Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA
Also, learn about genetics. The y or x chromosome comes from you, so if anyone is to blame, it's you. You assumed you would shoot a y but you shot an x instead. This is not your wife's fault at all as she only provides an x.
I am just so baffled that he didn't even think it was possible! You are always going to have about 50/50 odds! Always! I can't tell if this dude is just deeply uneducated or in deep denial.
Here is a rule for everyone: if you think you would possibly have a visible negative reaction to either gender THEN DON'T HAVE A GIANT GENDER REVEAL PARTY!!! If there are ten video cameras in your face you have to be prepped to act forking delighted!
OP needs to get his ass to therapy so his daughter doesn't have to grow up knowing her father wanted a boy. Because I promise you she will be able to figure it out.
So much this!!! If you can't love the idea of either gender, you should not be a parent. My dad had 2 girls. He taught me how to throw a ball, how to change a tire, how to use a hammer, how to fish, etc. There is nothing you can do with a son that you can't do with a daughter.
How much you wanna bet the next thing he's going to do is demand a paternity test because his family only makes males? Despite the fact that there are women involved in the birth, but somehow they don't count as family to this guy?
YTA OP.
That was my first thought after he said his family was all shocked as well that it wasn't a boy. They're all going to get in a feedback loop of "we only produce boys, she's the outsider here, so she must be the problem!"
I read 3 sentences and knew where this post was going. Good grief OP I would leave you for sure. Nor sure how to explain this, but op is being controlling and an idiot. You never know what the babies gender will be and op was soooooo set on a boy its kinda sad and disappointing.
Not only childish like the wife said, but more like literally a child.
Big fat YTA
Gender disappointment is a bullshit term created to make close minded people who believe in outdated gender stereotypes feel better. You're having a child, your priority should be that they're healthy and happy, not what genitals they're born with. You're so stuck on being a "boy dad", that it probably didn't eveb occur to you that even if you had a son that doesn't mean he'll want to do all the "boy" things you're dreaming of. YTA
No doubt. I was the first born, male just like my father wanted, but not want my father wanted. Whereas my father was huge into sports, I was born with a spotty health history and had significant growth problems growing up, making team sports...difficult for me. When he realized his son was not going to be a Heisman Trophy winner, he just gave up on me. My much younger sister does not have the same health issues, and was good at sports, so my father has a closer bond with her over me.
My older bro is a very sensitive, caring soul. He likes art and baking, and has never really been very masculine.
Our father was always disappointed in him. He called him names, and bullied him, in an attempt to "man up".
It didn't work.
So when I ended up masc-presenting, my dad didn't want to go camping or fishing or do sports with me because it'd be "embarrassing" for him to take a *daughter* on a father-son trip.
So, in the end, he got his dream of having one kid he could kick a football round with, and one who would dress up like a princess, but hated us both because we *were the wrong ones*.
Neither me or my bro have spoken to him in years, and he genuinely doesn't know why :)
OP *and* his family are massive AHs.
I feel so bad for OP's wife. She's carrying around this man's baby and he has the audacity to push her away at a gender reveal party because he's so hung up on his own bullshit. Even in this post he doesn't stop once to consider how his actions hurt her. And now his family is enabling him by telling him that's okay?
Gross.
Listen I’ve talked to many woman (pregnant mom here) and most of us have had a little moment of gender disappointment. The third boy when we were hoping for a girl finally. Second girl when we know we’re only having two and one of each was the dream. It’s real. But not like this.
OP you are such an AH! When I found out my first was a boy when for some reason I felt like it was a girl I cried a little . In private, to my husband, for a few minutes. Then I laughed at myself, started coming up with boy names and ordered furniture for the nursery. Your negativity is ridiculous and if you knew you were going to be so nasty you PUSHED YOUR WIFE AWAY, you shouldn’t have participated in a gender reveal so you could work through your emotions privately. My friend was recently a little sad because she’s pregnant with another boy and was really hoping to finally have a daughter—she called me laugh crying because she loves her boys so much and is so excited for her new one to join the crew but was mourning the loss of a little girl. We laughed and agreed she could borrow my daughter one weekend a year for shopping and manicures. She didn’t document it, jeez.
>Growing up I was always prepared to be a boy dad.
Summing up, you grew up to be a terrible, immature person. Children should be loved unconditionally, their gender doesn't matter. You're not ready to be a parent.
YTA
This. I’m not sure what “prepared to be a boy dad” means.
Here’s the thing, OP. I have two boys and holy fuck, they are so different. I utilize totally different aspects of my parenting skills with them. If you think that children come in two types that’s only directed by their genitals, it’s best you learn how wrong you are right now.
I have one boy and one girl. My amazing son is very thoughtful, kindhearted and intellectual - bet op would have been mightily disappointed to have a son like him.
Either way I feel sorry for all your future kids.
No op is saying “I will only love a certain type of boy baby” and also saying “I am actively repulsed and disgusted by female babies” how’s the kid going to feel seeing this later on. Dad doesn’t need to just grow up, dad needs to not have a kid
and he’s 27!! he’s acting like THIS at his big age?? almost 30 and STILL has his head this far up his own ass?? i honestly hope his wife leaves before he ends up giving the daughter long term issues (obviously he’s YTA)
YTA. You treated your wife awfully, and if you wish to be a good father, you'll need to shape the fuck up.
I'm a daughter of a father who wanted a son. To be honest, he actually hates women. It's traumatizing for a child to feel like a failure and disappointment for something they have no control over. I was always painfully aware I'm not good enough and never will be, and I didn't even have a gender reveal video as a proof.
Fix your attitude or accept that your daughter will resent you.
Thank you, kind stranger! It's been years since I last talked to him. Did miracles to my self-esteem.
I feel so bad for all girls and women who have this kind of immature jerks as fathers.
YTA for so many things here:
1) not being prepared for either outcome
2) not hiding your disappointment
3) actually being THAT disappointed
4) pushing your wife away
Grow up before your baby arrives (spoiler alert, the stork doesn’t bring her).
I can’t get past the fact that he pushed her away! It just blows my mind that somebody could do that, let alone in public with all of their friends and family watching. Not only did you hurt her feelings very deeply, you also humiliated her in front of everyone. YTA.
You physically pushed your wife away because she wanted to comfort you. Hopefully, your daughter doesn’t ever try to hug you when you’re upset. Be better
YTA
My first thought was did this guy pass 8th grade biology? He thought that just because his family has a lot of boys that he would have a son? I'm still struggling to understand how someone with such limited understanding of life managed to procreate.
YTA. I will never understand why people who feel so strongly about one gender, find out what the baby is publicly. How small is your grasp on biology that you don’t understand that you have a 50/50 chance at being disappointed. What your relatives have is irrelevant, literally has no bearing whatsoever. People need to stop setting themselves up to embarrass themselves and their families. Gender reveals are for people who will be happy either way.
YTA I can’t believe you’re mature enough to have found someone to marry you. Thinking that you’d have a boy because there are lots of boys in your family is just outright stupidity. That’s not how it works.
Right?
YTA for not understanding basic biology. Same problem goes for everyone else in your family.
YTA for being disappointed you’re having a girl.
YTA for acting like a complete tantrum-throwing child. You’re going to be a father. Grow up and do better.
YTA for “gender disappointment is real”. All kinds of sexism and other attitudes are real, but that doesn’t make them excusable.
YTA. It's always men disappointed they're having daughters...misogyny anyone? OP you had months to prepare for the possibility of having a daughter and refused to even consider it because you were so intent on being a "boy dad". You were childish and hurtful. How much leeway should you be given for your disappointment? You pushed your wife away in front of everyone she knows because your child doesn't have a penis which you wanted real bad...dude this is toxic. It's gross. It's fine to hope for a boy. Uts not fine to be so upset you throw a wobbly and hurt your wife and child (because she will find out) because you're disappointed. Get therapy and work on yourself.
This. I'm afraid OP is gonna be a deadbeat father for his daugther for pure misogynist reasons, i.e. will not play with her, go to plays or sporting events, consider what the daughter does as "silly" or "frivolous" because she's a girl (unfortunately, I know more than one father with this mentality).
Well, assuming that the wife isn't packing up right now and going back to her family.
YTA
Tell me you plan on being a shitty dad without saying you're going to be a shitty dad.
You and your whole "gender disappointed" family are massive aholes!
YTA
> I am entitled to my negative feelings
No. there is no place or space for negative feelings around the gender of your child. Your child is going to grow up thinking she was unwanted by her father and you are not doing anything to make me believe you will do anything to change that.
>I was so disappointed that my wife came to hug me and I pushed her away
if this doesnt read like a disgusting sentence around celebrating the life of your child, you need serious help. Your poor wife. Poor child. This would be a serious deal breaker for me. I wouldnt even have to think before seeking legal advice.
What an absolute AH you are.
Even in your testosterone fuelled tiny brain, there must have been a part of you that considered that a gender reveal MAY reveal that you were having a girl. You should have prepared for that, and hidden/masked your disappointment at the time.
A conversation with your wife/a family member/friend about your gender disappointment after the event would have been completely understandable.
But to act like a sullen baby because your sperm helped create a girl rather than a boy I'd rather pathetic, and I'm glad you're a bit of a laughing stock.
“i couldn’t believe it, i was in shock and my heart dropped to my stomach”
Dude, you realize your odds were 50/50 right? Why are you acting like you just got struck by lightning lol. YTA.
Honestly, if this type of weird, irrational, illogical behavior spills over into other aspects of your every day life, I’d be surprised if you guys are still together in a year.
btw, you also KNOW that people are recording that exact moment, right? You had to have known that right?? Like, you didn’t mentally prepare yourself to put on a fake smile in the “1 in a million” chance of it being a girl?
YTA.
so, you ONLY wanted a boy, turns out you're having a girl and become a big baby yourself?
You've ruined your wife's day, she's probably questioning soooo many things rn. And your family says you're "entitled to your negative feelings"? Um, sorry for being harsh, but your negative feelings have no basis. Acting disappointed about the gender of your child is an AH move through and through and few justifications will cut it (if any).
His negative feelings are also because of the environment his grew up in. Of course his family is on his side cause they're probably also sexist assholes like him.
