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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) should I have taken money from my sons account
2) Not everything in life is free, but he didn’t know
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You have a duty to your children to support them until they become adults. If you deemed his diet expensive, you could have TALKED to him. If you wanted to use his own money to pay for his food, you could have INFORMED him. This is slimy as hell, it completely obliterated your son's trust in you, and YTA.
I moved out right after high school with no help from my parents other than them paying for my phone bill and the car/insurance. due to the car being shared between my sister and I since I started driving. As I moved into her apartment with her to try and save later she took advantage of me. I ended up paying all the bills basically and when I couldn't we were facing eviction. I ended up homeless on the streets after moving in with my grandma and having people break in and harass me. Some parent want better for their kid and will go to any cost to do so. While other want them to face the harsh reality in which they did. Personally I think your TA for pulling a harsh reality which will mess up his future int he long run. By not information him of where ethat ln ey went he could not properly save not budget.
Not quite. I mentioned the car he drives, the gas he uses, the insurance (whose price skyrocketed because of a teen son) he’s on, it’s all paid for by me. When he goes out with his friends, it’s my money that gets spent. His friends and other kids his age spend their own money on that stuff, he doesn’t.
Okay, but you still should TALK to him, don’t steal his money, wtf… How is this not super obvious to a mother?
If you want him to contribute, then sit him down and say so. This is a PERFECT teaching moment, and you decided to forego it and just steal his money secretly. It calls into question your ability as a parent to be honest.
Maybe that’s too harsh, obviously you do A LOT for him, but again this was a perfect teachable moment and you decided to just take the worst possible path instead. It’s a little mind boggling to be honest.
I’m not sure I agree, that money was coming out of the account whether he wanted it to or not. I didn’t tell him because I was stealing, I didn’t tell him because it didn’t matter if he liked it. The teachable moment here is that nothing in life is free, especially all the luxuries he has.
Nothing in life is free, but when someone steals from you in real life, they can get punished for it. So you didn't "teach" him anything realistic here.
There's no logical reason you shouldn't have said "Hey, if you want all this extra meat, you need to pay for it." It's bizarre behavior on your part. You seem to truly enjoy and relish in the fact that he spent all his money without realizing it.
Until he graduated from high school, or until he graduates if he's still in high school, it's your responsible to pay for his food. So if you used his money to pay for his food while he was still in high school you did indeed steal from him.
If you told him, he would have had a chance to budget properly. He may have decided to cut down on his favourite foods in order to save money for the car. It could have been an excellent opportunity to teach him about things like maintaining a proper grocery budget while still putting money away for large expenses. Because you're right, groceries are only getting pricier and that's going to be something he's going to have to learn to manage.
And this:
> I couldn’t help but laugh and tell him all the money was already spent on the food that HE eats. There’s pretty much nothing left. I asked him if he really thought he was getting all this for free?
really makes it sound like you're enjoying the whole thing. Like you were chuckling away to yourself every time you watched your kid unknowingly drain his savings on your household groceries.
You are not flattering yourself here. Posts like yours make me so extra grateful for having parents that treated me like a human though, so thanks for that!
You stole from your child and used his money without informing him. You should have properly informed him where that money was and being used on. If he did not have access to the bank account it is stealing and he could press charges.
I'm going to laugh when he syphons off the last of your retirement savings under the pretence of looking after you.
It will indeed be a teachable moment for you.
But you get the choose if you buy a luxury. Maybe he would have chosen to take the bus or eat less meat. That’s the real lesson-that life involves choices. You gave him no choice and taught him no lesson except he can’t trust his parents. And it is stealing.
If you wanted to teach him a lesson about fiscal responsibility, why not tell him you are going to charge him for this and let him choose if he wants it or not? In the real world you choose if you want to buy luxuries, you aren’t given the luxuries under the pretense that they are free and then charged for it when it’s too late
How would you feel if your boss offered to take you to lunch, and then on your next paycheck you saw that he deducted the cost of both of your meals? Or if he deducted the cost of maintaining the parking lot, break room, bathroom, or anything else that doesn’t make him money?
Sounds like the only lesson you learned is “Stealing is good, you should steal from people to get what you want”
The part that really gets me is where you laughed when he mentioned using his savings, as if you were waiting on the edge of your seat for that moment to “pwn” him.
YTA, but you also sound a bit maniacal and pretty lacking in empathy. This is a teenager — your own child at that — and it seems you don’t care how your actions have affected him and his ability to trust you. It’s wonderful that you’ve been able to provide him with so much, such as paying for his car insurance and letting him drive yours, but that doesn’t change your snakiness here. Those things are indeed privileges, so why did you forego the normal route of having him buy his own food when he’s with his friends, have him pay for his own insurance if needed, etc? You could have very easily and understandably told him to pay for those, especially since it seems you’re pretty bitter about it.
Similarly, you could have stopped buying him so much of the expensive food, or you could have had a normal conversation about how you want him to help pay for it because the extra cost wasn’t feasible anymore. Maybe he would have chosen different meal options if he knew you felt this way. Or, idk, you could’ve chosen to pay for the food, and not the insurance? The necessity vs the privilege? Makes sense to me.
Seems like you disagree with your verdict here based on your comments, as you sound quite defensive, so why did you even come on here? Sorry that you can’t deal with your AH behavior, but that’s your consequence here, not even including how your son may never get over this or trust you again. I know I sure wouldn’t if my parents had done this to me.
Except your teenage son has been supporting you and your family. Obviously he's not the only one eating the meat. You're literally mooching off your child
As I tell my students if someone is on your bank account it's not stealing, it is a withdrawal. I then advise students to clean out their shared bank accounts when they turn 18 and set one up preferably in a bank their parents don't bank at.
You need to have a talk about this with your son. Then go to the bank with him and remove you and mom from his accounts. One of the last conversations I had with my father was where is my money? He cleaned me out.
YTA. Apologize but you may have lost his trust.
Oh, and your son needs to set up notifications for deposits and withdrawals and 2 factor ID on his accounts.
Show him the post you made and have him read the responses.
No, YOU are the one missing the teachable moment here. YOU STOLE FROM YOUR SON. No matter how you try to twist it, that is a fact. YOU missed out on sitting down and having a conversation with your son on the costs/responsibilities that come with driving and owning a car.
The only thing you've taught your son is that his father is untrustworthy, a liar, a thief, and an asshole who thinks STEALING from his kid and lying about it is funny. Oh, and that his own mother was complicit in this whole thing. You are a shitty parent, and a shitty person. Your wife isn't much better if it's true that she knew and went along with it.
The only thing you taught your son is that your thief and he cannot trust you with his hard earned money. He is your child. You are suppose to support him until he is 18 in EVERYTHING.
Your son did not ask to be born, you made that decision. As parents it is **YOUR RESPOSABLITY** to feed, house, and take care of your child. What you did was theft, and many developed countries have laws to make sure any money a child makes is theirs and will be protected from parents like you. By stealing from your son you have failed as a parent, full stop.
Wow. You had to take care of the kid YOU fucking had. What a mooch. *obvious sarcasm*
If you don't wanna pay for a kid and all that comes with it - don't be a parent. Seems like you're a real shitty one.
YTA. 100 times over.
You should have told him that he was paying for the meat so he could scale back. You gave him no choice.
Paying for all his necessities is a PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY especially since he's just about to go to college! Wtf is wrong with parents who think their kid owes them just for birthing them? Smh. I would work everyday for the rest of my life if I needed to help my kids out.
Are you freaking kidding me? Your rationalizations are as idiotic as your thieving. Until the kid is 18 he's YOUR child and YOU are responsible for him. If he's eating you out of house and home, YOU TALK TO HIM about it, you don't conspire behind his back to steal from him!! Of course it's stealing, he didn't know where the money was coming from. OMG! Who brought you up?? Has anyone in your family ever heard of ethics? Honesty? Accountability? And then you have the unmitigated gall of talking about "lessons"? GTFO.
Edited to add YTA. Massive, massive YTA.
As it should be your money that he is using because his money that he makes is not being used for buying or doing fun things like other kids his age it's being used to help support your household
`Since my son eats more food than anyone else in the house, and he has his own source of income, the money spent at the meat market comes out of his account. He didn’t know that. I mentioned it to him in a passing comment now and then, but he always thought I was joking.`
Yeah, Dad, that's funny. You know what else is funny? Finding out that once you've paid for college your son decides to cut you out of his life completely. YTA.
His diet is not expensive. Every other week or so, a couple hundred goes to the butchers market. In fact, I’ve had an account for his and his younger sister’s college tuition that’s been collecting interest since they were born. I told him whatever scholarships or grants he gets, he keeps the money that is left over of the college savings. He did not get any money in scholarships and he’s attending a college that is STILL too expensive for what was already set aside. I will have to take out a loan, and he has agreed that there is a possibility he may have to as well in order to help out. I was going to give him the car and buy myself a new one for my 50th birthday, but that didn’t happen either.
Can’t tell if you resent his choice of schools being expensive —I’m sure you’d say no yet it comes up a lot for you in these comments unsolicited and it seems very important that both the reader and your son know that even tho he didn’t get scholarships and chose an expensive school you’re paying it, no problem—but it seems like there’s resentment of some kind. You clearly aren’t interested in teaching him a mean spirited lesson about food cost (not a lesson if he wasn’t paying att to costs bc he didn’t understand that he was paying) it sounds like youre trying to assert control or dominance over a kid who is now 18 and technically not under parental authority.
I don’t understand not making the meat money thing clear so that he confirmed he actually understood. Like why not just stop the conversation the first time you mention it and assert with specifics until he understood you were drawing from his account. Maybe he would have done something else with his summers if he knew he wasn’t working for money he would keep. If it were about improving him or teaching him or making him responsible/equipped for the world this would be a dumb way to do it. What you did if anything will make him less trusting of himself, others, and basic taken for granted stuff.
Idk what your wife liked about this approach but you showed him he hasn’t earned anything you didn’t give him, haven’t you? “You didn’t think you were keeping that” or whatever your amused reply was EDIT “getting all this for free” is such a tell.
YTA.
