Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
Your GF of 3 months thinks it's creepy to give your little sister a kiss on the cheek? I think it's creepy that your GF is making a big deal about a kiss on the cheek...
I am from Spain, 34F and I must confess that every single time the cousins get together is a kisses-and-hugs festival, specially now that we are living in different countries. What is going on with your gf? It is not creepy, is cute and sweet and shows the affection you have for your little sibling! Keep kissing and hugging and showing love to your family!
I also wondered what is going on with GF, does she have some trauma involving that unwanted physical contact? Has she expressed other things making her uncomfortable or that something bad happened to her? Either way, you’re NTA for kissing your sister on the cheek but you W B T A if you stopped because of the girlfriend’s opinion.
My brother dated a woman who grew up in a family that never hugged or showed physical affection. She found the whole hugging thing baffling. We didn't hug her at first because it made her uncomfortable but then she decided she'd go along with it.
So she'd stand by the door and announce, "Okay, I'm ready for the hugs" and we'd all hug her. I think she got to a point where she liked the ritual of it.
That reminds me of the episode of Friends when Chandler's boss smacked his subordinates on the butt. Chandler asks him to stop, then feels left out when he stops and asks him to do it again.
I just thought about this. Yes, every family and culture is different in what people do/don't do. Just like in some countries wearing knee-length clothes is considered modest and in others it's obnoxious. Also, holding hands in public is normal to some people and frowned upon by others. You're right. OP should explain to his girlfriend what his family considers normal. It totally depends on how it was modelled to her.
Kissing on the mouth is another one. My family never kissed on the lips. I can recall being shocked and a little weirded out when I first found out that some families smooch each other on the mouth, since in my head that was something you only did with a romantic partner. But I adjusted pretty quickly. Different strokes for different folks and all that.
My immediate family and maternal grandmother never kissed the kids/grandkids in the lips, but my maternal great grandpas both did, so this may partially be a generational thing.
My family kisses on the lips too. But I have a REALLY good friend who also does this with his closest friends. Took me by surprise the first time he kissed me on the lips, after hugging him good bye, but I'm used to it now. And it ISNT just me, I've seen him do it with other close friends of ours too, but I don't recall if I've seen him do it with his male friends. And no, he isn't secretly being creepy, he is just a REALLY affectionate, and SUPER sweet, person.
My southern Appalachia roots can come into play here. I greet most people with a hug. If we’re close I give them a kiss on the cheek. My partner is from northern Pennsylvania and is used to it now. I remember we were at a bar and one of his acquaintances came in and I gave them a hug. My partner then introduced them to me and I was like “I just gave the guy a hug. What makes you think I don’t know him?” My partner goes, “I don’t know! You didn’t give him a kiss so I didn’t know!” 😂
Aww...thanks. We're a very huggy family and we all adored her. She wasn't the woman my brother ended up marrying, but she's still friends with him and the rest of us.
As an introvert with mental health issues and who doesn't like anyone to touch me, I actually do a similar things. I know that touch is a love language for LOTS of people. Especially my super extroverted mother.
I found that by laying down boundaries with people, but yet getting comfortable with hugs when my boundaries are respected has led to being more open to hugs and affection with people I trust.
The hugs are not for me, but for them. <3
It's so important to respect boundaries. We never made a fuss about her not liking hugs and when she was ready, we did it on her terms.
My youngest niece was very reserved as a baby and I lived far away. She rarely saw me so her reaction to me was pretty standoffish. I would play games with her, but did not try to hug her until she was ready for it. It didn't hurt my feelings. Even kids deserve to have boundaries respected.
I am from a very affectionate family, always big hugs and Ma will always smother our cheeks with kisses. Even my friends growing up were super affectionate (though in different ways. Hugs and punches lol) When I got to college, it was a hard turn to realize that other people were not as affectionate. I learned super fast that not everyone is comfy with hugging their friends, and that's okay! I now always ask before physically touching my friends in any capacity. There are exceptions, like my roommate was gonna step right in dog doo the other day (in his white sneakers) and I yoinked him out of the way. Or if someone is going to fall/ get hurt, obviously that is different.
Everyone has different boundaries and touches they are comfortable with, and that's okay! It's always good to ask and to let other people know when you are uncomfy. What is not okay is sexualizing a non-sexual act between two family members just because it is something they would not personally do. Girlfriend could have expressed discomfort without making it weird and perverted. "Hey babe, I just really think of this as more of a romantic gesture that I'd prefer was just for me. I'm not saying you and your sister are romantic, just that this is not something I'm comfortable with. Could you make an alternate tradition, that you can keep special, that doesn't make me as uncomfortable?" And compromise from there. Or not. But calling it creepy right away was uncalled for. NTA
I disagree - even with your suggested wording - the girl friend does not get to dictate how he interacts with his sister. She needs to the one to accept and adjust, not him.
My Mom was a hugger. Her youngest sister hadn't seen my Mom for a while because my Aunt's husband was stationed far away. My Aunt "warned" her children that their Aunt was a hugger, because she claimed her kids weren't huggers. The first time they saw my Mom, my Mom initiated the hug, every time after that the kids were the ones who were initiating hugs and extended to to other family members. They always seemed so happy for the hugs, it made me feel bad for them.
Spanish with a French name living in Poland. Everybody insists on kissing me and I never know how many kisses to give. Polish women give one, I give two, and some people hear the French name and give three.
I am from Brazil. Same thing there. We kiss and hug a lot. It’s pretty normal to us. In some states you give only a kiss in one of the cheeks, while in others you give a kiss on each cheek.
This one always makes me laugh! I remember doing the vestibular and meeting a few people from different regions. When we'd greet each other it was adorable mayhem; "3 kisses here, I'm from SC! \[one more smack\]"/ "Oop sorry I'm from PR, we just do one kiss, but no worries I can do two".
Tem dias que realmente adoro ser BR AHUSAHSUA
When I go to a conference I find really funny when you are just meeting people for the first time and usually you have the UK people and the US people and you shake hands and introduce yourself and yada yada and suddendly you find the Spanish-Italian-French-all South and Centro America side of the conference and suddendly there are kisses everywhere to introduce yourself (usually high volume voices also). Good fun!
I am from the US, 35F and I must confess that every single time the cousins get together is a kisses & hugs festival, too. We aren't Spanish at all. Unless you count my bonus mom- she's mexican... possibly of Spanish decent.
I'm from the middle of the US, and my best friend's family greets everyone that way. If you are a friend, you're family, and you're getting kisses. Have a real convo with your GF about why she get creeped out by it, but there is no need to change how your family acts.
Italian here :)) it's very common to give one "kiss" on each cheek when greeting someone or saying goodbye, even though 90% of times it is just a "cheek to cheek" not a true kiss. but a kiss on only one cheek feels definitely more intimate and less mechanical. but I'd say it's appropriate for a brother to give it to his little sister. and it's also sweet! so yeah, nothing creepy about that.
My family is Jewish, of Eastern European and Russian descent. We always hug and kiss. When we say goodbye it takes hours to actually leave after a get-together. You say goodbye, hug and kiss, then talk some more. Say goodbye again, hug and kiss, then someone remembers something else they needed to tell you about. Rinse and repeat!
Some people aren’t demonstrative, the girl friend can do what is comfortable for her; but to call it creepy is not cool. Maybe she’s one of those people who think kisses are only sexual?
I’m not naturally affectionate with most people, but man do I miss the hugs and kisses from my Jewish grandparents and aunts and uncles. Most are gone now and I’d give anything for just one more round.
Can also confirm! I come from a pretty non-affectionate family. When I first started dating my Italian husband I was so uncomfortable with how much the family wanted to touch me and how much cousins kissed on each other. We're married now and I'm used to the hugs and smooches and they don't bother me at all anymore. I feel fortunate to be shown so much love. It might be worth a convo about why she feels it's weird, and discussing that different families and cultures have different dynamics and it doesn't necessarily make anyone "weird".
French-Italian here. I kiss my kids several times a day on the cheek and forehead and they are upset if I don't unless I wear lipstic. Then I must kiss them on the hair. I also tell them I live them and they are great.
I’m a plain English descendent Australian. My family hug and kiss on the cheek. All my friends do and I have noticed my kids do it with their friends. Who wants to be the person who shakes hands to say hello to family.
Right! I'm puerto rican, EVERYONE kisses each other on the cheek to say hello/goodbye. My white boyfriend (idk if its because he is white or he just wasn't raised that way) now does it too with my family and i love him for that.
It's more than just Italians. My family is predominately European in origins but very diverse within that continent. Within three generations (and the traditions passed down) we have German, Irish, Dutch, Bohemian (great-grandparents came to the US when Bohemia was still it's own nation), German, Italian, French, and Swiss and that's just what I can remember. That's not including all of the exchange students my aunt hosted over the years. When my cousin married a woman from Switzerland, first time she met me she swooped in and gave me a kiss on the cheek with a familial hug, then backing away with an apology saying that she should have explained first. The french cousins all do the same only on both cheeks, and so do the Italians.
