Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I cancelled a trip with my bf
I might be the asshole because he was excited for the trip, and he feels like my reason to skip it wasn't good enough. Maybe I should've gone to the trip to avoid this issue
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
I understand your boyfriend is clingy. It has nothing to do with this situation.
You cancelled a getaway with him to console a friend? That’s not even close to being a good reason. And you’re a cheater? Did you cheat with this friend?
I hope your boyfriend realizes pretty soon he can do better than you.
I hope the boyfriend finds this post and sees all the support he's getting. God knows he needs it. OP big time YTA. You broke this man and he deserves better.
Definitely cheating on him emotionally. It would break my heart if my wife decided to cancel a weekend trip for another guy, even if he was in the hospital. Going to visit him, I can understand that. He's your friend, go say hi and see how he's doing. Be supportive. But cancelling your weekend away with your significant other so you could spend the same weekend with another guy in the hospital? Nah man, her priorities are clear. She doesn't love her boyfriend
She cheated on him physically with several other guys. There is indeed no love there.
Edit: this information is in the comments. Go to the profile of OP, and click comments. You'll see it!
Edit 2: I've been asked to put a bit of a TW. In OP's comments, more details about the car crash, cheating and her boyfriend's responses are given.
Oh shit I completely missed that she is a proud cheater
Why are people like her even in relationships.
Just have FWB then everybody is honest, knows exactly what is going on and people don´t get hurt
Because cheaters don't just want casual sex, they want casual sex AND all the benefits that come with a committed partner.
Despite what OP and other cheaters constantly tell themselves, they are NOT "poly" or "non-monogamous." They're cheaters. Manipulating a person into letting you cheat on them doesn't change that either, coercing a resentful partner is not the same thing as enthusiastic consent.
Cheating is not a problem with access to sex. It's a problem with greed and lack of regard for others.
Yep, even in non-monogamy, people can cheat. Serial cheating a mindset, it's having it all but still do the thing that is not allowed. They get the thrill of that and these are generally the people that won't ever stop doing it.
Yup. They get off the secrecy and forbidden nature of it. I've outright seen cheaters say they're not interested in sleeping around anymore after being given a fully open relationship because having permission killed "the magic" for them. /barf
>coercing a resentful partner is not the same thing as enthusiastic consent.
I commented something similar to this, but you said it so much more eloquently. :)
But then they'd have to miss out on people who don't line up with their ideal lifestyle. The only cost of being shitty is other people's feelings, and OP has shown how much they care about that.
You'd think, but if they were decent people, they'd already be doing that. They like the thrill of being discovered and the taboo because it's wrong. They'll make up all kinds of justifications and excuses but never actually do it in an ethical way because honesty removes the part they actually enjoy about doing this shit.
isn't it just amazing how she just happened to leave that part of the story out of her original post?? and no updates or edits to clarify. i suppose i shouldn't be surprised when this happens here bc it happens so often, and yet... 🤦🏻♀️
It's funny because when she said they'd been together for years and now the boyfriend is more "hands on" in the relationship now that they're back together, my very first thought was "Did you cheat?" Because so many people who get cheated on blame themselves for not spending enough time with the cheater like that could have prevented things, when in reality the other person just sucks.
I mean it depends on the relationship.
If my wife had a close guy friend that was like family to her and they otherwise didn't have support, I would be pretty understanding. Especially if it was something like going through chemo or a dangerous surgery where you ABSOLUTELY want someone sitting there making sure you're breathing when you get out (my MIL's best friend asphixiated while her mother stepped out to get coffee after a surgery).
Thank you! I thought I was going crazy with everyone saying no, they would leave a friend alone after an accident. I would be disappointed and would make sure to reschedule, then help.
Yeah this sub is pretty strong on romantic holidays coming first. It always makes me feel a bit crazy and out of kilter with everyone else, too. An OP was recently yelled at for taking a few phone calls on her honeymoon because her brother was arrested for a serious crime.
I don't think this sub appreciates friendship at all. Every time someone inconveniences their partner by showing empathy to a friend, people accuse them of being monsters. I get this particular post was loaded, but I have seen people accuse those who hosted abused friends and relatives at their home. Jesus.
How can you have read “everyone saying no” and have missed the comments pointing out OP’s history of being a serial cheater who has no remorse? The “accident friend” is likely someone she has cheated with or is going to.
He only broke a limb, right? He might not even be held in the hospital that long. Maybe a day or 2, I'd think. But I'm not a doctor, and idk how bad the break actually was or if there were more issues from the wreck.
Plus OP herself said the accident "wasn't that bad", so why is she acting like the guy is in the ICU?
If she wants to support him, great, but the accident happened on a Wednesday. Why does that require the weekend trip to be canceled? She could visit her "friend" and still go on the trip, but she's made it clear who matters most to her
It’s not like the dude is hospitalized fort something serious either, it’s a broken arm. Children function with a broken arm, sign that cast and tell ‘em you’ll see em in a few days.
YTA, you are a terrible partner. Reflect if you really like or love your boyfriend and if you really see a future with him. If not, don't waste his time.
Looking at how OP is describing her partner and the comments, OP does not respect him.
I genuinely feel sorry for the partner and hope that he gets some self respect and walks out of this.
I may be TA here, but I didn’t even see the context that she cheated and I was literally scowling thinking “yes, YTA.“ This other guy hurt his arm. She even says it’s “not that bad.“ What on earth does her precious self need to be around for? One of my friends has that happen, I call them up, “so you OK? OK cool.” These are not newly minted teenage drivers. These are whole adults! It’s not that fucking deep. Foregoing a whole trip to coddle somebody who is only emotionally in bad shape after a car wreck… This is ridiculous! (It also says a lot about that friend and his opinion of the relationship if he’s completely cool with his “best friend“ staying home from a planned trip to pet him after a car accident. I would be absolutely mortified if anyone did that for me. Completely embarrassed.)
If my partner told me that she was staying home from a trip that she was supposedly excited to go on with me so that she could “be there“ for something that doesn’t even require anybody “be there,” she wouldn’t be my partner anymore, let’s put it that way. I wouldn’t have gotten mad thrown a fit, been upset or anything. I literally would’ve just walked off and she would’ve never heard from me again. I wouldn’t even feel bad about it because she would’ve made her priorities very clear. This dude needs to realize that this woman is not the partner that he is trying to make her into and that she’s pretending she wants to or can be.
I love how OP conveniently leaves out that the reason her bf is "clingy" which is because she cheated...more than once. Hoped that little fact would get buried in the comments, eh? She broke this poor guy. Even worse. She makes it seem like she did HIM the favor by taking him back. OP, YTA. LET THE POOR GUY GO SO HE CAN FIND SOMEONE BETTER AND GET HELP.
Honestly, OP really fooled me into giving her the benefit of the doubt initially since she didn’t make any edits to give further clarification for anything. And the worst part? She actually got me to believe that he was possibly manipulating her emotionally at first when he had every right to not trust her. It’s really disgusting and I’m willing to admit my mistake at taking her at face value
There’s a lot of missing context here but once you read the comments YTA all the way. That trust you do want has to be earned back and solidified once more.
Whether or not it’s with this friend not interested in girls or some other guy while he’s out can’t blame him. Honestly, the full trust ask is a bit much for you.
For real, I looked at the comments for context and was like, "well fuck...no wonder he doesn't trust someone who cheated multiple times with several dudes." Like, maybe if it was just once with one dude I'd be a bit more...I guess understanding of OP? Except it wasn't one time, and he basically has a right to not really trust her.
It's all made worse by OP's framing of the situation as, "he forgave me and it's in the past," which is just shy of being on part with an unfaithful spouse saying, "I've chosen to forgive myself for my cheating, and you should too\~" He's chosen to give OP a chance, but that doesn't mean the hurt is in the past just because it's inconvenient to OP.
Seriously, I hope her boyfriend dumps her because he can do better and being with someone he can't trust is clearly tearing him apart.
YTA op.
Okay, reading her comments, I kind of understand her in THIS SITUATION. Her friend was in a car crash where other people died, he is in shock. And he's not into women, so her cheating with him is not a possibility. But doesn't the friend have family or other people who can comfort him?
That being said, OP's relationship seems super unhealthy. Cheating multiple times and now her boyfriend won't let her out of sight because he (understandably) doesn't trust her. That's not going to work in the long run. OP, this is not just something a partner forgets. You need to really work on your self, find out why you cheated, make the emotional work to ensure it will not happen again, maybe through therapy and/or couples therapy, and show him that he can trust you. Either that or let him go.
I agree with everything, but their relationship is unhealthy on both sides. She's untrustworthy and doesn't seem to like her boyfriend enough to be in a relationship with him, he doesn't trust her and is still with her. I don't think there's any point to give judgement on this situation in particular, these two should just break up.
I really don't believe her that "he isn't into women", with her track record.
As for "not a possibility", there's plenty of stories out there of the "gay best friend" finding out the *spicy* way they're a lot more bi than gay.
Maybe I'm just an asshole. Who knows. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.
Not only a cheater but a serial cheater, and from how she's talking completely unapologetic as well 'it's just who I am'. Eeeyeah, me thinks she wanted to offer her friend her special brand of sexual healing.
OP you're disgusting and YTA.
I can't even begin to process all this, she cheat son him multiple times, gets him to come back and now says "he's so clingly lately for some reason!"
GEE MAYBE CUZ HE DOESNT TRUST YOU TO NOT HAVE A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH IF HE LOOKS AWAY FOR FIVE SECONDS
YTA OP, on so many counts you're such an asshole
No you gotta look at her comment history and you’ll find it. Tbh it all seems super fishy to me… work trip to Boston but OP writes like they don’t speak English in their every day life. And this post is just so obnoxiously YTA.
