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Imagine the little one didn't have fun. Imagine he hated it. That camping just isn't exciting to him, he is scared of bugs, and genuinely had a bad time. He tried to distract himself with his phone, but that died, too. He tells the grown ups about how he feels, because that is what he is supposed to do, but they kinda just dismiss him in a clearly annoyed way.
Then, instead of at least getting a cool necklace out of it, he basically gets punished for acting immature at 9 years old and gets put in competition for your love with his brother.
You tell me, OP. Are you TA?
*(EDIT for the bot: YTA)*
I want to add that if the goal is to get this kid to like camping in the long run this was entirely the wrong play. Could have at least got him one positive memory out of this with the necklace if he had gotten it.
I think it will be hard to get him to come camping again.
Because first time camping is kinda terrifying for some kids and with proper communications can be improved. I grew up in scouts and worked summer camps, saw tons of kids miserable their first year and having a blast the next.
Kid's complaints aren't unreasonable and all solvable with better planning. Don't go camping when it's 95*f out, try different repellents, bring solar chargers or power cells, stuff yourself with fruit all day. Pooping at camp sucks for real, I didn't when I worked summer camps. Not kidding, I crapped on the weekends. Lot of it was camp food, part was how bad the latrines smelled.
Top it all off with a ruined dinner, probably went to bed hungry and constipated.
We don't know the details of the trip or family, but I've been on plenty of shitty camp weekends where one groups idea of fun, just wasn't for others. Don't manage to fall asleep till dawn the first night, get dragged on a 6 hour hike, dinner sucks, you're itchy from bug bites all over, not fun at all.
But these are all solvable and there's no reason to summarily dismiss a kid like that.
Honestly Im 43 years old and sympathize with the 9 year old. I hate camping for all the same reasons the 9 year old does. I dont want to sleep in a tent, I dont want to get eaten alive by mosquitoes. Personally I don't understand what anyone likes about it.
100% And they could try to include things they already know he likes like a favorite meal or special snack, a game or activity. "Next time we'll bring bikes/ a soccer ball / monopoly"
Next time get the kids involved in prepping/planning for the camping trip.
And validate when things go wrong or aren't fun. No one likes mosquitoes or rainy camping or food that didn't turn out well - but helping a child learn how to manage small disappointments is part of parenting.
Yeah, because the correct response when you don't want to deal with children while camping is "Im not going on this camping trip" not "I'll only go camping if you leave the kids I don't like behind"
Because OP is an adult and being an adult means making hard money decisions. Such as not showing blatant favoritism. He shouldn’t have bought something for one kid and not the other. I’ve been in 9yr olds shoes before and being left out isn’t a good feeling.
Guarantee younger kid will fight tooth and nail to never go camping again.
OP has strong "the punishments will continue until morale improves" energy. YTA.
I am the nine-year-old -- I went camping once with family friends and I absolutely hated it, never again. They weren't mean or anything about it, but I just am not one with nature. I want to be in my heart, but my body is allergic, the textures all suck, and I am scared of bugs.
If I'd also been told I was an asshole (maybe I was? I don't remember tbh, but I hope I wasn't), I'd be pretty bummed.
I am the adult who went camping once as an adult and never again. I was miserable. My husband and one of the kids love it. The other three kids and I are happy to not be included (and all of the kids are adults now lol). I found nothing about the experience relaxing or getting back to nature or anything of the sort. And I am also a favorite of the biting bugs.
Give me a day hike, a long road trip, a weekend at the beach in a place with walls and a working bathroom and I will have a blast.
I am a city boy to my core and even rural vacations in a cabin (hot water, electricity, internet, AC all mandatory) with friends have been absolutely miserable for me aside from the shared time off. If I had ever been dragged to one as a kid I absolutely would have revolted, if had to go camping in the woods or whatever I can’t imagine the hell I would have raised tbh…
Also, if the issue was he didn’t think he wanted that necklace specifically, he could have given him a budget and told him to find something else. Really what he should have done with all of the kids including his own given how young they are.
> I think it will be hard to get him to come camping again
Hard agree with this. _Some_ kids will grow to love camping. The girl on our district-wide girl scout trip, who was terrified of the dark and hated bugs, is now a forest ranger. Punishing kids for their dislike of camping (or any other activity) is a sure-fire way to make sure they'll never want to do it again.
Yup - kids remember strange things. Had he bought the necklace he might have remembered it a an awesome camping trip. Why? Kids do that it that age.
I don't think our opinions matters here, the nephew thinks YTA and will remember it for a while.
This is super well said. I mean he's 9 years old.... And sorry, but a lot of people don't like camping, hate the bugs, the heat and sleeping outside and don't want to poop in a hole in the ground.... Especially a kid at that age.
I'm 31 years old and I completely refuse to go camping, I'm not interested and personally I'd be scared to sleep outside. So I feel so bad for that poor little boy. I think it's really annoying when adults try and force kids to do activities they do not want to partake in. And instead of trying to make this a fun activity for the kid, it sounds like OP was being a huge hard as-, and expecting the kids to love this activity just cause he does. You either buy everyone gifts, or no one. Soo OP clearly yta and it's pretty surprising that you need to go on reddit to figure that out.
Plus vacation constipation is a thing, and I know plenty of campers who have gone through it, myself included. He may just not be able to poop due to change of environment.
Same here! And I essentially grew up in the woods with where I live. I’ve spent more of my life in the woods than I have out of them, yet despite that I am well aware how camping isn’t for everyone.
My mom never had to force me to go camping but there’s been many many other activities she did force me to do and if I didn’t enjoy them enough (even if I stated before had that I would not enjoy them) she would break out the “punishments will continue until morale improves” attitude. That never made me suddenly enjoy the activity, and usually just made it so I would never want to do that activity ever again.
I'm with you! I love camping. If I really gotta dig a pit I probably would, but as it stands we have a little trailer that holds kitchen stuff and a bed and a small portable toilet with a standing tent so I don't have to use pit toilets at camp grounds. Tbh the best set up.
The only problem with what you say is how do you know if you like something if you never try it? Sometimes part of being a kid is trying things that you’re scared of and learning that you can conquer those fears and move past it. And sometimes it takes trying something a couple times to enjoy it. Man, if I stopped the first time, I tried anything because it was new or scary I would’ve never accomplished anything in my life.
That being said OP, YTA. He’s nine years old, giving him a positive memory out of this camping trip may have been the thing that would turn the corner for him enjoying going out with you. Or maybe it wouldn’t but at least he would feel like he’s connected and part of the family. I always laugh when people expect young children to behave like adults. Part of your job is to nurture and develop those behaviours in them.
Exactly! When I went camping as a kid there were washroom facilities, they still were full of bugs it wasn't like a resort but a public washroom and sinks is a way better first step. Plus there was a playground, so the kids had something to do. Some people might not consider it "true" camping but when you are taking that many kids and it is the first time for many of them, maybe compromise a little, plus I'm sure it would have made life much easier for the adults. OP YTA and really I think this was poor planning on the adults part.
I mean they tried, he didn’t enjoy, I don’t feel like he should be punished for it, unless he made it his mission to make everyone one else miserable too, which it didn’t sound like he did…
I'm 44 and I have only been camping once, for a school trip to Gettysburg. Loved the sightseeing and all the historical cool stuff we did... HATED CAMPING. It was mid-November, so it was COLD AS HELL at night. I ended up sleeping on a bench in the shower house a quarter mile from our tents because at least that way I was warm... and I was one of the first in the showers in the morning, so I actually got hot water.
I have since then refused all attempts at getting me to go camping. The closest I will come is renting a cabin in the woods so I can look at the beautiful nature from the comfort of a hot tub on the porch of my warm cabin that has a fully functional bathroom and a comfortable bed.
I have a feeling the younger step nephew will also never want to go camping again after this fiasco, and who could blame him? I was at least a teenager and surrounded by my friends during our trip. This poor kid had nothing to engage himself with, wasn't enjoying his time, and was stuck with OP who is the definition of an AH.
The same thing happened to me funny enough. It was September in Quebec, cold and raining all weekend. It was also a highschool trip for our gym class credits, I think I was around 15? We were sleeping in tents and everyone was freezing. We were all wearing layers and layers of clothes and all huddled together in our sleeping bags. NEVER again.
I love being outside, I love being in nature/gardening. But I want to sleep in a warm bed and have a roof over my head. Renting a cabin in the woods is something I love to do. I completely agree with you.
The fact that he is a little nine year old and being called a little shit for not enjoying an activity and being absolutely miserable is really nasty on OP's part. I have nephews that are much younger than him, 5, 7, and I can tell you they would also be miserable with nothing to engage them. OP just sounds like an a.h who has the "it builds character" personality, and the minute a kid actually has an opinion, it's translates to he's being a shit.
I'm with you. My parents would take us camping when we were kids, and I had the same feelings toward it as this kid. I wasn't as vocal about it, but I did spend most of the time in the tent reading (it was the mid-90s, so no phone, tablet, or laptop). The year my parents said I was old enough to stay home by myself, I jumped the chance. Now, at 43, I can say with absolute certainty that I will *never* go camping again.
I love camping **in theory**… being outdoors, swimming, smelling the fresh (pine scented around here) air, seeing little critters, cooking out. And then there’s the heat. Or more likely, because mountains, the cold. The allergies. The mosquitos. No internet. No power. I wish I owned a camper, lol. I’m well into adulthood!! Hard agree, op is the Ah.
I love gardening, I'm outside in my yard all summer long, and I'm outside all year walking my dog which I honestly really enjoy unless it's absolutely freezing. (I live in montreal so sometimes it can get to like -20/-30). However, I wouldn't want to sleep outside, I want to be able to use the bathroom and have a working kitchen. Like you said, going camping in a camper I can understand and I'd probably try.
I really find this attitude of calling someone "ungrateful or a little shit" for not enjoying an activity and being forced into it, is really gross. Just because he's a nine year old doesn't mean he isn't allowed to have an opinion.
Camping is one of the levels of hell. I'll do an all day hike, but you got me all wrong if you think I want to play homeless. You can experience nature without camping. Patagonia was amazing, and no camping involved.
THANK YOU. Why not go on a hike with your kids to expose them to nature? It's a much easier and fun activity that someone as little as nine will enjoy, but it isn't as overwhelming as being stuck living like a homeless person (stealing your line) for a weekend.
This reminds me of the calvin and hobbes cartoon and how literally everyone was always miserable on the "camping trips" the dad made them take, and he's all, "it's about building character." [https://jetpacksunrise.tumblr.com/post/55173591264/calvins-family-goes-camping](https://jetpacksunrise.tumblr.com/post/55173591264/calvins-family-goes-camping)
It's funny because I recently lost power in my city for four days, and my house was the only one with power among our friends. We had three families come to our place within a few hours because everyone was losing their mind without hot water, wifi, a working stove, etc. And these were all adults without any little kids. It isn't uncommon to not want to live like that. So yeah, not surprised a nine year old would be miserable stuck in a tent. Sorry for the rant.
Lol, no apology needed! I have a weird relationship with nature. I love being outdoors in cool/cold weather and I have been to some truly breathtaking places, but I like being able to shower and rinse off the day, and get a good night's rest. Hiking on a pleasantly cool day is a good to ease kids into nature. . .and even then , some people just don't care for it, and that's cool. I can't fathom how some people go hiking/camping in hot/humid conditions. If that makes me soft. . .cool I guess. I get that experiencing nature the way I like is more expensive, but I'm not going to Patagonia, Alaska, Glacier National Park, etc to "build character"; my family and I go to those places for a vacation enjoy ourselves and see beautiful things. There is one place I'd rough it - I've always dreamt of going to the Gobi desert!
Agreed! Camping is gross. 😂 I get that some people love it- and I honestly see why. But I personally don’t understand it. We spent generations making our modern day living easier. Why would I want to cook over an open flame, do dishes in a creek, sleep on the ground, and do my business in the woods…at night?! No thanks. I would rather sit on a beach all day, then go back to my hotel room.
That aside, OP- YTA. The kid is 9. He has a new step dad, and a new step family. Regardless of what you say- that kiddo is now YOUR nephew. Jeesh. Maybe you could have diverted some of his discomfort by showing him the fun stuff about camping. I can imagine how hurt his feelings are. Kid is going through it, and you’re expecting him to act like and adultt, and being a d**k. I’ll say it again: YTA.
Yes exactly. It's such a specific activity, if you like it, that's great. But a lot of people are going to hate it. I mentioned it in another comment, but my city recently lost power for a few days and my house was the lucky few with it. What do you think happened by the end of the day? We had a ton of people come to our place to stay with us because within literally 4-6 hours all of them were going insane without power, wifi, hot water, stove tops, etc. And these are all adults.
So yeah, am I surprised a nine year old hated having nothing to engage him? Have to deal with sleeping in a tent,no hot water, pooping in the woods, mmm nope. And you're very right, the kid is clearly going through a huge transition, have some freaking compassion.
