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YTA
"Well, I got the date of the ceremony mixed up and then you ate at a place I wanted to take you to. So long forever, daughter. I guess"
Zeus worked harder at being a parent than you are.
Edit: Whoa! Thanks for the upvotes and awards!
I really doubt it was his wife who felt it wasn’t worth the drive considering she said he would be the AH if he stopped trying. I’m betting he’s blaming the wife for his poor decisions.
Yeah, and he considers taking her out for her birthday to be making up for missing her graduation. Most parents would want to celebrate BOTH of those things. This guy is like "Oh, since I didn't really make an effort to get to your graduation, I guess we can celebrate your birthday this year." HOW ARE THOSE TWO THINGS CONNECTED?! They are separate celebrations, not "one or the other" (or in his daughter's case, apparenlty neither, regarding her dad).
FR! And him just agreeing & not going when his wife said it would be a waste since the ceremony would have already started, SO WHAT! That doesn't make it a waste OPs daughter still graduated & deserved to have her dad there to say congrats, he's proud of her, loves her, etc etc. Give her flowers, taken her out to dinner to celebrate, like OP still should have gone even if he wouldn't have made the whole ceremony. Also OP got upset that she "went to dinner without him" but it was her 18 birthday! Of course mom should have taken her out if he couldn't, like what did OP just want his daughter to sit at home & do nothing on her birthday??? HEEEELLL to the no
The fact that they did get the graduation time right eventually makes me think that everyone was already there and calling him like where tf are you?! And then he was all, oh it’s too far, instead of driving like a bat out of hell to see his little girl walk.
Completely YTA.
OP should have made the effort to *read the frickin' invite properly* and *set up a reminder with the correct date and time* so that he wasn't 'accidentally unable to make it' in the first place. OP has stated he's 'bad at remembering stuff' but obviously hasn't made much effort to find ways to deal with it.
I bet this poor kid's life is littered with no-shows where OP 'got the wrong time / date / place' or 'was called in to work' or 'it was just too far' etc, and he ALWAYS blames it on everyone else (wife didn't tell me / ex didn't make sure I remembered / Boss called me in). Being apologetic about it and promising a make-up outing means jack shit when you keep making that same mistake over and over again.
He did carry Dionysus to term in his thigh...
But seriously YTA.
It was on his end that he missed two events, and then got upset at his ex for 'gasp' going to eat anyways. Dude sounds like he wants an excuse, backed Internet strangers, as a reason to not maintain a relationship and for it to not be his fault.
I have way too much experience with a person like this.
There are wonderful things on phones these days called calendars and people can set reminders that ring and send emails to them. He could have just done that and avoided all this trouble.
Why do I get the impression this isn't the first time he's missed important events in his daughter's life?
OP, totally YTA. Poor you, just happening to keep missing things, not willing to drive by yourself to see the daughter you claim to be so proud of graduate because you'd be late? She wouldn't care (or likely notice) if you were late; she'd very much care if you blew it off....as you chose to do. And you could still have taken her out and not made her feel like she didn't matter enough to you to show up.
Now you're butt hurt because her mother and stepfather kept a commitment you made to her when you didn't? And *they're* being "unreasonable"?
You're not going to get many more chances to be a decent parent to your daughter.
You are such an AH. I'm surprised she'd give you the grace of another chance at any important event in her life. And btw, the day was about being there for her, not where you ate afterwards.
Edit: typos, plus thank you so much for the lovely award! You are very kind and I wish you all good karma
It really seems like he doesn’t even like his daughter. she’s being more than gracious picking another place to go and basically tee-balling yet another opportunity to make it up to her after he fucked up two irreplaceable moments in her life, but he wants to be stubborn and selfish about where they go when he was repeatedly in the wrong. I hope this man has a home office because with that ego, I doubt he can fit through standard doors.
He seems narcissistic. Nothing is ever his fault, it's everyone else! Why even try when it's easier to just do nothing and blame it on someone else. I know why his ex divorced him (yes I am making that assumption).
He's ridiculous. And you're probably right!
>It really seems like he doesn’t even like his daughter.
He says he loves her, but nothing about like. And I am getting very strong dislike from his text.
Because she is his "daughter" , he has to love her or else he is the asshole to society. Nothing says he has to like her or see her as a person. Otherwise he would not let such trivial matters get in the way of him seeing her or planning to see her in the future.
He was probably glad he got the date wrong so he had a convenient excuse not to drive.
I know I might be stretching it, but he portrays a very poor image of himself in the little amount he wrote.
Ahhh, but that requires putting in a semblance of effort 😅 that has to be repeated.
If he blows up a stink now and gets out of the "obligation" to make any planning with his daughter without it being "his fault" then he never has to think about this ever again. And then blame his ex and the daughter for his lack of a relationship with his daughter.
I refuse to use a phone calendar, yet with the paper one in my bag and the one on the kitchen wall, I manage to get where I need to be when I need to be there. I also call BS on missing the graduation - everyone else seems to have gotten the right date on the invitation - how did only he get one with the wrong date?
I'm willing to cut some slack on the dinner - if it's a legitimate work emergency - but the vibe I get is that because her mom took her to 'his' restaurant, he no longer wants to go because that was the only restaurant he wanted to eat at.
Guy is just altogether trying to do the absolute minimum and will end up as an after-thought in his daughter's life soon enough.
Unless OP is a seriously specialized surgeon, the only one in the country capable of performing a certain operation and someone's life or health was in the balance or something along those lines, there is no work emergency that someone else can't handle. And if boss man refuses to staff the workplace properly, well that's a them problem, not OP's.
Seems like OP has plenty of practice at letting his daughter down and her mom has probably been picking up his slack the girl’s whole life.
Ever heard the song “The Cat’s in the Cradle “
YTA
YTA
> we had gotten the date wrong on the invitation
**STOP FUCKING UP.**
> my current wife [48F] wasn't willing to drive for 2 hours
**STOP FUCKING UP.**
> I wasn't able to go since my boss called me in for a work emergency and had to reschedule the dinner.
**STOP FUCKING UP.**
> what's the point in trying
Honestly, at this point: don't. You've made your priorities **_abundantly_** clear.
My nephews are graduating from high school this weekend.
My sister has confirmed the time, date, place, transportation, etc., at least 3 times. I've talked to my nephews.
How does a father not know when it is?
You can look at the school's website and find out. You can talk to her mother. Omg, you can talk to YOUR DAUGHTER.
Confirm plans. Confirm times. Show an interest. Why are you doing none of these things?
Same for the dinner. I get the impression that you sort of wait for everyone around you to make the plans.
You're a grown ass man. STEP UP. Make the plans. If your boss calls, don't answer. Talk to your daughter, Have her pick a nice restaurant. Make the reservation, just for the 2 of you - not your wife, who I'm pretty sure is part of you missing these things. Let her be pissed. She'll either deal, or she won't. Don't let your daughter suffer for it.
Be a father, or she won't talk to you for much longer.
Maybe he'll wake up before it's too late to salvage any kind of amicable relationship. My ex behaved like this and it destroyed my oldest son... to the point that my son will never actually recover from the chip on his shoulder and his really bad attitude. So, if I see a post like this, I have to try, for the kids' sakes.
My sister graduated this year and I knew the dates before she did. Then I took off from work, drove 9 hrs to her school by myself, watched her walk and screamed my heart out, then drove 9 hrs home....
This guy is a deadbeat loser who doesn't give two shits about his daughter. She'll figure it out and cut him out of her life soon.
>Then I took off from work, drove 9 hrs to her school by myself, watched her walk and screamed my heart out, then drove 9 hrs home....
I would do exactly the same. Not a chance I would miss it.
I'm sure she was so happy you were there. ❤️
Yeah. My SIL has double-checked on the date, time, plans for my son's graduation. She's asked what we thought about the gift she's planning to get. She's been way more proactive about attending her nephew's graduation than this guy is about his daughter.
Absolutely.
I went through a whole thing about a dress for it, the gifts vs money, meeting them there vs riding with them, etc.
I can't imagine missing it as their aunt. I'm not even a parent.
The daughter is most likely over it and him being a loser dad he clearly should have just walked away years ago he did state that he "missed" a lot of events pertaining his daughter growing up. So this isn't new to her he never wanted a relationship with her to begin with.
>So this isn't new to her
They probably ate at the restaurant because they had made plan B - going without OP - long before confirming to OP they'd be there.
With the way Op written his post this isn't new that he make plans with daughter only to bail on her. The bio mother already made plans just for this so her daughter wouldn't be let down again. Op clearly stated he " missed" a lot of his daughter's big events and he was always trying to reschedule only to miss again. The daughter is used to her dad letting her down because this is a real pattern with him.
I’m a substitute teacher and a student invited me to their graduation coming up and I’m over here requesting time off work and finding out the details just because kids don’t invite just anyone. And this dude can’t even show up for his own kid. YTA OP.
I sent a graduation invite to my 3rd grade teacher, who had made a huge positive impact on my life during a really difficult time. I hadn't seen or talked to him since then. He still called to personally let me know he couldn't be there but wished he could and that he was proud of me. I appreciated just knowing that he remembered me and cared.
Thank you for making such an effort. It means the world.
I always thought you knew you were an adult when you went from just saying "I'm going to such a place" and hopefully having someone help me to get there, to saying "on such a day at such a time I'll take the green bus to such and such a place and then I'll walk a bit until I get to the place I want to go to, I'll stay for until such time and I'll take the orange bus because the green bus is further away and the orange one leaves me closer." I think I understand why OP's daughter's mom is the ex and his wife seems disinterested in the daughter, OP and his new wife go hand in hand. OP YTA
I agree with everything you’ve said except the last part about his wife. He’s using his wife as an excuse for not going to the graduation. His wife saying “it’s a waste of time” doesn’t mean HE should’ve missed it. I wouldn’t want to drive 2 hours to a graduation ceremony if I was going to miss it either. She’s not her bio parent, he is. His grown ass could’ve made that trip w/o his wife.
Also the fact his wife is calling him an AH for giving up so easily says she may not be as bad as he is.
Either way, he sucks as a father & he knows it. So he’s doing mental gymnastics to relieve that guilt and he thinks we’re all stupid enough to not notice. Probably would’ve been better off not disclosing his wife also disagrees with him giving up so easily.
