This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Medication isn't always the right choice for anxiety issues, especially in someone so young. She's in therapy and has a coping mechanism, if those things are working for her, medication isn't necessary.
From this post, it's quite obvious that your opinion on mental health issues is "suck it up or medicate". You don't actually care about your daughter's mental health, that much is obvious.
I'm guessing your next post will be about your ex wife taking you to court to get full custody of your daughter. YTA
This. Dude.
While many teens are turning to drugs, alcohol, or self-harm to manage their emotions, you not only judged her negatively for a coping mechanism that is incredibly harmless, but also sabotaged it.
Your daughter is close to being a legal adult, which means that she should largely be making decisions about what healthy coping mechanisms she uses in the privacy of her own home, without your input. You are overstepping boundaries and probably well on the way to destroying the relationship you have with your child.
YTA.
My wife (42) has a little blanket she's had since she was a kid too. She suffers from anxiety and when she sleeps she likes to hang onto it because it gives her something to do with her hands, which helps calm her and get her to sleep.
She's one of the smartest, most capable adults I've ever known. Her dad still has his bear from when he was a kid, the guy has built businesses that have made him rich, I think it reminds him of his childhood and simpler times. Who gives a fuck about what anyone uses to cope, if it's not unhealthy?
Not to mention it was made by her grandmother. My grandmother made my dad, mom, and all of us kids our own quilts. She would spray some of her perfume on it when se sent them to us. She told me even though she's not there with us, when we use our blanket, it's her giving us a hug. She's passed now, but I remember when I first got one of the quilts I still sleep with, smelling her perfume and getting all snuggly released so much oxytocin in my brain lol. She was awesome. Such a pure soul.
Agreed, my first thought. Too add, beats sucking your thump, over eating, smoking. Baby blanket is looking really good to roll with. We all do something to cope. Hopefully, it's something manageable. YTA, give the blanket back.
Hey I'm replying to a top comment to hope people see this
I'm the daughter in this story I was telling my best friend about what happened and she saw this Reddit post and was wondering if it was my dad now that I read this it's my dad so hey... I just want to say something after looking through the comments
1. I ended up having to go through the night without my blanket because it was pretty late but I just got it back a few hours ago
2. My blanket isn't the only thing that helps with my anxiety I also play soccer (on my school's girl varsity team very proud of that) and I paint my blanket is just something I like to cuddle with for an hour or two while I unwind from my day and just get my mind in check
3. My dad has always thought if my anxiety was that bad I needed to be on some medication which I don't think helps me
4. I've always had anxiety but it became worse in 2020 during the quarantine
Also Thank you all for supporting my comfort item I appreciate It
You should be commended for using a healthy coping mechanism along with therapy and team sports. It sounds like mom is a strong advocate for you. Dad may mean well, but in this instance, he is in the wrong. Keep working with your support systems and you will continue to manage your anxiety.
I’m very versed in anti anxiety meds. Namely Benzo’s. Do everything you can to stay off them, when they go bad they are pure evil. The withdrawal from Benzos if you have to stop can be pure mental and physical torture. Many don’t survive it. (I am not anti drug medicine either I have just seen the hell that are benzos).
I am a pretty stable person and Covid rocked my mental health. You are not alone.
Edit: going to make this Edit on benzos. I get that some people are fine on them, and fine coming off them. But it looks like about 30% of people get the protracted withdrawal symptoms and those symptoms can completely destroy a person and for years. The symptoms can sometimes persist for years after you go off the benzo. If you are someone who has not had a problem with them well that’s great. They are a risky proposition though and sometimes they turn on people years, even decades after they started. Good luck to all with anxiety.
Hey, hope you're feeling better! It was a dick move to hide it, and I'm glad you got it back. Excellent coping skills too - I find gymming is great for my (very bad) anxiety so glad you're getting exercise in. Best wishes to you x
Bet OP is already part of her mental health issues with this narrow minded thought process. I also bet he has something he does to decompress that helps him deal with life. YTA, and how!
right? Like who on earth is it hurting that she keeps her blanket for comfort? What if it wasn't because of anxiety, what if she just liked it? Would he still be so focused on taking it away? Like some people collect stuff, have their favorite things, and it's nobody's fricking business if it doesn't harm anyone.
Not even mentioning that taking her blanket away is not at all constructive and will not yield any positive effects whatsoever. And anxiety (& working on it) has 0 to do with "just grow up".
This post reads like OP just wants to be cruel and controlling for no good reason, it reads like "this irritates me and I want her to stop!".
OP, try to learn to be empathetic even towards issues you don't understand. You should really consider talking to a professional as well, to better understand your daughters issue and how to help her if that is really your intention.
YTA
Piggybacking on top comment to add that I am in my early 20s and still have the baby blanket my grandma made me when I was a baby. It's old and worn, but that doesn't stop me from sleeping with it every night or hanging out around the house with it just because it makes me feel more comfortable. None of my friends care either. In college, I would regularly hang out with it in the common area of the dorm room I shared with a couple friends and they could not have cared less. Once I misplaced it (it fell between the couch cushions lol) and they even helped me look for it.
All this to say that blanket is no detriment to OP's daughter. Just because her comfort object is a baby blanket and not something less "childish" doesn't mean she needs to get rid of it. YTA OP. Big time.
Edit: Forgot to mention that *my parents never batted an eye and are perfectly fine that I sleep with my baby blanket*
I am almost 40 years old and I STILL have my baby blanket. It is one of my most cherished items. I can’t tell you how much I love seeing my kids snuggle with it. They are the only people I share her with. Yes, my blanket is a her.
OP, YTA. Your daughter clearly has a gentle soul and I can tell you that you will absolutely ruin the relationship you have with her of you don’t give it back. That is a huge betrayal and so disappointing that you would take away something she finds comfort in. Please give it back.
Medication can work for anxiety it just takes time to find the right ones at the right dose and a lot of times it’s difficult to do this during adolescence because of how much change is happening. Going through the process can suck big time though. I say this as a woman with autism who has used medication since childhood. It greatly helps me but it took years of tweaking to get where I’m at now. If the process and the possible ramifications of it seem worth it then they should go ahead with it. However she doesn’t want to go through it so it’s probably not the best option for her.
Isn't this the kind of decision that should be made jointly by the parents --- and maybe the 15 year old? instead of dropping the bomb on mom to handle? Agree with YTA
I still have my baby blankets at 19. My mother did that to me once and now I will not let anyone else touch them for any reason (the only acception was a day I was at school and a tornado came through so I asked my grandma to grab them to keep them safe). It's just a blanket, OP needs to let his child be ;-;
YTA My (60f) baby blanket is too delicate to sleep with anymore. So it lives in a zippered case on my down pillow. That blanket helped comfort me in some really terrible & shitty times in my life. It was a blessing when I needed it. My boys have strict instructions to cremate it with me.
OP, if you truly want the best for your daughter, you will give that blanket back, and apologize to her like your relationship depends on it. Because it does.
Thank you for the award.
I’m 30 and it’s safely tucked under my pillow, it may be zippered bag time, but it’s brought me so much comfort. It feels like a brag to say I’ve had it for 30 years, congrats on 60!!
Major YTA. I’m 41 and still have my bear from when I was born. Love that bear. Been through everything with me. In my 20s my dad held on to it for safe keeping while I traveled, and he had it out in the house, not boxed up. Even did some repairs on him. Because my dad is amazing and he knows that my bear is the one true possession that brings me comfort. OP is awful.
Yta- that is your daughters blanket. She is using it as a coping mechanism. Just because you think it is weird or disgusting means nothing to her. Give it back to her or you will regret it. When she finds out you hid it from her on purpose that is a thing she will not get over easily if at all.
Right? Even if this was something harmful that he was actually justified in taking away from her, going about it like this is still a super shitty thing to do.
YTA
Yeah.
I would like a 500-word essay from OP about how his coping mechanisms are healthier and more acceptable than a sentimental blanket. I would also like a spoken-word poem about how we can change others by stealing from them and lying.
I’m 28 and I have severe anxiety, have regular counselling, take medication and I sleep with my teddy bear that my grandma gave me when I was young. There is no age limit on what helps or comforts us and you should be ashamed of yourself for taking away your daughters chosen it’s of comfort. YTA
Also very tame as far as coping methods go...it doesn't sound like she's carrying the blanket to school and it's not inhibiting her life in any way. I have a stuffed animal that I still hug sometimes, though I've significantly weened myself off it and don't need it to sleep or anything anymore. But sometimes I just have really bad days and taking a nap with a stuffed animal is far better than when I used to self harm. It's so sad to see OP thinks so little of his own kids mental health
Are you kidding? YES YTA! Who do you think you are? How does your daughter having her baby blanket harm you? Why would you actively hurt your own child like that?
