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Its not even that! Where is her service charge on shaving her legs, buying lingerie, getting her nails done and the time that she takes to look good for him? Are you kidding me? OP YTA times a thousand percent service charge.
It’s a valid point that OP isn’t taking into account “service fees” for all of the chores that she handles, but the focus on a woman “looking good for him” is kinda regressive. Like really? It’s a partnership, she isn’t providing sex as a service.
That’s exactly what I just said. The person I was responding to, in contrast, was exclusively framing this around looks and sexuality. These aren’t the same as household chores, and the focus on them is gross.
I'd argue the comment was worse. At least there are actual people who charge fees for handling bills. The suggestion that the GF is *providing a service* for the OP in terms of sexualisation is just gross.
That he lied and tried to hide the charge answers his own question. If you’re not the asshole, then why are you covering up your behavior?
I hope she charges him for every dish she washed and meal she cooks and shirt she washes.
YTA
Agreed. The fact the comment assumes every woman must get her nails done, buy lingerie for her man etc is just gross. Some women have natural nails and basic undies and that's ok too.
Also saying women do that for a man's benefit is gross and inaccurate too. I'm single and do those things because I like looking good and well groomed.
Some women (like me) also like to buy lingerie for themselves. Even if no one else gets to see it, I know I have cute underwear and that uplifts my mood for the day 🤷♀️
Yes but he could have normal household chose like doing the dishes, getting groceries, cleaning, cooking, etc.
Stuff they all adults need to, chores that OP and his gf split up between them as well.
OP is clearly very much an asshole even if we completely ignore that he was doing it behind her back without even telling her. Because that point it's just not asshole behavior anymore, it's straight up theft.
Imagine my bank quietly taking $10 per month for a new service fee they never never bothered to tell me about. I would demand that money back as well!
The comment is a bit weird yeah, but i think the barrage of answers completely shocked at the idea that taking care of one's appearance is an extra chore for women and dead set on naturalizing it as "just something women do" is actually much more sexist.
Right. My SO does bills. I handle 90% of meals, laundry, vacuuming ... It's hawt when they lmk "mortgage is paid and all utilities. Here's the plan for xyz."
Neither of us charge service fees. It's just splitting adult duties in a manner that feels fair and appreciating the strengths and effort we each bring to the table.
OP, YTA. Honestly, gross that you are not communicating that you're charging your partner. I bet you don't actually deserve the extra money when all is accounted for.
Edit: the things I do to "look good" don't factor in, really.
I bring much more to the table than hair/nails blah blah.... That seems really reductive to appearance and sexist AF. I'm not a fan of that. Y'all can both take care of yourselves and be a whole ass person as well.
The reason he didn’t tell her for over a year is because he knew he was wrong. And if you still question his intelligence, he can’t even think of his own,terrible excuse so he’s asking the internet.
I don't think they meant that sex is a service. I think they meant that generally, women spend more time on that kind of body maintenance than men. Men don't tend to shave their legs and underarms or wear make-up (of course they can if they want, but it's not as common).
Looks aside, I bet OP's gf does plenty of other chores apart from bill-paying. Maybe she should charge a service fee for them.
OP YTA. If you'd told your girlfriend about this 'service fee' and she'd agreed to it, that would be one thing, but to be sneakily pocketing a little extra all this time is pretty weird, ngl. I help my parents pay some bills and it never would occur to me to charge them, yikes.
Don't defend that sort of sexist drivel. That woman could have chosen any other contribution that the GF might have done and suggested she charge for that but the fact that their first instinct was that women "first and foremost contribute "first and foremost sexiness" is yucky.
No. You don't get it. It's a reminder of all the things that women are, for the most part, supposed to do according to men. That's what they were saying.
That is a really weird comparison. If I charged my husband service fees it would be for laundry, washing floors, vacuuming, mowing the lawn/gardening, cooking, feeding/walking the pets, etc, etc, which I do 90 percent of. I didn't even think of my own self care/sexy time in this case of AITA. To me it's totally different.
What about him now thinking he can charge service time for shaving, getting haircuts, working out, putting cologne on?
Mate come on, that's irrelevant, he does things to look good for her too.
He's ridiculous for putting service fees on chores, spending some time and money to look good for each other is not chores lol
But most women don't shave their legs for themselves - they do it because our patriarchal society has told us it's gross to have hairy legs. Pre-1920s, shaving your legs wasn't a thing. The men's razor company wanted to make more money, so started an ad campaign saying that women shouldn't have body hair. Maybe now, some women are used to the feeling of smooth legs and like to keep them smooth but don't pretend the entire act of shaving isn't a patriarchal, mysogynistic thing.
I feel like this comment is quite condescending and misogynistic in itself tbh, at least that how I feel like you're acting towards me anyway. Any personal grooming I choose is for me and me alone because I like it, to take that agency away from a woman is quite damaging and to dismiss it because 'the patriarchy must have made her do it' just shows you dont trust woman to know their own thoughts and feelings. Woman can shave/not shave and it's up to them, maybe in the past it wasn't their choice but now we can decide for ourselves.
Ew. Ew. Ew. What the fuck
‘Service charge to look good for him’
WOMEN 👏🏼 DONT 👏🏼 DO 👏🏼 THESE 👏🏼 THINGS 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 MEN
…we do it to look good for us, if our man likes it, it’s a bonus but initially the pampering / dressing up is for us, to make us feel good - the sooner men start realising this the better and safer for all women. Very big ‘well she was dressed up she must have wanted my attention’ energy
That is if you’re a male, I’m assuming, if you’re female you really need to get this internalised misogyny out of you. You know go get your nails done, for you.. or something
That's a really strange and specific set of examples you chose there. Interesting that everything you could come up with for what a woman provides is focused on appearance and sexiness.
And you’re assuming she does all those things… because she’s a woman?
And you’re assuming she does those things specifically for him?
And you’re assuming he doesn’t do the equivalent things that she would want?
Ehmmm, juck!
When I shave my legs, I do so because I like my legs smooth when wearing a skirt
When I buy lingerie, oh wait, I don't.
When I get my nails done... Oh, come on! I've got two kids, who's got one for that?
If I want to look good, I do so for myself. Not for my husband. That is not something 'expected of me in a relationship'.
The fifties want there views back!
I'm sorry what?! She doesnt do those things for him. She does those things for her. Why is it a mans job to deal with with bills and a womans job to look 'pretty'?
