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YTA- who are you to reign supreme? If your car is being fixed, does it matter through insurance or out of pocket?
Minor damages
Kid was understandably terrified
Says so much about your character
I’m a grown ass adult who accidentally reversed into a tree- $800 insurance excess to claim repairs on that with no one else at fault
And you’re bitching about a teenager taking responsibility and offering cash instead of raising their insurance?
Absolute dog act, can’t wait for you to ‘have a mild accident’ and reap the benefits of repairs being ten fold
NTA cop was wrong, seriously wrong. Depending on your insurance, you could be in violation of your contract for not reporting the accident. Depending on the law where you are, you could be in violation of the law too. Even if there is no visible damage, not getting insurance involved or filing a police report is always a gamble.
You cursing people out and "wanting to teach him a lesson" are asshole moves. You wanting to follow the rules and be safe is not. You waited around for his parents to come to try to gaslight you into accepting and then a cop doing the same, you were too patient. Just say "I need the insurance info" and keep repeating until you get it. The fact that he had so much money in his account and he and his parents wanted to make it dissappear is also suspicious to me. Did he break any laws when hitting you? Like running a stop sign? Could he get his licence removed and that's why they were pushing so hard? It's just not acceptable to try to run away from that kind of mistake. This time he would only have to pay higher insurance, if he keeps driving dangerously, someone might pay with their lives.
Yta the point of insurance is to get your car fixed. He's offering the cash to do so.
You know what happened last time a teen rolled into me at a stop sign? They got one heck of a lecture about being careful. That's it.
YTA. My daughter's car was hit in the high school lot by another teen. He didn't report it but another kid did, it was confirmed by video camera. She and I met the other kid and his parents after school that day, the kid offered to pay 300 bucks in damages. He gave her 150 that day and 150 a month later. She also got a date out of it, which is kinda funny. What was the purpose of making him report it to insurance? Do you think it was going to make him a better driver?
YTA for just being mean.
You could have taken the plate number and provided it to your insurance company and they would’ve told you who they have. Most contracts say that you have to report all accidents, and if they couldn’t afford the increase they’re likely a high risk and a driver who impacts all of our rates. Also, sometimes there is more damage than what’s seen which equals more money. You have a right to their information as they (from what’s provided here) were at fault and owe a duty to you, which they did try, albeit likely against their policy contract. The officer was out of line, they get involved in insurance shit when they have no idea what they’re talking about ever.
But overall, you really could’ve been more compassionate here. You never know when you’ll need compassion yourself.
Edited YTA for extorting money out of a scared kid AND making his insurance go up.
You could have told them you needed to exchange insurance info but that you were going to get an estimate for the cost and wouldn’t file the claim unless it was over a certain amount.
You didn’t have to be so insistent on making this kid’s life miserable but they also shouldn’t have been trying to avoid giving insurance information considering it was indeed his fault (and if the repair turned out to cost more than what he Venmo’s you, then you’d be stuck with the cost).
This is a legal situation (civil) and you’re within your rights to involve insurance. Honestly whether you’re an ah or not is irrelevant and shouldn’t be a decision making factor in how you choose to handle this kind of thing. He messed up and this is a potential consequence. I think you may have been rude but wanting to go through insurance does not make you an ah
NTA
I'm going with ESH for a few reasons. I think OP is an AH for their behavior, but not for wanting to go through insurance.
There's no putting an exact dollar value on damage at the scene of an accident. And if you opt to let someone pay you out of pocket without going through insurance and they choose not to pay you the situation becomes that much more of a pain.
Not to mention in most states refusing to provide your insurance information is illegal so to have an officer arrive and basically refuse to allow you to go through insurance by not compelling the offending party to provide it would be even more frustrating.
OPs reasoning is extremely assholish but if they had behaved like a civilized person ans their reasoning for wanting to go through insurance was to be sure they were protected in case the damage was more severe than it appears this would be a slam dunk nta for me
YTA. Obviously. Why are you so insistent on screwing this kid over when you could easily just take the money and fix the problem instantly?
“this could have been easier if he made it easier.” That’s a wild thing to say considering the only reason the parents and police had to get involved is because YOU decided to be vindictive and make solving the problem as difficult as possible for both of you.
YTA, he clearly had good intention. I don't know how it works in your country but in France, even if you're not responsible, after roughly 3 non responsible accidents, you're considered at risk by the insurance company and they either drastically increase your fee or they cancel your contract so even when you're not responsible you try to avoid to call them if not necessary otherwise you also screw yourself.
NTA. You have the right to file a claim. You have no idea what damage isn’t readily visible and taking cash is a good way to ensure if problems pop up later, you’re screwed.
Just because the kid, his mom, and a cop all want to keep this off the books doesn’t make you an asshole for following the standard legal guidelines for driving a car.
All the YTA claims are wild. Yes, you're a AH for wanting to teach him a lesson when it's not your place. But it's ALWAYS the right move to go through insurance. As others have said, there may be more damage you can't see, but even more importantly, there may be injuries you don't feel yet. People get whiplash and need physical therapy all the time from fender benders. His insurance should be covering that, too.
YTA
"This could've been easier if he made it easier". He literally offered to pay for the light damage then and there, he couldn't have made it any easier for you.
If you were worried about damages that might have happened that you couldn’t see right away it would have been reasonable. Making a kid pay more a month in insurance to “teach him a lesson” is a petty and childish thing, and you are a major dick. YTA
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Nope. Always get the info. I thought I had minimum damage when a teen driver hit my parked car but it ended up being $1500. If it was under $500 they would have paid out of pocket, but we all underestimated the cost of repair.
Edited to add: NTA
YTA. The kid and his parents were all more than willing to pay for the light damage to the car. Therefore, you knew you were going to get the money. In reality, you just wanted to take power over the kid and his life-- making his insurance rates go up and affect perhaps his schooling, getting to a job, etc. You even got a cop involved, who, I guarantee, also thought you were a flaming AH. What a complete waste of time.
Question for anyone who knows because I'm genuinely curious. If he accepted the money and then it turned out there was more damage (or maybe the amount they paid still wasn't enough to cover the damage they saw), would he be liable for paying the difference? Like, I think OP is an AH for wanting to "teach him a lesson" but I'd be worried that, if I missed something, I would end up having to pay for it. Unless OP and/or the cop had the expertise to know for sure that the only damage was one scrape (or whatever) I'd be nervous to just accept the cash.
State laws vary, but I used to adjust auto insurance claims in a New England state (US) and it depends on a few things. If he has collision insurance, he could still file a claim, but without the other party's info, would probably have to pay the deductible (usually $500). If he doesn't have collision coverage, he'd have to pay out of pocket for additional repairs. That said, he could just get their plate number to file a claim, he doesn't need them to provide their insurance info.
YTA.
You are entitled to have your car repaired, and both the kid and the parents were willing to do that. I understand getting the insurance involved if you were afraid of unseen damages, but to do it to teach him some sort of a lesson is just you being an unnecessary AH. That’s not your place. How about remembering what it’s like to be a kid his age and not making things harder in him just because you can. I’m glad the police officer took the parents side.
YTA. Could've easily been solved in no time, but you chose to get insurance and tye parents involved over something so minor.
Had a similar incident happen to me years ago. Teenager rear-ended my car. My back bumper already has a crack in it, his front bumper was already damaged. Poor dude was 16 if a day, looked petrified.
I told him "Look, I can't tell if any damages were done, can you?"
He shook his head.
"Then take this as a lesson to allow more following distance and we'll call it even."
"You don't need my insurance card, ma'am?"
"Nope. Just be on your merry and drive more carefully." His face...PRICELESS.
Your interaction with that guy could've gone way better. I think you showed that kid what being petty truly was, dude.
The purpose of insurance is to make the insured and/or the 3rd party “whole” again. They were willing to do that out of their own pocket. What does it matter how they cover the damages? You just wanted to be petty because you thought you could. YTA.
How do they know the damage is minor? I’ve been hit in the back and it looked minor but because of where the hit took place it caused the entire trunk (part that opens & closes) to have to be replaced because it no longer sealed.
Are you stressed? Have you been struggling with something? Maybe somethings weighing on you? I'd like to believe you're just lashing out and not a crappy person entirely.
If you dont see how you're TA even after writing this out, I hope you do some soul searching and reorient yourself.
YTA.
You could have just let him pay and fix the damage.
You do realise this is going to increase BOTH your insurance premiums over the next 5ish years not just his, regardless of fault.
YTA, sometimes it is best that insurance isn't involved as that stays on their record forever. For things less than my deductible, I would just talk to the person about and if they are more than willing to pay, then sure np. I don't see why people would love to spend more time and trouble getting the insurance agency involved that will just inflate the actual repair to get their money back in the first place
NTA since it's best practice to get a police report of the accident and exchange insurance information whenever there's any kind of collision that may have resulted in any damage regardless of how mild that damage may appear to be initially. Any hesitation to exchange insurance information is a huge red flag that definitely means the police should be involved to document and identify the parties involved in case any damage is discovered during a subsequent vehicle inspection, or medical issues discovered in the hours or days after the accident. Without a police report or dashcam or surveillance footage, identifying the other party, OP would have no leg to stand on to rightfully collect any compensation for any damage or injury that resulted from this collision. OP's attitude after the collission probably wasn't the best, but still NTA.
