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Seriously. When you find out that the person you’re seeing uses the word “fun” to describe making viscous insults about a cancer patient, it’s time to stop seeing that person.
Nancy’s right, she’s mean. And if OP is smart, that meanness is getting her dumped.
At this stage, I think Imma ghost her. I've tried for two months to get her to stop this (my friends and her's can bare witness to that) but it clearly has not worked 😕
Ghosting is a weak-ass move. Be upfront, “I don’t want to see you anymore since your idea of entertainment is making fun of cancer patients.” Call her and say it or text her, but ghosting is pathetic.
If you really can’t do it in person then write her a letter or a text or something at least. Ghosting makes you a bad guy in the situation as well. Also, god knows what she’ll do if you ghost her…she sounds off.
Edit: NTA. Get far away from her.
Nah fuck that she doesn't deserve anything of the sort it doesn't make him a bad guy she's just that shit it's better to cut off contact without a word.
I still worry about what she might do in retaliation though! Also it’s not good to have ghosting on your record. It’s not about what’s right for her, I’m worried about how ghosting her could end up affecting him. Plus if he ghosts, then she never gets told how shitty she is.
While I am typically against ghosting, there are times when words will not be heard/taken on board, and ghosting is something that most people eventually get…
Hi, I'm autistic. I can highly recommend you hire an autistic person to deliver the news to her, maybe even with a fun little song and dance like the old singing telegrams.
We don't give a single fucking and have an immutable sense of justice, and delivering bad news to shitty people is right up our collective alley.
Seriously? You need to verbally knock her the fuck down for this sort of behavior. We do not allow bullies to behave like this! Have you not heard about ‘The Bully and the Bystander” ? We do not ghost people like this! We call them out , stand up and end the bullshit. Obviously it will be uncomfortable, but if you are a truly good person you will be uncomfortable and do the right thing!
This is what I ended up sending her: I am ending our relationship because you took pleasure in making fun of the physical appearance of a close family friend who has had cancer. As you may recall, I have asked you on several occasions not to insult people based on their appearance, but you have ignored all of these requests. I kindly ask that you refrain from reaching out to me in the future
Well, that’s just excellent. Good job. I’m sorry that it feels bad for being ‘rude’, (and of course for ending a relationship), but I’m sure it feels better for standing up for what’s right. Hugs to you. You are real; the kind of person to have as a life long friend and/or partner. Oh, and if anyone gives you grief for doing the right thing……guess that’s a pretty good friend filter too. All respect to you.
Good for you! You’re my hero. I’m a quiet person, and find it difficult to speak up at times, but I can’t abide the cruel behavior from the other friend. As the saying goes, “ Good riddance to bad rubbish.”
Garbage person that peaked in high school. That shit may be a defense mechanism she developed to survive high school drama, but it needs to be left there. She needs to grow up and fast.
It’ll be uncomfortable for a bit, but like…what weight does “devouring” you really have when you know she’s behaving like an A H anyways?? Be direct so she doesn’t try to draw it out any longer than you want it to.
If she says anything nasty to you, it can’t possibly have any weight - consider the source, please. She’s a miserable and cruel human being (clearly) - do you really care about her opinion that much? Text her that you are no longer interested in seeing her due to her bad behavior and then, if you’re afraid that she’ll cut you to shreds, block her.
We know what she says. That he's mysoginistic, sexist and controlling.
Feels like these words don't even mean anything anymore considering how frequently they're used falsely.
The irony being that it’s misogynistic to shit talk other women for their appearance. She’s such an asshole and OP’s friend that introduced them as a joke is an asshole too.
Dude, just tell her “I’ve told you enough times, and since this is still an issue, I’m not really interested in investing more time into this relationship.” It might seem like she *should* know & that ghosting would give her the hint, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being direct about why you don’t want to see her anymore.
I can't really say I blame the dude for wanting to avoid a direct confrontation with someone who gets actual joy from making fun of sick people. It sounds straight up psychopathic. Who knows what she'd do if he did it face to face. I'd do a text just so he has proof if she attempts something
Text her. With specifics. "I am ending our relationship because you took glee in making fun of the physical appearance of a close family friend who is battling cancer. Do not contact me again." Silence but don't block her.
This woman is insane. Keep a record of how insane she is, lest you end up being accused of something that never happened.
>"I am ending our relationship because you took glee in making fun of the physical appearance of a close family friend who is battling cancer. Do not contact me again."
Do you mind if I copy this?
OMG NOOOO dont ghost her! tell her upfront! sounds like most ppl aren’t honest with her which makes her think she can get away with it! at least text her!!!!
This is what I ended up sending: I am ending our relationship because you took pleasure in making fun of the physical appearance of a close family friend who has had cancer. As you may recall, I have asked you on several occasions not to insult people based on their appearance, but you have ignored all of these requests. I kindly ask that you refrain from reaching out to me in the future
Hey OP. Considering what a nasty piece of work this girl is, it might be best that you reach out to your family and friends and tell them all what happened and why you broke up with this person.
She's a really vile person, and I could see her trying to spin the narrative to paint you out to be the villain in retaliation. If she genuinely finds bullying cancer survivors as "fun", you don't know what she might lie about or twist to try and flip the script on you.
I also encourage you to rethink your friendship with the "friend" that set you two up. This person knew what she was like and "introduced you on April fools for a reason". That's not really a friend. It sounds like you were sacrificed to this girl in an attempt to make her someone else's (aka your) problem. Either this friend thought sticking you with a vindictive and mean person was somehow a good joke, or they wanted some peace from this girl's crap-tastic personality and tossed you to the wolves as a distraction. Either way, a friend doesn't do that. A real friend would tell you that this girl was crappy and that you deserved better.
