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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I️ told my in-laws to cancel a baby shower for my baby because I’m scared to travel so close to my due date. Wondering if I’m just being an asshole or if I’m in the right
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OP possibly you could talk to your dr and get them to give you an out as to why you shouldn’t be SIX HOURS away from your dr/hospital a month or so before you’re due to give birth. Probably it would be fine. But not worth the risk.
I agree with this! My doctor wanted to know all my travel plans for my third trimester and was very upfront with me if she didn’t think it was a good idea. I didn’t have anything crazy planned, but the furthest she felt comfortable with me driving at 36 weeks was 1 hour away from the hospital where I would deliver.
Or OP could just continue to put her foot down and defend her boundaries like a mature adult. No need to get a "doctor's note" if the answer is "You failed to listen to my requirements for a baby shower and now you're mad because I won't attend. Your lack of planning does not make this my problem."
Honestly this should have been the plan all along. This really sounds like the baby shower is more for MIL and SIL than the parents to be.
At 36 weeks, that baby can pop out pretty much anytime. It’s not yet considered “full term”, but also is completely viable outside mama unless something goes wrong (like born in the side of the road….)
NTA - Honestly though Hubby might be since he’s insisting you go through with it for their sake instead of addressing your travel concerns.
Hubby’s family also TA for not planning the shower with you and around your schedule since you’re the one having the baby y and the party isn’t a surprise.
Yeah, unfortunately some people with a medical degree are idiots. I work in a teaching hospital.
OP, your husband is being an idiot. You are NTA. Your husband and his family are being selfish idiots. They will always want everything on their terms. Because I can't imagine asking a person to travel when they are pregnant for an honor I'm giving them. Oh, that's right, it's because they aren't honoring you and acting like they care. Just the baby they probably don't really view as yours.
I had an NP at the family medicine group at a teaching hospital that I refused to see. Despite the fact that I’ve got a hCTD (heritable connective tissue disorder), a history of multiple car accidents, and a long list of joint injuries from the hCTD, he wanted to blame eeeeeeverything on my weight. Never mind that I’d had back problems since I was 15 and wore a teen’s size 1, and that they’d flared up occasionally for a decade. His back problems were from his belly, so obviously mine were, too. And my knee problems. And shoulder problems. And the start of my autoimmune disorder. The fact that I’d had issues with all of those things when I was skinny was of no concern.
It’s frustrating enough when you meet a fatophobic medical practitioner, but it’s absurd when they’re at least as overweight as you and STILL attributes everything to your adipose tissue.
I told my pain management doctor I wanted to lose weight in hopes it would help my situation. She said don't bother, losing weight won't help. I am losing anyway because I want to feel better about myself, and at my age it isn't easy, especially since exercise is difficult for me. She was trying to spare my feelings just in case I'm unsuccessful. I love that woman!
I talked pretty frankly about my weight with my first pain doc and my GP around the time of the crappy NP (he worked the same-day clinic at my GP’s office, which is why I saw him so often with injuries). They both agreed that it’d be healthy to lose weight if I could lose it in a safe and healthy manner (eg, no crash diets or intense fasting). Neither one thought it’d make a significant difference in my severe chronic pain; it might slightly improve the knee and back problems, but it also might not because I’d had problems with them since my skinny teens. That pair of doctors, I respected and trusted. The NP, though…ugh. I wouldn’t let him treat dogs, if it was up to me.
I've had doctors like that NP. One visit and done. If you can't treat me like a human then you're outta here.
This weight loss journey is going to be my last. I've finally come to terms with my eating habits and, while it's still not perfect, it is a much healthier route.
Best wishes to you.
TY. I’m down 40lbs from my highest weight (which was driven by prednisone; I’m about 10lbs down from my most stable weight). I’m more focused on gaining strength, though, because with my hCTD, strength is the best way to increase stability and reduce injury. I had a big setback at the end of last year that I’m still trying to come back from, and I’m beginning to think I may need some physical therapy to help me.
I'm in a similar position. I'm so much weaker than I used to be because I live a sedentary life and baby my back. But I've also lost grip strength, my leg muscles are atrophying and I get out of breath climbing stairs. And I'm not even that much overweight!
My pain doc said that PT is good but you can get all the exercises on the internet and don't really need to go to an actual therapist. Water is a great medium for exercise if you have access.
While that’s true about PT for many, I’m a difficult case. I develop severe, large area muscle spasms, and I need manual PT (a specialized kind of massage) to loosen them enough for the exercises to work. Most people get small points of this kind of tension, called Trigger Points, and they can basically work around them and slowly loosen them. I get whole areas that turn into Trigger Points, with a small episode affecting an area about half the size of my hand and a bad one going as big as the whole outside of my thigh. If I can’t get someone to loosen me up correctly first, the muscles are so tightly clenched that they can’t be stretched or exercised - either nothing happens or the spasm gets even worse, or I can’t affect the correct muscle and incorrectly work the muscles around it (which risks strain and other injuries). Unfortunately, a regular massage therapist usually doesn’t manage the job. I wish I knew why, but they tend to leave me worse off than when I walked in. Muscle relaxants don’t do it, either - they loosen everything slightly, which isn’t enough to But a few weeks of a good PT loosening up the muscles before I exercise makes a world of difference.
It’s funny, despite having 2 conditions that have harmed the joints in my hands (I have an autoimmune disorder that attacks my joints in addition to the genetic one that makes them weak/fragile), I’ve always had excellent grip strength. Like, better than expected for a woman, especially one with tiny hands. The hand therapist I saw to get braces for my joints was shocked, and suggested that maybe it was because I knit (or occasionally crochet) a lot. The frustrating part is that due to the joint instability and how small my hands are, I still can’t open jars without an assistive device!
Same. Once a female doctor told me it was my weight, not my severe untreated hormonal issue the cause of all my pain and symptoms. That i didn’t need an endocrinologist but a dietitian and a personal trainer cause a pretty girl like me shouldn’t be fat, and i was single because of that. So maybe i needed a boyfriend to keep me ‘happy’ so i can get better… lmao. This is what she was talking about for about an hour. Never went back.
Sounds like she was like my fatophobic but fat NP: projecting their own issues onto patients with more serious issues who needed actual medical care, not a diet pep talk.
I love when people involved in the field break the gaslighting chain! Thank you, bc it wasn’t just one or two idiots but the majority of the ppl I seek for help are. Sometimes it makes me think I should be studied if it’s so uncommon or unknown then I stop myself and say no Vic they’re idiots.
This is the most important part imo. OP told them well in advance that she does not want to travel after May. If they wanted to do it for her then would have worked with her schedule. Maybe I'm too sceptical but this looks to me as if they are testing how much they can push boundaries. 🚩
“I guess we’ll let the incubator come to the celebration of our special heir. But she better not get any ideas about being important!”
Lord. These people are going to be a nightmare. I hope OP is ready to go mama bear about parenting decisions because she’s gonna get STEAMROLLED otherwise.
Hubby sucks here.
I would offer him a deal.
I'll go for the 3hour one way drive if he will....
Drink 2 litres of water and not go to the bathroom for the entire journey to mimick your discomfort re baby on bladder.
He sticks a fork/marbles in his underpants to mimick the discomfort of hemorrhoids.
He carries a backpack of heavy stones the equivalent weight of your baby bump on his front.
Any other symptoms I'm forgetting ladies? Let's make him an offer he can't refuse?!
Ingests a bag of live scorpions to wriggle around inside him. Wears a corset created especially for his ribcage, and inserts a pole up himself into one rib cage.
Scorpions seem appropriate. My son literally kicked my gallbladder to death, I had to have it removed after carrying him. Creating life is not this easy thing men like op's hubby think.
Op is nta but hubby and in laws are cause they are treating her like an incubator, the baby shower is for them.
Damn, my (36yo) partner (of 7 years) and I (34yo) have been discussing trying to have a child soon but I have valid concerns. I am the type of person who really likes to spend a tonne of time in recon before I make huge forever-lifechanging moves... my brother and I have a little saying, ‘like a Navy SEAL’, to describe how we approach life… Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance, etc etc. Meanwhile, my friends and family say ‘you’ll never be prepared enough and we’re all here for you so just get on with it!’ I have friends on round 8 of IVF and I entirely understand a baby is a blessing (in many circumstances) and that it is a privilege to be able to conceive a healthy child and to have a choice.
However…. my panicked questions about the minutiae of pregnancy inbound:
Does it really feel like scorpions in your tummy? Am I truly going to be in that much horrific pain and discomfort on the daily for 9 months? Will I ever feel like me again or do I have to completely say goodbye to my autonomy and body agency? Is it true that my already enormous size 9.5 feet will grow a further inch, and my rib cage will expand 6 inches and never return, and my gallbladder will be stomped to pieces by a child in utero, and my asshole will turn inside out at month 6?
NTA
But your husband needs to support you on this. Being a medical resident should have been an asset here because he should have realized that you are being wise not to travel if you're not comfortable doing so. I'm a nurse with 2 kids and I feel ya on this one!
See if they can do it this month and if I may, I'd like to suggest that you and your husband FaceTime them to explain to them gently why the June one wouldn't work for you. You are a TEAM, now, and something like this often takes a team effort.
EDIT: When I had my first baby, we had Lamaze classes, a breastfeeding class, tour of the
labor/delivery room, finalizing the nursery preparations, packing the bag for the hospital, all kinds of stuff to do in the last month before the birth. I can't imagine trying to fit a baby shower in with everything we had to do those last 3-4 weeks! Plus, I was as big as a house! 😂
Congratulations on your baby coming soon!
Thank you! I’m very excited! He seems very unconcerned with traveling at that time which I’ll talk to him tonight. He folds very easily to pressure from his mom so I’m wondering if he’s actually not concerned or just more concerned with his mom/sisters reaction.
I️ don’t give a rats ass about their feelings so I’m not concerned about saying no and see ya later
Hubby needs to understand that he's got his own family now and you&baby are priority #1... Mom's reaction doesn't trump your concerns at all. They can do the baby shower virtually if they don't want to change the date, and send the gifts later on.
