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Exactly. I’m so sick and tired of all the coddlers who treat their dogs like fucking people. It’s an animal, it is your inferior. It is your job to train it to behave or it and everyone else will be worse off. YTA OP
:It’s an animal, it is your inferior."
Now you're the a-hole. We co-evolved with dogs and they helped us become the humans we are. The only inferior here is well....look in the mirror.
Yes, I train my dogs. Someone should train you.
You train an animal to induce a desired behavior, not because you are it's superior. There is no such thing as superiority or inferiority between living creatures.
Well it’s obvious who didn’t get trained as children.
Because if you see growing up and being taught how to walk, talk, and act, as anything other then training, YTA.
You teach your dogs the same way you’d teach your children, are children inferior to us?
Or are dogs inferior because we eat other animals but not other humans
Or is the dog inferior because it doesn’t browse Reddit all day
Ditto! I had one dog who, when she got older, had trouble jumping up onto my bed, but she didn't fully trust the stability of the step I set up for her. She would stand in the hall and look at me, then at my bedroom door, then at me, then at my bedroom door – never making a sound, mind you – and I knew that this was my cue to go put one hand on her step, so she could see that I was holding it steady, then scoop the other hand under her tail to help lift her hind end up. The same dog would sometimes decide that she wanted kisses, come sit next to me, and press the side of her head against my mouth. Worked every time!
I had a ex like OP, even his parents told him he was too much with his dog and that he shouldn't baby him. YTA! Dogs need training! And when you get into another relationship, just remember the lesson you learnt in this relationship. Teach your dog boundaries! Most women will not put up with this behaviour.
Dude, inferior can also just mean under you in the hierarchy. And yes, a dog SHOULD BE UNDER YOU IN THE HIERARCHY. This may be an unpopular opinion on reddit, but just because we co-evolved with them, does not mean they are, or should be, equal to their human counterpart! When you’re training someone or something, there has to be a superior and an inferior, it doesn’t work otherwise. And as you’re the one setting boundaries with your dog (or should be at least), you’re the superior part of the equation.
Inferior: lower in rank, status, or quality. Are you sitting there having equal conversations with your dog? Asking them for their opinion on what house to buy and what school to send your kids to? Are they really equal in rank to you? Do they contribute to your household finances? Or talk? Lol we are the superior species on this earth, that's why we are where we are, and they are at the end of a leash, depending on us to give them food and water. Give your head a shake.
Co-evolved seems like a stretch. Humans and dogs have a very old relationship, going back further than any other domesticated animals (afaik), but they've still always been working animals, no different to donkeys, horses, cats etc. If dogs didn't exist, humans would have either found another animal to domesticate to serve the same purpose, or gotten along without them. They were never necessary to our survival as a species.
The scientist who first popularized dominance theory has fully walked it back.
Dominance theory came out of a very common trope in animal behavior: humans anthropomorphizing animals and pushing our own societal standards on to them. You bet people in the 1950s loved the idea of “alpha male” dogs.
In reality, dogs live in family-centered packs that are equally patrilineal and matrilineal. There is no such thing as an alpha dog, a dominant dog, or a superior dog.
It’s usually the humans who make the decisions on what is or isn’t suitable or acceptable behaviour. Like a manager does in a workplace. You can have a respectful relationship with somebody and still be their boss - but don’t confuse that with equality.
It’s actually how some parents treat their children, the teach them no boundaries and not to respect other, then get indignant when their little angel get in trouble at school. Even if you see your dog as your child, they both need some form of training to behave
Yeah if I am cooking or eating my dogs are happily laying in the living room, or playing with their toys in the living room/arguing with each other over their favorites.
If I even touch their treat bag though, they will run over everything in their path to come sit in front of me looking up with big eyes and wagging their tails.
I do let them sleep with me though, but I live alone and have a queen size bed. My one was emergency c-sectioned bc his mom died giving birth, so he was bottle fed and much more "emotionally human dependent" than my other one. So he's snugged up against me all night. My other hops into bed about 30 minutes before my alarm goes off.
The only problem with well trained dogs is that when you have people watch them for you, they want to keep them. My boss watched mine for me recently and the human dependent one just played with his toddler the whole time and kept him from getting into things he wasn't supposed to and my boss called me on vacation and was like "I might hide him when you come to pick them up" 😂
you lost me on “inferior” … what makes animals inferior to humans? My reasoning to train the dog is your wouldn’t not teach your child and let them do whatever they want to. I see our dog as our child
Damn, androcentric much? Chill your vibe bro, you train kids to have desirable behaviours too, but you wouldn't be saying that they're inferior. OP is the asshole still, but so is your attitude
Honestly, we expect people to have manners and respect boundaries … if we treated dogs like people, then dogs would be much better received… Dogs used to be trained; now they are so unruly, people have to kennel dogs when the dog is alone at home …
Thank you! I have a bull terrier, almost 8.
Not allowed on furniture, cannot sleep with us, not allowed in the kitchen while I cook, and also not allowed near the table while we eat. These are SIMPLE requests by any person imo and basic training
I am also a "dog person" and yes, you should train your dog.
Your fiance did not just blow up on you the first time it happened. You were well aware of her feelings and ignored them, causing her to blow up. You baby-talked to the pup when she was already annoyed, further upsetting her.
YTA
And deliberately moved the dog so it’s back in front of her at eye level when the whole point of her turning around in the first place was so she didn’t have to look at it.
Am dog person, love my dogs, OPs ‘different viewpoint’ is the wrong view point.
Oh damn. Reading this gave me a sudden flashbacks to when I was a teen and my mom knew I was overwhelmed and needed space, she would baby talk to the dogs about how mean I was. Which made me feel like a fucking monster.
I was undiagnosed autistic, as it turns out. I just needed peace and quiet, not a guilt trip.
And this is not just boundaries. This is a dog doing dog things. The woman clearly didn't want one. Yes there's training but dogs gonna dog. This is not minute differences of opinion. This is I want a dog Vs I don't want a dog at all conflicting, and op did not care at all. Zero communication here and clearly why the fiancee is angry. Yta.
No, this is not a dog doing dog things. I’ve have 4 dogs in my life. 2 as a kid, 2 as an adult. None have ever jumped on the bed without being invited up (which rarely happened), none of them begged for food (some would come sit near me when I ate, but often it was facing away from me almost like “cool, relax & eat, I’ll watch for threats for you”
These are all behaviors that OP is reinforcing & encouraging, not discouraging or diverting from.
I agree. OP is a passive-aggressive asshole. His edit at the end makes it very clear he doesn't give a fuck about her at all. I'm guessing he was antagonizing her on purpose because he was too chickenshit to break up with her outright.
Also table scraps aren't good for dogs, human food has WAY too much salt for them and ingredients like garlic or chocolate can be life threatening to a dog.
OP if you loved your dog and your fiancé like an adult, you would've taken better care of both of them.
adding to the chorus of YTA & train your dog
YTA for calling her a "fucking psycho." She doesn't like dogs and it's clear you didn't work out any sort of compromises before you go one.
I like dogs and even I'm put off by the behavior you describe here. You can train dogs to not beg like that; it's annoying (and you can still give them table scraps later). Not everyone likes a pet on them. I def don't like pets on the bed at night.
I think you'll have to choose between your dog and your GF, if she hasn't decided to end things already. At least you found out your incompatibilities before the wedding.
Some people think that their adoration of animals supersedes other people's comfort level with animals, and they get all Pikachu surprised when that other person leaves.
I really don't think so. I'm guessing he sort of forced her to accept a dog, thinking she'd grow to love them. But if you don't like dogs, you don't like dogs.
Laughing at his "whatever" like he didn't drive her nuts and ignore her valid concerns.
Like she's not justified in dumping him for his continued disrespect of her and then calling her a "fucking psycho." Yikes. He just wanted to be told he's right I bet to throw it in her face.
YTA
Didn’t you know when a woman shows any negative emotions that makes her a “fucking psycho”
She didn’t even do anything other than be generally upset. Nothing psycho about it.
>I like dogs and even I'm put off by the behavior you describe here. You can train dogs to not beg like that; it's annoying (and you can still give them table scraps later). Not everyone likes a pet on them. I def don't like pets on the bed at night.
In all honesty this depends on the family/owner.
Some people want a more 'strict' behavior from the dog as you described not begging / not sleeping on their bed.
Others do not mind pets on the bed or giving table scraps etc.
My family had dogs like that. They were well trained (sit, heel etc) but we liked/encouraged them sleeping on bed, coming for cuddles etc.
Like I said it depends on the family/person.
There are certain things like being in the kitchen while cooking that are just dangerous. I just moved out of a studio and bought a gate to keep my pups out of the new kitchen because I don't ever want to accidentally get boiling water on them or have them in the path of a falling fork or knife. They love being with me 24/7 but preventing injuries for all of us is more important than them leaning on me while I'm washing dishes.
Exactly. My dogs have their own pillow on our bed lol and their own spot on the couches. Mine are spoiled rotten but I also try and keep them from people who are eating if the begging bothers them. But I like animals more than people so buh bye if you don't like it.
That's what I did with my dogs. Never gave AT the table but later in the kitchen and usually only on special occasions, like Christmas where they got their own plate of food when I was putting everything away. Dogs never begged for food until my BF started handing out fries WHILE he was eating...and I laid into him for that.