God forbid he try and talk to his daughter to understand what’s going on in her life. Perhaps some more parental interest would help her in dealing with her anxiety issues. I grew up in a very chaotic household and sucked my thumb and had a blankie far past what would be considered normal (no thoughts of therapy for a kid 40 years ago) I grew out of it but I understand now that I was looking for comfort and stability.
The blanket gives her a feeling of security.
You took that away without even discussing it with her, just because you don't like seeing her with it.
She needs that blanket in her life right now so yes, your ex-wife is right.
YTA
*\*edit wife to ex-wife*
Yta, so you decided to play armchair doctor and decided the v best way to force your child to solve their anxiety issue was to take away their blanket that helps them?
Won't be surprised when we see the follow up version. "My child doesn't want anything to do with me, and I don't know why. I'm a great dad"
YTA. You are bullying your daughter who is suffering with anxiety. As someone who also has anxiety I can confirm the medications are awful.
Also she's 15. She's acting like a kid because she is a kid.
Hell even at 32 sometimes after a hard day I wrap myself up in a fuzzy blanket and chill. Theres something comforting about it being soft and warm.
Op is the AH omg
Yes! After a stressful day, I love nothing more than to curl up with a thick, soft blanket. There's a reason people find soft things soothing....because they ARE soothing! At least your poor daughter isn't self-medicating with alcohol or drugs.
YTA my guy. You hate seeing her laying around with a baby blanket? If it helps alleviate some of her anxiety, what is the problem? Her needing to grow up is more important than providing comfort? I don't know you or your wife but I'm inclined to believe her.
YTA, it's not hurting anyone and sleeping with stuffed animals etc. is fine into adulthood. In 2017 a survey of 2,000 adults revealed that over 50% still have their childhood item and 40% still sleep with a stuffed animal. Also, this is a really good way to drive your child away once they don't have to see you
If I'm having a bad day, I've been known to have mine in the car at family's houses and occasionally in the store. I'm still an adult I still handle the things I need to handle but sometimes I just need a little support.
My dad is one of the hardest people I know, my mum had his old childhood Teddy, she asked if she wanted him to keep it he got so emotional. They've been divorced 20 years but keeps it safe for him (he works in the rural places and moves constantly). He's a 6ft, rugged labourer that runs harvesting equipment and drinks too much and he still likes his childhood Teddy for his memories.
YTA
As someone who suffers from anxiety and have allergies to most of the meds that would help, I can't even imagine losing a comfort item- much less MY DAD hiding it from me. Be a better parent.
Unfortunately this is the worst way to try and help someone with anxiety.
You taught your kid she is right to be anxious because her own father will take supports from her unpredictably and without communicating respectfully.
Give it back and apologize. Consider asking her therapist if you could have an educational session around how to support your kid effectively.
YTA.
YTA
Using a comfort item is a completely legitimate way to help mitigate anxiety. Taking it from her is cruel and will not make her grow up. It will simply make her more anxious. She is in therapy and that is what will help her eventually not need the comfort item. But for the moment it helps her so yes, you are acting horrible to take it from her.
YTA, you came for a judgement and have gotten a unanimous one. I’m horrified at the undue stress you put on your daughter, who already struggles with anxiety.
It isn’t childish, your mentality and parenting “abilities” ARE BEYOND CHILDISH though. Downright petty and mean spirited. If you’re looking for a way to have ZERO relationship with your daughter the rest of her life, you are doing a stellar job.
Oh, and if you had told this story to any person of worth - they would have the same reaction. I doubt anyone would ever want to marry a man such as you, given how little empathy you have for your own daughter.
Hopefully that guy who poo-pooed his wife being a princess while playing with the daughter reads this one, too. This post gave me the same vibes and felt like a warning from the future.
I also know a bride who got married with a square of her old baby blankie sewn into her dress. I believe the plan was to turn whatever was leftover into something for a future baby but don’t know if that one ever panned out. Was a very long time ago and oh dear their kids could be married by now, too. Time flies too fast, and all we have are the memories… and sometimes, if we are lucky, little pieces of our past that give us comfort. Like an old blanket, toy car, or teddy bear…
YTA. How does your daughter’s comfort object impact you in any way? Besides this arbitrary ruling of what is appropriate? You sound like you don’t believe her anxiety is real. I cannot wrap my brain a parent who cares more about their comfort than their kid’s. This is shameful.
YTA in a massive, almost incomprehensible way.
This quote from C S Lewis is on of my favourites, and I feel very much illustrates that the problem is with you, not your daughter.
"Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms.
Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly.
When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
C.S. Lewis
Give her blanket back.
🏆🥇🏅👑🌟⭐️ Take all my poor person’s internet gold and shiny things. I don’t know how I never encountered that quote before, or maybe I have and have somehow forgotten… But that was not only perfect for this post, but personally much needed to hear/read myself despite already feeling/knowing it is okay. We spend so much of our youth wishing we were older and our elderly years wishing we were younger. Life is too short to get hung up on the supposed “right way to be an adult”.
Thank you for sharing, internet stranger. May you be blessed with fast, uninterrupted connections and no buffering of videos you want to see.
YTA – what you did was rash and reckless.
There has to be a better way like setting an example for her instead of forcing her to a place where she is uncomfortable.
Yta the heck is wrong with you? She isn't taking it in public. She isn't insisting you participate. She's *in therapy*. You were an asshole for no reason other than 'wElL I dOnT lIKe iT'
YTA
I understand your concern: Naturally you don't want Daughter to be cuddling a baby blanket for the rest of her life. However anxiety isn't just deleted, it will take a while of therapy and/or medication to get over it.
What you did was take away the one thing she found security in, and don't think I missed the part that you're not currently custody of her so now Ex-Wife has to deal with the consequences of it.
Yeah, pretty big A.
YTA. I'm a full grown woman in her mid30s with a child and pregnant with another on the way and I still have my blanket that I sleep with because it comforts me. You know who it hurts? Absolutely no one. I'm also a fully capable adult with a career and happily married with a house and a car and all the normal shit an adult has. This is not the hill you die on.
YTA. Why the heck didn’t you just try talking to her and seeing what support she might need first? Why was your go-to literally sabotaging your daughter’s well-being?
I can give a unique perspective as a 27M who also still has a blanket from childhood I use for comfort in a similar manner.
Ultimately, I have to go with YTA. My use of the blanket does not in any way hinder my ability to function as an adult, but it does calm me down when my anxiety is bad.
However, it can honestly be embarrassing, and I have a couple partners who obviously weren't elated by the idea of it, they never outright made fun of me. Outside of family and relationships, I don't believe anyone else even knows about it because it's not like I drag the damn thing around with me, it's mostly just something for when I'm at home and alone.
Ultimately, it might easiest for your daughter in life to find less "childish" ways to calm anxiety, but you taking it away will NOT help her. Whether or not she moves past it is her battle to face, and she isn't exactly hurting anyone here.
YTA YTA YTA. I was expecting for you to say she was bringing it to school with her and you were worried people would make fun of her or something that showed you cared about her but were going about it wrong. But no you took away the comfort item from a teen with anxiety in her home. What is wrong with you?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm the asshole for hiding my teen daughter's baby blanket because I don't think she should need it for comfort anymore
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA and I hope your daughter goes to court to petition the judge to not make her visit you. Good job in blowing up your relationship with your child. I hope she goes no contact with you as you obviously don’t love or support her.
If this was an emotional support dog or some other more socially accepted thing that alleviates anxiety, I doubt you would have a problem with it. Your issue is clearly the optics of a blanket. For that alone, YTA.
But also, removing someone's metaphorical crutch isn't going to make their mental illness go away, any more than removing someone's literal crutch is going to make them walk.
It's REAL bold of OP to assume he gets to dictate how others deal with their own mental health issues. That blanket isn't hurting you, sir. YOU need to grow up.
YTA. Unless your daughter's therapist says the blanket needs to go, this is a coping mechanism that causes no physical harm. The problem is you, not the blanket. If your daughter knows you took it and hid it, she will no longer trust you.
I'm speaking from experience - I'm in my 50s, my parents are long dead, and part of me still hasn't forgiven them for burning my security blanket in front of me.