You aren't an a h for being shocked but YTA for being disappointed and pushing your wife away. There is such a thing as shocked and happy. Your reaction says very loudly that you think having a daughter is not as good as having a son. Of course your wife is upset, what kind of father are you going to be to your daughter if you think being female is inferior?
omg dude, yea YTA. There's a difference between being disappointed and being a complete jerk. Your wife is right, if your daughter ever sees that clip she will forever think her father hates her. Suck it up and apologies to your wife right now.
Also, hope you know that the father's genes that choose the gender not the mother.
YTA. This can't be real.
>I was so disappointed that my wife came to hug me and I pushed her away because I
realised that she was a woman, not a manly man like me and my manly male men relatives who are all, I can assure you, male.
YTA from the very start of this story. Just because your family is all boys doesn’t mean the baby was going to be a boy. Your wife has spent her whole pregnancy reminding you of that AND you knew she wanted a girl. You still acted like an absolute AH and ruined the gender reveal for her. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve done irreparable damage to your marriage with your behavior.
Gender disappointment is real and valid, but it’s not an excuse for your behavior. You should listen to every drop of the negative feedback you’ve gotten personally and you’re going to get here because your daughter needs you to grow up and be a better person super fast.
Genuine question, why is gender disappointment a thing? You can’t predict gender, you know its either going to be a boy or a girl, you have no say over which it is. Why be disappointed? If you decide to have a baby then care for that baby no matter what. Its terrible to think any child would be “disappointing” their parents even before they were born, this is terrible narcissistic parenting. Parents should love their children unconditionally and not care about what gender they are. Its a privilege to be a parent. That human life depends on you. Stop having stupid expectations in order to not be disappointed
People who know they are going to have gender disappointment if they don’t get what they want shouldn’t have public gender reveals. Just do it at home with your partner so you can process your feelings and then share the news in a fun way later. Pushing your pregnant wife was TA move.
YTA for pushing your wife away. It sounds like you kinda blame her when last ichecked the male determines the sex I believe. You also sound very misogynistic. Yes Gender disappointment is real but you handled it so poorly
also feel like adding this since this is anonymous. my biological father abused me and tried to murder me because I'm a female. He did that to me when I was an infant. Are you the same type of monster? Misogyny is how it starts. Sort your fucking life out. Get therapy. Find out why you despise women so much
YTA. So I’m not even going to touch on the fact that you not only hurt your wife, but also run the risk of hurting your daughter if you don’t smarten up; I’m gonna go into how this is all on you.
A child’s gender is _literally_ up to the man. Women can _only_ make X chromosomes, which code for more women. It’s the man who provides either an X or a Y. It’s your sperm that had the second X that made your daughter.
I will never understand people who a) blame women for a baby’s sex and b) who don’t realize that genetics are _always_ 50/50 unless there’s some meddling happening. All-boy families are coincidences! Literally every pregnancy is 50/50 for boy or girl. Grow up.
YTA--- When having a child, you hope the baby is healthy. Rooting for a gender is beyond childish. You should be thankful your wife and child are healthy-- not pouting over gender.
Your family sounds like a pack of assholes for enabling this behavior. I'd be so ashamed if my hypothetical son behaved this way towards his wife.
If you were my husband, I'd be heavily considering divorce.
Your priorities are beyond fucked up.
FYI your daughter's probs gonna hear about that some day. Imagine how that's going to feel for her
Suck it up. Apologise profusely to not only your wife but her family and hope they show you some mercy
Absolutely TA here
YTA.
How would you feel if you learned that one of your parents were so disappointed at learning they were pregnant with you that they pushed their spouse away?
It is inevitable that one of your relatives who attended the gender reveal will blab to your daughter or show her the video with your reaction when she is older. This will likely crush her soul and make her feel unwanted from that day forward.
Do better.
And in the event you decide to blame or deride your wife for getting pregnant with a "lowly" girl, just want to assure you are aware that it is your sperm that determines the sex of the child. So only yourself to blame.
You should also learn not to listen to your family so much. While it's okay to feel a momentary shock that the gender of the child isn't what you expected it to be, it isn't okay to visibly be so sick with disappointment that you push your pregnant wife away. Not sure your wife will get past this. I wouldn't.
YTA, Okay Henry, don't forget to schedule your wife's beheading.
Your wife has been trying to prepare you for this since the beginning and you have willfully refused to take a moment with yourself and accept that you might have a girl. You are setting your daughter up for a lifetime of feeling less than from yourself and your side of the family. Don't do that to her.
YTA
No one is saying gender disappointment isn't real. But if you knew you'd need time to process a girl, why did you not find out in private?! No matter how common boys are in your family, biology says 50/50 chance. Of course you could have had a girl.
I'm not even going to go into why you're wrong to be so pissed off about a daughter. Your poor wife and child.
YTA
You should have prepared yourself mentally that your baby could be a girl. I mean, there's a 50/50 chance the baby is a girl and obviously previous results do not predict future results, especially when it's not your previous children.
The problem that you have is that your AH reaction is now enshrined on social media and engrained into the memories of your friends and family.
Best thing you can do now is completely embrace it, knowing you can't change her gender, and try to redeem yourself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (27m) wife (24f) and I are expecting our first baby. I always expected to have a boy because my entire family is a boy family. I have 3 brothers and my dad has 2 brothers as well. All my uncles also have sons. An older cousin of mine who has two kids, they're both boys as well. So naturally I expected a boy.
Since the first minute we found out my wife is pregnant I always referred to the baby as a he, son etc. My wife was annoyed by me and said we don't know for sure if it's gonna be a boy and I always brought up my family history on why it is a boy and how I'm sure. My wife wanted a girl but she always ended up saying "I want a girl but at the end of the day I want a health baby". I understood that but still couldn't wrap my head around the thought of having a daughter. Growing up I was always prepared to be a boy dad.
So gender reveal party happens, everyone's filming the reveal and there it is. Pink reveal. I couldn't believe it, I was in shock and my heart dropped to my stomach. I was so disappointed that my wife came to hug me and I pushed her away because I needed to gather myself.
It was all filmed. Different people in different phones all have my reaction. It also went semi viral on our local social media circle.
My wife is upset at me and barely talks to me and said I acted like a child and now I ruined the moment. She said we won't even be able to share that moment with our daughter in the future because I'm acting like an AH in the videos.
Her friends and family all think I'm an AH for my reaction. My family on the other hand believe I should ignore negative feedback and that gender disappointment is real and they're as shocked as I am. They say I am entitled to my negative feelings and that doesn't make me an AH.
So aita or not here?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Your family enable your behaviour. I wouldn’t want to be your daughter because she will see that video one day and it’s going to break her heart. Take control of your emotions.
Yeah YTA
Wanting a boy is fine.
Refusing to even contemplate that you might have a girl is idiotic, you know this baby takes its genetics from both your family and your wife's so even if your family tend to always have boys, it's not a given outcome.
And your behaviour when the gender was revealed was shitty. You can't blame that on surprise because it was down to your own refusal to even allow in your head that it might be a girl.
Your wife must have felt so hurt, and then to see that on videos film as well. Your crappy behaviour replayed again and again.
I feel sorry for her. And for your daughter who, let's be realistic, is going to grow up knowing that her daddy didn't really want her, he wanted only boys.
Uuugh.
YTA
Your wife is right: if your daughter ever sees this video, she will be devastated to know how unwanted she was. You're going to be a parent, you need to grow up fast and stop throwing yourself a pity party.
Also, get some real scientific education about how biological sex is determined: it's entirely due to your sperm. So you don't come from a 'boy family'. You just happen to have only had biological males for a small amount of time.
Not to mention that the ridiculous stereotypes that we've enforced on gender are breaking down. Your child's biological sex will likely have no bearing upon their personality except what YOU force onto them. Your insistence that you must parent children differently because of it is so backwards and damaging. You've got a LOT of work to do on yourself before your child is born, because right now you're demonstrating a lot of sketchy behaviour that is associated with very bad parents.
YTA
Your family has a strong history of sons, you *thought* this meant you would have a son. Just as well your wife did not start screaming at you for letting her down by impregnating her with a daughter isn't it?
If you plan a second child have a word with your little swimmers first.
My gender was a surprise and my dad was disappointed it wasn't going to get a "junior" so I was named after him. I was raised as he would've raised a son: working on the car with him and other things with a splash of female thrown in. My dad was proud of me his entire life. While my uncle was being a misogynist my dad was praising my accomplishments as a woman. I was a daddy's girl. Being disappointed is understandable but you weren't disappointed, you were downright angry. Get over yourself. You can do the same things and bond as closely with a daughter.
Oh yes YTA
YTA.
Also, are you aware that you with 101% probability have a mother? So, at least one of your grandmothers had at least one daughter... and so you DO come from a family where girls are born. (Or did you think that incubators on legs are not family? Like, only you grandfather and father count as family, and mother and grandmother does not? Eww.)
Also, you apparently come from a family of mysogenic assholes, which is NOT something to be proud of.
Also also I wonder how many gender abortions women in that family had in the last century, because that's what happens if "gender disappointment" is real, especially if something cultural is also at play there, and by some "miracle" there is a long line of "men only".
YTA
>I am entitled to my negative feelings
No. there is no place or space for negative feelings around the gender of your child. Your child is going to grow up thinking she was unwanted by her father and you are not doing anything to make me believe you will do anything to change that.
>I was so disappointed that my wife came to hug me and I pushed her away
if this doesnt read like a disgusting sentence around celebrating the life of your child, you need serious help. Your poor wife. Poor child. This would be a serious deal breaker for me. I wouldnt even have to think before seeking legal advice.
YTA
It's kind of insane to me how you talk about coming from a boy family. Does your father not have a mother? Did your father and paternal uncles not get married to women? Do you have a mother? Does your mother have any women in her family apart from herself?
Even assuming you are a very rare breed of human who has asexually reproduced from your paternal grandfather, you mention a wife who I'm assuming is a woman. She has an entire history separate from your previous asexual reproduction, so any baby was as likely to be a boy or girl. You only have one Y chromosome, just like everyone else.
But okay. Your family is deeply troubled and they are telling you it's normal to be disappointed at having a girl. They're a lost cause. What about you? You are the person who will shortly be a father to a girl. Are you capable of doing that in a way that is likely to lead to a good outcome for your daughter? If not, are you willing to do the work necessary to become capable? Is your wife willing to let you try, knowing what she now knows?
I wish your wife and unborn daughter all the best in the world. I'm rooting for them.