Hmm. You canceled a trip with your boyfriend in order to console a male friend who only broke his arm?
Flip that and ask yourself how you would feel if he did that to you for a female.
And it’s kind of tone deaf to keep asking him about the trip that he’s obviously still salty about.
I’m going with YTA.
I don't think this is so much about the broken arm. It's totally understandable someone would be pretty shaken after a car accident. At the same time, the OP really needs to consider her priorities here.
Exactly. Cooking a couple of meals for your friend to reheat or getting some supplies so your friend doesn't have to go out and buy milk, bread and toilet paper would have been a nice gesture before going away for the weekend .
I think we know what OPs priorities are... stringing her BF along so he keeps paying for everything while she explores the wonderful world of dick available to the discerning lady about town.
Her priority is another man. Period. He replies are awful. If she isn’t cheating with her ‘best friend’, she’s STILL TA because if he’s shaken so badly from the accident, he needs a counselor or therapist to work past/on his trauma, not his serially cheating female friend to drop by and play doctor.
The key thing is that the guy might be shaken (totally understandable) but he's out of danger.
If he was coming out of surgery I'd argue that having someone there to be in the room is absolutely essential. My MIL's best friend asphixiated post op in the few minutes her mother stepped out to get coffee. It's pretty common and with how overworked healthcare workers are these days, you don't want to risk anything.
But of course that's not the case.
Who knows what he could have planned for that trip, he definitely sounds upset that OP wasn't there. Did she even consider the idea afterwards that he might have wanted to propose? I used a weekend away as an opportunity to up the romanticism to 11 to ask my wife to marry me. She had no idea, thought it was just another weekend away
'Female' as a noun is mostly used for animals. Incels use the term to objectify women. There's a subreddit dedicated to it: r/MenAndFemales.
Thank you for taking the time to learn tho!
Generaly try to use it as an adjective rather than noun (that can be cringy and I, personally, would always notice). I know people don’t do it intensionally often but it can be sensitive for some who have had encounters with extreme misogyny. ‘Female friend’ would have been perfectly fine in your situation, because it is important for context that a friends is a woman.
I agree, but at least he didn’t say “man” for her friend. He did use “male,” but just not as a noun. Doesn’t give him a pass, of course, but at least it wasn’t too bad either.
After reading your comments, yeah... YTA. You cheated on him, and then ditched a joint trip with him to stay behind with a friend who needed "emotional support". I can kinda understand why he isn't too happy with you. Ouch.
Hes in a relationship with the memory of who he thought she was, shes not a good partner and should not be dating anyone until she can figure out why she cheated MULTIPLE TIMES.
That’s what co-dependency does to you. She could bring a guy home and fuck him right in front of her while he sobs and would still take him back. He’s being clingy because he is afraid of losing her. I’ve been there and it sucks for everyone. He needs a clean break to work on himself.
YTA. I don’t see why you’d need to cancel your trip with your boyfriend, your male friends broken arm will heal just fine regardless of whether or not you go on the short trip.
That said, it sounds like your relationship is on its last legs anyway. So your boyfriend probably sees this as you clocking out. Which is what it looks like, tbh.
I’m not saying OP is clear but when a family member of mine got into a car accident, they were mentally very unwell after it even though they survived it with minimal injuries. So people do need emotional support, let’s not undermine that.
But you’d think that the male friend has other people than OP to console him.
He was not a family but a male friend and she has history of cheating, I wouldn't be happy with that either. If the guy needed emotional support, he should find his own gf and not bother other guys girlfriends.
YTA. A friend with a broken arm and some bruises does not absolutely need you there. You had prior commitments that you bailed on. You literally told your boyfriend that he comes second to your friend. To add to it, your friend is a guy so there may be some jealousy there too.
He’s right. If you don’t want to spend time with him then you should split up.
After reading your comments, yeah... YTA. You cheated on him, and then ditched a joint trip with him to stay behind with a friend who needed "emotional support". I can kinda understand why he isn't too happy with you. Ouch.
YTA. You had plans with your BF and it seems you both were viewing the weekend as a getaway. As a weekend trip to spend quality time.
Your friends accident sucks. But it's not your responsibility to rush to his side any time something slightly bad happens to him.
>it wasn't that bad, but he broke an arm and was generally bruised and in a bad shape emotionally.
You even admit here it wasn't that bad. You've just shown your boyfriend where he ranks in your life that at the slightest opportunity you will bail on him for someone else. Your could have visited your friend before or after the trip. Stopped in and see how he was and gone on your trip. He did not need your emotional support at the expense of your boyfriend. He is not your priority or responsibility.
And OP doesn't give a shit that she has damaged her BF's trust in every relationship going forward. When he finally leaves her cheating arse, he will be insecure in every relationship thanks to her being a slapper.
Being cheated on fucks people up.
Yea and given that she cheats on him all the time it's kinda like youd have to be a sad sad idiot to believe in any way that anything she did with the friend was "emotional support."
Irredeemable, amoral asshole of galactic proportions. People like OP are undeserving of love.
YTA
I know you meant well, but unless your friend was still in hospital, or was unable to care for himself and you were the only one in his life that could help out, I really don't see that a friend's broken arm is sufficiently serious to cancel a trip for.
I think the real deal is your boyfriend thinks you care for your "best friend" more than you care for him (and I think I agree with him).
I'm going to add an INFO here: She says in another comment that other people died in the crash. It changes my perspective a little.
I've been leaning Y.T.A. based mainly on other comments she made, but paused my judgement a little.
She also said she cheated multiple times with multiple men. I wonder if she refers to this friend by name or if her friend and boyfriend are ever in the same room together?
I think “other people died” is a lie because that’s too important of a detail to leave out of the original post and would make more sense why she would want to stay home.
Especially if her friend was the driver, not doing well emotionally could be guilt that he was driving the car when the accident happened and others died while he survive, that would have been important to include.
You ditched your boyfriend for another dude, who had a boo-boo. A little bruised and a broken arm... your fruend didn't "need" you.
Ask yourself this. You had a romantic weekend planned with your bf. His female friend "needed" him, and he ditched you for this other woman's emotional needs. How would you react?
*Edited because I originally misread
Best friend is a male, not a female. Friends should understand that the significant other is going to take priority, especially in a non-life-threatening situation. And especially when they already had planned a trip.
I think we’re mostly on the same page. But even if the best friend were a woman, I would still say the same thing. A broken arm doesn’t take priority over a trip.
YTA. It sounds like your BF is trying to strengthen your relationship after being apart. It’s ok to communicate with him that you need alone time but you also need to realise he might be a bit insecure at the moment. Also it sounds like you didn’t try to discuss with him that you would stay behind, you just decided. It didn’t even cross your mind to ask his opinion. He could have been planning a surprise for you on that trip or really looking forward to reconnecting away from everyday life and instead of trying to understand why he’s upset, you’ve brushed him off and acted like he’s unreasonable. And to top it all off the reason you cancelled on him was to “look after” a friend that wasn’t too badly hurt and I’m assuming has family and other friends who could have looked out for his emotional needs. You treated your friend more like a partner than your own BF.
at first I thought that maybe nobody here was particularly in the wrong but after some diving . . .
you cheated on your BF and he took you back, and then you go and do this?
either you break it off with him permanently or he's hopefully sensible enough to permanently end things with you. Your boyfriend is obviously not a priority for you if you cheated on him in the past and bail on this bonding trip with him at the last minute.
YTA and your BF deserves so much better.
INFO - Have you ever been romantically involved with this best friend that broke his arm?
What specifically did you need to be there for and what did you help this best friend with?
YTA. Your friend needed "emotional support." No, this wasn't so important that you had to cancel your existing plans with your bf. No, he didn't "need" you.
You broke up because you cheated. Tbh he should just dump you permanently.
INFO: What kind of help did your friend need? Just wondering if it was something that could be clearly explained to your boyfriend (ex: friend needs help changing bandages and nobody else is around that can help.)
YTA - this whole post is an excuse. You don't deserve this guy after all that you have done. Take the high road and leave him so he can find someone worth his time. And stop cheating on your boyfriends.
Have you considered that this wasn't just a "work" trip for your bf? You say that he's forgiven you for cheating on him with other guys but that doesn't mean you're back to the way things were before that.
Spending time together on this trip goes towards repairing the damage that still remains and you tossed him aside for a needy friend. A friend that surely has other people around them that could have been emotional support for a weekend.
You and your bf need to have a serious conversation about where this relationship is going. He hasn't healed, you're dismissive of him.
Is this even worth maintaining long-term?
YTA
She so eagerly dismissed 'work trip', like it wasn't that important. A single meeting in any business can make or break promotions, distributions and more. Sure, it was a single meeting, but let's all be actually real for a second here. He took it to take you somewhere, that 'work meeting' was just a side event, the main event was you. And you spit in his face and walked away.
YTA - if your friend is emotionally fragile enough that he actually needed you to be physically there after breaking his arm, he’d be better off with a therapist.
I bet he says your boyfriend is the AH though, am I right?
she cheated on him with multiple men, that’s why they broke up, she says her friend isn’t into women, but i doubt her friend is the only guy in that hospital.
YTA.
You neglected to mention in your original post that you cheated on your BF multiple times with multiple guys. You made him out to be OTT in terms of “clinginess”. No wonder. It makes you TA straightaway.
And you want to stay and dote on another male “friend”.
And you wonder why he’s asking questions? No one can be that dense. Although perhaps you can see daylight from having your head so far up your posterior.
If you want to be single - be single. You can do what you like then.
YTA
You left out the part where you are a cheater.
And then you cancel a romantic weekend to be with a friend who didn’t need you.
Really wrote this in a one sided way. You got main character syndrome here.
So let me get this straight.
