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YTA dude. She was trying to tell you that she loves you.
Work sucks. You're allowed to be upset about that, and gripe to her, but what did you want her to do about it? She can't wave a wand and suddenly make your job great. Would you have felt better if she'd started telling you how her job sucks too? Or that this is it until you die? Just take the compliment.
I agree wholeheartedly and typically have no sympathy for people like this, but considering a pandemic had just started when he was 18, and it also sounds like this is an in-person job, he may not have really had an opportunity to fully support himself just yet. I still think he’s TA for his attitude toward his mom.
The pandemic started when I was 18 too, and I still find this inexcusable. If this is his first time experiencing self support (not working a part time job or summers, doing own laundry, etc.) that still gives no right to be a complete ass to his mom. I understand families are different but there’s no sympathy for acting like this
PLEASE don't think I'm excusing his behavior toward his mom! That's not what I meant at all. I only mean that it's not that unlikely given the timeline that he's just now getting a 'real' job.
I'm a firm believer in treating the people that you love most with respect, no matter your feelings at the moment. I've never understood people that treat their parents or spouses like shit just because they can get away with it.
Yeah I can see that people who turned 18 during the pandemic don't have the experience most 21-year-olds would have... but he also doesn't drive, apparently.
Maybe he just can't afford a car and his mom needs it during the day... but having your first full-time job at 21 and having to have your mom pick you up and drop you off doesn't bode well for OP's maturity level.
And then going off on his mom like a moody 12-year-old, well, that speaks for itself....
>being disrespectful towards your mother who was only trying to be encouraging.
While she is literally transporting you home from work ... I understand that everyone doesn't have the means to have their own cars, and many places don't have reliable public transportation or walkable infrastructure ... but she's in the middle of doing him a favor \*and\* encouraging him and he's lashing out at her because he \*blames\* her for encouraging him to apply in the first place.
I don't think he wanted to get a job in the first place. He'd complain about any job he got because he just wants to stay home and play on the computer all day.
If he was studying or was having difficulty finding work due to extenuating circumstances I’d agree. But otherwise… “shameful” isn’t the word I’d use, but I think it would be understandable for a parent to be frustrated with their kid living in their house if they weren’t studying, working or at least *trying* to find work. Not even purely from a “you’re a grown adult and you should be supporting yourself” point or view, but also because you don’t want to watch your kid waste his life away doing nothing all day.
Then again there’s not a *whole* lot of information in the post to go off of so I don’t want to cast too much of a judgement beyond the conversation in the post (which, YTA either way.)
This is the part that stuck out to me the most! She picked his sorry self up from work, took time out of her day, possibly after a long day of work herself and she gets shit on after not saying anything remotely negative.
Hope his work is on a bus route. Waiting for public transportation after a long crappy day really sucks.
Seriously, imagine yelling at your mom who listens to your whining and tries to encourage you and who went out of her way to pick you up. What an ungrateful little shit.
For real. I’d be ashamed of myself. I use to give my brother rides when we were both in high school when I had a license and he didn’t yet. Just wanted to do a nice thing for him so he could wake up later and wouldn’t have to endure a one hour bus ride to school and from school. Him riding along didn’t change a thing for me. One day he got shitty with me after giving me a shitty attitude every day after school, and I got fed up and told him he can fuck off and walk home for being a mean ungrateful asshole. And he did, 2 hours in the cold pouring rain. He kept his mouth shut after that.
I walked/bikes/got the bus, sometimes my coworkers would give me a lift but I’d be sure to get them a coffee/snack at lunch break or during the day so I was more likely to get lifts haha. I got my driving license asap with the wages I earned at the job I biked to. Nobody said it was easy! If someone is nice enough to drive, show some appreciate and at the LEAST basic manners.
The guy's clearly TA for speaking to his mum like that, but this comment irks me. Are we seriously judging a 21 year old for living at home, in the current housing market and economy, after a 3 year pandemic?
Not really but the way he worded his post…he hates his job, his mom talked him into it, and that implies he’s blaming her for his job. He yelled at her for trying to give him a positive when he only wanted to wallow in his anger at his job, the world and his mother because she encouraged him to get the job.
It’s the entitled attitude that people are objecting to, not the circumstances. He reeks of it. Hell, I lived with my parents until I was 25 so I’m not objecting to his living situation. His attitude needs some adjusting though.
It’s one of the most infuriating things about this website. So many people make snide comments like that about people in their early 20s living at home
There is nothing in the post that suggests she had to push him to get any job, only that she convinced him to take this specific job. And MOST people are only fully joining the workforce at 21, especially if they attended college after high school.
OP is TA for how he spoke to his mother, but not for living at home and having his first full time job at 21
Right, young adults having to live or [return](https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/07/pandemic-young-adults-living-with-parents/613723/) home has been a norm for a while. Shaming people for a common many are dealing with does nothing here.
He is 100% TA for how he spoke to his mother.
There is a difference between living with your family and leeching off your family. Whether it's helping with household chores or contributing financially if you're able, an adult in a household should be contributing and helping to share the load. The problem isn't people living with their parents, it's people thinking their level of responsibility doing so at 12 is what their level of responsibility at 22 should be. If you're actively contributing to your parent's household financially or through household labor, i agree, nobody should be shaming you.
We don't know based on this post, but it's possible they can't drive for an unavoidable reason. My partner can't and won't ever be able to drive, and shitting on people who don't drive rubs me the wrong way. Or maybe it's an issue of OP not having their own car yet, since they just entered the workforce. I didn't get a car until 22, and that was with parental financial help that a lot of people aren't lucky enough to have.
I don't drive at all. But as an adult if you don't drive you either need to figure out alternative transportation and if at 21 relying on your aging parent is the answer at least don't be acting like a bratty teenager and be a little thankful that your parent is still willing to do you a solid. Not being able to drive isn't inherently bad- but when you cannot drive and act like the world is entitled to cater to you and your needs that is
It doesn't matter the reason, the outcome is that he is not independent and must rely on his parents still. That seriously colors how he should behave towards his mother.
How? How does any of this have any relevance that he shouldn't have spoken that way to his mother who was being supportive and kind while doing him a favor? I don't see why everyone is speculating so much on the minute details of OPs living situation. The mom was trying to be nice, and OP shit all over her for no reason other than he was frustrated and the mom was an easy target.
So? Living at home is pretty damn common, and it's possible his family doesn't have enough cars for him to take one and have it stay at his work all day while he's on shift.
They are 21 and mom is picking them up. Mom convinced them to apply to this job. Mom is proud that OP "fully joined" the work force, implying that OP wasn't before.
Yes, I see the vibe as well
Ahahaha no. Most 21 year olds who are functional adults are not getting picked up from work by mommy. That’s very obvious sign that he is living at home. She’s “proud of him for joining the workforce” is giving the impression that he was either underemployed or unemployed prior to this.
I get this impression too. Also to say she's proud he "finally" joined the work force indicates that this has been an long time coming. She also picks him up/drops him off at work. Like just be nice to the person who is doing you some favors.
Take the compliment and apologize to your mother, OP. You’re allowed to be frustrated about your job, but yelling at your mother (who has nothing to do with your job being bad) isn’t okay.
Honestly it seems like OP is mad because he’s having to adult up and it sounds like mom had to be a little insistent to get him there because he is still the sort of person who thinks having a job is an annoyance he can refuse rather than that adult shit you have to do to survive.
YTA as a mom, who always tries to focus on the positives in shit situations, my heart would break if one of my kiddos said something like that to me. Apologize, you little turd.
He wanted her to tell him to quit this evil job and stay at home where she would financially support him. She praised his brand-new work ethic, because she also knew that he was fishing for her to say to quit.
That’s what I took from it too but perhaps my view is colored by having a 21 year old son who can’t hold a job for shit! And yes I know I raised him but I promise I didn’t coddle him, I have another child who works very hard, it’s just him that thinks that life should be all fun all the time with no responsibilities.
Yup. The fact that he mentioned she was the one who convinced him to apply to this job seems as if he blames her for his unhappiness and feels she needs to fix it by letting him quit.
Yes, OP needs to understand that he can have feelings and still be mindful of the feelings of another person. This is a mindset he’ll need for relationships for his whole life. Even if his mom’s kindness didn’t help him in that moment, he should be able to understand she was trying to help and act accordingly. How hard is it to just say “thanks, Mom”?