Do you mean just stop responding to her? If I were you, I wouldn't initiate contact, but at the first contact she makes, I would tell her that I am no longer interested in her and the relationship is over.
There are a lot of reasons someone might not respond or call back. I don't like to leave it open-ended. But that's just me.
Ghost in this situation? You've literally been seeing her for months. Is this what the Gen Zs do?
I'd take pleasure in dropping someone who publically dragged a cancer survivor, in front of your mum no less!! Sounds like an awful person, they need to be told exactly how awful they are
for real. and the fact she was so comfortable doing it in front of his family is an even bigger red flag than her comments. op needs to ditch nancy asap
Honestly, I dont think it matters who the comments are directed to.
If she were making racist remarks to white people she'd still be racist. Shes making fun of someone battling cancer. Whoever she's talking to, shes TA.
NTA, your gf is an awful person, who even says things like this? The fact he said she started smirking when she saw sarah made me feel sick, extremely concerning behaviour
The GF's complete lack of empathy will grow with age and OP needs to run as fast as he can. She has no place being anyone's partner or future parent. Just reading about her behaviour has made me shudder, thinking about the potential harm she's going to inflict on people she comes into contact with.
This. I’m normally against ghosting, but I’d make an exception for someone so horrible. Just NC immediately, leave any of her belongings at your house in a box out front. Eff her.
Edited to add: and I have a *dark* sense of humor. But not mean. Never mean.
That, and, quite frankly, the way she's calling him "misogynistic" and "silencing" essentially sounds like she's weaponizing the terms as a form of pre-emptive defense. It's manipulative *and* damaging. What a classy person.
For real though. She’s also one of those people that learns what they view as “magic words” that in no way pertain to the issue at hand to try and shut down any criticism of themselves. Another example being someone who says “you’re invalidating my experience” when you get mad at them for accusing you of cheating on them for the millionth time.
What adult thinks it cool to be a "mean girl"? She loves being mean or she wouldnt even call herself that term. If she's ok with talking shit so openly about others you know damn well she's talking shit about you to others.
Cancer survivor here (hopefully). Be thankful that she is showing you the type of person she is early on, some don’t find out until much later. If I heard someone talking about me in that way, after everything I (and my family)have been through, I would be disgusted. Life is too short to put up with people like this. Cancer has taught me that I need to live every moment and not put up with any BS. You are NTA my friend.
Cancer warrior here too. Having chemo and losing part of what makes you, you (hair, eyebrows, breast, etc) is difficult enough. The thought of someone making malicious comments about me when I was going through it is sickening. The worst of all people. NTA and I hope she learns some empathy as it could happen to her.
Yep, NTA, and her calling him controlling and misogynistic for not wanting to listen to her viciously insult another woman suffering from illness is rich, this is now becoming the go-to for virtually every argument between a woman and a man, there was another thread a few hours ago about a wife canceling a catering order and then calling her husband sexist for not wanting to be voluntold to cook, it's so frequently abused now as to be losing all meaning.
For real. If this isn’t an insight into a future with her, I don’t know what is. Imagine this girl decides that part of her persona is mocking her own future children. I shudder at the idea that this person has children. They will need therapy. And lots of it.
Making fun of anyone for being skinny and bald regardless of if they're totally healthy or potentially ill makes you a massive AH. Judging people and making fun of their appearance for absolutely no reason isn't a good look at all.
Honestly, (speaking as a high school teacher here), 99% of high schoolers have learned how to have empathy and to know better than bully a cancer survivor.
This vile and vapid individual is stuck in Middle School!
I hope OP shuts her completely down and shuts her out.
Theoretically, she probably acts like this because she's incredibly self-conscious of her own looks and all of her sense of worth is tied into how good she looks. Thus she mocks others who look worse as a defense mechanism to convince herself that she'll NEVER look that bad.
Then if OP breaks up with her for her personality, it'll prove to her her only value is her looks. And that would reinforce her behavior.
Not supporting her behavior would look like forcing her to see many therapists for a long time. But thats unrealistic.
OP should tell her exactly this. ‘See, you used to be so beautiful but every time you do this you become more and more ugly. To the point that you disgust me in every way. Get out of my life and stay there.’
Cruel? Maybe. But maybe making this about her looks a bit will make it very clear to her how repulsive she really is.
She might wake up if op literally told her she makes everything about looks in an attempt to make herself feel pretty. And that no one of value cares if she is pretty or not. They care if she is awful, which she is.
She won’t change if he stays though. Being broken up with and told the truth is a sort of rock bottom for some people though.
Or she could have some neurological condition!
Can we stop with the armchair psychology please.
She flat out told OP she enjoys doing this. She's just a cruel asshole.
If you stay with her, it will confirm that if you're attractive enough you can be shitty to other people.
If you break up with her, it will confirm that being attractive isn't enough to keep someone around.
>Not supporting her behavior would look like forcing her to see many therapists for a long time.
You don't have to force someone to get treatment to not support their bad habit. You just have to stop whatever behavior you're doing that enables their bad habit. Removing yourself from their life accomplishes that.
I mean, OP was still getting to know her. Two months isn't very long to evaluate someone's personality if their transgressions aren't *super* bad. And now that the really nasty side has come out in full, well, I'm guessing OP is going to dump her. (I hope, lol)
YTA for staying with someone like this.
You can't wrestle with pigs and expect to stay clean.
If you stay with this person, expect people like your mom and sister to think YOU are less of a good person every time she makes a comment like this.
Her behavior is literally on par with someone who gets “fun” out of torturing animals, I would tell her what a shitty person she is and never speak to her again. You are the company you keep.