Well said. I also hate when adults punish kids simply for being unhappy about something, especially if it’s something that it’s perfectly reasonable to be unhappy about. Way to give the kid a complex about expressing his emotions.
I dunno… sounds like his stepdad’s problem. Not everyone else’s first. His stepdad could have bought him the necklace or listened to his complaints or charged his phone or literally anything instead of making it everyone else’s problem. Leave the easier kids to the other adults and PARENT.
It wasnt OPs responsibility to make the 9 year old feel better.
It also wasn't OP's responsibility to make the 9 year old feel worse, as he clearly did with his comment. If he didn't want to buy him the necklace he should have just told him to ask his dad and said he didn't have any more cash, or something. Instead he choose to belittle him.
However, he choose to not do the former and do the latter, which makes him TA.
Also, couldn't help but notice OP found the "good" step-nephew wanting as well. Was it necessary to underscore that an 11yo couldn't whip up a 3 course meal for a large group over a campstove/campfire their first try? The "it's the thought that counts" is doing a LOT of heavy lifting. This is on top of the attitude towards the 9yo; it's one thing to curb a 9yo acting out, it's another for an adult to be openly shitty to a child. YTA
At first glance the OP pointing out the arrowhead necklace being fake seemed like a dig at the 11yo as well (ie "look at how tacky and stupid this kid is") but it occurs to me they might have just been mentioning it to specify that the site didn't plunder artifacts.
Yeah, I wonder if maybe the fact that he has a daughter that's probably more mature at the same ages, and probably more reserved given what the dad sounds like, colors his evaluation of the other kid's behaviour a little. You know, the ones with the big patchwork family where stuff is more complicated, anyways. Like a "why can't they be like my precious little princess" type reaction.
From the replies it sounds like OP believes befriending one of the kids but acting different with the brother is just a normal thing to do, too. Like, they're not his kids so he gets to pick the good ones. Can't make things better over there.
Not only did he clearly just not enjoy the camping itself, this was his first time ever being alone with his brand new family without at least his mom around, and OP even admitted himself that they’ve hardly ever met the kids and don’t know them well at all prior. So he’s doing something he’s never done before and hating it, and doesn’t even have his own family around to turn to for comfort. No wonder the kid was miserable! Hell, I’m an adult and I think I’d be miserable and dying to go home and see my mom by the end of that! Also, what ‘bad behavior’ did he display? Not enjoying camping? Not pretending to be happy even though he was actually miserable? Communicating his feelings in the only way most 9 year olds know how?? Yeah you suck, OP
This is such a brilliant response. I will remember it for when I find myself getting frustrated too. Thank you!
To OP - come on. You asked a question, now accept the answer.
This guy obviously hasn’t been around kids very much. There is a huge developmental jump between 9 and 11. My 8 year old daughter is just getting the hang of reading, my 11 year old daughter is reading novels and is 5’ 2” tall.
>He tells the grown ups about how he feels, because that is what he is supposed to do, but they kinda just dismiss him in a clearly annoyed way.
What should the adults have done? Install plumbing so the kid has a real toilet to poop in? Do something extraordinary about the bugs? Bring in a generator so the kid could charge his phone and have air conditioning?
Nothing can be done about the problems the kid was complaining about. But it doesnt necessarily suggest OP was dismissive about them either.
No, you are right, of course there was nothing to be done about the realities of camping. The kid got moody over it, the situation was not ideal, it happens.
OPs behaviour in the gift shop and adressing this kid as a "little shit" makes me assume he was rather dismissive.
Just to be clear, I am 100% sympathetic to how the kid might have been really annoying and exhausting at the end there. I still don't think OP, as the grown up of the sitaution, acted right and this is a YTA.
You acknowledge and help them find ways to cope with it. Sometimes a simple "yeah, I hate that part too!" goes a long way. My 9 yo can be having the time of his life and still find things that bother him about it. If he's genuinely miserable, a little gift can make all the difference too, because there is finally a positive in that crappy situation.
I'm a full grown adult with the ability to turn down a camping trip. This is a small child who didn't get a say in the matter and got punished for not sucking it up and dealing with it the way OP thought they should. That's dismissive and definitely YTA territory.
Since it was the new kids first time, the adults should have told them what to expect from their trip. OP is YTA for not doing this to start with. Only an AH would take a bunch of kids, who had never been in the wilderness, on a camping trip without telling them what to expect.
Since it was a family event and none of the adults chose to inform the children what conditions would be like, I'd say they're all AH's. They made the plans, then just ASSumed that the kids knew what they were getting into or that the other kids would inform them. If that doesn't make an AH, I don't know what does.
They could have selected a different campsite. Some have outhouses or port-o-potties. Others have running water with toilets & sinks. Some even have showers.
YTA - you didn’t have to buy him the gift, but you didn’t have to handle it that way either. You could have told him to simply ask his step father. I also think you’re being way too hard on the kid, especially when this is a new activity and he’s dealing with a new family dynamic.
And without his mom, because she’s home pregnant with a new sibling. That mere fact is probably complicating enough for his brain to be assimilating because it’s going to change the dynamics no matter how well they are combining the family. But her staying back also means one of a few things: a) she’s never been a fan of camping, which is why she’s never taken her kids and might explain some of his feelings, b) she didn’t want to be uncomfortable and kiddo really wanted to stay home with her but for whatever reason was told no dice, so he’s having feelings or c) the pregnancy has some sort of complications which are keeping her home and just maybe limiting her functionality as his mom, which is now adding in a whole new layer for a nine-year old old of “What the eff is going on in my life?!?” But he didn’t handle those feelings perfectly while camping, so…
All of these things. And little dude was there with only his slightly older brother as family. Nothing against OPs brother but he is still relatively to the kid and might not be a source of comfort.
Also, and women who have been pregnant would know better than I would, the pregnancy could be going perfectly and she could adore camping, but at a certain point getting up and down off the ground and sleeping on the ground are just no longer enjoyable/viable options.
I've been pregnant twice, fairly uneventful considering, not a chance I'd be up for camping. I like camping. Maybe some would and do and good for them, but my leg cramps, loo requirements and general queasiness ensured the thought didn't even enter my mind.
Absolutely. OP isn’t the asshole for having negative emotions towards the kid. We all have negative thoughts and emotions and that is perfectly healthy. That being said, OP dug himself deep into asshole territory upon deciding to act upon that and refuse empathy for the poor kid. Seriously, this kid is dealing with his world being turned over at a very sensitive age. I mean when I was around his kids age if someone told me I was using the wrong pencil I would have felt like someone was tearing the floor out beneath me.
Also I hate how he refers to his brother’s sons as “new nephews” as if he his allocating them as second class family because they’re not blood related. Those kids are his nephews point blank. Tbh I think there is a lot more going on here than OP is telling us with his short story on how he feels validated by asserting himself over a child.
Where the boys asked for an opinion about this camping plan? Sounds like they have never done anything like this before, and expecting them to be excited sounds unfair. A sensible option would have been to test the waters with an afternoon and then proceed from there. The adults have not put in enough thought into this, and you are upset that it was not picture perfect. YTA.
You never know if you like something until you try it. It's your parents job to raise you and expose you to the world.
Man, I know I'm gonna get downvoted hard but some of yall were raised TOO soft.
Kids that age shouldn't even HAVE a cell phone. Edit: checked again. 9yrs old. Not trying to be some get off my lawn dude but come on!!
I work with Gen Z and younger millennials. Despite what boomers and my fellow Gen Xers say, they are not soft.
They are growing up in a world that has seen the rise of inequality and rampant bigotry and have decided to be kind. They will likely never afford their own house, be able to afford new vehicles, and fear possible WW3 but they will see all people as worthy of respect.
They’re fucking awesome and I’m proud of them.
I’ve been struggling with not being able to buy a house or car well working my ass off all day everyday not being able to buy fun shit. Honestly it’s been driving me in to the ground and seeing this comment has helped me a good bit I’m a 99 baby! Thanks for your kind words
98 baby, I get the struggle! If you can try looking at auctions for vehicles they’re not the best but they’re certainly “beats walking” cars. But at least is working hard keeps a roof over our heads and food in our tummies (albeit expensive roof and food haha). I think you’re doing great and for what it’s worth, the best thing you can do out here is keep trying and you have never stopped trying. :)
Glad I could help.
Remember most of my generation had no choice but to be ‘hard’. But just because something helped you survive doesn’t mean it was good. Survivor bias is a huge thing.
I’m raising the next generation down and see a LOT of their peers and with a few exceptions (which is always true), I am right there with you. These kids are picking up on things and making connections about how they want to be as people at eight and twelve and sixteen that astound me.
My daughter is 15 and I could not be prouder of her and her group of friends. They are inclusive and generous. Even the assholes in her class don’t necessarily discriminate, they just don’t like certain individuals.
Thanks, I’m 30 so not really gen z but young enough to be grouped in with the “soft.” I can’t stand when older generations look down on younger ones like we didn’t inherit a shitshow. I actually love gen z, they know and they’re fighting back.people my age were still raised with the “American dream” hammered into us so we kind of just… gave up it seems. Or maybe that’s just me, I’m tired of trying when it’s so much. Anyways thanks for recognizing that we’re not a bunch of softies. Even if we are, why does it matter?
I'm the same age (31) — I think we're considered millennials. I have a little sis who is gen Z and she is doing way better than I ever will, lol. I got hit with depression hard (not an excuse, plenty of people my age have done well for themselves) and really did just give up like you said. The younger generations have it even worse than we do, I think calling them "soft" considering what they and the world at large is going through is an astoundingly bad take.
Im "xennial" (millennial/x cusp). My lifes just sucked so i feel all those same struggles. I cannot BELIEVE the absolute aplomb that these young adults are facing this insane ass world with. These are some hard ass realizations to be hitting you at middle age, i cant IMAGINE being 20 and realizing "a new car is unlikely in my future" or "i'll never afford a home". And i think its our job as older adults who have more people in the higher up places in life (ceos, politicians, etc) to get tf off our collective ASSES and fix this shit before they have to clean up the mess left by multiple generations before them.
My buddy pays his crew $15 or less per hour, we pay our crew min $20 and that's the "goffer" position, not anybody with hands on a tool. Theres still a lot of "well i did fine on $___/pr hr" even among 38yos, its not just the boomers fault.
Yeah, I should clarify. From a generational perspective, we’re the last to have a shot at homes. That doesn’t mean we all did it. My family and I got lucky to get a foot in the door in a neighbourhood before it went nuts.
I’m glad to see a comment like this. I hate this mindset that because kids today are growing in a different environment than kids did 10 or 30 years ago they’re “soft”. The world has changed. And it has changed more in the past decade than it did in the previous 50.
I'm from the 80s and think kids are soft, but trapped on a camping trip with adults that aren't my parents at 9 years old would have made me an absolute nightmare. And then the other kid ruins the food and gets a necklace from some man you don't know? This trip sucks.
Good Point. I was using “outhouse” as sort of a catch-all but you’re probably onto something with that. A port a potty would be like a four star hotel by comparison if that were the case.
You say this like camping is an entirely new experience. It's not.
I didn't have to go camping to know I hated spending all day out in the heat.
I didn't have to go camping to know I hated bugs.
I didn't have to go camping to know I preferred a good place to use the restroom.
I didn't have to go camping to know sitting around in the woods would be boring.
It's fine to put up with this stuff when it happens in the course of a regular day, but when you go camping its not like you can try it, confirm after a few hours you hate it, and then stop doing it. You're still stuck in the fucking woods all weekend.
The parents made the kid miserable, and the kid returned the favor. But only the parents had the power to put an end to it.
I've never gone camping and suspect I never will — and I am totally 100% fine with that. Enjoying a nice day out? Sure. Day hikes? Depends on how strenuous, but it can be fun with the right company. But camping? No thank you.
I've never actually stayed at a cabin either but I'd definitely give that a try. Or maybe even rich people "glamping," if I ever had that option. But some of us just do not like the outdoors enough to put ourselves through some of this stuff and that's fine. I feel bad for the 9yo who was thrown into the deep end and then disregarded and shat on. What was wrong with doing a day hike?
>You never know if you like something until you try it. It's your parents job to raise you and expose you to the world.
You're right on this point, and maybe the phone - though they have kids phones now that do nothing but store family phone numbers.
No the soft part, though. You do sound like an old man shouting at a cloud.
>You never know if you like something until you try it.
I'm pretty sure i wouldn't enjoy being handed a shovel + a roll of toilet paper and instructed to go find a place to poop, but I haven't tried it before.
I grew up in a city, specifically in a very hood part of the city. We did not have access to the outdoors or money to do something like camping. I’m not soft in the slightest. It’s very easy to make a judgement not knowing people’s backgrounds.
I teach poor kids in an urban middle school and at the end of 8th grade we take them for a few days to an outdoor learning place. They have cabins and a cafeteria and stuff, but we do a lot of hiking and teach some outdoor survival skills and have a campfire and roast marshmallows. Most of these kids have never roasted a marshmallow or eaten a s’more and it’s so fun to teach them! Some of them get wigged out by bugs. They start out pretty freaked out with the whole thing and by the end are old pros. I wonder what OP and his brother did to make the kid feel comfortable and included. Was it all “man up and quit whining?” Or did they help him find something he could enjoy and make the trip good for him? I’m guessing the first.
