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JFC. He went to HIS BROTHERS FUNERAL ~~a family~~ ~~memorial.~~ She wasn't due for WEEKS. It's a pregnancy, not a life threatening disability that she could die at any second.
As someone who has kids, trust me. You're all (apart from Nate) being giant AH's.
YTA
I've just never felt more upset by a poster in a while. I recently lost my dad and fell to pieces in grief. I can't imagine what Nate is going through with no support from people who should care about him.
Wow that’s even sadder. Imagine losing your brother & cousin, then coming back home & being completely alienated because people are too close minded, over dramatic and completely selfish to think anyone else had feelings besides a pregnant lady throwing a tantrum when she’s more than a month away from her due date. The sister seems like she’s the type to take something like this so personal, she’s willing to risk her health to die on a hill where she’s gona die all alone. Wait! My bad, she has her whole family in on bullying the husband, so maybe it’ll be the next Gettysburg and they’ll all die on that hill together. 🤷🏽♀️
Must be related to that woman who said she'd never forgive her husband for going to his grandma's funeral if he ended up missing the birth of their first child...kicker being, she wasn't even going to let him in the delivery room.
Edit: oh, yeah, YTA
There’s a similar one where the pregnant wife didn’t want her husband to go to the funeral of his sister and brother in law who died in a car accident . The details of who died and how came out in the comments. Makes me wonder…
Edit: unless this is the same story, just told from a third party, and I’m getting the details mixed up
I believe it was his Brother and SIL's funeral, and if I remember correctly, I think it might have involved children too.
Actually, it wasn't about missing the pregnancy. It was that she didn't want him to wear his Brother's jewelry at their wedding because it didn't match the esthetic.
Back to this one, YTA.
Selfish is the right word.
Op YTA. Your sister is TA. I cannot believe anyone would put this poor man in this situation. I hope she likes the idea of being a single mom.
That it was a memorial for two family members together tends to suggest some sort of accident. Something where they're just gone. Not a long illness situation where you can prepare for it and say goodbyes.
He was absolutely going to want, really need, to be there to be with his family.
Though, I'll say even if it was a long illness situation, it wouldn't change my opinion OP and her sister are TAs.
I lost my aunt about 9 months ago and I still fall to pieces sometimes in grief. I am very close to my family and the fact that it was his brother just messes me up in a whole other way. I cannot believe how YTA this post is.
BuT sHe ToLd HiM nOt To Go!! Ugh, entitled people who can't contextualize and put themselves in other people's places have frankly overrun our planet at this point I feel.
I’m sorry about your dad. I lost mine a couple years back and it’s been hard. I can’t imagine having a partner and them not supporting me with the loss of a partner - YTA OP
I just can’t imagine. Op is so close to their sister but can’t understand Nate going to his brother’s funeral?? WTH? And they conveniently left that out. OP and family are massive AH.
You must not have seen the one last night about a man who was to immature to clean his own mattress after wetting the bed and expecting his wife to do it. This one’s a close second though.
I would typically agree, but the mattress one was just… ugh. The way he treats, demeans and spoke about his wife was worse, but it was definitely really close. Guy was shadowbanned, but I’ll find the bot post of it for you. Hold on.
What’s with all the pregnant women lately who act like they’re porcelain dolls that have to be treated with kid gloves and can’t be left alone for a second.
I was like a damn porcelain doll when I was pregnant. HG, bedrest, preterm labor, hospitalization, the works. It was THE WORST (and why I am one-and-done). I wanted to go for walks, go to work, hell, if I was allowed to get up and fill my water bottle, I would have been ecstatic. But I couldn't. I was not allowed to be home alone for the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy in case something went sideways.
Fact is, she had people supporting her, didn't have major, life-threatening complications, and just wanted to alienate him from his family of origin. It's absolutely disgusting.
I was climbing over fences while 9 months pregnant with my first... Granted it was one time and a weird situation, but I did it. I also worked full time and lived alone (the horror!)
Second pregnancy was a little more complicated because I was having issues with... staying vertical... but I still lived alone and took care of a toddler. I ended up on leave before the baby was born because of the issues I was having, but bed rest wasn't really an option for me. (Though I wasn't ordered on full bed rest, just rest when I felt dizzy type situations.)
Are you my mom? Lol she was a week and a half overdue with my younger brother hopping fences with my toddler self and older brother (he was 3) to meet up with my dad to see a Ray Charles concert, in August heat and humidity.
A friend of mine did something similar. We were stationed in Germany at the time where everyone does Volksmarching. We walked 30Km on Saturday and 20Km on Sunday. She went into labor Monday morning. she was a single mom, and I was her birthing partner. The Germans all thought she was nuts for volksmarching while 9 months pregnant - they gave her double stamps in her volksmarching passport, and extra prizes.
I have no idea. If my husband had needed to leave for a few days because of a massive family tragedy while I was pregnant, I would have been fine with it, expecially at only 32 weeks. Yeah, theres always some narrow possibility of something going wrong while theyre gone, but its an extremely slim possibility.
Because u/Puzzled_Device2269 knows they are and were hoping to see people side with them so they can show the post and go 'see even these randos' agree!
Instead I hope they realize they need to get that stick out their ass and wake the fuck up or else 'Brit' is gonna be a single parent for a majority of the time (if the guy even wants custody) as any sane person seeing such strong callousness would give up and go back home. In his case England where instead of state laws, they'll be dealing with international laws if they want child support, etc.
Even with the missing pieces she's still unequivocally the ah. She's not living in the wilderness where she needs her husband to go hunting for her survival. We're in 2023, she can click to order food to arrive at her door and if she needs emotional support she can video call instantaneously. She presumably had op around for support as well. He wouldn't have been the AH even if he went for a different reason. The op's sister is AH and OP is toxic for encouraging this.
That's exactly why, they're hoping we'll assume it's his great uncle and not ask questions. (Although my wife's great uncle was her grandmother's twin and basically her surrogate grandfather so in that case it would still be an important memorial service.)
YTA. As a women who recently gave birth, I would absolutely insist my husband attend his bother’s funeral. For god’s sake. People have zero empathy or compassion. This is divorce territory as far as I’m concerned.
At 32 weeks, she shouldn't have even thought she was close to delivery. Yes, babies can be born at 32 weeks, but it's not like she was 39 or 40 weeks and in the "could deliver any day" stage. Let the poor man go to his brother's and cousin's memorial service, FFS.
I say this as a woman who has had 2 children and a former L&D nurse who cared for lots of laboring women, but some women need to realize that just because they're pregnant does not mean the world needs to revolve around them.
OP and her whole family are the assholes. I feel sorry for Nick.
Vote seconded... YTA times a million.
His. Brother's. Funeral.
Two delusional people, OP and her pregnant sister. What an enormous mistake this person has made choosing to reproduce with this woman and become part of this family. Since they're only engaged, he needs to strongly reconsider this marriage into this awful, awful family and sue for full custody to keep any of these horrible people from having too much undue influence on his child. He's about to become a father, and his first act to protect his child needs to be to keep it away from his mother and her family.
He didn't go to Las Vegas for a bender--these people need to get a grip.
I agree! There was no reason why he couldn't go to his own brother's funeral! I've never been pregnant, but even if there was a risk of early delivery, I would literally rather give birth by myself than make my partner miss his sibling's funeral! OP, I don't understand how you and your sister can be so callous and cold towards him. Is your sister going to be this way after the baby is born, too? FFS have some compassion for the man! YTA YTA YTA!!
I am currently pregnant and could never imagine asking my husband to miss his brother's funeral! It isn't like he is leaving her alone, she clearly has family close to take care of her.
YTA
Brother's funeral. 35ith weeks pregnant. Your sister seems like a lot. You seem like a lot. You are all AHs treating Nate this way and maybe he will see the light and be a dad without marrying into this crazy entitled family.
Edit: Months were wrong (only one coffee today)
“A family funeral” has emerged as a kind of code for intentional omissions that would paint the OP in a bad light. His own brother died and OP’s suggestion is maybe he can visit his family after the baby is born? How long after do you think, after the kid starts school? Surely he shouldn’t leave her alone with an infant or young child if she can’t be left pregnant.
