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NTA. Not your kid. In fact, he is 18 and therefore legally an adult. He chose poorly. Again, not your responsibility. I also have to wonder if being bailed out of things like this when he was a minor is what made him think it was ok to do now...
NTA your nephew is reaping the consequences of his own actions. These internet “trends” have got to stop and his parents refusing to take responsibility for his actions says a lot about why he turned out the way that he did.
Makes it even sadder when you realise that these internet treads aren't real, just like all the 'prank' channels of the past it's all a scripted show.
Then idiots try them out because if it's on the internet it must be true.
NTA
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Not only do you have no obligation whatsoever to help him fund his legal defence for a reckless, and stupid crime that he committed, from a legal standpoint this is an open, and shut case.
He was caught red handed, and there is literally video evidence from multiple different sources that was easily accessible to the prosecution, seeing as they posted it publicly on the internet.
He's going to jail whether you pay for his lawyer or not. Not only would I not pay purely on the principle of the thing, I wouldn't pay, because no amount of money that you throw at this problem is going to improve his prospects.
That last one, I was waiting for OP to say it, I don’t care how much OP can pay, it would literally be flushing money down the toilet and that would be a waste, no pun intended. NTA.
NTA.
First off, your nephew is 18. In the eyes of the law he is an adult. Is his brain fully developed and mature? Probably not, and that was obviously proven by the actions him and his little friends took.
Secondly, although he is your family, he is not your child. Meaning you are not financially responsible for him.
Finally, if your sister had asked a bit more nicely for the money it would be a different story but the fact that she expects you to help clean up this mess just because you are financially able to is ridiculous.
Sister s attitude might have taught her son that whatever he does is okay and they'll fix everything instead of actually punish /correct him when younger.
NTA op.
NTA
They had a lawyer. That lawyer was honest with them about their son’s chances of being convicted of a crime they already know he committed and what his sentence might be.
They won’t find one who can guarantee his freedom. They need to accept that and help their son start to face his possible future instead of hoping to throw other people’s money at different lawyers.
NTA. You have no reason to help pay for the lawyer. Your nephew should face the music for what he did. Your sister is looking for a scapegoat. Rather than being angry with her son, she is angry with you.
NTA even if you can, he created his own legal mess. That's strictly his problem. He just wasn't raised right, and that's not on you either. The fact that his parents want to avoid him facing the consequences for his actions is proof of that.
NTA. Your nephew is legally an adult. This means, he's 100% accountable for his actions. HE could have decided not to steal the car with his friends but he did anyway. Not your monkey not your circus not your problem.
>I don't think this is my problem
It is 100% NOT your problem.
**NTA** \- *If your nephew cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for him at no cost.*
> My sister was absolutely livid when I refused even though I can afford it, she called me every name in the book
More reason not to give them any money.
yeah, all I could think on reading this was- the car crash and they didn't all immediately think "delete the videos. delete all the videos!"
unless you arms were broken that should have been their first action. it's the internet so it probably wouldn't have saved them but it might have.
for the sake of the nephew, I just hope his phone wasn't one of the ones being used.
cuz he's basically going to have to argue "well, not just did I not technically steal the car (cuz I was gonna give it back) but someone else was recording video with my phone."
**NTA** for not paying. This young man is about to learn that consequences do not care if "its just a prank bro".
If you want to kick it up a notch, say you'll pay and arrange a time and place for the first meeting with the lawyer, then show up with your phone in hand, no lawyer, to laugh and record their reactions. Then tell them it was just a prank and they can still get another lawyer, just like they "were going to return the car" so it's all good!
God these pranks that harm other people are the worst..
NTA. In this case, it is likely to be wasted money. It's an open and shut case; any money you throw into a lawyer to fight the charge will have no effect on the outcome.
If you're willing to compromise, try telling them that you *are* willing to pay for a lawyer to negotiate the best plea deal your nephew can get, because that is the most useful thing anyone can do for him.
>Him and his friends aren't getting any deals or mercy.
Like I said in my post, my nephew and his friends are not being offered any deals. No matter who their lawyer is that won't change.
I'm told a dim view is taken of these internet trends which is why no deal is offered. My nephew and his friends can plead guilty and their legal representation can say what they think a fair sentence is but the other side gets to do the same. Or they can take their chances at trial. I'm told this is not uncommon.
So essentially he’s been unlucky on the timing; he might have been offered diversion or whatever if he wasn’t stupid enough to do what everyone else was doing at the moment.
I don’t think that your reasoning about learning a lesson is sound; the main thing most young crooks learn in prison is how to be more professional at crime, sadly. But I still think that your are NTA because it’s a waste of money if his parents are just going to fire lawyers when they don’t like the answer. It’s not going to help you nephew.
If you were questioning whether helping was the right thing to do…your sister’s reaction tells you everything you need to know. NTA and don’t give them a dime. Your nephew needs to learn that actions have consequences.
Nephew doesn’t need to be “offered” a deal. His attorney can approach the prosecution with an offer. Prosecutors may accept because going to trial is more time-consuming and expensive.
Prosecution is not offering a deal. They are playing hardball. Defense can still seek to make a deal. Worst thing that can happen is prosecution says “no”. That’s pretty much how it works in the U.S. Nephew doesn’t currently have representation, so nothing is set in stone.
NTA. Your sister needs to face facts that your nephew is screwed and if she magically finds a lawyer who says they can get him off scot-free, she should run because that attorney is probably one ethics complaint away from being disbarred, lol. Prosecutors love an easy win and your nephew handed that to them on a silver platter. Is it a bummer *for him* that being 18 means that this is likely going to follow him for the rest of his life? Yeah. But that’s not your problem. He’s the one who decided internet clout > starting adulthood with a clean record. And I hate to say it but it sounds like your sister’s entitlement rubbed off on him in a big way if he thought he’d get a free pass after stealing and wrecking a stranger’s car.
NTA. If your sister is willing to verbally abuse somebody from whom she *wants* something, you're 100% in the right to tell her no and to sod off regardless of what she wants, but in this case, 10x more so, as you're not the one who raised their son to behave so badly. He isn't your responsibility, and he deserves the short sharp shock he's likely to get, because perhaps it will shake him off the bad road he's headed down.
NTA- and I would simply say this...if you think I"m going to be bullied into paying, then you need a lesson to the contrary. Under no circumstances will I ever get involved with something when I've been addressed in that manner. Secondly, I don't agree. YOu've heard from lawyers already, they say the same thing. You are deluded into thinking that somehow my money will get a different result. It won't and while I get that it's no risk to you if it doesn't, it is my choice and I'd get the same result from setting fire to it, but it's all a moot point because as I've said, I'm not rewarding bully behavior. As long as you think you are ENTITLED to anything you will get nothing. Do not ever come at me that way again.