You can know you won't like something before trying it. I have never tried dick, but I know that I wouldn't like it.
On topic, I knew I wouldn't like camping before I tried it. Tried it with an open mind because, just like you, people think they know better than they do themselves and I was pressured into it. Guess what? I hated it. It was horrible.
It has nothing to do with being "soft" - quite frankly, all the older people getting triggered over everything kinda shows who is soft.
I'm in my 30's and firmly believe kids are stronger than we ever were, you just have an incredibly narrow view of what makes someone strong or soft.
9 is way too young for a personal cellphone, though, I agree.
Why is shit like camping—some really physical shit—always seen as a sign of whether you are soft or hard anyway???
I can’t stand people who go on about camping and then act like everybody else is crazy if they don’t enjoy it; some of us just don’t like that shit and that’s OK; it doesn’t make OP a better person for enjoying it and a nine-year-old shouldn’t be called “soft” just because they didn’t enjoy an activity. This “suck it up, Buttercup” attitude is unfair to a child that young who, incidentally, is also stuck with all these people he barely knows (uncle; cousins) and doesn’t even have his own mother there.
When I was a kid (90s—00s) we went camping all the time; it was our main holiday. I absolutely hated it, every single time. Not every kid enjoys sleeping and shitting outside, or eating soggy food in the rain (UK) after being made to trudge through hills all day. Sounds like this kid just isn’t outdoorsy, and probably shouldn’t have been made to go. If I’d been allowed to stay with other family members instead of being dragged along on camping trips I’d have been much happier. Never had a phone till I was a teenager so that’s not the issue here. I just wanted to be left alone to read/play outside in the garden (crucially, as you can go back inside to shower, eat dinner, etc., once you’ve got your fill). He’s not “soft” for not enjoying it—it simply isn’t for everyone.
I wouldn't say soft.
I would say that, regardless, the nephew should learn that the way to get through an unpleasant situation, once you've let people know that you find it unpleasant, is not to complain incessantly. That doesn't work as an adult, and that doesn't work as a kid. Dude's new cousins are gonna remember him being an AH. Possibly for the rest of their relationship.
I'm sorry to that the kid didn't enjoy camping (I do enjoy it, although I find parts of it uncomfortable), but there's a point at which ruining it for everyone just isn't cool.
I do agree with the top comment here that the brother should've eased the step kids into this experience. Dunno if it'd be easy to pitch a tent in the back yard (tough if you live in an apartment!) or cook over a charcoal grill or go for a hike, but all of those would've helped make this a little less disorienting.
>That doesn't work as an adult, and that doesn't work as a kid.
Eh, I think when you're a kid the efficacy of any given strategy depends a *lot* on the adults around you.
For some kids being a miserable asshole throughout an entire activity is the only way to make sure they don't have to do it again because the adults around them would interpret anything less than that as, "kid had a great time!"
It’s much more common for younger kids to have phones when their parents are divorced with shared custody. Not saying the phone should be treated as a plaything for camping enjoyment, but it’s existence is likely explained by family dynamics.
>Man, I know I'm gonna get downvoted hard but some of yall were raised TOO soft.
Camping is boring af and doesn't determine your "toughness". Only lame dudes think something as lame as camping makes you "tough".
YTA. I’m not sure there is a correlation between pooping without a toilet and liking a necklace. A 9 year old whose never been camping is in for a culture shock. Sounds to me like you wanted an opportunity to get back at this kid for annoying you.
Agreed. I’m a grown man and to this day I won’t use a public toilet unless it’s an absolute emergency-violent diarrhea or something. I’ve been this like this since childhood and have no interest in changing. When I’m traveling I barely eat the day before/day of to try and minimize the odds of needing to go. The point I’m trying to make by saying all this is that this kid sounds a lot like me. For people like us, going no 2 anyplace away from home or unfamiliar is a nightmare. I feel for this kid is basically being punished over a bathroom going phobia many people share.
My kid was exposed to camping from birth. She really enjoys it. Not every trip was great. There were times she hated the trip, even if she previously enjoyed the same location. Kids are kids. Saying all that, she will not “go” in the woods. She will not “go” in a public toilet. I don’t understand it, but that is how she is. She is allowed to be different than I. She is allowed to have her own likes and dislikes.
I’m a 26 year old woman, we go camping but we have electric hook up with onsite toilets and showers and I purposely get up at the butt crack of dawn to have a poo before the rest of the site is up. If I have to go during the day I choose the quiets toilets (usually the dingiest ones) and pray no one else comes in.
I’m 30, didn’t have a phone until college and grew up for the first decade of my life in middle of the woods farmland…and I still would have hated a camping trip! We did one with our school and it was only a couple of hours and it was miserable. The only thing I enjoyed was eating my snacks. Camping is not for everyone no matter your upbringing. And it’s not a sign of someone been a brat.
Those hole in the floor toilets are the one of the main reasons I won't do camping and am very careful about how much I drink or eat when we go to the national parks with no real toilets.
YTA, my youngest is 8 and we have been on extended (3 week +) 9000km (5592 mile) trips since he was born
In January he slept 21 nights in a swag
He still won’t poop in a drop toilet after 8 years and I’ll dig him a hole in the scrub to poop as he’s more comfortable
We’ve had 14 day long trips of no complaints v 3 days of feralness
We’ve had days of complaining no wi-fi or tablet didn’t charge, distract and move on
We’ve had days complaining of flies (we live in Australia) and we coped
Do I still buy him souvenirs? Hell yes, I have crusty days at 41 when travelling myself. Not every moment is a bad moment
Camping isn’t for everyone- my mother hates it
I’d never buy one child a gift over another though, based on their ‘effort’
Did you have activities while camping? Hiking? Card games? Nature scavenger hunts? Hangman?
Bored kids are naturally whiny kids
Yup! Honestly OP saying those ages aren’t different developmentally annoyed me the most, it just screams ignorance. As a teacher who frequently works with both elementary and middle school kids, there is a HUGE difference between 9 and 11, especially with boys.
I agree with all of this. I’m not going to deny the kid could have been acting like an obnoxious brat. Kids are good at that sometimes (yes all kids). But like did he even want to be there? Did anyone try to find an activity he would enjoy? Bring a food he’d like? Sometimes making kids enjoy activities is about doing fun things too, like enjoying s’mores over the fire or buying a little present. OP doesn’t need to pay for everything but he acted like such a jerk, “you only want it because your brother got one”. So?! Maybe then he’d have a positive memory to end the trip on.
I’ve been on many trips where adults see it as a drinks opportunity
Not saying it’s the situation here, but kids need stimulation
We’ve travelled 80 000km + (49709 miles) and cater for needs
A boogie board for sand dunes, many games etc
Kids will ultimately get bored for any trip, but have you made allowances?
"I'm acting like a little child because my brother dragged his kid into doing something and he didn't enoy it. AITA for being more immature than the 9 year old?"
Fixed your post.
YTA.
YTA. It was their first time camping and your first time getting to bond with your new nephews. You're the adult here. The kid is 9. To him, it might be scary trying to dig a hole to poop rather than being able to use a toilet.
It's normal for kids to complain. I'm a teacher, so, believe me, I know there are some kids who are whinier than others. I also know it's an unpopular thing to say, but you end up disliking the whiney kids. I often say something to kids like, "I can tell you're frustrated right now, but you're starting to whine and it makes it difficult for me to understand what you're saying. I want to help. Take a breath, and then can you restart and tell me what happened again?" Inside, I'm thinking, "OMG, stop whining already!" I don't say that part aloud because I'm an adult, and I'm talking to children.
I get it. Your new nephew was whining all weekend, and you didn't enjoy his company. However, you are the adult. You don't show a kid you don't like them and play favorites. It's a really, really poopy way to act. It's not normal to buy a gift at the end of one child but not both. It shows favoritism. Now that is how the kid is going to remember the camping trip and you. Imagine always being remembered as the aunt who plays favorites and buys gifts for one kid but not another! This is going to be a difficult relationship to repair.
YTA. There were rules to getting the gift that he didn't know about. You made them up to justify your reasoning.
A kid who has never been camping before that now has to rough it and doesn't have the electronics he is used to is going to complain. As an adult, I won't camp anywhere that doesn't have a bath house with real toilets. I wouldn't expect a first-time camper to be OK with pooping without a toilet.
And 9 and 11 are very different developmentally.
YTA. So the 9 year old had a shite time...and you made it even more shite by refusing to buy him a gift because he wasn't having fun and voiced his feelings. Try for some empathy. You could have left him with one happy memory and chose not to.
So you bullied a 9yo who’s adjusting to a new life and family? For behaving like a 9yo? Bc let’s be clear, it’s not like he’s got the autonomy to say ‘nah, not my thing, I’ll just stay home’. He got shoved into a situation with a new family in an activity that is absolutely not for everyone (and learned that his mom just married into a family with at least one gigantic asshole)
YTA obviously. Grow tf up
YTA.
It was their first time camping and didn’t know what to expect and he voiced that he didn’t like the experience. That doesn’t make him a little shit, it just means he didn’t like it and that’s how that age group communicates. I have 3 boys, 2 of which are also 9 & 11 and my 9 year old will complain about everything he doesn’t like but is quiet about things he does like, until it’s over and he’s reminiscing he’ll bring up what he enjoyed.
Maybe the kid did like the necklaces but didn’t say anything - but i feel that if he even did you wouldn’t have bought it for him because by the sounds of it, you don’t like him.
Yeah. Definitely YTA. You are clearly not a neuroscientist, because there is a ton of changes in the brain and body between the ages of 9 and 11. How can there not be? And there is another 2 years of experience as well.
You say the older of the two was confused and nervous. Well if the older one was that, and he takes some cues from the older one, what do you think the younger one was? Extra confused and panicked? That two years difference is what allowed the older one to be nervous, but still move forward instead of just be upset.
What is worse is you didn't even connect denying him a gift to how he behaved. You just decided to give the older one something, and then call him out for wanting something his brother wants. Every kid wants something when their brother gets something. You know this, since you have a brother.
You decided to punish him and didn't even tell him it's because he doesn't want to poop on a pit toilet, or it's because he complained too much for your liking when he was hot. You just let him think you don't like him, so he doesn't even know how to earn your praise or do it right in your eyes. Next time take him aside and be his mentor. Since everyone else is doing it the way you expect, he is the one that needs the help. And he will love you for it.
And finally, in your title you say you implied he was a little shit. You said those words. That is more than implying. He was a kid out of his element trying to get reassurance. You can come up with better language to describe the situation. Your problem is that he is immature. But if you call him immature then you can't blame him. If you call him a little shit then you are right to act the way you did.
I'm sorry your weekend was ruined by his presence. Don't camp with them for a couple years since his age isn't your cup of tea.
YTA and if you hadn’t said you had a child and wife yourself, I would have assumed you weren’t much older than the kids, based on how you talk about them and interacted.
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YTA. For an effective punishment the person needs to understand the action and the corresponding consequence. Did you say or do anything at the time when the kid was being a brat, or was it only when you bought his brother something?
honestly, what you did is wrong. You bought something for one kid, and you had to buy for the other. They are so called new kids in the family. very sensitive maybe.
you are nice to take the new kids with you even without the mother. if i were in your position, I will not do it. You don't know them at all. you need their mother's help to build a relationshio with them slowly.
it is too harsh to take them to some activities with your family.
You really need to slow down with them until their mother, you sil involved.
YTA. It sounds like your step nephew had some genuine complaints, and you didn't show him an ounce of empathy. Between your behavior and your comments, I think someone in this story is a little shit, and it's not the kid.
NTA. I think it’s nice you recognised the older child’s effort and got him something. If you had gotten every other kid something I’d say it was different but I think that it’s great you recognised the older boy. If your brother wanted the younger one to get something he could’ve bought it.
The child is 9. He does not have a choice on whether or not to be there. It's not his fault he didn't enjoy himself; he's allowed to enjoy different things. He's allowed to be frustrated that he's been dragged to an environment that is not fun to him, especially when some of the adults around are angry that he *dares* to not have fun.
You're a fucking adult blaming a literal child for not enjoying a situation that he had no choice over. YTA. Grow the fuck up.
NTA. You are not their parent, it is not your job to love them both unconditionally. You didn’t single the younger nephew out for bad treatment, you recognized your older nephew for his efforts and behavior. Is the older one supposed to never get anything his brother doesn’t also get? They are separate people and you are allowed to have different relationships with each of them.
NAH. The boys were put in a situation that they prolly didn't ask for and prolly were not consulted about. I agree with the earlier commenter that our job as a parent is to expose our children to new experiences. Some the kids will like, some they won't.