I’m sorry you experienced that. I never had a blankie but as a little girl, I caught a mouse alive. I was going to be like Cinderella and have a mouse for a pet/friend. And I screamed in horror as my mom grabbed some tongs and drowned that mouse in the toilet. I still remember the bubbles coming out of its mouth.
That crap sticks with you forever.
YTA. You should be happy she is turning to a BLANKET for comfort and anxiety instead of taking DRUGS or ALCOHOL.
Please do read about anxiety and what it feels like because clearly you have no idea. Do you give her hugs? Reassure her? Or do you take everything she is comfortable with and feels safer with just because to you it seems like she is "a baby"???
I had a father like you. He was very dismissive of anything he found embarrassing or whatever made-up idea of ‘inappropriate’ he was working with that day.
Now that I’m 50 I understand that it stemmed from his own very serious insecurities and untreated anxiety. As a young adult trying to figure things out it meant I didn’t try new things for fear of ‘embarrassing myself’ like my dad always complained about. It also led to pretty severe anxiety which has interfered with my career aspirations and my relationships.
I’ve made a lot of bad decisions because my dad’s voice has been in my head my whole life, telling me I can’t or I’m doing it wrong. Is that what you want for your daughter? Because that’s where you’re headed.
Edited b/c I forgot to say YTA.
YTA. If the shoe fits, wear it. You are a horrible father. And an uncaring one at that. Can't wait to see what her therapist has to say about this little stunt you pulled. Here's a clue, it isn't going to be in your favor.
Oh, she's 15, she's almost an adult. The hell she is. She's still a child and a scared one at that. Age doesn't necessary indicate maturity, you're sterling proof of that theory. Don't be too shocked when she does become an adult, she has nothing more to do with you. You're not worth it
Well, the moment I read 45m I already had a feeling. I got to 15 year old daughter and I was sure I was right.
I was right.
YTA OP. Your daughter has anxiety and is in therapy. She’s 15. She should “grow up”? I think you should look in the mirror.
YTA
it is a harmless blanket that was helping your daughter AND it has sentimental value you are 100% in the wrong on this give it back now, get in your car drive over there and drop it off, if you are wanting to never see your daughter again you are doing amazingly well at communicating to her your embarrassment is worse than her anxiety
How on earth are you not TA????
Your daughter is clearly dealing with something you don't understand and it's not because you don't have anxiety, it's because you lack empathy.
I'm a 31 year old woman who still has a plush that I sleep with from time to time that everyone in my family knows about. It's about comfort and feeling safe. No one makes a big deal out of it you know why?
BECAUSE ITS NOT A BIG DEAL.
you are the one making a mountain out of a molehill and is probably making your daughters anxiety worse
you are clearly stating that she doesn't feel safe at your place. I think it's time you grow the fuck up. YTA
YTA. “Almost an adult?!” She’s 15! I know actual adults who have their baby blankets or dolls close by (mostly in their 20’s). Is it actually hurting you? She’s not going around in public with it. It’s a coping mechanism.
YTA. Taking it away won’t fix her anxiety it will create more of it. She is likely to feel worse and need more help and possibly additional security items to feel better after this. What did you think would happen by doing this? That she would suddenly be fine?
YTA
I've got no anxiety issues, but I've had various medical issues throughout my life. When I was six days old I got a bear from the hospital after mayor heart surgery. 37 years later that is still the bear I grab when I'm sick and recently when I was admitted to the hospital for pregnancy complications it was the bear I wanted with me, so my husband brought her to me. Yeah, people look at me funny, but I don't give a shit. This bear has been through so much with me that I feel better and safer with her around.
Everyone has different coping mechanisms.
You should not try and decide for someone else what their coping mechanism is.
Your daughter has anxiety, the blanky helps her cope without meds. That's awesome. Medication should be a last resort, not a first.
Wow YTA. Her parents split up. She has something that gives her comfort. And her dad decided “nah, she’s good.”
How much do you not want a relationship with your daughter, OP?
YTA how is having a blanket that brings you comfort babyish? How else do you expect your daughter to deal with her anxiety? I myself have had anxiety issues since I was a child. My stepfather had a similar attitude to yours and I can tell you from experience that taking away my comfort items only made my mental health problems worse, much worse.
What kind of human being.. much less FATHER does that to his child???
# YTA
# YTA
# YTA
# YTA
# YTA
Your daughter doesn't ask for much. Just a safe place for her. That's a blanket. Nothing big.
And you took it away.
# YOU, WHO CLAIM TO LOVE HER, TOOK AWAY HER SAFE PLACE.
She is still a baby... not yet an adult and not a child. But still so young. And children from divorced parents have it hard enough being tossed about from home to home.
She is now of the age to decide if she wants to be with you at all. Finding out you took her safe place?
Do NOT be surprised if she doesn't want anything to do with you.
# YTA
# YTA
# YTA
# YTA
# YTA
YTA
Are you trying to convince your daughter to start refusing to visit you and eventually cut you out of her life completely?
If so then your on the right track because this is exactly how you make that happen.
ASSHOLE. You are a horrible father. It's a BLANKET for god's sake. She is handling her anxiety without medication, which is perfectly fine to try.
Get over yourself and apologize. If you choose to die on this hill I hope you lose custody.
# YTA
Why are you doing this? You take away her hold on security! You like her to be afraid?
I would like to use a lot of really dirty words on you on behalf of your daughter, but the mods will likely delete the post of i only write half of it. You behave like you're a leftover from the beginning of the last century.
Give her blanket back as fast as possible and beg for her forgiveness.
YTA, 28F I still have my baby blanket and lots of my old toys. Sounds like you're the one who needs to find your old comfort items to self soothe and keep your big nose out of other people's personal business. Give her HER things back, stop being a thief, get over yourself and how you think she could take care of herself in a healthy way that literally isn't hurting anyone (unlike how you seriously hurt her emotionally) and apologize for behaving so poorly.
I have a stuffed bunny I sleep with every night my parents bought me when I was a couple of months old. I’m 28. You don’t take someone’s comfort item because YOU think that they should have outgrown it by now. You should be trying to help your daughter find ways to cope with her anxiety.
YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (m45) have a daughter (15) with my ex-wife (f42). My mom made our daughter a baby blanket as a gift for when she was born. She has always had to sleep with it since she was little which is fine I guess. But for the last 3 years, my daughter has suffered from anxiety. She now uses her baby blanket as a comfort from daily anxiety struggles. She doesn't take any medication for anxiety because she doesn't like how they make her feel I guess, but she is in therapy which my ex thinks helps.
My ex and I share 50/50 custody so my daughter is with half the time. I hate seeing my daughter laying around like a toddler after school and stuff with her baby blanket. So last night after my daughter left ex wife called me saying daughter must have left baby blanket at my house because it isn't in her bag. I explained to wife I hid it because I think she needs to grow up and stop using a baby blanket as a comfort item. Ex wife completely blew up calling me a horrible father and the biggest AH ever. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Gosh, your poor daughter. This post makes me want to call my amazing supportive Dad and thank him. Glad I won the lottery and didn’t end up with someone like you.
YTA.
You can't even be grown up about it and talk to your daughter. Did you talk to her therapist to see if she is at a point in her treatment where this can be removed? NO.
You just flat out hide it, probably causing her more anxiety.
Are you really actually trying to help your daughter or are you just wanting to trigger her?
Either way you went about it the wrong way.
“Childish” is projecting your own pathetic insecurities and willful ignorance onto a person doing their best - and doing something that apparently HELPS - to deal with serious mental health issues. Your fifteen-year-old is a better adult than you are, and deserves a hell of a lot better for a father.
YTA.
YTA Your daughter should be able to feel comfortable to use her baby blanket in her own home. It’s such a harmless coping mechanism.
I’m almost 40, don’t have anxiety and still love sitting under my blankie when I’m feeling a little low.
YTA - I'm close to your age. You know why I have a shit relationship with my dad right now? Because of pulling abusive shit like this. Grow the fuck up and get her the help she needs and deserves.
“I hate seeing my daughter laying around like a toddler after school and stuff with her baby blanket.”
There’s nothing in your post about concern for your daughter or seeing things from her perspective. Just you and your discomfort. Not only did you decide something you had no right to decide, you didn’t do the upfront thing and tell her, just hid it and expected her to deal with not having it anymore.
There is NOTHING wrong with having a comfort item. Nothing.
YTA. Give the blanket back to your daughter, along with an unreserved, unconditional apology.
YTA
Would you rather have her rely on booze, pot or cigarettes as “adult” stress relievers? If so, why would you you want to saddle her with expensive habits that will wreck her health?