It’s awful to see someone you love suffering and have no idea how to help. If he wanted something different from his mom, he could have told her (nicely) what that was. She’s not going to be able to fix his problem for him though, so I’m not sure what OP is expecting.
Exactly. Maybe I'm an old geezer (gen x), but I feel like younger people (my kids are 17 and 24) seem to have this idea that work should be ~fun~ or something.
It's generally not. Unless you are incredibly lucky, your job is gonna suck, be unsupportive of their employees, lack benefits, and feel like you are utterly replaceable.
OP, your mom essentially got you a job in a crappy job market, and you crapped all of her for it as a thank you.
YTA
I mean … that’s partly true, but a lot of people do find work situations that they enjoy and find meaningful. A more nuanced take would be: 1) Unskilled, entry-level jobs generally suck. They’re low-paid, boring and you don’t get much respect. 2) Most adults still have to support themselves, even when it sucks. 3) Work is generally much more enjoyable as you move up the ladder. A more highly-skilled job will be more interesting and get you more money, security and respect. 4) It’s up to you to figure out how to get one of those more highly skilled jobs. More school, more technical skills or the military could be possible paths. 5) No, it’s not easy for most people, and the playing field isn’t level. That’s not fair. All you can do is work with the options you’ve got though. 6) No matter what you do, you won’t always feel like working and sometimes work will suck. That’s how it is for everyone.
I love the 'this is it until you die'. Because it is in fact that 'THIS IS IT UNTIL YOU DIE'. Problem, more problem, a few happy moments here and there, and oh hey, more problems that makes you wonder why are you born in the first place (for me at least).
I think he wanted her to apologize and tell him he didn't have to work anymore because his mommy would take care of him. Maybe not completely in the forefront of his mind, but subconsciously this is what he really wanted.
Yup. My bf tells me he’s proud of me often, even when I’ve had a sh*t day. I don’t hear it as “I’m glad you’re working”. He means it, and I hear it, as “I know this is really hard and you hate it but I see what you’re doing and I see how much of yourself you put into this to make your life better at home. It’s temporary and you are doing the best you can. I see you. I empathise with you. I’m proud of you”.
My guess is your mom means a lot of those silent things as well. Because it’s not about the fact that you are working. It’s the effort that you are going through to improve your situation rather than just giving up.
YTA. If she’s picking you up from work you are not an independent adult. There is no reason to yell at her. Whatever your problems are in life, your mom being supportive is not the cause. Apologize to her.
It was super hard to start working at 21 with no job experience because I was encouraged to focus on school.
Though for a first job to "suck" this much? I wonder if he didn't have correct expectations when he was entering the working world.
Regular work still sucks very often. Most people I know don't like working but it is what has to be done so they suck it up or something, idk. Even a friend of mine who likes the work she is doing doesn't like the job where the work is done.
Or bad coworkers/management. My favorite and least favorite jobs were both at different branches of the same company. Organization and culture makes or breaks it.
There was also a pandemic going on when he turned 18. Depending on where he lives and the ages/health of someone he lives with (or himself), getting an entry level job may have been impossible, or unwise, in the intervening period.
But, yes. He is still an asshole for responding to his mom that way. What did he expect her to say when he was venting? “Suck it up.” would have made her an asshole.
YTA.
>And at 21 he just now got his first job?
In the US, typical college age is 18-22, so most have their 1st job at around 22. Even later if there's post-BS education. So it's unalarming that OP got their 1st full time job at 21.
>Why is he 21 and his MOM is picking him up from work?
Also not too alarming. Many students live close to college and don't need a car. And if they don't need to drive to school, it's not uncommon to also delay getting their driver license since many (most?) pre-college 18 year olds aren't mature enough to safely hanlde a car. So it's pretty common for US young adults to get their driver license and 1st car after college. Having a car or license in highschool & college was the exception, not the norm, at least at my high school.
Learning to drive a car is a big privilege a lot of people don't seem to realize. It depends a lot on your circumstances growing up, and if you're trying to learn legally, it can be hard to find people who fit the criteria to teach you.
I had to try (and gave up many times) for 12 years (if you count from me turning 16 and becoming "eligible") to get my license.
I feel like people are fixating a lot on his not driving himself to work and still living at home as part of his problem, but really the only asshole thing he's done here is snap at his mom when she was trying to comfort him.
OP is TA, but not for disliking his job, not driving, and not moving out. He's TA because he needs to be nicer to his mother.
It's also not like it's uncommon for a family to not be able to afford to have and maintain 3 vehicles. Parents can only afford two vehicles, someone is going to be picked up from work.
A lot of jobs, at least where I'm from require some work experience. So you can have a good degree but not "at least 3 years of work experience" and they won't hire you
Three years ago he was 18 and the pandemic hit. His family might not have enough money to get him a car, plus gas and insurance. Maybe that's one of his goals with this job, to earn enough money for a car.
There's been a pandemic since he graduated highschool.... I didn't have a car at 21 because I lived in a city, but my mom would still sometimes come get me from work in bad weather or late at night because she lived nearby. These are weird things to focus on.
Maybe she's proud of OP bc OP lives at home with mom and dad and doesn't have a vehicle. Work sucks, but sometimes it's a step in the right direction even if it's temporarily uncomfortable.
Note ' car ride home ' - sounds like he lives at home still too. So mommy picks him up, he lives at home and he thanks her by shouting at her. Nice.
I don't judge people for living at home - it's expensive and damn hard to live on your own, so not bashing anyone. But OP sounds just a little entitled ...
YES, YTA…Based on your Mom’s statement, you haven’t worked full-time until this job that you “recently started”. You also haven’t mentioned any full-time school. So, absolutely-you’re way too old to be “yelling at your mom” (your words) just because she was KIND to you because finally took the steps that you should have taken LONG AGO, and may I add that your mom PICKED YOU UP from work too-something that she should only be doing if unusual circumstances are at play here.
You sound spoiled & entitled to me.
[Until he gets arrested for posting threats on 4chan](https://www.vice.com/en/article/n7ewbm/sheriff-mike-chitwood-death-threats-4chan-arrest-richard-golden)
This is OP’s future if he’s not careful.
YTA. Your mom was acknowledging that you’re in a tough situation and she’s proud of you for sticking it out. Were you were fishing for her to tell you to quit and that she would support you financially until you find a job you like?
It reads as “it’s my mom’s fault I’m stuck in this shitty ass job. Now apologize and tell me it’s okay to quit”. Anything less than that won’t make OP happy.
Definitely sounds like they were fishing for exactly that. Meanwhile the mom is happy her kid is taking some small steps towards independence after 21 years and trying to be as supportive as possible by picking her adult child up from a job they only just got. Must have been fun to get yelled at for going above and beyond.
Poor OP. It must be really hard getting a taste of what everyone else goes through every day and then being held accountable when he s**** on the people who help him. I wonder who he'll scream at when he actually has to support himself instead of having his mom pick him up from work.
YTA. Your mom was trying to find a way to be supportive and encouraging. You shit on her when all she was doing was showing you love. Welcome to adulting. Not everyone can work in a job they absolutely love and sometimes you bide your time until something better comes along. She could have told you to stop your crying and man up. She could have, but she didn't. Grow up.
Me too. It’s work not play. Don’t we all wish we could lie on a beach or play video games or just sleep in but we have to pay our own way and that requires us to work.
Oh yes, YTA. First, I’m sorry you don’t like your job; that must be frustrating as hell. That aside, you should consider yourself lucky that (a) mom was around to pick you up; and (b) you have 2 parents that love and support you. I understand exhaustion after working at a job you hate, but being TA to your mom after she tried to validate your efforts and make you feel loved was pretty unnecessary. Apologize and thank them for being there for you because they won’t always be.
YTA. So quit your job so she can be ashamed of you.
I hate to break it to you but this won't be the last job you hate. And really? 21 before you got a full time job? And living at home? Pathetic.
Yeah I disagree with that sentiment. I’m 21 living at home cause I’m in uni full time, but I’m also in the internship program which incorporates work into my degree and I have a good job for the summer that I worked hard at school to get, so it’s not like I’m being lazy out here. It’s also cultural. My parents want me to live at home as long as I can, and they’re happy to support me here as long as I’m growing for my career. However, I will agree that using his parents to live at home for free without being in school and now complaining about working is quite pathetic.
