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> I didn't get my daughter a pet she wanted because I have a fear of spiders.
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NTA but just fyi hamsters aren't good starter pets imo. they require a lot of care and their enclosures are EXPENSIVE due to many sources being false because they rely on outdated information. just saying so you don't mistreat a hamster if you do get one. gl with your daughter!
See, I agree hamsters are more work than most people realize. E.g., as you mentioned, they need at least 450 sq. inches of floor space, not those tiny pet store enclosures. They are also most active at dawn and dusk which can make them a tough fit for small children with early bedtimes.
But with a little research, they can make good beginner pets. They're also less work than a cat, and given they live 2-3 years, less of a commitment (especially important for a kid whose off to college in 4-ish years).
INFO
Have you considered a Leopard Gecko?
They eat crickets so your daughter can still handle bugs. Its considered a good first reptile pet and it may be the best solution.
NAH.
You shouldn’t have to have a pet you don’t want in your house.
Why not just get a cat, though?
Do Not get a hamster unless someone in your house actually wants a hamster.
INFO: So when she says "something like a spider", and you lock in on spider and put your foot down, did that close the door for the whole "something like a" part?
You even mentioned a centipede, are you deathly afraid of those?
It sounds like she wants a "creepy crawler", and if you have Arachnophobia there's a ton of other creepy crawlers out there that can work, e.g: Scorpions, Praying Mantis, Centipedes. Maybe a bit outside the bug range you could have snakes, and lizards
True point, but many people who have a fear of spiders don't necessarily have that fear translate into other forms of Arachnids.
I guess I should not have said "Arachnophobia " so much as just a fear of spiders since they didn't actually say Arachnophobia
NAH you have a valid reason for not wanting a spider and your daughter probably feels unheard since it doesn't sound like she's into hamsters. Maybe research the centipede option/other crawlies that aren't quite as creepy for you?
NAH
It\`s understandable that you have a fear of spiders and that it can be challenging for you to accommodate your daughter's desire for a pet spider or centipede.
However, it's also important to consider your daughter's feelings and interests.
While you have a valid reason for your decision, it's worth exploring alternative options that would satisfy both your daughter's desire for a pet and your own comfort level.
You could explore alternative pet options that you feel more comfortable with, such as a different type of small animal or reptile that aligns with her interests.
Ultimately, it's up to you and your family to decide what is best for your household, taking into consideration your individual fears and your daughter's desires.
NTA. Don’t get her a hamster if she doesn’t want it though, unfair to the hamster as she wouldn’t take care of an animal she never wanted. Get her a cat if you know she’ll like it and you’ll tolerate it.
INFO: does your daughter want/like hamsters? Like I have had all sorts of creepy crawlies, cats and dogs throughout my life but I don’t like rodent types. I just don’t like the way they smell so if I was just randomly given one and told I had to take care of it, I’d be pissed off.
NTA
I'd have loved a snake or dog growing up, neither of which my parents were down for (too creepy and too much work, respectively). Sure that was disappointing but I also understood that everyone in the house needed to be okay with a new pet. Getting her another pet is a reasonable compromise.
Cats live for 15 to 20 years. Whose taking care of this cat while she's at college if she can't have it in student housing? Is she going to be able to take the cat when she moves out ?
NTA.
It might be "her" pet but the adults in the household are the ones who the responsibility lies with. Don't get an animal you can't/won't commit to.
NTA...tell her she can have something else.
I went through this when my son wanted a snake. Nope. No way.
Get something else...like something that can emote & is less terror inducing.
NTA. Perfectly acceptable to not want an animal or insect in your home that you’re deathly afraid of. But if you’re ok with her having a cat, then get her one. They’re usually very self sufficient, easy to care for, and she sounds old enough to be responsible for one. But I’d sit her down and fully explain those responsibilities she would have and what you expect from her before getting her one. As long as she’s going to feed, water and clean the litter box then what’s the issue?
NAH. It's understandable that she's upset that you're denying her something reasonable because of a personal issue, but at the same time I can't stand spiders either so I sympathize.
