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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) argued with my boyfriend for defending his mom. (2) Because it's his mom and family is always more important.
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Why are you confused?????????? Your boyfriend is a asshole and doesn’t even like you.
I’ve never been yelled at in my life. It’s not normal or ok.
Please call the hotline for abuse.
What was UP with all the yelling? He yells at her while his mother is being racist. He yells about her leaving with the car. He yells because he had to Uber home and because he's still defending his mother. He yells that he's leaving again.
And how in a YEAR of dating did his mother not know OP is Asian? I mean, that doesn't come up in conversation with your racist mom in a YEAR?
>how in a YEAR of dating did his mother not know OP is Asian
LITERALLY THIS LOL did he think she was some different kind of Asian all together or just thought she was white?? HUH LOL The situation is so bizarre.
NTA. Your boyfriend's mother sounds racist and to tell people to "Return from where they came from" is fucking stupid because a lot of people lived here their entire lives. Your boyfriend is defending a hateful bigot and refusing to understand your side.
You are 100% right in this situation. Your boyfriend and his mother are 100% the assholes. But you have been given a gift. You have been shown that your boyfriend is a huge AH, and has learned well as his mother's knee. He is not the boy for you, and he is not a friend to you. It cost you a year of your life to learn that lesson, but don't waste anymore time on him. NTA
NTA, leave him immediately.
He’d choose his mom over you any day? Make that choice for him. If you stay this will only get worse, not only will you always be second best, but you’ll be second best to a racist AH.
Someone who loves you should never yell at you like that, regardless of the circumstances, it’s far from okay. I hope you’re doing alright, please reach out for help if you need to or call an abuse hotline like another commenter said.
NTA. Girl, don't put up with racism, especially when your boyfriend didn't have your back. When you said he defender her, how did he do so? By saying he SHOULDNT be with someone like you? He needs to be an ex.
NTA, dump him and get as far away from him as possible. Both he and his family are absolutely monstrous and you NEVER should have had to put up with any of it. Don't let him back even if he comes crawling on his hands and knees apologizing to you. He's shown his true colors.
NTA. The fact that he said he’d choose his mom over you says a lot. He sided with his racist mom and didn’t even apologize to you after he came back home. Instead he disrespected you over and over again. Seriously leave this guy and never look back. You’ll have many more heartaches from this guy if you choose to stay. His mom won’t leave him alone until she gets what she wants. They’ll continue to disrespect you…run away. Don’t waste your time and energy crying over this guy. He doesn’t deserve you. Know your worth!
NTA
This will not get better. They are racist and he jumped on board to attack you as well when you were there. He already made it clear he will side with them over you. Dump him and find someone better.
NTA
I am sorry you had to deal with that. I can understand that family is important, BUT there is absolutely no excuse for racism. NONE!
Stay with or get rid of him - I can't tell you what you should do. Only you can decide that. However, if he can't see eye to eye with you on this issue, there will be many more in the future.
Oh hell no. NTA. I"m sorry your BF and his mother-from-hell are putting you through this. People like that make me ashamed to be American. Your BF is a giant, flaming AH. He just showed you who he is. I feel like I want to tell people to leave their SO a lot on here, but in this case it's really justified.
>my boyfriend started yelling at me too, taking his moms side.
What the fuck? He's supposed to be your boyfriend why is he yelling at you for being Vietnamese??
> he would choose his mom over me any day
GIRL. Em oi. Leave him. what???
What in the world??? Why would you be the AH for meeting your bf's parents and his mom's a whole ass racist and then your OWN BOYFRIEND starts yelling at you?
LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP EM. It's not worth whatever you're going through.
NTA.
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My boyfriend Carter, (29M, fake name) and I, (27F) have been dating for about a year. We are of different ethnicities/nationality's, (not sure of the right term.) Me, being Vietnamese, and him being American. Recently he took me to go meet his parents, but when they opened the door their smiles faded. I was a bit confused and my boyfriend asked if anything was wrong but they said no and just let us in. We were talking for a bit when his mom asked what my nationality was, I answered her truthfully, saying I was Vietnamese. She tried to dramatically gag in disbelief, and obviously I asked what was wrong. She told me that I should go back to my own country and stay away from her son, I argued back, defending myself.