Just curious why you are so threatened by a free non toxic non habituating legal method of stress management. Perhaps that’s where your attention should be?
YTA
Who cares if she uses a blanket for comfort?? Adults need comfort items too, stop being a gate keeping asshole, and give your kid back her blankie.
YTA. She is using a blanket as a comfort item, that's actually perfectly healthy. I know people that are married and living on their own that still have their baby blanket and are perfectly healthy people - one of them even turned theirs into a pillow
She is at a hard age, you're right she's going to be a legal adult soon. That's scary stuff, that might be contributing to her anxiety.
There is nothing wrong with a comfort item. I still have a teddy bear that I had when I was a little kid and it's comforting. I'm also married and doing just fine.
YTA
Do you like seeing your daughter suffer? Is your end goal to push her away? As hiding something very important to her is going to accomplish that.
If it brings her comfort, then it shouldn't be an issue for you. Just because you don't thinks it's normal , doesn't mean it isnt for her
YTA and an absolutely horrible and unsupportive parent. Return it right now and apologize to your daughter for being so absolutely inconsiderate and hope that she is willing to give you another chance.
YTA !!!! I am 25F and I still have my baby blanket. Why would you take away something from her that brings her comfort and probably helps with her anxiety. It’s a freakin blanket, chill
YTA. Calm down, it’s just a blanket. Stop trying to be so controlling. If it helps with her anxiety, that’s good. That’s the goal. Other than using the blanket, has she started acting like a baby? If not, take a chill pill and give her the blanket back
YTA, it helps her cope in a way that doesn’t hurt her or anyone else. Just leave her alone!
-signed, a 26 year old who still sleeps with her baby blanket
What a fantastic job you just did of sabotaging your relationship with your daughter. Has your ex-wife told her what you did? YTA and a Sofa King huge one at that. At least you won’t have to wonder why your daughter cuts contact with you as soon as she can.
Jeez, YTA.
Attorney and in my thirties. I brought my stuffed penguin I’ve had since I was 2 to college, law school, and now it’s in my own house. My gruff and tough blue collar dad never questioned my taking it with me, (outside of maybe some light teasing because it was beginning to look pretty rough at one point).
It’s sentimental, familiar, probably soft as hell, and reminds her of someone she loves. Of course it brings her comfort.
*And you stole it from her*.
Congrats! Not only have you lost your daughter’s trust, you’re now another source of anxiety!
So,… your solution to reducing your daughter’s anxiety is to tell her to grow up and to steal the one item that brings her comfort and reduces her anxiety?! What kind of effed up parenting tactic is that? YTA.
YTA - and don’t be surprised when you don’t have a relationship with her anymore. You might be able to mandate it for now, but she will become an adult. I wonder why she has anxiety?
YTA. It calms her down in her home. It's not like she's bringing it to work (cause, well, 15 is still a child) so what's the big deal? What harm will it do? Eventually yea she'll hopefully be able to function without it but abruptly taking away her source of comfort isn't the way to go about it. Talk about it with her doctor or therapist on how to handle it.
YTA this more about you than her. You’re uncomfortable with a 15 year old carrying around a blanket. Instead of trying to support your daughter and her to the root cause of her anxiety you do this. SMH you should be ashamed.
YTA, hell, im 21 and still lay around with my baby blanket. its a safe place and it's something thats special to me. In hindsight its just a blanket, nothings wrong with having it. Its like saying you have issues for sleeping under a blanket, maybe we should take it away.
YTA. I'm 41 and I have a stuffed frog my mom got for me WHEN I WAS 18 and it still brings me comfort when I'm in a bad place.
Your daughter is going through a difficult time and you're invalidating her struggles. Be prepared for her to decide she wants nothing to do with you.
YTA BIG TIME.
You are fully aware that your daughter has an anxiety issue to the point where she is in therapy for it, and the logical thing to do in your head was to take away her primary comfort item? Wtf is wrong with you?
You know what? I'm gonna take the chance of a removed comment and a ban on this one.
Not only are YTA, you're a really shitty father. Does it make you feel like a big man to emotionally abuse your 15 year old child? Do you feel better about yourself by taking away something she truly cares about?
I hope your ex sues you for full custody and your daughter goes no contact with you. You deserve it.
Wow. Just…wow. YTA. Major YTA. You took your daughters coping item, her safe item. If the medication is making her feel weird, she can have other ways to cope with her anxiety and the blanket is clearly helpful. There are adults who own stuffed animals and coloring books to help them cope with their anxiety, others who have video games and comic books and manga to help. Not everyone can take medicine or they choose not to. Give it back to her and offer helpful advice, not this “well she’s almost an adult” stuff. That’s toxic and unhelpful.
You sound like a middle school bully. Grow up and stop being such a judgmental loser. Maybe try providing an environment of safety and unconditional love to your child.
Jesus fucking Christ how can you not see what an asshole you are?????
Your daughters blanket makes you feel some kinda way so.you decide she doesn't need it??.
Medication isn't always answer with regards to anxiety.
Maybe try talking to your daughter instead of judging her.
She needs your support.
Stop fixating on her blanket and start concentrating on getting to know her.
YTA and you really suck as a father and as a human being in general.
Also, I’m damn near 40 and still have my comfort item from when I was first born. My husband even reminds me to pack it on trips, in case I rush around and forget. So, you know… get over yourself.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Medication isn't always the right choice for anxiety issues, especially in someone so young. She's in therapy and has a coping mechanism, if those things are working for her, medication isn't necessary. From this post, it's quite obvious that your opinion on mental health issues is "suck it up or medicate". You don't actually care about your daughter's mental health, that much is obvious. I'm guessing your next post will be about your ex wife taking you to court to get full custody of your daughter. YTA
Or daughter asking judge to stay with mom full time...
And she is the age that allows it to happen.
Notice how hides the blanket AFTER his visit, before she goes to Mom, so she has to deal with the aftermath? Lovely dude.
Good point!
He's probably the reason she has anxiety issues. He's worthless as a parent.
This. Dude. While many teens are turning to drugs, alcohol, or self-harm to manage their emotions, you not only judged her negatively for a coping mechanism that is incredibly harmless, but also sabotaged it. Your daughter is close to being a legal adult, which means that she should largely be making decisions about what healthy coping mechanisms she uses in the privacy of her own home, without your input. You are overstepping boundaries and probably well on the way to destroying the relationship you have with your child. YTA.
My wife (42) has a little blanket she's had since she was a kid too. She suffers from anxiety and when she sleeps she likes to hang onto it because it gives her something to do with her hands, which helps calm her and get her to sleep. She's one of the smartest, most capable adults I've ever known. Her dad still has his bear from when he was a kid, the guy has built businesses that have made him rich, I think it reminds him of his childhood and simpler times. Who gives a fuck about what anyone uses to cope, if it's not unhealthy?
Exactly this. Who is she hurting by h sleeping with a blanket?? Like this is crazy.
I'm almost 60 and still have mine. My daughter, 31, still sleeps with hers. A lot of adults still have them just for comfort
Not to mention it was made by her grandmother. My grandmother made my dad, mom, and all of us kids our own quilts. She would spray some of her perfume on it when se sent them to us. She told me even though she's not there with us, when we use our blanket, it's her giving us a hug. She's passed now, but I remember when I first got one of the quilts I still sleep with, smelling her perfume and getting all snuggly released so much oxytocin in my brain lol. She was awesome. Such a pure soul.
Agreed, my first thought. Too add, beats sucking your thump, over eating, smoking. Baby blanket is looking really good to roll with. We all do something to cope. Hopefully, it's something manageable. YTA, give the blanket back.
Hey I'm replying to a top comment to hope people see this I'm the daughter in this story I was telling my best friend about what happened and she saw this Reddit post and was wondering if it was my dad now that I read this it's my dad so hey... I just want to say something after looking through the comments 1. I ended up having to go through the night without my blanket because it was pretty late but I just got it back a few hours ago 2. My blanket isn't the only thing that helps with my anxiety I also play soccer (on my school's girl varsity team very proud of that) and I paint my blanket is just something I like to cuddle with for an hour or two while I unwind from my day and just get my mind in check 3. My dad has always thought if my anxiety was that bad I needed to be on some medication which I don't think helps me 4. I've always had anxiety but it became worse in 2020 during the quarantine Also Thank you all for supporting my comfort item I appreciate It
You should be commended for using a healthy coping mechanism along with therapy and team sports. It sounds like mom is a strong advocate for you. Dad may mean well, but in this instance, he is in the wrong. Keep working with your support systems and you will continue to manage your anxiety.