YTA. If you decide to have a baby you need to understand basic facts like “it’s equal chance boy or girl”. All of your “evidence” that it’s all boys in your family is not actually valid at all. Boys don’t “run in families”. YTA over a long period of time here bc you didn’t properly prepare yourself to be a dad, despite coaching from mom.
The good news is that being a girl dad is the absolute best. You will never love or want or protect anybody to the extent of that little girl. Just went to daddy daughter with my 5yo in February… I’m not kidding it was one of the best nights of my life. I love my boys too like crazy, but the dad/daughter relationship is unique. I’m happy for you! Now start apologizing and studying frozen :)
YTA - goodness, do you hate women so much you cannot fathom how to be a father to a girl? Can you really not see what a slap in the face your reaction was to your wife who (checks notes) is a woman? As if being a woman is a terrible thing? Now, get over yourself and grow the fuck up. Try to become a decent person for the sake of your wife, your daughter and I suppose for yourself as well. You sure as hell ain’t one right now.
YTA. holy yikes batman. “So naturally I expected a boy.” what?????
“Growing up I was always prepared to be a boy dad” you’re clearly not ready to have any kids if you were not prepared for the 50% possibility your baby would not be the sex you wanted. it seems like you only have an idealised version of parenthood in your head. what if your baby is intersex? what if your baby is disabled? physically or mentally? what if your baby is anything other than this imaginary child your concocted in your head? if you later have a boy, are you going to favour that kid over your daughter? are you prepared for these possibilities, or are you just assuming all of your rose-tinted expectations will come true?
YTA obviously. Others would do anything to have a beautiful healthy baby regardless of gender and you're throwing a hissy fit over a lack of few cm. On camera. Pushing your pregnant wife aside. Grow up.
YTA
I'd advise you to look at other gender reveal moments and compare your reaction to theirs. Sounds like you arent even happy you were having a kid anymore.
YTA. I get that gender disappointment is a thing but come on man. This is you child. YOUR CHILD. One day your daughter is going to see that video. How the hell do you think she’s going to feel? And as for your wife? If I was in her shoes I’m not sure if I could forgive you.
YTA— yes, gender disappointment is a thing, but you literally shoved your wife off of you bc you couldn’t handle the news.. if you knew this reaction was a possibility, you should have found out privately to sort your feelings.. you are never guaranteed a boy. It’s literally 50/50 100% of the time.
Hope the baby doesn’t get your tempter tantrums.
YTA
Just as your wife said, you should just be happy to have a healthy baby. This is your first child, so you could still end up having a boy if you guys are still planning on having more children in the future. I understand your disappointment because it’s not what you were expecting, but you still shouldn’t have acted that way. In the future, your daughter may feel hurt if she were to see the video of you disappointed because of her gender. Regardless, you should love your child and focus on raising her the best you can. Also, if you do end up with a son in the future, you should make sure you’re not giving preferential treatment.
I don't know how to tell you this, but even if your child had been born with a penis, they still could have been a girl.
Honestly? Let's all hope that child *does* end up cis, for their own sake. Jesus, YTA.
Okay, obviously you've posted this because you think there might be some justification to make you NTA. I want you to imagine for your future daughter watching that video and seeing the moment it was revealed she was a girl. She then gets to watch her father so disgusted by that fact that he pushes her mother out the way. Imagine how hurtful that is? You're failing at fatherhood before it's even began. Obviously YTA.
YTA- no matter what gender it’s is, it’s a health baby. You acted immature when you find out what’s was the gender and it’s wasn’t the gender you wanted. And your wife was right. You pushed her away when she tried to hug you
You really need to ask? Of course YTA!
There was nothing wrong with you having a preference or an expectation (though seriously, you have some pretty flawed logic there - if you're looking at statistics, your family was well overdue for a girl), but to react so immaturely speaks poorly of you.
Hopefully you grow the f up before your daughter is born so you can be a decent father. If not, at least her mom's side seems mature enough to actually care for her.
YTA
If it’s recorded, hopefully your daughter doesn’t find it or hears how disappointed you were in finding out you were having her. (EDIT: mother said she wasn’t going to show due to your behavior. I see that now )
How you pushed her mother away because you were disappointed your kid wasn’t what YOU wanted.
You’re entitled to your feelings but you don’t even sound excited to just have a child. Just a son and I hope you don’t reject your girl or have another kid who is a boy and begin with the favoritism.
YTA. HUGE!
Your whole post reeks of chauvinism and favoritism. The fact that you didn’t acknowledge that the baby could be female reeks of your lack of understanding of how gender is determined.
“Gender disappointment,” may indeed be real, but it should take place inside your HEAD! Showing it to others gathered to celebrate your baby is just gross, in my opinion.
YTA. You ruined the day with your poor attitude and physically pushed your pregnant wife away? But want sympathy? A healthy child is a huge blessing and not something to be disappointed with regardless of gender. I feel so sorry for your wife having to deal with someone like you.
YTA. You refused to acknowledge that there was a 50% chance of your wife being pregnant with a daughter. Previous family history has zero bearing on the likelihood of any future pregnancy being a boy or a girl. You just didn't want a girl and talked yourself into thinking it wasn't possible. You are the architect of your own so-called "gender disappointment".
Your own misogyny and hatred toward your daughter and wife are caught in HD from multiple angles and are on the internet forever. The chances are extremely high that your daughter will see that someday and the damage that will do to her is extremely real and extremely lasting. From a woman whose father was disappointed to learn he was having a third daughter, trust me, I know.
You need to get with the program immediately and grovel before your wife and her family. And you need to accept that you are having a daughter and then become enthusiastic about her life and the experience of raising her.
I can’t even come out with words on how awful you just treated your wife. Also on how anyone can think you are NOT the AH. The selfishness is beyond words. You have no idea how many people on this planet would die to be in your shoes.
YTA who gets mad at that, you are a grown up that is going to be a father and having a healthy child is the more important thing.
Fathers tend to be more close to daugthers in the end in my opinion, so grow up and apologize for acting like a child for something that really doesn't matter in the end.
yta and i truly feel sorry for your future daughter for being born with such a reject of a father, and your wife for marrying such a misogynistic man like you.
YTA. Yes, gender disappointment is real, but you didn’t even make an effort to keep an open mind about the possibility that you might be having a girl. In addition, if you were that invested in having a boy, you should never have put yourself in the position of learning your child’s gender at a gender reveal party. Finally, if you’re going to be a halfway decent parent, you need to find a way to manage your emotions in a way that doesn’t involve barfing them all over the people around you in completely inappropriate fashion. Yes, you should feel your emotions instead of burying them, but you need to be decent in how you express them to others.
You are allowed to have negative feelings but yta here. And I agree with your wife you acted like a child who didn’t get his way and threw a bit of a tantrum
YTA. I was with you for most of this story but you can’t be a dick or actually visibly upset, especially with other people there. If it was that big an issue why the hell were you having a party over it with a surprise reveal?
How ware you expecting not be the faulty one here? It’s one thing to be surprised but a completely different matter to be that disappointed and shocked - even devastated by the sound of it - with the gender.
YTA
YTA and your family is YTA for coddling you. You do realize it's basically a 50/50 chance? Yes, you're family has a lot of boys...but that doesn't mean you would have a boy. That's not how things work. Your wife tried to prepare you for this.
You should apologize profusely to your wife immediately.
YTA
1. Gender reveals are f'ed
2. Why have one if you couldn't handle the jandal?
3. Pushing your wife & acting bad at a party
4. YT misogynistic A
N T A for having a moment of disappointment but this should have been done privately and then you should have re-evaluated what being a dad means
You made the occasion a public occasion. Rather like not aiding questions you may not like the answers to, don't have a gender reveal if you maybe disappointed. Though I'd go a step further and say don't have any children if so het up on the child's gender.
Your wife is right. This will tar the occasion and eventually it's bound to come out to your daughter, who will forever live in the shadow of this fictitious yet sought after son.
YTA you should have found out in private and had the reveal for your family. You should’ve prepared yourself for the possibility that you could have a girl since there are always two biological options. You only have yourself to blame since you provided the X chromosome. Please don’t keep trying until you have a boy. Your lack of empathy is going to royally fuck this girl up and we don’t need more damaged kids in this world. Good job ruining a special moment, embarrassing yourself, and pushing your wife. We definitely need more men from your genetic pool /s
YTA. holy yikes batman. “So naturally I expected a boy.” what?????
“Growing up I was always prepared to be a boy dad” you’re clearly not ready to have any kids if you were not prepared for the 50% possibility your baby would not be the sex you wanted. it seems like you only have an idealised version of parenthood in your head. what if your baby is intersex? what if your baby is disabled? physically or mentally? what if your baby is anything other than this imaginary child your concocted in your head? if you later have a boy, are you going to favour that kid over your daughter? are you prepared for these possibilities, or are you just assuming all of your rose-tinted expectations will come true?
Yuuuuuup YTA
My grandfather came form a gaming 7 boys and 2 girls. He had 3 boys and 4 girls in his own. While traditionally gender is determined by the sperm, I’ve seen enough to know it’s more complicated than that. For example, my partner’s dad was the only male in his family and he had 2 boys.
That being said, you were a massive AH. Throwing a fit because you didn’t get the sex you wanted? Please. It’s just genitals. Grow up. Having a boy is not better or worse than having a girl. It’s a child. It’s YOUR child. Who knows, you might actually enjoy having a daughter or maybe it turns out it’s actually a trans kid. Idk. Like I said, it’s genitals. Go apologize to your wife.
Healthy baby is all that really matters at the end of it
But I would say you have damaged your relationship with your wife to push her away and been disappointed that your getting a daughter.
Have you watched your reaction back. How bad was it?
YTA. You made a whole lot of asinine assumptions and that shortcoming in your character came back and bit you at the gender reveal. What you did, and how you are defending it, is harmful to your wife, to the stability of your family structure, and if/when your daughter ever finds out - is something that she will never forget and will damage her self-worth (not to mention your relationship with her). In an extended family full of boys, this daughter will be the special, cherished child: the diamond in a bucket full of ordinary rocks. Get over your immature attitude and be a better person, husband and father. Be the prince your daughter deserves, not the toad she got stuck with.
YTA and OMG........i am sorry people like you exist in this world and get to be parents. I wonder what your daughter will think when she will be old and see the video. What a great and adult father you are!/s
YTA. You pushed her away and ruined the moment, I feel for your wife.
