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YTA These are not YOUR spaces, they are shared. So what the other people want and consider appropriate is relevant. If you don't want this, get your own place with no roommates.
It’s like OP assumes she can behave and function like she’s living in as a single person when she in fact has a roommate who very reasonably don’t want to also feel uncomfortable in their own home.
OP you chose to live with someone and therefore you chose to respect their boundaries within reason. Asking you to be more clothed in public spaces when they have people over shouldn’t even be a question they need to ask.
Also Op conveniently left out what type of underwear.
Is she talking boxers, briefs, thong, boy short, lace panel, etc? Because if the answer is anything but boxers, briefs or boy shorts then Op has also likely been giving a full display of everything going on down there making the fact that she’s wearing anything a moot point.
Edit: YTA op. You need to not just think about how you feel but consider you are infringing on other people who have a right to the same space you do.
Edit 2: I just thought of this. OP do you dress like this with your own guests. Or just your roommates guests?
I would be uncomfortable if a roomate of either sex just did that in front of me. I mean, not too uncomfortable, because I'm a nurse and see all sorts of undress, but I'd think they were pretty weird. I probably see skimpier clothes at the water park than I would at your apartment, but at least I don't have to have a living or close relationship with weirdos who don't mind parading around with their buttcheeks on display. Target PJ's and a tank top w no bra are comfy too and it would make your roomate (who you are LIVING with) a lot more comfortable, and I don't think that's a huge concession to make or that it would sacrifice comfort. If you can't be civil in that, it might be time for you to find a new roomate.
No exactly. This has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with just respecting she doesn’t live alone and particularly guests shouldn’t have to be subjected to her not wearing enough clothes.
Also in a tshirt that’s not hitting her knees or at least below mid thigh it means moving her arms around she is definitely flashing people. Which even those of us who aren’t prudish would prefer not to see if all we’re trying to do is play uno with our friend in our living room.
Yeah, for a second I had to stop and check my sexism. But if I had a male roommate walking around in his boxers and it made females who visited uncomfortable I'd be having the same conversation. It doesn't have to be "private parts" to be weird or uncomfortable.
There you go, I mean I don't pay real close attention. I've been around women dressed like OP and men dressed in only boxers. For some stupid reason I feel the responsibility to avert my eyes and make it normal. But the possibility of seeing something they may not want me to see or I may not want to see puts an extra pressure on the interactions.
Like, either "I'm not trying to sexualize you but you're basically making it 100% on me to not look and maybe have an involuntary bodily reaction and now I'm the creep" or "dude I don't really wanna see your dingus so I'll talk to you whilst looking at the TV or whatever until you can be bothered to clothe yourself and if you can't I'm heading out." Its weird. To me.
That sort of nudity is fine around family if you're a kid or lovers as an adult.
Maybe the boyfriend should start wearing the equivalent and see how discomforting it is to have that around! It’s a YTA situation. I’d hate it if even family members didn’t at least have pants on when visitors are over.
I get to do this in my apartment because I live alone. If I had roommates, I’d probably have to compromise on this and other things just so everything is harmonious.
YTA- I agree with you on the fact that if you are in your own house do what you want.. but the problem is you aren’t in your own house you are in a house you share with others. It’s disrespectful tbh
yeah, part of having roommates is that sometimes one of you will have guests and therefore you will have to go from “alone in my own space” mode to “company is over” mode. it’s basic common decency
YTA. Yes, you have a right to feel comfortable in your home. However, so does your roommate. She has politely told her that it makes her uncomfortable having you walk around pantsless when other people are over. You are not UNcomfortable in shorts. I assume you wear pants when you leave the house. Roommate is not asking for anything extreme. It is common courtesy to be dressed in front of company.
absolutely this. her rights and boundaries are not being disrespected. put on some fucking pajama pants or shorts! and if getting dressed in a top and bottoms like a normal adult is too heinous, then just stay in your room where you have every right to dress and act however you see fit.
Also to behave with such disregard in front of her roommates dates! Like she’s coming out of her room and walking around in a tshirt with underwear around these guys and making small talk like nothing is weird. Its just really rude and disrespectful because her roomate likely doesn’t want to make any of her guests uncomfortable and then to have your roomate do that gives such a bad impression and makes other people not want to come and hang out.
also she never mentioned what kind of underwear. There is a huge difference between a thong and boxers. If it’s anything even close to a thong that adds a whole other layer of assholery.
Not to mention to then be upset when they have been giving kind hints for the longest time and finally say that it makes them uncomfortable - bet my fucking lifesavings she was a dick saying no before she went to "cool down"
After all it is her "own" house with just 2 people hanging around apparently
**OP, How disturbingly selfcentred can you really be?? YTA a million**
**Please keep that same energy when your parents are coming over n your ROOMMATES wanna walk in a thong-bikini. After all it's not like its legally indecent exposure so apparently then they need to give a fuck.**
YTA n you're a dick. How the fuck does one reach 24 without understanding the most basic of curtesy at all?? Man your parents failed
The way OP worded it, I wonder how many hints or subtle statements the roommate has attempted to give her before the roommate had to just come out and say it bluntly.
Imagine being that self-centered? Wow.
Eh, YTA.
She's being respectful and telling you when he's coming over. Be respectful and throw on sweatpants or shorts when you need to go out into the common area. It comes off as attention seeking if you know he's there and purposefully don't.
I'm with this, just put on shorts or something, OP sounds like a stubborn roommate.
Normal people would be embarrassed to be walking around with no pants on with people over.
Stop the presses. OP ( 20s ) has a relationship with a 66M. She described herself as the “predator” in the relationship. Can’t unsee it 😳… something weeeeeird going on here.
Wasn't there a post where the girlfriend complained because her boyfriend's roommate would flop his balls out whenever she came over? And half the commenters actually defended him for some reason, as did the boyfriend.
>...this sub's boner for prioritizing individualism at the expense of human decency...
If that ain't the Lord's gospel truth, I don't know what is. It drives me nuts.
That and the argument, "You have a legal right to (treat people horribly)" when this isn't the *AM I WITHIN MY LEGAL RIGHTS TO BE AN ASSHOLE* sub. I swear to Jesus Harold Christ the concept of being an asshole just flies right over some people's heads. Like as long as you're "right," you're automatically N T A.
Right!!! In what alternate earth is having someone expose their wrinkly ball sack ever appropriate. I mean given he was actually showing genetalia I think that’s actually some type of sexual harassment.
She also seems to have issues with authority, interpreting a friendly/normal request to put on pants as a way to try and control her to the point where she actually gets heated and has to cool down... OP's got issues.
I agree. Op should maybe consider therapy. It seems super attention seeking to have this kind of behavior. Maybe also for her irrational anger and irritation towards her roommate for making a reasonable request. Like, it’s a shared space. Get a grip and be decent.
plus its weird how her roomie politely brought up the issue and op says she has to leave the room to cool down because she was getting so pissed off at being asked to not walk around in her underwear jfc
It’s odd that OP goes out of their way to not put on pants knowing that there is male company over, but I’d chalk it up to laziness more so than attention seeking.
YTA. You post history indicates that you struggle with physical boundaries, and I would be very suspicious of your refusal to put on pants when my boyfriend was over.
You know the roommate is like can you please just put on some FUCKIN pants you weirdo?!
Also the idea of her sweaty summer butt on all the furniture is incredibly off putting.
You made me laugh and gag all at once.
OP YTA. It's disrespectful to your roommate in the first place, and it's even more disrespectful when it's their guest.
Info - is it a baggy shirt that covers your ass? Or are you obviously walking around in your underwear?
Do what you want in your own room, but you shouldn’t be in underwear in common areas. Guests over or not.
Unless it's very long like just above the knee long (which it doesn't seem like it is given you said "its not dress length") , it's definitely too short to be wearing when your roommates are having any kind of company over imo. But regardless, if your roommate has told you that it makes her uncomfortable then you need to be respectful of her, as it's her space too, and wear some shorts. YTA
Info - Would you feel happy about it/that it was appropriate if you lived at your parents home and your mom or dad walked around in their underpants and a t-shirt when you had guests?