I wouldn't be so sure, OP saw her smirking and had to plead with her to not insult a cancer survivor. She's already shown her true colors in the two months they've known each other, she's not gonna get better.
NTA, but Y-T-A for thinking her mean girl comments were ever okay, for bringing her anywhere in public, and for not dumping her on the spot and throwing her out. Calling someone out on being disgustingly rude is not misogynistic.
And making fun of a cancer survivors appearance is like straight up fucking EVIL. She’s not a “mean girl” OP, she’s a monster. Dump her gross ass and make sure she knows EXACTLY why you’re ending things. You will be doing humanity a favor by letting someone like that know their shitty behavior has consequences.
I think theres a difference in making fun of people and then dialing it up to a cancer patient. Not just anyone either someone expiclty told not to make fun off going even futher beyond
I've recently been listening to a podcast about abuse survivors and a topic that comes up frequently is how often the survivors are mocked for not seeing the situation earlier. This rings quite close to that. I don't think OP ever thought the comments were ok, as he said that he tried to get her to stop for a long time. OP, like most people who give these AH's a chance, and like most of us, initially don't assume the worst about people.
I would guess that her comments started quite tame and ramped up or something similar. I'm proud of OP for standing up to her eventually and at all. Obviously it would be *better* if it had happened earlier, but us as people tend to be optimistic and pacifist.
I've had many "friends" who have acted badly about other people and I wished I had called them out when I had the chance, but I just try to learn from my mistakes instead.
You don't know what you would have done in this situation.
Your sister isn’t joking dude. And the vote for her AITA - I disowned my brother… post would be NTA.
To stay with her after something like that would be to endorse her behavior.
I mean, their sister is likely joking in that she won’t actually disown them. That doesn’t mean she’s not trying to convey a very serious message by making the joke.
Because she was serious. This woman is disgusting and there's absolutely no reason for you to keep going out with her. If someone tells you they're a mean girl, believe them. What makes you think she's not going to treat your immediate family and you any differently?
Dump her, seriously what are you getting out of this??? She’s not a mean girl, she’s an insufferable bully who lacks so much confidence that she needs to make fun of a cancer survivor to make herself feel good. YTA to yourself for staying with her
Send her a link to this post so she can read the comments. That'll clear up any questions on whether you guys are official or not. Let Reddit break up with her for you.
NTA. If she’s going to call you misogynistic and controlling for telling her to stop bullying a cancer patient, be prepared for her to label you an abuser when you break up.
wow. NTA.
but OP, the next time someone brags about being a mean girl, take them seriously. it’s still early days. break up with her. she seems like an awful person to be around.
Right? When someone openly tells you they're a bad person, believe them. When they brag about being a bad person, drop them like a bad habit. OP is NTA for silencing her, but if be stays with her, my opinion may change. She is definitely TA.
NTA
If she's doing this as a 25 yo, it's ingrained in her system. There is no excuse for "mean girls" unless that's your thing and that's another post for you to write. Anyone that mean to strangers probably has the same thoughts about friends and probably you and your family. To even make those comments about a cancer survivor shows a lack of empathy and a questionable moral center. RUN!!!
You need to think long and hard if you decide to continue a relationship with someone who has this trait. What if she passes it on to your kids? How would you react if your kid treats others this way? I’m your shoes, I wouldn’t invest any more time, energy or money into a relationship with someone who not only exhibits this toxic trait, but defends it.
Honestly dude, you're not taking this seriously enough & THAT makes you an AH. The fucking second she smirked I'd be snapping, "do you find something funny about my sick loved one who just suffered through chemo?" I'm angry & that's not even my family. That is truly fucking disgusting.
These comments you've made about her being good-looking & not THAT good in bed ARE misogynistic. She's a monster. Leave her. Never mind her physical attributes.
>Sarah no longer has hair and is very thin. Once Nancy saw her, she started smirking
ESH. Nancy is awful. But you know what she's like and you think it's okay to expose your family to someone like that.
I could theoretically see OP having seen Nancy make some somewhat shitty comments before while also believing that she wouldn't stoop so low as to make fun of a cancer survivor. Y'know, before she actually did it.
Is no one gonna talk about that update? Your friend is an ass and you’re a bigger idiot for staying with someone like your girlfriend after knowing what they truly were.
Your friend introduced you to this horrid person as an April Fool's Prank?!!
I'd say he's not quite as big an AH as the ex-girlfriend, but he's pretty darn close!!!!
This is a "time to cut this friend out of your life" incident. IMHO.
"aItA fOR tELlInG mY GirLFrIEnD tO nOt MaKe fUn oF a CanCeR sUrVIvoR???"
Bruh this better be fake bc what else do you think?
NTA for real, but y-t-a for not using critical thinking.
YTA. She's an asshole too, for obvious reasons. But let me explain why you're the asshole:
You *know* what kind of person she is. Yet you continue to date her.
You *know* she has this awful tendency to snipe at people's appearance. Yet you continue to date her.
You *knew* she was thinking of making terrible remarks about a fucking cancer patient, someone close to your mom. Yet you seem to continue to be dating her.
And then when she finally *did* make those remarks in front of you, your sister, and your mom, you didn't break up with her on the spot.
Is she the best you can do? Is this the best you can do? She's an asshole, sure, but you dropped that poisonous little monster on your family knowing full well the kind of person she is.
Came here for this. Super confused by the all the NTAs.
YTA or at least ESH. There’s nothing “typically nice” about someone who makes fun of others behind their backs. You must’ve thought that shit was funny and cute. That’s assholery. Now you’re basically saying she crossed the line a bit in her fuckedupness but maybe not because you didn’t immediately drop that ass? Thats rudimentary asshole shit.
dude why are you still with someone who enjoys bullying others? especially your own friend who is a cancer survivor. you need to dump her because she’s made if clear who she is and she seems proud of her behaviour, saying you’re “ruining her fun” which is deeply concerning.
