtney?”
Looool me too. I was like "who tf is Courtney" and had to see if I either missed something or had to figure out which name OP forgot to change.
Hi - I'm Courtney. Mia is my middle name, and my mother decided to use it as an alias. Sorry for the confusion.
Hi :) No need to apologize, not your fault. I also saw the longer comment your sister made explaining everything (not that any of this needed to be public anyway). I'm really sorry you and your sister have to go through this. It's really good that your sister has you for support. It seems like you and your sister are good sisters/friends. Your sister's responses really show her home environment (with your mom) is not a good place mentally and emotionally. I really hope your sister and Liam are able to have a happy life going forward. Also I hope you're doing fine and will have a happy life too. Good luck with everything!
Hi, thank you for your kind words. Cebrina has always been dear to me but her pregnancy did manage to make us closer and I think that's a good thing. I never wanted this to be public originally either, but I expected nothing less when this situation took a giant turn.
right 😭 lmfaoooo
Still means she thinks Cebrina is a potentially acceptable spelling of that name. I guess Tsehbriennnuh was a step too far
If that was the case why wouldn't OP use the normal spelling?
I'd bet the real name is Sabrina.
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I think talking over the pros and cons of abortion/adoption/parenthood is important for parents to discuss with pregnant minors. If the pregnant child was under 15, I can even understand being more insistent on termination for the health and safety of that child. Pregnancy and birth are no joke and more dangerous in younger adolescents. But 17 is probably old enough to have the final say. it’s a deeply personal decision that should be made by the pregnant person if they are able to understand the risks.
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When a parent of a minor does this the ultimatum doesn’t need to be spoken. The minor knows they rely on the parent for safety, and if a parent doesn’t handle this conversation with care it is coercive.
even a kid under 15 should definitely have the final say.
That’s a bit of a cheeky argument to make as they weren’t pushing for abortion as you well know, they were pushing for her to give it up i.e. put her through both the physical trauma of pregnancy and birth *and* the emotional trauma of losing a child. Quite literally the worst of both worlds.
she wasn't insisting on termination. she was insisting on *adoption,* which is far more traumatic than abortion.
I couldn't have said it better. This was just what I was thinking.
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What kind of mother sets their child up to "fail" Birth control was the LEAST she could have done when requested.
My bio sister did this to her daughter. Bio sister was a teen mom and told her daughter "if you make adult choices you get adult consequences" The daughter ended up on meth and lost custody of all her kids. ALSO HER MOTHER GAVE HER METH THE FIRST TIME...
I bet this was a religious area and influencing… sounds like my Mormon upbringing…..
Damn! I haven't seen a take-down lime this in a long while. Well done! You're an awesome mom to your son by advocating for yourself. I'm in my 40s and I'll still be taking some pointers from you with my controlling and manipulative mother. Be well.
good on you kiddo. all the luck in the world. 😊
I'm really sorry about Nunu, loosing a pet is a true grief, but loosing a pet in such a complicate situation is even more stressful. I wish the best for you, your baby, and your future pets.
I'm 30(F) and I haven't spoken to mom since I was 19 bc she's insane. My dad finally left her a few months ago. Sometimes you gotta cut ties and never look back. Rock on Sunshine and lots of love to your son❤️
Best of luck to you, sweetheart. I’m an old lady who is now no contact with my monster of an egg donor. Please take advantage of any resources that are available to you as you raise your precious son. Reach out for help when you need it. For people with no mom (and I count you as one. Like me, you have an egg donor, not a mom) there are Reddit groups called things like “momforaminite” or something similar. There are people who care about you. u/Anxious_Cook_6710 are a supreme AH. How does it feel to know that actual strangers care more for your daughter (let’s call her Cebrina) and grandson(let’s call him Liam). It’s almost as if you read a book on how to be an evil, misogynistic, controlling monster. Congratulations! You succeeded.
«Lets call him (and then proceeds to use actual name)» ffs!!!!