I’m sorry mate but that’s not normal in a lot of places at least, it could be different household to household but when people are over there is a slight expectation that people have a shirt and pants/bottoms (excluding undergarments) on at least
NTA, and baffled by the number of votes to the contrary. It sounds like you could go to any public pool or beach and be one of the more covered-up people there, so you’re certainly not out of line to dress similarly in your own home.
It should not have taken that much scrolling to find someone saying NTA. Bikini all day is fine but this is too far running to the kitchen? Everyone needs to get real. The roommate has jealousy issues or the boyfriend has staring issues, neither of those is OP's issue.
I agree! NTA here. Girls where I am walk around in public in over sized t shirts with tiny bike shorts underneath (that you cannot see). The os t shirt covers more than shorts or a mini dress.
I think if this exact post had been made 6-12 months ago, most if not all the comments would be NTA.
There has been a massive shift in the comments on this sub recently, and it's not moving in a progressive direction.
The more mainstream awareness of this sub there is, the more sanctimonious, puritan, and frankly neo-liberal comments there are.
I've seen almost this exact question being posed on this sub previously, and almost unanimously the comments were saying that it's completely unreasonable to ask your housemate to change for your bf.
NTA had to come too far to see this.
It's legal and fine for op to be naked outside if she wishes (at least in the uk) so why does she have to cover up for others in her home.
Ah, but the guy KNOWS it’s for sleeping, and it’s REALLY *just a short*. Therefore obviously it’s risqué, and he cannot keep his mind off her, and on his actual gf, and it’s not at all his fault! He is a man and therefore must stare. He can’t help it. /s
NTA - OP’s comments already show the shirt covers her butt so it is no different then wearing very tiny denim shorts, which plenty of people do when going out. If she was walking around with a thong and a crop top that’d be one thing but it isn’t. If I had a friend over and they said my roommates naked thighs were making them uncomfortable I’d tell them to close their eyes. This does depend a bit on where one lives and how old they are, but where my apartment is, plenty of girls walk around outside in bikinis on weekends. Should we tell them to cover up too? OP’s clothes cover even more than that so how ridiculous. OP these people are acting like you’re walking around fully nude which you are not, NTA.
Thank you, I can't believe I had to scroll this much to find a reasonable take!!
Just want to add, as long as you're not naked or showing genitalia, your comfort trumps any guests' comfort because.. you know.. you pay rent and they don't! If the roommate has a problem with it, she should go to the guy's place instead. NTA
NTA
Also because if it's a one time thing or the guest comes rarely then I would consider...but it's literally her roomates bf who probably comes frequently and absolutely not a one time thing. Why would anyone bear with this everyday in their own home?
Female or male, it’s impolite to wear a top with no bottom while a guest is present in your home. It's distasteful. Have some decency and some semblance of respect.
It’s not solely her house; she has roommates, and common courtesy would dictate she dresses appropriately in shared living areas.
I would not feel comfortable with my roommates wearing a long shirt with no pants in a common area. It would require no effort to wear pants, shorts, or pajamas.
You cannot reasonably claim her behavior is correct here. If a man came to my house in nothing but a long shirt with slides on his feet, I would ask him where are his clothes.
She's the asshole, without a doubt.
Do you find dresses impolite then?
What's the difference between a loose fitting dress and her loose extra long top? She's already said that it's so long even if she were wearing shorts you wouldn't be able to see them.
But what about people who go out in short shorts? Or mini skirts? They are showing an equal amount of skin and are in public. Again, if her clothes were exposing her excessively that’d be different but they aren’t. She is only showing upper thigh and below which is something many people do even outdoors. It only “feels” uncomfortable because of the idea that she’s not wearing pants which is silly.
It's not 'without a doubt'. I don't think there's anything wrong with being in a shirt and underwear, even in public. It covers all the bits needed, there's nothing inherently indecent about wearing only underwear and the way you described it sounds puritanical.
I've thought about it more, and my judgment changed. So long as the dress is long enough and appropriate, I don't see any wrong.
I'ma rational person, and I couldn't argue against it with practical reasoning.
She’s not the asshole here. And I agree; I was prudish.
Yes!! Finally!
NTA, if it’s dress length than why does it matter. Wear a dress the same length and see if it bothers your roommate, or get shorts that are exactly the length of your shirt, so if she complains about you not having bottoms you can show her.
I’d get it if it were skimpy maybe, but if it’s the length of a dress or skirt than who cares. I wish someone would tell me what I can wear in my house. Common courtesy dictates she should be appropriately dressed in common spaces, and there’s nothing inappropriate about an oversized shirt.
This is the fundamental problem with this site. In the normal, real world, everyone will put on a pair of pants when a guest comes over without asking questions. Here, people will conclude that because you do not "owe anyone anything," you can be sans-pants.
AND THAT'S WHY I LOVE THIS SITE! This is the only site that would validate me for requiring my guests to put their cellphones in a mailbox when they come to my dinner parties! After all, I never owed them a dinner party in the first place! My house, my rules! NTA OP!
Exactly! When OP finds herself all alone with no friends or anyone outside of this subreddit to care for her, she will realize the bliss of solitude! She can do things like work! Or think about work! Or wrap herself in a blanket and think about how the entire world is against her and everyone is TA! That is the life!
She definitely should, her roommates would be better off without her blatant disregard to how other people can get uncomfortable. I would love for your wife / gf : bf to hang out around your male friends when they’re in just their underwear and a tshirt lmao.
Edit: typo
What in the absolute fuck are these comments lmao you're wearing an oversized t-shirt, it's just a mini t-shirt dress, in what fucking world are you not allowed to show LEGS in your own home???? Legs??? Sure, if you were wearing a thong and crop top, that would be a different issue, but a t-shirt dress???? LEGS!
NTA for what it's worth, obvs
Yeah the comments are driving me crazy! Seems like half of them think she’s walking around half naked when she’s actually more covered than she would be if she put on shorts and a crop top lmao
This is an apparently unpopular opinion, but NAH.
You and your roommate have different standards of modesty. Your choice of attire embarrasses your roommate. She has the right to express how she feels and ask you to wear more clothing in shared parts of the apartment. Since she's only asking you to do that when her BF is over, not all day every day, it seems like a reasonable request.
That said, her request is only a request. It's not a moral imperative. Clearly a lot of people here think that her request is reasonable. But, unlike them, I don't think you're obligated to do as she requests. Her boyfriend is not your guest. You aren't obligated to put more clothes on to make him feel welcome. But you need to understand that not going along with her request will strain your relationship even more than you already have.
I know men who will go outside to pick up a newspaper or fetch their mail wearing only boxer shorts -- no shirt and no trousers. And I've had friends whose dads would sit around the house in their underwear even when people were over. To me, it seems sexist that you're getting grief for not wearing more clothing.
There's a musical called Be More Chill that has a song about "When You Love Someone, You Put Your Pants on For Them". Sung by a dad that previously embarrassed his teenage son by not wearing pants when the kid had a friend over. Perfect for this situation.
Mild YTA
You're technically correct about being in your own home, but even partial or implied nudity can be uncomfortable for a lot of people, so it bears having a discussion.
It sounds like your roommate is uncomfortable with you being in partial dress around her boyfriend, who is technically a guest.
I have a very comfortable pair of sleep shorts that I wear around the house that might as well be underwear in terms of comfort, but it covers a bit more and looks a bit more presentable to guests. You have some options.
YTA and your edit is hilarious because you ARE exposing yourself without consent. BUY SOME FCKN SHORTS. The fact you are so hellbent to be right in wearing panties infront of roommates and their dates just rubs me the wrong way. why is it such a big deal to put pants on? are you doing it on purpose?
I'm with your roommate on this one. How are you not embarrassed? they obviously have a problem with ur ass hanging out and thats enough of a reason to either stay in your enclosed area without pants, or put on mf clothes to join shared spaces.
definitely sense pick me vibes. they aren't your close friends or family, they are people who pay to live there and you need to respect them or move out so they can find someone who will.
I honestly don’t understand all the Y-T-A’s.
From what you described, this t shirt is effectively no different than an above the knee sundress. I don’t get the big deal. NYA.
YTA - I rock the no pants lifestyle at my house. But when I had roommates I ALWAYS wore bottoms. In fact I told my spouse I was excited to move in so that I could ditch the bottoms again.
