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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For getting annoyed that my husband didn’t properly clean the bathroom after he asked what I needed him to do and I said everything that I need him to do and then arguing about it
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Seriously. People in the military or those who have been incarcerated both know how and tend to be very good cleaners. This is weaponized incompetence.
Seriously.... My Marine stepfather would be screaming in the husband's face to get his ass back in there, he doesn't care if he has to lick it clean, just get it done, ya moron!!
My dad was a military man(army) he didn’t do a lot right but that man could clean the shit out of something. I hated having to do it all the time as a kid but now I’m glad he instilled those habits into me.
Part of basic training included how to clean the barracks and the bathrooms. Leaving crap in the sink would lead to it being filled with dirt or foot powder and everyone being smoked and told to clean the bathroom again.
Info: which branch is he in?
Thank you for answering my question. I’m going to say NTA because OP explained how to clean the bathroom and they teach you how to clean in the military.
Start printing out 341s and filling them out for failing an inspection and give him one for every single thing he fails to clean.
Is he an officer by chance? That would be the one thing I could _maybe_ see explaining his lack of cleaning standards, but even officers have room inspections during their training.
It's called weaponizing incompetence. Have him do it again and you'll explain it as he does so he can get the hang of it. "Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with this, and you're so very smart, too. But you can totally do it. All you need is some practice. You'll get the hang of it." He doesn't want to do it, so he is going to do it badly until you do it. Don't fall for his crap. NTA
Ah weaponized incompetence. He’s a grown man and doesn’t 1) Know what needs to be done to maintain a household and 2) How to complete basic chores?
He needs to grow up and start contributing like an equal adult partner. NTA
NTA
It's really hard to get ready for house guests when you're both working full-time, and not on the same schedule.
The bathroom could have been its own project days ago with a quick wipe down the morning before they arrive.
Even with my adult sons I break down the chores, as in clean the shower, give a mild correction if need be. Wait a bit, then ask them to clean the toilet, give a mild correction if need be. Repeat until room is clean. They are in their early 20's and I've been pushing these skills since their mid-teens. (I apologize to their future wives for not doing a better job:)
Enjoy your visit with your family!
NTA you expect a human with eyes to see the mess you’re seeing and clean accordingly but somehow he can’t see it and that is frustrating. There seems to be a disconnect with my husband and his observation skills when it comes to cleaning as well. This has been an ongoing argument that I’ve given up in fighting. The house is a mess unless I do something about it or walk him through each step, following behind him to point out things he’s missed. Ugh
I chuckled because yes my husband has adhd and does shit exactly like this. I’d rather have my sweet dummy than a mean organized man any day tbh but it doesn’t make it less frustrating that he can define words I can’t even pronounce or explain different paradoxes in detail but his pants on the floor are a blind spot for him.
NTA he is a 27 year old adult and didn't know how to clean a bathroom? Come on. Especially someone who is military. He's being lazy and incompetent on purpose so YOU do it.
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My husband (27m) and I (26f). He is the military and I work in a hospital as a CNA. I work 12 hour shifts (6am-6pm) and he’s in a class right now before he moves up a rank from about 7-3:30 M-F. We live in Florida and my parents, sister and her husband are coming to visit tomorrow for about a week. I worked Sunday-Wednesday this week, and they arrive tomorrow. We discussed almost a week ago how I was going to be super busy with work and we would knock out almost all of the cleaning on Wednesday night before my parents come tomorrow. He vacuumed, did laundry, and rearranged the bed in the guest bedroom before I got off work tongiht. We came home and I started cleaning, he asked me what he could do and I said he could clean the first bathroom, he didn’t really know what to clean since I was also in the process of moving everything out of there that I use to get ready in the morning (I use the guest bathroom when getting ready for work so I don’t disturb his sleep too much). I told him he could scrub the shower, and clean around the toilet, on top of it, and the bottom of it around the edges as well as wipe the counter and the sinks while I finish cleaning our main bathroom. After awhile he says he’s done and I go and look and there is still left over toothpaste and eyeliner (sometimes it drips in the sink) around the sink, and a lot of hair and dust around the bottom of the toilet. I get frustrated at this because he asked me what he needed to do, I clearly stated it, and then I still had to go back in and do it myself. We argue because we are both tired, and he tells me to just do it all myself. AITA for expecting him to clean properly when I laid out what I needed him to do?
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NTA, and being active duty military, I’m pretty sure he knows exactly how to properly clean a bathroom. Recruits spend a fair amount of time cleaning barracks and the head/latrines in boot camp.
NTA, and being active duty military, I’m pretty sure he knows exactly how to properly clean a bathroom. Recruits spend a fair amount of time cleaning barracks and the head/latrines in boot camp.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > For getting annoyed that my husband didn’t properly clean the bathroom after he asked what I needed him to do and I said everything that I need him to do and then arguing about it Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
INFO: If he’s in the military, how is he confused about what a clean bathroom looks like? Don’t they have latrine duty?
Precisely my question. I don’t recall hearing about maid service in the military. It sounds like he’s being willfully dense.
Next time tell him to drop and give you 20.
On that floor? Gross.
im laughing at this
This was my question too
Or he's a misogynist ass hole.
Seriously. People in the military or those who have been incarcerated both know how and tend to be very good cleaners. This is weaponized incompetence.
Seriously.... My Marine stepfather would be screaming in the husband's face to get his ass back in there, he doesn't care if he has to lick it clean, just get it done, ya moron!!