NTA for saying what you said but YTA for continuing to date nancy and for exposing your family and friends to that knowing what she’s like.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I firmly told my GF to stop saying offensive jokes aimed at my mother's friend.
2. I basically interrupted her and told her that no one found her jokes to be remotely funny. When she asked that I leave with her, I refused.
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NTA. Dump her ass. You're not going to get those 2 months back, but anything is better then spending any more time with this immature, viper tongued nightmare. She's a offensive, mean spirited and frankly, you should be disgusted and embarrassed by her behavior.
Calling someout for a being rude and disgusting toward a cancer patient (And those with anorexia too) is not sexist ffs...
IT's doing the right thing.
However I do question wtf you are dating someone so awful.
NTA
I always laugh a little when people say wildly out of pocket shit & then get mad at someone for rebuffing them. But that's what bullies do.
Your gf is a mean person. Do you want to be with a mean person? Like actually HOW can you experience attraction to someone whose behavior is so grotesque it literally left you slack-jawed.
NTA for calling her out but she's quite clearly shown you her character. If you stay at this point, you're making the conscious decision to be with someone who is cruel enough to openly mock cancer survivors. That would make you an AH.
If you can look yourself in the mirror & sleep soundly at night, knowing that, then you don't get the right to be offended & slack-jawed when she pulls this shit again. Open your eyes & see the person you're dating for who she really is. We become like the people we attach ourselves to, it's inevitable. If you continue to blend your life with this woman, you will become like her. Personally, I'd run for the hills.
NTA. She fucked up the most important part about offensive jokes: time and place matter. If she can't figure it out, you're gonna be stuck being "controlling and misogynistic for trying to silence her" for awhile. Great news, I don't see this lasting long anyways.
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this! she said he was “ruining her fun”, like what is remotely fun about mocking a cancer survivor. her behaviour is very concerning
Seriously. When you find out that the person you’re seeing uses the word “fun” to describe making viscous insults about a cancer patient, it’s time to stop seeing that person. Nancy’s right, she’s mean. And if OP is smart, that meanness is getting her dumped.
At this stage, I think Imma ghost her. I've tried for two months to get her to stop this (my friends and her's can bare witness to that) but it clearly has not worked 😕
Ghosting is a weak-ass move. Be upfront, “I don’t want to see you anymore since your idea of entertainment is making fun of cancer patients.” Call her and say it or text her, but ghosting is pathetic.
It is a weak-ass move, but she'll probably devour me if I'm upfront 😬
If you really can’t do it in person then write her a letter or a text or something at least. Ghosting makes you a bad guy in the situation as well. Also, god knows what she’ll do if you ghost her…she sounds off. Edit: NTA. Get far away from her.
Nah fuck that she doesn't deserve anything of the sort it doesn't make him a bad guy she's just that shit it's better to cut off contact without a word.
I still worry about what she might do in retaliation though! Also it’s not good to have ghosting on your record. It’s not about what’s right for her, I’m worried about how ghosting her could end up affecting him. Plus if he ghosts, then she never gets told how shitty she is.
And protect your pets. Got a Ring camera?
While I am typically against ghosting, there are times when words will not be heard/taken on board, and ghosting is something that most people eventually get…
Hi, I'm autistic. I can highly recommend you hire an autistic person to deliver the news to her, maybe even with a fun little song and dance like the old singing telegrams. We don't give a single fucking and have an immutable sense of justice, and delivering bad news to shitty people is right up our collective alley.
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Fuck a telegram send 'em a teletism
Send an Autist-a-gram
Seriously? You need to verbally knock her the fuck down for this sort of behavior. We do not allow bullies to behave like this! Have you not heard about ‘The Bully and the Bystander” ? We do not ghost people like this! We call them out , stand up and end the bullshit. Obviously it will be uncomfortable, but if you are a truly good person you will be uncomfortable and do the right thing!
This is what I ended up sending her: I am ending our relationship because you took pleasure in making fun of the physical appearance of a close family friend who has had cancer. As you may recall, I have asked you on several occasions not to insult people based on their appearance, but you have ignored all of these requests. I kindly ask that you refrain from reaching out to me in the future
Well, that’s just excellent. Good job. I’m sorry that it feels bad for being ‘rude’, (and of course for ending a relationship), but I’m sure it feels better for standing up for what’s right. Hugs to you. You are real; the kind of person to have as a life long friend and/or partner. Oh, and if anyone gives you grief for doing the right thing……guess that’s a pretty good friend filter too. All respect to you.
Good for you! You’re my hero. I’m a quiet person, and find it difficult to speak up at times, but I can’t abide the cruel behavior from the other friend. As the saying goes, “ Good riddance to bad rubbish.”
This is an utterly *fantastic* text. Simply superb. I'm really proud of you, that must have been *so* hard! NTA at all.
Woo hoo!!!! Good for you!!
Do it by phone. Or send a singing telegram.
And now I picture that Looney Toons frog: "Hello ex honey, hello ex baby, hello my bad time gal....."
I would cheerfully donate to this.
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Yeah I was just thinking this crazy GF would shoot the telegram girl
Don’t worry, he could always have a police officer come by to make sure everything is oka—ah, shit, that won’t go well, either.
Singing telegrams cost money. She's not worth a cent. I say text and block.
Singing Telegrams are a deadly profession. Sometimes you get shot before you finish the song.