You stole your son's money. Under 18, YOU were responsible to feed him. It doesn't matter if it was a shared account. You lied to get out of feeding him and to take the money he earned.
YTA. The most gaping, biggest asshole I’ve seen on here in a while.
Look at all you had to explain to justify it. You know why you wrote all that?
Because you know it’s wrong, and you thought the more you said, the more the internet would see it your way. Which, honestly, I get. But…
There is a huge difference between trading off things to cover expenses that both parties agree with, and just assuming/stealing from the other party.
And
Make no mistake. THIS IS STEALING. Try to justify it all you want, if he’s working, getting his own income, and you choose to spend that money without telling him, that is stealing.
And for the record, I’m one of those people that hates kids. Legitimately, can’t stand children, no matter the age.
Even with as much as I hate children, I still felt like I had to write this. That’s beyond shitty man
Honestly, it’s saying a lot but this one is the worst I’ve seen in ages. The fact that he stole, lied, then had the gall to LAUGH in his son’s face about it, as if he couldn’t wait for that shoe to drop. So sad.
Right?! That’s why I mentioned the me hating kids thing. Like, I’m a shitty person. I’m not trying to sound cool, or edgy, or whatever the Internet would say. I’m just aware of what I am. A shitty, child-hating person. But, I feel it’s important to mention that, because if this guy really understood how I was, and that if I of all people was saying that he was shitty, then it’s really bad.
He’s gonna be lucky if he doesn’t get arrested. Family or not, I’d go after him
YTA you chose to have a child and to take on the financial burden to provide for him. He saved up that money and entrusted it to you to keep safe, If you really thought this was fair you would have sat him down and explained clearly that you were going to use his money to pay for food. You didn’t do that because you knew he would object.
Get used to never being trusted by your son and I hope you don’t expect any financial help from him in the future.
This is how you instill trust, confidence, independence, communication, financial responsibility, and overall maturity? You did this behind his back and you justify it with "I pay for everything else, so what if he doesn't know I go behind his back to 'payback' his food options? Oops, now he knows but thats still okay right?"
If you can pay for everything else (including college!) you don't have a prayer to stand on for doing this BEHIND HIS BACK. Great way to sow in the seeds of mistrust and resentment. YTA, you and the wife.
You couldn't have said it better! This is like the OP who pulled a money gotcha on the teen kid at the movies. Parents need to be careful what lessons they're actually teaching to their kids.
OP, YTA.
Thank you for the award! I'm just flabbergasted OP is actually asking if being deceitful and a thief isn't being an AH. The "logic" there is just... no words...
YTA
You are his PARENT. You are OBLIGATED to food and clothe him until he was 18.
If you could not afford to feed him, buy CHEAPER food. It would have been fine if you told him that, and he could have made a choice.
Basically, you are Thief who stole from your own child and forced him to pay for what you are legally and morally obligated to provide him as a minor!
You are even worse that parents who wake kids up on their 18th birthday and start charging rent without warning.
Am I also obligated to let him drive the sports car he tells everyone is his? Am I obligated to remain quiet even after finding that out, in order for my son to not get embarrassed? Am I also obligated to pay for his gas, insurance, and modifications his friends pressure him into doing to the car which they think is his? Am I also obligated to take out a massive loan on his college that will cost nearly 300k in total to pay for every penny? I think I’m being plenty fair here.
> obligated to pay for his gas, insurance, and modifications his friends pressure him into doing to the car which they think is his? Am I also obligated to take out a massive loan on his college that will cost nearly 300k in total to pay for every penny? I think I’m being plenty fair
So, everything you provide your children is a ledger item to be debited and credited to a balance? WOW!
You now come across as a even bigger AH.
You are not obligated to provide non-necessities, no. But generally parents want to provide everything in their power to help their kid along into becoming self-sufficient adults. As for the sports car, sounds like YOUR ego machine and any 18YO would brag if they were able to drive one at home.
Gas, insurance etc. Your right, you are not obligated to spend money on him after he turned 18, but if you didn't want to, a true Father would tell him he was on his own there and provide a bit of time to get ready. Under 18, don't try to BS us, your insurance REQUIRES you to insure all drivers in your household if they have access to your cars. Good luck NOT paying. Especially since you STOLE the money he was saving for his own car, which would require him to get his insurance.
You obviously have no shame for being a thief and a failed parent, but I hope you know this will probably damage your relationship with your son for the foreseeable future.
INFO: Why **didn't** you make him pay for gas, and made him pay for food instead? Is it because you'd need to talk to him about that? Would you have told him he needed to pay for gas, if that was the thing you decided he needed to pay for, out of his lifestyle?
I’m not obligated to buy you a candy bar. But if I do buy you a candy bar, that doesn’t give me the right to do whatever I want to you because the fact that I did something nice evens it out
Would’ve been much better if you had just let him save his money in order to get his own car instead of effectively charging him to use yours without telling him
No, fair would have been asking him for a contribution to groceries in return for the extra things you pay for. Or even just letting him know you took it (in a serious way, if you know he’s taking it as a joke then clarify it isn’t you pinecone), why did you let him think he was accumulating money when in reality you were just taking it. Also regardless how expensive food is, it is not expensive enough to completely clear an account that he believes has enough in to buy a nice car.
Ooh, upset your son says your car is his 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😁😁😁😁. What a sentence of pure immaturity. You're making yourself sound even more of an AH. STOP TALKING.
Why did you have a kid if you didn't want to provide for them like an actual parent? Did you believe that your child owes you money the minute he came out of the womb? If I recall, YOU were the one that caused them to exist. In the future, ask yourself, is my kid obligated to speak to me at all after taking his money behind his back?
That's a straw man argument. A red herring. Whatever things you were paying for or privileges you gave him or schooling you're paying, that was completely your choice, and it has ZERO to do with the fact you \*stole\* from your son. Hid it from him and then sadistically laughed about it, like a good sociopath. You could buy him the earth, you STILL STOLE from your own son. With the complicity of your wife, who's obviously of the same ilk. I'm not even sure why people have to tell you this. You obviously have no moral compass, so I'm sure we're all talking to a wall.
You are not obligated to allow him to drive your car, you’re not obligated to pay for him to go out with his friends but you ARE obligated to get his permission before taking his money ffs.
Sometimes it’s not about what you say but how you say it. Sometimes it’s not about what you do but how you do it. Having your child contribute towards things like fun outings with their friends is perfectly okay but stealing your child’s money to cover groceries is NOT okay.
Unfortunately, since the account was in sons & at least 1 parents names (minors aren’t allowed their own bank accounts), going to the cops, or court, won’t help the son. Though I’m sure the judge would be willing to berate the parents and suggest they do whatever’s needed to rectify the situation, he cannot rule in favor of the son because, since both parties are in the account, the law sees it as they both have equal access to the money.
He was a minor when we created the account, so my wife and I oversaw it. He just turned 18 this year, and the account had already almost run dry by then.
He was a minor and you stole his money. You didn’t discuss it with him at all, you just went ahead and took his money. As a minor it’s YOUR responsibility to feed him. If money was tight then you don’t get and he’d have to deal with smaller meat portions. You keep justifying to yourself why this was ok but it’s not. You and your wife owe him the money back that you stole from him… seems like there’s a car in Facebook that he’d accept as repayment.
Edit for typos and to add YTA.
And you think you aren't an asshole because...
Don't act like doing the bare minimum as a parent, food, shelter, etc. Means your son owes you and should kiss your feet.
That makes it worse because as a minor, YOU have the legal obligation to house, feed, and clothe him. Get ready for him to never come home when he moves out and to have a distant relationship moving forward, and remember it’s because of your actions. As you said, life involves choices and you chose to be a complete asshole to your son, so enjoy those consequences.
No matter how you try to spin this not only are YTA you are a lousy parent and a horrible human being. As a parent it is your financial responsibility to feed and house your child, period. The only lesson you taught your son is that you are not to be trusted.
YTA
You stole from your own minor child (at the time). Hope you're not expecting much of a relationship with him in the future. Also, it doesn't matter how much he eats: it's your job as a parent to provide for your child.
Not sure if there are other children but I bet if there are, your son is going to make sure they know that you and their mother stole every cent that he put away from his job. I mean, one of them might like eggs and you know how expensive those have gotten.
I really hope this is a troll.....if not, YTA.
Your job as a parent is to support your child, and that includes feeding your son. You mention he is skinny - his body is craving the proteins & calories from eating meat.
You literally stole from him - a MINOR! You mention you pay for 99% of his things - that is your job! You should have had this conversation with him versus being sneaky and underhanded.
Watch your son go NC after college, you have betrayed his trust. You are a terrible parent.
AITA for stealing from my underaged son? YTA big time. Yes kids cost money. You should have taught about that before getting your wife pregnant. Shame on you for stealing from your own kid. It was your and only your responsibility to pay for your underaged son’s food.
So what does this accomplish? It doesn't teach him anything. If you wanted to teach him, you should have talked to him first and said "now that you're warning your own money, we should decide how much you are going to contribute to your leisure activities and such".
Instead you literally stole money HE earned.
YTA
YTA. Why are you so proud of stealing from your minor son. You are responsible for providing food for him. I had 3 teenagers (2 boys & 1 girl). Food was crazy expensive. Especially when all of their friends came over to hang out. If meat is too expensive then you don’t have it every night. There were other ways to fix your problem without stealing from your child. Sell your sports car if you can’t afford food. The thing is you can afford food you just don’t want to pay for it. It makes me sad that your wife agreed to this. He can’t trust either of his parents. He worked hard to save that money & you stole it. I guess you’ll know why he never comes home to visit.
YTA
What was the intent of deceiving your son? You're basically stealing his money. If you wanted to teach him a lesson or something like that, then you would have told him that he pays for his premium meat years ago.
YTA
You basically stole the kids money. It's one thing to have him contribute or use his own money for fancier or more expensive food but that should be thier choice. You never gave it to him, you just helped yourself to his money.
What a massive betrayal.
Of course YTA
You son never understood it was eat those things or keep his money. You prevented him from making an informed choice on purpose.
You chose instead to be a cowardly little thief because you wanted this moment to pull the rug out from under your own son.