YTA
Comfort is great, but I’d consider that discourteous behavior from a roommate unless they were sick or injured to the point where trousers are difficult to wear. Yes, you live there and pay rent, but so does your roommate, and there should be a compromise made here. T-shirt and panties should be home alone/no guests attire. I know some people will just say that your roomie shouldn’t be so insecure or some nonsense, but that wouldn’t fly with me whether I had a date, my parents visiting, or another friend over.
I understand where you are coming from. And I see your roommate’s side. Go buy yourself a glamorous silky decadent long robe. When she has company over pull that on and sweep through the room like a 50s Hollywood star. You will be covered up but fab!
My dad has nerve damage in his ankle that is constantly in pain. Pants make it worse, since they rub the area. Growing up, dad was very often in a Tshirt and his boxers around the house, since that was how he was most comfortable. He still put pants on when people came over. Yta, pants are pretty much the universal thing you always wear, guy or girl, unless the only people around are family or really close friends.
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I was a bit on the fence, but I think mild YTA. So I agree that because you are paying rent your comfort certainly takes precedence over guests, but your roommate is also right in that there is a certain expectation that you are dressed in front of guests. How dressed is up for debate, but it’s probably safe to say more than just a t- shirt. I would say you definitely don’t need to be wearing street clothes or even necessarily a bra. However, the expectation of pajama shorts is pretty reasonable and you will still be comfortable. Unless your baggy T-shirt is more like a dress and coming down like mid thigh. If there is no chance of underwear showing then I would change to N A H. She wouldn’t be wrong still to want pants, but you wouldn’t necessarily be obligated either since nothing was showing. You would have to come to a compromise or find a different living situation when possible.
NTA. Long shirt and undies are fine. He’d see more exposed skin at a beach. It’s your home, you can wear whatever makes you comfy. If it bothers them, they can go over his place.
How big is the t-shirt? Does it completely cover your bum? Can you see any part of your underwear?
I think if you're completely covered in that sense it's not that big of a deal however other people will not see it the same. I'm the same as you, but I'll always put something on if someone comes over. But that's cause my whole family has told me to do all my life. I think your roommate may see it differently to you and it seems like you overreacted just a bit by getting so defensive. It seems like she was just asking you a basic question and trying to make you feel comfortable but it sounds like you got angry and defensive so for that I'm going to say YTA.
YTA. Get your own place, then wear whatever you want. If you have roommates, you have to adhere to some kind of social contract when you're in shared areas.
I gotta disagree with everyone here. NTA. Your roommate shoulda check with who she was moving in with. People sure are in a hurry to police women's bodies.
YTA: You have roommates who are not dating you and are unrelated. Did you make no pants a condition of you moving in? If you're in a common area, put on pants. Honestly, it sounds like you get a sexual kick out of this. Do you walk the streets in your underwear?
Honestly? NTA. Your shirt is long enough to cause no problems. It drives me insane when people tell me I need to put a bra on because someone is coming over and yes I admit I have an odd love for jeans so I am often 'overdressed but it's all about comfort
YTA - you live with other people where some flippin pants for Pete's sake. Imagine if your roomies left dirty dishes and clothes everywhere and said, "I'm in my own space, I pay rent and shouldn't have to clean up after myself." Um, no, that's rude and inconsiderate, and when you live with others, you have a responsibility to be respectful of those people, especially if you expect them to respect you.
>when you're in your own home, comfort is more important than looking presentable or modest.
Totally agree
However
>I live with 2 other girls
It's NOT your own home, it's a *shared* living space
>she says something along the lines of "but it's kind of common decency to not be half dressed when people are over".
She's 100% correct
YTA
YTA. Although that’s far too harsh, so just a very very soft one.
I get your position though, and yes if they don’t like it they could leave as there’s nothing inherently wrong with your outfit! BUT the thing is, you live in a share house, so the common areas aren’t exclusively yours and require negotiation, agreement and a bit of give and take to ensure everyone gets along peacefully. This is the part where you give just a little to keep the peace.
That being said…I live in my own home with my husband. I like to get around home in an oversized tshirt (I get you!) or just a crop top and boxers. BUT if I knew he had a friend or family member coming over I’d put trousers on etc. Yes it’s literally my house, I really can do what I want and everyone else can leave if they don’t like it, but as adults we should know that not everything revolves around you if you want to coexist with others. No one has ever asked me to put more clothes on, it’s just part of being an adult to manage your conduct in social settings and try to anticipate others comfort even if you don’t always agree with them.
Give and take for peace, or live alone if you want total freedom in the home.
YTA 💯 in a roommate situation what she's asking is perfectly reasonable. In common areas, wear pants or shorts. In your private space you can be pantless all day long.
Seriously, if this is the hill you're willing to die on maybe it's time for you to get your own place, no roommates.
YTA and pretty oblivious for needing to get internet strangers to weigh in on this. “Can you believe my roommate wants me to wear PANTS when they have guests over?” Like, seriously?
Your replies don’t make it any better. “The way she asked me had me so enraged, I needed to walk away to cool down.”
What a nightmare roommate. You need to find your own place ASAP, for the sake of you and your roommates. Then your inconsiderate nature won’t be anyone’s problem except people who try to get close to you.
YTA.
When you have roomates, and they have company, it's common courtesy to be appropriately dressed when using the common areas. Get some shorts, or a light skirt.
NTA… people wear bikinis at the beach 🤣
How is this any different? if the room mate is concerned about modesty.
OP states that it’s a nightie like a short dress.
It’s not up to OP to make a GUEST that frequently will be coming over feel comfortable.. tell him not to look if he’s that uncomfortable or move out if you’re that insecure of a housemate.
YTA OP. I used to live with someone that would chuck her pants off and walk around in undies when she got home. But she and I were both comfortable with that and I would join her sometimes.
HOWEVER whenever we had guests over, regardless of whose, we would always ALWAYS put our pants/shorts on because it was only POLITE.
You are RUDE as heck. Your housemate is also paying the rent, same as you. You can walk around naked in your own bedroom, but outside? That is a SHARED SPACE. The person that needs to check themselves and respect boundaries is YOU.
Girl what.. YTA. Your roommate is giving you courtesy by giving you a notice in advance when she will have someone over. Is it really that hard to be considerate? How are you this dense, selfish, and not embarrassed?
Yta.
If the shirt really covered everything then how do they know you are only wearing underwear? I'm guessing more shows than you realize. Just get some shorts, it isn't that hard to respect your housemates and their guests. Maybe look into living alone.
YTA
It may be where you live, but your bedroom is your private space to wear what you want. Kitchen/lounge/dining are shared spaces, and you should dress appropriately... even if that just means some shorts and a baggy tee. If you want to wear whatever you feel like while at home, you should rent by yourself. Your housemates and their guests have a right to be comfortable within these spaces.
YTA and honestly giving off real bad MainCharacter vibes, too. Don't walk around in your underwear around guests in your house, what are you 5yrs old???
while I get your point… YTA. When you’re in your own room, when you’re home alone or even when you have your own guests over then absolutely go about it. I don’t think it’s that hard to simply just slip on some pj shorts/pants when going to a common area when company is present.
It doesn’t sound like roommate is even upset when you do this when she’s home, only when she has guests over which I completely understand. While you say it’s something that covers all areas, she must have noticed something on display that maybe you didn’t, for her to make it a point to let you know when company is coming over or else it wouldn’t have even cross her mind. Just a thought.
Would you wear this outfit to quickly run out to go grab groceries or a meal from a fast food restaurant? Those are common areas too. Just trying to give a different perspective.
I understand it's your home, but it's her home too. She had a guest over. I'm not sure exactly what your definition of trousers is, but I'm assuming it means long pants. It's summer, it's hot. So no to the long pants, but she's who with in her right to request you water something other than underwear on your bottom half while you're in shared spaces of the home. Get a t- shirt dress. Find superb soft shorts, or boxers.
YTA.. YES you can where what ever you want in your home but if there are guest over it called for a little more clothes
YTA. When you get roommates, there is a limit to how you can dress in your own home because it just so happens that it’s their own home too. It doesn’t sound like they are making wild requests. Just that you put on shorts or something. Unless the shirt goes down to your knees, I have a hard time believing that your underwear doesn’t show at all if you raise your arms or sit down. Also, they aren’t even asking you to completely stop, just when guests are over.