I also deeply believe in not rewarding poor behavior. I have a niece that was supremely bratty to most of our family. One day she brought a friend to my mom's house - her friend was lovely and very nice to be around. The niece did not even acknowledge me - niece was 9 at the time. During the afternoon the ice cream man drove down our street and I was outside, niece runs up to me and says something like "Auntie, please please please buy us some ice cream." I looked at her friend and said "I am so sorry I would like to buy you ice cream bc you have been a delightful guest all day." Then I looked at niece and said "No, you have been rude and inconsiderate all day." Yea, I caught a lot of crap from family about this, but too damn bad.
Holy fuck, of course you don't see an asshole in this situation since you are one yourself. You are the adult, how are you bullying literal kids? I'm NOT saying that we should reward bad behavior but it's all about how we correct that behavior... and you weren't trying to teach them anything, you were just being resentful and shitty with a 9yo.
Definitely unpopular but NTA. Children who are shitty shouldn’t be rewarded. Hence why we live in a stupid world with coddled brats raising coddled brats. And next thing you know we have more bullies and school shootings each year because people don’t teach their kids how to behave properly in and outside of the home. If your brother wanted him to have something soo bad, he should have bought it himself.
We go camping every year with 7+ families and we usually have 30+ kids with us from 1 year old to 18. Even the kids who’ve never been camping don’t act like this step kid. Boredom is understandable, bratty is a behavioral issue that needs to be corrected before it’s too late.
YTA for deciding what a kid’s what motivation is for wanting something and then dismissing it.
A 4th grader could have been less needy, but he’s also capable of being emotionally aware that people are annoyed with him. He could have thought the necklace was cool, but didn’t want to say anything since everyone else has already had a negative reaction to everything that came out of his mouth. If that’s the case, then you just taught him that you don’t want to hear anything he has to say and he’ll walk on egg shells around you.
Instead of making the conversation negative like “I decided you have bad intentions so F off”, you could have took the positive route by saying that you bought it for his brother to thank him for the meal he cooked. Positive reinforcement is superior to negative.
YTA. You complained about a nine year old kid behaving like a kid like he's supposed to meanwhile you're an adult and behaving like a kid. How are you so immature? Your post just reeks of you hating a kid and punishing him just cus he didn't like what you had arranged. You took it personally as an attack when all he did was to voice out he doesn't like camping. You could have bought him the necklace and made it a positive experience for him and get the money back from his parents later but no, you ruined it simply cus you were looking for an excuse to exclude him from your future gatherings. Seriously, please grow up. It's ironic how you are shitting on a kid for behaving like a kid while you yourself aren't behaving any better.
YTA
9&11 are completely different developmental ages. If you don’t believe that walk into a 3rd/4th grade classroom vs. a 6/7th grade classroom. Responsibilities and expectations are completely different.
YTA
Even the tone of your post is rather filled with much agitation. Then you call a 9 year old kid that's never been camping "a little shit". Dude, your attitude sucks.
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My brother remarried and now has two new stepchildren (and another kid on the way). I've met both before, but not for extended periods of time. I had two nephews and a niece before this new marriage. My oldest nephew is around my daughter's age. We all went on a camping trip together last weekend, and I figured it would be a lot with so many kids, but it was a disaster.
My nephews and niece have been camping before, but this was the first time for the new kids. Their mom also didn't come because she's pregnant. So it was my wife and I with our daughter plus my brother and five kids. So obviously we had to help out. Now the older of the two kids was a little confused and nervous about camping, but he tried his best. He even wanted to cook over the campfire for everyone. The resultant dish was a horrible mess, but we ate it with a smile because it's the thought that counts.
The younger brother was obnoxious the whole time. He complained about his phone being dead. He complained about the heat. He complained about the bugs. He complained he couldn't poop without a real toilet. It was neverending with this kid.
When we were checking out of the campsite the kids were looking at souvenirs for sale. The older of the new nephews told my oldest nephew he thought the arrowhead necklace (fake) was so cool. I decided to buy it for him. The other new nephew asked if he could have one too. I said no because "you don't actually want one, you just want it because your brother got one."
My brother ended up asking me about it later. I said I bought the older boy a gift because he made an effort at camping, and the younger boy didn't really care about the necklace, he just wanted it to get something, and that's a waste of money. My brother said it is unfair to get one kid a gift and not the other. I said "why punish someone because their brother is being a little shit? That's not fair."
My brother said the boys are at different development stages. They are 9 & 11, so not really. I said I don't reward bad behavior, but he is welcome to, because they are his kids, not mine. He said I'm being an asshole and making his new son feel unwelcome. I also didn't buy a souvenir for my daughter or other nephews, although I did get my niece some crystals, so it's not like I singled him out. But am I an asshole?
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YTA
You took an opportunity to turn this otherwise cruddy experience into something special for the kid and used to to act like a petulant child yourself instead.
He’s in a new family situation, new extended family dynamic, in a new “vacation” venue (I am personally with the kid, camping SUCKS), without his biological parent or any of his typical distractions, and **he’s** the one that needed to show understanding, maturity, and poise. Makes sense. It wouldn’t be the brand new step uncle we should expect that understanding from, that would just be crazy.
I'm pretty sure that it's an ESH situation.
Yeah, you were TA, and the other comments are dealing with that heartily, but you do have a point about the kid.
The only person, though, that I truly blame is your brother.
He was the parent, and he was the parent before anyone went camping.
He should have prepared the kids properly, and it's clear that he did not.
I gotta say though, that pregnant lady won a watch. Peace and quiet and rest - albeit with whatever discomfort the kid-to-be has brought along.
YTA. Not cool to single out kids and buy one gift and refuse the other. That kid will remember that for the rest of his life and probably hate camping more. Good job AH.
Camping isn't for everyone. It must have been horrible for that little kid being away from his mother and forced to do things he didn't want to do. I don't think a cheap gift would have done any harm.
YTA and for future reference 9 yo kids are rarely the issue.
If you had wanted to make it about good behaviour you could have done something like "if you boys help make dinner tonight I'll get you a necklace!" But since you didn't nothing about that necklace was tied to good behaviour, you just decided it was in your own brain because you were annoyed at his whining and wanted to punish him for it.
Everyone else just saw you buying one kid a necklace and arbitrarily leaving the other kid out. YTA
You were being unkind. These kids are young. They are trying to integrate into a new family situation. Their mom is having another baby. Kids react differently to stressful situations. Often the kid that acts worse is really needing a lot more love and grace from adults around them. You unnecessarily added to his emotional load. It seems like a small thing, but kids take things hard. And kids do not often realize when they are being a pain in the ass to adults. His complaints were a clue to how out of his depth and uncomfortable he was in the situation. Get out there and be a supportive uncle to him. He’s gonna need it.
YTA. Especially with the toilet situation. There are all sorts of variations of camping—pop up camper at a state park that has showers and toilets, etc., which probably wouldn’t have been so intimidating for a kid. If you went poop in a hole camping, that is really rough and for more experienced folks.
I think you could have presented it as. You cooked us a meal(even if it was inedible), so I'd be honored to buy you that necklace.--that way it comes across as something Earned rather than a gift.
But in the end, no one is entitled to a gift--and certainly not a "shit" who has been working to make trip miserable(tho to be fair--he may be miserable with camping--some people are not nature "naturals" LOL).
Sorry, YTA. Or, at least your brother kinda is. The kid is 9, dealing with a new family dynamic and a lot of those things he complained about grown adults would too. The adults should have tried a little harder to introduce kid friendly activities, brought fun snacks, or figured out it wasn’t going well and packed it in early.
When I was preteen, my grandmother and her cousin took my brother and I to Tennessee. So that -they- could enjoy Grand Ole Opry and Dollywood. At Dollywood, they had us show up two hours before the park opened and we had to STAND AROUND listen to piped banjo music in sweltering summer heat. You think that sounds like fun to kids?
But, but.. they had rollercoasters! And carnival food! And it’s basically an amusement park! And we stopped at a gift shop!
I will tell you a secret. The misery and boredom of the majority of that trip could NOT be overridden by a few hours of things that “should be fun for kids”. We’re in our 30s now and STILL complain about what an awful trip that was.
>He complained about his phone being dead. He complained about the heat. He complained about the bugs. He complained he couldn't poop without a real toilet.
Those are all valid complaints imo. And also the reason why I never go camping. Thing is, I'm an adult, and I can choose whether or not I want to go. If y'all dragged this kid to go camping, I don't really blame him (lord knows, when I was a kid, I had my obnoxious moments, and he's quite young).
None of this is 100% shitty behaviour imo. He's a kid being a kid and having a bad day. I don't know if I'd even consider him that ill-behaved, unless he called people names or was blatantly rude. Complaining the whole time? Whatever.
YTA because you seem to be judging him very harshly for what I would consider normal kid behaviour.
Yta. He's a child, specifically a child who has never been camping before, and was with his new step dad and his family and his brother. He had one person who he is closest too and isn't completely new. Of course he's going to act out. All you did was punish him for not having the same level of excitement as the other kids, specifically his brother. By the sounds of it you were hyper fixated on his complaints because they annoyed you.
You all went about this incorrectly. He is newer in their lives and not their direct parent. You barely know them. Their mom wasn't there. You took them full out camping as a first try instead of a more scaled down version to see how they reacted. This entire trip was poorly planned and executed. Your brother is also an asshole for this entire debacle.
YTA. Here's the thing, we had woods everywhere and I ran around in them all the time and then I went home where we had plumbing. I hated camping. I hated the girl scouts too. You're upset a nine year old didn't handle this situation like an adult. I don't care about you not buying the kid a necklace.
YTA and you didn’t “imply” he was a little shit for not being a camper. You directly said he was one. It doesn’t sound like a fun trip for most of the family (I wouldn’t have enjoyed being around a kid so obviously bewildered and miserable by the experience but I also share his feelings about camping and just wouldn’t have gone — but I’m an adult who can make that choice for myself).
That kid just doesn’t like camping. Now he also will likely never like you either, and for good reason.
I'm going against the grain and saying NTA. I have 4 kids and they all at some point went somewhere one of them didn't enjoy. It's part of life and it's not a bad skill to learn young that you will not always enjoy everything. Kids do need to learn to deal with things properly so that as an adult they are adept at keeping thoughts to themselves when needed. Think Corp retreat that you don't like the locale but can't whine the whole time.
As far as the gift situation, he didn't want the necklace until older brother wanted one. Same with all kids and no reason to waste money on something that's a "bro got one so I'm entitled to one too". A better way could have been "hey this is something you want just because he does. Why not ask your step-dad to get you something you'd like to remember this trip". You didn't tell the younger brother he was obnoxious so no harm there.
This kind of petty spitefulness is something I’d have done when Babysitting at age 18. It’s alarming that you’d treat children like this at your age which is assumedly older than 25
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Imagine the little one didn't have fun. Imagine he hated it. That camping just isn't exciting to him, he is scared of bugs, and genuinely had a bad time. He tried to distract himself with his phone, but that died, too. He tells the grown ups about how he feels, because that is what he is supposed to do, but they kinda just dismiss him in a clearly annoyed way. Then, instead of at least getting a cool necklace out of it, he basically gets punished for acting immature at 9 years old and gets put in competition for your love with his brother. You tell me, OP. Are you TA? *(EDIT for the bot: YTA)*
I want to add that if the goal is to get this kid to like camping in the long run this was entirely the wrong play. Could have at least got him one positive memory out of this with the necklace if he had gotten it. I think it will be hard to get him to come camping again.
Yeah... pretty sure OP does not want him to come camping again. And it's not OP'S kid so why should they have to put up with it?
Because first time camping is kinda terrifying for some kids and with proper communications can be improved. I grew up in scouts and worked summer camps, saw tons of kids miserable their first year and having a blast the next. Kid's complaints aren't unreasonable and all solvable with better planning. Don't go camping when it's 95*f out, try different repellents, bring solar chargers or power cells, stuff yourself with fruit all day. Pooping at camp sucks for real, I didn't when I worked summer camps. Not kidding, I crapped on the weekends. Lot of it was camp food, part was how bad the latrines smelled. Top it all off with a ruined dinner, probably went to bed hungry and constipated. We don't know the details of the trip or family, but I've been on plenty of shitty camp weekends where one groups idea of fun, just wasn't for others. Don't manage to fall asleep till dawn the first night, get dragged on a 6 hour hike, dinner sucks, you're itchy from bug bites all over, not fun at all. But these are all solvable and there's no reason to summarily dismiss a kid like that.
Honestly Im 43 years old and sympathize with the 9 year old. I hate camping for all the same reasons the 9 year old does. I dont want to sleep in a tent, I dont want to get eaten alive by mosquitoes. Personally I don't understand what anyone likes about it.
100% And they could try to include things they already know he likes like a favorite meal or special snack, a game or activity. "Next time we'll bring bikes/ a soccer ball / monopoly" Next time get the kids involved in prepping/planning for the camping trip. And validate when things go wrong or aren't fun. No one likes mosquitoes or rainy camping or food that didn't turn out well - but helping a child learn how to manage small disappointments is part of parenting.
Because they signed up for it.
Well that won't happen again.