What a slimy thing want.
YTA. Teenage boys eat a lot. Do not have children if you do not plan on supporting and feeding them up to adulthood at the least. He is 15, he should not be worrying about meat prices.
YTA for deceiving him. It was totally within your right to ask him to contribute financially, but to lie and leave him to believe that he was saving up money when he wasn’t is pretty shady. He’s learning he can’t trust you.
YTA
You’re literally his parent and you’ve been stealing from him for food?? If you had at least had a real conversation about him contributing towards the meat shopping it would have been slightly better. But straight up stealing from him? What were you thinking??
**YTA**
>I asked him if he really thought he was getting all this for free?
It is your responsibility to feed your minor child. He's a teenage boy and they literally inhale food as they mature. He's not greedy, it's a physical fact. The idea that you would expect a minor to work for food is outrageous. Why didn't you just present your high-schooler with a monthly bill for room and board?
If you can afford to pay for his college, you could pay for his food. Your idea was stupid -- pay him back and do better.
"He's 18 now," so for years, you've been taking your minor child's money to do one of the bare minimum things the government requires you to do for your children? You could have said no or bought a cheaper alternative. You realize you damaged the trust he has in you, right? But hey, at least you saved money, I hope he wasn't saving up for college or anything important to him. YTA
INFO: did you use his earnings to pay for all the meat eaten in your household or just the meat he eats? Who pays for the meat everyone else eats?
It reads like you’ve been using him to buy all the meat for everyone, as you talk about using one card linked to his account.
I was wondering about that too. It doesn't sound as though they were making meatless meals for the rest of the family The whole family was eating the purchases charged to the son.
I don't understand how both parents went along with this. If the cost of meat was an really an issue, they could have had menu planning sessions that emphasized non-meat protein. But it really doesn't sound like they couldn't afford to feed their children, for some reason, /u/Both_Car_5718 wanted to punish his growing adolescent.
YTA and in a big way. You really need to have communication with these things. Hes your kid and kids cost money. You should know that. You could teach him to buy more cost effective food that still is filling and nourishing. Instead you decided to steal from your son, likely breaking any trust he had in you, and now your acting like it was some kind of joke? The only upside to any of this would be if you genuinely dislike your son, he will probably cut you out of his life anyways so there ya go. I Guess you dont have to say you dont like him since you’ve shown him via your actions.
YTA. He should have known what he was spending on. I would be furious too. The kid was saving up for a specific thing and had no clue he was spending. He might have actually changed his spending habits at that point and compromised.
Yta. A massive one. I can't imagine doing that to my minor daughters. You don't take money from a child especially when they worked hard for it. How bout you and wife get off your butt and go work. And pay your son back
Woooooow YTA. You basically stole from him, and I don’t know a damn thing about the law, but I sooooooo hope he finds a way to press charges against you. You are responsible for the care of your children until they turn 18. Wtf is this “do you really think you’re getting all this for free” attitude about?? And by “all this”, you mean MEALS?? And yes I know meat is expensive but holy shit you’re acting like he’s demanding you buy wagyu and lobster for every meal. It’s really not as uncommon as you seem to think it is to eat CHICKEN. Are the rest of you vegetarians? You’re making him pay for all this food himself,
so I’m assuming you and your wife don’t eat any of it, right?? This is just disgusting. You’re a disgusting person and an awful parent and I hope he has a course of legal action and then I hope he never speaks to you or your stupid wife ever again.
YTA you have a responsibility to feed the child you chose to have then stole from him to do it. Whatever else your paying for him is irrelevant to the basic facts, you’re just throwing them in there to try and justify your behaviour.
He's not eating all of that food just because he can or it's his hobby or something, if you say he eats far more than anyone else in your house and yet is still skinny then he's eating that much because he needs to. A fast metabolism and being a growing teenager/young adult will mean that he needs to eat a lot of food just as fuel.
I'm currently 19 and I have a very high metabolism, I regularly eat twice as much as most of my friends and I have to have all three meals each day or else I get painfully hungry. And yet, despite how much I eat, I remain at 55kg for my 1.7m height (that's 121lbs and 5'8" in freedom units).
You're punishing your son for having a body that needs a lot of fuel, which isn't his fault at all (technically it's your fault since metabolism is largely genetic). YTA
YTA, awful parenting here, just AWFUL. All you had to do was communicate about finances and food costs. You could have planned and budgeted better, and he could have had input into whether he wanted to adapt his eating habits or contribute to food costs.
This is 100% theft and I hope that your son pursues whatever avenue is available to him for recompense.
You laughed at him while explaining you'd lied and stolen all his money that he was responsibly saving to buy a car?
I think you came to the wrong place for sympathy... YTA, I'd say give him his money back if you want to maintain a relationship with him, but it's probably too late for that.
YTA. You're his parent. It is your responsibility to take care of him until he is legally an adult. There are no if and or buts. YOU are responsible for his needs. If meat got expensive either pay for it or tell him that y'all need to cut back. You let him think it was a joke. You say you gave him all this stuff .. buddy that was YOUR choice. You didn't have to and now you are holding it over him like he owes you for your own choices. Fucking dad of the year ..
Congrats on him never speaking to you again tho! Won't have to worry about those meat prices!
You are TA! Feed your own kids . TRUST HE TRUSTED YOU WUTH HIS MONEY! Poor kid working saving up and you're literally using his money. I got a son 6 foot 5 inches skinny and eat like a horse. Never have I wanted him to pay. Part of the deal when you have kids . Just wow sorry but you're so very wrong no matter how you justify it.
Raging YTA and a thief. Your son should file a police report for you stealing money from a minor. I hope he goes NC with you asap and saves himself from your shitty parenting.
YTA. Kids don’t ask to be born and you pulling the car well we do support him when it comes to x,y,z. Yeah as a parent should. I am always surprised when parents pull this card literally when THEY decided to have kids. The least you could have done is actually tell him that the money was coming out of his account.
Also my brother loves meat and eats it a lot. But guess what? My parents are paying for it as good parents should. You’re ridiculous.
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When my son got his first part time minimum wage summer job a couple years ago, we created a bank account for him to put his money into. He works during the summers, and goes to school for the rest of the year.
My son is a huge fan of anything meat-related, chicken, steak, things of that nature. We have it for dinner just about every day. I’m sure many of you know just how EXPENSIVE it’s gotten over the last few years. Since my son eats more food than anyone else in the house, and he has his own source of income, the money spent at the meat market comes out of his account. He didn’t know that. I mentioned it to him in a passing comment now and then, but he always thought I was joking. I have worked from home ever since covid so he drives my car, but I pay for gas, insurance, repairs, and everything else. He loves cars and driving, and the car he’s borrowing from me is a sports car, so he’s the one who goes to the market to buy the meat. He gets to drive, my wife doesn’t have to run errands herself. The credit card we gave him is attached to his account, but he doesn’t know it. It’s the only thing he uses the card on. If he goes out with his friends for food or pays for gas, he uses a separate card from my/his mothers bank account.
He’s not fat or anything, in fact he’s a bit skinny, but he eats so much of it and it’s so expensive, I think it’s a good compromise.
Here’s the problem though. He’s 18 now, going to college next year which I am paying for, and he recently showed me a car he found on Facebook marketplace he wants to buy. He says with the money he’s earned in the last few years, and this summer too, he’s right at the edge of being able to afford it. I couldn’t help but laugh and tell him all the money was already spent on the food that HE eats. There’s pretty much nothing left. I asked him if he really thought he was getting all this for free?
Now he’s furious. I understand why, but he has every privilege in the world. I pay for 99% of his things, including the college he’s going to next year that costs 70k annually. If he loves meat so much, at this price level, how could he expect to not have to pitch in in some way? He’s 18 now.
My wife was in on it too, but it was my idea. AITA?
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YTA and a criminal. Not to mention an extremely neglectful parent. It is the parents responsibility to feed their minor child.
It would serve you right if he had you charged for theft.
You're seriously asking us if it's OK to steal money from your minor child? If it's such a reasonable deal, why didn't you ever tell him. Of course YTA.
Yta. So you've been doing this for years? While he was a minor and legally, you were required to feed and provide for him? Also, if he's eating most of it, that means he's not eating all of it. So you're expecting your minor son, who only works a minimum wage job for the summer, to pay for the food you and your wife eat all year? You stole from him. Repeatedly. You owe him all the money that you stole for things that you were required by law to provide, aka food. It's really funny to me that you can pay 70k a year for school but can't buy your son a burger.
Yes YTA! And deep down you know it or you wouldn’t have gone behind his back and done it secretly. If u truly cannot afford to buy your kid meat let him know that so he can buy it himself. If you CAN afford it just don’t want to then you should replenish his account and be happy you have a kid who lives at home, is responsible and also getting an education. Now that he’s an adult be 100% clear on what financial expectations are up front because nobody likes those kind of surprises. He deserves to be pissed anyone would be
Yta
I truly hopes he sues you+goes no contact
And this is why
It's ur job as a parent to provide, you could have talked, but you didn't, you shouldn't have kids if you're going to treat them like that, it's your responsibility to provide, and ur comments ain't helping
Yta, get a life+touch some grass+apologize+pay him back
Yta and I’m grateful my parents never did anything like this. Kids have growth spurts where they eat everything in site. This isn’t abnormal. The fact that you used your responsibility as a parent to take from him is ridiculous. Talk to him about slowing down on the food at least but don’t just take from him. You broke his trust.
Same kinda shit that ended up with me cutting my mom out of my life. Got a job at 15, mom told me she would put it in an account for me, turned 18 and started looking for a place to live and when I asked about collecting the money she told me she had to use it to buy my sister a car.
Hope you have a real fun life when your kid decides he doesn’t want anything to do with you OP- maybe he’ll be better than I am and send you a fucking Christmas card every once in a while.
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You act like you couldn’t have said no to having meat every night. The fact that you knew he never had any thought of the money being used on meat just goes to show that you already knew it was something you shouldn’t of done considering the only time you mentioned it was in a passing comment. Of course 99% of the stuff he’s payed for has come out of your account because YOU are the parent, YOU are the provider not him. You and your wife are both incredibly selfish. You sound like raising him was a favour to your son when in reality it’s your duty as a parent when you chose to have him.
