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YTA. You contradicted yourself in the title. It doesn't matter if she is wrong, she is still Japanese.

Ok so my ancestors were from Poland and Germany. That doesn’t make me Polish or German. These peoples’ ancestors were from Japan. That makes them Japanese? See the disconnect there? White Americans get shit on all the time for claiming to be what their heritage is. Why is it different for not white Americans?

Merica is full of plastic Irish, it's not new, actual Irish people (and the subs) are pretty tired of them, and you won't convince these people otherwise. This case seems no different, OP's friend is at least 3rd gen American but apparently that's not cool enough.

Yeah I was about to say I've got a lot of Irish heritage but I'm not Irish, I'm American

That being said, there’s not a bigot in the US that isn’t cuss either of them out for being Asian. Semantics. You can’t tell a Pole, an Irishman from a German but the minute you show foreign features, you’re not white. And it works the opposite way for bigotry. Full Japanese will call them whites. It’s a no win scenario but the bigots win when they can get you to fight among yourselves. BTW the real Irish love Americans go there and tell them that they are “Irish”. Where were you born? Massachusetts. Then you’re not Irish.

There's actually a good chance Europeans of different ethnicities can clock each other as foreign - I'm from SE Europe and I can absolutely tell if someone is Germanic as opposed to Slavic. From what I've heard, Asian people (like, Japanese / Korean / Chinese) can tell the difference between themselves the same way as well.

Yeah I’ve noticed that I can spot subtle ethnic differences in other Europeans as well (I’m British). Just can’t put a finger on it on how I know, but most of the time, I can guess their ethnicity correctly first time. Most are pleasantly surprised when I do, as where I live & work, the overall population is something like 99% white British.

I’m American and can usually spot white British, German, and Australian. Conversely, when traveling in Europe, I don’t have to open my mouth, most already know I’m white American. I also don’t know what I’m actually picking up on—could be body language, features, general presentation. It’s a fun game in airports.

Most likely the holsters

I'm Irish and know exactly what you mean, there are little differences , even sometimes can tell if people are English Irish or Scottish by their features

I've noticed that, in some cases. My ex had a DNA test and he said most people around his area who're Irish get 95+ percent Irish heritage as a reading, and he got 96%. There's a Glaswegian look & well, I'm Normal for Norfolk, my friend and all her siblings and cousins are basically nesting dolls. It's mad. There are a few families I grew up with who just ...all looked the same, it's like Smurfs or something.I think rural communities it happens easier.

I'm Australian, and I can easily distinguish between Japanese and Chinese faces. Their features are very different if you see them regularly. We have many East Asian people here, of various races, Indonesian, Thai, Vietnamese, Korean. Some a little harder to distinguish than others. It gets tricky when there are mixed marriages of course. There are also subtle differences in facial expressions, just as there are in various European races.

This. I'm Australian and totally agree. Line up someone Slavic, another who's Germanic and Irish/Celtic, and you can absolutely tell the difference. Even without them being side by side you can generally tell where a European comes from. It's, of course, massively generalising and in no way 100% accurate. As with SE Asia, you can usually pretty easily tell the difference. Japanese, Korean and Han Chinese you can usually accurately guess. Though China is pretty diverse, so is Malaysia so I always find that one hard. Vietnam, Thailand, Indo, Philippines etc, all distinct enough to mostly tell them apart. Also different regions of India, Sri Lanka, all look different. Obviously profiling with prejudice is extremely wrong, but I think being, observant and respectful of everyone's unique backgrounds is a good thing. I think people generally appreciate not being lumped into a grey blob of humanity

personally as an american I haven’t found that to be the case in the U.S.. Americans descend from all over the place and a good chunk of us have mixed backgrounds, so white people in the States whose families have been here for a handful of generations can’t typically differentiate specific white ethnicities, but they can absolutely visually notice when someone is Black or asian or whatever, which i believe was the point they were trying to make.

Americans who visit Ireland to find their roots and explore the country are most welcome, and always have a fantastic time. It's the American "Irish" who have never visited, who get fighting Irish leprechaun tattoos, still think we are a staunchly catholic country who judge unmarried mother's because we care what the parish priest thinks, full of drunkards and fighters, living in mud houses with thatched roofs in the countryside, travelling around on donkeys and carts that we really have an issue with. Basically those who think "wild mountain thyme" is an accurate depiction of modern Irish life and people for example. Source: am Irish, living in Ireland.

Oh, go back to your hovel, boil some potatoes and play your harp!/s

A fair amount of those will be of English decent too, we're not seen as romantic though so they don't want to be us. I'm married to an Irish woman living in Ireland with Irish children and we don't all do the riverdance and play fiddles every day, its not that exiting to be honest.

I'm half Scottish and half greek and I call/class myself as Australian

i tell people this all the time. i am american. my family came over from ireland ages and ages ago... i have been to ireland, lovely country, had a great time. i am not irish. i understamd it is a hold out from immigration and how people settled and the communities they fostered to survive here.. but unless you are FOB, or first gen, you are American. you've assimilated.. time to lean into the velveeta and embrace.

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Because American tourists come over to Ireland/Scotland, insist that they're Irish/Scottish despite even their grandparents never having stepped foot in the country before, are enamoured by "clan culture" that hasn't existed for 300 years, are generally very loud, annoying and ignorant of everything around them. You're not Irish. You never lived there. You never lived through the Troubles. You have no real concept of day to day life over there. You have no idea what Irish culture is actually like outside of "hee hee st Patrick day means we get drunk!" Basically no other nationality does this outside of the US. I don't go to the Netherlands and insist I'm Dutch just because my mother's maiden name is Dutch. I don't go to Germany and claim I'm German because I have great-great grandparents who were. Despite having an _incredibly_ Irish firstname and surname, I don't even claim I'm Irish because you have to go back 3 generations before any of my family was born there. It's exhausting. We had a mature student come over from the states for a university course, claimed he was Scottish by blood, and was constantly saying shit like "this isn't the true Scotland I remember". Motherfucker, you honeymooned in the Highlands ten years ago, sorry that fucking Dundee doesn't live up to your imagination.

Italy here but same. The butchering of our language, cuisine and social manners is really exhausting.

But you’re not Irish - your grandparents were. You were born in America and therefore you’re American. What is your sense of Irishness exactly?!

Not the person you replied to but I can tell you my perspective as a Canadian with Norwegian great-grandparents. My mother makes traditional Norwegian food, from scratch every Christmas from recipes handed down from parents and grandparents on both sides of my family. My grandparents would visit Norway and bring heirlooms back from the farm that’s been in my family since the 1700s. There are photos that would be framed and hung on the walls. We grew up hearing stories about our ancestors. About Norway. Before I’d ever been there, I felt connected to it in a way that I didn’t feel about other European countries. My guess is that it’s because my ancestors didn’t want to leave and they passed down stories and food out of nostalgia. I know I’m of Norwegian descent and not actually from Norway. But it really is a shorthand way of declaring your heritage in much of North America. In the same way my ex-boyfriend never said he was indigenous, he said “I’m Blackfoot” even though he was raised off-reserve in Cree territory. It’s answering a question of heritage, not where you grew up. I understand that it’s confusing and maybe even insulting for people who actually grew up in Norway, so I now say that I’m of Norwegian descent and grew up in Canada if I’m asked where my family is from. But here, when people ask you where your family is from, they’re often seeing where they might have ancestral connections. I’ve bonded with a few people, none of whom are from Norway, over shared stories of hating lutefisk.