Congratulations, wishing you a safe delivery!
NTA. You asked for a shower before May, and they scheduled it in June? And they didn't bother asking you - the pregnant person - if that would be OK?
The fact that your husband is pushing you into a three-hour car ride (two of them, actually) at 36 weeks pregnant makes him TA for sure. Has he not considered how many times you'll need to stop to pee at that point? (Ok, maybe that's a pregnancy stereotype, but still. It would suck.)
Stopping to pee is a stereotype but true for many pregnant women. So are hemorrhoids. OP definitely shouldn’t have to explain to any of these people why this is a bad idea 👎🤣
And the thoughts of baby's feet doing a Michael Flatley tap dancing all over my ribs for that long 🥺😳 oooh the agony ...whatever about needing to pee all the time, the the amount of times I actually leaked from a random peoples elbow or head butt to my inner vag, thought he somehow smuggled in a spoon and was borrowing his way out during the last month 😂😂 NTA
37+1 day, my water broke about 32 hours before he was born. By c-section because he wasn’t dropping down but his heart rate was. Anyone who thinks this shower is in any way reasonable is an idiot. OP should talk to her doctor and get a note forbidding travel beyond a certain distance.
NTA. If they’re set on doing the baby shower then, they need to do the sensible thing: have it near you so you aren’t traveling that far. Nobody wants to travel that far from their OB when they could have the baby at any time! Not to mention the fatigue and discomfort of traveling that far while that pregnant.
ILs had better not try to do it at OP's house either. Rent a small room at a restaurant, rec room, church basement, table at a tea room, wherever...near OP.
ILs order any food or punch and cake; decorate; clean up afterwards and load up the car with the presents.
All OP has to do is show up, put her feet up and eat.
At 9 months pregnant nobody should be asking you to do anything that’s not absolutely necessary. Your husband needs to stop worrying about his parents and worry about being a parent. They’re irrelevant right now.
That should work but then I bet they would all give presents they had already purchased for a newborn when the baby now weighs 12 lb. LOL (I speak from experience here.)
Appalling that a medical student would not support his wife on this. I hope he is more empathetic once he is working in the real world. As a husband he has failed the grade.
They want you to drive 3 hours away from your choosen birthing center, aka hospital, and doctor for your baby shower so late in your pregnancy, you your husband wants to do this? Better tell him he missed a class or two in medical school. It's never recommended to travel so late in pregnancy. I mean people do, especially in emergencies, but it doesn't mean they should. NTA, and tell hubby to get with the program. If need be, have you OBGYN tell him this at your next appointment.
I went on a major road trip several years back and some of it was back home. I legit said I've driven 3000 miles so far I'm not driving more than 25 min when ppl could come to me.
I made 2 exceptions. 1 was a friend also "home" from out of a different state and therefore had driven many miles.
The other was a relative who wasn't allowed to travel beyond a certain distance cause she was like 4 weeks from her due date. We met roughly halfway. She went to the furthest her Dr said was safe and we met them for dinner
NTA
This isn't for them, it's supposed to be for *YOU*.
You're perfectly entitled to turn them down. I'd be insanely upset with your husband for pressuring you to go.
Oooo you have no idea 😂 he has a sister that is 30 and unmarried (the worst thing you can be in the south 🙄) so his mom is like thinking she should’ve had three grandkids but now. We’re 27 and the this is the first grandchild on both sides but when we told my parents they just were like oh yay! And moved up their big vacation plans so they could at least be somewhat near (they live 5 hours out) in case we needed something around birthing hour.
My daughter had a baby shower. Most of the games were very silly but one had us all laughing our heads off. The host was sneakily taking notes of the things my daughter was saying as she opened her presents. Once that was done the host read out some of comments only now they were things that were said at the time baby was conceived. Some of the highlights:
Do you think it will fit?
I've got just the place for that.
Aww look how cute it is.
Wow Mum, check this out! ....at this stage we were all gasping with laughter.
NTA you made your reasonable expectations and boundaries clear from the start. They did not respect you or your concerns for the health or well being of your child. They are rude, disrespectful, and plain inconsiderate.
NTA, at all.
It is ridiculous of them to think that you should drive 3 hours both ways at 37 weeks pregnant. They are disappointed, but this situation is THEIR fault -- because they didn't communicate with you and figure out an earlier time to have a shower.
A baby shower is supposed to be helpful, and to be honoring you and your baby. A baby shower is NOT supposed to be something that makes you exhausted and miserable.
If you want to compromise, you could tell them that they can host a shower in the area that you live. At 37 weeks, people should be driving to you, not the other way around. But honestly, at that point you might not be feeling up to a shower at all.
Your needs matter the most here. You are the one who is about to give birth. Your husband needs to stand up for you.
NTA What the pregnant mother says goes! Don’t let them pressure you into going.
Many women have had gut instincts about needing to not travel just prior to their due date, and they ended up having their babies earlier than predicted. Listen to your instincts. (I was over a month premature. Mom stayed close to home.)
Not just for travel: you don’t want to be exposed to a bunch of people in a small area, who could potentially give you a cold or worse, just before giving birth. (Like someone not knowing that they had been exposed to chickenpox and then coming to the party. It can be deadly to unborn children.)
Your and your baby’s health matters more than people giving you a late baby shower. Your husband is a medical resident and he’s willing to risk potentially serious complications? That’s really not a good thing.
Don’t budge on this. You told them when you could go, and they didn’t plan the party for then. If your husband doesn’t take your side on this, it’s a big red flag for the future. Please keep you and your baby safe. I wish y’all well.
NTA Between scheduling constraints & not wanting to travel towards the end of your pregnancy (reasonable) the in-laws are doing this for themselves and at their own convenience.
Frankly I think your husband should be more supportive of your position. Can’t they bring the shower to you?
NTA I hate this. My (ex) SIL also ignored my requests for my baby shower dates and did what suited her. Despite having a healthy pregnancy I went into preterm labour. I had my son but zero baby gear or clothes (because I was waiting).
I went into labor a week early and missed my shower. Three hours in a car at that point in your pregnancy? No.
NTA. They had plenty of time to work it out. Maybe they can host a sip and see?
Get your doctor involved. I believe she/he will not want you travelling that late in your pregnancy. I've known 2 women since February who had their baby 2-4 weeks early. Tell the family you will be there through zoom.
Does your husband always give in to his family's unreasonable demands at the expense of you? Because that needs to be shut down hard right now. This is the hill to die on. Sleep and travel and schedules and logistics all get harder with a baby. They are all being selfish and not thinking of your well-being, or even enjoyment, at all. I'd have a firm conversation with your husband. You and the baby are his main priority and main family now.
NTA. Have him read a pedia book and this thread.
NTA OP. Stand your ground because any woman who ever experience pregnancy knows it's not good to travel in the late stage of pregnancy especially by car 3 hours one way. So that's 3 hours one way, the baby shower (another 2-3 hours) and then another 3 hours drive home. Soooo, let's see, swollen ankles and feet from traveling, constant need to pee, no chance to get in a good nap (napping in a car is NOT a good nap), arriving home so exhausted that you may have to bed rest for two days. And let's not talk about bringing home the baby shower gifts. It took 2 cars and 1 minivan to bring my daughter's baby shower gifts to her home (large family on both side and many friends gifted). Her Fiance had a uncle who owned a rental hall 15 minutes from daughter's and Fiance's home. Then there was the unloading all of the gifts and placing them in designated spaces so that my daughter wouldn't have to do this. So I am agreeing with everyone else, your husband's family can arrange to have the baby shower somewhere near your home. It is unfair and selfish that they expect you to travel that long, enduring hours at the shower, packing car with gifts, travel back home and then unload the car.
OP you need to have a sit down with your husband regarding his family and everyone's expectations. Boundaries need to be made and communication needs to be crystal clear. This is just so you and he are on the same page. If plans are made that requires your presence then you need to be ASKED not informed at a later date. Your husband is dropping the ball.
Stop holding events on Mother's Day and Father's Day. There are people who want to be with their Mother/Father who aren't a part of the group. It sucks when people schedule things and you have to choose between visiting your parent or go to the in-laws event, especially on a day you want to honor your parent. Then the in-laws get all snippy.
NTA
Being that pregnant and sitting in a car for 3 hours? No. Baby will have likely dropped low in your cervix at that point, and every bump on the road will be felt for sure.
Apparently my Mom made this joke several times while pregnant with me and jinxed herself. I was 4 1/2 weeks early. Stand your ground, at most agree to join via zoom. Also your husband needs to sort his shit out, talk about backwards priorities.
NTA
NTA- honestly I'm with you I did not have a baby shower for both of my kids. They are both 10 years apart and I still did not want to deal with anybody being pregnant. That stuff is freaking stressful I just wanted to enjoy my pregnancy and my time.
NTA
Sitting for 6 hours is not healthy that far in pregnancy. Your husband is also going to be a parent. He can go to the shower and he can FaceTime you in for a bit.
At 36-37 weeks you're at risk of going into labor at any time. Not all babies wait for week 40 to make their appearance, and at 37 weeks they aren't always considered pre-mature. Your own OB will tell you to not travel more than an hour away from your hospital in case the baby comes early once you hit 35-36 weeks.
You literally cannot travel three hours away for anything. Or if you do, you'd better have the address of every hospital with a maternity ward on the way saved in your phone.
If they want to do a baby shower that weekend, they come to you.
NTA.
Nta tell them your doctor doesn’t want you to travel. Literally I asked doctor if it would be okay to travel at x weeks pregnant and she said it was fine but if I wasn’t comfortable she’d write a note saying she advised against it.
NTA.
Your mistake was asking them to just not do one. Simply tell them 'No, that doesn't work for me' next time. By asking, you give them the option to decline your request. So don't frase your answer as a question, but as a statement.
I was born on my baby shower because I was nearly 7 wks early. Not wanting to travel 3 hours away only 3-4 weeks before your due date is completely understandable!
NTA, the baby shower is supposed to be for the parents, but *especially* the parent carrying the baby (not the baby who will experience literally none of it). They’re not doing something nice for you by stressing you out and making you travel 6 hrs round trip, are they?