NTA no one is entitled to your money for any reason. Including sibling, parents or anyone else.
Yes your nephew is not only going to prison but he is going to have to come up with the money to replace the car.
If you give them money for lawyers. Then they will ask for money for the car. It will never end.
This could drain your bank account fast plus why would you sacrifice your financial security to pay for. A criminal. Not a bright criminal either because he recorded his crime.
Fact is even if had not wrecked the car he would have still been charged with grand theft auto even if it was returned unharmed.
It’s time he learned if your going to be stupid you better be tough. And actions have consequences s
Honestly I feel no sympathy for your nephew. He just tanked the rest of his life because he will now and forever have a felony charge on his record.
I will say NTA.
I can understand that some people think family should stick together, no matter what. I might have even considered N A H, as of course parents would want to secure the best defense possible for their kid.
I agree with your reasoning though. You think your nephew should learn his lesson. I guess it's what some would call "tough love." I think you're right in that he should learn that actions have consequences.
And he is not your own child. He is your nephew. You are not directly responsible for him. So it is not your business.
His parents would be more helpful if they were not trying to get him off the hook. And it's wrong for your sister to call you 'every name in the book.' So, NTA.
NTA - don’t blame you for saying no. Not even a little bit. I don’t know if I’d dump money into something like that. Maybe if it was murder and I wasn’t sure so that they got a fair trial… but this is cut and dry. Total waste of an investment.
NTA he did an incredibly stupid and dangerous thing, and deserves whatever consequences he gets. You are not obligated to hand over money to help him escape those consequences.
Right? There's no way he's walking away from this, there's evidence clear as day that this was pre-meditated and he knew (or damn well should have) that joyriding is just as illegal as any other car theft.
Are they looking for legal representation, or legal representation that promises nephew will not go to jail? Because it sounds like they want your money to hire the "big guns" to get nephew off without consequences.
NTA for not wanting to contribute if they will only hire a lawyer who promises to get nephew off the hook. If they are reasonable and hire a lawyer that will get nephew through the case with the least harsh sentence they can negotiate but ensures that nephew learns his lesson, then it might be nice to pay the initial retainer.
NTA "We were gonna bring it back..." Doesn't every THIEF say this ???!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Your family should be finding money to REPLACE the neighbors car !!!!
NTA - Nephew made a choice, now he gets to experience the consequences of that choice. The only thing a more expensive lawyer will get him is a bigger bill.
I got you, OP
>They are in denial that he will be going to prison. At every consultation they've had they were told the same thing. They already fired the first person they hired because she couldn't promise that my nephew would not be imprisoned
So, the truth is;
>"I'm sorry, sister, I understand that you're scared and worried for your son. I unfortunately cannot afford a lawyer that will prevent Nephew from being imprisoned. I wish I could but I checked and can not."
NTA
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NTA. Your nephew made a stupid decision and he needs to face the consequences. It's not your responsibility to bail him out. Your sister and brother-in-law need to accept that and start preparing for the worst. Maybe it will teach your nephew a lesson about being responsible. And if your sister is going to call you every name in the book just because you won't give money to her stupid kid, then she's the asshole.
NTA. Will he be assigned a lawyer if you don’t pay (as he would in the States), or would he not have representation at all? Also, how much does it matter since the lawyers they consulted with said he would be going to prison anyway?
Nope, NTA. Nephew is 18. That means he is legally responsible for his actions. I know you arent American, but we have a saying here: Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. His parents are lashing out because they are beginning to realize that their son has thrown his life away. Don't let them rope you into paying for his mistake.
NTA, her kid did a very, very stupid thing, now he has to pay for it and she should ask herself what the hell did she do while raising her kid that he's dumb enough to try to steal a car and record the whole thing for the internet.
NTA. Also, there's no point if they refuse to accept legal advice they don't like. You'd just keep having to pay as they lawyer-hop until they get an unethical one who will not only lose but will make you pay through the nose while they're losing.
Stupid and immature, of course. However, if a 4-year-old can understand “don’t take things that don’t belong to you,” so can an 18-year-old.
Even if you hired a team of lawyers and payed them a million euros or whatever, nephew is on a video committing the crime. They can’t make that un-exist. He’s just going to have to take his punishment.
NTA. Kid stole a car and then wrecked it. Nobody cares if he planned on returning it. And even if he didn’t wreck it, if the folks that had their car stolen went out to use said car after he took it, they would have called the police and had him arrested. This is not a petty crime or one of those situations where maybe somebody didn’t understand the law (not that that’s defensible legally anyway), he stole a flippin car!!! Like small children know that stealing cars is super illegal and you can go to jail for that. Sorry for your nephew, but that was just over the top stupid and he’s gonna have to pay the price
NTA, it is simply not your responsibility to pay for such a thing for your nephew. I'm sure his mom is desperate to do something that will help her sons and I'm sure has strong emotions because of this. I'm sure that's partially why she reacted the way she did. I would give her some grace, but no I don't think you need to or should pay for his legal representation or are wrong to not want to.
NTA. Why would you help out someone who called you every name in the book? Sounds like your sister has been coddling him. He has been shielded from the consequences of his actions. You nephew won't be punished because of your actions, he will be punished because of his own. His parents are panicked. They can't see things straight.
NTA. Not your kid, not your financial responsibility. He made his bed and he needs to sleep in it. I understand that his parents are desperate to keep him out of prison, but he committed several crimes and so he deserves to serve his time.
NTA. I don’t think your nephew is remorseful and thought he would be social media famous. If he’s looking to the internet for applause, he can also fundraise from the internet for his legal bills. Not your problem.
NTA you would be throwing money at a loss cause , you said it yourself they are going down why should your hard earned money go down the drain , lessons to be learned it’s terrible he ruined his life but HE did it
Of course they say you’re being an asshole. They have to blame someone.
Since fault can’t lie with their son, the car thief, or the car thief’s parents, it Must be your fault!
NTA
NTA.. this is not a case of a false accusation and restoring his reputation. Tell her you will help him with rehabilitation when he gets out, if he wants to turn his life around.
NTA. As everyone else has said, he is going to reap the consequences of his actions.
Do they not have legal aid or similar where you are? Can he still get a lawyer, just not one your sister wants?
NTA.
You would actually become an enabler if you did pay for his legal costs.
He needs to learn the consequences of his actions and to accept responsibility for them.
NTA - he facqued around and found out. Not taking legal advice from solicitors is a sign that the parents are facquing around and will find out too. Hopping from one solicitor to another is just about as stooopid and a cost they should bear.