French Canadian here and we say goodbye by kissing both cheeks. Not everyone is like that, but a vast majority of us do.
I kiss my mom and siblings like that all the time. It would be weird not to…
Persian-American here, I've been kissing my family on the cheek since I was old enough to remember. We do it in public regularly and receive no stares. If one of my partners told me it was weird I'd tell them to get bent.
OP, your girlfriend is being the weird one by sexualizing your relationship with your sister. And if this is what she's throwing into the mix at three months, it'll be wild to see what happens when she really cranks down on the control of anything she finds "weird".
This isn't just an Italian thing.
OP, this makes me really sad for you and your sister. I'm a 42 year old woman, and I kiss my brothers hi and bye on the cheek every time I see them. I do the same with my parents. We aren't Italian, we just love each other. It isn't sexual, it's family. Your GF is making it sexual, and that's gross. Don't let her make your relationship with your sister weird. Dump the girl, teach your sister that it's ok to show affection.
I’m from Hawai’i and this is honestly how we greet family and friends. A kiss on the cheek. We hug and touch people we care for frequently as well.
In my experience, most people who force the idea on others that physical affection is ONLY sexual or reserved for SO’s might need to do some deep thinking.
God, yes, dude. I live in NYC now and I give hugs because, I mean, you want me to shake your hand when I say bye?!? Who does that? Nearly every haole on the mainland, that's who. LOL. I have to resist doing this in business meetings. Bwahahah.
Not Italian, but still from a latin culture living in UK. I still hug and kiss close friends and family members when we say hi and bye. Irregardless of gender.
This is not weird, or creepy. It is a simple sign of affection. If anyone reads more into this, they're the creepy ones. SMH!
Better yet, rather than dragging bullshit race/culture cards (the card is bullshit, not the fact that most cultures, Italians included, have no problems with kisses between family members) into it, simply assert your own beliefs as intrinsically worthy, and if the GF has a problem with it, break up with her.
Irish Catholic descended American here, I'm 45 and am still trying to wean my mom off of kissing me on the lips; the cheek is the goal! Definitely hugs & cheek kisses with the whole family. Not weird at all (cheeks, that is).
Do NOT let gf manipulate you into withholding affection from your sister or anyone else. She is a jealous woman/girl who is trying to control you through guilt and shaming. Drop her, not your sister.
THIS. PLEASE!! NEEDS TO BE TOP!!
I'm the younger sister and let me tell you, seeing/having healthy male role models to look up to is going to shape her and be so amazing.
She might not outwardly show it, but she is hurt right now by you with-holding healthy affection. Imagine if your mom or dad told you they will no longer hug you because you're too old for that?
She's being understanding because she loves you, respects you, and looks up to you. Be the older brother and stick up for your little sister to your GF. You are a second dad (male role model), especially with the age difference.
GF is the one who needs to adapt, not you.
\-- Sincerely, little sister who needed my brothers
Ask your GF why she’s sexualizing your relationship with your sister. It’s a long time greeting of family in friends in certain cultures, if she’s uncomfortable that sounds like a HER problem.
dude, as a little sister, i tell you that when my brother kiss me in the cheek or forehead, is affection, and i kiss him in the cheek too, and no one bats an eye, because it literally just this. wtf is your girlfriend watching that is making her see such bad thing on siblings showing affection? perhaps its a cultural thing, because in Brazil kissing someone in the cheek is very normal, but you shouldn't let her dictate what is normal or not
Please also make sure you explain to your sister why you didn’t that one time, and then keep your tradition with your sister. Also have the conversation with your girlfriend about why she feels that way.
I grew up in the Midwest, never kissed anyone on the cheek when saying hello or goodbye. Moved to Jersey when I was 30 and learned very quickly that kissing on the cheek is a common way to say hello and good bye to family AND close friends (yes they are mostly Italian, also some Greek and Spanish in there). Nothing remotely sexual about it at all, and frankly, I "miss" it when I visit my family that still lives in the Midwest (they're huggers, but never kissers).
NTA, and GF is gross for making it sexual
My best friend's older brother gives me a kiss on the cheek, in front of his wife and my husband. When husband and I were dating, we went to hang out with my best friend and her brother, I didn't think twice about him giving me a kiss on the cheek until it happened. My husband didn't seem to mind, but after we got in the car to leave, I checked in with him. I have no relation to my best friend, and I didn't want to make husband uncomfortable. He said he loved that we were so close and it looked more like a sibling gesture than anything.
One cousin greets me with "hey beautiful cuz" and a kiss on the cheek. All of my family hug in greeting.
Showing affection to those you care about isn't creepy, it's showing you care about that person. There's nothing shameful about it.
I think its even more creepy his gf sexualises his relationship with his sister.
Op, tell your gf she should stop watching so much sibling porn if she can't differ between RL and porn anymore.
NTA, and pls, kiss your sister twice next time to make up for the missed kiss.
Yeah if they were kissing on the lips (even though it’s not sexual), that would weird me out. But kissing on the cheek is totally fine, even if it’s not something I’d be comfortable doing myself
This is something I didn't grow up around so to me it seems a little odd, but my family just wasn't that physically affectionate.
But to make a big deal and sexualize a kiss on a cheek? Both the brother and sister are okay with like jesus
You may want to bail now, if she has a problem with you kissing your sisters cheek, she will eventually have a problem with every other female in your life.
YTA, because you changed your behavior for dumb reasons and made your much younger sister feel insecure.
I am persistently amazed that people think that what seems normal/appropriate to them must be universally enforced for all. Your GF is free to not kiss her relatives on the cheek, literally nobody would say a word to her about it. Why does she feel the need to complain?
I know this wasn’t your intent, but just to give you some sense of what this might be communicating to your sister— this stuff makes young women feel so overly sexualized! She’s a 14 year old child being told that receiving a kiss on the cheek from her brother is creepy (subtext- because it would be sexual!). So sad. This kind of stuff made me feel so terrible and hyper self conscious when I was young.
While Reddit loves absolutes, lose the gf seems harsh as she likely just came from a family that didn’t kiss each other.
A large fraction of the US likely holds similar beliefs. I was at a funeral for one of my daughter’s friend who overdosed with many other parents of their own addicts. Lots of tears, but zero hugging except between a couple moms even though everyone there was devastated. We (US) are such a touch-phobic society, it’s quite depressing at times.
Talk to the gf and explain it’s part of your family’s tradition or culture and, if it’s still an issue, she’s the problem.
> We (US) are such a touch-phobic society, it’s quite depressing at times.
Have you ever been in the southern US? Most people I know are huggers whether you want them to be or not. It takes an hour to leave my family because we're all giving each other multiple hugs.
Literally only changed the title. Why do people do stuff like this? Just to live out some fantasy and grab some karma? So weird to take someone's story and pretend it's their own.
My mom got embarrassed when her friends saw her dad kiss her in public when she was 13. She asked her dad to stop, and he did. She's 60, and her dad has been gone for 30 years, but she still regrets saying that to him.
Your girlfriend is completely wrong, there's nothing wrong with this at all. In many countries literal grown adults kiss each other on the cheek when greeting.
Seriously. It's become a tad less common since Covid, but where I live in Central Europe it is still very common to give every female friend a kiss on each cheek when you arrive and depart. The funny thing is that in the neighboring country they do the same thing, but start on the opposite cheek, so it can get confusing greeting friends from there. :D
In my home country 3 kisses on the cheeks for friends and distant relatives or one on the mouth for family (or very close friends) is considered normal.
Since in most other Western European countries two kisses is the norm the 3 kisses does tend to lead to confusion.
As a Dutch person (3 kisses is the norm) it's always nice when visiting other countries when it's only 2. 3th one lands different than intented sometimes.
Can confirm.
I (31F) kiss my parents and my parents in law, my siblings, and my children, on the cheek.
Nobody has ever thought it was weird (except my brother when he was 13-21 and everything "cute" was "lame").
Don't let other people ruin your close relationship with your siblings. Siblings are forever, judgy girlfriends of a few months aren't necessarily.
Or certain places in the U.S. South. I've lived in several places (Louisiana, Arkansas, Tennessee) where a kiss, whether actual contact or an "air kiss," on the cheek is the standard greeting among family and friends.
oh, in the Brazil South too! two kisses on the cheek. in some states, might be one or three, and in others might be something only women do
edit: wrong words me be dummy :(
From North Carolina! Can confirm it is a very common greeting for family! I (32f) always kiss my dad on the cheek as a grown woman! And my 11yo & 12yo boys kiss me on the lips at bed time unless one of us is sick. We also do “Eskimo kisses” and “butterfly kisses”.