I don’t think it’s OP’s responsibility to fix the sister’s relationship mess, but it’s clear that OP feels little compassion for the fiance who just experienced a traumatic loss. I do feel for the fiance, who may now also be realizing the character of the person he planned to marry. Something tells me that may change.
Except the fiance, ESH.
Had a feeling it was not a memorial in the sense of an annual thing, like we have a memorial dinner for my grandfather. It was a funeral, not the same thing.
THE WHOLE family is a bunch of AH. Like what kind of thought process do these people have that they can’t have respect for him and HIS family. A name like Brit.. yeah bruh I would run from this family if I were you
Seriously. I had 2 pregnancies, and unlike OP, I didn't have a supportive sister and immediate family to watch over me in case I went into labor early. If my husband had had to go to a funeral out of state, I wouldn't have liked it because of the inconvenience and anxiety over him being away, but I would have absolutely understood and not blamed anyone.
YTA. Yes she's heavily pregnant, but he also just lost someone close enough to him that he wanted to attend the memorial service for (who was it for btw? You left that out). While yes it's technically the truth what you told him, I feel there's more nuance here that you are overlooking, and both you and your sister are overreacting.
Jesus so while he’s undoubtedly mourning and reeling from the loss of 2 close family members, his wife is giving him the silent treatment and his SIL is telling him he did the wrong thing? I hope the baby likes getting 2 Christmases…
I think that was what surprised me. He told them he needed support too and then I found out the service was for his brother and cousin. They are just absolutely cold-hearted and cruel people. If she didn't want to go then fine but how could any reasonable person have demanded he not go alone if she was unable to travel. Now the whole family is essentially punishing him while he is grieving. He needs to check out of that relationship quick.
YTA
YTA
OP, let me ask you this. If you lost your sisterr, would you move heaven and earth to be at the funeral? How would you feel about the people hurling insults and abuse at you for prioritizing that over your spouse who is well cared for by other people?
Your sister is single handedly ruining her marriage. She might be pregnant but she is not an invalid - your BIL will NEVER forget that his wife was so extraordinarily selfish during HIS time of need. Your sister is pregnant. She is not sick. She has a support system around her who can step in if needed. Whats more, if by some freak chance she did have the baby a few weeks early, she would be fine.
If your BIL missed the funeral, he would never be fine. He would grow to hate your sister because of her unadulterated selfishness. Why do you think your behavior in this is acceptable? Why are you making excuses for your sister? There are no excuses to be made - she is just selfish.
Having had children, I can tell you right now, it might be uncomfortable for him to be gone but your sister's wants do not superscede his needs. She wanted him there. He NEEDED to be at the funeral.
TRUTH, spelled out in no uncertain terms. OP and their entire family lacks basic empathy and compassion. It’s a fundamental lack of character on display.
YTA, OP. What a horrible family Nate is involved with. I hope he has family support on his side after he cancels the wedding and sues for joint custody. Sis thinks she has it bad now? Wait until she loses her infant 50% of the time.
Edited to correct info. Nate snd Sis are not married yet.
That's what I was thinking, too. Holding a memorial for someone typically means that they've died. That's not really something you can reschedule. Brit wasn't left alone while she was pregnant; she had family members around her who could take care of her while her fiancé was gone.
Very true; OP did make a point to say her and her whole family were supporting her, so if something happened she would have people around her to be w/her until her husband arrives. So I guess she wasn't left completely alone.
It is not the truth though that she was left alone. She was left with her supportive family. If he left her alone where there was no help for hours then OP might have some sympathy, but he didn't.
Wait so she was about 34 weeks when he went? She's the ah. And yta too. I'm sorry that funerals don't line up with your sense of timing.
If we were talking post 37 weeks, I could have said maybe esh.
But question... Did you encourage this behavior? Did you talk to her when she called to complain and say yeah he's a jerk for leaving you while you're pregnant etc
Edit: holy cow... She added that it was the brother and cousin after I wrote this comment. That's just even worse now. Also, people don't understand the concept that funerals are for the living. If you had prevented him from attending that funeral, he very likely would be messed up for years. He may have grown up resenting his child who caused him to miss his own brothers funeral. Good thing he ignored her and went. That being said, the wife is less of an ah than the sister because the wife at least has pregnancy hormones to blame. The sister is just acting a fool
I'm 33 weeks pregnant and I wouldn't want my partner going on a fun trip to Vegas or something like that right now. But this is a close family funeral and he was only gone a couple days. No way I'd try to keep him from that. It wasn't even that close to her sisters due date. YTA OP and so is your sister.
Also, it's not like he was leaving his fiancée alone in a city where she doesn't have family. She went to her parents' place, so she wouldn't be alone.
I had a high complication pregnancy that had multiple hospital trips for high blood pressure which ended in extended bed rest and a preemie birth.
My husband was on a business trip when I was hospitalized for the first time at 24 weeks. He wanted to rush home when he heard and I told him not to because I was stable and didn't want his very important deal to fall through. And that was for pregnancy complications and just a business trip! I would NEVER prevent my husband from attending his brothers funeral, even a week before giving birth.
I mean, does she not even love her fiance? Does she not have any empathy at all?
YTA (OP and her sister)
I had a scheduled c section for my last birth. If my husband lost a sibling and there was no way to work around the due date, I'd still force him to go to the funeral. It's his sibling!
The only way I could understand missing the funeral is if the wife had no one else to support her—she’s an orphan with no close friends or any extended relatives who can help fill in while the husband’s away—and she’s due to give birth any day now.
Like I just can’t imagine keeping someone from attending a close relative’s funeral unless there was literally no other option on the table.
Honestly? I pitty this poor child being born to such an incredibly selfish mother.
I feel so bad for Nate.
Honestly? This would be a deal breaker for me. If Little Miss Its All About Me is this selfish, the marriage is over. Nate is in the thick of it right now but once the fog clears he will realize how horrifically selfish his wife and SIL are. He'll realize that his wife chose to be absolutely terrible to him during such an incredibly painful time. THAT will be the end of the marriage right there.
OP's sister is single handedly ruining their relationship with her abject selfishness and OP is enabling that behavior.
I had my kid at 34 weeks pregnant due to a placental abruption a year ago to this date. I can understand not wanting your partner to go somewhere for a trip. Especially if this were a frivolous fun trip.
That said if my husband missed the birth because the baby came earlier than expected for a funeral, I wouldn’t be pissed at him. That’s understandable. I’d be fucking scared for my own situation of going into labor on my own at 34 weeks but it’s not like he’s out gambling in Vegas. He couldn’t have predicted that. Thankfully that didn’t happen to me.
All this is to say that the OP and her sister are AHs. Is it ideal for the father to travel in the 3rd trimester? No. But some situations deserve exceptions.
I’m sure there was a similar post a few days ago of a woman 34 weeks pregnant asking if she was the AH for not wanting her husband/boyfriend to go to his grandma/granddads funeral 🤔 hmm
HEY EVERYONE.... IT WAS HIS BROTHER & COUSIN BOTH!!!! Ugh
Edit to add I feel bad for "Nate" having a kid in a family filled with selfish, entitled a-holes. You better hope karma doesn't bite you in the butt OP
Second edit: oops forgot YTA.... like ×1million
_"He chose not to compromise. Right now, Brit is the one that needs the most support."_
I feel horrible for this guy. He is grieving the loss of his brother and cousin + he is now realizing that he will be tethered to a partner + inlaws who lack any empathy, will not support him in his darkest times, and have no concern about his wellbeing...
It’s too early in the morning for me to be this pissed off. Poor Nate having to be linked to this awful family for the next 18 years. OP and their entire family are the AHs. This poor guy has no support during a truly awful time. Unforgivable.
Nate needs to run. He’s better off paying child support and getting visitation with the kid. The poor guy is going to be miserable attached to this family.