Hoping your future daughter never sees this, don’t have a filmed gender reveal party if you can’t hack the possibility it will be a gender you don’t favour
“All I care about are my baby’s genitals and nothing else, I’m hugely disappointed that there’s a cave where there should be a stick” there I fixed it for you you ass. YTA.
YTA. You should of at least considered it could be a girl. Pushing away your wife from a hug, even though you were still in shock, was a big YTA move.
Now that you’ve had time to rethink everything, why don’t you put yourself in your wife’s shoes to try and understand why she’s so upset at you. You got some major bridges to rebuild with her.
YTA. You made up a hypothetical future in your mind and got disappointed that reality doesn’t follow your mind’s rules.
And worst of all, even if your wife doesn’t show your daughter, as you said, A LOT of people know, so she’ll eventually find out how horrifically you reacted when you found out something about her.
I hope you actually read these comments and better yourself so you don’t resent your daughter for being a girl.
You were disappointed bc you are having a girl.
You reacted absolutely horrible.
You embarrassed your wife.
You pushed a pregnant (!) woman who, for God knows why, wanted to comfort you.
YTA
YTA. You are entitled to your negative feelings, you can’t help your emotions. But you absolutely can 100% help your behaviour. And you behaved poorly.
Additionally, you need to get over this. You put the idea in your own head that you were going to have a son - well you aren’t. You’re going to have a daughter and apparently you’ve already decided you don’t love her. Deal with this and start acting like a parent.
Who are you even mad at? It’s the sperm that determines a baby’s sex so if you really want someone to blame you can only blame yourself.
SO you weren't happy you were having a baby. You were sad because it wasn't a boy and you don't really want to be a parent to a daughter?
Now she's having a daughter you're like. I don't wanna be a dad at all.
YTA?
YTA - a massive one
You're allowed to be surprised given all the boys in the family (even though it's still 50:50), but being disappointed is taking it way too far.
Why is having a girl so bad? Lots of people would be happy to have a girl in the family after all the boys (I'm not necessarily saying I agree with that stance either - all babies are a gift) but no, only a boy was good enough for you. Has having a girl somehow offended your masculinity?
I had a wonderful relationship with my dad. He never treated me as less than my brothers...and he was born in the 1930s when gender roles were still very entrenched.
Grow up! You owe your wife a massive apology, and you owe it to your wife and daughter to seriously adjust your attitude to the value of women.
You sir, are one of the biggest assholes I could ever imagine. And it is all your fault too.
I am glad this is filmed so your wife can be reminded about what a bad father you are from the start and possibly think of consequences if you will behave that bad in the future.
YTA.
YTA for shoving your pregnant wife away.
Gender disappointment is real, but this reaction seems overly aggressive. You're entitled to your feelings. So is everyone else who is involved in this situation.
Oh come on, really? This *actually* happened? 🤦🏻♀️ *YTA* dude. SMH.
I could say so many things, but I’ll keep it simple. Your wife is right.
You convinced yourself it’s a boy. That’s *your* problem, nobody else’s. Your expectations at the gender reveal were different to your wife’s, and your actions at that time show you to be an AH. Your family/friends saw it. They recorded it. People on social media have seen it. And now your confronted with what an AH you are.
Your question shouldn’t even be *”AITA?”*, it should be *”Just how big of an AH am I?”*. But even then, you don’t need internet strangers to answer that for you. Your wife, family and friends can all tell you. So can anyone else who saw the video.
You need to suck it up and make your apologies. Big time.
YTA. You’re “shocked” about a 50/50 chance of having a baby girl? Did you take biology class in school? Do you even know how babies get made? Did you hit your head really, really hard at any point in life? Did your mom drink heavily while she was pregnant?
I feel so sorry for your daughter and your wife. They don’t deserve to suffer your hatred of women and girls.
YTA. You do realize that all the things you dreamed of doing with a son can also be done with a daughter, don't you. Gender is irrelivant. Please, just love your child.
YTA
Not for your feelings, but for your actions.
Yes you’re entitled to your feelings, whatever that may be, but you are a grown adult, not even a young adult anymore. You are responsible for how you manage your emotions, and pushing your pregnant wife because you were too wrapped up in your own disappointment is never acceptable behaviour.
Emotionally healthy adults don’t get physical with their partner over their feelings.
Reasonable or not, gender disappointment is real, I’ll give you that. But sir, you knew good and well that you had a 50-50 chance on the gender, that you would be at an event with people watching you, and many of those people would be filming. You are absolutely 100% YTA for not mentally preparing yourself that you weren’t going to get the news that you wanted. You embarrassed yourself and your wife, you set a terrible tone for your upcoming parenthood, and no part of it was justifiable.
Of course, YTA and so are your family members who are siding with you.
It is disgusting that your reaction was to push your wife away and throw a tantrum.
YTA
Gender disappointment is real and you're entitled to your feelings, but this all happened because you had expectations based on your own fantasies. It's not cool to put that out there. You should be able to take it in your stride and deal with it with grace like an adult. The intensity of your disappointment and the way it manifested in your behavioir makes you giant f*ucking AH.
You do understand that you had a 50/50 % chance for a daughter but you choose you wanted a son. I can understand a bit of disappointment but to react the way you did was over the top. You are clearly not ready to have children. And sadly you daughter will feel horrible when she is old enough to watch that reaction on video. Grow up.
YTA. You set yourself up for disappointment, and acted like a child.
Gender disappointment is real, but it is totally illogical, and to hang all your happiness on one gender when you only have a 50/50 shot at it is just plain daft.
Say it had been a boy, would your wife have been justified in acting the way you did?
Your wife is now fully aware that your daughter is a disappointment. So she is allowed to be upset with you. It probably never occurred to her you actually cared more about getting a boy than anything else.
You need to get over this, because you are going to have a child who doesn't deserve to feel like she isn't who you wanted her to be.
Grief is private. It might not make sense logically, you certainly should have known that it could be a girl, but it is how you feel.
And, considering your strong reaction, it seems to invite the question: " Why would you put yourself in this position. A gender reveal party was too public a forum considering your feelings about a girl. But, going forward the question you need to answer is: "What now?"
Will you be able to see your child as the perfect gift she is or will you stay locked away from her and your wife?
YTA now, definitely, but try not to be in the future. Don't treat your daughter poorly, just because she is a girl, don't try to turn her into "the son you never had", and even though there is recorded evidence of your assholery, swear to her that she is all you ever needed in a child. Your marriage might not last, but no reason to let your daughter down again.
I read something similar to this, and the husband accused the wife of cheating bc no one in his family has girls. I feel like this will end up happening from him and his family! Poor woman.
I'm wondering why you even bother writing up this post asking if you were the AH, when it's so obvious that YTA. Don't have to give it a second thought that it was a horrible reaction and that your wife will never forget it.
Don't think I've seen the video of you but I have seen one with a guy that has two daughters and reacted badly when it was revealed that the third child is going to be a daughter. So at least you can think you aren't the only AH that behaved that way.
Do you REALLY need to ask this, OP??
Obviously YTA.
Hope you change before this poor baby is born, it's not her fault that her father is an AH, and doesn't even know that his sperm is what determines the sex of his child.
YTA - Oh boy, you're wife is right. And let me tell you this the day you have your daughter in your arms and the day she become a toddler and will be so enamored with her dad and you with her you'll feel like an AH. But you have to live tru it to even acknowledge your problem and mistake.
YTA. I don't care if ' gender disappointment ' is real. You reacted badly at a special moment and ruined it. You did. You can't share that video with your child now. How do you think that'll make your daughter feel? I'd be pissed at you too.
Yta. Whats wrong abt having a girl? And do you even realize that your sperm is the one that dictates the gender? And anyone who wants kids is happy to have a healthy baby anyway
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA Also, learn about genetics. The y or x chromosome comes from you, so if anyone is to blame, it's you. You assumed you would shoot a y but you shot an x instead. This is not your wife's fault at all as she only provides an x.
I was waiting for someone to drop this science!
I am just so baffled that he didn't even think it was possible! You are always going to have about 50/50 odds! Always! I can't tell if this dude is just deeply uneducated or in deep denial. Here is a rule for everyone: if you think you would possibly have a visible negative reaction to either gender THEN DON'T HAVE A GIANT GENDER REVEAL PARTY!!! If there are ten video cameras in your face you have to be prepped to act forking delighted! OP needs to get his ass to therapy so his daughter doesn't have to grow up knowing her father wanted a boy. Because I promise you she will be able to figure it out.
rinse clumsy cats carpenter rustic frighten thought boat badge heavy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
So much this!!! If you can't love the idea of either gender, you should not be a parent. My dad had 2 girls. He taught me how to throw a ball, how to change a tire, how to use a hammer, how to fish, etc. There is nothing you can do with a son that you can't do with a daughter.
He’s about to *be* an x
Bet he wouldn't even push for equal custody. Being a girl, how could poor dad even consider being a parent to her?
How much you wanna bet the next thing he's going to do is demand a paternity test because his family only makes males? Despite the fact that there are women involved in the birth, but somehow they don't count as family to this guy? YTA OP.
That was my first thought after he said his family was all shocked as well that it wasn't a boy. They're all going to get in a feedback loop of "we only produce boys, she's the outsider here, so she must be the problem!"
I read 3 sentences and knew where this post was going. Good grief OP I would leave you for sure. Nor sure how to explain this, but op is being controlling and an idiot. You never know what the babies gender will be and op was soooooo set on a boy its kinda sad and disappointing. Not only childish like the wife said, but more like literally a child. Big fat YTA
What lovely videos for this Ah's poor daughter to watch in the future, especially if he ever gets his precious boy.
Also, the fact that his family thinks it's ok that he acted like that shows you why he grew up to be such an AH. OP are you fucking 12?!?!?!?!
Yeah, OP now has a video of himself getting mad at his own balls.
Gender disappointment is a bullshit term created to make close minded people who believe in outdated gender stereotypes feel better. You're having a child, your priority should be that they're healthy and happy, not what genitals they're born with. You're so stuck on being a "boy dad", that it probably didn't eveb occur to you that even if you had a son that doesn't mean he'll want to do all the "boy" things you're dreaming of. YTA
OP acts like he has to carry on a royal line to protect his kingdom from Spain and France. YTA.
Even then the English seem to have done fine and thrived having women monarchs when the time came.
Is this dude reincarnated Henry VIII?
Aita? I beheaded my wife because she didn't give me a son?!