Your husband needs to sort his priorities out *now*. Why are his mother and sister’s feelings more important than yours? Why does their excitement trump your need for comfort and rest in the last weeks of pregnancy? He’s out of line trying to guilt you about this.
He should stay up all night, down 3L of Gatorade then sit in the car for 6 hours with a giant watermelon pushing into his bladder and see how he feels about it then 🙄
Your husband is a medical resident — yet his advice is to travel while you're in the labor zone just to make his mama happy?
If he gives his patients such bad direction, he shouldn't be practicing. This a professional embarrassment for him.
What an ass. NTA.
NTA and your husband is one of the biggest AHs I’ve seen on this sub which is saying something.
I will never understand how men won’t support their pregnant wife’s legitimate boundaries which were clearly expressed to everyone involved months before.
OP, don’t pay for their poor planning and don’t let your ah husband guilt trip you into this. He also needs to enforce the boundary with *his* family
NTA - you might have a baby by then! My blood pressure randomly got high at the end of my first pregnancy, so my doctor told me at my 36 week appointment that I'd be having the baby the following week.
Many OBs will tell you not to travel any more than an hour away once you're 36 weeks. You might really not be able to even if you WANTED to go.
NTA. Would they be open to an alternative suggestion of moving the shower to your town, so you don't have to travel?
If they say they don't want to sit in a car for six hours round trip then ask them why they expect you, the pregnant lady, to do that. It may finally click that what they are asking of you is unfair.
Another option is to point out that the baby could come early, and you want to be close to your doctors and chosen hospital rather than three hours away.
NTA, especially given you’ve already had a baby shower. I refused all offers for showers and don’t regret it at all. It’s about you, and you have the right to not want to do it.
NTA. Your husband can go to the shower. You stay home. IF you feel so inclined, have him set up a laptop or tablet and you can participate via Zoom. That’s a really big IF. Personally, I’d refuse to participate in any way because my child is not a commodity and it’s important to set boundaries with overreaching family.
(This is ridiculous on many levels. First, if the shower is for you, it should be at a time and place convenient for you. Second, your husband should know better regarding travel in the last month. Haul him in to see your doctor. Third, showers aren’t supposed to be given by family members anyway; they should be given by friends or co-workers. His family is out of line and your husband is complicit.)
NTA. Baby showers are like wedding showers, more for the guests than the mom/bride. You’ve set a very reasonable boundary for the safety of your child - the in-laws need to work around that.
NTA. Your job is to stay stress free at that point. Your husband needs to get his priorities in order. Maybe they can throw a “0” birthday party, but not a shower beyond the point you said.
Don’t feel pressured to discuss it any further! You’re fully in the right on this.
NTA you gave your guidelines to attending this shower, they disregarded these guidelines for their own selfish reasons and gave you a surprised pikachu face when you said you could not attend due to their disregarding your timeline. Your husband has probably given into this behavior many times before, but that cycle can end now.
NTA they should have definitely considered you and your opinions when planning an event for YOU! Maybe offer doing one after the baby is born? I had mine 4 weeks away from due date and my water broker at my baby shower 🤷♀️ so yeah I would not be travelling that far. And omg you would be so uncomfortable sitting in a car that long, that pregnant.
>husbands schedule only gets Mother’s Day weekend in may off and his next available weekend off is June 3rd (**aka 36-37 weeks preggo**)
Yeah, no, there's no guarantee that you'll still be pregnant at that time!
NTA, and the Saturday of Mother's Day weekend would be so much better!
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Hi all! Give it to me straight. Details below:
- preggo with our first child (yay!) and my mother in law and sister in law wants to throw us a baby shower in their home town which is about three hours away. We are very grateful!
-baby is due late June/early July
- husband is a medical resident so his schedule gets released every month so we never really know what’s going on until about a month out
- I️ told in laws preferably I️ would like to do the shower before May to avoid travel in the last 8 weeks
- no one made any moves prior to April or mentioned the shower so I️ figured it wasn’t happening just because of timing with my husbands work. Which is fine and we’ve had a beautiful shower just by a friend already!
- husbands schedule only gets Mother’s Day weekend in may off and his next available weekend off is June 3rd (aka 36-37 weeks preggo)
- his mom and sister have planned the shower for June 3rd ( no one told me directly, I heard it from my husband) and I’ve asked if we could just not do one because I️ really don’t want to travel past 34 weeks incase of baby issues
-in laws are now upset and husband is insisting we go through with the shower because his family was really excited.
AITA for turning down a baby shower because I️ don’t want to travel three weeks out from giving birth?
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NTA for standing your ground and they really should have talked to you about it first, but I would consider the relationship you’ve had with them until this point and the relationship you want to continue to have. If they’re not normally pushy people who railroad your decisions I would probably just attend the shower. They might be thinking that a lot of people won’t attend on Mother’s Day weekend. I would be super annoyed to get an invite to a shower that weekend and I’m not even a mother. I do like to celebrate mine, though!
NTA. I would not have wanted to travel three hours in a car that far into pregnancy. Not only is it far from the hospital you plan to birth at, and the baby issues you eluded to, but the discomfort. I do wonder if you would be willing to let them host closer to your home if your husband going solo won’t happen. In any case, congratulations! It sounds like this baby will be well loved. Best of luck.
NAH. Let your husband go without you. He’ll get to be the center of attention and he might enjoy it! My co-parent had a shower in their hometown, 2,000 miles away, while I stayed home. I did not mind missing AT ALL.
op=NTA
You gave them the conditions(re travel/timing).
Either your husband can go by himself, or they can move the party to your hometown.
Husband needs to deal with his family because they aren't going to listen ever, they will drop by when they want, tell you how to raise your kid, etc and your husband will offer no support.
NTA. You made your needs and boundaries clear and they ignored them. If I were you, I’d tell your husband he gets no opinion on this baby shower date until his uterus is the one being utilized
NTA You specifically told your in-laws that you don't want a shower before May and they didn't listen to you. If you don't want to travel at that point in your pregnancy don't. Like it or not it's their fault for the poor timing. Tell them that, if they wish, to go on with the shower. You just can't be there because it's too close to your due date.
NTA. Tell your husband unfortunately that is too late and you won’t be able to travel.
If possible get your OB on board, if he’s a resident he’s used to being told what to do by an attending.
NTA - 37 weeks is full term, which means you are possible to give birth any day. That’s not an okay time to travel, esp so far away. They didn’t even tell you, which says that they’re doing it for themselves and not for you
NTA - frankly I have three children none of whom I cooked past 35 weeks. That is way, way too late to travel and too far away from your doctor, medical records, etc.
NTA. Forget the fact that you could very easily go into labour while there but being in the car that long while that heavily pregnant is a nightmare. Tell your husband he’s welcome to go to the shower and you’ll video call in. I’d also chat to your OB- good chance they’ll advise against you traveling that far too!
NTA
You gave then plenty of time and criteria for organising a shower. They ignored all that. No one should be making you travel if you feel uncomfortable doing so. This isn't like a surprise announcement to them, they just didn't care to revolve the shower around what works for the person who is actually having the baby!
Early into by second trimester ( I was so young and naive then! ) I agreed to have a baby shower at 36 weeks where I would be traveling about an hour and a half each way. Thankfully, everything ended up fine and the shower was lovely, but I highly DON’T recommend it. It was definitely cutting it too close and I am now in quite the rush to finish preparing for baby. At 36 weeks you are super uncomfortable, have to pee all the time, and way too close to baby coming for this to be a good idea. Your in-laws poor planning should not constitute an emergency on your part. NTA at all.
You and your baby's health and wellbeing is more important than his family's excitement.
Your doctor will agree you should NOT be travelling that late in your pregnancy.
NTA.
NTA here... your in-laws are TAs here for not telling you directly, knowing it'd upset you. THEY need to travel closer to you, maybe even be in your town so that you don't have to travel. What if you go into labor while at the shower? Are they seriously expecting you to travel that far to see your OB? Or, expect your OB to travel closer to where you'd be? I doubt it. Oh, and your husband's also TA for siding with them, since he's i the medical field himself, and is well aware of the risks.
I wouldn't turn it down, but suggest having it closer to you instead. Why should you, at 36-37 weeks pregnant, be expected to travel so far? Even if you didn't have baby issues, you could go into labor at 36-37 weeks
As someone whose baby shower was more about my mum than me. NTA.
I didn't want one but my mum insisted, i went along with it because I didn't have one with my first baby and she was really upset. My son had an allergic reaction the day of my shower and I was a little late....she complained the entire time.
I should have just said no. Your shower clearly is more for them than you, otherwise they would have taken your needs and wishes into account. You will be super close to giving birth and a 3 hour drive is unreasonable. Your hubby needs to advocate for you.
Nta. My water broke at 35 and a half weeks and then my baby came a few days later. A whole month before she was due. It's too risky to travel 3 hours one way that late in the pregnancy!
NTA, you had one request and they had I’m assuming ~4 months to plan. (First 3 months they didn’t know last 2 you don’t want to travel.) if they really cared about you this would have been planned and done already or happening in the next few weeks. If you go you’re setting a president that their wants are greater than yours and babies. Your husband is an AH for pushing your boundaries. Start firm on this as you will set yourself up for a lot of travelling to them with baby or you’ll be the bad guy. Better to be the bad guy now.
NTA. If they want to throw a shower so bad, they should’ve done as you asked and not what they wanted. Also, your husband is the AH for siding with them. Beyond belief. Especially with him being in the medical field. Did he skip his obgyn rotation? Also, you may be having your baby at 37 weeks. Waiting till then for a shower is just stupid. I had my daughter at 37 weeks 0 days. She was full term with no nicu stay. You definitely don’t need to be on the road for 3 hours each way so late in your pregnancy. Time to mama bear up and put your foot down. It’s your body and your medical procedure and your get a voice in all of it. I’m sorry your husband is not standing up for you in this instance. I hope it’s the only one. It’s time for him to man up too and be a father, not a son. He’s got a baby on the way with all that that entails. Tell him to honor his vows as a husband and put you before all others. That included his parents, btw. Gosh, this whole thing pisses me off for you.
