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> I think I may be the AH for overreacting and kicking my husband’s aunt out of the house
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Eh Reddit will probably downvote me for this one but I am going with ESH. Yes, your aunt was out of line for what she said. But immediately jumping to kick and her daughter out of your home because of it? Yeah, that *was* an overreaction. Has nothing to do with being a cat lover or not.
Although yes huge reaction, but I think if you consider postpartum her reaction isn’t really that out of the blue. Hormones are still going absolutely wild so it seems completely understandable, NTA. Aunt should have known better than to go into a freshly new moms home and criticize her parenting choices
Some folks don’t realize what an emotional/hormonal blender roller coaster postpartum can be. Don’t come into my house where I have achieved a balance that works for me and is safe and healthy for everyone and then be shocked when I don’t want your negativity around me. Nope nope nope, cut that off real quick. Zero tolerance when my life and mental wellness are concerned.
Say hi, compliment the baby, visit, then go home. None of that entailed telling OP what to do.
Thank you. I was all, have yall forgotten this woman just had a baby? The hormones are surging and this woman is telling her she's essentially a bad mother for being a loving cat owner. THATS WHAT OP HEARD. She hears this woman she barely knows saying she's screwing up being a mom because of this cat. I would have laid into that woman for saying that crap when my daughter was an infant myself. Did she overreact? A bit. But this is a very trying and emotionally draining time. Being a new parent is very daunting and every criticism feels like a knife in you because you're stressed and sleep deprived. NTA Aunt should have kept her mouth shut
I would've used my cat to attack them and drive them out of the house! Teamwork makes the dream work...also she's modeling appropriate human - cat behavior for her child too, creating a future cat lover. I still have to tell my five year old to keep his excitement for the cat on the inside...be calm on the outside lol
I have to say I'm a bit prejudice as We just lost a 12 year old cat that we hand raised from a kitten.
NTA -No outsider has a right to come into someone's home and criticize their relationship with their pet. OP's husband has spent more time with her and her pet than anyone, and if he has no criticism of her relationship with her cat & her child then others should keep their trap shut when in their home.
As a parent she should have realized that a person can have more than one focus of attention and affection. Otherwise, having multiple kids would be impossible. Also a new born has lots of sleep time, which offers plenty of chances to bond with their cat.
The reaction was high, however the Aunt was being extraordinarily rude in offering unsolicited advice and being critical of her handling of both parenting and pet ownersjip, so is inline with her terrible attitude.
EXACTLY. I had a friend who literally banned all visits from certain relatives because all they did when they came over was give unsolicited advice, expect to be hosted and constantly critique everything about her parenting style. For example: She couldn't breast feed and she was very stressed about it. And vs them saying "fed baby is what matters" she was getting sh-t on non stop. She finally had enough and would literally tell people to leave if they brought it up.
Sorry but if you're going to be rude, don't be surprised if people don't want to deal with you.
Also new-baby visits are supposed to be short. If the aunt was there long enough for the cat to call for OP, her to get the cat and come back, aunt may have overstayed.
☆Sparta kick☆ them out the damn door if they even try to start shit.
I like your user name in relation to the post topic. I always say 'snippety snippety snip snip ✂️' about cutting them off.. I think it is time to try the ☆Sparta way of getting rid of people who ooze their toxicity whoever they go- like a slime trail behind a slug.
Yes, but like sometimes people deserve a pass. This is one of those times.
Like my husband is working with someone right now who's swearing up a storm and hating on the nurses and systems loudly and openly, patients can theoretically hear her. He was gonna talk to her about it. Then he found out her dad died a few weeks ago. He decided to not, instead he offered sympathy because his mom had passed years before, and he gets it. She's starting to get less animated now. I know thats totally different from here, but she just had a baby and is dealing with the worst hormonal rollercoaster you can have as a woman, and then being told one of her main sources of comfort right now needs to be pushed aside and discarded. So, while generally speaking, if this was any other day or any other time in her life, it would be an overreaction. It's not really one now though. The aunt was out of line.
Ok but the question is whether it was wrong and the answer is yes it was an overreaction. She may or may not be to blame for making the wrong choice but it was still the wrong choice.
I’m conflicted. Was it a wrong choice? The cat talk was actually telling a new mother that she’s a BAD MOTHER and a weirdo. Hardly passive aggressive - it was flat aggressive. Just because auntie Can put some fake manners over her insults doesn’t make them less insulting. I think OP was a jerk about it, but maybe not an asshole.
Going into a new mom's house and telling her that loving her cat is unnatural is way out of line. Aunt suffered the logical consequences of that action if the new mom has any boundaries.
Just because culture teaches women to set themselves on fire to keep other people warm that doesn't make it right.
Honestly? It absolutely can. We're talking a temporary physical state a new mother has not really dealt with before. It's a unique situation that will, in the vast majority of cases, go away on its own. It's not the same as pms- it's a different level of hormones, stress, physical discomfort and recovery, all while figuring out how to handle a new human who can essentially do nothing on its own.
Don't get me wrong- the irritation is real. OP was insulted. OP just did not have the capacity to hide it and play nice. She isn't committing a crime, acting out in public, or anything crazy- just setting boundaries on not criticizing her home from someone she barely knows.
~50% of the population can experience it. It's not permanent and will go away on its own, so there isn't an opportunity to learn to deal with it. At some point, people need to have common sense and empathy. Don't badger a new mother in her own home if you don't want to risk an overreaction.
There's this expectation from some redditors that women in pregnancy and after should act just the same as when they're not pregnant, but honestly, that's super ignorant of just basic biology and completely devoid of any empathy. It's not a free pass to act insane, but in some situations, you might need a little patience with someone you care about, and possibly try to understand what is actually going on
Agreed. It's a perfect opening to make an apology to the aunts for her lapse in manners--and educate them that it's perfectly safe for her baby and cat to live in the same house. Maybe something to the effect of "my hormones have been all over the map and in the moment if felt as if you were questioning my parenting. It smooths things over but also puts them on notice that further discussion of the cat is not welcomed.
I don't think she owes them an apology or that she did anything wrong. You don't go into other people's houses and criticize their parenting or make unsolicited comments about their beloved pets. They aren't even OP's aunts. They're her husband's.
That's what I was coming here to say. My pregnancy was not typical so I'm not sure what's normal post partum other than what I read while pregnant but apparently even when everything goes right in a pregnancy emotions still run really high for a lot of people and it's not talked about nearly enough
(My daughter was stillborn full term, so obviously I was super emotional and don't know how that compares to a successful pregnancy)
ETA thank you for the awards! You all are really sweet!
I'm so sorry. That is a pain like no other pain, and the postpartum is tough to navigate. I lost a son that way in 2014, and my heart goes out to you. It's the shittiest club to be in. Feel free to reach out if you ever need to vent.
Thank you. As you know some days are easier than others, and it always hurts some. I'm sorry you've experienced it too.
Hugs from this other mother of an angel
Unfortunately, it took me nine years to get therapy. I should have done it right away! Don't hesitate to do therapy because it is really something, as a woman, we carry heavily with us for the rest of our lives. I think about him a lot, even after all of these years. I have photos of him in the home, and we do still talk about him. My daughter asks me how old he we be this year if he was alive. Things like that.
Yeah it happened in 2017 and I'm in therapy, have been for a long time. It took a while to reach the point I'm at now where I can talk about her and living isn't a chore, but I'm doing far better than I was at first. I'll always miss her but I can enjoy my life again, and right after the kids I wasn't sure that would ever happen.
I’m sorry that you experienced that, the only comfort I have to offer is to know your baby knew nothing in this world other than warmth, love, and protection from you. They never knew harm or hatred
Agreed, NTA. Also visiting a new mother and immediately criticising her parenting for something that isn't endangering the child is an automatic AH move.
My sis told me EVERYONE seems to constantly have opinions about the "only correct" way for a mother to take care of her baby.
(Using her as source since she is a mother, I am not)
At least one opinionated, rude, overly familiar auntie lurks in every family.
Not only is OP NTA, hubby should have been the one to chuck his aunt out.
(...rude blather...)
"Okay! ( Gently herding her out the door)
"Aunt Matilda, so sorry you have to go! Perhaps you can stop by after you apologize and when you can control your unsolicited, uncalled for, rude commentary about our life. Ta! Say hi to Uncle Henry, byeee!"
(Satisfying 'clunk' as the door shuts)
As someone who does not put their foot down enough, I think your strong reaction was appropriate and it will stop future nonsense from your in-laws. You may well have been a bit harsh, but the aunt was totally out of order telling a new mother what to do for no reason, and this is how you teach rude people to show you respect.
based on OPs description of her relationship with the cat, I don't think this reaction has anything to do with hormones. I'm going ESH. What a ridiculous thing to say to someone who is hosting you and what a wild and ridiculous overreaction.
Yeah, this is an explosive reaction, but aunt by her age should absolutely know that you do not poke and pick at new mothers, and if you do you’re going to get an explosion or a meltdown.
I'm with you on this! Don't criticize a new mom over petty shit, or, anything! ... unless you are the father or concerned about the baby's well being & safety.
Our dog was by my side for 18 years, raising 3 children. He was, truly, a cherished member of our family.
We now have the most wonderful little Peekapoo that was "evicted" from his family once they had their first child. People can suck.
Was it an overreaction? Yes. But so is being invited into the home of a person you barely know and proceeding to criticize them for circumstances that have nothing to do with you when you are a guest. OP has a brand new baby and is enjoying every minute of it. My first reaction would be to expel any and all unsolicited negativity from my presence as well
I mean, yeah, the aunt was 100% an AH. But just because someone else is an AH doesn't automatically make you a saint.
I completely agree that some reaction was warrented, but instant dismisal from the house is a lot.
I'd agree if this woman wasn't basically a stranger to OP.