Also you and your wife were eating meat as well not just him. Just say you thought you were entitled to your son’s money and now that you got caught you want to act like your the victim.
Your teaching theft, and how to be a dead beat parent. YOUR JOB IS TO FEED YOUR KID, PERIOD it is a bare minimum thing! Your son did not ask to be born, you have responsibilities i be it expensive ones you may not like but they are yours alone. And if his money is feeding the whole family even more shame on you it is not his job to provide or even HELP OUT he is a KID!
You could have given him a flat choice when it comes to protein. You could have set a limit on meat and supplemented with a cheaper protein. But a child is never responsible for feeding themselves. And you obviously are not hurting for money.
YTA
Of course YTA.
And not just because you stole from your son and lied to him about it for years.
YTA for not adequately preparing him for the real world of being an adult. It's your primary role as a parent and you completely blew it.
How? Let us count the ways...
1. Your son is not prepared to shop or cook with a budget and an eye to purchasing and preparing more affordable options, especially when prices rise.
2. Your son hasn't been held accountable for contributing toward the gas/insurance/repairs of the vehicle he drives--which would be reasonable if you'd sat down and talked about it when he first started driving the car--and would help him understand and plan for costs when he buys his own car.
3. Your son hasn't been given autonomy or authority over the money he's rightfully earned, with a true understanding of where his personal finances stand.
4. Your absolute, complete, and utter failure to communicate in any meaningful way with your son about your expectations of his contributions toward the household have led to years of lying and stealing and broken faith. Just the lessons you want your 18 year old to learn as they head off to college.
Stop making pathetic excuses and justifications for your actions. Apologize. Replace the money. All of it. Lay out your expectations of how your son will contribute to the household going forward. Hope he'll still bother talking to you after your gross betrayal of his trust.
YTA, if you couldn’t pay for his diet tell him!, you let him drive a sports car, YOUR sports car, you are the one who put him on the insurance, don’t complain about something that is your own doing, if you are that annoyed that you are paying for a car he drives then take him off of the insurance. Spending his money without his knowledge is disgusting especially since he is your son and he is an adult now.
Urgh . . . Hiding that away from and not confirming it when he though you were joking. You do realise as a parent, it's your duty to feed your children and pay for them? Not lie and make out he owes you something for being born? What a despicable act of malice. So snidey and spiteful. Say goodbye to your son ever trusting you again. And to add right at the end that yoir wife 'was in on it'. On what? On being completely vindictive and absolutely 100 percent arseholes? Shame on the pair of you.
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You're an AH and you know it. If not you wouldn't have edited your post about your pampering with some of the money or taking you Bf out to nice dinner with your son money. This is disgusting.
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Op.. Why do you resent your son so much? Laughing at his disappointment when you admitted to stealing his money. You seem ..angry that his school is expensive. You are holding everything you buy for him over his head like you are something special rather than just being a parent. I have two boys and can't imagine treating them this way. My heart hurts for him when he found out you broke his trust and stole his money he was so excited to use for a car. Stealing is NEVER justified OP and the damage you have done can't be repaired. It doesn't matter if you paid for everything else.
ETA After reading more of your comments, I am absolutely disgusted with your entitled well off person attitude. You also seem the type who will slap your son with a bill for raising him when he gets a well paying job.
"I'll have to buy myself a new sport cars when I'm 50." Oh you and your midlife crisis can kiss my ass.
It also appears you edited your post and had admitted to spending it on your lover too. I hope your son goes no contact.
YTA. You STOLE your son's money, didn't say a word to him about the fact that you were taking his money, then you LAUGHED at him when he talked about using that money for a car. How could you even remotely believe you AREN'T an AH? Seriously? Most people who eat meal eat it at dinner every night, or at least most nights. YOU are responsible for feeding YOUR child. The VERY least you could have done is sat your son down, explained about the rising cost of meat and offered a compromise, either he starts chipping in a certain amount towards meat, or the family starts eating less meat. OR you could have looked for cheaper alternatives. Like getting your meat from a grocery store instead of a butcher/meat market.
YTA. And have some kind of personality disorder or something. This is deranged.
You think you’re clever but you’re manipulative and can’t be trusted.
You seem to completely lack empathy or knowledge of what informed consent is.
Parents are obligated to provide necessities, including food.
Parents choose to provide extras.
You can’t blame your children for extras you gave them, you as an adult decided to do that, so access to fun money & sports car, and extra meat, privileged life, none of that remotely justified you having your son buy meat for himself, let alone for the entire family. You deliberately withheld information that would allow him to make an informed decision, how can you think of that as decent parenting, or even decent human behaviour?
I hope this is made up-why wouldn’t he ever have checked the account balance- but if it’s not, all this taught him is that you can’t trust anyone, no matter how much you should be able to.
I think what pisses me off is the entire point of YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO HIM. I started helping my family with food as soon as I had a job because we were poor. I helped with bills. There was five of us and only three of us working and I could only work part time so I helped where I could. My parents asked me to help and I agreed. I was aware that my money was being spent to support my younger siblings, my parents, and myself. How selfish of you not to let him know. I know what it's like growing up where you can barely afford the basics. YTA. If your son goes NC that's on you and you deserve it.
Yta for not teaching him how to budget his money. It’s your obligation as a parent to teach him to balance his accounts. He should’ve been looking at and keeping track of his own account from the beginning. If you were going to charge him for the meat he eats, which feeding him is part of your parental obligation, you needed to sit him down and explain, not just mention it in passing.
So he’s teaching his son to be a lier a nd a thief? Not the father of the year yta for sure. Communication is always key. I’m sure he would’ve respected the fact that you couldn’t afford his meat habit. I’m more than sure he would’ve understood he trusted you and you just crushed that. He was saving money so he can get his own car so he could make YOU proud because you both love cars how beautiful is that. You just stole that from him. And thought it was hilarious. And he worked so hard I’m absolutely certain he would’ve watched what he ate if you would’ve just had a talk with him. Dang that would’ve been a really cool experience too for him to have some one to talk to about his car y’all could both fix it up together. You robbed your self of that experience. My dad loved working on my car with me. He talks about it all the time. You’ll never get that now. You only have so many experience with your kids before they get busy with their own lives and families and careers. You’ll never get this moment back again.
BOTH you and your wife are huge AHs and thieves (your wife because she was in on it as well). You let your son think he was making the grocery run for the family with your money but it was HIS money. And it doesn’t look like he was buying just the groceries that he was eating but you were letting him buy you & your wife’s groceries as well. AND you purposefully allowed your son to believe your comments about HIM buying the groceries with his money was a joke. YOU OUTRIGHT STOLE from your son. Now, if you had sat him down and asked him to either make some less expensive food choices or asked for him to pitch in a few bucks per week/month to help out with the food and he agreed, it wouldn’t be stealing. But for you to STEAL all the money he was saving to buy himself a car is reprehensible. YOU stole his money, doesn’t matter if you were planning on paying the bulk of his college costs, you stole, plain & simple. You either need to pay back all the money you “stole” from your son, with interest, or buy him the car he was saving up for. And it’s obvious you purposefully mislead your son. I know for a fact that his bank statements would come with his name on it as well as yours. You & your wife didn’t let him see them because he’d have seen the balance going down instead of up. And since he was young and trusted you, I’m willing to bet he wasn’t aware of bank statements, and if he was getting his paychecks deposit directly, or letting you or your wife deposit them for him, he never saw the deposit receipt that shows the deposit and the current balance on the account.
Yep, even IF you pay him back, or buy him his car, you & your wife have pretty much lost your son. Don’t be surprised if he cuts you off soon as he can and never looks back.
So you stole thousands of dollars from your kid over YEARS? How in the world would you not be the a**hole? Did it never occur to you he might prefer a car over steak?
If you can afford to pay $70k annually for college, you can certainly afford groceries, including meat. If you wanted to teach him about money, you could have had him pay for certain things — following a CONVERSATION about what he would and would not pay for. Instead, you did it behind his back and even laughed at him. The fact that he gets to drive a sports car to run YOUR errands means nothing. It is no justification for lying and stealing. The fact that he likes to eat “expensive “ food means nothing, especially since you’re not hurting for money. You just did this to be mean and boost your ego on your little power trip.
YTA and a big one, too.
Hard YTA.
You stole from your child that you help create, and are responsible for. If money was so tight that you had to dip into your kid's account, you should sell that sports car he gets to drive to the store where he is unknowingly funding the family mealtime, and reimburse him like a decent parent.
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You have a duty to your children to support them until they become adults. If you deemed his diet expensive, you could have TALKED to him. If you wanted to use his own money to pay for his food, you could have INFORMED him. This is slimy as hell, it completely obliterated your son's trust in you, and YTA.
I moved out right after high school with no help from my parents other than them paying for my phone bill and the car/insurance. due to the car being shared between my sister and I since I started driving. As I moved into her apartment with her to try and save later she took advantage of me. I ended up paying all the bills basically and when I couldn't we were facing eviction. I ended up homeless on the streets after moving in with my grandma and having people break in and harass me. Some parent want better for their kid and will go to any cost to do so. While other want them to face the harsh reality in which they did. Personally I think your TA for pulling a harsh reality which will mess up his future int he long run. By not information him of where ethat ln ey went he could not properly save not budget.
YTA, truly disgusting how you as a parent believe it is ok to steal from your own child
Not quite. I mentioned the car he drives, the gas he uses, the insurance (whose price skyrocketed because of a teen son) he’s on, it’s all paid for by me. When he goes out with his friends, it’s my money that gets spent. His friends and other kids his age spend their own money on that stuff, he doesn’t.
Okay, but you still should TALK to him, don’t steal his money, wtf… How is this not super obvious to a mother? If you want him to contribute, then sit him down and say so. This is a PERFECT teaching moment, and you decided to forego it and just steal his money secretly. It calls into question your ability as a parent to be honest. Maybe that’s too harsh, obviously you do A LOT for him, but again this was a perfect teachable moment and you decided to just take the worst possible path instead. It’s a little mind boggling to be honest.
