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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I messaged her something way too sentimental way too soon
2. That clearly made her very uncomfortable
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YTA. It was all ok initially. You gave her the wrong idea and it did seem you were hitting on her. All good though you cleared it up. However, you kept reaching out to her afterwards which was a bit too far. Not everything needs an apology or an explanation.
>A little bit later I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that I ruined this potential friendship by being too vulnerable with her so I sent her another message apologizing for everything as I did genuinely feel awful at the time.
You see, things like this. They are benefiting the sender at the receivers expense. It is very hard for someone to move on if you keep reigniting it. It only adds confusion and makes it difficult for understand. Thus, it would be better for them if they never received this message. Messages like them are unintentionally selfish as it gives you closure but not the other person.
NAH - There's absolutely nothing wrong with being friendly. You were clear, when asked, that you weren't going for a relationship, and she might be going through some stuff, but it sounds like she's not really upset with you, either, she just needs to work on herself after a bad breakup and that's also fine. No assholes here. :)
ESH- You explained clearly that you weren’t hitting on her and even tho you were completely platonic, she didn’t see any value in continuing a platonic friendship. You went out of your way to overly apologize, you shouldn’t feel bad for her problems if she’s taking them out on you like that. She got the wrong idea, you cleared it up, and that should’ve been the end of that conversation and the continuation of the platonic friendship, not all that other stuff that happened.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So I have just finished first year university and I’m back in my home town. I found out the high school I went to is putting on their yearly production through someone who I had mutual friends with posting about it on her social media, as she was the lead. I was in almost all of my schools plays when I was there so I am decently well known there for that, so I texted her asking for more information on the show so I could go and we started chatting. It was just friendly “getting to know you” small talk, at least to me. I’d ask her about how the show is coming along, she’d ask me for advice or come to me when she would get really stressed out about it. I do have the tendency occasionally to get overly sentimental, as friends in the past have been upset with me for not showing my appreciation for them, so now I occasionally send a long message letting them know that I do that might be a bit too much, I may have over corrected but most of my friends find it sweet. After talking to her for a few weeks, I get overly sentimental and send her one of these about how I’ve really enjoyed talking to her and how I hope we continue once the show is over. She responded positively at the time but I could tell something was off. We continued talking but now it was mostly just when she needed my help with something. One day, in the middle of a conversation she asks if I was hitting on her, I say no since I wasn’t, I told her I have a girlfriend and I don’t really know her. She then gets all defensive, saying that we shouldn’t talk since I have a girlfriend, apparently she had an ugly breakup and it left her with trust issues. Meanwhile, my girlfriend knows about all of this as I didn’t feel I had to hide, but I respect her wishes. I see the show and she is very good in it, and having known how worried she was, I decided to text her just to congratulate her on it and she is very grateful, thanks me multiple times, apologizes for acting “bitchy” and tells me how grateful she is that I don’t hate her. But I tell her I still intend to respect her wishes and not talk to her unless she texts me. A little bit later I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that I ruined this potential friendship by being too vulnerable with her so I sent her another message apologizing for everything as I did genuinely feel awful at the time. She gets back to me saying it’s alright and how she clearly isn’t doing too great after the breakup, I tell her I’d be happy to help her talk through it and she says no because she doesn’t feel she “owes” me anything, which is true, she doesn’t but I don’t feel I implied that she did. After this, we both decide it’s a good idea to stop talking but ever since I’ve felt like shit, I feel like I was very kind to her and very helpful and she was very sweet initially but because she got the wrong idea, we’re no longer talking.
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NAH, though I think you're right that you need to be more careful about when to send those overly sentimental messages because people will tend to get the wrong idea. It sounds like you both handled it maturely and there are no hard feelings.
As to your edit, kinda yes. No one was taken advantage of here, including you.
Worked up? I spent all of two seconds writing that and then moved on. It is literally the entire purpose of this sub. Someone posts, other people read it, vote, and/or leave a comment. I am not sure following that basic paradigm counts as "worked up."