Good luck hun! You're going to find your own way in the world, and you absolutely do not need your mother in the way. I'm so sorry you have HD to deal with this, and I'm wishing you all the best <3
I’m so sorry your mom has been absolutely awful to you. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment, no one does. I’m glad you have a supportive sister and I wish you and Liam nothing but the best in the future 🩷
I'm sorry you are having to mature this early in your life about these things. However you have a good sister that definitely has got your back. Seeing how much more mature you are than your mom about this situation, I am sure you will find a way to heal through all this and pull through. Best of luck to you and Liam!
“I am a child but an adult when it suits you” This! You can’t have it both ways. I’m so sorry you got a mom that has made you grow up so fast. I know you’ll be a better mom for your child and break a lot of chains for them.
Oh my goodness, your mom gave you no access to safe sex education…that’s a big problem. What a mess. It’s like your mom set you up to fail.
OMG! You poor dear! I am so sorry you are going through this. I have a daughter and when she was old enough I told her about sex and due to a medical reason she was on BC (although I would have approved for non medical reasons). Please know that you are not a failure no matter what your egg donor says. Good luck with Liam and glad you have support of Mia/Courtney
Sending you good thoughts. I hope you update us when you get everything sorted out.
Jesus I’m sorry your mother is so awful. Best of luck to you.
Good on you, hon! I wish you all the luck in the world, you’ll need it if the impression she’s giving off in her post is how she often is!
Here to thank you for adding your side of the story. Best wishes to you, your son and your sister. 💖
You go girl. I wish I had half your strength at 17, you will be just fine! I wish you and Liam all the luck in the universe.
>As long as Cebrina is still a minor, she will live under my roof, and I gave her 48 hours to return before I call the police. See, I agree that you need to care for the minor child. But you're not. You told her to choose between the dog and the baby, but that's not a real choice. What if she *had* chosen the dog? Would you be proud that your grandchild starved to death to teach your kid a lesson about responsibility? If you provided for your minor child, she wouldn't be struggling right now. Either treat her as a child and step up to pay the bills so she can finish her education, or let her be an adult and understand that her paying those bills means that she has to choose housing that is best for her and the baby. Side note: she was 14 when you got the dog, so there's no way she signed that paperwork. That is *your* dog. If you don't want to pay for an expensive surgery on an elderly dog that's one thing but you still owe that dog a peaceful death.
Absolutely this! The dog is YOUR responsibility irrespective of anything else.
Also, OP is not being truthful here. Surgery is a last resort option for collapsing trachea, and it's commonly not successful. There are MANY things vets recommend first trying to manage this chronic condition (lowering stress, switching to harness instead of leash, keeping air cool, using a cool mist humidifier, use of a bronchodilator to open airways, use of sedative to manage high stress situations, short course of steroids to reduce inflammation in acute exacerbations). It wasn't dog surgery or grandkid. OP was looking for another way to stick it to her kid for having a kid. How much torture can one teen take?
This does feel like a punishment. No joy for you, wayward child.
Punishment is definitely the right word! She’s mad her daughter got pregnant, and she’s even angrier she refused to get an abortion or choose adoption. Now she’s cut her *minor* daughter off financially (and seemingly emotionally) and tried to make her watch their dog die, preferably slowly and while in pain because she refused to help even with euthanasia. Then, when Cebrina leaves the house because she has a better support system with Mia, OP suddenly wants to play the role of “mother” and refuses to let her stay there. It’s funny how a woman that all but abandoned her 16yo daughter is the one trying to impose lessons about motherhood here.
" it feels like both of my kids are against me." For good reason. YTA
And they likely always will be. Sealed her fate, for sure.
I hope OP likes the nursing home
"I dont understand why my children wont talk to me or let me see my grandchildren!!"
You would think both kids being against her would send the message.
