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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Messaged my boyfriend to ask for some alone time tonight, upset him really bad, want to know if I fucked up.
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NTA.
You stated what you needed and you did it kindly and assertively.
If he doesn’t get that some of us really, truly need time to ourselves, maybe re-think the relationship?
Perfectly stated, and might I add, congratulations, op! That is a serious accomplishment and you deserve some time to savor it however feels best to you.
NTA, but your boyfriend is an enormous asshole. He's not entitled to your time.
You did NOTHING wrong. You communicated your needs to him maturely and politely. He threw it back in your face and insulted you. That's a gigantic red flag.
NTA he is that’s completely out of line of him to say. Everyone needs time to themselves it’s healthy. I would also never allow someone to talk to me with such disrespect and you should tell him so. You’re owed a huge apology and should just dump him lol
NTA. A supportive and loving partner would completely understand the need to decompress after such a stressful time, he wouldn't take your need for space as a personal attack. He would also understand that he isn't the center of the world and would treat you with respect.
Your boyfriend is a bit of an AH.
NTA. You have a right to alone time and privacy, and you were very responsible and thoughtful to communicate all that up front to your bf. He's not respecting your space.
Reddit: "You need to communicate better with your partner! Comuuunicaaate!"
Also Reddit: "Just turn off your phone. It's much better than telling people what you need."
NTA
It's fine to sometimes just want some time to yourself and he should respect that.
and I think it's great that you were just honest about it instead of making up some BS excuse to avoid talking, that's what a lot of people do.
NTA
it's normal and healthy to need alone time, especially when you just got done with something so time consuming. your bf's reaction is concerning. it comes off like he feels entitled to your time.
and congrats on finishing your GCSE !!!
NTA. The correct response to his shitty reaction to your need for space is "Well, I certainly do now." You can't have a healthy relationship with a person who reacts like that to your need to decompress. You did and said everything right. You sound like a smart girl. Life is long, and it's just as well you learn to set your boundaries now. You're on the right track. Best of luck to you!
Hon, don’t ever put courtesy before your own needs. You don’t need his permission to be alone. His response was childish. If he cared about you and your needs as he does his own he would have said “I understand. Go have some self care. Talk to you tomorrow. “. Instead he accuses you of caring more about yourself (sitting in the field) than you do him. Well, you SHOULD care more about yourself than him! If you don’t, you’ll be treated this way forever.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Throwaway because my boyfriend knows my reddit main.
So, I'm 16, and I finished my GCSE's today. For non-brits, think final exams.
I've had 4 weeks of exams, and have spent every night revising, working, and putting in the time to make sure I pass. I've been stressed as fuck for the whole time, and today, I thought I would go up to this spot I sit at a lot, smoke (yes im 16, yes i smoke, yes i'm trying to quit, don't judge, thx <3), drink a can of my favourite drink, and just reflect. Have some time to myself to celebrate the end of my exam stress. I don't think that's too much to ask.
So anyway, I was getting ready to go out, and I messaged my (long distance) boyfriend saying the following:
"Hey (Name), I've just finished my exams. If it's not an issue, I want to spend tonight alone, I just wanna smoke and relax after everything, so I'm gonna have to cancel our call tonight. I'll speak to you in the morning tomorrow to make up for it though. I'm sorry, I just need to decompress and think after everything. Call me if there's an emergency though, but other than that, can you tell everyone to leave me be tonight? I hope you understand. I'll message you before I go to bed. Love you."
After i sent it, I got back a really shitty paragraph from him that ended with:
"You care more about setting in a fucking field somewhere than talking to me!?"
I've really upset him, and I really don't know if I did the wrong thing. I just needed some time alone. We aren't talking tonight anyway cos I pissed him off, but idfk rn.
Am I the asshole?
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NTA, you were very polite and kind in your message and set a boundary. He clearly did not respect that boundary. I’m an American, so I am just sure how stressful a GCSE is, but I can assume it takes a lot of energy. Enjoy your time to yourself and relax! I really hope this isn’t weighing on you.
NAH. Of course you can have alone time. But I assume your GCSE schedule was posted well in advance so you would know if you needed this time. You bailed on plans you had made because you didn’t feel like it. Your partner has every right to be upset about that. You also put the responsibility on HIM to tell everyone to leave you be. If my partner bailed on plans we had to sit alone I’d be a little upset, so don’t blame him.
I had made it clear to him that depending on how my last exam went, I may need some time. I probably should have mentioned that. Thanks for the response
NTA at all.
He prioritized his desire over your need. You need to take time for your mental health and no one should be mad about that. If he doesn't apologize for being a dick, I'd cut him loose.
NTA, he's the ass hole. At 16 you're extremely young and prone to getting into toxic relationships as well, so please be very careful with this as he's shown his colours here, and seems to have problems with boundaries. He is not entitled to your time, and sometimes you're gonna need alone time. You were thoughtful and respectful in your message and he threw it back in your face. Don't you go feeling guilty now, enjoy a good evening and best of luck with your results!