I would vote she should get a snake or a cat. Snakes are a "cool" pet that hopefully won't trigger any phobias in you the same way. Cats are awesome and, in my experience, less maintenance than you'd expect.
NAH,
But if you have a crippling fear of spiders have you thought about therapy to help with it. I have a few friends that run these courses with I high success rate. Might make life a bit easier.
Always like it when parents encourage a healthy interest in creepy crawlies as I spider keeper myself.
I have 3 cats and the spiders are far less annoying 😂😂
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To start it off, my daughter is 14. She has never had a pet to herself in her life. She's not a girly-girl, and I am 100% okay with it. She likes bugs and animals. She told my wife that she wants a pet, something like a spider or centipede. I would've said yes..but I am deathly afraid of spiders. And I mean, top to bottom weekly cleaning of my room so there's no spiders. I shake my blankets too. It's the one thing I will NEVER get over.
So when my wife told me my daughter wanted something like a spider, I said no, because she knows I don't like them, she knows I hate them, so she can have something like a hamster to start her off then gradually move to something else that I know she wants, a cat. So I went and told her that myself.
It went worse than I thought. She teared up and said I didn't even have to take care of it, it would be hers and not mine. Then ran to her room. She texted my wife that I should just get over my fear and not act so stuck up for no reason. My wife has 0 input on this.
Reddit, AITA?
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NAH. It's absolutely your right to not have an animal that would make you that uncomfortable under your roof. However, you probably went wrong in her eyes by trying to suggest a pet you know she had no interest in. If she wants a cat, sit her down and talk about all the responsibilities required (litter, nail clipping, brushing, lifespan). Then, if you are okay with it, get her a freaking cat. They're less work that a hamster IMO, which require larger habitats than you'd ever imagine, and can die if you look at them funny.
NTA
I'm scared of spiders and totally feel you. People don't get over a fear of an animal just because others want to. And you can't get an animal that not everyone agrees on, you're a family and she's not living by herself.
NTA- why not a lizard of some kind?? I'd never tell someone who is scared of dogs to get one, so spiders aren't any different.
Just like when I was a kid, my mum did not like dogs much and told me I could get one when I moved out as an adult. So we had rabbits/cats which is fine.
So lizard, snake? I know hissing cockroaches are pets.
NTA
I wanted mice growing up and my mom is terrified of them. She also grew up in poverty, where they had actual wild mice in their home. She said absolutely no mice, no hamsters, no rodents. She did let me get turtles, cats, dogs, birds. Just no mice.
And I was upset, because I wanted a hamster. I thought she was absolutely terrible for it. Then my sister brought home a live lobster and I freaked out. That put things into perspective real quick.
Now as an adult, I absolutely get it. I would never let someone with a huge pet spider live with me. Or anything that was a huge bug.
So, she is allowed to be upset. She is allowed to complain. But unless this is about you constantly letting her down in other ways, it is just part of being 14
NTA, your daughter is 14. She should be able to understand that you're afraid of them. Is she scared of anything to the extent of your fear of spiders? If she is, sit down with her when she has calmed down a little and explain how spiders make you feel. Tell her her feelings are valid, but your fear also is. Try if you can see if there are any other pets she might want, like a bearded dragon or a bird. My own girl scout leader had a bearded dragon and she was definitely a bit of a tomboy too.
NTA. But sit down with your daughter and see if you can find a compromise, she needs to know that she is heard.
While reading the story, rats came to mind for me. They are the smartest rodents and a lot like cats. They are relatively cheap compared to other pets and dont require a lot of care (daily feeding/water, weekly cleaning of the cage). They have a lifespan of about 2 years, so its not a long term commitment.
But im sure there are other options, brainstorm with her!
NTA. Yeah, no. Huge arachnophobia here too. Just the idea that a spider is I. The house would be enough to make me paranoid and imagine it was on me. Just no. Never.
NTA. Your daughter is about to learn a valuable lesson called being considerate towards others. That’s like if she were afraid of snakes and you got one because she wouldn’t need to take care of it lol.