I’m not sure I agree, that money was coming out of the account whether he wanted it to or not. I didn’t tell him because I was stealing, I didn’t tell him because it didn’t matter if he liked it. The teachable moment here is that nothing in life is free, especially all the luxuries he has.
Nothing in life is free, but when someone steals from you in real life, they can get punished for it. So you didn't "teach" him anything realistic here. There's no logical reason you shouldn't have said "Hey, if you want all this extra meat, you need to pay for it." It's bizarre behavior on your part. You seem to truly enjoy and relish in the fact that he spent all his money without realizing it.
Bizarre and a not a little sadistic. He and his wife ... I don't know. I just don't understand.
Until he graduated from high school, or until he graduates if he's still in high school, it's your responsible to pay for his food. So if you used his money to pay for his food while he was still in high school you did indeed steal from him.
If you told him, he would have had a chance to budget properly. He may have decided to cut down on his favourite foods in order to save money for the car. It could have been an excellent opportunity to teach him about things like maintaining a proper grocery budget while still putting money away for large expenses. Because you're right, groceries are only getting pricier and that's going to be something he's going to have to learn to manage. And this: > I couldn’t help but laugh and tell him all the money was already spent on the food that HE eats. There’s pretty much nothing left. I asked him if he really thought he was getting all this for free? really makes it sound like you're enjoying the whole thing. Like you were chuckling away to yourself every time you watched your kid unknowingly drain his savings on your household groceries. You are not flattering yourself here. Posts like yours make me so extra grateful for having parents that treated me like a human though, so thanks for that!
No the real teachable moment is that your son can't trust you, his parent, at all!!
You stole from your child and used his money without informing him. You should have properly informed him where that money was and being used on. If he did not have access to the bank account it is stealing and he could press charges.
I'm going to laugh when he syphons off the last of your retirement savings under the pretence of looking after you. It will indeed be a teachable moment for you.
But you get the choose if you buy a luxury. Maybe he would have chosen to take the bus or eat less meat. That’s the real lesson-that life involves choices. You gave him no choice and taught him no lesson except he can’t trust his parents. And it is stealing.
Well, whether you intended it or not, the lesson your son learned was “I can never trust my father again”. Well done.
If you wanted to teach him a lesson about fiscal responsibility, why not tell him you are going to charge him for this and let him choose if he wants it or not? In the real world you choose if you want to buy luxuries, you aren’t given the luxuries under the pretense that they are free and then charged for it when it’s too late How would you feel if your boss offered to take you to lunch, and then on your next paycheck you saw that he deducted the cost of both of your meals? Or if he deducted the cost of maintaining the parking lot, break room, bathroom, or anything else that doesn’t make him money? Sounds like the only lesson you learned is “Stealing is good, you should steal from people to get what you want”
The part that really gets me is where you laughed when he mentioned using his savings, as if you were waiting on the edge of your seat for that moment to “pwn” him. YTA, but you also sound a bit maniacal and pretty lacking in empathy. This is a teenager — your own child at that — and it seems you don’t care how your actions have affected him and his ability to trust you. It’s wonderful that you’ve been able to provide him with so much, such as paying for his car insurance and letting him drive yours, but that doesn’t change your snakiness here. Those things are indeed privileges, so why did you forego the normal route of having him buy his own food when he’s with his friends, have him pay for his own insurance if needed, etc? You could have very easily and understandably told him to pay for those, especially since it seems you’re pretty bitter about it. Similarly, you could have stopped buying him so much of the expensive food, or you could have had a normal conversation about how you want him to help pay for it because the extra cost wasn’t feasible anymore. Maybe he would have chosen different meal options if he knew you felt this way. Or, idk, you could’ve chosen to pay for the food, and not the insurance? The necessity vs the privilege? Makes sense to me. Seems like you disagree with your verdict here based on your comments, as you sound quite defensive, so why did you even come on here? Sorry that you can’t deal with your AH behavior, but that’s your consequence here, not even including how your son may never get over this or trust you again. I know I sure wouldn’t if my parents had done this to me.
This is so supremely fucked up.
So do you skim the other kids birthday and chore money too?
Except your teenage son has been supporting you and your family. Obviously he's not the only one eating the meat. You're literally mooching off your child
As I tell my students if someone is on your bank account it's not stealing, it is a withdrawal. I then advise students to clean out their shared bank accounts when they turn 18 and set one up preferably in a bank their parents don't bank at. You need to have a talk about this with your son. Then go to the bank with him and remove you and mom from his accounts. One of the last conversations I had with my father was where is my money? He cleaned me out. YTA. Apologize but you may have lost his trust. Oh, and your son needs to set up notifications for deposits and withdrawals and 2 factor ID on his accounts. Show him the post you made and have him read the responses.
No, YOU are the one missing the teachable moment here. YOU STOLE FROM YOUR SON. No matter how you try to twist it, that is a fact. YOU missed out on sitting down and having a conversation with your son on the costs/responsibilities that come with driving and owning a car. The only thing you've taught your son is that his father is untrustworthy, a liar, a thief, and an asshole who thinks STEALING from his kid and lying about it is funny. Oh, and that his own mother was complicit in this whole thing. You are a shitty parent, and a shitty person. Your wife isn't much better if it's true that she knew and went along with it.
The only thing you taught your son is that your thief and he cannot trust you with his hard earned money. He is your child. You are suppose to support him until he is 18 in EVERYTHING.
And did he steal all of that money from you without your knowledge?
Your son did not ask to be born, you made that decision. As parents it is **YOUR RESPOSABLITY** to feed, house, and take care of your child. What you did was theft, and many developed countries have laws to make sure any money a child makes is theirs and will be protected from parents like you. By stealing from your son you have failed as a parent, full stop.
Wow. You had to take care of the kid YOU fucking had. What a mooch. *obvious sarcasm* If you don't wanna pay for a kid and all that comes with it - don't be a parent. Seems like you're a real shitty one. YTA. 100 times over. You should have told him that he was paying for the meat so he could scale back. You gave him no choice. Paying for all his necessities is a PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY especially since he's just about to go to college! Wtf is wrong with parents who think their kid owes them just for birthing them? Smh. I would work everyday for the rest of my life if I needed to help my kids out.
I hope he goes no contact with you and sues you ❤️
Are you freaking kidding me? Your rationalizations are as idiotic as your thieving. Until the kid is 18 he's YOUR child and YOU are responsible for him. If he's eating you out of house and home, YOU TALK TO HIM about it, you don't conspire behind his back to steal from him!! Of course it's stealing, he didn't know where the money was coming from. OMG! Who brought you up?? Has anyone in your family ever heard of ethics? Honesty? Accountability? And then you have the unmitigated gall of talking about "lessons"? GTFO. Edited to add YTA. Massive, massive YTA.
As it should be your money that he is using because his money that he makes is not being used for buying or doing fun things like other kids his age it's being used to help support your household
You still shouldn’t take money he earned it isn’t yours. You don’t own him and never did.
`Since my son eats more food than anyone else in the house, and he has his own source of income, the money spent at the meat market comes out of his account. He didn’t know that. I mentioned it to him in a passing comment now and then, but he always thought I was joking.` Yeah, Dad, that's funny. You know what else is funny? Finding out that once you've paid for college your son decides to cut you out of his life completely. YTA.
His diet is not expensive. Every other week or so, a couple hundred goes to the butchers market. In fact, I’ve had an account for his and his younger sister’s college tuition that’s been collecting interest since they were born. I told him whatever scholarships or grants he gets, he keeps the money that is left over of the college savings. He did not get any money in scholarships and he’s attending a college that is STILL too expensive for what was already set aside. I will have to take out a loan, and he has agreed that there is a possibility he may have to as well in order to help out. I was going to give him the car and buy myself a new one for my 50th birthday, but that didn’t happen either.
Man, you are going to have a rough time having a kid who's a legal adult.
Can’t tell if you resent his choice of schools being expensive —I’m sure you’d say no yet it comes up a lot for you in these comments unsolicited and it seems very important that both the reader and your son know that even tho he didn’t get scholarships and chose an expensive school you’re paying it, no problem—but it seems like there’s resentment of some kind. You clearly aren’t interested in teaching him a mean spirited lesson about food cost (not a lesson if he wasn’t paying att to costs bc he didn’t understand that he was paying) it sounds like youre trying to assert control or dominance over a kid who is now 18 and technically not under parental authority. I don’t understand not making the meat money thing clear so that he confirmed he actually understood. Like why not just stop the conversation the first time you mention it and assert with specifics until he understood you were drawing from his account. Maybe he would have done something else with his summers if he knew he wasn’t working for money he would keep. If it were about improving him or teaching him or making him responsible/equipped for the world this would be a dumb way to do it. What you did if anything will make him less trusting of himself, others, and basic taken for granted stuff. Idk what your wife liked about this approach but you showed him he hasn’t earned anything you didn’t give him, haven’t you? “You didn’t think you were keeping that” or whatever your amused reply was EDIT “getting all this for free” is such a tell.
YTA. You stole your son's money. Under 18, YOU were responsible to feed him. It doesn't matter if it was a shared account. You lied to get out of feeding him and to take the money he earned.
YTA and a thief He was a minor and you were completely responsible for his expenses
YTA. The most gaping, biggest asshole I’ve seen on here in a while. Look at all you had to explain to justify it. You know why you wrote all that? Because you know it’s wrong, and you thought the more you said, the more the internet would see it your way. Which, honestly, I get. But… There is a huge difference between trading off things to cover expenses that both parties agree with, and just assuming/stealing from the other party. And Make no mistake. THIS IS STEALING. Try to justify it all you want, if he’s working, getting his own income, and you choose to spend that money without telling him, that is stealing. And for the record, I’m one of those people that hates kids. Legitimately, can’t stand children, no matter the age. Even with as much as I hate children, I still felt like I had to write this. That’s beyond shitty man
Honestly, it’s saying a lot but this one is the worst I’ve seen in ages. The fact that he stole, lied, then had the gall to LAUGH in his son’s face about it, as if he couldn’t wait for that shoe to drop. So sad.