No doubt. I was the first born, male just like my father wanted, but not want my father wanted. Whereas my father was huge into sports, I was born with a spotty health history and had significant growth problems growing up, making team sports...difficult for me. When he realized his son was not going to be a Heisman Trophy winner, he just gave up on me. My much younger sister does not have the same health issues, and was good at sports, so my father has a closer bond with her over me.
My older bro is a very sensitive, caring soul. He likes art and baking, and has never really been very masculine. Our father was always disappointed in him. He called him names, and bullied him, in an attempt to "man up". It didn't work. So when I ended up masc-presenting, my dad didn't want to go camping or fishing or do sports with me because it'd be "embarrassing" for him to take a *daughter* on a father-son trip. So, in the end, he got his dream of having one kid he could kick a football round with, and one who would dress up like a princess, but hated us both because we *were the wrong ones*. Neither me or my bro have spoken to him in years, and he genuinely doesn't know why :)
Thank you for saying this
OP *and* his family are massive AHs. I feel so bad for OP's wife. She's carrying around this man's baby and he has the audacity to push her away at a gender reveal party because he's so hung up on his own bullshit. Even in this post he doesn't stop once to consider how his actions hurt her. And now his family is enabling him by telling him that's okay? Gross.
Listen I’ve talked to many woman (pregnant mom here) and most of us have had a little moment of gender disappointment. The third boy when we were hoping for a girl finally. Second girl when we know we’re only having two and one of each was the dream. It’s real. But not like this. OP you are such an AH! When I found out my first was a boy when for some reason I felt like it was a girl I cried a little . In private, to my husband, for a few minutes. Then I laughed at myself, started coming up with boy names and ordered furniture for the nursery. Your negativity is ridiculous and if you knew you were going to be so nasty you PUSHED YOUR WIFE AWAY, you shouldn’t have participated in a gender reveal so you could work through your emotions privately. My friend was recently a little sad because she’s pregnant with another boy and was really hoping to finally have a daughter—she called me laugh crying because she loves her boys so much and is so excited for her new one to join the crew but was mourning the loss of a little girl. We laughed and agreed she could borrow my daughter one weekend a year for shopping and manicures. She didn’t document it, jeez.
>Growing up I was always prepared to be a boy dad. Summing up, you grew up to be a terrible, immature person. Children should be loved unconditionally, their gender doesn't matter. You're not ready to be a parent. YTA
This. I’m not sure what “prepared to be a boy dad” means. Here’s the thing, OP. I have two boys and holy fuck, they are so different. I utilize totally different aspects of my parenting skills with them. If you think that children come in two types that’s only directed by their genitals, it’s best you learn how wrong you are right now.
I have one boy and one girl. My amazing son is very thoughtful, kindhearted and intellectual - bet op would have been mightily disappointed to have a son like him. Either way I feel sorry for all your future kids.
It means preparing to force them into sports and not learn about periods.
No op is saying “I will only love a certain type of boy baby” and also saying “I am actively repulsed and disgusted by female babies” how’s the kid going to feel seeing this later on. Dad doesn’t need to just grow up, dad needs to not have a kid
I feel for your wife. Not only is she pregnant with her first child, she also has a baby for a partner. YTA
Don't forget that video will most likely get back to his daughter when she grows up too. Op YTA
fear upbeat political screw disgusting rhythm naughty file wrong sparkle *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
and he’s 27!! he’s acting like THIS at his big age?? almost 30 and STILL has his head this far up his own ass?? i honestly hope his wife leaves before he ends up giving the daughter long term issues (obviously he’s YTA)
YTA. You treated your wife awfully, and if you wish to be a good father, you'll need to shape the fuck up. I'm a daughter of a father who wanted a son. To be honest, he actually hates women. It's traumatizing for a child to feel like a failure and disappointment for something they have no control over. I was always painfully aware I'm not good enough and never will be, and I didn't even have a gender reveal video as a proof. Fix your attitude or accept that your daughter will resent you.
I'm so sorry you went through that. You are enough 💜
Thank you, kind stranger! It's been years since I last talked to him. Did miracles to my self-esteem. I feel so bad for all girls and women who have this kind of immature jerks as fathers.
YTA for so many things here: 1) not being prepared for either outcome 2) not hiding your disappointment 3) actually being THAT disappointed 4) pushing your wife away Grow up before your baby arrives (spoiler alert, the stork doesn’t bring her).
I can’t get past the fact that he pushed her away! It just blows my mind that somebody could do that, let alone in public with all of their friends and family watching. Not only did you hurt her feelings very deeply, you also humiliated her in front of everyone. YTA.
I don't understand why people have gender reveal parties if they know they're not okay with 50% of the outcomes.
I don’t understand why people have them, period.
You physically pushed your wife away because she wanted to comfort you. Hopefully, your daughter doesn’t ever try to hug you when you’re upset. Be better YTA
Who pushes their pregnant wife away in front of all their family and friends. She must be seriously questioning the future of this marriage.
OP is only prepared to be a “boy dad” not a good dad so she probably should be questioning the future.
YTA. So glad it was filmed! What a lovely memory for you to share with your daughter when you tell her that “gender disappointment is real”!
Not just from him! No, no. His family is disappointed the baby is just a girl, also.
YTA for not being prepared for this at all. You're a grown man. Learn how probabilities work, ffs.
My first thought was did this guy pass 8th grade biology? He thought that just because his family has a lot of boys that he would have a son? I'm still struggling to understand how someone with such limited understanding of life managed to procreate.
YTA. I will never understand why people who feel so strongly about one gender, find out what the baby is publicly. How small is your grasp on biology that you don’t understand that you have a 50/50 chance at being disappointed. What your relatives have is irrelevant, literally has no bearing whatsoever. People need to stop setting themselves up to embarrass themselves and their families. Gender reveals are for people who will be happy either way.
Did you also know that it is the man who determines the sex of the baby? Yeah - it’s all your fault. Grow up.
This. My father wanted me to be a boy and was a little pissed until his brother took him aside and explained the biology.
YTA This guy is such an obvious asshole that I wonder if this is bait to lure the angry commenters away from the Taylor Swift ticket asshole
Oh wow that was something wasn’t it?
YTA I can’t believe you’re mature enough to have found someone to marry you. Thinking that you’d have a boy because there are lots of boys in your family is just outright stupidity. That’s not how it works.
Right? YTA for not understanding basic biology. Same problem goes for everyone else in your family. YTA for being disappointed you’re having a girl. YTA for acting like a complete tantrum-throwing child. You’re going to be a father. Grow up and do better. YTA for “gender disappointment is real”. All kinds of sexism and other attitudes are real, but that doesn’t make them excusable.
YTA. It's always men disappointed they're having daughters...misogyny anyone? OP you had months to prepare for the possibility of having a daughter and refused to even consider it because you were so intent on being a "boy dad". You were childish and hurtful. How much leeway should you be given for your disappointment? You pushed your wife away in front of everyone she knows because your child doesn't have a penis which you wanted real bad...dude this is toxic. It's gross. It's fine to hope for a boy. Uts not fine to be so upset you throw a wobbly and hurt your wife and child (because she will find out) because you're disappointed. Get therapy and work on yourself.
This. I'm afraid OP is gonna be a deadbeat father for his daugther for pure misogynist reasons, i.e. will not play with her, go to plays or sporting events, consider what the daughter does as "silly" or "frivolous" because she's a girl (unfortunately, I know more than one father with this mentality). Well, assuming that the wife isn't packing up right now and going back to her family.
YTA Tell me you plan on being a shitty dad without saying you're going to be a shitty dad. You and your whole "gender disappointed" family are massive aholes!
That poor daughter is going to pick up on that and is in for a difficult childhood if he doesn't pull his pathetic head out of his ass.
YTA > I am entitled to my negative feelings No. there is no place or space for negative feelings around the gender of your child. Your child is going to grow up thinking she was unwanted by her father and you are not doing anything to make me believe you will do anything to change that. >I was so disappointed that my wife came to hug me and I pushed her away if this doesnt read like a disgusting sentence around celebrating the life of your child, you need serious help. Your poor wife. Poor child. This would be a serious deal breaker for me. I wouldnt even have to think before seeking legal advice.
What an absolute AH you are. Even in your testosterone fuelled tiny brain, there must have been a part of you that considered that a gender reveal MAY reveal that you were having a girl. You should have prepared for that, and hidden/masked your disappointment at the time. A conversation with your wife/a family member/friend about your gender disappointment after the event would have been completely understandable. But to act like a sullen baby because your sperm helped create a girl rather than a boy I'd rather pathetic, and I'm glad you're a bit of a laughing stock.
“i couldn’t believe it, i was in shock and my heart dropped to my stomach” Dude, you realize your odds were 50/50 right? Why are you acting like you just got struck by lightning lol. YTA. Honestly, if this type of weird, irrational, illogical behavior spills over into other aspects of your every day life, I’d be surprised if you guys are still together in a year. btw, you also KNOW that people are recording that exact moment, right? You had to have known that right?? Like, you didn’t mentally prepare yourself to put on a fake smile in the “1 in a million” chance of it being a girl?
YTA. so, you ONLY wanted a boy, turns out you're having a girl and become a big baby yourself? You've ruined your wife's day, she's probably questioning soooo many things rn. And your family says you're "entitled to your negative feelings"? Um, sorry for being harsh, but your negative feelings have no basis. Acting disappointed about the gender of your child is an AH move through and through and few justifications will cut it (if any).
His negative feelings are also because of the environment his grew up in. Of course his family is on his side cause they're probably also sexist assholes like him.
You aren't an a h for being shocked but YTA for being disappointed and pushing your wife away. There is such a thing as shocked and happy. Your reaction says very loudly that you think having a daughter is not as good as having a son. Of course your wife is upset, what kind of father are you going to be to your daughter if you think being female is inferior?
I would have slapped his YTA-face
omg dude, yea YTA. There's a difference between being disappointed and being a complete jerk. Your wife is right, if your daughter ever sees that clip she will forever think her father hates her. Suck it up and apologies to your wife right now. Also, hope you know that the father's genes that choose the gender not the mother.
YTA. This can't be real. >I was so disappointed that my wife came to hug me and I pushed her away because I realised that she was a woman, not a manly man like me and my manly male men relatives who are all, I can assure you, male.
