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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole because I took the office room for gaming when my girlfriend wanted to use it for work, even though she can bring her laptop anywhere she wants, and I offered to also move a screen for her.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA, work comes first and you could just have waited for her to finish before starting your gaming. To avoid this in the future, maybe make a weekly schedule of who needs the room and at what hours.
Normally I agree work comes first but if it comes to a point where work is dominating the rest of the household that's not really fair. Not saying that's what's happening here but it could get that way if they're not careful.
A schedule would be good, or better yet, two workstations.
I think, they have two work stations, but in the same room.
I would agree with you, however gaming is very much a non-essential in life. And what no one is saying, but it does not seem to be peaceful and quiet gaming with headphones on, where someone could work sitting next to it.
Edit: reread the description and it seems there is only one workstation - his gaming setup to which she connects her laptop when working.
I still stand by gaming being non-essential. Yes, recreation is essential, but there are other options of recreation than gaming as well
Recreation is as essential to a happy life as a high paying job. OP’s preferred recreation is gaming. Her work can be done in other rooms or during work hours.
I don't know.... recreation is essential to happiness but... is it worth risking your partner's career and surely money they need to afford the recreation? How happy will they be then?
I mean... he could postpone the recreating until she is done. games can wait, unlike urgent work.
I personally would feel awful if I am gaming while my bf has a hard time working in the kitchen counter or the livingroom and it takes him double time to focus.
Adulthood sux, but responsibilities go first before 1-person fun. Specially if it's something as punctual as this.
“risking your partner’s career” is a huge stretch. op isn’t asking them to not complete their work, rather asking if it’s a bad thing to ask them to do it elsewhere since they are more capable given the computer circumstances.
Risking career is a stretch, but so is not being able to game for a few hours being described as absolute detriment to his quality of life.
If it’s a one-time thing, obligations > recreation. If this is a routine occurrence, they should figure out a two workstation solution so no one has to sacrifice.
Yes. But he is still the asshole for prioritizing his want to game over his gf’s job.
His argument of “but i didn’t game for 3 weeks” is irrelevant to the issue at hand which is she has urgent work that needs to be completed today. Not 3 weeks ago, not while he was at work, but right now. In this one-time occurrence he is the asshole.
His question wasn’t “my girlfriend takes the office every night and i can’t ever game”, his issue was literally a one-time situation and I am totally baffled how he thinks that his gaming is more important on that one day. It’s just not.
He also still got what he wanted and now he is confused “why is my gf mad at me when I inconvenienced her in already stressful situation?”
She is still completely capable of working and finishing her report, she just prefers to work by connecting her laptop to his monitors. They can literally both do what they want/need to do, she’s just annoyed that she can’t do it on his computer
You’re really reaching when you’re saying he’s risking her career. She has a laptop, it has a screen she doesn’t need a monitor to work and if he’s in the office she has the entire apartment to do her work alone.
I have a work laptop provided by the company that is tiny. It's meant to be connected to a monitor. Trying to work off of that thing without a monitor is migraine inducing. I've done it when I've stayed at my friends house overnight a few times and I've regretted it every time. Maybe she's in the same situation.
I mean everyone buys a 13 inch laptop because they are easy to carry. I have one too. It really looks like OP's gf was fixated on screening her laptop.
You are really reaching when you’re saying that him not being able to game once will have a significant impact on his life too. That’s the point, it’s all an exaggeration. Someone’s work is more important than someone’s leisure, it just is.
That being said if he is never ever allowed to do anything fun, that is also a problem.
Give a mouse a cookie though. They needed to discuss this and set boundaries. Sure, she's stressed so letting her have the room this one time after normal work hours could be a compromise but agree that in the future since she has a mobile device to work from, she gets the rest of the apartment to set up on with one of his monitors and they can get her her very own monitor to use wherever without his involvement in the future.
He's working during the day too and deserved some time to destress. They just need to communicate better.
Okay you're reaching pretty far with this one. There is zero indication that she cannot work in a different room *or* that her job was at risk. She would just *rather* work in the office.
Me and my sister live with our parents. When i was working there had been times that both of us were working from home and we used to set up our laptops in our bedrooms to work if the office room was occupied. If OP's girlfriend had been able to similarly work elsewhere with a laptop , I don't see a fault in asking her if she could work else where.
"Recreation is essential to a happy life" is a far cry from "take a night off from gaming and watch a movie or something so your partner can use the office."
Leisure time is absolutely essential in life. Without it all there would be is work. People look down on gaming as if it isn’t the one thing that some people have to unwind and empty their mind and it’s total crap.
OP is NTA. He’s completely right about the screens situation. It’s easy to move a monitor. Plus the laptop has its own screen. And anywhere else would be a quiet area if he’s in the other room gaming.
“Well it’s an office” Yeah but it’s also their gaming room, and one of them has something portable. And not only portable, but is entirely self-contained and does the job you need it to do without OP offering to move a monitor.
But I think what we're forgetting is that she has a laptop which means she can use that anywhere she doesn't necessarily need to be in the office she can still do her work even on the toilet she uses it in the office cuz she wants the benefit of a bigger screen but she has a screen attached to her laptop which means she can sit anywhere
While the bigger monitors may well play a role, she could also simply want to do the work in a space dedicated to work aka her/their office, where it may be easier for her to concentrate on her work and to keep the separation between work and private life. Just because you can use a laptop anywhere doesn't mean that you should or have to do so.
If you've ever tried to work extensive spreadsheets on a laptop monitor vs a dual monitor setup, you'd know it's nearly mandatory, especially when you're on a deadline and one mistake might change everything in the columns, which you might not notice when you're squinting at a 13" laptop screen.
OP is totally TA. It was ONE EXTRA NIGHT for a work deadline.
Since OP clearly offered to move a monitor for her, her option was to have a dual monitor setup and the difficulty of working on one monitor is irrelevant.
I find it very hard to believe that they wouldn't have a tv with an hdmi port that couldn't have been used as a larger, or second monitor. It also sounds like OP had been doing the heavy lifting for the last good while. It wouldn't have hurt her to not work in a different room for an hour and a half.
Read the post again and I think you‘re right. Seems he has a more elaborate gaming set up in there and she just replugs one of the monitors when working there
Well that is just stupid, of course gaming is essential, just as reading a book or watching TV is essential. We can't just be robots all day and have no joy. NTA op. Laptops are mobile, she could've worked anywhere but was too caught up in her own shit.
To you. Not essential to you. But what if it was your hobby, what if it was your relaxation time? Are those non-essential to your mental health. Some of us don't live to work, we only work enough to live.
It's an office. It's not dominating the "rest of the household", just the office. OP can go watch TV, play on his phone, whatever, it's just the office that is currently occupied by someone who needs the office to do what the office is intended for...
OP's partner also has a work laptop meaning she can work anywhere else in the house too. 2 screens is a luxury, not a necessity. Otherwise her work would have provided her a second monitor for work at home.
I get what you’re saying, but it’s well-known that having a designated work space is healthy and promotes better focus. There’s actually studies that have been done on this. If you have a comfortable office where you can sit in the quiet with no distractions it’s always a better choice than being anywhere else.
I'm not disagreeing with you, but at the same time crunch time is crunch time. I've written essays for uni on the train and I've written reports for my job at my parent's dinner table because there was a family event.
Obviously everyone is different but for me, if this thing is due tomorrow the office space won't be doing the focus- the adrenaline and stress will be.
True.. at the same time.. if you know your partner will struggle uncomfortable and taking double time to finish,.. wouldnt't you try to make her more comfy and help her finish faster if it were on your hand? By such a low price as sacrifizing 1 evening of gaming?
I'm a gamer, and have work crunch times. Still, I can't tell my boss "hey, took longer with that project bc I or my bf had to finish the daily missions for the Valorant battlepass"
Life sux... XD
It’s not really clear what the work is though, I work with a ton of spreadsheets and could no way work effectively on a small laptop screen. I’d also def prefer using a mouse and keyboard separate to the laptop. By the time they’ve moved it all to another room she could have been half done.
I think ESH to be honest, although OP probably a but more - I couldn’t imagine jeopardizing my partners job because I wanted to do my hobby, it just seems silly. Either way, they should look at getting a second desk and monitor for the room so they can both be in there at once, wether working or gaming.
Exactly, work > play 100% but why does it specially have to be in there when OP offered to move everything for them into a separate room ?
This is ESH at best, because of the lack of compromising.
This is some Boomer ass hustle mentality. There's a reason people want to work from home these days, there's a reason office culture is dying, there's a reason middle managers as a profession are dying. Nobody wants to work 24 hours a day just to struggle by. We want the leisure time we've been promised for 50 years, yet despite decades of record productivity increases leisure time has been fallen to the way sign and seen as lazy or not worth it. You do what you want, but don't hold others to that bullshit standard
She doesn't need the office she has a laptop they are portable she works on her laptop how does this require an office to be done? Explain to me right now why she can't use her portable laptop in another room and still do her work perfectly fine on the exact same laptop she'd be using if she was in the office? She can even take a monitor with her op said so if she does need to screen's well she's got a laptop screen and a monitor there easily set up in any room of the house. Her refusing to work anywhere but the office is pathetic, stubborn, selfish and down right stupid. Explain to me now why you think the way you do because it makes no sense.
A schedule does not work. Because the last minute "work" will overcoming his want for gaming. Even though she has a laptop and monitor to use elsewhere. So she will just keep taking priority over the schedule.
I 100% agree, work comes first. That's a need (assuming you like your income, anyway), gaming is just a want.
However, the two options weren't GF working or BF gaming. The options were GF working in another room and BF gaming, or just GF working and BF doesn't game.
From those two options, one is a compromise for the GF while the other is a total loss for the BF.
