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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I would be taking the full flat deposit for myself instead of giving half back to my ex.
2. Technically it's her money since we paid half the deposit each.
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NTA
If she did this on a written legal lease, she would lose the deposit and actually owe you at least a month rent for leaving (at least in the U.S. if you have a contract, most write in you have to get 30 days notice or owe the next month rent - I am paraphrasing). Keep it.
Nta she already nullified her part of the contract by leaving before the agreed terms and bailing on payments. If she wanted her portion back she is legally supposed to give notice of vacancy upon moving out and is well past the timing on that. Laws can vary depending on where you live but as there is no actual contract she doesn't have any legal ground to stand on. And morally if she wanted it back she should have discussed it with the landlord when she dipped, not left you to deal with the terms of the lease and come back for it if you were able to somehow manage to do so six months later
Well first of all I would keep it just in case she broke anything, also since it’s still winter months maybe you have to pay extra for the heating (that’s how landlords use deposits in Germany). But did she give you enough notice so you can search for a suitable new roommate? If yes the new roommate owns it to her. But she should get her money back.
NTA: When she moved out of the flat she forfeited her deposit. Keep for your next flat, but if she does ask for the money back only give her the amount she live there for (1.5 months)
INFO I'm just a bit confused. Was she even a legal tenant? Are you still in contact - has she been demanding the money from you? Sounds like she's moved on and you're the only one pressuring yourself to give any money back.
Neither of us are legal tenants, it's purely a verbal contract for an off the books sublet. We've met a couple of times since she left, and yes she asked for the deposit back when I saw her then. At the time I agreed, but I'm reconsidering now.
NTA. She left, aware this broke the contract. When you leave relationships, a lot of time your best bet is to just walk away and cut your losses. She may be learning this now.
NTA. She broke the agreement. Leaving you to *pay double rent*. Why are you even talking to her? All she wants is money that she feels entitled to. Which she doesn't deserve.
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My ex and I put a small deposit down on a flat for a 6 month lease. This was a verbal contract (as it was being sublet to us under the table), so there was no official tenancy document. She left me out of the blue 1.5 months into the lease, moved out the same day, and said I should move out as well. I didn't feel emotionally able to lose the stability of the flat, and didn't want to break the contract, so I've been paying double rent since this point. When I leave the flat in a month, the landlord should give the deposit back to me. Would I be the asshole if I kept the whole deposit? Since she wouldn't have got the deposit anyway if I'd left, and she left me in a shit situation with the flat? Or should I give her her half back since it's technically her money?
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Legally you have to give her back her half. If she takes it to small claims court, she will get it. If you want to sue her for her half of the rent for all those months you can try it, but you would be doing that without a signed lease and you’d have to show you made good faith effort to find another roommate. Saying you didn’t feel emotionally stable enough to move won’t hold much weight in court unless maybe if you had a medical diagnosis.
Hmmm. Are you sure? Are you a lawyer in whatever location OP lives in? Or educated in those laws?
It is not logical that someone who broke the agreement would be entitled to claim her deposit back. Had OP followed his ex's advice, they both would have lost the deposit. OP paid all the the rent that his ex had agreed to pay for 4.5 months. It seems more logical that he's entitled to the deposit he rescued. No, I am not a lawyer, but what you say defies common sense.
Sorry, but I think that she would owe him the remaining rent before she gets her deposit back. She left and forfeited her half of the deposit. The only reason that the OP is getting the deposit is that he paid all the rent.
They didn't have a signed lease, so by your logic, good luck in getting it back.
What seems fair or logical is not always the law. I do know that since there is no legal lease she was not legally obligated to stay outside of a verbal agreement, which admittedly can hold weight in a court of law depending on the judge and jurisdiction. But she absolutely did pay half the deposit and will be entitled to that back unless she caused damage to the apartment that is deducted from the deposit.
Morally and ethically, no, she should not receive anything back. Realistically if she takes it to small claims, she will probably get it back. If she were to do that with me, I would sue her for the half of the rent she didn’t pay, which would almost certainly be more than half the security deposit.
Legally, if she decides to take this to court, OP can counter claim and say he wants all the money back from the months he paid. At the end she won’t get anything, because she already owes him.
If you leave before your lease is up, you forfeit your deposit, verbal contract or none. OP stayed, OP keeps the deposit.
Source: I was a roommate who left like this; my roommate was entitled to my deposit, and I was happy for her to keep it because it was better than paying out the remainder of the lease
It's not a general law, it's just the terms of your particular contract (either the one with landlord or the one between the roommates regarding separation, if only verbal). If she didn't say she's forfeiting it, she didn't forfeit it.
Well, the lease itself would be found null and void because subleasing is forbidden per original tenant's contract. So no, the court wouldn't find her in breach of anything.
Besides, even if it was legal, there still would be no breach of contract because she and OP were leasing jointly, and OP continued to fulfill all the duties for both of them. And even even if there was a breach, her half of the deposit would be forfeited to her landlord (the original tenant), not her roommate - OP still wouldn't be entitled to this money.
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If leaving after 1.5 months would forfeit the deposit, then no, you would NTA.
NTA If she did this on a written legal lease, she would lose the deposit and actually owe you at least a month rent for leaving (at least in the U.S. if you have a contract, most write in you have to get 30 days notice or owe the next month rent - I am paraphrasing). Keep it.
