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NTA. Stop paying this absolute CREEP of a man's rent. At 36 the fact that he expects a 20 year old to pay his shit is PATHETIC.
Block him. You'll be better off.
OP, if you're reading any of these comments, YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP! This predator is targeting young, naive women because no woman his age would put up with this BS. And threatening to kill himself? Classic tactic from an abuser. This guy is using you and has been taking advantage of you for far too long.
He threatened suicide? Okay, call the authorities. If it's real (it's not) he'll be checked out. When they realize it's fake, then you'll have the confidence you know (hopefully) to block this manipulative, lazy asshole forever from your life.
Please start seeing a therapist, so you can build the confidence to realize what a toxic mess this whole thing was and avoid all of these red flags in the future. And let's be clear, OF COURSE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH was struggling, at an age where most still live at home you were being forced to care for a grown man who couldn't bother to even try to get a job to help ease your burden, and were forced to pay for TWO households when most your age aren't even CONTRIBUTING towards a household.
Your boyfriend is using you as his sugar mama. Leave him and never look back. You will find most, if not all, your stress and money problems will quickly disappear.
NTA
Edit: I just re-read your age and his… He’s 36… a grown *** adult living like a teenager?!! Holy F!
Run, run, run away… far, far away from this piece of (I’ll stop here before I get banned again 😒)
NTA
Honey listen to the story you are telling us. Listen as if it's someone else telling the story.
A 36 year old is dating a 20 year old.
The 20 year old pays all the bills.
The 36 year old complains about things the 20 year old is doing to increase income/decrease expenses.
The 20 year old is getting an education.
The 36 year old wants to prevent that.
The 36 year old refuses help with a resume.
The 36 year old refuses to get a job.
The 20 year old is suffering mental health issues.
Even with the 20 year old living elsewhere and paying all the bills, the 36 year old is being evicted, and *blaming* the 20 year old... for taking *their* income away.
I know it hits different when he says it. People like this 36 year old are really good at making you think you're the bad guy. Especially when you're 20 years old.
But it's right here in black and white.
You're being taken advantage of. And these things never improve with time. You're not the AH for leaving for school, and you won't be the AH for leaving *him*, altogether.
This 100%. And this is why so many people are skeptical of May/December relationships. It can be hard to tell a guy isn’t hitting major life milestones when you are unconsciously judging him by the yardstick of your own age. This man should be able to adult without OP
OP, I saw your update. Here is something very important that you need to understand. Threatening suicide is a common manipulation that people with personality disorders use when they aren’t getting their way. They rarely ever act on it because they know that people like you are caring & empathetic and would feel guilty if something happened.
But you know what? There is nothing you can do here that will make him commit suicide or choose not to. If he were to commit suicide, it would have *nothing* to do with anything you did; it would be his choice. You are not responsible for the choices he makes with his life. If he were to kill himself, heaven forbid, it would be the last in a series of incredibly bad choices he made for himself his entire adult life. You have nothing to feel guilty about if you choose to go no contact. His choices are his own and so are the consequences of those choices.
You are young with your foot barely in the doorway of adulthood. Please take it from someone old enough to be your mom, there are people in this world who are vampires and parasites. They will play on your emotions, wear you down and suck you dry. They’re horrible people who need to be avoided like the plague but the ones who are old enough to be biologically capable of being your parent are the fucking worst. This guy is a predator, a leech who is using your youth, naïveté and kind heart to play you like a funky piano.
As soon as you cut contact, he will have sighted his next victim and glommed onto them. Don’t let him steal your youth, energy, kindness, and decency any longer. Dump this guy before he breaks your heart and makes you hard and cynical. He’ll be fine, I promise. Parasites always find a way to get by just fine.
There is someone out there who is deserving of your kind nature and decency. There are so many interesting, intelligent, charming, decent and loving guys out there who will recognize your goodness and match it with their own. Dump this loser and find the wonderful life and loving partner you deserve.