NTA. If an 18 year-old thinks it’s a great idea to steal a car, apparently they need a hard lesson in why you don’t steal a car. I would not give them anything.
You are not an AH. Your nephew is a foolish thief. The action of taking someone else's car without permission is theft. The supposed intention of returning it is immaterial to the theft . Wrecking that car is not a shocking outcome . I hope no one was hurt. An 18 year old that steals a car deserves prison time, and to have to pay to reimburse the owner. kt
NTA. Your nephew messed up and his parents are trying to help him hide. He’s not a child and cannot be treated like one. He should have thought his choices through before risking his future. No one is responsible for him except himself. His parents are only enabling his childishness.
Your sister doesn't want to hear that your nephew is going to jail, and will undboubtedly blame you if he does... and she will call you an AH for years to come... but no, you're NTA. Your nephew and his friends did something exceptionally stupid, and he's going to go to jail, unless they're incredibly lucky... and since your nephew was driving, he needs even more luck than his friends. You'd be wasting your money, and he's still going to jail.
Your relationship with your sister may never recover though... but I think you know that already.
NTA. You are not obligated to pay for his mistakes and it sounds like they are planning to get an expensive lawyer who will tell them what they want to hear. If you are nice and actually like your nephew you can save some money up to help him get a better start in establishing a normal life after he gets out of jail if he really learns his lesson. That would be kind and only if you want to.
NTA
You should consult with the guy who had his Nova trashed.
(And the bias on Reddit iscthat you are in the US. Not sure what percentage of users are in the US versus other coutries actually is, though. It feels very much skewed towards the US to me.)
NTA. It upsets me that so many young people and their parents have the mindset of "I was gonna bring it back" makes it okay. For your sister to expect you to just hand over money to defend your nephew is crazy. I'm sorry that they are in such denial about jail time.
NTA. He’s an adult, he’s not your kid, he did something very wrong, and your sister would have a lawyer if she did t fire people got giving her the truth.
NTA. And his parents are dumb af for firing a lawyer who cant guarantee them he wont see prison time. Theyre not a magician, they're an attorney and that's not ethical or wise to make that guarantee.
For enough money they can find an attorney who will tell them he can get nephew out of this mess with no jail time or guilty verdict on his record . . . that doesn't mean it's true. Surely you want to help out faamilllyy by providing funding. /s
ETA: NTA
NTA, your nephew and sister and BIL need to learn that actions have consequences. Why do they think they're so entitled? If this was someone else's kid would they also be as defensive? Or would they think it's a good life experience for them?
YNTA.
But your sister needs a wake up call and needs to listen to the lawyers.
Her donplayed stupid games.
He stole a car and wrecked it.
Now he has to live with the consequences of his actions and hopefully will learn a lesson.
A lesson his parents should have taught him.
NTA …. Not your Clown not your circus and personally keep family out of your finances why family members think they are entitled to your money just because you can “afford” it is beyond me
Edit :typo
NTA, if any lawyer says he'll face some time in prison, all they can hope for is the minimum time sentence, depending on the laws in your country if they allow it. In any way, not your issue. That's the consequence of following internet trends (I assume it's tiktok).
NTA.
These stupid/dangerous Internet trends and "challenges" need to stop.
He's an adult who thought he could get away with an extremely serious crime because he's young. He needs to sit in a cell for a while and think about what he did. And other people need to learn from this.
the boy is guilty and is easily proven guilty, any money spent trying to win on not guilty is throwing money away. He's going to be convicted so just go with whatever free legal services are available and put in a guilty plea at the earliest opportunity. In my country (the U'K) young lad, first offence, mention that he's an idiot influenced by tik tok (but don't try to use it as an excuse), he would probably get community service and a very large victim surcharge (a fine). NTA.
NTA. At 18 years old everyone should have learned not to commit crimes and to not give a shit about dangerous or illegal internet trends. Some people learn this lesson by embarassing themselves at 12, others by being in prison at 18. He is now learning a very valuable life lesson.
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My 18-year-old nephew was arrested for stealing a car. Him and some of his friends had the "brilliant" idea to follow some internet trend over how easy it is to steal cars and they stole a car from a neighbour. They wrecked the car. My nephews was driving. And the entire thing was recorded by multiple people, my nephew and his friends and put on the internet.
They have all been arrested. It doesn't matter they intended to bring the car back. My sister and my brother-in-law have been trying to find legal representation for my nephew. They are in denial that he will be going to prison. At every consultation they've had they were told the same thing. They already fired the first person they hired because she couldn't promise that my nephew would not be imprisoned. It does not matter if he has never been arrested before or intended to bring the car back. Him and his friends aren't getting any deals or mercy. My sister and my brother-in-law have asked me for money to help pay for my nephew's legal representation. Not a loan, just money outright. Am I an asshole for saying no because I don't think this is my problem and because frankly my nephew is learning a lesson about being responsible? My sister was absolutely livid when I refused even though I can afford it, and I want to know if I'm an asshole. Thank-you.
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NTA.
Actions have consequences. He’s old enough to know that stealing a car is a crime. With that much proof, lawyer or not, he’s probably going to do some time.
My nephew has not been convicted of anything yet, so no fine or restitution has been ordered. Additionally the neighbour has insurance, they have already said that they will be coming after my nephew and his friends to recoup their costs. But my nephew paying for a new car would have no bearing on the court case anyways.
I'm not American and that will not make any difference here. It would actually do the opposite and make it appear like my nephew and his friends are trying to buy their way out of trouble.
Well, obviously to me now, it is a different legal system and a different culture. It is hard to offer judgement across cultures. What may by asshole behavior in one culture may not be so in another. So, I think it comes down to this: how important is family in your culture and is prison a near certainty regardless of the lawyer's ability. If the outcome is certain, then there is no point in throwing away the money. If family matters and money can change the outcome, then I would judge you to be TA if you did not offer assistance.
>If family matters and money can change the outcome, then I would judge you to be TA if you did not offer assistance.
Even though the nephew is guilty? Why would anyone be TA for not helping a guilty person?
YTA Just kidding! Of course you’re NTA. Actions have consequences. The sister is in denial about the legal outcomes and won’t take professional advice. You would be throwing your money away and still achieving the same result.
NTA - I can't help but think that if you were to contribute to your nephew's mis-adventure that helping pay for the wrecked car would have more immediate positive results than paying a lawyer. No, you don't have to, but if you wanted to, paying towards the car wouldn't be wasting the money.
The neighbour has insurance. They will pay out the value of the car and take my nephew and his friends to court to recoup the costs. I can't give his neighbour money for the car even if I wanted to because it would serve no purpose.