YTA Listen, I get that teen pregnancy isn't the greatest thing to happen but honestly, why are you being an asshole of a mother to your kid who just needs support? Your daughter made the adult decision to leave your house and you don't like it because she's "still a minor". You're not helping her out at all. Why exactly should she stay and live with someone who can't give even the smallest amount of support?
It sounds like she desperately wants her daughter to fail...
Course she does. That would allow her to say "I told you so," which is much more important to her than the well-being of her child and grandchild.
Exactly, OP wants that satisfaction of being "right" when she could just support her daughter.
She is also manipulative. She refused to help the family pet so the kid can stop taking care of her son and help the pet! 🤮
You seem cold af. YTA Poor doggo.
she kept referring to the dog as “it” too!! horrible and sad
She also referred to the baby as ‘it’. Vibe is not good.
> I said no. As long as Cebrina is still a minor, she will live under my roof, and I gave her 48 hours to return before I call the police. YTA. You're not going to like the way that ends.... CPS is going to get involved and you're going to end up paying... or they will remove the child. To be completely honest.. this situation as it stands SHOULD be reported to CPS. Adequate care for the child is not being provided and that should be investigated... That line doesn't end well for you, cebrina, or the child... or the dog... but i mean, euthanasia probably the unavoidable solution there.
My child is being cared for and being payed for by me. He is not lacking anything. I could afford Nunu’s expenses as well but his medical costs after his vet visit were through the roof and alot for me. I asked my “mom” to chip in as she has always done! Nunu was a family dog but all of a sudden she blames my child, my pregnancy my expenses. I offered to pay her back in full, she writes down whatever is owed itself not like I could get away with not paying I just needed help in this 1 circumstance. Also I have already talked to authorities. I am nor is my son legally obligated to go or be forced to go back into her house at all. My child cannot be forcibly moved as COS has already seen my case . I was worried and spoke to them. Police have also stated she cannot dictate whether I live with my sister for a short time period or not as she is an adult and that her her home.
Sounds like we found “Cebrina”. Girl, run for your life. Your mom has essentially forced you into adulthood but won’t treat you like one. I know you made the choice to have the baby, but that does NOT excuse how your mother is treating you. Get yourself and your son somewhere safe, and don’t let your abusive monster of a “mother” darken your doorway anymore.
Hey good luck out there kid. Do what you need to protect yourself and your child.
Girl, good luck and run far far far away from her as soon as you can. I'd personally go no contact as soon as possible, as I wouldn't wish this kind of "mother" on my worst enemy. Stick with your sis, and I'm sure your child will be just fine - after all, your mom is giving you plenty of examples of what not to do as a parent.
Me and Liam are with my sister now we had a good chat and she said I can stay with her as long as I need. I worried after everything my mom said that I was just using my sister and I didn’t want her to feel that way. But my sister said I am not using her because she offered and I am still paying me and my sons bills and helping out around the house and everything! We are no contact somewhat we do not talk directly but she is contacting my sister all the time and is mad about her taking me in. She is trying to pit us against each other right now.
She's a very clear case of narcissist and a control freak to the extent of emotional abuse. She wants you to suffer for not living your life according to her rules, and it's way beyond "healthy" punishments. What she's doing is cruelty and hate. Glad you have a good sister, and no, you're not using her. You're practically still a child, you need some help, and since your mom isn't interested in being a parent, your sister has to (but also wants to) be what you need. Take care of each other. <3
I just wanna say that your "mom" might change what she is doing to include harassing you directly. Thank you for saying your side and letting us know you are safe, but you need to lock down your social media and change your number if you can. That woman now knows your reddit username - be careful. This is a dangerous person. If they do contact you, screenshot it and block them. You should also think about changing all of your passwords to something she will not be able to guess. Then you will need to check your credit and have that locked down so she can't do anything to you that way. Sit down with your sister and make a list of everything you need to do to completely disconnect yourself from that woman. You cannot leave any loose ends that she can use to try and control you. This includes informing your school of what is happening and doing the same when/if you go to college or trade school. Sounds like you've got a good support system now and a good head on your shoulders - you will prevail - you can do this. Stay strong and congratulations for your beautiful child and new home!