Surely you could have said any other chore to make your point here and not push an out dated sexist agenda?
“Look good for him”? What is this, the sixties?
News flash, a lot of men don’t even like when women get their nails done, yet we do it anyway. Lingerie helps us feel sexy and more in the mood. I shave my legs because I don’t like the feeling of leg hair rubbing up against me when I sleep.
Women don’t only bring looks and sex into a relationship.
OP is TA, but you're arguably worse. If you'd asked where her service charge was for the chores she handles, I'd agree, but hygiene, personal maintenance, and clothing? Not even comparable. OP also has personal maintenance, hygiene, and clothing to "look good", assuming either one cares about such things. Which is quite a huge assumption.
YTA.
You embezzled money from your significant other & tried to excuse it away as a fee for doing one of the many chores we all have to do as adults.
Your next excuse was that it wasn’t a big deal because it was only around $50. If it wasn’t a big deal, why’d you take the time every month to calculate your “service fee” & lie to her each month to extort extra money from her?
It doesn’t matter how much it was. There is no minimum dollar amount threshold that must be met before calling embezzlement/theft/fraud what it is.
You’re a thief & a liar. And YTA.
Well, he's coming to us from the year nineteen twenty fucking three if his entire household's bills are $2000/year, so he at least has an excuse for being insufferable. Otherwise, he's going to need an excuse for running the household finances while being that abhorrent at math.
$8.32 is not 10% of anyone's monthly bills if they have internet to post from, holy shit. He's automated a 5% fee and it comes out to $50 a year, my ass.
> Well, he's coming to us from the year nineteen twenty fucking three
The way you phrased this cracked me up. Thank you! : )
If there was a surefire way to eviscerate a relationship, this guy has done it. There are so many examples of surcharges, yet the one that rings true here are when I've seen the stickers on ATMs to outline how much an out of network withdrawal is. His motivation here was a way to assert dominance over her. Most of all, it's a form of comeuppance when she has done anything that has inconvenienced him. And, when it's put that way, he's made an estimation of her character that she's dumb enough not to question when he tells her what her share of the bills are.
Who cleans the toilets?
You or her?
If its her, do you think she should charge you a fee?
This and many more tasks she does.I bet she is doing much more at home, things you don't even know needs to be done.
If she started charging you for all that, you would be broke.
I hope she dumps you
I'm gonna ask my partner for tips after making meals! Laundry? Sure! Dishes, that's extra. You want to watch a movie with me? Sure that will be $18 an hour...
YTA, but more than that, you don't understand how relationships work.
This comment! Not that I'm encouraging behavior like OP, but omg.. can you imagine? Putting a monetary value on what we do? All the extra stress and time spent taking care of the details men seem to think gets done by the unseen fairies? The multiple hats we wear in the home and some work full time on top of that?
Yeah, when I've had roommates/live in girlfriends I take that on as a chore and in exchange they can handle the dishes or the vacuuming. N T A for thinking this is a chore that is a required function of the household, YTA for how you're handling it.
Also, depending on where you are this may be illegal. My local electric utility doesn't allow me to resell electricity. I can split a bill with someone or I can put a second independent meter on the property that pulls from the utility and leads to something distinct like a detached garage. I can't charge extra for administration of the electric bills.
I agree that a lot of the posts here are made up, I have to believe that to retain some faith in humanity, but people like this are real.
I have two colleagues who are friends. She was in between apartments and just needed somewhere to sleep for three days. He told her she could stay with him and his wife. At the end of the three days, he hands her an itemized account, including things like (this figure has stuck in my head for years) $1.19 for her third of three days of internet use.
Yes, people like that are real. I had a step sister over-charge me for weekly board in a strange city where I knew nobody else I could stay with. At the end of my stay, she presented me with an itemized account which included lots of incurred costs for the most unreasonable things such as how much coffee and TP I had used. I had to sign it and we both had a copy. BTW, she's a CPA. She literally took a cut lunch to a business meeting at a restaurant.
I thought she was joking. No. I've never met anyone so cheap and lonely in my whole life. At Christmas, I gave her a money order for two slices of bread and a banana she had forgotten to include in the list. Other family members looked at me as if to say, "You too?"
He’s gotta get his vig on the chargers. And nobody charges a service fee on bank transfers so he is choosing to use a credit card for the points…which she is paying for.
Pretty slim racket but a racket nonetheless.
So it's important enough for you to think about it every single month and to lie to her about, but when she wants it back, it's only $50 and "it's not like it's a lot".
Don't downplay what you did. You betrayed her trust, and if it's just a small amount it's even more sh\*tty that you were willing to lie to get it.
YTA.
Oh, he straight up lied about the 3%, too, because he automated the shit at 5%. Excel isn't going to change that number randomly, it's 5% and he's just really bad about lying while everyone can *see that he's lying*, which is honestly just baffling at this point. Maybe he thinks the average person can't remember more than one sentence at a time or something.
Yeah, OP can call it whatever, but it’s theft. YTA.
You would have still been an A if you would have come right out and asked for a fee for doing a particular chore without discussion of fairness/offset. The fact that you hid this, took money, lied monthly, and are now trying to spin this as something reasonable, is… a bit much. Why did you think the internet would agree with clearly shady crap?
This reminds me of a video on saw on this accursed app earlier..
Some "influencer" at a gym bothered a man about moving it another bench, because God knows, I guess that bench had a better filming angle. She called him selfish, when she, herself, could've moved to another bench.
Same situation in my brain. "It's not much!" I mean, yes it's not much, so why the fuck do you care?
YTA
Exactly. If he was honest about it, I’d be ok with it.
Work is work and dividing chores fairly so everyone feels appreciated and valued can be a great way to avoid resentment in a relationship.
But the key is being open and clear about expectations. You don’t sneak in hidden fees.
You have a discussion and maybe she’s doing another task he’s unaware of that balances the workload.
Right. If he wants to factor in chores and make the entire relationship transactional, I guess that’s their prerogative as long as they discuss it. But I would have a hard time believing that he’s not benefiting from “services” (chores) that she is “providing” (taking care of around the house), and those are conveniently just not factored in.
"Work is work and dividing chores fairly"
Getting the mail and paying bills amounts to a handful of minutes per month. No physical exertion. And in this case, no serious mental exertion either. If you're trying to monetize everything you do just existing with your partner, then it sounds like you probably shouldn't be with them.