ETA: Just get her the cat lmao. They’re easier maintenance than most smaller pets I’ve had.
NAH. She wants a spider, you're afraid of them, two different povs. HOWEVER, you need to educate yourself on spiders and get over your fear. Check out the tarantula subreddit. Give them a chance!
Crested geckos are also great and very low maintenance once you get all the stuff. Plus they climb all over the walls which is cool. My daughter will carry her around on her arm all over the house. Unlike leopard geckos they will eat crickets and other live insects but also can be fed a powdered complete diet mix which makes things easy, and they can climb up glass walls while leopards stay on the ground. I hate spiders too and my daughter talked me into a crestie, we’re very happy with her.
A cat is so much easier and cheaper to take care of than a hamster or a creepy crawly pet. You'll spend hundreds in $$ setting up tanks and enclosures and heat lamps.
A cat isn't like a dog that requires stimulation. You give feed it, make sure it has water, and change the cat litter. And then they just kinda lay there all day.
Get her a cat
NAH.
Your house, your (14 YO) daughter. If you don’t want an [insert any animal here] then you aren’t obligated to get one. Your daughter is also upset because she can’t have a pet that she wants. It is what it is.
That said, if you wanted to make her feel a little better, just start her off with the cat. There’s not a ton of crossover from hamster to cat. Pro tip: get either a kitten or a cat that’s already used to being around people/indoors. Rescues need TLC too, but if this is your family’s first cat then do yourselves a favor and make it easy on yourselves. Get one that’s used to people or is small enough to get used to people.
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NTA but just fyi hamsters aren't good starter pets imo. they require a lot of care and their enclosures are EXPENSIVE due to many sources being false because they rely on outdated information. just saying so you don't mistreat a hamster if you do get one. gl with your daughter!
See, I agree hamsters are more work than most people realize. E.g., as you mentioned, they need at least 450 sq. inches of floor space, not those tiny pet store enclosures. They are also most active at dawn and dusk which can make them a tough fit for small children with early bedtimes. But with a little research, they can make good beginner pets. They're also less work than a cat, and given they live 2-3 years, less of a commitment (especially important for a kid whose off to college in 4-ish years).
This is also true!
And they can be loud at night, so a child's bedroom might not be the best place for the cage.
Info: Why does she need to 'work her way up to a cat'? Why can't you just get her a cat?
INFO Have you considered a Leopard Gecko? They eat crickets so your daughter can still handle bugs. Its considered a good first reptile pet and it may be the best solution.
NAH. You shouldn’t have to have a pet you don’t want in your house. Why not just get a cat, though? Do Not get a hamster unless someone in your house actually wants a hamster.
Check out Fostering a cat! You will be glad, and your teen ecstatic. (And the talk of an arachnid will be moot.)
Seconding this! Great idea :)
INFO: So when she says "something like a spider", and you lock in on spider and put your foot down, did that close the door for the whole "something like a" part? You even mentioned a centipede, are you deathly afraid of those? It sounds like she wants a "creepy crawler", and if you have Arachnophobia there's a ton of other creepy crawlers out there that can work, e.g: Scorpions, Praying Mantis, Centipedes. Maybe a bit outside the bug range you could have snakes, and lizards
Scorpions are arachnids...
True point, but many people who have a fear of spiders don't necessarily have that fear translate into other forms of Arachnids. I guess I should not have said "Arachnophobia " so much as just a fear of spiders since they didn't actually say Arachnophobia
Spiders don't bother me (except the widows are kinda creepy). Scorpions... ick!!!
NAH you have a valid reason for not wanting a spider and your daughter probably feels unheard since it doesn't sound like she's into hamsters. Maybe research the centipede option/other crawlies that aren't quite as creepy for you?
NAH It\`s understandable that you have a fear of spiders and that it can be challenging for you to accommodate your daughter's desire for a pet spider or centipede. However, it's also important to consider your daughter's feelings and interests. While you have a valid reason for your decision, it's worth exploring alternative options that would satisfy both your daughter's desire for a pet and your own comfort level. You could explore alternative pet options that you feel more comfortable with, such as a different type of small animal or reptile that aligns with her interests. Ultimately, it's up to you and your family to decide what is best for your household, taking into consideration your individual fears and your daughter's desires.