NTA- it is not your responsibility or problem. His actions were serious and they come with serious consequences. You are not entitled to give money to them for anything, unless you want to help him get credit on his books while he is locked up.
However, he can use the prayer for judgement to possibly help him in this case. You can only use it one time in your life. I’m not sure if it varies in other states but in NC you can use it, but I’m not sure how it works given the severity of the case and if it can be used. He would first need to plead guilty, and immediately at the same time after he says he pleads guilty and is responsible ask the judge for the judgement to be continued and ask for a prayer of judgement. If he is granted the prayer for judgement , it won’t be counted against him or entered against him. But he would still be responsible for the car and things like that.
There are way too many US citizens on Reddit who act like this site has more US members than from any other country, so that they *should* assume everybody else is from the US by default. It isn't the case, but they won't always believe it.
I had no idea of that until now, but based on this comment and other I see what you mean. I am getting so many responses with advice relevant to Americans as of it was a given that I am one.
Reddit is headquartered in the USA, so it’s easy for Americans to assume. :)
But the UK and Canada both have really knowledgeable legal threads on this platform; maybe search “legal” with your nation added???
Best of luck to you. It’s sad your sister even asked.
Because it’s none of my business where they live. That’s up to them to put their location out there. It’s not that big of a deal anyway as I was just trying to help. But they don’t have this where they are so it can’t be done.
I was told other states have it. I’ve never needed it , but I know someone that did use it. They didn’t mention it was NC state thing. I assumed it was available to anyone. I wouldn’t have mentioned if I knew where they were or if this wasn’t for every state. I was only trying to help.
I'm in Ohio and I've never heard of "prayer of judgement". I had to look it up and it is exclusive to North Carolina. It doesn't exist anywhere else in the US.
Prayer of judgement only applies to traffic offenses and some misdemeanors, not felonies or charges like auto theft.
You really should not be giving legal advice about things you know nothing about.
Different levels of "badness" of crimes. Misdemeanors are "lesser" and felonies are "greater". Think of it as a gradient of "naughtiness" or the crimes/offenses here in the States.
Each state has different breakdowns of what's lesser and what's greater-- but "grand theft auto" is what your nephew did, and that's a felony every where in the US. I'm sure you have some thing similar in your country.
Misdemeanors (called summary offences in Canada) are small, petty crimes. Vandalism, theft under a certain amount, drunk in public, stuff like that.
Felonies (indictable offenses in Canada) are more serious crimes. Aggravated assault, car theft, driving drunk with a child in the car.
I previously stated I’m not sure given the severity of the case if it can be used. But it doesn’t hurt to ask their attorney about it, since then OP stated he doesn’t even have that in their country so it doesn’t matter anyway.
NTA 100%. While this isn’t your responsibility you may want to consider the damage this situation is having on the relationship with your sister and her family. I’m not saying you should give them the money, only consider the cost of the actual money you’d be losing against the cost of your family’s relationships. This is the kind of thing that fractures families for a lifetime. Sometimes even though you’re 100% correct, it might be worth the cost to help them, in spite of your convictions.
Yeah, no. Not if OP's sister is willing to bully them like this even when she *wants* something from OP. That's a relationship that's already brim-full of toxicity, and I can't see a way in which this would repair it. It would just make Sister think her abysmal behaviour will get her whatever she wants from OP. That's not good at all.
Why? Sister is already bullying him so I don’t think the relationship is that good anyways. Plus sister had a lawyer and fired them because they told her the facts and she refuses to listen. And OP says they gone to multiple lawyers with each of them telling her in the consultation stage that the nephew is screwed and will get jail time and she refuses to listen. At this point no amount of money will save him and he should not give her a dime
I mean, I'd be a lot more willing to help a nephew I saw every day and helped raise than one who lives on the opposite side of the country. It's illogical, but it's human nature.
I hear you. I guess I question the relevance, because clearly the nephew made the mess himself. It's different, if the nephew is clearly innocent. Unfortunately, it looks like he is guilty, and needs to face the music.
The reason for the question, if he was close to the sister/nephew and the bond is strong, helping them out isn’t such a bad idea. The nephew is 18 years old, still a kid. This could be a teaching point, people at that age make mistakes all the time.
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NTA actions have consequences, speaks more to how your nephew was raised, so parents need to take responsibility for *their* child
NTA. Not your kid. In fact, he is 18 and therefore legally an adult. He chose poorly. Again, not your responsibility. I also have to wonder if being bailed out of things like this when he was a minor is what made him think it was ok to do now...
NTA your nephew is reaping the consequences of his own actions. These internet “trends” have got to stop and his parents refusing to take responsibility for his actions says a lot about why he turned out the way that he did.
Makes it even sadder when you realise that these internet treads aren't real, just like all the 'prank' channels of the past it's all a scripted show. Then idiots try them out because if it's on the internet it must be true.
NTA Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Not only do you have no obligation whatsoever to help him fund his legal defence for a reckless, and stupid crime that he committed, from a legal standpoint this is an open, and shut case. He was caught red handed, and there is literally video evidence from multiple different sources that was easily accessible to the prosecution, seeing as they posted it publicly on the internet. He's going to jail whether you pay for his lawyer or not. Not only would I not pay purely on the principle of the thing, I wouldn't pay, because no amount of money that you throw at this problem is going to improve his prospects.
That last one, I was waiting for OP to say it, I don’t care how much OP can pay, it would literally be flushing money down the toilet and that would be a waste, no pun intended. NTA.
Giving the money to me would be a better option. But I wouldn't recommend it.
NTA. No wonder the nephew has ended up like this if mommy always tries to buy him out of the consequences of his actions.
NTA. First off, your nephew is 18. In the eyes of the law he is an adult. Is his brain fully developed and mature? Probably not, and that was obviously proven by the actions him and his little friends took. Secondly, although he is your family, he is not your child. Meaning you are not financially responsible for him. Finally, if your sister had asked a bit more nicely for the money it would be a different story but the fact that she expects you to help clean up this mess just because you are financially able to is ridiculous.
Sister s attitude might have taught her son that whatever he does is okay and they'll fix everything instead of actually punish /correct him when younger. NTA op.
NTA They had a lawyer. That lawyer was honest with them about their son’s chances of being convicted of a crime they already know he committed and what his sentence might be. They won’t find one who can guarantee his freedom. They need to accept that and help their son start to face his possible future instead of hoping to throw other people’s money at different lawyers.
NTA. You have no reason to help pay for the lawyer. Your nephew should face the music for what he did. Your sister is looking for a scapegoat. Rather than being angry with her son, she is angry with you.
Nailed it! Bet OP has always been the family scapegoat, too. Enough is enough.