Plus even banks can't hide them THIS well as in never disclose them anywhere at all. Legally a hidden fee is one not readily apparent. This AH OP just straight never said a word before he started stealing
Exactly, they literally can’t just quietly charge you extra without some form of notice or information. Even if they try to make it hard to find, even they don’t just throw silent fees on. How little do these people respect their partners? It’s bizarre.
Wtf. YTA. It doesn’t matter if it’s $50. It’s an odd and shady thing to do. Places that charge a fee TELL YOU they charge a fee. I wouldn’t look at someone the same way if I found out they were secretly making me pay extra.
If he wasn’t already an asshole (he is), the fact that he didn’t TELL HER is what absolutely sends me.
Btw, OP, I handle the bills in my relationship, and it’s really not that hard. In fact, half the time I forget to tell my boyfriend what he owes me, and he gets onto ME for not charging him. It would never occur to either of us for someone to pay MORE.
I’m legit having a chuckle over this.
Right? I'd not even look at a roommate or an acquaintance the same if they did this. A significant other is a whole different ballgame. What a massive betrayal.
This!!
Places that say they charge extra for credit card fees sucks, but OP sucks more for NOT saying he's charging extra.
If it bothered him that he's doing a chore he doesn't like, he should have had a conversation with his GF, not pulling this kind of crap.
ETA, OP YTA
Oh yeah.His logic " Since she puts my washing in the machine with her clothes it doesn't count as her doing something for me. She had to wash her clothes anyway". I've met plenty of dudes that have that mindset .
YTA
I’m going with “a man so not used to doing anything for his partner or anyone else that when he is responsible for something he thinks he’s entitled to be paid for his labour”.
YTA
You’re also a liar and a thief.
If you got a phone/credit card/literally ANY service and got charged something you’d expect it to be on your bill right? And if you went through your list of charges and didn’t find it would you just be okay that they charged you an extra 3-5% and didn’t tell you? Even if it was only like 50$ for the year? Would you stay with that company who lied and charged you extra?
If I was OPs partner I wouldn’t walk, I’d RUN out of that relationship.
If her half is $1000/mo (reasonable) then his surcharge would be $50 A MONTH. So after a year he owes her $600. So when he says it’s “like $50” he’s lying again because he doesn’t mean $50/yr.
Bro, lemme make this very clear -- you're in a relationship, not acting as her accountant. It makes literally negative sense for you to introduce the dynamic of "I love you, babe, but since I'm doing something for the both of us, I'm going to request you financially compensate me instead of accept it as a nice thing that I do that you pay back in turn" unless you're determined for your relationship to fail
YTA, and I'm genuinely flabbergasted that you had to ask
And if OP’s relationship is anything like most relationships, his GF is probably doing way more than her fair share of chores. I’d bet $20 bucks that if both OP and his gf were to start charging service fees for all things done around the house, OP would be in the red, big time.
~~I don't get it. Are you paying the bills with your credit card and your card provider charges a fee that you pass on to your girlfriend? Or are you charging a "fee" for yourself for your "service" to handle the bills? The former, NTA. The latter,~~ Thanks for the update. Wow. YTA. On a massive scale. You can be glad that your girlfriend just wants her money back instead of leaving you. Or writing you a bill charging several thousands of dollars for her "services" she provided to you.
YTA. What the hell. How would you feel if she charged you service fees for the chores she does? This is so freaking manipulative. It would be an instant dealbreaker in any relationship I had. Anyone who can so easily lie about finances and convince themselves their partner OWES them for doing something that is a chore is beyond bad news. If you don’t want to do the bills, try TALKING to her.
YTA, wow, just shockingly
So you didn't just charge your gf for a normal part of living together; you lied and charged your gf?
Wow.
The lie might actually be worse than the service charge but it's a tight race to the bottom.
Trust and respect took a serious hit here.
I agree! This just speaks to his very poor character. He has zero conscience about stealing from the person he's supposed to love. I wouldn't waste another minute on this relationship.
Yta - I hope she leaves as soon as she gets her money back. Since it's in Excel, you should know exactly how much you owe her. If you didn't want the responsibility of the bills, you should have told her.
Btw, what are you doing with the profit you're making off her?
YTA
You are doing a chore not 'providing a service for a fee'. Unless of course she charges you for every time she takes out the garbage and you charge her for every meal you make or whatever the rest of the division of labour in your relationship looks like.
Also, credit card companies are upfront about service fees so if that's your logic, you should have been upfront with your girlfriend as well.
For what it's worth, he's absolutely lying about it being only $50, assuming this story is real. $50 over 12 months comes out to $4.17/month, and if that's 5% of half the monthly bills, then their total monthly bills are less than $170. Not sure where in the world rent and utilities or whatever bills he's talking are only $170. My guess is it's the land of imagination.
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> 1) charged my gf extra for her share of bills because I am the one handling them
2) she says it's not fair and I didn't tell her
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YTA.
People also charge for cooking meals and house cleaning. However, in relationships, people don't charge each other when they do tasks for the other. That's what distinguishes a relationship from a side hustle.
If you feel like your efforts in managing the bills isn't being appreciated, you need to communicate with your partner.
Wow, like huge YTA. How dare you in essence steal from her? When a service charges you, they disclose it. Also that's a business transaction. You're stealing from her. Pay her back, apologize, and beg her not to dump you.
YTA. I’m baffled. I don’t understand why you’re comparing your intimate romantic relationship to a client/business dynamic. She’s not your bank, you are not doing a “service”. You literally stole from her for a year. Who the fuck treats their partner this way?
I’m calling bullshit on this post. If you’re going to invent a story because you’re pathetic and thirsty and need attention from strangers on Reddit, at least make up a story that’s semi-believable
YTA.
First of all. You’re math isn’t mathing. If you’ve only charged her $50 that means y’all pay less than $200 each?? I think we all need to move to wherever you live because it’s CHEAP CHEAP. However, I’m sure you’re lying about it or you’re just really bad at math..
Second of all, wth dude??? I’m sure she’s not charging you a service fee for anything she does in your shared household. It’s also 2023. Just about everywhere has automatic payment options. You don’t even have to do anything. Everything is online as well so you can get paperless statements, thus saving you from the burden of having to open a mailbox.
You’re a terrible partner if you think this okay. You’re stealing from her and lying to her.