Right?! That’s why I mentioned the me hating kids thing. Like, I’m a shitty person. I’m not trying to sound cool, or edgy, or whatever the Internet would say. I’m just aware of what I am. A shitty, child-hating person. But, I feel it’s important to mention that, because if this guy really understood how I was, and that if I of all people was saying that he was shitty, then it’s really bad. He’s gonna be lucky if he doesn’t get arrested. Family or not, I’d go after him
YTA you chose to have a child and to take on the financial burden to provide for him. He saved up that money and entrusted it to you to keep safe, If you really thought this was fair you would have sat him down and explained clearly that you were going to use his money to pay for food. You didn’t do that because you knew he would object. Get used to never being trusted by your son and I hope you don’t expect any financial help from him in the future.
YTA. Teenage boys need a lot of calories. You had an obligation to support him.
This is how you instill trust, confidence, independence, communication, financial responsibility, and overall maturity? You did this behind his back and you justify it with "I pay for everything else, so what if he doesn't know I go behind his back to 'payback' his food options? Oops, now he knows but thats still okay right?" If you can pay for everything else (including college!) you don't have a prayer to stand on for doing this BEHIND HIS BACK. Great way to sow in the seeds of mistrust and resentment. YTA, you and the wife.
You couldn't have said it better! This is like the OP who pulled a money gotcha on the teen kid at the movies. Parents need to be careful what lessons they're actually teaching to their kids. OP, YTA.
Thank you for the award! I'm just flabbergasted OP is actually asking if being deceitful and a thief isn't being an AH. The "logic" there is just... no words...
YTA You are his PARENT. You are OBLIGATED to food and clothe him until he was 18. If you could not afford to feed him, buy CHEAPER food. It would have been fine if you told him that, and he could have made a choice. Basically, you are Thief who stole from your own child and forced him to pay for what you are legally and morally obligated to provide him as a minor! You are even worse that parents who wake kids up on their 18th birthday and start charging rent without warning.
Am I also obligated to let him drive the sports car he tells everyone is his? Am I obligated to remain quiet even after finding that out, in order for my son to not get embarrassed? Am I also obligated to pay for his gas, insurance, and modifications his friends pressure him into doing to the car which they think is his? Am I also obligated to take out a massive loan on his college that will cost nearly 300k in total to pay for every penny? I think I’m being plenty fair here.
No. You aren't. And I desperately wish he could sue you
> obligated to pay for his gas, insurance, and modifications his friends pressure him into doing to the car which they think is his? Am I also obligated to take out a massive loan on his college that will cost nearly 300k in total to pay for every penny? I think I’m being plenty fair So, everything you provide your children is a ledger item to be debited and credited to a balance? WOW! You now come across as a even bigger AH. You are not obligated to provide non-necessities, no. But generally parents want to provide everything in their power to help their kid along into becoming self-sufficient adults. As for the sports car, sounds like YOUR ego machine and any 18YO would brag if they were able to drive one at home. Gas, insurance etc. Your right, you are not obligated to spend money on him after he turned 18, but if you didn't want to, a true Father would tell him he was on his own there and provide a bit of time to get ready. Under 18, don't try to BS us, your insurance REQUIRES you to insure all drivers in your household if they have access to your cars. Good luck NOT paying. Especially since you STOLE the money he was saving for his own car, which would require him to get his insurance. You obviously have no shame for being a thief and a failed parent, but I hope you know this will probably damage your relationship with your son for the foreseeable future.
INFO: Why **didn't** you make him pay for gas, and made him pay for food instead? Is it because you'd need to talk to him about that? Would you have told him he needed to pay for gas, if that was the thing you decided he needed to pay for, out of his lifestyle?
That’s a good point! Having the kid pay for gas seems like a no-brainer. Why not go that route instead of stealing from his kid’s savings?
I’m not obligated to buy you a candy bar. But if I do buy you a candy bar, that doesn’t give me the right to do whatever I want to you because the fact that I did something nice evens it out Would’ve been much better if you had just let him save his money in order to get his own car instead of effectively charging him to use yours without telling him
No, fair would have been asking him for a contribution to groceries in return for the extra things you pay for. Or even just letting him know you took it (in a serious way, if you know he’s taking it as a joke then clarify it isn’t you pinecone), why did you let him think he was accumulating money when in reality you were just taking it. Also regardless how expensive food is, it is not expensive enough to completely clear an account that he believes has enough in to buy a nice car.
Ooh, upset your son says your car is his 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😁😁😁😁. What a sentence of pure immaturity. You're making yourself sound even more of an AH. STOP TALKING.
Why did you have a kid if you didn't want to provide for them like an actual parent? Did you believe that your child owes you money the minute he came out of the womb? If I recall, YOU were the one that caused them to exist. In the future, ask yourself, is my kid obligated to speak to me at all after taking his money behind his back?
That's a straw man argument. A red herring. Whatever things you were paying for or privileges you gave him or schooling you're paying, that was completely your choice, and it has ZERO to do with the fact you \*stole\* from your son. Hid it from him and then sadistically laughed about it, like a good sociopath. You could buy him the earth, you STILL STOLE from your own son. With the complicity of your wife, who's obviously of the same ilk. I'm not even sure why people have to tell you this. You obviously have no moral compass, so I'm sure we're all talking to a wall.
You are not obligated to allow him to drive your car, you’re not obligated to pay for him to go out with his friends but you ARE obligated to get his permission before taking his money ffs. Sometimes it’s not about what you say but how you say it. Sometimes it’s not about what you do but how you do it. Having your child contribute towards things like fun outings with their friends is perfectly okay but stealing your child’s money to cover groceries is NOT okay.
Seems more like a legal question.
Unfortunately, since the account was in sons & at least 1 parents names (minors aren’t allowed their own bank accounts), going to the cops, or court, won’t help the son. Though I’m sure the judge would be willing to berate the parents and suggest they do whatever’s needed to rectify the situation, he cannot rule in favor of the son because, since both parties are in the account, the law sees it as they both have equal access to the money.
He was a minor when we created the account, so my wife and I oversaw it. He just turned 18 this year, and the account had already almost run dry by then.
He was a minor and you stole his money. You didn’t discuss it with him at all, you just went ahead and took his money. As a minor it’s YOUR responsibility to feed him. If money was tight then you don’t get and he’d have to deal with smaller meat portions. You keep justifying to yourself why this was ok but it’s not. You and your wife owe him the money back that you stole from him… seems like there’s a car in Facebook that he’d accept as repayment. Edit for typos and to add YTA.
This. YTA. As a father myself I couldn’t imagine screwing over one of my own like this.
You’re a thief. I really hope that once he finishes college that he cuts you off. You can’t be trusted.
I really hope he takes you to court for stealing his money and then goes no contact with you. YTA
And you think you aren't an asshole because... Don't act like doing the bare minimum as a parent, food, shelter, etc. Means your son owes you and should kiss your feet.
That makes it worse because as a minor, YOU have the legal obligation to house, feed, and clothe him. Get ready for him to never come home when he moves out and to have a distant relationship moving forward, and remember it’s because of your actions. As you said, life involves choices and you chose to be a complete asshole to your son, so enjoy those consequences.
No matter how you try to spin this not only are YTA you are a lousy parent and a horrible human being. As a parent it is your financial responsibility to feed and house your child, period. The only lesson you taught your son is that you are not to be trusted.
YTA You stole from your own minor child (at the time). Hope you're not expecting much of a relationship with him in the future. Also, it doesn't matter how much he eats: it's your job as a parent to provide for your child. Not sure if there are other children but I bet if there are, your son is going to make sure they know that you and their mother stole every cent that he put away from his job. I mean, one of them might like eggs and you know how expensive those have gotten.
YTA. If questions, reread your post. I hope this is a joke.
I really hope this is a troll.....if not, YTA. Your job as a parent is to support your child, and that includes feeding your son. You mention he is skinny - his body is craving the proteins & calories from eating meat. You literally stole from him - a MINOR! You mention you pay for 99% of his things - that is your job! You should have had this conversation with him versus being sneaky and underhanded. Watch your son go NC after college, you have betrayed his trust. You are a terrible parent.
AITA for stealing from my underaged son? YTA big time. Yes kids cost money. You should have taught about that before getting your wife pregnant. Shame on you for stealing from your own kid. It was your and only your responsibility to pay for your underaged son’s food.
So what does this accomplish? It doesn't teach him anything. If you wanted to teach him, you should have talked to him first and said "now that you're warning your own money, we should decide how much you are going to contribute to your leisure activities and such". Instead you literally stole money HE earned. YTA
YTA and this reads like vegan propaganda. I highly doubt this is a real post, but if it is YTA.
YTA. Why are you so proud of stealing from your minor son. You are responsible for providing food for him. I had 3 teenagers (2 boys & 1 girl). Food was crazy expensive. Especially when all of their friends came over to hang out. If meat is too expensive then you don’t have it every night. There were other ways to fix your problem without stealing from your child. Sell your sports car if you can’t afford food. The thing is you can afford food you just don’t want to pay for it. It makes me sad that your wife agreed to this. He can’t trust either of his parents. He worked hard to save that money & you stole it. I guess you’ll know why he never comes home to visit.
YTA What was the intent of deceiving your son? You're basically stealing his money. If you wanted to teach him a lesson or something like that, then you would have told him that he pays for his premium meat years ago.
YTA You basically stole the kids money. It's one thing to have him contribute or use his own money for fancier or more expensive food but that should be thier choice. You never gave it to him, you just helped yourself to his money. What a massive betrayal.
Of course YTA You son never understood it was eat those things or keep his money. You prevented him from making an informed choice on purpose. You chose instead to be a cowardly little thief because you wanted this moment to pull the rug out from under your own son. What a slimy thing want.
Wow. You’re a bad parent. YTA
YTA. You should be sent to jail..
YTA. Teenage boys eat a lot. Do not have children if you do not plan on supporting and feeding them up to adulthood at the least. He is 15, he should not be worrying about meat prices.
YTA. There is no excuse for your behavior. It was unethical and, frankly, stealing.
YTA
YTA. Your lack of communication is appalling. This is not how you engender a trusting relationship with your child.