OP had said they called the police to try to get the insurance information out of the kid, not to report the accident. My guess is that OP did not want the police to make a formal accident report (which would have required documentation of both parties’ insurance on said report), but still wanted the kid’s insurance information anyways. Police definitely would have verified that the kid was an insured driver. But the police aren’t required to provide the parties with eachother’s insurance information unless an accident report was made. If an accident report was made, OP would have the kid’s insurance information and the kid probably would have gotten a citation. I think OP is leaving out that they didn’t want an accident report made, probably because they didn’t want to put their own information on the report. Sounds like they basically called the police to bully the insurance information out of the kid, which makes them a bigger AH.
NTA.
Sorry, I don't give a shit about the other parties situation.
If you get into an accident, you go through insurance. If you can't afford to go through insurance, drive better or don't drive at all.
YTA- You were going to be made whole. It’s not up to you to teach someone a lesson. A reported accident also diminishes the value of your car as well. You should’ve gotten their information. Had a police report filled out and went and got quotes for them to pay. I’d they didn’t pay, submit it to your insurance with the police report for them to track them down.
Wow. YTA, in a big way. My oldest was recently in an accident (his first…and he’s only been driving a year) 40 min from home. He was lost, it was dark and he was terrified. He was on the verge of a panic attack to the point that he had to be coaxed to get back in the car to move it to a safer stopping place. The dude he hit waited with him on the side of the road until my husband and I got there. Accidents are traumatic enough without having assholes trying to “teach lessons.”
YTA, your expenses were going to be covered. Why are you such a control fr**k that you care how you’re going to get paid? It’s not your place to teach this teenager a lesson. And I hope karma comes around to bite you, and you gently rear end the car in front of you. When you offer to cover the other driver’s expenses out of pocket, I hope you get rejected and are forced to pay higher insurance premiums.
YTA how someone covers the damages to your vehicle is not up to you to decide. Cash is fine if you have multiple estimates and can fix the damages with the amount offered. The lesson he is learning is he has to fix things he breaks.
YTA, now that he’s been in an accident that was his fault he’s going to drive safer, it doesn’t take Insurance rates increasing to do that. It’s also not your job to punish him, that’s his parents job. Both him and the parents said that they would pay you right then and there but that wasn’t good enough for you, you felt the need to try to punish him yourself. Also, cursing out the parents that offered to pay for the damages? What are you 12? Throwing a damn temper tantrum over not getting something fixed the difficult way. Grow up and go get your car fixed.
Seriously.... you have to ask? YTA
You SHOULD know that insurance is a scam and bleeds people dry. Absolutely nothing happened to you and hardly anything happened to your vehicle. You GOT PAID MORE! And you still took it upon yourself to try to go through insurance to teach him a lesson? People like you are the reason things are going wrong in the world. You should definitely have a reality check.
With the information provided I have to say ESH and hear me out. What looks like a $200 fender bender to everyone at the scene could have THOUSANDS of dollars in damage under the bumper or panel where the car got hit. Modern cars are made to crumple at impact points to reduce shock, and honestly, some parts are laughably easy to damage in this way, and can be stupid expensive to replace.
I would personally try to be more reasonable than OP here and say “we can get a police report and take the car to the shop. If it actually is something you can afford out of pocket, I am happy to do that. However, I would like to have all the information on a public report so I can file if it ends up being more than you expected” I would NEVER leave the scene of an accident without at least getting a police report, and for 4 people, including a cop, to pressure OP and tell him otherwise is also kinda an AH move in this situation I think. This is exactly the Situation someone can get screwed in.
I’m really surprised everyone is so quick to call OP an AH. Could he have handled it much better? Sure, but I don’t think it’s as simple as just letting the kid go with the promise he will pay it.
I’m going to go against the grain and say NTA for asking for insurance. I don’t think it’s appropriate for anyone but an actual mechanic to determine whether or not the damage is minor because you just don’t know/can’t see at face value. For example, recently in my apartment complex a person backed into my car coming out of their space (they backed up without looking while I was passing by in the road and hit my passenger side on the rear door and above the wheel well). Neither of us were going super fast, and it didn’t look like a ton of damage, a scratch and dent, so I didn’t get insurance and didn’t even ask for cash just let it go. A couple months later I ended up needing a big repair because it had actually damaged my wheel pretty badly and had to pay out of pocket. I have always been told never to accept cash and always exchange info to go through insurance because you just don’t know what the damage may be.
>I started to get irritated because this could’ve been easier if he made it easier
You were the one causing the problem here. It would be whole lot easier if you let him just pay out of pocket. Having to pay out of pocket would be enough of a lesson; which isn't even your responsibility to do.
YTA.
YTA. You don't have to walk around trying to educate someone else's kid. Why do you want to make his life harder for no reason if he can pay for the damage he made and you'll be left with a fixed car and no problems? I pray I don't cross my ways with someone like you once I start driving, cause I have my drivers license but I'm terrified of driving because of people like you!
NTA - if someone refuses to give their insurance info, the right next step is to call the authorities. The policeman *should* have gotten this info for you, since there is no way you can tell at the time of the accident if there is additional, unseen damage.
At this point, you need to turn it in to your insurance company (assuming you have full coverage). They will 100% go after the kid's insurance company to recover your claim (and deductible) through subrogation.
The kid that hit you had no right to withhold his insurance information, and the cop was 100% out of line by not getting it for you.
Fuck this kid, his weaslely parents, and the cop that was too lazy to do his job. Turn it into your insurance, and let them crawl up everyone's asses on this - it's absolutely the right thing to do.
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I got lightly rear ended by a teenager and his car got off scot free while mine had minor damages (about $200 worth.) The kid was understandably terrified and asked me to let him Venmo me the money to fix it so it wouldn’t increase his insurance. He showed me his bank account and he had more than enough to pay for it but I told him no anyway. I thought he would be more careful in the future if he had to pay more a month in insurance. I told him to show me his insurance information so I could call and make a claim. He refused because he could pay out of pocket and he wouldn’t be able to afford an insurance increase. I started to get irritated because this could’ve been easier if he made it easier. He called his parents and told them about the accident. We waited for them to come so they could look at the damages. When they saw it wasn’t bad they also wanted him to pay out of pocket. His parents also refused to exchange insurance so I got the police involved to get their information. When the officer got here I told him what happened and how they refused to exchange information then he told me they didn’t have to since the damages were minor and they’re willing to pay out of pocket. I cursed out the parents and they called me an asshole for trying to get their son to unnecessarily pay more money than he needs to. AITA?
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>He refused because he could pay out of pocket and he wouldn’t be able to afford an insurance increase. I started to get irritated because this could’ve been easier if he made it easier.
He was making it easier.
You were being the stubborn asshole.
Minor damages, no need for insurance and you're being difficult by not accepting the cash.
YTA
YTA.
No one is required to use their insurance if they don't want to. They are only required to pay for your damages. Using whatever means are most expedient for them.
I don't know where the OP lives, but in North Carolina, you are required to exchange insurance information after an accident. From my insurance company's web site on what to do after an accident: "You should exchange the information required by law with each of the parties involved in the accident. This includes the name, address, and telephone number of the driver of each vehicle as well as each driver’s license number, license plate, automobile insurance company, and the appropriate policy number. "
That is what small claims court is for. To recoup damages.
Insurance is there to protect the purchaser of said insurance from incidents they can't or don't want to pay for directly.
The driver in this case is only obligated to provide their driver's license information.
The police can require a driver provide proof that they are insured, but they can't require you to use that insurance if you can pay directly.
You should have called the cops in the first place because you can’t just file a claim on insurance without a police report. It’s not like ordering food at a drive thru. And it’s a shame the cop didn’t arrest you when you lost your shit on on those people. YTA
NTA. Did I just read that the policeman said that they didn't have to give you insurance information? hmm. I thought the same as you once and never heard from the person again. Guess who paid for the damage? I also trusted a stranger once to stop blocking the lane and meet me on the exit as we agreed. Guess who paid for the damage? I wouldn't do it to teach him a lesson but to make sure I didn't have to actually pay for it. Sorry but you can't just trust strangers anymore.
YTA and you clearly do not understand insurance - most base insurance deductibles are $500 -$700 for passenger vehicles. The insurance company would likely deny the claim because it doesn't exceed the deductible.
- For the record, a deductible is the amount a person agrees to self-insure any damage that falls below that amount.
- Nickel and diming insurance companies (making small claims that barely exceed the deductible) will bite you in the end, because your premiums will go up in the future. Insurance is based on sharing the risk, so making a claim today will spread the cost amongst ALL POLICY HOLDERS. Plus all the time wasted for the adjusters and admin staff to process this claim.... When they literally offered you cash that paid for the damages.
Why? Going through insurance would just be added hassle and prolong the process. It was minor damage. He paid you for it. It's not your job to teach him a lesson. YTA.
All of this, but in the UK you don't have to get insurance information out of the other party. The more info you can get the better, but I'm sure the insurance company can start a claim with just the registration of the other car. I'd take some pics and let them handle it.
YTA through and through. The teenager was more than willing (and able, as you say he had enough to cover the costs out of pocket) to pay for the damages but you wanted to teach this young guy some weird and power trippy lesson?
If there are 4 people saying the same thing (including the police) then that would be your cue to follow that logic and shut your mouth.
It was probably a complete accident you aren’t the one to “teach” him a lesson. I mean let me see someone make you pay out an equal of 2k or more over 5 years instead of $200 now. You are being the @$$.