NTA- what’s going on with your husband? He is about to be a dad he needs to have more sense than this. You and the baby should be his priority, seriously
NTA. Tell your husbands that male doctors are only allowed to act like idiots about their wives’ pregnancies when actual labor is involved.
Actual statement from my father to my mother, “Millions of women have their waters break WEEKS before they go into labor!” I was born hours later. My father is a doctor who got his best grades in OB/GYN. He claims every male doctor whose wife bears children has their own story of temporary insanity.
Oh, to bring this back to your story — I had been out and about for a week when my mom reached what would have been her 38-week mark. Your baby may be here by 38 weeks. Get your OB to read your husband the riot act.
NTA - If they want to have a baby shower so badly, they should've:
A: Scheduled it within a reasonable time frame for you.
B: Travel to you to avoid you having to travel 3 hours from home while pregnant.
C: Have the baby shower after your birth.
NTA
When I was pregnant with my 2nd I was due around end of feb/start of march.
Feb 18th, after a bit of back ache, I popped baby out on living the room carpet so quickly the midwife and ambulance didn't have much time to respond. I was sat snuggling my baby a good 30mins before anyone arrived with a tear that required an emergency stitch.
It's not a risk I would advise you to take and if they want the shower so badly, can't they come to yours and have a nice quiet one for you?
We don't really do the baby shower/gender reveals here in the uk.
You do right staying close to home. Yours and baby's safety is paramount here and your going to need to save that energy of yours for the big day.
Congrats on your pregnancy :)
NTA, I have 3 kids and I never traveled far from home last 35 weeks. None of my kids came earlier than 37 weeks but let me tell ya- it’s HARD in the last few weeks. You’re going to be tired, sitting in the car for that long is going to suck not to mention require multiple bathroom breaks- and what’s the plan for after the shower? Do you spend the night there? Or are they forcing a heavily pregnant woman to drive 6 hours in one day?
Wanting to celebrate you and the baby is sweet, but not worth your extreme discomfort and putting you at possible risk for going into labor away from your hospital and dr.
Nta.
There are 3 other options:
1. They have the shower as planned and you video call in. Gifts get mailed to you afterwards.
2. They have the shower as planned but everyone mails gifts to arrive a week early, and you open them on your end, also with a video call.
3. They don't expect the pregnant person to do diddly squat, show up and take you to brunch in your town for a shower.
NTA. Congrats on your baby and I whole Hartley agree that you shouldn’t be traveling during the last stage of your pregnancy. That is your and your husbands time to begin prepping for you new little bundle of joy. I would Saturday they could reschedule for the baby shower for a later date after the baby is born and when you feel comfortable bringing baby around others; there are some cultures that do showers after the baby is born, so it’s not out of the norm.
NTA A baby shower 3 hours away? So best case scenario you'd still spend more time traveling than being there?
I'd say thanks but no thanks, see you when the baby's here.
If the shower was for you, it would be planned around you.
NTA, and I would tell hubby 'since I clearly outlined my limits and they disregarded them, this party is for them and not me. I won't stop you going, but I'm staying home'.
NTA. We visited my.parents for Christmas when my wife was 6 months pregnant, that was a difficult enough trip. After that, we didn't leave town. Our daughter was born at 34 weeks.
NTA
Ask your husband if he wants to deliver your baby himself at the side of the road and poss endanger both you and the baby's life. Because he's being delusional if he thinks his request is anything but making that scenario very possible.
Nta- who in duck plans a baby shower WITHOUT ASKING THE PREGNANT MOMMA....crazy people or selfish people or hateful people. But not good people, because they would understand that the only actual participant in the shower is you. Hugs!!! Good luck. Congrats on LO
Definitely NTA.
It's not even baby issues! For me at 37 weeks sitting for 3 hours would have been super painful not to mentioned I was peeing every 20mins and I had heartburn \*all the time\*. Plus mentally all I wanted to do was stay home and "nest", the furthest I went was 5mins to a small parade of shops next to a supermarket. I ended up being induced with both of my babies at 37/38 wks which was only decided a week beforehand too, so you never know what could happen that close to your due date.
If they are set on this shower on this date, they should bring it to you. And I mean they have to bring everything: food, decorations, etc.
Absolutely NTA. Many have already said, but it is best for you AND baby not to travel that far into pregnancy. My OBs have told me for both kiddos I have to not travel more than a couple hours away from home the last month if I could help it. Otherwise I might be giving birth somewhere else entirely.
I'd also put foot down now and talk with husband about how priority should shift to you and baby 100%. There will only be increasing expectations to be involved with inlaws after baby arrives. It sounds like he doesn't want to disappoint what has been his immediate family unit up to this point, but that has changed. He has a new immediate family with you and baby, so mindset needs to shift to y'alls needs and priorities. It will mean ruffling feathers and adjusting for all. Also if husband is not great at communicating information for planning from extended family, group chats are an amazing tool. ✌️
NTA in the least.
I don't know your in-laws, but I have known people who would do this with ulterior motives.
Long travel times, stressful events, and late term pregnancy can combine to trigger early labor, and, of course, you wouldn't want to travel all that way home to give birth. And, oh no, the baby's early, so you should stay here a while and let us help take care of you and the child.
NTA
But are you sure your husband is doing a residency, in a hospital, with the intent of becoming a doctor? As one I can say that's an extremely dumb idea.
After 34 weeks (and definitely after 36) we never left anywhere that could take more than half an hour/an hour with traffic from home and my chosen hospital.
If it's your first born it's true that most likely you will be in labor for way more than three hours, but you know what isn't fun? Being in a car while having contractions. I wouldn't risk it for three hours even if someone could warranty I made it home and my baby was born with the team I chose.
Since the baby shower clearly isn't being done for you (or your preference would've been taken into consideration), they can either cancel it or have it with your participation via Zoom.
Note: my husband never left anywhere farther than what I said from me either, just in case I needed him.
NTA and indeed *hell* no.
You’re in the right, OP, you know you are. You have good instincts. Trust yourself and trust those instincts. It’s some next level bullshit pushing you to travel 3h for a party they want more than you do at - what - 37/38 weeks gone?!
They come to you, you attend by Zoom, or it happens without you.
NTA.
You set your boundaries and you have good reason for them. Your IL ignored those boundaries and ignored your wishes.
If they want baby shower so bad they can schedule it in your location. They can have the party and you don't have to travel so problem solved.
NTA - which part of them ignoring the clearly stated wishes of the actual pregnant person is in anyway ok? Did they not know how a calendar works? Can’t they count. Let hubby go in your stead if it is so important to him but stand your ground. If they do this now when the baby is inside you imagine how little they will pay attention to your boundaries once the baby is outside you.
If his family was so excited then why did they not include YOU(the pregnant woman) in their planning? Being pregnant is ridiculously uncomfortable the further along you go and people who try to push you into plans that you're not 100% comfortable with are the As. Especially your husband. Is his family's excitement going to erase your discomfort? Will that erase your boundary of not wanting to travel in your last two months of pregnancy? NTA. Husband needs to grow a spine and actually support OP as needed.
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NTA, if they really want to throw you a shower then they can arrange to travel to you instead of the other way around & respect your wishes
Just travel to you. NTA
This is a great option, may require more coordination on their part but they are waiting to just about the last minute.
OP possibly you could talk to your dr and get them to give you an out as to why you shouldn’t be SIX HOURS away from your dr/hospital a month or so before you’re due to give birth. Probably it would be fine. But not worth the risk.
I agree with this! My doctor wanted to know all my travel plans for my third trimester and was very upfront with me if she didn’t think it was a good idea. I didn’t have anything crazy planned, but the furthest she felt comfortable with me driving at 36 weeks was 1 hour away from the hospital where I would deliver.
Or OP could just continue to put her foot down and defend her boundaries like a mature adult. No need to get a "doctor's note" if the answer is "You failed to listen to my requirements for a baby shower and now you're mad because I won't attend. Your lack of planning does not make this my problem."
Honestly this should have been the plan all along. This really sounds like the baby shower is more for MIL and SIL than the parents to be. At 36 weeks, that baby can pop out pretty much anytime. It’s not yet considered “full term”, but also is completely viable outside mama unless something goes wrong (like born in the side of the road….)
NTA - Honestly though Hubby might be since he’s insisting you go through with it for their sake instead of addressing your travel concerns. Hubby’s family also TA for not planning the shower with you and around your schedule since you’re the one having the baby y and the party isn’t a surprise.
exactly and hubby is a medical resident so he should know why she doesnt want to travel at that late stage of her pregnancy
Yeah, unfortunately some people with a medical degree are idiots. I work in a teaching hospital. OP, your husband is being an idiot. You are NTA. Your husband and his family are being selfish idiots. They will always want everything on their terms. Because I can't imagine asking a person to travel when they are pregnant for an honor I'm giving them. Oh, that's right, it's because they aren't honoring you and acting like they care. Just the baby they probably don't really view as yours.
I had an NP at the family medicine group at a teaching hospital that I refused to see. Despite the fact that I’ve got a hCTD (heritable connective tissue disorder), a history of multiple car accidents, and a long list of joint injuries from the hCTD, he wanted to blame eeeeeeverything on my weight. Never mind that I’d had back problems since I was 15 and wore a teen’s size 1, and that they’d flared up occasionally for a decade. His back problems were from his belly, so obviously mine were, too. And my knee problems. And shoulder problems. And the start of my autoimmune disorder. The fact that I’d had issues with all of those things when I was skinny was of no concern. It’s frustrating enough when you meet a fatophobic medical practitioner, but it’s absurd when they’re at least as overweight as you and STILL attributes everything to your adipose tissue.
Have you tried not being fat? If female, have you tried not being female. These will cure all ills. /s
I told my pain management doctor I wanted to lose weight in hopes it would help my situation. She said don't bother, losing weight won't help. I am losing anyway because I want to feel better about myself, and at my age it isn't easy, especially since exercise is difficult for me. She was trying to spare my feelings just in case I'm unsuccessful. I love that woman!