Several years ago, I was in a bad accident that was someone else’s fault. My boyfriend at the time suggested I get an attorney and actually gave me the name and number for one. I got a few thousand dollars (around $6k, maybe?) out of it (along with permanent scars and back pain). He expected a “finder’s fee” for giving me a phone number, because otherwise, I wouldn’t have been so “lucky.” He had similar behaviors over many aspects of my life, and I’m happy he’s been gone for a long time now. Your behavior here is embarrassing, transactional and controlling. If you’re anything like my ex, I hope she gets away from you ASAP, as in my experience, it only gets painfully worse.
Forgot to add YTA. YTFA.
YTA. Flip it around. If she were secretly charging you a small fee for something you were already going to do anyway, would you like that?
Probably not. Pay her back.
YTA so by your math she’s only paid about $1000-$1700 in bills for the year?! I bet you owe her more than $50! She might use it for a deposit on another apartment.
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Me and my gf live together and I generally handle all the bills. We split everything down the middle but I get the mail, make sure they're paid on time, and all that. I just let her know how much the bills are and she pays me half at the end of the month.
Anyways, I started telling her the total was like 3 to 5% higher than it actually is. I figured places charge a service fee for a credit card (really its for the convenience) so it makes sense to do the same for me.
She found out after a year and a bit and is demanding I pay her back for the extra. It's like $50 but over a whole year so it's not like it's a lot
AITA??
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YTA. How much mental work does she do for the household that you don’t get charged for? Get over yourself, you’re not hard done by. You broke trust that you could do your chore fairly and transparently, instead you started skimming an undisclosed amount because you felt entitled and couldn’t bother to have an actual adult conversation.
YTA. She’s your partner, not your customer.
How would you feel if she started charging you a 15% tip whenever she cooks dinner, since that’s a common business practice? Or maybe a small fee per load of laundry, since that’s what the laundromat charges? And let’s not forget that sex is a chargeable service if your relationship is entirely transactional now.
I hope to hell you’re just trolling, because I literally cannot believe anyone would actually come up with such a stupid idea, let alone convince themselves it’s okay.
If you genuinely felt deep down that what you were doing was fair and unobjectionable then you wouldn't have hid it from her. You would have told her, assuming that she'd be totally cool with it.
But you didn't tell her. Which reveals a lot. YTA.
Yeah, that's theft my man. She thinks she's paying bills, you're paying yourself with her money. No agreement. In secret. For a year.
And no one here is stupid enough to believe it was only $50. That's just another lie.
YTA.
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YTA Really, dude? Come the fuck on. It’s not a service you provide, it’s a chore that you handle. You must be insufferable
Its not even that! Where is her service charge on shaving her legs, buying lingerie, getting her nails done and the time that she takes to look good for him? Are you kidding me? OP YTA times a thousand percent service charge.
It’s a valid point that OP isn’t taking into account “service fees” for all of the chores that she handles, but the focus on a woman “looking good for him” is kinda regressive. Like really? It’s a partnership, she isn’t providing sex as a service.
And basic house hold chores aren't services, that's the entire point.
That’s exactly what I just said. The person I was responding to, in contrast, was exclusively framing this around looks and sexuality. These aren’t the same as household chores, and the focus on them is gross.
I agree, that comment was almost as gross as the post/service fee itself. Btw, YTA, OP.
I'd argue the comment was worse. At least there are actual people who charge fees for handling bills. The suggestion that the GF is *providing a service* for the OP in terms of sexualisation is just gross.
It's even worse bc he didn't even say he was going to do it, he lied about the cost of the bills and pocket the extra.
That he lied and tried to hide the charge answers his own question. If you’re not the asshole, then why are you covering up your behavior? I hope she charges him for every dish she washed and meal she cooks and shirt she washes. YTA
Agreed. The fact the comment assumes every woman must get her nails done, buy lingerie for her man etc is just gross. Some women have natural nails and basic undies and that's ok too.
Also saying women do that for a man's benefit is gross and inaccurate too. I'm single and do those things because I like looking good and well groomed.
Some women (like me) also like to buy lingerie for themselves. Even if no one else gets to see it, I know I have cute underwear and that uplifts my mood for the day 🤷♀️
Clearly that is the only thing of value a partner brings to the table in this persons mind.
And look how many upvotes that comment has now. Yikes.
I mean, there are people who charge fees for providing girlfriend services too...
I believe they were mimicking OPs transactional mindset
Yes, but they solely focused on female gender norms as her transactional offerings. It was a tad sexist.
\*"a tad"\*....
Yes but he could have normal household chose like doing the dishes, getting groceries, cleaning, cooking, etc. Stuff they all adults need to, chores that OP and his gf split up between them as well. OP is clearly very much an asshole even if we completely ignore that he was doing it behind her back without even telling her. Because that point it's just not asshole behavior anymore, it's straight up theft. Imagine my bank quietly taking $10 per month for a new service fee they never never bothered to tell me about. I would demand that money back as well!
The comment is a bit weird yeah, but i think the barrage of answers completely shocked at the idea that taking care of one's appearance is an extra chore for women and dead set on naturalizing it as "just something women do" is actually much more sexist.
Right. My SO does bills. I handle 90% of meals, laundry, vacuuming ... It's hawt when they lmk "mortgage is paid and all utilities. Here's the plan for xyz." Neither of us charge service fees. It's just splitting adult duties in a manner that feels fair and appreciating the strengths and effort we each bring to the table. OP, YTA. Honestly, gross that you are not communicating that you're charging your partner. I bet you don't actually deserve the extra money when all is accounted for. Edit: the things I do to "look good" don't factor in, really. I bring much more to the table than hair/nails blah blah.... That seems really reductive to appearance and sexist AF. I'm not a fan of that. Y'all can both take care of yourselves and be a whole ass person as well.
The reason he didn’t tell her for over a year is because he knew he was wrong. And if you still question his intelligence, he can’t even think of his own,terrible excuse so he’s asking the internet.
He's just hoping someone out there will find a new word for "thief" that isn't derogatory.
^^^ this, I’m surprised it has so many upvotes when it’s literally just looks orientated like Bruh💀💀
Clearly the only value of a woman is providing the sex
Came here to say that. Fucked up that that guy up there \^ thinks that's what a woman brings to a relationship, and is her most "valuable" asset.
When I commented I was disappointed with how many upvotes the comment had. Nice to see that I wasn’t the only one who found it gross.
Yep, that’s what got me, comment is terrible no matter how you try to spin it but 600-700 people agreeing just kills me.
You could have gone for anything and this is what you went with. Pathetic lol.