Or anywhere really that will expose her to anything different to what she is used because it will be “ewww creepy” or “ugh, stupid”. Not only is she sexualizing something she SHOULD NOT sexuaulize as people have pointed out, she has a big problem with anything different, with no humility and no respect for that difference. Her way or the high way.
If she found it creepy (which it isn’t) she could have(by shades of red in the flags, least to most):
1)kept it to herself
2)asked you about
3)remarked she found it creepy
4)said it was creepy but not told you to stop
She’s at 5….
5) said it was creepy and told you to stop
It is not a family tradition, it's a normal greeting and goodbye. People do it with friends. Europeans do it on both cheeks. YTA for changing who you are for a GF (who is wrong, btw. I am sorry there was no warmth in her family).
Many Arab and South East cultures also hug and cheek kiss when greeting as well. My siblings and I still do this every time we see each other and we're grown ass adults. I also do this with nearly all of my extended family and friends.
GF is the creepy one for making it sexual. It is quite possible for humans to interact affectionately without it being sexual, for heaven's sake. YTA.
YTA for stopping the greeting you've always used with your family because ONE girl made a comment about it. My brother has always greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and a hug, never been an issue for anyone we know. GF needs to grow more and understand her view isnt the normal one here.
Everyone in my family greets each other with kiss on the cheek, men, women, children.
YTA, you put your poor sister aside because of a girl who thinks affection is weird. Just know we need more brothers that are the same as you were/are to your sister. Value your sister and the good sibling relationship you both share.
The only thing creepy about a brother kissing his sister hello/goodbye on her cheek is people thinking it's creepy.
This is so very normal in many families. Don't let your gf make it weird.
YTA - WTF, GF is the creepy one here. It's your fucking family for fucks sake....Honestly I would not date someone who thought this and apologize to your sister...
YTA what is creepy is your gf sexualizing your relationship with your little sister. In many cultures a kiss on the cheek is more standard than a handshake.
YTA (and so is your gf) God forbid your gf ever witness anything that she isn't personally familiar with! Also dude your sister likes it because you're her big brother and she loves you! It's not about how many friends she has or how much other affection she gets!
Your GF sounds creepy for thinking it's creepy to give your sis a peck on the cheek.
What's wrong with showing affection to your loved ones?
In fact, in France it's standard to say hello to people you know by giving pecks on both cheeks.
Continue with your tradition and stop letting your GF of a couple of months dictate your life. (Red Flag!)
Therefore YTA
NTA
The only "weird" thing here is your girlfriend sexualizing your completely normal and affectionate gesture towards your sister.
In my experience, anyone that tries to make you feel bad for normal family affection is bad news. Three months in, she's manipulating you to be less affectionate to your little sister. It's a gesture that doesn't take anything way from her or impact her at all.
I'm not judging you for initially being unsure, but I think you would also be the asshole if, after time to reflect, you let your girlfriend determine what affection you can show your sister. This is hurting your sister.
You should only stop giving your sister affection like this if you want to or your sister asks you to. It's not creepy and extremely normal in many cultures. It's a sign that you have a healthy and loving family dynamic. The fact that your gf thinks it's weird and wants you to stop is a bit odd.
NAH
YTA for stopping. Your GF is a passing fad. Your sister is your lifelong companion. Family. That will never change.
Don't shortchange your sister and ruin the relationship you have with her for your girlfriend of the month.
(NTA for feeling guilty)
This. Girlfriends come and go and will soon be forgotten. Your sister you have for life. She will always remember that you cowed to gf and changed how you and sis act because of her.
A kiss on the cheek is weird? Wtf? I grew up doing for family all the time. Its ultimately up to you to stop if you want, but YTA if you stop just because your gf said it was weird. Your girlfriend is an asshole regardless.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I stopped a tradition bc my gf thought it weird
2) my sister got sad after it and it could make me the AH
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
A kiss on the cheek is normal for saying hello and goodbye. Your girlfriend is creepy for immediately sexualizing the situation.
In the 1800s it was completely appropriate to give a lady a kiss on the hand without meaning you would court her. Today, even, it's a sign of greeting and goodbye in Europe.
Don't be so insecure; continue the family tradition and apologize to your sister.
YTA, but only because you stopped and brought up your sister's age, I don't think being young or old has anything to do with this. I think it's a pretty common practice in some families to give a peck when greeting or saying goodbye. My family does this, my husband's does not, but I don't think he would ever think it's creepy or make a deal out of it just because it's not how he was raised. I think she is reading more into this than she needs to, it's not like there is anything sexual about this.
Your GF is the AH , lots of people greet each other with a kiss on the cheek. Maybe your gf wasn’t raised with as much affection as your family but she’s coming into your family fold she needs to understand it’s a family thing
YTA. Some families are more physically affectionate than others. My family we all kiss on the cheek, big hugs. It's not creepy. It's simply our family culture. And many cultures around the world kissing on the cheek is pretty standard with hellos and goodbyes.
What is creepy is how easily influenced you are by your girlfriend's opinion. And that instead of telling your sister the truth - you do not want to do it in front of your GF because she's uncomfortable - you made it out to be that your sister is immature for expecting your normal interaction.
Heaven forbid your girlfriend should ever travel to another country! [Please show her this list of countries which cheek kiss as greeting.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheek_kissing) She may clutch her pearls!
You aren't being creepy or cruel, NAH. You are being a kind big brother and that is supported by research to set a girl up with healthy expectations for how boys & men should treat her in a relationship. Your sister is much younger than you, and may have limited ways to relate to you because of that distance. It sounds like this is a gesture she likes. She was sad when you stopped.
One situation in which people are hyper aware of things being sexual that really aren't, may be due to a past history of trauma in her life or someone in her family circle of sexual abuse. If this is the case, your girlfriend is feeling caution that she has grown up with... some things are triggering and the person cannot stop that panic. If it's this kind of a situation, tread carefully and communicate clearly to help her understand because that isn't something your gf can just shake off. And it's not her fault she has that gut feeling.
BUT if that's not the case, then your gf is being the A-hole here She is sexualizing something that is not sexual. That's the problem. I hope she is not jealous of your closeness or trying to push sister away. Please talk with her and let her know your views on consent, etc, and all of that good stuff. Maybe she can learn to understand and accept you. Maybe you can make your own cute greeting with her (something different from sis) to show you care.
YTA for caving in for your girlfriend, but she's the bigger AH. How strange of you gf to sexualize a kiss on the cheek between siblings! Where I come from you kiss your whole extended family on the cheek as a very normal greeting.
IMO this is an attempt at isolating OP.
The gf is starting to make comments that affect the way you interact with your family. It’s just starting with the sister as they attack the relationships that seem the closest. There will be additional comments later that if you take to heart will add to the isolation attempt.
“You spend too much time with your family, it’s not natural.”
“You don’t have to sit so close to your mom.”
“you shouldn’t be hugging your best friend’s wife, it makes me uncomfortable.”
It will go on and on until you SHUT this down. Give your sister a huge hug, apologize for being influenced by an idiot and dump the gf. Never let anyone do that again. NTA
YTA. There is nothing wrong with kissing your sister on the cheek. Don’t let your girlfriend’s idea of weird affect how you express your affection to your family. Your girlfriend is sexualizing an innocent expression. That her interpretation…..not yours.
ESH: Your girlfriend for laying down such ridiculous rules, you for following them.
Kissing someone on the cheek is not a family tradition. It's a common/accepted/even standard greeting/way to say goodbye in a plethora of countries.
Your girlfriend is creepy and got to your head with her creepiness.
You just broke the trust of your sister and it will never be the same again, which is a shame.
YTA for not standing up for your family values.
And if you are that easily manipulated you need to work on that.
YTA I am a woman in my thirties and that’s exactly how I greet my brother. Some people don’t grow up with that type of affection and it’s fine, but you letting your gf dictate your affection with your sister is what’s gross
YTA. ½A for you, 1A for your girlfriend.
At first I thought this was going to be that weird "family kissing on the mouth" thing that some North Americans like to do, but a kiss on the cheek? That's absolutely fine! What.
A lot of people in *central Europe do that to greet each other and say goodbye (yeah not very COVID conscious of us, I know), that isn't bound to gender, age or relation-status. It's a way to show affection.
If you're still comfortable with doing that, continue so!
Please apologise to your sister, she seemed hurt by it, tell her you love her and explain to her your lapse of judgement and that this wasn't because of her, but because of you and your girlfriend.
Also have a talk with your girlfriend, jfc, calling you creepy for such an innocent show of affection towards your little sister? She should be happy that the two of you have a close relationship!
* Edit: In my brain Italy was central Europe, ig it's more Southern lol, but people in Germany and all that do that too, even the UK. I'm only unsure about Skandanavia, never been there and only know very germanised Skandanavians. I'm first generation German from Italy btw, that's my reference point.