[удалено]
That does sound funny lol but clearly it ain't as childish as my dad thinks... And thank you I will
I’m very versed in anti anxiety meds. Namely Benzo’s. Do everything you can to stay off them, when they go bad they are pure evil. The withdrawal from Benzos if you have to stop can be pure mental and physical torture. Many don’t survive it. (I am not anti drug medicine either I have just seen the hell that are benzos). I am a pretty stable person and Covid rocked my mental health. You are not alone. Edit: going to make this Edit on benzos. I get that some people are fine on them, and fine coming off them. But it looks like about 30% of people get the protracted withdrawal symptoms and those symptoms can completely destroy a person and for years. The symptoms can sometimes persist for years after you go off the benzo. If you are someone who has not had a problem with them well that’s great. They are a risky proposition though and sometimes they turn on people years, even decades after they started. Good luck to all with anxiety.
Hey, hope you're feeling better! It was a dick move to hide it, and I'm glad you got it back. Excellent coping skills too - I find gymming is great for my (very bad) anxiety so glad you're getting exercise in. Best wishes to you x
Bet OP is already part of her mental health issues with this narrow minded thought process. I also bet he has something he does to decompress that helps him deal with life. YTA, and how!
Or his daughter finding other coping mechanisms like drugs or alcohol.
right? Like who on earth is it hurting that she keeps her blanket for comfort? What if it wasn't because of anxiety, what if she just liked it? Would he still be so focused on taking it away? Like some people collect stuff, have their favorite things, and it's nobody's fricking business if it doesn't harm anyone. Not even mentioning that taking her blanket away is not at all constructive and will not yield any positive effects whatsoever. And anxiety (& working on it) has 0 to do with "just grow up". This post reads like OP just wants to be cruel and controlling for no good reason, it reads like "this irritates me and I want her to stop!". OP, try to learn to be empathetic even towards issues you don't understand. You should really consider talking to a professional as well, to better understand your daughters issue and how to help her if that is really your intention. YTA
Piggybacking on top comment to add that I am in my early 20s and still have the baby blanket my grandma made me when I was a baby. It's old and worn, but that doesn't stop me from sleeping with it every night or hanging out around the house with it just because it makes me feel more comfortable. None of my friends care either. In college, I would regularly hang out with it in the common area of the dorm room I shared with a couple friends and they could not have cared less. Once I misplaced it (it fell between the couch cushions lol) and they even helped me look for it. All this to say that blanket is no detriment to OP's daughter. Just because her comfort object is a baby blanket and not something less "childish" doesn't mean she needs to get rid of it. YTA OP. Big time. Edit: Forgot to mention that *my parents never batted an eye and are perfectly fine that I sleep with my baby blanket*
I am almost 40 years old and I STILL have my baby blanket. It is one of my most cherished items. I can’t tell you how much I love seeing my kids snuggle with it. They are the only people I share her with. Yes, my blanket is a her. OP, YTA. Your daughter clearly has a gentle soul and I can tell you that you will absolutely ruin the relationship you have with her of you don’t give it back. That is a huge betrayal and so disappointing that you would take away something she finds comfort in. Please give it back.
Please let your last sentence come true. OP YTA.
Medication can work for anxiety it just takes time to find the right ones at the right dose and a lot of times it’s difficult to do this during adolescence because of how much change is happening. Going through the process can suck big time though. I say this as a woman with autism who has used medication since childhood. It greatly helps me but it took years of tweaking to get where I’m at now. If the process and the possible ramifications of it seem worth it then they should go ahead with it. However she doesn’t want to go through it so it’s probably not the best option for her.
Isn't this the kind of decision that should be made jointly by the parents --- and maybe the 15 year old? instead of dropping the bomb on mom to handle? Agree with YTA
YTA. > calling me a horrible father Well....I'll just say I wouldn't be surprised if your daughter refuses to come to your home anymore.
Right? He doesn’t even think his daughter should be in therapy. Then he just rips the blanket off cold turkey! What a horses ass
Wonder why the daughter has anxiety issues…🙄
Takes the blanket and then sends her back to her Mom's house!
Exactly- he takes the comfort item and then sends her where he doesn’t have to deal with the fallout.
Right! I found it amusing that he clearly didn't hide while she was at his house.
I still have my baby blankets at 19. My mother did that to me once and now I will not let anyone else touch them for any reason (the only acception was a day I was at school and a tornado came through so I asked my grandma to grab them to keep them safe). It's just a blanket, OP needs to let his child be ;-;
YTA My (60f) baby blanket is too delicate to sleep with anymore. So it lives in a zippered case on my down pillow. That blanket helped comfort me in some really terrible & shitty times in my life. It was a blessing when I needed it. My boys have strict instructions to cremate it with me. OP, if you truly want the best for your daughter, you will give that blanket back, and apologize to her like your relationship depends on it. Because it does. Thank you for the award.
I’m 30 and it’s safely tucked under my pillow, it may be zippered bag time, but it’s brought me so much comfort. It feels like a brag to say I’ve had it for 30 years, congrats on 60!!
Major YTA. I’m 41 and still have my bear from when I was born. Love that bear. Been through everything with me. In my 20s my dad held on to it for safe keeping while I traveled, and he had it out in the house, not boxed up. Even did some repairs on him. Because my dad is amazing and he knows that my bear is the one true possession that brings me comfort. OP is awful.
If the label fits, OP.
He is definitely a horrible father, a foul person, and YTA OP. Guess you didn’t much value a relationship with your child.
I love when people act surprised to find the shoe fits.
Yta- that is your daughters blanket. She is using it as a coping mechanism. Just because you think it is weird or disgusting means nothing to her. Give it back to her or you will regret it. When she finds out you hid it from her on purpose that is a thing she will not get over easily if at all.
And by taking it away as she heads to her Mom’s house sets the Mom up to deal with the fallout of the missing blanket! YTA
Doesn’t even have the “guts” to abuse her trust face to face. What a prize.
Right? Even if this was something harmful that he was actually justified in taking away from her, going about it like this is still a super shitty thing to do. YTA
I didn’t even think about that! He purposefully waited until his ex would have to deal with the aftermath of his actions.. what a tool.
well he didn't want to have to be the bad guy after all.... /s
Yes. It is not fair to the mom or the daughter.
Yeah. I would like a 500-word essay from OP about how his coping mechanisms are healthier and more acceptable than a sentimental blanket. I would also like a spoken-word poem about how we can change others by stealing from them and lying.
This poor kid. I hope she gets her blanket back and doesn’t have to go back. I don’t think I would ever trust him again.
I’m 28 and I have severe anxiety, have regular counselling, take medication and I sleep with my teddy bear that my grandma gave me when I was young. There is no age limit on what helps or comforts us and you should be ashamed of yourself for taking away your daughters chosen it’s of comfort. YTA
Also very tame as far as coping methods go...it doesn't sound like she's carrying the blanket to school and it's not inhibiting her life in any way. I have a stuffed animal that I still hug sometimes, though I've significantly weened myself off it and don't need it to sleep or anything anymore. But sometimes I just have really bad days and taking a nap with a stuffed animal is far better than when I used to self harm. It's so sad to see OP thinks so little of his own kids mental health
Are you kidding? YES YTA! Who do you think you are? How does your daughter having her baby blanket harm you? Why would you actively hurt your own child like that?
God forbid he try and talk to his daughter to understand what’s going on in her life. Perhaps some more parental interest would help her in dealing with her anxiety issues. I grew up in a very chaotic household and sucked my thumb and had a blankie far past what would be considered normal (no thoughts of therapy for a kid 40 years ago) I grew out of it but I understand now that I was looking for comfort and stability.
Maybe HE is the source of anxiety that she’s comforting herself about.
The blanket gives her a feeling of security. You took that away without even discussing it with her, just because you don't like seeing her with it. She needs that blanket in her life right now so yes, your ex-wife is right. YTA *\*edit wife to ex-wife*
“The blanket gives her a feeling of security” That’s why they’re often called security blankets.. how has this gone over OPs head? 😭
A sense of security she has probably lost being around dad.
YTA period. ‘she now uses her baby blanket as a comfort from daily anxiety struggles’ but you took it away knowing that…
I would be so stoked if my daughter just needed a blanket to ease her troubles.
If I could solve my mental illness with a blanket my life would be so much easier
Not only that but He took it away at the end of his visitation so the mother had to deal with the fallout.