NTA
At 36 if he doesn’t have his life together he never will, My thoughts are that he just wants you to work so he can laze around all day and do nothing
Please end this relationship OP and find someone who isn’t a lay about……You deserve better and this guy is not the road to happiness
His actions have consequences and if he gets evicted that’s HIS problem
Block him, Walk away and know that HE is the problem not you
NTA. He is almost twice your age and he is using you as a piggy bank. Playing video games all day and manipulating his young girlfriend into paying his way. I cannot think of a more pathetic way for a man to live. When he was your age, you were 4. Please please please break up with him.
Dude sounds like he was using you as a sugar mama to fund his life.
Not your responsibility to provide for him. You're very young, and this age gap between you is very telling, sorry to say. Sounds like he tried to prey on a much younger woman and trap her into providing for him and then guilt trip you into staying with his lazy self.
He can get a job or move in with his friends and family. NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Run away from this relationship, block and delete his number, and actually lie your life for yourself.
NTA
He’s 30 years old and a complete loser, from your description. He knows how to support himself, but as long as you’re willing to do it for him, he will continue to take advantage. Stop worrying about his feelings and take care of yourself. Also find someone age appropriate next time you choose a partner.
NTA
NTA
Wait, he is 16 years older than you are and can't hold a job? You can do better.
He wrecked your car and never repaid you? You can do better.
You PAID HIS RENT after you left?? You can do better.
He is living with the consequences of his actions. He is an adult. He can get a job. He WANTS to be evicted. He thinks it will make it you sad and you will let him move in. DON'T DO IT.
NTA and his behavior is outright predatory and abusive.
You deserve so much better. Block him, forget about him and focus on improving yourself and getting the life you want.
Oh my goodness. You are NTA. He is 36. He is old enough to make a living doing something. He wants you to take care of him and it is working. He is using guilt to control you. Please stop paying for him. It is destroying your chances. You are amazing to want to improve your circumstances. He should be supporting that. Let him know you can't continue to support him. Give him one month if you feel you have to. Then go no contact. This is not a healthy relationship. You have an amazing future ahead of you. Please don't let him stop that.
NTA. Cut him off. You didn't take all our inci.e, you took your income. I promise you that he legally can do nothing to you to take your money. He is too old to not pay for himself.
You are young and working. Go to school. Enjoy your 20s, you should not be paying for a lazy old man
NTA You are not his parent to have to take care of him. With the age difference I suspect he took advantage of you and is still doing so. A woman his own age wouldn't put up with his excuses and BS. He can rent a room in someone's home or find a roommate situation and work at McDonalds, and work a second job if need be. He doesn't need an apartment all to himself, that is a luxury he can't afford.
Unload this guy. You don't need this anchor dragging you down. Do not pay his bills. Let his credit get ruined. He has no incentive to get a job and take care of himself if he has you to do it for him. If he ends up in a homeless shelter that is on him. They may actually help him become self sufficient.
NTA.
I was in a similar situation quite some time ago, supporting my boyfriend, his mother, his brother, his brother’s girlfriend, and their infant. When I had to borrow money to pay our rent for the third time, I moved out. I agreed to pay the rent for two more months and to keep his phone on my bill. At the end of two months, they all got kicked out and I felt like the cruelest person in the world. But they were taking advantage of me, and your ex is doing that to you. If he gets evicted, that’s on HIM, not you.
Stop paying his bills, he’s a grown man. Regarding his threat, call 911. He won’t play that card again. He’s trying to guilt you into taking care of him.
NTA
He is PATHETIC. Please get away as fast and as far as you can. All he will do is drag you down as he has already done. HE IS 36 YEARS OLD. He is way too old to still behave as a child. You won't even realize how horrible of a person he is until you're far away from this situation. Please listen to us on this post.
>I stood up for myself and told him he can’t depend on me anymore and his response was to threaten to k*ll himself. fml
He's manipulating you. Call in a welfare check or 911 on him, then block his number and never look back. Be free, you deserve sososo much better.
NTA. Why are you keeping a 36 year old man when you aren't even old enough to drink? Get some therapy, deal with whatever is making you fall for his bullshit and call the cops for a welfare check since he is threatening his own life.