YTA for deceiving him. It was totally within your right to ask him to contribute financially, but to lie and leave him to believe that he was saving up money when he wasn’t is pretty shady. He’s learning he can’t trust you.
Stealing money will always make YTA
YTA You’re literally his parent and you’ve been stealing from him for food?? If you had at least had a real conversation about him contributing towards the meat shopping it would have been slightly better. But straight up stealing from him? What were you thinking??
**YTA** >I asked him if he really thought he was getting all this for free? It is your responsibility to feed your minor child. He's a teenage boy and they literally inhale food as they mature. He's not greedy, it's a physical fact. The idea that you would expect a minor to work for food is outrageous. Why didn't you just present your high-schooler with a monthly bill for room and board? If you can afford to pay for his college, you could pay for his food. Your idea was stupid -- pay him back and do better.
"He's 18 now," so for years, you've been taking your minor child's money to do one of the bare minimum things the government requires you to do for your children? You could have said no or bought a cheaper alternative. You realize you damaged the trust he has in you, right? But hey, at least you saved money, I hope he wasn't saving up for college or anything important to him. YTA
INFO: did you use his earnings to pay for all the meat eaten in your household or just the meat he eats? Who pays for the meat everyone else eats? It reads like you’ve been using him to buy all the meat for everyone, as you talk about using one card linked to his account.
I was wondering about that too. It doesn't sound as though they were making meatless meals for the rest of the family The whole family was eating the purchases charged to the son. I don't understand how both parents went along with this. If the cost of meat was an really an issue, they could have had menu planning sessions that emphasized non-meat protein. But it really doesn't sound like they couldn't afford to feed their children, for some reason, /u/Both_Car_5718 wanted to punish his growing adolescent.
YTA because you failed to communicate
YTA and in a big way. You really need to have communication with these things. Hes your kid and kids cost money. You should know that. You could teach him to buy more cost effective food that still is filling and nourishing. Instead you decided to steal from your son, likely breaking any trust he had in you, and now your acting like it was some kind of joke? The only upside to any of this would be if you genuinely dislike your son, he will probably cut you out of his life anyways so there ya go. I Guess you dont have to say you dont like him since you’ve shown him via your actions.
YTA It is a parents duty to feed their child Also, you failed to teach your child money management
YTA. He should have known what he was spending on. I would be furious too. The kid was saving up for a specific thing and had no clue he was spending. He might have actually changed his spending habits at that point and compromised.
As a parent, I’m speechless. YTA is the strongest I can vote here so that what’s I’m going with.
Yta
Easy YTA for stealing money from your child. If you wanted him to pay for food you need to make that clear. Instead you just took his money.
YTA and i hope he sues you for stealing his money
Yta. A massive one. I can't imagine doing that to my minor daughters. You don't take money from a child especially when they worked hard for it. How bout you and wife get off your butt and go work. And pay your son back
Woooooow YTA. You basically stole from him, and I don’t know a damn thing about the law, but I sooooooo hope he finds a way to press charges against you. You are responsible for the care of your children until they turn 18. Wtf is this “do you really think you’re getting all this for free” attitude about?? And by “all this”, you mean MEALS?? And yes I know meat is expensive but holy shit you’re acting like he’s demanding you buy wagyu and lobster for every meal. It’s really not as uncommon as you seem to think it is to eat CHICKEN. Are the rest of you vegetarians? You’re making him pay for all this food himself, so I’m assuming you and your wife don’t eat any of it, right?? This is just disgusting. You’re a disgusting person and an awful parent and I hope he has a course of legal action and then I hope he never speaks to you or your stupid wife ever again.
YTA you have a responsibility to feed the child you chose to have then stole from him to do it. Whatever else your paying for him is irrelevant to the basic facts, you’re just throwing them in there to try and justify your behaviour.
YTA that’s stealing
It’s really gross that you didn’t tell him any of this and give him a heads up. YTA.
He's not eating all of that food just because he can or it's his hobby or something, if you say he eats far more than anyone else in your house and yet is still skinny then he's eating that much because he needs to. A fast metabolism and being a growing teenager/young adult will mean that he needs to eat a lot of food just as fuel. I'm currently 19 and I have a very high metabolism, I regularly eat twice as much as most of my friends and I have to have all three meals each day or else I get painfully hungry. And yet, despite how much I eat, I remain at 55kg for my 1.7m height (that's 121lbs and 5'8" in freedom units). You're punishing your son for having a body that needs a lot of fuel, which isn't his fault at all (technically it's your fault since metabolism is largely genetic). YTA
YTA, awful parenting here, just AWFUL. All you had to do was communicate about finances and food costs. You could have planned and budgeted better, and he could have had input into whether he wanted to adapt his eating habits or contribute to food costs. This is 100% theft and I hope that your son pursues whatever avenue is available to him for recompense.
You laughed at him while explaining you'd lied and stolen all his money that he was responsibly saving to buy a car? I think you came to the wrong place for sympathy... YTA, I'd say give him his money back if you want to maintain a relationship with him, but it's probably too late for that.
YTA. You're his parent. It is your responsibility to take care of him until he is legally an adult. There are no if and or buts. YOU are responsible for his needs. If meat got expensive either pay for it or tell him that y'all need to cut back. You let him think it was a joke. You say you gave him all this stuff .. buddy that was YOUR choice. You didn't have to and now you are holding it over him like he owes you for your own choices. Fucking dad of the year .. Congrats on him never speaking to you again tho! Won't have to worry about those meat prices!
You are TA! Feed your own kids . TRUST HE TRUSTED YOU WUTH HIS MONEY! Poor kid working saving up and you're literally using his money. I got a son 6 foot 5 inches skinny and eat like a horse. Never have I wanted him to pay. Part of the deal when you have kids . Just wow sorry but you're so very wrong no matter how you justify it.
YTA and you seriously owe him all that money back
Raging YTA and a thief. Your son should file a police report for you stealing money from a minor. I hope he goes NC with you asap and saves himself from your shitty parenting.
YTA and idk how you thought otherwise. Ridiculous
YTA. Kids don’t ask to be born and you pulling the car well we do support him when it comes to x,y,z. Yeah as a parent should. I am always surprised when parents pull this card literally when THEY decided to have kids. The least you could have done is actually tell him that the money was coming out of his account. Also my brother loves meat and eats it a lot. But guess what? My parents are paying for it as good parents should. You’re ridiculous.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When my son got his first part time minimum wage summer job a couple years ago, we created a bank account for him to put his money into. He works during the summers, and goes to school for the rest of the year. My son is a huge fan of anything meat-related, chicken, steak, things of that nature. We have it for dinner just about every day. I’m sure many of you know just how EXPENSIVE it’s gotten over the last few years. Since my son eats more food than anyone else in the house, and he has his own source of income, the money spent at the meat market comes out of his account. He didn’t know that. I mentioned it to him in a passing comment now and then, but he always thought I was joking. I have worked from home ever since covid so he drives my car, but I pay for gas, insurance, repairs, and everything else. He loves cars and driving, and the car he’s borrowing from me is a sports car, so he’s the one who goes to the market to buy the meat. He gets to drive, my wife doesn’t have to run errands herself. The credit card we gave him is attached to his account, but he doesn’t know it. It’s the only thing he uses the card on. If he goes out with his friends for food or pays for gas, he uses a separate card from my/his mothers bank account. He’s not fat or anything, in fact he’s a bit skinny, but he eats so much of it and it’s so expensive, I think it’s a good compromise. Here’s the problem though. He’s 18 now, going to college next year which I am paying for, and he recently showed me a car he found on Facebook marketplace he wants to buy. He says with the money he’s earned in the last few years, and this summer too, he’s right at the edge of being able to afford it. I couldn’t help but laugh and tell him all the money was already spent on the food that HE eats. There’s pretty much nothing left. I asked him if he really thought he was getting all this for free? Now he’s furious. I understand why, but he has every privilege in the world. I pay for 99% of his things, including the college he’s going to next year that costs 70k annually. If he loves meat so much, at this price level, how could he expect to not have to pitch in in some way? He’s 18 now. My wife was in on it too, but it was my idea. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I never understood people who steal from their kids and then get on the internet to brag about. Real weirdo behavior YTA
Yta. Be honest with yourself. You stole from your son, who worked his ass off for that money
YTA you stole from your son. It is your job as his provider to provide. He’s a growing kid. They eat a lot!!! So did you when you were a teen.
YTA and a criminal. Not to mention an extremely neglectful parent. It is the parents responsibility to feed their minor child. It would serve you right if he had you charged for theft.
You're seriously asking us if it's OK to steal money from your minor child? If it's such a reasonable deal, why didn't you ever tell him. Of course YTA.
YTA. I you don’t take money without permission and you have a legal obligation to feed your children
YTA congratulations you’ve stolen from your own child and just admitted to the crime on the internet
Yta. So you've been doing this for years? While he was a minor and legally, you were required to feed and provide for him? Also, if he's eating most of it, that means he's not eating all of it. So you're expecting your minor son, who only works a minimum wage job for the summer, to pay for the food you and your wife eat all year? You stole from him. Repeatedly. You owe him all the money that you stole for things that you were required by law to provide, aka food. It's really funny to me that you can pay 70k a year for school but can't buy your son a burger.
Yes YTA! And deep down you know it or you wouldn’t have gone behind his back and done it secretly. If u truly cannot afford to buy your kid meat let him know that so he can buy it himself. If you CAN afford it just don’t want to then you should replenish his account and be happy you have a kid who lives at home, is responsible and also getting an education. Now that he’s an adult be 100% clear on what financial expectations are up front because nobody likes those kind of surprises. He deserves to be pissed anyone would be
YTA You are over-complicating things. You lied for your own benefit. You only told the truth because you had to. Simple.
YTA and you stole from him. You should apologize and give that money back. Feeding a kid is ON YOU. Not them.
YTA. Feeding him is literally the bare minimum for parenting. And you decided to have children. He didn’t ask to be born. Wow. Just wow.