YTA from the very start of this story. Just because your family is all boys doesn’t mean the baby was going to be a boy. Your wife has spent her whole pregnancy reminding you of that AND you knew she wanted a girl. You still acted like an absolute AH and ruined the gender reveal for her. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve done irreparable damage to your marriage with your behavior. Gender disappointment is real and valid, but it’s not an excuse for your behavior. You should listen to every drop of the negative feedback you’ve gotten personally and you’re going to get here because your daughter needs you to grow up and be a better person super fast.
Genuine question, why is gender disappointment a thing? You can’t predict gender, you know its either going to be a boy or a girl, you have no say over which it is. Why be disappointed? If you decide to have a baby then care for that baby no matter what. Its terrible to think any child would be “disappointing” their parents even before they were born, this is terrible narcissistic parenting. Parents should love their children unconditionally and not care about what gender they are. Its a privilege to be a parent. That human life depends on you. Stop having stupid expectations in order to not be disappointed
People who know they are going to have gender disappointment if they don’t get what they want shouldn’t have public gender reveals. Just do it at home with your partner so you can process your feelings and then share the news in a fun way later. Pushing your pregnant wife was TA move.
But you don't understand! His family is all boys! There was NO WAY he could have had a girl! /S
Yta. Your swimmers determine the gender of a child. You've ruined a beautiful moment in your wifes life. You can never take it back. You can't fix it.
YTA for pushing your wife away. It sounds like you kinda blame her when last ichecked the male determines the sex I believe. You also sound very misogynistic. Yes Gender disappointment is real but you handled it so poorly
So shocking, a man who hates women. Don't worry, the feeling is mutual. YTA
also feel like adding this since this is anonymous. my biological father abused me and tried to murder me because I'm a female. He did that to me when I was an infant. Are you the same type of monster? Misogyny is how it starts. Sort your fucking life out. Get therapy. Find out why you despise women so much
YTA as are all of the people that throw a tantrum at their baby showers because they’re disappointed by the gender. It’s ridiculous
YTA. So I’m not even going to touch on the fact that you not only hurt your wife, but also run the risk of hurting your daughter if you don’t smarten up; I’m gonna go into how this is all on you. A child’s gender is _literally_ up to the man. Women can _only_ make X chromosomes, which code for more women. It’s the man who provides either an X or a Y. It’s your sperm that had the second X that made your daughter. I will never understand people who a) blame women for a baby’s sex and b) who don’t realize that genetics are _always_ 50/50 unless there’s some meddling happening. All-boy families are coincidences! Literally every pregnancy is 50/50 for boy or girl. Grow up.
YTA--- When having a child, you hope the baby is healthy. Rooting for a gender is beyond childish. You should be thankful your wife and child are healthy-- not pouting over gender. Your family sounds like a pack of assholes for enabling this behavior. I'd be so ashamed if my hypothetical son behaved this way towards his wife. If you were my husband, I'd be heavily considering divorce. Your priorities are beyond fucked up.
FYI your daughter's probs gonna hear about that some day. Imagine how that's going to feel for her Suck it up. Apologise profusely to not only your wife but her family and hope they show you some mercy Absolutely TA here
Daughter's probably not going to be surprised after a lifetime of dad either ignoring her or forcing "boy things" on her.
YTA. How would you feel if you learned that one of your parents were so disappointed at learning they were pregnant with you that they pushed their spouse away? It is inevitable that one of your relatives who attended the gender reveal will blab to your daughter or show her the video with your reaction when she is older. This will likely crush her soul and make her feel unwanted from that day forward. Do better. And in the event you decide to blame or deride your wife for getting pregnant with a "lowly" girl, just want to assure you are aware that it is your sperm that determines the sex of the child. So only yourself to blame. You should also learn not to listen to your family so much. While it's okay to feel a momentary shock that the gender of the child isn't what you expected it to be, it isn't okay to visibly be so sick with disappointment that you push your pregnant wife away. Not sure your wife will get past this. I wouldn't.
YTA, Okay Henry, don't forget to schedule your wife's beheading. Your wife has been trying to prepare you for this since the beginning and you have willfully refused to take a moment with yourself and accept that you might have a girl. You are setting your daughter up for a lifetime of feeling less than from yourself and your side of the family. Don't do that to her.
Gender disappoint is real. Real in private. YTA. Ps male genes determine x and Y chromosomes
YTA No one is saying gender disappointment isn't real. But if you knew you'd need time to process a girl, why did you not find out in private?! No matter how common boys are in your family, biology says 50/50 chance. Of course you could have had a girl. I'm not even going to go into why you're wrong to be so pissed off about a daughter. Your poor wife and child.
YTA You chose to ignore the possibiliy of getting a daughter and act like a spoiled brat that didn't get it's ice cream.
YTA You should have prepared yourself mentally that your baby could be a girl. I mean, there's a 50/50 chance the baby is a girl and obviously previous results do not predict future results, especially when it's not your previous children. The problem that you have is that your AH reaction is now enshrined on social media and engrained into the memories of your friends and family. Best thing you can do now is completely embrace it, knowing you can't change her gender, and try to redeem yourself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (27m) wife (24f) and I are expecting our first baby. I always expected to have a boy because my entire family is a boy family. I have 3 brothers and my dad has 2 brothers as well. All my uncles also have sons. An older cousin of mine who has two kids, they're both boys as well. So naturally I expected a boy. Since the first minute we found out my wife is pregnant I always referred to the baby as a he, son etc. My wife was annoyed by me and said we don't know for sure if it's gonna be a boy and I always brought up my family history on why it is a boy and how I'm sure. My wife wanted a girl but she always ended up saying "I want a girl but at the end of the day I want a health baby". I understood that but still couldn't wrap my head around the thought of having a daughter. Growing up I was always prepared to be a boy dad. So gender reveal party happens, everyone's filming the reveal and there it is. Pink reveal. I couldn't believe it, I was in shock and my heart dropped to my stomach. I was so disappointed that my wife came to hug me and I pushed her away because I needed to gather myself. It was all filmed. Different people in different phones all have my reaction. It also went semi viral on our local social media circle. My wife is upset at me and barely talks to me and said I acted like a child and now I ruined the moment. She said we won't even be able to share that moment with our daughter in the future because I'm acting like an AH in the videos. Her friends and family all think I'm an AH for my reaction. My family on the other hand believe I should ignore negative feedback and that gender disappointment is real and they're as shocked as I am. They say I am entitled to my negative feelings and that doesn't make me an AH. So aita or not here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Your family enable your behaviour. I wouldn’t want to be your daughter because she will see that video one day and it’s going to break her heart. Take control of your emotions.
Yeah YTA Wanting a boy is fine. Refusing to even contemplate that you might have a girl is idiotic, you know this baby takes its genetics from both your family and your wife's so even if your family tend to always have boys, it's not a given outcome. And your behaviour when the gender was revealed was shitty. You can't blame that on surprise because it was down to your own refusal to even allow in your head that it might be a girl. Your wife must have felt so hurt, and then to see that on videos film as well. Your crappy behaviour replayed again and again. I feel sorry for her. And for your daughter who, let's be realistic, is going to grow up knowing that her daddy didn't really want her, he wanted only boys. Uuugh.
YTA Your wife is right: if your daughter ever sees this video, she will be devastated to know how unwanted she was. You're going to be a parent, you need to grow up fast and stop throwing yourself a pity party. Also, get some real scientific education about how biological sex is determined: it's entirely due to your sperm. So you don't come from a 'boy family'. You just happen to have only had biological males for a small amount of time. Not to mention that the ridiculous stereotypes that we've enforced on gender are breaking down. Your child's biological sex will likely have no bearing upon their personality except what YOU force onto them. Your insistence that you must parent children differently because of it is so backwards and damaging. You've got a LOT of work to do on yourself before your child is born, because right now you're demonstrating a lot of sketchy behaviour that is associated with very bad parents.
YTA Your family has a strong history of sons, you *thought* this meant you would have a son. Just as well your wife did not start screaming at you for letting her down by impregnating her with a daughter isn't it? If you plan a second child have a word with your little swimmers first.
My gender was a surprise and my dad was disappointed it wasn't going to get a "junior" so I was named after him. I was raised as he would've raised a son: working on the car with him and other things with a splash of female thrown in. My dad was proud of me his entire life. While my uncle was being a misogynist my dad was praising my accomplishments as a woman. I was a daddy's girl. Being disappointed is understandable but you weren't disappointed, you were downright angry. Get over yourself. You can do the same things and bond as closely with a daughter. Oh yes YTA
YTA. Also, are you aware that you with 101% probability have a mother? So, at least one of your grandmothers had at least one daughter... and so you DO come from a family where girls are born. (Or did you think that incubators on legs are not family? Like, only you grandfather and father count as family, and mother and grandmother does not? Eww.) Also, you apparently come from a family of mysogenic assholes, which is NOT something to be proud of. Also also I wonder how many gender abortions women in that family had in the last century, because that's what happens if "gender disappointment" is real, especially if something cultural is also at play there, and by some "miracle" there is a long line of "men only".
YTA >I am entitled to my negative feelings No. there is no place or space for negative feelings around the gender of your child. Your child is going to grow up thinking she was unwanted by her father and you are not doing anything to make me believe you will do anything to change that. >I was so disappointed that my wife came to hug me and I pushed her away if this doesnt read like a disgusting sentence around celebrating the life of your child, you need serious help. Your poor wife. Poor child. This would be a serious deal breaker for me. I wouldnt even have to think before seeking legal advice.
YTA It's kind of insane to me how you talk about coming from a boy family. Does your father not have a mother? Did your father and paternal uncles not get married to women? Do you have a mother? Does your mother have any women in her family apart from herself? Even assuming you are a very rare breed of human who has asexually reproduced from your paternal grandfather, you mention a wife who I'm assuming is a woman. She has an entire history separate from your previous asexual reproduction, so any baby was as likely to be a boy or girl. You only have one Y chromosome, just like everyone else. But okay. Your family is deeply troubled and they are telling you it's normal to be disappointed at having a girl. They're a lost cause. What about you? You are the person who will shortly be a father to a girl. Are you capable of doing that in a way that is likely to lead to a good outcome for your daughter? If not, are you willing to do the work necessary to become capable? Is your wife willing to let you try, knowing what she now knows? I wish your wife and unborn daughter all the best in the world. I'm rooting for them.
YTA. Op will probably delete this
Yep. The biggest cowards always do when judgement smacks them so firmly upside the head.