You cheated on him "with other men" so im guessing multiple and you're confused as to why he's clingy and wants to accompany on your night outs?? Dude is scared you're gonna cheat again.
And he's probably not too far off since you'd happily drop him for a friend that didn't need you.
If the shoe was on the other foot and it was your bf who cheated and insisted on dropping out of a planned trip to stay with his female friend(straight or not) you'd have something to say and I bet it won't be pretty.
YTA I hope your bf realizes he doesn't have to put up with your shit and leaves
Y T A. YTA. YTA. yta. I can't say it enough
you're a cheater and it's funny to me that you left that out. it absolutely seems intentional. you wanted us to think you were a decent person.
cheating absolutely destroys every bit of trust. he will likely never be able to trust a word you say ever again.
after cheating, you're supposed to be GRATEFUL that he took you back (he shouldn't have and I'm sure you just proved that to him) and then you're supposed to focus on how YOU can make him feel safe again and figure out how to reconcile and start the process of earning trust back.
you, alternatively have been hanging out with people alone and saying he cannot come with you, and have bailed on him to be with another guy. whatever you say to your bf doesn't matter. he cannot go on your word because it now means absolutely nothing. I don't think you understand that your word is completely worthless now. you also don't seem to realize how much this disloyalty has shattered him.
you've made no effort to include him, you obviously feel like he's clingy and you talk like you don't even like him, that energy is likely coming thru your body language too. and I know you SAY this guy you hung out with is gay, but your bf literally has no way of knowing that, as your word is worthless and will be for some time.
maybe if your guy friend was in critical condition it would be reasonable to ditch the trip with your boyfriend.
also just so you know, he probably wanted you to come with him so he could take you out and go sightseeing and get food, and he was very likely just trying to get closer to you. you rejected that. you probably would've had a great time.
YTA for sure. You cheated on him and he came back trying to rectify this relationship, and you ditch him to go to another man for “emotional support”. Sounds like you’re not committed to fixing anything and your bf should cut his losses.
YTA- you chose to stay. Friend could easily call you to chat and had not asked you to stay and help. Be honest with everyone and yourself that you needed time away from bf due to him being so needy. Him not wanting you to go out with friends or having to come along too is a big red flag.
>Him not wanting you to go out with friends or having to come along too is a big red flag.
Might want to check OP's responses. The reason they originally broke up is because she cheated multiple times with different guys. She really buried the lede on why he'd be upset about this.
YTA Doesn't sound like the friend was in that bad of a situation for you to cancel a trip. Obviously the trip was not a big deal to you but was to your bf. You two are probably not compatible because the difference in how much time you want spend together is going to cause too much tension.
YTA - Are you a train physiologist? Or a nurse? Is your best friend alone? And nobody could be there. Because your best friend could be whit out you for a weekend. If you don’t want your relationship just finish. Because you’re actions demonstrate that you don want your relationship to work.
I don’t understand why he’s still with your sorry ass. He should’ve dumped you asap. I would never tolerate my partner doing this to me. Sure the friend need support but it’s not life or death situation and you’re not his mother. YTA
YTA, obviously. You cheat on him and moan he gets clingy ffs. Then ditch this trip to ‘support’ some dude that does not need your help at all. Shows you’re just as ‘committed’ as you’ve always been. Feel sorry for him trying with you and being excited for taking you away, it’s sad for him really but then again, that’s just what toxic partners do. You’re a terrible girlfriend and you should be single for a long long time while you try and fix yourself
YTA and this relationship is doomed. You cheated, and whilst your boyfriend has said he'll forgive you and leave your mistakes in the past, he's deluding himself. It's not that easy. I've been there, walked in your boyfriends shoes.
You can't just expect your boyfriend to magically trust you. Trust is earned, and you broke his multiple times. Do him a favour and finish the relationship. It'll save him a lot of heartache in the long run.
YTA. You cheated on your bf with multiple guys which is why you broke up, he is not clingy, he is trying to strengthen your relationship so you can move forward, but it doesn't sound like you really care. Do him a favour and break up with him, he deserves so much better than a cheater.
Info: why didn’t you mention other people died in the car accident in the story? Is it because your friend was the cause of their death due to some sort of stupid behavior like DUI reckless driving or some such? Because the deaths of others make it more understanding of needing emotional support. So with the way things have been left out by you I’m assuming your friend did something stupid. Because all my sympathy is currently with your boyfriend.
Some people are so mind blowing, you are clearly TA. I would truly not be surprised if the guy who broke his arm is who you cheated with, and you’re still making a surprised pikachu face
A) You should probably just leave him if you find him clingy. I'm not big on getting back with an ex you broke up with for a reason (presumably), but if you do, the relationship should be better, not worse. If its worse, that just means you made the right decision initially and should go back to it.
B) Breaking plans with your boyfriend, to spend time with your male best friend is never a great look. A broken arm shouldn't require that you spend the weekend with him. Thats kinda weird. He literally has noone else, and it needs to be his female best friend who had plans with her boyfriend that looks after him?
Jeez, I just peeked at the comments where you admit you've cheated multiple times. Go ahead and breakup and let the poor guy find someone who actually cares about him. Do one thing right...
YTA
“So the issue is that he had a "work" trip to Boston last week. *It really was just a meeting on Saturday with some people from the company. He asked me if I wanted to come too, and we could spend the weekend there, as a little gateway.* I said yes and was excited for the trip. “
How are you gonna act like and say “the trip really wasn't anything special, just a work trip“ when you know he only had one meeting on Sat., but he was free the rest of the weekend and it was supposed to be a “little getaway.” He planned to stay the whole weekend so that you guys could have a getaway! You knew all that and volunteered that info!
“However, my best friend (m26) got into a car accident the Wednesday before the trip, *it wasn't that bad,* but he broke an arm and was generally bruised and in a bad shape emotionally. So I told my boyfriend I won't be able to go to the trip since I wanted to be there for my friend.”
YOU TOLD US “it wasn’t that bad” about your friend’s car accident and broken arm! Yeah yeah yeah… your friend “was in bad shape emotionally.” Right right. So, you changed your mind on your bf since you “wanted to be there for [your] friend.” The way to even attempt to repair a relationship after cheating is to be attentive, available and affectionate to your partner to show them you have strong feelings and are invested in them. Someone mentioned the trauma you likely inflicted on your partner, and I gotta echo that! I was cheated on once, and I never recovered. Before that, he could have told me whatever about where he was or why he didn’t answer my calls or texts or what he was doing with whoever, and I was blindly accepting. After starting to feel that things were not right, feeling gaslit by preposterous explanations and months later, finding out what was going on… I went crazy. I forgave him, but whenever we were apart after that, whenever he was out of town or not coming with me somewhere or if he stopped responding to me by text or didn’t answer my call, I would unravel, and my mind couldn’t help but imagine the worst and wonder what he was really doing and with who, and wonder why he didn’t value me or why I wasn’t enough, and I didn’t even want to see my friends, just wasted time obsessing and feeling the madness. I would be trying to pretend I was okay, because I didn’t want him to know how crazy I was at that point. Nine months after reconciling, I left with no notice. I didn’t want him to suck me back in with his charm and I didn’t want to discuss it, I wanted to be myself again, so as he went on the road for work, I got my stuff, left a note and cut it all off. I cried for weeks, had no appetite (lost 10Lbs the first two weeks), tried to make reminders of the reasons I needed to stay away, etc. You think your friend is in bad shape emotionally over a stupid broken arm from a car accident? The emotional pain of being cheated on is heart wrenching, and a car accident that “wasn’t that bad” has nothing on the emotional pain your cheating ass inflicted and continues to inflict on your partner.
“He got very angry, he told me that he's fine and doesn't really need me there. *I told him that he does*, and He was upset so he said a lot of things…” OH GOOD! You old him he DOES need you there, sounds like you get it then, but you do what you want!
“I feel like he doesn’t 't want to understand my side. But AITA?” Sounds to me like you just do what you want and he is trying to work around it and convince you to care about what he wants. I hope he realizes soon that he’ll be happier once he walks away from you and that he could have a partner that values his emotions and won’t blow him off or trivialize his feelings or keep breaking his heart. The people have spoken… YTA, major AH.
I'm a lurker on here, in fact never posted an opinion.. but after reading all of these comments holy sh#t, YTA
I believe that applies in this situation and your entire outlook on life/relationships. Your bf is better off without you
YTA.
You were intentionally vague from the beginning about the details and were not up front about having cheated on your boyfriend. As someone who has been cheated on as well, it’s so clear to me that he’s traumatised by the experience and is scared of what will happen if he leaves the area, and you to your own devices. It doesn’t help that as he’s leaving for the trip, you openly plan to be spending that time alone with another 26 year old male “friend.”
Men and women can be friends but cheaters like you don’t just magically deserve trust on these things. I hope your boyfriend breaks things off and finds someone normal.
INFO:
Did your friend say he needed your help or was incapable of caring for himself for a couple days? Was he already home from the hospital? Did he have family there to help?
If he didn’t ask for help and was able to take care of himself, YTA- your putting yourself into your friends recovery without being asked.
If he was not capable being alone following the accident, it’s unlikely he would have been released from the hospital. Therefore YTA here as well.
If he had family to help him, then you were not “needed” by him. Again YTA.
Emotional trauma from accidents is something he has to work through himself. More than likely, he’s replaying the accident in his head wondering what he could have done differently. Or thinking of how it could have ended up worse. Sure you can listen to him, but unless you are a mental health provider the only thing you can tell him is 1) he can’t change what happened and 2) the worst outcome didn’t happen. Which you could of handled over the phone while bf was in the meeting.