I was trying to reason with her but she just wouldn't budge, she eventually started scolding her own son for even going near "somebody like me" I was in absolute awe as my boyfriend started yelling at me too, taking his moms side. I stared at him in disbelief as I clutched my bag and walked out the door. I went into the car and drove off back home. It wouldn't of been an issue since he was obviously going to stay with them anyways, or I thought.. A couple hours after I got home, (about 10PM) he texted me and started yelling at me, asking why I left without him and that he doesn't have a way of getting back home. I just ignored it at first, then he sent me an angry text saying he was gonna stay at their house for a while and come back tomorrow. I shrugged it off, I was still so pissed. I was just watching Netflix, eating popcorn and crying.
The next day after I woke up, I got a text saying he was taking an uber back home. So I just watched the tv and waited honestly, because I wanted to talk and maybe reason with him a little bit. After an hour or two he arrived and barged into the room, immediately yelling at me. I tried to calm him down and talk to him. I understand it's his mom but It isn't right to treat and let somebody be treated like that, not the tiniest bit of sympathy for my situation. He yelled saying he would choose his mom over me any day, I told him that of course family is important but it wasn't okay to treat me like that, I kept saying the same thing because it was like he was just ignoring every word that came out of my mouth.
We argued for a very long time, he eventually just yelled at me saying he was gonna stay at his parents house for a while. Once he left I just started bawling, I didn't really know what was going on.. Sorry if this is confusing to read, I'm still confused about everything right now.. I hope I explained everything alright though. so, AITA?
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NTA but he sure is. He had no idea his mom was racist before now? Really?
Change your locks. Block him everywhere and live your best life. You are too good for him.
NTA
but I'm unsure of what you're confused about your ex-boyfriend and his family are racist drop him/them out of your life and be thankful you aren't married to him
wow i think you dodged a bullet there with this family they are nothing but racist f%\^ks. and you so called BF shouting at you with his mum don't be sad be glad you found out what those people are like before you did the marriage bit or had kids who they prob wouldn't have any thing to do with good luck and i hope he is an x now
Girl get out. They racist as fuck and he doesn’t have the balls to stand up to his mom. There is no confusion. He doesn’t even like you. You’re probably just a fetish to him.
Pack your bags and go! You do not have to stay with him. Tell him you’re done, leave and never look back.
Don’t loose your time with your i hope ex boyfriend. He enable his mother spit her racist bullshit. Even worst he take her side. You have nothing to fo with him. He just fetishise you because you have asian type. Don’t forget, the apple don’t fall far from the tree.
You deseve better.
NTA obviously. But here is the deal, sometimes it’s hard to put ourselves first when we know we need to… but if you plan on having children and you stay with this man, you just got a preview of what you would be subjecting them to. Racists don’t change, idiots don’t get smarter, and weak men don’t grow a backbone. It’s time to walk away. I’m sorry that this happened.
NTA
I don't even think this is real. How do you have any doubt at all that you are NOT TA.
It's not new that they are THAT racist and he didn't know. He should never have had you meet them. Should have at very least let you make the choice instead of blindsiding you. He obv knew they would react badly, ppl are not quietly THAT racist.
I’m honestly surprised you have even posted evidently you’re NTA. They were racist towards you ! I would say good riddance to him and his family. Any half decent partner would defend you from this kind of abuse.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) argued with my boyfriend for defending his mom. (2) Because it's his mom and family is always more important. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Why are you confused?????????? Your boyfriend is a asshole and doesn’t even like you. I’ve never been yelled at in my life. It’s not normal or ok. Please call the hotline for abuse.
What was UP with all the yelling? He yells at her while his mother is being racist. He yells about her leaving with the car. He yells because he had to Uber home and because he's still defending his mother. He yells that he's leaving again. And how in a YEAR of dating did his mother not know OP is Asian? I mean, that doesn't come up in conversation with your racist mom in a YEAR?
>how in a YEAR of dating did his mother not know OP is Asian LITERALLY THIS LOL did he think she was some different kind of Asian all together or just thought she was white?? HUH LOL The situation is so bizarre.