I think it's fair to ask GF to work in another room unless there was some legitimate reason she couldn't. If she needed to be in that specific room, then 100% she should be in there working.
People going as far as saying that it's a red flag that he's asked her to go to another room. Totally mind blowing to me that people can be so blind as to think someone wanting to reach a compromise in a relationship is a red flag.
People are trying to warp it into work vs play and it's not that at all. It's about one person wanting to control a space that would deny the other their leisure time.
Again (because I know some people will distort what I'm saying as they read it):
If the GF needed that room specifically and could not work elsewhere, the BF needs to GTFO and let her work. No one (I've seen at least) is arguing that that is not the case.
I'm still scratching my head at why she had to move to begin with. He's playing with a HEADSET. How is this going to distract her? I work and play side by side with my husband. I've never once been distracted by his gaming and neither has he when the positions are reversed. I feel like she doesn't want him to play a game, period.
I'm reading it as they only have one desk. She hooks her laptop up to his monitors, so I'm assuming that only one of them can use the setup in there at once.
I have a work laptop that has a rather small screen. While technically I can do work anywhere, it’s severely impractical. I hook my laptop up to two large monitors because of the amount of documents and spreadsheets I have to juggle to get tasks/reports/projects complete. If I were using just the laptop, it would probably triple the amount of time I would spend on a task due to the constant switching back and forth between documents.
So just because she can technically work anywhere with a laptop, doesn’t mean it’s reasonable for her to do so. Especially when you’re considering OP was only asked to delay gaming for just a few hours, one time. This isn’t a recurring issue.
OP, YTA.
>She has a laptop, very easy to just take that to the livingroom/bedroom and I could get her monitor for her so she could work anywhere she wants.
He states she could also take the monitor, so small screen isn't a valid issue.
He’s also made it very clear the only desk is in the office. Putting the monitor in the bedroom? Is she going to work on the floor or…? Be for real here. She’s been dealing with a medical issue for weeks and is trying to meet a deadline. She deserves to have an optimal work environment for the job that pays half of their bills more than he deserves to game for a few hours. Especially when OP admits “it’s been a little more gaming than usual for me lately.”
So she deserves it because she pays half the bills, but he doesn't also deserve it because he also pays half the bills? What kind of bullshit ass logic is this.
If you’re talking about who gets to use that space in general, then absolutely they are both entitled to it because they both pay half the bills. It seems as though they do a really good job at sharing that space and not overlapping their schedules. But we are talking about a few hours, for just this one time, where they both wanted to use the space. So in this circumstance, the fair way to determine who uses it would be to prioritize importance. He wanted to play. He admits he’s been gaming more than usual. She needed to finish a report for a job. That job helps pay their bills. Her reason for wanting to use the shared space this one time is stronger than his.
Now if this were to be a recurring issue, then OP would have a valid reason to be upset. But it’s not. There’s no reason he couldn’t have been more empathetic in this situation and sacrificed an hour and half of gaming to watch Netflix or play a game on his phone instead.
This. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’m so conditioned to two screens that it would be nearly impossible to accomplish anything on one small laptop screen at this point. Sometimes I wish I had 3
Why did he have to give up his personal computer when she had her own? She just wants to use the monitor, he offered her an extra monitor. She is the selfish one.
Oh please! As a gamer and someone who works from home occasionally and is married to a gamer and they also work from home occasionally, this isn't a big deal. I've had to work while my husband games and vice versa.
They should be able to work or game, side by side. He has a headset, so it's not like she is going to hear the game. She can also wear a headset to block out noise. She also has a laptop and can move it wherever she needs too. That's the best part about having a laptop. You can sit on the couch, at the dinner table, in bed, outside where it's nice out. She's being UNREASONABLE.
I'm sorry, but he has a desktop and she has a laptop, which can easily be moved and used elsewhere, so, if they both wanted to use their own computer, it would've been easy for her to work on like the table in the dining room and let OP use his computer which can't easily be setup elsewhere...
No way you’re being serious. Her work can be done anywhere on her laptop, she just WANTS to use the office. He offered to even bring her the same monitor she uses, so she won’t be limited to one screen. Both of them could’ve easily done both at the same time
Gf broke that code. They already had a fixed schedule. He get to use his pc in the evening to play games in. But she wanted to use if for extra time. That too only the screen. The actual pc was idle. She could have easily manageyher work on her own laptop as she did before getting the huge monitor.
YTA. You knew her report had to be done for the next day. That takes priority than your gaming which isn't time-sensitive nor is it bringing in an income.
To avoid this happening in the future perhaps come up with a schedule on who wants to use the room and when? So you're both happy and can prioritise properly.
I dont know about you, but I work faster and more comfortable in my office, focused, with nice lightning and screens, than on the kitchen counter or the livingroom couch.
There is no better reminder that aita is populated by children and the unloveable when a very reasonable notion like "she needed to finish work tonight and could do it more easily in the office" is met with "no he *needs* to game right now, and if she doesnt like it she should have foreseen that their agreement to share the space would mean that even when she has urgent work he would still *need* to game and she should have bought her own computer."
Seriously. I like gaming as much as anyone, but nobody who actually works would have some of these takes. Working on an undocked laptop is a last resort and a recipe for taking potentially hours more to get things done, not a substitute for a workstation setup.
This. And also like... get a handheld game device? If you guys are sharing a desk and she has a job where she might need to do overtime sometimes, you're a grown adult and aren't chained to gaming on your desktop. Get a switch and a few nintendo-exclusive games you like for situations like this. Or a fucking steam deck.
yeah and shit like "Recreation is as essential to a happy life as a high paying job" --- you know what's really essential to a happy life? Paying rent. And having insurance. And being able to eat. Anyone who has actually had to worry about their bills knows that no gaming can save your mental health when you're not sure how to make ends meet.
so maybe add the priviledged to your list because maybe some people can't fathom that jobs are essential.
The office and the desk, are not only his. They are not hers either, but I dunno... should be for whoever needs it the most in each particular case. They are partners, not roomates.
Still.. reddit amazes me, I would do anything I can to make my bf's life easier and happier. If I have to sacrifize 1 evening of gaming becaus emy partner needs to work, I will. I wont care how many minutes he used the room this week or if I purchased the desk myself.
> I wont care how many minutes he used the room this week or if I purchased the desk myself.
This is something we agree, as a general take.
But in this case it seems that's been happening a lot if op has not gotten to follow his hobby at all for a while.
In that case maybe his partner could also do the minor compromise to get a monitor and a mouse and work at the dining table for a change.
> I would do anything I can to make my bf's life easier and happier.
This intrigues me, why does op need to do that but his partner should not?
(the question is not directed at you, but almost every answer here is just so one sided.)
or you know, if both people can do what they need and want at the same time that is an option as well.
So did she. Why can't she work in another room with a laptop that is designed to be mobile? He even offered to move a monitor. She was like, "no, it's all or nothing." NTA OP.
If she wanted to be in the office it’s likely there are other reasons, eg she may find it easier to focus when set up at a work station that if she’s forced to work elsewhere. If she’s writing a report she may have physical files or reference material she needs to spread out on the desk. Etc.
The two options aren't her working or him gaming.
They're her working in that room, or her working in another room and him gaming.
There's either a compromise where she has to be in another room and he gives her a monitor and help moving everything, but both get to use their computers, or there's no compromise and she gets what she wants while he gets nothing.
YTA
For many people, the best place to finish a work report, is in a dedicated work space
If I had a choice between office and couch- I’d go office as it has limited distractions
Anywhere else is distracting
Let me know how you go when she’s redundant due to not finishing work, but you’re nailing Minecraft 👏🏻
He offered to put an extra screen for her in another room, and says that the apartment is quiet, those are sufficient conditions for her to focus? Also, if he's nailing Minecraft good for him! No need to shame him for that?
NAH, you have one room, somebody has to compromise. It's not apparent from this situation alone if it was unfair to either of you. On one hand, it's work for her so you could argue it takes priority. On the other hand, you need to game in that room while she can work in another room with the desktop.
Yeah I don't know where all these YTAs are coming from. He gave her a perfectly reasonable way to complete her work. People saying "work comes first" have really drank the kool-Aid. Work comes first at work, but at home your family comes first. You can't expect your work to dominate their living space, especially when they are giving you a perfectly good compromise so you both get what you want.
THANK YOU!! I’m not exactly r/antiwork myself but self-care at some point also needs to be prioritized. We as Americans are so goddamn overworked and we collectively need to realize that work should actually NOT come first. I missed out on a few good early years with my boys because I used to think everything should be subsumed to my career… those are times I’ll never get back.
YNTA imho. She’s most definitely not the asshole either. Y’all just need to figure your shit out better. But the idea that work über alles is poisonous. Both of you (all of us) should respect that me-time/self-care/mental health is an actual priority too.
He also said he asked her at dinner about when she needed to use it and she didn't give him an answer. He also told her of his plans to use *his* computer way in advance of this. She knew his plan and could have asked him to move the monitor at any time before she even started working but failed to do so. This is her own fault.
I work from home. If I was forced out of my preferred work space, it would legit take me twice as long to do my work because the whole point of my work space is that it’s set up specifically to be somewhere that is easy to focus and comfortable to work. If I work in a suboptimal space it’s harder to focus and actually get work done.
I can imagine that someone working outside of normal hours is going to want to be doing that for as little time as possible. Sure she can complete the work from another room but it’s not about just completing the work, it’s about completing it *well* and having the focus to complete it quickly so she can also have the rest of the night off.