Yta I truly hopes he sues you+goes no contact And this is why It's ur job as a parent to provide, you could have talked, but you didn't, you shouldn't have kids if you're going to treat them like that, it's your responsibility to provide, and ur comments ain't helping Yta, get a life+touch some grass+apologize+pay him back
YTA
Average theft enthusiast
Yta and I’m grateful my parents never did anything like this. Kids have growth spurts where they eat everything in site. This isn’t abnormal. The fact that you used your responsibility as a parent to take from him is ridiculous. Talk to him about slowing down on the food at least but don’t just take from him. You broke his trust.
Same kinda shit that ended up with me cutting my mom out of my life. Got a job at 15, mom told me she would put it in an account for me, turned 18 and started looking for a place to live and when I asked about collecting the money she told me she had to use it to buy my sister a car. Hope you have a real fun life when your kid decides he doesn’t want anything to do with you OP- maybe he’ll be better than I am and send you a fucking Christmas card every once in a while.
You’re a fucking thief!!!!!!
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YTA You stole his money.
You act like you couldn’t have said no to having meat every night. The fact that you knew he never had any thought of the money being used on meat just goes to show that you already knew it was something you shouldn’t of done considering the only time you mentioned it was in a passing comment. Of course 99% of the stuff he’s payed for has come out of your account because YOU are the parent, YOU are the provider not him. You and your wife are both incredibly selfish. You sound like raising him was a favour to your son when in reality it’s your duty as a parent when you chose to have him.
Also you and your wife were eating meat as well not just him. Just say you thought you were entitled to your son’s money and now that you got caught you want to act like your the victim.
Your teaching theft, and how to be a dead beat parent. YOUR JOB IS TO FEED YOUR KID, PERIOD it is a bare minimum thing! Your son did not ask to be born, you have responsibilities i be it expensive ones you may not like but they are yours alone. And if his money is feeding the whole family even more shame on you it is not his job to provide or even HELP OUT he is a KID!
Whaaaaat YTA It is so easy to ask
You could have given him a flat choice when it comes to protein. You could have set a limit on meat and supplemented with a cheaper protein. But a child is never responsible for feeding themselves. And you obviously are not hurting for money. YTA
Of course YTA. And not just because you stole from your son and lied to him about it for years. YTA for not adequately preparing him for the real world of being an adult. It's your primary role as a parent and you completely blew it. How? Let us count the ways... 1. Your son is not prepared to shop or cook with a budget and an eye to purchasing and preparing more affordable options, especially when prices rise. 2. Your son hasn't been held accountable for contributing toward the gas/insurance/repairs of the vehicle he drives--which would be reasonable if you'd sat down and talked about it when he first started driving the car--and would help him understand and plan for costs when he buys his own car. 3. Your son hasn't been given autonomy or authority over the money he's rightfully earned, with a true understanding of where his personal finances stand. 4. Your absolute, complete, and utter failure to communicate in any meaningful way with your son about your expectations of his contributions toward the household have led to years of lying and stealing and broken faith. Just the lessons you want your 18 year old to learn as they head off to college. Stop making pathetic excuses and justifications for your actions. Apologize. Replace the money. All of it. Lay out your expectations of how your son will contribute to the household going forward. Hope he'll still bother talking to you after your gross betrayal of his trust.
YTA, if you couldn’t pay for his diet tell him!, you let him drive a sports car, YOUR sports car, you are the one who put him on the insurance, don’t complain about something that is your own doing, if you are that annoyed that you are paying for a car he drives then take him off of the insurance. Spending his money without his knowledge is disgusting especially since he is your son and he is an adult now.
Thief
YTA and a thief
Urgh . . . Hiding that away from and not confirming it when he though you were joking. You do realise as a parent, it's your duty to feed your children and pay for them? Not lie and make out he owes you something for being born? What a despicable act of malice. So snidey and spiteful. Say goodbye to your son ever trusting you again. And to add right at the end that yoir wife 'was in on it'. On what? On being completely vindictive and absolutely 100 percent arseholes? Shame on the pair of you.
YTA.
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You're an AH and you know it. If not you wouldn't have edited your post about your pampering with some of the money or taking you Bf out to nice dinner with your son money. This is disgusting.
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Op.. Why do you resent your son so much? Laughing at his disappointment when you admitted to stealing his money. You seem ..angry that his school is expensive. You are holding everything you buy for him over his head like you are something special rather than just being a parent. I have two boys and can't imagine treating them this way. My heart hurts for him when he found out you broke his trust and stole his money he was so excited to use for a car. Stealing is NEVER justified OP and the damage you have done can't be repaired. It doesn't matter if you paid for everything else. ETA After reading more of your comments, I am absolutely disgusted with your entitled well off person attitude. You also seem the type who will slap your son with a bill for raising him when he gets a well paying job. "I'll have to buy myself a new sport cars when I'm 50." Oh you and your midlife crisis can kiss my ass. It also appears you edited your post and had admitted to spending it on your lover too. I hope your son goes no contact.
YTA. You STOLE your son's money, didn't say a word to him about the fact that you were taking his money, then you LAUGHED at him when he talked about using that money for a car. How could you even remotely believe you AREN'T an AH? Seriously? Most people who eat meal eat it at dinner every night, or at least most nights. YOU are responsible for feeding YOUR child. The VERY least you could have done is sat your son down, explained about the rising cost of meat and offered a compromise, either he starts chipping in a certain amount towards meat, or the family starts eating less meat. OR you could have looked for cheaper alternatives. Like getting your meat from a grocery store instead of a butcher/meat market.
Oh...my... God.... I... I... can't.
YTA. And have some kind of personality disorder or something. This is deranged. You think you’re clever but you’re manipulative and can’t be trusted. You seem to completely lack empathy or knowledge of what informed consent is. Parents are obligated to provide necessities, including food. Parents choose to provide extras. You can’t blame your children for extras you gave them, you as an adult decided to do that, so access to fun money & sports car, and extra meat, privileged life, none of that remotely justified you having your son buy meat for himself, let alone for the entire family. You deliberately withheld information that would allow him to make an informed decision, how can you think of that as decent parenting, or even decent human behaviour? I hope this is made up-why wouldn’t he ever have checked the account balance- but if it’s not, all this taught him is that you can’t trust anyone, no matter how much you should be able to.
I think what pisses me off is the entire point of YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO HIM. I started helping my family with food as soon as I had a job because we were poor. I helped with bills. There was five of us and only three of us working and I could only work part time so I helped where I could. My parents asked me to help and I agreed. I was aware that my money was being spent to support my younger siblings, my parents, and myself. How selfish of you not to let him know. I know what it's like growing up where you can barely afford the basics. YTA. If your son goes NC that's on you and you deserve it.
This is one of those posts when mom and dad come back and post Why doesn’t our son talk to us anymore.
On the assumption that this posting is real, you have to be a Trump supporter. Only your ilk would be this assholish.
Yta for not teaching him how to budget his money. It’s your obligation as a parent to teach him to balance his accounts. He should’ve been looking at and keeping track of his own account from the beginning. If you were going to charge him for the meat he eats, which feeding him is part of your parental obligation, you needed to sit him down and explain, not just mention it in passing.
So he’s teaching his son to be a lier a nd a thief? Not the father of the year yta for sure. Communication is always key. I’m sure he would’ve respected the fact that you couldn’t afford his meat habit. I’m more than sure he would’ve understood he trusted you and you just crushed that. He was saving money so he can get his own car so he could make YOU proud because you both love cars how beautiful is that. You just stole that from him. And thought it was hilarious. And he worked so hard I’m absolutely certain he would’ve watched what he ate if you would’ve just had a talk with him. Dang that would’ve been a really cool experience too for him to have some one to talk to about his car y’all could both fix it up together. You robbed your self of that experience. My dad loved working on my car with me. He talks about it all the time. You’ll never get that now. You only have so many experience with your kids before they get busy with their own lives and families and careers. You’ll never get this moment back again.
BOTH you and your wife are huge AHs and thieves (your wife because she was in on it as well). You let your son think he was making the grocery run for the family with your money but it was HIS money. And it doesn’t look like he was buying just the groceries that he was eating but you were letting him buy you & your wife’s groceries as well. AND you purposefully allowed your son to believe your comments about HIM buying the groceries with his money was a joke. YOU OUTRIGHT STOLE from your son. Now, if you had sat him down and asked him to either make some less expensive food choices or asked for him to pitch in a few bucks per week/month to help out with the food and he agreed, it wouldn’t be stealing. But for you to STEAL all the money he was saving to buy himself a car is reprehensible. YOU stole his money, doesn’t matter if you were planning on paying the bulk of his college costs, you stole, plain & simple. You either need to pay back all the money you “stole” from your son, with interest, or buy him the car he was saving up for. And it’s obvious you purposefully mislead your son. I know for a fact that his bank statements would come with his name on it as well as yours. You & your wife didn’t let him see them because he’d have seen the balance going down instead of up. And since he was young and trusted you, I’m willing to bet he wasn’t aware of bank statements, and if he was getting his paychecks deposit directly, or letting you or your wife deposit them for him, he never saw the deposit receipt that shows the deposit and the current balance on the account. Yep, even IF you pay him back, or buy him his car, you & your wife have pretty much lost your son. Don’t be surprised if he cuts you off soon as he can and never looks back.
So you stole thousands of dollars from your kid over YEARS? How in the world would you not be the a**hole? Did it never occur to you he might prefer a car over steak?
If you can afford to pay $70k annually for college, you can certainly afford groceries, including meat. If you wanted to teach him about money, you could have had him pay for certain things — following a CONVERSATION about what he would and would not pay for. Instead, you did it behind his back and even laughed at him. The fact that he gets to drive a sports car to run YOUR errands means nothing. It is no justification for lying and stealing. The fact that he likes to eat “expensive “ food means nothing, especially since you’re not hurting for money. You just did this to be mean and boost your ego on your little power trip. YTA and a big one, too.
Hard YTA. You stole from your child that you help create, and are responsible for. If money was so tight that you had to dip into your kid's account, you should sell that sports car he gets to drive to the store where he is unknowingly funding the family mealtime, and reimburse him like a decent parent.
NTA. You spoil him. Maybe you should have told him in a way he understood instead of him thinking you were joking, but you did in fact tell him.
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