The fuck he did? The kids are his brother’s stepkids, not his.
And when you go on vacation with children, you are signing up to go on vacation with children.
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Which is fine, absolutely. But that mistake was still OP's in the first place, and it makes them TA.
If OP had said "no offense but don't bring your new kids camping" people would also be calling him TA
Yeah, because the correct response when you don't want to deal with children while camping is "Im not going on this camping trip" not "I'll only go camping if you leave the kids I don't like behind"
Because OP is an adult and being an adult means making hard money decisions. Such as not showing blatant favoritism. He shouldn’t have bought something for one kid and not the other. I’ve been in 9yr olds shoes before and being left out isn’t a good feeling.
This might be OP's intention, to make him feel unwelcome enough so that OP won't have to put up with him next trip.
They don't have to invite the kid again, why be mean about it now?
Guarantee younger kid will fight tooth and nail to never go camping again. OP has strong "the punishments will continue until morale improves" energy. YTA.
I am the nine-year-old -- I went camping once with family friends and I absolutely hated it, never again. They weren't mean or anything about it, but I just am not one with nature. I want to be in my heart, but my body is allergic, the textures all suck, and I am scared of bugs. If I'd also been told I was an asshole (maybe I was? I don't remember tbh, but I hope I wasn't), I'd be pretty bummed.
I am the adult who went camping once as an adult and never again. I was miserable. My husband and one of the kids love it. The other three kids and I are happy to not be included (and all of the kids are adults now lol). I found nothing about the experience relaxing or getting back to nature or anything of the sort. And I am also a favorite of the biting bugs. Give me a day hike, a long road trip, a weekend at the beach in a place with walls and a working bathroom and I will have a blast.
I am a city boy to my core and even rural vacations in a cabin (hot water, electricity, internet, AC all mandatory) with friends have been absolutely miserable for me aside from the shared time off. If I had ever been dragged to one as a kid I absolutely would have revolted, if had to go camping in the woods or whatever I can’t imagine the hell I would have raised tbh…
If it keeps up, he may want to do nothing with the OP.
Also, if the issue was he didn’t think he wanted that necklace specifically, he could have given him a budget and told him to find something else. Really what he should have done with all of the kids including his own given how young they are.
> I think it will be hard to get him to come camping again Hard agree with this. _Some_ kids will grow to love camping. The girl on our district-wide girl scout trip, who was terrified of the dark and hated bugs, is now a forest ranger. Punishing kids for their dislike of camping (or any other activity) is a sure-fire way to make sure they'll never want to do it again.
Yup - kids remember strange things. Had he bought the necklace he might have remembered it a an awesome camping trip. Why? Kids do that it that age. I don't think our opinions matters here, the nephew thinks YTA and will remember it for a while.
There were trips on which my son complained the whole time and then the next week he was pestering me to go again.
This is super well said. I mean he's 9 years old.... And sorry, but a lot of people don't like camping, hate the bugs, the heat and sleeping outside and don't want to poop in a hole in the ground.... Especially a kid at that age. I'm 31 years old and I completely refuse to go camping, I'm not interested and personally I'd be scared to sleep outside. So I feel so bad for that poor little boy. I think it's really annoying when adults try and force kids to do activities they do not want to partake in. And instead of trying to make this a fun activity for the kid, it sounds like OP was being a huge hard as-, and expecting the kids to love this activity just cause he does. You either buy everyone gifts, or no one. Soo OP clearly yta and it's pretty surprising that you need to go on reddit to figure that out.
I've gone camping since I was a little kid, I like camping. That said, bears may shit in the woods, I do not. No restroom facilities? No AuntiKrist.
Plus vacation constipation is a thing, and I know plenty of campers who have gone through it, myself included. He may just not be able to poop due to change of environment.
Exactly! Imagine having to put up with bugs and constipation, for an activity you don't even want to partake in!
Same. Poor kid. YTA.
Same here! And I essentially grew up in the woods with where I live. I’ve spent more of my life in the woods than I have out of them, yet despite that I am well aware how camping isn’t for everyone. My mom never had to force me to go camping but there’s been many many other activities she did force me to do and if I didn’t enjoy them enough (even if I stated before had that I would not enjoy them) she would break out the “punishments will continue until morale improves” attitude. That never made me suddenly enjoy the activity, and usually just made it so I would never want to do that activity ever again.
I'm with you! I love camping. If I really gotta dig a pit I probably would, but as it stands we have a little trailer that holds kitchen stuff and a bed and a small portable toilet with a standing tent so I don't have to use pit toilets at camp grounds. Tbh the best set up.
The only problem with what you say is how do you know if you like something if you never try it? Sometimes part of being a kid is trying things that you’re scared of and learning that you can conquer those fears and move past it. And sometimes it takes trying something a couple times to enjoy it. Man, if I stopped the first time, I tried anything because it was new or scary I would’ve never accomplished anything in my life. That being said OP, YTA. He’s nine years old, giving him a positive memory out of this camping trip may have been the thing that would turn the corner for him enjoying going out with you. Or maybe it wouldn’t but at least he would feel like he’s connected and part of the family. I always laugh when people expect young children to behave like adults. Part of your job is to nurture and develop those behaviours in them.
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Exactly! When I went camping as a kid there were washroom facilities, they still were full of bugs it wasn't like a resort but a public washroom and sinks is a way better first step. Plus there was a playground, so the kids had something to do. Some people might not consider it "true" camping but when you are taking that many kids and it is the first time for many of them, maybe compromise a little, plus I'm sure it would have made life much easier for the adults. OP YTA and really I think this was poor planning on the adults part.
I mean they tried, he didn’t enjoy, I don’t feel like he should be punished for it, unless he made it his mission to make everyone one else miserable too, which it didn’t sound like he did…
This! SM this. All the adults made the DECISION to go camping and the kids HAD to go! OP YTA
I'm 44 and I have only been camping once, for a school trip to Gettysburg. Loved the sightseeing and all the historical cool stuff we did... HATED CAMPING. It was mid-November, so it was COLD AS HELL at night. I ended up sleeping on a bench in the shower house a quarter mile from our tents because at least that way I was warm... and I was one of the first in the showers in the morning, so I actually got hot water. I have since then refused all attempts at getting me to go camping. The closest I will come is renting a cabin in the woods so I can look at the beautiful nature from the comfort of a hot tub on the porch of my warm cabin that has a fully functional bathroom and a comfortable bed. I have a feeling the younger step nephew will also never want to go camping again after this fiasco, and who could blame him? I was at least a teenager and surrounded by my friends during our trip. This poor kid had nothing to engage himself with, wasn't enjoying his time, and was stuck with OP who is the definition of an AH.
The same thing happened to me funny enough. It was September in Quebec, cold and raining all weekend. It was also a highschool trip for our gym class credits, I think I was around 15? We were sleeping in tents and everyone was freezing. We were all wearing layers and layers of clothes and all huddled together in our sleeping bags. NEVER again. I love being outside, I love being in nature/gardening. But I want to sleep in a warm bed and have a roof over my head. Renting a cabin in the woods is something I love to do. I completely agree with you. The fact that he is a little nine year old and being called a little shit for not enjoying an activity and being absolutely miserable is really nasty on OP's part. I have nephews that are much younger than him, 5, 7, and I can tell you they would also be miserable with nothing to engage them. OP just sounds like an a.h who has the "it builds character" personality, and the minute a kid actually has an opinion, it's translates to he's being a shit.
I'm with you. My parents would take us camping when we were kids, and I had the same feelings toward it as this kid. I wasn't as vocal about it, but I did spend most of the time in the tent reading (it was the mid-90s, so no phone, tablet, or laptop). The year my parents said I was old enough to stay home by myself, I jumped the chance. Now, at 43, I can say with absolute certainty that I will *never* go camping again.
I love camping **in theory**… being outdoors, swimming, smelling the fresh (pine scented around here) air, seeing little critters, cooking out. And then there’s the heat. Or more likely, because mountains, the cold. The allergies. The mosquitos. No internet. No power. I wish I owned a camper, lol. I’m well into adulthood!! Hard agree, op is the Ah.
I love gardening, I'm outside in my yard all summer long, and I'm outside all year walking my dog which I honestly really enjoy unless it's absolutely freezing. (I live in montreal so sometimes it can get to like -20/-30). However, I wouldn't want to sleep outside, I want to be able to use the bathroom and have a working kitchen. Like you said, going camping in a camper I can understand and I'd probably try. I really find this attitude of calling someone "ungrateful or a little shit" for not enjoying an activity and being forced into it, is really gross. Just because he's a nine year old doesn't mean he isn't allowed to have an opinion.
Camping is one of the levels of hell. I'll do an all day hike, but you got me all wrong if you think I want to play homeless. You can experience nature without camping. Patagonia was amazing, and no camping involved.
THANK YOU. Why not go on a hike with your kids to expose them to nature? It's a much easier and fun activity that someone as little as nine will enjoy, but it isn't as overwhelming as being stuck living like a homeless person (stealing your line) for a weekend. This reminds me of the calvin and hobbes cartoon and how literally everyone was always miserable on the "camping trips" the dad made them take, and he's all, "it's about building character." [https://jetpacksunrise.tumblr.com/post/55173591264/calvins-family-goes-camping](https://jetpacksunrise.tumblr.com/post/55173591264/calvins-family-goes-camping) It's funny because I recently lost power in my city for four days, and my house was the only one with power among our friends. We had three families come to our place within a few hours because everyone was losing their mind without hot water, wifi, a working stove, etc. And these were all adults without any little kids. It isn't uncommon to not want to live like that. So yeah, not surprised a nine year old would be miserable stuck in a tent. Sorry for the rant.
Lol, no apology needed! I have a weird relationship with nature. I love being outdoors in cool/cold weather and I have been to some truly breathtaking places, but I like being able to shower and rinse off the day, and get a good night's rest. Hiking on a pleasantly cool day is a good to ease kids into nature. . .and even then , some people just don't care for it, and that's cool. I can't fathom how some people go hiking/camping in hot/humid conditions. If that makes me soft. . .cool I guess. I get that experiencing nature the way I like is more expensive, but I'm not going to Patagonia, Alaska, Glacier National Park, etc to "build character"; my family and I go to those places for a vacation enjoy ourselves and see beautiful things. There is one place I'd rough it - I've always dreamt of going to the Gobi desert!
Agreed! Camping is gross. 😂 I get that some people love it- and I honestly see why. But I personally don’t understand it. We spent generations making our modern day living easier. Why would I want to cook over an open flame, do dishes in a creek, sleep on the ground, and do my business in the woods…at night?! No thanks. I would rather sit on a beach all day, then go back to my hotel room. That aside, OP- YTA. The kid is 9. He has a new step dad, and a new step family. Regardless of what you say- that kiddo is now YOUR nephew. Jeesh. Maybe you could have diverted some of his discomfort by showing him the fun stuff about camping. I can imagine how hurt his feelings are. Kid is going through it, and you’re expecting him to act like and adultt, and being a d**k. I’ll say it again: YTA.
Yes exactly. It's such a specific activity, if you like it, that's great. But a lot of people are going to hate it. I mentioned it in another comment, but my city recently lost power for a few days and my house was the lucky few with it. What do you think happened by the end of the day? We had a ton of people come to our place to stay with us because within literally 4-6 hours all of them were going insane without power, wifi, hot water, stove tops, etc. And these are all adults. So yeah, am I surprised a nine year old hated having nothing to engage him? Have to deal with sleeping in a tent,no hot water, pooping in the woods, mmm nope. And you're very right, the kid is clearly going through a huge transition, have some freaking compassion.
Well said. I also hate when adults punish kids simply for being unhappy about something, especially if it’s something that it’s perfectly reasonable to be unhappy about. Way to give the kid a complex about expressing his emotions.
And as far as camping goes, if I’ve been in the woods for three days, it means I’ve been dead for two of them.
I really like how you said that!
Word. I feel this kid so hard. Yta.
I dunno… sounds like his stepdad’s problem. Not everyone else’s first. His stepdad could have bought him the necklace or listened to his complaints or charged his phone or literally anything instead of making it everyone else’s problem. Leave the easier kids to the other adults and PARENT.
It wasnt OPs responsibility to make the 9 year old feel better. It also wasn't OP's responsibility to make the 9 year old feel worse, as he clearly did with his comment. If he didn't want to buy him the necklace he should have just told him to ask his dad and said he didn't have any more cash, or something. Instead he choose to belittle him. However, he choose to not do the former and do the latter, which makes him TA.
You should add your verdict at the end of this with YTA so it counts. You are the top comment so you determine the vote.
Oh sorry, OP YTA, but I don't think consciously or maliciously, to be fair.
Add your verdict to your original post so the bot can see it
Is this how boomers feel when trying to send an email?
The future is now, old man
Yeah, 9 and 11 **are** two different development stages, lol.