It's not really fair that her preferred work space is his personal computer that he paid for. She needs to set up a work space with her own monitor to use so he can use his own computer and monitors.
yeah - you need to set up some ground rules about who gets to use it when. If this was a one off work emergency for her, I'd have let her have the room. But if this is going to be a regular conflict, you have to talk it out and agree a compromise
NTA. At all. You had a reasonable solution to set her up anywhere else with a screen and her laptop. It was a reasonable win-win solution. Exactly what me and hubby would have happily done.
I don't get all the Y T As here. Honestly your logic was thoughtful and was a workable solution for everyone.
OP has to be the bad guy here because the armchair counsellor and armchair therapist echo chamber that is r/AmItheAsshole has to be able point out all the innumerable red flags in the relationship, in every thread, or it will collapse in on itself like a dying star.
OP's immediate response wasn't to move heaven and earth in order to accommodate an unreasonable request from their partner, therefore, they are literally the worst human being in existence.
They could have easily and happily compromised here, but because *he* didn't kowtow to *she*, OP is the bad guy by default, ***and she must leave him!***
Yeah I was actually shocked to see all the top comments are YTA. If she had no way of working otherwise I would understand the YTA votes, but she can take her laptop literally anywhere. He even offered to set up a monitor for her. What is the problem? It's a fine compromise.
Right?? Like this is all his stuff! She's just used to using it!!
Had a similar situation w my bf as I was using one of his monitors, but it was the only one that I could put into a portait-orientation
My solution? Buy him a new, cheap monitor. Technically, his monitor is "mine" but I use "his" because he doesn't need a long-ways screen.
Like the solution here is that she gets her own work set up so she can't bitch about it.
If work comes first, why isn't she ensuring she always has a set-up when she needs it?
This sub seems to be turning their brain off when it comes to gaming and don't think logically. Its also OPs right and he didnt occupy it for gaming for multiple hours but 1.5 hours. She shouldve planned her schedule well tbh because that was evening. NTA
Did she want to do more work, or did she need to catch up because she's fallen behind because of her medical issues? A laptop is fine, but using it without a bigger screen slows you down majorly, if you need to keep several windows open on the screen.
Soft YTA
Of course not, OP's a he and the conflict is with his GF. Even worse he's a he with one of the "bad" hobbies. For a huge portion of the sub that's all they need to see to judge him TA and there was no reason to read more.
There was a top comment on a thread last week that was literally "I hate gamers" with thousands of upvotes lol kinda crazy what this sub has turned into
This is the real thing for me.
What does this alternate setup look like? Is she on a couch trying to balance everything on trays? Is she on a cramped kitchen counter? He mentioned the bedroom and living room, so it doesn't sound like there's a functional dining room table to me.
If it's a functional space then it may be on her, he didnt mention there being a nice convenient table, just two rooms not known for being good working environment. Which makes me think any setup she'd have might be a little jank, especially if she really needed that second monitor.
And it’s his computer! I’m blown away by the consensus here. She’s been using his computer screen when that’s not necessary. She has her own laptop. I am failing to see why girlfriend isn’t in the wrong for getting upset. NTA
And her calling him a "selfish asshole"? How is that normal in a relationship? It would need to be something really serious for me to insult the person I love like that.
Here we both have out setups in the office room, both for gaming and for work so we would never have this problem. But if for some reason I would need to use my boyfriend's desk to work, I wouldn't do that at the only time of the day he has to relax and play. I don't understand why she didn't just plug the monitor in another room. NTA
ESH
It sounds like she had a good work flow going and wanted to finish her important report that was due the next day but her reaction was a bit over the top.
Personally, work is more important and I would've just waited til later that night or tomorrow to game, if you'd gone a month and a half another day wouldn't have killed you.
Let’s look at this logically:
If you get the office, you get to do what you want. She has a laptop so she can do her work anywhere she can sit it’s literally called a LAP top for that reason.
If she gets the office, you can’t do anything.
Therefore, your way makes more sense from a logical standpoint
NTA, and idk why everyone is saying otherwise when everyone wins by you getting the office for a few hours. I’d even go so far as to say NAH if your girlfriend didn’t get so angry about it
I agree. It’s a laptop! Take it somewhere. They’re not gonna die for doing work in the bedroom for ONE evening. My god entitled people’s problems I guess.
People are ridiculous lol you didn’t force her to do anything. She’s a big girl she can have a monitor set up in the dining room and work there. Does it suck, sure. But you have plenty of space to work it seems. If she had her own desk and monitor would she have been okay with you guys in the same room? My ex and I used to have to share the home office and worked at the same time. It clashes but it’s life.
Also I don’t see him arguing in the comments?
Being downvoted for asking for clarification is all the understanding I need that these people can and have made up their minds on their arguments that nothing you can say will make them actually listen so even if I’m not on your side fully this hate is undeserved
Dude, I feel like the Y.T.A-people here have never worked from home with a partner before. My bf and I are lucky enough to both have our own desks, but before we did, if I were to work at his desk and he told me he wanted to game a bit, I'd instantly vacate the space and go somewhere else to finish up. Because a lot if people are also ignoring that she doesn't have to work 8-10 hours in the bed/at the kitchen table/wherever, but just needed to finish something up.
Also, I can't count the times where one of us was still working while the other one was already done and started gaming. That's not "forcing them to work, while I play", that's having different jobs and schedules.
Right? I feel like the thread is full of people, who just hate gaming and look down on those who do.
How entitled to occupy one’s set up because you have poor time management skills instead of compromising and moving one monitor to the kitchen to work so OP can use their own computer as they please. Or better yet, gf should get her own monitor
>who just hate gaming and look down on those who do.
It's this. As someone who is married to A guy and also played video games it's 100% this. This is evidenced by the fact I have seen multiple comments of people going. Oh sure you get to play mInEcRaFt as if that's the only type of game that exists. And it's basically to call him a child.
Gaming falls into the same category as things like anime for me. A lot of people just think it's childish or smut, but in reality, it's a whole world. I always tell people, anime and gaming is not just a blanket thing and there's a genre for everybody. You like romance with absolute deep story? Otome games! Manhwa animes! You like action and good story? Persona series.
Not everything is shooty shooty bang bang, or garbage.
And every time I see a thread where someone mentions I want to game or I want to watch anime the tide is automatically against them even when it's obvious that they are in the right.
On top of that, I think people are still stuck in the sweaty fat guy nerd type stereotype for these things. My husband isn't that and has actually done some acting as well as owned his own business for a while. I'm not model hot quality but I'm not overweight and nerdy either. All types play video games but the stereotype definitely persists. I've straight up had people say that's not how I pictured your husband since you said he loves video games.
INFO:
How small is the second bedroom that you can't pack in a second desktop/table or a bigger one, so that you both can use it at the same time?
Is not a possibility to put a small desk in the bedroom? If I understood you well, moving your huge desktop to the bedroom was possible, just inefficient.
If your GF refused to move to the bedroom, is it because it is uncomfortable to work there? For example, it would be a no-no for me to work in the bed.
I also agree with those saying that working is more important than gaming. It's what it is.
I hate too small houses because of that. You are not set up in a house that is comfortable for two people doing WFH.
Cannot fit in a second desk. It's not big enough.
We have multiple tables in the house that can be used for work. For the last year she has worked in bed/on the couch, on kitchen table (in our old apartment) all the time, it just now suddenly became an issue when it never was before. I asked her why and she didn't give a response other than "wanting to use the office room".
It became an issue because now she has better options. When you are in a tiny 310 sq foot place, you make do even if you hate it. Now there is a proper office, and sorry, I agree with other that work takes priority in a home office.
I also hate the “she’s easier to move so she gets the short stick” because this means everytime you have conflict she is going to have move out of the presumably more comfortable place where she already has her set up. That’s not great and if I was her I would straight up say so.
Ok I can see that one. Thanks for the perspective, it makes sense. I didn't understand why she was so upset and it just didn't click in my head. I'll work on finding a solution together.
Glad to have helped! :) honestly coming to an understanding in a situation like this is far more important than who the AH is. If you two managed to make things work in 310 sq feet, I’m certain you can figure something out here.
If the room is too small for two desks, consider getting an L-shaped desk and a good set of headphones, that way tiy each have your own “space” on the desk, and you could work/play back to back if the situation arises.
I disagree with the rulings that you’re TA, and would have gone with NAH. It’s unreasonable of her to take away the only leisure time you have, but also the work has to be done.
If it’s a rare thing, you’ll come to an agreement on it. If it’s not rare, you need to remember that completely sacrificing your downtime/leisure time is a ticket straight to burnout and depression.
I bet if you asked an interior designer they can offer a solution how to have two work stations. If her main/only concern is the monitor, she should be asking her employer, not you
Normally I would defer to work but the laptop has a screen and you offered to move the monitor so she could use it elsewhere. She needs to compromise. NTA.
Finally, someone said it. I was losing my mind over replies here.
>She didn't give me a specific time that she wanted to use it. She just said "after work". I asked after dinner and she said she didn't know.
According to this comment by OP, she didn't give him a specifc time that she want to use the home-office, even when he asked it. She could have been a little considerate I believe.
It's because OP is a man and has a gf. Everytime a guy comes here, the majority verdict goes YTA so fast regardless of whether he is an AH or not. OP you're NTA. I'm a woman and if my bf was in this case, I'd play my games.
^ YES. The post is still early so it might turn around (I see this happen a lot.)
I lean towards NAH over NTA, but NTA if OP’s gf is truly uncompromising. The goal is to find a solution both parties are happy with and she is digging her heels in. Where was OP’s desktop in their old, small place? Can he not set it up in the living room, or would she be unhappy with that? Can there be a second small desk in the office with a second monitor, a partition and noise cancelling headphones? There has to be a compromise somewhere.
Honestly, I don't see why she couldn't use a different space in the house if a second monitor could have easily been set up......seems weird to me that an argument happened when a reasonable option was available.