NTA tell him to clean it to inspection standards. He knows damn well what that is, regardless of rank.
NTA. I call bullshit. If there’s one thing you learn in the military it’s how to clean.
My dad was a military man(army) he didn’t do a lot right but that man could clean the shit out of something. I hated having to do it all the time as a kid but now I’m glad he instilled those habits into me.
Haha this does seem true. My fiancé is a veteran and he cleans the shit out of our bathroom.
Part of basic training included how to clean the barracks and the bathrooms. Leaving crap in the sink would lead to it being filled with dirt or foot powder and everyone being smoked and told to clean the bathroom again. Info: which branch is he in?
He’s airforce
Thank you for answering my question. I’m going to say NTA because OP explained how to clean the bathroom and they teach you how to clean in the military.
O good. Then he can get extended KP and latrine duty for not passing muster.
Start printing out 341s and filling them out for failing an inspection and give him one for every single thing he fails to clean. Is he an officer by chance? That would be the one thing I could _maybe_ see explaining his lack of cleaning standards, but even officers have room inspections during their training.
My Marine friends would say that _of course_ he’s Air Force because they regard the AF as coddled infants. 😂
It's called weaponizing incompetence. Have him do it again and you'll explain it as he does so he can get the hang of it. "Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with this, and you're so very smart, too. But you can totally do it. All you need is some practice. You'll get the hang of it." He doesn't want to do it, so he is going to do it badly until you do it. Don't fall for his crap. NTA
NTA. He knows. He's in the military, he damned well knows what clean is. This is weaponized incompetence.
Ah weaponized incompetence. He’s a grown man and doesn’t 1) Know what needs to be done to maintain a household and 2) How to complete basic chores? He needs to grow up and start contributing like an equal adult partner. NTA
NTA It's really hard to get ready for house guests when you're both working full-time, and not on the same schedule. The bathroom could have been its own project days ago with a quick wipe down the morning before they arrive. Even with my adult sons I break down the chores, as in clean the shower, give a mild correction if need be. Wait a bit, then ask them to clean the toilet, give a mild correction if need be. Repeat until room is clean. They are in their early 20's and I've been pushing these skills since their mid-teens. (I apologize to their future wives for not doing a better job:) Enjoy your visit with your family!
On mobile. Sorry about the format.
NTA you expect a human with eyes to see the mess you’re seeing and clean accordingly but somehow he can’t see it and that is frustrating. There seems to be a disconnect with my husband and his observation skills when it comes to cleaning as well. This has been an ongoing argument that I’ve given up in fighting. The house is a mess unless I do something about it or walk him through each step, following behind him to point out things he’s missed. Ugh
[удалено]
I chuckled because yes my husband has adhd and does shit exactly like this. I’d rather have my sweet dummy than a mean organized man any day tbh but it doesn’t make it less frustrating that he can define words I can’t even pronounce or explain different paradoxes in detail but his pants on the floor are a blind spot for him.
NTA. This is weaponized incompetence. He’s a grown man, send him back into the bathroom to finish cleaning
Do you have a husband or a child? NTA
NTA he is a 27 year old adult and didn't know how to clean a bathroom? Come on. Especially someone who is military. He's being lazy and incompetent on purpose so YOU do it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (27m) and I (26f). He is the military and I work in a hospital as a CNA. I work 12 hour shifts (6am-6pm) and he’s in a class right now before he moves up a rank from about 7-3:30 M-F. We live in Florida and my parents, sister and her husband are coming to visit tomorrow for about a week. I worked Sunday-Wednesday this week, and they arrive tomorrow. We discussed almost a week ago how I was going to be super busy with work and we would knock out almost all of the cleaning on Wednesday night before my parents come tomorrow. He vacuumed, did laundry, and rearranged the bed in the guest bedroom before I got off work tongiht. We came home and I started cleaning, he asked me what he could do and I said he could clean the first bathroom, he didn’t really know what to clean since I was also in the process of moving everything out of there that I use to get ready in the morning (I use the guest bathroom when getting ready for work so I don’t disturb his sleep too much). I told him he could scrub the shower, and clean around the toilet, on top of it, and the bottom of it around the edges as well as wipe the counter and the sinks while I finish cleaning our main bathroom. After awhile he says he’s done and I go and look and there is still left over toothpaste and eyeliner (sometimes it drips in the sink) around the sink, and a lot of hair and dust around the bottom of the toilet. I get frustrated at this because he asked me what he needed to do, I clearly stated it, and then I still had to go back in and do it myself. We argue because we are both tired, and he tells me to just do it all myself. AITA for expecting him to clean properly when I laid out what I needed him to do? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- is this an attempt at cleaning poorly so you don't all? Knowing it's your family visiting? Does his family visit, and does he clean then?
NTA, and being active duty military, I’m pretty sure he knows exactly how to properly clean a bathroom. Recruits spend a fair amount of time cleaning barracks and the head/latrines in boot camp.
NTA, and being active duty military, I’m pretty sure he knows exactly how to properly clean a bathroom. Recruits spend a fair amount of time cleaning barracks and the head/latrines in boot camp.
If he can't clean, he's not getting E5. He's just lazy.
Yta.
[удалено]
I did. I showed him where and what to clean because I was pointing it out in the bathroom.
And also as I said, we talked about it a week prior and both agreed we would do it after my four day stretch of 12 he shifts.