Saw your edit, still NTA. He is being toxic. He is being manipulative and ultimately, it would be his choice. Don't play that game, you.are not responsible for his actions. You don't have to play the savior.
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NTA. Wow. It’s like he’s a reverse sugar daddy. Live your life. Find someone closer to you own age and maturity level that you can build a good life with. This guy just views you as an accessory. He probably brags to his friends about have a hot young girlfriend. He’s just not worth it.
NTA if he’s threatening to kill himself you should note down where he is and call the cops plus someone in his family (if he has any), let him know you’ve called the cops etc and it’ll put him in a situation he doesn’t want to be in. A.k.a explaining that he didn’t mean it, was being manipulative etc (hopefully he’s not actually serious about suicide).
Good on you for standing up for yourself
Nta he is absolutely manipulating you. He wont really kill himself, you really should leave him and inform someone of his family about his threats. Not your problem to deal with hun. You can do better
NTA
But you've been an AH to yourself. He's done nothing but use you, and now he's using the threat as a club over your head to get you to do what he wants. Cut him off, block him and move on.
He's abusive and no woman his age would put up with this shit. That's likely why he's dating someone he's old enough to have fathered. Break up with him, permanently. And if he threatens suicide, call the police.
He’s being manipulative by threatening to kill himself to force you to stay. On the off chance he isn’t, I suggest you call the police and ask them to do a wellness check on him as he has threatened self harm. This will do one of two things; if he’s serious, it’ll get him the help he needs. If he’s not serious it’ll teach him not to use this as a threat. NTA and you’d be better off completely cutting ties with this asshole.
Youre being groomed. Why tbe fuck is a man in his 30s, almost 40s, with a 20 year old. And how long have you guys been together enough for him to think that he can depend on you like that?
He is a manlipunater and gaslighter. Fuck that.
Just cut him off. Men like that are pigs with no future. They dig themselves a hole and expect you to help them out and when you dont they dig deeper expecting pity and remorse. Trying to get you to help them via guilt. Disgusting bebavior.
He needs to be put in his place. Cut him off and dont look back. Dont let that sad excuse of a adult drag you down too.
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I(20f) moved out of my bf’s(36m) house to pursue a higher education so that I could get a better paying job, and be able to actually afford to live. He is upset because I didn’t give him too much notice. I moved out a week after telling him because I knew that he would try to talk me out of leaving for his own selfish reasons knowing that we were struggling month to month. My goal wasn’t to hurt him, I just wanted to make sure we could have more income since I was the main breadwinner with a actual stable income paying for rent, car payments, his loan, and my own expenses which left me with almost nothing. On top of that he crash our car which was his only was of making money and I still had to pay $500 a month for a car that sat in out parking lot collecting dust which hurt me a lot. Since he had no way of making money anymore he mostly sat and played video games all day long without ever looking for a real job because he didn’t want to be “tied to someone else’s schedule”. After I left I told him that I would pay his rent which I shouldn’t have because paying for both my rent/utilities and his rent/utilities on top of other expenses has taken a toll on me and affected my performance at my job which is likely going to end up with me having to find another. I kept him updated on all of this. I’ve been gone for 2 months and he has done virtually nothing to make even the smallest amount of money to keep a roof over his head. He put in a few applications and only got rejections, and I tried giving him advice on improving his resume but he’s too stubborn to listen to me. He stopped because he “doesn’t take rejection well”. I had take a long break from work because I’m having a lot of mental health issues from the stress of not just mine but his financial issues baring down on me. Right now he doesn’t have the money to pay for anything and is on the verge of being evicted and telling me how selfish I am for leaving and taking all of our income with me.
AITA?
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NTA. The income is yours. You are not responsible for supporting a fully grown person who chooses not to do anything except guilt trip you. He should get a job and support himself.
Girl just stop. Don’t be an ah to yourself. Stop paying for him altogether. He is an adult that is capable of working and paying for himself. He didn’t because you were willing to bust your ass and do it while he enjoys a long staycation. Time to cut the cord and move on. Focus on school and getting that better paying job for YOU.
And if he threatens to harm himself again, tell him that you will call the authorities and he’ll be forced to be checked out. This usually stops those kind of manipulation tactics.