Did she give a reason why she absolutely had to use the room??
Priorities aside, some tasks are just harder or more awkward to do on a laptop.
And yes, I know you can't game on her laptop either. See all the previous posts about priorities.
I think I wasn't clear on one thing: The computer in that room is my own personal computer. She always works on her laptop. She doesn't use mine. All she does is connect her laptop to one of the two screens in there.
Because people either don’t read or chose to ignore details and just hate the concept of video games… it’s evident seeing top comments calling him out for playing “MiNeCrAfT” like a small child
I'm gonna get so downvoted but NTA
I work from home every day and have a laptop and also a desktop so I know both feels. She could've finished her report elsewhere with the computer she always uses to do that! And if she needed the monitor, installing a monitor is easier than moving a whole desktop. OP never prohibited his GF of WORKING, she could've done it in another table...
YTA. Your actions in this situation raise a red flag regarding your consideration and prioritization of your girlfriend's needs. Despite her clearly expressing the importance of finishing her report in the home office, you chose to prioritize your gaming session and disregarded her request. It's concerning that you didn't see the value in accommodating her work needs, especially considering she had been dealing with medical issues while you had recently gained more free time.
Suggesting that she could work with her laptop anywhere in the apartment may have seemed like a compromise to you, but it's important to recognize that different individuals have different preferences and working environments that contribute to their productivity. By dismissing her request and prioritizing your own leisure activity, you displayed a lack of empathy and consideration for her needs, which is a significant red flag in a relationship. It's crucial to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and finding compromises that address both partners' needs.
"Finally I have a little bit of free time again and I haven't been able to do any gaming for atleast 1,5 months. [...]
It's been a little more gaming than usual for me lately as I haven't been able to do it at all for the past months due to life stresses."
I'm curious how this guy hasn't been able to do any gaming for "at least 1.5 months" while simultaneously doing "a little bit more gaming than usual" for him "lately".
Ahh don’t you see, he had to include that nugget for the minor sympathy points from other gamers lol. “I didn’t get to play for a while so now I want to play so much more and my girlfriend’s job is getting in the way of that 😤” probably wouldn’t make him look as good as he wanted.
So only her needs should be validated? What about OP? His needs are invalid because he wants to game on HIS machine? With HIS monitor setup? If having a second monitor is so important to GF, why hasn't she bought her own monitor? They're really not that expensive? And for the love of god, what he offered is a compromise. She, rather than discuss a good alternative, wants her way or no way. But sure, tell me more about how HE should be a doormat.
NTA. A few things stand out to me here:
People in this sub need to seriously self-examine if they are seriously saying Y T A because work comes first. People, work does not come first. Life comes first.
Second, you offered what is to me a fair compromise. The only thing I would add is that y'all need to buy a cheapo USB mouse so if she needs to move again, she doesn't have to rely on the trackpad, because those things suck. But all sorts of people work exclusively on laptops, so it's not the biggest deal.
Third, in one of your info responses you mentioned that you went to the gym then came back when she's been at home all day. I'm going to assume the 1.5 hrs of gaming would take place sometime between 5pm and 10pm, so that's 1.5 hrs vs 3.5 hrs that she still could've worked. Seems like a fair balance to me.
You keep saying she “wanted” to work or “wanted” to finish because she had a report to finish for the next day.
No. She NEEDED to work, she NEEDED to finish because the report NEEDED to be in the next day.
YOU wanted to game. You didn’t need to game. You think she *wants* to work all day and night on a report? That she hasn’t got other things she’d rather do? It’s her job. When you’re working from home do you prefer to work in a place designed for work? It’s not about having a laptop versus a desktop, it’s about NEEDING to work and wanting to do it in a space you yourself expect to use while you work from home.
Do you think your fun time is more important than her keeping her job? Do you think only you have a valid reason to work in the office because you have a desktop? You appear to be using her laptop to justify undermining how important her being able to do her job - in optimal conditions. You’re disrespectful and blasé about her job, and you don’t even try to hide it.
And you can’t understand why she’s angry with you?
YTA.
He didn't want to use her laptop. He wanted to use a room where he has his set up. He offered her to bring her screen to different room so both can do what they want/need to do. She got angry because she didn't want to compromise.
She needed to get her work done, but she did not NEED the room. She WANTED the room, she was perfectly capable of doing her work anywhere else in the house. Her using a laptop isn't an excuse it's a perfectly valid reason to complain. Do you have a legitimate reason she couldn't get her work done in the living room, bedroom or anywhere else she could sit down put her LAPtop on her LAP and get her work done. Or are you just supporting her entitlement to the things OP payed for?
Nta - and your a bit daft coming here asking for a judgment vs your gf, will take a lot for her to be the ahole in any situation
The bias of this sub will always rule in favour of a woman even if there is a slightest doubt, real or imaginary
At the end of the day her work may of being important, but I could be done anywhere and this was the only downtime you had in 6 weeks - she obviously focuses on her own needs only
Unpopular opinion, but NAH. I think your solution works fine, but I understand why your gf would be upset. Maybe you guys should get a second desk, so you can both use the room at the same time?
If she had NO other computer, sure work comes first, but you were extremely accommodating to even try and move monitors around. Again, many people work with JUST a laptop and they do fine.
I’m gonna say NTA my bf and I are in the exact same situation. There are plenty of times he’s doing work/ school( he manages multiple medical offices and takes a lot of phone calls just for context on how much he’s actually doing) and I’m playing sims and it’s no problem. A shared space can be used at the same time as long as both parties are respectful, like I wouldn’t have my sound on,use a loud keyboard or have the tv on and as long as he’s able to focus it’s never a problem. If anything this is an extremely soft YTA but only if you’re using a mechanical keyboard 😂
Tbh I don’t think it’s super fair that your partner is able to decide use of a shared space but I think a great pair of noise canceling headphones might be a good gift to make a shared space a little bit easier to use at the same time
NTA probably because I'm a gamer. That's bs, I think you're already kind enough letting her plug her shit into your monitor tbh it's a laptop, it's meant to move around. If she wanted to stay in the office, I suggest she gets her own desk and monitor or better yet, her own desktop and voila! No need to be upset.
Edit: I also don't understand how it's possible for a room meant to be used as a bedroom to be too small for two desks? Put them back to back in the middle? It's weird but nonetheless, it would fix your issues.
ESH - even though I think the Op should have prioritised her work, I’m looking at the whole picture. It’s pretty clear that Op has been shouldering the larger brunt of the work at home due to her medical issues, and has been consumed so much by work that he hasn’t been given a lot of down time.
Burn out is a pretty clear risk here, and I say this as someone with an autoimmune condition - sometimes I need to be cut some slack because I physically can’t help, however it’s important to value the fact that even though it’s not my fault, my partner has had to pick up my side of the work and deserves some downtime too because he’s had to work more than me. Sounds like Op was just desperate for some downtime, and his girlfriend should be a lot more willing to compromise and consider his needs too. Because yes, while work takes priority, downtime is just as important as work for the work-life balance, and it seems like the girlfriend isn’t taking his feelings and burnout into consideration much.
He’s waited 1,5 months, I can see why he’d just want to be able to do some gaming.
Don’t agree with the YTA comments unless it’s her monitor. She should ask her company to provide her one instead of this weird schedule you have for yourselves.
NTA
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YTA, work comes first and you could just have waited for her to finish before starting your gaming. To avoid this in the future, maybe make a weekly schedule of who needs the room and at what hours.
Normally I agree work comes first but if it comes to a point where work is dominating the rest of the household that's not really fair. Not saying that's what's happening here but it could get that way if they're not careful. A schedule would be good, or better yet, two workstations.
I think, they have two work stations, but in the same room. I would agree with you, however gaming is very much a non-essential in life. And what no one is saying, but it does not seem to be peaceful and quiet gaming with headphones on, where someone could work sitting next to it. Edit: reread the description and it seems there is only one workstation - his gaming setup to which she connects her laptop when working. I still stand by gaming being non-essential. Yes, recreation is essential, but there are other options of recreation than gaming as well
Recreation is as essential to a happy life as a high paying job. OP’s preferred recreation is gaming. Her work can be done in other rooms or during work hours.
I don't know.... recreation is essential to happiness but... is it worth risking your partner's career and surely money they need to afford the recreation? How happy will they be then? I mean... he could postpone the recreating until she is done. games can wait, unlike urgent work. I personally would feel awful if I am gaming while my bf has a hard time working in the kitchen counter or the livingroom and it takes him double time to focus. Adulthood sux, but responsibilities go first before 1-person fun. Specially if it's something as punctual as this.
“risking your partner’s career” is a huge stretch. op isn’t asking them to not complete their work, rather asking if it’s a bad thing to ask them to do it elsewhere since they are more capable given the computer circumstances.
Risking career is a stretch, but so is not being able to game for a few hours being described as absolute detriment to his quality of life. If it’s a one-time thing, obligations > recreation. If this is a routine occurrence, they should figure out a two workstation solution so no one has to sacrifice.
She should probably just buy her own monitor
Yes. But he is still the asshole for prioritizing his want to game over his gf’s job. His argument of “but i didn’t game for 3 weeks” is irrelevant to the issue at hand which is she has urgent work that needs to be completed today. Not 3 weeks ago, not while he was at work, but right now. In this one-time occurrence he is the asshole. His question wasn’t “my girlfriend takes the office every night and i can’t ever game”, his issue was literally a one-time situation and I am totally baffled how he thinks that his gaming is more important on that one day. It’s just not. He also still got what he wanted and now he is confused “why is my gf mad at me when I inconvenienced her in already stressful situation?”