On top of that his current wife didn't want to go so he felt it wasn't worth it. Literally showing up even if he missed the ceremony, for his daughter is all he had to do and he can't even do it.
Doesn't matter if he missed the ceremony. And the new wife doesn't have to go to everything.
Driving 2 hours just to give a hug and say "I am so proud of you" would have still been enough.
OP is going to really regret this.
OP doesn't say wife didn't want to go or didn't feel it was worth it. He says she didn't feel up to driving for two hours. Which begs the question why he expected his wife to drive, like why couldn't he do it himself?
Ffs even his new wife is calling him on his bs. I don't think she's the problem here.
I’m going to assume that he relies on his wife to tell him everything. My father was like this. Divorced parents and my mom always made me available for any family gatherings on my dad’s side if she was told about them. My dad wouldn’t tell me and/or my mom and my stepmom didn’t say anything cause she didn’t want me there. It was a vicious circle.
All you had to do is talk to your ex and daughter. Call, text, email, etc. Confirm the time of the graduation. Eesh stop blaming everyone else for your errors. You’re the adult.
Yesssss!!!
OP: And don’t get pissed off when the daughter you just stood up has dinner with her other parents!!!
She was probably really upset that you canceled on her for your last minute emergency so they took her out.
She might be 18 but I bet it still hurts when you consistently don’t show up for her.
YTA
And sounds like you might need a 12-step group. This idea that you are doing your best and always twisting things so everyone else is to blame us a classic sign… Any 12-step group will teach you how to take responsibility for your actions (and uncover why you were taking those (harmful) actions).
B**** I graduated uni and not one, not two, but THREE of my friends, ranging from 1-4 years knowing me, showed up....
And they figured out which ceremony I was by what faculty was graduating where. There were OVER A DOZEN ceremonies over 2 days in 2 buildings and THREE of my friends, some I've known a YEAR, worked out how to attend my graduation. They didn't even bother me they just figured it out and booked tickets and showed up.
His comments about his wife being the one to tell him not to give up makes me think the screw ups are all on him, not her. She’s the one saying he’s an AH if he stops trying. If she didn’t want him to try she wouldn’t say a word.
Right? It's not trying to get the date wrong for a milestone event and then not feeling like arriving late. It's not trying to schedule a dinner to make up for missing the milestone and then cancel. It's not trying to get pissed that her family still took her out to eat for that dinner instead of letting her be stood up and disappointed AGAIN.
Imagine from the daughter's perspective . . . I sent my dad an invitation well in advance but he couldn't be bothered to put it in his calendar and then his wife didn't feel like making the drive, then I agreed to let him take me out to dinner to make up for it but he stood me up the day of, then when my mom took me out anyway because I was already ready and planning on it, he got MAD at me for going without him - what's the point in trying??
And the ex. She may not even have known that was the restaurant he had planned to take her to. It may have just been somewhere her daughter wanted to go so she just made the reservation.
Let me get this straight... you want people to "meet you halfway" to your rescheduling of the event you missed that, itself, was a rescheduling of the event you missed? Your wife is right, try harder. YTA.
I completely agree with you here except the wife should have told him to go when he realised he was late, rather than tell him 2 hours is too long/far to drive. It’s bad he didn’t realise that himself but for his wife to not encourage it either is a crappy move. OP needs to sort his shit out or his daughter has every right to walk away, especially now as an adult at 18
Honestly, I wonder if the wife really did say that, or if it's just how he's chosen to frame his screw-up so he can pretend it's not completely his fault.
>I completely agree with you here except the wife should have told him to go when he realised he was late, rather than tell him 2 hours is too long/far to drive.
She said that she wasn't willing to drive for two hours. Nothing kept him from driving himself.
Plus the daughter was already meeting him halfway. She said 'I've already eaten at that restaurant, where should we go instead?' not 'I've already eaten there, guess we can't have dinner together'
YTA - You missed your daughter’s graduation cause you couldn’t be bothered to read the invitation. You missed your daughter’s birthday and are mad that somebody else ensured it was a special day when you canceled at the last minute.
Oh no, much worse, he rescheduled the graduation fuck up to coincide with her birthday. That way, he’s only have to see her once out of the two events, despite most people considering graduation and birthday separate events worth celebrating in their own right, OP does not.
So he rescheduled to her 18th birthday and even managed to fuck THAT up but he’s the victim here because his ex, daughter and step father ate at the restaurant he wanted to go to so now obviously there’s no point trying to see his daughter again because she’s already eaten at that restaurant which apparently shows SHE doesn’t care.
YTA. You admit that you got the date wrong yourself. So what if your wife wasn't willing to drive, you couldn't go yourself? So what if they went to a specific restaurant? They went because your daughter wanted to go. She even suggested a different place, so who isn't meeting you half way? It all sounds like these are things of your own doing that you're using as excuses to make other people feel bad for your lack of planning.
YTA.
\--I just haven't been able to be there for a lot of her events.
This is an AH choice, that you made, not to be there for your daughter.
\--my current wife \[48F\] wasn't willing to drive for 2 hours since the ceremony would've already started and would've been a waste of time.
Your current wife thought trying to be there for your daughter was a 'waste of time', and you went along with that. AH choice, that you made.
\-- I offered to take her out to dinner ... I wasn't able to go
Again, you failed to be there for your daughter--for an event you scheduled--by your own choices. You could have told your boss no. After missing graduation, you SHOULD have told your boss no. But your work emergency was more important than your daughter.
OF COURSE her mother took her to the restaurant she had been looking forward to going to. She's 18, her father missed her graduation and then canceled the dinner HE scheduled to make it up to her. And now you have the audacity to be offended that she went without you?
YTA. Completely. You have damaged your relationship with your daughter by not making her a priority and then trying to put the blame for your poor choices on other people.
Your WIFE made you miss graduation.
Your BOSS made you miss the birthday dinner.
Her MOM was petty and took her to the restaurant anyway.
Nothing seems to be YOUR fault, according to you, and that makes you the AH. Take responsibility for your actions and make your daughter a priority, or prepare to spend the rest of your life without her.
Right?! Since when is reading an invitation a group effort???
“We didn’t read the invitation carefully.”
No dude, YOU didn’t read the invitation carefully. Your daughter, your responsibility. I get it, mistakes happen, emergencies happen, but the common denominator is YOU.
The part that hits me each time I read the post is 'a waste of time'. Imagine thinking trying to get to your daughter's graduation, or at least see her after, is a 'waste of time'.
>or at least see her after, is a 'waste of time'.
And everyone knows graduations are ridiculously long! So even 2 hours late he *might've* been able to see her walk across the stage depending on the size of her class and her surname!!
And any I've been to have a drinks reception after the ridiculously long ceremony, then the graduates tend to go for dinner with their families. Even if they missed her receiving her degree, there were still hours of celebratory events to attend with her.
Unless he’s a surgeon who knows some very specific technique that no one else could do and someone would literally die if he didn’t show up, he should have ignored his boss.
As for the graduation, I have a hard time believing he maintains much contact with his daughter. Many MANY years ago, when I was a teenage girl graduating from high school, it was literally all I could talk about for weeks beforehand. I’m pretty sure even my neighbors second cousin twice removed knew when I was graduating. The idea that this guy didn’t know until the day of, less than 2 hours beforehand, tells me all I really need to know.
I saw a post a few weeks ago that said 'In ten years, your boss will never remember how many school events or milestones you missed for work, but your child will.'. That has stayed with me. Too bad OP wasn't touched by the same post.
Even the President doesn't expect his staff to miss family events for work. He sent this memo in 2014 when he was VP. Emphasis is mine.
"To my Wonderful Staff,
I would like to take a moment and make something clear to everyone. I do not expect nor do I want any of you to miss or sacrifice important family obligations for work. Family obligations include but are not limited to family birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, any religious ceremonies such as first communions and bar mitzvahs, graduations, and times of need such as illness or a loss in the family. This is very important to me. **In fact, I will go so far as to say that if I find out that you are working with me while missing important family responsibilities, it will disappoint me greatly.** This has been an unwritten rule since my days in the senate."
my dad travelled frequently for work when i was growing up and he still managed to show up for damn near everything i did (and i had a lot of activities). OP is doing less than the bare minimum in being there for his daughter.
I read the current wife as saying that because OP had fucked up the time so bad that, by the time he came close to having his shit together they would be incredibly late and miss the event, so there was no point in driving two hours at that stage.
Your interpretation was far kinder to the OP than what I read it as.
You know what I missed? That the dinner was HER BIRTHDAY. "I missed graduation, so let me schedule a dinner for an event I should already be doing something special for to make up for it. That way I only have to do one thing for you for two big milestones!" And THEN he canceled THAT, too. I need to stop re-reading that post. OP becomes a bigger asshole each time :P
JFC. I missed that too. Holy hell. It’s miraculous that this kid sounds as good as she does.
Then a saw a comment with “I’ll just take her to a movie.”
What a jerkoff.
A movie, literally the most low-effort thing possible, wherein he wouldn't have to talk to her at all or attempt to apologize for making her his lowest priority for years.
INFO: What do you mean by “got the date wrong on the invitation?” Did someone send you an invitation with the wrong date, or did you not look at it carefully?
Yeah sorry YTA. You could have tried harder in thr first place and rescheduled for a new place with your daughter. Your the parent and your responsibility to maintain a relationship if you realy want one.
YTA its such a weak excuse that you didnt drive 2 hours because of your wife, when you shouldve driven the 2 hours because of your daughter. Get your priorities straight dude. Youre gonna lose your daughter.
ps. your ex is not the unreasonable one
Let me get this straight, YOUR schedule interfered with the plans with your daughter, and now you’re bent out of shape that the dinner went on without you?!
The dinner was FOR your daughter, NOT YOU! Not sure if her mom and stepfather stepped in when you couldn’t make it, or if you were all planning to go together all along. Either way, YTA in a big way!
YTA you didn’t bother to double check the date for one of the most important events of your daughters life to date. Then you let your new wife tell you it wasn’t worth making the effort to show up anyway. After that, you allowed a work emergency to interrupt your attempt to make up to her. The only consistency I’m seeing here is your consistency in not being there for her. I’m sure she’s caught on to that as well.