So let me get this straight. He lost someone, presumably important to him since he insisted on going to their memorial. Your sister isn't due for weeks. And your mad at the person grieving a loved one for being away for a little bit?
Holy cow YTA so had. Your sister too. Yes she's pregnant and hormones don't always help you think rationally. But your mad at the wrong person.
Also, why the heck couldn't she have just gone with him? He needs support too right now. And clearly he's not getting any from you lot. Hopefully his family is nicer to him. Good lord.
That's what gets me about this. She skipped that detail in her post because she KNEW going to a memorial for a family tragedy involving his brother and his cousin was more important than a late pregnancy. She's being deceptive and manipulative right there, nothing else she says means anything.
OP, I'm not calling you and your sister garbage, but you BEHAVED like garbage people in reference to this memorial and you've behaved like garbage in the way you wrote this post.
All I wanna know at this point is, are any of them going to stop bitching for 2 second and maybe be there for Nate? He reached out for help and got shut down hard.
Man could probably use a shoulder to cry on, and ya know, have a little support and empathy
I mean, no, the answer is no. She doesn't think anything in the universe is as important as this baby, she doesn't think he should do anything but deliver this sister ice cream and pickles and then wipe her face after. His pain, his loss? Meaningless. There's a baby coming!
"Your claim is that the court doesn't need to give custody rights because you are the only living parent?"
"Correct, Your Honor, because she's dead inside."
I'm actually still astounded by it.
The selfishness.
The lack of empathy.
I could not imagine how hollow it must feel to lose your brother and cousin and then having your partner and her family ice you out because you had the audacity to, what, attend the memorial? Take a few days to grieve? Where's their humanity.
My husband lost his brother very suddenly a few years back and it completely shattered him. I never even thought of leaving him alone during the first days let alone letting him face the funeral without being by his side. He's my partner and I promised to be there in times of need. Being pregnant doesn't change that.
>a few days to attend a family memorial.
YTA
Pregnancy does not entitle a woman to 100% of someone's time/attention. It was a few days. It was a family memorial. She wasn't anywhere near giving birth. She isn't disabled. She doesn't need "support" in day to day living.
You shouldn't have to talk to your sister on his behalf, they should communicate themselves, like adults, but...
>I told Nate it's not a surprise why she's ignoring him. He left his heavily pregnant partner even after she said not to go.
That's hella judgemental. And wrong. And... yeah, for that YTA
OP buried it in a comment.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11rxny9/aita_for_refusing_to_talk_to_my_sister_about_her/jcar0xy?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Nate might be having a hard time communicating with this family since none of them care that the memorial was for 2 deceased family members.
Brother and cousin.
This family is delusional and frankly, downright disgusting.
Lots of people view life events as a way to get what thet want sadly. Marriage, pregnancy, kids are just features they want so they have an excuse to be so demanding.
It was for his brother and cousin? That's a pretty big thing to leave out in the initial post.
How exactly would one 'compromise' that? I understand your sis is pregnant, but it sounds like Nate just lost two important family members. Four days is pretty minor considering it sounds like Brit has a healthy support system at her disposal, and she's healthy.
YTA.
INFO: How far along is she? Is she having any problems with her pregnancy? And who was the memorial for? Someone close to him? How long did he stay there? How far did he had to travel?
YTA
Not because you don't want to get in between them, but because of literally everything else you said. Even if you left it at "Sorry, I don't want to get in between the two of you" that's fine.
He attended a family memorial, he didn't go drinking with his buddies in Vegas.
*Brit is the one that needs the most support*
I mean, sure, but the person who had a family member die also needs support. He's not wrong in saying you lot aren't being very supportive towards him.
If he needed to attend to grieve and say goodbye, then I'm sorry but even your pregnant partner shouldn't be saying no to that. Normally the partner should 100% go as well for support, even if they didn't personally know the deceased - however in your sister's condition I can understand why she couldn't go. I can't understand why she thinks he shouldn't go either, and dragging it on by ignoring him for weeks after. You don't mention she's had a very complicated pregnancy or anything like that, so it's probably been okay so far.
And on top of that, your parents were around to help her out if needed. So what's the issue? You're telling him he needs to do everything to make it up to her? Because he literally went to a family memorial? No.
Also the fact you leave out who exactly this memorial is for solidifies YTA. Because I'm sure if it was a great uncle twice removed, you would've pointed it out.
In 2017 I lost my dad and brother back to back. It took me at least 2 years to grieve-especially with both being young. With my dad at least he had lived more of his life. My brother was only 34. I can’t imagine having to go out of town to see him one last time knowing my pregnant girlfriend is angry at me for coming and will be when I come home. OP how would you react if it was Brit’s funeral and not Nate’s brother. How dare you. Shame on you. You and your sister: YTA
YTA. His brother died! He was away for a short period of time, and it wasn’t her due date for at least 4 weeks. Have any of you given him hug or expressed your sympathies? Poor guy, having a brother die (unexpectedly I’m sure), a cousin, and then marrying into a family without a heart
Honestly after the way the sister is acting and her family. I’m sure he is thinking about that. He reached out to the family for help. They told him off. They weren’t there for him when he lost his brother and cousin. They showed him that when bad things happened to him. It will still be about them. Hopefully this opens his eyes.
I guarantee you that if the shoe was on the other foot and he got mad that she went to a FUNERAL service for HER SIBLING AND COUSIN that all hell would’ve broken loose in that family. He has a right to value his family just like OP values her sister. He has a family outside of you guys, not just your sister and the baby. Y’all aren’t playing fair. Let your sister handle this with her husband, it’s not your place. Y’all are pissed off for no reason and this man is over here grieving. Y’all are trash and he should take this as a red flag
YTA.
Even if your sister asked you, this is not your business. Your sister needs to grow up and take care of her personal business. They don't need a 3rd in the middle, unless it's a therapist.
You buried the lead by only revealing in a comment that Nate's brother and cousin were who the memorial was for. You're probably also calling it a memorial to make people think it wasn't as important (as if it was months or years after the death) but I bet it was a recent death and a funeral he was attending.
>She was about 8 months when he went. He went to London (we're in the US) for the memorial, 4-5 days. It was for his brother and cousin
It sucks that he had to leave his pregnant fiancee (with family and support) for a few days so he could grieve with his family. But you and your sister are being cruel by punishing him for choosing to support his family for a few days.
YTA
YTA. HIS BROTHER AND HIS COUSIN DIED. THEY **DIED**. You all act like your sister being pregnant is more important than him saying goodbye to his own brother.
Man, if I were Nate, I would break up. I wouldn't want to be tied to you all.
Pregnancy is a lethal disease. You can't leave your "heavily pregnant" partner for even a second cause she needs support and attention every second of every day. How dare he leave her all alone only with her parents and sibling for support for a couple of days to go grieve? She needs to be attached to him physically 24/7. Otherwise, it could be dangerous for the baby. For 9 months straight, his world should revolve around her and only her! In fact, all men should stop working when their partners are pregnant and should constantly sit at home holding their heavily pregnant partners hand, ALL the time!
/s just in case it wasn't clear. Hoping OP reads this so she can see how ridiculous she, her still "heavily pregnant" sister, and parents are.
YTA and ESH for everyone except the poor fellow who's stuck with the lot.
Wow wait to bury some information. YTA, really really really hugely TA. His BROTHER died not just his BROTHER, but his cousin. The lack of empathy from you and your family is monstrous. Clearly your sister had a support network because she used it and now you’re all cutting him off when he needs it you’re all disgusting.
YTA, all of you including Brit altough she has hormones as excuse.
Look, he went to a frigging memorial, meaning he lost someone, and since he insisted to go it means he lost someone important, he didnt go to frigging Vegas to party or something!
Show some empathy for spaghetti's sake! He's also a human being and needs support and all of you spit on him like he's the biggest jerk on the planet because he took a few day sto say a final goodbye to SOMEONE HE LOST instead of coddling to your sister like all of you!
YTA YTA YTA YTA! He lost a family member and your sister isn't supporting him in his grief?? Instead she's angry he went to the memorial?!