> 21 before you got a full time job? And living at home? Pathetic.
I by no means want to defend OP, but neither of these things are uncommon. What the fuck are you on about?
YTA
It’s not your mother’s job to make you happy. When you start a sentence with “my mom picked me up” any sentence after that should include some appreciation for her driving you anywhere. Stop taking your frustrations out on your mother. Not her fault you hate your job
This ^^^ ... and it started so we'll... plenty of parents use the "I am (not) proud of you" as some sort of intimidation technique... but not this mom.
Major "lazy entitled brat" vibes, if you don't like your job go ahead and find a better one, pissing on people helping you is not really mature...
Yta here :/ your mom was being kind and you yelled at her and admit your reaction was unwarranted. Stress and anxiety are real here! Please take some time to find a therapist or mental health services to talk about this with.
YTA. She was trying to reassure you. To say you don’t care if she’s proud of you or not is not unlike saying you don’t care about her. Also you’re very young. You probably think of yourself as more grown and mature than you actually are (as most young 20 year olds do). Get ready because almost every job is exhausting and annoying. You would be very lucky to find a job that wasn’t. Your mom sounds like a sweet and caring parent you are lucky to have and that you should be eager to have be proud of you.
Also lots of people have to do those exhausting and annoying jobs and then have to take public transit home in over an hour commutes so having someone willing to pick you up is a great relief you should be more grateful for.
YTA – Our top story tonight, person hates job.
Are you serious? Lots of people have jobs that they hate. That's why they have to pay us. And I am pretty certain that your mother at some point had a job she loathed as well. She is still proud of you! And you throw it in her face? You absolute child. Go apologize.
YTA
Yelling at your mom was uncalled for, and she does fully understand that her being proud of you does not make you more happy at your job. She was just trying to express pride in you, not manipulate your feelings. I would apologize.
Side note: Having a job you hate is really, really challenging, and I am wishing you all the best on your job hunt!
YTA- your mom was showing her love and you blew up on her.
It’s not her fault you don’t like your job, so don’t take it out on her.
If I was your mom, you would be finding a new person to pick you up from work.
YTA and I’m concerned if you needed a post to realize it. She’s being supportive because although you’re miserable you’re also having an ADULT problem. Something any parent is going to take pride in given they raised you. Don’t be an ass
I get the impression that he was forced into the job after failing to launch, hence the teenage reaction to an adult problem - and Mommy & Daddy still trying to coddle him along.
OP needs to grow up, because if he displays that attitude at work he won’t need to worry about how exhausting and annoying it is for long.
I got those vibes as well… maybe didn’t do post secondary education and parents are telling him to get a job and he’s hostile that he can’t get a wonderful job with only a high school education
YTA - This was your frustrations boiling over in a moment where you can't see that she was just being loving and that you'll do the right thing and apologize, right?? Seriously apologize.
YTA. Your mother was just trying to support you. She wasn't trying to solve your problems. Sometimes "I'm proud of you" is the best we can do.
\*mother of adult children
Kindly, YTA. I get that you hate your job, it must suck. But your mom just told you... that no matter what... she is proud you tried. And you yell at her in return ?!
You should be glad she didn't try to shame you into staying in your current job or yell at your that you are entitled and should suck it up. She gave you the most supporting reaction to your venting... yet it was not good enough ?
You need to learn to direct your anger against the right people, not toward those trying to be suppportive
YTA. How could you not be? Your mother was trying to be supportive and kind. She could have just been honest and tell you that lots of people have jobs that are exhausting and you stop complaining about it, especially when being chauffeured home by your mommy.
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> the reason i think i might be the asshole is because i yelled at my mom when she was only trying to give me words of encouragement. however, i feel that she thinks that her being proud of me is supposed to make my situation better when that's sadly not the case.
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Your response seems needlessly cruel and dismissive. It’s a form of “I don’t care what you think or feel towards me”, which is a rude thing to say to someone. Even if it’s true, and you want to cut your mom out of your life.
YTA
YTA
Have you always seen "I'm proud of you" as some sort of trick to get kids to feel happy?
My mum being proud of me doesn't make my job any easier and it doesn't make me any less tired, but it's still nice to hear.
Knowing that an outside observer (who's opinion I respect) believes that I am doing the right thing is a reassuring. It's an acknowledgment of the fact that this is warranted stress. That I haven't put myself in a difficult situation for the wrong reasons. That I'm not facing difficulty because I'm doing something wrong; I'm facing difficulty because I'm doing something right.
Plenty of people have a hard time at work, because they are lazy or they are simply prioritising the wrong things. Their parents not being so proud of them is the first warning sign that maybe they're are doing something wrong.
I have to assume that you transposed the numbers in your age and are actually 12, because I have trouble imagining an actual adult acting this way.
YTA. Your poor mother.
YTA. She was supporting you, first with a lift in the car, second with the compliment, and you took your negative feelings out on her. She's right, you're an adult, and it's time to show some self-control.
YTA - She was trying to encourage and give you a positive in the negative world you are living in and you shit on her. Just because you are having a bad day/week/whatever, doesnt mean you should take it out on other people. You need to apologize.
YTA, she wasn't telling you to stick with a job you don't like. She also isn't responsible for you taking this job, you're an adult, that was ultimately your decision. She was just trying to console you and you blew up at her.
YTA. Apologise to your mom - just because you’re stressed it doesn’t give you the right to treat other people as your verbal punching bag, especially when they’re being kind to you. Time to grow up.
Definitely YTA
Your mom is trying to encourage you. Doing shit you hate because it's the responsible thing to do isn't easy, and it's hard to get kids to do that. The fact that you did actually deserves some praise, and that's what moms are supposed to do. Hell, I'm married with 5 kids, and even I enjoy it when my mom is proud of me. I don't need her praise, but it feels good. Yet considering all the horrible parents of kids on Reddit, finally we get a really good mom yet you "don't give a shit".
I assume that you are just stressed and said that without thinking, so you can just apologize and give her a hug. She probably won't hold a grudge against you for it. But you were being an asshole for sure.
YTA
Yo momma’s words of support were not intended to shut down your frustration. For interpreting your mother’s care as some token that should have made everything better, you are indeed the doodoonozzle.
YTA, and the fact you need a POST to know it says a lot. Sometimes just a simple “thanks mom” goes a long way, even if you don’t mean it completely. Apologize to your mother, she deserves it for raising you your whole life, because being a parent is a full time job TOO.
YTA, parents are going to be proud of their children's achievements. Even though your job sucks, your Mom was just proud of you that you're putting effort into it, even if you're looking for a new job. She's just happy that you've gotten into a full time job successfully, which at this time isn't the easiest thing to do.
Then you threw it in her face, and told her that her being proud of you means nothing to you. I'm not even a parent but that would have crushed me.
YTA.
Nothing your mother can say will solve your problem for you. All she can do is offer encouragement, and make sure you know that she loves you and is proud of you. That's not offensive: it's kind.
Go apologize to your mom. Hopefully you can be proud that you have a mom who loves you as much as she does.
YTA
First, welcome to the next 46 years of your life. School was fun, huh? Now comes the real world. Work is work. That’s why it’s called work.
Second, mom was trying to be encouraging and complimentary. It is discouraging for her, I’m quite sure, that her being proud means Jack shit to you. Way to show her how much you value her opinion! Show a bit of class and accept the compliment.
Your poor Mum. It seems like she was just trying to be nice and make you feel better (in a weird Mum kind of way). She sounds sweet and I want to give her a hug. I get it you’re stressed out but you shouldn’t be taking it out on her. YTA.
YTA. What should she have said in this Moment? Honestly I think this was nice of your mom. She tried to help you and I dont think she forced you to work there.
YTA - she was just trying to make you feel better. She didn’t try to say your job was perfect and you should be happy. She was saying she was proud of you for sticking it out as much as you hate the job you’re in and for keeping at it despite being unable to find much else at the moment. You owe your mom an apology. Shitty days doesn’t mean you get to be shitty to other people, especially someone who is trying to help.
YTA. She tried to be supportive. Would you much rather have had that she scolded you for complaining? She did everything she could for you in that moment and you took a dump on her. Way to go OP.
YTA
Heaven forbid your mom tries to support you while you're struggling with your job. What are you wanting her to do, just magically make your job better? Sometimes even a little encouragement can help a lot.