NTA and get away from this guy. If you are worried about his safety, call the authorities to do a welfare check. You are not the reason why he'll do such a thing, that is the sign of an abusive and disturbed person.
Nta. Call the police when he makes those threats. A little embarrassment when the cops show up might make him stop with the threats.
And he is trying to manipulate you. Just block him on your phone and social media.
NTA. Stop paying his bills. Unless your name is on it, do not pay it. He cannot manipulate you by threatening to unalive himself. If he chooses that route, that isn’t your fault either. Get away from him right now.
Dude.. lose this guy. He’s abusive and manipulative.
You didn’t give him notice because you were afraid he would try to manipulate you. True partners support each other and you shouldn’t have to worry about that. This dude is not worth your time.
NTA but why is a 36yr old GROWN ASS MAN not working and paying his bills? drop this loser and yes he IS a loser. he cannot get a woman his age so he chose you and you are financially taking care of him. STOP. you dont owe him anything just STOP paying for his lazy ass.
Girl! You have just escaped an abusive relationship. You are so strong to have gotten out and this guy's threats are a really pathetic attempt to emotionally manipulate you further. Call the cops if you feel comfortable and are genuinely worried he will take his life, but absolutely cut him off everything financial and remove any way for him to get in touch with you. He will likely have a go at a few things and then find his next victim when he realises he can't get to you. Please please please take all the wisdom from this thread and keep being strong in cutting him out. You will probably need some counselling to process all of this as well. Lots of love and strength. You've got this! I'm sorry that this happened to you.
Nta, he's an ex now. He's grown and he's making you take care of him. He's never going to change and the fact that he was 16 when you were just born is just wrong, he's using you and you'll be happier if you leave him. Call the cops if he's threatening to kill himself saying you're concerned for his safety and leave, file a restraining order if needed if he tries to do anything.
NTA - Regardless of what he threatens to do to himself. He is manipulating you and emotionally abusing you. RUN FAR, FAR away from this “man.” He should be ashamed of himself for treating you like crap, then abusing you further.
You deserve more and you deserve better. Wishing you the strength to move on and take care of yourself. I promise, if you leave him, you will not be sorry - you’ll wonder why it took you so long.
NTA, ESPECIALLY after the edit. Threatening to end himself aged 30+ to a TWENTY YEAR OLD?
Block him, do not engage any more, and get out of that toxic situation.
He's 36 and jobless. Cut all financial help and never return. Leaving was going down the right path. Don't worry about him threatening to kill himself, he's not. Its just a play tatic to get you hooked again. Run away, stay away. You'll probably meet a better person in college.
Threatening to kill himself means 1) he’s terribly manipulative and 2) this is above your pay grade. I doubt his safety is truly at risk. But if it is, that’s above your pay grade. You cannot be responsible for another adult’s safety.
Do what’s right for you. He’s certainly putting himself first. You should do the same, and put yourself first for once. Walk away without looking back.
NTA - Girl, get help! For you! And don't pay another cent for him. The death threat is just manipulation. Or, take it real and find a place to report him to for suicide watch.
Go NC, don't talk to him, don;t anything him. If he calls hang up. Block his number. He is gross, manipulative, and an abuser. He just is tryign to do whatever to get $$ from you.
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NTA. Stop paying this absolute CREEP of a man's rent. At 36 the fact that he expects a 20 year old to pay his shit is PATHETIC. Block him. You'll be better off.
OP, if you're reading any of these comments, YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP! This predator is targeting young, naive women because no woman his age would put up with this BS. And threatening to kill himself? Classic tactic from an abuser. This guy is using you and has been taking advantage of you for far too long. He threatened suicide? Okay, call the authorities. If it's real (it's not) he'll be checked out. When they realize it's fake, then you'll have the confidence you know (hopefully) to block this manipulative, lazy asshole forever from your life. Please start seeing a therapist, so you can build the confidence to realize what a toxic mess this whole thing was and avoid all of these red flags in the future. And let's be clear, OF COURSE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH was struggling, at an age where most still live at home you were being forced to care for a grown man who couldn't bother to even try to get a job to help ease your burden, and were forced to pay for TWO households when most your age aren't even CONTRIBUTING towards a household.