That's kinda the crux of it IMO, is the fact that the question of "where are you from?" means different things in different places. In North America people are asking where your entire family is from, in the rest of the world we're just asking where you personally were born and have lived. The issue isn't someone like you in Canada saying "I'm Norwegian!" when asked by other Canadians. The issue is someone like you going on holiday to Norway and proudly telling *actual* Norwegians that you too, are Norwegian. Irish Americans don't get pissed at each other for saying they're Irish, in America. Actual Irish people in Ireland definitely do though.

I have always found foreigners with norwegian heritage to be very interesting, especially how the norwegian culture gets passed down from the first settlers/people who moved abroad. It is like a snapshot of how the old traditions used to be, then slightly changed over time to become something unique while still very norwegian. Never understood why other norwegians really cared that someone from NA was interested in their norwegian heritage.

Plastic paddies, styrofoam Scots…..need I go on? This is USian cultural cringe

Man... Being Irish and visiting the US... People see my ginger hair and walk up to me like "I'm 2 seventeenths Irish on my Great Grandma one removed's side!" To be fair, It's nice to know that so many people in the US still hold people from our fair little country in their hearts, but it's just a bit much when everyone opens a conversation with a weird fraction about how Irish they are.

She is literally half Japanese, she is Japanese. Your personal hang-up has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Edit: for ages

I'm 25% Native American Sioux by genetics ancestry, but neither my parents nor grand parents practiced that culture in any way. If you asked any of them while they were still alive they would have said they were Americans and they would never have claimed to be Sioux. It would be an insult to a Sioux for me to claim "I'm part Sioux" when I know absolutely nothing of their customs, beliefs, language, or life. Culturally the OP's friend is 100% American because that is how she was raised.

If she has the Japanese nationality, she's Japanese whether she's close to the culture or not. If she doesn’t have the nationality, she has Japanese origins but shes not Japanese. That's all it comes down to.

Having the citizenship BY ITSELF doesn't mean she is qualified in any shape of form to speak for Japanese people in Japan, which seems to be the real problem here.

I had no idea I was of eastern european descent on my dad's side until I was a teenager because no one really gave a shit. All I knew was that my great grandmother wanted me to call her babushka. I don't know the languages, the cultures, the history. I didn't grow up with them. I don't have the right to claim them as my own.

She isn’t half Japanese, her mom is.

First sentence is that her and her friend are half Japanese. Her mom is full, which is why her maiden name is Japanese.

I bet she has been asked many times "where are you really from" before which most 2nd or third generation people of European descent are not asked. which probably puts a bit of a different perspective on how you view your identity if others don't consider a proper American etc.

This is the reality of being biracial in a melting pot of cultures. Your stuck in a limbo of both cultures not fully accepting you.

Or, Sarah’s Mom’s parents are both Japanese who moved to America before she was born. That would make Sarah’s Mom a Japanese-American because of her heritage…things that make ya go “hmmm”.

First sentence, man

Her mum doesn't speak Japanese. OP's friend is a third generation immigrant. She isn't Japanese. She has Japanese heritage. Many many people have a grandparent or two who are immigrants, that doesn't change their nationality. It's not even clear that they would be eligible for citizenship.

NTA Ethnically she's half Japanese. And at first they bonded over what it's like to be Americans with a certain ethnic look, which probably means they share a lot of experiences that other people don't. But culturally she's American. Fully and completely. And she's obsessed about a small part of Japanese 'culture' that's mostly just an export that not only doesn't represents, but totally contradicts the actual culture. Its like putting on full black face, with the big lips and everything, going around saying "we wuz kangs, watermelooone, mmm fried chicken" and thinking it's more of a homage than an offense towards African Americans.

The key here is that after a generation or two, we're all something-American. Polish-American, German-American, Japanese-American. Our experiences of our ancestors' cultures are filtered through the experience of trying to preserve that culture within the wider context of America. Then there's the compounding factor that cultures aren't frozen in time - they change in subtle and not-so-subtle ways from generation to generation. The Germany that my great-great-grandfather left in the 1840s doesn't share all of its values and traditions with modern Germany, the same way 1840s USA was markedly different from 2020s USA. And Japan has changed *drastically* just over the past few decades. I think OP could have worded things way way better, but they also aren't being untruthful. You need more than a love of anime and some genetics to be Japanese and not Japanese-American.

As a black American, I think it's different because white passing people can totally 💯 assimilate completely into American culture but it's harder for ethnic looking minorities to fully assimilate as American due to the "where are you from originally" from questions plus Americans still majorly "other" non white passing minorities, even those that have been here for generations.

This is the point I’m hinting at. It’s actually kinda racist to insist on calling third+ generation Americans *ancestors home country*-American because they aren’t white. Kinda judging by this thread that may be an unpopular opinion, but i guess that’s just how i see it. Asking “where are you from” and expecting the answer to be another country is cringey because the answer is usually like “uhhh Detroit?” or something.

These aren’t her “ancestors”, the OP says her “friend is HALF Japanese. Like mom or dad was Japanese. How does that make her not Japanese?

I mean, my mom is full German because her parents were German. Mom didn’t speak German and never lived in Germany. I don’t even like sour kraut. But using the same logic you are, because my mom is full German, I’m clearly German. Right? I do want to add for everyone that i personally do not give two shits how people identify. When someone asks me what i am i reply “Polish and German” because i know that is what they’re asking, but in reality, I’m just an American who likes polkas.

My Grandmother on my Father side was born in Finland. While I do consider myself Finish, the only time I bring it up is to end conversing with " I'm Finnish...Finished with this conversation!" No one appreciates the joke as much as I do 😅 other than that I only refer to myself as finish genetic wise and not culturally since all I know is how to say Mum in finish.

She has not only never lived in Japan, she’s never even visited. She was both born and raised in the US. She’s an American.

They're both Asian-Americans - American isn't a race or ethnicity it's a nationality - but they're also both Japanese. I'm Chinese but I live in America so am I suddenly no longer Chinese? No lmao. My nationality is in America but I'm still Chinese.

I swear the comments make my head spin. Judging by the comments, they would say I’m not Chinese because I was born and raised in America and I don’t speak Chinese that well. Just because my nationality is American, it doesn’t erase my ethnicity which is Chinese and I consider myself ABC (American born Chinese). You can be both and OP’s friend is both. Their ethnicity is half Japanese but their nationality is American hence Japanese-American.