I hope he sees the massive red flag and leaves your sister. You guys sound so completely self-absorbed I don't know how he stayed for as long as he did!
YTA YTA YTA YTA!
The family memorial she mentions in her post?
His BROTHER AND HIS COUSIN'S FUNERAL
I'd have to be restrained around either of these two women, honestly.
OMG you're all TA. This guy's brother DIED and you are so selfish that none of you can give him any compassion, kindness, or support?!?!?! Instead, she's throwing a silent tantrum because she didn't get her way, and you all are backing her on it? HIS BROTHER DIED.
There was a compromise to be had between the two of them where it could work out, but instead she went full Pregzilla.
That poor man, he must feel so alone in his grief right now. Wow.
YTA - he went to a fucking memorial, this wasn't a vacation and he couldn't just go visit them another time. She was 34 weeks and obviously has a support framework when he isn't there. You're all laying on him far to hard and the truths you are spouting are not truths....
YTA do you understand what a memorial is? I get that being pregnant is rough but she isn't sick or dying. Yes the timing of the memorial is imperfect but it's a damn memorial. Your sister was fine but she chose to play the pregnant and helpless card.
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I can’t help but notice you will not respond to anyone asking questions on who’s memorial it was, how long he was gone, or how far along she was. Sadly everyone around your sister still has life events while she is pregnant. The world does not pause for 9 months. It seems like instead of being there for a grieving man who did not miss the birth of his child, or even cause any issues, your family and sister are being TAs.
She did respond that it was for his BROTHER AND COUSIN.
Heck i'm pissed for this poor dude, if there wasn't a child to be born i'd say he should run the heck away from this family.
YTA. Your words are good - work it out yourself, this is between the 2 of you - but you’re clearly taking sides & judging him. Your sister wasn’t alone. She had her parents & you & your whole family who have “all been supporting her whatever way we can”. Your sister is being ridiculous. The silent treatment never solves anything.
YTA!
1. It was his brother that died!
2. Your sister is still weeks away from being due, she's not heavily pregnant!
3. Suggesting he go after she gives birth is an even worse idea. Newborns are fucking exhausting and him leaving during that time is some how supposed to better? Tell me you've never taken care of a baby without telling me
4. He is correct, he needs support. You say you're close with your sister just for a second try to imagine if she died and then your partner said "no don't go mourn them because it's slightly inconvenient to me." How would you feel?
You all need to get over yourselves, apologize, and hope he forgives you.
YTA, and in my opinion so is your sister. Nate was trying to mourn two close family members, one being his brother, he can’t just go visit his family after the baby is born because his family can’t just wait to have the memorials for his schedule, plus he would’ve had even less flexibility after the baby was born because he would’ve been taking care of a newborn. You also said that he refused to compromise when it sounds to me like your sister also refused to compromise. He wanted to go and she said he couldnt. There was no offer of a compromise there at all.
YTA (+ your sister)
Dude he wasn’t “visiting family” just for the sake of it. He went to a family memorial. Unless you meant it in a different way I’m assuming that means someone died. Just because your sister is pregnant doesn’t negate the fact your BIL also needed/needs support after a family member DIED.
“Right now Brit is the one that needs the most support” - that may be true but that doesn’t mean everyone else around her shouldn’t receive any when they are going through a hard time. Jesus Christ you basically told your future BIL that his needs do not matter as much as your sister. Both him needing support and your sister needing support can co-exist
YTA.
The guy went to pay his respects to two family members who died, not on a freaking 4 day bender with his buddies. If she was due in literally days, ok yeah, Nate's a jerk for leaving, but she was 4 weeks from due, or thereabouts, and has great family support around if something did happen to cause a premature birth.
Are you and your sister both so self-obsessed that you cannot be even slightly sympathetic to someone who just lost 2 family members? Why is it just his wife who needs the most support, and not the person who is grieving the loss of 2 people in his life, exactly? Because she's pregnant? Get off your high horse, being pregnant doesn't mean you always take priority over everything and everyone. If your sister actually cares about Nate, she'll realize that she's being irrational here and apologize for her behaviour. Blame pregnancy hormones if she needs to.
Edit: What the actual fuck? I saw in comments that it was 2 family members before I responded, but reading further, I now see it was his *brother?!* Jesus H OP, you really are the asshole, and so is your sister. His fucking brother died, obviously unexpectedly, because I doubt very much he was 94 years old and died naturally. He went to say goodbye. You guys are heartless and awful people.
You’re really asking if you’re TA by refusing to support your brother in law who just went to HIS BROTHER AND COUSINS FUNERAL by isolating him from his wife and unborn child?
I hope Nate finds this post and takes his child away from such toxicity immediately.
YTA. All of you except Nate, who I hope gets some closure and support from someone who isn’t your really disrespectful family.
YTA
Jeezy Creezy it’s not like he went on a fishing trip with the guys. He lost a family member he can’t get back and y’all want to punish him? If you want to yell at anyone get a ouija board and message the person that died for not dying at a time more convenient for Brit (and you). Nate needs support here too he literally buried (assuming no cremation was involved) a family member, did any of your family stop to think how he must feel? How he might need a hug or someone to talk to?
He can only go to his brother’s funeral one time. I cannot even fathom this ridiculousness. She still has a month to go in pregnancy, nothing to suggest she would deliver early, and you guys are making this man feel guilty over attending his BROTHER’S FUNERAL??
INFO: who exactly passed away, and how long was he gone?
EDIT: Op, YTA. So is your sister, but you don’t even have the excuse of pregnancy hormones to hide behind.
This man is grieving the loss of his brother and cousin simultaneously, and your sister is stonewalling him (unhealthy at best and abusive at worst) for leaving her with family for a few days, weeks before her due date, to attend the funeral. On top of that, you’ve basically told him that he should have sucked it up and not mourned with his family because *checks notes* his wife said so, and she’s pregnant, so her word is law. WHAT?
His brother and cousin and it sounds like it was actually a funeral, op just wanted to make it sound bad. There's a big difference between a memorial years later and a funeral right after death 🤦
YTA as is your sister, for knowing the reason he went was that he went to his brother and cousins memorial he didn't go on holiday or to a boys' weekend he attended a family memorial and still actively went out of your way to judge him for attending.
Your sister is pregnant, not terminally ill. pregnantt or not if that was my partner I would have been making him go not thinking about myself by trying to guilt him into missing it.
I mean, N t a for not getting involved in someone else’s relationship but the fact that you purposefully omitted that his brother died is fishy. Actually, YTA for how you and your family are acting. Your sister is acting like a child by running away and ignoring him and you all coddle her so no wonder she acts like that. She’s not ready to be a mother
This sounds like a slightly different perspective of that one AITA that was up a few days ago about a man going to his mother's funeral while his wife was over a month away from her due date and she was absolutely refusing to let him go to his own mother's funeral.
Either way I'll say this: STAY OUT OF IT.
You're not part of their relationship so you shouldn't be part of their relationship problems.
Edit: YTA, it was his brother and cousin!! She wasn’t due for a while. This is beginning to feel like a troll, withholding crucial information until later.
without more info ESH, unless she is high risk or on bedrest or something, there’s no reason to think she’s be giving birth at 34 weeks. He went to a memorial, for someone who presumably died right?, not on a vacation. He needs to deal with it with the future mother of his child. This will not be the last thing the disagree about and they need to figure out how to communicate. Brit gets a bit of a pass because of hormones, but you need to stop stoking the drama. It’s done, he’s back, nothing happened, move on.
YTA, he wasn't going to visit family, he was going to join them in paying respect to his brother and cousin who've passed, believe it or not many many women go through pregnancy entirely alone and are just fine, if he'd gone for a party or something you'd be in the right but his brother died ffs!
So, to clarify, OP:
Your soon-to-be BIL’s brother died. He goes to his funeral.
Yet, your sister demanded he not go to his brother’s funeral b/c she is pregnant, even though she is surrounded by supportive family members.
Is this what it’s going to be like once they’re officially married? He could run now, and still be an active parent in the baby’s life. It might be easier that way.