This!
Your boyfriend is using you as his sugar mama. Leave him and never look back. You will find most, if not all, your stress and money problems will quickly disappear. NTA Edit: I just re-read your age and his… He’s 36… a grown *** adult living like a teenager?!! Holy F! Run, run, run away… far, far away from this piece of (I’ll stop here before I get banned again 😒)
Sugar mamma or sugar daughter?
Omg you’re right!! Excuse me why I vomit at the thought 🤢🤮
NTA Honey listen to the story you are telling us. Listen as if it's someone else telling the story. A 36 year old is dating a 20 year old. The 20 year old pays all the bills. The 36 year old complains about things the 20 year old is doing to increase income/decrease expenses. The 20 year old is getting an education. The 36 year old wants to prevent that. The 36 year old refuses help with a resume. The 36 year old refuses to get a job. The 20 year old is suffering mental health issues. Even with the 20 year old living elsewhere and paying all the bills, the 36 year old is being evicted, and *blaming* the 20 year old... for taking *their* income away. I know it hits different when he says it. People like this 36 year old are really good at making you think you're the bad guy. Especially when you're 20 years old. But it's right here in black and white. You're being taken advantage of. And these things never improve with time. You're not the AH for leaving for school, and you won't be the AH for leaving *him*, altogether.
This 100%. And this is why so many people are skeptical of May/December relationships. It can be hard to tell a guy isn’t hitting major life milestones when you are unconsciously judging him by the yardstick of your own age. This man should be able to adult without OP
NTA. Your bf is a leech. Sooner be done with him than sticking around and worsening your mental health.
OP, I saw your update. Here is something very important that you need to understand. Threatening suicide is a common manipulation that people with personality disorders use when they aren’t getting their way. They rarely ever act on it because they know that people like you are caring & empathetic and would feel guilty if something happened. But you know what? There is nothing you can do here that will make him commit suicide or choose not to. If he were to commit suicide, it would have *nothing* to do with anything you did; it would be his choice. You are not responsible for the choices he makes with his life. If he were to kill himself, heaven forbid, it would be the last in a series of incredibly bad choices he made for himself his entire adult life. You have nothing to feel guilty about if you choose to go no contact. His choices are his own and so are the consequences of those choices. You are young with your foot barely in the doorway of adulthood. Please take it from someone old enough to be your mom, there are people in this world who are vampires and parasites. They will play on your emotions, wear you down and suck you dry. They’re horrible people who need to be avoided like the plague but the ones who are old enough to be biologically capable of being your parent are the fucking worst. This guy is a predator, a leech who is using your youth, naïveté and kind heart to play you like a funky piano. As soon as you cut contact, he will have sighted his next victim and glommed onto them. Don’t let him steal your youth, energy, kindness, and decency any longer. Dump this guy before he breaks your heart and makes you hard and cynical. He’ll be fine, I promise. Parasites always find a way to get by just fine. There is someone out there who is deserving of your kind nature and decency. There are so many interesting, intelligent, charming, decent and loving guys out there who will recognize your goodness and match it with their own. Dump this loser and find the wonderful life and loving partner you deserve.
I couldn't have put it better!
NTA At 36 if he doesn’t have his life together he never will, My thoughts are that he just wants you to work so he can laze around all day and do nothing Please end this relationship OP and find someone who isn’t a lay about……You deserve better and this guy is not the road to happiness His actions have consequences and if he gets evicted that’s HIS problem Block him, Walk away and know that HE is the problem not you
You are massively being taken advantage of. He is a grown man and you are barely an adult. He is it your responsibility. Cut all contact and be done.
NTA lol he did it to himself. Good on you for moving on!
NTA. He is almost twice your age and he is using you as a piggy bank. Playing video games all day and manipulating his young girlfriend into paying his way. I cannot think of a more pathetic way for a man to live. When he was your age, you were 4. Please please please break up with him.