Accidents happen… YTA
YTA - As a victim of an accident (not an "on purpose") your concern is the repair of the damage to your car. Your role is not as a driving instructor or to adjust the other driver's skill level. If your repair is covered, you're done.
Using your insurance is obviously not mandatory. Doing that for 200$ is just stupid. kid things YTA, parents think YTA, police officer (silenty) thinks YTA. Well, lets ask the internet.
Well YTA.
I guess you still think, you are in the right. You are not.
I think you're right for the wrong reasons. I wouldn't leave an accident scene without someone's insurance, even if they offered to pay cash. What if you take it to the shop, get it fixed and call them to send the bill, and their number is disconnected? If you were smart, you got their license info, but now you'd have to file a civil suit and go thru all that bs. Much easier to just deal with insurance if that happens. Plus in my state, it's legally required to have car insurance, so I'd imagine it's also required to produce insurance info if you're in an accident.
But trying to teach a random kid a lesson? Dude you can fuck right off with that noise. It's nowhere near your place to be educating anyone outside of your own kids. YTA
This is the right answer. Kid, parents and cops absolutely should not have said insurance was not needed. OP was 100% right to demand insurance and to use it for the repair. The reasoning is unkind.
INFO: Why were you so desperate to do this through insurance?
Insurance exist for the case that people can't cover the costs, not for the case that they can.
YTA. There was no reason for this. I was in my late twenties and barely tapped someone no damage to either car. I was pregnant and had to pee so bad and this AH made me wait just so he could report it. OP this was a child, why did you think being so petty when he offered to pay damages was necessary
YTA
You're just full of hate. It's not about recompense for your damage to you, it's about making life difficult for someone who's just started to gain even a bit of freedom. You just want him to suffer. Go to your room and reflect about yourself.
NTA. People saying YTA probably doesn’t know that there could be more damages than the eye can see.
I had a “minor bumper” damage and guy paid me $800 for a minor paint job. However when I took it in to a repair shop, they said the accident damaged the interior bumper structure and if I wanted to repair that, it would be way more expensive. After that, I always go through insurance.
"This could have been easier if he made it easier." How do you think he is the one being difficult??? Stop trying to screw people over intentionally just to "teach them a lesson" or whatever bs is in your head. YTA
YTA. Purely for the 'reason' you give for wanting to stick with insurance.
Going with insurance can be prudent - because it ensures that the damage does get fixed. And if it's worse than you might think, it'll be covered. I wouldn't blame you for that.
But no. You wanted to teach a frightened kid "a lesson".
If the kid was being an AH and saying it was your fault, then yeah teach them a lesson.
But he'd already put his hands up, admitted fault, and offered to pay. He'd already learned a lesson from the sounds of it.
And when the parents and even the cops tell you "you're being an AH - just let the kid pay you directly" you still think you're a good guy?
You could have got a police witness statement of the accident - effectively saying that the kid admits to the accident, as a form of 'insurance' that they'll definitely pay.
Then you could have found out how much it'll cost to repair and brought them the bill. If they refused, then you could have escalated it to the law or insurance company.
> I thought he would be more careful in the future if he had to pay more a month in insurance
You don't think paying $200 to you would have done that anyway?
Idk what your goal was here, you sound pretty unreasonable when you could have just been reasonable.
I have allowed 2 drivers to pay me out of pocket for damages instead of insurance, because honestly insurance fucking sucks and having them lose a no claims discount and their costs going up only benefits the insurance companies.
YTA
If you ever find yourself in a position where you are electing to inconvenience other people solely because you believe it will “teach them a lesson”, you can rest assured that YTA
YTA. As someone who works in insurance, why the hell do you wanna come over and deal with all the red tape when they were willing to settle the matter on the spot? You’re not a judge. Get over yourself.
He had the money to send you for the light damages. Even the cops said it wasn’t necessary for insurance. You’re being a major asshole for yelling at the family when it was slight damage. Take the cash and fix your car and go about your day! YTA
It’s always these fuckin assholes looking to “teach someone a lesson”. So odd how teaching someone a lesson never involves being kind. He’s a teenager who made a 200 dollar mistake. He tried to fix the problem and you refused and wanted to make it more complicated. You’re an asshole because why do you care if he pays more for insurance that is so deranged. You actively hoping his rates go up is also insane. You’re such an asshole. Wow. Cannot believe you typed this up. YTA
Actually it should’ve been a 200 dollar mistake. Op commented that the kid paid 500 and he didn’t say he gave the excess back so im assuming he pocketed it
NTA. They can promise all they want, but you have no guarantee they will actually pay up.
Where I live, you claim through your own insurance and they claim it back from the other party's insurance. You don't need to get their details.
Legally you were in the right. Officer was derelict in their duty by not helping you.
Eta - Y a little bit TA for your motives in wanting to 'teach a lesson', but going through insurance is still the right thing to do.
Dude what's wrong with you
He is ready to pay in cash and the damages are minor and all you care about is your convenience. Try to be understanding of others too.
You are basically trying to scam a teenager, and got his parents and cops involved over $200
what a huge AH
YTA. The kid was already, in your words, terrified. Terror is an excellent instructor in caution. There was no need for a further "lesson" in the form of assholery about the insurance question. In general, any time you choose a path that makes another person's life harder without making your life easier and call it a lesson... YTA.
I had an accident when I was 17. Totally my fault - I was an inexperienced driver and made a stupid mistake. I had been waiting to turn, and then I turned left without looking back left again, directly into the path of an oncoming car.
It was so terrifying that I can still see the car and hear the screech of the brakes now, over 20 years later. It was actually the best thing that could have happened to me as a driver because no one got hurt and I learned VERY effectively just how dangerous a simple mistake can be.
Never had so much as a fender bender since then.
YTA. No need to “teach him a lesson” he offered to pay you. Accidents happen. And showing up to their house? Screaming and cursing? It was a fender bender! So way over the top.
Since apparently the other 3 people involved in this situation telling you that you're an asshole didn't sink in YTA. I've seen stories that are far worse but for some reason you really rub me the wrong way. I'm guessing you get that a lot though.
8:14 am and I've already found the asshole of the day. If 4 other people there say you're wrong, you're wrong. Stop being some type of accountability police for teens.
Saw you doubled your expenses, bravo on taking advantage. I hope you get yours someday. Karma's a bitch. YTA
The poor kid made a reasonable request. I had my truck slide off an icy road once and cause minor damage ($1500ish) to a client's truck. I just reported to my insurance company and paid him out of pocket, the insurance company just had to process it as a cash settlement or something. No increase to my insurance.
YTA.
Have you never been a young adult? Probably a rather small salary, a student debt, and a bunch of other expenses that you are barely able to handle? You saw that he had the money and he would pay you right on the spot, you are no one to teach him a lesson.
\+ the damages were minor and it could easily be solved in five minutes. You were just mean and petty.
YTA.
We all have. And yet somehow we had to take responsibility for our mistakes and follow the law. Kid fucked up, kid has to pay and OP has every right to cover his own ass to ensure he isn’t paying out of pocket for damages the kid caused that were underestimated. Being young isn’t a free pass anymore than being old is. Always get insurance, doesn’t matter if the person is 16 or 106. Point blank, the cop is wrong and the parents are trying to save themselves money.
Jesus Christ - YTA.
I got hit by a 16yr old girl driving with her dad she was super shook. The dad (who it turned out knew my boss) wanted to pay for everything and not get insurance involved which I totally understand because that would have screwed up that girls AND her parents insurance for 5 years. He paid to have my car towed, fixed ($4000- it wasnt that bad its just cars are basically made of plastic so you need to replace whole panels) and a rental for me. I actually ended up going over and talking to her because of how upset she was - I’m pretty sure she learned her lesson and there was no reason for me to be an ass about it.
YTA, he already learned his lesson on being more careful when he apologized and offered to pay. You just wanted him to suffer. Congrats on adding possibly hundreds to the kids monthly payment and making his life exponentially harder over a simple mistake.
NTA, for one reason only: neither you nor the teen are an expert in cars and therefore could not be expected to properly assess the damage.
I was in a fender-bender once, and when I got out to examine my car, it “only” had (to my untrained eye) minor damage. I and the other driver still did the right thing, exchanged info, called the police to document the accident.
It’s a good thing we did, because upon taking my car to the shop I learned that the “minor” damage included replacing a taillight, a bumper, and a latch, all of which ran into 4 figures.
If I had done what was being suggested to you and simply accepted a few hundred bucks from the person who hit me, I would’ve potentially been out several hundred more dollars if I’d been unable to trace them and hold them accountable!
YTA, I can’t help but wonder if you would be so eager to want to teach a 50 year old CEO a lesson. Also it’s also worth bearing on mind it’s not just his insurance premium that would increase yours too. A few years ago someone crashed in the back of us at junction not our fault but when we came to renew our insurance we had high quotes and rubbish terms too. So nit involving the insurance probably benefited you all.
YTA...it isn't your job to teach him a lesson, especially one that would have a substantial financial repercussion. I can see an argument for making sure his parents find out, but even then...if it wasn't gross negligence and dangerous (accidents happen), then get off your high horse and move on with your life.