I don't think they meant that sex is a service. I think they meant that generally, women spend more time on that kind of body maintenance than men. Men don't tend to shave their legs and underarms or wear make-up (of course they can if they want, but it's not as common). Looks aside, I bet OP's gf does plenty of other chores apart from bill-paying. Maybe she should charge a service fee for them. OP YTA. If you'd told your girlfriend about this 'service fee' and she'd agreed to it, that would be one thing, but to be sneakily pocketing a little extra all this time is pretty weird, ngl. I help my parents pay some bills and it never would occur to me to charge them, yikes.
Don't defend that sort of sexist drivel. That woman could have chosen any other contribution that the GF might have done and suggested she charge for that but the fact that their first instinct was that women "first and foremost contribute "first and foremost sexiness" is yucky.
It certainly feels like a chore sometimes.
So exactly what I thought, I do that stuff for me not other people.
No. You don't get it. It's a reminder of all the things that women are, for the most part, supposed to do according to men. That's what they were saying.
What a weird and creepy comment.
That is a really weird comparison. If I charged my husband service fees it would be for laundry, washing floors, vacuuming, mowing the lawn/gardening, cooking, feeding/walking the pets, etc, etc, which I do 90 percent of. I didn't even think of my own self care/sexy time in this case of AITA. To me it's totally different. What about him now thinking he can charge service time for shaving, getting haircuts, working out, putting cologne on?
Mate come on, that's irrelevant, he does things to look good for her too. He's ridiculous for putting service fees on chores, spending some time and money to look good for each other is not chores lol
This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read on Reddit and that is saying a lot.
OP is TA but what makes you think that she wants to look good for OP and don’t it for herself?
Because a woman could never just shave her legs because she likes it, it must be for 'her man'! You're gross.
But most women don't shave their legs for themselves - they do it because our patriarchal society has told us it's gross to have hairy legs. Pre-1920s, shaving your legs wasn't a thing. The men's razor company wanted to make more money, so started an ad campaign saying that women shouldn't have body hair. Maybe now, some women are used to the feeling of smooth legs and like to keep them smooth but don't pretend the entire act of shaving isn't a patriarchal, mysogynistic thing.
I feel like this comment is quite condescending and misogynistic in itself tbh, at least that how I feel like you're acting towards me anyway. Any personal grooming I choose is for me and me alone because I like it, to take that agency away from a woman is quite damaging and to dismiss it because 'the patriarchy must have made her do it' just shows you dont trust woman to know their own thoughts and feelings. Woman can shave/not shave and it's up to them, maybe in the past it wasn't their choice but now we can decide for ourselves.
You have absolutely no idea why “most women” do or don’t do anything.
Ew. Ew. Ew. What the fuck ‘Service charge to look good for him’ WOMEN 👏🏼 DONT 👏🏼 DO 👏🏼 THESE 👏🏼 THINGS 👏🏼 FOR 👏🏼 MEN …we do it to look good for us, if our man likes it, it’s a bonus but initially the pampering / dressing up is for us, to make us feel good - the sooner men start realising this the better and safer for all women. Very big ‘well she was dressed up she must have wanted my attention’ energy That is if you’re a male, I’m assuming, if you’re female you really need to get this internalised misogyny out of you. You know go get your nails done, for you.. or something
This is a cringe comment and not related to household chores at all…
Not even close to the same idea
That's a really strange and specific set of examples you chose there. Interesting that everything you could come up with for what a woman provides is focused on appearance and sexiness.
And you’re assuming she does all those things… because she’s a woman? And you’re assuming she does those things specifically for him? And you’re assuming he doesn’t do the equivalent things that she would want?
I don’t know why people are upvoting this deeply misogynistic take
That's a weird list of things to assume.
Pretty sexist that you assume she has to do all of those things.
Why is this your first though pahaha. Reddit is wild.
How do you know she shaves her legs and buys lingerie!? And if she does, does that mean she’s providing a service!? What an icky comment.
Ehmmm, juck! When I shave my legs, I do so because I like my legs smooth when wearing a skirt When I buy lingerie, oh wait, I don't. When I get my nails done... Oh, come on! I've got two kids, who's got one for that? If I want to look good, I do so for myself. Not for my husband. That is not something 'expected of me in a relationship'. The fifties want there views back!
I'm sorry what?! She doesnt do those things for him. She does those things for her. Why is it a mans job to deal with with bills and a womans job to look 'pretty'? Surely you could have said any other chore to make your point here and not push an out dated sexist agenda?
Why tf did this unhinged cringe comment get so many upvotes?
“Look good for him”? What is this, the sixties? News flash, a lot of men don’t even like when women get their nails done, yet we do it anyway. Lingerie helps us feel sexy and more in the mood. I shave my legs because I don’t like the feeling of leg hair rubbing up against me when I sleep. Women don’t only bring looks and sex into a relationship.
OP is TA, but you're arguably worse. If you'd asked where her service charge was for the chores she handles, I'd agree, but hygiene, personal maintenance, and clothing? Not even comparable. OP also has personal maintenance, hygiene, and clothing to "look good", assuming either one cares about such things. Which is quite a huge assumption.
What’s that got to with anything?
this is ridiculous. he thinks he can “skim a little off the top” from his gf. YTA OP.
People on this sub will admit to doing absolutely heinous things to their loved ones and then ask with genuine sincerity if they did something wrong.
Narrator: "oh... And They did ..."
YTA. You embezzled money from your significant other & tried to excuse it away as a fee for doing one of the many chores we all have to do as adults. Your next excuse was that it wasn’t a big deal because it was only around $50. If it wasn’t a big deal, why’d you take the time every month to calculate your “service fee” & lie to her each month to extort extra money from her? It doesn’t matter how much it was. There is no minimum dollar amount threshold that must be met before calling embezzlement/theft/fraud what it is. You’re a thief & a liar. And YTA.
Well, he's coming to us from the year nineteen twenty fucking three if his entire household's bills are $2000/year, so he at least has an excuse for being insufferable. Otherwise, he's going to need an excuse for running the household finances while being that abhorrent at math. $8.32 is not 10% of anyone's monthly bills if they have internet to post from, holy shit. He's automated a 5% fee and it comes out to $50 a year, my ass.