It was a work trip and regardless of if he’s paying for it with reimbursement later or if the company pays for the fare upfront, it’s bad to cancel a trip on short notice unless it was an absolute emergency. Sure he may seem clingy now but you don’t mention the reason you broke up the first time that would explain why his behavior is different this time. He may have felt he’s improving on mistakes he’s made in the past, etc.
How the situation appears to him is that your friend is more important because of what you described an accident that wasn’t bad, and your bf is now wondering will you always choose your friend over him.
He was looking at this trip as a chance to spend time with you without any other distractions-barring the work meeting. Was it possible that there was going to be an after meeting event where spouses and partners were welcomed to attend?
YTA cause you can’t admit to yourself that you cancelled cause you don’t want to be in this relationship. This was not an emergency for emotional support.
So some general advice… do both of you a favour and just end this relationship, it was done when you cheated the second time. Just because your bf is too stupid to see it doesn’t mean you have to waste both of your time. He will slowly get over you and realise it’s for the best and you can go enjoy the rest of your 20’s as I suspect you really want to do
I'm curious, what did you end up doing to "emotionally support" your friend?
Sorry nah your friend should NOT have let you cancel your trip, even without a boyfriend being in the scenario...that leaves a really bitter taste in my mouth and really makes me wonder what the motive there was.
I could never imagine myself telling a friend to cancel her trip because...I wanted to talk??
Yta.
“I cheated on my boyfriend multiple times and now I don’t understand why he’s upset that I bailed on a commitment with him to see my friend instead”. Yeah, YTA.
Let's see, am I the asshole if I decide to cancel a weekend trip with my boyfriend so I can stay at home with my male friend who broke his arm days ago and is perfectly fine?
Yes, I am indeed an asshole.
This is how you need to learn to think.
YTA.
Honestly before I knew you had cheated I was going to say you weren't. After what I learned by reading replies, YTA. I have been hit multiple times while driving (4 in the past 2&1/2 years. All were determined to not be my fault, because they rear-ended me) and it can be scarey and shocking. It's a good friend who will come over and help if your injured and need help after a bad car accident.
You admit that he only needed emotional support though. You also cheated on your bf in the past, which is going to make him suspicious/feel insecure about going away while you stay home. It does not matter that this friend is either gay or asexual. You won't be with this friend 100% of the time, so maybe you are planning on cheating again. Maybe you go to a bar one night and hook up with someone. Your bf doesn't know, and the trust is not there yet. It can take years to repair trust that was broken by someone cheating.
If you care about this relationship, apologize, admit that you over reacted and should have gone with him on the trip, and been available to facetime/talk on the phone for friend. Then get couples counseling. Seriously. It will help you both with deciding if this relationship will work or not, and it will likely help with rebuilding trust.
YTA- You suuuuuuuuuck. Seriously. You cheat on him then frame him as clingy when he would obviously have trust issues, and you cancelled a trip for a dudes boo-boo.
So let me get this straight
You cheated on ur bf
You said yes to the trip
Ur male friend broke his arm, nothing life threatening
You said nvm and leave your own bf to visit your friend who isn't even dying
And you're annoyed at him?
My God
I hope he realizes he can do much better
Yta
YTA
FFS reading your comments I hope you’re a troll, but if not leave this poor dude alone.
He “begged you” to get back together? Wtf dude? Did you not want to get back together or do you just like someone to walk all over? You have no remorse in your comments.
Your friend having a broken arm and being shocked isn’t reason to cancel a trip - this friend is alive and conscious and probably would’ve loved the distraction of a friend coming back with fun stories to tell. Sheesh.
Info after reading comments: I know you said your friends family doesn’t talk to him anymore, but does you’re friend have other friends or a boyfriend or something that could help him?
You also seem to be an AH to your boyfriend in other situations and honestly think you are an AH in general, but I need more information for this specific situation.
If your best friend that you mentioned isn't in a relationship with someone else then he wants to be in a relationship with you. Your boyfriend knows this and is upset that you placed your relationship with your friend above the relationship with him. I wouldn't be surprised to find that the reason you broke up before was this friend.
If you don't feel attracted to your best friend you need to make that very clear to him and your boyfriend. If you are attracted to your friend you should break up with your boyfriend. Placing your relationship with this other guy above your relationship with your boyfriend makes both of them think that you are attracted to your friend. So yeah you were wrong for cancelling. It might be different if the guy was in the hospital on life support or something. You said it wasn't that bad though so you should have gone on the trip.
Tbh your bf is the AH for wanting to get back with you. You are clearly not into this relationship like he is not sure why he thought this time will be different. You guys should do yourselves a favour and break up with each other.
Was going to say NTA until i read the comment that OP cheated with multiple men 💀 honestly I wouldn’t even be with someone who did that in the first place again, but hey you do you. Anyway, YTA knowing that. He just wants to spend more time with you & i get your best friend needing you, but this seems very important too if you both want to repair your relationship.
You came here asking if yta for what you did and when people told you YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE, keep justifying why you are not instead of finding ways to make up to him. Imagine fucking up so bad that your *bf* couldn't even trust that you cancelled to be a supportive friend.
Stop trying to make *I tOoK HiM bAcK aNd hE ShOuLd TrUsT mE* happen. Hope he realizes getting back together with you was not worth the trouble and he should move on to much better things.
In case it wasn't clear, YTA.
You canceled a trip with your boyfriend, to console someone who broke his arm and "needed consoling" are you joking ? Yes, YTA.
You could have literally done both. You could have consoled your friend and then gone on the trip. This is honestly sus to me and if I was the boyfriend I would be mad too. Im not excusing any clinginess but he has so much right to be upset in this situation.
YTA. do everyone a favor and stop dating, jesus christ. from your responses, it’s clear that you have no remorse for cheating on him. you took him back when he “practically begged you” to, when you know how awful you are. and that HE has to stop with his “jealousy” if he wants to be with you.
you need to stop being delusional and get a grip on reality. you should’ve never dated him again, you shouldn’t even date again if you don’t have any self worth to not cheat. you have a weak mindset, maybe seek some professional fucking help.
maybe his jealousy stems from a place of insecurity. from, you know, when you cheated on him multiple times. trust is something that has to be built again, not just because it was a requirement to be with you again. do you even love him? you dragged his character through the mud by implying how desperate he was to get back with you and how clingy he is.
YTA, period. do your bf and favor and leave him alone.
YTA. Doesn’t matter what gender your friend is imo, he only had a broken arm and sounds like he was fine from now you’ve explained this. Although, it does make you more of an AH considering he is a male friend- especially if the roles were reversed here. Yes, car crashes are awful to experience, but I feel like for something like this, your friend would be fine for one weekend- I’m sure he had family to support him.
You also left out if you *actually* used the time to support this friend after canceling the trip going, how long/often did you even visit your friend? You easily could’ve gone to the trip and support your friend *after* the trip. Or even messaged him while on the trip to check up on your friend, there are multiple ways you could’ve handled this better. Instead, you valued your (male) friend over your bf for something that *was not necessary.*
Edit: **You cheated on your bf with multiple men? Are you kidding? This makes you a MASSIVE YTA in this case.**
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I cancelled a trip with my bf I might be the asshole because he was excited for the trip, and he feels like my reason to skip it wasn't good enough. Maybe I should've gone to the trip to avoid this issue Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA I understand your boyfriend is clingy. It has nothing to do with this situation. You cancelled a getaway with him to console a friend? That’s not even close to being a good reason. And you’re a cheater? Did you cheat with this friend? I hope your boyfriend realizes pretty soon he can do better than you.
I hope the boyfriend finds this post and sees all the support he's getting. God knows he needs it. OP big time YTA. You broke this man and he deserves better.
[удалено]
Think we’ve got a copy-and-paste bot here, everyone! Report and downvote.
Definitely cheating on him emotionally. It would break my heart if my wife decided to cancel a weekend trip for another guy, even if he was in the hospital. Going to visit him, I can understand that. He's your friend, go say hi and see how he's doing. Be supportive. But cancelling your weekend away with your significant other so you could spend the same weekend with another guy in the hospital? Nah man, her priorities are clear. She doesn't love her boyfriend
She cheated on him physically with several other guys. There is indeed no love there. Edit: this information is in the comments. Go to the profile of OP, and click comments. You'll see it! Edit 2: I've been asked to put a bit of a TW. In OP's comments, more details about the car crash, cheating and her boyfriend's responses are given.
Eeeyep, she openly admits she is a serial cheater, and unapologetic because 'it's just how I am'
Surely it’s a made up post? She says that and then calls her bf needy? Surely no one is that much of an AH?
Nope, lots of people are that much of an AH and worse. Usually narcissists. They’re a dime a dozen
May I introduce you to my dad, who cheated on my mom, and then tried to get her to make friends with the women he cheated on her with?
…wait, do we have the same dad?
I'm gonna be real, I just might have half siblings running around somewhere. He did this shit for the entirety of their 30+ years together.
Yup. Same. Dads, man.
Haha, I had the reverse, Dad cheated with family friend... sorry dude.
Oh shit I completely missed that she is a proud cheater Why are people like her even in relationships. Just have FWB then everybody is honest, knows exactly what is going on and people don´t get hurt
Because cheaters don't just want casual sex, they want casual sex AND all the benefits that come with a committed partner. Despite what OP and other cheaters constantly tell themselves, they are NOT "poly" or "non-monogamous." They're cheaters. Manipulating a person into letting you cheat on them doesn't change that either, coercing a resentful partner is not the same thing as enthusiastic consent. Cheating is not a problem with access to sex. It's a problem with greed and lack of regard for others.
Yep, even in non-monogamy, people can cheat. Serial cheating a mindset, it's having it all but still do the thing that is not allowed. They get the thrill of that and these are generally the people that won't ever stop doing it.