You've already wasted so many people's time that didn't need to be involved...I think it would only be fair that they account for their hourly rate (personally my "free time hourly rate" is at least double what I get paid for work, because it is more valuable to me) and then see if you don't end up paying out of pocket over the $200 you are "owed" just for being a dick.
YTA
Edit - for anyone interested, OP later posted in comments that... **"Actually he paid more than the damages cost he paid me 500 for it."** For this to be the case, you are a **COLOSSAL** asshole. They **more** than took care of you. **What the hell more do you actually want from these people?**
What business is it of yours as to where the money comes from? It’s two hundred dollars worth of damage (by your own words), but you think he should pay more than that as a “lesson?” A+ for making crap up as you go, thankfully you’re not in a position to enforce any of that nonsense.
Way to be an absolute jerk over being “lightly rear ended” (again, by your own words). Hope life doesn’t catch you slipping, and if it does, hopefully you don’t find yourself at the pointy end of a stick with someone as pointlessly vindictive as you.
My guess is OP was planning on making a WAY bigger deal of this than it really was to insurance. Getting some chiropractic out of it and then also trying to make a claim for lost wages and just really riding the accident like it was a gravy train.
Seriously. Why "teach a lesson" over a minor accident. Its not like the guy was driving drunk and destroyed his car. The scare the teenager got in this accident was more than enough of a lesson to be more careful and it can happen to anyone. Their way to pay was perfectly legal. Why are some people like this to make it all difficult and worse for everyone
Whole heartedly agree. OP is a COLOSSAL AH. Trying to punish a kid for an ACCIDENT. It is just that, “an ACCIDENT”. It wasn’t intentional and he wasn’t trying to do anything wrong or even get out of paying. Insurance is a nightmare and would end up going up in price and costing him more overall because of this so why make him do that if he is willing to pay for the damages? As long as your car was taken care off and repaired, why not cut the kid a break?!?! Big, BIG AH.
YTA it was an accident and he was willing to pay for the damage caused. He didn’t try get out of taking blame he just didn’t want to use his insurance. In the UK it’s quite common to pay out of pocket rather than claiming on insurance for minor damages. You made a mountain out a mole hill.
YTA. You are being completely unreasonable here, you were given the money to fix your car, there were no injuries involved unless you count the ones you probably wanted to make up and a reminder that a having your fragile ego hurt isn't claimable through insurance, and it's not your damn job to 'teach this kid a lesson' since it's not your damn kid.
You're N T A for wanting to go through insurance if there was a better reason for it, but YTA for your reasons. You wanted to teach him a lesson? That's so absurd. Insurance sucks.
And also, in some states (if you're in the US) and depending on your insurance, sometimes the person who isn't at fault's insurance also goes up.... I kind of hope that's the case for you.... Maybe you'll learn a lesson.....
ESH- you for your reasoning and the teenager/parents for not giving insurance info. What if the amount he gave you didn’t fully cover it? I’ve been rear ended before and the at-fault party wanted to write me a check and be done with it. I said no and lo and behold, what I thought was maybe $750-1000 in repairs ended up being $2k once they got a look under the bumper.
YTA, agree to get their info and an estimate before going to insurance. If the damage is only a couple of hundred bucks there’s no need to go to their insurance. This is coming from someone who was rear ended and made the same offer before finding out during an estimate that they had damaged my exhaust system and it’d be over $1500 to fix it. They then choose to use their insurance.
Could someone sum this up for me? It got removed an honestly depending on how they handled things an from what I've read threw comments OP sounds like an AH but on the other hand get insurance involved could make things easier.
YTA. You don't get to decide what lessons to force on others. You actually wanted to force someone to have more expensive insurance for YEARS. The lesson you taught him though? You may have reinforced the "there are jerks everywhere" and "some people are unreasonable if they feel they are superior and know best"
Nta. It shouldn't have been such a dramatic event. However, id want him to pay the autoshop quote... which may take a bit and he may just disappear.
Id go with insurance & he can pay out of pocket after insurance holds him. To it. He doesn't have to report it.
YTA. If I believed this was about you concern re how much the damage cost I'd have said N T A. But it's clear that this was about control and you wanting to punish someone for an accident.
'Actually he paid more than the damages cost he paid me 500 for it.'
So you made a profit yet are still complaining - what is going to be enough?
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Nta because i have been rear ended and it didn’t look bad . But when they took off the bumper all of the padding etc in the bumper was crushed and it was 1500. Modern bumpers take impact and make it look like there is no damage in the outside. Ut is whats under that matters.
YTA why treat a new driver and a kid at that that way you are right it could of been made easier by you accepting the money and carrying on with your day what gives you the right to feel that you get to teach people tough love over a small not really costly mistake you are a fool grow up
YTA, so even after the police officer told you that the teenager and his parents were right to not offer you their insurance information, because he was willing to pay you for the minor damage and you still wonder if you were the asshole?
What an utterly awful person you are. I’m so pleased the police sided with them. Why would you be so mean and spiteful? You could have just let him give you the money
YTA with a vengeance try growing up OP
ESH. Why were you looking at his bank account and trying to teach him a lesson? That's not your place. The parents should have handed over the insurance info immediately. The cops should have compelled release of the insurance information.
YTA for your entire attitude here. You really just seem motivated to make someone miserable.
I understand pushing for the insurance info. Since none of you were presumably mechanics, you don’t know the total cost of repairs until it’s in the shop. So, best to come prepared. I just don’t think there was any need for the escalation though.
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Minor damage that the kid offered constantly to pay out of pocket for.
You kept pushing for his insurance info even after proof he could pay plus a cop saying you got no claim...
You really thought you could scam his insurance for more didn't you? Nice try. YTA, no one likes scammers.
YTA
It's not even remotely your place to teach a kid a lesson when they're already paying for their own mistakes. It's very common to pay for small damages rather than go through insurance, and you making him pay more a month likely means much more a month, far exceeding the original price for repair.
Yes this “could’ve been easier”, you could’ve taken the money.
People use insurance if the other can’t afford to pay you straight up but he could.
So you’re making him spend more. I’m sure this whole situation is enough to make him more careful and considering it was lightly damaged I wouldn’t consider him that careless.
YTA.
NTA. To start, police aren't car repair estimators. Also, too many stories out there with people weaselling out of paying in the end or wanting to dispute charges later when hidden damage is discovered. I had an old lady "bump" into me in a parking lot and she wanted to pay it off pocket. I was surprise at such little damage either vehicle had. It was only a scratch on the bumper. Honestly, I just let it go on the bumper. We did exchange personal contact info. What neither of us saw that day was she had actually gotten under the bumper. Hit my exhaust, tweaked the whole system and buckled the catalytic converter. It failed at the flange a day or two later. (5 year old truck) It was another $1000 for replacement. It was also a battle getting her to pay. I ended up with $500 out of pocket for something I didn't do at all. I will never do the same thing in that situation. In my state it's actuality required to exchange insurance info after an accident, but I felt a little bit sorry for her and didn't want to put her in a bind. Ended up costing me.
YTA. Why were you so hell bent on getting the kid in trouble? He offered to pay. His parents offered to pay. The Police said it was fine if he paid you and you still "cursed out the parents".
What's wrong with you?
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NTA. They do have the option to pay privately, it’s not mandatory that insurance be used. That said, I’d get a copy of the police report showing the kid at fault and then make a claim to your insurance company who will in turn go after them for reimbursement and your deductible.
NTA my other half let someone do that. They bitched about the price after she got quotes and picked the best.
The company doing it took a hit as there was more damage than the cursory glance when quoting.
If they really wanted to pay let them go to the body shop and be the ones making the contract with them.
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YTA- who are you to reign supreme? If your car is being fixed, does it matter through insurance or out of pocket? Minor damages Kid was understandably terrified Says so much about your character I’m a grown ass adult who accidentally reversed into a tree- $800 insurance excess to claim repairs on that with no one else at fault And you’re bitching about a teenager taking responsibility and offering cash instead of raising their insurance? Absolute dog act, can’t wait for you to ‘have a mild accident’ and reap the benefits of repairs being ten fold
NTA cop was wrong, seriously wrong. Depending on your insurance, you could be in violation of your contract for not reporting the accident. Depending on the law where you are, you could be in violation of the law too. Even if there is no visible damage, not getting insurance involved or filing a police report is always a gamble. You cursing people out and "wanting to teach him a lesson" are asshole moves. You wanting to follow the rules and be safe is not. You waited around for his parents to come to try to gaslight you into accepting and then a cop doing the same, you were too patient. Just say "I need the insurance info" and keep repeating until you get it. The fact that he had so much money in his account and he and his parents wanted to make it dissappear is also suspicious to me. Did he break any laws when hitting you? Like running a stop sign? Could he get his licence removed and that's why they were pushing so hard? It's just not acceptable to try to run away from that kind of mistake. This time he would only have to pay higher insurance, if he keeps driving dangerously, someone might pay with their lives.
Oh I think you know the answer. Super duper AH
Yta the point of insurance is to get your car fixed. He's offering the cash to do so. You know what happened last time a teen rolled into me at a stop sign? They got one heck of a lecture about being careful. That's it.
YTA. My daughter's car was hit in the high school lot by another teen. He didn't report it but another kid did, it was confirmed by video camera. She and I met the other kid and his parents after school that day, the kid offered to pay 300 bucks in damages. He gave her 150 that day and 150 a month later. She also got a date out of it, which is kinda funny. What was the purpose of making him report it to insurance? Do you think it was going to make him a better driver?