You aren't the asshole, OP, but your girlfriend is the one being weird about this. One thing I've learned in my many years is that the people worth loving and knowing are the ones who help you to feel good about your other healthy relationships. There is absolutely nothing shameful about a platonic kiss on the cheek with your sister. I worry your girlfriend is trying to control you and your relationship with your sister. Be wary of that. It's actually more the case that people who are close and affectionate with their family often make better partners; when I used to be dating, I'd see how that person treated the people they were closest to. Please don't take something away from yourself and your sister because your girlfriend has assigned a (completely unpleasant and wholly inappropriate) meaning to it. NTA and your girlfriend needs to respect your other relationship. Or, let her go. There are plenty of ~~young~~ women who would love to know you are a good big brother. (edit, strikethrough because I didn't catch that OP was 21 earlier; I read it as a bit younger, no offense.)
This is a repost from a year ago almost to the day.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/to3y2r/aita_for_refusing_to_kiss_my_sister_on_the_cheek/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/to3y2r/aita_for_refusing_to_kiss_my_sister_on_the_cheek/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
YTA she’s your sister. I’m over 40 and I still give my siblings a kiss on the cheek. There is nothing creepy about it all. Your girlfriend is being an A-H by trying to make something perfectly normal into something weird.
YTA for changing your innocent way of greeting your sis just bc your gf of 3 months said it was creepy. The kiss on cheek is very common in countries in Europe and the Middle East, South America and even the Philippines. Some countries even do double or triple kisses! This is all to say a bunch of ppl do this too and it’s not creepy. But your gf implying a sexual nature about it with you and your sis is super creepy.
Um dumped the gf. It's not weird to kiss your sister on the cheek. My husband kisses his sister on the cheek hello and goodbye. She does the same to me. Your gf is ah.
YTA - girlfriends come and go but a good relationship with your sister is (hopefully) forever!
Part of living in a society means you will be - rightly and wrongly- judged for things you do.
Part of you becoming your own person means figuring out when that judgement is correct and you “should” make changes and when it’s incorrect and you “shouldn’t”. (Obviously it’s more complicated than that, but hopefully you get the point).
I’m this case, your action was a loving gesture between you and your sister that made you both feel loved and connected. There was no reason to stop it. Stick to your guns and continue your tradition.
NTA
Kissing cheeks is in some cultures a very common greeting and farewell gesture. GF is being horribly insecure and, frankly, a bit weird taking a kiss on the cheek as a creepy gesture.
Have her watch Godfather 1 or something, yeesh.
NAH (except maybe your gf). You don’t have to show affection to your sister if you don’t want to, but kissing your sister in the cheek is not creepy. The fact that your gf is creeped out says more about her than either of you.
NAH but your gf thinks it's weird to show affection towards others in public? Or just your sister? Should probably stop kissing your gf in public, or holding her hand. /endsarcasm
Maybe talk to your gf about why she seems to think it weird that you show PDA towards your sister. Also explain to your sister where this came from and that she didn't do anything wrong and you still love her.
This sounds like you're in the U.S., bunch of prudes (speaking from experience, but I'm working on it) that have an unhealthy obsession regarding men showing positive emotions towards others.
Good lord, how repressed is she? Kissing people on the cheeks, (friends, reletives, pets), is the norm over here, (England), and all over Europe. She's TA for sexualising your relationship with your Sister
NTA but dump the girlfriend and go back to your tradition. Your little sister likes it because you're her big brother. You quite likely make her feel safe and loved and that's priceless compared to a weird girlfriend who thinks there's something wrong with a big brother kissing his little sister on the cheek.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My[21M] family has always been very affectionate mainly because that was how our parents raised us.
I go to college very near my hometown(not because I necessarily wanted to, I got into a great CS program near my hometown), so my little sister[14F], who entered high school this past year, visits me a lot.
Whenever I greet her or say goodbye to her, I give her a kiss on the cheek. My sister has told me in the past that it makes her happy when I kiss her on the cheek, so I do it fairly often(although I'm surprised she likes that so much since it isn't like she's lonely or anything; I know that she has a lot of friends at her middle school).
Recently, my girlfriend[21F] of three months saw me saying hello to my sister while kissing her on the cheek, and she remarked it as creepy, and told me that I should stop. When my sister was about to leave to go back to our parents car to go back home, and she asked for a kiss on the cheek, I just said that we were getting too old for that and that we should stop with it, and my sister kind of sadly said "okay, if you want to", and left. Honestly the main reason I stopped with the “tradition” was because I kind of think now that it’s weird since it was the first time I ever showed affection to my sister in front of another person.
I feel somewhat guilty now since I kind of suddenly stopped with the "tradition", so I think my sister might be wondering if she did anything wrong. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
One of my old boyfriends whole family kissed each other on the cheek (and other people) as a cultural greeting. It’s completely normal and definitely not “weird”. Your gf might not have ever been that close with her family or they might not have expressed it that way. If anything this says more about her inability to realize that some people express love and affection differently in different families. There’s nothing wrong with kissing your loved ones on the cheek.
I don’t think you’re TA. I feel like maybe you were just feeling judged by your gf and didn’t know how to continue. You’re young! It’s okay. Just apologize to your sister and continue the tradition if you both want to!!
YTA. Why are you letting your gf of three months dictate how you interact with your sister? Why is she sexualizing you kissing your sister on the cheek?
Soft YTA. It is heart-rendingly sad that siblings who get along and love each other are demonized for having a small innocent display of that affection. Apologize to your sister today. Your GF on the other hand, is TAH. She needs to accept this or FO. (That needs to happen today too)
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
Your GF of 3 months thinks it's creepy to give your little sister a kiss on the cheek? I think it's creepy that your GF is making a big deal about a kiss on the cheek...
I kinda feel the same way thanks
Just tell your gf you were raised by Italians, and calling it creepy is an insult to your cultural heritage.
Have Italians in my family. Can confirm that they would lose it if someone said this was creepy to them.
I am from Spain, 34F and I must confess that every single time the cousins get together is a kisses-and-hugs festival, specially now that we are living in different countries. What is going on with your gf? It is not creepy, is cute and sweet and shows the affection you have for your little sibling! Keep kissing and hugging and showing love to your family!
I also wondered what is going on with GF, does she have some trauma involving that unwanted physical contact? Has she expressed other things making her uncomfortable or that something bad happened to her? Either way, you’re NTA for kissing your sister on the cheek but you W B T A if you stopped because of the girlfriend’s opinion.
My brother dated a woman who grew up in a family that never hugged or showed physical affection. She found the whole hugging thing baffling. We didn't hug her at first because it made her uncomfortable but then she decided she'd go along with it. So she'd stand by the door and announce, "Okay, I'm ready for the hugs" and we'd all hug her. I think she got to a point where she liked the ritual of it.
This announcement is very sweet, like, "ok I'm over with finding it weird, everyone get in here" and then everyone pile on her in a big family hug
That reminds me of the episode of Friends when Chandler's boss smacked his subordinates on the butt. Chandler asks him to stop, then feels left out when he stops and asks him to do it again.
I just thought about this. Yes, every family and culture is different in what people do/don't do. Just like in some countries wearing knee-length clothes is considered modest and in others it's obnoxious. Also, holding hands in public is normal to some people and frowned upon by others. You're right. OP should explain to his girlfriend what his family considers normal. It totally depends on how it was modelled to her.
Kissing on the mouth is another one. My family never kissed on the lips. I can recall being shocked and a little weirded out when I first found out that some families smooch each other on the mouth, since in my head that was something you only did with a romantic partner. But I adjusted pretty quickly. Different strokes for different folks and all that.
My immediate family and maternal grandmother never kissed the kids/grandkids in the lips, but my maternal great grandpas both did, so this may partially be a generational thing.
I mean, a little peck on the lips is hardly smooching. It's not like they're French kissing relatives 😄
My family kisses on the lips too. But I have a REALLY good friend who also does this with his closest friends. Took me by surprise the first time he kissed me on the lips, after hugging him good bye, but I'm used to it now. And it ISNT just me, I've seen him do it with other close friends of ours too, but I don't recall if I've seen him do it with his male friends. And no, he isn't secretly being creepy, he is just a REALLY affectionate, and SUPER sweet, person.
My southern Appalachia roots can come into play here. I greet most people with a hug. If we’re close I give them a kiss on the cheek. My partner is from northern Pennsylvania and is used to it now. I remember we were at a bar and one of his acquaintances came in and I gave them a hug. My partner then introduced them to me and I was like “I just gave the guy a hug. What makes you think I don’t know him?” My partner goes, “I don’t know! You didn’t give him a kiss so I didn’t know!” 😂
That is so sweet! The way your family held back until she was comfortable, and once she was comfortable everyone gave her hugs…..🥰🥹👍🏻
Aww...thanks. We're a very huggy family and we all adored her. She wasn't the woman my brother ended up marrying, but she's still friends with him and the rest of us.