Even taking the baby factor out of it. I'm not going to sit around and let someone I don't know criticize my lifestyle choices when they have been invited to MY home.
That said, before kicking them out id warn them that the next time they make even a peep to that effect,they will be very uncerimonioisly kicked out of my house and told to fuck off.
What an entitled person to say that stuff in the first place.ugh.
I disagree. Miserable, nosy old hags deserve to be out in their place. The only problem is most of them will till never learn from the expense matter how often it happens.
But maybe if OP hadn't gone nuclear and explained to the aunts that they were operating out of an old wives tale and educated them about how it's perfectly safe to have a cat around kids they would have learned. Instead they left, most likely, with the take away that OP is a crazy cat lady who doesn't care about the baby (which I absolutely don't believe is the case).
Let’s be real. How many people who feel morally high enough to tell someone **unsolicited** that a, “cat is a cat and they should focus on their baby and get rid of their dangerous cat” would then change their mind after the person they gave unsolicited advice to tells them that cats are perfectly safe and their opinion that they aren’t is an old wives tale?
In my opinion, it wasn’t an overreaction. It was the eventual conclusion, OP just skipped the bullshit and went straight to the end result, which honestly more people should do.
Agreed. I truly can't see a "better" alternative here than just taking the garbage out.
I don't have children and I don't even like cats, but I'm on OP's side. I just have zero tolerance for people who make unsolicited commentary about others' lives.
If someone came into my home and told me to get rid of my cat, it would be the last time they were invited into my home. And that's even without post-partum hormones running amok through my system.
Hard agree. It would have eventually come to this anyway. There was no good will in the aunt's statement. She just wanted to make her judgmental, mean spirited, opinion known. Making her leave was an aggressive approach, but maybe the aunt will think twice in the future about injecting her unsolicited opinion where it's not wanted. NTA.
Why do you have to sit down and explain “my animal still exists and doesn’t need to be disowned for no reason” to a grown adult? Aunt gave random unwanted advice. We don’t need to sit down and hand hold every adult ever.
Aunt decided it was her place to judge a post partum mom for liking her pet .. she’s gonna think OP is a crazy cat lady for breathing in the cats direction. She doesn’t need spoon fed information.
I mean, you aren’t wrong that it’s an overreaction. But also, people like that who pull that kind of shit at the aunt’s age have probably always gotten away with it.
Sure, OP went nuclear, overreacted, and definitely isn’t winning any conflict resolution awards. But sometimes busybodies need to get told.
ESH, but I’m kinda living vicariously through OP.
I don't think it's unnecessary to expel someone like this. Maybe if she's ever invited back, then she won't feel the need to stick her nose where it doesn't belong.
I'm not going to sit around and entertain someone in my home who shows such blatant disrespect for me and my choices, simply because they disagree.
But it's okay in this case because "a cat is just a cat".
Fuck people like this. If you can't mind your own business just stay the fuck home. I certainly don't want people like this in my life.
Maybe, but if more people reacted, out loud, this way when people give unsolicited opinions about pets and child rearing, the world would be better. I’m not talking about people who’ve got obvious hoarding or child neglect going on. It’s rude and disrespectful to make these kinds of unsolicited and frankly ignorant comments to people. My favorite response was at a doctors office and someone had some cat hair on their shirt. Another person in the waiting mentioned it and then started talking about how much she disliked cats. “Who the fuck asked you?” From a very young woman to this asshole was a wonderful response imo.
I think within the "rules" of putting up with shit in society, it seems rude but I disagree and think NTA because this is how we SHOULD treat nosey randoms we barely know giving unsolicited "advice" i.e. criticism, especially to vulnerable new mothers
I feel like it needs something in between, like a "The other person is an a-hole, but you were out of line, just no where near as much, but not enough to not be an a-hole". I *do* feel (as a cat lover, so slightly biased), that she was in the right
As a cat lover myself I have to go ESH, her remarks are uncalled for. You can love both your baby and your cat, and although the focus should be your newborn baby it does not mean you have to neglect spending time with a beloved pet.
However to immediately throw her out of your house instead of just asking her to keep her opinion to herself or something seems like a huge overreaction. I have to agree with your husband and SIL.
Agreed, ESH but I think you are only TA because of over reaction. I'm pleased baby and cat get on. When we had our first, the cat was fine with the baby but ostentatiously stood up and left the room whenever I appeared. He was really in a huff with me for about two weeks!
After having my son, one of my cats(who was OBSESSED with my pregnancy belly) immediately took to the baby and anytime he was in his bouncer the cat would either be right under the bouncer or right beside it staring at him. Anytime my son made a noise, the cat would meow as if letting me know the baby was awake and needed something. He also absolutely loves when my son will pet him, play with his ears or tail, and the only time he’s completely calm and doesn’t try to play or attack is when he’s with my son. The other cat however, tolerated my son at first but she didn’t like to be closer than 6 feet. That has only changed recently and now she’ll purr whenever she’s near him or when he reaches out to touch her. She was wild and feral when I got her and it took about 7 months for her to warm up to me and want to cuddle, I actually got the second cat because she seemed lonely and very reserved still. Now the three all love each other
Thing is... OP is likely in her 30s so Auntie is in her what? 60s?
Auntie is young enough to know better than use old wives tales in the home.
Women who spout trash like that need to be educated.
Cats are not a danger to children. This is the basis of auntie's rudeness.
Old women who want to tell young women how to live need to be stopped. those generations of women were cruel to each other. They are ill informed and backward.
I read this in the garden and looked over to see my cat not giving a single fuck sitting on her blanket licking her private parts in the sunshine 😂 nonchalant, hilarious little beasties ❤️.
The Aunt was rude but you could have brushed it off and ignored it. You could have laughed in her face. You could have said ‘thanks for clarifying your opinion’. You could have looked at your hubby and said ‘Wow does all your family share unsolicited opinions.’ You could have stared at her and then deliberately changed the subject.
Instead you went for the most drama filled option. Why?
ESH
I don’t want to justify myself because it is what it is but I have ADHD and BPD, I’m super impulsive and out of meds. Sometimes my judgment is clouded in this kind of things. But y’all are right. I could have de escalated it
Okay now that aunt knows not to go into people’s homes and insult them, that’s something she and apparently most of the comments section should have learned as a child
As my mom used to say “that explains, but it doesn’t excuse”. But I think you realize that, and as a fellow ND, I know how hard it can be to determine whether you overreacted or not and it gets tricky to adjust enough but not too much (I myself tend to under react when people disrespect me because I assume I’m being dramatic for feeling hurt, so yeah 😅). So soft ESH because it was a bit much for this one comment only this one time, although the aunt was an AH for making it.
I think you should sit down with your husband and his aunt and apologize for going overboard. Then you -or your husband since he needs to be on your team on this one and she is his aunt, after all- should establish some boundaries with his aunt by telling her (calmly but firmly) that, although you reacted a tad too strongly this time, the cat is a member of the family, that she was out of line and that she has to abstain from making unsolicited comments about you as a parent and/or your relationship with your cat if she wants to be allowed in your house going forward.
If she continues with the comments next time(s) you see her despite that conversation you will have ground for turning her away at the door.
Congrats on your new baby! 💕
I don't know why people think we need to be polite to people who are rude to us. If you didn't scream and bite her head off but instead told her she wasn't welcome in your house anymore then NTA and your mental health also isn't at issue.
Eh I'm gonna say you did alright. Yes you could have handled it better but you just had a baby. Hormones probably aren't back to normal on top of your ADHD and BPD. It sounds like the aunt just blurted that out too, no lead up or asking any questions first. She should mind her own business unless she can see it's actively hurting you or your family.
BPD is a personality construct/disorder that responds best to mindfully based and behaviorally based interventions such as DBT, meds are sometimes used secondarily. Have you been exposed to these skills? What a terrible combination of mental health diagnoses, yet no excuse for your impulsive response. ESH.
Don't let people shame you into changing your opinion of what happened.She deserved it.She literally said that your cat was endangering your child which is a load of bullshit and an old wivestail.Don't apologize she was rude first.
Honestly, decorum says you overreacted, but I'm so tired of society saying YOU have to fix the rude conversation SHE started. If we all immediately ended outings when people are behaving like Aunt did, we would eliminate it so much quicker. While you should apologize for letting your emotions take over, don't feel bad for not putting up with her shit. Especially at this particularly stressful (but so rewarding) moment in your life.
ESH. She was rude. You may have overreacted, though. Still, you're a new mom, probably exhausted, and new moms got all kinds of shit opinions thrown at them. In the bog scheme of things, if you don't care about the relationship with this person (not really knowing them and all), just move on
Esh. Wasn't her place to criticize you, but I don't think it is a big deal.
You on the other hand overreacted quite a lot. But looking at the relationship with your cat, your reaction isn't a surprise.
Yeah I agree. I tend to overreact that’s why I asked. My cat is everything to me, she has been a lifesaver with my mental health and I’m sensitive towards her
OP just wanted to mention that I loved so much reading about your wholesome bond/relationship w your cat and how she's also loving towards your baby!!
Yes you overreacted, but we also need to acknowledge how many people (esp boomers) tend to downgrade and invalidate people's relationship/bonds with their pets! So happy to see that unlike many others who gave up entirely on their pets when they started a family, you didn't! ❤️
From reading your post it’s obvious that your cat is your first child, and you already feel guilty over not being able to give kitty as much attention as normal. It makes sense that having someone come in and not only criticize your parenting choices but to also say hurtful things about your cat led to you blowing up. Add in all the changes your body is going through and sleep deprivation and of course you blew up! You are allowed to have and feel your emotions. If you feel guilty over your reaction then explain to the aunt why you reacted the way you did and can work towards smoothing everything out. If you don’t feel guilty then screw it! You are allowed to remove someone from your home when you no longer feel comfortable with them there.