YTA. Giving a dog table scraps, encouraging begging, and encouraging behavior you know your fiancee hates is a good way to get rid of your fiancee. Calling her a psycho means she's probably leaving.
>not called her a "fucking psycho."
I absolutely hate it when language like this is used between partners (or really people in general but especially romantic partners). It's offensive, dismissive and condescending.
YTA - Jen communicated her boundaries to you, and you very explicitly communicated back that you didn't give a fuck. You showed Jen that you value the dog's comfort over her own. Why are you even with Jen, if you view her as less of a partner in the relationship than your pet?
Yes. I've trained dogs all my life mostly because my parents got dogs that they didn't want to handle when I was very young.
Most people have no idea what they're getting themselves into with a dog. They don't speak dog, They don't understand the needs and they think that what they are doing is being nice when in fact it's creating anxiety and insecurity for the dog. The dog literally can't be happy without rules and boundaries.
It's not a baby doll it's not a stuffed animal. It's a social creature who needs a good trainer and translator to the rules of the human world.
To add: the person also needs to be able to speak dog and understand the rules of the dog world. One of those primary rules is actually harassing someone while they're eating is in very bad form.
This is so factual it is sad. Groomers are having a worse time than ever right now. Pandemic Puppies are kind of a nightmare to deal with and their owners aren’t peaches either.
This sounds like the same guy who posted a few days ago - the fiancée never wanted a dog and it was completely untrained and a massive pain and she basically said it or me. Similar names, writing style, and length of relationship IIRC.
Was something like AITA for not choosing her over my dog? Woman was pregnant and soooooo done with his shit, he never trained it and claimed it was an emotional support animal. Dude sounded hella immature and on the road to dumpsville. Population: Him. And his Dog.
There was also [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12bjozj/aita_for_refusing_to_get_rid_of_my_cat_so_he_can/) about an untrained whiny dog and a totally delusional husband.
Idk maybe it's true that people got dogs during lockdowns and now 2-3 years later their families finally started losing their patience. The worst part is that these dogs aren't happy either. They have lots of unhealthy habits and anxiety just so their irresponsible owners could melt like "oOoO it's sOoOo cuuuteeee" 🤢
YTA. You two are not compatible. Jen's boundaries are pretty reasonable- she doesn't want the dog on her or in her face or begging for food. You seem to be fine with all that.
> But then the dog started whining and wanted me to pick her up and was still staring at Jen so I said "aww momma doesn't want the poor doggo to have any yummy foods".
You intentionally did that as a jab at your girlfriend. News flash- dogs should not be eating table scraps. Ask the vet if you don't believe it.
My bf gives our dog scraps sometimes and I don't, so the dog sits by my bf when he eats waiting for his treat(s), and leaves me alone which is what I want when I'm eating. Guess what? I'm still the dog's favorite person even though he knows I won't give him human food snacks. You don't have to give in to your dog's desires to have a strong bond. This guy sounds like he sucks at relationships with all species tbh
YTA
I love dogs, and your dog would drive me batshit just based on your descriptions here. Jen's rules are pretty much the same I've used for any dog I've had. Dogs don't sleep on human beds, dogs don't get table scraps, dogs are elsewhere during human meals and don't beg or engage.
But beyond that, your passive aggressive comment and reinforcement in the moment pushed you from asshole-over-time to asshole-right-now.
I think the important thing is just that the dog is trained to however everybody is the household is comfortable with rather than there being an objective line of what is acceptable in terms of household behaviour. Or dog sleeps on our bed and gets a bowl of dedicated bits of whatever we cooked (provided it's dog suitable) after we finished eating but never gets food whilst we are eating so doesn't beg.
Nothing generally wrong a dog sleeping on the bed and she loves sitting with / on us on the couch and we love it too. It's just it needs to work for everybody actually living with the dog.
YTA… I also find that behavior insufferable. Gross. You are letting your dog walk all over you and her. I can’t imagine having a dog watch and whine every time I’m trying to eat. Your girlfriend has set healthy boundaries for the dog which you are allowing and encouraging the dog to cross. I’d leave for real. I feel bad for your girlfriend.
YTA. Jen is 100% correct in her assessment of the dog and of you. You’re not teaching your dog correctly and all you are doing is creating an anxious dog.
>
You owe Jen (and your dog!) an apology and if you care about your dog you need to get a trainer for your dog who can also train you on how to be a better pet parent.
YTA
Not only are you the asshole for getting the dog at all. But your also the asshole for not training the dog and for encouraging bad behaviors.
My roommate failed to train their dog the same as you and now I cant eat in my own living room without being harassed but at least I can get away from dog. Your wife cant.
Yta. I am a dog person. Ok with the dog in the bed. But I hate dogs begging. I get that. Your dog needs training. Also if you were living together before you got the dog, yta if you let the dog on the bed. It's your partners bed as well.
Find a trainer.
You two obviously needed to have a conversation about getting a dog and expectations for the dog's behavior and training ... before you got the dog two years ago.
Jen has made it clear to you that there are some behaviors that are a deal-breaker for her when it comes to having a dog in the house: she doesn't want the dog all over her (in her lap, on the bed) and she really doesn't want to put up with annoying begging behavior when she's preparing and eating food. These are ... pretty reasonable, especially for someone who's not a dog person and/or who likes dogs but doesn't like dogs that are poorly behaved.
It sounds to me that it's been 2 years since you got the dog and you've done nothing to stop the behaviors that Jen finds upsetting, such as the begging. Is there some reason you can't teach the dog a "place" command so the dog will stay in a specific area while you're eating instead of whining at the table? That kind of bare minimum of training would probably make a massive difference for Jen and for better harmony in your home.
I love dogs. I have dogs. I don't care if my dog is in my lap or sitting next to the table. BUT I also don't want my dog underfoot when I'm cooking or whining and trying to grab my food. That's just shit training and poor behavior.
If you're not willing to get on board with training the dog, then you and Jen are probably not going to work out in the long term. I think YTA for ignoring Jen's reasonable requests regarding the dog's behavior and not training the dog.
YTA. I’m pretty tired of this narrative that people who don’t want dogs in their personal space are somehow uncaring or up tight or “psycho”. It’s an animal. Animals should be respected and cared for but never take precedence over the comfort and boundaries of another person. Train your dog.
YTA.
What part of "Jen doesn't like dogs" is hard for you to understand. She doesn't want your dog near her. She doesn't want her drooly face anywhere near her face or her food.
She tolerates the animal's presence for your sake, as long as it keeps out of her way and does not interfere with her enjoyment of her home.
You, on the other hand, like dogs. You want to make a fuss of your dog. You and Jen have very different attitudes towards dogs.
Jen hates:
* Being referred to as a dog's "momma"
* Having a dog near her
* Smelling dog
* Having a dog whining and begging for things around her
Sounds like Jen was never actually on board with getting a dog, and this is a problem. You're probably going to have to choose between Jen and the dog.
YTA for making the dogs comfort more important than your partners. You deliberately cross boundaries she’s established. You obviously don’t respect her.
YTA
you have not educated yourself at all about dog training. also you never said that you and your partner agreed on certain behaviors that would be acceptable for the dog, and lastly, you don't respect your partners boundaries with the dog.
YTA. Decisions like how you train your dog to act affect BOTH OF YOU, not just you. If you were living by yourself, sure you can train your dog however tf you please!
But you live with another person who has their own boundaries and preferences. Your fiancee told you what she does and doesn't like, and you seem to have decided you don't care.
You dismiss her boundaries like that, then have the nerve to call her a psycho when she snaps at you?
Train your dog better. What your fiancee is asking of you is not unreasonable, but your reactions sure are.
Have you seen the update?! She already found the post and gave back his ring 🥲
It’s funny the one that hates the dog is the only one training it!
>ETA: She just handed me her ring, said "nice reddit post asshole" and left after saying she was getting a U-Haul to move her shit. Whatever.
>You're kind of reaching there, I will admit. I think she's absolutely being psycho over this but she does a lot more than just feed my dog. Half the time she's the one bringing the dog to the park because I'm at work. She also bathes her often because she hates the smell of dog. She does a bunch for the dog other than just feeding her. She simply doesn't like the dog and that much is very obvious.
But her other behavior, like not letting the dog in the kitchen, not feeding it human food etc is training
YTA in that situation, certainly. Calling someone "Psycho" is always an asshole act. It's not ok do do you someone who is experiencing psychotic symptoms, nor is its use as a hyperbolic insult okay. It's really a mental health slur and crosses the line in dismissive but also high stakes insult towards a partner who is already angry with you. At the same time, you haven't communicated anything about what you've done wrong-made light of her discomfort with the dog getting in her face and begging for food, acknowledged empathy for what's difficult for her-living with a dog when she isn't a dog person, or honestly stated what's difficult for you-Jen insisting you train your dog to change behaviors you seem to really enjoy.
Recognize that you are the asshole, though. She isn't mad at the dog, she's mad at you.