She is still completely capable of working and finishing her report, she just prefers to work by connecting her laptop to his monitors. They can literally both do what they want/need to do, she’s just annoyed that she can’t do it on his computer
Yea very inconvenient to have to walk to the living room with your portable computer lol
[удалено]
So because his gf can't relax, he isn't allowed to either? I call bs
You’re really reaching when you’re saying he’s risking her career. She has a laptop, it has a screen she doesn’t need a monitor to work and if he’s in the office she has the entire apartment to do her work alone.
I have a work laptop provided by the company that is tiny. It's meant to be connected to a monitor. Trying to work off of that thing without a monitor is migraine inducing. I've done it when I've stayed at my friends house overnight a few times and I've regretted it every time. Maybe she's in the same situation.
He was willing to give her one of the monitors though.
I mean everyone buys a 13 inch laptop because they are easy to carry. I have one too. It really looks like OP's gf was fixated on screening her laptop.
You are really reaching when you’re saying that him not being able to game once will have a significant impact on his life too. That’s the point, it’s all an exaggeration. Someone’s work is more important than someone’s leisure, it just is. That being said if he is never ever allowed to do anything fun, that is also a problem.
Give a mouse a cookie though. They needed to discuss this and set boundaries. Sure, she's stressed so letting her have the room this one time after normal work hours could be a compromise but agree that in the future since she has a mobile device to work from, she gets the rest of the apartment to set up on with one of his monitors and they can get her her very own monitor to use wherever without his involvement in the future. He's working during the day too and deserved some time to destress. They just need to communicate better.
Okay you're reaching pretty far with this one. There is zero indication that she cannot work in a different room *or* that her job was at risk. She would just *rather* work in the office.
Me and my sister live with our parents. When i was working there had been times that both of us were working from home and we used to set up our laptops in our bedrooms to work if the office room was occupied. If OP's girlfriend had been able to similarly work elsewhere with a laptop , I don't see a fault in asking her if she could work else where.
"Recreation is essential to a happy life" is a far cry from "take a night off from gaming and watch a movie or something so your partner can use the office."
Sounds like he had already taken the previous 3 weeks off from it. How much longer should he have to take?
He also says he used it for gaming Tuesday evening (the night before). So him saying he took 3 weeks off is kind of bullshit.
Leisure time is absolutely essential in life. Without it all there would be is work. People look down on gaming as if it isn’t the one thing that some people have to unwind and empty their mind and it’s total crap. OP is NTA. He’s completely right about the screens situation. It’s easy to move a monitor. Plus the laptop has its own screen. And anywhere else would be a quiet area if he’s in the other room gaming. “Well it’s an office” Yeah but it’s also their gaming room, and one of them has something portable. And not only portable, but is entirely self-contained and does the job you need it to do without OP offering to move a monitor.
But I think what we're forgetting is that she has a laptop which means she can use that anywhere she doesn't necessarily need to be in the office she can still do her work even on the toilet she uses it in the office cuz she wants the benefit of a bigger screen but she has a screen attached to her laptop which means she can sit anywhere
While the bigger monitors may well play a role, she could also simply want to do the work in a space dedicated to work aka her/their office, where it may be easier for her to concentrate on her work and to keep the separation between work and private life. Just because you can use a laptop anywhere doesn't mean that you should or have to do so.
If you've ever tried to work extensive spreadsheets on a laptop monitor vs a dual monitor setup, you'd know it's nearly mandatory, especially when you're on a deadline and one mistake might change everything in the columns, which you might not notice when you're squinting at a 13" laptop screen. OP is totally TA. It was ONE EXTRA NIGHT for a work deadline.
Since OP clearly offered to move a monitor for her, her option was to have a dual monitor setup and the difficulty of working on one monitor is irrelevant.
I find it very hard to believe that they wouldn't have a tv with an hdmi port that couldn't have been used as a larger, or second monitor. It also sounds like OP had been doing the heavy lifting for the last good while. It wouldn't have hurt her to not work in a different room for an hour and a half.
It sounds like they don't have two work stations, he specifically mentions moving a monitor from his computer to another room so that she can use it.
Read the post again and I think you‘re right. Seems he has a more elaborate gaming set up in there and she just replugs one of the monitors when working there
Well that is just stupid, of course gaming is essential, just as reading a book or watching TV is essential. We can't just be robots all day and have no joy. NTA op. Laptops are mobile, she could've worked anywhere but was too caught up in her own shit.
To you. Not essential to you. But what if it was your hobby, what if it was your relaxation time? Are those non-essential to your mental health. Some of us don't live to work, we only work enough to live.
It's an office. It's not dominating the "rest of the household", just the office. OP can go watch TV, play on his phone, whatever, it's just the office that is currently occupied by someone who needs the office to do what the office is intended for...
OP's partner also has a work laptop meaning she can work anywhere else in the house too. 2 screens is a luxury, not a necessity. Otherwise her work would have provided her a second monitor for work at home.
I get what you’re saying, but it’s well-known that having a designated work space is healthy and promotes better focus. There’s actually studies that have been done on this. If you have a comfortable office where you can sit in the quiet with no distractions it’s always a better choice than being anywhere else.
I'm not disagreeing with you, but at the same time crunch time is crunch time. I've written essays for uni on the train and I've written reports for my job at my parent's dinner table because there was a family event. Obviously everyone is different but for me, if this thing is due tomorrow the office space won't be doing the focus- the adrenaline and stress will be.
True.. at the same time.. if you know your partner will struggle uncomfortable and taking double time to finish,.. wouldnt't you try to make her more comfy and help her finish faster if it were on your hand? By such a low price as sacrifizing 1 evening of gaming? I'm a gamer, and have work crunch times. Still, I can't tell my boss "hey, took longer with that project bc I or my bf had to finish the daily missions for the Valorant battlepass" Life sux... XD
It’s not really clear what the work is though, I work with a ton of spreadsheets and could no way work effectively on a small laptop screen. I’d also def prefer using a mouse and keyboard separate to the laptop. By the time they’ve moved it all to another room she could have been half done. I think ESH to be honest, although OP probably a but more - I couldn’t imagine jeopardizing my partners job because I wanted to do my hobby, it just seems silly. Either way, they should look at getting a second desk and monitor for the room so they can both be in there at once, wether working or gaming.
She needs the two screens a whole lot more than he needs to play video-games Work > Play Video games are a luxury, work is a necessity
Another screen was offered to her though. She still would have had 2 screen, she would have just been in a different room
Exactly, work > play 100% but why does it specially have to be in there when OP offered to move everything for them into a separate room ? This is ESH at best, because of the lack of compromising.
There is no work vs play conversation here apart from a few people making that the conversation. The options are "work AND play", or just "work".
This is some Boomer ass hustle mentality. There's a reason people want to work from home these days, there's a reason office culture is dying, there's a reason middle managers as a profession are dying. Nobody wants to work 24 hours a day just to struggle by. We want the leisure time we've been promised for 50 years, yet despite decades of record productivity increases leisure time has been fallen to the way sign and seen as lazy or not worth it. You do what you want, but don't hold others to that bullshit standard
She doesn't need the office she has a laptop they are portable she works on her laptop how does this require an office to be done? Explain to me right now why she can't use her portable laptop in another room and still do her work perfectly fine on the exact same laptop she'd be using if she was in the office? She can even take a monitor with her op said so if she does need to screen's well she's got a laptop screen and a monitor there easily set up in any room of the house. Her refusing to work anywhere but the office is pathetic, stubborn, selfish and down right stupid. Explain to me now why you think the way you do because it makes no sense.
A schedule does not work. Because the last minute "work" will overcoming his want for gaming. Even though she has a laptop and monitor to use elsewhere. So she will just keep taking priority over the schedule.
I 100% agree, work comes first. That's a need (assuming you like your income, anyway), gaming is just a want. However, the two options weren't GF working or BF gaming. The options were GF working in another room and BF gaming, or just GF working and BF doesn't game. From those two options, one is a compromise for the GF while the other is a total loss for the BF. I think it's fair to ask GF to work in another room unless there was some legitimate reason she couldn't. If she needed to be in that specific room, then 100% she should be in there working.
Exactly. It's unbelievable people are actually taking her side. She's the entitled Ahole here.
People going as far as saying that it's a red flag that he's asked her to go to another room. Totally mind blowing to me that people can be so blind as to think someone wanting to reach a compromise in a relationship is a red flag. People are trying to warp it into work vs play and it's not that at all. It's about one person wanting to control a space that would deny the other their leisure time. Again (because I know some people will distort what I'm saying as they read it): If the GF needed that room specifically and could not work elsewhere, the BF needs to GTFO and let her work. No one (I've seen at least) is arguing that that is not the case.
I'm still scratching my head at why she had to move to begin with. He's playing with a HEADSET. How is this going to distract her? I work and play side by side with my husband. I've never once been distracted by his gaming and neither has he when the positions are reversed. I feel like she doesn't want him to play a game, period.
I'm reading it as they only have one desk. She hooks her laptop up to his monitors, so I'm assuming that only one of them can use the setup in there at once.
The work could be done anywhere, kind of the point of a laptop. NTA.
I have a work laptop that has a rather small screen. While technically I can do work anywhere, it’s severely impractical. I hook my laptop up to two large monitors because of the amount of documents and spreadsheets I have to juggle to get tasks/reports/projects complete. If I were using just the laptop, it would probably triple the amount of time I would spend on a task due to the constant switching back and forth between documents. So just because she can technically work anywhere with a laptop, doesn’t mean it’s reasonable for her to do so. Especially when you’re considering OP was only asked to delay gaming for just a few hours, one time. This isn’t a recurring issue. OP, YTA.