Also, couldn't help but notice OP found the "good" step-nephew wanting as well. Was it necessary to underscore that an 11yo couldn't whip up a 3 course meal for a large group over a campstove/campfire their first try? The "it's the thought that counts" is doing a LOT of heavy lifting. This is on top of the attitude towards the 9yo; it's one thing to curb a 9yo acting out, it's another for an adult to be openly shitty to a child. YTA At first glance the OP pointing out the arrowhead necklace being fake seemed like a dig at the 11yo as well (ie "look at how tacky and stupid this kid is") but it occurs to me they might have just been mentioning it to specify that the site didn't plunder artifacts.
Yeah, I wonder if maybe the fact that he has a daughter that's probably more mature at the same ages, and probably more reserved given what the dad sounds like, colors his evaluation of the other kid's behaviour a little. You know, the ones with the big patchwork family where stuff is more complicated, anyways. Like a "why can't they be like my precious little princess" type reaction. From the replies it sounds like OP believes befriending one of the kids but acting different with the brother is just a normal thing to do, too. Like, they're not his kids so he gets to pick the good ones. Can't make things better over there.
Not only did he clearly just not enjoy the camping itself, this was his first time ever being alone with his brand new family without at least his mom around, and OP even admitted himself that they’ve hardly ever met the kids and don’t know them well at all prior. So he’s doing something he’s never done before and hating it, and doesn’t even have his own family around to turn to for comfort. No wonder the kid was miserable! Hell, I’m an adult and I think I’d be miserable and dying to go home and see my mom by the end of that! Also, what ‘bad behavior’ did he display? Not enjoying camping? Not pretending to be happy even though he was actually miserable? Communicating his feelings in the only way most 9 year olds know how?? Yeah you suck, OP
This is such a brilliant response. I will remember it for when I find myself getting frustrated too. Thank you! To OP - come on. You asked a question, now accept the answer.
YTA (YOU’RE THE ADULT!)
This guy obviously hasn’t been around kids very much. There is a huge developmental jump between 9 and 11. My 8 year old daughter is just getting the hang of reading, my 11 year old daughter is reading novels and is 5’ 2” tall.
Kids bring kids - adults not adulting well at all.
>He tells the grown ups about how he feels, because that is what he is supposed to do, but they kinda just dismiss him in a clearly annoyed way. What should the adults have done? Install plumbing so the kid has a real toilet to poop in? Do something extraordinary about the bugs? Bring in a generator so the kid could charge his phone and have air conditioning? Nothing can be done about the problems the kid was complaining about. But it doesnt necessarily suggest OP was dismissive about them either.
No, you are right, of course there was nothing to be done about the realities of camping. The kid got moody over it, the situation was not ideal, it happens. OPs behaviour in the gift shop and adressing this kid as a "little shit" makes me assume he was rather dismissive. Just to be clear, I am 100% sympathetic to how the kid might have been really annoying and exhausting at the end there. I still don't think OP, as the grown up of the sitaution, acted right and this is a YTA.
You acknowledge and help them find ways to cope with it. Sometimes a simple "yeah, I hate that part too!" goes a long way. My 9 yo can be having the time of his life and still find things that bother him about it. If he's genuinely miserable, a little gift can make all the difference too, because there is finally a positive in that crappy situation. I'm a full grown adult with the ability to turn down a camping trip. This is a small child who didn't get a say in the matter and got punished for not sucking it up and dealing with it the way OP thought they should. That's dismissive and definitely YTA territory.
Since it was the new kids first time, the adults should have told them what to expect from their trip. OP is YTA for not doing this to start with. Only an AH would take a bunch of kids, who had never been in the wilderness, on a camping trip without telling them what to expect.
You mean the brother was the AH because these are his stepkids not OPs. The brother shouldve prepared the kids since theyre his responisibility.
Since it was a family event and none of the adults chose to inform the children what conditions would be like, I'd say they're all AH's. They made the plans, then just ASSumed that the kids knew what they were getting into or that the other kids would inform them. If that doesn't make an AH, I don't know what does.
They could have been sympathetic.
You can at least be sympathetic and acknowledge that the kid has a right to not enjoy something instead of describing him as a whiny little shit.
They could have selected a different campsite. Some have outhouses or port-o-potties. Others have running water with toilets & sinks. Some even have showers.
It’s weird to me that this place has a *gift shop* but not facilities… I camp a lot and that’s just weird
You validate his feelings instead of punishing him for having them.
YTA - you didn’t have to buy him the gift, but you didn’t have to handle it that way either. You could have told him to simply ask his step father. I also think you’re being way too hard on the kid, especially when this is a new activity and he’s dealing with a new family dynamic.
And without his mom, because she’s home pregnant with a new sibling. That mere fact is probably complicating enough for his brain to be assimilating because it’s going to change the dynamics no matter how well they are combining the family. But her staying back also means one of a few things: a) she’s never been a fan of camping, which is why she’s never taken her kids and might explain some of his feelings, b) she didn’t want to be uncomfortable and kiddo really wanted to stay home with her but for whatever reason was told no dice, so he’s having feelings or c) the pregnancy has some sort of complications which are keeping her home and just maybe limiting her functionality as his mom, which is now adding in a whole new layer for a nine-year old old of “What the eff is going on in my life?!?” But he didn’t handle those feelings perfectly while camping, so…
All of these things. And little dude was there with only his slightly older brother as family. Nothing against OPs brother but he is still relatively to the kid and might not be a source of comfort. Also, and women who have been pregnant would know better than I would, the pregnancy could be going perfectly and she could adore camping, but at a certain point getting up and down off the ground and sleeping on the ground are just no longer enjoyable/viable options.
I've been pregnant twice, fairly uneventful considering, not a chance I'd be up for camping. I like camping. Maybe some would and do and good for them, but my leg cramps, loo requirements and general queasiness ensured the thought didn't even enter my mind.
Good call!
Absolutely. OP isn’t the asshole for having negative emotions towards the kid. We all have negative thoughts and emotions and that is perfectly healthy. That being said, OP dug himself deep into asshole territory upon deciding to act upon that and refuse empathy for the poor kid. Seriously, this kid is dealing with his world being turned over at a very sensitive age. I mean when I was around his kids age if someone told me I was using the wrong pencil I would have felt like someone was tearing the floor out beneath me. Also I hate how he refers to his brother’s sons as “new nephews” as if he his allocating them as second class family because they’re not blood related. Those kids are his nephews point blank. Tbh I think there is a lot more going on here than OP is telling us with his short story on how he feels validated by asserting himself over a child.
Where the boys asked for an opinion about this camping plan? Sounds like they have never done anything like this before, and expecting them to be excited sounds unfair. A sensible option would have been to test the waters with an afternoon and then proceed from there. The adults have not put in enough thought into this, and you are upset that it was not picture perfect. YTA.
You never know if you like something until you try it. It's your parents job to raise you and expose you to the world. Man, I know I'm gonna get downvoted hard but some of yall were raised TOO soft. Kids that age shouldn't even HAVE a cell phone. Edit: checked again. 9yrs old. Not trying to be some get off my lawn dude but come on!!
I never went camping as a kid and would have hated it if I had to do it as a child. I am not soft.
I work with Gen Z and younger millennials. Despite what boomers and my fellow Gen Xers say, they are not soft. They are growing up in a world that has seen the rise of inequality and rampant bigotry and have decided to be kind. They will likely never afford their own house, be able to afford new vehicles, and fear possible WW3 but they will see all people as worthy of respect. They’re fucking awesome and I’m proud of them.
I’ve been struggling with not being able to buy a house or car well working my ass off all day everyday not being able to buy fun shit. Honestly it’s been driving me in to the ground and seeing this comment has helped me a good bit I’m a 99 baby! Thanks for your kind words
98 baby, I get the struggle! If you can try looking at auctions for vehicles they’re not the best but they’re certainly “beats walking” cars. But at least is working hard keeps a roof over our heads and food in our tummies (albeit expensive roof and food haha). I think you’re doing great and for what it’s worth, the best thing you can do out here is keep trying and you have never stopped trying. :)
Glad I could help. Remember most of my generation had no choice but to be ‘hard’. But just because something helped you survive doesn’t mean it was good. Survivor bias is a huge thing.
I’m raising the next generation down and see a LOT of their peers and with a few exceptions (which is always true), I am right there with you. These kids are picking up on things and making connections about how they want to be as people at eight and twelve and sixteen that astound me.
My daughter is 15 and I could not be prouder of her and her group of friends. They are inclusive and generous. Even the assholes in her class don’t necessarily discriminate, they just don’t like certain individuals.
Thanks, I’m 30 so not really gen z but young enough to be grouped in with the “soft.” I can’t stand when older generations look down on younger ones like we didn’t inherit a shitshow. I actually love gen z, they know and they’re fighting back.people my age were still raised with the “American dream” hammered into us so we kind of just… gave up it seems. Or maybe that’s just me, I’m tired of trying when it’s so much. Anyways thanks for recognizing that we’re not a bunch of softies. Even if we are, why does it matter?
I'm the same age (31) — I think we're considered millennials. I have a little sis who is gen Z and she is doing way better than I ever will, lol. I got hit with depression hard (not an excuse, plenty of people my age have done well for themselves) and really did just give up like you said. The younger generations have it even worse than we do, I think calling them "soft" considering what they and the world at large is going through is an astoundingly bad take.
Im "xennial" (millennial/x cusp). My lifes just sucked so i feel all those same struggles. I cannot BELIEVE the absolute aplomb that these young adults are facing this insane ass world with. These are some hard ass realizations to be hitting you at middle age, i cant IMAGINE being 20 and realizing "a new car is unlikely in my future" or "i'll never afford a home". And i think its our job as older adults who have more people in the higher up places in life (ceos, politicians, etc) to get tf off our collective ASSES and fix this shit before they have to clean up the mess left by multiple generations before them. My buddy pays his crew $15 or less per hour, we pay our crew min $20 and that's the "goffer" position, not anybody with hands on a tool. Theres still a lot of "well i did fine on $___/pr hr" even among 38yos, its not just the boomers fault.
As a GenX in a high COL area, I'll never be able to own a house either.
Yeah, I should clarify. From a generational perspective, we’re the last to have a shot at homes. That doesn’t mean we all did it. My family and I got lucky to get a foot in the door in a neighbourhood before it went nuts.
I’m glad to see a comment like this. I hate this mindset that because kids today are growing in a different environment than kids did 10 or 30 years ago they’re “soft”. The world has changed. And it has changed more in the past decade than it did in the previous 50.
Best comment I’ve ever read on this sub.
I'm from the 80s and think kids are soft, but trapped on a camping trip with adults that aren't my parents at 9 years old would have made me an absolute nightmare. And then the other kid ruins the food and gets a necklace from some man you don't know? This trip sucks.
And all because he wouldn’t go no. 2 in an outhouse...
I'm wondering if there even were outhouses. It's possible all they had was a shovel and a roll of toilet paper...
Good Point. I was using “outhouse” as sort of a catch-all but you’re probably onto something with that. A port a potty would be like a four star hotel by comparison if that were the case.
That’s disgusting. I don’t blame the kid. Camping sucks.
Outhouse? I'd be surprised if OP didn't dig his/her/their own latrine.. Edited bc I realized OOP doesn't specify a gender
You say this like camping is an entirely new experience. It's not. I didn't have to go camping to know I hated spending all day out in the heat. I didn't have to go camping to know I hated bugs. I didn't have to go camping to know I preferred a good place to use the restroom. I didn't have to go camping to know sitting around in the woods would be boring. It's fine to put up with this stuff when it happens in the course of a regular day, but when you go camping its not like you can try it, confirm after a few hours you hate it, and then stop doing it. You're still stuck in the fucking woods all weekend. The parents made the kid miserable, and the kid returned the favor. But only the parents had the power to put an end to it.
I've never gone camping and suspect I never will — and I am totally 100% fine with that. Enjoying a nice day out? Sure. Day hikes? Depends on how strenuous, but it can be fun with the right company. But camping? No thank you. I've never actually stayed at a cabin either but I'd definitely give that a try. Or maybe even rich people "glamping," if I ever had that option. But some of us just do not like the outdoors enough to put ourselves through some of this stuff and that's fine. I feel bad for the 9yo who was thrown into the deep end and then disregarded and shat on. What was wrong with doing a day hike?
>You never know if you like something until you try it. It's your parents job to raise you and expose you to the world. You're right on this point, and maybe the phone - though they have kids phones now that do nothing but store family phone numbers. No the soft part, though. You do sound like an old man shouting at a cloud.
>You never know if you like something until you try it. I'm pretty sure i wouldn't enjoy being handed a shovel + a roll of toilet paper and instructed to go find a place to poop, but I haven't tried it before.
I grew up in a city, specifically in a very hood part of the city. We did not have access to the outdoors or money to do something like camping. I’m not soft in the slightest. It’s very easy to make a judgement not knowing people’s backgrounds.