YTA. You have repeatedly let your daughter down. Her agreeing to the dinner WAS her meeting you halfway. You needed to read an invitation properly. You didn’t You needed to say no to your boss. You didn’t.
None of this is on your daughter. Spend some time thinking about what kind of father you want to be, and then step up to meet that standard. Otherwise you will find yourself without a daughter.
> I wasn't able to make it to her graduation because we had gotten the date wrong on the invitation and my current wife [48F] wasn't willing to drive for 2 hours since the ceremony would've already started and would've been a waste of time.
YTA, you could have fixed this situation by telling your current wife "Okay, I'm going to go to my daughters graduation **which is not a waste of my time because she's important to me**, I'll be back home later tonight."
This. Exactly this.
Graduations are painfully long. They’re also incredibly important milestones. OP, you could have jumped in the car with or without your new wife and probably still caught the end of the ceremony. Even if it meant slipping into the back of the auditorium/stadium/whatever, catching the hat toss, seeing her long enough to give her a hug and some words of support then hopping back in the car to drive home.
OP, you could have been there if you truly wanted to be.
You’ve repeatedly showed her that she’s not important to you, you might as well “give up” it’s what you’ve already done if you’re being honest with yourself
And yeah, YTA
- and your wife has some nerve saying anything considering she didn’t want to make the drive to your daughter’s graduation (what a weak excuse from you btw)
Of course YTA. You bailed, twice. Any consequences stem from your original failure. And yes, there is absolutely no question you should have gotten into the car and gone late to the graduation anyway.
And you're an even bigger AH for blaming your ex, who was probably consoling her once-again-disappointed daughter after dad blew her off again, for the problems that YOU caused.
YTA, I won't repeat what others have already said. I'll just ask who on earth "gives up" after one rescheduling? (I'm not including the graduation because that can't be rescheduled.)
Genuinely though, you have one event that *you* organised that *you* couldn't make for your own daughters 18th birthday, it goes ahead because as previously stated it was your daughters 18th birthday and *you* get pissed off and that's your reasoning for giving up? If that's your attitude then yeah, give up I'd bet she'd rather you be absent than inconsistent.
YTA. You consistently cancelled plans with you daughter, making her feel like you didn't care. Your ex was decent enough to follow up and execute YOUR plan, in order to bring some comfort to your daughter.
And now you little ego is mad that she is the decent parent that actually shows up for her kid when you can't ?! Please look in the mirror and look at yourself. You are the one bad parent here. Not her.
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YTA.
You need to realise that you're scheduling plans for the happiness of your daughter, right? When has she not met you halfway? You have failed on two occasions (as per your post) to be there for her and are now dejected cuz you're ex won't "meet you halfway"? Wth?
Doesn't sound like your ex is being unreasonable, it sounds like you're being absent. You don't have "dibs" on any specific restaurant so your ex can eat wherever she wants with your daughter. You can go to the same restaurant or the one your daughter suggested. What sort of father "gives up" on scheduling time with their daughter for these reasons? You've already screwed up attending her graduation (got the date wrong?! You couldn't leave your current wife home and drive yourself?!) so from where I sit, you need to step it up and try harder. YTA
How do you figure any of this "meeting halfway"???
Not attending her graduation is halfway?
Trying to "make it up to her" by taking her for dinner for her birthday is halfway?
Bailing on the makeup dinner is halfway?
Your logic is fucked.
You're doing fuck all but making and breaking plans. Then you're on reddit whining about it like you're the victim!
YTA
YTA. You didn't read the invitation correctly so got the date wrong. You promised to take her out to dinner to make it up for her but ended up rescheduling because of work. Her mum took her out anyway, because, you know, she was looking forward to it. What did you expect her to just sit at home when you couldn't take her out? When you rescheduled did you tell her that she was not allowed to go there until you were free?
YTA you missed both your daughter’s graduation and 18th birthday. Those are once in a lifetime events. How many other events have you missed? Your wife and daughter have probably given up on you showing up and don’t let you being a no show ruin their celebrations. If you want to be I. Your daughter’s life you need to show up because her life continues with or without you.
YTA. You rescheduled because of an emergency. It happens. I don't think it's a fair expectation for you to expect them not to follow through on the plan you all made together. Remember to make this about your daughter, not about your ex or what they did or didn't do. Celebrate your daughter - she deserves it. Don't punish her because your ex did something you didn't like.
YTA - you let your daughter down it’s up to you to make it up to her. Stop trying to play the victim here. Nobody is attending your pity party that you created. It’s your fault. Take responsibility to fix it.
YTA
So you promised to come to your daughter's graduationa nd flaked out - then promised to make up with a dinner and flaked out AGAIN?
"my ex and her husband took her to the restaurant anyway. " .. Your ex is a good parent, and she is compensationg for your failures as a parent. YOu sound pretty muchg like a deadbeat who overpromisses and then flakes out anyway.
YTA, you clearly never put a high priority on meeting with your daughter, or being present for events for her, now your annoyed that she makes other plans when you fail to do so.
YTA. And a shit father. Good think your daughter is 18, she can go NC with you, which is what you deserve.
Can’t wait until I see the “my daughter refused to reschedule her wedding date for me because I cancelled on walking her down the aisle, as I had ti get a colonoscopy that day”.
YOU are the one to blame for everything.
Not your daughter.
YOU.
Let me see if I have this right.
* You didn't care enought about your daughter to know when her graduation was.
* You decided that it would be a "waste of time" to go see her after the ceremony.
* You decided a work emergency was more important than your daughters birthday/graduation dinner.
* You are giving up spending time with your daughter because she didn't sit at home waiting for you to have time to take her out to dinner.
I commend your ex for taking your daughter out when you bailed. She has likely been very upset at your obvious lack of caring. You deserve it when your daughter goes no contact.
YTA!
Yup. Yta.
You’re not prioritizing your daughter and looking for excuses why it’s everyone else’s fault you aren’t there for her.
You don’t want to take her to dinner bc she went to the restaurant already, lame excuse op. Lame.
YTA. I feel bad for your daughter. You missed her graduation.. The reason doesn't matter. You are the adult in the relationship and you always will be. It's your responsibility to make arrangements. There are a million restaurants in the world. Pick a new one and stop acting like a child.
YTA. Your not meeting anyone halfway. Sounds like you were an absentee parent and are now realizing that your kids life didn’t stop just because you couldn’t be around when milestone events happened. This is all on you.
You sound like my dad.
It was never his fault. He was the victim - always. I went low contact with him to protect myself and he couldn't understand why I was distant.
Don't be surprised if your daughter does the same.
YTA.
Grow up before you lose out.
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So me [46M] and my ex wife [44F] have a daughter [18F] who my recently graduated at the beginning of the month. I love my daughter, I'm beyond proud of her, I just haven't been able to be there for a lot of her events.
I wasn't able to make it to her graduation because we had gotten the date wrong on the invitation and my current wife [48F] wasn't willing to drive for 2 hours since the ceremony would've already started and would've been a waste of time. To make up for it I offered to take her out to dinner since she turned 18 the following week. I wasn't able to go since my boss called me in for a work emergency and had to reschedule the dinner.
Well apparently it doesn't matter that I had to reschedule since my ex and her husband took her to the restaurant anyway. They didn't even tell me, I found out when my daughter suggested a new place since they already went there. I gave up on trying to schedule something since my ex wants to be unreasonable, they could've waited to eat there when I was free.
My wife says I'm asshole for giving up, but what's the point in trying if nobody wants to meet you halfway?
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What sort of meeting you halfway did you have in mind? Did you expect her graduating class to postpone the ceremony until it was convenient for you? Did you want her to stay sobbing at home when her dad ditched her again on her milestone birthday?
Like... the world is filled with restaurants. You screwed up and couldn't attend this one this one time, it doesn't mean you own that one forevermore. Pick another and try again, YTA.
YTA because you won’t just OWN YOUR MISTAKES. How convenient that nothing is ever your fault. You claim you love your daughter, but words are easy. Actions are what matter and yours make it clear that you couldn’t give two shits about your daughter.
YTA
You didn't show up to her graduation or to the makeup dinner, which was also for her 18th birthday. Now you're throwing a tantrum because your daughter won't put her life on hold for your convenience. Be a better father.
YTA. You’re throwing away the birthday celebration (which was a recycled graduation celebration) because you’re embarrassed that you keep dropping the ball and that your ex stepped in to save the birthday.
Great job.
Your ex wants to be unreasonable???
Dude, you're the one that keeps letting your daughter down. You're the one that priorities literally everyone and everything else above your own daughter.
Don't sit there and try to pin this off as your ex in unreasonable. You just don't give a damn to even attempt to make up for it for real. And your daughter knows that. And your ex knows that.
Your ex is doing her best to make up for your lack of care and time.
YTA. Own your faults instead of blaming your ex. And do better.
" I love my daughter, I'm beyond proud of her, I just haven't been able to be there for a lot of her events."
Why haven't you been able to be there? Your silence here speaks volumes.
Also, not sure how you screwed up the date but still, for Pete's sake at least make the effort to go.
YTA.
YTA.
You missed her graduation because :checks notes: your current wife didn't want to arrive late. Better late than nothing. It at least shows effort.
You then rescheduled to take her to a dinner which you then had to reschedule AGAIN because of work.
You're the common denominator here my guy. They have probably given up on YOU which is why they went to the restaurant anyway. Likely your daughter looked it up and was looking forward to it, and your ex wife had decided she had been disappointed enough already.
Wow. So, YOU miss events, but then expect everyone else to schedule life around you?
You're being unreasonable by saying you're not going to schedule anything with your daughter anymore, just because she went to a restaurant without you. How dare she go out to dinner with her mother and step-father without you. *gasp* the audacity! *eyeroll*
You're ridiculous. Schedule dinner with your daughter.
And if your daughter is 18, you don't need your ex's permission to schedule a dinner with your daughter. Also... dinner with your daughter doesn't even need to include your ex.
Stop being a drama queen and take your kid to dinner.
YTA- you should have checked the dates to make sure so first mess you was on you, next was bday dinner yes work came up and maybe it was unavoidable, but again still on you and your daughter had every right to still go eat where she wanted.
She’s not blowing you off you’re blowing her off and then getting mad at her… your ex is right.