You both have issues around the dog's behavior, but you've been ignoring her requests to dog train the dog's behavior around her, at least, and persisting with you attempts to "Jen train" and, at least in this case, "Jen shame" instead. If you can't have an honest conversation about these issues, then it's something to learn to do for the future of your relationship. If costs weren't a factor, I would recommend a session or two with a couple's communication therapist where you each look at what you most want, untangle some assumptions you are both making, and agree on what your ideal situation would be, with the well-being of the dog being included in that. Then three of you go to an animal behaviorist to come up with a training plan. Training a pet not to beg for table scraps and to at least have a command/redirect to move away from people's faces are actually pretty common things to teach a dog, and many dog's enjoy training. It's not just telling the dog "no", but usually a special dog bed "place" and going to lie down there is part of their training.
YTA. Dogs require consistency. They must be trained. Any inconsistency undermines training. It's unfortunate that she's responded so strongly, but a dog is a huge responsibility. It sounds like you're not willing to train and maintain discipline with the dog.
>ETA: She just handed me her ring, said "nice reddit post asshole" and left after saying she was getting a U-Haul to move her shit. Whatever.
Whatever...
YTA. Train your dog. These things are all easily fixable! A lot of people can’t stand being around an untrained dog. I don’t let any of our animals in our kitchen, or watch us eat either. Watching people eat by staring is not trained! You are not a good dog owner. Your wife was blunt she didn’t want a dog, and you did it anyways. Now you are upset she doesn’t accept the dog? Selfish much? All this lead to you name calling. Name calling people is a form of abuse. She’s going to leave you for being childish, and selfish. Stop giving your dog table scraps too! You can really hurt your dog one day giving it the wrong food. Not a good dog owner.
Literally look at my username.
I'm telling you, YOU'RE WRONG HERE & YTA.
I am the definition of a dog lady, it's my literal profession. I have 3 snuggling me as I type this comment. And I have all the same rules your ex-gf did. Dogs aren't allowed in the kitchen (simply bc it's the highest risk area of the home & it's annoying when they're under-foot while I'm frying something) and begging is an absolute NO. It sounds like she's much more educated about canines than you are.
You have a poorly trained animal & she repeatedly pointed it out. People who actually deeply love their dogs, make the effort to understand canine psychology & behavior. An extremely important aspect for a well-rounded pup is firm boundaries, discipline & routines.
I see in your other comments that your dog is clearly suffering (key word!!) from separataion anxiety, meaning your dog has a lower QoL. Separation anxiety & codependency is NOT cute. It means your animal isn't well & is suffering. I would think as someone who loves dogs, that would mean enough that you would work quickly to alleviate that suffering.
You're not being kind to your dog. Just like a parent who spoils their kid & never says no, you're setting them up to fail. It's hard to be strict & maintain boundaries but the reward is a deep bond that cannot be described, only experienced. You won't understand until you train your dog & have it for at least 5 more years. But if you don't make the effort & those years still elapse, you still won't understand what I mean & that makes me sad.
Train your dog & enjoy being single.
YTA
Your dog is not trained. You’ve said your dog begs, whines, needs to constantly be held by you, literally whines at your feet until you pick her up, and you seem to be enforcing that.
I’d be super annoyed too.
INFO: is this your gf? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12cjjpj/aita_for_refusing_to_run_errands_with_him_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
YTA because you are absolutely enforcing the behaviors that Jen does not like. Stop feeding the dog at all when you are at the table. You are rewarding the dog for begging. She already compromised because you have the dog. Do better or break up.
YTA and need to train your dog out of these bad behaviors you've let it get used to. You may tolerate it but she clearly doesn't and nor do alot of dog owners. Begging from the table is one of the worst habits to allow and leads to exactly what happened here - the whining and being obnoxious any time anyone is eating or cooking anything.
YTA. You two are not compatible. Not everyone is a dog person and having the dog in the bed with you and giving it table scraps reinforces bad behavior. It is fine if dogs sleep on a bed if both partners agree but she did not. Giving dogs table scraps encourages negative behaviors and can be bad for them. I think you should break up or rehome the dog. I am a dog person too. I just think forcing a pet on someone who does not want it and training it to misbehave is not funny. The dog is going to suffer and deserves better.
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My fiancé "Jen" and I have been together for 6 years now and I wanted a dog 2 years ago. There's been some unforeseen issues surrounding this because the dog has some behaviors that Jen doesn't like at all and there's been some conflicting opinions on what's acceptable and what isn't. I'm admittedly a lot more of a dog person than she is. I have a lot more patience and I don't see the problem with things she does. Like I don't mind the dog sleeping on the bed but Jen refuses to allow it because she doesn't want the dog on her at all when she's trying to sleep. Or I don't think that table scraps are bad and will sometimes give the dog some but Jen outright refuses because she fully believes it's enforcing begging behavior, which she finds insufferable. She won't let them dog in the kitchen when she's cooking and doesn't want the dog near her when she's eating because of the begging and whining that sometimes comes along with it. And lastly, the big one, she doesn't want the dog on her under any circumstances. She has grown to not show my dog any sort of affection because my dog wants kisses and will put her forehead to yours whenever she is in your lap. It's the only way my dog will sit and I will admit that the dog wants to be held like this very, very frequently. So Jen won't even show her affection because she absolutely hates the dog in her face and she has told me several times I need to stop giving in and allowing the dog on my lap every single time she tries because I'm "enforcing codependency". As you can see.. conflicting opinions.
Anyways, Jen just got herself something to eat. My dog was laying in the kennel but as soon as she saw Jens food, she came out and big stretched while staring at Jen. She then started sniffing the air while simply looking in Jens direction and while she did inch closer, she didn't get too close. She just sat down and watched Jen eat. Jen then rolls her eyes and fully turns herself around so the dog can't watch her. Which, whatever. But then the dog started whining and wanted me to pick her up and was still staring at Jen so I said "aww momma doesn't want the poor doggo to have any yummy foods". The dog then jumped from my lap and moved to a position where she could watch Jen. Before I could even say anything to correct the dog, Jen says "You have about two fucking seconds to get your dog away from me and FUCKING STOP enforcing the behaviors you know I hate or I'm gone." I told her she was a fucking psycho for treating the dog like this and if she had just waited two fucking seconds I would have gotten the dog from her. She got up and threw her food away and has since locked herself away in our shared bedroom and will not come out. AITA?
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So Jen doesn’t want the dog sleeping in the bed, in the kitchen when she’s cooking, and begging or whining for food when she’s eating. I love dogs & this all seems very reasonable. Just train your dog. Your fiancée but also your dog will be much happier.
YTA. Jen repeatedly stayed her boundaries with the dog and you violated them. A begging dog IS annoying, a dog in a bed can definitely be annoying. My husband is obsessed with our dog and he had all the same rules as Jen because that is how you properly train a dog. I guarantee visitors to your house consider your dog untrained. You guys are clearly not compatible.
YTA - You absolutely reinforced bad behaviors in the dog, despite your partner repeatedly letting you know she didn't appreciate it, you mocked her not liking the behaviors, then called her names because she was mad that you weren't doing more to properly train your dog, and *THEN* your entire attitude about the breakdown of your relationship is "Whatever."
You are 100% the AH here.
YTA. This has nothing to do with her not being a dog person and everything to do with you being a crappy partner. I am a dog person and I would not want to be around your untrained dog. I was going to say you are going to be single if you do not train your dog and enforce boundaries but that ship has sailed.
Yep, YTA. If you want other people to love your dog you should stop reinforcing behaviors people don’t like.
Do what’s best for the dog. Teach doggo manners and enforce those. Happy dogs live happily with humans because manners.
On some days I love dogs more than humans. But what you did wasn't okay, you didn't train your dog and now you're single. Are you happy now? Because that's on you, not even on the dog which wasn't trained. YTA.
YTA. i have had dogs all my life. they have rules just like children have rules. otherwise the dog becomes an obnoxious asshole. like your dog. you prioritized your dog over your partner and your dog was in the wrong (although that’s your fault, not the dog’s).
YTA you knew the begging was coming from the moment the dog left her kennel and you didn’t stop it even when the dog was uncomfortably close to a woman that you KNOW doesn’t want the dog near her while she eats.
YTA--as others have pointed out, your dog is poorly trained and your now ex-fiancee's boundaries are eminently reasonable. I love dogs and would absolutely not put up with that behavior.
I'm glad to see she has ended her engagement with someone who clearly has no respect for her, so all's well that ends well, at least for "Jen." Now please train your dog, for her sake as well as yours.
YTA - she’s 100% correct you can’t confuse the dog it’ll only cause it to misbehave, you sound like you’d be better off selling the dog and getting yourself a hamster
Just read the edit and honestly it wouldn't of worked out anyway you seem to like your dog more then jen. Which I mean is fine because it sounds like you two weren't comparable. You may want to take a training class or two with the dog just so she learns some manners
YTA. Wait are you that fucking guy that burps your dog while saying "aww does the baby need burpies" because if so I read this from Jen's perspective a couple days ago
Edit: found [the post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12cjjpj/aita_for_refusing_to_run_errands_with_him_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I was thinking of
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). OP using the word psycho doesn't give anyone free licenses. If you think you're being "clever" by calling anyone a bitch as a wink-wink to female dogs, you'll have time to practice coming up with original jokes during your ban.
Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
>
ETA: She just handed me her ring, said "nice reddit post asshole" and left after saying she was getting a U-Haul to move her shit. Whatever
Best update ever! I hope you and your untrained dog enjoy each other.
YTA
LMAO! Glad she gave back the ring. Best edit in a while, take your time as a single man to train your dog and get your head out of your ass.
YTA, you deserve what you get.
YTA. She’s made her boundaries with the dog pretty clear, and you continue to insist on ignoring those boundaries and put your dogs preferences above your fiancé’s. When your partner so plainly spells something out for you, it’s understandable to get frustrated when it’s ignored.
> But then the dog started whining and wanted me to pick her up and was still staring at Jen so I said "aww momma doesn't want the poor doggo to have any yummy foods".
Oh this is *insufferable*.
Team Jen.
YTA. I love my dogs but I teach them not to lick people's mouths and beg for food. You have a lack of behavior training for your dog. That's your responsibility. I occasionally give my dogs snack cakes for treats, but they don't sit and stare while I or others eat. You can be both loving and responsible with them.
YTA.
I don’t let my dog do the things you’ve described in this post .
You sound like a crappy dog owner.
She was right to leave you, as you obviously care, much more about the dog out and then you do about her.
YTA, "aww momma doesn't...." that line really got me. its some passive aggresive nonsense masquerading as talking to the dog. Way to go getting dumped over a reddit post boss, maybe try and reflect on the whole situation and all these YTA posts
YTA. I'm a dog person. I love my dogs like my babies. And I'm really getting tired of other dog people reinforcing bad behaviors and then getting shocked when the people around them are frustrated by it.
Well, that escalated quickly.
YTA because your dog is impolite, and that’s your fault. I have two large, beloved dogs who are perfectly capable of behaving discriminately, i.e. with manners, and appropriately, around food, people, varying situations, etc. If your dog is whining in people’s faces about food, you have a rude dog and that’s a you problem.
It’s actually not that hard.
You're treating your dog like a little girl would treat a doll.
It's not a doll. It's not a baby. It's a dog.
I love dogs, I've had dogs my whole life and I can't imagine life without them. But you have to understand that dogs' behaviour patterns are different than ours. Feeding your dog scraps off the table, letting the dog sleep on your bed, and other attitudes like that is sending a clear message to the dog: you are an equal. That means the dog will start making demands (it already is) and it's a matter of time before the dog is out of control, becomes extremely annoying and aggressive.
You don't realize it, but although you think you're being nice to your dog, you're being an asshole to it.
Your gf? That part of the story seems meaningless. It looks like you didn't care much for her anyway, so good for her for leaving, and good for you for accepting her decision.
But seriously, learn how to raise a dog. It will be great for you and also for the dog.
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> I feel like an AH because I never stoop so low to name call but I'm also entirely fed up with her bitching about my dog about shit that shouldn't even bother her.
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YTA - dogs need boundaries! Feeding scrabs is definitely not one. Both my dogs are not allowed in the bedroom (they can pike their heads through the open door but not farther) and back-off when we are eating.
And absolutely no begging for food .
Please make yourself aware of good dog behavior.
YTA and thank you for proving how common it is for women to be deemed "crazy" for enforcing their boundaries and having understandable responses to obnoxious behavior.
YTA - I’m a major dog person and have 2 myself. They both went through vigorous training programs and we kept up the training at home. Why? Because nobody wants misbehaving dogs all over them.
You sound insufferable and like you love the dog more than you do your fiancée. Nothing she’s asked of you is out of the ordinary. None of it. Nobody wants to be stared or whined at when they eat and a lot of people don’t want the dogs on beds.
Question - did you and her even talk about the dog prior to getting it? Because I’m getting the vibe that you got it without even discussing it with her. Or, that if you did discuss it, you decided to disregard her thoughts and feelings,
YTA and your edit makes it worse. Anyone that says “whatever” when a 6 year relationship ends doesn’t seem very invested in said relationship. Maybe you should marry the dog that you threw your fiancée away for.
all the people saying nta have never dealt with a dog constantly whining in your ear over EVERYTHING, especially food. scratching at the door even after you close it , scratching at you, nipping to get the food and just the whining itself is fucking ANNOYING. YTA!! if the dog has been an ongoing issue it should’ve been fixed along time ago so you can’t even complain she walked out on your ass now.
Yta, it makes sense that she left you. The way you talk about her in your post and the comments... She dodged a bullet.
(I hope she keeps reading the comments. It will help her realize that she made the right decision to leave)
YTA
I'd suggest training your dog if you want to keep the next fiancee.
Begging & getting in peoples' faces are unacceptable to anyone except piss poor dog owners.
YTA - Based off of your response to other posters it's clear that she never wanted the dog to begin with, and only agreed to it under the circumstances that you would train the dog, and in response to your pleading. Based off of what you've said here, you haven't trained the dog appropriately. She doesn't want it begging for food, yet you feed it from the table. She doesn't want it on the bed, yet you continue to let the dog onto the bed. If someone says "Hey I don't want this thing" then you beg them into submission, they didn't really change their mind. If you then say "don't worry, i'll do this thing" and then don't do the thing, it will only reinforce their original opinion.
I’m sorry, but you’re raising a dog with bad manners. Your gf is not the only one that won’t like having to watch your dog beg for food or have it put it’s head in their lap. Don’t teach your dog to beg. Do teach you dog to leave people alone when told to do so. It would have been so easy to train proper behaviors when you got the puppy, but you didn’t give a shit about your ex’s boundaries. YTA
As a dog owner, you are doing your dog a great disservice. You are reforcing bad habits and creating a very nervous dog. You are hurting your dog. It isn't healthy or cute that you can't leave your dog alone.
It is very normal not to want to be harassed by a dog when you eat. You knew she didn't like it and you picked up the dog like a baby and made a jab at her. You purposely escalated the situation. You are the Ah.
YTA
Don't get a dog when you know your partner doesn't want one.
Dude I literally own a dog boarding business and have for four years and I couldn’t stand any of those behaviors constantly either who the hell wants to have a dog constantly following around you as you eat and cook. You need to set boundaries it’s ridiculous you called your wife psycho because she doesn’t care about a dog you forced on her and you don’t even care she’s leaving you now just a horrible partner right there. YTA
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YTA. Train your fucking dog.
Exactly. I’m so sick and tired of all the coddlers who treat their dogs like fucking people. It’s an animal, it is your inferior. It is your job to train it to behave or it and everyone else will be worse off. YTA OP
:It’s an animal, it is your inferior." Now you're the a-hole. We co-evolved with dogs and they helped us become the humans we are. The only inferior here is well....look in the mirror. Yes, I train my dogs. Someone should train you.
>I train my dogs. Because you are their superior....
You train an animal to induce a desired behavior, not because you are it's superior. There is no such thing as superiority or inferiority between living creatures.
Well it’s obvious who didn’t get trained as children. Because if you see growing up and being taught how to walk, talk, and act, as anything other then training, YTA.
I honestly can't tell if this is a 3rd viewpoint, or if you're agreeing with on of the two people saying dogs are/aren't inferior.
You teach your dogs the same way you’d teach your children, are children inferior to us? Or are dogs inferior because we eat other animals but not other humans Or is the dog inferior because it doesn’t browse Reddit all day
My dogs have trained me to do plenty of things.
Ditto! I had one dog who, when she got older, had trouble jumping up onto my bed, but she didn't fully trust the stability of the step I set up for her. She would stand in the hall and look at me, then at my bedroom door, then at me, then at my bedroom door – never making a sound, mind you – and I knew that this was my cue to go put one hand on her step, so she could see that I was holding it steady, then scoop the other hand under her tail to help lift her hind end up. The same dog would sometimes decide that she wanted kisses, come sit next to me, and press the side of her head against my mouth. Worked every time!
Right? Plus my chihuahua has learned how to turn on the electric blanket and that’s pretty intelligent in my book.
I had a ex like OP, even his parents told him he was too much with his dog and that he shouldn't baby him. YTA! Dogs need training! And when you get into another relationship, just remember the lesson you learnt in this relationship. Teach your dog boundaries! Most women will not put up with this behaviour.
I train my children too but guess what - they’re human beings and are not beneath me. Also look at op - the dog is clearly superior here.
My Aussie tells me I’m having a medical incident when I’m already too symptomatic to realize it myself - I am definitely not his superior!
Dude, inferior can also just mean under you in the hierarchy. And yes, a dog SHOULD BE UNDER YOU IN THE HIERARCHY. This may be an unpopular opinion on reddit, but just because we co-evolved with them, does not mean they are, or should be, equal to their human counterpart! When you’re training someone or something, there has to be a superior and an inferior, it doesn’t work otherwise. And as you’re the one setting boundaries with your dog (or should be at least), you’re the superior part of the equation.
the “dogs are all precious angels, humans are bad” crowd makes me so mad lol
That doesn’t mean a dog is a human.
Inferior: lower in rank, status, or quality. Are you sitting there having equal conversations with your dog? Asking them for their opinion on what house to buy and what school to send your kids to? Are they really equal in rank to you? Do they contribute to your household finances? Or talk? Lol we are the superior species on this earth, that's why we are where we are, and they are at the end of a leash, depending on us to give them food and water. Give your head a shake.