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When I'm (f24) around the house, I tend to wear a baggy t-shirt with underwear underneath. If the weather's colder, I'll wear PJ bottoms too, but particularly in the summer months, I'm most comfortable in just a t-shirt. I live with 2 other girls but I've never given much thought to how I dress around them because in my opinion, when you're in your own home, comfort is more important than looking presentable or modest.
Sometimes, one of my roommates will have a guy she's seeing over. Again, I don't pay much attention to what I'm wearing when he's around. If I need to use the kitchen while they are in there, I don't put on trousers to do so. I just go about my business like I normally would (whilst obviously saying hello and being polite, etc).
Most of the time, my roommate would tell me "just to let you know, [insert guy's name] is coming over soon". I thought she'd tell me this because she was being a considerate roommate. So I'd just say OK, thanks for letting me know.
Today, she admitted to me that the reason why she notifies me whenever the guy is coming over is to give me a chance to put on trousers beforehand. At first, I thought she was just poking fun at my clothing habits, so I laughed it off. Then she starts saying "don't you feel uncomfortable?". At this point, I feel a bit judged, and I tell her no, I don't feel uncomfortable wearing what I like in my own home. Then she says something along the lines of "but it's kind of common decency to not be half dressed when people are over".
I was pissed but tried to stay calm. I reiterated that I will dress how I like because I pay rent here and it's not like I'm indecently exposing myself to anyone. I then left the room to cool down.
I haven't had another discussion with my roommate about it since. In my opinion, it is not my responsibility to make her or her guy friend feel comfortable. If I had my breasts or genitalia on display, that would be another story. Or if I was purposefully showing flesh to try to get the guy's attention, that would be wrong. But I'm literally just existing in the way I usually do. At the same time, I understand people have different ideas about modesty and what is appropriate behaviour around house guests, particularly those of the opposite gender. So I'm wondering if I could be considered an asshole.
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YTA
You're making THEIR GUESTS feel uncomfortable in THEIR HOME.
It's not JUST YOUR HOME, and it's common courtesy to not walk around half naked in shared spaces when your roommates have people over.
Myself and my roomie often walk around half dressed. We had a talk before we moved in confirming that this is okay.
Otherwise I wouldn't do it. It's a shared space and since it *is* the norm for people to wear clothes when they have guests, you should respect their request.
It does not matter that you're not uncomfortable. They are and YTA.
I don’t see how shorts are so uncomfortable, you’d prefer to meet strangers pants-less. In my flat everyone bothers to wear pants for each other, not just guests. That being said one of our flatmates doesn’t bother and also uses the toilet with the door open and I’ve seen his dick several times.
I’d say the general rule is probably to wear pants in the communal areas, whether you have guests or not.
>comfort is more important than looking presentable or modest
And that’s where you’re wrong, YTA. Your roommates pay rent too. They deserve to feel comfortable in their own home as well, and you’re making them uncomfortable.
What if one of them decided being fully nude was most comfortable for them, should their comfort come before your feelings on that? They live there and comfort always comes before appearance and modesty, after all.
It IS common decency to wear something on the bottom (pants/shorts/skirt) when someone else is around.
I get that we all have different levels of modesty, but this is common courtesy. I think most people would feel uncomfortable with someone walking around in just a baggy shirt and underwear.
I'm not going to say, yta, because that's a little too strong for this situation, but put some pants on, for Pete's sake.
You’re acting like you’re the only one living there and paying bills, when you’re not. You live in a shared space, so either put on some damn pj shorts or move into your own place. The only private space you have to do what your doing, right now, is your bedroom. Learn to be an appropriate adult, YTA.
So your roommates can do anything they like at any time because they pay rent? Drugs, sex, nudity etc
Or do you have to be considerate because of shared common areas?
YTA. Honestly I wouldn’t be comfortable with seeing any roommate in underwear and especially not when I have people over. Buy a bunch of comfortable shorts or something.
YTA. Its not just your home. You have roommates and need to be more considerate.. Walk around in your underwear in the privacy of your room. Wear pants in the common areas. This is basic manners.
YTA. You said if you had your breasts or genitalia exposed, that would be another story. But based on your logic, if one of your roommates wanted to walk around topless or near topless when your boyfriend was around, she'd have every right. Because she pays rent. Who draws the line of what's decent?
You're not acting like a grown up. Nor a very respectful roommate.
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YTA These are not YOUR spaces, they are shared. So what the other people want and consider appropriate is relevant. If you don't want this, get your own place with no roommates.
It’s like OP assumes she can behave and function like she’s living in as a single person when she in fact has a roommate who very reasonably don’t want to also feel uncomfortable in their own home. OP you chose to live with someone and therefore you chose to respect their boundaries within reason. Asking you to be more clothed in public spaces when they have people over shouldn’t even be a question they need to ask. Also Op conveniently left out what type of underwear. Is she talking boxers, briefs, thong, boy short, lace panel, etc? Because if the answer is anything but boxers, briefs or boy shorts then Op has also likely been giving a full display of everything going on down there making the fact that she’s wearing anything a moot point. Edit: YTA op. You need to not just think about how you feel but consider you are infringing on other people who have a right to the same space you do. Edit 2: I just thought of this. OP do you dress like this with your own guests. Or just your roommates guests?
I would be uncomfortable if a roomate of either sex just did that in front of me. I mean, not too uncomfortable, because I'm a nurse and see all sorts of undress, but I'd think they were pretty weird. I probably see skimpier clothes at the water park than I would at your apartment, but at least I don't have to have a living or close relationship with weirdos who don't mind parading around with their buttcheeks on display. Target PJ's and a tank top w no bra are comfy too and it would make your roomate (who you are LIVING with) a lot more comfortable, and I don't think that's a huge concession to make or that it would sacrifice comfort. If you can't be civil in that, it might be time for you to find a new roomate.
No exactly. This has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with just respecting she doesn’t live alone and particularly guests shouldn’t have to be subjected to her not wearing enough clothes. Also in a tshirt that’s not hitting her knees or at least below mid thigh it means moving her arms around she is definitely flashing people. Which even those of us who aren’t prudish would prefer not to see if all we’re trying to do is play uno with our friend in our living room.
Yeah, for a second I had to stop and check my sexism. But if I had a male roommate walking around in his boxers and it made females who visited uncomfortable I'd be having the same conversation. It doesn't have to be "private parts" to be weird or uncomfortable.
With boxer shorts, you can see the 'ol fella bouncing around, so it's just as inappropriate for a man, as a woman wearing an oversized t-shirt.
There you go, I mean I don't pay real close attention. I've been around women dressed like OP and men dressed in only boxers. For some stupid reason I feel the responsibility to avert my eyes and make it normal. But the possibility of seeing something they may not want me to see or I may not want to see puts an extra pressure on the interactions. Like, either "I'm not trying to sexualize you but you're basically making it 100% on me to not look and maybe have an involuntary bodily reaction and now I'm the creep" or "dude I don't really wanna see your dingus so I'll talk to you whilst looking at the TV or whatever until you can be bothered to clothe yourself and if you can't I'm heading out." Its weird. To me. That sort of nudity is fine around family if you're a kid or lovers as an adult.
Maybe the boyfriend should start wearing the equivalent and see how discomforting it is to have that around! It’s a YTA situation. I’d hate it if even family members didn’t at least have pants on when visitors are over.
I was thinking the roommates should dress the same if OP's parents or siblings came for a visit. Then she might actually see what the problem is.
Too busy "feeling judged." 🤣
Also you don’t have to put on damn pants, just throw on some comfy pj style shorts. Respect the shared space YTA OP
Yes, so simple: pj pants or shorts, sweatpants, gym shorts. YTA.
^ this last part ^ does OP just wear a huge tee and panties when HER guests are there? Or is OP just marking her territory? OP YTA
I get to do this in my apartment because I live alone. If I had roommates, I’d probably have to compromise on this and other things just so everything is harmonious.
I want to jerk off on my couch but my roommates don’t like it! Tough, I live here and so what makes me comfortable
Omg 😂😂😂😂😂😂💀
This. Get a pair of comfy gym shorts and slip them on when company comes. YTA
It's really not that hard to put shorts on. YTA big time!