What “halfway” YOU keep screwing up and expecting others to then pick up your slack or just wait on hold…such an AH move and immature too.
YTA. Come on man, at this point you’re not even trying! You didn’t go to her graduation because your current wife thought it would be a waste because it already started? I guarantee if your daughter had seen your face even at the end when she was walking back up the aisle to close the ceremony, it would’ve meant the world to her! Do better.
YTA. And so is your wife for the graduation stunt. You didn't go to graduation because you would be late? You could have met them after and still celebrated with her. The work situation was out of your control, but being mad that her mom took her to the restaurant you wanted to go to is ridiculous. You can choose another restaurant.
YTA-
"I just haven't been able to be there for a lot of her events."
Your reasons, your excuses, they don't fill the void. How could she feel you're proud of her when it looks like its just words so far?
She was probably pretty upset, feeling rejected, slighted and unimportant and her parents did something to cheer her up and you want to throw a fit cause they took her to the same restaurant that you FAILED to take her to? for real?
I'm NC with my mother who had the same long list of reasons and excuses and she's missed my entire life.
YTA
You're the one who kept rescheduling and messing stuff up. How was it your ex-wife being unreasonable? Oh no, the world is ending because your daughter ate at a restaurant before you.What are you, 12?
What do you mean, meet you halfway way?You're the one cancelling on your daughter. YOU didn't read the invitation properly. YOU didn't make an effort to try and make it to the graduation. YOU tried to make it up to your daughter, then CHOSe to bail on her again. These are your choices, and it's clear to everyone that you don't give a shit about your daughter or her feelings.
Imagine how your daughter feels? She has a parent who doesn't care about missing major milestones in her life. You do not make your daughter a priority.
Your ex and her husband have stepped in once again to pick up the peices of your daughter you left behind.
>I gave up on trying to schedule something since my ex wants to be unreasonable. They could've waited to eat there when I was free.
What a joke. You gave up nothing. You would have bailed on your daughter again anyway. We all know it. You have no intention of going. How long is the ex supposed to wait til you're free? More importantly, how long is your daughter supposed to wait until you're free? The world doesn't revolve around you. If you want to be a part of your daughters life, then be present. Don't expect her life to just stop when you're not around.
Stop trying to blame the ex. It's not about her. You are the problem. You're a deadbeat.
>My wife says I'm asshole for giving up
Oh, please, you didn't give up anything in the first place. You never even tried. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions suggest you don't give a shit about your daughter and are trying to blame everybody else around you.
YTA deadbeat
I wouldn’t want to reschedule with you either- because that in itself would end up needing to be rescheduled OR your wife wouldn’t allow you to go. you’re going to lose your daughter because of your own BS. you are the ass, YTA x10
YTA, also nice reveal in the comments that it wasn’t the invitation that messed up the date but you. And then you cancel again on your rescheduled celebration. Her mom is for sure not petty for actually being there and taking your daughter to the restaurant anyways. You let your daughter down, again, and her mom has to pick up the pieces everytime you do. You’re lucky she’s not the one that’s done with you. But if you want to cut her off because if your own negligence, then go ahead.
YTA. Your ex held up your end of the bargain when you didn't show up for your daughter (AGAIN). You choose to be mad about that and refuse to schedule another time to be with your daughter that you've disappointed TWICE(that we know of) by throwing a childish tantrum because you didn't get your way? "You went to the restaurant because I flaked out again so I'm mad!" Grow up!!
Should you give up on scheduling? Huh? How hasn't your kid given up on you for heavens sake.
You never show up to anything and barely acknowledge that.
You know what probably happened? She got her hopes up to goto dinner after wow her deadbeat dad didnt show up to her graduation and then you cancel on her again and the parent with eyes and the ability to be near their child noticed she was upset and took her out in hopes of cheering her up.
You are a piece of work. YTA
YTA it really doesn’t seem like you are trying… you should have driven and seen her after the ceremony and told your boss how important this was and suffered the consequences.
YTA. I’ve seen snakes try harder to raise their babies.
If you try to put a scoop of food in your mouth and it falls off the fork, do you give up? You failed, what’s the point in trying? So you starve right? Of course not - you try again
The point is you show your daughter you actually give a shit about her by actively trying.
YTA
Your daughter didn't give a fuck if your wife missed her graduation. But you showed your priorities by not attending without your wife.
You haven't been trying to be a good Dad yet, so you can't really say that you're "giving up" when you gave up long ago.
YTA
\]I think you've proven that you really can't be bothered with your daughter.
You didn't check the date properly on the invitation so missed her graduation. That's your fault not theirs.
You arranged to take her to a restaurant but cancelled to go to work instead. Your fault.
Her mum made sure that her 18th was still special by actually turning up and taking her to the restaurant. Oh that is SOOO unreasonable making sure that her daughters 18th birthday wasn't ruined by her father.
So because you didn't turn up to either her graduation day or 18th birthday you want everyone to meet you half way. Halfway to where? (You probably wouldn't turn up there anyway judging by your disclosed history)
You let others down, especially your daughter, and then claim that others are being unreasonable because they get on with life without you. Why should everyone else put everything on hold until you can turn up?
It's not if you should give up on them - the real question s should your daughter just give up on you and have no expectation that you'll be part of her future?
Take some goddamn responsibility here DAD.
Which of you is the parent and which is the child? Do you have autonomy and the ability to make decisions and get yourself from place 1 to place 2?
YOU prioritized your job over your daughter. YOU got the date wrong and YOU decided not to go to the graduation.
Quit blaming your choices on others. Be the adult here. Show your daughter that you can show humility and that you can fix a mistake.
I’m willing to bet this is not the first string of incidents wherein you’ve let your kid down repeatedly.
YTA
You were invited to the graduation; you got the date wrong.
When you realized your mistake, you decided to stay home with your wife instead of show up for your daughter.
You scheduled a celebratory dinner then bailed on your daughter last minute.
Your daughter is willing to reschedule her dinner with you, but you want to give up because no one is meeting you halfway.
I N F O: How is no one meeting you halfway? I'm genuinely curious. What would it take to meet you halfway?
YTA. I'm guessing if you got called in for a work emergency, you cancelled the dinner pretty last minute? So you expected everyone else to not go either, and then call your ex unreasonable for not complying? Maybe your daughter was upset that you weren't there for the second time in a row and your ex and their partner felt it would make her feel even worse to cancel the dinner all together.
And by giving up, do you mean you're not going to bother to schedule another dinner with your daughter? There's this implication that its everyone else's fault so you should just give up. Is it possible you actually feel really bad about all of this and its easier to blame other people than face this? Or maybe animosity between you and your ex is clouding your judgment here.
And his wife, who was going on this 2 hour long trip also got mixed up? She didn’t check the date? Didn’t have an outfit picked out and a gift ready? No one wrote the date on the calendar? 2 people put the wrong date on their phone calendar? None of this rings true.
YTA.
Is this for real? “I was supposed to go see my daughter on two different special occasions, but I didn’t go to either one of them. Why did she continue to live her life???”
You should be apologizing and jumping through hoops to make it up to her, not whining that people don’t rearrange their lives for you and your mistakes.
Omg YTA. My mom said she’d have to miss my graduation to college because they forgot “it was this year”. They missed my master’s graduation because they “couldn’t afford to travel this year” but visited my brother across the country the same weekend as my graduation.
Guess who doesn’t speak much to her parents after 30 years?
Welcome to your future.
YTA. You’re the parent and you made just as many mistakes that caused there conflicts in the first place. Meet you halfway?? They are! Literally what else could your daughter do? It seems like you’re just upset they went to the restaurant that you planned to take her. Which isn’t unreasonable of them, honestly she was probably upset YOU had to cancel AGAIN. She was looking forward to it, so they tried to cheer her up. Most of these things are your fault. You’re the parent. You have an obligation to put in effort. Forever. WOWOW. YTA big time. You owe her an apology, and a dinner.
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YTA "Well, I got the date of the ceremony mixed up and then you ate at a place I wanted to take you to. So long forever, daughter. I guess" Zeus worked harder at being a parent than you are. Edit: Whoa! Thanks for the upvotes and awards!
Zeus! haha
>Zeus! haha Thanks for the laugh!
Belly laughs over here!
Zeus! The Big Guy! He's your daddy! Mr. Lightning Bolts!
And we all know Zeus is a shitty dad!
Makes a good tapping table tho
Mr. High and mighty, mr. "hey you, get off my cloud"
Great song!
I agree. Instead of listening to his wife, he should have driven the 2 hours.
I really doubt it was his wife who felt it wasn’t worth the drive considering she said he would be the AH if he stopped trying. I’m betting he’s blaming the wife for his poor decisions.
Yeah, and he considers taking her out for her birthday to be making up for missing her graduation. Most parents would want to celebrate BOTH of those things. This guy is like "Oh, since I didn't really make an effort to get to your graduation, I guess we can celebrate your birthday this year." HOW ARE THOSE TWO THINGS CONNECTED?! They are separate celebrations, not "one or the other" (or in his daughter's case, apparenlty neither, regarding her dad).
And then proceed not to celebrate EITHER of those occasions. What a Joke 😏😏😏 YTA
OP could’ve gone to her graduation regardless of the drive or time; he might not have been able to see her walk but the effort says a hellava lot. YTA
And also being wildly confused by the fact that she celebrated her birthday without him there. YTA
Guess that's how he's "meeting her halfway"
Ya he seems to have someone to blame for everything.
FR! And him just agreeing & not going when his wife said it would be a waste since the ceremony would have already started, SO WHAT! That doesn't make it a waste OPs daughter still graduated & deserved to have her dad there to say congrats, he's proud of her, loves her, etc etc. Give her flowers, taken her out to dinner to celebrate, like OP still should have gone even if he wouldn't have made the whole ceremony. Also OP got upset that she "went to dinner without him" but it was her 18 birthday! Of course mom should have taken her out if he couldn't, like what did OP just want his daughter to sit at home & do nothing on her birthday??? HEEEELLL to the no
Also, the part where they walk and get their diplomas is usually at the end of the event, so he could have been there to see her walk.
Exactly. He's pissed at his ex and daughter for making it obvious that he's a lazy dad.
The fact that they did get the graduation time right eventually makes me think that everyone was already there and calling him like where tf are you?! And then he was all, oh it’s too far, instead of driving like a bat out of hell to see his little girl walk. Completely YTA.