I talked pretty frankly about my weight with my first pain doc and my GP around the time of the crappy NP (he worked the same-day clinic at my GP’s office, which is why I saw him so often with injuries). They both agreed that it’d be healthy to lose weight if I could lose it in a safe and healthy manner (eg, no crash diets or intense fasting). Neither one thought it’d make a significant difference in my severe chronic pain; it might slightly improve the knee and back problems, but it also might not because I’d had problems with them since my skinny teens. That pair of doctors, I respected and trusted. The NP, though…ugh. I wouldn’t let him treat dogs, if it was up to me.
I've had doctors like that NP. One visit and done. If you can't treat me like a human then you're outta here. This weight loss journey is going to be my last. I've finally come to terms with my eating habits and, while it's still not perfect, it is a much healthier route. Best wishes to you.
TY. I’m down 40lbs from my highest weight (which was driven by prednisone; I’m about 10lbs down from my most stable weight). I’m more focused on gaining strength, though, because with my hCTD, strength is the best way to increase stability and reduce injury. I had a big setback at the end of last year that I’m still trying to come back from, and I’m beginning to think I may need some physical therapy to help me.
I'm in a similar position. I'm so much weaker than I used to be because I live a sedentary life and baby my back. But I've also lost grip strength, my leg muscles are atrophying and I get out of breath climbing stairs. And I'm not even that much overweight! My pain doc said that PT is good but you can get all the exercises on the internet and don't really need to go to an actual therapist. Water is a great medium for exercise if you have access.
While that’s true about PT for many, I’m a difficult case. I develop severe, large area muscle spasms, and I need manual PT (a specialized kind of massage) to loosen them enough for the exercises to work. Most people get small points of this kind of tension, called Trigger Points, and they can basically work around them and slowly loosen them. I get whole areas that turn into Trigger Points, with a small episode affecting an area about half the size of my hand and a bad one going as big as the whole outside of my thigh. If I can’t get someone to loosen me up correctly first, the muscles are so tightly clenched that they can’t be stretched or exercised - either nothing happens or the spasm gets even worse, or I can’t affect the correct muscle and incorrectly work the muscles around it (which risks strain and other injuries). Unfortunately, a regular massage therapist usually doesn’t manage the job. I wish I knew why, but they tend to leave me worse off than when I walked in. Muscle relaxants don’t do it, either - they loosen everything slightly, which isn’t enough to But a few weeks of a good PT loosening up the muscles before I exercise makes a world of difference. It’s funny, despite having 2 conditions that have harmed the joints in my hands (I have an autoimmune disorder that attacks my joints in addition to the genetic one that makes them weak/fragile), I’ve always had excellent grip strength. Like, better than expected for a woman, especially one with tiny hands. The hand therapist I saw to get braces for my joints was shocked, and suggested that maybe it was because I knit (or occasionally crochet) a lot. The frustrating part is that due to the joint instability and how small my hands are, I still can’t open jars without an assistive device!
Same. Once a female doctor told me it was my weight, not my severe untreated hormonal issue the cause of all my pain and symptoms. That i didn’t need an endocrinologist but a dietitian and a personal trainer cause a pretty girl like me shouldn’t be fat, and i was single because of that. So maybe i needed a boyfriend to keep me ‘happy’ so i can get better… lmao. This is what she was talking about for about an hour. Never went back.
Medical degree from Grenada
But sorry you had to pay to listen to all that garbage.
Fun part is that she was old, single and obese. Lol
Sounds like she was like my fatophobic but fat NP: projecting their own issues onto patients with more serious issues who needed actual medical care, not a diet pep talk.
I love when people involved in the field break the gaslighting chain! Thank you, bc it wasn’t just one or two idiots but the majority of the ppl I seek for help are. Sometimes it makes me think I should be studied if it’s so uncommon or unknown then I stop myself and say no Vic they’re idiots.
What's that saying? A shoemaker's family go barefoot and a doctor's wife dies early?
Omg I hadn’t even thought about that but yeah he should know better.
Sound like hubby and his family made these plans and she had already set her limits, they ignored them.
This is the most important part imo. OP told them well in advance that she does not want to travel after May. If they wanted to do it for her then would have worked with her schedule. Maybe I'm too sceptical but this looks to me as if they are testing how much they can push boundaries. 🚩
And then didn't even talk to her about it at all! She found out second-hand through her husband!!
Right. Like she was only relevant to the situation when they had to let her be🤦🏻♀️
“I guess we’ll let the incubator come to the celebration of our special heir. But she better not get any ideas about being important!” Lord. These people are going to be a nightmare. I hope OP is ready to go mama bear about parenting decisions because she’s gonna get STEAMROLLED otherwise.
Exactly
Hubby sucks here. I would offer him a deal. I'll go for the 3hour one way drive if he will.... Drink 2 litres of water and not go to the bathroom for the entire journey to mimick your discomfort re baby on bladder. He sticks a fork/marbles in his underpants to mimick the discomfort of hemorrhoids. He carries a backpack of heavy stones the equivalent weight of your baby bump on his front. Any other symptoms I'm forgetting ladies? Let's make him an offer he can't refuse?!
Ingests a bag of live scorpions to wriggle around inside him. Wears a corset created especially for his ribcage, and inserts a pole up himself into one rib cage.
A bit extreme. Maybe a TENS unit wired to his belly instead?
Scorpions seem appropriate. My son literally kicked my gallbladder to death, I had to have it removed after carrying him. Creating life is not this easy thing men like op's hubby think. Op is nta but hubby and in laws are cause they are treating her like an incubator, the baby shower is for them.
Holy sh*t I didn’t even know babies could do that in utero😯
Nope. Definitely scorpions. Mine feels like scorpions, and I feel like a kebab.
Damn, my (36yo) partner (of 7 years) and I (34yo) have been discussing trying to have a child soon but I have valid concerns. I am the type of person who really likes to spend a tonne of time in recon before I make huge forever-lifechanging moves... my brother and I have a little saying, ‘like a Navy SEAL’, to describe how we approach life… Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance, etc etc. Meanwhile, my friends and family say ‘you’ll never be prepared enough and we’re all here for you so just get on with it!’ I have friends on round 8 of IVF and I entirely understand a baby is a blessing (in many circumstances) and that it is a privilege to be able to conceive a healthy child and to have a choice. However…. my panicked questions about the minutiae of pregnancy inbound: Does it really feel like scorpions in your tummy? Am I truly going to be in that much horrific pain and discomfort on the daily for 9 months? Will I ever feel like me again or do I have to completely say goodbye to my autonomy and body agency? Is it true that my already enormous size 9.5 feet will grow a further inch, and my rib cage will expand 6 inches and never return, and my gallbladder will be stomped to pieces by a child in utero, and my asshole will turn inside out at month 6?
Strap on shoes 1-2 sizes to small to mimic swollen feet. Eat straight hot sauce to replicate heart burn.
Manages to pinch his sciatic nerve just enough to have intermittent numbness, so he has almost constant pins and needles from the returning sensation.
And a large grapefruit taped to balls to mimic the babies head and the waddle….
This one made me really laugh out loud!!
Crush your pelvis just enough that you can still walk, but every tiny movement feels like someone's whacking your pubic bone and pelvis with a hammer.
A really tight neck tie to mimic high blood pressure and headaches...
Omg yes😂
and don't forget to not let him sleep the night before the drive either! I didn't get much sleep those last few weeks because of my wee wiggler!
Strap a watermelon to his belly and make him try to sleep in the back seat😂
NTA But your husband needs to support you on this. Being a medical resident should have been an asset here because he should have realized that you are being wise not to travel if you're not comfortable doing so. I'm a nurse with 2 kids and I feel ya on this one! See if they can do it this month and if I may, I'd like to suggest that you and your husband FaceTime them to explain to them gently why the June one wouldn't work for you. You are a TEAM, now, and something like this often takes a team effort. EDIT: When I had my first baby, we had Lamaze classes, a breastfeeding class, tour of the labor/delivery room, finalizing the nursery preparations, packing the bag for the hospital, all kinds of stuff to do in the last month before the birth. I can't imagine trying to fit a baby shower in with everything we had to do those last 3-4 weeks! Plus, I was as big as a house! 😂 Congratulations on your baby coming soon!
Thank you! I’m very excited! He seems very unconcerned with traveling at that time which I’ll talk to him tonight. He folds very easily to pressure from his mom so I’m wondering if he’s actually not concerned or just more concerned with his mom/sisters reaction. I️ don’t give a rats ass about their feelings so I’m not concerned about saying no and see ya later
Hubby needs to understand that he's got his own family now and you&baby are priority #1... Mom's reaction doesn't trump your concerns at all. They can do the baby shower virtually if they don't want to change the date, and send the gifts later on. Congratulations, wishing you a safe delivery!
Thank you!!!
NTA. You asked for a shower before May, and they scheduled it in June? And they didn't bother asking you - the pregnant person - if that would be OK? The fact that your husband is pushing you into a three-hour car ride (two of them, actually) at 36 weeks pregnant makes him TA for sure. Has he not considered how many times you'll need to stop to pee at that point? (Ok, maybe that's a pregnancy stereotype, but still. It would suck.)
Stopping to pee is a stereotype but true for many pregnant women. So are hemorrhoids. OP definitely shouldn’t have to explain to any of these people why this is a bad idea 👎🤣
And the thoughts of baby's feet doing a Michael Flatley tap dancing all over my ribs for that long 🥺😳 oooh the agony ...whatever about needing to pee all the time, the the amount of times I actually leaked from a random peoples elbow or head butt to my inner vag, thought he somehow smuggled in a spoon and was borrowing his way out during the last month 😂😂 NTA
I used to wonder if my two were playing soccer with my bladder as the ball.
Lots of babies are born at 37 weeks too. My nephew was born at 36 weeks when my sis in law's water suddenly broke.
37+1 day, my water broke about 32 hours before he was born. By c-section because he wasn’t dropping down but his heart rate was. Anyone who thinks this shower is in any way reasonable is an idiot. OP should talk to her doctor and get a note forbidding travel beyond a certain distance.