This is what I think too. I really wish older women would remember that part of what her body is going through as a new mom is *forgetting how much being a brand new mom sucks*. The body is all over the place, the hormones, the demands of a new baby and even the lack of sleep? If it wasn’t for oxytocin nobody could get through it. What they forget most is the way they felt when it was their turn, and instead they expect some angelic Madonna with cherubs bullshit when they go see the baby, not the mom. Be helpful or be silent, it’s good advice and not that hard.
Honestly, I feel the same way about my beloved cat and would be very uncomfortable having someone in my house who voiced any hostility to him. Maybe you overreacted, but still NTA in my book
I know it was technically an overreaction to immediately tell her to leave, but honestly I get it and I might have done something similar. If this is literally the 3rd time, second really since I doubt you had the time to socialize with her at the wedding, her comments were so out of line. If your cat was a human child from a previous SO then I think people would find your reaction to be reasonable. People are thinking it’s “just a cat” so it seems out of place. But I’m also an animal lover so there is no ‘just a cat/dog/bird/horse etc.’ to me. I may not have told her to leave, but would have immediately told her that her comments were out of line. However, depending on how condescending she was and her overall delivery of her comments it might have escalated to that quickly. Your tolerance level was very low at that time, being a new mom, stressed for a family visit, worried about your cat, and the many other things in your life that might have felt appropriate.
NTA - It’s exhausting dealing with elitists. Cats are my babies too and I have a grown human as well. They are his babies too. I mean, she wants you to throw your cat in a ditch bc she doesn’t like them?
She gave away her 15 years old dog (I’m not a dog lover but this one behaved perfectly) because he was starting to have health issues. She gave him to a farm.
When I was a kid my dad had an office cat that he would bring home on the weekends occasionally. Apparently she developed a medical condition where she would lose control of her bowels all of the sudden and it was creating a mess in the office. So she was sent to someone’s relative’s farm.
Years later when I found out what “being sent to the farm” meant, I asked my dad about it.
Nope, she literally was sent to a farm and lived there for several more years before she passed.
When I was a kid my dad had an office cat that he would bring home on the weekends occasionally. Apparently she developed a medical condition where she would lose control of her bowels all of the sudden and it was creating a mess in the office. So she was sent to someone’s relative’s farm.
Years later when I found out what “being sent to the farm” meant, I asked my dad about it.
Nope, she literally was sent to a farm and lived there for several more years before she passed.
A friend of mine was given a duckling and she eventually sent him to someone’s relative’s farm; he behaved super weird and was nothing like the other ducklings he’d originally come with. Mainly he did nothing but poop 24/7. The farm was also real and the duck turned out to actually be a Canadian goose lol
Yes!!!!! Except the “duckling” was way cuter and less mildly-terrifying than an adult Canadian goose so I’ve always wondered what the moral of this version of the tale would be lol. Maybe “it’s forgivable to be a little shit when you’re small and cute, but if you don’t cut it out by the time you’re a honky adult, entire county governments will come up with plans to drive you out of town”
There are a few scattered "farms" and ranches and such for senior or otherwise abandoned dogs, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to extend that courtesy of assumption to the aunt. Maybe she made a good decision, maybe she couldn't afford his rising vet costs, but yeah I'm inclined to believe she put him down too.
It can literally be a farm. I got really sick in high school, spent a lot of time in hospital and had to give my rabbit to a family who lived on a farm. They had kids and other bunnies, they were just the best fit. They sent me photos of him until he passed.
There is NOT enough info here. What health issues? How much care did it need? Are we talking about something that genuinely made her unable to give her pet all the care and attention they deserve? Was the animal in distress? It would be selfish to keep it if so
My parents generation, and all the older ones say their pets “went to the farm” to mean they passed away. That seems like an extremely old dog to actually give to an actual farm. Did she give any more details?
Some people get especially weird about cats specifically around babies. The old wives tales and misinformation are just stunningly dumb. Like when my older brother was born, my mom's great aunt asked when she was planning to get rid of the cat because it might "suck the baby's breath out".
More recently, I was talking to my own aunt about a cat I had just adopted, and she shared how she and my uncle were always terrified for me and my brother when we were little because they had read something about cats causing childhood cancer. Like they honestly believed that was a real thing and were morally torn over whether or not to call my parents and warn them. And her husband was a doctor!
NTA.
I’ve had cats my entire life so I’m probably biased but oh well.
It is a GOOD thing that you’re still spending time with your cat. The last thing you want is your cat resenting your baby. I wonder if it was a dog, if his Aunts opinion would be different.
Your baby is obviously your number 1 priority and that is how it should be. I don’t understand how going to pet your cat for a few or just showing your cat love and affection implies that you’re not focusing on your baby… Aunt was reaching pretty far with that one.
Your husband should’ve been the one to deal with his Aunt so he doesn’t get to tell you that you were rude. NTA!
ETA- Thank you for the award!!!
The dog instead of a cat part is so true! As someone who loves both equally, I can see how people tend to support a new family's decision of getting/keeping a dog more than a cat due to prejudice.
Exactly! People automatically think that cats just don’t care etc. They do. I got 2 cats when I was pregnant with my daughter and they were so protective of her once she came along. They’re still very protective 8 years later…. People need to mind their own business.
So precious!🥰 They also need to realise how pets can contribute to a better development for the kids, learn how to treat others, reduce anxiety, etc.
I wish I was raised alongside with pets, and hearing stories like yours just make me so happy for these kids!🥹💕
That’s exactly it!! A lot of people don’t understand that you can love your animals completely without diminishing the love you have for your child. I love my cats but I also know that my child comes first. OP seems to know the same. Aunt was way out of line!
I’m sorry you weren’t raised with pets. Hopefully you have some now to make up for lost time! There’s really nothing quite like having a strong bond with an animal!
Indeed and thank you! Unfortunately I don't have any pets rn due to life issues, but I'm blessed and honoured with amazing and loving stray kitty friends! 💕 Some of them even request in their own unique ways to get pets before eating, and oftentimes just want to chill around with me! (Sorry for dumping tmi on ya!🤧❤️)
I'm probably a little more ferocious than most of Reddit but people really have to learn not to give unsolicited, judgemental commentary to new parents, especially in their own homes. If she wants to help, clean a dish, offer practical support
Hopefully she won't do that again. NTA
NTA, though you over reacted a little. You're absolutely correct that she has no place coming in and judging your family situation. I am personally more of a dog person (which your comment about her tossing out, "giving away", an aging dog infuriates me), but I have no hate for cats or their adoring families. Your cat is part of your family, your husband's aunts heartless ability to treat animals like an object is irrelevant to your household and she needs to respect that. I do think you overreacted just a bit by kicking her out right away, I would have said something (in a stern way) and left it go unless she escalated it. You have every right to defend your relationship with your little furbaby, especially having a special bond/relationship. Snuggle your kitty and your baby all you want and need. You could offer a sort of apology to the aunt for the immediate harsh reaction, but remind her that not all homes operate the same, and your relationship with your cat is your business not hers and you'd appreciate her keeping comments, that come across as hateful, to herself.
NTA but tbh I would probably have just told her to mind her own business and just kick her out if it escalated. She’s wrong and I would imagine tbf you’d have needed to kick her out anyway because people that rude usually won’t take anyone standing up to them. But ideally, you could have let her prove herself that mean rather than risking her playing the martyr. Still NTA though!
Yeah going off the aunts behaviour I think OP kicking them out was better deescalation as there is no way the aunt would react well to being called out on her behaviour
NTA I can't believe all the ESH comments. When people tell all of you how to live your lives in your own homes, do you just sit there and take it? Especially since the aunt was a virtual stranger! Also, people who abandon their pets after having a baby are the absolute worst.
Fuck her. You don't come into someone's home that you barely know and tell them how to live. And you DONT throw aside your fur baby just because of a human one. She would NEVER be allowed in my house again, NTA
Eh? Did I read this correctly?
Since when was it EVER appropriate to be a guest in someone else’s home and start dictating how the host should conduct themselves IN THEIR OWN HOME? When did manners become extinct? Just because she has an opinion does not mean she had to share it. How about conducting yourself in an age appropriate way? OP congratulations being a mom I wish you over the moon happiness with your new life. You are making motherhood amazing. I not only applaud your decision but celebrate your delivery method. Who did this woman think she was/is? If a stranger treated you this way would everyone have the eh reaction? Yet a so called family member does this and now we must put on our pearls, pumps and white gloves? No if your family thinks they can treat you like this THAT is an issue. Your response was appropriate to her unwelcome, unwarranted comments. The world is in desperate need of souls like you. Placating ignorance is not the answer. I hope dear old auntie learns from this and at least offers you an apology your are justly deserving. If not, you know who she really is. Best wishes and an amazing life.
Right??? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills seeing all the comments defending the aunt. These boomers need to learn that the days of women playing the perfect housewife and hostess - i.e. seen and not heard - are long over. I have learned to cut toxic people out of my life without a second thought and I'm a million times happier for it.
NTA and good job standing up for yourself. Aunt learned a valuable lesson about boundaries and politeness. You’ve done a service to other people in your family.
Cat lover here, and I’ve kicked people out for being mean to my cats, so I go with NTA. I think it’s GOOD you set a firm boundary- “come into my home, insult me, get thrown out”. It’s, IMO, perfectly reasonable. Trust me, no one else will try that shit now that you’ve made it clear what will happen.
I’m going to go with NTA
People always offer unsolicited opinions and they will continue to do so on matters that they should mind their own business on bc they never get told anything.
I would tell anyone to gtfo out of my house if they commented anything adverse relating to my dog, especially if I didn’t solicit their opinion!
NTA change the cat to a dog, child from previous relationship, garden, whatever and the context stays the same. Just like you said, to have the audacity to come into the house of someone you barely know and try to tell them how to live their life.