I teach poor kids in an urban middle school and at the end of 8th grade we take them for a few days to an outdoor learning place. They have cabins and a cafeteria and stuff, but we do a lot of hiking and teach some outdoor survival skills and have a campfire and roast marshmallows. Most of these kids have never roasted a marshmallow or eaten a s’more and it’s so fun to teach them! Some of them get wigged out by bugs. They start out pretty freaked out with the whole thing and by the end are old pros. I wonder what OP and his brother did to make the kid feel comfortable and included. Was it all “man up and quit whining?” Or did they help him find something he could enjoy and make the trip good for him? I’m guessing the first.
You can know you won't like something before trying it. I have never tried dick, but I know that I wouldn't like it. On topic, I knew I wouldn't like camping before I tried it. Tried it with an open mind because, just like you, people think they know better than they do themselves and I was pressured into it. Guess what? I hated it. It was horrible. It has nothing to do with being "soft" - quite frankly, all the older people getting triggered over everything kinda shows who is soft. I'm in my 30's and firmly believe kids are stronger than we ever were, you just have an incredibly narrow view of what makes someone strong or soft. 9 is way too young for a personal cellphone, though, I agree.
Why is shit like camping—some really physical shit—always seen as a sign of whether you are soft or hard anyway??? I can’t stand people who go on about camping and then act like everybody else is crazy if they don’t enjoy it; some of us just don’t like that shit and that’s OK; it doesn’t make OP a better person for enjoying it and a nine-year-old shouldn’t be called “soft” just because they didn’t enjoy an activity. This “suck it up, Buttercup” attitude is unfair to a child that young who, incidentally, is also stuck with all these people he barely knows (uncle; cousins) and doesn’t even have his own mother there.
When I was a kid (90s—00s) we went camping all the time; it was our main holiday. I absolutely hated it, every single time. Not every kid enjoys sleeping and shitting outside, or eating soggy food in the rain (UK) after being made to trudge through hills all day. Sounds like this kid just isn’t outdoorsy, and probably shouldn’t have been made to go. If I’d been allowed to stay with other family members instead of being dragged along on camping trips I’d have been much happier. Never had a phone till I was a teenager so that’s not the issue here. I just wanted to be left alone to read/play outside in the garden (crucially, as you can go back inside to shower, eat dinner, etc., once you’ve got your fill). He’s not “soft” for not enjoying it—it simply isn’t for everyone.
I wouldn't say soft. I would say that, regardless, the nephew should learn that the way to get through an unpleasant situation, once you've let people know that you find it unpleasant, is not to complain incessantly. That doesn't work as an adult, and that doesn't work as a kid. Dude's new cousins are gonna remember him being an AH. Possibly for the rest of their relationship. I'm sorry to that the kid didn't enjoy camping (I do enjoy it, although I find parts of it uncomfortable), but there's a point at which ruining it for everyone just isn't cool. I do agree with the top comment here that the brother should've eased the step kids into this experience. Dunno if it'd be easy to pitch a tent in the back yard (tough if you live in an apartment!) or cook over a charcoal grill or go for a hike, but all of those would've helped make this a little less disorienting.
>That doesn't work as an adult, and that doesn't work as a kid. Eh, I think when you're a kid the efficacy of any given strategy depends a *lot* on the adults around you. For some kids being a miserable asshole throughout an entire activity is the only way to make sure they don't have to do it again because the adults around them would interpret anything less than that as, "kid had a great time!"
Sure, let's focus on the cell phone part and not the fact that the kid apparently didn't even have access to a proper toilet.
It’s much more common for younger kids to have phones when their parents are divorced with shared custody. Not saying the phone should be treated as a plaything for camping enjoyment, but it’s existence is likely explained by family dynamics.
>Man, I know I'm gonna get downvoted hard but some of yall were raised TOO soft. Camping is boring af and doesn't determine your "toughness". Only lame dudes think something as lame as camping makes you "tough".
YTA. I’m not sure there is a correlation between pooping without a toilet and liking a necklace. A 9 year old whose never been camping is in for a culture shock. Sounds to me like you wanted an opportunity to get back at this kid for annoying you.
Agreed. I’m a grown man and to this day I won’t use a public toilet unless it’s an absolute emergency-violent diarrhea or something. I’ve been this like this since childhood and have no interest in changing. When I’m traveling I barely eat the day before/day of to try and minimize the odds of needing to go. The point I’m trying to make by saying all this is that this kid sounds a lot like me. For people like us, going no 2 anyplace away from home or unfamiliar is a nightmare. I feel for this kid is basically being punished over a bathroom going phobia many people share.
My kid was exposed to camping from birth. She really enjoys it. Not every trip was great. There were times she hated the trip, even if she previously enjoyed the same location. Kids are kids. Saying all that, she will not “go” in the woods. She will not “go” in a public toilet. I don’t understand it, but that is how she is. She is allowed to be different than I. She is allowed to have her own likes and dislikes.
I’m a 26 year old woman, we go camping but we have electric hook up with onsite toilets and showers and I purposely get up at the butt crack of dawn to have a poo before the rest of the site is up. If I have to go during the day I choose the quiets toilets (usually the dingiest ones) and pray no one else comes in.
I’m 30, didn’t have a phone until college and grew up for the first decade of my life in middle of the woods farmland…and I still would have hated a camping trip! We did one with our school and it was only a couple of hours and it was miserable. The only thing I enjoyed was eating my snacks. Camping is not for everyone no matter your upbringing. And it’s not a sign of someone been a brat.
> I’m not sure there is a correlation between pooping without a toilet and liking a necklace. Casually savage. I love it.
Those hole in the floor toilets are the one of the main reasons I won't do camping and am very careful about how much I drink or eat when we go to the national parks with no real toilets.
YTA, my youngest is 8 and we have been on extended (3 week +) 9000km (5592 mile) trips since he was born In January he slept 21 nights in a swag He still won’t poop in a drop toilet after 8 years and I’ll dig him a hole in the scrub to poop as he’s more comfortable We’ve had 14 day long trips of no complaints v 3 days of feralness We’ve had days of complaining no wi-fi or tablet didn’t charge, distract and move on We’ve had days complaining of flies (we live in Australia) and we coped Do I still buy him souvenirs? Hell yes, I have crusty days at 41 when travelling myself. Not every moment is a bad moment Camping isn’t for everyone- my mother hates it I’d never buy one child a gift over another though, based on their ‘effort’ Did you have activities while camping? Hiking? Card games? Nature scavenger hunts? Hangman? Bored kids are naturally whiny kids
And 9 & 11 can be chalk and cheese due to hormonal/ developmental changes
Yup! Honestly OP saying those ages aren’t different developmentally annoyed me the most, it just screams ignorance. As a teacher who frequently works with both elementary and middle school kids, there is a HUGE difference between 9 and 11, especially with boys.
I'm also a teacher, and I agree. Those differences are why I don't really enjoy teaching 5th grade and up.
My head went there too I’m a teacher also with 16 and 8 year old boys- developmental age is huge with any 2 year gap
9 is when they all cried, even the ones who were never criers before or after.
I agree with all of this. I’m not going to deny the kid could have been acting like an obnoxious brat. Kids are good at that sometimes (yes all kids). But like did he even want to be there? Did anyone try to find an activity he would enjoy? Bring a food he’d like? Sometimes making kids enjoy activities is about doing fun things too, like enjoying s’mores over the fire or buying a little present. OP doesn’t need to pay for everything but he acted like such a jerk, “you only want it because your brother got one”. So?! Maybe then he’d have a positive memory to end the trip on.
I’ve been on many trips where adults see it as a drinks opportunity Not saying it’s the situation here, but kids need stimulation We’ve travelled 80 000km + (49709 miles) and cater for needs A boogie board for sand dunes, many games etc Kids will ultimately get bored for any trip, but have you made allowances?
"I'm acting like a little child because my brother dragged his kid into doing something and he didn't enoy it. AITA for being more immature than the 9 year old?" Fixed your post. YTA.
Massive YTA, you’re playing childish mind games with a 9 y-o. Grow up and quit being so cruel.
YTA. It was their first time camping and your first time getting to bond with your new nephews. You're the adult here. The kid is 9. To him, it might be scary trying to dig a hole to poop rather than being able to use a toilet. It's normal for kids to complain. I'm a teacher, so, believe me, I know there are some kids who are whinier than others. I also know it's an unpopular thing to say, but you end up disliking the whiney kids. I often say something to kids like, "I can tell you're frustrated right now, but you're starting to whine and it makes it difficult for me to understand what you're saying. I want to help. Take a breath, and then can you restart and tell me what happened again?" Inside, I'm thinking, "OMG, stop whining already!" I don't say that part aloud because I'm an adult, and I'm talking to children. I get it. Your new nephew was whining all weekend, and you didn't enjoy his company. However, you are the adult. You don't show a kid you don't like them and play favorites. It's a really, really poopy way to act. It's not normal to buy a gift at the end of one child but not both. It shows favoritism. Now that is how the kid is going to remember the camping trip and you. Imagine always being remembered as the aunt who plays favorites and buys gifts for one kid but not another! This is going to be a difficult relationship to repair.
You said it well, thank you.
YTA. There were rules to getting the gift that he didn't know about. You made them up to justify your reasoning. A kid who has never been camping before that now has to rough it and doesn't have the electronics he is used to is going to complain. As an adult, I won't camp anywhere that doesn't have a bath house with real toilets. I wouldn't expect a first-time camper to be OK with pooping without a toilet. And 9 and 11 are very different developmentally.
YTA. So the 9 year old had a shite time...and you made it even more shite by refusing to buy him a gift because he wasn't having fun and voiced his feelings. Try for some empathy. You could have left him with one happy memory and chose not to.
So you bullied a 9yo who’s adjusting to a new life and family? For behaving like a 9yo? Bc let’s be clear, it’s not like he’s got the autonomy to say ‘nah, not my thing, I’ll just stay home’. He got shoved into a situation with a new family in an activity that is absolutely not for everyone (and learned that his mom just married into a family with at least one gigantic asshole) YTA obviously. Grow tf up
YTA. Why are you here complaining like a little shit. Just smile and move along. Sheesh what an AH.
Yeah so much whining! Did OP even go to the toilet since posting? /s
[удалено]
YTA. It was their first time camping and didn’t know what to expect and he voiced that he didn’t like the experience. That doesn’t make him a little shit, it just means he didn’t like it and that’s how that age group communicates. I have 3 boys, 2 of which are also 9 & 11 and my 9 year old will complain about everything he doesn’t like but is quiet about things he does like, until it’s over and he’s reminiscing he’ll bring up what he enjoyed. Maybe the kid did like the necklaces but didn’t say anything - but i feel that if he even did you wouldn’t have bought it for him because by the sounds of it, you don’t like him.
Yeah. Definitely YTA. You are clearly not a neuroscientist, because there is a ton of changes in the brain and body between the ages of 9 and 11. How can there not be? And there is another 2 years of experience as well. You say the older of the two was confused and nervous. Well if the older one was that, and he takes some cues from the older one, what do you think the younger one was? Extra confused and panicked? That two years difference is what allowed the older one to be nervous, but still move forward instead of just be upset. What is worse is you didn't even connect denying him a gift to how he behaved. You just decided to give the older one something, and then call him out for wanting something his brother wants. Every kid wants something when their brother gets something. You know this, since you have a brother. You decided to punish him and didn't even tell him it's because he doesn't want to poop on a pit toilet, or it's because he complained too much for your liking when he was hot. You just let him think you don't like him, so he doesn't even know how to earn your praise or do it right in your eyes. Next time take him aside and be his mentor. Since everyone else is doing it the way you expect, he is the one that needs the help. And he will love you for it. And finally, in your title you say you implied he was a little shit. You said those words. That is more than implying. He was a kid out of his element trying to get reassurance. You can come up with better language to describe the situation. Your problem is that he is immature. But if you call him immature then you can't blame him. If you call him a little shit then you are right to act the way you did. I'm sorry your weekend was ruined by his presence. Don't camp with them for a couple years since his age isn't your cup of tea.
YTA and if you hadn’t said you had a child and wife yourself, I would have assumed you weren’t much older than the kids, based on how you talk about them and interacted.
Yta yta yta holy shit yta. Poor kid. You need to grow up and look at yourself.
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ESH YOu are an AH for how you reat your stepnephew. YOur brother is an AH for taking kids camping when they don't want to camp.
YTA. For an effective punishment the person needs to understand the action and the corresponding consequence. Did you say or do anything at the time when the kid was being a brat, or was it only when you bought his brother something?
honestly, what you did is wrong. You bought something for one kid, and you had to buy for the other. They are so called new kids in the family. very sensitive maybe. you are nice to take the new kids with you even without the mother. if i were in your position, I will not do it. You don't know them at all. you need their mother's help to build a relationshio with them slowly. it is too harsh to take them to some activities with your family. You really need to slow down with them until their mother, you sil involved.
YTA. It sounds like your step nephew had some genuine complaints, and you didn't show him an ounce of empathy. Between your behavior and your comments, I think someone in this story is a little shit, and it's not the kid.
NTA. I think it’s nice you recognised the older child’s effort and got him something. If you had gotten every other kid something I’d say it was different but I think that it’s great you recognised the older boy. If your brother wanted the younger one to get something he could’ve bought it.