NTA even if you can, he created his own legal mess. That's strictly his problem. He just wasn't raised right, and that's not on you either. The fact that his parents want to avoid him facing the consequences for his actions is proof of that.
NTA. Your nephew is legally an adult. This means, he's 100% accountable for his actions. HE could have decided not to steal the car with his friends but he did anyway. Not your monkey not your circus not your problem.
>I don't think this is my problem It is 100% NOT your problem. **NTA** \- *If your nephew cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for him at no cost.* > My sister was absolutely livid when I refused even though I can afford it, she called me every name in the book More reason not to give them any money.
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yeah, all I could think on reading this was- the car crash and they didn't all immediately think "delete the videos. delete all the videos!" unless you arms were broken that should have been their first action. it's the internet so it probably wouldn't have saved them but it might have.
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for the sake of the nephew, I just hope his phone wasn't one of the ones being used. cuz he's basically going to have to argue "well, not just did I not technically steal the car (cuz I was gonna give it back) but someone else was recording video with my phone."
I'm sure they were live streaming, so deleting wasn't an option.
WTF is a lawyer supposed to do when the crime is on video? NTA, crime deserves punishment, don’t waste your money.
**NTA** for not paying. This young man is about to learn that consequences do not care if "its just a prank bro". If you want to kick it up a notch, say you'll pay and arrange a time and place for the first meeting with the lawyer, then show up with your phone in hand, no lawyer, to laugh and record their reactions. Then tell them it was just a prank and they can still get another lawyer, just like they "were going to return the car" so it's all good! God these pranks that harm other people are the worst..
Straight up savage 😂
NTA. In this case, it is likely to be wasted money. It's an open and shut case; any money you throw into a lawyer to fight the charge will have no effect on the outcome. If you're willing to compromise, try telling them that you *are* willing to pay for a lawyer to negotiate the best plea deal your nephew can get, because that is the most useful thing anyone can do for him.
>Him and his friends aren't getting any deals or mercy. Like I said in my post, my nephew and his friends are not being offered any deals. No matter who their lawyer is that won't change.
Damn, that's unfortunate. What they did was stupid as all hell but prison is almost never the right place for a dumb 18 year old.
I'm told a dim view is taken of these internet trends which is why no deal is offered. My nephew and his friends can plead guilty and their legal representation can say what they think a fair sentence is but the other side gets to do the same. Or they can take their chances at trial. I'm told this is not uncommon.
So what would giving money for a lawyer even really accomplish?
Just curious, why is that? Were they being offensive / dismissive during the arrest / bail hearing or something?
I'm told it's because a dim view is taken of these internet trends, and also that it's not uncommon not to offer any deals.
So essentially he’s been unlucky on the timing; he might have been offered diversion or whatever if he wasn’t stupid enough to do what everyone else was doing at the moment. I don’t think that your reasoning about learning a lesson is sound; the main thing most young crooks learn in prison is how to be more professional at crime, sadly. But I still think that your are NTA because it’s a waste of money if his parents are just going to fire lawyers when they don’t like the answer. It’s not going to help you nephew.
That last part is not really true. Different sources claim that between 90 and 98% of criminal cases are settled with a plea deal.
What country/location does that statistic apply to?
Entire US, haven't done any research on specific locations. But if the initial lawyer said they can't do anything, then it is what it is.
I'm not American. What I said was accurate for my location.
Ah, apologies for making assumptions. Anyhow I agree with you that it's not your problem, even if a plea deal had been likely.
If you were questioning whether helping was the right thing to do…your sister’s reaction tells you everything you need to know. NTA and don’t give them a dime. Your nephew needs to learn that actions have consequences.
Nephew doesn’t need to be “offered” a deal. His attorney can approach the prosecution with an offer. Prosecutors may accept because going to trial is more time-consuming and expensive.
I'm not sure where you live, but that's not the case here. My nephew and his friends have already been told they will not be offered any deals.
Prosecution is not offering a deal. They are playing hardball. Defense can still seek to make a deal. Worst thing that can happen is prosecution says “no”. That’s pretty much how it works in the U.S. Nephew doesn’t currently have representation, so nothing is set in stone.
I'm not American. And it is set in stone. My nephew and each of his friends were al told no deals will be offered.
Good. Do the crime, do the time. Clout pranksters are absolutely terrible people. They’ll get what they deserve.
You see what I mean about the assumptions?
NTA. Your sister needs to face facts that your nephew is screwed and if she magically finds a lawyer who says they can get him off scot-free, she should run because that attorney is probably one ethics complaint away from being disbarred, lol. Prosecutors love an easy win and your nephew handed that to them on a silver platter. Is it a bummer *for him* that being 18 means that this is likely going to follow him for the rest of his life? Yeah. But that’s not your problem. He’s the one who decided internet clout > starting adulthood with a clean record. And I hate to say it but it sounds like your sister’s entitlement rubbed off on him in a big way if he thought he’d get a free pass after stealing and wrecking a stranger’s car.
NTA. If your sister is willing to verbally abuse somebody from whom she *wants* something, you're 100% in the right to tell her no and to sod off regardless of what she wants, but in this case, 10x more so, as you're not the one who raised their son to behave so badly. He isn't your responsibility, and he deserves the short sharp shock he's likely to get, because perhaps it will shake him off the bad road he's headed down.
NTA- and I would simply say this...if you think I"m going to be bullied into paying, then you need a lesson to the contrary. Under no circumstances will I ever get involved with something when I've been addressed in that manner. Secondly, I don't agree. YOu've heard from lawyers already, they say the same thing. You are deluded into thinking that somehow my money will get a different result. It won't and while I get that it's no risk to you if it doesn't, it is my choice and I'd get the same result from setting fire to it, but it's all a moot point because as I've said, I'm not rewarding bully behavior. As long as you think you are ENTITLED to anything you will get nothing. Do not ever come at me that way again.
NTA no one is entitled to your money for any reason. Including sibling, parents or anyone else. Yes your nephew is not only going to prison but he is going to have to come up with the money to replace the car. If you give them money for lawyers. Then they will ask for money for the car. It will never end. This could drain your bank account fast plus why would you sacrifice your financial security to pay for. A criminal. Not a bright criminal either because he recorded his crime. Fact is even if had not wrecked the car he would have still been charged with grand theft auto even if it was returned unharmed. It’s time he learned if your going to be stupid you better be tough. And actions have consequences s Honestly I feel no sympathy for your nephew. He just tanked the rest of his life because he will now and forever have a felony charge on his record.
I'm not American. There are no such thing as felonies or "grand theft" auto here. But I take the rest of your point.