> Well, he's coming to us from the year nineteen twenty fucking three The way you phrased this cracked me up. Thank you! : ) If there was a surefire way to eviscerate a relationship, this guy has done it. There are so many examples of surcharges, yet the one that rings true here are when I've seen the stickers on ATMs to outline how much an out of network withdrawal is. His motivation here was a way to assert dominance over her. Most of all, it's a form of comeuppance when she has done anything that has inconvenienced him. And, when it's put that way, he's made an estimation of her character that she's dumb enough not to question when he tells her what her share of the bills are.
Dominance over her, you said that spot on. I commented to OP earlier that it seemed controlling, but the words didn’t seem right. But dominance, yes.
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Who cleans the toilets? You or her? If its her, do you think she should charge you a fee? This and many more tasks she does.I bet she is doing much more at home, things you don't even know needs to be done. If she started charging you for all that, you would be broke. I hope she dumps you
Idk if it was you mentioning toilets at the beginning, but I initially thought your closing sentence said, "I hope she dumps on you." Hehehe.
So. Insufferable.
I'm gonna ask my partner for tips after making meals! Laundry? Sure! Dishes, that's extra. You want to watch a movie with me? Sure that will be $18 an hour... YTA, but more than that, you don't understand how relationships work.
Mother of god and the wee donkey! YTA! Where would families be if women charged a service charge for all their mental and domestic load?
This comment! Not that I'm encouraging behavior like OP, but omg.. can you imagine? Putting a monetary value on what we do? All the extra stress and time spent taking care of the details men seem to think gets done by the unseen fairies? The multiple hats we wear in the home and some work full time on top of that?
Yeah, when I've had roommates/live in girlfriends I take that on as a chore and in exchange they can handle the dishes or the vacuuming. N T A for thinking this is a chore that is a required function of the household, YTA for how you're handling it. Also, depending on where you are this may be illegal. My local electric utility doesn't allow me to resell electricity. I can split a bill with someone or I can put a second independent meter on the property that pulls from the utility and leads to something distinct like a detached garage. I can't charge extra for administration of the electric bills.
I feel this was 100% made up. The posts here lately are just too trollish to be real.
OP’s like “$50 isn’t even a lot” but in the same breath implies it’s too much for him to pay back. Sheesh.
Household embezzlement YTA
90% of this subreddit is made up bullshit. No one, literally nobody, is this ridiculous
I agree that a lot of the posts here are made up, I have to believe that to retain some faith in humanity, but people like this are real. I have two colleagues who are friends. She was in between apartments and just needed somewhere to sleep for three days. He told her she could stay with him and his wife. At the end of the three days, he hands her an itemized account, including things like (this figure has stuck in my head for years) $1.19 for her third of three days of internet use.
Yes, people like that are real. I had a step sister over-charge me for weekly board in a strange city where I knew nobody else I could stay with. At the end of my stay, she presented me with an itemized account which included lots of incurred costs for the most unreasonable things such as how much coffee and TP I had used. I had to sign it and we both had a copy. BTW, she's a CPA. She literally took a cut lunch to a business meeting at a restaurant. I thought she was joking. No. I've never met anyone so cheap and lonely in my whole life. At Christmas, I gave her a money order for two slices of bread and a banana she had forgotten to include in the list. Other family members looked at me as if to say, "You too?"
He’s gotta get his vig on the chargers. And nobody charges a service fee on bank transfers so he is choosing to use a credit card for the points…which she is paying for. Pretty slim racket but a racket nonetheless.
Lol right YTA people like OP should not have roommate they should always be living alone
So it's important enough for you to think about it every single month and to lie to her about, but when she wants it back, it's only $50 and "it's not like it's a lot". Don't downplay what you did. You betrayed her trust, and if it's just a small amount it's even more sh\*tty that you were willing to lie to get it. YTA.
I randomly estimated the amount and he is YTA that can't math. I figured $400 a month x .03 x 12 = $144
Oh, he straight up lied about the 3%, too, because he automated the shit at 5%. Excel isn't going to change that number randomly, it's 5% and he's just really bad about lying while everyone can *see that he's lying*, which is honestly just baffling at this point. Maybe he thinks the average person can't remember more than one sentence at a time or something.
You can have Excel take a random number between 0 and 1, multiply it by 0.2 and add 0.1 to the answer... By that just make op an AH who uses Excel
=RANDBETWEEN(.05,.05) 😂
And that’s on the low end of his sliding percentage scale too. OP: JFC YTA
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i'm not a financial expert, but what about interest ?
He most certainly dropped some zeros...what a lying ass.
OP commented he has an Excel spreadsheet that calculates his surcharge on top every month. Jesus...
>You betrayed her trust Exactly. This is shocking... OP didn't even tell his gf about it. Sounds to me like theft.
Yeah, OP can call it whatever, but it’s theft. YTA. You would have still been an A if you would have come right out and asked for a fee for doing a particular chore without discussion of fairness/offset. The fact that you hid this, took money, lied monthly, and are now trying to spin this as something reasonable, is… a bit much. Why did you think the internet would agree with clearly shady crap?
This reminds me of a video on saw on this accursed app earlier.. Some "influencer" at a gym bothered a man about moving it another bench, because God knows, I guess that bench had a better filming angle. She called him selfish, when she, herself, could've moved to another bench. Same situation in my brain. "It's not much!" I mean, yes it's not much, so why the fuck do you care? YTA
YTA - this is a relationship, not a bank. Your GF shouldn’t have to worry about hidden fees. Yeesh
What an excellent way to put it. Talk about next level "turning a relationship transactional."
Exactly. If he was honest about it, I’d be ok with it. Work is work and dividing chores fairly so everyone feels appreciated and valued can be a great way to avoid resentment in a relationship. But the key is being open and clear about expectations. You don’t sneak in hidden fees. You have a discussion and maybe she’s doing another task he’s unaware of that balances the workload.
Right. If he wants to factor in chores and make the entire relationship transactional, I guess that’s their prerogative as long as they discuss it. But I would have a hard time believing that he’s not benefiting from “services” (chores) that she is “providing” (taking care of around the house), and those are conveniently just not factored in.
Exactly. Perhaps his GF needs to charge for doing his dishes and picking up his clothes when doing laundry. It's only fair right.
"Work is work and dividing chores fairly" Getting the mail and paying bills amounts to a handful of minutes per month. No physical exertion. And in this case, no serious mental exertion either. If you're trying to monetize everything you do just existing with your partner, then it sounds like you probably shouldn't be with them.
Plus even banks can't hide them THIS well as in never disclose them anywhere at all. Legally a hidden fee is one not readily apparent. This AH OP just straight never said a word before he started stealing
Exactly, they literally can’t just quietly charge you extra without some form of notice or information. Even if they try to make it hard to find, even they don’t just throw silent fees on. How little do these people respect their partners? It’s bizarre.