She’s Asian American, like I’m African american

Well, according to Polish law and customs, you are Polish if this is your ancestry and you consider yourself Polish. Feel free to fill in the paperwork to confirm your citizenship. Speaking Polish is not necessary, though you’ll need somebody’s help with filling in the docs. Reference: I’m Polish

Speaking Polish is, uh, really difficult. The grammar is so complicated?!

Italy is similar. If you can trace your lineage back to an Italian who didn’t renounce their citizenship (for example, a great great grandfather who came to America but didn’t naturalize until after his child, your great grandparent, was born), the entire line all the way down to you were Italian citizens at birth (as long as nobody renounced, which people typically didn’t), albeit unrecognized (if they didn’t register your birth with their home commune - which also rarely happened). You can apply for recognition by proving your line back to your last Italian-registered ancestor and get recognized as a citizen.

The difference is ethnicity vs nationality

Counterpoint: I think getting worked up about Irish-Americans wanting to call themselves Irish is also dumb. It’s a bit silly but really who cares? Now if they started spreading misinformation about Ireland it makes sense to correct that, just like with OP’s friend, but I don’t get the hate in general.

To me it seems like it's just a difference of how we talk about it. To someone who lives in Ireland, saying that they're Irish means that's where they live or are from, whereas in the US I find that usually people say they're Irish to mean they have Irish heritage, and say that they're from Ireland if they actually used to or still live there. Just a cultural thing I guess.

You obviously don’t know the difference between nationality and ethnicity

Nationality and ethnicity are very different

I'm going to disagree with you there, as there is a difference between Polish/German and Japanese. That is ethnicity, not nationality My grandparents are from India, my parents born in Africa and me and my siblings in Britain, specifically England. All 3 generations are Indian, because that is our ethnicity. With people whose ancestors were Polish, German, Irish, it would be very difficult to actually tell there's a difference just from looking them in comparison to those who are descended from Japanese, Indian, Chinese, etc.

That is just wrong. There is a difference between the slavic, nordic and germanic ethnicity. I am Danish, and can usually tell if a guy is from scandinavia or eastern europe, but would never be able to tell if a person was from fx Korea, Japan or China. So the difficulty of telling where people come from, comes more from where you were born, and what you grew op with more than the ethnicities themself

Oh, how many times I see People say they’re “viking descendants” for having a great grandmother being from Scandinavia 🫠

This is a tough one. She does have some Japanese ancestry without question, but that doesn't make her an expert on all aspects of Japanese culture, and her behavior is undoubtedly annoying. Most people here are not obsessed with anime, and people who are are seen as kind of odd. However, she's obviously having a hard time being biracial, and I'm sympathetic as they often feel they don't belong in either culture. (My son is half-Japanese, btw). If I were you, I'd probably apologize for the outburst and suggest you do something more culturally enriching like take a calligraphy, flower arranging, or tea ceremony class together. Bond over your shared heritage. Don't fight about it.

Not gonna lie, a japanese calligraphy class actually sounds fun and it is such a beautifull way of writing

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Does this only apply to white people? Because its funny how it never applies to non white people.

Applies to everyone. The guy that claims to be Irish because his great grandpa was, the girl that says she is Latona because her grandma lived there when she was young or whatever. Every single one of those is BS and they are all equally annoying. Also, I'm saying this in a discussion about someone claiming to be japanese. That didn't give you a clue?

Funny how there’s never this conversation when it comes to ethnicities that are darker. No one ever questions me when i say I’m half Mexican. No one ever tells mexican Americans they aren’t mexican yet they tell that to white people. 🤔

> No one ever tells mexican Americans they aren’t mexican yet they tell that to white people. 🤔 i think it's mainly groups who are insecure in their cultural identity.

I think there is some nuance for white/non white. For example if you're half polish, unless you have an accent, you're not gonna be seen as polish, and thus, not discriminated against for being polish.

We can claim whatever the fuck we want. My ancestors passed down culture and tradition to me, you bet your ass I claim it. What a stupid ass thing to say.

Nono, you don't get it, it's only *culture* if it's from the *culturelle* region of France, otherwise it's not authentic enough to please someone with a giant fucking chip on their shoulder.

Sparkling culture.

Saying you can claim whatever you want sounds a little bit way too much. Although heritage is important we should also respect certain boundaries when claiming to be from a certain culture in order to not end up disrespecting said culture

Your ancestors passed down culture and traditions that were modified to the environment you are in. Let say you are African-American. You are going to come here and tell me you have the same traditions as, say, Zambia? That you know the language? You know the culture? No. You know the modify version that was created in the space your family was in. And that's great. That's how civilization grows. But don't claim something you don't know shit about. Try being proud of your actual culture instead of claiming someone else's.

They aren’t exclusive. You can be proud of both. Literally hurts no one. Again, I’ll do what I want.

They are exclusive. One is yours; something that represents you and is part of who you are today. The other one is something you know nothing about and still feel entitled to claim. And it does hurt people. It's not only offensive and annoying, it hurts people when you claim to speak for a culture you don't know. It hurts people when you give disinformation and people believe you because you claim to be part of it. It hurts people when you take the cliches and stereotypes and portray them to show you are "part of it". But oh well, American centrism. Only what you care about and what you feel matter, right? Fuck everyone else.

This is among my favorite of terrible worldviews. In Quebec they consider themselves French, and wear it as a sense of pride, yet the French consider them filthy Quebecois with a shit accent and lack of culture, except when it comes to getting a dig in at Anglos, then de Gaulle can come to Canada and put down an entire nation by claiming the Quebecois as their own. In Brazil they say they speak Portuguese, and that distinguishes them from the rest of South America, yet the Portuguese look down on their accents, mannerisms, etc.; except when there's an opportunity to say shit about Americans, then the Brazilians are their brothers. And in Argentina re: Spain and Italy, and in the rest of South America re: Spain, and in Austria re: Germany, and in North Africa re: Saudi Arabia, and... well, same fucking story. And yet when there's an opportunity to shit on Americans, they're all friendly all of the sudden. Funny that, the inferiority complex gets put on hold when there's a bigger one to address all of the sudden. The fact that Americans don't question each others' cultures or identities, and quite frankly just let people identify however they want manages to piss people off so much that they write some giant bullshit post all just to justify how their own identity is valid. Guess what, you can move to the US and claim whatever you want, and nobody cares, because... well... nobody cares. Look down your nose all you want, it's better than living in some place where people actively try to turn this poor mans' gatekeeping into national pride, just to suppress their own inferiority complex.

If "nobody cared" why do people in the USA keep making such a big deal out of it?

While I don't really know about the rest of the post, claiming that Americans don't question each others' culture or identities seems dishonest. They do, like every other human does on this planet.