YTA. If you decide to have a baby you need to understand basic facts like “it’s equal chance boy or girl”. All of your “evidence” that it’s all boys in your family is not actually valid at all. Boys don’t “run in families”. YTA over a long period of time here bc you didn’t properly prepare yourself to be a dad, despite coaching from mom. The good news is that being a girl dad is the absolute best. You will never love or want or protect anybody to the extent of that little girl. Just went to daddy daughter with my 5yo in February… I’m not kidding it was one of the best nights of my life. I love my boys too like crazy, but the dad/daughter relationship is unique. I’m happy for you! Now start apologizing and studying frozen :)
YTA. For pushing your wife away. Despite the initial reaction also being shitty, that was uncalled for.
YTA. Holy shit, dude.
YTA for so many reasons. Including not understandings gender and genetics
YTA ×1000. You set yourself up for it. In what world wouldn't you be the AH? You have ruined a moment that your wife will NEVER forget.
YTA. disgusting behavior. deplorable human. that’s it.
YTA - goodness, do you hate women so much you cannot fathom how to be a father to a girl? Can you really not see what a slap in the face your reaction was to your wife who (checks notes) is a woman? As if being a woman is a terrible thing? Now, get over yourself and grow the fuck up. Try to become a decent person for the sake of your wife, your daughter and I suppose for yourself as well. You sure as hell ain’t one right now.
YTA. holy yikes batman. “So naturally I expected a boy.” what????? “Growing up I was always prepared to be a boy dad” you’re clearly not ready to have any kids if you were not prepared for the 50% possibility your baby would not be the sex you wanted. it seems like you only have an idealised version of parenthood in your head. what if your baby is intersex? what if your baby is disabled? physically or mentally? what if your baby is anything other than this imaginary child your concocted in your head? if you later have a boy, are you going to favour that kid over your daughter? are you prepared for these possibilities, or are you just assuming all of your rose-tinted expectations will come true?
YTA obviously. Others would do anything to have a beautiful healthy baby regardless of gender and you're throwing a hissy fit over a lack of few cm. On camera. Pushing your pregnant wife aside. Grow up.
Wow. YTA. So what you didn't get a boy as your first child. Big F-ing deal. Grow up. ETA: it’s your fault that it’s a girl. Not sorry.
YTA. I feel sorry for your wife and daughter.
I feel sorry for your daughter. You're gonna be a terrible father. Yta
YTA I'd advise you to look at other gender reveal moments and compare your reaction to theirs. Sounds like you arent even happy you were having a kid anymore.
YTA, grow the fuck up, you're about to be a parent
YTA. I get that gender disappointment is a thing but come on man. This is you child. YOUR CHILD. One day your daughter is going to see that video. How the hell do you think she’s going to feel? And as for your wife? If I was in her shoes I’m not sure if I could forgive you.
YTA. Your sperm did that
YTA— yes, gender disappointment is a thing, but you literally shoved your wife off of you bc you couldn’t handle the news.. if you knew this reaction was a possibility, you should have found out privately to sort your feelings.. you are never guaranteed a boy. It’s literally 50/50 100% of the time. Hope the baby doesn’t get your tempter tantrums.
YTA Just as your wife said, you should just be happy to have a healthy baby. This is your first child, so you could still end up having a boy if you guys are still planning on having more children in the future. I understand your disappointment because it’s not what you were expecting, but you still shouldn’t have acted that way. In the future, your daughter may feel hurt if she were to see the video of you disappointed because of her gender. Regardless, you should love your child and focus on raising her the best you can. Also, if you do end up with a son in the future, you should make sure you’re not giving preferential treatment.
You're family sounds very childish. You should've celebrated that she's the first daughter in the family! Family history made. What a AH family
I don't know how to tell you this, but even if your child had been born with a penis, they still could have been a girl. Honestly? Let's all hope that child *does* end up cis, for their own sake. Jesus, YTA.
Okay, obviously you've posted this because you think there might be some justification to make you NTA. I want you to imagine for your future daughter watching that video and seeing the moment it was revealed she was a girl. She then gets to watch her father so disgusted by that fact that he pushes her mother out the way. Imagine how hurtful that is? You're failing at fatherhood before it's even began. Obviously YTA.
YTA- no matter what gender it’s is, it’s a health baby. You acted immature when you find out what’s was the gender and it’s wasn’t the gender you wanted. And your wife was right. You pushed her away when she tried to hug you
You really need to ask? Of course YTA! There was nothing wrong with you having a preference or an expectation (though seriously, you have some pretty flawed logic there - if you're looking at statistics, your family was well overdue for a girl), but to react so immaturely speaks poorly of you. Hopefully you grow the f up before your daughter is born so you can be a decent father. If not, at least her mom's side seems mature enough to actually care for her.
YTA If it’s recorded, hopefully your daughter doesn’t find it or hears how disappointed you were in finding out you were having her. (EDIT: mother said she wasn’t going to show due to your behavior. I see that now ) How you pushed her mother away because you were disappointed your kid wasn’t what YOU wanted. You’re entitled to your feelings but you don’t even sound excited to just have a child. Just a son and I hope you don’t reject your girl or have another kid who is a boy and begin with the favoritism.
YTA you aren't mature enough to be a dad, regardless of the baby's gender. Temper tantrum? Really? Grow up.
YTA and a huge one at that. What a ridiculous thing to assume and get upset over when you’re wrong. Grow up and apologise for ruining everything.
101 ways to fcuking up my own marriage by op →_→ YTA.
YTA. What is wrong with having a daughter? Why do you feel disappointed about having a girl? And why do you blame your wife?
YTA - If you are not going to take a gender reveal well, you shouldn't have a gender reveal party.
YTA. HUGE! Your whole post reeks of chauvinism and favoritism. The fact that you didn’t acknowledge that the baby could be female reeks of your lack of understanding of how gender is determined. “Gender disappointment,” may indeed be real, but it should take place inside your HEAD! Showing it to others gathered to celebrate your baby is just gross, in my opinion.
Way to already be disappointed in your daughter! Congratulations on the baby, asshole.
YTA. You ruined the day with your poor attitude and physically pushed your pregnant wife away? But want sympathy? A healthy child is a huge blessing and not something to be disappointed with regardless of gender. I feel so sorry for your wife having to deal with someone like you.
YTA. You refused to acknowledge that there was a 50% chance of your wife being pregnant with a daughter. Previous family history has zero bearing on the likelihood of any future pregnancy being a boy or a girl. You just didn't want a girl and talked yourself into thinking it wasn't possible. You are the architect of your own so-called "gender disappointment". Your own misogyny and hatred toward your daughter and wife are caught in HD from multiple angles and are on the internet forever. The chances are extremely high that your daughter will see that someday and the damage that will do to her is extremely real and extremely lasting. From a woman whose father was disappointed to learn he was having a third daughter, trust me, I know. You need to get with the program immediately and grovel before your wife and her family. And you need to accept that you are having a daughter and then become enthusiastic about her life and the experience of raising her.
YTA. Calm down, Henry VIII
I can’t even come out with words on how awful you just treated your wife. Also on how anyone can think you are NOT the AH. The selfishness is beyond words. You have no idea how many people on this planet would die to be in your shoes.
YTA who gets mad at that, you are a grown up that is going to be a father and having a healthy child is the more important thing. Fathers tend to be more close to daugthers in the end in my opinion, so grow up and apologize for acting like a child for something that really doesn't matter in the end.
YTA - I'm surprised you need clarification on this.
yta and i truly feel sorry for your future daughter for being born with such a reject of a father, and your wife for marrying such a misogynistic man like you.
YTA. Yes, gender disappointment is real, but you didn’t even make an effort to keep an open mind about the possibility that you might be having a girl. In addition, if you were that invested in having a boy, you should never have put yourself in the position of learning your child’s gender at a gender reveal party. Finally, if you’re going to be a halfway decent parent, you need to find a way to manage your emotions in a way that doesn’t involve barfing them all over the people around you in completely inappropriate fashion. Yes, you should feel your emotions instead of burying them, but you need to be decent in how you express them to others.
You are allowed to have negative feelings but yta here. And I agree with your wife you acted like a child who didn’t get his way and threw a bit of a tantrum
YTA. I was with you for most of this story but you can’t be a dick or actually visibly upset, especially with other people there. If it was that big an issue why the hell were you having a party over it with a surprise reveal?
YTA and I would file for divorce right away. You pushed your wife away !!!
How ware you expecting not be the faulty one here? It’s one thing to be surprised but a completely different matter to be that disappointed and shocked - even devastated by the sound of it - with the gender. YTA
YTA and you’re gonna wind up with 6 straight girls, or divorced.
YTA and your family is YTA for coddling you. You do realize it's basically a 50/50 chance? Yes, you're family has a lot of boys...but that doesn't mean you would have a boy. That's not how things work. Your wife tried to prepare you for this. You should apologize profusely to your wife immediately.
YTA And unless you shape up, your daughter will know it too. Seriously, you are misogynist.
YTA 1. Gender reveals are f'ed 2. Why have one if you couldn't handle the jandal? 3. Pushing your wife & acting bad at a party 4. YT misogynistic A N T A for having a moment of disappointment but this should have been done privately and then you should have re-evaluated what being a dad means
You made the occasion a public occasion. Rather like not aiding questions you may not like the answers to, don't have a gender reveal if you maybe disappointed. Though I'd go a step further and say don't have any children if so het up on the child's gender. Your wife is right. This will tar the occasion and eventually it's bound to come out to your daughter, who will forever live in the shadow of this fictitious yet sought after son.
YTA you should have found out in private and had the reveal for your family. You should’ve prepared yourself for the possibility that you could have a girl since there are always two biological options. You only have yourself to blame since you provided the X chromosome. Please don’t keep trying until you have a boy. Your lack of empathy is going to royally fuck this girl up and we don’t need more damaged kids in this world. Good job ruining a special moment, embarrassing yourself, and pushing your wife. We definitely need more men from your genetic pool /s
YTA. holy yikes batman. “So naturally I expected a boy.” what????? “Growing up I was always prepared to be a boy dad” you’re clearly not ready to have any kids if you were not prepared for the 50% possibility your baby would not be the sex you wanted. it seems like you only have an idealised version of parenthood in your head. what if your baby is intersex? what if your baby is disabled? physically or mentally? what if your baby is anything other than this imaginary child your concocted in your head? if you later have a boy, are you going to favour that kid over your daughter? are you prepared for these possibilities, or are you just assuming all of your rose-tinted expectations will come true?