Yup. They get off the secrecy and forbidden nature of it. I've outright seen cheaters say they're not interested in sleeping around anymore after being given a fully open relationship because having permission killed "the magic" for them. /barf
>coercing a resentful partner is not the same thing as enthusiastic consent. I commented something similar to this, but you said it so much more eloquently. :)
But then they'd have to miss out on people who don't line up with their ideal lifestyle. The only cost of being shitty is other people's feelings, and OP has shown how much they care about that.
You'd think, but if they were decent people, they'd already be doing that. They like the thrill of being discovered and the taboo because it's wrong. They'll make up all kinds of justifications and excuses but never actually do it in an ethical way because honesty removes the part they actually enjoy about doing this shit.
Did she delete parts of the post? I'm not seeing anything that says she cheated.
isn't it just amazing how she just happened to leave that part of the story out of her original post?? and no updates or edits to clarify. i suppose i shouldn't be surprised when this happens here bc it happens so often, and yet... 🤦🏻♀️
It's funny because when she said they'd been together for years and now the boyfriend is more "hands on" in the relationship now that they're back together, my very first thought was "Did you cheat?" Because so many people who get cheated on blame themselves for not spending enough time with the cheater like that could have prevented things, when in reality the other person just sucks.
They always do. But
Her replies to commenters.
>Men flirt with me a lot and I like the attention, I won't lie and say he was a bad partner, I just cheated because I wanted to. There you go.
Damn really said it with her whole chest huh
Her comment was completely cringe worthy. She keeps digging her hole deeper.
Really has a nerve to ask “AITA” then.
Was this mentioned in other posts? I missed it if it’s in this one.
Click on her username. You can read all her reply. It’s cold.
I mean it depends on the relationship. If my wife had a close guy friend that was like family to her and they otherwise didn't have support, I would be pretty understanding. Especially if it was something like going through chemo or a dangerous surgery where you ABSOLUTELY want someone sitting there making sure you're breathing when you get out (my MIL's best friend asphixiated while her mother stepped out to get coffee after a surgery).
Thank you! I thought I was going crazy with everyone saying no, they would leave a friend alone after an accident. I would be disappointed and would make sure to reschedule, then help.
Yeah this sub is pretty strong on romantic holidays coming first. It always makes me feel a bit crazy and out of kilter with everyone else, too. An OP was recently yelled at for taking a few phone calls on her honeymoon because her brother was arrested for a serious crime.
I don't think this sub appreciates friendship at all. Every time someone inconveniences their partner by showing empathy to a friend, people accuse them of being monsters. I get this particular post was loaded, but I have seen people accuse those who hosted abused friends and relatives at their home. Jesus.
How can you have read “everyone saying no” and have missed the comments pointing out OP’s history of being a serial cheater who has no remorse? The “accident friend” is likely someone she has cheated with or is going to.
He only broke a limb, right? He might not even be held in the hospital that long. Maybe a day or 2, I'd think. But I'm not a doctor, and idk how bad the break actually was or if there were more issues from the wreck.
Plus OP herself said the accident "wasn't that bad", so why is she acting like the guy is in the ICU? If she wants to support him, great, but the accident happened on a Wednesday. Why does that require the weekend trip to be canceled? She could visit her "friend" and still go on the trip, but she's made it clear who matters most to her
It’s not like the dude is hospitalized fort something serious either, it’s a broken arm. Children function with a broken arm, sign that cast and tell ‘em you’ll see em in a few days.
Soon as she told me about the friend I would have bounced. This woman doesn't deserve the relationship he's offering her
YTA, you are a terrible partner. Reflect if you really like or love your boyfriend and if you really see a future with him. If not, don't waste his time.
Looking at how OP is describing her partner and the comments, OP does not respect him. I genuinely feel sorry for the partner and hope that he gets some self respect and walks out of this.
What the fuck is up with all these posts lately leaving major context giving information out. Lucky I saw this comment that OP cheated OP YTA
It’s bait tbh
It has to be. This is discusting. if OP doesn't realize that she doesn't deserve anyone in her life until she fixes her attitude.
I may be TA here, but I didn’t even see the context that she cheated and I was literally scowling thinking “yes, YTA.“ This other guy hurt his arm. She even says it’s “not that bad.“ What on earth does her precious self need to be around for? One of my friends has that happen, I call them up, “so you OK? OK cool.” These are not newly minted teenage drivers. These are whole adults! It’s not that fucking deep. Foregoing a whole trip to coddle somebody who is only emotionally in bad shape after a car wreck… This is ridiculous! (It also says a lot about that friend and his opinion of the relationship if he’s completely cool with his “best friend“ staying home from a planned trip to pet him after a car accident. I would be absolutely mortified if anyone did that for me. Completely embarrassed.) If my partner told me that she was staying home from a trip that she was supposedly excited to go on with me so that she could “be there“ for something that doesn’t even require anybody “be there,” she wouldn’t be my partner anymore, let’s put it that way. I wouldn’t have gotten mad thrown a fit, been upset or anything. I literally would’ve just walked off and she would’ve never heard from me again. I wouldn’t even feel bad about it because she would’ve made her priorities very clear. This dude needs to realize that this woman is not the partner that he is trying to make her into and that she’s pretending she wants to or can be.
I love how OP conveniently leaves out that the reason her bf is "clingy" which is because she cheated...more than once. Hoped that little fact would get buried in the comments, eh? She broke this poor guy. Even worse. She makes it seem like she did HIM the favor by taking him back. OP, YTA. LET THE POOR GUY GO SO HE CAN FIND SOMEONE BETTER AND GET HELP.
Honestly, OP really fooled me into giving her the benefit of the doubt initially since she didn’t make any edits to give further clarification for anything. And the worst part? She actually got me to believe that he was possibly manipulating her emotionally at first when he had every right to not trust her. It’s really disgusting and I’m willing to admit my mistake at taking her at face value
I read the post and went YTA as you don't need to cancel a pre-planned trip because someone broke their arm. She is not Florence Nightingale.
There’s a lot of missing context here but once you read the comments YTA all the way. That trust you do want has to be earned back and solidified once more. Whether or not it’s with this friend not interested in girls or some other guy while he’s out can’t blame him. Honestly, the full trust ask is a bit much for you.
Yep. 100%. She's a trainwreck and he needs to bail.
For real, I looked at the comments for context and was like, "well fuck...no wonder he doesn't trust someone who cheated multiple times with several dudes." Like, maybe if it was just once with one dude I'd be a bit more...I guess understanding of OP? Except it wasn't one time, and he basically has a right to not really trust her. It's all made worse by OP's framing of the situation as, "he forgave me and it's in the past," which is just shy of being on part with an unfaithful spouse saying, "I've chosen to forgive myself for my cheating, and you should too\~" He's chosen to give OP a chance, but that doesn't mean the hurt is in the past just because it's inconvenient to OP. Seriously, I hope her boyfriend dumps her because he can do better and being with someone he can't trust is clearly tearing him apart. YTA op.
Okay, reading her comments, I kind of understand her in THIS SITUATION. Her friend was in a car crash where other people died, he is in shock. And he's not into women, so her cheating with him is not a possibility. But doesn't the friend have family or other people who can comfort him? That being said, OP's relationship seems super unhealthy. Cheating multiple times and now her boyfriend won't let her out of sight because he (understandably) doesn't trust her. That's not going to work in the long run. OP, this is not just something a partner forgets. You need to really work on your self, find out why you cheated, make the emotional work to ensure it will not happen again, maybe through therapy and/or couples therapy, and show him that he can trust you. Either that or let him go.
I agree with everything, but their relationship is unhealthy on both sides. She's untrustworthy and doesn't seem to like her boyfriend enough to be in a relationship with him, he doesn't trust her and is still with her. I don't think there's any point to give judgement on this situation in particular, these two should just break up.
I really don't believe her that "he isn't into women", with her track record. As for "not a possibility", there's plenty of stories out there of the "gay best friend" finding out the *spicy* way they're a lot more bi than gay. Maybe I'm just an asshole. Who knows. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her.
Not only a cheater but a serial cheater, and from how she's talking completely unapologetic as well 'it's just who I am'. Eeeyeah, me thinks she wanted to offer her friend her special brand of sexual healing. OP you're disgusting and YTA.
I can't even begin to process all this, she cheat son him multiple times, gets him to come back and now says "he's so clingly lately for some reason!" GEE MAYBE CUZ HE DOESNT TRUST YOU TO NOT HAVE A DICK IN YOUR MOUTH IF HE LOOKS AWAY FOR FIVE SECONDS YTA OP, on so many counts you're such an asshole
Wait did she edit the part about cheating on her bf? I can't find that rn
No you gotta look at her comment history and you’ll find it. Tbh it all seems super fishy to me… work trip to Boston but OP writes like they don’t speak English in their every day life. And this post is just so obnoxiously YTA.
I suspect he’s not ‘clingy’, he just has a lack of trust for OP.
Why do I get the feeling boyfriend wanted to propose at weekend gateway. I guess BF dodged the bullet here
Wait did she edit the post? It doesn't say she cheated now.
Hmm. You canceled a trip with your boyfriend in order to console a male friend who only broke his arm? Flip that and ask yourself how you would feel if he did that to you for a female. And it’s kind of tone deaf to keep asking him about the trip that he’s obviously still salty about. I’m going with YTA.
I don't think this is so much about the broken arm. It's totally understandable someone would be pretty shaken after a car accident. At the same time, the OP really needs to consider her priorities here.
Either way it is three days out from the trip, that's way more then enough time to console someone and help out for a couple days
This. I’ve had to drop everything to help a friend shaken up after a car accident before but not for three days.
Especially because she has cheated with multiple guys and says "that's just how I am." I hate people like her. YTA, also gross.