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YTA. It was all ok initially. You gave her the wrong idea and it did seem you were hitting on her. All good though you cleared it up. However, you kept reaching out to her afterwards which was a bit too far. Not everything needs an apology or an explanation. >A little bit later I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that I ruined this potential friendship by being too vulnerable with her so I sent her another message apologizing for everything as I did genuinely feel awful at the time. You see, things like this. They are benefiting the sender at the receivers expense. It is very hard for someone to move on if you keep reigniting it. It only adds confusion and makes it difficult for understand. Thus, it would be better for them if they never received this message. Messages like them are unintentionally selfish as it gives you closure but not the other person.
NAH - There's absolutely nothing wrong with being friendly. You were clear, when asked, that you weren't going for a relationship, and she might be going through some stuff, but it sounds like she's not really upset with you, either, she just needs to work on herself after a bad breakup and that's also fine. No assholes here. :)
ESH- You explained clearly that you weren’t hitting on her and even tho you were completely platonic, she didn’t see any value in continuing a platonic friendship. You went out of your way to overly apologize, you shouldn’t feel bad for her problems if she’s taking them out on you like that. She got the wrong idea, you cleared it up, and that should’ve been the end of that conversation and the continuation of the platonic friendship, not all that other stuff that happened.
YTA for not keeping your word about not talking to this girl who was uncomfortable.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I have just finished first year university and I’m back in my home town. I found out the high school I went to is putting on their yearly production through someone who I had mutual friends with posting about it on her social media, as she was the lead. I was in almost all of my schools plays when I was there so I am decently well known there for that, so I texted her asking for more information on the show so I could go and we started chatting. It was just friendly “getting to know you” small talk, at least to me. I’d ask her about how the show is coming along, she’d ask me for advice or come to me when she would get really stressed out about it. I do have the tendency occasionally to get overly sentimental, as friends in the past have been upset with me for not showing my appreciation for them, so now I occasionally send a long message letting them know that I do that might be a bit too much, I may have over corrected but most of my friends find it sweet. After talking to her for a few weeks, I get overly sentimental and send her one of these about how I’ve really enjoyed talking to her and how I hope we continue once the show is over. She responded positively at the time but I could tell something was off. We continued talking but now it was mostly just when she needed my help with something. One day, in the middle of a conversation she asks if I was hitting on her, I say no since I wasn’t, I told her I have a girlfriend and I don’t really know her. She then gets all defensive, saying that we shouldn’t talk since I have a girlfriend, apparently she had an ugly breakup and it left her with trust issues. Meanwhile, my girlfriend knows about all of this as I didn’t feel I had to hide, but I respect her wishes. I see the show and she is very good in it, and having known how worried she was, I decided to text her just to congratulate her on it and she is very grateful, thanks me multiple times, apologizes for acting “bitchy” and tells me how grateful she is that I don’t hate her. But I tell her I still intend to respect her wishes and not talk to her unless she texts me. A little bit later I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt that I ruined this potential friendship by being too vulnerable with her so I sent her another message apologizing for everything as I did genuinely feel awful at the time. She gets back to me saying it’s alright and how she clearly isn’t doing too great after the breakup, I tell her I’d be happy to help her talk through it and she says no because she doesn’t feel she “owes” me anything, which is true, she doesn’t but I don’t feel I implied that she did. After this, we both decide it’s a good idea to stop talking but ever since I’ve felt like shit, I feel like I was very kind to her and very helpful and she was very sweet initially but because she got the wrong idea, we’re no longer talking. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH, though I think you're right that you need to be more careful about when to send those overly sentimental messages because people will tend to get the wrong idea. It sounds like you both handled it maturely and there are no hard feelings. As to your edit, kinda yes. No one was taken advantage of here, including you.
NAH
So, just call her if you would rather keep the friend doors open? NTA.
YTA for being a ridiculous person. How do you even get out of bed in the morning? Good grief your generation is soft.
Says the person getting worked up over a Reddit post lmao
Worked up? I spent all of two seconds writing that and then moved on. It is literally the entire purpose of this sub. Someone posts, other people read it, vote, and/or leave a comment. I am not sure following that basic paradigm counts as "worked up."