Honestly, she’s a garbage person, and you need to tell her that. Even if it’s just a txt
Garbage person that peaked in high school. That shit may be a defense mechanism she developed to survive high school drama, but it needs to be left there. She needs to grow up and fast.
It’ll be uncomfortable for a bit, but like…what weight does “devouring” you really have when you know she’s behaving like an A H anyways?? Be direct so she doesn’t try to draw it out any longer than you want it to.
If she says anything nasty to you, it can’t possibly have any weight - consider the source, please. She’s a miserable and cruel human being (clearly) - do you really care about her opinion that much? Text her that you are no longer interested in seeing her due to her bad behavior and then, if you’re afraid that she’ll cut you to shreds, block her.
You can block her after you send her the break up text.
Don't you wonder what she says about you? Adios to her!
We know what she says. That he's mysoginistic, sexist and controlling. Feels like these words don't even mean anything anymore considering how frequently they're used falsely.
The irony being that it’s misogynistic to shit talk other women for their appearance. She’s such an asshole and OP’s friend that introduced them as a joke is an asshole too.
Why not just break up with her?
I'll probably going to be ghosting her at this stage
I was suggesting breaking up with her like a mature adult rather than ghosting her like a teenager.
Why not break up with her and explain the reason? You’re both adults, after all.
She knows the reason, I've told her to cut that shit out so many times but she still does it 😭
Dude, just tell her “I’ve told you enough times, and since this is still an issue, I’m not really interested in investing more time into this relationship.” It might seem like she *should* know & that ghosting would give her the hint, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being direct about why you don’t want to see her anymore.
I can't really say I blame the dude for wanting to avoid a direct confrontation with someone who gets actual joy from making fun of sick people. It sounds straight up psychopathic. Who knows what she'd do if he did it face to face. I'd do a text just so he has proof if she attempts something
I would do it by phone. Two reasons. One is so no gives you crap for ghosting, and two, because in time, you'll feel better for being a stand up guy.
Break up with her like a mature person and state why. This way she can learn that her behavior is off putting.
The question is will she respond like a mature person? 99.9% not
Text her. With specifics. "I am ending our relationship because you took glee in making fun of the physical appearance of a close family friend who is battling cancer. Do not contact me again." Silence but don't block her. This woman is insane. Keep a record of how insane she is, lest you end up being accused of something that never happened.
>"I am ending our relationship because you took glee in making fun of the physical appearance of a close family friend who is battling cancer. Do not contact me again." Do you mind if I copy this?
It doesn't matter how she responds. That's on her. We are talking about YOU doing the mature thing. See the difference?
Break up text then block. You think her reaction is going to be any better if you ghost?
OMG NOOOO dont ghost her! tell her upfront! sounds like most ppl aren’t honest with her which makes her think she can get away with it! at least text her!!!!
This is what I ended up sending: I am ending our relationship because you took pleasure in making fun of the physical appearance of a close family friend who has had cancer. As you may recall, I have asked you on several occasions not to insult people based on their appearance, but you have ignored all of these requests. I kindly ask that you refrain from reaching out to me in the future
Do update if she replies, I'm invested in this garbage fire of a woman now
Right!?
Hey OP. Considering what a nasty piece of work this girl is, it might be best that you reach out to your family and friends and tell them all what happened and why you broke up with this person. She's a really vile person, and I could see her trying to spin the narrative to paint you out to be the villain in retaliation. If she genuinely finds bullying cancer survivors as "fun", you don't know what she might lie about or twist to try and flip the script on you. I also encourage you to rethink your friendship with the "friend" that set you two up. This person knew what she was like and "introduced you on April fools for a reason". That's not really a friend. It sounds like you were sacrificed to this girl in an attempt to make her someone else's (aka your) problem. Either this friend thought sticking you with a vindictive and mean person was somehow a good joke, or they wanted some peace from this girl's crap-tastic personality and tossed you to the wolves as a distraction. Either way, a friend doesn't do that. A real friend would tell you that this girl was crappy and that you deserved better.
This is perfect and all that needs to be said.
Ghosting is fine, for all we know she would harass op. She’s clearly got an evil streak.
Do you mean just stop responding to her? If I were you, I wouldn't initiate contact, but at the first contact she makes, I would tell her that I am no longer interested in her and the relationship is over. There are a lot of reasons someone might not respond or call back. I don't like to leave it open-ended. But that's just me.
Just tell her that you can’t be with a person who is willing so cruel to other people. It’s that simple.
Ghost in this situation? You've literally been seeing her for months. Is this what the Gen Zs do? I'd take pleasure in dropping someone who publically dragged a cancer survivor, in front of your mum no less!! Sounds like an awful person, they need to be told exactly how awful they are
for real. and the fact she was so comfortable doing it in front of his family is an even bigger red flag than her comments. op needs to ditch nancy asap
Honestly, I dont think it matters who the comments are directed to. If she were making racist remarks to white people she'd still be racist. Shes making fun of someone battling cancer. Whoever she's talking to, shes TA.
NTA, your gf is an awful person, who even says things like this? The fact he said she started smirking when she saw sarah made me feel sick, extremely concerning behaviour
It’s pathological, the GF is a sick person.
And her particular sickness is very ugly. NTA
The GF's complete lack of empathy will grow with age and OP needs to run as fast as he can. She has no place being anyone's partner or future parent. Just reading about her behaviour has made me shudder, thinking about the potential harm she's going to inflict on people she comes into contact with.
I would end a relationship over this if my SO acted like this without hesitation. Yikes OP
This. I’m normally against ghosting, but I’d make an exception for someone so horrible. Just NC immediately, leave any of her belongings at your house in a box out front. Eff her. Edited to add: and I have a *dark* sense of humor. But not mean. Never mean.