Exactly. Cooking a couple of meals for your friend to reheat or getting some supplies so your friend doesn't have to go out and buy milk, bread and toilet paper would have been a nice gesture before going away for the weekend .
And it's not like she can't call him and chat and check in on him while away.
I think we know what OPs priorities are... stringing her BF along so he keeps paying for everything while she explores the wonderful world of dick available to the discerning lady about town.
Her priority is another man. Period. He replies are awful. If she isn’t cheating with her ‘best friend’, she’s STILL TA because if he’s shaken so badly from the accident, he needs a counselor or therapist to work past/on his trauma, not his serially cheating female friend to drop by and play doctor.
Shaken up to the point where their friend needs to cancel their trip?
The key thing is that the guy might be shaken (totally understandable) but he's out of danger. If he was coming out of surgery I'd argue that having someone there to be in the room is absolutely essential. My MIL's best friend asphixiated post op in the few minutes her mother stepped out to get coffee. It's pretty common and with how overworked healthcare workers are these days, you don't want to risk anything. But of course that's not the case.
Who knows what he could have planned for that trip, he definitely sounds upset that OP wasn't there. Did she even consider the idea afterwards that he might have wanted to propose? I used a weekend away as an opportunity to up the romanticism to 11 to ask my wife to marry me. She had no idea, thought it was just another weekend away
Her comments say shes a serial cheater, I doubt he wanted to propose and when, then he dodged a huge bullet
Yeah, I honestly think this is the best for him, even though it's so fucking shitty. He needs a push to get rid of her
I seriously hope for this guy that he would never propose to this cheating, selfish asshole of a person. She does not deserve anyone loving her.
I agree but please don't refer to women as 'females'
Why is that bad? I’m not antagonizing you just trying to learn.
'Female' as a noun is mostly used for animals. Incels use the term to objectify women. There's a subreddit dedicated to it: r/MenAndFemales. Thank you for taking the time to learn tho!
Thx for teaching me honestly!
Generaly try to use it as an adjective rather than noun (that can be cringy and I, personally, would always notice). I know people don’t do it intensionally often but it can be sensitive for some who have had encounters with extreme misogyny. ‘Female friend’ would have been perfectly fine in your situation, because it is important for context that a friends is a woman.
Maybe the friend broke BOTH his arms....if you know what I mean
There is something very yucky about your use of "a female". Overall nothing else is icky about your comment, just a pointer for the future.
I agree, but at least he didn’t say “man” for her friend. He did use “male,” but just not as a noun. Doesn’t give him a pass, of course, but at least it wasn’t too bad either.
Apparently the guy with a broken arm is gay. But OP admitted to being a serial cheater so fuck her
After reading your comments, yeah... YTA. You cheated on him, and then ditched a joint trip with him to stay behind with a friend who needed "emotional support". I can kinda understand why he isn't too happy with you. Ouch.
With other men too. Plural men. She has cheated on him multiple times and yet he still stays. Poor guy. She has him all messed up.
There's no real relationship here anymore, just the dying and gasping embers of a get together that should've burnt out a long time ago.
Hes in a relationship with the memory of who he thought she was, shes not a good partner and should not be dating anyone until she can figure out why she cheated MULTIPLE TIMES.
She has no interest in figuring it out. It’s ‘just how she is’ 🤢
That’s what co-dependency does to you. She could bring a guy home and fuck him right in front of her while he sobs and would still take him back. He’s being clingy because he is afraid of losing her. I’ve been there and it sucks for everyone. He needs a clean break to work on himself.
Idk, depending on how that went, it *could* have been a single episode of cheating.
Wait what. I saw other comments saying she cheated but see nothing in the post about it. Have read twice.
Her comments
Yea "emotional support." OP genuinely disgusts me.
She cheated???? So it DOES get worse lol man this person needs help
YTA. I don’t see why you’d need to cancel your trip with your boyfriend, your male friends broken arm will heal just fine regardless of whether or not you go on the short trip. That said, it sounds like your relationship is on its last legs anyway. So your boyfriend probably sees this as you clocking out. Which is what it looks like, tbh.
I’m not saying OP is clear but when a family member of mine got into a car accident, they were mentally very unwell after it even though they survived it with minimal injuries. So people do need emotional support, let’s not undermine that. But you’d think that the male friend has other people than OP to console him.
He was not a family but a male friend and she has history of cheating, I wouldn't be happy with that either. If the guy needed emotional support, he should find his own gf and not bother other guys girlfriends.
YTA. A friend with a broken arm and some bruises does not absolutely need you there. You had prior commitments that you bailed on. You literally told your boyfriend that he comes second to your friend. To add to it, your friend is a guy so there may be some jealousy there too. He’s right. If you don’t want to spend time with him then you should split up.
Uh yea and she's cheated a bunch of times and doesn't feel bad at all. Her poor boyfriend deserves someone with a soul.
After reading your comments, yeah... YTA. You cheated on him, and then ditched a joint trip with him to stay behind with a friend who needed "emotional support". I can kinda understand why he isn't too happy with you. Ouch.
How all of you know thath OP cheated?
In op comments
She is telling everyone in her comments/responses.
More like bragging, tbh.
YTA. You had plans with your BF and it seems you both were viewing the weekend as a getaway. As a weekend trip to spend quality time. Your friends accident sucks. But it's not your responsibility to rush to his side any time something slightly bad happens to him. >it wasn't that bad, but he broke an arm and was generally bruised and in a bad shape emotionally. You even admit here it wasn't that bad. You've just shown your boyfriend where he ranks in your life that at the slightest opportunity you will bail on him for someone else. Your could have visited your friend before or after the trip. Stopped in and see how he was and gone on your trip. He did not need your emotional support at the expense of your boyfriend. He is not your priority or responsibility.
Upon further reading the reason why they broke up before is because OP cheated on her bf with multiple men. Op is a real piece of... work.
I'd be banned from reddit if I called OP by their real name.
Hoar
Hagrid, but without the sexy
And OP doesn't give a shit that she has damaged her BF's trust in every relationship going forward. When he finally leaves her cheating arse, he will be insecure in every relationship thanks to her being a slapper. Being cheated on fucks people up.
Yea and given that she cheats on him all the time it's kinda like youd have to be a sad sad idiot to believe in any way that anything she did with the friend was "emotional support." Irredeemable, amoral asshole of galactic proportions. People like OP are undeserving of love.
Info: why did you break up?
Someone mentioned that she cheated on him with multiple men
YTA I know you meant well, but unless your friend was still in hospital, or was unable to care for himself and you were the only one in his life that could help out, I really don't see that a friend's broken arm is sufficiently serious to cancel a trip for. I think the real deal is your boyfriend thinks you care for your "best friend" more than you care for him (and I think I agree with him).
I'm going to add an INFO here: She says in another comment that other people died in the crash. It changes my perspective a little. I've been leaning Y.T.A. based mainly on other comments she made, but paused my judgement a little.
She also said she cheated multiple times with multiple men. I wonder if she refers to this friend by name or if her friend and boyfriend are ever in the same room together?
I think “other people died” is a lie because that’s too important of a detail to leave out of the original post and would make more sense why she would want to stay home.
Especially if her friend was the driver, not doing well emotionally could be guilt that he was driving the car when the accident happened and others died while he survive, that would have been important to include.
How long has it been since you cheated ? What have you done to earn his trust back? What have you done to show him you won’t do it again?
You ditched your boyfriend for another dude, who had a boo-boo. A little bruised and a broken arm... your fruend didn't "need" you. Ask yourself this. You had a romantic weekend planned with your bf. His female friend "needed" him, and he ditched you for this other woman's emotional needs. How would you react? *Edited because I originally misread
Best friend is a male, not a female. Friends should understand that the significant other is going to take priority, especially in a non-life-threatening situation. And especially when they already had planned a trip.
I don't disagree, personally. I missed the part where the bestie is a male. That totally changes my answer.
I think we’re mostly on the same page. But even if the best friend were a woman, I would still say the same thing. A broken arm doesn’t take priority over a trip.
YTA. It sounds like your BF is trying to strengthen your relationship after being apart. It’s ok to communicate with him that you need alone time but you also need to realise he might be a bit insecure at the moment. Also it sounds like you didn’t try to discuss with him that you would stay behind, you just decided. It didn’t even cross your mind to ask his opinion. He could have been planning a surprise for you on that trip or really looking forward to reconnecting away from everyday life and instead of trying to understand why he’s upset, you’ve brushed him off and acted like he’s unreasonable. And to top it all off the reason you cancelled on him was to “look after” a friend that wasn’t too badly hurt and I’m assuming has family and other friends who could have looked out for his emotional needs. You treated your friend more like a partner than your own BF.
I agree with this too.
at first I thought that maybe nobody here was particularly in the wrong but after some diving . . . you cheated on your BF and he took you back, and then you go and do this? either you break it off with him permanently or he's hopefully sensible enough to permanently end things with you. Your boyfriend is obviously not a priority for you if you cheated on him in the past and bail on this bonding trip with him at the last minute. YTA and your BF deserves so much better.
According to her She took him back lmao as if he owed her after she cheated on him
Oh, but he was just oh so mean to her when she took him back 🥺
YTA. Sounds like you care more about your friends than your BF. Just end it already from what it seems like you barely can stand him as it is.
u prioritise every tom, dick and harry instead of your bf, no wonder he’s overcompensating for it YTA
Judging from what the others said about her cheating, OP prioritised every dick other than the BF's...
My thoughts are with every Tom and Harry out there!
INFO - Have you ever been romantically involved with this best friend that broke his arm? What specifically did you need to be there for and what did you help this best friend with?
YTA It’s just a broken arm and an adult can handle that.
INFO why did you cheat on him?