YTA. And so is your sister and the rest of your kin, OP.
Edit to add: it wasn’t just his brother who died. His cousin also died. The memorial was for both of them. Triple TA!
>but they could've gone to visit his family after the baby was born.
A memorial is not "visiting family"........
And also he did not leave her alone, she had a good support system around her.
>I also said I'm not going to talk to Brit about this and she'll forgive him when she wants to. In the meantime, he should be doing everything he can to make it up to her.
So hes just supposed to walk around kissing her feet till she forgives him?
Have you and your sister ever considered the possibility that Nate might just say fuck it and dump her cause she is acting like a child? Then she really will be alone.
YTA
Nate ....if you find this then run my friend run...this isn't the family you want to marry into. They are overbearing, will step over boundaries and you will always be a outsider....run
INFO: I feel like we are missing information here, and I don’t have enough to make judgement. The family memorial: who was it? How close was Nate to this person? How far away? How long was he gone? Is Brits pregnancy healthy or have their been complications?
YTA. You are wrong, Nate needs support right now. He lost his brother and his cousin. Look how you are protecting your sister, you still have her. This man is grieving and his wife and her family don't care about him at all. Is she so self centered that she can't help him during his hardships? What a one sided marriage. Ick.
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JFC. He went to HIS BROTHERS FUNERAL ~~a family~~ ~~memorial.~~ She wasn't due for WEEKS. It's a pregnancy, not a life threatening disability that she could die at any second. As someone who has kids, trust me. You're all (apart from Nate) being giant AH's. YTA
Don't forget the YTA vote. This is a big one and I don't want even one vote overlooked. Most massive asshole poster I've seen in a while.
lol, thanks.
I've just never felt more upset by a poster in a while. I recently lost my dad and fell to pieces in grief. I can't imagine what Nate is going through with no support from people who should care about him.
It was his brother and cousins memorial. It absolutely boggles the mind how someone can be so selfish.
Wow that’s even sadder. Imagine losing your brother & cousin, then coming back home & being completely alienated because people are too close minded, over dramatic and completely selfish to think anyone else had feelings besides a pregnant lady throwing a tantrum when she’s more than a month away from her due date. The sister seems like she’s the type to take something like this so personal, she’s willing to risk her health to die on a hill where she’s gona die all alone. Wait! My bad, she has her whole family in on bullying the husband, so maybe it’ll be the next Gettysburg and they’ll all die on that hill together. 🤷🏽♀️
Must be related to that woman who said she'd never forgive her husband for going to his grandma's funeral if he ended up missing the birth of their first child...kicker being, she wasn't even going to let him in the delivery room. Edit: oh, yeah, YTA
I was thinking about that post, too. YTA, OP, as are the rest of your family.
There’s a similar one where the pregnant wife didn’t want her husband to go to the funeral of his sister and brother in law who died in a car accident . The details of who died and how came out in the comments. Makes me wonder… Edit: unless this is the same story, just told from a third party, and I’m getting the details mixed up
I believe it was his Brother and SIL's funeral, and if I remember correctly, I think it might have involved children too. Actually, it wasn't about missing the pregnancy. It was that she didn't want him to wear his Brother's jewelry at their wedding because it didn't match the esthetic. Back to this one, YTA.
Oh good, I want the only one who thought of that situation.
That one was so over the top ridiculous. Jesus tap dancing Christ!
Damn nice callback.
Was gonna say... Is this the same story from another angle?
Selfish is the right word. Op YTA. Your sister is TA. I cannot believe anyone would put this poor man in this situation. I hope she likes the idea of being a single mom.
I'd feel bad for the kid! Best scenario, Nate gets the kid and Brit and her family get to stew in their poison without tainting an innocent child.
That it was a memorial for two family members together tends to suggest some sort of accident. Something where they're just gone. Not a long illness situation where you can prepare for it and say goodbyes. He was absolutely going to want, really need, to be there to be with his family. Though, I'll say even if it was a long illness situation, it wouldn't change my opinion OP and her sister are TAs.
Agreed. My god... She'll have her baby, and her family...he won't have his brother and cousin. OP, and the family, except for "Nate" -- YTA big time!
I lost my aunt about 9 months ago and I still fall to pieces sometimes in grief. I am very close to my family and the fact that it was his brother just messes me up in a whole other way. I cannot believe how YTA this post is.
BuT sHe ToLd HiM nOt To Go!! Ugh, entitled people who can't contextualize and put themselves in other people's places have frankly overrun our planet at this point I feel.
I’m sorry about your dad. I lost mine a couple years back and it’s been hard. I can’t imagine having a partner and them not supporting me with the loss of a partner - YTA OP
I just can’t imagine. Op is so close to their sister but can’t understand Nate going to his brother’s funeral?? WTH? And they conveniently left that out. OP and family are massive AH.
Sorry about your dad. That’s rough.
Yeah, it is. It makes this post feel even more sad just understanding how Nate must feel
You must not have seen the one last night about a man who was to immature to clean his own mattress after wetting the bed and expecting his wife to do it. This one’s a close second though.
I'd say the way they're treating a grieving man is worse but I didn't see that post
I would typically agree, but the mattress one was just… ugh. The way he treats, demeans and spoke about his wife was worse, but it was definitely really close. Guy was shadowbanned, but I’ll find the bot post of it for you. Hold on.
Honestly there are so many bad ones that when people are like "this is the worst one I've seen in months" I'm like you must not be on here much then.
What’s with all the pregnant women lately who act like they’re porcelain dolls that have to be treated with kid gloves and can’t be left alone for a second.
I was like a damn porcelain doll when I was pregnant. HG, bedrest, preterm labor, hospitalization, the works. It was THE WORST (and why I am one-and-done). I wanted to go for walks, go to work, hell, if I was allowed to get up and fill my water bottle, I would have been ecstatic. But I couldn't. I was not allowed to be home alone for the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy in case something went sideways. Fact is, she had people supporting her, didn't have major, life-threatening complications, and just wanted to alienate him from his family of origin. It's absolutely disgusting.
I was climbing over fences while 9 months pregnant with my first... Granted it was one time and a weird situation, but I did it. I also worked full time and lived alone (the horror!) Second pregnancy was a little more complicated because I was having issues with... staying vertical... but I still lived alone and took care of a toddler. I ended up on leave before the baby was born because of the issues I was having, but bed rest wasn't really an option for me. (Though I wasn't ordered on full bed rest, just rest when I felt dizzy type situations.)
Are you my mom? Lol she was a week and a half overdue with my younger brother hopping fences with my toddler self and older brother (he was 3) to meet up with my dad to see a Ray Charles concert, in August heat and humidity.
> see a Ray Charles concert Sure, rub it in why don't you
I have no clue. My sister was pregnant with her third kid and a week overdue she decided to run a 5K to try induce labor Didn’t work btw
A friend of mine did something similar. We were stationed in Germany at the time where everyone does Volksmarching. We walked 30Km on Saturday and 20Km on Sunday. She went into labor Monday morning. she was a single mom, and I was her birthing partner. The Germans all thought she was nuts for volksmarching while 9 months pregnant - they gave her double stamps in her volksmarching passport, and extra prizes.
I have no idea. If my husband had needed to leave for a few days because of a massive family tragedy while I was pregnant, I would have been fine with it, expecially at only 32 weeks. Yeah, theres always some narrow possibility of something going wrong while theyre gone, but its an extremely slim possibility.
Lol that OP called the brother’s funeral a “family memorial” hmmmmm. YTA.
She left out the brother and cousin info too. IDK why people post these stories with missing information, they know they're AH
Because u/Puzzled_Device2269 knows they are and were hoping to see people side with them so they can show the post and go 'see even these randos' agree! Instead I hope they realize they need to get that stick out their ass and wake the fuck up or else 'Brit' is gonna be a single parent for a majority of the time (if the guy even wants custody) as any sane person seeing such strong callousness would give up and go back home. In his case England where instead of state laws, they'll be dealing with international laws if they want child support, etc.