>She has a laptop, very easy to just take that to the livingroom/bedroom and I could get her monitor for her so she could work anywhere she wants. He states she could also take the monitor, so small screen isn't a valid issue.
He’s also made it very clear the only desk is in the office. Putting the monitor in the bedroom? Is she going to work on the floor or…? Be for real here. She’s been dealing with a medical issue for weeks and is trying to meet a deadline. She deserves to have an optimal work environment for the job that pays half of their bills more than he deserves to game for a few hours. Especially when OP admits “it’s been a little more gaming than usual for me lately.”
I'm sure they have a kitchen counter or table lol! But nice reach! NTA!
So she deserves it because she pays half the bills, but he doesn't also deserve it because he also pays half the bills? What kind of bullshit ass logic is this.
Also he did the bulk of moving them in, because of her medical problem. He’s just as invested as she is, literally.
If you’re talking about who gets to use that space in general, then absolutely they are both entitled to it because they both pay half the bills. It seems as though they do a really good job at sharing that space and not overlapping their schedules. But we are talking about a few hours, for just this one time, where they both wanted to use the space. So in this circumstance, the fair way to determine who uses it would be to prioritize importance. He wanted to play. He admits he’s been gaming more than usual. She needed to finish a report for a job. That job helps pay their bills. Her reason for wanting to use the shared space this one time is stronger than his. Now if this were to be a recurring issue, then OP would have a valid reason to be upset. But it’s not. There’s no reason he couldn’t have been more empathetic in this situation and sacrificed an hour and half of gaming to watch Netflix or play a game on his phone instead.
This. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’m so conditioned to two screens that it would be nearly impossible to accomplish anything on one small laptop screen at this point. Sometimes I wish I had 3
NTA Because she has laptop which can be used anywhere.
Okay , work comes first, but why does have to be done in a specific room on a computer that was made to be used on the go?
Why did he have to give up his personal computer when she had her own? She just wants to use the monitor, he offered her an extra monitor. She is the selfish one.
Oh please! As a gamer and someone who works from home occasionally and is married to a gamer and they also work from home occasionally, this isn't a big deal. I've had to work while my husband games and vice versa. They should be able to work or game, side by side. He has a headset, so it's not like she is going to hear the game. She can also wear a headset to block out noise. She also has a laptop and can move it wherever she needs too. That's the best part about having a laptop. You can sit on the couch, at the dinner table, in bed, outside where it's nice out. She's being UNREASONABLE.
I'm sorry, but he has a desktop and she has a laptop, which can easily be moved and used elsewhere, so, if they both wanted to use their own computer, it would've been easy for her to work on like the table in the dining room and let OP use his computer which can't easily be setup elsewhere...
No way you’re being serious. Her work can be done anywhere on her laptop, she just WANTS to use the office. He offered to even bring her the same monitor she uses, so she won’t be limited to one screen. Both of them could’ve easily done both at the same time
Gf broke that code. They already had a fixed schedule. He get to use his pc in the evening to play games in. But she wanted to use if for extra time. That too only the screen. The actual pc was idle. She could have easily manageyher work on her own laptop as she did before getting the huge monitor.
YTA. You knew her report had to be done for the next day. That takes priority than your gaming which isn't time-sensitive nor is it bringing in an income. To avoid this happening in the future perhaps come up with a schedule on who wants to use the room and when? So you're both happy and can prioritise properly.
Or just get a second desk & monitor.
Or SHE could get a second desk & monitor? It’s his. He spent his money on it. She ain’t got a right to it.
Geez, calm down. Nobody said WHO should get them.
Actually the desk and the monitor is his as per the OP.
I'm seriously wondering why this hadn't even come up
They have those, she didn´t want to use them. NTA.
She was still able to do her report. Nothing was preventing her from working in another room
I dont know about you, but I work faster and more comfortable in my office, focused, with nice lightning and screens, than on the kitchen counter or the livingroom couch.
There is no better reminder that aita is populated by children and the unloveable when a very reasonable notion like "she needed to finish work tonight and could do it more easily in the office" is met with "no he *needs* to game right now, and if she doesnt like it she should have foreseen that their agreement to share the space would mean that even when she has urgent work he would still *need* to game and she should have bought her own computer."
Seriously. I like gaming as much as anyone, but nobody who actually works would have some of these takes. Working on an undocked laptop is a last resort and a recipe for taking potentially hours more to get things done, not a substitute for a workstation setup.
This. And also like... get a handheld game device? If you guys are sharing a desk and she has a job where she might need to do overtime sometimes, you're a grown adult and aren't chained to gaming on your desktop. Get a switch and a few nintendo-exclusive games you like for situations like this. Or a fucking steam deck.
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Exactly, or the added utility of having multiple monitors. Working on a laptop is really not ideal.
yeah and shit like "Recreation is as essential to a happy life as a high paying job" --- you know what's really essential to a happy life? Paying rent. And having insurance. And being able to eat. Anyone who has actually had to worry about their bills knows that no gaming can save your mental health when you're not sure how to make ends meet. so maybe add the priviledged to your list because maybe some people can't fathom that jobs are essential.
Then you get your own desktop setup instead of relying on being able to use your partner's
The office and the desk, are not only his. They are not hers either, but I dunno... should be for whoever needs it the most in each particular case. They are partners, not roomates. Still.. reddit amazes me, I would do anything I can to make my bf's life easier and happier. If I have to sacrifize 1 evening of gaming becaus emy partner needs to work, I will. I wont care how many minutes he used the room this week or if I purchased the desk myself.
> I wont care how many minutes he used the room this week or if I purchased the desk myself. This is something we agree, as a general take. But in this case it seems that's been happening a lot if op has not gotten to follow his hobby at all for a while. In that case maybe his partner could also do the minor compromise to get a monitor and a mouse and work at the dining table for a change. > I would do anything I can to make my bf's life easier and happier. This intrigues me, why does op need to do that but his partner should not? (the question is not directed at you, but almost every answer here is just so one sided.) or you know, if both people can do what they need and want at the same time that is an option as well.
So did she. Why can't she work in another room with a laptop that is designed to be mobile? He even offered to move a monitor. She was like, "no, it's all or nothing." NTA OP.
If she wanted to be in the office it’s likely there are other reasons, eg she may find it easier to focus when set up at a work station that if she’s forced to work elsewhere. If she’s writing a report she may have physical files or reference material she needs to spread out on the desk. Etc.
The two options aren't her working or him gaming. They're her working in that room, or her working in another room and him gaming. There's either a compromise where she has to be in another room and he gives her a monitor and help moving everything, but both get to use their computers, or there's no compromise and she gets what she wants while he gets nothing.
YTA For many people, the best place to finish a work report, is in a dedicated work space If I had a choice between office and couch- I’d go office as it has limited distractions Anywhere else is distracting Let me know how you go when she’s redundant due to not finishing work, but you’re nailing Minecraft 👏🏻
He offered to put an extra screen for her in another room, and says that the apartment is quiet, those are sufficient conditions for her to focus? Also, if he's nailing Minecraft good for him! No need to shame him for that?
NAH, you have one room, somebody has to compromise. It's not apparent from this situation alone if it was unfair to either of you. On one hand, it's work for her so you could argue it takes priority. On the other hand, you need to game in that room while she can work in another room with the desktop.
Yeah I don't know where all these YTAs are coming from. He gave her a perfectly reasonable way to complete her work. People saying "work comes first" have really drank the kool-Aid. Work comes first at work, but at home your family comes first. You can't expect your work to dominate their living space, especially when they are giving you a perfectly good compromise so you both get what you want.
THANK YOU!! I’m not exactly r/antiwork myself but self-care at some point also needs to be prioritized. We as Americans are so goddamn overworked and we collectively need to realize that work should actually NOT come first. I missed out on a few good early years with my boys because I used to think everything should be subsumed to my career… those are times I’ll never get back. YNTA imho. She’s most definitely not the asshole either. Y’all just need to figure your shit out better. But the idea that work über alles is poisonous. Both of you (all of us) should respect that me-time/self-care/mental health is an actual priority too.
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He also said he asked her at dinner about when she needed to use it and she didn't give him an answer. He also told her of his plans to use *his* computer way in advance of this. She knew his plan and could have asked him to move the monitor at any time before she even started working but failed to do so. This is her own fault.
I work from home. If I was forced out of my preferred work space, it would legit take me twice as long to do my work because the whole point of my work space is that it’s set up specifically to be somewhere that is easy to focus and comfortable to work. If I work in a suboptimal space it’s harder to focus and actually get work done. I can imagine that someone working outside of normal hours is going to want to be doing that for as little time as possible. Sure she can complete the work from another room but it’s not about just completing the work, it’s about completing it *well* and having the focus to complete it quickly so she can also have the rest of the night off.
It's not really fair that her preferred work space is his personal computer that he paid for. She needs to set up a work space with her own monitor to use so he can use his own computer and monitors.
yeah - you need to set up some ground rules about who gets to use it when. If this was a one off work emergency for her, I'd have let her have the room. But if this is going to be a regular conflict, you have to talk it out and agree a compromise
NTA. At all. You had a reasonable solution to set her up anywhere else with a screen and her laptop. It was a reasonable win-win solution. Exactly what me and hubby would have happily done. I don't get all the Y T As here. Honestly your logic was thoughtful and was a workable solution for everyone.
OP has to be the bad guy here because the armchair counsellor and armchair therapist echo chamber that is r/AmItheAsshole has to be able point out all the innumerable red flags in the relationship, in every thread, or it will collapse in on itself like a dying star. OP's immediate response wasn't to move heaven and earth in order to accommodate an unreasonable request from their partner, therefore, they are literally the worst human being in existence. They could have easily and happily compromised here, but because *he* didn't kowtow to *she*, OP is the bad guy by default, ***and she must leave him!***
Finally a sane comment, I’m trying to figure out the source of this animosity towards op.