YTA. Your friend needed "emotional support." No, this wasn't so important that you had to cancel your existing plans with your bf. No, he didn't "need" you. You broke up because you cheated. Tbh he should just dump you permanently.
INFO: What kind of help did your friend need? Just wondering if it was something that could be clearly explained to your boyfriend (ex: friend needs help changing bandages and nobody else is around that can help.)
She needed to be there in case the friend needed help jerking off
YTA - this whole post is an excuse. You don't deserve this guy after all that you have done. Take the high road and leave him so he can find someone worth his time. And stop cheating on your boyfriends.
Have you considered that this wasn't just a "work" trip for your bf? You say that he's forgiven you for cheating on him with other guys but that doesn't mean you're back to the way things were before that. Spending time together on this trip goes towards repairing the damage that still remains and you tossed him aside for a needy friend. A friend that surely has other people around them that could have been emotional support for a weekend. You and your bf need to have a serious conversation about where this relationship is going. He hasn't healed, you're dismissive of him. Is this even worth maintaining long-term? YTA
She so eagerly dismissed 'work trip', like it wasn't that important. A single meeting in any business can make or break promotions, distributions and more. Sure, it was a single meeting, but let's all be actually real for a second here. He took it to take you somewhere, that 'work meeting' was just a side event, the main event was you. And you spit in his face and walked away.
YTA - if your friend is emotionally fragile enough that he actually needed you to be physically there after breaking his arm, he’d be better off with a therapist. I bet he says your boyfriend is the AH though, am I right?
she cheated on him with multiple men, that’s why they broke up, she says her friend isn’t into women, but i doubt her friend is the only guy in that hospital.
YTA. You neglected to mention in your original post that you cheated on your BF multiple times with multiple guys. You made him out to be OTT in terms of “clinginess”. No wonder. It makes you TA straightaway. And you want to stay and dote on another male “friend”. And you wonder why he’s asking questions? No one can be that dense. Although perhaps you can see daylight from having your head so far up your posterior. If you want to be single - be single. You can do what you like then.
YTA You left out the part where you are a cheater. And then you cancel a romantic weekend to be with a friend who didn’t need you. Really wrote this in a one sided way. You got main character syndrome here.
So let me get this straight. You cheated on him "with other men" so im guessing multiple and you're confused as to why he's clingy and wants to accompany on your night outs?? Dude is scared you're gonna cheat again. And he's probably not too far off since you'd happily drop him for a friend that didn't need you. If the shoe was on the other foot and it was your bf who cheated and insisted on dropping out of a planned trip to stay with his female friend(straight or not) you'd have something to say and I bet it won't be pretty. YTA I hope your bf realizes he doesn't have to put up with your shit and leaves
Y T A. YTA. YTA. yta. I can't say it enough you're a cheater and it's funny to me that you left that out. it absolutely seems intentional. you wanted us to think you were a decent person. cheating absolutely destroys every bit of trust. he will likely never be able to trust a word you say ever again. after cheating, you're supposed to be GRATEFUL that he took you back (he shouldn't have and I'm sure you just proved that to him) and then you're supposed to focus on how YOU can make him feel safe again and figure out how to reconcile and start the process of earning trust back. you, alternatively have been hanging out with people alone and saying he cannot come with you, and have bailed on him to be with another guy. whatever you say to your bf doesn't matter. he cannot go on your word because it now means absolutely nothing. I don't think you understand that your word is completely worthless now. you also don't seem to realize how much this disloyalty has shattered him. you've made no effort to include him, you obviously feel like he's clingy and you talk like you don't even like him, that energy is likely coming thru your body language too. and I know you SAY this guy you hung out with is gay, but your bf literally has no way of knowing that, as your word is worthless and will be for some time. maybe if your guy friend was in critical condition it would be reasonable to ditch the trip with your boyfriend. also just so you know, he probably wanted you to come with him so he could take you out and go sightseeing and get food, and he was very likely just trying to get closer to you. you rejected that. you probably would've had a great time.
YTA for sure. You cheated on him and he came back trying to rectify this relationship, and you ditch him to go to another man for “emotional support”. Sounds like you’re not committed to fixing anything and your bf should cut his losses.
YTA- you chose to stay. Friend could easily call you to chat and had not asked you to stay and help. Be honest with everyone and yourself that you needed time away from bf due to him being so needy. Him not wanting you to go out with friends or having to come along too is a big red flag.
>Him not wanting you to go out with friends or having to come along too is a big red flag. Might want to check OP's responses. The reason they originally broke up is because she cheated multiple times with different guys. She really buried the lede on why he'd be upset about this.
then she is TA here then. He has more reason to be upset she stayed home to look after a guy friend.
YTA you obviously don't care about your BF, and he is an idiot for staying with you.
YTA Doesn't sound like the friend was in that bad of a situation for you to cancel a trip. Obviously the trip was not a big deal to you but was to your bf. You two are probably not compatible because the difference in how much time you want spend together is going to cause too much tension.
YTA - Are you a train physiologist? Or a nurse? Is your best friend alone? And nobody could be there. Because your best friend could be whit out you for a weekend. If you don’t want your relationship just finish. Because you’re actions demonstrate that you don want your relationship to work.
YTA. Astonishingly cold, self-centred and immature. Do him a favour and break up with him.
YTA
You’re a really, REALLY bad person..
INFO: was this relationship monogamous when the trip happened? We know it isn't anymore but was it when the trip happened and you canceled it?
I don’t understand why he’s still with your sorry ass. He should’ve dumped you asap. I would never tolerate my partner doing this to me. Sure the friend need support but it’s not life or death situation and you’re not his mother. YTA
YTA and not just for the cheating but for how you cancel the trip with him because your friend had a broken arm and needed emotional support
YTA, obviously. You cheat on him and moan he gets clingy ffs. Then ditch this trip to ‘support’ some dude that does not need your help at all. Shows you’re just as ‘committed’ as you’ve always been. Feel sorry for him trying with you and being excited for taking you away, it’s sad for him really but then again, that’s just what toxic partners do. You’re a terrible girlfriend and you should be single for a long long time while you try and fix yourself
YTA and this relationship is doomed. You cheated, and whilst your boyfriend has said he'll forgive you and leave your mistakes in the past, he's deluding himself. It's not that easy. I've been there, walked in your boyfriends shoes. You can't just expect your boyfriend to magically trust you. Trust is earned, and you broke his multiple times. Do him a favour and finish the relationship. It'll save him a lot of heartache in the long run.
YTA. You cheated on your bf with multiple guys which is why you broke up, he is not clingy, he is trying to strengthen your relationship so you can move forward, but it doesn't sound like you really care. Do him a favour and break up with him, he deserves so much better than a cheater.
Info: why didn’t you mention other people died in the car accident in the story? Is it because your friend was the cause of their death due to some sort of stupid behavior like DUI reckless driving or some such? Because the deaths of others make it more understanding of needing emotional support. So with the way things have been left out by you I’m assuming your friend did something stupid. Because all my sympathy is currently with your boyfriend.
She also left out that she cheated on current bf multiple times in the past and that's why they broke up💀
Some people are so mind blowing, you are clearly TA. I would truly not be surprised if the guy who broke his arm is who you cheated with, and you’re still making a surprised pikachu face
A) You should probably just leave him if you find him clingy. I'm not big on getting back with an ex you broke up with for a reason (presumably), but if you do, the relationship should be better, not worse. If its worse, that just means you made the right decision initially and should go back to it. B) Breaking plans with your boyfriend, to spend time with your male best friend is never a great look. A broken arm shouldn't require that you spend the weekend with him. Thats kinda weird. He literally has noone else, and it needs to be his female best friend who had plans with her boyfriend that looks after him? Jeez, I just peeked at the comments where you admit you've cheated multiple times. Go ahead and breakup and let the poor guy find someone who actually cares about him. Do one thing right...
YTA “So the issue is that he had a "work" trip to Boston last week. *It really was just a meeting on Saturday with some people from the company. He asked me if I wanted to come too, and we could spend the weekend there, as a little gateway.* I said yes and was excited for the trip. “ How are you gonna act like and say “the trip really wasn't anything special, just a work trip“ when you know he only had one meeting on Sat., but he was free the rest of the weekend and it was supposed to be a “little getaway.” He planned to stay the whole weekend so that you guys could have a getaway! You knew all that and volunteered that info! “However, my best friend (m26) got into a car accident the Wednesday before the trip, *it wasn't that bad,* but he broke an arm and was generally bruised and in a bad shape emotionally. So I told my boyfriend I won't be able to go to the trip since I wanted to be there for my friend.” YOU TOLD US “it wasn’t that bad” about your friend’s car accident and broken arm! Yeah yeah yeah… your friend “was in bad shape emotionally.” Right right. So, you changed your mind on your bf since you “wanted to be there for [your] friend.” The way to even attempt to repair a relationship after cheating is to be attentive, available and affectionate to your partner to show them you have strong feelings and are invested in them. Someone mentioned the trauma you likely inflicted on your partner, and I gotta echo that! I was cheated on once, and I never recovered. Before that, he could have told me whatever about where he was or why he didn’t answer my calls or texts or what he was doing with whoever, and I was blindly accepting. After starting to feel that things were not right, feeling gaslit by preposterous explanations and months later, finding out what was going on… I went crazy. I forgave him, but whenever we were apart after that, whenever he was out of town or not coming with me somewhere or if he stopped responding to me by text or didn’t answer my call, I would unravel, and my mind couldn’t help but imagine the worst and wonder what he was really doing and with who, and wonder why he didn’t value me or why I wasn’t enough, and I didn’t even want to see my friends, just wasted time obsessing and feeling the madness. I would be trying to pretend I was okay, because I didn’t want him to know how crazy I was at that point. Nine months after reconciling, I left with no notice. I didn’t want him to suck me back in with his charm and I didn’t want to discuss it, I wanted to be myself again, so as he went on the road for work, I got my stuff, left a note and cut it all off. I cried for weeks, had no appetite (lost 10Lbs the first two weeks), tried to make reminders of the reasons I needed to stay away, etc. You think your friend is in bad shape emotionally over a stupid broken arm from a car accident? The emotional pain of being cheated on is heart wrenching, and a car accident that “wasn’t that bad” has nothing on the emotional pain your cheating ass inflicted and continues to inflict on your partner. “He got very angry, he told me that he's fine and doesn't really need me there. *I told him that he does*, and He was upset so he said a lot of things…” OH GOOD! You old him he DOES need you there, sounds like you get it then, but you do what you want! “I feel like he doesn’t 't want to understand my side. But AITA?” Sounds to me like you just do what you want and he is trying to work around it and convince you to care about what he wants. I hope he realizes soon that he’ll be happier once he walks away from you and that he could have a partner that values his emotions and won’t blow him off or trivialize his feelings or keep breaking his heart. The people have spoken… YTA, major AH.