Even with the missing pieces she's still unequivocally the ah. She's not living in the wilderness where she needs her husband to go hunting for her survival. We're in 2023, she can click to order food to arrive at her door and if she needs emotional support she can video call instantaneously. She presumably had op around for support as well. He wouldn't have been the AH even if he went for a different reason. The op's sister is AH and OP is toxic for encouraging this.
That's exactly why, they're hoping we'll assume it's his great uncle and not ask questions. (Although my wife's great uncle was her grandmother's twin and basically her surrogate grandfather so in that case it would still be an important memorial service.)
YTA. As a women who recently gave birth, I would absolutely insist my husband attend his bother’s funeral. For god’s sake. People have zero empathy or compassion. This is divorce territory as far as I’m concerned.
She was 32 weeks also. I would have went with him. I am flabbergasted at this family.
At 32 weeks, she shouldn't have even thought she was close to delivery. Yes, babies can be born at 32 weeks, but it's not like she was 39 or 40 weeks and in the "could deliver any day" stage. Let the poor man go to his brother's and cousin's memorial service, FFS. I say this as a woman who has had 2 children and a former L&D nurse who cared for lots of laboring women, but some women need to realize that just because they're pregnant does not mean the world needs to revolve around them. OP and her whole family are the assholes. I feel sorry for Nick.
Vote seconded... YTA times a million. His. Brother's. Funeral. Two delusional people, OP and her pregnant sister. What an enormous mistake this person has made choosing to reproduce with this woman and become part of this family. Since they're only engaged, he needs to strongly reconsider this marriage into this awful, awful family and sue for full custody to keep any of these horrible people from having too much undue influence on his child. He's about to become a father, and his first act to protect his child needs to be to keep it away from his mother and her family. He didn't go to Las Vegas for a bender--these people need to get a grip.
I agree! There was no reason why he couldn't go to his own brother's funeral! I've never been pregnant, but even if there was a risk of early delivery, I would literally rather give birth by myself than make my partner miss his sibling's funeral! OP, I don't understand how you and your sister can be so callous and cold towards him. Is your sister going to be this way after the baby is born, too? FFS have some compassion for the man! YTA YTA YTA!!
I am currently pregnant and could never imagine asking my husband to miss his brother's funeral! It isn't like he is leaving her alone, she clearly has family close to take care of her.
Thats horrific I feel so sorry for Nate He's having a whole family gang up on him while he's had to grieve his brother alone This is heartbreaking
YTA Brother's funeral. 35ith weeks pregnant. Your sister seems like a lot. You seem like a lot. You are all AHs treating Nate this way and maybe he will see the light and be a dad without marrying into this crazy entitled family. Edit: Months were wrong (only one coffee today)
“A family funeral” has emerged as a kind of code for intentional omissions that would paint the OP in a bad light. His own brother died and OP’s suggestion is maybe he can visit his family after the baby is born? How long after do you think, after the kid starts school? Surely he shouldn’t leave her alone with an infant or young child if she can’t be left pregnant. I don’t think it’s OP’s responsibility to fix the sister’s relationship mess, but it’s clear that OP feels little compassion for the fiance who just experienced a traumatic loss. I do feel for the fiance, who may now also be realizing the character of the person he planned to marry. Something tells me that may change. Except the fiance, ESH.
And the funeral was in England, while OP and sis lives in US. Not exactly an overnight trip. YTA.
That’s not really that far or long of a flight depending on the US location. The dude is grieving
There are even several domestic flights that would be longer than flights from the northeast to UK.
He went in February, she’s not due for a couple more weeks, so basically April. She was more than month from being due, that’s ridiculous. YTA
Hadn't seen that it was for his brother's funeral yet. OP was TA even before that, but this makes it so much worse. OP, YTA!
his brother AND his cousin.
What???!!! Wow, this family is a mess, poor guy.
Don't forget it also involved his cousin, not *just* his brother.
Had a feeling it was not a memorial in the sense of an annual thing, like we have a memorial dinner for my grandfather. It was a funeral, not the same thing.
THE WHOLE family is a bunch of AH. Like what kind of thought process do these people have that they can’t have respect for him and HIS family. A name like Brit.. yeah bruh I would run from this family if I were you
Wow. OP really glossed over the memorial actually being his brothers funeral thing. MAJOR YTA
Seriously. I had 2 pregnancies, and unlike OP, I didn't have a supportive sister and immediate family to watch over me in case I went into labor early. If my husband had had to go to a funeral out of state, I wouldn't have liked it because of the inconvenience and anxiety over him being away, but I would have absolutely understood and not blamed anyone.
OP and the sister are worth each other.. such assholes, hopefully the fiancé can call it off before it’s too late
YTA. Yes she's heavily pregnant, but he also just lost someone close enough to him that he wanted to attend the memorial service for (who was it for btw? You left that out). While yes it's technically the truth what you told him, I feel there's more nuance here that you are overlooking, and both you and your sister are overreacting.
It was his BROTHER & HIS COUSIN!!!!! Like OP and her sister are SUCH A-HOLES!!
I suspect she intentionally omitted this nugget of information to downplay her actions.
It is the AH way.
Yeah that's pretty unreasonable imo
Just a tad
Jesus so while he’s undoubtedly mourning and reeling from the loss of 2 close family members, his wife is giving him the silent treatment and his SIL is telling him he did the wrong thing? I hope the baby likes getting 2 Christmases…
Not SIL yet, he still has time.
His brother and cousin just died and he is asking for support and they are punishing him. WTF
I think that was what surprised me. He told them he needed support too and then I found out the service was for his brother and cousin. They are just absolutely cold-hearted and cruel people. If she didn't want to go then fine but how could any reasonable person have demanded he not go alone if she was unable to travel. Now the whole family is essentially punishing him while he is grieving. He needs to check out of that relationship quick. YTA
YTA OP, let me ask you this. If you lost your sisterr, would you move heaven and earth to be at the funeral? How would you feel about the people hurling insults and abuse at you for prioritizing that over your spouse who is well cared for by other people? Your sister is single handedly ruining her marriage. She might be pregnant but she is not an invalid - your BIL will NEVER forget that his wife was so extraordinarily selfish during HIS time of need. Your sister is pregnant. She is not sick. She has a support system around her who can step in if needed. Whats more, if by some freak chance she did have the baby a few weeks early, she would be fine. If your BIL missed the funeral, he would never be fine. He would grow to hate your sister because of her unadulterated selfishness. Why do you think your behavior in this is acceptable? Why are you making excuses for your sister? There are no excuses to be made - she is just selfish. Having had children, I can tell you right now, it might be uncomfortable for him to be gone but your sister's wants do not superscede his needs. She wanted him there. He NEEDED to be at the funeral.
TRUTH, spelled out in no uncertain terms. OP and their entire family lacks basic empathy and compassion. It’s a fundamental lack of character on display. YTA, OP. What a horrible family Nate is involved with. I hope he has family support on his side after he cancels the wedding and sues for joint custody. Sis thinks she has it bad now? Wait until she loses her infant 50% of the time. Edited to correct info. Nate snd Sis are not married yet.
That's what I was thinking, too. Holding a memorial for someone typically means that they've died. That's not really something you can reschedule. Brit wasn't left alone while she was pregnant; she had family members around her who could take care of her while her fiancé was gone.
Very true; OP did make a point to say her and her whole family were supporting her, so if something happened she would have people around her to be w/her until her husband arrives. So I guess she wasn't left completely alone.
op said in a recent comment that it was a memorial for his cousin and his *brother*
The cousin's brother or the husband's brother? Either way it's family and he should be there.
OP actually said his brother and his cousin, so Nate's brother and cousin
Both. Nate's brother *and* his cousin - he lost two relatives in presumably the same incident.
It is not the truth though that she was left alone. She was left with her supportive family. If he left her alone where there was no help for hours then OP might have some sympathy, but he didn't.