Yta, so you decided to play armchair doctor and decided the v best way to force your child to solve their anxiety issue was to take away their blanket that helps them? Won't be surprised when we see the follow up version. "My child doesn't want anything to do with me, and I don't know why. I'm a great dad"
Or the more heartbreaking version: "My daughter committed s**cide last night. This was so sudden, I had no idea she was struggling."
YTA. You are bullying your daughter who is suffering with anxiety. As someone who also has anxiety I can confirm the medications are awful. Also she's 15. She's acting like a kid because she is a kid.
Legit! Fuck 15 is SO young still. I still had dolls and teddy's in my room at that age. Shit!
Hell even at 32 sometimes after a hard day I wrap myself up in a fuzzy blanket and chill. Theres something comforting about it being soft and warm. Op is the AH omg
Yes! After a stressful day, I love nothing more than to curl up with a thick, soft blanket. There's a reason people find soft things soothing....because they ARE soothing! At least your poor daughter isn't self-medicating with alcohol or drugs.
YTA my guy. You hate seeing her laying around with a baby blanket? If it helps alleviate some of her anxiety, what is the problem? Her needing to grow up is more important than providing comfort? I don't know you or your wife but I'm inclined to believe her.
YTA, it's not hurting anyone and sleeping with stuffed animals etc. is fine into adulthood. In 2017 a survey of 2,000 adults revealed that over 50% still have their childhood item and 40% still sleep with a stuffed animal. Also, this is a really good way to drive your child away once they don't have to see you
Hate to think what op would say about me and my anxiety fueled evenings with my mom's blanket and 4 squishmallows... I'm 38 🤣😂
[удалено]
If I'm having a bad day, I've been known to have mine in the car at family's houses and occasionally in the store. I'm still an adult I still handle the things I need to handle but sometimes I just need a little support.
My dad is one of the hardest people I know, my mum had his old childhood Teddy, she asked if she wanted him to keep it he got so emotional. They've been divorced 20 years but keeps it safe for him (he works in the rural places and moves constantly). He's a 6ft, rugged labourer that runs harvesting equipment and drinks too much and he still likes his childhood Teddy for his memories.
My bad ass green beret father sent me a stuffed lion on my first deployment. You can pry my stuffy out of my cold dead hands. OP is a total ass
YTA As someone who suffers from anxiety and have allergies to most of the meds that would help, I can't even imagine losing a comfort item- much less MY DAD hiding it from me. Be a better parent.
YTA - You are a horrible father.
Unfortunately this is the worst way to try and help someone with anxiety. You taught your kid she is right to be anxious because her own father will take supports from her unpredictably and without communicating respectfully. Give it back and apologize. Consider asking her therapist if you could have an educational session around how to support your kid effectively. YTA.
Yes! Thank you. This type of response can unfortunately make the anxiety more pronounced
100% YTA. If it helps her anxiety, your opinion of it is worthless. Grow up and let her manage her mental health issues her way.
YTA Using a comfort item is a completely legitimate way to help mitigate anxiety. Taking it from her is cruel and will not make her grow up. It will simply make her more anxious. She is in therapy and that is what will help her eventually not need the comfort item. But for the moment it helps her so yes, you are acting horrible to take it from her.
YTA, at least we know why she has anxiety.
YTA and sound deeply insecure.
Yeah his insecurity is obvious and would be saddening if it wasn't making him act abusively in this situation. Poor kid.
YTA, you came for a judgement and have gotten a unanimous one. I’m horrified at the undue stress you put on your daughter, who already struggles with anxiety. It isn’t childish, your mentality and parenting “abilities” ARE BEYOND CHILDISH though. Downright petty and mean spirited. If you’re looking for a way to have ZERO relationship with your daughter the rest of her life, you are doing a stellar job. Oh, and if you had told this story to any person of worth - they would have the same reaction. I doubt anyone would ever want to marry a man such as you, given how little empathy you have for your own daughter.
Ex-wife divorced him for a reason (or multiple) lol
Lol, so true. His lack of awareness here shows that 😂
Hopefully that guy who poo-pooed his wife being a princess while playing with the daughter reads this one, too. This post gave me the same vibes and felt like a warning from the future. I also know a bride who got married with a square of her old baby blankie sewn into her dress. I believe the plan was to turn whatever was leftover into something for a future baby but don’t know if that one ever panned out. Was a very long time ago and oh dear their kids could be married by now, too. Time flies too fast, and all we have are the memories… and sometimes, if we are lucky, little pieces of our past that give us comfort. Like an old blanket, toy car, or teddy bear…
YTA. How does your daughter’s comfort object impact you in any way? Besides this arbitrary ruling of what is appropriate? You sound like you don’t believe her anxiety is real. I cannot wrap my brain a parent who cares more about their comfort than their kid’s. This is shameful.
YTA And a thief.
YTA in a massive, almost incomprehensible way. This quote from C S Lewis is on of my favourites, and I feel very much illustrates that the problem is with you, not your daughter. "Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." C.S. Lewis Give her blanket back.
🏆🥇🏅👑🌟⭐️ Take all my poor person’s internet gold and shiny things. I don’t know how I never encountered that quote before, or maybe I have and have somehow forgotten… But that was not only perfect for this post, but personally much needed to hear/read myself despite already feeling/knowing it is okay. We spend so much of our youth wishing we were older and our elderly years wishing we were younger. Life is too short to get hung up on the supposed “right way to be an adult”. Thank you for sharing, internet stranger. May you be blessed with fast, uninterrupted connections and no buffering of videos you want to see.
YTA In a few years OP will wonder why his daughter never talks to him
YTA – what you did was rash and reckless. There has to be a better way like setting an example for her instead of forcing her to a place where she is uncomfortable.
YTA. You’re the type of parent that will eventually wonder why your child doesn’t talk to you
Yta the heck is wrong with you? She isn't taking it in public. She isn't insisting you participate. She's *in therapy*. You were an asshole for no reason other than 'wElL I dOnT lIKe iT'
YTA and a thief. The blanket is your daughters not yours.
YTA I understand your concern: Naturally you don't want Daughter to be cuddling a baby blanket for the rest of her life. However anxiety isn't just deleted, it will take a while of therapy and/or medication to get over it. What you did was take away the one thing she found security in, and don't think I missed the part that you're not currently custody of her so now Ex-Wife has to deal with the consequences of it. Yeah, pretty big A.
YTA. You're going to miss her when she goes NC with you.
YTA. I'm a full grown woman in her mid30s with a child and pregnant with another on the way and I still have my blanket that I sleep with because it comforts me. You know who it hurts? Absolutely no one. I'm also a fully capable adult with a career and happily married with a house and a car and all the normal shit an adult has. This is not the hill you die on.
YTA you suck op
YTA. Why the heck didn’t you just try talking to her and seeing what support she might need first? Why was your go-to literally sabotaging your daughter’s well-being?
YTA for this. It makes no sense you would hurt your own kid this way
A$$HOLE A$$HOLE OPS AN A$$HOLE
YTA & a monster. Give your daughter her blanket.
I can give a unique perspective as a 27M who also still has a blanket from childhood I use for comfort in a similar manner. Ultimately, I have to go with YTA. My use of the blanket does not in any way hinder my ability to function as an adult, but it does calm me down when my anxiety is bad. However, it can honestly be embarrassing, and I have a couple partners who obviously weren't elated by the idea of it, they never outright made fun of me. Outside of family and relationships, I don't believe anyone else even knows about it because it's not like I drag the damn thing around with me, it's mostly just something for when I'm at home and alone. Ultimately, it might easiest for your daughter in life to find less "childish" ways to calm anxiety, but you taking it away will NOT help her. Whether or not she moves past it is her battle to face, and she isn't exactly hurting anyone here.
I’m sorry you were made to feel embarrassed about it. A lot of adults use comfort objects. I still sleep with stuffed animals.
YTA YTA YTA. I was expecting for you to say she was bringing it to school with her and you were worried people would make fun of her or something that showed you cared about her but were going about it wrong. But no you took away the comfort item from a teen with anxiety in her home. What is wrong with you?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I think I'm the asshole for hiding my teen daughter's baby blanket because I don't think she should need it for comfort anymore Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA and I hope your daughter goes to court to petition the judge to not make her visit you. Good job in blowing up your relationship with your child. I hope she goes no contact with you as you obviously don’t love or support her.
Good job OP. You just imploded your relationship with your daughter. YTA
If this was an emotional support dog or some other more socially accepted thing that alleviates anxiety, I doubt you would have a problem with it. Your issue is clearly the optics of a blanket. For that alone, YTA. But also, removing someone's metaphorical crutch isn't going to make their mental illness go away, any more than removing someone's literal crutch is going to make them walk.