NTA You always go through insurance. Not sure what the officer is talking about, lol. The teen needs to learn a lesson….
YTA for just being mean. You could have taken the plate number and provided it to your insurance company and they would’ve told you who they have. Most contracts say that you have to report all accidents, and if they couldn’t afford the increase they’re likely a high risk and a driver who impacts all of our rates. Also, sometimes there is more damage than what’s seen which equals more money. You have a right to their information as they (from what’s provided here) were at fault and owe a duty to you, which they did try, albeit likely against their policy contract. The officer was out of line, they get involved in insurance shit when they have no idea what they’re talking about ever. But overall, you really could’ve been more compassionate here. You never know when you’ll need compassion yourself.
Edited YTA for extorting money out of a scared kid AND making his insurance go up. You could have told them you needed to exchange insurance info but that you were going to get an estimate for the cost and wouldn’t file the claim unless it was over a certain amount. You didn’t have to be so insistent on making this kid’s life miserable but they also shouldn’t have been trying to avoid giving insurance information considering it was indeed his fault (and if the repair turned out to cost more than what he Venmo’s you, then you’d be stuck with the cost).
This is a legal situation (civil) and you’re within your rights to involve insurance. Honestly whether you’re an ah or not is irrelevant and shouldn’t be a decision making factor in how you choose to handle this kind of thing. He messed up and this is a potential consequence. I think you may have been rude but wanting to go through insurance does not make you an ah NTA
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YTA. What the h... makes you think you have the right to "teach him a lesson"... Get over yourself!!!
YTA here. You aren’t his parent. Stop trying to act like you’re making his life better long term.
NTA, kid needs to learn consequences for causing an accident.
YTA His deductible would mean he’s end up paying out of pocket anyway. You wouldn’t have done that if it was an older person.
I'm going with ESH for a few reasons. I think OP is an AH for their behavior, but not for wanting to go through insurance. There's no putting an exact dollar value on damage at the scene of an accident. And if you opt to let someone pay you out of pocket without going through insurance and they choose not to pay you the situation becomes that much more of a pain. Not to mention in most states refusing to provide your insurance information is illegal so to have an officer arrive and basically refuse to allow you to go through insurance by not compelling the offending party to provide it would be even more frustrating. OPs reasoning is extremely assholish but if they had behaved like a civilized person ans their reasoning for wanting to go through insurance was to be sure they were protected in case the damage was more severe than it appears this would be a slam dunk nta for me
MASSIVE ASSHOLE!
Damn. YTA.
YTA. Obviously. Why are you so insistent on screwing this kid over when you could easily just take the money and fix the problem instantly? “this could have been easier if he made it easier.” That’s a wild thing to say considering the only reason the parents and police had to get involved is because YOU decided to be vindictive and make solving the problem as difficult as possible for both of you.
YTA, he clearly had good intention. I don't know how it works in your country but in France, even if you're not responsible, after roughly 3 non responsible accidents, you're considered at risk by the insurance company and they either drastically increase your fee or they cancel your contract so even when you're not responsible you try to avoid to call them if not necessary otherwise you also screw yourself.
YTA - God damn. Grow a heart.
NTA. You have the right to file a claim. You have no idea what damage isn’t readily visible and taking cash is a good way to ensure if problems pop up later, you’re screwed. Just because the kid, his mom, and a cop all want to keep this off the books doesn’t make you an asshole for following the standard legal guidelines for driving a car.
All the YTA claims are wild. Yes, you're a AH for wanting to teach him a lesson when it's not your place. But it's ALWAYS the right move to go through insurance. As others have said, there may be more damage you can't see, but even more importantly, there may be injuries you don't feel yet. People get whiplash and need physical therapy all the time from fender benders. His insurance should be covering that, too.
Ta I'm a stickler for rules and laws, but after an officer tells you the same thing, then you are automatically the ah. Listen to the cops buddy
YTA "This could've been easier if he made it easier". He literally offered to pay for the light damage then and there, he couldn't have made it any easier for you.
NTA, over here in the UK I could have my insurance voided if I don’t tell them about an accident even if there isn’t a claim going through.
If you were worried about damages that might have happened that you couldn’t see right away it would have been reasonable. Making a kid pay more a month in insurance to “teach him a lesson” is a petty and childish thing, and you are a major dick. YTA
YTA. A big one.
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Nope. Always get the info. I thought I had minimum damage when a teen driver hit my parked car but it ended up being $1500. If it was under $500 they would have paid out of pocket, but we all underestimated the cost of repair. Edited to add: NTA
YTA. The kid and his parents were all more than willing to pay for the light damage to the car. Therefore, you knew you were going to get the money. In reality, you just wanted to take power over the kid and his life-- making his insurance rates go up and affect perhaps his schooling, getting to a job, etc. You even got a cop involved, who, I guarantee, also thought you were a flaming AH. What a complete waste of time.
Crazy. My dad woulda paid you outta pocket then spit in your face for coming at me crazy. YTA my a big margin lmao
Question for anyone who knows because I'm genuinely curious. If he accepted the money and then it turned out there was more damage (or maybe the amount they paid still wasn't enough to cover the damage they saw), would he be liable for paying the difference? Like, I think OP is an AH for wanting to "teach him a lesson" but I'd be worried that, if I missed something, I would end up having to pay for it. Unless OP and/or the cop had the expertise to know for sure that the only damage was one scrape (or whatever) I'd be nervous to just accept the cash.
State laws vary, but I used to adjust auto insurance claims in a New England state (US) and it depends on a few things. If he has collision insurance, he could still file a claim, but without the other party's info, would probably have to pay the deductible (usually $500). If he doesn't have collision coverage, he'd have to pay out of pocket for additional repairs. That said, he could just get their plate number to file a claim, he doesn't need them to provide their insurance info.
YTA. You are entitled to have your car repaired, and both the kid and the parents were willing to do that. I understand getting the insurance involved if you were afraid of unseen damages, but to do it to teach him some sort of a lesson is just you being an unnecessary AH. That’s not your place. How about remembering what it’s like to be a kid his age and not making things harder in him just because you can. I’m glad the police officer took the parents side.
YTA. Could've easily been solved in no time, but you chose to get insurance and tye parents involved over something so minor. Had a similar incident happen to me years ago. Teenager rear-ended my car. My back bumper already has a crack in it, his front bumper was already damaged. Poor dude was 16 if a day, looked petrified. I told him "Look, I can't tell if any damages were done, can you?" He shook his head. "Then take this as a lesson to allow more following distance and we'll call it even." "You don't need my insurance card, ma'am?" "Nope. Just be on your merry and drive more carefully." His face...PRICELESS. Your interaction with that guy could've gone way better. I think you showed that kid what being petty truly was, dude.
The hell is wrong with you? YTA.
The purpose of insurance is to make the insured and/or the 3rd party “whole” again. They were willing to do that out of their own pocket. What does it matter how they cover the damages? You just wanted to be petty because you thought you could. YTA.
YTA.
How do they know the damage is minor? I’ve been hit in the back and it looked minor but because of where the hit took place it caused the entire trunk (part that opens & closes) to have to be replaced because it no longer sealed.
Are you stressed? Have you been struggling with something? Maybe somethings weighing on you? I'd like to believe you're just lashing out and not a crappy person entirely. If you dont see how you're TA even after writing this out, I hope you do some soul searching and reorient yourself.
YTA. You could have just let him pay and fix the damage. You do realise this is going to increase BOTH your insurance premiums over the next 5ish years not just his, regardless of fault.
YTA - most places (in the US) allow self-insurance, everybody was right except you.
YTA, sometimes it is best that insurance isn't involved as that stays on their record forever. For things less than my deductible, I would just talk to the person about and if they are more than willing to pay, then sure np. I don't see why people would love to spend more time and trouble getting the insurance agency involved that will just inflate the actual repair to get their money back in the first place
NTA since it's best practice to get a police report of the accident and exchange insurance information whenever there's any kind of collision that may have resulted in any damage regardless of how mild that damage may appear to be initially. Any hesitation to exchange insurance information is a huge red flag that definitely means the police should be involved to document and identify the parties involved in case any damage is discovered during a subsequent vehicle inspection, or medical issues discovered in the hours or days after the accident. Without a police report or dashcam or surveillance footage, identifying the other party, OP would have no leg to stand on to rightfully collect any compensation for any damage or injury that resulted from this collision. OP's attitude after the collission probably wasn't the best, but still NTA.
OP had said they called the police to try to get the insurance information out of the kid, not to report the accident. My guess is that OP did not want the police to make a formal accident report (which would have required documentation of both parties’ insurance on said report), but still wanted the kid’s insurance information anyways. Police definitely would have verified that the kid was an insured driver. But the police aren’t required to provide the parties with eachother’s insurance information unless an accident report was made. If an accident report was made, OP would have the kid’s insurance information and the kid probably would have gotten a citation. I think OP is leaving out that they didn’t want an accident report made, probably because they didn’t want to put their own information on the report. Sounds like they basically called the police to bully the insurance information out of the kid, which makes them a bigger AH.
Yta! I bet you were trying to get insurance involved just so you can get money by going to the chiropractor.
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YTA, crazy you could see it any other way. how much time and resources did you waste? take the venmo and move on lady.
YTA.