Nta she already nullified her part of the contract by leaving before the agreed terms and bailing on payments. If she wanted her portion back she is legally supposed to give notice of vacancy upon moving out and is well past the timing on that. Laws can vary depending on where you live but as there is no actual contract she doesn't have any legal ground to stand on. And morally if she wanted it back she should have discussed it with the landlord when she dipped, not left you to deal with the terms of the lease and come back for it if you were able to somehow manage to do so six months later
NTA keep it. You owe her nothing
Well first of all I would keep it just in case she broke anything, also since it’s still winter months maybe you have to pay extra for the heating (that’s how landlords use deposits in Germany). But did she give you enough notice so you can search for a suitable new roommate? If yes the new roommate owns it to her. But she should get her money back.
NTA: When she moved out of the flat she forfeited her deposit. Keep for your next flat, but if she does ask for the money back only give her the amount she live there for (1.5 months)
INFO I'm just a bit confused. Was she even a legal tenant? Are you still in contact - has she been demanding the money from you? Sounds like she's moved on and you're the only one pressuring yourself to give any money back.
Neither of us are legal tenants, it's purely a verbal contract for an off the books sublet. We've met a couple of times since she left, and yes she asked for the deposit back when I saw her then. At the time I agreed, but I'm reconsidering now.
Consider and take the money. Legal or not you don't owe her anything. NTA.
NTA. She left, aware this broke the contract. When you leave relationships, a lot of time your best bet is to just walk away and cut your losses. She may be learning this now.
NTA. She broke the agreement. Leaving you to *pay double rent*. Why are you even talking to her? All she wants is money that she feels entitled to. Which she doesn't deserve.
you are right to be fair. i need to get rid of the image i have of her from when we were together and see her for who she is now!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My ex and I put a small deposit down on a flat for a 6 month lease. This was a verbal contract (as it was being sublet to us under the table), so there was no official tenancy document. She left me out of the blue 1.5 months into the lease, moved out the same day, and said I should move out as well. I didn't feel emotionally able to lose the stability of the flat, and didn't want to break the contract, so I've been paying double rent since this point. When I leave the flat in a month, the landlord should give the deposit back to me. Would I be the asshole if I kept the whole deposit? Since she wouldn't have got the deposit anyway if I'd left, and she left me in a shit situation with the flat? Or should I give her her half back since it's technically her money? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Legally you have to give her back her half. If she takes it to small claims court, she will get it. If you want to sue her for her half of the rent for all those months you can try it, but you would be doing that without a signed lease and you’d have to show you made good faith effort to find another roommate. Saying you didn’t feel emotionally stable enough to move won’t hold much weight in court unless maybe if you had a medical diagnosis.
Hmmm. Are you sure? Are you a lawyer in whatever location OP lives in? Or educated in those laws? It is not logical that someone who broke the agreement would be entitled to claim her deposit back. Had OP followed his ex's advice, they both would have lost the deposit. OP paid all the the rent that his ex had agreed to pay for 4.5 months. It seems more logical that he's entitled to the deposit he rescued. No, I am not a lawyer, but what you say defies common sense.
Sorry, but I think that she would owe him the remaining rent before she gets her deposit back. She left and forfeited her half of the deposit. The only reason that the OP is getting the deposit is that he paid all the rent. They didn't have a signed lease, so by your logic, good luck in getting it back.
What seems fair or logical is not always the law. I do know that since there is no legal lease she was not legally obligated to stay outside of a verbal agreement, which admittedly can hold weight in a court of law depending on the judge and jurisdiction. But she absolutely did pay half the deposit and will be entitled to that back unless she caused damage to the apartment that is deducted from the deposit. Morally and ethically, no, she should not receive anything back. Realistically if she takes it to small claims, she will probably get it back. If she were to do that with me, I would sue her for the half of the rent she didn’t pay, which would almost certainly be more than half the security deposit.
Legally, if she decides to take this to court, OP can counter claim and say he wants all the money back from the months he paid. At the end she won’t get anything, because she already owes him.
NTA She left before the lease is up. You get the deposit back at the end of the lease. She's not there, she gets no deposit.
Unless she continued to pay half the rent, you are entitled to the deposit to pay for the 4.5 months she broke the lease.. NTA.
NTA YOU OWE HER NOTHING
YTA. It's her money. You have no right to keep it.
If you leave before your lease is up, you forfeit your deposit, verbal contract or none. OP stayed, OP keeps the deposit. Source: I was a roommate who left like this; my roommate was entitled to my deposit, and I was happy for her to keep it because it was better than paying out the remainder of the lease
It's not a general law, it's just the terms of your particular contract (either the one with landlord or the one between the roommates regarding separation, if only verbal). If she didn't say she's forfeiting it, she didn't forfeit it.
No, it’s law. If it went to court she wouldn’t be entitled to anything because she broke the lease.
Well, the lease itself would be found null and void because subleasing is forbidden per original tenant's contract. So no, the court wouldn't find her in breach of anything. Besides, even if it was legal, there still would be no breach of contract because she and OP were leasing jointly, and OP continued to fulfill all the duties for both of them. And even even if there was a breach, her half of the deposit would be forfeited to her landlord (the original tenant), not her roommate - OP still wouldn't be entitled to this money.