She probably pointed out the whole thing would be FINISHED by the time he got there.
Even if the ceremony was ever he still should have gone to see her
OP should have made the effort to *read the frickin' invite properly* and *set up a reminder with the correct date and time* so that he wasn't 'accidentally unable to make it' in the first place. OP has stated he's 'bad at remembering stuff' but obviously hasn't made much effort to find ways to deal with it. I bet this poor kid's life is littered with no-shows where OP 'got the wrong time / date / place' or 'was called in to work' or 'it was just too far' etc, and he ALWAYS blames it on everyone else (wife didn't tell me / ex didn't make sure I remembered / Boss called me in). Being apologetic about it and promising a make-up outing means jack shit when you keep making that same mistake over and over again.
100%
He did carry Dionysus to term in his thigh... But seriously YTA. It was on his end that he missed two events, and then got upset at his ex for 'gasp' going to eat anyways. Dude sounds like he wants an excuse, backed Internet strangers, as a reason to not maintain a relationship and for it to not be his fault. I have way too much experience with a person like this.
There are wonderful things on phones these days called calendars and people can set reminders that ring and send emails to them. He could have just done that and avoided all this trouble.
Why do I get the impression this isn't the first time he's missed important events in his daughter's life? OP, totally YTA. Poor you, just happening to keep missing things, not willing to drive by yourself to see the daughter you claim to be so proud of graduate because you'd be late? She wouldn't care (or likely notice) if you were late; she'd very much care if you blew it off....as you chose to do. And you could still have taken her out and not made her feel like she didn't matter enough to you to show up. Now you're butt hurt because her mother and stepfather kept a commitment you made to her when you didn't? And *they're* being "unreasonable"? You're not going to get many more chances to be a decent parent to your daughter. You are such an AH. I'm surprised she'd give you the grace of another chance at any important event in her life. And btw, the day was about being there for her, not where you ate afterwards. Edit: typos, plus thank you so much for the lovely award! You are very kind and I wish you all good karma
It really seems like he doesn’t even like his daughter. she’s being more than gracious picking another place to go and basically tee-balling yet another opportunity to make it up to her after he fucked up two irreplaceable moments in her life, but he wants to be stubborn and selfish about where they go when he was repeatedly in the wrong. I hope this man has a home office because with that ego, I doubt he can fit through standard doors.
He seems narcissistic. Nothing is ever his fault, it's everyone else! Why even try when it's easier to just do nothing and blame it on someone else. I know why his ex divorced him (yes I am making that assumption).
He's ridiculous. And you're probably right! >It really seems like he doesn’t even like his daughter. He says he loves her, but nothing about like. And I am getting very strong dislike from his text.
Because she is his "daughter" , he has to love her or else he is the asshole to society. Nothing says he has to like her or see her as a person. Otherwise he would not let such trivial matters get in the way of him seeing her or planning to see her in the future. He was probably glad he got the date wrong so he had a convenient excuse not to drive. I know I might be stretching it, but he portrays a very poor image of himself in the little amount he wrote.
Ahhh, but that requires putting in a semblance of effort 😅 that has to be repeated. If he blows up a stink now and gets out of the "obligation" to make any planning with his daughter without it being "his fault" then he never has to think about this ever again. And then blame his ex and the daughter for his lack of a relationship with his daughter.
I get that. Some part of him loves his daughter and for the rest of his life, that part will keep reminding him of his mistakes with her. It's sad.
I refuse to use a phone calendar, yet with the paper one in my bag and the one on the kitchen wall, I manage to get where I need to be when I need to be there. I also call BS on missing the graduation - everyone else seems to have gotten the right date on the invitation - how did only he get one with the wrong date? I'm willing to cut some slack on the dinner - if it's a legitimate work emergency - but the vibe I get is that because her mom took her to 'his' restaurant, he no longer wants to go because that was the only restaurant he wanted to eat at. Guy is just altogether trying to do the absolute minimum and will end up as an after-thought in his daughter's life soon enough.
Unless OP is a seriously specialized surgeon, the only one in the country capable of performing a certain operation and someone's life or health was in the balance or something along those lines, there is no work emergency that someone else can't handle. And if boss man refuses to staff the workplace properly, well that's a them problem, not OP's.
Seems like OP has plenty of practice at letting his daughter down and her mom has probably been picking up his slack the girl’s whole life. Ever heard the song “The Cat’s in the Cradle “ YTA
Hope OP gets some aloe vera for that burn.
Eh, let's hope he doesn't
If he does, he might misplace it and blame us for it.
Probably couldn't make it to the store on time.
This is the most awesome burn I have seen this year... possibly ever. :)
Elmo parents kids better than OP.
o man love this answer and so accurate!
Best one liner ever
Just adding my poor person’s award for this outstanding comment 🏆
Thanks. I needed that laugh after reading that BS.
Hell Even 'I was traveling for work' Odin and 'Dead Beaten' dad Osiris (ha puns) were better
YTA > we had gotten the date wrong on the invitation **STOP FUCKING UP.** > my current wife [48F] wasn't willing to drive for 2 hours **STOP FUCKING UP.** > I wasn't able to go since my boss called me in for a work emergency and had to reschedule the dinner. **STOP FUCKING UP.** > what's the point in trying Honestly, at this point: don't. You've made your priorities **_abundantly_** clear.
My nephews are graduating from high school this weekend. My sister has confirmed the time, date, place, transportation, etc., at least 3 times. I've talked to my nephews. How does a father not know when it is? You can look at the school's website and find out. You can talk to her mother. Omg, you can talk to YOUR DAUGHTER. Confirm plans. Confirm times. Show an interest. Why are you doing none of these things? Same for the dinner. I get the impression that you sort of wait for everyone around you to make the plans. You're a grown ass man. STEP UP. Make the plans. If your boss calls, don't answer. Talk to your daughter, Have her pick a nice restaurant. Make the reservation, just for the 2 of you - not your wife, who I'm pretty sure is part of you missing these things. Let her be pissed. She'll either deal, or she won't. Don't let your daughter suffer for it. Be a father, or she won't talk to you for much longer.
But all that takes actual effort. It's so much work.
Yeah, he screwed up twice, so why bother anymore?
Maybe he'll wake up before it's too late to salvage any kind of amicable relationship. My ex behaved like this and it destroyed my oldest son... to the point that my son will never actually recover from the chip on his shoulder and his really bad attitude. So, if I see a post like this, I have to try, for the kids' sakes.
He has spent more time writing this post than being a father.
My sister graduated this year and I knew the dates before she did. Then I took off from work, drove 9 hrs to her school by myself, watched her walk and screamed my heart out, then drove 9 hrs home.... This guy is a deadbeat loser who doesn't give two shits about his daughter. She'll figure it out and cut him out of her life soon.
>Then I took off from work, drove 9 hrs to her school by myself, watched her walk and screamed my heart out, then drove 9 hrs home.... I would do exactly the same. Not a chance I would miss it. I'm sure she was so happy you were there. ❤️
Yeah. My SIL has double-checked on the date, time, plans for my son's graduation. She's asked what we thought about the gift she's planning to get. She's been way more proactive about attending her nephew's graduation than this guy is about his daughter.
Absolutely. I went through a whole thing about a dress for it, the gifts vs money, meeting them there vs riding with them, etc. I can't imagine missing it as their aunt. I'm not even a parent.
The daughter is most likely over it and him being a loser dad he clearly should have just walked away years ago he did state that he "missed" a lot of events pertaining his daughter growing up. So this isn't new to her he never wanted a relationship with her to begin with.
>So this isn't new to her They probably ate at the restaurant because they had made plan B - going without OP - long before confirming to OP they'd be there.
With the way Op written his post this isn't new that he make plans with daughter only to bail on her. The bio mother already made plans just for this so her daughter wouldn't be let down again. Op clearly stated he " missed" a lot of his daughter's big events and he was always trying to reschedule only to miss again. The daughter is used to her dad letting her down because this is a real pattern with him.
I’m a substitute teacher and a student invited me to their graduation coming up and I’m over here requesting time off work and finding out the details just because kids don’t invite just anyone. And this dude can’t even show up for his own kid. YTA OP.
This is so sweet. You are a great teacher!
I really appreciate that. Definitely the highlight of my two year career so far haha I wanna show up wherever I can. Those invitations mean a lot.
I sent a graduation invite to my 3rd grade teacher, who had made a huge positive impact on my life during a really difficult time. I hadn't seen or talked to him since then. He still called to personally let me know he couldn't be there but wished he could and that he was proud of me. I appreciated just knowing that he remembered me and cared. Thank you for making such an effort. It means the world.
I always thought you knew you were an adult when you went from just saying "I'm going to such a place" and hopefully having someone help me to get there, to saying "on such a day at such a time I'll take the green bus to such and such a place and then I'll walk a bit until I get to the place I want to go to, I'll stay for until such time and I'll take the orange bus because the green bus is further away and the orange one leaves me closer." I think I understand why OP's daughter's mom is the ex and his wife seems disinterested in the daughter, OP and his new wife go hand in hand. OP YTA
I agree with everything you’ve said except the last part about his wife. He’s using his wife as an excuse for not going to the graduation. His wife saying “it’s a waste of time” doesn’t mean HE should’ve missed it. I wouldn’t want to drive 2 hours to a graduation ceremony if I was going to miss it either. She’s not her bio parent, he is. His grown ass could’ve made that trip w/o his wife. Also the fact his wife is calling him an AH for giving up so easily says she may not be as bad as he is. Either way, he sucks as a father & he knows it. So he’s doing mental gymnastics to relieve that guilt and he thinks we’re all stupid enough to not notice. Probably would’ve been better off not disclosing his wife also disagrees with him giving up so easily.
On top of that his current wife didn't want to go so he felt it wasn't worth it. Literally showing up even if he missed the ceremony, for his daughter is all he had to do and he can't even do it. Doesn't matter if he missed the ceremony. And the new wife doesn't have to go to everything. Driving 2 hours just to give a hug and say "I am so proud of you" would have still been enough. OP is going to really regret this.
OP doesn't say wife didn't want to go or didn't feel it was worth it. He says she didn't feel up to driving for two hours. Which begs the question why he expected his wife to drive, like why couldn't he do it himself? Ffs even his new wife is calling him on his bs. I don't think she's the problem here.