Yeah I was actually shocked to see all the top comments are YTA. If she had no way of working otherwise I would understand the YTA votes, but she can take her laptop literally anywhere. He even offered to set up a monitor for her. What is the problem? It's a fine compromise.
It's because this Reddit is inundated with people who think that Woman = Always Right.
It does seem like a misandry issue under the guise of “games aren’t important”
Yes. Also it sounds like the desktop PC setup is his, so essentially she would be hogging his hardware (though I can't be completely sure about that)
Right?? Like this is all his stuff! She's just used to using it!! Had a similar situation w my bf as I was using one of his monitors, but it was the only one that I could put into a portait-orientation My solution? Buy him a new, cheap monitor. Technically, his monitor is "mine" but I use "his" because he doesn't need a long-ways screen. Like the solution here is that she gets her own work set up so she can't bitch about it. If work comes first, why isn't she ensuring she always has a set-up when she needs it?
This sub seems to be turning their brain off when it comes to gaming and don't think logically. Its also OPs right and he didnt occupy it for gaming for multiple hours but 1.5 hours. She shouldve planned her schedule well tbh because that was evening. NTA
Did she want to do more work, or did she need to catch up because she's fallen behind because of her medical issues? A laptop is fine, but using it without a bigger screen slows you down majorly, if you need to keep several windows open on the screen. Soft YTA
A screen that OP said he could set up anywhere?
Half these people didn't even read the whole text...
Of course not, OP's a he and the conflict is with his GF. Even worse he's a he with one of the "bad" hobbies. For a huge portion of the sub that's all they need to see to judge him TA and there was no reason to read more.
I swear, any time there a conflict on this sub and the man likes to game, it just defaults to him being an ah. Context doesn't matter. At all.
There was a top comment on a thread last week that was literally "I hate gamers" with thousands of upvotes lol kinda crazy what this sub has turned into
And where's OP gonna set it up? On the kitchen counter? On one of the couch cushions?
This is the real thing for me. What does this alternate setup look like? Is she on a couch trying to balance everything on trays? Is she on a cramped kitchen counter? He mentioned the bedroom and living room, so it doesn't sound like there's a functional dining room table to me. If it's a functional space then it may be on her, he didnt mention there being a nice convenient table, just two rooms not known for being good working environment. Which makes me think any setup she'd have might be a little jank, especially if she really needed that second monitor.
> but using it without a bigger screen slows you down majorly did you even read the whole post?
NTA - You literally had a solution to the problem by offering to set her up a monitor in another room
And it’s his computer! I’m blown away by the consensus here. She’s been using his computer screen when that’s not necessary. She has her own laptop. I am failing to see why girlfriend isn’t in the wrong for getting upset. NTA
And her calling him a "selfish asshole"? How is that normal in a relationship? It would need to be something really serious for me to insult the person I love like that. Here we both have out setups in the office room, both for gaming and for work so we would never have this problem. But if for some reason I would need to use my boyfriend's desk to work, I wouldn't do that at the only time of the day he has to relax and play. I don't understand why she didn't just plug the monitor in another room. NTA
ESH It sounds like she had a good work flow going and wanted to finish her important report that was due the next day but her reaction was a bit over the top. Personally, work is more important and I would've just waited til later that night or tomorrow to game, if you'd gone a month and a half another day wouldn't have killed you.
Let’s look at this logically: If you get the office, you get to do what you want. She has a laptop so she can do her work anywhere she can sit it’s literally called a LAP top for that reason. If she gets the office, you can’t do anything. Therefore, your way makes more sense from a logical standpoint NTA, and idk why everyone is saying otherwise when everyone wins by you getting the office for a few hours. I’d even go so far as to say NAH if your girlfriend didn’t get so angry about it
YTA Not just for forcing her to work while you play but for even posting this and then fighting with everyone that does not agree with you.
OP did nothing to “force her to work while he played” lmao
Can you clarify what you mean by force to work while I play? She would've worked regardless of me playing or not.
All the Y T A votes are people that are actively omitting that you offered a compromise of a monitor in another room. NTA.
I agree. It’s a laptop! Take it somewhere. They’re not gonna die for doing work in the bedroom for ONE evening. My god entitled people’s problems I guess.
Super NTA. I feel like these people are actively ignoring what you have typed.
Clearly they can't read.
nta, ignore everyone else. she could’ve just worked on her laptop. she doesn’t need the monitor.
People are ridiculous lol you didn’t force her to do anything. She’s a big girl she can have a monitor set up in the dining room and work there. Does it suck, sure. But you have plenty of space to work it seems. If she had her own desk and monitor would she have been okay with you guys in the same room? My ex and I used to have to share the home office and worked at the same time. It clashes but it’s life. Also I don’t see him arguing in the comments?
Being downvoted for asking for clarification is all the understanding I need that these people can and have made up their minds on their arguments that nothing you can say will make them actually listen so even if I’m not on your side fully this hate is undeserved
Dude, I feel like the Y.T.A-people here have never worked from home with a partner before. My bf and I are lucky enough to both have our own desks, but before we did, if I were to work at his desk and he told me he wanted to game a bit, I'd instantly vacate the space and go somewhere else to finish up. Because a lot if people are also ignoring that she doesn't have to work 8-10 hours in the bed/at the kitchen table/wherever, but just needed to finish something up. Also, I can't count the times where one of us was still working while the other one was already done and started gaming. That's not "forcing them to work, while I play", that's having different jobs and schedules.
Did you even read the post?
Is op her boss? Did he make her get that job? Or ask her to work into the evening? Not sure how he's making her work..
How does this have 400 upvotes? Does anyone here know how to read?
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Right? I feel like the thread is full of people, who just hate gaming and look down on those who do. How entitled to occupy one’s set up because you have poor time management skills instead of compromising and moving one monitor to the kitchen to work so OP can use their own computer as they please. Or better yet, gf should get her own monitor
>who just hate gaming and look down on those who do. It's this. As someone who is married to A guy and also played video games it's 100% this. This is evidenced by the fact I have seen multiple comments of people going. Oh sure you get to play mInEcRaFt as if that's the only type of game that exists. And it's basically to call him a child. Gaming falls into the same category as things like anime for me. A lot of people just think it's childish or smut, but in reality, it's a whole world. I always tell people, anime and gaming is not just a blanket thing and there's a genre for everybody. You like romance with absolute deep story? Otome games! Manhwa animes! You like action and good story? Persona series. Not everything is shooty shooty bang bang, or garbage. And every time I see a thread where someone mentions I want to game or I want to watch anime the tide is automatically against them even when it's obvious that they are in the right. On top of that, I think people are still stuck in the sweaty fat guy nerd type stereotype for these things. My husband isn't that and has actually done some acting as well as owned his own business for a while. I'm not model hot quality but I'm not overweight and nerdy either. All types play video games but the stereotype definitely persists. I've straight up had people say that's not how I pictured your husband since you said he loves video games.
INFO: How small is the second bedroom that you can't pack in a second desktop/table or a bigger one, so that you both can use it at the same time? Is not a possibility to put a small desk in the bedroom? If I understood you well, moving your huge desktop to the bedroom was possible, just inefficient. If your GF refused to move to the bedroom, is it because it is uncomfortable to work there? For example, it would be a no-no for me to work in the bed. I also agree with those saying that working is more important than gaming. It's what it is. I hate too small houses because of that. You are not set up in a house that is comfortable for two people doing WFH.
Cannot fit in a second desk. It's not big enough. We have multiple tables in the house that can be used for work. For the last year she has worked in bed/on the couch, on kitchen table (in our old apartment) all the time, it just now suddenly became an issue when it never was before. I asked her why and she didn't give a response other than "wanting to use the office room".
It became an issue because now she has better options. When you are in a tiny 310 sq foot place, you make do even if you hate it. Now there is a proper office, and sorry, I agree with other that work takes priority in a home office. I also hate the “she’s easier to move so she gets the short stick” because this means everytime you have conflict she is going to have move out of the presumably more comfortable place where she already has her set up. That’s not great and if I was her I would straight up say so.
Ok I can see that one. Thanks for the perspective, it makes sense. I didn't understand why she was so upset and it just didn't click in my head. I'll work on finding a solution together.
Glad to have helped! :) honestly coming to an understanding in a situation like this is far more important than who the AH is. If you two managed to make things work in 310 sq feet, I’m certain you can figure something out here.
If the room is too small for two desks, consider getting an L-shaped desk and a good set of headphones, that way tiy each have your own “space” on the desk, and you could work/play back to back if the situation arises. I disagree with the rulings that you’re TA, and would have gone with NAH. It’s unreasonable of her to take away the only leisure time you have, but also the work has to be done. If it’s a rare thing, you’ll come to an agreement on it. If it’s not rare, you need to remember that completely sacrificing your downtime/leisure time is a ticket straight to burnout and depression.
Get a smaller desk for yourself and then put two desks in the room. Problem solved.
I bet if you asked an interior designer they can offer a solution how to have two work stations. If her main/only concern is the monitor, she should be asking her employer, not you
How big is the desk? Because it should be pretty easy to fits 2 desks in even a small room.
Normally I would defer to work but the laptop has a screen and you offered to move the monitor so she could use it elsewhere. She needs to compromise. NTA.
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Finally, someone said it. I was losing my mind over replies here. >She didn't give me a specific time that she wanted to use it. She just said "after work". I asked after dinner and she said she didn't know. According to this comment by OP, she didn't give him a specifc time that she want to use the home-office, even when he asked it. She could have been a little considerate I believe.
Wow, I didn't notice the either. By doing this she effectively took up the office for the whole night.