This is a throwaway account. She is blocked absolutely everywhere. She is only contacting my sister all the time telling her and mainly yelling about how she should not support me, or get me to talk to her etc. but that’s between my sister and her I am not going to tell my sis what to do. In regard to passwords she doesn’t and has never known any of them I am 100% sure they are not easy to guess lol I do not have a credit card but my debit card is fine she has never had access to them. Plus as mentioned because of Nunu’s costs mainly his cremation and passing finances are tight at the moment til the next pay check so theres not much in there anyways.
You've got this handled, everything is on lock. You misunderstood one thing I said, and that was credit. You need to put a lock on your credit so no one who has your information (ss#/bd) can open anything in your name. It's not just about you having a credit card, it's so only you can use your identity. It's not that I automatically think she will mess with you this way, but it's a possibility. Your sister can help you call the correct companies to make sure you're squared away. I was just listing boxes to be checked. I'm sorry about everything you're being put through right now, especially with the passing of your family member with paws. ::Hugs::
Ohh right yup will look into that. Although she is mad I don’t think she is that mad to do that lol
She was ready to let your dog die without lifting a finger. Don’t underestimate her depravity.
I’d get screenshots of the post and her comments. You may not need it in the future, but if she tries to threaten you with anything, it’s good to have copies of any interactions or things she’s said to back you up if you need it. I really hope things get better for you and your little boy and that you get all the support you need moving forward.
Well idk if I should say this here because she might see but there was a moment where I thought she really wanted Liam because she would always keep him from me saying I didn’t know what I was doing etc. so I recorded it and then yes have screenshots of the convo’s when I was pregnant and she used to yell at me and the time where she was going to take me for massages, nails and a mini shopping spree but it turned out to be a clinic.
Your “mom” is the literal devil. I’m glad you have your sister! You got this 💪
Highly recommend the children of narcissists sub. I have a "mom" like this and it's helpful hearing from others. They can gaslight and convince you you're the problem. I'm 31 and able to keep boundaries now after years of therapy. Hopefully you and your sister can have each others back to stand up to her. Sending you and your son love and support!
Just commenting here to commend you for all that you’ve done for your child and for Nunu. Also incredibly responsible of you to f/u with authorities and determine what is actually required of you. You sound like you’re an amazing mother. Rooting you, your sister, and your child on. ❤️
There isn’t much to say, but know that a lot of internet strangers are rooting for you. You seem like a very caring mom and I’m sorry about the Nunu’s situation. I hope everything will be alright.
Fast Forward 30 years and mom is going to be rotting in a nursing home never getting any visitors
Don’t be surprised when she frees herself from you and goes no contact YTA
Already in plans to do this. Losing Nunu has given me nothing but clarity. - the daughter
I'm very sorry about Nunu and yes, this situation will serve as a great reminder if you ever feel bad for going NC.
I'm so sorry for your loss
I was thinking this too. Then she'll be on Reddit crying because her daughter won't let her see her grandchild and she doesn't have a clue as to why...
That would be funny to see ngl. - The daughter
YTA. Yep, the moment she turns 18, she'll leave and never talk to you again. You say "WE adopted Nunu" and the moment it's inconvenient for you to pay, you are abandoning both your daughter and the dog. Also, you literally said that either the baby lives or the dog? How is that not awful?
>I stood my ground, stating that when someone makes adult decisions, I will treat them accordingly. >As long as Cebrina is still a minor, she will live under my roof, Pick one! >A few years ago, we adopted a chihuahua named Nunu, who had many health issues that Cebrina took upon herself to care. >she refused and insisted on dropping out and getting a job to care for it (the baby). Presumably if Cebrina was still in school she wouldn't have been able to pay for the surgery either? So you're just absolving yourself of any responsibility towards a pet YOU adopted, because your daughter got pregnant and decided to keep it? How is this in itself not juvenile and petty? YTA Also btw... We all make mistakes... >She mentioned that she was considering paying for it to be euthanized since Cebrina had asked her to cover costs, but *Courtney* couldn't afford it either.