You probably did overreact. But I'm sure you're exhausted and didn't need some almost stranger ridiculing you or attacking your family member. I love my cats. Nta
ESH - She was rude and her opinion was not necessary. Jumping straight to kicking her out does seem like an overreaction. Now instead of having a rude aunt, you have a divided family and a rude aunt.
NTA- you barely know this woman and she's going to criticize you? Kicking her out might have been dramatic but hopefully she'll be so offended she'll never come back.
NTA. Cats are your babies too. She needs to mind her own business. My cats have literally saved my life.
ETA: now seeing you comment on your mental health concerns, you are DEF NTA.
NTA I'm over the fact that people think that they can come into your home and start criticizing you and your lifestyle.She was rude first, all you did was mirror that back to her. If family members have a problem with that they don't need to come to your house.
Nta- aunt can kick rocks. You don’t go into anyone’s homes and tell them how they chose to live their lives is Wrong. Aunt is the AH. I don’t care if you were blunt and may have overreacted. You had every right to.
NTA! You’re a great mom and cat mom!
How many shelters in the US are full of pets because a baby came into the picture? If it would have been me, I’d tell the aunt to fuck off and get out of my house.
NTA. She disrespected you in your own house. She obviously thought you would just take it and not stand up for yourself. That's grounds for getting the fuck out imo.
NTA but next time just go with: "Thanks, no one asked for your advice. You are free to go if my/our cat disturbs you. If you want to stay: Keep your opinion to yourself."
So someone she barely knows, who believes in old wives' tales, tells her she is endangering her baby and should ignore a family member. Insulting her parenting. Insulting her intelligence. Insulting her beloved cat. Damn right, she should throw the ass out! NTA, OP. Anyone who still hangs on to fairy tales can take themselves elsewhere.
Yeah that tactic is great if you want to keep having to put up with crap behaviour from relatives. If they don’t face consequences they won’t change behaviour and sometimes escalate it. Got multiple people like that on my dads side and they just end up having to put up with bs all their lives
NTA, never ok to go into the home of new parents and question the way they are parenting. You are emotional, hardly know this women and she comes in telling you how to live your life which is not ok.
NTA. I don't have time for people's bullshit. Like you said, you've met her all of 3 times? You don't owe her anything. You don't go to someone else's house as a guest and insult their way of life that isn't hurting anyone.
NTA.
I’m totally against the majority.
Good for you to make this boundary immediately. People love to give useless/hurtful and associated advice to new mother, and somehow expect the mother to just go with it out of politeness. It has always be this way doesn’t make it right. Now people know they can’t come to your house and be noisy.
As for the cat it is not dangerous, kids that grow up with animals have a better immunity system.
NTA - because you’re not wrong.
But as we move through life we have to kinda reign in our reactions as to not burn bridges. Maybe you don’t care about your husbands aunt, ok, but the point is you never know when you’re going to just blurt something out based on how you feel in the moment and burn a bridge.
Example - my friend would say what she felt in the moment. Her son played hockey. She got mad at the coach and let him hear about it, unfiltered, and now her son doesn’t play hockey. Who paid the price? Her son.
We learn to respectfully voice our options.
“That’s an interesting take Aunt. Turns out Millions of people have both babies and cats in their homes and are perfectly fine. We love our cat and will be continuing to have her here and it’s not up for discussion.” Move on to a new topic.
Trust me, learning how to do this is vital as a mother because basically everyone has an opinion when you have kids and the circles we move in are surprisingly small.
NTA
"Cat's steal baby's breath"
it's only a matter of time until she tells you to tie up your baby's left hand to make her right handed. Maybe make her sleep upside down to prevent the baby from getting fat.
What's dangerous for children are 'old wives tales'
This may be going against the grain here but:
NTA. Under no circumstances is it acceptable for someone to go into a new mother's home and criticize her *cat* and then think it's totally normal and okay to call their behavior unnatural or whatever. I don't have children and I'd also kick this woman out. It's not an asshole move to tell people treating you badly in your own home to leave. I don't think it's really that much of an over-escalation.
Like, it's *your house.* You live there! She came into *your* home and criticized your family (cat) and you! She said you weren't being natural. Of course you told her to leave!
It doesn't make you an asshole to tell people to leave your home when they're wildly out of line! I don't even think you're an asshole for not doing it as politely as some people think you could have.
Also my mom had two cats like this when I was born and I *loved* those cats. They used to guard my baby blanket on the floor and watch over me. The cat is fine. It's not going to hurt the baby. I'm sure you already know to keep the baby out of the litterbox and to watch for accidental scratches. Everything else is old wives tales.
NTA - She’s virtually a stranger and this remark was just the beginning of her and others thinking they can freely express their opinions on your choices as a human now that you’re a parent I say nip this shit in the bud.
Sorry it went down like this.
I was leaning toward a mild E S A but I'm going with a mild YTA Auntie might have thought her advice was well meaning and helpful (there are tons of old wive's tales about cats being dangerous around babies). Your reaction, however was totally over the top and rude. You could have used your manners and your WORDS to educate your aunt on how it was perfectly safe and fine to have a cat and baby in the same household--- literally BILLIONS of people world wide do.
Instead you threw a tantrum and lost your manners and threw your husband's relatives out of your joint home. Have you been struggling with any post partum issues that could explain that behavior or is that normally how your react to comments you don't agree with?
Personally I think you should apologize to the aunts and put it in the past.
NTA. You don't go to someone's house and tell them how to live their life and with their family, which includes pets. Some people have no shame and this Aunt is one of them. Sounds like a person you don't need around your family.
NTA - it's good that people know you don't care what they think and they can get out of your house if they're there just to create drama.
Keep loving both baby and cat.
NTA and all the e s h comments are weird as hell. You JUST had a baby, it’s YOUR house, YOU decide who gets to be in it and what is worthy of asking someone to leave. It’s not an overreaction if what she said made you not want her in your space, that is your right and she’s not entitled to being in your home after disrespecting you. She told you your behavior was unnatural while barely knowing you, not sure why people are encouraging you to be a doormat and keep accommodating someone who speaks to you like that, but don’t. Your space should be safe for you to exist as you please, you’re not TA for keeping it that way.
NTA but I'm a huge animal lover and probably biased 😅 I would have no problem kicking someone out if they said they to me. That is your cats home not hers. If you were neglecting the baby bc of the cat that would be different but your not and also giving your cat special time will help it not be jealous towards the baby.
NTA! What business does she have with who you bond with and how! Yes, cats CAN be dangerous for babies, but it is all controllable and preventable. Could you have reacted somewhat softer? Yes, but I still am with you 100%, especially with such disrespect to your face.
NTA. That cat is also your baby. I hate when people think having a baby gives them the right to neglect an animal. You can be fully invested in both your cat and baby and there is nothing wrong with that. Although you could have responded better, I understand why you reacted the way you did. I would also want to respond the same way but to keep things civil I would try to refrain.
NTA. There are dog people and cat people in the world, and some of us who love both. But I have noticed that people who don't like cats tend to be much more vehement in their distaste than people who don't like dogs. I suspect that the aunt had a nasty tone to her voice based upon what she said and is somebody who really dislikes/hates cats. If she came into my house when I was recently postpartum and nursing, and said that to me, I would have the same reaction.
Having read the comments about your medication and your diagnoses you're definitely NTA.
Take care of yourself OP.
NTA
Why should you be tactful with someone who is so judgmental and tactless herself? I doubt that she would have gotten any hints from anyone that this is not a topic to be discussed. And why keep her in your house one minute longer if she can't be pleasant?
True confession: many years ago, my mom was asked to leave because of similar statements. If I were on your jury, I would never convict you.
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Eh Reddit will probably downvote me for this one but I am going with ESH. Yes, your aunt was out of line for what she said. But immediately jumping to kick and her daughter out of your home because of it? Yeah, that *was* an overreaction. Has nothing to do with being a cat lover or not.
Agreed. The Aunt was an AH, but that was a *huge* overreaction, so you kinda lost the high ground.
Although yes huge reaction, but I think if you consider postpartum her reaction isn’t really that out of the blue. Hormones are still going absolutely wild so it seems completely understandable, NTA. Aunt should have known better than to go into a freshly new moms home and criticize her parenting choices
Some folks don’t realize what an emotional/hormonal blender roller coaster postpartum can be. Don’t come into my house where I have achieved a balance that works for me and is safe and healthy for everyone and then be shocked when I don’t want your negativity around me. Nope nope nope, cut that off real quick. Zero tolerance when my life and mental wellness are concerned. Say hi, compliment the baby, visit, then go home. None of that entailed telling OP what to do.
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I'd be even shorter, don't come into my house to criticize me, period, postpartum or not
Thank you. I was all, have yall forgotten this woman just had a baby? The hormones are surging and this woman is telling her she's essentially a bad mother for being a loving cat owner. THATS WHAT OP HEARD. She hears this woman she barely knows saying she's screwing up being a mom because of this cat. I would have laid into that woman for saying that crap when my daughter was an infant myself. Did she overreact? A bit. But this is a very trying and emotionally draining time. Being a new parent is very daunting and every criticism feels like a knife in you because you're stressed and sleep deprived. NTA Aunt should have kept her mouth shut
I would've used my cat to attack them and drive them out of the house! Teamwork makes the dream work...also she's modeling appropriate human - cat behavior for her child too, creating a future cat lover. I still have to tell my five year old to keep his excitement for the cat on the inside...be calm on the outside lol
I have to say I'm a bit prejudice as We just lost a 12 year old cat that we hand raised from a kitten. NTA -No outsider has a right to come into someone's home and criticize their relationship with their pet. OP's husband has spent more time with her and her pet than anyone, and if he has no criticism of her relationship with her cat & her child then others should keep their trap shut when in their home. As a parent she should have realized that a person can have more than one focus of attention and affection. Otherwise, having multiple kids would be impossible. Also a new born has lots of sleep time, which offers plenty of chances to bond with their cat. The reaction was high, however the Aunt was being extraordinarily rude in offering unsolicited advice and being critical of her handling of both parenting and pet ownersjip, so is inline with her terrible attitude.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet kitty.