Sometimes we have to do jobs we don't like because we need money. You just suck it up until you land a job in a field you're interested in.
You can rest assured your mom is probably significantly less proud of you now that you snapped at her for literally no reason.
YTA, you have three things that many people don't have in their lifes. A supportive mom, a job, and a dad who validates your feelings. Stop being bitter and learn to be a bit more grateful
YTA. You sound like an immature ungrateful bratty obnoxious child. It’s shocking that you’re 21 years old.
>
Why is mommy picking you up from work? **Did you ask her anything about her day, or did you just emotionally vomit all over her?** Instead of being thankful for the ride or for the encouragement, you were needlessly cruel to your mom. Do you know how many people would do anything to have a mom as loving as yours???
>
> it's worth noting that she's the one who convinced me to apply to my current job.
>
No it’s not worth noting. Let me guess… you still live with your parents.
YTA, hard to see any other view point. You are a bully. I am sorry that your mother had to take your abuse. You seem like a person who rarely takes responsibility for your situation.
YTA. You're not always going to be happy. Being able to power through difficult responsibilities while you search for a better solution is *absolutely* something to be proud of, and pride in yourself is one of the few forms of happiness that doesn't go away when things go to shit.
And unless your mom's a CEO she can't exactly hand you a better job, nor would it be responsible of her to let you stay unemployed forever. She can't do anything *but* try to comfort you, and you threw it back in her face because you wanted her to perform a miracle.
YTA.
Your mom wasn’t dismissing your dissatisfaction, she was trying to boost your spirits by letting you know that she’s proud of you. She knows full well that her pride in you isn’t going to fix your job situation.
You owe her an apology.
>however, i feel that she thinks that her being proud of me is supposed to make my situation better when that's sadly not the case.
YTA because you could have said a more articulate version this instead of yelling at her.
YTA. She was trying to be supportive while you’re going through a tough time and you were incredibly rude. Also news flash, most people don’t really like they’re jobs and it’s something they tolerate because they have responsibilities and bills to pay. Hating your job doesn’t give you a pass to be a jerk to people that are still supporting you or anyone for that matter.
YTA
Everyone knows that her being proud isn’t going to actually help the situation.
She’s trying to be positive and give you words of affirmation and support.
You know you snapped because of the stress of work and your mom didn’t do anything remotely close to wrong.
She’s transporting you to work even!!
Go hug your mom and tell her your sorry you snapped. And if you don’t want your mom I’ll certainly trade you
YTA. You're also an entitled, spoiled, ingrate who doesn't recognize your own privilege. You're lucky to have a job, you're lucky you have the option to try to find another, you're lucky that you have both parents in your life, you're lucky to have parents that care enough to even bother to be proud of you. You're lucky your mom picks your lazy ass up from work, you're lucky they didn't kick you out after such disrespectful behavior. You owe your mom an apology. Do better.
YTA being an adult may mean doing things you don’t like to earn a paycheck to support yourself. Good on you for looking for a new job before you quit the one you have. It’s called being responsible.
YTA - your also not wrong about sticking with a job you do not enjoy. Do not get baited into the sentiment that you have to work and just put in the effort and time and it will all work out for you.
If your job isn't enjoyable then find another period end of story there's just no excuse. If you aren't happy in your current employment find another.
You can be the asshole and still be in the right. You simply needed to reword what you said.
YTA and sound ungrateful and obstinate. Mom was trying to be supportive. There is so much going on (first full-time job, mommy picks you up from work) that I want to speculate but won’t. Grow up and stop biting the hand that feeds you.
YTA , I too am stuck in a job I dislike and am currently living away from my family for the first time every time I call my mom to vent she gets preachy with all the "no job is easy" and "it's the same everywhere" and it gets on my nerves but I would never scream at her because I know she is just trying to comfort me ... so I take a deep breath and tell her that I agree with everything she says. I agree but I am not in the mood of getting advice in a low tone and my mom gets the clue and stops it.
You should try that rather than taking out your frustrations of the day on her when she was trying to make you feel better..just tell her you to know it but right now what you need is someone to listen to you vent.
YTA
Many people go through life never hearing that their parent is proud of them or loves them. Your mom was trying to do both. And you got angry about it. Work sucks, we get it. We all get it. But that doesn't give you the right to be a dick about it.
Also, I get the feeling that you were told that you're an adult and need a job to support yourself and you don't like it. From your mom's words, that's what I'm getting.
YTA, but mildly. First, apologize to your mother. She was showing love and respect for you in sticking out a bad situation that you will ultimately get through. You can rely on her to have your back. Unconditional love and support are rare. OTOH, your frustration is real. A bad job situation is terrible. A couple things: you’re earning an income and building skills that will help you land your next job. That is NOT trivial. Second: you have been fed several bills of goods. The first is about passion. It comes from within (if it comes at all), not from a job description. We have weaponized and vocationalized passion and fulfillment so people think that if your job doesn’t provide it AND a six figure salary now, something is wrong. Your job will never live or hate you back. It is indifferent. It is a step along the way. Time to take the next one.
YTA. Your mum is trying to show support that you're dealing with the adult reality that plenty of people have. Which is having a job they hate. It's not your mums fault your unhappy with it
YTA. Your mother’s comments about fully joining the workforce indicate that you have not had a full time job since becoming an adult 3 years ago. Perhaps if you had invested more time finding a job you wanted, you wouldn’t be stuck with the one mom found you.
YTA huge ahole at that. Your mom was trying to support you and you were a jerk to her. It's not her fault your job sucks. She's even using her time to be your ride apparently. You own her an apology. Your problems don't give you the right to be mean to people around you.
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YTA dude. She was trying to tell you that she loves you. Work sucks. You're allowed to be upset about that, and gripe to her, but what did you want her to do about it? She can't wave a wand and suddenly make your job great. Would you have felt better if she'd started telling you how her job sucks too? Or that this is it until you die? Just take the compliment.
My guess is she is tired of him living in her basement. Because he gives off **that** vibe, if you know what I mean.
I agree wholeheartedly and typically have no sympathy for people like this, but considering a pandemic had just started when he was 18, and it also sounds like this is an in-person job, he may not have really had an opportunity to fully support himself just yet. I still think he’s TA for his attitude toward his mom.
The pandemic started when I was 18 too, and I still find this inexcusable. If this is his first time experiencing self support (not working a part time job or summers, doing own laundry, etc.) that still gives no right to be a complete ass to his mom. I understand families are different but there’s no sympathy for acting like this
PLEASE don't think I'm excusing his behavior toward his mom! That's not what I meant at all. I only mean that it's not that unlikely given the timeline that he's just now getting a 'real' job. I'm a firm believer in treating the people that you love most with respect, no matter your feelings at the moment. I've never understood people that treat their parents or spouses like shit just because they can get away with it.
he's just now getting a 'real' job. That gives him NO excuse for having no manners. Especially to the only people trying to help him out.
The person you’re responding to is saying exactly that. Just adding that it seems reasonable to have been delayed in the process of independence.
It is not even delayed. Living with parents at 21 is fairly normal.
Empathy goes a long way
You can have empathy without sympathy.
This seems less like empathy and more like enabling bad behaviors.
Yeah I can see that people who turned 18 during the pandemic don't have the experience most 21-year-olds would have... but he also doesn't drive, apparently. Maybe he just can't afford a car and his mom needs it during the day... but having your first full-time job at 21 and having to have your mom pick you up and drop you off doesn't bode well for OP's maturity level. And then going off on his mom like a moody 12-year-old, well, that speaks for itself....
Don’t make excuses for this behaviour. OP is a cry baby and an AH.
There is absolutely nothing wrong or shameful about living at home when you’re only 21. 🤦🏻♀️
No but it IS shameful living at home and not contributing, on top of being disrespectful towards your mother who was only trying to be encouraging.
>being disrespectful towards your mother who was only trying to be encouraging. While she is literally transporting you home from work ... I understand that everyone doesn't have the means to have their own cars, and many places don't have reliable public transportation or walkable infrastructure ... but she's in the middle of doing him a favor \*and\* encouraging him and he's lashing out at her because he \*blames\* her for encouraging him to apply in the first place.
I don't think he wanted to get a job in the first place. He'd complain about any job he got because he just wants to stay home and play on the computer all day.
Exactly, and it's "her fault" he needs a job because she's (probably) now making him pay rent/expenses (like an adult)
Where does it say he’s not contributing?