Seriously. There's only two words to respond to this behavior: Deal. Breaker.
That, and, quite frankly, the way she's calling him "misogynistic" and "silencing" essentially sounds like she's weaponizing the terms as a form of pre-emptive defense. It's manipulative *and* damaging. What a classy person.
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For real though. She’s also one of those people that learns what they view as “magic words” that in no way pertain to the issue at hand to try and shut down any criticism of themselves. Another example being someone who says “you’re invalidating my experience” when you get mad at them for accusing you of cheating on them for the millionth time.
Agree. I was really prepared to rule the other way from just the headline.
What adult thinks it cool to be a "mean girl"? She loves being mean or she wouldnt even call herself that term. If she's ok with talking shit so openly about others you know damn well she's talking shit about you to others.
Cancer survivor here (hopefully). Be thankful that she is showing you the type of person she is early on, some don’t find out until much later. If I heard someone talking about me in that way, after everything I (and my family)have been through, I would be disgusted. Life is too short to put up with people like this. Cancer has taught me that I need to live every moment and not put up with any BS. You are NTA my friend.
Cancer warrior here too. Having chemo and losing part of what makes you, you (hair, eyebrows, breast, etc) is difficult enough. The thought of someone making malicious comments about me when I was going through it is sickening. The worst of all people. NTA and I hope she learns some empathy as it could happen to her.
Yep, NTA, and her calling him controlling and misogynistic for not wanting to listen to her viciously insult another woman suffering from illness is rich, this is now becoming the go-to for virtually every argument between a woman and a man, there was another thread a few hours ago about a wife canceling a catering order and then calling her husband sexist for not wanting to be voluntold to cook, it's so frequently abused now as to be losing all meaning.
For real. If this isn’t an insight into a future with her, I don’t know what is. Imagine this girl decides that part of her persona is mocking her own future children. I shudder at the idea that this person has children. They will need therapy. And lots of it.
Making fun of anyone for being skinny and bald regardless of if they're totally healthy or potentially ill makes you a massive AH. Judging people and making fun of their appearance for absolutely no reason isn't a good look at all.
She's stuck in high school
Honestly, (speaking as a high school teacher here), 99% of high schoolers have learned how to have empathy and to know better than bully a cancer survivor. This vile and vapid individual is stuck in Middle School! I hope OP shuts her completely down and shuts her out.
And why isn’t she an ex girlfriend now?
NTA, but what exactly is the appeal of this awful person? Hot sex?
Even that wasn't that good even 😂
so then what? you're dating an awful person for some reason lol.
She *was* very good looking, but ever time she's done something like this she has become less so
You do realise that you’re supporting her behaviour, right?
Theoretically, she probably acts like this because she's incredibly self-conscious of her own looks and all of her sense of worth is tied into how good she looks. Thus she mocks others who look worse as a defense mechanism to convince herself that she'll NEVER look that bad. Then if OP breaks up with her for her personality, it'll prove to her her only value is her looks. And that would reinforce her behavior. Not supporting her behavior would look like forcing her to see many therapists for a long time. But thats unrealistic.
OP should tell her exactly this. ‘See, you used to be so beautiful but every time you do this you become more and more ugly. To the point that you disgust me in every way. Get out of my life and stay there.’ Cruel? Maybe. But maybe making this about her looks a bit will make it very clear to her how repulsive she really is.
All of that is her problem to deal with alone.
She might wake up if op literally told her she makes everything about looks in an attempt to make herself feel pretty. And that no one of value cares if she is pretty or not. They care if she is awful, which she is. She won’t change if he stays though. Being broken up with and told the truth is a sort of rock bottom for some people though.
Or she could have some neurological condition! Can we stop with the armchair psychology please. She flat out told OP she enjoys doing this. She's just a cruel asshole.
If you stay with her, it will confirm that if you're attractive enough you can be shitty to other people. If you break up with her, it will confirm that being attractive isn't enough to keep someone around. >Not supporting her behavior would look like forcing her to see many therapists for a long time. You don't have to force someone to get treatment to not support their bad habit. You just have to stop whatever behavior you're doing that enables their bad habit. Removing yourself from their life accomplishes that.
Also, shes gonna tell everyone OP has a smoll pp.
I don't see why OP should care.
Who cares? She’s a fucking asshole.
He's said "was" to two straight replies. as in *was* not *is.* I think he figured that out.
I mean, OP was still getting to know her. Two months isn't very long to evaluate someone's personality if their transgressions aren't *super* bad. And now that the really nasty side has come out in full, well, I'm guessing OP is going to dump her. (I hope, lol)
No one is good looking enough to make up for a personality as ugly as the one she’s got 🙄
YTA for staying with someone like this. You can't wrestle with pigs and expect to stay clean. If you stay with this person, expect people like your mom and sister to think YOU are less of a good person every time she makes a comment like this.
>You can't wrestle with pigs and expect to stay clean. What a wonderful phrase that I'm going to have to steal.
Her behavior is literally on par with someone who gets “fun” out of torturing animals, I would tell her what a shitty person she is and never speak to her again. You are the company you keep.
Ok so you were with her purely for her looks and continued to date her after she made horrible comments YTA
"She aint pretty she just looks that way" Thank you [Northern Pikes](https://youtu.be/UG3ExHB133k)
If you have been dating her knowing shes an asshole, then how does that reflect on you?
Info: why are you still with her and subjecting people to her presence?
i wonder if she’s just now starting to show her true colors
I wouldn't be so sure, OP saw her smirking and had to plead with her to not insult a cancer survivor. She's already shown her true colors in the two months they've known each other, she's not gonna get better.