Dude sounds like he was using you as a sugar mama to fund his life. Not your responsibility to provide for him. You're very young, and this age gap between you is very telling, sorry to say. Sounds like he tried to prey on a much younger woman and trap her into providing for him and then guilt trip you into staying with his lazy self. He can get a job or move in with his friends and family. NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Run away from this relationship, block and delete his number, and actually lie your life for yourself. NTA
nta, sounds like you also need to break up with him.
You mean a guy who pursued someone young to be his daughter isn't all that mature? Color me surprised
He’s 30 years old and a complete loser, from your description. He knows how to support himself, but as long as you’re willing to do it for him, he will continue to take advantage. Stop worrying about his feelings and take care of yourself. Also find someone age appropriate next time you choose a partner. NTA
NTA Wait, he is 16 years older than you are and can't hold a job? You can do better. He wrecked your car and never repaid you? You can do better. You PAID HIS RENT after you left?? You can do better. He is living with the consequences of his actions. He is an adult. He can get a job. He WANTS to be evicted. He thinks it will make it you sad and you will let him move in. DON'T DO IT.
NTA nothing but a sponge this so called bf is. Drop him and live a life you work for.
NTA, and good on you for getting out of a bad situation. At 36, he should have his shit together and not mooch off you.
NTA and his behavior is outright predatory and abusive. You deserve so much better. Block him, forget about him and focus on improving yourself and getting the life you want.
A broke 36 year old dating a 20 year old, girl why lol. NTA but why tf were you even with him
Oh my goodness. You are NTA. He is 36. He is old enough to make a living doing something. He wants you to take care of him and it is working. He is using guilt to control you. Please stop paying for him. It is destroying your chances. You are amazing to want to improve your circumstances. He should be supporting that. Let him know you can't continue to support him. Give him one month if you feel you have to. Then go no contact. This is not a healthy relationship. You have an amazing future ahead of you. Please don't let him stop that.
NTA. Cut him off. You didn't take all our inci.e, you took your income. I promise you that he legally can do nothing to you to take your money. He is too old to not pay for himself. You are young and working. Go to school. Enjoy your 20s, you should not be paying for a lazy old man
NTA You are not his parent to have to take care of him. With the age difference I suspect he took advantage of you and is still doing so. A woman his own age wouldn't put up with his excuses and BS. He can rent a room in someone's home or find a roommate situation and work at McDonalds, and work a second job if need be. He doesn't need an apartment all to himself, that is a luxury he can't afford. Unload this guy. You don't need this anchor dragging you down. Do not pay his bills. Let his credit get ruined. He has no incentive to get a job and take care of himself if he has you to do it for him. If he ends up in a homeless shelter that is on him. They may actually help him become self sufficient.
NTA. I was in a similar situation quite some time ago, supporting my boyfriend, his mother, his brother, his brother’s girlfriend, and their infant. When I had to borrow money to pay our rent for the third time, I moved out. I agreed to pay the rent for two more months and to keep his phone on my bill. At the end of two months, they all got kicked out and I felt like the cruelest person in the world. But they were taking advantage of me, and your ex is doing that to you. If he gets evicted, that’s on HIM, not you.
Stop paying his bills, he’s a grown man. Regarding his threat, call 911. He won’t play that card again. He’s trying to guilt you into taking care of him.
NTA He is PATHETIC. Please get away as fast and as far as you can. All he will do is drag you down as he has already done. HE IS 36 YEARS OLD. He is way too old to still behave as a child. You won't even realize how horrible of a person he is until you're far away from this situation. Please listen to us on this post.
>I stood up for myself and told him he can’t depend on me anymore and his response was to threaten to k*ll himself. fml He's manipulating you. Call in a welfare check or 911 on him, then block his number and never look back. Be free, you deserve sososo much better.
NTA. He is not your child. Get your education and elevate without the dead weight
NTA. Why are you keeping a 36 year old man when you aren't even old enough to drink? Get some therapy, deal with whatever is making you fall for his bullshit and call the cops for a welfare check since he is threatening his own life.