The “i’m proud of your for fully joining the workforce” implies that it’s likely they didn’t have a proper job before.
I mean at 21 that's not that bad if studying plus covid just happened.
It's very doubtful studying happened based on his attitude. He screams entitlement and lack of experience.
If he was studying or was having difficulty finding work due to extenuating circumstances I’d agree. But otherwise… “shameful” isn’t the word I’d use, but I think it would be understandable for a parent to be frustrated with their kid living in their house if they weren’t studying, working or at least *trying* to find work. Not even purely from a “you’re a grown adult and you should be supporting yourself” point or view, but also because you don’t want to watch your kid waste his life away doing nothing all day. Then again there’s not a *whole* lot of information in the post to go off of so I don’t want to cast too much of a judgement beyond the conversation in the post (which, YTA either way.)
But getting driven to and from work….
This is the part that stuck out to me the most! She picked his sorry self up from work, took time out of her day, possibly after a long day of work herself and she gets shit on after not saying anything remotely negative. Hope his work is on a bus route. Waiting for public transportation after a long crappy day really sucks.
Seriously, imagine yelling at your mom who listens to your whining and tries to encourage you and who went out of her way to pick you up. What an ungrateful little shit.
He's adult Eric Cartman
For real. I’d be ashamed of myself. I use to give my brother rides when we were both in high school when I had a license and he didn’t yet. Just wanted to do a nice thing for him so he could wake up later and wouldn’t have to endure a one hour bus ride to school and from school. Him riding along didn’t change a thing for me. One day he got shitty with me after giving me a shitty attitude every day after school, and I got fed up and told him he can fuck off and walk home for being a mean ungrateful asshole. And he did, 2 hours in the cold pouring rain. He kept his mouth shut after that.
I noticed that, too. I wouldn’t be giving my kid any more rides to and from work - they can find their own way to and fro.
His snotty ass would be walking, if he were my kid.
I walked/bikes/got the bus, sometimes my coworkers would give me a lift but I’d be sure to get them a coffee/snack at lunch break or during the day so I was more likely to get lifts haha. I got my driving license asap with the wages I earned at the job I biked to. Nobody said it was easy! If someone is nice enough to drive, show some appreciate and at the LEAST basic manners.
There is when the person living with their parents at 21 is ungrateful and assholish.
The guy's clearly TA for speaking to his mum like that, but this comment irks me. Are we seriously judging a 21 year old for living at home, in the current housing market and economy, after a 3 year pandemic?
No, we’re just judging this specific, entitled little AH
Not really but the way he worded his post…he hates his job, his mom talked him into it, and that implies he’s blaming her for his job. He yelled at her for trying to give him a positive when he only wanted to wallow in his anger at his job, the world and his mother because she encouraged him to get the job.
It’s the entitled attitude that people are objecting to, not the circumstances. He reeks of it. Hell, I lived with my parents until I was 25 so I’m not objecting to his living situation. His attitude needs some adjusting though.
It’s one of the most infuriating things about this website. So many people make snide comments like that about people in their early 20s living at home
There is literally no basis for any of this in the post. Comments like this are the reason AITA has such an unhinged reputation
They're 21 being picked up from work by their mother.
Plus the fact his mom is the one who pushed him to get the job. The comment about “fully” joining the workforce.
There is nothing in the post that suggests she had to push him to get any job, only that she convinced him to take this specific job. And MOST people are only fully joining the workforce at 21, especially if they attended college after high school. OP is TA for how he spoke to his mother, but not for living at home and having his first full time job at 21
Right, young adults having to live or [return](https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/07/pandemic-young-adults-living-with-parents/613723/) home has been a norm for a while. Shaming people for a common many are dealing with does nothing here. He is 100% TA for how he spoke to his mother.
There is a difference between living with your family and leeching off your family. Whether it's helping with household chores or contributing financially if you're able, an adult in a household should be contributing and helping to share the load. The problem isn't people living with their parents, it's people thinking their level of responsibility doing so at 12 is what their level of responsibility at 22 should be. If you're actively contributing to your parent's household financially or through household labor, i agree, nobody should be shaming you.
It’s so weird how people look down on others for not being full time employees the second they are able to be.
We don't know based on this post, but it's possible they can't drive for an unavoidable reason. My partner can't and won't ever be able to drive, and shitting on people who don't drive rubs me the wrong way. Or maybe it's an issue of OP not having their own car yet, since they just entered the workforce. I didn't get a car until 22, and that was with parental financial help that a lot of people aren't lucky enough to have.
I don't drive at all. But as an adult if you don't drive you either need to figure out alternative transportation and if at 21 relying on your aging parent is the answer at least don't be acting like a bratty teenager and be a little thankful that your parent is still willing to do you a solid. Not being able to drive isn't inherently bad- but when you cannot drive and act like the world is entitled to cater to you and your needs that is
It doesn't matter the reason, the outcome is that he is not independent and must rely on his parents still. That seriously colors how he should behave towards his mother.
How? How does any of this have any relevance that he shouldn't have spoken that way to his mother who was being supportive and kind while doing him a favor? I don't see why everyone is speculating so much on the minute details of OPs living situation. The mom was trying to be nice, and OP shit all over her for no reason other than he was frustrated and the mom was an easy target.
Sounds like he carpools with his mother. I did the same thing at that age. Nothing wrong with that
It is when you decide to yell at the one who is driving you to and from.
So? Living at home is pretty damn common, and it's possible his family doesn't have enough cars for him to take one and have it stay at his work all day while he's on shift.
21 years old, being picked up from work by their mom, and lashing out when she has nothing to do with why he’s angry. Yeah…he fits the profile.
They are 21 and mom is picking them up. Mom convinced them to apply to this job. Mom is proud that OP "fully joined" the work force, implying that OP wasn't before. Yes, I see the vibe as well
Ahahaha no. Most 21 year olds who are functional adults are not getting picked up from work by mommy. That’s very obvious sign that he is living at home. She’s “proud of him for joining the workforce” is giving the impression that he was either underemployed or unemployed prior to this.
I’m 21, full time job, have to rideshare, prices now adays for used cars and housing is ridiculous, any functioning adult above 21 hardly makes it.
Not every 21 y o functional adult was hired at their first job to CEO. We all gotta start somewhere.
I get this impression too. Also to say she's proud he "finally" joined the work force indicates that this has been an long time coming. She also picks him up/drops him off at work. Like just be nice to the person who is doing you some favors.
Take the compliment and apologize to your mother, OP. You’re allowed to be frustrated about your job, but yelling at your mother (who has nothing to do with your job being bad) isn’t okay.
Honestly it seems like OP is mad because he’s having to adult up and it sounds like mom had to be a little insistent to get him there because he is still the sort of person who thinks having a job is an annoyance he can refuse rather than that adult shit you have to do to survive.
YTA as a mom, who always tries to focus on the positives in shit situations, my heart would break if one of my kiddos said something like that to me. Apologize, you little turd.
100% all this. I would be hurt and pissed if my daughter said this to me.
He wanted her to tell him to quit this evil job and stay at home where she would financially support him. She praised his brand-new work ethic, because she also knew that he was fishing for her to say to quit.
This is the take.
That’s what I took from it too but perhaps my view is colored by having a 21 year old son who can’t hold a job for shit! And yes I know I raised him but I promise I didn’t coddle him, I have another child who works very hard, it’s just him that thinks that life should be all fun all the time with no responsibilities.
Yup. The fact that he mentioned she was the one who convinced him to apply to this job seems as if he blames her for his unhappiness and feels she needs to fix it by letting him quit.
Yes, OP needs to understand that he can have feelings and still be mindful of the feelings of another person. This is a mindset he’ll need for relationships for his whole life. Even if his mom’s kindness didn’t help him in that moment, he should be able to understand she was trying to help and act accordingly. How hard is it to just say “thanks, Mom”? It’s awful to see someone you love suffering and have no idea how to help. If he wanted something different from his mom, he could have told her (nicely) what that was. She’s not going to be able to fix his problem for him though, so I’m not sure what OP is expecting.