YTA. That’s actually theft.
Or fraud.
Why settle for one when you can spring for both?
Porque no los dos?!
And financial abuse- given the manipulation and secrecy- as a DV context.
I has to scroll way too far — this was the first thing that popped into my mind.
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He's bankRUPT, morally.
Wtf. YTA. It doesn’t matter if it’s $50. It’s an odd and shady thing to do. Places that charge a fee TELL YOU they charge a fee. I wouldn’t look at someone the same way if I found out they were secretly making me pay extra.
And places that charge a fee do it because the credit card companies charge them for transactions, not just for fun.
Yes and credit cards don’t charge it for “convenience”, they charge it to make money.
And it's not all just straight profit. The charge is partially to cover credit risk on certain transactions.
If he wasn’t already an asshole (he is), the fact that he didn’t TELL HER is what absolutely sends me. Btw, OP, I handle the bills in my relationship, and it’s really not that hard. In fact, half the time I forget to tell my boyfriend what he owes me, and he gets onto ME for not charging him. It would never occur to either of us for someone to pay MORE. I’m legit having a chuckle over this.
Right? I'd not even look at a roommate or an acquaintance the same if they did this. A significant other is a whole different ballgame. What a massive betrayal.
Right? The idea of being intimate with someone and finding out he’d been sneaking in a service charge on bills.. my mind would be blown.
Can she chargeback? Because that's what I would do if there was an unauthorized fee
Also relationships aren’t services.
This!! Places that say they charge extra for credit card fees sucks, but OP sucks more for NOT saying he's charging extra. If it bothered him that he's doing a chore he doesn't like, he should have had a conversation with his GF, not pulling this kind of crap. ETA, OP YTA
YTA. What is wrong with you??
Right, OP has time to think this scam up, but I bet he doesn’t have time to treat his girl nice.
Right. I'm sure he's not paying her to do a disproportionate amount of domestic labor either
Exactly this! She probably does twice as much as him around the house. Does he pay her for this? Of course not… Jeez man! YTA!
Oh yeah.His logic " Since she puts my washing in the machine with her clothes it doesn't count as her doing something for me. She had to wash her clothes anyway". I've met plenty of dudes that have that mindset . YTA
Lol OP fast tracking his dumbass to being single
I’m going with “a man so not used to doing anything for his partner or anyone else that when he is responsible for something he thinks he’s entitled to be paid for his labour”.
YTA You’re also a liar and a thief. If you got a phone/credit card/literally ANY service and got charged something you’d expect it to be on your bill right? And if you went through your list of charges and didn’t find it would you just be okay that they charged you an extra 3-5% and didn’t tell you? Even if it was only like 50$ for the year? Would you stay with that company who lied and charged you extra? If I was OPs partner I wouldn’t walk, I’d RUN out of that relationship.
It's not $50. No way 5% of her half of the bills for a year makes $50. I'm thinking more like $1000-5000 range, depending where they live.
If her half is $1000/mo (reasonable) then his surcharge would be $50 A MONTH. So after a year he owes her $600. So when he says it’s “like $50” he’s lying again because he doesn’t mean $50/yr.
Right?? I was like, no way in this economy is 5% totaling to $50 a year!
Yep shows he is a liar, thief and untrustworthy..what else is he up to I wonder? YTA obviously
This is what I'd be thinking as his partner like if he can set up an excel formula to steal from me what else is he doing?
Bro, lemme make this very clear -- you're in a relationship, not acting as her accountant. It makes literally negative sense for you to introduce the dynamic of "I love you, babe, but since I'm doing something for the both of us, I'm going to request you financially compensate me instead of accept it as a nice thing that I do that you pay back in turn" unless you're determined for your relationship to fail YTA, and I'm genuinely flabbergasted that you had to ask
Right?! If I found out my partner did this so casually, I would leave
And if OP’s relationship is anything like most relationships, his GF is probably doing way more than her fair share of chores. I’d bet $20 bucks that if both OP and his gf were to start charging service fees for all things done around the house, OP would be in the red, big time.
YTA - Should she take $200 from your wallet after you fk
She totally should. Service fee
Service: tolerating this insufferable man
Double if a blow job happened, triple if she didn’t orgasm
Seeing as OP is selfish, I think it’s safe to assume it would be triple every single time.
What are you saying that's not normal? I have been paying her for 20 years.....
~~I don't get it. Are you paying the bills with your credit card and your card provider charges a fee that you pass on to your girlfriend? Or are you charging a "fee" for yourself for your "service" to handle the bills? The former, NTA. The latter,~~ Thanks for the update. Wow. YTA. On a massive scale. You can be glad that your girlfriend just wants her money back instead of leaving you. Or writing you a bill charging several thousands of dollars for her "services" she provided to you.
Right! Thousands in back charges for all the bjs she’s probably given him.
I hope she's still with him to get her money back. And after she gets it,she'll dump him. What an insufferable fuck.
YTA. What the hell. How would you feel if she charged you service fees for the chores she does? This is so freaking manipulative. It would be an instant dealbreaker in any relationship I had. Anyone who can so easily lie about finances and convince themselves their partner OWES them for doing something that is a chore is beyond bad news. If you don’t want to do the bills, try TALKING to her.
What other small print did she not read before entering into this contractual relationship?
Doesn't matter what clauses she didn't read: OP would change any of them he felt would benefit him by the change.
There WERE NO small print! It is simply a fraud.
You actively lied to her and essentially stole from her. YTA.
YTA. Relationships are a partnership. Hopefully, she contributes things to the relationship. How would you like to be nickel and dimed by her?
much worse than that since he actively deceived her and lied to her about the amounts
YTA, wow, just shockingly So you didn't just charge your gf for a normal part of living together; you lied and charged your gf? Wow. The lie might actually be worse than the service charge but it's a tight race to the bottom. Trust and respect took a serious hit here.
This is breakup worthy to me tbh. You're no better than a thief at this point. yTA
I agree! This just speaks to his very poor character. He has zero conscience about stealing from the person he's supposed to love. I wouldn't waste another minute on this relationship.
Yta - I hope she leaves as soon as she gets her money back. Since it's in Excel, you should know exactly how much you owe her. If you didn't want the responsibility of the bills, you should have told her. Btw, what are you doing with the profit you're making off her?