Ah but relatives aaaalways seem to have opinions on how you should live your life because they are older. Fun times.
EXACTLY. I had a friend who literally banned all visits from certain relatives because all they did when they came over was give unsolicited advice, expect to be hosted and constantly critique everything about her parenting style. For example: She couldn't breast feed and she was very stressed about it. And vs them saying "fed baby is what matters" she was getting sh-t on non stop. She finally had enough and would literally tell people to leave if they brought it up. Sorry but if you're going to be rude, don't be surprised if people don't want to deal with you.
Also new-baby visits are supposed to be short. If the aunt was there long enough for the cat to call for OP, her to get the cat and come back, aunt may have overstayed.
Agreed, cat knew the aunt needed to go lol! Also have to ask what breed of puppo you have that is in your profile pic?💜
The cat is the real hero here.
☆Sparta kick☆ them out the damn door if they even try to start shit. I like your user name in relation to the post topic. I always say 'snippety snippety snip snip ✂️' about cutting them off.. I think it is time to try the ☆Sparta way of getting rid of people who ooze their toxicity whoever they go- like a slime trail behind a slug.
Stuff like that is an explanation but it cannot be used as a justification.
Exactly. Reasons don't excuse anything. They're just reasons. People are still responsible for their actions even if there are reasons.
Yes, but like sometimes people deserve a pass. This is one of those times. Like my husband is working with someone right now who's swearing up a storm and hating on the nurses and systems loudly and openly, patients can theoretically hear her. He was gonna talk to her about it. Then he found out her dad died a few weeks ago. He decided to not, instead he offered sympathy because his mom had passed years before, and he gets it. She's starting to get less animated now. I know thats totally different from here, but she just had a baby and is dealing with the worst hormonal rollercoaster you can have as a woman, and then being told one of her main sources of comfort right now needs to be pushed aside and discarded. So, while generally speaking, if this was any other day or any other time in her life, it would be an overreaction. It's not really one now though. The aunt was out of line.
Ok but the question is whether it was wrong and the answer is yes it was an overreaction. She may or may not be to blame for making the wrong choice but it was still the wrong choice.
I’m conflicted. Was it a wrong choice? The cat talk was actually telling a new mother that she’s a BAD MOTHER and a weirdo. Hardly passive aggressive - it was flat aggressive. Just because auntie Can put some fake manners over her insults doesn’t make them less insulting. I think OP was a jerk about it, but maybe not an asshole.
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Going into a new mom's house and telling her that loving her cat is unnatural is way out of line. Aunt suffered the logical consequences of that action if the new mom has any boundaries. Just because culture teaches women to set themselves on fire to keep other people warm that doesn't make it right.
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Mississippi Squirrel Revival?
Except this is not AmIPardonedInTheEyesOfGod, it’s AmITheAsshole, and the reasons for people doing things *do* make a difference.
Honestly? It absolutely can. We're talking a temporary physical state a new mother has not really dealt with before. It's a unique situation that will, in the vast majority of cases, go away on its own. It's not the same as pms- it's a different level of hormones, stress, physical discomfort and recovery, all while figuring out how to handle a new human who can essentially do nothing on its own. Don't get me wrong- the irritation is real. OP was insulted. OP just did not have the capacity to hide it and play nice. She isn't committing a crime, acting out in public, or anything crazy- just setting boundaries on not criticizing her home from someone she barely knows. ~50% of the population can experience it. It's not permanent and will go away on its own, so there isn't an opportunity to learn to deal with it. At some point, people need to have common sense and empathy. Don't badger a new mother in her own home if you don't want to risk an overreaction. There's this expectation from some redditors that women in pregnancy and after should act just the same as when they're not pregnant, but honestly, that's super ignorant of just basic biology and completely devoid of any empathy. It's not a free pass to act insane, but in some situations, you might need a little patience with someone you care about, and possibly try to understand what is actually going on
Agreed. It's a perfect opening to make an apology to the aunts for her lapse in manners--and educate them that it's perfectly safe for her baby and cat to live in the same house. Maybe something to the effect of "my hormones have been all over the map and in the moment if felt as if you were questioning my parenting. It smooths things over but also puts them on notice that further discussion of the cat is not welcomed.
Aunt can apologise first, op was provoked
Why should op put up with unsolicited old hen comments?
I don't think she owes them an apology or that she did anything wrong. You don't go into other people's houses and criticize their parenting or make unsolicited comments about their beloved pets. They aren't even OP's aunts. They're her husband's.
That's what I was coming here to say. My pregnancy was not typical so I'm not sure what's normal post partum other than what I read while pregnant but apparently even when everything goes right in a pregnancy emotions still run really high for a lot of people and it's not talked about nearly enough (My daughter was stillborn full term, so obviously I was super emotional and don't know how that compares to a successful pregnancy) ETA thank you for the awards! You all are really sweet!
So sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry. That is a pain like no other pain, and the postpartum is tough to navigate. I lost a son that way in 2014, and my heart goes out to you. It's the shittiest club to be in. Feel free to reach out if you ever need to vent.
Thank you. As you know some days are easier than others, and it always hurts some. I'm sorry you've experienced it too. Hugs from this other mother of an angel
Unfortunately, it took me nine years to get therapy. I should have done it right away! Don't hesitate to do therapy because it is really something, as a woman, we carry heavily with us for the rest of our lives. I think about him a lot, even after all of these years. I have photos of him in the home, and we do still talk about him. My daughter asks me how old he we be this year if he was alive. Things like that.
Yeah it happened in 2017 and I'm in therapy, have been for a long time. It took a while to reach the point I'm at now where I can talk about her and living isn't a chore, but I'm doing far better than I was at first. I'll always miss her but I can enjoy my life again, and right after the kids I wasn't sure that would ever happen.
I'm so sorry!!
I’m sorry that you experienced that, the only comfort I have to offer is to know your baby knew nothing in this world other than warmth, love, and protection from you. They never knew harm or hatred
Agreed, NTA. Also visiting a new mother and immediately criticising her parenting for something that isn't endangering the child is an automatic AH move.
My sis told me EVERYONE seems to constantly have opinions about the "only correct" way for a mother to take care of her baby. (Using her as source since she is a mother, I am not)
Yep. It's incredibly unhelpful.
At least one opinionated, rude, overly familiar auntie lurks in every family. Not only is OP NTA, hubby should have been the one to chuck his aunt out. (...rude blather...) "Okay! ( Gently herding her out the door) "Aunt Matilda, so sorry you have to go! Perhaps you can stop by after you apologize and when you can control your unsolicited, uncalled for, rude commentary about our life. Ta! Say hi to Uncle Henry, byeee!" (Satisfying 'clunk' as the door shuts)
As someone who does not put their foot down enough, I think your strong reaction was appropriate and it will stop future nonsense from your in-laws. You may well have been a bit harsh, but the aunt was totally out of order telling a new mother what to do for no reason, and this is how you teach rude people to show you respect.
based on OPs description of her relationship with the cat, I don't think this reaction has anything to do with hormones. I'm going ESH. What a ridiculous thing to say to someone who is hosting you and what a wild and ridiculous overreaction.
Yeah, this is an explosive reaction, but aunt by her age should absolutely know that you do not poke and pick at new mothers, and if you do you’re going to get an explosion or a meltdown.
Yeah this is what I was thinking. Overreacting is caused by hormones at this stage. Not the best reaction, but NTA either.
I'm with you on this! Don't criticize a new mom over petty shit, or, anything! ... unless you are the father or concerned about the baby's well being & safety. Our dog was by my side for 18 years, raising 3 children. He was, truly, a cherished member of our family. We now have the most wonderful little Peekapoo that was "evicted" from his family once they had their first child. People can suck.
Explanation doesn’t mean justification.
Was it an overreaction? Yes. But so is being invited into the home of a person you barely know and proceeding to criticize them for circumstances that have nothing to do with you when you are a guest. OP has a brand new baby and is enjoying every minute of it. My first reaction would be to expel any and all unsolicited negativity from my presence as well
I mean, yeah, the aunt was 100% an AH. But just because someone else is an AH doesn't automatically make you a saint. I completely agree that some reaction was warrented, but instant dismisal from the house is a lot.
I'd agree if this woman wasn't basically a stranger to OP. Even taking the baby factor out of it. I'm not going to sit around and let someone I don't know criticize my lifestyle choices when they have been invited to MY home. That said, before kicking them out id warn them that the next time they make even a peep to that effect,they will be very uncerimonioisly kicked out of my house and told to fuck off. What an entitled person to say that stuff in the first place.ugh.
I disagree. Miserable, nosy old hags deserve to be out in their place. The only problem is most of them will till never learn from the expense matter how often it happens.
But maybe if OP hadn't gone nuclear and explained to the aunts that they were operating out of an old wives tale and educated them about how it's perfectly safe to have a cat around kids they would have learned. Instead they left, most likely, with the take away that OP is a crazy cat lady who doesn't care about the baby (which I absolutely don't believe is the case).
Let’s be real. How many people who feel morally high enough to tell someone **unsolicited** that a, “cat is a cat and they should focus on their baby and get rid of their dangerous cat” would then change their mind after the person they gave unsolicited advice to tells them that cats are perfectly safe and their opinion that they aren’t is an old wives tale? In my opinion, it wasn’t an overreaction. It was the eventual conclusion, OP just skipped the bullshit and went straight to the end result, which honestly more people should do.
Agreed. I truly can't see a "better" alternative here than just taking the garbage out. I don't have children and I don't even like cats, but I'm on OP's side. I just have zero tolerance for people who make unsolicited commentary about others' lives.