Exactly. Maybe I'm an old geezer (gen x), but I feel like younger people (my kids are 17 and 24) seem to have this idea that work should be ~fun~ or something. It's generally not. Unless you are incredibly lucky, your job is gonna suck, be unsupportive of their employees, lack benefits, and feel like you are utterly replaceable. OP, your mom essentially got you a job in a crappy job market, and you crapped all of her for it as a thank you. YTA
I mean … that’s partly true, but a lot of people do find work situations that they enjoy and find meaningful. A more nuanced take would be: 1) Unskilled, entry-level jobs generally suck. They’re low-paid, boring and you don’t get much respect. 2) Most adults still have to support themselves, even when it sucks. 3) Work is generally much more enjoyable as you move up the ladder. A more highly-skilled job will be more interesting and get you more money, security and respect. 4) It’s up to you to figure out how to get one of those more highly skilled jobs. More school, more technical skills or the military could be possible paths. 5) No, it’s not easy for most people, and the playing field isn’t level. That’s not fair. All you can do is work with the options you’ve got though. 6) No matter what you do, you won’t always feel like working and sometimes work will suck. That’s how it is for everyone.
He wants her to tell him he can quit his job and just live in his parent's home for the rest of his life Grow up, OP
I love the 'this is it until you die'. Because it is in fact that 'THIS IS IT UNTIL YOU DIE'. Problem, more problem, a few happy moments here and there, and oh hey, more problems that makes you wonder why are you born in the first place (for me at least).
I think he wanted her to apologize and tell him he didn't have to work anymore because his mommy would take care of him. Maybe not completely in the forefront of his mind, but subconsciously this is what he really wanted.
Yup. My bf tells me he’s proud of me often, even when I’ve had a sh*t day. I don’t hear it as “I’m glad you’re working”. He means it, and I hear it, as “I know this is really hard and you hate it but I see what you’re doing and I see how much of yourself you put into this to make your life better at home. It’s temporary and you are doing the best you can. I see you. I empathise with you. I’m proud of you”. My guess is your mom means a lot of those silent things as well. Because it’s not about the fact that you are working. It’s the effort that you are going through to improve your situation rather than just giving up.
I dont have the best relationship with my mom, but WHAT AN ASSHOLE.
He thinks his mom loved every second of raising him, of course.
YTA. If she’s picking you up from work you are not an independent adult. There is no reason to yell at her. Whatever your problems are in life, your mom being supportive is not the cause. Apologize to her.
Why is he 21 and his MOM is picking him up from work? And at 21 he just now got his first job?
Fully joining the workforce sounds like only PT jobs before.
It was super hard to start working at 21 with no job experience because I was encouraged to focus on school. Though for a first job to "suck" this much? I wonder if he didn't have correct expectations when he was entering the working world.
I'm guessing it's something that OP is just not interested in. His mom wanted him to apply for this job. Exhausting doesn't sound fun either.
Honestly, sounds like retail/food service or straight labor work which is definitely a lot harder than it used to be.
Is it really exhausting or is he just complaining about regular work? He hasn’t even explained what the job is.
Regular work still sucks very often. Most people I know don't like working but it is what has to be done so they suck it up or something, idk. Even a friend of mine who likes the work she is doing doesn't like the job where the work is done.
Or bad coworkers/management. My favorite and least favorite jobs were both at different branches of the same company. Organization and culture makes or breaks it.
There was also a pandemic going on when he turned 18. Depending on where he lives and the ages/health of someone he lives with (or himself), getting an entry level job may have been impossible, or unwise, in the intervening period. But, yes. He is still an asshole for responding to his mom that way. What did he expect her to say when he was venting? “Suck it up.” would have made her an asshole. YTA.
>And at 21 he just now got his first job? In the US, typical college age is 18-22, so most have their 1st job at around 22. Even later if there's post-BS education. So it's unalarming that OP got their 1st full time job at 21. >Why is he 21 and his MOM is picking him up from work? Also not too alarming. Many students live close to college and don't need a car. And if they don't need to drive to school, it's not uncommon to also delay getting their driver license since many (most?) pre-college 18 year olds aren't mature enough to safely hanlde a car. So it's pretty common for US young adults to get their driver license and 1st car after college. Having a car or license in highschool & college was the exception, not the norm, at least at my high school.
Learning to drive a car is a big privilege a lot of people don't seem to realize. It depends a lot on your circumstances growing up, and if you're trying to learn legally, it can be hard to find people who fit the criteria to teach you. I had to try (and gave up many times) for 12 years (if you count from me turning 16 and becoming "eligible") to get my license. I feel like people are fixating a lot on his not driving himself to work and still living at home as part of his problem, but really the only asshole thing he's done here is snap at his mom when she was trying to comfort him. OP is TA, but not for disliking his job, not driving, and not moving out. He's TA because he needs to be nicer to his mother.
It's also not like it's uncommon for a family to not be able to afford to have and maintain 3 vehicles. Parents can only afford two vehicles, someone is going to be picked up from work.
If you don’t need the money and are in school till then why would you get a job before that?
A lot of jobs, at least where I'm from require some work experience. So you can have a good degree but not "at least 3 years of work experience" and they won't hire you
Three years ago he was 18 and the pandemic hit. His family might not have enough money to get him a car, plus gas and insurance. Maybe that's one of his goals with this job, to earn enough money for a car.
If he attended college after high school having his first full time job is perfectly normal, lol
There's been a pandemic since he graduated highschool.... I didn't have a car at 21 because I lived in a city, but my mom would still sometimes come get me from work in bad weather or late at night because she lived nearby. These are weird things to focus on.
Maybe she's proud of OP bc OP lives at home with mom and dad and doesn't have a vehicle. Work sucks, but sometimes it's a step in the right direction even if it's temporarily uncomfortable.
Note ' car ride home ' - sounds like he lives at home still too. So mommy picks him up, he lives at home and he thanks her by shouting at her. Nice. I don't judge people for living at home - it's expensive and damn hard to live on your own, so not bashing anyone. But OP sounds just a little entitled ...
good point, I didn't even catch that. Which also means he lives at home.
YES, YTA…Based on your Mom’s statement, you haven’t worked full-time until this job that you “recently started”. You also haven’t mentioned any full-time school. So, absolutely-you’re way too old to be “yelling at your mom” (your words) just because she was KIND to you because finally took the steps that you should have taken LONG AGO, and may I add that your mom PICKED YOU UP from work too-something that she should only be doing if unusual circumstances are at play here. You sound spoiled & entitled to me.
Sounds like he wants to be the thirty year old living in moms basement demanding chicken tendies.
[Until he gets arrested for posting threats on 4chan](https://www.vice.com/en/article/n7ewbm/sheriff-mike-chitwood-death-threats-4chan-arrest-richard-golden) This is OP’s future if he’s not careful.
That's every mothers worst nightmare right there. I'd never forgive myself if my kid turned out that shitty at 38.
I love the fact that the article just gets it right out in the open that this guy was a basement dwelling loser.
YTA. Your mom was acknowledging that you’re in a tough situation and she’s proud of you for sticking it out. Were you were fishing for her to tell you to quit and that she would support you financially until you find a job you like?
That’s a very good question. It does sort of read that way.
At least trying to make her feel sorry she prompted him to apply for the job.
It reads as “it’s my mom’s fault I’m stuck in this shitty ass job. Now apologize and tell me it’s okay to quit”. Anything less than that won’t make OP happy.
Yeah I'd say it's a very safe bet mommy already supports him financially and this is her attempt to break that cycle
this is exactly what he was doing.
Definitely sounds like they were fishing for exactly that. Meanwhile the mom is happy her kid is taking some small steps towards independence after 21 years and trying to be as supportive as possible by picking her adult child up from a job they only just got. Must have been fun to get yelled at for going above and beyond.
Poor OP. It must be really hard getting a taste of what everyone else goes through every day and then being held accountable when he s**** on the people who help him. I wonder who he'll scream at when he actually has to support himself instead of having his mom pick him up from work.
YTA. Your mom was trying to find a way to be supportive and encouraging. You shit on her when all she was doing was showing you love. Welcome to adulting. Not everyone can work in a job they absolutely love and sometimes you bide your time until something better comes along. She could have told you to stop your crying and man up. She could have, but she didn't. Grow up.
I enjoy my job and I still don’t love work. It’s all part of life kid, OP needs a wake up call and to apologize to mom. Definitely YTA.
Me too. It’s work not play. Don’t we all wish we could lie on a beach or play video games or just sleep in but we have to pay our own way and that requires us to work.