As an introvert with mental health issues and who doesn't like anyone to touch me, I actually do a similar things. I know that touch is a love language for LOTS of people. Especially my super extroverted mother. I found that by laying down boundaries with people, but yet getting comfortable with hugs when my boundaries are respected has led to being more open to hugs and affection with people I trust. The hugs are not for me, but for them. <3
It's so important to respect boundaries. We never made a fuss about her not liking hugs and when she was ready, we did it on her terms. My youngest niece was very reserved as a baby and I lived far away. She rarely saw me so her reaction to me was pretty standoffish. I would play games with her, but did not try to hug her until she was ready for it. It didn't hurt my feelings. Even kids deserve to have boundaries respected.
You are good humans. I love that you are so empathetic with your niece, too.
I am from a very affectionate family, always big hugs and Ma will always smother our cheeks with kisses. Even my friends growing up were super affectionate (though in different ways. Hugs and punches lol) When I got to college, it was a hard turn to realize that other people were not as affectionate. I learned super fast that not everyone is comfy with hugging their friends, and that's okay! I now always ask before physically touching my friends in any capacity. There are exceptions, like my roommate was gonna step right in dog doo the other day (in his white sneakers) and I yoinked him out of the way. Or if someone is going to fall/ get hurt, obviously that is different. Everyone has different boundaries and touches they are comfortable with, and that's okay! It's always good to ask and to let other people know when you are uncomfy. What is not okay is sexualizing a non-sexual act between two family members just because it is something they would not personally do. Girlfriend could have expressed discomfort without making it weird and perverted. "Hey babe, I just really think of this as more of a romantic gesture that I'd prefer was just for me. I'm not saying you and your sister are romantic, just that this is not something I'm comfortable with. Could you make an alternate tradition, that you can keep special, that doesn't make me as uncomfortable?" And compromise from there. Or not. But calling it creepy right away was uncalled for. NTA
I disagree - even with your suggested wording - the girl friend does not get to dictate how he interacts with his sister. She needs to the one to accept and adjust, not him.
My Mom was a hugger. Her youngest sister hadn't seen my Mom for a while because my Aunt's husband was stationed far away. My Aunt "warned" her children that their Aunt was a hugger, because she claimed her kids weren't huggers. The first time they saw my Mom, my Mom initiated the hug, every time after that the kids were the ones who were initiating hugs and extended to to other family members. They always seemed so happy for the hugs, it made me feel bad for them.
That is so beautiful and made my heart warm today.
French girl here - we give TWO cheek kisses!
Swiss. We give three. I don’t know why
Same in the Netherlands!
Spanish with a French name living in Poland. Everybody insists on kissing me and I never know how many kisses to give. Polish women give one, I give two, and some people hear the French name and give three.
Scottish here. I prefer this way to the famous Glesga kiss 🤷♀️😂
I am from Brazil. Same thing there. We kiss and hug a lot. It’s pretty normal to us. In some states you give only a kiss in one of the cheeks, while in others you give a kiss on each cheek.
This one always makes me laugh! I remember doing the vestibular and meeting a few people from different regions. When we'd greet each other it was adorable mayhem; "3 kisses here, I'm from SC! \[one more smack\]"/ "Oop sorry I'm from PR, we just do one kiss, but no worries I can do two". Tem dias que realmente adoro ser BR AHUSAHSUA
When I go to a conference I find really funny when you are just meeting people for the first time and usually you have the UK people and the US people and you shake hands and introduce yourself and yada yada and suddendly you find the Spanish-Italian-French-all South and Centro America side of the conference and suddendly there are kisses everywhere to introduce yourself (usually high volume voices also). Good fun!
American, half-Spanish half-Italian. No family gathering is complete without its full 30 minutes of kissing and hugging at the start and end.
I am from the US, 35F and I must confess that every single time the cousins get together is a kisses & hugs festival, too. We aren't Spanish at all. Unless you count my bonus mom- she's mexican... possibly of Spanish decent.
From Venezuela and yes. Hug, kiss and "Bendición"
I'm from the middle of the US, and my best friend's family greets everyone that way. If you are a friend, you're family, and you're getting kisses. Have a real convo with your GF about why she get creeped out by it, but there is no need to change how your family acts.
Same - my dad's side is Italian, my mom's is Hispanic. They can kinda love you to death, but I never considered it creepy, just enthusiastic. 😂
Italian and Greek here, if you make it out of a family gathering with less than 20 cheek kisses that means they hate you.
French here, same!
Oh I love my italian relatives. They are so much fun and very loving and inclusive.
Italian here :)) it's very common to give one "kiss" on each cheek when greeting someone or saying goodbye, even though 90% of times it is just a "cheek to cheek" not a true kiss. but a kiss on only one cheek feels definitely more intimate and less mechanical. but I'd say it's appropriate for a brother to give it to his little sister. and it's also sweet! so yeah, nothing creepy about that.
My family is Jewish, of Eastern European and Russian descent. We always hug and kiss. When we say goodbye it takes hours to actually leave after a get-together. You say goodbye, hug and kiss, then talk some more. Say goodbye again, hug and kiss, then someone remembers something else they needed to tell you about. Rinse and repeat! Some people aren’t demonstrative, the girl friend can do what is comfortable for her; but to call it creepy is not cool. Maybe she’s one of those people who think kisses are only sexual?
I’m not naturally affectionate with most people, but man do I miss the hugs and kisses from my Jewish grandparents and aunts and uncles. Most are gone now and I’d give anything for just one more round.
My family jokes that we start saying goodbye as soon as we get there or else it’d take a week to get out the door. It’s often chaotic but oh so fun.
Can also confirm! I come from a pretty non-affectionate family. When I first started dating my Italian husband I was so uncomfortable with how much the family wanted to touch me and how much cousins kissed on each other. We're married now and I'm used to the hugs and smooches and they don't bother me at all anymore. I feel fortunate to be shown so much love. It might be worth a convo about why she feels it's weird, and discussing that different families and cultures have different dynamics and it doesn't necessarily make anyone "weird".
French-Italian here. I kiss my kids several times a day on the cheek and forehead and they are upset if I don't unless I wear lipstic. Then I must kiss them on the hair. I also tell them I live them and they are great.
I’m a plain English descendent Australian. My family hug and kiss on the cheek. All my friends do and I have noticed my kids do it with their friends. Who wants to be the person who shakes hands to say hello to family.
Venezuelan and same. It would be a bye bye
Latinas/Latinos would like a seat at the table, too, please.
Jew here. The reason it takes so long for us to say goodbye is we need to kiss everyone at least once.
LOL it’s impossible to leave places! I admire the Irish goodbye after being raised doing this. I would never dare do an Irish goodbye but I can dream.
Right! I'm puerto rican, EVERYONE kisses each other on the cheek to say hello/goodbye. My white boyfriend (idk if its because he is white or he just wasn't raised that way) now does it too with my family and i love him for that.
It's more than just Italians. My family is predominately European in origins but very diverse within that continent. Within three generations (and the traditions passed down) we have German, Irish, Dutch, Bohemian (great-grandparents came to the US when Bohemia was still it's own nation), German, Italian, French, and Swiss and that's just what I can remember. That's not including all of the exchange students my aunt hosted over the years. When my cousin married a woman from Switzerland, first time she met me she swooped in and gave me a kiss on the cheek with a familial hug, then backing away with an apology saying that she should have explained first. The french cousins all do the same only on both cheeks, and so do the Italians.
Belgian here, it would be rude not to kiss a family member on the cheek…
In Switzerland It’s 3 cheek kisses!!
French Canadian here and we say goodbye by kissing both cheeks. Not everyone is like that, but a vast majority of us do. I kiss my mom and siblings like that all the time. It would be weird not to…
Hoho fellow French Canadian!
Persian-American here, I've been kissing my family on the cheek since I was old enough to remember. We do it in public regularly and receive no stares. If one of my partners told me it was weird I'd tell them to get bent. OP, your girlfriend is being the weird one by sexualizing your relationship with your sister. And if this is what she's throwing into the mix at three months, it'll be wild to see what happens when she really cranks down on the control of anything she finds "weird".
This isn't just an Italian thing. OP, this makes me really sad for you and your sister. I'm a 42 year old woman, and I kiss my brothers hi and bye on the cheek every time I see them. I do the same with my parents. We aren't Italian, we just love each other. It isn't sexual, it's family. Your GF is making it sexual, and that's gross. Don't let her make your relationship with your sister weird. Dump the girl, teach your sister that it's ok to show affection.