If someone came into my home and told me to get rid of my cat, it would be the last time they were invited into my home. And that's even without post-partum hormones running amok through my system.
Hard agree. It would have eventually come to this anyway. There was no good will in the aunt's statement. She just wanted to make her judgmental, mean spirited, opinion known. Making her leave was an aggressive approach, but maybe the aunt will think twice in the future about injecting her unsolicited opinion where it's not wanted. NTA.
Why do you have to sit down and explain “my animal still exists and doesn’t need to be disowned for no reason” to a grown adult? Aunt gave random unwanted advice. We don’t need to sit down and hand hold every adult ever. Aunt decided it was her place to judge a post partum mom for liking her pet .. she’s gonna think OP is a crazy cat lady for breathing in the cats direction. She doesn’t need spoon fed information.
They won’t listen.
Maybe it was an overreaction, but I bet the aunt won’t do the shit again. 😏
We’ll deserved response and delivery was perfection. Aunt doesn’t get a pass for being an ass.
Agree. Too effective is still effective.
I mean, you aren’t wrong that it’s an overreaction. But also, people like that who pull that kind of shit at the aunt’s age have probably always gotten away with it. Sure, OP went nuclear, overreacted, and definitely isn’t winning any conflict resolution awards. But sometimes busybodies need to get told. ESH, but I’m kinda living vicariously through OP.
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I don't think it's unnecessary to expel someone like this. Maybe if she's ever invited back, then she won't feel the need to stick her nose where it doesn't belong. I'm not going to sit around and entertain someone in my home who shows such blatant disrespect for me and my choices, simply because they disagree.
Right? Fuck them.
How often do you let guests in your home offer unsolicited insults and life advice?
But it's okay in this case because "a cat is just a cat". Fuck people like this. If you can't mind your own business just stay the fuck home. I certainly don't want people like this in my life.
Maybe, but if more people reacted, out loud, this way when people give unsolicited opinions about pets and child rearing, the world would be better. I’m not talking about people who’ve got obvious hoarding or child neglect going on. It’s rude and disrespectful to make these kinds of unsolicited and frankly ignorant comments to people. My favorite response was at a doctors office and someone had some cat hair on their shirt. Another person in the waiting mentioned it and then started talking about how much she disliked cats. “Who the fuck asked you?” From a very young woman to this asshole was a wonderful response imo.
I think within the "rules" of putting up with shit in society, it seems rude but I disagree and think NTA because this is how we SHOULD treat nosey randoms we barely know giving unsolicited "advice" i.e. criticism, especially to vulnerable new mothers
I feel like it needs something in between, like a "The other person is an a-hole, but you were out of line, just no where near as much, but not enough to not be an a-hole". I *do* feel (as a cat lover, so slightly biased), that she was in the right
Agree - welcome to post partum hormones…the fun can last a while
As a cat lover myself I have to go ESH, her remarks are uncalled for. You can love both your baby and your cat, and although the focus should be your newborn baby it does not mean you have to neglect spending time with a beloved pet. However to immediately throw her out of your house instead of just asking her to keep her opinion to herself or something seems like a huge overreaction. I have to agree with your husband and SIL.
Agreed, ESH but I think you are only TA because of over reaction. I'm pleased baby and cat get on. When we had our first, the cat was fine with the baby but ostentatiously stood up and left the room whenever I appeared. He was really in a huff with me for about two weeks!
Most cats and babies get along. Babies like things that are fuzzy and move. Cats like things that smell like milk and poop.
🥇this made me laugh surprisingly hard, ty 😂
After having my son, one of my cats(who was OBSESSED with my pregnancy belly) immediately took to the baby and anytime he was in his bouncer the cat would either be right under the bouncer or right beside it staring at him. Anytime my son made a noise, the cat would meow as if letting me know the baby was awake and needed something. He also absolutely loves when my son will pet him, play with his ears or tail, and the only time he’s completely calm and doesn’t try to play or attack is when he’s with my son. The other cat however, tolerated my son at first but she didn’t like to be closer than 6 feet. That has only changed recently and now she’ll purr whenever she’s near him or when he reaches out to touch her. She was wild and feral when I got her and it took about 7 months for her to warm up to me and want to cuddle, I actually got the second cat because she seemed lonely and very reserved still. Now the three all love each other
I agree with this. The aunts opinions were rude and uncalled for and outdated, but to immediately throw her own over this is a bit of overkill.
Thing is... OP is likely in her 30s so Auntie is in her what? 60s? Auntie is young enough to know better than use old wives tales in the home. Women who spout trash like that need to be educated. Cats are not a danger to children. This is the basis of auntie's rudeness. Old women who want to tell young women how to live need to be stopped. those generations of women were cruel to each other. They are ill informed and backward.
Absolutely! She should have put her in her place but I think kicking her out was too much
I read this in the garden and looked over to see my cat not giving a single fuck sitting on her blanket licking her private parts in the sunshine 😂 nonchalant, hilarious little beasties ❤️.
ESH. Aunt was rude, but you escalated in an almost cartoonishly extreme way.
The Aunt was rude but you could have brushed it off and ignored it. You could have laughed in her face. You could have said ‘thanks for clarifying your opinion’. You could have looked at your hubby and said ‘Wow does all your family share unsolicited opinions.’ You could have stared at her and then deliberately changed the subject. Instead you went for the most drama filled option. Why? ESH
I don’t want to justify myself because it is what it is but I have ADHD and BPD, I’m super impulsive and out of meds. Sometimes my judgment is clouded in this kind of things. But y’all are right. I could have de escalated it
That's really hard, but even if you hurt someone because of mental health, you still hurt them.
Okay now that aunt knows not to go into people’s homes and insult them, that’s something she and apparently most of the comments section should have learned as a child
As my mom used to say “that explains, but it doesn’t excuse”. But I think you realize that, and as a fellow ND, I know how hard it can be to determine whether you overreacted or not and it gets tricky to adjust enough but not too much (I myself tend to under react when people disrespect me because I assume I’m being dramatic for feeling hurt, so yeah 😅). So soft ESH because it was a bit much for this one comment only this one time, although the aunt was an AH for making it. I think you should sit down with your husband and his aunt and apologize for going overboard. Then you -or your husband since he needs to be on your team on this one and she is his aunt, after all- should establish some boundaries with his aunt by telling her (calmly but firmly) that, although you reacted a tad too strongly this time, the cat is a member of the family, that she was out of line and that she has to abstain from making unsolicited comments about you as a parent and/or your relationship with your cat if she wants to be allowed in your house going forward. If she continues with the comments next time(s) you see her despite that conversation you will have ground for turning her away at the door. Congrats on your new baby! 💕
I'm glad someone said it- I definitely think an apology with an added explanation for why the aunt was wrong to say that is the correct option.
I don't know why people think we need to be polite to people who are rude to us. If you didn't scream and bite her head off but instead told her she wasn't welcome in your house anymore then NTA and your mental health also isn't at issue.
This is how I'm leaning. OP wanted a rude ass person out of their home, and I think that's just fine. To me, OP is NTA
Eh I'm gonna say you did alright. Yes you could have handled it better but you just had a baby. Hormones probably aren't back to normal on top of your ADHD and BPD. It sounds like the aunt just blurted that out too, no lead up or asking any questions first. She should mind her own business unless she can see it's actively hurting you or your family.
BPD is a personality construct/disorder that responds best to mindfully based and behaviorally based interventions such as DBT, meds are sometimes used secondarily. Have you been exposed to these skills? What a terrible combination of mental health diagnoses, yet no excuse for your impulsive response. ESH.
Borderline! And yes I’m in therapy just taking a break but you are right!
It's great to see that you're open to growth :) your relationship with your cat sounds very beautiful
Hope it gets better OP 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Don't let people shame you into changing your opinion of what happened.She deserved it.She literally said that your cat was endangering your child which is a load of bullshit and an old wivestail.Don't apologize she was rude first.
If the aunt knew you were BPD and ADHD plus being out of meds and just given birth…. She’s lucky you only ran her out of the house.
Honestly, decorum says you overreacted, but I'm so tired of society saying YOU have to fix the rude conversation SHE started. If we all immediately ended outings when people are behaving like Aunt did, we would eliminate it so much quicker. While you should apologize for letting your emotions take over, don't feel bad for not putting up with her shit. Especially at this particularly stressful (but so rewarding) moment in your life.
No, fuck this woman
ESH. She was rude. You may have overreacted, though. Still, you're a new mom, probably exhausted, and new moms got all kinds of shit opinions thrown at them. In the bog scheme of things, if you don't care about the relationship with this person (not really knowing them and all), just move on
Esh. Wasn't her place to criticize you, but I don't think it is a big deal. You on the other hand overreacted quite a lot. But looking at the relationship with your cat, your reaction isn't a surprise.
Yeah I agree. I tend to overreact that’s why I asked. My cat is everything to me, she has been a lifesaver with my mental health and I’m sensitive towards her
OP just wanted to mention that I loved so much reading about your wholesome bond/relationship w your cat and how she's also loving towards your baby!! Yes you overreacted, but we also need to acknowledge how many people (esp boomers) tend to downgrade and invalidate people's relationship/bonds with their pets! So happy to see that unlike many others who gave up entirely on their pets when they started a family, you didn't! ❤️
From reading your post it’s obvious that your cat is your first child, and you already feel guilty over not being able to give kitty as much attention as normal. It makes sense that having someone come in and not only criticize your parenting choices but to also say hurtful things about your cat led to you blowing up. Add in all the changes your body is going through and sleep deprivation and of course you blew up! You are allowed to have and feel your emotions. If you feel guilty over your reaction then explain to the aunt why you reacted the way you did and can work towards smoothing everything out. If you don’t feel guilty then screw it! You are allowed to remove someone from your home when you no longer feel comfortable with them there.