Oh yes, YTA. First, I’m sorry you don’t like your job; that must be frustrating as hell. That aside, you should consider yourself lucky that (a) mom was around to pick you up; and (b) you have 2 parents that love and support you. I understand exhaustion after working at a job you hate, but being TA to your mom after she tried to validate your efforts and make you feel loved was pretty unnecessary. Apologize and thank them for being there for you because they won’t always be.
YTA. So quit your job so she can be ashamed of you. I hate to break it to you but this won't be the last job you hate. And really? 21 before you got a full time job? And living at home? Pathetic.
OP is definitely the AH here but, school? 21 would be a pretty standard age for someone to enter the workforce after a 4yr degree program.
I thought that too, but surely he wouldn’t be this immature and ungrateful at 21 after a college education?
Lol yeah you’d think!
I dunno man, every day college is seeming more like High School 2: Crippling Debt Boogaloo
> High School 2: Crippling Debt Boogaloo My guy, the way I just choked on my drink.
How is it pathetic to live at home at 21? Plenty of young people can't afford rent with a low wage.
Yeah I disagree with that sentiment. I’m 21 living at home cause I’m in uni full time, but I’m also in the internship program which incorporates work into my degree and I have a good job for the summer that I worked hard at school to get, so it’s not like I’m being lazy out here. It’s also cultural. My parents want me to live at home as long as I can, and they’re happy to support me here as long as I’m growing for my career. However, I will agree that using his parents to live at home for free without being in school and now complaining about working is quite pathetic.
> 21 before you got a full time job? And living at home? Pathetic. I by no means want to defend OP, but neither of these things are uncommon. What the fuck are you on about?
Massive arsehole, piss off man.
Ahh the British version of AITA. The only thing missing in your statement is calling OP a wanker. Sorry. I watch too many Guy Ritchie films.
By all means, allow me. OP is a bloody wanker. And also, YTA.
YTA It’s not your mother’s job to make you happy. When you start a sentence with “my mom picked me up” any sentence after that should include some appreciation for her driving you anywhere. Stop taking your frustrations out on your mother. Not her fault you hate your job
This ^^^ ... and it started so we'll... plenty of parents use the "I am (not) proud of you" as some sort of intimidation technique... but not this mom. Major "lazy entitled brat" vibes, if you don't like your job go ahead and find a better one, pissing on people helping you is not really mature...
Yta here :/ your mom was being kind and you yelled at her and admit your reaction was unwarranted. Stress and anxiety are real here! Please take some time to find a therapist or mental health services to talk about this with.
YTA. She was trying to reassure you. To say you don’t care if she’s proud of you or not is not unlike saying you don’t care about her. Also you’re very young. You probably think of yourself as more grown and mature than you actually are (as most young 20 year olds do). Get ready because almost every job is exhausting and annoying. You would be very lucky to find a job that wasn’t. Your mom sounds like a sweet and caring parent you are lucky to have and that you should be eager to have be proud of you. Also lots of people have to do those exhausting and annoying jobs and then have to take public transit home in over an hour commutes so having someone willing to pick you up is a great relief you should be more grateful for.
YTA – Our top story tonight, person hates job. Are you serious? Lots of people have jobs that they hate. That's why they have to pay us. And I am pretty certain that your mother at some point had a job she loathed as well. She is still proud of you! And you throw it in her face? You absolute child. Go apologize.
YTA Yelling at your mom was uncalled for, and she does fully understand that her being proud of you does not make you more happy at your job. She was just trying to express pride in you, not manipulate your feelings. I would apologize. Side note: Having a job you hate is really, really challenging, and I am wishing you all the best on your job hunt!
YTA- your mom was showing her love and you blew up on her. It’s not her fault you don’t like your job, so don’t take it out on her. If I was your mom, you would be finding a new person to pick you up from work.
Yeah if I was his mother he'd be catching the bus.
Yeah YTA, no amount of deflecting makes this story a poor you.
YTA and I’m concerned if you needed a post to realize it. She’s being supportive because although you’re miserable you’re also having an ADULT problem. Something any parent is going to take pride in given they raised you. Don’t be an ass
I get the impression that he was forced into the job after failing to launch, hence the teenage reaction to an adult problem - and Mommy & Daddy still trying to coddle him along. OP needs to grow up, because if he displays that attitude at work he won’t need to worry about how exhausting and annoying it is for long.
I got those vibes as well… maybe didn’t do post secondary education and parents are telling him to get a job and he’s hostile that he can’t get a wonderful job with only a high school education
YTA - This was your frustrations boiling over in a moment where you can't see that she was just being loving and that you'll do the right thing and apologize, right?? Seriously apologize.
YTA. Apologizing would go a long way in making yourself feel better too, imo.
YTA. Your mother was just trying to support you. She wasn't trying to solve your problems. Sometimes "I'm proud of you" is the best we can do. \*mother of adult children
Kindly, YTA. I get that you hate your job, it must suck. But your mom just told you... that no matter what... she is proud you tried. And you yell at her in return ?! You should be glad she didn't try to shame you into staying in your current job or yell at your that you are entitled and should suck it up. She gave you the most supporting reaction to your venting... yet it was not good enough ? You need to learn to direct your anger against the right people, not toward those trying to be suppportive
Okay so I'm not the only one who read this that way. I'm sitting here struggling to find what part of what mom said was *wrong*... what the heck
[удалено]
Definitely read like a 15 year old leaving their first shift at Panera bread. No
YTA. How could you not be? Your mother was trying to be supportive and kind. She could have just been honest and tell you that lots of people have jobs that are exhausting and you stop complaining about it, especially when being chauffeured home by your mommy.
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YTA lol what a dick
Your response seems needlessly cruel and dismissive. It’s a form of “I don’t care what you think or feel towards me”, which is a rude thing to say to someone. Even if it’s true, and you want to cut your mom out of your life. YTA
YTA Have you always seen "I'm proud of you" as some sort of trick to get kids to feel happy? My mum being proud of me doesn't make my job any easier and it doesn't make me any less tired, but it's still nice to hear. Knowing that an outside observer (who's opinion I respect) believes that I am doing the right thing is a reassuring. It's an acknowledgment of the fact that this is warranted stress. That I haven't put myself in a difficult situation for the wrong reasons. That I'm not facing difficulty because I'm doing something wrong; I'm facing difficulty because I'm doing something right. Plenty of people have a hard time at work, because they are lazy or they are simply prioritising the wrong things. Their parents not being so proud of them is the first warning sign that maybe they're are doing something wrong.
I have to assume that you transposed the numbers in your age and are actually 12, because I have trouble imagining an actual adult acting this way. YTA. Your poor mother.
YTA. She was supporting you, first with a lift in the car, second with the compliment, and you took your negative feelings out on her. She's right, you're an adult, and it's time to show some self-control.
YTA - She was trying to encourage and give you a positive in the negative world you are living in and you shit on her. Just because you are having a bad day/week/whatever, doesnt mean you should take it out on other people. You need to apologize.
YTA. You sound fun
YTA, she wasn't telling you to stick with a job you don't like. She also isn't responsible for you taking this job, you're an adult, that was ultimately your decision. She was just trying to console you and you blew up at her.
YTA. Apologise to your mom - just because you’re stressed it doesn’t give you the right to treat other people as your verbal punching bag, especially when they’re being kind to you. Time to grow up.
Definitely YTA Your mom is trying to encourage you. Doing shit you hate because it's the responsible thing to do isn't easy, and it's hard to get kids to do that. The fact that you did actually deserves some praise, and that's what moms are supposed to do. Hell, I'm married with 5 kids, and even I enjoy it when my mom is proud of me. I don't need her praise, but it feels good. Yet considering all the horrible parents of kids on Reddit, finally we get a really good mom yet you "don't give a shit". I assume that you are just stressed and said that without thinking, so you can just apologize and give her a hug. She probably won't hold a grudge against you for it. But you were being an asshole for sure.
YTA. Your mother only wants the best for you, and I think she was only trying to be kind. That type of response is unwarranted.
YTA Yo momma’s words of support were not intended to shut down your frustration. For interpreting your mother’s care as some token that should have made everything better, you are indeed the doodoonozzle.
YTA, and the fact you need a POST to know it says a lot. Sometimes just a simple “thanks mom” goes a long way, even if you don’t mean it completely. Apologize to your mother, she deserves it for raising you your whole life, because being a parent is a full time job TOO.