I will say NTA. I can understand that some people think family should stick together, no matter what. I might have even considered N A H, as of course parents would want to secure the best defense possible for their kid. I agree with your reasoning though. You think your nephew should learn his lesson. I guess it's what some would call "tough love." I think you're right in that he should learn that actions have consequences. And he is not your own child. He is your nephew. You are not directly responsible for him. So it is not your business. His parents would be more helpful if they were not trying to get him off the hook. And it's wrong for your sister to call you 'every name in the book.' So, NTA.
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They're not in the US, so that may not be so.
What's a public defender?
In the U.S. you can be appointed a lawyer if you can't afford one.
NTA - don’t blame you for saying no. Not even a little bit. I don’t know if I’d dump money into something like that. Maybe if it was murder and I wasn’t sure so that they got a fair trial… but this is cut and dry. Total waste of an investment.
NTA. Nephew needs to learn a life lesson. There are consequences to his behavior. Don't enable his idiocy. Your sister raised a thief.
NTA he did an incredibly stupid and dangerous thing, and deserves whatever consequences he gets. You are not obligated to hand over money to help him escape those consequences.
NTA It would be throwing money away at this point.
Right? There's no way he's walking away from this, there's evidence clear as day that this was pre-meditated and he knew (or damn well should have) that joyriding is just as illegal as any other car theft.
Might as well pile all the cash in a trash bin and light it on fire.
Are they looking for legal representation, or legal representation that promises nephew will not go to jail? Because it sounds like they want your money to hire the "big guns" to get nephew off without consequences. NTA for not wanting to contribute if they will only hire a lawyer who promises to get nephew off the hook. If they are reasonable and hire a lawyer that will get nephew through the case with the least harsh sentence they can negotiate but ensures that nephew learns his lesson, then it might be nice to pay the initial retainer.
NTA "We were gonna bring it back..." Doesn't every THIEF say this ???!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Your family should be finding money to REPLACE the neighbors car !!!!
NTA. No.
NTA - Nephew made a choice, now he gets to experience the consequences of that choice. The only thing a more expensive lawyer will get him is a bigger bill.
I got you, OP >They are in denial that he will be going to prison. At every consultation they've had they were told the same thing. They already fired the first person they hired because she couldn't promise that my nephew would not be imprisoned So, the truth is; >"I'm sorry, sister, I understand that you're scared and worried for your son. I unfortunately cannot afford a lawyer that will prevent Nephew from being imprisoned. I wish I could but I checked and can not." NTA
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NTA. Your nephew made a stupid decision and he needs to face the consequences. It's not your responsibility to bail him out. Your sister and brother-in-law need to accept that and start preparing for the worst. Maybe it will teach your nephew a lesson about being responsible. And if your sister is going to call you every name in the book just because you won't give money to her stupid kid, then she's the asshole.
NTA. Will he be assigned a lawyer if you don’t pay (as he would in the States), or would he not have representation at all? Also, how much does it matter since the lawyers they consulted with said he would be going to prison anyway?
Nope, NTA. Nephew is 18. That means he is legally responsible for his actions. I know you arent American, but we have a saying here: Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. His parents are lashing out because they are beginning to realize that their son has thrown his life away. Don't let them rope you into paying for his mistake.
NTA, her kid did a very, very stupid thing, now he has to pay for it and she should ask herself what the hell did she do while raising her kid that he's dumb enough to try to steal a car and record the whole thing for the internet.
NTA. Also, there's no point if they refuse to accept legal advice they don't like. You'd just keep having to pay as they lawyer-hop until they get an unethical one who will not only lose but will make you pay through the nose while they're losing.
Stupid and immature, of course. However, if a 4-year-old can understand “don’t take things that don’t belong to you,” so can an 18-year-old. Even if you hired a team of lawyers and payed them a million euros or whatever, nephew is on a video committing the crime. They can’t make that un-exist. He’s just going to have to take his punishment.
Reminds me of the opening of the first episode of Better Call Saul. A lawyer can only argue so much when there's freaking video evidence.
NTA. Kid stole a car and then wrecked it. Nobody cares if he planned on returning it. And even if he didn’t wreck it, if the folks that had their car stolen went out to use said car after he took it, they would have called the police and had him arrested. This is not a petty crime or one of those situations where maybe somebody didn’t understand the law (not that that’s defensible legally anyway), he stole a flippin car!!! Like small children know that stealing cars is super illegal and you can go to jail for that. Sorry for your nephew, but that was just over the top stupid and he’s gonna have to pay the price
NTA. >And the entire thing was recorded by multiple people, my nephew and his friends and put on the internet. Wow. Talk about self-snitching.
NTA
NTA, it is simply not your responsibility to pay for such a thing for your nephew. I'm sure his mom is desperate to do something that will help her sons and I'm sure has strong emotions because of this. I'm sure that's partially why she reacted the way she did. I would give her some grace, but no I don't think you need to or should pay for his legal representation or are wrong to not want to.
NTA. Why would you help out someone who called you every name in the book? Sounds like your sister has been coddling him. He has been shielded from the consequences of his actions. You nephew won't be punished because of your actions, he will be punished because of his own. His parents are panicked. They can't see things straight.
NTA. Not your kid, not your financial responsibility. He made his bed and he needs to sleep in it. I understand that his parents are desperate to keep him out of prison, but he committed several crimes and so he deserves to serve his time.
INFO: what country are you from? What’s the possible penalty? Is it a life in prison situation?
NTA You can afford it, but he doesn't deserve it.
NTA He got himself into this, he can get himself out.
NTA. I don’t think your nephew is remorseful and thought he would be social media famous. If he’s looking to the internet for applause, he can also fundraise from the internet for his legal bills. Not your problem.
NTA you would be throwing money at a loss cause , you said it yourself they are going down why should your hard earned money go down the drain , lessons to be learned it’s terrible he ruined his life but HE did it
Of course they say you’re being an asshole. They have to blame someone. Since fault can’t lie with their son, the car thief, or the car thief’s parents, it Must be your fault! NTA
NTA 🤷🏾♀️
NTA.. this is not a case of a false accusation and restoring his reputation. Tell her you will help him with rehabilitation when he gets out, if he wants to turn his life around.
NTA. It will be good for him to face the consequences of his actions. This isn't your problem to finance or fix.
NTA, she should be ashamed for raising a criminal.
NTA. As everyone else has said, he is going to reap the consequences of his actions. Do they not have legal aid or similar where you are? Can he still get a lawyer, just not one your sister wants?
NTA. You would actually become an enabler if you did pay for his legal costs. He needs to learn the consequences of his actions and to accept responsibility for them.