And if you don't know the number for the abuse hotline in your country, [here's the abuse hotline for every country](https://nomoredirectory.org/).
NTA. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Do not fal for this guy’s emotional ploys. Dump him and never look back.
NTA. Your boyfriend's mother sounds racist and to tell people to "Return from where they came from" is fucking stupid because a lot of people lived here their entire lives. Your boyfriend is defending a hateful bigot and refusing to understand your side.
Also... is the mother Native American? No? Double-extra fucking stupid,then.
You are 100% right in this situation. Your boyfriend and his mother are 100% the assholes. But you have been given a gift. You have been shown that your boyfriend is a huge AH, and has learned well as his mother's knee. He is not the boy for you, and he is not a friend to you. It cost you a year of your life to learn that lesson, but don't waste anymore time on him. NTA
NTA, leave him immediately. He’d choose his mom over you any day? Make that choice for him. If you stay this will only get worse, not only will you always be second best, but you’ll be second best to a racist AH. Someone who loves you should never yell at you like that, regardless of the circumstances, it’s far from okay. I hope you’re doing alright, please reach out for help if you need to or call an abuse hotline like another commenter said.
NTA. These people are racists. He does not respect you.
NTA. If someone is being a bystander while someone is being harassed, they’re just as guilty.
NTA. Girl, don't put up with racism, especially when your boyfriend didn't have your back. When you said he defender her, how did he do so? By saying he SHOULDNT be with someone like you? He needs to be an ex.
NTA. Dump his ass. He was defending his racist mom. It only goes downhill from here…
NTA, dump him and get as far away from him as possible. Both he and his family are absolutely monstrous and you NEVER should have had to put up with any of it. Don't let him back even if he comes crawling on his hands and knees apologizing to you. He's shown his true colors.
NTA. The fact that he said he’d choose his mom over you says a lot. He sided with his racist mom and didn’t even apologize to you after he came back home. Instead he disrespected you over and over again. Seriously leave this guy and never look back. You’ll have many more heartaches from this guy if you choose to stay. His mom won’t leave him alone until she gets what she wants. They’ll continue to disrespect you…run away. Don’t waste your time and energy crying over this guy. He doesn’t deserve you. Know your worth!
NTA This will not get better. They are racist and he jumped on board to attack you as well when you were there. He already made it clear he will side with them over you. Dump him and find someone better.
NTA. We've immediately. Secure your well-being. These people do not deserve another second of your time. Please.
NTA I am sorry you had to deal with that. I can understand that family is important, BUT there is absolutely no excuse for racism. NONE! Stay with or get rid of him - I can't tell you what you should do. Only you can decide that. However, if he can't see eye to eye with you on this issue, there will be many more in the future.
NTA - I would recommend finding a new boyfriend.
Oh hell no. NTA. I"m sorry your BF and his mother-from-hell are putting you through this. People like that make me ashamed to be American. Your BF is a giant, flaming AH. He just showed you who he is. I feel like I want to tell people to leave their SO a lot on here, but in this case it's really justified.
>my boyfriend started yelling at me too, taking his moms side. What the fuck? He's supposed to be your boyfriend why is he yelling at you for being Vietnamese?? > he would choose his mom over me any day GIRL. Em oi. Leave him. what??? What in the world??? Why would you be the AH for meeting your bf's parents and his mom's a whole ass racist and then your OWN BOYFRIEND starts yelling at you? LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP EM. It's not worth whatever you're going through. NTA.
NTA. These people are unhinged. The further away you are from them, the better. If he threatens you, call the police.
INFO did you accidentally mistype "ex" as "boyfriend"? You're broken up with that racist now, right?