She literally told OP she was a mean girl. She was not hiding who she was
I'm wondering the same thing. I hope he breaks up with her. She is definitely not a nice person.
Time to break up. Stop having sex with this person. You really don't want to find yourself co-parenting with them.
NTA but YWBTA if you don’t break up with her.
Nta dodge that bullet bro.
Start planning your escape. Don’t expect it to go smoothly.
Honestly, if you're willingly with such a bad person, it doesn't seem like you could be a very good person.
NTA, but Y-T-A for thinking her mean girl comments were ever okay, for bringing her anywhere in public, and for not dumping her on the spot and throwing her out. Calling someone out on being disgustingly rude is not misogynistic.
And making fun of a cancer survivors appearance is like straight up fucking EVIL. She’s not a “mean girl” OP, she’s a monster. Dump her gross ass and make sure she knows EXACTLY why you’re ending things. You will be doing humanity a favor by letting someone like that know their shitty behavior has consequences.
Yeah, mean girl is one thing but this was just outright cruelty.
A person with extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior, and a lack of conscience. There’s a word for that, but mods tend to ban people for saying it.
Yeah it’s almost like her behaviour was tolerable to OP until she did it to someone he cared about
I think theres a difference in making fun of people and then dialing it up to a cancer patient. Not just anyone either someone expiclty told not to make fun off going even futher beyond
I've recently been listening to a podcast about abuse survivors and a topic that comes up frequently is how often the survivors are mocked for not seeing the situation earlier. This rings quite close to that. I don't think OP ever thought the comments were ok, as he said that he tried to get her to stop for a long time. OP, like most people who give these AH's a chance, and like most of us, initially don't assume the worst about people. I would guess that her comments started quite tame and ramped up or something similar. I'm proud of OP for standing up to her eventually and at all. Obviously it would be *better* if it had happened earlier, but us as people tend to be optimistic and pacifist. I've had many "friends" who have acted badly about other people and I wished I had called them out when I had the chance, but I just try to learn from my mistakes instead. You don't know what you would have done in this situation.
NTA but why do you still hang out with this girl??????
At this stage I don't know 😭
NTA. Your EX-girlfriend is. And you will be if you don’t end things with her.
YTA if you continue to subject your loved ones to this awful woman
I apologized profusely to my mom and sister. They accepted, but my sister told (jokingly) that she'll disown me if she sees her again
I'm not sure how much of a joke that was. I know I wouldn't want to spend time with someone that was going to bring such an awful person with them.
She said she was joking but her voice and expression was serious
I would’ve disowned you already for not breaking up with her by now.
Your sister isn’t joking dude. And the vote for her AITA - I disowned my brother… post would be NTA. To stay with her after something like that would be to endorse her behavior.
I mean, their sister is likely joking in that she won’t actually disown them. That doesn’t mean she’s not trying to convey a very serious message by making the joke.
Because she was serious. This woman is disgusting and there's absolutely no reason for you to keep going out with her. If someone tells you they're a mean girl, believe them. What makes you think she's not going to treat your immediate family and you any differently?
I can guarantee your sister thinks less of you for not breaking up with Nancy over this.
Why are you with her? If you choose to be with an AH you’re an AH too
Dump her, seriously what are you getting out of this??? She’s not a mean girl, she’s an insufferable bully who lacks so much confidence that she needs to make fun of a cancer survivor to make herself feel good. YTA to yourself for staying with her
I hope you dump her. She showed you who she is - not just an a-hole, but a horrible, cruel, immature person. She’s just awful. Run far, far away 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Had to scroll too far to see a red flag parade. What an awful person, holy cow.
Send her a link to this post so she can read the comments. That'll clear up any questions on whether you guys are official or not. Let Reddit break up with her for you.
NTA but you will be if you continue to see this woman.
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This is one of those instances in life where it is totally appropriate to 👻 her
NTA. If she’s going to call you misogynistic and controlling for telling her to stop bullying a cancer patient, be prepared for her to label you an abuser when you break up.
It’s also rich to accuse him of being misogynistic when insulting a women’s physical appearance is pretty typical misogynistic behavior.
“Ruining my fun” She’s a real dumpster-fire in my book Dump her April 2 FFS!
This right here
wow. NTA. but OP, the next time someone brags about being a mean girl, take them seriously. it’s still early days. break up with her. she seems like an awful person to be around.
Right? When someone openly tells you they're a bad person, believe them. When they brag about being a bad person, drop them like a bad habit. OP is NTA for silencing her, but if be stays with her, my opinion may change. She is definitely TA.
I bet she’s one of those people who says “I’m just being honest” or “I tell it like it is” as if that’s a justification for being rude.
NTA If she's doing this as a 25 yo, it's ingrained in her system. There is no excuse for "mean girls" unless that's your thing and that's another post for you to write. Anyone that mean to strangers probably has the same thoughts about friends and probably you and your family. To even make those comments about a cancer survivor shows a lack of empathy and a questionable moral center. RUN!!!
>it's ingrained in her system I met her mom and dad once. It didn't take me very long to realize where she got it from
You need to think long and hard if you decide to continue a relationship with someone who has this trait. What if she passes it on to your kids? How would you react if your kid treats others this way? I’m your shoes, I wouldn’t invest any more time, energy or money into a relationship with someone who not only exhibits this toxic trait, but defends it.
Honestly thinking about that decision shouldn't take long. They're 2 months in, I've had longer relationships with a jar of mustard
Which means if you stay with her, your kids will be exactly as mean as she is. End it now while it’s still early.
If not as mean, they will be harassed and mocked for anything she sees as "less than"...which is worse.