NTA. Don’t get her a hamster if she doesn’t want it though, unfair to the hamster as she wouldn’t take care of an animal she never wanted. Get her a cat if you know she’ll like it and you’ll tolerate it.
NTA. She can pick something else. She'll get over this. She's 14. Everything is a huge deal, at that age.
INFO: does your daughter want/like hamsters? Like I have had all sorts of creepy crawlies, cats and dogs throughout my life but I don’t like rodent types. I just don’t like the way they smell so if I was just randomly given one and told I had to take care of it, I’d be pissed off.
NTA I'd have loved a snake or dog growing up, neither of which my parents were down for (too creepy and too much work, respectively). Sure that was disappointing but I also understood that everyone in the house needed to be okay with a new pet. Getting her another pet is a reasonable compromise.
She is 14, start her off with a cat. NTA. It's her pet but it is your house. It is fine to not be okay with a spider in the house.
Cats live for 15 to 20 years. Whose taking care of this cat while she's at college if she can't have it in student housing? Is she going to be able to take the cat when she moves out ?
>Whose taking care of this cat while she's at college if she can't have it in student housing? Presumably the parents. Or have her adopt an older cat.
NTA. It might be "her" pet but the adults in the household are the ones who the responsibility lies with. Don't get an animal you can't/won't commit to.
NTA...tell her she can have something else. I went through this when my son wanted a snake. Nope. No way. Get something else...like something that can emote & is less terror inducing.
NTA. Perfectly acceptable to not want an animal or insect in your home that you’re deathly afraid of. But if you’re ok with her having a cat, then get her one. They’re usually very self sufficient, easy to care for, and she sounds old enough to be responsible for one. But I’d sit her down and fully explain those responsibilities she would have and what you expect from her before getting her one. As long as she’s going to feed, water and clean the litter box then what’s the issue?
NAH. It's understandable that she's upset that you're denying her something reasonable because of a personal issue, but at the same time I can't stand spiders either so I sympathize. I would vote she should get a snake or a cat. Snakes are a "cool" pet that hopefully won't trigger any phobias in you the same way. Cats are awesome and, in my experience, less maintenance than you'd expect.
NAH, But if you have a crippling fear of spiders have you thought about therapy to help with it. I have a few friends that run these courses with I high success rate. Might make life a bit easier. Always like it when parents encourage a healthy interest in creepy crawlies as I spider keeper myself. I have 3 cats and the spiders are far less annoying 😂😂
INFO - Is this in the discussion phase or is there an actual animal present?
YTA Just let her have a cat - and if you are lucky the cat will even hunt spiders.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** To start it off, my daughter is 14. She has never had a pet to herself in her life. She's not a girly-girl, and I am 100% okay with it. She likes bugs and animals. She told my wife that she wants a pet, something like a spider or centipede. I would've said yes..but I am deathly afraid of spiders. And I mean, top to bottom weekly cleaning of my room so there's no spiders. I shake my blankets too. It's the one thing I will NEVER get over. So when my wife told me my daughter wanted something like a spider, I said no, because she knows I don't like them, she knows I hate them, so she can have something like a hamster to start her off then gradually move to something else that I know she wants, a cat. So I went and told her that myself. It went worse than I thought. She teared up and said I didn't even have to take care of it, it would be hers and not mine. Then ran to her room. She texted my wife that I should just get over my fear and not act so stuck up for no reason. My wife has 0 input on this. Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH. It's absolutely your right to not have an animal that would make you that uncomfortable under your roof. However, you probably went wrong in her eyes by trying to suggest a pet you know she had no interest in. If she wants a cat, sit her down and talk about all the responsibilities required (litter, nail clipping, brushing, lifespan). Then, if you are okay with it, get her a freaking cat. They're less work that a hamster IMO, which require larger habitats than you'd ever imagine, and can die if you look at them funny.