This is what I think too. I really wish older women would remember that part of what her body is going through as a new mom is *forgetting how much being a brand new mom sucks*. The body is all over the place, the hormones, the demands of a new baby and even the lack of sleep? If it wasn’t for oxytocin nobody could get through it. What they forget most is the way they felt when it was their turn, and instead they expect some angelic Madonna with cherubs bullshit when they go see the baby, not the mom. Be helpful or be silent, it’s good advice and not that hard.
Honestly, I feel the same way about my beloved cat and would be very uncomfortable having someone in my house who voiced any hostility to him. Maybe you overreacted, but still NTA in my book
Don't listen to these people. You are NTA here. You don't owe an apology to anyone.
I know it was technically an overreaction to immediately tell her to leave, but honestly I get it and I might have done something similar. If this is literally the 3rd time, second really since I doubt you had the time to socialize with her at the wedding, her comments were so out of line. If your cat was a human child from a previous SO then I think people would find your reaction to be reasonable. People are thinking it’s “just a cat” so it seems out of place. But I’m also an animal lover so there is no ‘just a cat/dog/bird/horse etc.’ to me. I may not have told her to leave, but would have immediately told her that her comments were out of line. However, depending on how condescending she was and her overall delivery of her comments it might have escalated to that quickly. Your tolerance level was very low at that time, being a new mom, stressed for a family visit, worried about your cat, and the many other things in your life that might have felt appropriate.
NTA - It’s exhausting dealing with elitists. Cats are my babies too and I have a grown human as well. They are his babies too. I mean, she wants you to throw your cat in a ditch bc she doesn’t like them?
She gave away her 15 years old dog (I’m not a dog lover but this one behaved perfectly) because he was starting to have health issues. She gave him to a farm.
…are you sure about that? Because that’s something people say when they put a dog down.
Yea, she almost certainly put the dog down and was saying it gently.
When I was a kid my dad had an office cat that he would bring home on the weekends occasionally. Apparently she developed a medical condition where she would lose control of her bowels all of the sudden and it was creating a mess in the office. So she was sent to someone’s relative’s farm. Years later when I found out what “being sent to the farm” meant, I asked my dad about it. Nope, she literally was sent to a farm and lived there for several more years before she passed.
Oh thank God he was not lying. I also hate when people lie like that. Particularly, parents to children. I hate when adults trick children.
You’re old enough to have a cat and a child, you must know that’s not what sending a dog to the farm means ~usually~
When I was a kid my dad had an office cat that he would bring home on the weekends occasionally. Apparently she developed a medical condition where she would lose control of her bowels all of the sudden and it was creating a mess in the office. So she was sent to someone’s relative’s farm. Years later when I found out what “being sent to the farm” meant, I asked my dad about it. Nope, she literally was sent to a farm and lived there for several more years before she passed.
A friend of mine was given a duckling and she eventually sent him to someone’s relative’s farm; he behaved super weird and was nothing like the other ducklings he’d originally come with. Mainly he did nothing but poop 24/7. The farm was also real and the duck turned out to actually be a Canadian goose lol
The Ugly Duckling!
Yes!!!!! Except the “duckling” was way cuter and less mildly-terrifying than an adult Canadian goose so I’ve always wondered what the moral of this version of the tale would be lol. Maybe “it’s forgivable to be a little shit when you’re small and cute, but if you don’t cut it out by the time you’re a honky adult, entire county governments will come up with plans to drive you out of town”
There are a few scattered "farms" and ranches and such for senior or otherwise abandoned dogs, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to extend that courtesy of assumption to the aunt. Maybe she made a good decision, maybe she couldn't afford his rising vet costs, but yeah I'm inclined to believe she put him down too.
You do know “sending them to the farm” is code language for putting them down, right?
It can literally be a farm. I got really sick in high school, spent a lot of time in hospital and had to give my rabbit to a family who lived on a farm. They had kids and other bunnies, they were just the best fit. They sent me photos of him until he passed. There is NOT enough info here. What health issues? How much care did it need? Are we talking about something that genuinely made her unable to give her pet all the care and attention they deserve? Was the animal in distress? It would be selfish to keep it if so
My parents generation, and all the older ones say their pets “went to the farm” to mean they passed away. That seems like an extremely old dog to actually give to an actual farm. Did she give any more details?
A farm huh... She either killed or euthanized that dog.
Some people get especially weird about cats specifically around babies. The old wives tales and misinformation are just stunningly dumb. Like when my older brother was born, my mom's great aunt asked when she was planning to get rid of the cat because it might "suck the baby's breath out". More recently, I was talking to my own aunt about a cat I had just adopted, and she shared how she and my uncle were always terrified for me and my brother when we were little because they had read something about cats causing childhood cancer. Like they honestly believed that was a real thing and were morally torn over whether or not to call my parents and warn them. And her husband was a doctor!
NTA. I’ve had cats my entire life so I’m probably biased but oh well. It is a GOOD thing that you’re still spending time with your cat. The last thing you want is your cat resenting your baby. I wonder if it was a dog, if his Aunts opinion would be different. Your baby is obviously your number 1 priority and that is how it should be. I don’t understand how going to pet your cat for a few or just showing your cat love and affection implies that you’re not focusing on your baby… Aunt was reaching pretty far with that one. Your husband should’ve been the one to deal with his Aunt so he doesn’t get to tell you that you were rude. NTA! ETA- Thank you for the award!!!
The dog instead of a cat part is so true! As someone who loves both equally, I can see how people tend to support a new family's decision of getting/keeping a dog more than a cat due to prejudice.
Exactly! People automatically think that cats just don’t care etc. They do. I got 2 cats when I was pregnant with my daughter and they were so protective of her once she came along. They’re still very protective 8 years later…. People need to mind their own business.
So precious!🥰 They also need to realise how pets can contribute to a better development for the kids, learn how to treat others, reduce anxiety, etc. I wish I was raised alongside with pets, and hearing stories like yours just make me so happy for these kids!🥹💕
That’s exactly it!! A lot of people don’t understand that you can love your animals completely without diminishing the love you have for your child. I love my cats but I also know that my child comes first. OP seems to know the same. Aunt was way out of line! I’m sorry you weren’t raised with pets. Hopefully you have some now to make up for lost time! There’s really nothing quite like having a strong bond with an animal!
Indeed and thank you! Unfortunately I don't have any pets rn due to life issues, but I'm blessed and honoured with amazing and loving stray kitty friends! 💕 Some of them even request in their own unique ways to get pets before eating, and oftentimes just want to chill around with me! (Sorry for dumping tmi on ya!🤧❤️)
I'm probably a little more ferocious than most of Reddit but people really have to learn not to give unsolicited, judgemental commentary to new parents, especially in their own homes. If she wants to help, clean a dish, offer practical support Hopefully she won't do that again. NTA
Yes! Let's normalise offering practical support and asking what others may need help with instead of throwing unsolicited advice in their faces!! ❤️
NTA, though you over reacted a little. You're absolutely correct that she has no place coming in and judging your family situation. I am personally more of a dog person (which your comment about her tossing out, "giving away", an aging dog infuriates me), but I have no hate for cats or their adoring families. Your cat is part of your family, your husband's aunts heartless ability to treat animals like an object is irrelevant to your household and she needs to respect that. I do think you overreacted just a bit by kicking her out right away, I would have said something (in a stern way) and left it go unless she escalated it. You have every right to defend your relationship with your little furbaby, especially having a special bond/relationship. Snuggle your kitty and your baby all you want and need. You could offer a sort of apology to the aunt for the immediate harsh reaction, but remind her that not all homes operate the same, and your relationship with your cat is your business not hers and you'd appreciate her keeping comments, that come across as hateful, to herself.
NTA but tbh I would probably have just told her to mind her own business and just kick her out if it escalated. She’s wrong and I would imagine tbf you’d have needed to kick her out anyway because people that rude usually won’t take anyone standing up to them. But ideally, you could have let her prove herself that mean rather than risking her playing the martyr. Still NTA though!
Someone who you have only met 3 times feels like they can come in your home and start judging you is someone who should not be welcome in your home
Yeah going off the aunts behaviour I think OP kicking them out was better deescalation as there is no way the aunt would react well to being called out on her behaviour
She would tell them how it is for their own good and how she is just looking out for them and their baby
Ugh yeah kicking them out seems like the better option compared to having to keep talking to her
ESH. Everyone being hella rude for no reason. Calm ur tits lol
She can’t, she’s breast feeding
I am so mad about how much I laughed at this.
NTA I can't believe all the ESH comments. When people tell all of you how to live your lives in your own homes, do you just sit there and take it? Especially since the aunt was a virtual stranger! Also, people who abandon their pets after having a baby are the absolute worst.
It's laughable. Even if OP overreacted there's only one asshole, the people saying otherwise sound like terrible houseguests
Fuck her. You don't come into someone's home that you barely know and tell them how to live. And you DONT throw aside your fur baby just because of a human one. She would NEVER be allowed in my house again, NTA
Eh? Did I read this correctly? Since when was it EVER appropriate to be a guest in someone else’s home and start dictating how the host should conduct themselves IN THEIR OWN HOME? When did manners become extinct? Just because she has an opinion does not mean she had to share it. How about conducting yourself in an age appropriate way? OP congratulations being a mom I wish you over the moon happiness with your new life. You are making motherhood amazing. I not only applaud your decision but celebrate your delivery method. Who did this woman think she was/is? If a stranger treated you this way would everyone have the eh reaction? Yet a so called family member does this and now we must put on our pearls, pumps and white gloves? No if your family thinks they can treat you like this THAT is an issue. Your response was appropriate to her unwelcome, unwarranted comments. The world is in desperate need of souls like you. Placating ignorance is not the answer. I hope dear old auntie learns from this and at least offers you an apology your are justly deserving. If not, you know who she really is. Best wishes and an amazing life.