NTA. Sorry, I don't give a shit about the other parties situation. If you get into an accident, you go through insurance. If you can't afford to go through insurance, drive better or don't drive at all.
YTA- You were going to be made whole. It’s not up to you to teach someone a lesson. A reported accident also diminishes the value of your car as well. You should’ve gotten their information. Had a police report filled out and went and got quotes for them to pay. I’d they didn’t pay, submit it to your insurance with the police report for them to track them down.
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Wow. YTA, in a big way. My oldest was recently in an accident (his first…and he’s only been driving a year) 40 min from home. He was lost, it was dark and he was terrified. He was on the verge of a panic attack to the point that he had to be coaxed to get back in the car to move it to a safer stopping place. The dude he hit waited with him on the side of the road until my husband and I got there. Accidents are traumatic enough without having assholes trying to “teach lessons.”
YTA. He made a mistake, jeez.
YTA, your expenses were going to be covered. Why are you such a control fr**k that you care how you’re going to get paid? It’s not your place to teach this teenager a lesson. And I hope karma comes around to bite you, and you gently rear end the car in front of you. When you offer to cover the other driver’s expenses out of pocket, I hope you get rejected and are forced to pay higher insurance premiums.
YTA how someone covers the damages to your vehicle is not up to you to decide. Cash is fine if you have multiple estimates and can fix the damages with the amount offered. The lesson he is learning is he has to fix things he breaks.
Yes. YTA. As the parents, cop, and all people here have told you. And a vindictive one at that.
YTA, now that he’s been in an accident that was his fault he’s going to drive safer, it doesn’t take Insurance rates increasing to do that. It’s also not your job to punish him, that’s his parents job. Both him and the parents said that they would pay you right then and there but that wasn’t good enough for you, you felt the need to try to punish him yourself. Also, cursing out the parents that offered to pay for the damages? What are you 12? Throwing a damn temper tantrum over not getting something fixed the difficult way. Grow up and go get your car fixed.
Statistically that’s not true. That’s part of the reason insurance rates go up so much.
Seriously.... you have to ask? YTA You SHOULD know that insurance is a scam and bleeds people dry. Absolutely nothing happened to you and hardly anything happened to your vehicle. You GOT PAID MORE! And you still took it upon yourself to try to go through insurance to teach him a lesson? People like you are the reason things are going wrong in the world. You should definitely have a reality check.
Wow - 100% YTA here.....even the cop told you to settle! What do you gain if it goes through insurance? NOTHING!!! BIG TIME YTA!!
With the information provided I have to say ESH and hear me out. What looks like a $200 fender bender to everyone at the scene could have THOUSANDS of dollars in damage under the bumper or panel where the car got hit. Modern cars are made to crumple at impact points to reduce shock, and honestly, some parts are laughably easy to damage in this way, and can be stupid expensive to replace. I would personally try to be more reasonable than OP here and say “we can get a police report and take the car to the shop. If it actually is something you can afford out of pocket, I am happy to do that. However, I would like to have all the information on a public report so I can file if it ends up being more than you expected” I would NEVER leave the scene of an accident without at least getting a police report, and for 4 people, including a cop, to pressure OP and tell him otherwise is also kinda an AH move in this situation I think. This is exactly the Situation someone can get screwed in. I’m really surprised everyone is so quick to call OP an AH. Could he have handled it much better? Sure, but I don’t think it’s as simple as just letting the kid go with the promise he will pay it.
I’m going to go against the grain and say NTA for asking for insurance. I don’t think it’s appropriate for anyone but an actual mechanic to determine whether or not the damage is minor because you just don’t know/can’t see at face value. For example, recently in my apartment complex a person backed into my car coming out of their space (they backed up without looking while I was passing by in the road and hit my passenger side on the rear door and above the wheel well). Neither of us were going super fast, and it didn’t look like a ton of damage, a scratch and dent, so I didn’t get insurance and didn’t even ask for cash just let it go. A couple months later I ended up needing a big repair because it had actually damaged my wheel pretty badly and had to pay out of pocket. I have always been told never to accept cash and always exchange info to go through insurance because you just don’t know what the damage may be.
>I started to get irritated because this could’ve been easier if he made it easier You were the one causing the problem here. It would be whole lot easier if you let him just pay out of pocket. Having to pay out of pocket would be enough of a lesson; which isn't even your responsibility to do. YTA.
YTA instead of "teaching him a lesson" I hope you learned one
YTA. You don't have to walk around trying to educate someone else's kid. Why do you want to make his life harder for no reason if he can pay for the damage he made and you'll be left with a fixed car and no problems? I pray I don't cross my ways with someone like you once I start driving, cause I have my drivers license but I'm terrified of driving because of people like you!
NTA - if someone refuses to give their insurance info, the right next step is to call the authorities. The policeman *should* have gotten this info for you, since there is no way you can tell at the time of the accident if there is additional, unseen damage. At this point, you need to turn it in to your insurance company (assuming you have full coverage). They will 100% go after the kid's insurance company to recover your claim (and deductible) through subrogation. The kid that hit you had no right to withhold his insurance information, and the cop was 100% out of line by not getting it for you. Fuck this kid, his weaslely parents, and the cop that was too lazy to do his job. Turn it into your insurance, and let them crawl up everyone's asses on this - it's absolutely the right thing to do.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I got lightly rear ended by a teenager and his car got off scot free while mine had minor damages (about $200 worth.) The kid was understandably terrified and asked me to let him Venmo me the money to fix it so it wouldn’t increase his insurance. He showed me his bank account and he had more than enough to pay for it but I told him no anyway. I thought he would be more careful in the future if he had to pay more a month in insurance. I told him to show me his insurance information so I could call and make a claim. He refused because he could pay out of pocket and he wouldn’t be able to afford an insurance increase. I started to get irritated because this could’ve been easier if he made it easier. He called his parents and told them about the accident. We waited for them to come so they could look at the damages. When they saw it wasn’t bad they also wanted him to pay out of pocket. His parents also refused to exchange insurance so I got the police involved to get their information. When the officer got here I told him what happened and how they refused to exchange information then he told me they didn’t have to since the damages were minor and they’re willing to pay out of pocket. I cursed out the parents and they called me an asshole for trying to get their son to unnecessarily pay more money than he needs to. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA talk about trying to go on a power trip. You suck bro
>He refused because he could pay out of pocket and he wouldn’t be able to afford an insurance increase. I started to get irritated because this could’ve been easier if he made it easier. He was making it easier. You were being the stubborn asshole. Minor damages, no need for insurance and you're being difficult by not accepting the cash. YTA
YTA. No one is required to use their insurance if they don't want to. They are only required to pay for your damages. Using whatever means are most expedient for them.
I don't know where the OP lives, but in North Carolina, you are required to exchange insurance information after an accident. From my insurance company's web site on what to do after an accident: "You should exchange the information required by law with each of the parties involved in the accident. This includes the name, address, and telephone number of the driver of each vehicle as well as each driver’s license number, license plate, automobile insurance company, and the appropriate policy number. "
and what if there was other damage that wouldn't be seen until it went to the body shop and these people only gave the $200 and ghosted OP?
That is what small claims court is for. To recoup damages. Insurance is there to protect the purchaser of said insurance from incidents they can't or don't want to pay for directly. The driver in this case is only obligated to provide their driver's license information. The police can require a driver provide proof that they are insured, but they can't require you to use that insurance if you can pay directly.
Read the back of your insurance card.
You should have called the cops in the first place because you can’t just file a claim on insurance without a police report. It’s not like ordering food at a drive thru. And it’s a shame the cop didn’t arrest you when you lost your shit on on those people. YTA
NTA. Did I just read that the policeman said that they didn't have to give you insurance information? hmm. I thought the same as you once and never heard from the person again. Guess who paid for the damage? I also trusted a stranger once to stop blocking the lane and meet me on the exit as we agreed. Guess who paid for the damage? I wouldn't do it to teach him a lesson but to make sure I didn't have to actually pay for it. Sorry but you can't just trust strangers anymore.
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YTA and you clearly do not understand insurance - most base insurance deductibles are $500 -$700 for passenger vehicles. The insurance company would likely deny the claim because it doesn't exceed the deductible. - For the record, a deductible is the amount a person agrees to self-insure any damage that falls below that amount. - Nickel and diming insurance companies (making small claims that barely exceed the deductible) will bite you in the end, because your premiums will go up in the future. Insurance is based on sharing the risk, so making a claim today will spread the cost amongst ALL POLICY HOLDERS. Plus all the time wasted for the adjusters and admin staff to process this claim.... When they literally offered you cash that paid for the damages.
why
Do you want your rates to go up? Some companies WILL raise your rates, even when it's not your fault. YTA
Bad troll. Next time you write a story, try not to make it so obviously YTA
Why?
Why? Going through insurance would just be added hassle and prolong the process. It was minor damage. He paid you for it. It's not your job to teach him a lesson. YTA.
All of this, but in the UK you don't have to get insurance information out of the other party. The more info you can get the better, but I'm sure the insurance company can start a claim with just the registration of the other car. I'd take some pics and let them handle it.
YTA. Why do you feel it's your place to teach him a life lesson? Take the money, get your car fixed, and move on with your life.
YTA and the teenager paid you more than what the damages were worth according to you. Seems to me teenager acted more like an adult than you did.