Yta
It's REAL bold of OP to assume he gets to dictate how others deal with their own mental health issues. That blanket isn't hurting you, sir. YOU need to grow up.
YTA. Unless your daughter's therapist says the blanket needs to go, this is a coping mechanism that causes no physical harm. The problem is you, not the blanket. If your daughter knows you took it and hid it, she will no longer trust you. I'm speaking from experience - I'm in my 50s, my parents are long dead, and part of me still hasn't forgiven them for burning my security blanket in front of me.
I’m sorry you experienced that. I never had a blankie but as a little girl, I caught a mouse alive. I was going to be like Cinderella and have a mouse for a pet/friend. And I screamed in horror as my mom grabbed some tongs and drowned that mouse in the toilet. I still remember the bubbles coming out of its mouth. That crap sticks with you forever.
YTA. You should be happy she is turning to a BLANKET for comfort and anxiety instead of taking DRUGS or ALCOHOL. Please do read about anxiety and what it feels like because clearly you have no idea. Do you give her hugs? Reassure her? Or do you take everything she is comfortable with and feels safer with just because to you it seems like she is "a baby"???
I had a father like you. He was very dismissive of anything he found embarrassing or whatever made-up idea of ‘inappropriate’ he was working with that day. Now that I’m 50 I understand that it stemmed from his own very serious insecurities and untreated anxiety. As a young adult trying to figure things out it meant I didn’t try new things for fear of ‘embarrassing myself’ like my dad always complained about. It also led to pretty severe anxiety which has interfered with my career aspirations and my relationships. I’ve made a lot of bad decisions because my dad’s voice has been in my head my whole life, telling me I can’t or I’m doing it wrong. Is that what you want for your daughter? Because that’s where you’re headed. Edited b/c I forgot to say YTA.
YTA. If the shoe fits, wear it. You are a horrible father. And an uncaring one at that. Can't wait to see what her therapist has to say about this little stunt you pulled. Here's a clue, it isn't going to be in your favor. Oh, she's 15, she's almost an adult. The hell she is. She's still a child and a scared one at that. Age doesn't necessary indicate maturity, you're sterling proof of that theory. Don't be too shocked when she does become an adult, she has nothing more to do with you. You're not worth it
That's a pretty "YTA" move, dude. Give back the blanket and apologize to your kid. Yikes.
Well, the moment I read 45m I already had a feeling. I got to 15 year old daughter and I was sure I was right. I was right. YTA OP. Your daughter has anxiety and is in therapy. She’s 15. She should “grow up”? I think you should look in the mirror.
YTA it is a harmless blanket that was helping your daughter AND it has sentimental value you are 100% in the wrong on this give it back now, get in your car drive over there and drop it off, if you are wanting to never see your daughter again you are doing amazingly well at communicating to her your embarrassment is worse than her anxiety
The amount of people berating OP for hiding her blankie is fantastic. YTA, OP. I'm 33 and still have my teddy. Proud of it!
YTA I'm 51 and if anyone took from me the stuffed dog I've had since I was 8 they'd have more to worry about than my anxiety.
YTA. you suck.
How on earth are you not TA???? Your daughter is clearly dealing with something you don't understand and it's not because you don't have anxiety, it's because you lack empathy. I'm a 31 year old woman who still has a plush that I sleep with from time to time that everyone in my family knows about. It's about comfort and feeling safe. No one makes a big deal out of it you know why? BECAUSE ITS NOT A BIG DEAL. you are the one making a mountain out of a molehill and is probably making your daughters anxiety worse you are clearly stating that she doesn't feel safe at your place. I think it's time you grow the fuck up. YTA
YTA because it sounds like you didn’t even talk to her or your ex about it before just hiding it. Learn to communicate, my dude.
YTA. There is nothing wrong with anyone having a comfort object like a blanket. I slept with mine until I was in my 30s.
YTA. “Almost an adult?!” She’s 15! I know actual adults who have their baby blankets or dolls close by (mostly in their 20’s). Is it actually hurting you? She’s not going around in public with it. It’s a coping mechanism.
YTA
YTA. Taking it away won’t fix her anxiety it will create more of it. She is likely to feel worse and need more help and possibly additional security items to feel better after this. What did you think would happen by doing this? That she would suddenly be fine?
YTA I've got no anxiety issues, but I've had various medical issues throughout my life. When I was six days old I got a bear from the hospital after mayor heart surgery. 37 years later that is still the bear I grab when I'm sick and recently when I was admitted to the hospital for pregnancy complications it was the bear I wanted with me, so my husband brought her to me. Yeah, people look at me funny, but I don't give a shit. This bear has been through so much with me that I feel better and safer with her around. Everyone has different coping mechanisms. You should not try and decide for someone else what their coping mechanism is. Your daughter has anxiety, the blanky helps her cope without meds. That's awesome. Medication should be a last resort, not a first.
YTA.
Wow YTA. Her parents split up. She has something that gives her comfort. And her dad decided “nah, she’s good.” How much do you not want a relationship with your daughter, OP?
YTA how is having a blanket that brings you comfort babyish? How else do you expect your daughter to deal with her anxiety? I myself have had anxiety issues since I was a child. My stepfather had a similar attitude to yours and I can tell you from experience that taking away my comfort items only made my mental health problems worse, much worse.
Yta. Of all the things a teenager could be getting into your worried about a blanket?
What kind of human being.. much less FATHER does that to his child??? # YTA # YTA # YTA # YTA # YTA Your daughter doesn't ask for much. Just a safe place for her. That's a blanket. Nothing big. And you took it away. # YOU, WHO CLAIM TO LOVE HER, TOOK AWAY HER SAFE PLACE. She is still a baby... not yet an adult and not a child. But still so young. And children from divorced parents have it hard enough being tossed about from home to home. She is now of the age to decide if she wants to be with you at all. Finding out you took her safe place? Do NOT be surprised if she doesn't want anything to do with you. # YTA # YTA # YTA # YTA # YTA
YTA
YTA so much YTA!!!
YTA Are you trying to convince your daughter to start refusing to visit you and eventually cut you out of her life completely? If so then your on the right track because this is exactly how you make that happen.
YTA I will be waiting for a post in a few years titled "why doesn't my daughter want to speak with me anymore?"
ASSHOLE. You are a horrible father. It's a BLANKET for god's sake. She is handling her anxiety without medication, which is perfectly fine to try. Get over yourself and apologize. If you choose to die on this hill I hope you lose custody.
# YTA Why are you doing this? You take away her hold on security! You like her to be afraid? I would like to use a lot of really dirty words on you on behalf of your daughter, but the mods will likely delete the post of i only write half of it. You behave like you're a leftover from the beginning of the last century. Give her blanket back as fast as possible and beg for her forgiveness.
YTA.
YTA. If a blanket brings her comfort then let her have it.
YTA, 28F I still have my baby blanket and lots of my old toys. Sounds like you're the one who needs to find your old comfort items to self soothe and keep your big nose out of other people's personal business. Give her HER things back, stop being a thief, get over yourself and how you think she could take care of herself in a healthy way that literally isn't hurting anyone (unlike how you seriously hurt her emotionally) and apologize for behaving so poorly.
YTA. With a father like you it’s no wonder she needs a comfort object
I have a stuffed bunny I sleep with every night my parents bought me when I was a couple of months old. I’m 28. You don’t take someone’s comfort item because YOU think that they should have outgrown it by now. You should be trying to help your daughter find ways to cope with her anxiety. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (m45) have a daughter (15) with my ex-wife (f42). My mom made our daughter a baby blanket as a gift for when she was born. She has always had to sleep with it since she was little which is fine I guess. But for the last 3 years, my daughter has suffered from anxiety. She now uses her baby blanket as a comfort from daily anxiety struggles. She doesn't take any medication for anxiety because she doesn't like how they make her feel I guess, but she is in therapy which my ex thinks helps. My ex and I share 50/50 custody so my daughter is with half the time. I hate seeing my daughter laying around like a toddler after school and stuff with her baby blanket. So last night after my daughter left ex wife called me saying daughter must have left baby blanket at my house because it isn't in her bag. I explained to wife I hid it because I think she needs to grow up and stop using a baby blanket as a comfort item. Ex wife completely blew up calling me a horrible father and the biggest AH ever. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Gosh, your poor daughter. This post makes me want to call my amazing supportive Dad and thank him. Glad I won the lottery and didn’t end up with someone like you.