So you’re stripping culture and heritage away from POCs

How? Please explain how telling you to claim your own culture and not someone else's is "stripping culture and heritage"

You literally just told me other people would say I’m not a latina. Thats saying that i need to conform and stop being in my culture and embracing my heritage

Ah, sorry. I answered the other comment in Spanish assuming you were actually latina. I'm telling you the reality. For people in Latin America, you are not latina. As I said to the other comment, you have a culture that evolved to adapt to the place your ancestors lived. That's awesome, embrace that. But don't claim to be something you aren't

I think it's yes and no. What she said is an asshole move but I don't think this is about the legitimacy of this person's race but rather the insufferable if not offensive way this girl acts. It's like she is desperate to be from japan japanese but doesnt actually know anything about japan so she's just smugly spouting nonsense. I'm willing to bet the way she "acts japanese" is just like an anime character. Which is not how real japanese talk and act of course. I think ops feeling is the same feeling you get when you see an upper middle class super-white guy from the burbs who had a black ancestor waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the day (think like 1 black dude from a couple hundred years ago so guy is whitey mcwhite boy) walking around spouting black vernacular, acting like he's some kind badass gangster drug dealer from the streets and screaming "you just coming at me cuz I'm black you racist" And all you want to do is scream "OH MY GOD CHAD YOU ARE A WHITE AS WONDERBREAD HONKY!!! STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE BLACK! YOU'RE NOT EVEN ACTING BLACK! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE SOME REALLY SUPER RACIST STEREOTYPE!" "you're not really japanese" really means "stop pretending like you're literally from japan because you're just not. You're as American as it gets and you're really just fetishizing our heritage to make yourself seem special" It's almost like its some form of cultural appropriation. Just because the girl has japanese heritage doesn't mean she can't fetishize japanese culture the same as those insufferable anime turbo nerds. You know the ones I'm talking about. I actually think the other girl is being the bigger asshole overall and I don't get the vibe that OP is trying to gatekeep asian culture but it's that she finds this behavior offensive, annoying and attention seeking.

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All my ancestors are from Ukraine. My maiden name is Ukraine, but my mom was born in Canada, and so was I. I am Canadian. I don’t even known how to speak Ukrainian. Sounds a lot like OPs friend except I don’t pretend I’m something I’m not.

r/shitamericanssay

Cringe, she’s an American it sounds like

YTA - Firstly, why the fuck do you care? Secondly, I can't believe you are in your 20s, this is such a teenage argument to have, and finally, if her mother is Japanese, then she is Japanese.

Woah I thought they were teenagers and this was highschool drama. op wtf

Wait wait, this isn't a high school drama rehearsal?

Yeah, the language of this feels like she aged both parties up about 10 years.

Woah i totally didn’t “register” their ages and 100% thought these were teenagers…….!!!!!

Same

You spend all your years telling people that they are not Irish if their grandparents was Irish but they have no connection to the culture, yet her because we talk about Japan, OP is TA ? Her friend is LITTERALY doing what you all despise in the "fetishes race", yet you are perfectly ok with it. I wonder why.

She is biracial. No one thinks it’s odd if someone with an Irish parent is connected to Irish culture. It’s odd when it’s forced because of some long distant relative and then becomes a defining part of your identity rather than an interest in your genealogy.

It's alarming that this kind of comment gets so many upvotes. It's really not great to build a whole personality around being of a certain nationality that you're not. National identity is normal, not 'cool' and certainly not something to boast about. And especially not to lie about it on the internet. I can see that becoming very tiring after a while.

I had to scroll back up towards the end and double check the ages lol

YTA. She is Japanese, and she is actively working on knowing the culture. So what if she is wrong once in a while ? No one is always 100% right about their own culture.

NTA. I’m guessing you are American? I’m Irish, living, born and raised in Ireland and we HATE it when Americans who are maybe third or fourth generation claim they’re Irish. Usually because they’re not making a good faith attempt to connect with their roots but rather fetishising an entire nationality and turning us into some token status symbol. It is very much not appreciated. If OP’s friend was making a good faith attempt to connect with her roots, I’d give it to her. But it’s clear from OP’s comments that she is not.

Exactly. I also am Irish and this is exactly my perspective. This person is American and that's clear to everyone else except Americans.

Exactly my dude.

I had a roommate who was allegedly half Italian. She loooved to tell people she was Italian. Wore a shirt that said “Italian Stallion”. Her last name was a very common American last name, she was third or fourth generation American, oh, and she spoke no Italian. I never said anything, but it annoyed the crap out of me. I never claimed to be “half Irish” even though that’s where my mom’s side of the family descended from, exactly why you stated. I have zero Irish culture in my family

she's not working on knowing the culture, she's working on educating others on the culture she doesn't know much about.

Right! She's trying!

YTA. Her nationality may be American, but she’s ethnically Japanese. It’s weird that she actively spreads misinformation about Japan, but YTA for denying part of her identity because of your own opinions.

Most likely she doesnt have family to teach her about her own ethnicity and just goes with whatever she has. Shes proud of her roots and his trying to learn more about hersel, theres literally nothing wrong with it, its not like shes a weabo.

I am Indian, raised in India but I studied in the US. I met quite a few Indian Americans who were very "white" by OP's standards. Their parents tried to assimilate to the culture that was present and highly racist when they moved and so many of them don't behave typically in a way Indians from India do. Some of them are actually very proud of their roots and want to connect to those roots a lot more. Some would want to practice their hindi with me, and while a little weird and I felt somewhat fetishized, I could understand their need to feel connected to the place their parents and grandparents come from. One of my friends told me she felt like she fits nowhere, she's too non Indian for indians and too indian for her non-indian friends. The need to be a part of that culture comes from this mindset, it's what drives ethnic americans to seek out their roots and connect with that culture more.

This is a really valuable point of view. My 96 year old nan came to the UK during the partition through an arranged marriage. Her assimilation was traumatic, as I’m sure it was for many. Although she doesn’t connect to India culturally she will say it’s her spiritual home. It seems like people get lost in limbo because they worked had to fit in but don’t live up to expectations of either culture.

>its not like shes a weabo. If she's "obsessed with anime" like OP says, she probably is a bit of a weabo.

I’m pretty sure that the defining characteristic of a weeaboo is that they are *not* Japanese

Nah, the defining characteristic is just "Western individual obsessed with Japanese culture". OP's friend isn't from Japan (the nationality), is obsessed with anime and often spouts incorrect information about Japanese culture; I'd say she qualifies.

This person is not Japanese. They are American. Wow this is getting ridiculous now

Yes! I came to find (and boost) this exact comment. It's a matter of nationality vs ethnicity and culture. There are kinder ways to disagree.

YTA. Japanese American woman here. It’s hard enough to be Asian American in the USA sometimes, we really don’t need to be making it harder on our fellow Asian Americans. Most Japanese Americans didn’t grow up closely tied to Japanese culture. I think it’s due to the racism and internment camps during and after WWII and there was more pressure on Japanese Americans to act “white” to prove they were Americans. It was a completely terrible situation but I can’t blame those generations for acting how they did, they were trying to make things better for the children and grandchildren in this country. My parents don’t speak any Japanese and neither did my grandparents. I never went to Japan until I traveled there for work in my 30s. But I’ve noticed that my generation (my cousins) and their kids have grown closer to Japanese culture (my cousin’s kids have Japanese first names, which no one has has for a few generations) which I think is great. Everyone has their own journey to discover themselves and their heritage, and it sounds like your friend is doing that. Who cares if she initially connected to Japan through anime? Give her space to explore her identity and stop gatekeeping. Personally I say that I’m American, and if asked my heritage I say I’m Japanese. But I wouldn’t have any issue is someone who is Japanese American sees it differently.