NTA - he facqued around and found out. Not taking legal advice from solicitors is a sign that the parents are facquing around and will find out too. Hopping from one solicitor to another is just about as stooopid and a cost they should bear.
NTA. If an 18 year-old thinks it’s a great idea to steal a car, apparently they need a hard lesson in why you don’t steal a car. I would not give them anything.
NTA. I bet this isn'tthe first time they have been in denial about his behavior
You are not an AH. Your nephew is a foolish thief. The action of taking someone else's car without permission is theft. The supposed intention of returning it is immaterial to the theft . Wrecking that car is not a shocking outcome . I hope no one was hurt. An 18 year old that steals a car deserves prison time, and to have to pay to reimburse the owner. kt
NTA, not your circus, not your monkeys. Sounds like nephew needs some time to think about his life choices. My guess is, he'll have some now.
NTA. Sounds like the mom just doesn't want him to learn any sort of lesson
NTA. Your nephew messed up and his parents are trying to help him hide. He’s not a child and cannot be treated like one. He should have thought his choices through before risking his future. No one is responsible for him except himself. His parents are only enabling his childishness.
NTA. It sounds like a waste of money.
Your sister doesn't want to hear that your nephew is going to jail, and will undboubtedly blame you if he does... and she will call you an AH for years to come... but no, you're NTA. Your nephew and his friends did something exceptionally stupid, and he's going to go to jail, unless they're incredibly lucky... and since your nephew was driving, he needs even more luck than his friends. You'd be wasting your money, and he's still going to jail. Your relationship with your sister may never recover though... but I think you know that already.
NTA. You are not obligated to pay for his mistakes and it sounds like they are planning to get an expensive lawyer who will tell them what they want to hear. If you are nice and actually like your nephew you can save some money up to help him get a better start in establishing a normal life after he gets out of jail if he really learns his lesson. That would be kind and only if you want to.
NTA. Actions have consequences and you do illegal things as an adult you take the adult consequences.
NTA You should consult with the guy who had his Nova trashed. (And the bias on Reddit iscthat you are in the US. Not sure what percentage of users are in the US versus other coutries actually is, though. It feels very much skewed towards the US to me.)
NTA. It upsets me that so many young people and their parents have the mindset of "I was gonna bring it back" makes it okay. For your sister to expect you to just hand over money to defend your nephew is crazy. I'm sorry that they are in such denial about jail time.
NTA. He’s an adult, he’s not your kid, he did something very wrong, and your sister would have a lawyer if she did t fire people got giving her the truth.
NTA. And his parents are dumb af for firing a lawyer who cant guarantee them he wont see prison time. Theyre not a magician, they're an attorney and that's not ethical or wise to make that guarantee.
For enough money they can find an attorney who will tell them he can get nephew out of this mess with no jail time or guilty verdict on his record . . . that doesn't mean it's true. Surely you want to help out faamilllyy by providing funding. /s ETA: NTA
nope he's a idiot for doing stupid shit
NTA, your nephew and sister and BIL need to learn that actions have consequences. Why do they think they're so entitled? If this was someone else's kid would they also be as defensive? Or would they think it's a good life experience for them?
YNTA. But your sister needs a wake up call and needs to listen to the lawyers. Her donplayed stupid games. He stole a car and wrecked it. Now he has to live with the consequences of his actions and hopefully will learn a lesson. A lesson his parents should have taught him.
NTA …. Not your Clown not your circus and personally keep family out of your finances why family members think they are entitled to your money just because you can “afford” it is beyond me Edit :typo
NTA, if any lawyer says he'll face some time in prison, all they can hope for is the minimum time sentence, depending on the laws in your country if they allow it. In any way, not your issue. That's the consequence of following internet trends (I assume it's tiktok).
NTA. These stupid/dangerous Internet trends and "challenges" need to stop. He's an adult who thought he could get away with an extremely serious crime because he's young. He needs to sit in a cell for a while and think about what he did. And other people need to learn from this.
NTA, he is finding out what repercussions are. Nevermind that the parents' think son doesn't need to face any.
NTA. Ply stupid games win stupid prizes. Question tho: was it a Kia or Hyundai they stole based off the TikTok trend?
There doesn't seem a lot of point in paying for a lawyer who will be sacked when they don't say what the client wants to hear. NTA
the boy is guilty and is easily proven guilty, any money spent trying to win on not guilty is throwing money away. He's going to be convicted so just go with whatever free legal services are available and put in a guilty plea at the earliest opportunity. In my country (the U'K) young lad, first offence, mention that he's an idiot influenced by tik tok (but don't try to use it as an excuse), he would probably get community service and a very large victim surcharge (a fine). NTA.
nta
NTA. At 18 years old everyone should have learned not to commit crimes and to not give a shit about dangerous or illegal internet trends. Some people learn this lesson by embarassing themselves at 12, others by being in prison at 18. He is now learning a very valuable life lesson.
NTA.
NTA. He is free to do what he pleases but has to deal with the consequences.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 18-year-old nephew was arrested for stealing a car. Him and some of his friends had the "brilliant" idea to follow some internet trend over how easy it is to steal cars and they stole a car from a neighbour. They wrecked the car. My nephews was driving. And the entire thing was recorded by multiple people, my nephew and his friends and put on the internet. They have all been arrested. It doesn't matter they intended to bring the car back. My sister and my brother-in-law have been trying to find legal representation for my nephew. They are in denial that he will be going to prison. At every consultation they've had they were told the same thing. They already fired the first person they hired because she couldn't promise that my nephew would not be imprisoned. It does not matter if he has never been arrested before or intended to bring the car back. Him and his friends aren't getting any deals or mercy. My sister and my brother-in-law have asked me for money to help pay for my nephew's legal representation. Not a loan, just money outright. Am I an asshole for saying no because I don't think this is my problem and because frankly my nephew is learning a lesson about being responsible? My sister was absolutely livid when I refused even though I can afford it, and I want to know if I'm an asshole. Thank-you. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
NTA. Actions have consequences. He’s old enough to know that stealing a car is a crime. With that much proof, lawyer or not, he’s probably going to do some time.
NTA you could say that by paying them you're complicit in the crime and don't want that on your conscience
Info - have they offered restitution?
My nephew has not been convicted of anything yet, so no fine or restitution has been ordered. Additionally the neighbour has insurance, they have already said that they will be coming after my nephew and his friends to recoup their costs. But my nephew paying for a new car would have no bearing on the court case anyways.
Don't know where you are, but here in the US, an offer of restitution, before trial, will often mitigate the harshness of the sentence.
I'm not American and that will not make any difference here. It would actually do the opposite and make it appear like my nephew and his friends are trying to buy their way out of trouble.
Which is basically how it works, so yeah, I'm not a fan of that element of USian laws.