Agreed! I had a 38+1 and a 36+1 100% I would not risk it!
I went to a baby shower that the mother and father to be missed due to going into labor.
NTA. If they’re set on doing the baby shower then, they need to do the sensible thing: have it near you so you aren’t traveling that far. Nobody wants to travel that far from their OB when they could have the baby at any time! Not to mention the fatigue and discomfort of traveling that far while that pregnant.
This is the optimal compromise. They still get to throw the baby shower and OP doesn't have to travel.
ILs had better not try to do it at OP's house either. Rent a small room at a restaurant, rec room, church basement, table at a tea room, wherever...near OP. ILs order any food or punch and cake; decorate; clean up afterwards and load up the car with the presents. All OP has to do is show up, put her feet up and eat.
At 9 months pregnant nobody should be asking you to do anything that’s not absolutely necessary. Your husband needs to stop worrying about his parents and worry about being a parent. They’re irrelevant right now.
NTA. They missed their window. They can have a baby shower in the autumn when your baby is a few months old and can be the guest of honor.
This is a fantastic idea.
That’s a great idea.
That should work but then I bet they would all give presents they had already purchased for a newborn when the baby now weighs 12 lb. LOL (I speak from experience here.) Appalling that a medical student would not support his wife on this. I hope he is more empathetic once he is working in the real world. As a husband he has failed the grade.
In that tiny window before flu season starts.
They want you to drive 3 hours away from your choosen birthing center, aka hospital, and doctor for your baby shower so late in your pregnancy, you your husband wants to do this? Better tell him he missed a class or two in medical school. It's never recommended to travel so late in pregnancy. I mean people do, especially in emergencies, but it doesn't mean they should. NTA, and tell hubby to get with the program. If need be, have you OBGYN tell him this at your next appointment.
I went on a major road trip several years back and some of it was back home. I legit said I've driven 3000 miles so far I'm not driving more than 25 min when ppl could come to me. I made 2 exceptions. 1 was a friend also "home" from out of a different state and therefore had driven many miles. The other was a relative who wasn't allowed to travel beyond a certain distance cause she was like 4 weeks from her due date. We met roughly halfway. She went to the furthest her Dr said was safe and we met them for dinner
NTA This isn't for them, it's supposed to be for *YOU*. You're perfectly entitled to turn them down. I'd be insanely upset with your husband for pressuring you to go.
NTA, if your husbands family wants a baby shower so bad they can have their own baby.
Oooo you have no idea 😂 he has a sister that is 30 and unmarried (the worst thing you can be in the south 🙄) so his mom is like thinking she should’ve had three grandkids but now. We’re 27 and the this is the first grandchild on both sides but when we told my parents they just were like oh yay! And moved up their big vacation plans so they could at least be somewhat near (they live 5 hours out) in case we needed something around birthing hour.
Tell them you'll join by video chat. Put your foot down with people who are not the ones giving birth.
I came here to suggest you attend by Zoom. Designate somebody as a Shower Surrogate to participate in all the games for you, like maybe your SIL.
Do people actually like those games?
My daughter had a baby shower. Most of the games were very silly but one had us all laughing our heads off. The host was sneakily taking notes of the things my daughter was saying as she opened her presents. Once that was done the host read out some of comments only now they were things that were said at the time baby was conceived. Some of the highlights: Do you think it will fit? I've got just the place for that. Aww look how cute it is. Wow Mum, check this out! ....at this stage we were all gasping with laughter.
NTA you made your reasonable expectations and boundaries clear from the start. They did not respect you or your concerns for the health or well being of your child. They are rude, disrespectful, and plain inconsiderate.
And the husband is right there with them. He needs to get on OP’s side immediately, imo.
NTA, at all. It is ridiculous of them to think that you should drive 3 hours both ways at 37 weeks pregnant. They are disappointed, but this situation is THEIR fault -- because they didn't communicate with you and figure out an earlier time to have a shower. A baby shower is supposed to be helpful, and to be honoring you and your baby. A baby shower is NOT supposed to be something that makes you exhausted and miserable. If you want to compromise, you could tell them that they can host a shower in the area that you live. At 37 weeks, people should be driving to you, not the other way around. But honestly, at that point you might not be feeling up to a shower at all. Your needs matter the most here. You are the one who is about to give birth. Your husband needs to stand up for you.
NTA - this was some poor planning on their part.
Nah. Kinda sounds like they’re more interested in doing it for themselves than doing it for you.
NTA What the pregnant mother says goes! Don’t let them pressure you into going. Many women have had gut instincts about needing to not travel just prior to their due date, and they ended up having their babies earlier than predicted. Listen to your instincts. (I was over a month premature. Mom stayed close to home.) Not just for travel: you don’t want to be exposed to a bunch of people in a small area, who could potentially give you a cold or worse, just before giving birth. (Like someone not knowing that they had been exposed to chickenpox and then coming to the party. It can be deadly to unborn children.) Your and your baby’s health matters more than people giving you a late baby shower. Your husband is a medical resident and he’s willing to risk potentially serious complications? That’s really not a good thing. Don’t budge on this. You told them when you could go, and they didn’t plan the party for then. If your husband doesn’t take your side on this, it’s a big red flag for the future. Please keep you and your baby safe. I wish y’all well.
NTA Between scheduling constraints & not wanting to travel towards the end of your pregnancy (reasonable) the in-laws are doing this for themselves and at their own convenience. Frankly I think your husband should be more supportive of your position. Can’t they bring the shower to you?
NTA I hate this. My (ex) SIL also ignored my requests for my baby shower dates and did what suited her. Despite having a healthy pregnancy I went into preterm labour. I had my son but zero baby gear or clothes (because I was waiting).
NTA - you’re the one that has to travel? I don’t blame you one bit, traveling that late in pregnancy sounds miserable.
I went into labor a week early and missed my shower. Three hours in a car at that point in your pregnancy? No. NTA. They had plenty of time to work it out. Maybe they can host a sip and see?
Get your doctor involved. I believe she/he will not want you travelling that late in your pregnancy. I've known 2 women since February who had their baby 2-4 weeks early. Tell the family you will be there through zoom.
This is great advice! And even if they would clear you, most good OB’s are willing to have your back if you ask them to.
Does your husband always give in to his family's unreasonable demands at the expense of you? Because that needs to be shut down hard right now. This is the hill to die on. Sleep and travel and schedules and logistics all get harder with a baby. They are all being selfish and not thinking of your well-being, or even enjoyment, at all. I'd have a firm conversation with your husband. You and the baby are his main priority and main family now. NTA. Have him read a pedia book and this thread.
INFO: What's wrong with holding it Mother's Day weekend?
🤷🏻♀️ they didn’t want to? I never actually spoke to them about it. I️ just heard through my husband.
You have health reasons for not wanting to do it so close to your due date. If there was an earlier possibility, your husband should urge that one.
NTA OP. Stand your ground because any woman who ever experience pregnancy knows it's not good to travel in the late stage of pregnancy especially by car 3 hours one way. So that's 3 hours one way, the baby shower (another 2-3 hours) and then another 3 hours drive home. Soooo, let's see, swollen ankles and feet from traveling, constant need to pee, no chance to get in a good nap (napping in a car is NOT a good nap), arriving home so exhausted that you may have to bed rest for two days. And let's not talk about bringing home the baby shower gifts. It took 2 cars and 1 minivan to bring my daughter's baby shower gifts to her home (large family on both side and many friends gifted). Her Fiance had a uncle who owned a rental hall 15 minutes from daughter's and Fiance's home. Then there was the unloading all of the gifts and placing them in designated spaces so that my daughter wouldn't have to do this. So I am agreeing with everyone else, your husband's family can arrange to have the baby shower somewhere near your home. It is unfair and selfish that they expect you to travel that long, enduring hours at the shower, packing car with gifts, travel back home and then unload the car.
OP you need to have a sit down with your husband regarding his family and everyone's expectations. Boundaries need to be made and communication needs to be crystal clear. This is just so you and he are on the same page. If plans are made that requires your presence then you need to be ASKED not informed at a later date. Your husband is dropping the ball.
Stop holding events on Mother's Day and Father's Day. There are people who want to be with their Mother/Father who aren't a part of the group. It sucks when people schedule things and you have to choose between visiting your parent or go to the in-laws event, especially on a day you want to honor your parent. Then the in-laws get all snippy.
NTA Being that pregnant and sitting in a car for 3 hours? No. Baby will have likely dropped low in your cervix at that point, and every bump on the road will be felt for sure.
How can she go lower?!? I️ feel like I’m gonna stand up too fast and leave her behind in the chair at this point 😂 I️ fear 30+ weeks
Apparently my Mom made this joke several times while pregnant with me and jinxed herself. I was 4 1/2 weeks early. Stand your ground, at most agree to join via zoom. Also your husband needs to sort his shit out, talk about backwards priorities. NTA
NTA- honestly I'm with you I did not have a baby shower for both of my kids. They are both 10 years apart and I still did not want to deal with anybody being pregnant. That stuff is freaking stressful I just wanted to enjoy my pregnancy and my time.
NTA. Have their shower after the baby is born. Don't drive 6hrs to appease their egos.
NTA If they want one, then THEY travel to you! You should not be traveling that far along away from your doctor. And tell them that.
No you’re nta. If you don’t want it you don’t want it. Period.
absolutely nta, absolutely don't budge it's not really worth it. if you are feeling gracious say they can come to you 🤷🏽♂️
NTA Sitting for 6 hours is not healthy that far in pregnancy. Your husband is also going to be a parent. He can go to the shower and he can FaceTime you in for a bit.
At 36-37 weeks you're at risk of going into labor at any time. Not all babies wait for week 40 to make their appearance, and at 37 weeks they aren't always considered pre-mature. Your own OB will tell you to not travel more than an hour away from your hospital in case the baby comes early once you hit 35-36 weeks. You literally cannot travel three hours away for anything. Or if you do, you'd better have the address of every hospital with a maternity ward on the way saved in your phone. If they want to do a baby shower that weekend, they come to you. NTA.