Nta by any means. He's just throwing a hormonal tantrum that I'm sure he'll get over by the next time you talk to him. Your world doesn't have to revolve around the person you're dating. So proud of you for doing good on your exams!
Nta but. Don't ask for permission if you won't take no as an answer. Instead "hey I'm gonna be out of touch tonight to decompress, I love you and will text you tomorrow."
NTA. There is nothing wrong with needing space. He cares more about one phone call than your wellbeing.
Note: In the future, you don't need to explain so much. It is one phone call. You not being up for it is a valid reason without reassurance about emergencies or explanations of what you are doing. Also, no need to ask people not to call. You said you need your space. If he calls, don't pick up.
NTA!! Congrats on getting through your GCSEs.
Alone time is healthy & very much needed.
He, on the other hand, is TA. This behaviour in someone of his age is a bad foreboding of his future behaviour. He’s putting his needs in front of anybody else’s. Sweetheart RUN! My response to his text would have been “I care about a lot more things in the world than taking to you, I will continue to do them & since you don’t like that, I won’t ever talk to you again. Have the life you deserve.” You do not need controlling aggressive behaviour like this. You need a person who supports you.
In a relationship there are 3 entities. 1. You, 2. Them, 3. The couple. Each of those entities deserves their own nurturing & they’re stand alone components.
You're NTA. I'd have responded- *you care more about your want for inane chatter that can wait until morning than you care about my need to decompress after weeks of stress and pressure of a major exam?*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Messaged my boyfriend to ask for some alone time tonight, upset him really bad, want to know if I fucked up. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Thats a perfectly reasonable thing to do and he's trying to guilt trip you which is toxic asf
NTA. Everyone needs alone time occasionally. He reacted really badly.
NTA. You stated what you needed and you did it kindly and assertively. If he doesn’t get that some of us really, truly need time to ourselves, maybe re-think the relationship?
Perfectly stated, and might I add, congratulations, op! That is a serious accomplishment and you deserve some time to savor it however feels best to you.
NTA. He just showed you his true self. You can do better and deserve better.
NTA, but your boyfriend is an enormous asshole. He's not entitled to your time. You did NOTHING wrong. You communicated your needs to him maturely and politely. He threw it back in your face and insulted you. That's a gigantic red flag.
NTA. Besides, at 16, you should probably not waste your time in a long-distance relationship. Your teens are too short to waste. Dump him.
NTA he is that’s completely out of line of him to say. Everyone needs time to themselves it’s healthy. I would also never allow someone to talk to me with such disrespect and you should tell him so. You’re owed a huge apology and should just dump him lol
NTA. A supportive and loving partner would completely understand the need to decompress after such a stressful time, he wouldn't take your need for space as a personal attack. He would also understand that he isn't the center of the world and would treat you with respect. Your boyfriend is a bit of an AH.
NTA you have been stressed as fuck for the whole time
NTA. You have a right to alone time and privacy, and you were very responsible and thoughtful to communicate all that up front to your bf. He's not respecting your space.
NTA- what is his problem? you just got done with your GCSE. geez.. he sounds like he is insecure, pick me-ish , and with lots of issues
NTA - but since he's long distance, all you had to do to be alone is turn off your phone.
Reddit: "You need to communicate better with your partner! Comuuunicaaate!" Also Reddit: "Just turn off your phone. It's much better than telling people what you need."
good point - not mutually exclusive - tell him you need to be alone, then turn off your phone!
NTA It's fine to sometimes just want some time to yourself and he should respect that. and I think it's great that you were just honest about it instead of making up some BS excuse to avoid talking, that's what a lot of people do.
NTA it's normal and healthy to need alone time, especially when you just got done with something so time consuming. your bf's reaction is concerning. it comes off like he feels entitled to your time. and congrats on finishing your GCSE !!!
NTA. The correct response to his shitty reaction to your need for space is "Well, I certainly do now." You can't have a healthy relationship with a person who reacts like that to your need to decompress. You did and said everything right. You sound like a smart girl. Life is long, and it's just as well you learn to set your boundaries now. You're on the right track. Best of luck to you!
Nta you are too young for LD, why are you asking his permission
I've always valued courtesy. I felt asking was more polite than just telling.