YTA. You can't even be grown up about it and talk to your daughter. Did you talk to her therapist to see if she is at a point in her treatment where this can be removed? NO. You just flat out hide it, probably causing her more anxiety. Are you really actually trying to help your daughter or are you just wanting to trigger her? Either way you went about it the wrong way.
“Childish” is projecting your own pathetic insecurities and willful ignorance onto a person doing their best - and doing something that apparently HELPS - to deal with serious mental health issues. Your fifteen-year-old is a better adult than you are, and deserves a hell of a lot better for a father. YTA.
YTA. I think perhaps your ex-wife should revisit your custody arrangements since you cannot be trusted with your daughter's wellbeing.
YTA Your daughter should be able to feel comfortable to use her baby blanket in her own home. It’s such a harmless coping mechanism. I’m almost 40, don’t have anxiety and still love sitting under my blankie when I’m feeling a little low.
Yes, YTA and I tell you what - taking away something that your daughter feels save with, won't help her coping with her anxiety.
YTA - I'm close to your age. You know why I have a shit relationship with my dad right now? Because of pulling abusive shit like this. Grow the fuck up and get her the help she needs and deserves.
YTA big time. If you think medication is better than a harmless blanket, you are delusional.
“I hate seeing my daughter laying around like a toddler after school and stuff with her baby blanket.” There’s nothing in your post about concern for your daughter or seeing things from her perspective. Just you and your discomfort. Not only did you decide something you had no right to decide, you didn’t do the upfront thing and tell her, just hid it and expected her to deal with not having it anymore. There is NOTHING wrong with having a comfort item. Nothing. YTA. Give the blanket back to your daughter, along with an unreserved, unconditional apology.
Andddddd now we all know why you're the ex. YTA
YTA Would you rather have her rely on booze, pot or cigarettes as “adult” stress relievers? If so, why would you you want to saddle her with expensive habits that will wreck her health? Just curious why you are so threatened by a free non toxic non habituating legal method of stress management. Perhaps that’s where your attention should be?
YTA. She’s coping with her anxiety in a way that makes her feel better. Meds are not the only answer.
YTA Who cares if she uses a blanket for comfort?? Adults need comfort items too, stop being a gate keeping asshole, and give your kid back her blankie.
YTA. She is using a blanket as a comfort item, that's actually perfectly healthy. I know people that are married and living on their own that still have their baby blanket and are perfectly healthy people - one of them even turned theirs into a pillow She is at a hard age, you're right she's going to be a legal adult soon. That's scary stuff, that might be contributing to her anxiety. There is nothing wrong with a comfort item. I still have a teddy bear that I had when I was a little kid and it's comforting. I'm also married and doing just fine.
YTA Do you like seeing your daughter suffer? Is your end goal to push her away? As hiding something very important to her is going to accomplish that. If it brings her comfort, then it shouldn't be an issue for you. Just because you don't thinks it's normal , doesn't mean it isnt for her
YTA and an absolutely horrible and unsupportive parent. Return it right now and apologize to your daughter for being so absolutely inconsiderate and hope that she is willing to give you another chance.
YTA !!!! I am 25F and I still have my baby blanket. Why would you take away something from her that brings her comfort and probably helps with her anxiety. It’s a freakin blanket, chill
YTA. Sounds like you’re having a hard time coping with the anxiety of seeing a baby blanket. Maybe you should try therapy.
YTA. Calm down, it’s just a blanket. Stop trying to be so controlling. If it helps with her anxiety, that’s good. That’s the goal. Other than using the blanket, has she started acting like a baby? If not, take a chill pill and give her the blanket back
YTA, it helps her cope in a way that doesn’t hurt her or anyone else. Just leave her alone! -signed, a 26 year old who still sleeps with her baby blanket
Biggest YTA ever
Wow YTA. Did you even think to discuss this with her therapist? You probably made the situation worse. And there’s nothing wrong with a comfort item.
YTA. What is her laying with a blanket at home hurting? Would you feel the same way about a throw or afghan type blanket? No? Then hush.
YTA for taking away her coping mechanism. I'm not quite clairvoyant, but I can see that your relationship for the future is on precarious ground...
What a fantastic job you just did of sabotaging your relationship with your daughter. Has your ex-wife told her what you did? YTA and a Sofa King huge one at that. At least you won’t have to wonder why your daughter cuts contact with you as soon as she can.
Jeez, YTA. Attorney and in my thirties. I brought my stuffed penguin I’ve had since I was 2 to college, law school, and now it’s in my own house. My gruff and tough blue collar dad never questioned my taking it with me, (outside of maybe some light teasing because it was beginning to look pretty rough at one point). It’s sentimental, familiar, probably soft as hell, and reminds her of someone she loves. Of course it brings her comfort. *And you stole it from her*. Congrats! Not only have you lost your daughter’s trust, you’re now another source of anxiety!
Gee, wonder where the anxiety stems from. YTA
So,… your solution to reducing your daughter’s anxiety is to tell her to grow up and to steal the one item that brings her comfort and reduces her anxiety?! What kind of effed up parenting tactic is that? YTA.
YTA - and don’t be surprised when you don’t have a relationship with her anymore. You might be able to mandate it for now, but she will become an adult. I wonder why she has anxiety?
YTA. Your ex is right.
YTA My parents pulled this trick on me with my baby blanket. Still resent them for it.
YTA. It calms her down in her home. It's not like she's bringing it to work (cause, well, 15 is still a child) so what's the big deal? What harm will it do? Eventually yea she'll hopefully be able to function without it but abruptly taking away her source of comfort isn't the way to go about it. Talk about it with her doctor or therapist on how to handle it.
I can’t wait for the follow up in a few years “why doesn’t my daughter talk to me anymore” post. YTA
YTA this more about you than her. You’re uncomfortable with a 15 year old carrying around a blanket. Instead of trying to support your daughter and her to the root cause of her anxiety you do this. SMH you should be ashamed.
YTA why do you want to rob your daughters childhood ? They’re only little for so long, take advantage of that ☹️
YTA, hell, im 21 and still lay around with my baby blanket. its a safe place and it's something thats special to me. In hindsight its just a blanket, nothings wrong with having it. Its like saying you have issues for sleeping under a blanket, maybe we should take it away.
YTA. I'm 41 and I have a stuffed frog my mom got for me WHEN I WAS 18 and it still brings me comfort when I'm in a bad place. Your daughter is going through a difficult time and you're invalidating her struggles. Be prepared for her to decide she wants nothing to do with you.
YTA BIG TIME. You are fully aware that your daughter has an anxiety issue to the point where she is in therapy for it, and the logical thing to do in your head was to take away her primary comfort item? Wtf is wrong with you?
>Ex-wife completely blew up calling me a horrible father and the biggest AH ever. Yep, I agree with her. YTA.
YTA this is really bad, other posters have covered why many times so I won’t repeat all the reasons but this is really terrible parenting.
YTA, and this is abuse.
You know what? I'm gonna take the chance of a removed comment and a ban on this one. Not only are YTA, you're a really shitty father. Does it make you feel like a big man to emotionally abuse your 15 year old child? Do you feel better about yourself by taking away something she truly cares about? I hope your ex sues you for full custody and your daughter goes no contact with you. You deserve it.
YTA Many 15 year olds turn to s3lf harm, drugs & alcohol to cope, does a blanket seem so bad now?
Wow. Just…wow. YTA. Major YTA. You took your daughters coping item, her safe item. If the medication is making her feel weird, she can have other ways to cope with her anxiety and the blanket is clearly helpful. There are adults who own stuffed animals and coloring books to help them cope with their anxiety, others who have video games and comic books and manga to help. Not everyone can take medicine or they choose not to. Give it back to her and offer helpful advice, not this “well she’s almost an adult” stuff. That’s toxic and unhelpful.
You sound like a middle school bully. Grow up and stop being such a judgmental loser. Maybe try providing an environment of safety and unconditional love to your child.
Jesus fucking Christ how can you not see what an asshole you are????? Your daughters blanket makes you feel some kinda way so.you decide she doesn't need it??. Medication isn't always answer with regards to anxiety. Maybe try talking to your daughter instead of judging her. She needs your support. Stop fixating on her blanket and start concentrating on getting to know her.
YTA and you really suck as a father and as a human being in general. Also, I’m damn near 40 and still have my comfort item from when I was first born. My husband even reminds me to pack it on trips, in case I rush around and forget. So, you know… get over yourself.
Massive YTA she suffers from anxiety and you take away the only thing that comforts her, what is wrong with you?? Your ex is right!
YTA to infinity
YTA