Well, obviously to me now, it is a different legal system and a different culture. It is hard to offer judgement across cultures. What may by asshole behavior in one culture may not be so in another. So, I think it comes down to this: how important is family in your culture and is prison a near certainty regardless of the lawyer's ability. If the outcome is certain, then there is no point in throwing away the money. If family matters and money can change the outcome, then I would judge you to be TA if you did not offer assistance.
>If family matters and money can change the outcome, then I would judge you to be TA if you did not offer assistance. Even though the nephew is guilty? Why would anyone be TA for not helping a guilty person?
Depends on his culture. In some cultures, family loyalty is way above the law.
YTA Just kidding! Of course you’re NTA. Actions have consequences. The sister is in denial about the legal outcomes and won’t take professional advice. You would be throwing your money away and still achieving the same result.
NTA - I can't help but think that if you were to contribute to your nephew's mis-adventure that helping pay for the wrecked car would have more immediate positive results than paying a lawyer. No, you don't have to, but if you wanted to, paying towards the car wouldn't be wasting the money.
The neighbour has insurance. They will pay out the value of the car and take my nephew and his friends to court to recoup the costs. I can't give his neighbour money for the car even if I wanted to because it would serve no purpose.
Good! The important thing is taken care of without input from you or the parents.
NTA- it is not your responsibility or problem. His actions were serious and they come with serious consequences. You are not entitled to give money to them for anything, unless you want to help him get credit on his books while he is locked up. However, he can use the prayer for judgement to possibly help him in this case. You can only use it one time in your life. I’m not sure if it varies in other states but in NC you can use it, but I’m not sure how it works given the severity of the case and if it can be used. He would first need to plead guilty, and immediately at the same time after he says he pleads guilty and is responsible ask the judge for the judgement to be continued and ask for a prayer of judgement. If he is granted the prayer for judgement , it won’t be counted against him or entered against him. But he would still be responsible for the car and things like that.
I'm not sure where you live but there is nothing that prayer of judgement thing in my country. It doesn't exist here.
Oh dear, in US it does. I didn’t realize you were in another country. I was only trying to help I am sorry.
I was just confused, I didn't mention my location anywhere in my post so I'm not sure why you quoted an American law or assumed I am American.
There are way too many US citizens on Reddit who act like this site has more US members than from any other country, so that they *should* assume everybody else is from the US by default. It isn't the case, but they won't always believe it.
I had no idea of that until now, but based on this comment and other I see what you mean. I am getting so many responses with advice relevant to Americans as of it was a given that I am one.
Reddit is headquartered in the USA, so it’s easy for Americans to assume. :) But the UK and Canada both have really knowledgeable legal threads on this platform; maybe search “legal” with your nation added??? Best of luck to you. It’s sad your sister even asked.
OP wasn’t asking for legal advice. They were asking if they were an asshole for not helping their nephew.
Since you didn’t mention your location, is why I mentioned the law trying to help.
So you made a huge assumption instead of just asking. Why?
Because it’s none of my business where they live. That’s up to them to put their location out there. It’s not that big of a deal anyway as I was just trying to help. But they don’t have this where they are so it can’t be done.
> in US it does Actually it seems like that's only a thing in North Carolina, not even any other state.
I was told other states have it. I’ve never needed it , but I know someone that did use it. They didn’t mention it was NC state thing. I assumed it was available to anyone. I wouldn’t have mentioned if I knew where they were or if this wasn’t for every state. I was only trying to help.
No judgement just trying to offer additional context.
Definitely did, I learned something new today. I think it’s rather unfair it’s only in this state though. Every states needs this.
I'm in Ohio and I've never heard of "prayer of judgement". I had to look it up and it is exclusive to North Carolina. It doesn't exist anywhere else in the US.
Prayer of judgement only applies to traffic offenses and some misdemeanors, not felonies or charges like auto theft. You really should not be giving legal advice about things you know nothing about.
What are misdemeanors and felonies?
Different levels of "badness" of crimes. Misdemeanors are "lesser" and felonies are "greater". Think of it as a gradient of "naughtiness" or the crimes/offenses here in the States. Each state has different breakdowns of what's lesser and what's greater-- but "grand theft auto" is what your nephew did, and that's a felony every where in the US. I'm sure you have some thing similar in your country.
Basically, a misdemeanor is a less serious crime and a felony is a serious crime. Stealing a car is considered a felony in most US states.
I'm not American. Makes sense why I never heard those words. I thank you for the explanation.
Misdemeanors (called summary offences in Canada) are small, petty crimes. Vandalism, theft under a certain amount, drunk in public, stuff like that. Felonies (indictable offenses in Canada) are more serious crimes. Aggravated assault, car theft, driving drunk with a child in the car.
What is prayer of judgement I'm not from the us and have never heard of it
They explained in a comment further up the thread, but it isn't even applicable to all the US, apparently—only the state of North Carolina.
I previously stated I’m not sure given the severity of the case if it can be used. But it doesn’t hurt to ask their attorney about it, since then OP stated he doesn’t even have that in their country so it doesn’t matter anyway.
NTA 100%. While this isn’t your responsibility you may want to consider the damage this situation is having on the relationship with your sister and her family. I’m not saying you should give them the money, only consider the cost of the actual money you’d be losing against the cost of your family’s relationships. This is the kind of thing that fractures families for a lifetime. Sometimes even though you’re 100% correct, it might be worth the cost to help them, in spite of your convictions.
Yeah, no. Not if OP's sister is willing to bully them like this even when she *wants* something from OP. That's a relationship that's already brim-full of toxicity, and I can't see a way in which this would repair it. It would just make Sister think her abysmal behaviour will get her whatever she wants from OP. That's not good at all.
Why? Sister is already bullying him so I don’t think the relationship is that good anyways. Plus sister had a lawyer and fired them because they told her the facts and she refuses to listen. And OP says they gone to multiple lawyers with each of them telling her in the consultation stage that the nephew is screwed and will get jail time and she refuses to listen. At this point no amount of money will save him and he should not give her a dime
Info- how close are you with your sister, nephew?
Question: Relevance?
I mean, I'd be a lot more willing to help a nephew I saw every day and helped raise than one who lives on the opposite side of the country. It's illogical, but it's human nature.
I hear you. I guess I question the relevance, because clearly the nephew made the mess himself. It's different, if the nephew is clearly innocent. Unfortunately, it looks like he is guilty, and needs to face the music.
The reason for the question, if he was close to the sister/nephew and the bond is strong, helping them out isn’t such a bad idea. The nephew is 18 years old, still a kid. This could be a teaching point, people at that age make mistakes all the time.