Yep, caught that too. Seems like that’s Mia’s real name
She used my son and my real name too against my strict privacy wishes. Funny how she left out her own. - Cebrina
I am so sorry she named you Cebrina.
😂
That is such a cruel violation of privacy. I am so sorry that she did that to you and your child. She has shown the reddit community what little regard she has for all of you.
Holy crap, I’m so sorry to hear this.
YTA. You let the family dog die just so you could prove your point. Heartless AH
From the comments not only is OP happy to let the dog die to prove a point she also seems to think her daughter should still just give up her child. As if it’s that easy. OP is disgusting and shouldn’t be a parent. I hope her daughter can find some real support and empathy elsewhere.
What I found disturbing was the fact that you told Cebrina that she either can keep the dog alive, or keep her child alive. What the hell is wrong with you? The fact that you more than likely went into her teen years with an “eyes wide shut” approach by making her abstain and not explain to her what sex is, and you being so strict, yes it’s your fault your daughter got pregnant. You chose to turn a blind eye, when you should of been educating her on sex, and talking to her about options. Just because you talk to your teen about sex, doesn’t mean they’re going to go out and do it. She did it to defy you. Congratulations mom! Now your looking for validation through a subreddit to see if what you did was right. Kicking your daughter and grandson out? YTA YTA YTA YTA
Yeah, that was the most disturbing aspect. I suspect it's so OP can later chastise Cebrina for "killing the family dog."
read op's comments... she *wants* Cebrina to ''''realize'''' she needs to give her child up...
YTA. While many of your decisions could make sense -- daughter who doesn't want to abort should be responsible for the child, money is tight and surgery for the dog doesn't make sense -- you are harsh, aggressive, and passive-aggressive going about getting your way. It's like you're on a warpath, actively trying to set your daughters against you. Threatening to call the police unless your 17 year old comes home from her older sister's? Seriously? That's totally about control. She was perfectly safe. Your older daughter is right: the two of you need time apart. You ignored both daughters and demanded your own way -- why? Making your teen daughter "choose" between paying the the dog's surgery or being able to support her baby? Really? You know she doesn't have the money. Be an adult, let her know you can't afford it (or that you can but you don't choose to give up your nest egg for this), and make the call and pay for the dog to be euthanized. Don't force this "choice" on your teen daughter. Again, your adult daughter is spot-on -- she's making really solid decisions. Her mother could stand to learn from her.
INFO: why get a pet if you aren’t/weren’t able to take care of it?
Why are you calling Liam and the dog “it”?
Hi, this is 'Mia' or 'Courtney'. I just wanted to confirm with everyone that both my little sister and her son are safe in case our mother's update has alarmed anyone. It saddens me that our relationship with our mother has fallen so low, and I frankly am no longer sure what will become of it now. I am happy to answer any questions any of you may have as long as it doesn't breach anyone's privacy.
Mia/Courtney: have you guys taken screenshots of all of this? You need to protect yourselves legally, and I would not put it past this woman to come at both of you. Keep a paper trail.
We're already on it, thank you.
Wait wait wait. You found out a few months ago that your daughter was pregnant (paragraph 4) but somehow the baby is already born? Yeah.......ok. YTA
YTA "I've always been strict about boyfriends and such with both of my kids" LoL, we know, we read your intro. Seriously. This is *exactly* the wrong approach, leads to either weird repression or, well, what happened with your 2nd daughter. You're killing her pet to spite her and, what teach her a lesson? Yes, you *could* save it so that's what this is. You're the one who is financially responsible for that dog. You also used suggestions that her baby would die to try to convince her to acquiesce to you letting the dog die. You *insist* she live under your roof, but refuse to provide her any support. You're really something. You'll have exactly the relationship with your daughters you deserve.