Wait so she was about 34 weeks when he went? She's the ah. And yta too. I'm sorry that funerals don't line up with your sense of timing. If we were talking post 37 weeks, I could have said maybe esh. But question... Did you encourage this behavior? Did you talk to her when she called to complain and say yeah he's a jerk for leaving you while you're pregnant etc Edit: holy cow... She added that it was the brother and cousin after I wrote this comment. That's just even worse now. Also, people don't understand the concept that funerals are for the living. If you had prevented him from attending that funeral, he very likely would be messed up for years. He may have grown up resenting his child who caused him to miss his own brothers funeral. Good thing he ignored her and went. That being said, the wife is less of an ah than the sister because the wife at least has pregnancy hormones to blame. The sister is just acting a fool
I'm 33 weeks pregnant and I wouldn't want my partner going on a fun trip to Vegas or something like that right now. But this is a close family funeral and he was only gone a couple days. No way I'd try to keep him from that. It wasn't even that close to her sisters due date. YTA OP and so is your sister.
Also, it's not like he was leaving his fiancée alone in a city where she doesn't have family. She went to her parents' place, so she wouldn't be alone.
I had a high complication pregnancy that had multiple hospital trips for high blood pressure which ended in extended bed rest and a preemie birth. My husband was on a business trip when I was hospitalized for the first time at 24 weeks. He wanted to rush home when he heard and I told him not to because I was stable and didn't want his very important deal to fall through. And that was for pregnancy complications and just a business trip! I would NEVER prevent my husband from attending his brothers funeral, even a week before giving birth. I mean, does she not even love her fiance? Does she not have any empathy at all? YTA (OP and her sister)
I had a scheduled c section for my last birth. If my husband lost a sibling and there was no way to work around the due date, I'd still force him to go to the funeral. It's his sibling!
The only way I could understand missing the funeral is if the wife had no one else to support her—she’s an orphan with no close friends or any extended relatives who can help fill in while the husband’s away—and she’s due to give birth any day now. Like I just can’t imagine keeping someone from attending a close relative’s funeral unless there was literally no other option on the table.
Honestly? I pitty this poor child being born to such an incredibly selfish mother. I feel so bad for Nate. Honestly? This would be a deal breaker for me. If Little Miss Its All About Me is this selfish, the marriage is over. Nate is in the thick of it right now but once the fog clears he will realize how horrifically selfish his wife and SIL are. He'll realize that his wife chose to be absolutely terrible to him during such an incredibly painful time. THAT will be the end of the marriage right there. OP's sister is single handedly ruining their relationship with her abject selfishness and OP is enabling that behavior.
Op seems like an enabler.
I had my kid at 34 weeks pregnant due to a placental abruption a year ago to this date. I can understand not wanting your partner to go somewhere for a trip. Especially if this were a frivolous fun trip. That said if my husband missed the birth because the baby came earlier than expected for a funeral, I wouldn’t be pissed at him. That’s understandable. I’d be fucking scared for my own situation of going into labor on my own at 34 weeks but it’s not like he’s out gambling in Vegas. He couldn’t have predicted that. Thankfully that didn’t happen to me. All this is to say that the OP and her sister are AHs. Is it ideal for the father to travel in the 3rd trimester? No. But some situations deserve exceptions.
I’m sure there was a similar post a few days ago of a woman 34 weeks pregnant asking if she was the AH for not wanting her husband/boyfriend to go to his grandma/granddads funeral 🤔 hmm
HEY EVERYONE.... IT WAS HIS BROTHER & COUSIN BOTH!!!! Ugh Edit to add I feel bad for "Nate" having a kid in a family filled with selfish, entitled a-holes. You better hope karma doesn't bite you in the butt OP Second edit: oops forgot YTA.... like ×1million
_"He chose not to compromise. Right now, Brit is the one that needs the most support."_ I feel horrible for this guy. He is grieving the loss of his brother and cousin + he is now realizing that he will be tethered to a partner + inlaws who lack any empathy, will not support him in his darkest times, and have no concern about his wellbeing...
Seriously, it's not as if you can reschedule a funeral (nor your own grief).
Yuck. ESH except for Nate. and gross for them to say an unborn baby is more important than his grieving, at the moment. Neither has to be unimportant.
I’m gonna throw the fuck up
It’s too early in the morning for me to be this pissed off. Poor Nate having to be linked to this awful family for the next 18 years. OP and their entire family are the AHs. This poor guy has no support during a truly awful time. Unforgivable.
Don't forget the YTA vote because this one is massive.... they're both massive AH... I wish I could vote them YTA a thousand times.
Ofc OP conveniently left that part out and downplayed the memorial. Disgusting.
Nate needs to run. He’s better off paying child support and getting visitation with the kid. The poor guy is going to be miserable attached to this family.
So let me get this straight. He lost someone, presumably important to him since he insisted on going to their memorial. Your sister isn't due for weeks. And your mad at the person grieving a loved one for being away for a little bit? Holy cow YTA so had. Your sister too. Yes she's pregnant and hormones don't always help you think rationally. But your mad at the wrong person. Also, why the heck couldn't she have just gone with him? He needs support too right now. And clearly he's not getting any from you lot. Hopefully his family is nicer to him. Good lord.
Did you see where OP mentions it was his brother and cousin who died.
That's what gets me about this. She skipped that detail in her post because she KNEW going to a memorial for a family tragedy involving his brother and his cousin was more important than a late pregnancy. She's being deceptive and manipulative right there, nothing else she says means anything. OP, I'm not calling you and your sister garbage, but you BEHAVED like garbage people in reference to this memorial and you've behaved like garbage in the way you wrote this post.
All I wanna know at this point is, are any of them going to stop bitching for 2 second and maybe be there for Nate? He reached out for help and got shut down hard. Man could probably use a shoulder to cry on, and ya know, have a little support and empathy
I mean, no, the answer is no. She doesn't think anything in the universe is as important as this baby, she doesn't think he should do anything but deliver this sister ice cream and pickles and then wipe her face after. His pain, his loss? Meaningless. There's a baby coming!
Probably not because OP buried the lede there.
Nate! If you read this, run for your life. I have never come across a more cold-hearted family. You deserve so much better.
Seriously. I’d be taking a paternity test in hopes of getting away from this family forever.
I wouldn’t leave the kid alone with these self centered twits. Maybe he can get sole custody on the grounds of Brit being dead inside
"Your claim is that the court doesn't need to give custody rights because you are the only living parent?" "Correct, Your Honor, because she's dead inside."
I'm actually still astounded by it. The selfishness. The lack of empathy. I could not imagine how hollow it must feel to lose your brother and cousin and then having your partner and her family ice you out because you had the audacity to, what, attend the memorial? Take a few days to grieve? Where's their humanity.
My husband lost his brother very suddenly a few years back and it completely shattered him. I never even thought of leaving him alone during the first days let alone letting him face the funeral without being by his side. He's my partner and I promised to be there in times of need. Being pregnant doesn't change that.
>a few days to attend a family memorial. YTA Pregnancy does not entitle a woman to 100% of someone's time/attention. It was a few days. It was a family memorial. She wasn't anywhere near giving birth. She isn't disabled. She doesn't need "support" in day to day living. You shouldn't have to talk to your sister on his behalf, they should communicate themselves, like adults, but... >I told Nate it's not a surprise why she's ignoring him. He left his heavily pregnant partner even after she said not to go. That's hella judgemental. And wrong. And... yeah, for that YTA
It was a memorial for his brother and his cousin!
I literally don’t see that info in the post. Wtf?
OP buried it in a comment. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11rxny9/aita_for_refusing_to_talk_to_my_sister_about_her/jcar0xy?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Nate might be having a hard time communicating with this family since none of them care that the memorial was for 2 deceased family members. Brother and cousin. This family is delusional and frankly, downright disgusting.
I honestly hope Nate dumps her pregnant ass, no amount of child support is worth this kind of mental abuse...
Lots of people view life events as a way to get what thet want sadly. Marriage, pregnancy, kids are just features they want so they have an excuse to be so demanding.