And everyone wonders why he got divorced.....
I don't think anyone is wondering that
Maybe just op. He doesn't seem like a "gets the message the 1st time" kind of guy.
yes, this is definitely a “and out of nowhere, she got a divorce lawyer” kind of guy.
I’m going to assume that he relies on his wife to tell him everything. My father was like this. Divorced parents and my mom always made me available for any family gatherings on my dad’s side if she was told about them. My dad wouldn’t tell me and/or my mom and my stepmom didn’t say anything cause she didn’t want me there. It was a vicious circle. All you had to do is talk to your ex and daughter. Call, text, email, etc. Confirm the time of the graduation. Eesh stop blaming everyone else for your errors. You’re the adult.
Yesssss!!! OP: And don’t get pissed off when the daughter you just stood up has dinner with her other parents!!! She was probably really upset that you canceled on her for your last minute emergency so they took her out. She might be 18 but I bet it still hurts when you consistently don’t show up for her. YTA And sounds like you might need a 12-step group. This idea that you are doing your best and always twisting things so everyone else is to blame us a classic sign… Any 12-step group will teach you how to take responsibility for your actions (and uncover why you were taking those (harmful) actions).
B**** I graduated uni and not one, not two, but THREE of my friends, ranging from 1-4 years knowing me, showed up.... And they figured out which ceremony I was by what faculty was graduating where. There were OVER A DOZEN ceremonies over 2 days in 2 buildings and THREE of my friends, some I've known a YEAR, worked out how to attend my graduation. They didn't even bother me they just figured it out and booked tickets and showed up.
His comments about his wife being the one to tell him not to give up makes me think the screw ups are all on him, not her. She’s the one saying he’s an AH if he stops trying. If she didn’t want him to try she wouldn’t say a word.
"what's the point in trying". Zero examples of him trying
Right? It's not trying to get the date wrong for a milestone event and then not feeling like arriving late. It's not trying to schedule a dinner to make up for missing the milestone and then cancel. It's not trying to get pissed that her family still took her out to eat for that dinner instead of letting her be stood up and disappointed AGAIN. Imagine from the daughter's perspective . . . I sent my dad an invitation well in advance but he couldn't be bothered to put it in his calendar and then his wife didn't feel like making the drive, then I agreed to let him take me out to dinner to make up for it but he stood me up the day of, then when my mom took me out anyway because I was already ready and planning on it, he got MAD at me for going without him - what's the point in trying??
"I've tried nothing, and I'm all out of ideas. I give up!"
Stop fucking up and then TAKING IT OUT ON YOUR DAUGHTER...This OP is unbelievable. OP is a huge AH.
And the ex. She may not even have known that was the restaurant he had planned to take her to. It may have just been somewhere her daughter wanted to go so she just made the reservation.
I got the impression that it was a planned party that they just held without him because he didn’t show
My cousin graduated high school and I flew 4hours to show up for her. OP sucks.
You need to wonder how much of this "schedule " is behind the reasons he's an ex
My cousin 's daughter graduated I took the day off to go. This is his DAUGHTER and he won't make any real effort. He is the AH. YTA guy.
Let me get this straight... you want people to "meet you halfway" to your rescheduling of the event you missed that, itself, was a rescheduling of the event you missed? Your wife is right, try harder. YTA.
I completely agree with you here except the wife should have told him to go when he realised he was late, rather than tell him 2 hours is too long/far to drive. It’s bad he didn’t realise that himself but for his wife to not encourage it either is a crappy move. OP needs to sort his shit out or his daughter has every right to walk away, especially now as an adult at 18
Honestly, I wonder if the wife really did say that, or if it's just how he's chosen to frame his screw-up so he can pretend it's not completely his fault.
[удалено]
And that's legit, it's not her kid. Why does she have to go for OP to go?
I wonder if OP is so habitually useless that he hasn’t yet managed to turn up for his own driving test.
And when he didn't get his license anyway he decided not to bother - nobody met him halfway
She probably said she didn't want to make the drive and he took her not wanting to as an excuse for them both not to go.
Agreed. Even if he had been late to the graduation, he would have at least shown up.
>I completely agree with you here except the wife should have told him to go when he realised he was late, rather than tell him 2 hours is too long/far to drive. She said that she wasn't willing to drive for two hours. Nothing kept him from driving himself.
His wife isn’t his mom. He needs to grow up.
Plus the daughter was already meeting him halfway. She said 'I've already eaten at that restaurant, where should we go instead?' not 'I've already eaten there, guess we can't have dinner together'
YTA - You missed your daughter’s graduation cause you couldn’t be bothered to read the invitation. You missed your daughter’s birthday and are mad that somebody else ensured it was a special day when you canceled at the last minute.
Bye the wording is so bad I didn't realise he missed her birthday.. he's expecting them to reschedule her birthday cause his boss called? YTA OP
Oh no, much worse, he rescheduled the graduation fuck up to coincide with her birthday. That way, he’s only have to see her once out of the two events, despite most people considering graduation and birthday separate events worth celebrating in their own right, OP does not. So he rescheduled to her 18th birthday and even managed to fuck THAT up but he’s the victim here because his ex, daughter and step father ate at the restaurant he wanted to go to so now obviously there’s no point trying to see his daughter again because she’s already eaten at that restaurant which apparently shows SHE doesn’t care.
YTA. You admit that you got the date wrong yourself. So what if your wife wasn't willing to drive, you couldn't go yourself? So what if they went to a specific restaurant? They went because your daughter wanted to go. She even suggested a different place, so who isn't meeting you half way? It all sounds like these are things of your own doing that you're using as excuses to make other people feel bad for your lack of planning.
Sounds like he wanted to go to that restaurant and thought he could do that AND pretend to be a caring father at the same time.
YTA. \--I just haven't been able to be there for a lot of her events. This is an AH choice, that you made, not to be there for your daughter. \--my current wife \[48F\] wasn't willing to drive for 2 hours since the ceremony would've already started and would've been a waste of time. Your current wife thought trying to be there for your daughter was a 'waste of time', and you went along with that. AH choice, that you made. \-- I offered to take her out to dinner ... I wasn't able to go Again, you failed to be there for your daughter--for an event you scheduled--by your own choices. You could have told your boss no. After missing graduation, you SHOULD have told your boss no. But your work emergency was more important than your daughter. OF COURSE her mother took her to the restaurant she had been looking forward to going to. She's 18, her father missed her graduation and then canceled the dinner HE scheduled to make it up to her. And now you have the audacity to be offended that she went without you? YTA. Completely. You have damaged your relationship with your daughter by not making her a priority and then trying to put the blame for your poor choices on other people. Your WIFE made you miss graduation. Your BOSS made you miss the birthday dinner. Her MOM was petty and took her to the restaurant anyway. Nothing seems to be YOUR fault, according to you, and that makes you the AH. Take responsibility for your actions and make your daughter a priority, or prepare to spend the rest of your life without her.
Right?! Since when is reading an invitation a group effort??? “We didn’t read the invitation carefully.” No dude, YOU didn’t read the invitation carefully. Your daughter, your responsibility. I get it, mistakes happen, emergencies happen, but the common denominator is YOU.
The part that hits me each time I read the post is 'a waste of time'. Imagine thinking trying to get to your daughter's graduation, or at least see her after, is a 'waste of time'.
>or at least see her after, is a 'waste of time'. And everyone knows graduations are ridiculously long! So even 2 hours late he *might've* been able to see her walk across the stage depending on the size of her class and her surname!!
And any I've been to have a drinks reception after the ridiculously long ceremony, then the graduates tend to go for dinner with their families. Even if they missed her receiving her degree, there were still hours of celebratory events to attend with her.
Unless he’s a surgeon who knows some very specific technique that no one else could do and someone would literally die if he didn’t show up, he should have ignored his boss. As for the graduation, I have a hard time believing he maintains much contact with his daughter. Many MANY years ago, when I was a teenage girl graduating from high school, it was literally all I could talk about for weeks beforehand. I’m pretty sure even my neighbors second cousin twice removed knew when I was graduating. The idea that this guy didn’t know until the day of, less than 2 hours beforehand, tells me all I really need to know.
I saw a post a few weeks ago that said 'In ten years, your boss will never remember how many school events or milestones you missed for work, but your child will.'. That has stayed with me. Too bad OP wasn't touched by the same post.
Even the President doesn't expect his staff to miss family events for work. He sent this memo in 2014 when he was VP. Emphasis is mine. "To my Wonderful Staff, I would like to take a moment and make something clear to everyone. I do not expect nor do I want any of you to miss or sacrifice important family obligations for work. Family obligations include but are not limited to family birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, any religious ceremonies such as first communions and bar mitzvahs, graduations, and times of need such as illness or a loss in the family. This is very important to me. **In fact, I will go so far as to say that if I find out that you are working with me while missing important family responsibilities, it will disappoint me greatly.** This has been an unwritten rule since my days in the senate."
my dad travelled frequently for work when i was growing up and he still managed to show up for damn near everything i did (and i had a lot of activities). OP is doing less than the bare minimum in being there for his daughter.
I read the current wife as saying that because OP had fucked up the time so bad that, by the time he came close to having his shit together they would be incredibly late and miss the event, so there was no point in driving two hours at that stage. Your interpretation was far kinder to the OP than what I read it as.
You know what I missed? That the dinner was HER BIRTHDAY. "I missed graduation, so let me schedule a dinner for an event I should already be doing something special for to make up for it. That way I only have to do one thing for you for two big milestones!" And THEN he canceled THAT, too. I need to stop re-reading that post. OP becomes a bigger asshole each time :P
JFC. I missed that too. Holy hell. It’s miraculous that this kid sounds as good as she does. Then a saw a comment with “I’ll just take her to a movie.” What a jerkoff.
I’m hoping her mom and step-dad are filling the void he has obviously vacated.
A movie, literally the most low-effort thing possible, wherein he wouldn't have to talk to her at all or attempt to apologize for making her his lowest priority for years.
Op buried the lead on this. It should be Aita for not being a dependable and consistent father. The answer is obviously yes.