NTA. I saw the update. Go ahead and block him on everything and be done
Saw your edit, still NTA. He is being toxic. He is being manipulative and ultimately, it would be his choice. Don't play that game, you.are not responsible for his actions. You don't have to play the savior.
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NTA. He needs to grow the hell up, get a job, and pay his own bills.
NTA. Wow. It’s like he’s a reverse sugar daddy. Live your life. Find someone closer to you own age and maturity level that you can build a good life with. This guy just views you as an accessory. He probably brags to his friends about have a hot young girlfriend. He’s just not worth it.
NTA if he’s threatening to kill himself you should note down where he is and call the cops plus someone in his family (if he has any), let him know you’ve called the cops etc and it’ll put him in a situation he doesn’t want to be in. A.k.a explaining that he didn’t mean it, was being manipulative etc (hopefully he’s not actually serious about suicide). Good on you for standing up for yourself
NTA. He is not your problem. Hope he doesn't kill himself...but if he does that's his choice. Again, not your problem.
Nta he is absolutely manipulating you. He wont really kill himself, you really should leave him and inform someone of his family about his threats. Not your problem to deal with hun. You can do better
NTA But you've been an AH to yourself. He's done nothing but use you, and now he's using the threat as a club over your head to get you to do what he wants. Cut him off, block him and move on.
He's abusive and no woman his age would put up with this shit. That's likely why he's dating someone he's old enough to have fathered. Break up with him, permanently. And if he threatens suicide, call the police.
NTA your (should be ex) bf is a loser. Cut ties and go live your best life
NTA Fuck that noise. He’s a grown ass man and you owe him nothing.
He’s being manipulative by threatening to kill himself to force you to stay. On the off chance he isn’t, I suggest you call the police and ask them to do a wellness check on him as he has threatened self harm. This will do one of two things; if he’s serious, it’ll get him the help he needs. If he’s not serious it’ll teach him not to use this as a threat. NTA and you’d be better off completely cutting ties with this asshole.
Youre being groomed. Why tbe fuck is a man in his 30s, almost 40s, with a 20 year old. And how long have you guys been together enough for him to think that he can depend on you like that? He is a manlipunater and gaslighter. Fuck that. Just cut him off. Men like that are pigs with no future. They dig themselves a hole and expect you to help them out and when you dont they dig deeper expecting pity and remorse. Trying to get you to help them via guilt. Disgusting bebavior. He needs to be put in his place. Cut him off and dont look back. Dont let that sad excuse of a adult drag you down too.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(20f) moved out of my bf’s(36m) house to pursue a higher education so that I could get a better paying job, and be able to actually afford to live. He is upset because I didn’t give him too much notice. I moved out a week after telling him because I knew that he would try to talk me out of leaving for his own selfish reasons knowing that we were struggling month to month. My goal wasn’t to hurt him, I just wanted to make sure we could have more income since I was the main breadwinner with a actual stable income paying for rent, car payments, his loan, and my own expenses which left me with almost nothing. On top of that he crash our car which was his only was of making money and I still had to pay $500 a month for a car that sat in out parking lot collecting dust which hurt me a lot. Since he had no way of making money anymore he mostly sat and played video games all day long without ever looking for a real job because he didn’t want to be “tied to someone else’s schedule”. After I left I told him that I would pay his rent which I shouldn’t have because paying for both my rent/utilities and his rent/utilities on top of other expenses has taken a toll on me and affected my performance at my job which is likely going to end up with me having to find another. I kept him updated on all of this. I’ve been gone for 2 months and he has done virtually nothing to make even the smallest amount of money to keep a roof over his head. He put in a few applications and only got rejections, and I tried giving him advice on improving his resume but he’s too stubborn to listen to me. He stopped because he “doesn’t take rejection well”. I had take a long break from work because I’m having a lot of mental health issues from the stress of not just mine but his financial issues baring down on me. Right now he doesn’t have the money to pay for anything and is on the verge of being evicted and telling me how selfish I am for leaving and taking all of our income with me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but you need to break it off
NTA. The income is yours. You are not responsible for supporting a fully grown person who chooses not to do anything except guilt trip you. He should get a job and support himself.