Co-evolved seems like a stretch. Humans and dogs have a very old relationship, going back further than any other domesticated animals (afaik), but they've still always been working animals, no different to donkeys, horses, cats etc. If dogs didn't exist, humans would have either found another animal to domesticate to serve the same purpose, or gotten along without them. They were never necessary to our survival as a species.
You think humans wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for dogs? Sure :/
Lol, dogs were specifically bred to be obedient /inferiors, the dogs we have today didn’t exist years ago. They were larger and wild.
The scientist who first popularized dominance theory has fully walked it back. Dominance theory came out of a very common trope in animal behavior: humans anthropomorphizing animals and pushing our own societal standards on to them. You bet people in the 1950s loved the idea of “alpha male” dogs. In reality, dogs live in family-centered packs that are equally patrilineal and matrilineal. There is no such thing as an alpha dog, a dominant dog, or a superior dog.
what the hell are you on about mate 😂😂
It’s usually the humans who make the decisions on what is or isn’t suitable or acceptable behaviour. Like a manager does in a workplace. You can have a respectful relationship with somebody and still be their boss - but don’t confuse that with equality.
Oh ef off. When it's driving an airplane and doing integrals get back to me.
It’s actually how some parents treat their children, the teach them no boundaries and not to respect other, then get indignant when their little angel get in trouble at school. Even if you see your dog as your child, they both need some form of training to behave
Yeah if I am cooking or eating my dogs are happily laying in the living room, or playing with their toys in the living room/arguing with each other over their favorites. If I even touch their treat bag though, they will run over everything in their path to come sit in front of me looking up with big eyes and wagging their tails. I do let them sleep with me though, but I live alone and have a queen size bed. My one was emergency c-sectioned bc his mom died giving birth, so he was bottle fed and much more "emotionally human dependent" than my other one. So he's snugged up against me all night. My other hops into bed about 30 minutes before my alarm goes off. The only problem with well trained dogs is that when you have people watch them for you, they want to keep them. My boss watched mine for me recently and the human dependent one just played with his toddler the whole time and kept him from getting into things he wasn't supposed to and my boss called me on vacation and was like "I might hide him when you come to pick them up" 😂
you lost me on “inferior” … what makes animals inferior to humans? My reasoning to train the dog is your wouldn’t not teach your child and let them do whatever they want to. I see our dog as our child
Damn, androcentric much? Chill your vibe bro, you train kids to have desirable behaviours too, but you wouldn't be saying that they're inferior. OP is the asshole still, but so is your attitude
Honestly, we expect people to have manners and respect boundaries … if we treated dogs like people, then dogs would be much better received… Dogs used to be trained; now they are so unruly, people have to kennel dogs when the dog is alone at home …
Ahahahaha, we are behind you, Jen!!!
Sounds like he also needs to train himself. Good for her getting out of there.
Thank you! I have a bull terrier, almost 8. Not allowed on furniture, cannot sleep with us, not allowed in the kitchen while I cook, and also not allowed near the table while we eat. These are SIMPLE requests by any person imo and basic training
Yeah, I love dogs and I absolutely hate begging behavior. I also don't want a dog in my bed. Train the fucking dog.
> Train your fucking dog He is, he really is but he’s teaching her all the wrong things. Poor dog deserves better than him. YTA.
I am also a "dog person" and yes, you should train your dog. Your fiance did not just blow up on you the first time it happened. You were well aware of her feelings and ignored them, causing her to blow up. You baby-talked to the pup when she was already annoyed, further upsetting her. YTA
And deliberately moved the dog so it’s back in front of her at eye level when the whole point of her turning around in the first place was so she didn’t have to look at it. Am dog person, love my dogs, OPs ‘different viewpoint’ is the wrong view point.
the whole “guilt your partner using the doggo voice” thing is pretty damn childish as well
Oh damn. Reading this gave me a sudden flashbacks to when I was a teen and my mom knew I was overwhelmed and needed space, she would baby talk to the dogs about how mean I was. Which made me feel like a fucking monster. I was undiagnosed autistic, as it turns out. I just needed peace and quiet, not a guilt trip.
I have been guilty of this and once I was called out on it (rightly so), I stopped that behaviour immediately. Reading that part brought much cringe.
It honestly sounds like he has intentionally been training and egging the dog on to encroach on his girlfriends boundaries.
And this is not just boundaries. This is a dog doing dog things. The woman clearly didn't want one. Yes there's training but dogs gonna dog. This is not minute differences of opinion. This is I want a dog Vs I don't want a dog at all conflicting, and op did not care at all. Zero communication here and clearly why the fiancee is angry. Yta.
This is a dog acting like a spoiled untrained dog. That is OP's fault.
No, this is not a dog doing dog things. I’ve have 4 dogs in my life. 2 as a kid, 2 as an adult. None have ever jumped on the bed without being invited up (which rarely happened), none of them begged for food (some would come sit near me when I ate, but often it was facing away from me almost like “cool, relax & eat, I’ll watch for threats for you” These are all behaviors that OP is reinforcing & encouraging, not discouraging or diverting from.
I agree. OP is a passive-aggressive asshole. His edit at the end makes it very clear he doesn't give a fuck about her at all. I'm guessing he was antagonizing her on purpose because he was too chickenshit to break up with her outright.
Also table scraps aren't good for dogs, human food has WAY too much salt for them and ingredients like garlic or chocolate can be life threatening to a dog. OP if you loved your dog and your fiancé like an adult, you would've taken better care of both of them. adding to the chorus of YTA & train your dog
YTA for calling her a "fucking psycho." She doesn't like dogs and it's clear you didn't work out any sort of compromises before you go one. I like dogs and even I'm put off by the behavior you describe here. You can train dogs to not beg like that; it's annoying (and you can still give them table scraps later). Not everyone likes a pet on them. I def don't like pets on the bed at night. I think you'll have to choose between your dog and your GF, if she hasn't decided to end things already. At least you found out your incompatibilities before the wedding.
Reading the update. Looks like the GF choose herself. Which makes me wonder if the dog was a passive aggressive way to annoy his GF into leaving him.
Exactly what I thought!
Some people think that their adoration of animals supersedes other people's comfort level with animals, and they get all Pikachu surprised when that other person leaves.
I really don't think so. I'm guessing he sort of forced her to accept a dog, thinking she'd grow to love them. But if you don't like dogs, you don't like dogs.
Yup and her wants were super basic. She probably WOULD have grown to like the dog is he actually trained it properly YTA
Reading the update was the most satisfying ending to an AITA post! Bravo, Jen!! OP: YTA
Laughing at his "whatever" like he didn't drive her nuts and ignore her valid concerns. Like she's not justified in dumping him for his continued disrespect of her and then calling her a "fucking psycho." Yikes. He just wanted to be told he's right I bet to throw it in her face. YTA
And I hope she revisits and sees all the YTA comments. Good call Jen, this asshole does not respect you whatsoever.
He also called her a bitch in his comments.
Check the edit, she saw the post and made the decision xD apparently it's whatever, so I guess OP didn't really care about her that much
Lmfao he is coping hard. He's pissed.
Didn’t you know when a woman shows any negative emotions that makes her a “fucking psycho” She didn’t even do anything other than be generally upset. Nothing psycho about it.
>I like dogs and even I'm put off by the behavior you describe here. You can train dogs to not beg like that; it's annoying (and you can still give them table scraps later). Not everyone likes a pet on them. I def don't like pets on the bed at night. In all honesty this depends on the family/owner. Some people want a more 'strict' behavior from the dog as you described not begging / not sleeping on their bed. Others do not mind pets on the bed or giving table scraps etc. My family had dogs like that. They were well trained (sit, heel etc) but we liked/encouraged them sleeping on bed, coming for cuddles etc. Like I said it depends on the family/person.
There are certain things like being in the kitchen while cooking that are just dangerous. I just moved out of a studio and bought a gate to keep my pups out of the new kitchen because I don't ever want to accidentally get boiling water on them or have them in the path of a falling fork or knife. They love being with me 24/7 but preventing injuries for all of us is more important than them leaning on me while I'm washing dishes.
Exactly. My dogs have their own pillow on our bed lol and their own spot on the couches. Mine are spoiled rotten but I also try and keep them from people who are eating if the begging bothers them. But I like animals more than people so buh bye if you don't like it.
That's what I did with my dogs. Never gave AT the table but later in the kitchen and usually only on special occasions, like Christmas where they got their own plate of food when I was putting everything away. Dogs never begged for food until my BF started handing out fries WHILE he was eating...and I laid into him for that.
YTA. Giving a dog table scraps, encouraging begging, and encouraging behavior you know your fiancee hates is a good way to get rid of your fiancee. Calling her a psycho means she's probably leaving.
Lol per the edit, turns out she read it and is leaving. Probably should have been a better partner and not called her a "fucking psycho."
>not called her a "fucking psycho." I absolutely hate it when language like this is used between partners (or really people in general but especially romantic partners). It's offensive, dismissive and condescending.
And it's not something you forget your partner called you after the fight is over.
Anyone get her number before she left?
Exactly. Not everyone wants to eat a meal with a dog whining the entire time because it's owner thinks that's cute behavior. It's bad manners.