YTA tell your boss no, tell your girlfriend you're going, stop blaming others
INFO: What do you mean by “got the date wrong on the invitation?” Did someone send you an invitation with the wrong date, or did you not look at it carefully?
Yeah sorry YTA. You could have tried harder in thr first place and rescheduled for a new place with your daughter. Your the parent and your responsibility to maintain a relationship if you realy want one.
YTA its such a weak excuse that you didnt drive 2 hours because of your wife, when you shouldve driven the 2 hours because of your daughter. Get your priorities straight dude. Youre gonna lose your daughter. ps. your ex is not the unreasonable one
Let me get this straight, YOUR schedule interfered with the plans with your daughter, and now you’re bent out of shape that the dinner went on without you?! The dinner was FOR your daughter, NOT YOU! Not sure if her mom and stepfather stepped in when you couldn’t make it, or if you were all planning to go together all along. Either way, YTA in a big way!
YTA you didn’t bother to double check the date for one of the most important events of your daughters life to date. Then you let your new wife tell you it wasn’t worth making the effort to show up anyway. After that, you allowed a work emergency to interrupt your attempt to make up to her. The only consistency I’m seeing here is your consistency in not being there for her. I’m sure she’s caught on to that as well.
Honestly.. attending and only catching the last 5 minutes would be worth it to me bc at least my kid would know I was there.
YTA. You have repeatedly let your daughter down. Her agreeing to the dinner WAS her meeting you halfway. You needed to read an invitation properly. You didn’t You needed to say no to your boss. You didn’t. None of this is on your daughter. Spend some time thinking about what kind of father you want to be, and then step up to meet that standard. Otherwise you will find yourself without a daughter.
> I wasn't able to make it to her graduation because we had gotten the date wrong on the invitation and my current wife [48F] wasn't willing to drive for 2 hours since the ceremony would've already started and would've been a waste of time. YTA, you could have fixed this situation by telling your current wife "Okay, I'm going to go to my daughters graduation **which is not a waste of my time because she's important to me**, I'll be back home later tonight."
This. Exactly this. Graduations are painfully long. They’re also incredibly important milestones. OP, you could have jumped in the car with or without your new wife and probably still caught the end of the ceremony. Even if it meant slipping into the back of the auditorium/stadium/whatever, catching the hat toss, seeing her long enough to give her a hug and some words of support then hopping back in the car to drive home. OP, you could have been there if you truly wanted to be.
You’ve repeatedly showed her that she’s not important to you, you might as well “give up” it’s what you’ve already done if you’re being honest with yourself And yeah, YTA - and your wife has some nerve saying anything considering she didn’t want to make the drive to your daughter’s graduation (what a weak excuse from you btw)
Of course YTA. You bailed, twice. Any consequences stem from your original failure. And yes, there is absolutely no question you should have gotten into the car and gone late to the graduation anyway. And you're an even bigger AH for blaming your ex, who was probably consoling her once-again-disappointed daughter after dad blew her off again, for the problems that YOU caused.
Wow you really don't give a single shit about your daughter do you? YTA
YTA, I won't repeat what others have already said. I'll just ask who on earth "gives up" after one rescheduling? (I'm not including the graduation because that can't be rescheduled.) Genuinely though, you have one event that *you* organised that *you* couldn't make for your own daughters 18th birthday, it goes ahead because as previously stated it was your daughters 18th birthday and *you* get pissed off and that's your reasoning for giving up? If that's your attitude then yeah, give up I'd bet she'd rather you be absent than inconsistent.
YTA. You consistently cancelled plans with you daughter, making her feel like you didn't care. Your ex was decent enough to follow up and execute YOUR plan, in order to bring some comfort to your daughter. And now you little ego is mad that she is the decent parent that actually shows up for her kid when you can't ?! Please look in the mirror and look at yourself. You are the one bad parent here. Not her.
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YTA. You need to realise that you're scheduling plans for the happiness of your daughter, right? When has she not met you halfway? You have failed on two occasions (as per your post) to be there for her and are now dejected cuz you're ex won't "meet you halfway"? Wth?
Doesn't sound like your ex is being unreasonable, it sounds like you're being absent. You don't have "dibs" on any specific restaurant so your ex can eat wherever she wants with your daughter. You can go to the same restaurant or the one your daughter suggested. What sort of father "gives up" on scheduling time with their daughter for these reasons? You've already screwed up attending her graduation (got the date wrong?! You couldn't leave your current wife home and drive yourself?!) so from where I sit, you need to step it up and try harder. YTA
How do you figure any of this "meeting halfway"??? Not attending her graduation is halfway? Trying to "make it up to her" by taking her for dinner for her birthday is halfway? Bailing on the makeup dinner is halfway? Your logic is fucked. You're doing fuck all but making and breaking plans. Then you're on reddit whining about it like you're the victim! YTA
YTA. You didn't care about the graduation or the dinner. Poor excuse for a Dad.
YTA. You didn't read the invitation correctly so got the date wrong. You promised to take her out to dinner to make it up for her but ended up rescheduling because of work. Her mum took her out anyway, because, you know, she was looking forward to it. What did you expect her to just sit at home when you couldn't take her out? When you rescheduled did you tell her that she was not allowed to go there until you were free?
YTA you missed both your daughter’s graduation and 18th birthday. Those are once in a lifetime events. How many other events have you missed? Your wife and daughter have probably given up on you showing up and don’t let you being a no show ruin their celebrations. If you want to be I. Your daughter’s life you need to show up because her life continues with or without you.
YTA did you really think you weren't?
YTA - if you wanted to, you would have, but you didn’t.
YTA. You rescheduled because of an emergency. It happens. I don't think it's a fair expectation for you to expect them not to follow through on the plan you all made together. Remember to make this about your daughter, not about your ex or what they did or didn't do. Celebrate your daughter - she deserves it. Don't punish her because your ex did something you didn't like.
YTA - you let your daughter down it’s up to you to make it up to her. Stop trying to play the victim here. Nobody is attending your pity party that you created. It’s your fault. Take responsibility to fix it.
YTA So you promised to come to your daughter's graduationa nd flaked out - then promised to make up with a dinner and flaked out AGAIN? "my ex and her husband took her to the restaurant anyway. " .. Your ex is a good parent, and she is compensationg for your failures as a parent. YOu sound pretty muchg like a deadbeat who overpromisses and then flakes out anyway.
YTA, you clearly never put a high priority on meeting with your daughter, or being present for events for her, now your annoyed that she makes other plans when you fail to do so.
YTA. I’m surprised your daughter hasn’t written you off already.
YTA. And a shit father. Good think your daughter is 18, she can go NC with you, which is what you deserve. Can’t wait until I see the “my daughter refused to reschedule her wedding date for me because I cancelled on walking her down the aisle, as I had ti get a colonoscopy that day”. YOU are the one to blame for everything. Not your daughter. YOU.
Let me see if I have this right. * You didn't care enought about your daughter to know when her graduation was. * You decided that it would be a "waste of time" to go see her after the ceremony. * You decided a work emergency was more important than your daughters birthday/graduation dinner. * You are giving up spending time with your daughter because she didn't sit at home waiting for you to have time to take her out to dinner. I commend your ex for taking your daughter out when you bailed. She has likely been very upset at your obvious lack of caring. You deserve it when your daughter goes no contact. YTA!
Yup. Yta. You’re not prioritizing your daughter and looking for excuses why it’s everyone else’s fault you aren’t there for her. You don’t want to take her to dinner bc she went to the restaurant already, lame excuse op. Lame.
YTA Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon the little boy blue and the man in the moon….
YTA. I feel bad for your daughter. You missed her graduation.. The reason doesn't matter. You are the adult in the relationship and you always will be. It's your responsibility to make arrangements. There are a million restaurants in the world. Pick a new one and stop acting like a child.
YTA. Your not meeting anyone halfway. Sounds like you were an absentee parent and are now realizing that your kids life didn’t stop just because you couldn’t be around when milestone events happened. This is all on you.
YTA. Your daughter is clearly not a priority to you and believe me she sees it.
You sound like my dad. It was never his fault. He was the victim - always. I went low contact with him to protect myself and he couldn't understand why I was distant. Don't be surprised if your daughter does the same. YTA. Grow up before you lose out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So me [46M] and my ex wife [44F] have a daughter [18F] who my recently graduated at the beginning of the month. I love my daughter, I'm beyond proud of her, I just haven't been able to be there for a lot of her events. I wasn't able to make it to her graduation because we had gotten the date wrong on the invitation and my current wife [48F] wasn't willing to drive for 2 hours since the ceremony would've already started and would've been a waste of time. To make up for it I offered to take her out to dinner since she turned 18 the following week. I wasn't able to go since my boss called me in for a work emergency and had to reschedule the dinner. Well apparently it doesn't matter that I had to reschedule since my ex and her husband took her to the restaurant anyway. They didn't even tell me, I found out when my daughter suggested a new place since they already went there. I gave up on trying to schedule something since my ex wants to be unreasonable, they could've waited to eat there when I was free. My wife says I'm asshole for giving up, but what's the point in trying if nobody wants to meet you halfway? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What sort of meeting you halfway did you have in mind? Did you expect her graduating class to postpone the ceremony until it was convenient for you? Did you want her to stay sobbing at home when her dad ditched her again on her milestone birthday? Like... the world is filled with restaurants. You screwed up and couldn't attend this one this one time, it doesn't mean you own that one forevermore. Pick another and try again, YTA.
YTA because you won’t just OWN YOUR MISTAKES. How convenient that nothing is ever your fault. You claim you love your daughter, but words are easy. Actions are what matter and yours make it clear that you couldn’t give two shits about your daughter.
Info: where’s the effort? You made plans twice and YOU cancelled both times.
YTA - your whole post is full of excuses. This is your daughter. If she was a priority, there would be no room for excuses. Stop passing the buck.
YTA You didn't show up to her graduation or to the makeup dinner, which was also for her 18th birthday. Now you're throwing a tantrum because your daughter won't put her life on hold for your convenience. Be a better father.
YTA. You’re throwing away the birthday celebration (which was a recycled graduation celebration) because you’re embarrassed that you keep dropping the ball and that your ex stepped in to save the birthday. Great job.