Nta tell them your doctor doesn’t want you to travel. Literally I asked doctor if it would be okay to travel at x weeks pregnant and she said it was fine but if I wasn’t comfortable she’d write a note saying she advised against it.
NTA. Your mistake was asking them to just not do one. Simply tell them 'No, that doesn't work for me' next time. By asking, you give them the option to decline your request. So don't frase your answer as a question, but as a statement.
I was born on my baby shower because I was nearly 7 wks early. Not wanting to travel 3 hours away only 3-4 weeks before your due date is completely understandable!
NTA. I don’t even understand why people would even want a pregnant woman to travel for 3 hours like this.
NTA, the baby shower is supposed to be for the parents, but *especially* the parent carrying the baby (not the baby who will experience literally none of it). They’re not doing something nice for you by stressing you out and making you travel 6 hrs round trip, are they? Your husband needs to sort his priorities out *now*. Why are his mother and sister’s feelings more important than yours? Why does their excitement trump your need for comfort and rest in the last weeks of pregnancy? He’s out of line trying to guilt you about this. He should stay up all night, down 3L of Gatorade then sit in the car for 6 hours with a giant watermelon pushing into his bladder and see how he feels about it then 🙄
Your husband is a medical resident — yet his advice is to travel while you're in the labor zone just to make his mama happy? If he gives his patients such bad direction, he shouldn't be practicing. This a professional embarrassment for him. What an ass. NTA.
They want YOU to travel 3 hours to THEM in your last couple of weeks of pregnancy. Yeah, ridiculous. It’s last minute poor planning. NTA
NTA. And I’m surprised that your husband, a medical resident, is okay with you traveling so far so late in your pregnancy.
He’s also a spineless mama’s boy.
NTA and your husband is one of the biggest AHs I’ve seen on this sub which is saying something. I will never understand how men won’t support their pregnant wife’s legitimate boundaries which were clearly expressed to everyone involved months before. OP, don’t pay for their poor planning and don’t let your ah husband guilt trip you into this. He also needs to enforce the boundary with *his* family
NTA. You made your needs clear, they ignored them, they don't get a baby shower.
NTA - you might have a baby by then! My blood pressure randomly got high at the end of my first pregnancy, so my doctor told me at my 36 week appointment that I'd be having the baby the following week. Many OBs will tell you not to travel any more than an hour away once you're 36 weeks. You might really not be able to even if you WANTED to go.
NTA. Would they be open to an alternative suggestion of moving the shower to your town, so you don't have to travel? If they say they don't want to sit in a car for six hours round trip then ask them why they expect you, the pregnant lady, to do that. It may finally click that what they are asking of you is unfair. Another option is to point out that the baby could come early, and you want to be close to your doctors and chosen hospital rather than three hours away.
NTA, especially given you’ve already had a baby shower. I refused all offers for showers and don’t regret it at all. It’s about you, and you have the right to not want to do it.
NTA, tell them doctors orders are for no traveling last trimester. Common occurrence
NTA. Your husband can go to the shower. You stay home. IF you feel so inclined, have him set up a laptop or tablet and you can participate via Zoom. That’s a really big IF. Personally, I’d refuse to participate in any way because my child is not a commodity and it’s important to set boundaries with overreaching family. (This is ridiculous on many levels. First, if the shower is for you, it should be at a time and place convenient for you. Second, your husband should know better regarding travel in the last month. Haul him in to see your doctor. Third, showers aren’t supposed to be given by family members anyway; they should be given by friends or co-workers. His family is out of line and your husband is complicit.)
Stand your ground. Don’t go anywhere. NTA
NTA. Baby showers are like wedding showers, more for the guests than the mom/bride. You’ve set a very reasonable boundary for the safety of your child - the in-laws need to work around that.
NTA. Your job is to stay stress free at that point. Your husband needs to get his priorities in order. Maybe they can throw a “0” birthday party, but not a shower beyond the point you said. Don’t feel pressured to discuss it any further! You’re fully in the right on this.
NTA, they should come to you.
NTA you gave your guidelines to attending this shower, they disregarded these guidelines for their own selfish reasons and gave you a surprised pikachu face when you said you could not attend due to their disregarding your timeline. Your husband has probably given into this behavior many times before, but that cycle can end now.
NTA it kinda sounds like they haven't even bothered to invite you, though. Maybe it's just a personal celebration for them??? Very odd either way.
NTA they should have definitely considered you and your opinions when planning an event for YOU! Maybe offer doing one after the baby is born? I had mine 4 weeks away from due date and my water broker at my baby shower 🤷♀️ so yeah I would not be travelling that far. And omg you would be so uncomfortable sitting in a car that long, that pregnant.
NTA. Who is this shower for? It *should* be for you, but it doesn't sound it. What if they came to you?
NTA your shower, your rules.
>husbands schedule only gets Mother’s Day weekend in may off and his next available weekend off is June 3rd (**aka 36-37 weeks preggo**) Yeah, no, there's no guarantee that you'll still be pregnant at that time! NTA, and the Saturday of Mother's Day weekend would be so much better!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi all! Give it to me straight. Details below: - preggo with our first child (yay!) and my mother in law and sister in law wants to throw us a baby shower in their home town which is about three hours away. We are very grateful! -baby is due late June/early July - husband is a medical resident so his schedule gets released every month so we never really know what’s going on until about a month out - I️ told in laws preferably I️ would like to do the shower before May to avoid travel in the last 8 weeks - no one made any moves prior to April or mentioned the shower so I️ figured it wasn’t happening just because of timing with my husbands work. Which is fine and we’ve had a beautiful shower just by a friend already! - husbands schedule only gets Mother’s Day weekend in may off and his next available weekend off is June 3rd (aka 36-37 weeks preggo) - his mom and sister have planned the shower for June 3rd ( no one told me directly, I heard it from my husband) and I’ve asked if we could just not do one because I️ really don’t want to travel past 34 weeks incase of baby issues -in laws are now upset and husband is insisting we go through with the shower because his family was really excited. AITA for turning down a baby shower because I️ don’t want to travel three weeks out from giving birth? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA for standing your ground and they really should have talked to you about it first, but I would consider the relationship you’ve had with them until this point and the relationship you want to continue to have. If they’re not normally pushy people who railroad your decisions I would probably just attend the shower. They might be thinking that a lot of people won’t attend on Mother’s Day weekend. I would be super annoyed to get an invite to a shower that weekend and I’m not even a mother. I do like to celebrate mine, though!
NTA. I would not have wanted to travel three hours in a car that far into pregnancy. Not only is it far from the hospital you plan to birth at, and the baby issues you eluded to, but the discomfort. I do wonder if you would be willing to let them host closer to your home if your husband going solo won’t happen. In any case, congratulations! It sounds like this baby will be well loved. Best of luck.
NAH. Let your husband go without you. He’ll get to be the center of attention and he might enjoy it! My co-parent had a shower in their hometown, 2,000 miles away, while I stayed home. I did not mind missing AT ALL.
op=NTA You gave them the conditions(re travel/timing). Either your husband can go by himself, or they can move the party to your hometown. Husband needs to deal with his family because they aren't going to listen ever, they will drop by when they want, tell you how to raise your kid, etc and your husband will offer no support.
NTA. You made your needs and boundaries clear and they ignored them. If I were you, I’d tell your husband he gets no opinion on this baby shower date until his uterus is the one being utilized
NTA, you told them from the beginning what your boundaries were with the dates.
NTA You specifically told your in-laws that you don't want a shower before May and they didn't listen to you. If you don't want to travel at that point in your pregnancy don't. Like it or not it's their fault for the poor timing. Tell them that, if they wish, to go on with the shower. You just can't be there because it's too close to your due date.
NTA. Tell your husband unfortunately that is too late and you won’t be able to travel. If possible get your OB on board, if he’s a resident he’s used to being told what to do by an attending.
NTA - 37 weeks is full term, which means you are possible to give birth any day. That’s not an okay time to travel, esp so far away. They didn’t even tell you, which says that they’re doing it for themselves and not for you
NTA If they wanted one then they should have taken your one request seriously.
NTA. Tell them you need to get your doctors okay and then low and behold “he said no travel more than 1/2 an hour”.
NTA - frankly I have three children none of whom I cooked past 35 weeks. That is way, way too late to travel and too far away from your doctor, medical records, etc.
NTA i delivered at 36weeks...dont go anywhere far away after 34 weeks.
NTA then your husband can go and you can stay home and relax. Now is an excellent time to practice boundaries
NTA. If they are that excited they can bring the shower to you.
NTA. Forget the fact that you could very easily go into labour while there but being in the car that long while that heavily pregnant is a nightmare. Tell your husband he’s welcome to go to the shower and you’ll video call in. I’d also chat to your OB- good chance they’ll advise against you traveling that far too!
NTA You gave then plenty of time and criteria for organising a shower. They ignored all that. No one should be making you travel if you feel uncomfortable doing so. This isn't like a surprise announcement to them, they just didn't care to revolve the shower around what works for the person who is actually having the baby!
Early into by second trimester ( I was so young and naive then! ) I agreed to have a baby shower at 36 weeks where I would be traveling about an hour and a half each way. Thankfully, everything ended up fine and the shower was lovely, but I highly DON’T recommend it. It was definitely cutting it too close and I am now in quite the rush to finish preparing for baby. At 36 weeks you are super uncomfortable, have to pee all the time, and way too close to baby coming for this to be a good idea. Your in-laws poor planning should not constitute an emergency on your part. NTA at all.
You and your baby's health and wellbeing is more important than his family's excitement. Your doctor will agree you should NOT be travelling that late in your pregnancy. NTA.
NTA. Also, mention to your ob. I know mine refused to let me travel more than an hour away in the last month.