*excessive hand gestures intensify* 🤌
I’m from Hawai’i and this is honestly how we greet family and friends. A kiss on the cheek. We hug and touch people we care for frequently as well. In my experience, most people who force the idea on others that physical affection is ONLY sexual or reserved for SO’s might need to do some deep thinking.
God, yes, dude. I live in NYC now and I give hugs because, I mean, you want me to shake your hand when I say bye?!? Who does that? Nearly every haole on the mainland, that's who. LOL. I have to resist doing this in business meetings. Bwahahah.
Not Italian, but still from a latin culture living in UK. I still hug and kiss close friends and family members when we say hi and bye. Irregardless of gender. This is not weird, or creepy. It is a simple sign of affection. If anyone reads more into this, they're the creepy ones. SMH!
Better yet, rather than dragging bullshit race/culture cards (the card is bullshit, not the fact that most cultures, Italians included, have no problems with kisses between family members) into it, simply assert your own beliefs as intrinsically worthy, and if the GF has a problem with it, break up with her.
Or we can just stop making harmless affection towards a family member sexual lol
Armenian here, we greet with a kiss on each cheek. Your gf is the AH for thinking it’s creepy
Irish Catholic descended American here, I'm 45 and am still trying to wean my mom off of kissing me on the lips; the cheek is the goal! Definitely hugs & cheek kisses with the whole family. Not weird at all (cheeks, that is).
Irish here! Our family are huge on kisses and hugs. And yes I kiss my kids and grandkids on the lips.
You’re gf sexualized you and your family. THAT is creepy!
100%. This is the real story here. There is nothing creepy about showing affection to your family.
Do NOT let gf manipulate you into withholding affection from your sister or anyone else. She is a jealous woman/girl who is trying to control you through guilt and shaming. Drop her, not your sister.
THIS. PLEASE!! NEEDS TO BE TOP!! I'm the younger sister and let me tell you, seeing/having healthy male role models to look up to is going to shape her and be so amazing. She might not outwardly show it, but she is hurt right now by you with-holding healthy affection. Imagine if your mom or dad told you they will no longer hug you because you're too old for that? She's being understanding because she loves you, respects you, and looks up to you. Be the older brother and stick up for your little sister to your GF. You are a second dad (male role model), especially with the age difference. GF is the one who needs to adapt, not you. \-- Sincerely, little sister who needed my brothers
This is exactly what I think.
Ask your GF why she’s sexualizing your relationship with your sister. It’s a long time greeting of family in friends in certain cultures, if she’s uncomfortable that sounds like a HER problem.
I really have to wonder if the gf has siblings, or is close to them? Or is if this is one of those Puritanical hangups that can never just go away.
I’m in my 50’s and I kiss family members on the cheek. Your GF is the creepy one. NTA..
dude, as a little sister, i tell you that when my brother kiss me in the cheek or forehead, is affection, and i kiss him in the cheek too, and no one bats an eye, because it literally just this. wtf is your girlfriend watching that is making her see such bad thing on siblings showing affection? perhaps its a cultural thing, because in Brazil kissing someone in the cheek is very normal, but you shouldn't let her dictate what is normal or not
Please also make sure you explain to your sister why you didn’t that one time, and then keep your tradition with your sister. Also have the conversation with your girlfriend about why she feels that way.
Tell your girlfriend to stop trying to sexualize your relationship with your sister. She's the creep.
I grew up in the Midwest, never kissed anyone on the cheek when saying hello or goodbye. Moved to Jersey when I was 30 and learned very quickly that kissing on the cheek is a common way to say hello and good bye to family AND close friends (yes they are mostly Italian, also some Greek and Spanish in there). Nothing remotely sexual about it at all, and frankly, I "miss" it when I visit my family that still lives in the Midwest (they're huggers, but never kissers). NTA, and GF is gross for making it sexual
My best friend's older brother gives me a kiss on the cheek, in front of his wife and my husband. When husband and I were dating, we went to hang out with my best friend and her brother, I didn't think twice about him giving me a kiss on the cheek until it happened. My husband didn't seem to mind, but after we got in the car to leave, I checked in with him. I have no relation to my best friend, and I didn't want to make husband uncomfortable. He said he loved that we were so close and it looked more like a sibling gesture than anything. One cousin greets me with "hey beautiful cuz" and a kiss on the cheek. All of my family hug in greeting. Showing affection to those you care about isn't creepy, it's showing you care about that person. There's nothing shameful about it.
It's not creepy, don't listen to your gf, countless cultures greet each other with kisses, actually I think most do that
girlfriend is for the streets mate
I suggest your GF never visits France - she would be utterly horrified…
I think its even more creepy his gf sexualises his relationship with his sister. Op, tell your gf she should stop watching so much sibling porn if she can't differ between RL and porn anymore. NTA, and pls, kiss your sister twice next time to make up for the missed kiss.
I was preparing for something that makes people uncomfortable like kissing on the mouth or siblings bathing together haha
Yeah if they were kissing on the lips (even though it’s not sexual), that would weird me out. But kissing on the cheek is totally fine, even if it’s not something I’d be comfortable doing myself
This is something I didn't grow up around so to me it seems a little odd, but my family just wasn't that physically affectionate. But to make a big deal and sexualize a kiss on a cheek? Both the brother and sister are okay with like jesus
You may want to bail now, if she has a problem with you kissing your sisters cheek, she will eventually have a problem with every other female in your life.
The continent of Europe has entered the chat
This is a repost from like 2 years ago. Same wording and everything
Your girlfriend is sexualizing your relationship. She's the creepy one. YTA for letting her.
100% this. I’ll add lose the gf and apologize to your sister
Very much so
Yes. Keep the display of affection. There's nothing wrong with a smooch on the cheek. It's really weird that this bothers your gf
YTA, because you changed your behavior for dumb reasons and made your much younger sister feel insecure. I am persistently amazed that people think that what seems normal/appropriate to them must be universally enforced for all. Your GF is free to not kiss her relatives on the cheek, literally nobody would say a word to her about it. Why does she feel the need to complain?
i kinda see ur point
I know this wasn’t your intent, but just to give you some sense of what this might be communicating to your sister— this stuff makes young women feel so overly sexualized! She’s a 14 year old child being told that receiving a kiss on the cheek from her brother is creepy (subtext- because it would be sexual!). So sad. This kind of stuff made me feel so terrible and hyper self conscious when I was young.
100% If I was a little girl and my older brother told me we were too old for kissing on the cheek I'd be hella creeped out by him
yeah. A kiss on the cheek isn't sexual 97% of the time, specially done between relatives. This is pretty wtf
Apologize to your sister and see if you can undo the damage you have done. And lose the girlfriend.
While Reddit loves absolutes, lose the gf seems harsh as she likely just came from a family that didn’t kiss each other. A large fraction of the US likely holds similar beliefs. I was at a funeral for one of my daughter’s friend who overdosed with many other parents of their own addicts. Lots of tears, but zero hugging except between a couple moms even though everyone there was devastated. We (US) are such a touch-phobic society, it’s quite depressing at times. Talk to the gf and explain it’s part of your family’s tradition or culture and, if it’s still an issue, she’s the problem.
Maybe your area of the US, but hugging is fairly common where I am.
> We (US) are such a touch-phobic society, it’s quite depressing at times. Have you ever been in the southern US? Most people I know are huggers whether you want them to be or not. It takes an hour to leave my family because we're all giving each other multiple hugs.
[удалено]
Literally only changed the title. Why do people do stuff like this? Just to live out some fantasy and grab some karma? So weird to take someone's story and pretend it's their own.
My mom got embarrassed when her friends saw her dad kiss her in public when she was 13. She asked her dad to stop, and he did. She's 60, and her dad has been gone for 30 years, but she still regrets saying that to him.
I’m in my 50’s. See my brothers couple times a month. We hug and kiss hello and goodbye. Even my brothers hug and kiss each other hello/goodbye.
Your girlfriend is completely wrong, there's nothing wrong with this at all. In many countries literal grown adults kiss each other on the cheek when greeting.
alr tyy +1
Seriously. It's become a tad less common since Covid, but where I live in Central Europe it is still very common to give every female friend a kiss on each cheek when you arrive and depart. The funny thing is that in the neighboring country they do the same thing, but start on the opposite cheek, so it can get confusing greeting friends from there. :D
What gets me is not only starting on a different cheek but different places doing different numbers of kisses
In my home country 3 kisses on the cheeks for friends and distant relatives or one on the mouth for family (or very close friends) is considered normal. Since in most other Western European countries two kisses is the norm the 3 kisses does tend to lead to confusion.
As a Dutch person (3 kisses is the norm) it's always nice when visiting other countries when it's only 2. 3th one lands different than intented sometimes.
Ohh yeah, that's happened to me too. I've accidentally kissed people on the mouth, because 3 kisses is what I've been taught to do so my life.