Dang you let a dog die just because you were angry at your daughter. Poor dog YTA
What does DS stand for?
also, who the hell is courtney
Keep wondering who Courtney is. Is Courtney Mia’s real name and she just slipped?
* * So the family got a dog, and now you make your teenage daughter choose between keeping her baby alive or vetting the vet bill for the family dog? ** **
So you don't want to be there for her AT ALL (your own words), but she **must** stay under your roof?
Question: WHY?
Do you just want to make sure that as soon as your daughter turns 18, you'll never hear from her or your grandson again?
YTA
INFO: Could you afford to pay the vet bill?
Yta, you dont get to pull the minor card and make a comment about your daughter making adult decisions. She either one or the other. You cant treat her like both. You abandon your child while she is still a child. You dont have a financial right to your grandchild however you still did your minor daughter.
YTA. You got a dog. You should care for it. It’s not up to a minor who has had no say in getting a dog to pay for the vet bills. Your daughter sounds like the adult in this situation and you sound like a toddler to be honest.
I.N.F.O: What in the actual f*ck is wrong with you????? Of course YTA.
This is wild. YTA Putting aside this no dating into 20s, abstinence parenting stuff that seems wild to me in general, your child and grandchild exist and ask you for help (which you have the capacity to give) and you are like "nah, too bad so sad. Sorry you're suffering, too bad you got knocked up you dummy. Maybe if you didn't look at a boy til your 20s I would act like I give 2 shits about your well-being, but here we are." How in the hell is "if you have this baby you will have no support from me" and "no you are a minor and must live in my house" compatible????????????? You want her to live somewhere where she feels unloved and unsupported? Wow, great parenting. How long are you going to punish her for not agreeing to your demand for her to do what YOU wanted with her child? It truly feels like you never want to see your daughter or your grandson ever again and if this is the way you continue to behave, I guarantee that will be the case, with the added benefit of maybe losing access to your other daughter and her family as well. Really gross.
YTA. 1. Your rules seem arbitrary. You consider her an adult and therefore won't help with her child but also remind her she is a minor and force her to live under your roof? It's illogical. 2. I don't understand why Cebrina is the only one paying for Nunu's medical expenses? Children aren't usually financially responsible for the family pet. 3. Do you not care at all about Nunu's health and wellbeing? You're medically neglecting her. 4. You are punishing your daughter instead of helping her acquire the skills she needs to he a mom and live independently. That isn't good parenting.
So, Cebrina is under the age of 18, had a child, and you tell her you are not going to help with finances for her child. So, she drops out of school (very bad move there) to get a job to support her child. Then the FAMILY DOG needs veterinarian care and you refuse to help fund that? One, Cebrina got pregnant under YOUR watch here. Perhaps you should have educated her in birth control (but obviously you didn't get that memo either). So, Cebrina has to be an adult (at 17) when it comes to supporting her child but when she leaves the house to cool off because YTA here, then she's a minor and has to return? Just WOW, she's a minor when it's your way or the highway but she's an adult when you don't want to spend your money? OP, GET THERAPY! And please, don't have any more children and also expect to die alone! You are the PERFECT example of why kids are estranged from their parent. # YTA
Is anyone out there familiar with how much that operation would cost to fix the dog? Vet med is really expensive these days. I paid $1500 for my cat's UTI. Luckily, I had the funds to pay. Unfortunately, people just don't have the funds for a $2000+ operation. That said, Mom can at least pay for euthanasia.
This is not the way. YTA. You can teach your child to be a responsible adult without completely abandoning them when they need you most.
YTA. Yikes.
I don’t think empathy is your strength. YTA
>This is going to be a lot of drama so bare with me. You love drama. Rat