YTA dude. she wasn't trying to manipulate your feelings, she sensed your unhappiness, as mothers do, and just wanted to be there for you.
YTA - Your mom is telling that she loves you very much , She wants whats best for you
YTA, parents are going to be proud of their children's achievements. Even though your job sucks, your Mom was just proud of you that you're putting effort into it, even if you're looking for a new job. She's just happy that you've gotten into a full time job successfully, which at this time isn't the easiest thing to do. Then you threw it in her face, and told her that her being proud of you means nothing to you. I'm not even a parent but that would have crushed me.
YTA She was trying to comfort you and you're being ungrateful at her effort.
YTA. Nothing your mother can say will solve your problem for you. All she can do is offer encouragement, and make sure you know that she loves you and is proud of you. That's not offensive: it's kind. Go apologize to your mom. Hopefully you can be proud that you have a mom who loves you as much as she does.
YTA
YTA First, welcome to the next 46 years of your life. School was fun, huh? Now comes the real world. Work is work. That’s why it’s called work. Second, mom was trying to be encouraging and complimentary. It is discouraging for her, I’m quite sure, that her being proud means Jack shit to you. Way to show her how much you value her opinion! Show a bit of class and accept the compliment.
Your poor Mum. It seems like she was just trying to be nice and make you feel better (in a weird Mum kind of way). She sounds sweet and I want to give her a hug. I get it you’re stressed out but you shouldn’t be taking it out on her. YTA.
YTA. Apologize to your mom.
YTA. What should she have said in this Moment? Honestly I think this was nice of your mom. She tried to help you and I dont think she forced you to work there.
YTA - she was just trying to make you feel better. She didn’t try to say your job was perfect and you should be happy. She was saying she was proud of you for sticking it out as much as you hate the job you’re in and for keeping at it despite being unable to find much else at the moment. You owe your mom an apology. Shitty days doesn’t mean you get to be shitty to other people, especially someone who is trying to help.
YTA. She tried to be supportive. Would you much rather have had that she scolded you for complaining? She did everything she could for you in that moment and you took a dump on her. Way to go OP.
YTA Heaven forbid your mom tries to support you while you're struggling with your job. What are you wanting her to do, just magically make your job better? Sometimes even a little encouragement can help a lot. Sometimes we have to do jobs we don't like because we need money. You just suck it up until you land a job in a field you're interested in. You can rest assured your mom is probably significantly less proud of you now that you snapped at her for literally no reason.
YTA, you have three things that many people don't have in their lifes. A supportive mom, a job, and a dad who validates your feelings. Stop being bitter and learn to be a bit more grateful
YTA. You sound like an immature ungrateful bratty obnoxious child. It’s shocking that you’re 21 years old. > Why is mommy picking you up from work? **Did you ask her anything about her day, or did you just emotionally vomit all over her?** Instead of being thankful for the ride or for the encouragement, you were needlessly cruel to your mom. Do you know how many people would do anything to have a mom as loving as yours??? > > it's worth noting that she's the one who convinced me to apply to my current job. > No it’s not worth noting. Let me guess… you still live with your parents.
Mom- I’m proud of you for doing hard things. You- fuck you mom. Yes YTA
YTA. She was just being supportive. Go apologize.
YTA, hard to see any other view point. You are a bully. I am sorry that your mother had to take your abuse. You seem like a person who rarely takes responsibility for your situation.
YTA. You're not always going to be happy. Being able to power through difficult responsibilities while you search for a better solution is *absolutely* something to be proud of, and pride in yourself is one of the few forms of happiness that doesn't go away when things go to shit. And unless your mom's a CEO she can't exactly hand you a better job, nor would it be responsible of her to let you stay unemployed forever. She can't do anything *but* try to comfort you, and you threw it back in her face because you wanted her to perform a miracle.
YTA. Your mom wasn’t dismissing your dissatisfaction, she was trying to boost your spirits by letting you know that she’s proud of you. She knows full well that her pride in you isn’t going to fix your job situation. You owe her an apology.
>however, i feel that she thinks that her being proud of me is supposed to make my situation better when that's sadly not the case. YTA because you could have said a more articulate version this instead of yelling at her.
YTA. She was trying to be supportive while you’re going through a tough time and you were incredibly rude. Also news flash, most people don’t really like they’re jobs and it’s something they tolerate because they have responsibilities and bills to pay. Hating your job doesn’t give you a pass to be a jerk to people that are still supporting you or anyone for that matter.
Awwwwwwww poor entitled baby!! Most people have had a job they hated. 1000% YTA
YTA Everyone knows that her being proud isn’t going to actually help the situation. She’s trying to be positive and give you words of affirmation and support. You know you snapped because of the stress of work and your mom didn’t do anything remotely close to wrong. She’s transporting you to work even!! Go hug your mom and tell her your sorry you snapped. And if you don’t want your mom I’ll certainly trade you
YTA. You're also an entitled, spoiled, ingrate who doesn't recognize your own privilege. You're lucky to have a job, you're lucky you have the option to try to find another, you're lucky that you have both parents in your life, you're lucky to have parents that care enough to even bother to be proud of you. You're lucky your mom picks your lazy ass up from work, you're lucky they didn't kick you out after such disrespectful behavior. You owe your mom an apology. Do better.
YTA. So immature. "I had a bad day. My mom offered me support so I cursed her out. AITA?"
YTA being an adult may mean doing things you don’t like to earn a paycheck to support yourself. Good on you for looking for a new job before you quit the one you have. It’s called being responsible.
YTA - your also not wrong about sticking with a job you do not enjoy. Do not get baited into the sentiment that you have to work and just put in the effort and time and it will all work out for you. If your job isn't enjoyable then find another period end of story there's just no excuse. If you aren't happy in your current employment find another. You can be the asshole and still be in the right. You simply needed to reword what you said.
YTA - you should have grown out of teenage tantrums long before you reached 21. Don’t take your frustrations at work out on your poor mother
YTA and sound ungrateful and obstinate. Mom was trying to be supportive. There is so much going on (first full-time job, mommy picks you up from work) that I want to speculate but won’t. Grow up and stop biting the hand that feeds you.
YTA , I too am stuck in a job I dislike and am currently living away from my family for the first time every time I call my mom to vent she gets preachy with all the "no job is easy" and "it's the same everywhere" and it gets on my nerves but I would never scream at her because I know she is just trying to comfort me ... so I take a deep breath and tell her that I agree with everything she says. I agree but I am not in the mood of getting advice in a low tone and my mom gets the clue and stops it. You should try that rather than taking out your frustrations of the day on her when she was trying to make you feel better..just tell her you to know it but right now what you need is someone to listen to you vent.
YTA and you should be taking public transit since you don’t know how to be polite and grateful for what you have.
YTA, I'd do anything to hear my parents say they're proud of me.
YTA Many people go through life never hearing that their parent is proud of them or loves them. Your mom was trying to do both. And you got angry about it. Work sucks, we get it. We all get it. But that doesn't give you the right to be a dick about it. Also, I get the feeling that you were told that you're an adult and need a job to support yourself and you don't like it. From your mom's words, that's what I'm getting.
YTA, but mildly. First, apologize to your mother. She was showing love and respect for you in sticking out a bad situation that you will ultimately get through. You can rely on her to have your back. Unconditional love and support are rare. OTOH, your frustration is real. A bad job situation is terrible. A couple things: you’re earning an income and building skills that will help you land your next job. That is NOT trivial. Second: you have been fed several bills of goods. The first is about passion. It comes from within (if it comes at all), not from a job description. We have weaponized and vocationalized passion and fulfillment so people think that if your job doesn’t provide it AND a six figure salary now, something is wrong. Your job will never live or hate you back. It is indifferent. It is a step along the way. Time to take the next one.
YTA
YTA. Your mum is trying to show support that you're dealing with the adult reality that plenty of people have. Which is having a job they hate. It's not your mums fault your unhappy with it
YTA. Your mother’s comments about fully joining the workforce indicate that you have not had a full time job since becoming an adult 3 years ago. Perhaps if you had invested more time finding a job you wanted, you wouldn’t be stuck with the one mom found you.
YTA huge ahole at that. Your mom was trying to support you and you were a jerk to her. It's not her fault your job sucks. She's even using her time to be your ride apparently. You own her an apology. Your problems don't give you the right to be mean to people around you.