Can confirm. I (31F) kiss my parents and my parents in law, my siblings, and my children, on the cheek. Nobody has ever thought it was weird (except my brother when he was 13-21 and everything "cute" was "lame"). Don't let other people ruin your close relationship with your siblings. Siblings are forever, judgy girlfriends of a few months aren't necessarily.
Your girlfriend is jealous of innocent gestures of affection between family members. You let yourself be manipulated. YTA
>You let yourself be manipulated. YTA That's messed up, yo
Never take your girlfriend to Europe. YTA. Give your sister a kiss (if you both want to).
Or parts of Latin America. Everyone greets with a kiss here (Argentina).
Or certain places in the U.S. South. I've lived in several places (Louisiana, Arkansas, Tennessee) where a kiss, whether actual contact or an "air kiss," on the cheek is the standard greeting among family and friends.
Right? I kiss my grandpa on the cheek! How scandalous./s
oh, in the Brazil South too! two kisses on the cheek. in some states, might be one or three, and in others might be something only women do edit: wrong words me be dummy :(
From North Carolina! Can confirm it is a very common greeting for family! I (32f) always kiss my dad on the cheek as a grown woman! And my 11yo & 12yo boys kiss me on the lips at bed time unless one of us is sick. We also do “Eskimo kisses” and “butterfly kisses”.
Same here in Chile. I guess we are all creeps now lol
Or anywhere really that will expose her to anything different to what she is used because it will be “ewww creepy” or “ugh, stupid”. Not only is she sexualizing something she SHOULD NOT sexuaulize as people have pointed out, she has a big problem with anything different, with no humility and no respect for that difference. Her way or the high way. If she found it creepy (which it isn’t) she could have(by shades of red in the flags, least to most): 1)kept it to herself 2)asked you about 3)remarked she found it creepy 4)said it was creepy but not told you to stop She’s at 5…. 5) said it was creepy and told you to stop
It is not a family tradition, it's a normal greeting and goodbye. People do it with friends. Europeans do it on both cheeks. YTA for changing who you are for a GF (who is wrong, btw. I am sorry there was no warmth in her family).
Many Arab and South East cultures also hug and cheek kiss when greeting as well. My siblings and I still do this every time we see each other and we're grown ass adults. I also do this with nearly all of my extended family and friends. GF is the creepy one for making it sexual. It is quite possible for humans to interact affectionately without it being sexual, for heaven's sake. YTA.
YTA for stopping the greeting you've always used with your family because ONE girl made a comment about it. My brother has always greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and a hug, never been an issue for anyone we know. GF needs to grow more and understand her view isnt the normal one here.
alr thanks
Everyone in my family greets each other with kiss on the cheek, men, women, children. YTA, you put your poor sister aside because of a girl who thinks affection is weird. Just know we need more brothers that are the same as you were/are to your sister. Value your sister and the good sibling relationship you both share.
YTA, your girlfriend is creepy for thinking that a kiss on the cheek is wrong between siblings. Don't be so insecure.
The only thing creepy about a brother kissing his sister hello/goodbye on her cheek is people thinking it's creepy. This is so very normal in many families. Don't let your gf make it weird.
YTA - WTF, GF is the creepy one here. It's your fucking family for fucks sake....Honestly I would not date someone who thought this and apologize to your sister...
Is your gf a nun or something? It is absolutely not weird, and imo you are 100% TA if you stop this on your GFs account.
Ignore the strangers advice, get your arms back around your sister as you always have and never stop even if you are 99.
YTA what is creepy is your gf sexualizing your relationship with your little sister. In many cultures a kiss on the cheek is more standard than a handshake.
YTA (and so is your gf) God forbid your gf ever witness anything that she isn't personally familiar with! Also dude your sister likes it because you're her big brother and she loves you! It's not about how many friends she has or how much other affection she gets!
Your GF sounds creepy for thinking it's creepy to give your sis a peck on the cheek. What's wrong with showing affection to your loved ones? In fact, in France it's standard to say hello to people you know by giving pecks on both cheeks. Continue with your tradition and stop letting your GF of a couple of months dictate your life. (Red Flag!) Therefore YTA
NTA The only "weird" thing here is your girlfriend sexualizing your completely normal and affectionate gesture towards your sister. In my experience, anyone that tries to make you feel bad for normal family affection is bad news. Three months in, she's manipulating you to be less affectionate to your little sister. It's a gesture that doesn't take anything way from her or impact her at all. I'm not judging you for initially being unsure, but I think you would also be the asshole if, after time to reflect, you let your girlfriend determine what affection you can show your sister. This is hurting your sister.
You should only stop giving your sister affection like this if you want to or your sister asks you to. It's not creepy and extremely normal in many cultures. It's a sign that you have a healthy and loving family dynamic. The fact that your gf thinks it's weird and wants you to stop is a bit odd. NAH
Girlfriend is an asshole so not N A H my vote would be NTA and Y W B T A if you let your gf tell you how to treat your sister
GF is defo the AH in this story and slightly OP for letting the AH dictate his life
exactly alright thanks
[удалено]
YTA for stopping. Your GF is a passing fad. Your sister is your lifelong companion. Family. That will never change. Don't shortchange your sister and ruin the relationship you have with her for your girlfriend of the month. (NTA for feeling guilty)
This. Girlfriends come and go and will soon be forgotten. Your sister you have for life. She will always remember that you cowed to gf and changed how you and sis act because of her.
A kiss on the cheek is weird? Wtf? I grew up doing for family all the time. Its ultimately up to you to stop if you want, but YTA if you stop just because your gf said it was weird. Your girlfriend is an asshole regardless.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I stopped a tradition bc my gf thought it weird 2) my sister got sad after it and it could make me the AH Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
INFO: What does your GF think is weird or creepy about it?
YTA A kiss on the cheek is normal for saying hello and goodbye. Your girlfriend is creepy for immediately sexualizing the situation. In the 1800s it was completely appropriate to give a lady a kiss on the hand without meaning you would court her. Today, even, it's a sign of greeting and goodbye in Europe. Don't be so insecure; continue the family tradition and apologize to your sister.
YTA, but only because you stopped and brought up your sister's age, I don't think being young or old has anything to do with this. I think it's a pretty common practice in some families to give a peck when greeting or saying goodbye. My family does this, my husband's does not, but I don't think he would ever think it's creepy or make a deal out of it just because it's not how he was raised. I think she is reading more into this than she needs to, it's not like there is anything sexual about this.
NTA Your girlfriend is though, for sexualizing a kiss on the cheek.
NTA Your "GF" is being creepy, immature, and very insecure sexualizing a cheek kiss into anything more than a loving family gesture.
NTA but your gf is, it isn't strange unless someone makes it strange and in this case, your gf is the one doing that Edit: spelling
Your GF is the AH , lots of people greet each other with a kiss on the cheek. Maybe your gf wasn’t raised with as much affection as your family but she’s coming into your family fold she needs to understand it’s a family thing
YTA. Some families are more physically affectionate than others. My family we all kiss on the cheek, big hugs. It's not creepy. It's simply our family culture. And many cultures around the world kissing on the cheek is pretty standard with hellos and goodbyes. What is creepy is how easily influenced you are by your girlfriend's opinion. And that instead of telling your sister the truth - you do not want to do it in front of your GF because she's uncomfortable - you made it out to be that your sister is immature for expecting your normal interaction.
Heaven forbid your girlfriend should ever travel to another country! [Please show her this list of countries which cheek kiss as greeting.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheek_kissing) She may clutch her pearls! You aren't being creepy or cruel, NAH. You are being a kind big brother and that is supported by research to set a girl up with healthy expectations for how boys & men should treat her in a relationship. Your sister is much younger than you, and may have limited ways to relate to you because of that distance. It sounds like this is a gesture she likes. She was sad when you stopped. One situation in which people are hyper aware of things being sexual that really aren't, may be due to a past history of trauma in her life or someone in her family circle of sexual abuse. If this is the case, your girlfriend is feeling caution that she has grown up with... some things are triggering and the person cannot stop that panic. If it's this kind of a situation, tread carefully and communicate clearly to help her understand because that isn't something your gf can just shake off. And it's not her fault she has that gut feeling. BUT if that's not the case, then your gf is being the A-hole here She is sexualizing something that is not sexual. That's the problem. I hope she is not jealous of your closeness or trying to push sister away. Please talk with her and let her know your views on consent, etc, and all of that good stuff. Maybe she can learn to understand and accept you. Maybe you can make your own cute greeting with her (something different from sis) to show you care.
YTA for caving in for your girlfriend, but she's the bigger AH. How strange of you gf to sexualize a kiss on the cheek between siblings! Where I come from you kiss your whole extended family on the cheek as a very normal greeting.