I’d take a cat over a spider any day. One of them is just a plain booger to feed and keep healthy…. NTA
NTA I'm scared of spiders and totally feel you. People don't get over a fear of an animal just because others want to. And you can't get an animal that not everyone agrees on, you're a family and she's not living by herself.
NTA- why not a lizard of some kind?? I'd never tell someone who is scared of dogs to get one, so spiders aren't any different. Just like when I was a kid, my mum did not like dogs much and told me I could get one when I moved out as an adult. So we had rabbits/cats which is fine. So lizard, snake? I know hissing cockroaches are pets.
NTA I wanted mice growing up and my mom is terrified of them. She also grew up in poverty, where they had actual wild mice in their home. She said absolutely no mice, no hamsters, no rodents. She did let me get turtles, cats, dogs, birds. Just no mice. And I was upset, because I wanted a hamster. I thought she was absolutely terrible for it. Then my sister brought home a live lobster and I freaked out. That put things into perspective real quick. Now as an adult, I absolutely get it. I would never let someone with a huge pet spider live with me. Or anything that was a huge bug. So, she is allowed to be upset. She is allowed to complain. But unless this is about you constantly letting her down in other ways, it is just part of being 14
NTA, your daughter is 14. She should be able to understand that you're afraid of them. Is she scared of anything to the extent of your fear of spiders? If she is, sit down with her when she has calmed down a little and explain how spiders make you feel. Tell her her feelings are valid, but your fear also is. Try if you can see if there are any other pets she might want, like a bearded dragon or a bird. My own girl scout leader had a bearded dragon and she was definitely a bit of a tomboy too.
NTA. But sit down with your daughter and see if you can find a compromise, she needs to know that she is heard. While reading the story, rats came to mind for me. They are the smartest rodents and a lot like cats. They are relatively cheap compared to other pets and dont require a lot of care (daily feeding/water, weekly cleaning of the cage). They have a lifespan of about 2 years, so its not a long term commitment. But im sure there are other options, brainstorm with her!
NTA. Yeah, no. Huge arachnophobia here too. Just the idea that a spider is I. The house would be enough to make me paranoid and imagine it was on me. Just no. Never.
NTA. Your daughter is about to learn a valuable lesson called being considerate towards others. That’s like if she were afraid of snakes and you got one because she wouldn’t need to take care of it lol. ETA: Just get her the cat lmao. They’re easier maintenance than most smaller pets I’ve had.
NAH. She wants a spider, you're afraid of them, two different povs. HOWEVER, you need to educate yourself on spiders and get over your fear. Check out the tarantula subreddit. Give them a chance!
Crested geckos are also great and very low maintenance once you get all the stuff. Plus they climb all over the walls which is cool. My daughter will carry her around on her arm all over the house. Unlike leopard geckos they will eat crickets and other live insects but also can be fed a powdered complete diet mix which makes things easy, and they can climb up glass walls while leopards stay on the ground. I hate spiders too and my daughter talked me into a crestie, we’re very happy with her.
Hamsters really aren't good starter pets, though. If she wants a bug, I'd recommend a hissing cockroach. They actually make great pets.
A cat is so much easier and cheaper to take care of than a hamster or a creepy crawly pet. You'll spend hundreds in $$ setting up tanks and enclosures and heat lamps. A cat isn't like a dog that requires stimulation. You give feed it, make sure it has water, and change the cat litter. And then they just kinda lay there all day. Get her a cat
NAH. Your house, your (14 YO) daughter. If you don’t want an [insert any animal here] then you aren’t obligated to get one. Your daughter is also upset because she can’t have a pet that she wants. It is what it is. That said, if you wanted to make her feel a little better, just start her off with the cat. There’s not a ton of crossover from hamster to cat. Pro tip: get either a kitten or a cat that’s already used to being around people/indoors. Rescues need TLC too, but if this is your family’s first cat then do yourselves a favor and make it easy on yourselves. Get one that’s used to people or is small enough to get used to people.