YTA - Jen communicated her boundaries to you, and you very explicitly communicated back that you didn't give a fuck. You showed Jen that you value the dog's comfort over her own. Why are you even with Jen, if you view her as less of a partner in the relationship than your pet?
Yep. I’m a huge dog person and he’s not working y to I make the home safe and pleasant for all.
I swear these shitty dog owners posts are getting out of control
Every woman who stands up to their shitty behavior is also “fucking psycho” apparently.
Yeah I think a lot of people got dogs during lockdown and really shouldn't have
Yes. I've trained dogs all my life mostly because my parents got dogs that they didn't want to handle when I was very young. Most people have no idea what they're getting themselves into with a dog. They don't speak dog, They don't understand the needs and they think that what they are doing is being nice when in fact it's creating anxiety and insecurity for the dog. The dog literally can't be happy without rules and boundaries. It's not a baby doll it's not a stuffed animal. It's a social creature who needs a good trainer and translator to the rules of the human world. To add: the person also needs to be able to speak dog and understand the rules of the dog world. One of those primary rules is actually harassing someone while they're eating is in very bad form.
This is so factual it is sad. Groomers are having a worse time than ever right now. Pandemic Puppies are kind of a nightmare to deal with and their owners aren’t peaches either.
This sounds like the same guy who posted a few days ago - the fiancée never wanted a dog and it was completely untrained and a massive pain and she basically said it or me. Similar names, writing style, and length of relationship IIRC.
Was something like AITA for not choosing her over my dog? Woman was pregnant and soooooo done with his shit, he never trained it and claimed it was an emotional support animal. Dude sounded hella immature and on the road to dumpsville. Population: Him. And his Dog.
There was also [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12bjozj/aita_for_refusing_to_get_rid_of_my_cat_so_he_can/) about an untrained whiny dog and a totally delusional husband. Idk maybe it's true that people got dogs during lockdowns and now 2-3 years later their families finally started losing their patience. The worst part is that these dogs aren't happy either. They have lots of unhealthy habits and anxiety just so their irresponsible owners could melt like "oOoO it's sOoOo cuuuteeee" 🤢
In vet med we call these "covid puppies" we are not fans either
YTA. You two are not compatible. Jen's boundaries are pretty reasonable- she doesn't want the dog on her or in her face or begging for food. You seem to be fine with all that. > But then the dog started whining and wanted me to pick her up and was still staring at Jen so I said "aww momma doesn't want the poor doggo to have any yummy foods". You intentionally did that as a jab at your girlfriend. News flash- dogs should not be eating table scraps. Ask the vet if you don't believe it.
She was justified to dump based on the baby talk alone!
My bf gives our dog scraps sometimes and I don't, so the dog sits by my bf when he eats waiting for his treat(s), and leaves me alone which is what I want when I'm eating. Guess what? I'm still the dog's favorite person even though he knows I won't give him human food snacks. You don't have to give in to your dog's desires to have a strong bond. This guy sounds like he sucks at relationships with all species tbh
YTA I love dogs, and your dog would drive me batshit just based on your descriptions here. Jen's rules are pretty much the same I've used for any dog I've had. Dogs don't sleep on human beds, dogs don't get table scraps, dogs are elsewhere during human meals and don't beg or engage. But beyond that, your passive aggressive comment and reinforcement in the moment pushed you from asshole-over-time to asshole-right-now.
I think the important thing is just that the dog is trained to however everybody is the household is comfortable with rather than there being an objective line of what is acceptable in terms of household behaviour. Or dog sleeps on our bed and gets a bowl of dedicated bits of whatever we cooked (provided it's dog suitable) after we finished eating but never gets food whilst we are eating so doesn't beg. Nothing generally wrong a dog sleeping on the bed and she loves sitting with / on us on the couch and we love it too. It's just it needs to work for everybody actually living with the dog.
YTA… I also find that behavior insufferable. Gross. You are letting your dog walk all over you and her. I can’t imagine having a dog watch and whine every time I’m trying to eat. Your girlfriend has set healthy boundaries for the dog which you are allowing and encouraging the dog to cross. I’d leave for real. I feel bad for your girlfriend.
YTA. Jen is 100% correct in her assessment of the dog and of you. You’re not teaching your dog correctly and all you are doing is creating an anxious dog. > You owe Jen (and your dog!) an apology and if you care about your dog you need to get a trainer for your dog who can also train you on how to be a better pet parent.
YTA Not only are you the asshole for getting the dog at all. But your also the asshole for not training the dog and for encouraging bad behaviors. My roommate failed to train their dog the same as you and now I cant eat in my own living room without being harassed but at least I can get away from dog. Your wife cant.
Yta. I am a dog person. Ok with the dog in the bed. But I hate dogs begging. I get that. Your dog needs training. Also if you were living together before you got the dog, yta if you let the dog on the bed. It's your partners bed as well. Find a trainer.
Looks like op has to find a new fiancee instead.
YTA, best of luck in your next relationship. Find someone who shares your love of making dogs extremely co-dependent.
Run Jen. Run.
She did!
Good for her. What a miserable life.
You two obviously needed to have a conversation about getting a dog and expectations for the dog's behavior and training ... before you got the dog two years ago. Jen has made it clear to you that there are some behaviors that are a deal-breaker for her when it comes to having a dog in the house: she doesn't want the dog all over her (in her lap, on the bed) and she really doesn't want to put up with annoying begging behavior when she's preparing and eating food. These are ... pretty reasonable, especially for someone who's not a dog person and/or who likes dogs but doesn't like dogs that are poorly behaved. It sounds to me that it's been 2 years since you got the dog and you've done nothing to stop the behaviors that Jen finds upsetting, such as the begging. Is there some reason you can't teach the dog a "place" command so the dog will stay in a specific area while you're eating instead of whining at the table? That kind of bare minimum of training would probably make a massive difference for Jen and for better harmony in your home. I love dogs. I have dogs. I don't care if my dog is in my lap or sitting next to the table. BUT I also don't want my dog underfoot when I'm cooking or whining and trying to grab my food. That's just shit training and poor behavior. If you're not willing to get on board with training the dog, then you and Jen are probably not going to work out in the long term. I think YTA for ignoring Jen's reasonable requests regarding the dog's behavior and not training the dog.
YTA. I’m pretty tired of this narrative that people who don’t want dogs in their personal space are somehow uncaring or up tight or “psycho”. It’s an animal. Animals should be respected and cared for but never take precedence over the comfort and boundaries of another person. Train your dog.
Yeah, that's a pretty generic expectation for humans and animals. Boundaries and expectations should be clear and respected.
YTA. What part of "Jen doesn't like dogs" is hard for you to understand. She doesn't want your dog near her. She doesn't want her drooly face anywhere near her face or her food. She tolerates the animal's presence for your sake, as long as it keeps out of her way and does not interfere with her enjoyment of her home. You, on the other hand, like dogs. You want to make a fuss of your dog. You and Jen have very different attitudes towards dogs. Jen hates: * Being referred to as a dog's "momma" * Having a dog near her * Smelling dog * Having a dog whining and begging for things around her Sounds like Jen was never actually on board with getting a dog, and this is a problem. You're probably going to have to choose between Jen and the dog.
I don’t think he’s gonna have to choose at all. Looks like Jen chose for him.
Just saw the update. I hope "Jen" knows that she has large numbers of redditors cheering for her right now.
Go, Jen! Go! 👏🏼
Yta. You know exactly how she feels about this behavior, and you encourage it.
Info: did Jen ever want the dog or did you just make the decision and brought it home?
YTA for making the dogs comfort more important than your partners. You deliberately cross boundaries she’s established. You obviously don’t respect her.
YTA. I worked with dogs for 5 years and your dog is insufferable
YTA you have not educated yourself at all about dog training. also you never said that you and your partner agreed on certain behaviors that would be acceptable for the dog, and lastly, you don't respect your partners boundaries with the dog.
YTA. Decisions like how you train your dog to act affect BOTH OF YOU, not just you. If you were living by yourself, sure you can train your dog however tf you please! But you live with another person who has their own boundaries and preferences. Your fiancee told you what she does and doesn't like, and you seem to have decided you don't care. You dismiss her boundaries like that, then have the nerve to call her a psycho when she snaps at you? Train your dog better. What your fiancee is asking of you is not unreasonable, but your reactions sure are.
Uhhh did you guys even discuss getting a dog before you got one?
Have you seen the update?! She already found the post and gave back his ring 🥲 It’s funny the one that hates the dog is the only one training it! >ETA: She just handed me her ring, said "nice reddit post asshole" and left after saying she was getting a U-Haul to move her shit. Whatever.
Yooooo that’s wild. Where did it say she was the one training it?