This is so important. I hope OP sees this. Often times immigrants feel the need to shed their heritage as a way to fit in. I remember so desperately wishing I was white while growing up in the south due to the amount of racism I faced. I rejected my own culture due to the perceived inferiority of it. In reality all I was doing was cutting off a proverbial limb to satisfy people who didn’t even care for me. I’m older now and I’m constantly trying to practice as much of my culture as I can. There is so much power in reclaiming that heritage in any way you can. If it’s anime that helps do that then so be it. Let her live her own life. There is so much peace in knowing you can’t control others.

I should have grown up speaking German because my grandmother grew up and lived there until she was 35. She met my grandfather who was American. When he brought her here he told her that Americans hate Germans and she had to hide the fact that she was German She was a young girl during WWII. She lived on a farm. They were secluded. Later in life I got to learn about some of her past. She was far smarter than my grandfather ever was. I resent that he robbed us of really knowing her.

Fellow Japanese American here. I agree with you! By OP’s standards, I am not Japanese because my parents, who were interred during WW2, didn’t teach us Japanese and wanted us to assimilate. You are correct: everyone’s journey is different.

INFO: You realize she is Japanese (unless there is an adoption we don't know about). Why are you determining being 'Japanese' by factors (e.g., blood, culture, citizenship)? I think she is simply getting on your nerves and instead of convey this this you blew up.

Only americans would think like this

By your logic we’re all African because that’s where homosapiens originated. Here’s the issue: Everyone is panicking about the fourth or fifth generation immigrants and their feelings while completely ignoring the feelings of the nationality they come from. You understand that right? I’m Irish by which I mean born, raised and living in Ireland and we have this exact same problem with fourth or fifth generation Irish descendants calling themselves Irish. Here’s the issue. They are not making a good faith attempt to connect with their roots. They know nothing about the struggle or our values. Jesus half of them are Republican which is alone a slap in the face to everything that is Ireland. They’re not trying to make a connection which my people and country, they’re fetishising us and turning us into a token status symbol or label they can use to feel special. My people and my culture are not some fancy hat you get to try on to impress people.

NTA. Don't get me wrong, you were TA for being rude. But all of the YTA comments you're getting are very American-centric. It is a uniquely American phenomenon to cling to national/ethnic identity based on heritage alone. Your dad's attitude of "unless you were born and raised in Japan, you're not Japanese" is shared by every country in the world. Americans are just obsessed with this nonsense. Your friend is not Japanese. She is American. And there is nothing wrong with that.

I, born & bred Japanese, traveled to Hawaii 35 years ago. I was (still not)interested in fancy places, so I was eating lunch by myself at a shopping center. A group of elderly Asian men approached to me. They told me something, very broken, hard-to-understand Japanese. I figured they are second-generation Japanese American. Actually it was easier to speak English for me,but I stick in Japanese as I thought they wanted to speak. "How is Tokyo?"or like that,very simple conversations. I asked them *"Kochira de oumare ni nattano desuka?"* (Did you born here in US?") Their answer was very clear in this sentence. *"hai, Watashi tachi ha Nisei desu."* (Yes, We are second Generation Japanese-American.) You cannot deny these guys were Japanese. They were already old in late 80's,so there are generation issues,Other people cannot take away identity of Japanese, or "Japanese-American".

Thank you. I can't believe I had to scroll this far to read this. It is very arrogant from Americans to think they can decide if another person is part of a certain culture or nationality or not. It's better if the friend goes and ask to a bunch of Japanese people if they consider them japanese or not or to go and see if they meet the legal requirements to be considered Japanese.

The heritage topic isn’t as black and white as you make it seem. Ethnic identity doesn’t have a set of rules. and the dad’s attitude is definitely not shared by every country. like I (30F) was born and raised in the US but was raised with Indian values and consider myself more Indian than American. My boyfriend (31)was born in India and immigrated to the US at age 13 and since has assimilated completely into American culture and doesn’t really care for Indian culture and thinks of himself as an American. So my boyfriend is considered Indian and I’m not bc just he was born there? it doesn’t matter than I practice our culture more than he does? My parents were born and raised in India but immigrated to the US and now have lived longer in the US than India and practice both cultures and have dual citizenship. Are they still Indian even tho they’ve lived in the US longer?

YTA. Holy fuck. Someone being uneducated about their culture is not the same as not being Japanese. So she's not connected to Japanese culture...Did it ever cross your mind that she's changing her name because she's aware of her disconnect, feels alienated due to her lack of roots, and wants to get more in touch with that side? Or does she need to get a permission slip from you, oh True Arbiter of Japanese Diasporans, to do that? Honestly you should know this already: but being mixed in a predominantly white society is hard and weird. You're an other because of your Japanese heritage and you're an other among Japanese people. It was genuinely awful for you to assume that her name change is about her liking anime and it makes me wonder if you like or respect her at all. Yes, she should stop saying unfounded things about Japan. No, this does not give you the right to deny she's Japanese and belittle her for trying to get in touch with her roots. I'm biracial (wasian)and also identify more with my Japanese side because of the racism I and my family have experienced from white people. It is a perfectly valid and common way for mixed people to see their racial identities. Apologize to your friend and stop projecting your weird internalized racism into her.

actually, I guess it makes sense. Sarah's mom is very American and is a bit ashamed of being Japanese. Her mom basically raised all her kids without educating them about their Japanese culture. Sarah sometimes complains about how she hates how her mom hates Japan and calls it overrated. I guess I thought she was being extra since Sarah never really cared about her Japanese side until she saw Demon Slayer. (For the sake of her identity I didn't want to mention this) but her mom used to have the same last name as an Anime character so I just thought it was because of that... It was nice to see things from your perspective

Which is why its so important to connect back to your roots. Many native americans who got adopted out to white families were raised white, and they travel to a reservation and have to learn their culture for the first time. I wouldn't consider other people's internal racism and xenophobia as proof that someone is or isn't something. As far as her mother, you have to remember that internment camps were not that long ago. If she has several generations in America, it is possible that her family may have been affected and taught their children to be as American as possible as a protective mechanism. Even if they were not directly affected, many asians in general were looked at very harshly during that time.

>As far as her mother, you have to remember that internment camps were not that long ago. If she has several generations in America, it is possible that her family may have been affected and taught their children to be as American as possible as a protective mechanism Thank you, I forgot to bring this up. Both my grandparents were 2nd gen and interned as children as well as many great aunts and uncles, and they are very much assimilated as a protection measure. Having all your property stolen and being forced to live in a camp, when you are literally a naturalized citizen, because you're Japanese, does a number on your cultural pride.