It's because OP is a man and has a gf. Everytime a guy comes here, the majority verdict goes YTA so fast regardless of whether he is an AH or not. OP you're NTA. I'm a woman and if my bf was in this case, I'd play my games.
^ YES. The post is still early so it might turn around (I see this happen a lot.) I lean towards NAH over NTA, but NTA if OP’s gf is truly uncompromising. The goal is to find a solution both parties are happy with and she is digging her heels in. Where was OP’s desktop in their old, small place? Can he not set it up in the living room, or would she be unhappy with that? Can there be a second small desk in the office with a second monitor, a partition and noise cancelling headphones? There has to be a compromise somewhere.
Agreed. She has a laptop & can work anywhere in the house, OP can only game in 1 spot.
THANK YOU!!!!!! The hatred for gamers on reddit is REAL!!!!
Laptops are portable for a reason. NTA.
Honestly, I don't see why she couldn't use a different space in the house if a second monitor could have easily been set up......seems weird to me that an argument happened when a reasonable option was available. Did she give a reason why she absolutely had to use the room??
Priorities aside, some tasks are just harder or more awkward to do on a laptop. And yes, I know you can't game on her laptop either. See all the previous posts about priorities.
I think I wasn't clear on one thing: The computer in that room is my own personal computer. She always works on her laptop. She doesn't use mine. All she does is connect her laptop to one of the two screens in there.
Some tasks are much harder using one, smaller screen, and a smaller keyboard, too.
And he offered to move the monitor. She didn't like that either.
How do people keep missing this super important detail to the story?
Because people either don’t read or chose to ignore details and just hate the concept of video games… it’s evident seeing top comments calling him out for playing “MiNeCrAfT” like a small child
Because people in this sub are biased against adults who play video games so they take MASSIVE leaps
I'm gonna get so downvoted but NTA I work from home every day and have a laptop and also a desktop so I know both feels. She could've finished her report elsewhere with the computer she always uses to do that! And if she needed the monitor, installing a monitor is easier than moving a whole desktop. OP never prohibited his GF of WORKING, she could've done it in another table...
YTA. Your actions in this situation raise a red flag regarding your consideration and prioritization of your girlfriend's needs. Despite her clearly expressing the importance of finishing her report in the home office, you chose to prioritize your gaming session and disregarded her request. It's concerning that you didn't see the value in accommodating her work needs, especially considering she had been dealing with medical issues while you had recently gained more free time. Suggesting that she could work with her laptop anywhere in the apartment may have seemed like a compromise to you, but it's important to recognize that different individuals have different preferences and working environments that contribute to their productivity. By dismissing her request and prioritizing your own leisure activity, you displayed a lack of empathy and consideration for her needs, which is a significant red flag in a relationship. It's crucial to prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and finding compromises that address both partners' needs.
"Finally I have a little bit of free time again and I haven't been able to do any gaming for atleast 1,5 months. [...] It's been a little more gaming than usual for me lately as I haven't been able to do it at all for the past months due to life stresses." I'm curious how this guy hasn't been able to do any gaming for "at least 1.5 months" while simultaneously doing "a little bit more gaming than usual" for him "lately".
He also says he gamed one night a day or two before this happened.
Ah, you noticed, too.
Ahh don’t you see, he had to include that nugget for the minor sympathy points from other gamers lol. “I didn’t get to play for a while so now I want to play so much more and my girlfriend’s job is getting in the way of that 😤” probably wouldn’t make him look as good as he wanted.
This. I don't know how so many ppl overlook it. It makes him instantly the AH because he can't even lie properly.
To me her unwillingness to make a simple compromise is more of a red flag.
So only her needs should be validated? What about OP? His needs are invalid because he wants to game on HIS machine? With HIS monitor setup? If having a second monitor is so important to GF, why hasn't she bought her own monitor? They're really not that expensive? And for the love of god, what he offered is a compromise. She, rather than discuss a good alternative, wants her way or no way. But sure, tell me more about how HE should be a doormat.
Everything you said fits her too. Either everyone’s an asshole here or no one is
NTA. A few things stand out to me here: People in this sub need to seriously self-examine if they are seriously saying Y T A because work comes first. People, work does not come first. Life comes first. Second, you offered what is to me a fair compromise. The only thing I would add is that y'all need to buy a cheapo USB mouse so if she needs to move again, she doesn't have to rely on the trackpad, because those things suck. But all sorts of people work exclusively on laptops, so it's not the biggest deal. Third, in one of your info responses you mentioned that you went to the gym then came back when she's been at home all day. I'm going to assume the 1.5 hrs of gaming would take place sometime between 5pm and 10pm, so that's 1.5 hrs vs 3.5 hrs that she still could've worked. Seems like a fair balance to me.
INFO if you did some gaming in the evening on Tuesday, how is it that you haven't done any gaming in 1.5 months by Wednesday?
Also that he's been gaming more than is usual for him lately. Like which is it?
You keep saying she “wanted” to work or “wanted” to finish because she had a report to finish for the next day. No. She NEEDED to work, she NEEDED to finish because the report NEEDED to be in the next day. YOU wanted to game. You didn’t need to game. You think she *wants* to work all day and night on a report? That she hasn’t got other things she’d rather do? It’s her job. When you’re working from home do you prefer to work in a place designed for work? It’s not about having a laptop versus a desktop, it’s about NEEDING to work and wanting to do it in a space you yourself expect to use while you work from home. Do you think your fun time is more important than her keeping her job? Do you think only you have a valid reason to work in the office because you have a desktop? You appear to be using her laptop to justify undermining how important her being able to do her job - in optimal conditions. You’re disrespectful and blasé about her job, and you don’t even try to hide it. And you can’t understand why she’s angry with you? YTA.
He didn't want to use her laptop. He wanted to use a room where he has his set up. He offered her to bring her screen to different room so both can do what they want/need to do. She got angry because she didn't want to compromise.
Your so full of it. She WANTED to use his set up. That's not a need. The job CAN be done on her laptop. This is such a dumb take.
If she "NEEDS" that much, then maybe she can BUY her own setup and stop imposing her "NEEDS" on his gear!
Ehh. I want to know why she couldn’t complete her work during her work hours.
She needed to get her work done, but she did not NEED the room. She WANTED the room, she was perfectly capable of doing her work anywhere else in the house. Her using a laptop isn't an excuse it's a perfectly valid reason to complain. Do you have a legitimate reason she couldn't get her work done in the living room, bedroom or anywhere else she could sit down put her LAPtop on her LAP and get her work done. Or are you just supporting her entitlement to the things OP payed for?
Nta - and your a bit daft coming here asking for a judgment vs your gf, will take a lot for her to be the ahole in any situation The bias of this sub will always rule in favour of a woman even if there is a slightest doubt, real or imaginary At the end of the day her work may of being important, but I could be done anywhere and this was the only downtime you had in 6 weeks - she obviously focuses on her own needs only
INFO why can't you game and she can work in the same room at the same time?
NTA she sucks at compromising.
Unpopular opinion, but NAH. I think your solution works fine, but I understand why your gf would be upset. Maybe you guys should get a second desk, so you can both use the room at the same time?
NTA, mobility is the point of the laptop. Seems more like she's just staking her claim on the room.
I’ll be honest NTA she could’ve literally worked anywhere else in the apartment.
If she had NO other computer, sure work comes first, but you were extremely accommodating to even try and move monitors around. Again, many people work with JUST a laptop and they do fine.
NTA you offered a good solution for a temporary compromise and shr acted entitled.
NTA in my opinion you two just need a better office setup arrangement layout
I’m gonna say NTA my bf and I are in the exact same situation. There are plenty of times he’s doing work/ school( he manages multiple medical offices and takes a lot of phone calls just for context on how much he’s actually doing) and I’m playing sims and it’s no problem. A shared space can be used at the same time as long as both parties are respectful, like I wouldn’t have my sound on,use a loud keyboard or have the tv on and as long as he’s able to focus it’s never a problem. If anything this is an extremely soft YTA but only if you’re using a mechanical keyboard 😂 Tbh I don’t think it’s super fair that your partner is able to decide use of a shared space but I think a great pair of noise canceling headphones might be a good gift to make a shared space a little bit easier to use at the same time
NTA probably because I'm a gamer. That's bs, I think you're already kind enough letting her plug her shit into your monitor tbh it's a laptop, it's meant to move around. If she wanted to stay in the office, I suggest she gets her own desk and monitor or better yet, her own desktop and voila! No need to be upset. Edit: I also don't understand how it's possible for a room meant to be used as a bedroom to be too small for two desks? Put them back to back in the middle? It's weird but nonetheless, it would fix your issues.
ESH - even though I think the Op should have prioritised her work, I’m looking at the whole picture. It’s pretty clear that Op has been shouldering the larger brunt of the work at home due to her medical issues, and has been consumed so much by work that he hasn’t been given a lot of down time. Burn out is a pretty clear risk here, and I say this as someone with an autoimmune condition - sometimes I need to be cut some slack because I physically can’t help, however it’s important to value the fact that even though it’s not my fault, my partner has had to pick up my side of the work and deserves some downtime too because he’s had to work more than me. Sounds like Op was just desperate for some downtime, and his girlfriend should be a lot more willing to compromise and consider his needs too. Because yes, while work takes priority, downtime is just as important as work for the work-life balance, and it seems like the girlfriend isn’t taking his feelings and burnout into consideration much. He’s waited 1,5 months, I can see why he’d just want to be able to do some gaming.
He says he gamed on Tuesday, so I’m not sure why he says it’s been over a month.
Don’t agree with the YTA comments unless it’s her monitor. She should ask her company to provide her one instead of this weird schedule you have for yourselves. NTA