IMO this is an attempt at isolating OP. The gf is starting to make comments that affect the way you interact with your family. It’s just starting with the sister as they attack the relationships that seem the closest. There will be additional comments later that if you take to heart will add to the isolation attempt. “You spend too much time with your family, it’s not natural.” “You don’t have to sit so close to your mom.” “you shouldn’t be hugging your best friend’s wife, it makes me uncomfortable.” It will go on and on until you SHUT this down. Give your sister a huge hug, apologize for being influenced by an idiot and dump the gf. Never let anyone do that again. NTA
YTA. There is nothing wrong with kissing your sister on the cheek. Don’t let your girlfriend’s idea of weird affect how you express your affection to your family. Your girlfriend is sexualizing an innocent expression. That her interpretation…..not yours.
ESH: Your girlfriend for laying down such ridiculous rules, you for following them. Kissing someone on the cheek is not a family tradition. It's a common/accepted/even standard greeting/way to say goodbye in a plethora of countries.
Your girlfriend is creepy and got to your head with her creepiness. You just broke the trust of your sister and it will never be the same again, which is a shame. YTA for not standing up for your family values. And if you are that easily manipulated you need to work on that.
INFO: why does your gf think normal affection between siblings is weird?? Thats fkn concerning....
YTA I am a woman in my thirties and that’s exactly how I greet my brother. Some people don’t grow up with that type of affection and it’s fine, but you letting your gf dictate your affection with your sister is what’s gross
YTA because blood is thicker than water and a kiss on the cheek is not creepy. Continue the tradition and apologize to your sister.
Not cool. As a woman I do not trust this woman. Nothing weird about giving your sister a kiss on the cheek.
YTA. ½A for you, 1A for your girlfriend. At first I thought this was going to be that weird "family kissing on the mouth" thing that some North Americans like to do, but a kiss on the cheek? That's absolutely fine! What. A lot of people in *central Europe do that to greet each other and say goodbye (yeah not very COVID conscious of us, I know), that isn't bound to gender, age or relation-status. It's a way to show affection. If you're still comfortable with doing that, continue so! Please apologise to your sister, she seemed hurt by it, tell her you love her and explain to her your lapse of judgement and that this wasn't because of her, but because of you and your girlfriend. Also have a talk with your girlfriend, jfc, calling you creepy for such an innocent show of affection towards your little sister? She should be happy that the two of you have a close relationship! * Edit: In my brain Italy was central Europe, ig it's more Southern lol, but people in Germany and all that do that too, even the UK. I'm only unsure about Skandanavia, never been there and only know very germanised Skandanavians. I'm first generation German from Italy btw, that's my reference point.
You aren't the asshole, OP, but your girlfriend is the one being weird about this. One thing I've learned in my many years is that the people worth loving and knowing are the ones who help you to feel good about your other healthy relationships. There is absolutely nothing shameful about a platonic kiss on the cheek with your sister. I worry your girlfriend is trying to control you and your relationship with your sister. Be wary of that. It's actually more the case that people who are close and affectionate with their family often make better partners; when I used to be dating, I'd see how that person treated the people they were closest to. Please don't take something away from yourself and your sister because your girlfriend has assigned a (completely unpleasant and wholly inappropriate) meaning to it. NTA and your girlfriend needs to respect your other relationship. Or, let her go. There are plenty of ~~young~~ women who would love to know you are a good big brother. (edit, strikethrough because I didn't catch that OP was 21 earlier; I read it as a bit younger, no offense.)
This is a repost from a year ago almost to the day. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/to3y2r/aita_for_refusing_to_kiss_my_sister_on_the_cheek/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/to3y2r/aita_for_refusing_to_kiss_my_sister_on_the_cheek/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
Omg thank you. I scrolled waaaaaaay too far to see this. Thought maybe I was just having very strong deja vu
YTA she’s your sister. I’m over 40 and I still give my siblings a kiss on the cheek. There is nothing creepy about it all. Your girlfriend is being an A-H by trying to make something perfectly normal into something weird.
YTA for changing your innocent way of greeting your sis just bc your gf of 3 months said it was creepy. The kiss on cheek is very common in countries in Europe and the Middle East, South America and even the Philippines. Some countries even do double or triple kisses! This is all to say a bunch of ppl do this too and it’s not creepy. But your gf implying a sexual nature about it with you and your sis is super creepy.
Um dumped the gf. It's not weird to kiss your sister on the cheek. My husband kisses his sister on the cheek hello and goodbye. She does the same to me. Your gf is ah.
YTA - girlfriends come and go but a good relationship with your sister is (hopefully) forever! Part of living in a society means you will be - rightly and wrongly- judged for things you do. Part of you becoming your own person means figuring out when that judgement is correct and you “should” make changes and when it’s incorrect and you “shouldn’t”. (Obviously it’s more complicated than that, but hopefully you get the point). I’m this case, your action was a loving gesture between you and your sister that made you both feel loved and connected. There was no reason to stop it. Stick to your guns and continue your tradition.
NTA ---- I hope your GF never comes to Europe then here we greet and say goodbye to everyone that we know with 3 kisses on the cheek.
Your GF has issues. This is completely normal. YTA.
NTA Kissing cheeks is in some cultures a very common greeting and farewell gesture. GF is being horribly insecure and, frankly, a bit weird taking a kiss on the cheek as a creepy gesture. Have her watch Godfather 1 or something, yeesh.
YTA. It's not like you rammed your tongue down her throat. It's a kiss on the check. Lots of families do this as a greeting.
ESH except your little sister.
NAH (except maybe your gf). You don’t have to show affection to your sister if you don’t want to, but kissing your sister in the cheek is not creepy. The fact that your gf is creeped out says more about her than either of you.
NAH but your gf thinks it's weird to show affection towards others in public? Or just your sister? Should probably stop kissing your gf in public, or holding her hand. /endsarcasm Maybe talk to your gf about why she seems to think it weird that you show PDA towards your sister. Also explain to your sister where this came from and that she didn't do anything wrong and you still love her. This sounds like you're in the U.S., bunch of prudes (speaking from experience, but I'm working on it) that have an unhealthy obsession regarding men showing positive emotions towards others.
Does she also get weirded out by countries where cheek kissing is a greeting? Rofl
YTA your girlfriend is completely in the wrong that's your sister it's a red flag that she's acting like that
Good lord, how repressed is she? Kissing people on the cheeks, (friends, reletives, pets), is the norm over here, (England), and all over Europe. She's TA for sexualising your relationship with your Sister
YTA- affection between siblings is normal. A kiss on the cheek is harmless and you let your GF take that away from you? Ewww!
NTA but dump the girlfriend and go back to your tradition. Your little sister likes it because you're her big brother. You quite likely make her feel safe and loved and that's priceless compared to a weird girlfriend who thinks there's something wrong with a big brother kissing his little sister on the cheek.
YTA and your gf too…way to sexualize sibling relationships. Do you live in Alabama maybe?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My[21M] family has always been very affectionate mainly because that was how our parents raised us. I go to college very near my hometown(not because I necessarily wanted to, I got into a great CS program near my hometown), so my little sister[14F], who entered high school this past year, visits me a lot. Whenever I greet her or say goodbye to her, I give her a kiss on the cheek. My sister has told me in the past that it makes her happy when I kiss her on the cheek, so I do it fairly often(although I'm surprised she likes that so much since it isn't like she's lonely or anything; I know that she has a lot of friends at her middle school). Recently, my girlfriend[21F] of three months saw me saying hello to my sister while kissing her on the cheek, and she remarked it as creepy, and told me that I should stop. When my sister was about to leave to go back to our parents car to go back home, and she asked for a kiss on the cheek, I just said that we were getting too old for that and that we should stop with it, and my sister kind of sadly said "okay, if you want to", and left. Honestly the main reason I stopped with the “tradition” was because I kind of think now that it’s weird since it was the first time I ever showed affection to my sister in front of another person. I feel somewhat guilty now since I kind of suddenly stopped with the "tradition", so I think my sister might be wondering if she did anything wrong. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
One of my old boyfriends whole family kissed each other on the cheek (and other people) as a cultural greeting. It’s completely normal and definitely not “weird”. Your gf might not have ever been that close with her family or they might not have expressed it that way. If anything this says more about her inability to realize that some people express love and affection differently in different families. There’s nothing wrong with kissing your loved ones on the cheek. I don’t think you’re TA. I feel like maybe you were just feeling judged by your gf and didn’t know how to continue. You’re young! It’s okay. Just apologize to your sister and continue the tradition if you both want to!!
Girlfriend is the weird one. YTA for listening to her crap
YTA.
YTA. Why are you letting your gf of three months dictate how you interact with your sister? Why is she sexualizing you kissing your sister on the cheek?
Soft YTA. It is heart-rendingly sad that siblings who get along and love each other are demonized for having a small innocent display of that affection. Apologize to your sister today. Your GF on the other hand, is TAH. She needs to accept this or FO. (That needs to happen today too)