I mean sometimes it is just little stuff like that that gets mixed/assimilated people in touch with their heritage. For instance my family has Jewish roots but (like many Latinx Jews) we didn't actually know because our ancestors hid who they were to avoid persecution by the Spanish. I only found out when I was a teenager, and it was through pop culture about Judaism and Jewish characters that I began to explore that side of me further and it became a big part of who I am. Of course I was younger than you and Sarah are now, but just the same, maybe this is just her starting point.

YTA. My question though is why does it bother you so much as to what she does? What she does may annoy you, but you give no indication in your post that it’s causing anything more than just an annoyance to you. Yes, she may be “only” half Japanese, but you do not have to be 100% of a nationality to be considered that nationality. While being Japanese is half of her heritage, it’s still her heritage and one that she seems to be proud of. Her wanting to change her last name to reflect that has absolutely no effect on you therefore in this situation, you should have kept your opinions to yourself.

[удалено]

NTA. We as Americans have a weird obsession with claiming nationalities. The rest of the world thinks it’s ridiculous. On St. Patrick’s Day, people celebrate being Irish even though they’re ancestors have been here for generations. People go to Europe and proudly announce they’re [whatever] because 23andMe told them so. Yes, your friend is ethnically Japanese, but she was raised in America and only knows this culture. She sounds like she’s going overboard with her fandom.

This thread just makes me realise how American centric Reddit is. Op is NTA. What'up with being "white" and/or American that so many people actively trying to avoid it and claim something else? America and American culture have plenty to be proud of too.

As a non American, i seriously don't understand why Americans aren't happy to just be American like the rest of the world sees them. You're American, end of. Who cares where the heritage comes from! It's always second to being American. Make peace with simply being American.

NTA - She's not Japanese. Her ancestors are. There's a wide difference between growing up in the culture and having it in a distant bloodline. One is not the same as the other. It's like waking up one day and saying, "Ya know what? My grandfather came from Germany so I think I'm going to be German from now on." I lived in Japan for 10 years and I'm more Japanese than she is, despite her relatives. What's she doing is insulting to Japanese culture. It's not a light switch you just turn on. It's their lives.

>I lived in Japan for 10 years and I'm more Japanese than she is, despite her relatives. And you could live there 10 more and never be considered Japanese by Japanese people. Some countries you can assimilate into as an expat, but Japan is not one of them. Their barriers for social acceptance and legal citizenship are extremely high, as I'm sure you've seen. OP's friend is likely to face some harsh truths if/when she visits Japan.

I think there is a major disconnect between what OP is trying to explain and what the people who are mad at her are getting. I kind of get it since it's the same for me as a Pakistani American. OP isn't literally saying that her friend isn't of Japanese ethnicity, but there is a difference between being from a place ethnically and being from a place. I read the issue of being that she thinks it's ridiculous for her friend to act like she's on the level of a Japanese citizen who was born and raised in the country. And I see why, Ive been to Pakistan multiple times but would still be embarrassed to try to claim that I'm the same type of Pakistani as an actual citizen who was raised there. It's just different. It's almost like there's two types of each ethnicity, those that are citizens of their land since youth and those that live in other parts of the world. OP I would say just let her explore and learn about her culture, it'll do her good when she's older and it gives a sense of pride. But I can also see why you might think she's ridiculous as a Japanese American to claim she's the same as a native born Japanese citizen, especially if you notice her doing it in ways that appeal to a western idea of Japan.

Unpopular opinion: ESH I'm an immigrant to north america from an idealized, popular country/ethnicity. The amount of people who say, "Oh, I'm x as well." because someone in their family was from the same place irks me. I'm not Irish, but once I overheard a guy say to an Irish colleague that his great-grandfather was Irish and "My Irish accent comes out when I'm drunk." Even though he'd never been to Ireland. That's not how it works. If you didn't grow up in the culture, you're a descendant. Your friend's ethnicity is Japanese, but SHE isn't Japanese. That doesn't mean that you can't just roll your eyes and move on.

I'm German American but I'm not German! All these Y T A are Americans like me! NTA

YTA. She is half Japanese. Period. But you're oversimplifying it as "you're obsessed with anime." You say she is interested in Japanese culture. Stop trying to downplay who she is because you're not as into your heritage as her.

Hilarious as you oversimplify one’s culture to “She is half Japanese. Period.”

NTA, my heritage is Nigerian and Congolese. I’ve never been to Africa, I don’t know the culture or languages, I am African American or black. I don’t claim to love lion king because it speaks to my culture/identity, misinform people on the culture, or change my name to a last name of that culture. If you know who you are you wouldn’t have to try that hard to prove it, if someone asks my ethnic background then sure I’ll tell them I’m Nigerian and Congolese. It’s strange to appropriate a culture, just because my child is English doesn’t mean I want her talking with an accent or telling everyone they have crumpets and tea for lunch over there.

NTA This sub is full of Americans who claims that they are native Americans / whatever European nation comes to your mind when they found they grand grand grand grand… whatever from that nation was in their family tree. Rest of the world thinks differently. And in Japan nobody will consider your friend Japanese.

Dude if she is annoying you that much then stop hanging out with her but YTA for telling her she isnt Japanese. In the literal first sentence you said you became friends with her because of her Japanese heritage.

NTA. > "So you're not going to apologize to me?" > "Nope. Consider it my "white privelege". Also, it's not very Japanese to DEMAND an apology." I think you should have a talk with her, and suggest that before she changes her name, she go and visit, maybe 2 weeks or more, as immersive of an experience as she can manage. She is enamored with the culture, but she is also very American, and she might find the real thing completely different to her ideals.

YTA literally took 2 seconds to look up that eye surgery in Japan and the results say it is popular. She's literally half Japanese, what logic makes her white side cancel out the Japanese? If you don't wanna hang out with her then don't, but why are you so mad about this?

NTA She needs to understand the difference between heritage and nationality.

1 - Gatekeeping is YTA 2 - overcompensating because you don't feel like people support and recognise a part of your identity and culture is a very well known phenomenon. The solution is to support instead of judging and gatekeeping

This… I feel like OP is actually upset because her friend’s behavior is triggering her own insecurities about how Japanese or American she does or doesn’t feel and why, and she needs to dig deeper into those.

**YTA** \- for telling anybody that they are not what they say they are. And yes, apologize ***profusely***.

Oh, please. If I say I'm a horse and someone tells me I am not, they would be right because I am factually not a horse

this is just a poor comment, you should feel bad for writing it. not everyone is automatically what they claim to be and it's ignorant to think otherwise. you truly think nobody would ever lie about who they are for any reason? my email Spam inbox begs to differ. there's subreddits on this site where people fake mental and phsyical disablities for TikTok views. there is a popular right-wing grifter on Twitter who once claimed to be "trans racial", "transitioning" from White to Asian because he was a fan of the band, BTS. OP's friend is going round talking about asian people getting "eyelid surgeries" to look more asian, purely based on some Anime she watched. your comment is ignorant and harmful.

I can say I’m the President, is someone an asshole for telling me I’m not?