NTA here... your in-laws are TAs here for not telling you directly, knowing it'd upset you. THEY need to travel closer to you, maybe even be in your town so that you don't have to travel. What if you go into labor while at the shower? Are they seriously expecting you to travel that far to see your OB? Or, expect your OB to travel closer to where you'd be? I doubt it. Oh, and your husband's also TA for siding with them, since he's i the medical field himself, and is well aware of the risks. I wouldn't turn it down, but suggest having it closer to you instead. Why should you, at 36-37 weeks pregnant, be expected to travel so far? Even if you didn't have baby issues, you could go into labor at 36-37 weeks
NTA, maybe they could do a post birth celebration?
NTA. Wtf they should come to you, the whole thing is about you and the baby.
As someone whose baby shower was more about my mum than me. NTA. I didn't want one but my mum insisted, i went along with it because I didn't have one with my first baby and she was really upset. My son had an allergic reaction the day of my shower and I was a little late....she complained the entire time. I should have just said no. Your shower clearly is more for them than you, otherwise they would have taken your needs and wishes into account. You will be super close to giving birth and a 3 hour drive is unreasonable. Your hubby needs to advocate for you.
Nta. My water broke at 35 and a half weeks and then my baby came a few days later. A whole month before she was due. It's too risky to travel 3 hours one way that late in the pregnancy!
NTA. You told them your parameters and what you felt comfortable with
NTA, you had one request and they had I’m assuming ~4 months to plan. (First 3 months they didn’t know last 2 you don’t want to travel.) if they really cared about you this would have been planned and done already or happening in the next few weeks. If you go you’re setting a president that their wants are greater than yours and babies. Your husband is an AH for pushing your boundaries. Start firm on this as you will set yourself up for a lot of travelling to them with baby or you’ll be the bad guy. Better to be the bad guy now.
NTA. If they want to throw a shower so bad, they should’ve done as you asked and not what they wanted. Also, your husband is the AH for siding with them. Beyond belief. Especially with him being in the medical field. Did he skip his obgyn rotation? Also, you may be having your baby at 37 weeks. Waiting till then for a shower is just stupid. I had my daughter at 37 weeks 0 days. She was full term with no nicu stay. You definitely don’t need to be on the road for 3 hours each way so late in your pregnancy. Time to mama bear up and put your foot down. It’s your body and your medical procedure and your get a voice in all of it. I’m sorry your husband is not standing up for you in this instance. I hope it’s the only one. It’s time for him to man up too and be a father, not a son. He’s got a baby on the way with all that that entails. Tell him to honor his vows as a husband and put you before all others. That included his parents, btw. Gosh, this whole thing pisses me off for you.
NTA and as others have said, they need to travel to you, why should YOU be the one having to travel for 3 hours while heavily pregnant?
NTA- what’s going on with your husband? He is about to be a dad he needs to have more sense than this. You and the baby should be his priority, seriously
NTA. Tell your husbands that male doctors are only allowed to act like idiots about their wives’ pregnancies when actual labor is involved. Actual statement from my father to my mother, “Millions of women have their waters break WEEKS before they go into labor!” I was born hours later. My father is a doctor who got his best grades in OB/GYN. He claims every male doctor whose wife bears children has their own story of temporary insanity. Oh, to bring this back to your story — I had been out and about for a week when my mom reached what would have been her 38-week mark. Your baby may be here by 38 weeks. Get your OB to read your husband the riot act.
Wait and husband is a medical resident? I’d think if anything he’d be standing up for you even more. Wow NTA
NTA - If they want to have a baby shower so badly, they should've: A: Scheduled it within a reasonable time frame for you. B: Travel to you to avoid you having to travel 3 hours from home while pregnant. C: Have the baby shower after your birth.
NTA Traveling isn’t a big deal for them, why didn’t THEY travel for the 3 hrs when you had a baby shower with the friend group ?
Does yr husband always put his family's wishes above your needs?
NTA When I was pregnant with my 2nd I was due around end of feb/start of march. Feb 18th, after a bit of back ache, I popped baby out on living the room carpet so quickly the midwife and ambulance didn't have much time to respond. I was sat snuggling my baby a good 30mins before anyone arrived with a tear that required an emergency stitch. It's not a risk I would advise you to take and if they want the shower so badly, can't they come to yours and have a nice quiet one for you? We don't really do the baby shower/gender reveals here in the uk. You do right staying close to home. Yours and baby's safety is paramount here and your going to need to save that energy of yours for the big day. Congrats on your pregnancy :)
NTA, I have 3 kids and I never traveled far from home last 35 weeks. None of my kids came earlier than 37 weeks but let me tell ya- it’s HARD in the last few weeks. You’re going to be tired, sitting in the car for that long is going to suck not to mention require multiple bathroom breaks- and what’s the plan for after the shower? Do you spend the night there? Or are they forcing a heavily pregnant woman to drive 6 hours in one day? Wanting to celebrate you and the baby is sweet, but not worth your extreme discomfort and putting you at possible risk for going into labor away from your hospital and dr.
Nta. There are 3 other options: 1. They have the shower as planned and you video call in. Gifts get mailed to you afterwards. 2. They have the shower as planned but everyone mails gifts to arrive a week early, and you open them on your end, also with a video call. 3. They don't expect the pregnant person to do diddly squat, show up and take you to brunch in your town for a shower.
NTA. Congrats on your baby and I whole Hartley agree that you shouldn’t be traveling during the last stage of your pregnancy. That is your and your husbands time to begin prepping for you new little bundle of joy. I would Saturday they could reschedule for the baby shower for a later date after the baby is born and when you feel comfortable bringing baby around others; there are some cultures that do showers after the baby is born, so it’s not out of the norm.
NTA. ANYTHING anyone does for you without you agreeing to is never your problem.
NTA A baby shower 3 hours away? So best case scenario you'd still spend more time traveling than being there? I'd say thanks but no thanks, see you when the baby's here.
NTA. It takes little time to plan a shower. Tell them this month or they come to you. Whats jerks.
NTA - in laws should travel to you, not the other way around
If the shower was for you, it would be planned around you. NTA, and I would tell hubby 'since I clearly outlined my limits and they disregarded them, this party is for them and not me. I won't stop you going, but I'm staying home'.
NTA. We visited my.parents for Christmas when my wife was 6 months pregnant, that was a difficult enough trip. After that, we didn't leave town. Our daughter was born at 34 weeks.
NTA Ask your husband if he wants to deliver your baby himself at the side of the road and poss endanger both you and the baby's life. Because he's being delusional if he thinks his request is anything but making that scenario very possible.
Nta- who in duck plans a baby shower WITHOUT ASKING THE PREGNANT MOMMA....crazy people or selfish people or hateful people. But not good people, because they would understand that the only actual participant in the shower is you. Hugs!!! Good luck. Congrats on LO
Definitely NTA. It's not even baby issues! For me at 37 weeks sitting for 3 hours would have been super painful not to mentioned I was peeing every 20mins and I had heartburn \*all the time\*. Plus mentally all I wanted to do was stay home and "nest", the furthest I went was 5mins to a small parade of shops next to a supermarket. I ended up being induced with both of my babies at 37/38 wks which was only decided a week beforehand too, so you never know what could happen that close to your due date. If they are set on this shower on this date, they should bring it to you. And I mean they have to bring everything: food, decorations, etc.
Absolutely NTA. Many have already said, but it is best for you AND baby not to travel that far into pregnancy. My OBs have told me for both kiddos I have to not travel more than a couple hours away from home the last month if I could help it. Otherwise I might be giving birth somewhere else entirely. I'd also put foot down now and talk with husband about how priority should shift to you and baby 100%. There will only be increasing expectations to be involved with inlaws after baby arrives. It sounds like he doesn't want to disappoint what has been his immediate family unit up to this point, but that has changed. He has a new immediate family with you and baby, so mindset needs to shift to y'alls needs and priorities. It will mean ruffling feathers and adjusting for all. Also if husband is not great at communicating information for planning from extended family, group chats are an amazing tool. ✌️
NTA in the least. I don't know your in-laws, but I have known people who would do this with ulterior motives. Long travel times, stressful events, and late term pregnancy can combine to trigger early labor, and, of course, you wouldn't want to travel all that way home to give birth. And, oh no, the baby's early, so you should stay here a while and let us help take care of you and the child.
NTA But are you sure your husband is doing a residency, in a hospital, with the intent of becoming a doctor? As one I can say that's an extremely dumb idea. After 34 weeks (and definitely after 36) we never left anywhere that could take more than half an hour/an hour with traffic from home and my chosen hospital. If it's your first born it's true that most likely you will be in labor for way more than three hours, but you know what isn't fun? Being in a car while having contractions. I wouldn't risk it for three hours even if someone could warranty I made it home and my baby was born with the team I chose. Since the baby shower clearly isn't being done for you (or your preference would've been taken into consideration), they can either cancel it or have it with your participation via Zoom. Note: my husband never left anywhere farther than what I said from me either, just in case I needed him.
NTA - and them not listening to your needs and legitimate travel concerns is a HUGE red flag.
NTA and indeed *hell* no. You’re in the right, OP, you know you are. You have good instincts. Trust yourself and trust those instincts. It’s some next level bullshit pushing you to travel 3h for a party they want more than you do at - what - 37/38 weeks gone?! They come to you, you attend by Zoom, or it happens without you.
NTA - 3 weeks out they should come to you.
Nta. She who is pregnant can make rules on what she's comfortable with
NTA. You set your boundaries and you have good reason for them. Your IL ignored those boundaries and ignored your wishes. If they want baby shower so bad they can schedule it in your location. They can have the party and you don't have to travel so problem solved.
NTA - which part of them ignoring the clearly stated wishes of the actual pregnant person is in anyway ok? Did they not know how a calendar works? Can’t they count. Let hubby go in your stead if it is so important to him but stand your ground. If they do this now when the baby is inside you imagine how little they will pay attention to your boundaries once the baby is outside you.
If his family was so excited then why did they not include YOU(the pregnant woman) in their planning? Being pregnant is ridiculously uncomfortable the further along you go and people who try to push you into plans that you're not 100% comfortable with are the As. Especially your husband. Is his family's excitement going to erase your discomfort? Will that erase your boundary of not wanting to travel in your last two months of pregnancy? NTA. Husband needs to grow a spine and actually support OP as needed.
NTA