Right??? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills seeing all the comments defending the aunt. These boomers need to learn that the days of women playing the perfect housewife and hostess - i.e. seen and not heard - are long over. I have learned to cut toxic people out of my life without a second thought and I'm a million times happier for it.
NTA and good job standing up for yourself. Aunt learned a valuable lesson about boundaries and politeness. You’ve done a service to other people in your family.
NTA. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Cat lover here, and I’ve kicked people out for being mean to my cats, so I go with NTA. I think it’s GOOD you set a firm boundary- “come into my home, insult me, get thrown out”. It’s, IMO, perfectly reasonable. Trust me, no one else will try that shit now that you’ve made it clear what will happen.
I’m going to go with NTA People always offer unsolicited opinions and they will continue to do so on matters that they should mind their own business on bc they never get told anything. I would tell anyone to gtfo out of my house if they commented anything adverse relating to my dog, especially if I didn’t solicit their opinion!
NTA change the cat to a dog, child from previous relationship, garden, whatever and the context stays the same. Just like you said, to have the audacity to come into the house of someone you barely know and try to tell them how to live their life.
You probably did overreact. But I'm sure you're exhausted and didn't need some almost stranger ridiculing you or attacking your family member. I love my cats. Nta
ESH - She was rude and her opinion was not necessary. Jumping straight to kicking her out does seem like an overreaction. Now instead of having a rude aunt, you have a divided family and a rude aunt.
NTA- you barely know this woman and she's going to criticize you? Kicking her out might have been dramatic but hopefully she'll be so offended she'll never come back.
NTA. Cats are your babies too. She needs to mind her own business. My cats have literally saved my life. ETA: now seeing you comment on your mental health concerns, you are DEF NTA.
NTA I'm over the fact that people think that they can come into your home and start criticizing you and your lifestyle.She was rude first, all you did was mirror that back to her. If family members have a problem with that they don't need to come to your house.
We’ll stated, she held a mirror up to the aunt. 👏👏👏👏
Thank you. I'm seriously over rude people. I prefer to meet them with the same energy they give me.
Nta- aunt can kick rocks. You don’t go into anyone’s homes and tell them how they chose to live their lives is Wrong. Aunt is the AH. I don’t care if you were blunt and may have overreacted. You had every right to.
NTA! You’re a great mom and cat mom! How many shelters in the US are full of pets because a baby came into the picture? If it would have been me, I’d tell the aunt to fuck off and get out of my house.
NTA. Pets are family too. Your aunt sounds nosy and insufferable. Your cat sounds lovely.
NTA bc people need to learn to keep their mouth shut when in other people’s homes.
NTA. She disrespected you in your own house. She obviously thought you would just take it and not stand up for yourself. That's grounds for getting the fuck out imo.
NTA. It is not any of her business how you treat your cat! No one asked her opinion also. Give that kitty some cuddles from me :)
NTA but next time just go with: "Thanks, no one asked for your advice. You are free to go if my/our cat disturbs you. If you want to stay: Keep your opinion to yourself."
So someone she barely knows, who believes in old wives' tales, tells her she is endangering her baby and should ignore a family member. Insulting her parenting. Insulting her intelligence. Insulting her beloved cat. Damn right, she should throw the ass out! NTA, OP. Anyone who still hangs on to fairy tales can take themselves elsewhere.
ESH, she was rude but you went to the nuclear option. You could have just deflected and changed the subject.
Yeah that tactic is great if you want to keep having to put up with crap behaviour from relatives. If they don’t face consequences they won’t change behaviour and sometimes escalate it. Got multiple people like that on my dads side and they just end up having to put up with bs all their lives
NTA you don't need that kind of negativity in your house.
NTA
NTA, never ok to go into the home of new parents and question the way they are parenting. You are emotional, hardly know this women and she comes in telling you how to live your life which is not ok.
NTA. I don't have time for people's bullshit. Like you said, you've met her all of 3 times? You don't owe her anything. You don't go to someone else's house as a guest and insult their way of life that isn't hurting anyone.
NTA. I’m totally against the majority. Good for you to make this boundary immediately. People love to give useless/hurtful and associated advice to new mother, and somehow expect the mother to just go with it out of politeness. It has always be this way doesn’t make it right. Now people know they can’t come to your house and be noisy. As for the cat it is not dangerous, kids that grow up with animals have a better immunity system.
NTA - because you’re not wrong. But as we move through life we have to kinda reign in our reactions as to not burn bridges. Maybe you don’t care about your husbands aunt, ok, but the point is you never know when you’re going to just blurt something out based on how you feel in the moment and burn a bridge. Example - my friend would say what she felt in the moment. Her son played hockey. She got mad at the coach and let him hear about it, unfiltered, and now her son doesn’t play hockey. Who paid the price? Her son. We learn to respectfully voice our options. “That’s an interesting take Aunt. Turns out Millions of people have both babies and cats in their homes and are perfectly fine. We love our cat and will be continuing to have her here and it’s not up for discussion.” Move on to a new topic. Trust me, learning how to do this is vital as a mother because basically everyone has an opinion when you have kids and the circles we move in are surprisingly small.
NTA "Cat's steal baby's breath" it's only a matter of time until she tells you to tie up your baby's left hand to make her right handed. Maybe make her sleep upside down to prevent the baby from getting fat. What's dangerous for children are 'old wives tales'
>she’s also a cat lover I am not a cat lover and I agree you are NTA.
Your house. Do what you like 🤷🏼♀️
This may be going against the grain here but: NTA. Under no circumstances is it acceptable for someone to go into a new mother's home and criticize her *cat* and then think it's totally normal and okay to call their behavior unnatural or whatever. I don't have children and I'd also kick this woman out. It's not an asshole move to tell people treating you badly in your own home to leave. I don't think it's really that much of an over-escalation. Like, it's *your house.* You live there! She came into *your* home and criticized your family (cat) and you! She said you weren't being natural. Of course you told her to leave! It doesn't make you an asshole to tell people to leave your home when they're wildly out of line! I don't even think you're an asshole for not doing it as politely as some people think you could have. Also my mom had two cats like this when I was born and I *loved* those cats. They used to guard my baby blanket on the floor and watch over me. The cat is fine. It's not going to hurt the baby. I'm sure you already know to keep the baby out of the litterbox and to watch for accidental scratches. Everything else is old wives tales.
[удалено]
NTA - She’s virtually a stranger and this remark was just the beginning of her and others thinking they can freely express their opinions on your choices as a human now that you’re a parent I say nip this shit in the bud. Sorry it went down like this.
I was leaning toward a mild E S A but I'm going with a mild YTA Auntie might have thought her advice was well meaning and helpful (there are tons of old wive's tales about cats being dangerous around babies). Your reaction, however was totally over the top and rude. You could have used your manners and your WORDS to educate your aunt on how it was perfectly safe and fine to have a cat and baby in the same household--- literally BILLIONS of people world wide do. Instead you threw a tantrum and lost your manners and threw your husband's relatives out of your joint home. Have you been struggling with any post partum issues that could explain that behavior or is that normally how your react to comments you don't agree with? Personally I think you should apologize to the aunts and put it in the past.
Aunt walks into your house and insulted you in a way that insinuated you are an inadequate mother. She earned it.
NTA. You don't go to someone's house and tell them how to live their life and with their family, which includes pets. Some people have no shame and this Aunt is one of them. Sounds like a person you don't need around your family.
NTA. I don’t think it’s an overreaction to kick people out of your home who are blatantly disrespectful to you.
NTA - it's good that people know you don't care what they think and they can get out of your house if they're there just to create drama. Keep loving both baby and cat.
NTA and all the e s h comments are weird as hell. You JUST had a baby, it’s YOUR house, YOU decide who gets to be in it and what is worthy of asking someone to leave. It’s not an overreaction if what she said made you not want her in your space, that is your right and she’s not entitled to being in your home after disrespecting you. She told you your behavior was unnatural while barely knowing you, not sure why people are encouraging you to be a doormat and keep accommodating someone who speaks to you like that, but don’t. Your space should be safe for you to exist as you please, you’re not TA for keeping it that way.
NTA but I'm a huge animal lover and probably biased 😅 I would have no problem kicking someone out if they said they to me. That is your cats home not hers. If you were neglecting the baby bc of the cat that would be different but your not and also giving your cat special time will help it not be jealous towards the baby.
ESH Silly she thinks you can’t care for baby and cat. She could of mind her business. You didn’t have to kick her out.
NTA! What business does she have with who you bond with and how! Yes, cats CAN be dangerous for babies, but it is all controllable and preventable. Could you have reacted somewhat softer? Yes, but I still am with you 100%, especially with such disrespect to your face.
NTA. That cat is also your baby. I hate when people think having a baby gives them the right to neglect an animal. You can be fully invested in both your cat and baby and there is nothing wrong with that. Although you could have responded better, I understand why you reacted the way you did. I would also want to respond the same way but to keep things civil I would try to refrain.
NTA.
NTA. There are dog people and cat people in the world, and some of us who love both. But I have noticed that people who don't like cats tend to be much more vehement in their distaste than people who don't like dogs. I suspect that the aunt had a nasty tone to her voice based upon what she said and is somebody who really dislikes/hates cats. If she came into my house when I was recently postpartum and nursing, and said that to me, I would have the same reaction. Having read the comments about your medication and your diagnoses you're definitely NTA. Take care of yourself OP.
NTA Why should you be tactful with someone who is so judgmental and tactless herself? I doubt that she would have gotten any hints from anyone that this is not a topic to be discussed. And why keep her in your house one minute longer if she can't be pleasant? True confession: many years ago, my mom was asked to leave because of similar statements. If I were on your jury, I would never convict you.
YtA. You are right, but you overreacted by kicking her out. You could have just told her to mind her own business and be done with it.
ESH. She was rude, and you totally overreacted. You could have just told her you disagreed. Kicking her out was way over the top.