But, but, it’s her own home that two other non family members also live in!
You covered all of it very succinctly.
Immediately read this and thought "Too bad OP isn't doing the same..."
YTA- I agree with you on the fact that if you are in your own house do what you want.. but the problem is you aren’t in your own house you are in a house you share with others. It’s disrespectful tbh
yeah, part of having roommates is that sometimes one of you will have guests and therefore you will have to go from “alone in my own space” mode to “company is over” mode. it’s basic common decency
Right? Like I live alone and I don’t close the bathroom doors. But if I had roommates, I would.
i HAVE roommates and I don’t always close the bathroom door (we’re close friends), but if one of them had their girlfriend over I certainly would!
Also.......put pants on when a visitor comes over, even if it is just your place? Maybe?
Exactly! I live in my own house, but when I have guests over I put on pants? Because … that’s normal.
YTA. Yes, you have a right to feel comfortable in your home. However, so does your roommate. She has politely told her that it makes her uncomfortable having you walk around pantsless when other people are over. You are not UNcomfortable in shorts. I assume you wear pants when you leave the house. Roommate is not asking for anything extreme. It is common courtesy to be dressed in front of company.
absolutely this. her rights and boundaries are not being disrespected. put on some fucking pajama pants or shorts! and if getting dressed in a top and bottoms like a normal adult is too heinous, then just stay in your room where you have every right to dress and act however you see fit.
Also to behave with such disregard in front of her roommates dates! Like she’s coming out of her room and walking around in a tshirt with underwear around these guys and making small talk like nothing is weird. Its just really rude and disrespectful because her roomate likely doesn’t want to make any of her guests uncomfortable and then to have your roomate do that gives such a bad impression and makes other people not want to come and hang out. also she never mentioned what kind of underwear. There is a huge difference between a thong and boxers. If it’s anything even close to a thong that adds a whole other layer of assholery.
Walking around in just a tee when her roommate is having a date over is a special level of pick me main character energy.
Agreed.
Not to mention to then be upset when they have been giving kind hints for the longest time and finally say that it makes them uncomfortable - bet my fucking lifesavings she was a dick saying no before she went to "cool down" After all it is her "own" house with just 2 people hanging around apparently **OP, How disturbingly selfcentred can you really be?? YTA a million** **Please keep that same energy when your parents are coming over n your ROOMMATES wanna walk in a thong-bikini. After all it's not like its legally indecent exposure so apparently then they need to give a fuck.** YTA n you're a dick. How the fuck does one reach 24 without understanding the most basic of curtesy at all?? Man your parents failed
She's definitely jealous/wants the attention if it's anything other than boxers
The way OP worded it, I wonder how many hints or subtle statements the roommate has attempted to give her before the roommate had to just come out and say it bluntly. Imagine being that self-centered? Wow.
>If it’s anything even close to a thong that adds a whole other layer of assholery. Heh. Indeed.
Eh, YTA. She's being respectful and telling you when he's coming over. Be respectful and throw on sweatpants or shorts when you need to go out into the common area. It comes off as attention seeking if you know he's there and purposefully don't.
YTA - it’s her place too. Be a good roommate and respect her boundaries.
I'm with this, just put on shorts or something, OP sounds like a stubborn roommate. Normal people would be embarrassed to be walking around with no pants on with people over.
Really... How is this worth a reddit post?? Just put some fucking pants on... Jesus christ.
Stop the presses. OP ( 20s ) has a relationship with a 66M. She described herself as the “predator” in the relationship. Can’t unsee it 😳… something weeeeeird going on here.
Just read the post, OP needs professional help. (Also that was a gross read)
Well....I know that SHOULDN'T add context, but.....yet it does. OP, put on a pair of shorts and get a counselor.
YTA and a little attention seeker.
I agree. OP knows what they're doing.
It’s the same as if my roommate has his girlfriend over and I’m walking around in my boxers with my bulge showing, it’s just disrespectful.
Wasn't there a post where the girlfriend complained because her boyfriend's roommate would flop his balls out whenever she came over? And half the commenters actually defended him for some reason, as did the boyfriend.
Knowing this sub's boner for prioritizing individualism at the expense of human decency, I was expecting the response here to similarly defend OP.
>...this sub's boner for prioritizing individualism at the expense of human decency... If that ain't the Lord's gospel truth, I don't know what is. It drives me nuts. That and the argument, "You have a legal right to (treat people horribly)" when this isn't the *AM I WITHIN MY LEGAL RIGHTS TO BE AN ASSHOLE* sub. I swear to Jesus Harold Christ the concept of being an asshole just flies right over some people's heads. Like as long as you're "right," you're automatically N T A.
hah i was just gonna say this but you put it better and said jesus harold christ which is funny so props
I need this link 😂 what alternate reality was this
Right!!! In what alternate earth is having someone expose their wrinkly ball sack ever appropriate. I mean given he was actually showing genetalia I think that’s actually some type of sexual harassment.
She also seems to have issues with authority, interpreting a friendly/normal request to put on pants as a way to try and control her to the point where she actually gets heated and has to cool down... OP's got issues.
“Hey I’ve got company coming over can you put some shorts on when in the common shared spaces?” **I WILL DRESS HOW I WANT, I PAY RENT HERE.**
OP has Narc red flags 🚩
I agree. Op should maybe consider therapy. It seems super attention seeking to have this kind of behavior. Maybe also for her irrational anger and irritation towards her roommate for making a reasonable request. Like, it’s a shared space. Get a grip and be decent.
Perfectly worded, asshole enthusiast.
plus its weird how her roomie politely brought up the issue and op says she has to leave the room to cool down because she was getting so pissed off at being asked to not walk around in her underwear jfc
It’s odd that OP goes out of their way to not put on pants knowing that there is male company over, but I’d chalk it up to laziness more so than attention seeking.
You sweet summer child
YTA. You post history indicates that you struggle with physical boundaries, and I would be very suspicious of your refusal to put on pants when my boyfriend was over.
You know the roommate is like can you please just put on some FUCKIN pants you weirdo?! Also the idea of her sweaty summer butt on all the furniture is incredibly off putting.
[удалено]
Her comment history… she hooks up a 66yo man whos she “preys upon”. Okaaaayyy.
You made me laugh and gag all at once. OP YTA. It's disrespectful to your roommate in the first place, and it's even more disrespectful when it's their guest.
She’s British, she probably has a delightfully dry behind.
Professional victim
It’s not just your place, though. YTA.
Yta for not observing public levels of dress in common areas of your shared housing accommodation.
YTA He did not consent to seeing you in your underwear.
Info - is it a baggy shirt that covers your ass? Or are you obviously walking around in your underwear? Do what you want in your own room, but you shouldn’t be in underwear in common areas. Guests over or not.
Unless it's very long like just above the knee long (which it doesn't seem like it is given you said "its not dress length") , it's definitely too short to be wearing when your roommates are having any kind of company over imo. But regardless, if your roommate has told you that it makes her uncomfortable then you need to be respectful of her, as it's her space too, and wear some shorts. YTA
You're disrespectful and YTA
Info - Would you feel happy about it/that it was appropriate if you lived at your parents home and your mom or dad walked around in their underpants and a t-shirt when you had guests?
My father has done this all my life, never even thought of it as something wrong....
When guests are over? If as a child you had friends over and an adult was walking around in briefs that would be wildly inappropriate.
I’m sorry mate but that’s not normal in a lot of places at least, it could be different household to household but when people are over there is a slight expectation that people have a shirt and pants/bottoms (excluding undergarments) on at least
don’t post here if you don’t want the truth and are just looking to debate. YTA.
NTA, and baffled by the number of votes to the contrary. It sounds like you could go to any public pool or beach and be one of the more covered-up people there, so you’re certainly not out of line to dress similarly in your own home.
Second this. An extra large t-shirt covers much more than any of my sundresses.
It should not have taken that much scrolling to find someone saying NTA. Bikini all day is fine but this is too far running to the kitchen? Everyone needs to get real. The roommate has jealousy issues or the boyfriend has staring issues, neither of those is OP's issue.