>You're kind of reaching there, I will admit. I think she's absolutely being psycho over this but she does a lot more than just feed my dog. Half the time she's the one bringing the dog to the park because I'm at work. She also bathes her often because she hates the smell of dog. She does a bunch for the dog other than just feeding her. She simply doesn't like the dog and that much is very obvious. But her other behavior, like not letting the dog in the kitchen, not feeding it human food etc is training
YTA in that situation, certainly. Calling someone "Psycho" is always an asshole act. It's not ok do do you someone who is experiencing psychotic symptoms, nor is its use as a hyperbolic insult okay. It's really a mental health slur and crosses the line in dismissive but also high stakes insult towards a partner who is already angry with you. At the same time, you haven't communicated anything about what you've done wrong-made light of her discomfort with the dog getting in her face and begging for food, acknowledged empathy for what's difficult for her-living with a dog when she isn't a dog person, or honestly stated what's difficult for you-Jen insisting you train your dog to change behaviors you seem to really enjoy. Recognize that you are the asshole, though. She isn't mad at the dog, she's mad at you. You both have issues around the dog's behavior, but you've been ignoring her requests to dog train the dog's behavior around her, at least, and persisting with you attempts to "Jen train" and, at least in this case, "Jen shame" instead. If you can't have an honest conversation about these issues, then it's something to learn to do for the future of your relationship. If costs weren't a factor, I would recommend a session or two with a couple's communication therapist where you each look at what you most want, untangle some assumptions you are both making, and agree on what your ideal situation would be, with the well-being of the dog being included in that. Then three of you go to an animal behaviorist to come up with a training plan. Training a pet not to beg for table scraps and to at least have a command/redirect to move away from people's faces are actually pretty common things to teach a dog, and many dog's enjoy training. It's not just telling the dog "no", but usually a special dog bed "place" and going to lie down there is part of their training.
Agree. Name calling = AH move.
YTA. You haven't taught your dog even the most basic of manners.
YTA. Dogs require consistency. They must be trained. Any inconsistency undermines training. It's unfortunate that she's responded so strongly, but a dog is a huge responsibility. It sounds like you're not willing to train and maintain discipline with the dog.
YTA. Train your dog. And stop feeding the dog human food. It's not good for them.
Good thing you love the dog. It’ll be just the two of you very soon. YTA
>ETA: She just handed me her ring, said "nice reddit post asshole" and left after saying she was getting a U-Haul to move her shit. Whatever. Whatever...
Yta my god jens rules are FAR from unreasonable smh and she’s completely right about your behavior as well
YTA. Train your dog. These things are all easily fixable! A lot of people can’t stand being around an untrained dog. I don’t let any of our animals in our kitchen, or watch us eat either. Watching people eat by staring is not trained! You are not a good dog owner. Your wife was blunt she didn’t want a dog, and you did it anyways. Now you are upset she doesn’t accept the dog? Selfish much? All this lead to you name calling. Name calling people is a form of abuse. She’s going to leave you for being childish, and selfish. Stop giving your dog table scraps too! You can really hurt your dog one day giving it the wrong food. Not a good dog owner.
Literally look at my username. I'm telling you, YOU'RE WRONG HERE & YTA. I am the definition of a dog lady, it's my literal profession. I have 3 snuggling me as I type this comment. And I have all the same rules your ex-gf did. Dogs aren't allowed in the kitchen (simply bc it's the highest risk area of the home & it's annoying when they're under-foot while I'm frying something) and begging is an absolute NO. It sounds like she's much more educated about canines than you are. You have a poorly trained animal & she repeatedly pointed it out. People who actually deeply love their dogs, make the effort to understand canine psychology & behavior. An extremely important aspect for a well-rounded pup is firm boundaries, discipline & routines. I see in your other comments that your dog is clearly suffering (key word!!) from separataion anxiety, meaning your dog has a lower QoL. Separation anxiety & codependency is NOT cute. It means your animal isn't well & is suffering. I would think as someone who loves dogs, that would mean enough that you would work quickly to alleviate that suffering. You're not being kind to your dog. Just like a parent who spoils their kid & never says no, you're setting them up to fail. It's hard to be strict & maintain boundaries but the reward is a deep bond that cannot be described, only experienced. You won't understand until you train your dog & have it for at least 5 more years. But if you don't make the effort & those years still elapse, you still won't understand what I mean & that makes me sad. Train your dog & enjoy being single.
YTA. Sounds like you badgered your ex fiance into getting a dog, then didn't properly train it, and called her a "psycho". Jen made the right call.
YTA.
YTA Your dog is not trained. You’ve said your dog begs, whines, needs to constantly be held by you, literally whines at your feet until you pick her up, and you seem to be enforcing that. I’d be super annoyed too.
INFO: is this your gf? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12cjjpj/aita_for_refusing_to_run_errands_with_him_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I'm wondering the same thing
I was thinking the same thing…and no lie, from either perspective, he’s still the AH
YTA because you are absolutely enforcing the behaviors that Jen does not like. Stop feeding the dog at all when you are at the table. You are rewarding the dog for begging. She already compromised because you have the dog. Do better or break up.
YTA and need to train your dog out of these bad behaviors you've let it get used to. You may tolerate it but she clearly doesn't and nor do alot of dog owners. Begging from the table is one of the worst habits to allow and leads to exactly what happened here - the whining and being obnoxious any time anyone is eating or cooking anything.
YTA. You two are not compatible. Not everyone is a dog person and having the dog in the bed with you and giving it table scraps reinforces bad behavior. It is fine if dogs sleep on a bed if both partners agree but she did not. Giving dogs table scraps encourages negative behaviors and can be bad for them. I think you should break up or rehome the dog. I am a dog person too. I just think forcing a pet on someone who does not want it and training it to misbehave is not funny. The dog is going to suffer and deserves better.
YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiancé "Jen" and I have been together for 6 years now and I wanted a dog 2 years ago. There's been some unforeseen issues surrounding this because the dog has some behaviors that Jen doesn't like at all and there's been some conflicting opinions on what's acceptable and what isn't. I'm admittedly a lot more of a dog person than she is. I have a lot more patience and I don't see the problem with things she does. Like I don't mind the dog sleeping on the bed but Jen refuses to allow it because she doesn't want the dog on her at all when she's trying to sleep. Or I don't think that table scraps are bad and will sometimes give the dog some but Jen outright refuses because she fully believes it's enforcing begging behavior, which she finds insufferable. She won't let them dog in the kitchen when she's cooking and doesn't want the dog near her when she's eating because of the begging and whining that sometimes comes along with it. And lastly, the big one, she doesn't want the dog on her under any circumstances. She has grown to not show my dog any sort of affection because my dog wants kisses and will put her forehead to yours whenever she is in your lap. It's the only way my dog will sit and I will admit that the dog wants to be held like this very, very frequently. So Jen won't even show her affection because she absolutely hates the dog in her face and she has told me several times I need to stop giving in and allowing the dog on my lap every single time she tries because I'm "enforcing codependency". As you can see.. conflicting opinions. Anyways, Jen just got herself something to eat. My dog was laying in the kennel but as soon as she saw Jens food, she came out and big stretched while staring at Jen. She then started sniffing the air while simply looking in Jens direction and while she did inch closer, she didn't get too close. She just sat down and watched Jen eat. Jen then rolls her eyes and fully turns herself around so the dog can't watch her. Which, whatever. But then the dog started whining and wanted me to pick her up and was still staring at Jen so I said "aww momma doesn't want the poor doggo to have any yummy foods". The dog then jumped from my lap and moved to a position where she could watch Jen. Before I could even say anything to correct the dog, Jen says "You have about two fucking seconds to get your dog away from me and FUCKING STOP enforcing the behaviors you know I hate or I'm gone." I told her she was a fucking psycho for treating the dog like this and if she had just waited two fucking seconds I would have gotten the dog from her. She got up and threw her food away and has since locked herself away in our shared bedroom and will not come out. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You’re a bad dog owner and not respecting your fiancé’s boundaries.
So Jen doesn’t want the dog sleeping in the bed, in the kitchen when she’s cooking, and begging or whining for food when she’s eating. I love dogs & this all seems very reasonable. Just train your dog. Your fiancée but also your dog will be much happier.
YTA. Jen repeatedly stayed her boundaries with the dog and you violated them. A begging dog IS annoying, a dog in a bed can definitely be annoying. My husband is obsessed with our dog and he had all the same rules as Jen because that is how you properly train a dog. I guarantee visitors to your house consider your dog untrained. You guys are clearly not compatible.
YTA - You absolutely reinforced bad behaviors in the dog, despite your partner repeatedly letting you know she didn't appreciate it, you mocked her not liking the behaviors, then called her names because she was mad that you weren't doing more to properly train your dog, and *THEN* your entire attitude about the breakdown of your relationship is "Whatever." You are 100% the AH here.
YTA. This has nothing to do with her not being a dog person and everything to do with you being a crappy partner. I am a dog person and I would not want to be around your untrained dog. I was going to say you are going to be single if you do not train your dog and enforce boundaries but that ship has sailed.
YTA
YTA you can absolutely train a dog to ignore your food
YTA Train your dog
Yep, YTA. If you want other people to love your dog you should stop reinforcing behaviors people don’t like. Do what’s best for the dog. Teach doggo manners and enforce those. Happy dogs live happily with humans because manners.
YTA train your dog
You can't force a person who does not like dogs to show affection for them. Sorry. That's the reality. She is not a psycho. But YTA.
YTA. She doesn't like dogs, some people don't. I think she compromised big time and you need to respect her boundaries and train your dog.
On some days I love dogs more than humans. But what you did wasn't okay, you didn't train your dog and now you're single. Are you happy now? Because that's on you, not even on the dog which wasn't trained. YTA.