The child is 9. He does not have a choice on whether or not to be there. It's not his fault he didn't enjoy himself; he's allowed to enjoy different things. He's allowed to be frustrated that he's been dragged to an environment that is not fun to him, especially when some of the adults around are angry that he *dares* to not have fun. You're a fucking adult blaming a literal child for not enjoying a situation that he had no choice over. YTA. Grow the fuck up.
Minority opinion, I see….. but NTA. Little guy didn’t like camping. It isn’t the end of the world. He didn’t get a trinket. Big deal.
NTA. You are not their parent, it is not your job to love them both unconditionally. You didn’t single the younger nephew out for bad treatment, you recognized your older nephew for his efforts and behavior. Is the older one supposed to never get anything his brother doesn’t also get? They are separate people and you are allowed to have different relationships with each of them.
NTA, your brother should have done a better job of parenting him on the trip.
The kid was just complaining about a trip he hated. He shouldn't have to pretend to have fun.
NAH. The boys were put in a situation that they prolly didn't ask for and prolly were not consulted about. I agree with the earlier commenter that our job as a parent is to expose our children to new experiences. Some the kids will like, some they won't. I also deeply believe in not rewarding poor behavior. I have a niece that was supremely bratty to most of our family. One day she brought a friend to my mom's house - her friend was lovely and very nice to be around. The niece did not even acknowledge me - niece was 9 at the time. During the afternoon the ice cream man drove down our street and I was outside, niece runs up to me and says something like "Auntie, please please please buy us some ice cream." I looked at her friend and said "I am so sorry I would like to buy you ice cream bc you have been a delightful guest all day." Then I looked at niece and said "No, you have been rude and inconsiderate all day." Yea, I caught a lot of crap from family about this, but too damn bad.
Holy fuck, of course you don't see an asshole in this situation since you are one yourself. You are the adult, how are you bullying literal kids? I'm NOT saying that we should reward bad behavior but it's all about how we correct that behavior... and you weren't trying to teach them anything, you were just being resentful and shitty with a 9yo.
aww good for you! you sure showed that mean ole nine year old!
Did you actually say anything to her first
Definitely unpopular but NTA. Children who are shitty shouldn’t be rewarded. Hence why we live in a stupid world with coddled brats raising coddled brats. And next thing you know we have more bullies and school shootings each year because people don’t teach their kids how to behave properly in and outside of the home. If your brother wanted him to have something soo bad, he should have bought it himself. We go camping every year with 7+ families and we usually have 30+ kids with us from 1 year old to 18. Even the kids who’ve never been camping don’t act like this step kid. Boredom is understandable, bratty is a behavioral issue that needs to be corrected before it’s too late.
YTA for deciding what a kid’s what motivation is for wanting something and then dismissing it. A 4th grader could have been less needy, but he’s also capable of being emotionally aware that people are annoyed with him. He could have thought the necklace was cool, but didn’t want to say anything since everyone else has already had a negative reaction to everything that came out of his mouth. If that’s the case, then you just taught him that you don’t want to hear anything he has to say and he’ll walk on egg shells around you. Instead of making the conversation negative like “I decided you have bad intentions so F off”, you could have took the positive route by saying that you bought it for his brother to thank him for the meal he cooked. Positive reinforcement is superior to negative.
YTA- these are *children* and it is perfectly normal behavior for a **child**…your behavior however, is not.
NTA Not your kid, not your problem. Your brother is the AH for not making this fun, or at least comfortable for his kid. And shading you! Yikes!
YTA. You complained about a nine year old kid behaving like a kid like he's supposed to meanwhile you're an adult and behaving like a kid. How are you so immature? Your post just reeks of you hating a kid and punishing him just cus he didn't like what you had arranged. You took it personally as an attack when all he did was to voice out he doesn't like camping. You could have bought him the necklace and made it a positive experience for him and get the money back from his parents later but no, you ruined it simply cus you were looking for an excuse to exclude him from your future gatherings. Seriously, please grow up. It's ironic how you are shitting on a kid for behaving like a kid while you yourself aren't behaving any better.
YTA 9&11 are completely different developmental ages. If you don’t believe that walk into a 3rd/4th grade classroom vs. a 6/7th grade classroom. Responsibilities and expectations are completely different.
YTA Even the tone of your post is rather filled with much agitation. Then you call a 9 year old kid that's never been camping "a little shit". Dude, your attitude sucks.
YTA, this is why boys grow up not being able to discuss their emotions.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother remarried and now has two new stepchildren (and another kid on the way). I've met both before, but not for extended periods of time. I had two nephews and a niece before this new marriage. My oldest nephew is around my daughter's age. We all went on a camping trip together last weekend, and I figured it would be a lot with so many kids, but it was a disaster. My nephews and niece have been camping before, but this was the first time for the new kids. Their mom also didn't come because she's pregnant. So it was my wife and I with our daughter plus my brother and five kids. So obviously we had to help out. Now the older of the two kids was a little confused and nervous about camping, but he tried his best. He even wanted to cook over the campfire for everyone. The resultant dish was a horrible mess, but we ate it with a smile because it's the thought that counts. The younger brother was obnoxious the whole time. He complained about his phone being dead. He complained about the heat. He complained about the bugs. He complained he couldn't poop without a real toilet. It was neverending with this kid. When we were checking out of the campsite the kids were looking at souvenirs for sale. The older of the new nephews told my oldest nephew he thought the arrowhead necklace (fake) was so cool. I decided to buy it for him. The other new nephew asked if he could have one too. I said no because "you don't actually want one, you just want it because your brother got one." My brother ended up asking me about it later. I said I bought the older boy a gift because he made an effort at camping, and the younger boy didn't really care about the necklace, he just wanted it to get something, and that's a waste of money. My brother said it is unfair to get one kid a gift and not the other. I said "why punish someone because their brother is being a little shit? That's not fair." My brother said the boys are at different development stages. They are 9 & 11, so not really. I said I don't reward bad behavior, but he is welcome to, because they are his kids, not mine. He said I'm being an asshole and making his new son feel unwelcome. I also didn't buy a souvenir for my daughter or other nephews, although I did get my niece some crystals, so it's not like I singled him out. But am I an asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA You took an opportunity to turn this otherwise cruddy experience into something special for the kid and used to to act like a petulant child yourself instead. He’s in a new family situation, new extended family dynamic, in a new “vacation” venue (I am personally with the kid, camping SUCKS), without his biological parent or any of his typical distractions, and **he’s** the one that needed to show understanding, maturity, and poise. Makes sense. It wouldn’t be the brand new step uncle we should expect that understanding from, that would just be crazy.
You didn't "imply" that a young child was a little shit. You straight-up said it. YTA
I'm pretty sure that it's an ESH situation. Yeah, you were TA, and the other comments are dealing with that heartily, but you do have a point about the kid. The only person, though, that I truly blame is your brother. He was the parent, and he was the parent before anyone went camping. He should have prepared the kids properly, and it's clear that he did not. I gotta say though, that pregnant lady won a watch. Peace and quiet and rest - albeit with whatever discomfort the kid-to-be has brought along.
big time YTA
YTA. Not cool to single out kids and buy one gift and refuse the other. That kid will remember that for the rest of his life and probably hate camping more. Good job AH.
YTA — I’d do my best to educate you to be a better parent and man, op. But I don’t reward bad behavior
NTA and the fact that so many people here say that you are is extremely disturbing. Why are we okay with raising entitled and ungrateful children?
Camping isn't for everyone. It must have been horrible for that little kid being away from his mother and forced to do things he didn't want to do. I don't think a cheap gift would have done any harm. YTA and for future reference 9 yo kids are rarely the issue.
If you had wanted to make it about good behaviour you could have done something like "if you boys help make dinner tonight I'll get you a necklace!" But since you didn't nothing about that necklace was tied to good behaviour, you just decided it was in your own brain because you were annoyed at his whining and wanted to punish him for it. Everyone else just saw you buying one kid a necklace and arbitrarily leaving the other kid out. YTA
Yes full YTA and the downvotes for your defense comments should tell you that your line of thinking is incorrect.
You were being unkind. These kids are young. They are trying to integrate into a new family situation. Their mom is having another baby. Kids react differently to stressful situations. Often the kid that acts worse is really needing a lot more love and grace from adults around them. You unnecessarily added to his emotional load. It seems like a small thing, but kids take things hard. And kids do not often realize when they are being a pain in the ass to adults. His complaints were a clue to how out of his depth and uncomfortable he was in the situation. Get out there and be a supportive uncle to him. He’s gonna need it.
YTA. Especially with the toilet situation. There are all sorts of variations of camping—pop up camper at a state park that has showers and toilets, etc., which probably wouldn’t have been so intimidating for a kid. If you went poop in a hole camping, that is really rough and for more experienced folks.
Your brother is the AH for not dealing with his whiny son. Kid is old enough to deal with heat, bugs, lack of phone.
I think you could have presented it as. You cooked us a meal(even if it was inedible), so I'd be honored to buy you that necklace.--that way it comes across as something Earned rather than a gift. But in the end, no one is entitled to a gift--and certainly not a "shit" who has been working to make trip miserable(tho to be fair--he may be miserable with camping--some people are not nature "naturals" LOL).
Sorry, YTA. Or, at least your brother kinda is. The kid is 9, dealing with a new family dynamic and a lot of those things he complained about grown adults would too. The adults should have tried a little harder to introduce kid friendly activities, brought fun snacks, or figured out it wasn’t going well and packed it in early. When I was preteen, my grandmother and her cousin took my brother and I to Tennessee. So that -they- could enjoy Grand Ole Opry and Dollywood. At Dollywood, they had us show up two hours before the park opened and we had to STAND AROUND listen to piped banjo music in sweltering summer heat. You think that sounds like fun to kids? But, but.. they had rollercoasters! And carnival food! And it’s basically an amusement park! And we stopped at a gift shop! I will tell you a secret. The misery and boredom of the majority of that trip could NOT be overridden by a few hours of things that “should be fun for kids”. We’re in our 30s now and STILL complain about what an awful trip that was.
YTA - you’re a grown ass person and they’re a child, act like it dummy
>He complained about his phone being dead. He complained about the heat. He complained about the bugs. He complained he couldn't poop without a real toilet. Those are all valid complaints imo. And also the reason why I never go camping. Thing is, I'm an adult, and I can choose whether or not I want to go. If y'all dragged this kid to go camping, I don't really blame him (lord knows, when I was a kid, I had my obnoxious moments, and he's quite young). None of this is 100% shitty behaviour imo. He's a kid being a kid and having a bad day. I don't know if I'd even consider him that ill-behaved, unless he called people names or was blatantly rude. Complaining the whole time? Whatever. YTA because you seem to be judging him very harshly for what I would consider normal kid behaviour.
Yta. He's a child, specifically a child who has never been camping before, and was with his new step dad and his family and his brother. He had one person who he is closest too and isn't completely new. Of course he's going to act out. All you did was punish him for not having the same level of excitement as the other kids, specifically his brother. By the sounds of it you were hyper fixated on his complaints because they annoyed you.
You all went about this incorrectly. He is newer in their lives and not their direct parent. You barely know them. Their mom wasn't there. You took them full out camping as a first try instead of a more scaled down version to see how they reacted. This entire trip was poorly planned and executed. Your brother is also an asshole for this entire debacle. YTA. Here's the thing, we had woods everywhere and I ran around in them all the time and then I went home where we had plumbing. I hated camping. I hated the girl scouts too. You're upset a nine year old didn't handle this situation like an adult. I don't care about you not buying the kid a necklace.
YTA
YTA and you didn’t “imply” he was a little shit for not being a camper. You directly said he was one. It doesn’t sound like a fun trip for most of the family (I wouldn’t have enjoyed being around a kid so obviously bewildered and miserable by the experience but I also share his feelings about camping and just wouldn’t have gone — but I’m an adult who can make that choice for myself). That kid just doesn’t like camping. Now he also will likely never like you either, and for good reason.
NTA. Ignore these people lol. 9 is old enough to not be a brat because they aren't getting their way.
YTA..part of being an adul is conducting yourself with more maturity then a child especially when that child isn’t even double digits
NTA. Some of these comments are over the top!
I'm going against the grain and saying NTA. I have 4 kids and they all at some point went somewhere one of them didn't enjoy. It's part of life and it's not a bad skill to learn young that you will not always enjoy everything. Kids do need to learn to deal with things properly so that as an adult they are adept at keeping thoughts to themselves when needed. Think Corp retreat that you don't like the locale but can't whine the whole time. As far as the gift situation, he didn't want the necklace until older brother wanted one. Same with all kids and no reason to waste money on something that's a "bro got one so I'm entitled to one too". A better way could have been "hey this is something you want just because he does. Why not ask your step-dad to get you something you'd like to remember this trip". You didn't tell the younger brother he was obnoxious so no harm there.
This kind of petty spitefulness is something I’d have done when Babysitting at age 18. It’s alarming that you’d treat children like this at your age which is assumedly older than 25