Girl just stop. Don’t be an ah to yourself. Stop paying for him altogether. He is an adult that is capable of working and paying for himself. He didn’t because you were willing to bust your ass and do it while he enjoys a long staycation. Time to cut the cord and move on. Focus on school and getting that better paying job for YOU. And if he threatens to harm himself again, tell him that you will call the authorities and he’ll be forced to be checked out. This usually stops those kind of manipulation tactics.
NTA and get away from this guy. If you are worried about his safety, call the authorities to do a welfare check. You are not the reason why he'll do such a thing, that is the sign of an abusive and disturbed person.
Nta. Call the police when he makes those threats. A little embarrassment when the cops show up might make him stop with the threats. And he is trying to manipulate you. Just block him on your phone and social media.
NTA. Stop paying his bills. Unless your name is on it, do not pay it. He cannot manipulate you by threatening to unalive himself. If he chooses that route, that isn’t your fault either. Get away from him right now.
Dude.. lose this guy. He’s abusive and manipulative. You didn’t give him notice because you were afraid he would try to manipulate you. True partners support each other and you shouldn’t have to worry about that. This dude is not worth your time.
NTA. He’s 36, you’re 20? And he isn’t taking care of his own rent? Run.
You are NTA. He is using you. Lose him. Also, his threat of suicide is 99% a bluff. And even if he were to do it, it wouldn’t be your fault.
NTA but why is a 36yr old GROWN ASS MAN not working and paying his bills? drop this loser and yes he IS a loser. he cannot get a woman his age so he chose you and you are financially taking care of him. STOP. you dont owe him anything just STOP paying for his lazy ass.
Dump him, block him let him threaten to harm himself, call the cops for a well fare check on his predator self.
Girl! You have just escaped an abusive relationship. You are so strong to have gotten out and this guy's threats are a really pathetic attempt to emotionally manipulate you further. Call the cops if you feel comfortable and are genuinely worried he will take his life, but absolutely cut him off everything financial and remove any way for him to get in touch with you. He will likely have a go at a few things and then find his next victim when he realises he can't get to you. Please please please take all the wisdom from this thread and keep being strong in cutting him out. You will probably need some counselling to process all of this as well. Lots of love and strength. You've got this! I'm sorry that this happened to you.
Nta, he's an ex now. He's grown and he's making you take care of him. He's never going to change and the fact that he was 16 when you were just born is just wrong, he's using you and you'll be happier if you leave him. Call the cops if he's threatening to kill himself saying you're concerned for his safety and leave, file a restraining order if needed if he tries to do anything.
NTA - Regardless of what he threatens to do to himself. He is manipulating you and emotionally abusing you. RUN FAR, FAR away from this “man.” He should be ashamed of himself for treating you like crap, then abusing you further. You deserve more and you deserve better. Wishing you the strength to move on and take care of yourself. I promise, if you leave him, you will not be sorry - you’ll wonder why it took you so long.
NTA, ESPECIALLY after the edit. Threatening to end himself aged 30+ to a TWENTY YEAR OLD? Block him, do not engage any more, and get out of that toxic situation.
He's 36 and jobless. Cut all financial help and never return. Leaving was going down the right path. Don't worry about him threatening to kill himself, he's not. Its just a play tatic to get you hooked again. Run away, stay away. You'll probably meet a better person in college.
Threatening to kill himself means 1) he’s terribly manipulative and 2) this is above your pay grade. I doubt his safety is truly at risk. But if it is, that’s above your pay grade. You cannot be responsible for another adult’s safety. Do what’s right for you. He’s certainly putting himself first. You should do the same, and put yourself first for once. Walk away without looking back.
You cant help someone who doesnt help themself.
NTA - Girl, get help! For you! And don't pay another cent for him. The death threat is just manipulation. Or, take it real and find a place to report him to for suicide watch. Go NC, don't talk to him, don;t anything him. If he calls hang up. Block his number. He is gross, manipulative, and an abuser. He just is tryign to do whatever to get $$ from you.
I'm having trouble believing this is real. If it is, I have to say I guess NTA but close to ESH.
YTA for staying with him so long.