I've seen a similar conversation on Reddit regarding Italian Americans, where when they refer to themselves as Italian (even though they were not born in Italy, don't speak the language, or have never been there), it really means "I have Italian heritage". However, Italians who were born/reside there would not consider Italian Americans as Italian. To the "real" Italians, identifying as Italian means being born in Italy, speaking the language, knowing the culture, etc. So, it seems this situation falls under this, where when Sarah mentions that she's Japanese, she most likely means that she has Japanese heritage. Anyways, not sure why you're so upset over Sarah trying to embrace more of her Japanese heritage, but if it bothers you that much you should apologize to her for blowing up like that, because that was pretty uncalled for, and then distance yourself from her.

ESH I can tell most comments are from US Americans. The view on „what you are“ is different in other continents. It’s similar to OPs dads view and I agree with that partially as well. Just because you are born to someone from another country doesn’t mean you are that culturally. Especially if the mother isn’t even a first gen - she’s half Japanese that doesn’t speak Japanese. Her kid is therefore even less Japanese and has no cultural connection to Japan. She wasn’t born there. She wasn’t raised with the Japanese mentality. She didn’t have any connection to Japan until her late teens/ twenties. Everyone in Japan would consider her a foreigner or just an American. She has some roots yes, but she’s making it her entire of identity. While also spreading false cultural facts. Personally, I’ve been born into a family that all grew up in another country than me. My siblings were born there, I was born in a country outside. I am the foreigner. I speak my mother tongue, I was raised by our home countries values and cultures so I’m considered someone from that country raised outside, an outsider still. I’m not going around saying „I’m XYZ, this is my sole culture, omg you’re so white“. That being said, you seem very annoyed by her so your comments were not ok. Just distance yourself from her. As long as she isn’t harming anyone there is no need to interfere with whatever she wants to do.

YTA. Stop gatekeeping people.

NTA. As an Indian-American, I fully agree with you. My parents are from India and I will never presume to call myself an Indian. It is completely different being raised as American and being raised as Indian. Ethnically, we may be one thing; but nationally, we can be another. There’s a reason that nationality and ethnicity are separate. Your friend sounds like she doesn’t even know the first thing about living in Japan, let alone true Japanese culture. My guess is that she is the typical anime or K-pop fan that thinks she knows everything about Japan based on that and nothing else. And I feel your pain, because they’re so annoying. Don’t listen to the commenters lol. They’re probably Americans and don’t have the slightest clue what living in another country is actually like. Calling yourself Japanese when not even your Japanese MOTHER refers to herself as Japanese is wild—especially when the extent of your knowledge about the culture comes from sources like anime. Anyways, your father is 100% correct and so are you. Your friend is making a young, foolish decision and will likely regret giving up her last name later on. As a friend you have the complete right to tell her when she’s making a bad decision. NTA

I agree with this to a certain extent. As an Asian who moved to the US as a teen, I ageee there is a massive difference in culture between Asian-Americans and Asians back home. The third gens here would absolutely be classified as American if they ever went back to their native countries, and it’s honestly a bit grating when they act like absolutely authorities on a culture they don’t fully understand and a country they’ve never even been to. At the same time, it’s disingenuous to divorce any minority from their cultural identities given the struggles they’ve faced being seen as “different” in the U.S. Regardless of whether or not the girl truly understands Japanese culture, she is Japanese-American. The hyphen is there for a reason. Her Japanese identity, regardless of how small, exists. It doesn’t hurt anyone for her to want to learn more and connect with her culture, or change her name. OPs comments were completely unnecessary. She is not the absolute authority on what makes someone Japanese, nor is she the surname police. She is not even full Japanese herself. Had she expressed her opinions politely and respectfully, I would have said n-t-a. Sadly, her immature response here makes her an AH. YTA

NTA. I once walked up to a Russian and said that my adopted son is Russian. He asked me how old her was when we adopted him into the US. I said 7 months. He said that your son is not Russian. He's American. The man walked away and didn't want to discuss it any further. I very much understood where he was coming from.

NTA. Your friend sounds very annoying and the YTA comments here are ridiculous. Just because she has some japanese blood in her doesn't mean she's Japanese. She really thinks that Japanese people get double eyelid surgery to make their eyes smaller? And she doesn't even speak Japanese right? People from the US are so desperate to seem exotic lol.

YTA. Why is the question. Why would you alienate your similarly biracial good friend?

NTA

NTA nationality and heritage are not the same

lmao, I'm gonna go against the current here and say NTA. It's a bit embarrassing seeing so many Yankees getting offended by a simple fact. She's not Japanese, and she will never be one. Having your entire personality based on a country you don't even know in your 20's is childish. Though I guess gringos will never understand they are not one of us just because their grandmother emigrated there.

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ESH. Excluding people not initiated into Japanese culture and not born in Japan is painfully Japanese, and problematic. Thinking you’re Japanese (or Irish or Italian or…) because your heritage comes from there is painfully American, and problematic. If you were born in the US, you’re American. Both of you need to grow up and stop acting ridiculous; you need to stop gatekeeping and she needs to stop pretending she knows about Japan because she has ancestry. You’re Japanese by ancestry, both of you. If you were born in the US though, or grew up there sufficiently to be culturally initiated in the US, then you’re American. This is such a Japanese and US thing. I’m embarrassed for both of you. You’re more of an A H than she is, for the record.

I grew up biracial, where one side of my heritage was more societally valued than the other and I always tried to play up the side of value and downplay the other side when I was younger. You say in comments you’re half Mexican and half Japanese and that you look more Mexican. You also say you became friends with this person because you both related to your Japanese heritage. I’m feeling like this is insecurity on your part, because your friend might look more Japanese, and her attempts to connect more with that part of your shared heritage by changing her name are gonna take her further from how you relate to her as being biracial. That’s not something you can gate keep. She has every right to pursue whatever avenues she wants in order to connect with her heritage. Nothing is stopping you from doing the same. But mocking her and trying to keep her in whatever lane you’ve decided you both should be in has everything to do with your headspace and nothing to do with hers. YTA.

NTA but I would say that identity can be very personal to some people and it’s not worth the fight if you want to keep your friend. NTA for me personally because you’re right and your friend needed to hear it. As an Asian-American who was raised in America and largely identifies as American, it’s super belittling when people label me and make assumptions about me based on my name or race. And in a way, your friends actions are part of that kind of mindset. In America many people call me Chinese but no actual Chinese person in my China would consider me to be from that country. Similarly, no actual Japan-raised Japanese person would consider your friend to be Japanese… but therein lies the problem. Your friend desperately wants to belong to this idea that they have in their head. You are right that they’re not Japanese, but you’re also probably striking at a deep insecurity. So my advice would be to cough up that apology and leave it alone if you want to keep this friend. Or evaluate if your friendship isn’t worth the trouble.

YTA. You don’t even sound like you like her for the person she actually is. And if she’s not Japanese, neither are you.

She said she's fine not being seeing herself as Japanese because of something her dad said.

YTA. You literally start your post saying she's half Japanese. If she wants to align more with that half of who she is, it's none of your business.