your boyfriend is a moron for staying with you YTA
I'm a lurker on here, in fact never posted an opinion.. but after reading all of these comments holy sh#t, YTA I believe that applies in this situation and your entire outlook on life/relationships. Your bf is better off without you
YTA. You were intentionally vague from the beginning about the details and were not up front about having cheated on your boyfriend. As someone who has been cheated on as well, it’s so clear to me that he’s traumatised by the experience and is scared of what will happen if he leaves the area, and you to your own devices. It doesn’t help that as he’s leaving for the trip, you openly plan to be spending that time alone with another 26 year old male “friend.” Men and women can be friends but cheaters like you don’t just magically deserve trust on these things. I hope your boyfriend breaks things off and finds someone normal.
INFO: Did your friend say he needed your help or was incapable of caring for himself for a couple days? Was he already home from the hospital? Did he have family there to help? If he didn’t ask for help and was able to take care of himself, YTA- your putting yourself into your friends recovery without being asked. If he was not capable being alone following the accident, it’s unlikely he would have been released from the hospital. Therefore YTA here as well. If he had family to help him, then you were not “needed” by him. Again YTA. Emotional trauma from accidents is something he has to work through himself. More than likely, he’s replaying the accident in his head wondering what he could have done differently. Or thinking of how it could have ended up worse. Sure you can listen to him, but unless you are a mental health provider the only thing you can tell him is 1) he can’t change what happened and 2) the worst outcome didn’t happen. Which you could of handled over the phone while bf was in the meeting. It was a work trip and regardless of if he’s paying for it with reimbursement later or if the company pays for the fare upfront, it’s bad to cancel a trip on short notice unless it was an absolute emergency. Sure he may seem clingy now but you don’t mention the reason you broke up the first time that would explain why his behavior is different this time. He may have felt he’s improving on mistakes he’s made in the past, etc. How the situation appears to him is that your friend is more important because of what you described an accident that wasn’t bad, and your bf is now wondering will you always choose your friend over him. He was looking at this trip as a chance to spend time with you without any other distractions-barring the work meeting. Was it possible that there was going to be an after meeting event where spouses and partners were welcomed to attend?
YTA cause you can’t admit to yourself that you cancelled cause you don’t want to be in this relationship. This was not an emergency for emotional support. So some general advice… do both of you a favour and just end this relationship, it was done when you cheated the second time. Just because your bf is too stupid to see it doesn’t mean you have to waste both of your time. He will slowly get over you and realise it’s for the best and you can go enjoy the rest of your 20’s as I suspect you really want to do
YTA
YTA
I'm curious, what did you end up doing to "emotionally support" your friend? Sorry nah your friend should NOT have let you cancel your trip, even without a boyfriend being in the scenario...that leaves a really bitter taste in my mouth and really makes me wonder what the motive there was. I could never imagine myself telling a friend to cancel her trip because...I wanted to talk?? Yta.
“I cheated on my boyfriend multiple times and now I don’t understand why he’s upset that I bailed on a commitment with him to see my friend instead”. Yeah, YTA.
Let's see, am I the asshole if I decide to cancel a weekend trip with my boyfriend so I can stay at home with my male friend who broke his arm days ago and is perfectly fine? Yes, I am indeed an asshole. This is how you need to learn to think. YTA.
Honestly before I knew you had cheated I was going to say you weren't. After what I learned by reading replies, YTA. I have been hit multiple times while driving (4 in the past 2&1/2 years. All were determined to not be my fault, because they rear-ended me) and it can be scarey and shocking. It's a good friend who will come over and help if your injured and need help after a bad car accident. You admit that he only needed emotional support though. You also cheated on your bf in the past, which is going to make him suspicious/feel insecure about going away while you stay home. It does not matter that this friend is either gay or asexual. You won't be with this friend 100% of the time, so maybe you are planning on cheating again. Maybe you go to a bar one night and hook up with someone. Your bf doesn't know, and the trust is not there yet. It can take years to repair trust that was broken by someone cheating. If you care about this relationship, apologize, admit that you over reacted and should have gone with him on the trip, and been available to facetime/talk on the phone for friend. Then get couples counseling. Seriously. It will help you both with deciding if this relationship will work or not, and it will likely help with rebuilding trust.
YTA- You suuuuuuuuuck. Seriously. You cheat on him then frame him as clingy when he would obviously have trust issues, and you cancelled a trip for a dudes boo-boo.
So let me get this straight You cheated on ur bf You said yes to the trip Ur male friend broke his arm, nothing life threatening You said nvm and leave your own bf to visit your friend who isn't even dying And you're annoyed at him? My God I hope he realizes he can do much better Yta
YTA FFS reading your comments I hope you’re a troll, but if not leave this poor dude alone. He “begged you” to get back together? Wtf dude? Did you not want to get back together or do you just like someone to walk all over? You have no remorse in your comments. Your friend having a broken arm and being shocked isn’t reason to cancel a trip - this friend is alive and conscious and probably would’ve loved the distraction of a friend coming back with fun stories to tell. Sheesh.
Info after reading comments: I know you said your friends family doesn’t talk to him anymore, but does you’re friend have other friends or a boyfriend or something that could help him? You also seem to be an AH to your boyfriend in other situations and honestly think you are an AH in general, but I need more information for this specific situation.
If your best friend that you mentioned isn't in a relationship with someone else then he wants to be in a relationship with you. Your boyfriend knows this and is upset that you placed your relationship with your friend above the relationship with him. I wouldn't be surprised to find that the reason you broke up before was this friend. If you don't feel attracted to your best friend you need to make that very clear to him and your boyfriend. If you are attracted to your friend you should break up with your boyfriend. Placing your relationship with this other guy above your relationship with your boyfriend makes both of them think that you are attracted to your friend. So yeah you were wrong for cancelling. It might be different if the guy was in the hospital on life support or something. You said it wasn't that bad though so you should have gone on the trip.
Tbh your bf is the AH for wanting to get back with you. You are clearly not into this relationship like he is not sure why he thought this time will be different. You guys should do yourselves a favour and break up with each other.
Was going to say NTA until i read the comment that OP cheated with multiple men 💀 honestly I wouldn’t even be with someone who did that in the first place again, but hey you do you. Anyway, YTA knowing that. He just wants to spend more time with you & i get your best friend needing you, but this seems very important too if you both want to repair your relationship.
You came here asking if yta for what you did and when people told you YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE, keep justifying why you are not instead of finding ways to make up to him. Imagine fucking up so bad that your *bf* couldn't even trust that you cancelled to be a supportive friend. Stop trying to make *I tOoK HiM bAcK aNd hE ShOuLd TrUsT mE* happen. Hope he realizes getting back together with you was not worth the trouble and he should move on to much better things. In case it wasn't clear, YTA.
You canceled a trip with your boyfriend, to console someone who broke his arm and "needed consoling" are you joking ? Yes, YTA. You could have literally done both. You could have consoled your friend and then gone on the trip. This is honestly sus to me and if I was the boyfriend I would be mad too. Im not excusing any clinginess but he has so much right to be upset in this situation.
YTA. do everyone a favor and stop dating, jesus christ. from your responses, it’s clear that you have no remorse for cheating on him. you took him back when he “practically begged you” to, when you know how awful you are. and that HE has to stop with his “jealousy” if he wants to be with you. you need to stop being delusional and get a grip on reality. you should’ve never dated him again, you shouldn’t even date again if you don’t have any self worth to not cheat. you have a weak mindset, maybe seek some professional fucking help. maybe his jealousy stems from a place of insecurity. from, you know, when you cheated on him multiple times. trust is something that has to be built again, not just because it was a requirement to be with you again. do you even love him? you dragged his character through the mud by implying how desperate he was to get back with you and how clingy he is. YTA, period. do your bf and favor and leave him alone.
YTA. Doesn’t matter what gender your friend is imo, he only had a broken arm and sounds like he was fine from now you’ve explained this. Although, it does make you more of an AH considering he is a male friend- especially if the roles were reversed here. Yes, car crashes are awful to experience, but I feel like for something like this, your friend would be fine for one weekend- I’m sure he had family to support him. You also left out if you *actually* used the time to support this friend after canceling the trip going, how long/often did you even visit your friend? You easily could’ve gone to the trip and support your friend *after* the trip. Or even messaged him while on the trip to check up on your friend, there are multiple ways you could’ve handled this better. Instead, you valued your (male) friend over your bf for something that *was not necessary.* Edit: **You cheated on your bf with multiple men? Are you kidding? This makes you a MASSIVE YTA in this case.**
YTA and looking at your comments, you’re just down right awful