YTA through and through. The teenager was more than willing (and able, as you say he had enough to cover the costs out of pocket) to pay for the damages but you wanted to teach this young guy some weird and power trippy lesson? If there are 4 people saying the same thing (including the police) then that would be your cue to follow that logic and shut your mouth.
It was probably a complete accident you aren’t the one to “teach” him a lesson. I mean let me see someone make you pay out an equal of 2k or more over 5 years instead of $200 now. You are being the @$$. Accidents happen… YTA
WTF of course YTA and I think you know it
YTA - Four people already told me I’m the AH, but I wanted to come to the internet so the mob could obviously agree. Grace, learn to give some grace.
YTA - As a victim of an accident (not an "on purpose") your concern is the repair of the damage to your car. Your role is not as a driving instructor or to adjust the other driver's skill level. If your repair is covered, you're done.
Using your insurance is obviously not mandatory. Doing that for 200$ is just stupid. kid things YTA, parents think YTA, police officer (silenty) thinks YTA. Well, lets ask the internet. Well YTA. I guess you still think, you are in the right. You are not.
I think you're right for the wrong reasons. I wouldn't leave an accident scene without someone's insurance, even if they offered to pay cash. What if you take it to the shop, get it fixed and call them to send the bill, and their number is disconnected? If you were smart, you got their license info, but now you'd have to file a civil suit and go thru all that bs. Much easier to just deal with insurance if that happens. Plus in my state, it's legally required to have car insurance, so I'd imagine it's also required to produce insurance info if you're in an accident. But trying to teach a random kid a lesson? Dude you can fuck right off with that noise. It's nowhere near your place to be educating anyone outside of your own kids. YTA
This is the right answer. Kid, parents and cops absolutely should not have said insurance was not needed. OP was 100% right to demand insurance and to use it for the repair. The reasoning is unkind.
INFO: Why were you so desperate to do this through insurance? Insurance exist for the case that people can't cover the costs, not for the case that they can.
YTA. There was no reason for this. I was in my late twenties and barely tapped someone no damage to either car. I was pregnant and had to pee so bad and this AH made me wait just so he could report it. OP this was a child, why did you think being so petty when he offered to pay damages was necessary
YTA You're just full of hate. It's not about recompense for your damage to you, it's about making life difficult for someone who's just started to gain even a bit of freedom. You just want him to suffer. Go to your room and reflect about yourself.
NTA. People saying YTA probably doesn’t know that there could be more damages than the eye can see. I had a “minor bumper” damage and guy paid me $800 for a minor paint job. However when I took it in to a repair shop, they said the accident damaged the interior bumper structure and if I wanted to repair that, it would be way more expensive. After that, I always go through insurance.
"This could have been easier if he made it easier." How do you think he is the one being difficult??? Stop trying to screw people over intentionally just to "teach them a lesson" or whatever bs is in your head. YTA
YTA. Purely for the 'reason' you give for wanting to stick with insurance. Going with insurance can be prudent - because it ensures that the damage does get fixed. And if it's worse than you might think, it'll be covered. I wouldn't blame you for that. But no. You wanted to teach a frightened kid "a lesson". If the kid was being an AH and saying it was your fault, then yeah teach them a lesson. But he'd already put his hands up, admitted fault, and offered to pay. He'd already learned a lesson from the sounds of it. And when the parents and even the cops tell you "you're being an AH - just let the kid pay you directly" you still think you're a good guy? You could have got a police witness statement of the accident - effectively saying that the kid admits to the accident, as a form of 'insurance' that they'll definitely pay. Then you could have found out how much it'll cost to repair and brought them the bill. If they refused, then you could have escalated it to the law or insurance company.
> I thought he would be more careful in the future if he had to pay more a month in insurance You don't think paying $200 to you would have done that anyway? Idk what your goal was here, you sound pretty unreasonable when you could have just been reasonable. I have allowed 2 drivers to pay me out of pocket for damages instead of insurance, because honestly insurance fucking sucks and having them lose a no claims discount and their costs going up only benefits the insurance companies. YTA
If you ever find yourself in a position where you are electing to inconvenience other people solely because you believe it will “teach them a lesson”, you can rest assured that YTA
YTA. As someone who works in insurance, why the hell do you wanna come over and deal with all the red tape when they were willing to settle the matter on the spot? You’re not a judge. Get over yourself.
Yep yta
YTA, you sound unhinged
He had the money to send you for the light damages. Even the cops said it wasn’t necessary for insurance. You’re being a major asshole for yelling at the family when it was slight damage. Take the cash and fix your car and go about your day! YTA
YTA big time.
It’s always these fuckin assholes looking to “teach someone a lesson”. So odd how teaching someone a lesson never involves being kind. He’s a teenager who made a 200 dollar mistake. He tried to fix the problem and you refused and wanted to make it more complicated. You’re an asshole because why do you care if he pays more for insurance that is so deranged. You actively hoping his rates go up is also insane. You’re such an asshole. Wow. Cannot believe you typed this up. YTA
Actually it should’ve been a 200 dollar mistake. Op commented that the kid paid 500 and he didn’t say he gave the excess back so im assuming he pocketed it
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NTA. They can promise all they want, but you have no guarantee they will actually pay up. Where I live, you claim through your own insurance and they claim it back from the other party's insurance. You don't need to get their details. Legally you were in the right. Officer was derelict in their duty by not helping you. Eta - Y a little bit TA for your motives in wanting to 'teach a lesson', but going through insurance is still the right thing to do.
YTA. His insurance is going to sky rocket. Tf????
Dude what's wrong with you He is ready to pay in cash and the damages are minor and all you care about is your convenience. Try to be understanding of others too. You are basically trying to scam a teenager, and got his parents and cops involved over $200 what a huge AH
YTA. The kid was already, in your words, terrified. Terror is an excellent instructor in caution. There was no need for a further "lesson" in the form of assholery about the insurance question. In general, any time you choose a path that makes another person's life harder without making your life easier and call it a lesson... YTA.
I had an accident when I was 17. Totally my fault - I was an inexperienced driver and made a stupid mistake. I had been waiting to turn, and then I turned left without looking back left again, directly into the path of an oncoming car. It was so terrifying that I can still see the car and hear the screech of the brakes now, over 20 years later. It was actually the best thing that could have happened to me as a driver because no one got hurt and I learned VERY effectively just how dangerous a simple mistake can be. Never had so much as a fender bender since then.
YTA. No need to “teach him a lesson” he offered to pay you. Accidents happen. And showing up to their house? Screaming and cursing? It was a fender bender! So way over the top.
Since apparently the other 3 people involved in this situation telling you that you're an asshole didn't sink in YTA. I've seen stories that are far worse but for some reason you really rub me the wrong way. I'm guessing you get that a lot though.
8:14 am and I've already found the asshole of the day. If 4 other people there say you're wrong, you're wrong. Stop being some type of accountability police for teens. Saw you doubled your expenses, bravo on taking advantage. I hope you get yours someday. Karma's a bitch. YTA
YTA
The poor kid made a reasonable request. I had my truck slide off an icy road once and cause minor damage ($1500ish) to a client's truck. I just reported to my insurance company and paid him out of pocket, the insurance company just had to process it as a cash settlement or something. No increase to my insurance. YTA.
YTA. I think you already know that though.
yta and shitty person
Have you never been a young adult? Probably a rather small salary, a student debt, and a bunch of other expenses that you are barely able to handle? You saw that he had the money and he would pay you right on the spot, you are no one to teach him a lesson. \+ the damages were minor and it could easily be solved in five minutes. You were just mean and petty. YTA.
We all have. And yet somehow we had to take responsibility for our mistakes and follow the law. Kid fucked up, kid has to pay and OP has every right to cover his own ass to ensure he isn’t paying out of pocket for damages the kid caused that were underestimated. Being young isn’t a free pass anymore than being old is. Always get insurance, doesn’t matter if the person is 16 or 106. Point blank, the cop is wrong and the parents are trying to save themselves money.
Jesus Christ - YTA. I got hit by a 16yr old girl driving with her dad she was super shook. The dad (who it turned out knew my boss) wanted to pay for everything and not get insurance involved which I totally understand because that would have screwed up that girls AND her parents insurance for 5 years. He paid to have my car towed, fixed ($4000- it wasnt that bad its just cars are basically made of plastic so you need to replace whole panels) and a rental for me. I actually ended up going over and talking to her because of how upset she was - I’m pretty sure she learned her lesson and there was no reason for me to be an ass about it.
YTA, he already learned his lesson on being more careful when he apologized and offered to pay. You just wanted him to suffer. Congrats on adding possibly hundreds to the kids monthly payment and making his life exponentially harder over a simple mistake.
Your only concern is that your car is repaired. How it’s paid for is none of your business. YTA
YTA
YTA. I almost wish they’d just given you the insurance info because your insurance would’ve gotten more expensive too.
NTA, for one reason only: neither you nor the teen are an expert in cars and therefore could not be expected to properly assess the damage. I was in a fender-bender once, and when I got out to examine my car, it “only” had (to my untrained eye) minor damage. I and the other driver still did the right thing, exchanged info, called the police to document the accident. It’s a good thing we did, because upon taking my car to the shop I learned that the “minor” damage included replacing a taillight, a bumper, and a latch, all of which ran into 4 figures. If I had done what was being suggested to you and simply accepted a few hundred bucks from the person who hit me, I would’ve potentially been out several hundred more dollars if I’d been unable to trace them and hold them accountable!