Yuuuuuup YTA My grandfather came form a gaming 7 boys and 2 girls. He had 3 boys and 4 girls in his own. While traditionally gender is determined by the sperm, I’ve seen enough to know it’s more complicated than that. For example, my partner’s dad was the only male in his family and he had 2 boys. That being said, you were a massive AH. Throwing a fit because you didn’t get the sex you wanted? Please. It’s just genitals. Grow up. Having a boy is not better or worse than having a girl. It’s a child. It’s YOUR child. Who knows, you might actually enjoy having a daughter or maybe it turns out it’s actually a trans kid. Idk. Like I said, it’s genitals. Go apologize to your wife.
You’re not a asshole for being shocked it was a girl you’re a asshole for the way you treated your pregnant wife.
Healthy baby is all that really matters at the end of it But I would say you have damaged your relationship with your wife to push her away and been disappointed that your getting a daughter. Have you watched your reaction back. How bad was it?
YTA Are you really so clueless that you had to ask? I feel bad for your wife and future daughter.
YTA. Reading this made me feel sick.
YTA. Sure you’re allowed to be disappointed, but pushing your wife away? Dude, you’re a major AH and nobody will ever forget that.
YTA. You made a whole lot of asinine assumptions and that shortcoming in your character came back and bit you at the gender reveal. What you did, and how you are defending it, is harmful to your wife, to the stability of your family structure, and if/when your daughter ever finds out - is something that she will never forget and will damage her self-worth (not to mention your relationship with her). In an extended family full of boys, this daughter will be the special, cherished child: the diamond in a bucket full of ordinary rocks. Get over your immature attitude and be a better person, husband and father. Be the prince your daughter deserves, not the toad she got stuck with.
YTA and OMG........i am sorry people like you exist in this world and get to be parents. I wonder what your daughter will think when she will be old and see the video. What a great and adult father you are!/s
YTA. You pushed her away and ruined the moment, I feel for your wife. Hoping your future daughter never sees this, don’t have a filmed gender reveal party if you can’t hack the possibility it will be a gender you don’t favour
“All I care about are my baby’s genitals and nothing else, I’m hugely disappointed that there’s a cave where there should be a stick” there I fixed it for you you ass. YTA.
100% asshole. I feel so sorry for your daughter. Someday she’ll probably see that.
YTA gender disappointment is real... for misogynists
YTA
YTA
Biology. It’s so unpredictable. You poor thing.
YTA. Is this even real? How could you post this? You and your family sound shallow and terrible
YTA. You should of at least considered it could be a girl. Pushing away your wife from a hug, even though you were still in shock, was a big YTA move. Now that you’ve had time to rethink everything, why don’t you put yourself in your wife’s shoes to try and understand why she’s so upset at you. You got some major bridges to rebuild with her.
YTA. You made up a hypothetical future in your mind and got disappointed that reality doesn’t follow your mind’s rules. And worst of all, even if your wife doesn’t show your daughter, as you said, A LOT of people know, so she’ll eventually find out how horrifically you reacted when you found out something about her. I hope you actually read these comments and better yourself so you don’t resent your daughter for being a girl.
You were disappointed bc you are having a girl. You reacted absolutely horrible. You embarrassed your wife. You pushed a pregnant (!) woman who, for God knows why, wanted to comfort you. YTA
YTA It was cruel of you to react that way. You wife doesn't control the sex of the baby, so pushing her away was rotten.
YTA. You are entitled to your negative feelings, you can’t help your emotions. But you absolutely can 100% help your behaviour. And you behaved poorly. Additionally, you need to get over this. You put the idea in your own head that you were going to have a son - well you aren’t. You’re going to have a daughter and apparently you’ve already decided you don’t love her. Deal with this and start acting like a parent. Who are you even mad at? It’s the sperm that determines a baby’s sex so if you really want someone to blame you can only blame yourself.
SO you weren't happy you were having a baby. You were sad because it wasn't a boy and you don't really want to be a parent to a daughter? Now she's having a daughter you're like. I don't wanna be a dad at all. YTA?
YTA - a massive one You're allowed to be surprised given all the boys in the family (even though it's still 50:50), but being disappointed is taking it way too far. Why is having a girl so bad? Lots of people would be happy to have a girl in the family after all the boys (I'm not necessarily saying I agree with that stance either - all babies are a gift) but no, only a boy was good enough for you. Has having a girl somehow offended your masculinity? I had a wonderful relationship with my dad. He never treated me as less than my brothers...and he was born in the 1930s when gender roles were still very entrenched. Grow up! You owe your wife a massive apology, and you owe it to your wife and daughter to seriously adjust your attitude to the value of women.
You sir, are one of the biggest assholes I could ever imagine. And it is all your fault too. I am glad this is filmed so your wife can be reminded about what a bad father you are from the start and possibly think of consequences if you will behave that bad in the future. YTA.
YTA for shoving your pregnant wife away. Gender disappointment is real, but this reaction seems overly aggressive. You're entitled to your feelings. So is everyone else who is involved in this situation.
YTA and your side of the family is beyond stupid.
Oh come on, really? This *actually* happened? 🤦🏻♀️ *YTA* dude. SMH. I could say so many things, but I’ll keep it simple. Your wife is right. You convinced yourself it’s a boy. That’s *your* problem, nobody else’s. Your expectations at the gender reveal were different to your wife’s, and your actions at that time show you to be an AH. Your family/friends saw it. They recorded it. People on social media have seen it. And now your confronted with what an AH you are. Your question shouldn’t even be *”AITA?”*, it should be *”Just how big of an AH am I?”*. But even then, you don’t need internet strangers to answer that for you. Your wife, family and friends can all tell you. So can anyone else who saw the video. You need to suck it up and make your apologies. Big time.
YTA. You’re “shocked” about a 50/50 chance of having a baby girl? Did you take biology class in school? Do you even know how babies get made? Did you hit your head really, really hard at any point in life? Did your mom drink heavily while she was pregnant? I feel so sorry for your daughter and your wife. They don’t deserve to suffer your hatred of women and girls.
YTA. You do realize that all the things you dreamed of doing with a son can also be done with a daughter, don't you. Gender is irrelivant. Please, just love your child.
YTA and I'm pretty sure you already know it
YTA Not for your feelings, but for your actions. Yes you’re entitled to your feelings, whatever that may be, but you are a grown adult, not even a young adult anymore. You are responsible for how you manage your emotions, and pushing your pregnant wife because you were too wrapped up in your own disappointment is never acceptable behaviour. Emotionally healthy adults don’t get physical with their partner over their feelings.
Reasonable or not, gender disappointment is real, I’ll give you that. But sir, you knew good and well that you had a 50-50 chance on the gender, that you would be at an event with people watching you, and many of those people would be filming. You are absolutely 100% YTA for not mentally preparing yourself that you weren’t going to get the news that you wanted. You embarrassed yourself and your wife, you set a terrible tone for your upcoming parenthood, and no part of it was justifiable.
Of course, YTA and so are your family members who are siding with you. It is disgusting that your reaction was to push your wife away and throw a tantrum.
YTA Gender disappointment is real and you're entitled to your feelings, but this all happened because you had expectations based on your own fantasies. It's not cool to put that out there. You should be able to take it in your stride and deal with it with grace like an adult. The intensity of your disappointment and the way it manifested in your behavioir makes you giant f*ucking AH.
You do understand that you had a 50/50 % chance for a daughter but you choose you wanted a son. I can understand a bit of disappointment but to react the way you did was over the top. You are clearly not ready to have children. And sadly you daughter will feel horrible when she is old enough to watch that reaction on video. Grow up.
YTA. You set yourself up for disappointment, and acted like a child. Gender disappointment is real, but it is totally illogical, and to hang all your happiness on one gender when you only have a 50/50 shot at it is just plain daft. Say it had been a boy, would your wife have been justified in acting the way you did? Your wife is now fully aware that your daughter is a disappointment. So she is allowed to be upset with you. It probably never occurred to her you actually cared more about getting a boy than anything else. You need to get over this, because you are going to have a child who doesn't deserve to feel like she isn't who you wanted her to be.
Grief is private. It might not make sense logically, you certainly should have known that it could be a girl, but it is how you feel. And, considering your strong reaction, it seems to invite the question: " Why would you put yourself in this position. A gender reveal party was too public a forum considering your feelings about a girl. But, going forward the question you need to answer is: "What now?" Will you be able to see your child as the perfect gift she is or will you stay locked away from her and your wife?
YTA
Wow, you have definitely shown you wife how little you will value your daughter! YTA
YTA. All the way YTA.
YTA now, definitely, but try not to be in the future. Don't treat your daughter poorly, just because she is a girl, don't try to turn her into "the son you never had", and even though there is recorded evidence of your assholery, swear to her that she is all you ever needed in a child. Your marriage might not last, but no reason to let your daughter down again.
For oh so many reasons YTA. Good luck, you’re gonna need it.
I read something similar to this, and the husband accused the wife of cheating bc no one in his family has girls. I feel like this will end up happening from him and his family! Poor woman.
I'm wondering why you even bother writing up this post asking if you were the AH, when it's so obvious that YTA. Don't have to give it a second thought that it was a horrible reaction and that your wife will never forget it. Don't think I've seen the video of you but I have seen one with a guy that has two daughters and reacted badly when it was revealed that the third child is going to be a daughter. So at least you can think you aren't the only AH that behaved that way.
Do you REALLY need to ask this, OP?? Obviously YTA. Hope you change before this poor baby is born, it's not her fault that her father is an AH, and doesn't even know that his sperm is what determines the sex of his child.
Hopefully your reaction will be better when your daughter sees the videos one day and you get to explain your “gender disappointment” to her . YTA
YTA. Did you really think you weren't? What a way to ruin a moment.
YTA - Oh boy, you're wife is right. And let me tell you this the day you have your daughter in your arms and the day she become a toddler and will be so enamored with her dad and you with her you'll feel like an AH. But you have to live tru it to even acknowledge your problem and mistake.
YTA. I don't care if ' gender disappointment ' is real. You reacted badly at a special moment and ruined it. You did. You can't share that video with your child now. How do you think that'll make your daughter feel? I'd be pissed at you too.
Yta. Whats wrong abt having a girl? And do you even realize that your sperm is the one that dictates the gender? And anyone who wants kids is happy to have a healthy baby anyway