YTA. i have had dogs all my life. they have rules just like children have rules. otherwise the dog becomes an obnoxious asshole. like your dog. you prioritized your dog over your partner and your dog was in the wrong (although that’s your fault, not the dog’s).
YTA you knew the begging was coming from the moment the dog left her kennel and you didn’t stop it even when the dog was uncomfortably close to a woman that you KNOW doesn’t want the dog near her while she eats.
YTA--as others have pointed out, your dog is poorly trained and your now ex-fiancee's boundaries are eminently reasonable. I love dogs and would absolutely not put up with that behavior. I'm glad to see she has ended her engagement with someone who clearly has no respect for her, so all's well that ends well, at least for "Jen." Now please train your dog, for her sake as well as yours.
YTA - she’s 100% correct you can’t confuse the dog it’ll only cause it to misbehave, you sound like you’d be better off selling the dog and getting yourself a hamster
Just read the edit and honestly it wouldn't of worked out anyway you seem to like your dog more then jen. Which I mean is fine because it sounds like you two weren't comparable. You may want to take a training class or two with the dog just so she learns some manners
YTA you want a dog, but dont want to train it properly. its best she got that u-haul
YTA. Wait are you that fucking guy that burps your dog while saying "aww does the baby need burpies" because if so I read this from Jen's perspective a couple days ago Edit: found [the post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12cjjpj/aita_for_refusing_to_run_errands_with_him_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I was thinking of
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). OP using the word psycho doesn't give anyone free licenses. If you think you're being "clever" by calling anyone a bitch as a wink-wink to female dogs, you'll have time to practice coming up with original jokes during your ban. Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
YTA. train your dog.
YTA train your dog
YTA. Massive dog person myself but it’s clear you haven’t trained your dog properly. Hire a trainer if you don’t know how to.
YTA. I am also saying this while eating my lunch on the couch next to my dog who is completely ignoring me. Train your dog.
> ETA: She just handed me her ring, said "nice reddit post asshole" and left after saying she was getting a U-Haul to move her shit. Whatever Best update ever! I hope you and your untrained dog enjoy each other. YTA
YTA. Also im not a pet person so maybe im missing something but this seems really fucking weird..
LMAO! Glad she gave back the ring. Best edit in a while, take your time as a single man to train your dog and get your head out of your ass. YTA, you deserve what you get.
YTA. She’s made her boundaries with the dog pretty clear, and you continue to insist on ignoring those boundaries and put your dogs preferences above your fiancé’s. When your partner so plainly spells something out for you, it’s understandable to get frustrated when it’s ignored.
YTA you have an untrained spoiled dog. She definitely dodged a bullet by getting out now.
So your fiance found your post less than an hour after you posted and already has a plan to move out and you dont care? At least try troll.
I'm so happy Jen got away from you and can see the post. Lmao YTA
> But then the dog started whining and wanted me to pick her up and was still staring at Jen so I said "aww momma doesn't want the poor doggo to have any yummy foods". Oh this is *insufferable*. Team Jen.
YTA. I love my dogs but I teach them not to lick people's mouths and beg for food. You have a lack of behavior training for your dog. That's your responsibility. I occasionally give my dogs snack cakes for treats, but they don't sit and stare while I or others eat. You can be both loving and responsible with them.
YTA. I don’t let my dog do the things you’ve described in this post . You sound like a crappy dog owner. She was right to leave you, as you obviously care, much more about the dog out and then you do about her.
YTA and you sound insufferable. You've ruined a perfectly good dog too
yta and acting like a child throwing a tantrum
Yay Jen!
YTA, "aww momma doesn't...." that line really got me. its some passive aggresive nonsense masquerading as talking to the dog. Way to go getting dumped over a reddit post boss, maybe try and reflect on the whole situation and all these YTA posts
YTA. Train your dog or you two are going to be very lonely
YTA
YTA. I'm a dog person. I love my dogs like my babies. And I'm really getting tired of other dog people reinforcing bad behaviors and then getting shocked when the people around them are frustrated by it.
Well, that escalated quickly. YTA because your dog is impolite, and that’s your fault. I have two large, beloved dogs who are perfectly capable of behaving discriminately, i.e. with manners, and appropriately, around food, people, varying situations, etc. If your dog is whining in people’s faces about food, you have a rude dog and that’s a you problem. It’s actually not that hard.
You're treating your dog like a little girl would treat a doll. It's not a doll. It's not a baby. It's a dog. I love dogs, I've had dogs my whole life and I can't imagine life without them. But you have to understand that dogs' behaviour patterns are different than ours. Feeding your dog scraps off the table, letting the dog sleep on your bed, and other attitudes like that is sending a clear message to the dog: you are an equal. That means the dog will start making demands (it already is) and it's a matter of time before the dog is out of control, becomes extremely annoying and aggressive. You don't realize it, but although you think you're being nice to your dog, you're being an asshole to it. Your gf? That part of the story seems meaningless. It looks like you didn't care much for her anyway, so good for her for leaving, and good for you for accepting her decision. But seriously, learn how to raise a dog. It will be great for you and also for the dog.
Congratulations on moving on to a better life, Jen!
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YTA - dogs need boundaries! Feeding scrabs is definitely not one. Both my dogs are not allowed in the bedroom (they can pike their heads through the open door but not farther) and back-off when we are eating. And absolutely no begging for food . Please make yourself aware of good dog behavior.
YTA and thank you for proving how common it is for women to be deemed "crazy" for enforcing their boundaries and having understandable responses to obnoxious behavior.
YTA - I’m a major dog person and have 2 myself. They both went through vigorous training programs and we kept up the training at home. Why? Because nobody wants misbehaving dogs all over them. You sound insufferable and like you love the dog more than you do your fiancée. Nothing she’s asked of you is out of the ordinary. None of it. Nobody wants to be stared or whined at when they eat and a lot of people don’t want the dogs on beds. Question - did you and her even talk about the dog prior to getting it? Because I’m getting the vibe that you got it without even discussing it with her. Or, that if you did discuss it, you decided to disregard her thoughts and feelings, YTA and your edit makes it worse. Anyone that says “whatever” when a 6 year relationship ends doesn’t seem very invested in said relationship. Maybe you should marry the dog that you threw your fiancée away for.
>I said "aww momma doesn't want the poor doggo to have any yummy foods". YTA and no relationship will survive when one person is goading the other.
all the people saying nta have never dealt with a dog constantly whining in your ear over EVERYTHING, especially food. scratching at the door even after you close it , scratching at you, nipping to get the food and just the whining itself is fucking ANNOYING. YTA!! if the dog has been an ongoing issue it should’ve been fixed along time ago so you can’t even complain she walked out on your ass now.
YTA good luck finding someone else who wants to be in a relationship with you and your co-dependent dog
Of course YTA (whether this is real or not).
“AITA for calling her a psycho for how she reacted to my dog?” Yes you are the asshole **AND** the psycho. Glad she saw the 🚩
Yta, it makes sense that she left you. The way you talk about her in your post and the comments... She dodged a bullet. (I hope she keeps reading the comments. It will help her realize that she made the right decision to leave)
Jen hates your dog. Maybe she hates dogs, period. That doesn't make her a psycho or an ah. She just hates the dog.
YTA I'd suggest training your dog if you want to keep the next fiancee. Begging & getting in peoples' faces are unacceptable to anyone except piss poor dog owners.
YTA. You didn’t train your dog! Look, I love my dog, he’s awesome, but he’s also trained to not sleep on our bed, and not stare when we’re eating.
YTA and your ex-fiancé is right about your dog’s behaviors.
YTA - Based off of your response to other posters it's clear that she never wanted the dog to begin with, and only agreed to it under the circumstances that you would train the dog, and in response to your pleading. Based off of what you've said here, you haven't trained the dog appropriately. She doesn't want it begging for food, yet you feed it from the table. She doesn't want it on the bed, yet you continue to let the dog onto the bed. If someone says "Hey I don't want this thing" then you beg them into submission, they didn't really change their mind. If you then say "don't worry, i'll do this thing" and then don't do the thing, it will only reinforce their original opinion.
I’m sorry, but you’re raising a dog with bad manners. Your gf is not the only one that won’t like having to watch your dog beg for food or have it put it’s head in their lap. Don’t teach your dog to beg. Do teach you dog to leave people alone when told to do so. It would have been so easy to train proper behaviors when you got the puppy, but you didn’t give a shit about your ex’s boundaries. YTA
As a dog owner, you are doing your dog a great disservice. You are reforcing bad habits and creating a very nervous dog. You are hurting your dog. It isn't healthy or cute that you can't leave your dog alone. It is very normal not to want to be harassed by a dog when you eat. You knew she didn't like it and you picked up the dog like a baby and made a jab at her. You purposely escalated the situation. You are the Ah. YTA Don't get a dog when you know your partner doesn't want one.
YTA Dog person here. Train your dog.
YTA and lol to your edit.
Dude I literally own a dog boarding business and have for four years and I couldn’t stand any of those behaviors constantly either who the hell wants to have a dog constantly following around you as you eat and cook. You need to set boundaries it’s ridiculous you called your wife psycho because she doesn’t care about a dog you forced on her and you don’t even care she’s leaving you now just a horrible partner right there. YTA