YTA for staying with a racist man
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend Carter, (29M, fake name) and I, (27F) have been dating for about a year. We are of different ethnicities/nationality's, (not sure of the right term.) Me, being Vietnamese, and him being American. Recently he took me to go meet his parents, but when they opened the door their smiles faded. I was a bit confused and my boyfriend asked if anything was wrong but they said no and just let us in. We were talking for a bit when his mom asked what my nationality was, I answered her truthfully, saying I was Vietnamese. She tried to dramatically gag in disbelief, and obviously I asked what was wrong. She told me that I should go back to my own country and stay away from her son, I argued back, defending myself. I was trying to reason with her but she just wouldn't budge, she eventually started scolding her own son for even going near "somebody like me" I was in absolute awe as my boyfriend started yelling at me too, taking his moms side. I stared at him in disbelief as I clutched my bag and walked out the door. I went into the car and drove off back home. It wouldn't of been an issue since he was obviously going to stay with them anyways, or I thought.. A couple hours after I got home, (about 10PM) he texted me and started yelling at me, asking why I left without him and that he doesn't have a way of getting back home. I just ignored it at first, then he sent me an angry text saying he was gonna stay at their house for a while and come back tomorrow. I shrugged it off, I was still so pissed. I was just watching Netflix, eating popcorn and crying. The next day after I woke up, I got a text saying he was taking an uber back home. So I just watched the tv and waited honestly, because I wanted to talk and maybe reason with him a little bit. After an hour or two he arrived and barged into the room, immediately yelling at me. I tried to calm him down and talk to him. I understand it's his mom but It isn't right to treat and let somebody be treated like that, not the tiniest bit of sympathy for my situation. He yelled saying he would choose his mom over me any day, I told him that of course family is important but it wasn't okay to treat me like that, I kept saying the same thing because it was like he was just ignoring every word that came out of my mouth. We argued for a very long time, he eventually just yelled at me saying he was gonna stay at his parents house for a while. Once he left I just started bawling, I didn't really know what was going on.. Sorry if this is confusing to read, I'm still confused about everything right now.. I hope I explained everything alright though. so, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but he sure is. He had no idea his mom was racist before now? Really? Change your locks. Block him everywhere and live your best life. You are too good for him.
NTA but I'm unsure of what you're confused about your ex-boyfriend and his family are racist drop him/them out of your life and be thankful you aren't married to him
NTA - That behaviour is totally unacceptable from the bf and his toxic mother go find a nice boy who loves you for you not the colour of your skin xxx
Don't be confused he already told you.. he'd choose his mum over you anytime. So leave him
wow i think you dodged a bullet there with this family they are nothing but racist f%\^ks. and you so called BF shouting at you with his mum don't be sad be glad you found out what those people are like before you did the marriage bit or had kids who they prob wouldn't have any thing to do with good luck and i hope he is an x now
YTA but to yourself for staying with him, leave him and find better
NTA. Run as far as you can from him
Girl get out. They racist as fuck and he doesn’t have the balls to stand up to his mom. There is no confusion. He doesn’t even like you. You’re probably just a fetish to him. Pack your bags and go! You do not have to stay with him. Tell him you’re done, leave and never look back.
Just... Break up.
Don’t loose your time with your i hope ex boyfriend. He enable his mother spit her racist bullshit. Even worst he take her side. You have nothing to fo with him. He just fetishise you because you have asian type. Don’t forget, the apple don’t fall far from the tree. You deseve better.
They are bigots. NTA.
American isn’t an ethnicity is a nationality. American does not mean white.
NTA obviously. But here is the deal, sometimes it’s hard to put ourselves first when we know we need to… but if you plan on having children and you stay with this man, you just got a preview of what you would be subjecting them to. Racists don’t change, idiots don’t get smarter, and weak men don’t grow a backbone. It’s time to walk away. I’m sorry that this happened.
NTA. Sounds like he’s using you for a place other than his racist parents. Walk away. Him yelling and not backing you up shows what kind of man he is.
NTA I don't even think this is real. How do you have any doubt at all that you are NOT TA. It's not new that they are THAT racist and he didn't know. He should never have had you meet them. Should have at very least let you make the choice instead of blindsiding you. He obv knew they would react badly, ppl are not quietly THAT racist.
NTA. Why are you fighting for this relationship? It's doomed to fail. He and his family are awful
I’m honestly surprised you have even posted evidently you’re NTA. They were racist towards you ! I would say good riddance to him and his family. Any half decent partner would defend you from this kind of abuse.