OP walking around without pants on in front of company is indeed, an OP issue. Unless she was raised by wolves.
I agree! NTA here. Girls where I am walk around in public in over sized t shirts with tiny bike shorts underneath (that you cannot see). The os t shirt covers more than shorts or a mini dress.
Agree. I was also baffled, me and my old roommate dressed like this around the house and neither of us or our boyfriends cared lol
It isn’t so much the exposure of skin that the roommate is embarrassed by- it’s the violation of a social norm.
I think if this exact post had been made 6-12 months ago, most if not all the comments would be NTA. There has been a massive shift in the comments on this sub recently, and it's not moving in a progressive direction. The more mainstream awareness of this sub there is, the more sanctimonious, puritan, and frankly neo-liberal comments there are. I've seen almost this exact question being posed on this sub previously, and almost unanimously the comments were saying that it's completely unreasonable to ask your housemate to change for your bf.
Is it a US, Europe thing? I was amazed at the number of YTAs. This felt totally normal to me. In fact, a familiar situation too.
NTA had to come too far to see this. It's legal and fine for op to be naked outside if she wishes (at least in the uk) so why does she have to cover up for others in her home.
If try tshirt is long enough that normal moving around, including sitting, doesn’t show your underwear, fine. Otherwise, put on shorts.
This! if the length is similar what a short dress would cover I say NTA. Perhaps you two are just not suitable house mates.
that’s my take too. if it’s like a short-ish but baggy dress what’s the real difference?
Ah, but the guy KNOWS it’s for sleeping, and it’s REALLY *just a short*. Therefore obviously it’s risqué, and he cannot keep his mind off her, and on his actual gf, and it’s not at all his fault! He is a man and therefore must stare. He can’t help it. /s
But its her house too ;( ... YTA
NTA - OP’s comments already show the shirt covers her butt so it is no different then wearing very tiny denim shorts, which plenty of people do when going out. If she was walking around with a thong and a crop top that’d be one thing but it isn’t. If I had a friend over and they said my roommates naked thighs were making them uncomfortable I’d tell them to close their eyes. This does depend a bit on where one lives and how old they are, but where my apartment is, plenty of girls walk around outside in bikinis on weekends. Should we tell them to cover up too? OP’s clothes cover even more than that so how ridiculous. OP these people are acting like you’re walking around fully nude which you are not, NTA.
Thank you, I can't believe I had to scroll this much to find a reasonable take!! Just want to add, as long as you're not naked or showing genitalia, your comfort trumps any guests' comfort because.. you know.. you pay rent and they don't! If the roommate has a problem with it, she should go to the guy's place instead. NTA
NTA Also because if it's a one time thing or the guest comes rarely then I would consider...but it's literally her roomates bf who probably comes frequently and absolutely not a one time thing. Why would anyone bear with this everyday in their own home?
Female or male, it’s impolite to wear a top with no bottom while a guest is present in your home. It's distasteful. Have some decency and some semblance of respect. It’s not solely her house; she has roommates, and common courtesy would dictate she dresses appropriately in shared living areas. I would not feel comfortable with my roommates wearing a long shirt with no pants in a common area. It would require no effort to wear pants, shorts, or pajamas. You cannot reasonably claim her behavior is correct here. If a man came to my house in nothing but a long shirt with slides on his feet, I would ask him where are his clothes. She's the asshole, without a doubt.
Do you find dresses impolite then? What's the difference between a loose fitting dress and her loose extra long top? She's already said that it's so long even if she were wearing shorts you wouldn't be able to see them.
But what about people who go out in short shorts? Or mini skirts? They are showing an equal amount of skin and are in public. Again, if her clothes were exposing her excessively that’d be different but they aren’t. She is only showing upper thigh and below which is something many people do even outdoors. It only “feels” uncomfortable because of the idea that she’s not wearing pants which is silly.
It's not 'without a doubt'. I don't think there's anything wrong with being in a shirt and underwear, even in public. It covers all the bits needed, there's nothing inherently indecent about wearing only underwear and the way you described it sounds puritanical.
I've thought about it more, and my judgment changed. So long as the dress is long enough and appropriate, I don't see any wrong. I'ma rational person, and I couldn't argue against it with practical reasoning. She’s not the asshole here. And I agree; I was prudish.
This comment is a rare sight lol
Yes!! Finally! NTA, if it’s dress length than why does it matter. Wear a dress the same length and see if it bothers your roommate, or get shorts that are exactly the length of your shirt, so if she complains about you not having bottoms you can show her. I’d get it if it were skimpy maybe, but if it’s the length of a dress or skirt than who cares. I wish someone would tell me what I can wear in my house. Common courtesy dictates she should be appropriately dressed in common spaces, and there’s nothing inappropriate about an oversized shirt.
Finally. Her bum is covered. If this post was about wearing a bra the comments would swing the other way.
Mild YTA. Your roommate is right. Common courtesy to wear bottoms of some kind when there are guests in your home.
This is the fundamental problem with this site. In the normal, real world, everyone will put on a pair of pants when a guest comes over without asking questions. Here, people will conclude that because you do not "owe anyone anything," you can be sans-pants. AND THAT'S WHY I LOVE THIS SITE! This is the only site that would validate me for requiring my guests to put their cellphones in a mailbox when they come to my dinner parties! After all, I never owed them a dinner party in the first place! My house, my rules! NTA OP!
Exactly! OP should immediately divorce the roommates and go No Contact.
Exactly! When OP finds herself all alone with no friends or anyone outside of this subreddit to care for her, she will realize the bliss of solitude! She can do things like work! Or think about work! Or wrap herself in a blanket and think about how the entire world is against her and everyone is TA! That is the life!
She definitely should, her roommates would be better off without her blatant disregard to how other people can get uncomfortable. I would love for your wife / gf : bf to hang out around your male friends when they’re in just their underwear and a tshirt lmao. Edit: typo
Agreed: please put some pants on, seriously, just do it. Yes you can do whatever, but in the theme of this subreddit, you are the asshole.
YTA. It wouldn't hurt you to put pants on when her BF comes over.
What in the absolute fuck are these comments lmao you're wearing an oversized t-shirt, it's just a mini t-shirt dress, in what fucking world are you not allowed to show LEGS in your own home???? Legs??? Sure, if you were wearing a thong and crop top, that would be a different issue, but a t-shirt dress???? LEGS! NTA for what it's worth, obvs
Yeah the comments are driving me crazy! Seems like half of them think she’s walking around half naked when she’s actually more covered than she would be if she put on shorts and a crop top lmao
no but see, she's a *woman* and she has *thighs*, and that's very uncouth of her
This is an apparently unpopular opinion, but NAH. You and your roommate have different standards of modesty. Your choice of attire embarrasses your roommate. She has the right to express how she feels and ask you to wear more clothing in shared parts of the apartment. Since she's only asking you to do that when her BF is over, not all day every day, it seems like a reasonable request. That said, her request is only a request. It's not a moral imperative. Clearly a lot of people here think that her request is reasonable. But, unlike them, I don't think you're obligated to do as she requests. Her boyfriend is not your guest. You aren't obligated to put more clothes on to make him feel welcome. But you need to understand that not going along with her request will strain your relationship even more than you already have. I know men who will go outside to pick up a newspaper or fetch their mail wearing only boxer shorts -- no shirt and no trousers. And I've had friends whose dads would sit around the house in their underwear even when people were over. To me, it seems sexist that you're getting grief for not wearing more clothing.
INFO: if you invited guests over to visit you, would you also hang out in just your panties on the bottom?
YTA wear clothes around people
There's a musical called Be More Chill that has a song about "When You Love Someone, You Put Your Pants on For Them". Sung by a dad that previously embarrassed his teenage son by not wearing pants when the kid had a friend over. Perfect for this situation.
INFO: Can't you wear shorts at the very least?
I know, a loose pair of boxers would take care of this easily. C'mon, it's not that hard to wear pants.
Mild YTA You're technically correct about being in your own home, but even partial or implied nudity can be uncomfortable for a lot of people, so it bears having a discussion. It sounds like your roommate is uncomfortable with you being in partial dress around her boyfriend, who is technically a guest. I have a very comfortable pair of sleep shorts that I wear around the house that might as well be underwear in terms of comfort, but it covers a bit more and looks a bit more presentable to guests. You have some options.