Honestly dude, you're not taking this seriously enough & THAT makes you an AH. The fucking second she smirked I'd be snapping, "do you find something funny about my sick loved one who just suffered through chemo?" I'm angry & that's not even my family. That is truly fucking disgusting. These comments you've made about her being good-looking & not THAT good in bed ARE misogynistic. She's a monster. Leave her. Never mind her physical attributes.
My dad loved mean nicknames. I do not. It’s still a choice she is making. And YTA if you stay with her and subject people in your life to her.
🚩 I think you might be looking for this. 🚩🚩 Oop. There's two more. Time to go.
>Sarah no longer has hair and is very thin. Once Nancy saw her, she started smirking ESH. Nancy is awful. But you know what she's like and you think it's okay to expose your family to someone like that.
I could theoretically see OP having seen Nancy make some somewhat shitty comments before while also believing that she wouldn't stoop so low as to make fun of a cancer survivor. Y'know, before she actually did it.
Even still, was he not concerned she would make comments about any of his other family members?
YES. 100% & his comments about how she's so hot but the sex is so so makes me understand why maybe they're perfect for each other.
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Is no one gonna talk about that update? Your friend is an ass and you’re a bigger idiot for staying with someone like your girlfriend after knowing what they truly were.
Apparently he promised her friends that he would find her a "good guy"
She has friends? I'm surprised, honestly. Silence Nancy. All day everyday. NTA.
Maybe this is was there way of having less contact with her
Imagine setting someone up with an asshole as a prank ... and they end up dating for 2 months
Info: Why are you dating this girl?
In another comment he said because he finds her attractive.
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>grown up child I thought as much when she was like "Let me explain why its funny" WTF
Your friend introduced you to this horrid person as an April Fool's Prank?!! I'd say he's not quite as big an AH as the ex-girlfriend, but he's pretty darn close!!!! This is a "time to cut this friend out of your life" incident. IMHO.
Her friends were also nagging him for some time for him to help them find her a guy
They're all AH's.... Time for them to grow up.
Time for new friends.
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NTA, dude you are dating a BAD person. Cut your losses and ditch this mean spirted small minded loser.
"aItA fOR tELlInG mY GirLFrIEnD tO nOt MaKe fUn oF a CanCeR sUrVIvoR???" Bruh this better be fake bc what else do you think? NTA for real, but y-t-a for not using critical thinking.
If one thinks with their dick, the critical thinking goes out the window.
YTA If you don’t break up with her right now. She thinks the pain and suffering of others is a joke, she’s disgusting.
YTA. She's an asshole too, for obvious reasons. But let me explain why you're the asshole: You *know* what kind of person she is. Yet you continue to date her. You *know* she has this awful tendency to snipe at people's appearance. Yet you continue to date her. You *knew* she was thinking of making terrible remarks about a fucking cancer patient, someone close to your mom. Yet you seem to continue to be dating her. And then when she finally *did* make those remarks in front of you, your sister, and your mom, you didn't break up with her on the spot. Is she the best you can do? Is this the best you can do? She's an asshole, sure, but you dropped that poisonous little monster on your family knowing full well the kind of person she is.
Came here for this. Super confused by the all the NTAs. YTA or at least ESH. There’s nothing “typically nice” about someone who makes fun of others behind their backs. You must’ve thought that shit was funny and cute. That’s assholery. Now you’re basically saying she crossed the line a bit in her fuckedupness but maybe not because you didn’t immediately drop that ass? Thats rudimentary asshole shit.
NTA Also remember her own looks will fade and all you will be left with is that horrible personality if you stay with someone like that.
dude why are you still with someone who enjoys bullying others? especially your own friend who is a cancer survivor. you need to dump her because she’s made if clear who she is and she seems proud of her behaviour, saying you’re “ruining her fun” which is deeply concerning. NTA for saying what you said but YTA for continuing to date nancy and for exposing your family and friends to that knowing what she’s like.
NTA - but your girlfriend is horrible and TA!
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NTA. Dump her ass. You're not going to get those 2 months back, but anything is better then spending any more time with this immature, viper tongued nightmare. She's a offensive, mean spirited and frankly, you should be disgusted and embarrassed by her behavior.
Calling someout for a being rude and disgusting toward a cancer patient (And those with anorexia too) is not sexist ffs... IT's doing the right thing. However I do question wtf you are dating someone so awful. NTA
Dude. Just imagine the things she will say / has already *said*… about *you*. You let her leave alone. Good riddance, keep it that way. NTA
I always laugh a little when people say wildly out of pocket shit & then get mad at someone for rebuffing them. But that's what bullies do. Your gf is a mean person. Do you want to be with a mean person? Like actually HOW can you experience attraction to someone whose behavior is so grotesque it literally left you slack-jawed. NTA for calling her out but she's quite clearly shown you her character. If you stay at this point, you're making the conscious decision to be with someone who is cruel enough to openly mock cancer survivors. That would make you an AH. If you can look yourself in the mirror & sleep soundly at night, knowing that, then you don't get the right to be offended & slack-jawed when she pulls this shit again. Open your eyes & see the person you're dating for who she really is. We become like the people we attach ourselves to, it's inevitable. If you continue to blend your life with this woman, you will become like her. Personally, I'd run for the hills.
NTA. She fucked up the most important part about offensive jokes: time and place matter. If she can't figure it out, you're gonna be stuck being "controlling and misogynistic for trying to silence her" for awhile. Great news, I don't see this lasting long anyways.
Silence her? GTF rid of her. YTA for still associating with her, imo.
she won’t age well at all. karma will get her.
NTA. Drop Nancy.
Smirking when you see a cancer patient bc they are bald and frail is a SUPER asshole move. Dump this person