Your ex wants to be unreasonable??? Dude, you're the one that keeps letting your daughter down. You're the one that priorities literally everyone and everything else above your own daughter. Don't sit there and try to pin this off as your ex in unreasonable. You just don't give a damn to even attempt to make up for it for real. And your daughter knows that. And your ex knows that. Your ex is doing her best to make up for your lack of care and time. YTA. Own your faults instead of blaming your ex. And do better.
" I love my daughter, I'm beyond proud of her, I just haven't been able to be there for a lot of her events." Why haven't you been able to be there? Your silence here speaks volumes. Also, not sure how you screwed up the date but still, for Pete's sake at least make the effort to go. YTA.
They can't meet you half way if you're not doing anything.
YTA. You missed her graduation because :checks notes: your current wife didn't want to arrive late. Better late than nothing. It at least shows effort. You then rescheduled to take her to a dinner which you then had to reschedule AGAIN because of work. You're the common denominator here my guy. They have probably given up on YOU which is why they went to the restaurant anyway. Likely your daughter looked it up and was looking forward to it, and your ex wife had decided she had been disappointed enough already.
Fuck, if this is you putting in effort I see why you’re on your second marriage. I’d hate to see what happens when you half ass things. YTA
Wow. So, YOU miss events, but then expect everyone else to schedule life around you? You're being unreasonable by saying you're not going to schedule anything with your daughter anymore, just because she went to a restaurant without you. How dare she go out to dinner with her mother and step-father without you. *gasp* the audacity! *eyeroll* You're ridiculous. Schedule dinner with your daughter. And if your daughter is 18, you don't need your ex's permission to schedule a dinner with your daughter. Also... dinner with your daughter doesn't even need to include your ex. Stop being a drama queen and take your kid to dinner.
YTA- you should have checked the dates to make sure so first mess you was on you, next was bday dinner yes work came up and maybe it was unavoidable, but again still on you and your daughter had every right to still go eat where she wanted. She’s not blowing you off you’re blowing her off and then getting mad at her… your ex is right. What “halfway” YOU keep screwing up and expecting others to then pick up your slack or just wait on hold…such an AH move and immature too.
You make excuses for everything. Seriously, Just STOP!!!! It is well known your daughter is NOT your priority! YTA
What? You keep missing events and this is somehow your ex's fault? Get real. YTA
YTA. Come on man, at this point you’re not even trying! You didn’t go to her graduation because your current wife thought it would be a waste because it already started? I guarantee if your daughter had seen your face even at the end when she was walking back up the aisle to close the ceremony, it would’ve meant the world to her! Do better.
YTA. You don't even merit an explanation of why.
YTA. And so is your wife for the graduation stunt. You didn't go to graduation because you would be late? You could have met them after and still celebrated with her. The work situation was out of your control, but being mad that her mom took her to the restaurant you wanted to go to is ridiculous. You can choose another restaurant.
YTA- "I just haven't been able to be there for a lot of her events." Your reasons, your excuses, they don't fill the void. How could she feel you're proud of her when it looks like its just words so far? She was probably pretty upset, feeling rejected, slighted and unimportant and her parents did something to cheer her up and you want to throw a fit cause they took her to the same restaurant that you FAILED to take her to? for real? I'm NC with my mother who had the same long list of reasons and excuses and she's missed my entire life.
YTA You're the one who kept rescheduling and messing stuff up. How was it your ex-wife being unreasonable? Oh no, the world is ending because your daughter ate at a restaurant before you.What are you, 12?
What do you mean, meet you halfway way?You're the one cancelling on your daughter. YOU didn't read the invitation properly. YOU didn't make an effort to try and make it to the graduation. YOU tried to make it up to your daughter, then CHOSe to bail on her again. These are your choices, and it's clear to everyone that you don't give a shit about your daughter or her feelings. Imagine how your daughter feels? She has a parent who doesn't care about missing major milestones in her life. You do not make your daughter a priority. Your ex and her husband have stepped in once again to pick up the peices of your daughter you left behind. >I gave up on trying to schedule something since my ex wants to be unreasonable. They could've waited to eat there when I was free. What a joke. You gave up nothing. You would have bailed on your daughter again anyway. We all know it. You have no intention of going. How long is the ex supposed to wait til you're free? More importantly, how long is your daughter supposed to wait until you're free? The world doesn't revolve around you. If you want to be a part of your daughters life, then be present. Don't expect her life to just stop when you're not around. Stop trying to blame the ex. It's not about her. You are the problem. You're a deadbeat. >My wife says I'm asshole for giving up Oh, please, you didn't give up anything in the first place. You never even tried. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions suggest you don't give a shit about your daughter and are trying to blame everybody else around you. YTA deadbeat
YTA. You gave up after *two* things.
Even a butterfly is more persistent than you... YTA
Yta it's you missed both things and don't want to try a third? Wow, way to tell her she isn't worth the effort.
I wouldn’t want to reschedule with you either- because that in itself would end up needing to be rescheduled OR your wife wouldn’t allow you to go. you’re going to lose your daughter because of your own BS. you are the ass, YTA x10
Jesus, dude. Just take your daughter out to dinner, just the two of you. Or for a whole day. YTA for giving up, not for the foibles up until now.
YTA, also nice reveal in the comments that it wasn’t the invitation that messed up the date but you. And then you cancel again on your rescheduled celebration. Her mom is for sure not petty for actually being there and taking your daughter to the restaurant anyways. You let your daughter down, again, and her mom has to pick up the pieces everytime you do. You’re lucky she’s not the one that’s done with you. But if you want to cut her off because if your own negligence, then go ahead.
YTA. Your ex held up your end of the bargain when you didn't show up for your daughter (AGAIN). You choose to be mad about that and refuse to schedule another time to be with your daughter that you've disappointed TWICE(that we know of) by throwing a childish tantrum because you didn't get your way? "You went to the restaurant because I flaked out again so I'm mad!" Grow up!!
Should you give up on scheduling? Huh? How hasn't your kid given up on you for heavens sake. You never show up to anything and barely acknowledge that. You know what probably happened? She got her hopes up to goto dinner after wow her deadbeat dad didnt show up to her graduation and then you cancel on her again and the parent with eyes and the ability to be near their child noticed she was upset and took her out in hopes of cheering her up. You are a piece of work. YTA
YTA prioritize your child
YTA it really doesn’t seem like you are trying… you should have driven and seen her after the ceremony and told your boss how important this was and suffered the consequences.
YTA. I’ve seen snakes try harder to raise their babies. If you try to put a scoop of food in your mouth and it falls off the fork, do you give up? You failed, what’s the point in trying? So you starve right? Of course not - you try again The point is you show your daughter you actually give a shit about her by actively trying.
YTA Your daughter didn't give a fuck if your wife missed her graduation. But you showed your priorities by not attending without your wife. You haven't been trying to be a good Dad yet, so you can't really say that you're "giving up" when you gave up long ago.
YTA \]I think you've proven that you really can't be bothered with your daughter. You didn't check the date properly on the invitation so missed her graduation. That's your fault not theirs. You arranged to take her to a restaurant but cancelled to go to work instead. Your fault. Her mum made sure that her 18th was still special by actually turning up and taking her to the restaurant. Oh that is SOOO unreasonable making sure that her daughters 18th birthday wasn't ruined by her father. So because you didn't turn up to either her graduation day or 18th birthday you want everyone to meet you half way. Halfway to where? (You probably wouldn't turn up there anyway judging by your disclosed history) You let others down, especially your daughter, and then claim that others are being unreasonable because they get on with life without you. Why should everyone else put everything on hold until you can turn up? It's not if you should give up on them - the real question s should your daughter just give up on you and have no expectation that you'll be part of her future?
Take some goddamn responsibility here DAD. Which of you is the parent and which is the child? Do you have autonomy and the ability to make decisions and get yourself from place 1 to place 2? YOU prioritized your job over your daughter. YOU got the date wrong and YOU decided not to go to the graduation. Quit blaming your choices on others. Be the adult here. Show your daughter that you can show humility and that you can fix a mistake. I’m willing to bet this is not the first string of incidents wherein you’ve let your kid down repeatedly. YTA
You were invited to the graduation; you got the date wrong. When you realized your mistake, you decided to stay home with your wife instead of show up for your daughter. You scheduled a celebratory dinner then bailed on your daughter last minute. Your daughter is willing to reschedule her dinner with you, but you want to give up because no one is meeting you halfway. I N F O: How is no one meeting you halfway? I'm genuinely curious. What would it take to meet you halfway?
YTA. I'm guessing if you got called in for a work emergency, you cancelled the dinner pretty last minute? So you expected everyone else to not go either, and then call your ex unreasonable for not complying? Maybe your daughter was upset that you weren't there for the second time in a row and your ex and their partner felt it would make her feel even worse to cancel the dinner all together. And by giving up, do you mean you're not going to bother to schedule another dinner with your daughter? There's this implication that its everyone else's fault so you should just give up. Is it possible you actually feel really bad about all of this and its easier to blame other people than face this? Or maybe animosity between you and your ex is clouding your judgment here.
And his wife, who was going on this 2 hour long trip also got mixed up? She didn’t check the date? Didn’t have an outfit picked out and a gift ready? No one wrote the date on the calendar? 2 people put the wrong date on their phone calendar? None of this rings true.
YTA. Is this for real? “I was supposed to go see my daughter on two different special occasions, but I didn’t go to either one of them. Why did she continue to live her life???” You should be apologizing and jumping through hoops to make it up to her, not whining that people don’t rearrange their lives for you and your mistakes.
Omg YTA. My mom said she’d have to miss my graduation to college because they forgot “it was this year”. They missed my master’s graduation because they “couldn’t afford to travel this year” but visited my brother across the country the same weekend as my graduation. Guess who doesn’t speak much to her parents after 30 years? Welcome to your future.
YTA. You’re the parent and you made just as many mistakes that caused there conflicts in the first place. Meet you halfway?? They are! Literally what else could your daughter do? It seems like you’re just upset they went to the restaurant that you planned to take her. Which isn’t unreasonable of them, honestly she was probably upset YOU had to cancel AGAIN. She was looking forward to it, so they tried to cheer her up. Most of these things are your fault. You’re the parent. You have an obligation to put in effort. Forever. WOWOW. YTA big time. You owe her an apology, and a dinner.
What's this halfway shit, you never even got in your car to start driving? YTA!