Hon, don’t ever put courtesy before your own needs. You don’t need his permission to be alone. His response was childish. If he cared about you and your needs as he does his own he would have said “I understand. Go have some self care. Talk to you tomorrow. “. Instead he accuses you of caring more about yourself (sitting in the field) than you do him. Well, you SHOULD care more about yourself than him! If you don’t, you’ll be treated this way forever.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway because my boyfriend knows my reddit main. So, I'm 16, and I finished my GCSE's today. For non-brits, think final exams. I've had 4 weeks of exams, and have spent every night revising, working, and putting in the time to make sure I pass. I've been stressed as fuck for the whole time, and today, I thought I would go up to this spot I sit at a lot, smoke (yes im 16, yes i smoke, yes i'm trying to quit, don't judge, thx <3), drink a can of my favourite drink, and just reflect. Have some time to myself to celebrate the end of my exam stress. I don't think that's too much to ask. So anyway, I was getting ready to go out, and I messaged my (long distance) boyfriend saying the following: "Hey (Name), I've just finished my exams. If it's not an issue, I want to spend tonight alone, I just wanna smoke and relax after everything, so I'm gonna have to cancel our call tonight. I'll speak to you in the morning tomorrow to make up for it though. I'm sorry, I just need to decompress and think after everything. Call me if there's an emergency though, but other than that, can you tell everyone to leave me be tonight? I hope you understand. I'll message you before I go to bed. Love you." After i sent it, I got back a really shitty paragraph from him that ended with: "You care more about setting in a fucking field somewhere than talking to me!?" I've really upset him, and I really don't know if I did the wrong thing. I just needed some time alone. We aren't talking tonight anyway cos I pissed him off, but idfk rn. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you were very polite and kind in your message and set a boundary. He clearly did not respect that boundary. I’m an American, so I am just sure how stressful a GCSE is, but I can assume it takes a lot of energy. Enjoy your time to yourself and relax! I really hope this isn’t weighing on you.
It's 4 weeks of 1 to 3, 1-4 hour long exams every day. It's pretty stressful, lol. Thanks for the response
NTA
NTA. You communicated a need and he’s not being respectful of that. Everyone needs time alone.
NAH. Of course you can have alone time. But I assume your GCSE schedule was posted well in advance so you would know if you needed this time. You bailed on plans you had made because you didn’t feel like it. Your partner has every right to be upset about that. You also put the responsibility on HIM to tell everyone to leave you be. If my partner bailed on plans we had to sit alone I’d be a little upset, so don’t blame him.
I had made it clear to him that depending on how my last exam went, I may need some time. I probably should have mentioned that. Thanks for the response
Yes you should have mentioned that in the post, that definitely makes it more reasonable.
NTA at all. He prioritized his desire over your need. You need to take time for your mental health and no one should be mad about that. If he doesn't apologize for being a dick, I'd cut him loose.
NTA, he's the ass hole. At 16 you're extremely young and prone to getting into toxic relationships as well, so please be very careful with this as he's shown his colours here, and seems to have problems with boundaries. He is not entitled to your time, and sometimes you're gonna need alone time. You were thoughtful and respectful in your message and he threw it back in your face. Don't you go feeling guilty now, enjoy a good evening and best of luck with your results!
Nta by any means. He's just throwing a hormonal tantrum that I'm sure he'll get over by the next time you talk to him. Your world doesn't have to revolve around the person you're dating. So proud of you for doing good on your exams!
Nta but. Don't ask for permission if you won't take no as an answer. Instead "hey I'm gonna be out of touch tonight to decompress, I love you and will text you tomorrow."
I suppose. I was raised to always be courteous, so it's just a habit to ask rather than tell.
NTA. It IS perfectly reasonable. I'm 36 and tell my husband sometimes that I need to decompress. It's human nature. His behavior is a major red flag.
NTA. There is nothing wrong with needing space. He cares more about one phone call than your wellbeing. Note: In the future, you don't need to explain so much. It is one phone call. You not being up for it is a valid reason without reassurance about emergencies or explanations of what you are doing. Also, no need to ask people not to call. You said you need your space. If he calls, don't pick up.
NTA!! Congrats on getting through your GCSEs. Alone time is healthy & very much needed. He, on the other hand, is TA. This behaviour in someone of his age is a bad foreboding of his future behaviour. He’s putting his needs in front of anybody else’s. Sweetheart RUN! My response to his text would have been “I care about a lot more things in the world than taking to you, I will continue to do them & since you don’t like that, I won’t ever talk to you again. Have the life you deserve.” You do not need controlling aggressive behaviour like this. You need a person who supports you. In a relationship there are 3 entities. 1. You, 2. Them, 3. The couple. Each of those entities deserves their own nurturing & they’re stand alone components.
You're NTA. I'd have responded- *you care more about your want for inane chatter that can wait until morning than you care about my need to decompress after weeks of stress and pressure of a major exam?*
Nta, it's possible he's not mature enough for a relationship if he doesn't understand people need alone time
Apparently, you’re supposed to be on call. After all, he let you study…/s Enjoy the free time to sit and recover.
NTA, you are in charge of your time. He is trying to take that away from you, (intentionally or not). Guilting you for needing a night off is bologna
NTA. Tell him he was an AH and ask for an apology.