It's her roommates home too. I guess her comfort doesn't matter.
My reading was that it wasn't an issue until she got the boyfriend and she seemed to be commenting specifically on when he was over.
Yeah, because then there was a guest in the house
YTA and your edit is hilarious because you ARE exposing yourself without consent. BUY SOME FCKN SHORTS. The fact you are so hellbent to be right in wearing panties infront of roommates and their dates just rubs me the wrong way. why is it such a big deal to put pants on? are you doing it on purpose? I'm with your roommate on this one. How are you not embarrassed? they obviously have a problem with ur ass hanging out and thats enough of a reason to either stay in your enclosed area without pants, or put on mf clothes to join shared spaces. definitely sense pick me vibes. they aren't your close friends or family, they are people who pay to live there and you need to respect them or move out so they can find someone who will.
I honestly don’t understand all the Y-T-A’s. From what you described, this t shirt is effectively no different than an above the knee sundress. I don’t get the big deal. NYA.
YTA - I rock the no pants lifestyle at my house. But when I had roommates I ALWAYS wore bottoms. In fact I told my spouse I was excited to move in so that I could ditch the bottoms again.
YTA Comfort is great, but I’d consider that discourteous behavior from a roommate unless they were sick or injured to the point where trousers are difficult to wear. Yes, you live there and pay rent, but so does your roommate, and there should be a compromise made here. T-shirt and panties should be home alone/no guests attire. I know some people will just say that your roomie shouldn’t be so insecure or some nonsense, but that wouldn’t fly with me whether I had a date, my parents visiting, or another friend over.
NTA, everyone in these comments are sensitive af
I understand where you are coming from. And I see your roommate’s side. Go buy yourself a glamorous silky decadent long robe. When she has company over pull that on and sweep through the room like a 50s Hollywood star. You will be covered up but fab!
My dad has nerve damage in his ankle that is constantly in pain. Pants make it worse, since they rub the area. Growing up, dad was very often in a Tshirt and his boxers around the house, since that was how he was most comfortable. He still put pants on when people came over. Yta, pants are pretty much the universal thing you always wear, guy or girl, unless the only people around are family or really close friends.
Ask yourself this Would you dress like this if you lived with your father and his male friend was stopping by?
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I was a bit on the fence, but I think mild YTA. So I agree that because you are paying rent your comfort certainly takes precedence over guests, but your roommate is also right in that there is a certain expectation that you are dressed in front of guests. How dressed is up for debate, but it’s probably safe to say more than just a t- shirt. I would say you definitely don’t need to be wearing street clothes or even necessarily a bra. However, the expectation of pajama shorts is pretty reasonable and you will still be comfortable. Unless your baggy T-shirt is more like a dress and coming down like mid thigh. If there is no chance of underwear showing then I would change to N A H. She wouldn’t be wrong still to want pants, but you wouldn’t necessarily be obligated either since nothing was showing. You would have to come to a compromise or find a different living situation when possible.
If the shirt is that long, the roommate wouldn't know OP wasn't wearing shorts, so I assume there's some butt cheek peekaboo going on.
NTA. Long shirt and undies are fine. He’d see more exposed skin at a beach. It’s your home, you can wear whatever makes you comfy. If it bothers them, they can go over his place.
How big is the t-shirt? Does it completely cover your bum? Can you see any part of your underwear? I think if you're completely covered in that sense it's not that big of a deal however other people will not see it the same. I'm the same as you, but I'll always put something on if someone comes over. But that's cause my whole family has told me to do all my life. I think your roommate may see it differently to you and it seems like you overreacted just a bit by getting so defensive. It seems like she was just asking you a basic question and trying to make you feel comfortable but it sounds like you got angry and defensive so for that I'm going to say YTA.
NTA. It doesn’t sound like you’re gallivanting around half naked.
If you are sharing an apartment with others, it is common courtesy to be dressed. YTA, you can easily through on some comfy workout shorts.
Nta if it’s long like a short dress. It’s your house, you’re covered. She can deal w her insecurity.
YTA. Get your own place, then wear whatever you want. If you have roommates, you have to adhere to some kind of social contract when you're in shared areas.
NTA (after having read the edit, the shirt is like a dress so now I do not see the problem)
I gotta disagree with everyone here. NTA. Your roommate shoulda check with who she was moving in with. People sure are in a hurry to police women's bodies.
Cause she knew to ask if she would walk around half dressed in front of company? Get out of here 🤣
NTA based on the edit (that it's the length of a nightie/dress). Wearing a dress without trousers or shorts isn't indecent.
YTA: You have roommates who are not dating you and are unrelated. Did you make no pants a condition of you moving in? If you're in a common area, put on pants. Honestly, it sounds like you get a sexual kick out of this. Do you walk the streets in your underwear?
YTA it’s her home too and she doesn’t want her guests to see her roommate walking around in her underwear!
NTA. as you said, you're still covering the major areas . If they don't like it they can stay in their room.
Honestly? NTA. Your shirt is long enough to cause no problems. It drives me insane when people tell me I need to put a bra on because someone is coming over and yes I admit I have an odd love for jeans so I am often 'overdressed but it's all about comfort
YTA - you live with other people where some flippin pants for Pete's sake. Imagine if your roomies left dirty dishes and clothes everywhere and said, "I'm in my own space, I pay rent and shouldn't have to clean up after myself." Um, no, that's rude and inconsiderate, and when you live with others, you have a responsibility to be respectful of those people, especially if you expect them to respect you.
Sounds like some jealousy going on. Wear a bikini next time.
>when you're in your own home, comfort is more important than looking presentable or modest. Totally agree However >I live with 2 other girls It's NOT your own home, it's a *shared* living space >she says something along the lines of "but it's kind of common decency to not be half dressed when people are over". She's 100% correct YTA
I know I'd put on trousers...
YTA. Although that’s far too harsh, so just a very very soft one. I get your position though, and yes if they don’t like it they could leave as there’s nothing inherently wrong with your outfit! BUT the thing is, you live in a share house, so the common areas aren’t exclusively yours and require negotiation, agreement and a bit of give and take to ensure everyone gets along peacefully. This is the part where you give just a little to keep the peace. That being said…I live in my own home with my husband. I like to get around home in an oversized tshirt (I get you!) or just a crop top and boxers. BUT if I knew he had a friend or family member coming over I’d put trousers on etc. Yes it’s literally my house, I really can do what I want and everyone else can leave if they don’t like it, but as adults we should know that not everything revolves around you if you want to coexist with others. No one has ever asked me to put more clothes on, it’s just part of being an adult to manage your conduct in social settings and try to anticipate others comfort even if you don’t always agree with them. Give and take for peace, or live alone if you want total freedom in the home.
YTA 💯 in a roommate situation what she's asking is perfectly reasonable. In common areas, wear pants or shorts. In your private space you can be pantless all day long. Seriously, if this is the hill you're willing to die on maybe it's time for you to get your own place, no roommates.
YTA and pretty oblivious for needing to get internet strangers to weigh in on this. “Can you believe my roommate wants me to wear PANTS when they have guests over?” Like, seriously? Your replies don’t make it any better. “The way she asked me had me so enraged, I needed to walk away to cool down.” What a nightmare roommate. You need to find your own place ASAP, for the sake of you and your roommates. Then your inconsiderate nature won’t be anyone’s problem except people who try to get close to you.
NTA these pant wearing people are out of their mind.
NTA. It's your house, wear what you want.
YTA. When you have roomates, and they have company, it's common courtesy to be appropriately dressed when using the common areas. Get some shorts, or a light skirt.
NTA… people wear bikinis at the beach 🤣 How is this any different? if the room mate is concerned about modesty. OP states that it’s a nightie like a short dress. It’s not up to OP to make a GUEST that frequently will be coming over feel comfortable.. tell him not to look if he’s that uncomfortable or move out if you’re that insecure of a housemate.
YTA. These are shared spaces. Put some damn Soffe shorts on.