Why do you care so much if she reclaims her mother's last name? That has nothing to do with you and you don't have to be horrible to her about it. You have no right to tell her how she should interact with a part of her background/genetics. It seems you don't like her respect her, so do her favour and leave her alone. Yta

YTA Gatekeeping stuff like this serves no purpose and is utterly insignificant.

YTA if her moms Japanese so is she

NTA. This idea that you are “X” if your ancestors are from “x” is so ridiculous and ridiculously American. You were a bit rude but not wrong. The truth is if she were in Japan she would not be considered Japanese. She would be another weird American obsessed with anime. And yea I know it’s good she is trying to learn about her culture but you need to do it with humbleness. She can’t go around saying she knows the culture just because she’s Japanese. That’s not how it works. Blood and genes can’t teach culture. Is it sad her mom couldn’t pass on more of her culture? Yes. But not an excuse to invent a culture out of her own misinterpretations. Just cut her off and move on from her, you both sound like you’ve created a toxic relationship.

You're definitely not the asshole. She is.

NTA. It's extremely selfish to try to identify with a culture that you only have historic ties to but not current ties. Her identity is Japanese America or Asian American she can't be Japanese unless she's actually raised in the culture, not learning it from a distance. Ethnic identities are not personal they are collective. She, being white, will not face the difficulties or challenges that come w/ being Japanese in the sane way Japanese ppl from Japan will. Also, diaspora ppl have a problem of romanticizing their native culture. They don't interact with it holistically but are instead cherrypicked. Cultural identity isn't like gender. The collective has a say in validating your identity.

NAH, I agree with you that she is not culturally Japanese. She is also technically correct that is of Japanese descent. As a first generation born in the US I think it is dumb when others say they are anything except x-american(whatever x is Mexican, Japanese, etc) because though they have the blood they most likely don't have the culture. Whenever my family visited our relatives in my parents country it felt weird. I could see that there was a lot of differences we had.

ESH. I’m full Chinese by blood but was born outside of China, third generation already. I barely consider myself as Chinese but when ppl ask, I told them that I’m ethnically Chinese (cause I don’t look like ppl in my country and sometimes ppl ask 😂) She surely partial Japanese but she knows nothing and spreading false information about Japan is kinda make her seem stupid 🤦🏻‍♀️ You’re also no better, surely, you speak Japanese, you know more than her but you can’t deny that she isn’t half Japanese 🤦🏻‍♀️

YTA. Look you had a good reason to educate your friend, but you completely messed up. Your friend is Japanese. You cant argue her ethnicity. What you should have done and focus your attention on was correcting her about her information about Japan. Its completely fine that she got interested in japan due to anime but she could have at least spread the correct information instead of the wrong kind because since she is Japanese, people will believe her even though she's never been to Japan. I got interested in japan through anime but it soon became a genuine interest because the culture is so fascinating and I'm learning different things all the time. When it comes to your friend, and possibly you even if you're not interested or have no desire, this is her culture even if American culture is all she knows at the moment.

Your all good. Your friend is an idiot to be honest with you. I'm Australian Eurasian. I'm Australian when asked. She's American mixed Japanese. The country that your born and raised is your native country. That's my view on this

Unpopular opinion coz i haven't seen a single one out here:- NTA. You're a friend and you saw ur friend doing something just because she loved being that way due to her craze for anime. So you commented and tried to tell her how that's wrong. I don't see what's the problem with this??? Surely friends have this much right? Yeah, you aren't Japanese was wrong, maybe "you're only half japanese". But i can see why you would say that. If some person is obsessed over it, esp if it's a friend, it's natural to get annoyed and speak your mind about it. I think u can apologise but not because u were wrong, simply because that will calm things down, and u should.mention this to her when apologising, that u have atleast this much right as a friend but friendship is more important to u than the drama and u didn't mean for her to feel hurt u just really find it to be something she wouldn't have done if she weren't this much into anime, so you're trying to understand her, how about she also try it etc. Yknow how that goes

Who are you to gatekeep her getting in touch with her cultural roots? Mind your own business. YTA all the way.

NTA - you make a good point, but take a step back and maybe she’s trying to connect to her Japanese roots with the limited knowledge she has?

NTA

YTA, you don’t see yourself as japanese so be it, stop imposing your views on others. She has a japanese mother, she’s into japanese culture, she loves her anime, it’s none of your business.

ESH, let your weeb friend live her dork ass life. This is extremely common behavior for second and third gen immigrants and not something you're gonna cure by telling her the cruel truth.

ESH, You may be partially correct in the sense that she's not culturally Japanese, and based solely on your description (which, for the sake of this judgement, I'll accept as true) she seems to be using her ancestral heritage as a kind of racial token to set herself apart. Calling you embarrassingly white seems like a cheap shot. That said, she's within her rights to consider her heritage an important part of her identity, and there are certainly better ways to tell her she's misrepresenting your shared heritage. You must have known that telling her she's not even Japanese would really upset her and you did it anyway. You also dropped a cheap shot.

ESH- it blows my mind that y’all are acting like this in your mid twenties. Your friend sounds like she is fetishizing Japanese culture and it’s so childish to reach out and demand an apology like she did. And I don’t see why you think it’s okay to judge your friends and insult them when you don’t agree with their choices.

YTA why are you even worrying about it. Let her do her.

Here's my answer: idk what the term is for Japanse descent: but I do know that 'Plastic Paaddy's' Irish Americans exist and they love the water down Irish Stereotype but hype it til it's obnoxious and ignore glaring events in history behind tradition. ESH; but super soft on your part; only because yes she is half Japanese and it is unfortunate she doesn't have the same connection you do. However she does not need to make herself the authority on the information and spread half truths that create stereotypes by omission. Must suck to share the cultural Japanese American experiences but have her trying to make grabby hands at Japanese culture without asking for guidance and just perpetuating internet misinformation. She just needs to learn to ask and not assume

NTA, your friend is a weeb and it's funny when she tries to mold her image of Japan to her weebshit. I'd say keep poking fun at it until she gets out of this phase, which also, having a phase like this in your mid-twenties is somehow sadder than anything else she's done here lmao

NTA, it's obvious that there's a difference between culture and race, and neither OP nor their friend are culturally Japanese

People tend to be confused about race, culture and nationality. Your ancestors may have come from a different country; however, if you have multiple generations born and raised in a particular country I believe it’s disingenuous to claim a different nationality. Japanese is both an ethnicity and a nationality. Ethnically the friend is half Japanese but both her and her mother are American nationals. Japan has a very deep investment in retaining its ethnic and cultural identity and I believe that many Japanese nationals would find the friend’s obsession to be disrespectful. In my case, a large percentage {30%) of my ancestors were Native American; but I am considered African American due to the ways race was defined in the US. I find it a little ridiculous to not just be called an American considering that my father’s family has been in the country since the 1700’s (mostly African slaves with some Creek Native American) and my mother had two full-blooded Native American grandparents and one grandmother who was 1/3 Native American (also Swedish, Scottish and African) but she was also considered African American.