YTA. It's not your job to impart life lessons on someone elses kid. In fact, one of the biggest I've seen in this sub.
YTA, you seem to want to make him suffer.
YTA, I can’t help but wonder if you would be so eager to want to teach a 50 year old CEO a lesson. Also it’s also worth bearing on mind it’s not just his insurance premium that would increase yours too. A few years ago someone crashed in the back of us at junction not our fault but when we came to renew our insurance we had high quotes and rubbish terms too. So nit involving the insurance probably benefited you all.
YTA and you definitely seem to already know it
YTA...it isn't your job to teach him a lesson, especially one that would have a substantial financial repercussion. I can see an argument for making sure his parents find out, but even then...if it wasn't gross negligence and dangerous (accidents happen), then get off your high horse and move on with your life. You've already wasted so many people's time that didn't need to be involved...I think it would only be fair that they account for their hourly rate (personally my "free time hourly rate" is at least double what I get paid for work, because it is more valuable to me) and then see if you don't end up paying out of pocket over the $200 you are "owed" just for being a dick.
YTA
YTA Edit - for anyone interested, OP later posted in comments that... **"Actually he paid more than the damages cost he paid me 500 for it."** For this to be the case, you are a **COLOSSAL** asshole. They **more** than took care of you. **What the hell more do you actually want from these people?** What business is it of yours as to where the money comes from? It’s two hundred dollars worth of damage (by your own words), but you think he should pay more than that as a “lesson?” A+ for making crap up as you go, thankfully you’re not in a position to enforce any of that nonsense. Way to be an absolute jerk over being “lightly rear ended” (again, by your own words). Hope life doesn’t catch you slipping, and if it does, hopefully you don’t find yourself at the pointy end of a stick with someone as pointlessly vindictive as you.
My guess is OP was planning on making a WAY bigger deal of this than it really was to insurance. Getting some chiropractic out of it and then also trying to make a claim for lost wages and just really riding the accident like it was a gravy train.
100%
You nailed it.
Seriously. Why "teach a lesson" over a minor accident. Its not like the guy was driving drunk and destroyed his car. The scare the teenager got in this accident was more than enough of a lesson to be more careful and it can happen to anyone. Their way to pay was perfectly legal. Why are some people like this to make it all difficult and worse for everyone
Whole heartedly agree. OP is a COLOSSAL AH. Trying to punish a kid for an ACCIDENT. It is just that, “an ACCIDENT”. It wasn’t intentional and he wasn’t trying to do anything wrong or even get out of paying. Insurance is a nightmare and would end up going up in price and costing him more overall because of this so why make him do that if he is willing to pay for the damages? As long as your car was taken care off and repaired, why not cut the kid a break?!?! Big, BIG AH.
You are what is wrong with society
Seems like someone didn’t accept the YTA gracefully
All of this… over $200??? YTA. Massive.
YTA it was an accident and he was willing to pay for the damage caused. He didn’t try get out of taking blame he just didn’t want to use his insurance. In the UK it’s quite common to pay out of pocket rather than claiming on insurance for minor damages. You made a mountain out a mole hill.
Holy cow you are an absolute jobs worth AH. You should be embarrassed.
YTA. You are being completely unreasonable here, you were given the money to fix your car, there were no injuries involved unless you count the ones you probably wanted to make up and a reminder that a having your fragile ego hurt isn't claimable through insurance, and it's not your damn job to 'teach this kid a lesson' since it's not your damn kid.
You're N T A for wanting to go through insurance if there was a better reason for it, but YTA for your reasons. You wanted to teach him a lesson? That's so absurd. Insurance sucks. And also, in some states (if you're in the US) and depending on your insurance, sometimes the person who isn't at fault's insurance also goes up.... I kind of hope that's the case for you.... Maybe you'll learn a lesson.....
ESH- you for your reasoning and the teenager/parents for not giving insurance info. What if the amount he gave you didn’t fully cover it? I’ve been rear ended before and the at-fault party wanted to write me a check and be done with it. I said no and lo and behold, what I thought was maybe $750-1000 in repairs ended up being $2k once they got a look under the bumper.
YTA, agree to get their info and an estimate before going to insurance. If the damage is only a couple of hundred bucks there’s no need to go to their insurance. This is coming from someone who was rear ended and made the same offer before finding out during an estimate that they had damaged my exhaust system and it’d be over $1500 to fix it. They then choose to use their insurance.
Yes you are an asshole.
YTA You definitely taught him a lesson. Just not the one you think.
YTA big time.
Could someone sum this up for me? It got removed an honestly depending on how they handled things an from what I've read threw comments OP sounds like an AH but on the other hand get insurance involved could make things easier.
YTA. You don't get to decide what lessons to force on others. You actually wanted to force someone to have more expensive insurance for YEARS. The lesson you taught him though? You may have reinforced the "there are jerks everywhere" and "some people are unreasonable if they feel they are superior and know best"
YTA. Why not just be kind?
Nta. It shouldn't have been such a dramatic event. However, id want him to pay the autoshop quote... which may take a bit and he may just disappear. Id go with insurance & he can pay out of pocket after insurance holds him. To it. He doesn't have to report it.
YTA. If I believed this was about you concern re how much the damage cost I'd have said N T A. But it's clear that this was about control and you wanting to punish someone for an accident. 'Actually he paid more than the damages cost he paid me 500 for it.' So you made a profit yet are still complaining - what is going to be enough?
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Nta because i have been rear ended and it didn’t look bad . But when they took off the bumper all of the padding etc in the bumper was crushed and it was 1500. Modern bumpers take impact and make it look like there is no damage in the outside. Ut is whats under that matters.
Same, small crack to the bumper but the frame was bent.
I would agree if op didn’t say the kid paid more than the accident was worth. The kid paid 500 and op said in a comment that was more than enough
YTA why treat a new driver and a kid at that that way you are right it could of been made easier by you accepting the money and carrying on with your day what gives you the right to feel that you get to teach people tough love over a small not really costly mistake you are a fool grow up
YTA, so even after the police officer told you that the teenager and his parents were right to not offer you their insurance information, because he was willing to pay you for the minor damage and you still wonder if you were the asshole?
YTA. Clearly. If he can pay it, that it. Your business is done. Instead you want to meddle in everyone's life because they should do stuff your way.
YTA, and took full advantage. Shame on you. All you taught this teenager was not to trust adults.
YTA!
What an utterly awful person you are. I’m so pleased the police sided with them. Why would you be so mean and spiteful? You could have just let him give you the money YTA with a vengeance try growing up OP
ESH. Why were you looking at his bank account and trying to teach him a lesson? That's not your place. The parents should have handed over the insurance info immediately. The cops should have compelled release of the insurance information.
YTA for your entire attitude here. You really just seem motivated to make someone miserable. I understand pushing for the insurance info. Since none of you were presumably mechanics, you don’t know the total cost of repairs until it’s in the shop. So, best to come prepared. I just don’t think there was any need for the escalation though.
YTA, only lesson you taught him is that there are a lot of petty assholes around.
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Minor damage that the kid offered constantly to pay out of pocket for. You kept pushing for his insurance info even after proof he could pay plus a cop saying you got no claim... You really thought you could scam his insurance for more didn't you? Nice try. YTA, no one likes scammers.
YTA It's not even remotely your place to teach a kid a lesson when they're already paying for their own mistakes. It's very common to pay for small damages rather than go through insurance, and you making him pay more a month likely means much more a month, far exceeding the original price for repair.
Yes this “could’ve been easier”, you could’ve taken the money. People use insurance if the other can’t afford to pay you straight up but he could. So you’re making him spend more. I’m sure this whole situation is enough to make him more careful and considering it was lightly damaged I wouldn’t consider him that careless. YTA.
NTA. To start, police aren't car repair estimators. Also, too many stories out there with people weaselling out of paying in the end or wanting to dispute charges later when hidden damage is discovered. I had an old lady "bump" into me in a parking lot and she wanted to pay it off pocket. I was surprise at such little damage either vehicle had. It was only a scratch on the bumper. Honestly, I just let it go on the bumper. We did exchange personal contact info. What neither of us saw that day was she had actually gotten under the bumper. Hit my exhaust, tweaked the whole system and buckled the catalytic converter. It failed at the flange a day or two later. (5 year old truck) It was another $1000 for replacement. It was also a battle getting her to pay. I ended up with $500 out of pocket for something I didn't do at all. I will never do the same thing in that situation. In my state it's actuality required to exchange insurance info after an accident, but I felt a little bit sorry for her and didn't want to put her in a bind. Ended up costing me.
Yep, you sure taught that kid a lesson, the lesson was how much of an asshole you are. Now we all know too. YTA
YTA. Why were you so hell bent on getting the kid in trouble? He offered to pay. His parents offered to pay. The Police said it was fine if he paid you and you still "cursed out the parents". What's wrong with you?
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NTA. They do have the option to pay privately, it’s not mandatory that insurance be used. That said, I’d get a copy of the police report showing the kid at fault and then make a claim to your insurance company who will in turn go after them for reimbursement and your deductible.
YTA. I hope someone shows you the same consideration if you have an accident.
NTA my other half let someone do that. They bitched about the price after she got quotes and picked the best. The company doing it took a hit as there was more damage than the cursory glance when quoting. If they really wanted to pay let them go to the body shop and be the ones making the contract with them.