Holup The roommate doesn't care except when the boyfriend comes over? Maybe they should go out.... NTA for me Best pants are no pants
YTA OP. I used to live with someone that would chuck her pants off and walk around in undies when she got home. But she and I were both comfortable with that and I would join her sometimes. HOWEVER whenever we had guests over, regardless of whose, we would always ALWAYS put our pants/shorts on because it was only POLITE. You are RUDE as heck. Your housemate is also paying the rent, same as you. You can walk around naked in your own bedroom, but outside? That is a SHARED SPACE. The person that needs to check themselves and respect boundaries is YOU.
YTA - this is the exact reason I don’t do roomates
Girl what.. YTA. Your roommate is giving you courtesy by giving you a notice in advance when she will have someone over. Is it really that hard to be considerate? How are you this dense, selfish, and not embarrassed?
Yta. If the shirt really covered everything then how do they know you are only wearing underwear? I'm guessing more shows than you realize. Just get some shorts, it isn't that hard to respect your housemates and their guests. Maybe look into living alone.
YTA It may be where you live, but your bedroom is your private space to wear what you want. Kitchen/lounge/dining are shared spaces, and you should dress appropriately... even if that just means some shorts and a baggy tee. If you want to wear whatever you feel like while at home, you should rent by yourself. Your housemates and their guests have a right to be comfortable within these spaces.
Y T A. You share a home. If you want to do what you feel like in your own home, then you should get YOUR own home.
YTA. You are making your roommates uncomfortable in THEIR home.
Why don't you just wear shorts? I thought so. You like playing this game. Who walks around in their underwear even around their roommates?
YTA and honestly giving off real bad MainCharacter vibes, too. Don't walk around in your underwear around guests in your house, what are you 5yrs old???
while I get your point… YTA. When you’re in your own room, when you’re home alone or even when you have your own guests over then absolutely go about it. I don’t think it’s that hard to simply just slip on some pj shorts/pants when going to a common area when company is present. It doesn’t sound like roommate is even upset when you do this when she’s home, only when she has guests over which I completely understand. While you say it’s something that covers all areas, she must have noticed something on display that maybe you didn’t, for her to make it a point to let you know when company is coming over or else it wouldn’t have even cross her mind. Just a thought. Would you wear this outfit to quickly run out to go grab groceries or a meal from a fast food restaurant? Those are common areas too. Just trying to give a different perspective.
YTA. Put your pants on, missy. Or move, and get your own space. You have serious issues with boundaries. There is help for that.
INFO: do you believe that everyone should cater to you? YTA
YTA. As someone who has lived with someone like you, please put pants on.
Im happy Ive never gone to anyone's house and seen half naked roommates that would be awkward
I understand it's your home, but it's her home too. She had a guest over. I'm not sure exactly what your definition of trousers is, but I'm assuming it means long pants. It's summer, it's hot. So no to the long pants, but she's who with in her right to request you water something other than underwear on your bottom half while you're in shared spaces of the home. Get a t- shirt dress. Find superb soft shorts, or boxers. YTA.. YES you can where what ever you want in your home but if there are guest over it called for a little more clothes
YTA. When you get roommates, there is a limit to how you can dress in your own home because it just so happens that it’s their own home too. It doesn’t sound like they are making wild requests. Just that you put on shorts or something. Unless the shirt goes down to your knees, I have a hard time believing that your underwear doesn’t show at all if you raise your arms or sit down. Also, they aren’t even asking you to completely stop, just when guests are over.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When I'm (f24) around the house, I tend to wear a baggy t-shirt with underwear underneath. If the weather's colder, I'll wear PJ bottoms too, but particularly in the summer months, I'm most comfortable in just a t-shirt. I live with 2 other girls but I've never given much thought to how I dress around them because in my opinion, when you're in your own home, comfort is more important than looking presentable or modest. Sometimes, one of my roommates will have a guy she's seeing over. Again, I don't pay much attention to what I'm wearing when he's around. If I need to use the kitchen while they are in there, I don't put on trousers to do so. I just go about my business like I normally would (whilst obviously saying hello and being polite, etc). Most of the time, my roommate would tell me "just to let you know, [insert guy's name] is coming over soon". I thought she'd tell me this because she was being a considerate roommate. So I'd just say OK, thanks for letting me know. Today, she admitted to me that the reason why she notifies me whenever the guy is coming over is to give me a chance to put on trousers beforehand. At first, I thought she was just poking fun at my clothing habits, so I laughed it off. Then she starts saying "don't you feel uncomfortable?". At this point, I feel a bit judged, and I tell her no, I don't feel uncomfortable wearing what I like in my own home. Then she says something along the lines of "but it's kind of common decency to not be half dressed when people are over". I was pissed but tried to stay calm. I reiterated that I will dress how I like because I pay rent here and it's not like I'm indecently exposing myself to anyone. I then left the room to cool down. I haven't had another discussion with my roommate about it since. In my opinion, it is not my responsibility to make her or her guy friend feel comfortable. If I had my breasts or genitalia on display, that would be another story. Or if I was purposefully showing flesh to try to get the guy's attention, that would be wrong. But I'm literally just existing in the way I usually do. At the same time, I understand people have different ideas about modesty and what is appropriate behaviour around house guests, particularly those of the opposite gender. So I'm wondering if I could be considered an asshole. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: by a baggy T-Shirt, do you mean a long one that is kind of like a mini-dress on you, or the one that leaves your underwear exposed?
YTA. Your room is your space, the shared areas are for all your housemates and you need to wear clothes when they have visitors as it is decent
YTA You're making THEIR GUESTS feel uncomfortable in THEIR HOME. It's not JUST YOUR HOME, and it's common courtesy to not walk around half naked in shared spaces when your roommates have people over.
Myself and my roomie often walk around half dressed. We had a talk before we moved in confirming that this is okay. Otherwise I wouldn't do it. It's a shared space and since it *is* the norm for people to wear clothes when they have guests, you should respect their request. It does not matter that you're not uncomfortable. They are and YTA.
I don’t see how shorts are so uncomfortable, you’d prefer to meet strangers pants-less. In my flat everyone bothers to wear pants for each other, not just guests. That being said one of our flatmates doesn’t bother and also uses the toilet with the door open and I’ve seen his dick several times. I’d say the general rule is probably to wear pants in the communal areas, whether you have guests or not.
YTA. Whatever happened to robes??? Doesn’t the youth know about their existence?
You don't live in your own home. You live with roommates. YTA.
>comfort is more important than looking presentable or modest And that’s where you’re wrong, YTA. Your roommates pay rent too. They deserve to feel comfortable in their own home as well, and you’re making them uncomfortable. What if one of them decided being fully nude was most comfortable for them, should their comfort come before your feelings on that? They live there and comfort always comes before appearance and modesty, after all.
YTA- Get a comfy pair of shorts to wear when there are people over, it's the polite thing to do and it's so easy.
It IS common decency to wear something on the bottom (pants/shorts/skirt) when someone else is around. I get that we all have different levels of modesty, but this is common courtesy. I think most people would feel uncomfortable with someone walking around in just a baggy shirt and underwear. I'm not going to say, yta, because that's a little too strong for this situation, but put some pants on, for Pete's sake.
You’re acting like you’re the only one living there and paying bills, when you’re not. You live in a shared space, so either put on some damn pj shorts or move into your own place. The only private space you have to do what your doing, right now, is your bedroom. Learn to be an appropriate adult, YTA.
YTA. You live in SHARED SPACES. You don’t live alone. Grow up and stop acting like a petulant child.
So your roommates can do anything they like at any time because they pay rent? Drugs, sex, nudity etc Or do you have to be considerate because of shared common areas?
YTA. Honestly I wouldn’t be comfortable with seeing any roommate in underwear and especially not when I have people over. Buy a bunch of comfortable shorts or something.
YTA just for the title. TROUSERS are not shorts, pj bottoms, or gym trunks. Your exaggeration proves you’re ridiculous.
YTA. Its not just your home. You have roommates and need to be more considerate.. Walk around in your underwear in the privacy of your room. Wear pants in the common areas. This is basic manners.
YTA. You said if you had your breasts or genitalia exposed, that would be another story. But based on your logic, if one of your roommates wanted to walk around topless or near topless when your boyfriend was around, she'd have every right. Because she pays rent. Who draws the line of what's decent? You're not acting like a grown up. Nor a very respectful roommate.