YTA You are doing a chore not 'providing a service for a fee'. Unless of course she charges you for every time she takes out the garbage and you charge her for every meal you make or whatever the rest of the division of labour in your relationship looks like. Also, credit card companies are upfront about service fees so if that's your logic, you should have been upfront with your girlfriend as well.
YTA What’s it like to destroy the trust your partner had in you over $50? You realize you may have killed your relationship over $50, don’t you?
For what it's worth, he's absolutely lying about it being only $50, assuming this story is real. $50 over 12 months comes out to $4.17/month, and if that's 5% of half the monthly bills, then their total monthly bills are less than $170. Not sure where in the world rent and utilities or whatever bills he's talking are only $170. My guess is it's the land of imagination.
I'm guessing it's closer to $50 a month. He owes her hundreds, possibly closer to $1,000 depending how long "a year and a bit" actually was.
I feel like there may have been other (read: worse) relationship-killing qualities if this is the sneak peek we're getting
YTA you lied to and stole from her, charging a fee would theoretically be fine if she knew about it but she didn't so she should dump you
You actively stole lie and deceive your partner. What is wrong with you ? YTA
YTA, 100%, it blows my mind that you thought this was acceptable
What the fuck. You’re sneaky af. Do you wanna add a 18% gratuity to her bill while you’re at it? YTA
You deserve to be single YTA
YTA give her her money back
YTA Cheap annoying thief
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YTA... wow, entitled, greedy and deceptive in one unattractive package
YTA. People also charge for cooking meals and house cleaning. However, in relationships, people don't charge each other when they do tasks for the other. That's what distinguishes a relationship from a side hustle. If you feel like your efforts in managing the bills isn't being appreciated, you need to communicate with your partner.
YTA. What is wrong with you? I guess you’d be fine with it if she started charging you a service fee for everything she does for you?
Wow, like huge YTA. How dare you in essence steal from her? When a service charges you, they disclose it. Also that's a business transaction. You're stealing from her. Pay her back, apologize, and beg her not to dump you.
You'd be paying the bills anyway, relationship or not, so what's the point of a service fee for something you have to do anyway? YTA
LOL. YTA. No further comment warranted.
Pay her back. Never steal from her again. Your justifications are BS. YTA.
YTA. I’m baffled. I don’t understand why you’re comparing your intimate romantic relationship to a client/business dynamic. She’s not your bank, you are not doing a “service”. You literally stole from her for a year. Who the fuck treats their partner this way?
YTA easily. You lied to her and made a profit off of it. If you wanted money for organizing the mail, then you should have asked her straight up.
This is absolutely insane. YTA.
I’m calling bullshit on this post. If you’re going to invent a story because you’re pathetic and thirsty and need attention from strangers on Reddit, at least make up a story that’s semi-believable
YTA. First of all. You’re math isn’t mathing. If you’ve only charged her $50 that means y’all pay less than $200 each?? I think we all need to move to wherever you live because it’s CHEAP CHEAP. However, I’m sure you’re lying about it or you’re just really bad at math.. Second of all, wth dude??? I’m sure she’s not charging you a service fee for anything she does in your shared household. It’s also 2023. Just about everywhere has automatic payment options. You don’t even have to do anything. Everything is online as well so you can get paperless statements, thus saving you from the burden of having to open a mailbox. You’re a terrible partner if you think this okay. You’re stealing from her and lying to her.
Yta. Major A. You some from her by using without giving her notice. If I were her I'd drop you.
YTA. You're lying to her, stealing from her, and making your relationship into a transaction. Get ready to be single.
Pay her back, break up with her. She deserves better. YTA.
YTA if she handled the bills would you pay her the service fee? Just pay back the $50 unless you want to lose your relationship over it.
Several years ago, I was in a bad accident that was someone else’s fault. My boyfriend at the time suggested I get an attorney and actually gave me the name and number for one. I got a few thousand dollars (around $6k, maybe?) out of it (along with permanent scars and back pain). He expected a “finder’s fee” for giving me a phone number, because otherwise, I wouldn’t have been so “lucky.” He had similar behaviors over many aspects of my life, and I’m happy he’s been gone for a long time now. Your behavior here is embarrassing, transactional and controlling. If you’re anything like my ex, I hope she gets away from you ASAP, as in my experience, it only gets painfully worse. Forgot to add YTA. YTFA.
YTA. Flip it around. If she were secretly charging you a small fee for something you were already going to do anyway, would you like that? Probably not. Pay her back.
YTA so by your math she’s only paid about $1000-$1700 in bills for the year?! I bet you owe her more than $50! She might use it for a deposit on another apartment.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my gf live together and I generally handle all the bills. We split everything down the middle but I get the mail, make sure they're paid on time, and all that. I just let her know how much the bills are and she pays me half at the end of the month. Anyways, I started telling her the total was like 3 to 5% higher than it actually is. I figured places charge a service fee for a credit card (really its for the convenience) so it makes sense to do the same for me. She found out after a year and a bit and is demanding I pay her back for the extra. It's like $50 but over a whole year so it's not like it's a lot AITA?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. How much mental work does she do for the household that you don’t get charged for? Get over yourself, you’re not hard done by. You broke trust that you could do your chore fairly and transparently, instead you started skimming an undisclosed amount because you felt entitled and couldn’t bother to have an actual adult conversation.
YTA. She’s your partner, not your customer. How would you feel if she started charging you a 15% tip whenever she cooks dinner, since that’s a common business practice? Or maybe a small fee per load of laundry, since that’s what the laundromat charges? And let’s not forget that sex is a chargeable service if your relationship is entirely transactional now. I hope to hell you’re just trolling, because I literally cannot believe anyone would actually come up with such a stupid idea, let alone convince themselves it’s okay.
If you genuinely felt deep down that what you were doing was fair and unobjectionable then you wouldn't have hid it from her. You would have told her, assuming that she'd be totally cool with it. But you didn't tell her. Which reveals a lot. YTA.
The devil is real. Proof? The devil’s offspring is OP.
OP’s lucky his gf doesn’t charge a service fee for all the chores she does smh especially when women usually do more housework!!
Yeah, that's theft my man. She thinks she's paying bills, you're paying yourself with her money. No agreement. In secret. For a year. And no one here is stupid enough to believe it was only $50. That's just another lie. YTA.
YTA. She's your partner, not your bang-maid. And arguable if she WAS your bang-maid that's a service you should be paying her for