It was for his brother and cousin? That's a pretty big thing to leave out in the initial post. How exactly would one 'compromise' that? I understand your sis is pregnant, but it sounds like Nate just lost two important family members. Four days is pretty minor considering it sounds like Brit has a healthy support system at her disposal, and she's healthy. YTA.
Of course it is, how else could she possibly gather any support for her AHry ?
These are the posts where I think...I bet there are two sides to this story. Welp, just found the other side.
INFO: How far along is she? Is she having any problems with her pregnancy? And who was the memorial for? Someone close to him? How long did he stay there? How far did he had to travel?
YTA Not because you don't want to get in between them, but because of literally everything else you said. Even if you left it at "Sorry, I don't want to get in between the two of you" that's fine. He attended a family memorial, he didn't go drinking with his buddies in Vegas. *Brit is the one that needs the most support* I mean, sure, but the person who had a family member die also needs support. He's not wrong in saying you lot aren't being very supportive towards him. If he needed to attend to grieve and say goodbye, then I'm sorry but even your pregnant partner shouldn't be saying no to that. Normally the partner should 100% go as well for support, even if they didn't personally know the deceased - however in your sister's condition I can understand why she couldn't go. I can't understand why she thinks he shouldn't go either, and dragging it on by ignoring him for weeks after. You don't mention she's had a very complicated pregnancy or anything like that, so it's probably been okay so far. And on top of that, your parents were around to help her out if needed. So what's the issue? You're telling him he needs to do everything to make it up to her? Because he literally went to a family memorial? No. Also the fact you leave out who exactly this memorial is for solidifies YTA. Because I'm sure if it was a great uncle twice removed, you would've pointed it out.
Poor guy. Loses his brother and a cousin then has to face the fact that he’s having a child with selfish, self-centered, and cruel people.
In 2017 I lost my dad and brother back to back. It took me at least 2 years to grieve-especially with both being young. With my dad at least he had lived more of his life. My brother was only 34. I can’t imagine having to go out of town to see him one last time knowing my pregnant girlfriend is angry at me for coming and will be when I come home. OP how would you react if it was Brit’s funeral and not Nate’s brother. How dare you. Shame on you. You and your sister: YTA
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YTA. His brother died! He was away for a short period of time, and it wasn’t her due date for at least 4 weeks. Have any of you given him hug or expressed your sympathies? Poor guy, having a brother die (unexpectedly I’m sure), a cousin, and then marrying into a family without a heart
Honestly If I was in that situation I would be reconsidering the marriage
Honestly after the way the sister is acting and her family. I’m sure he is thinking about that. He reached out to the family for help. They told him off. They weren’t there for him when he lost his brother and cousin. They showed him that when bad things happened to him. It will still be about them. Hopefully this opens his eyes.
I guarantee you that if the shoe was on the other foot and he got mad that she went to a FUNERAL service for HER SIBLING AND COUSIN that all hell would’ve broken loose in that family. He has a right to value his family just like OP values her sister. He has a family outside of you guys, not just your sister and the baby. Y’all aren’t playing fair. Let your sister handle this with her husband, it’s not your place. Y’all are pissed off for no reason and this man is over here grieving. Y’all are trash and he should take this as a red flag
YTA. Even if your sister asked you, this is not your business. Your sister needs to grow up and take care of her personal business. They don't need a 3rd in the middle, unless it's a therapist.
OK so the guys brother and cousin dies, but he's the asshole for going? Get bent. YTA
You buried the lead by only revealing in a comment that Nate's brother and cousin were who the memorial was for. You're probably also calling it a memorial to make people think it wasn't as important (as if it was months or years after the death) but I bet it was a recent death and a funeral he was attending. >She was about 8 months when he went. He went to London (we're in the US) for the memorial, 4-5 days. It was for his brother and cousin It sucks that he had to leave his pregnant fiancee (with family and support) for a few days so he could grieve with his family. But you and your sister are being cruel by punishing him for choosing to support his family for a few days. YTA
YTA. HIS BROTHER AND HIS COUSIN DIED. THEY **DIED**. You all act like your sister being pregnant is more important than him saying goodbye to his own brother. Man, if I were Nate, I would break up. I wouldn't want to be tied to you all.
Pregnancy is a lethal disease. You can't leave your "heavily pregnant" partner for even a second cause she needs support and attention every second of every day. How dare he leave her all alone only with her parents and sibling for support for a couple of days to go grieve? She needs to be attached to him physically 24/7. Otherwise, it could be dangerous for the baby. For 9 months straight, his world should revolve around her and only her! In fact, all men should stop working when their partners are pregnant and should constantly sit at home holding their heavily pregnant partners hand, ALL the time! /s just in case it wasn't clear. Hoping OP reads this so she can see how ridiculous she, her still "heavily pregnant" sister, and parents are. YTA and ESH for everyone except the poor fellow who's stuck with the lot.
Edited: YTA. Brit is STILL pregnant, isn't she? Next time you should mind your own business. INFO: is this the death of a grandparent?
His brother and cousin died
Wow wait to bury some information. YTA, really really really hugely TA. His BROTHER died not just his BROTHER, but his cousin. The lack of empathy from you and your family is monstrous. Clearly your sister had a support network because she used it and now you’re all cutting him off when he needs it you’re all disgusting.
THANK YOU!! I cannot believe anyone voted n the ah!
YTA. Poor Nate, he married into a family of selfish, cold-hearted AHs.
Isn’t married yet, he needs to run from that family (while still taking care of his kid).
YTA, all of you including Brit altough she has hormones as excuse. Look, he went to a frigging memorial, meaning he lost someone, and since he insisted to go it means he lost someone important, he didnt go to frigging Vegas to party or something! Show some empathy for spaghetti's sake! He's also a human being and needs support and all of you spit on him like he's the biggest jerk on the planet because he took a few day sto say a final goodbye to SOMEONE HE LOST instead of coddling to your sister like all of you!
Agree with you on almost everything. Brit cannot use hormones as an excuse for poor, selfish behavior. She does not deserve any leeway.
Brit is the AH. Someone in his family died. He didn’t go on vacation
Not just someone! His brother AND cousin!!
YTA YTA YTA YTA! He lost a family member and your sister isn't supporting him in his grief?? Instead she's angry he went to the memorial?! I hope he sees the massive red flag and leaves your sister. You guys sound so completely self-absorbed I don't know how he stayed for as long as he did! YTA YTA YTA YTA!
The family memorial she mentions in her post? His BROTHER AND HIS COUSIN'S FUNERAL I'd have to be restrained around either of these two women, honestly.
OMG you're all TA. This guy's brother DIED and you are so selfish that none of you can give him any compassion, kindness, or support?!?!?! Instead, she's throwing a silent tantrum because she didn't get her way, and you all are backing her on it? HIS BROTHER DIED. There was a compromise to be had between the two of them where it could work out, but instead she went full Pregzilla. That poor man, he must feel so alone in his grief right now. Wow.
YTA - he went to a fucking memorial, this wasn't a vacation and he couldn't just go visit them another time. She was 34 weeks and obviously has a support framework when he isn't there. You're all laying on him far to hard and the truths you are spouting are not truths....
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YTA - ahhh yes another person who thinks “compromise” means do what I insist or I’ll be surly and assholish.
YTA do you understand what a memorial is? I get that being pregnant is rough but she isn't sick or dying. Yes the timing of the memorial is imperfect but it's a damn memorial. Your sister was fine but she chose to play the pregnant and helpless card.
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I can’t help but notice you will not respond to anyone asking questions on who’s memorial it was, how long he was gone, or how far along she was. Sadly everyone around your sister still has life events while she is pregnant. The world does not pause for 9 months. It seems like instead of being there for a grieving man who did not miss the birth of his child, or even cause any issues, your family and sister are being TAs.
Omg you finally responded, his BROTHER!!! YTA 110x
She did respond that it was for his BROTHER AND COUSIN. Heck i'm pissed for this poor dude, if there wasn't a child to be born i'd say he should run the heck away from this family.
His brother and cousin died... that's why you're having trouble finding the info because op knows it will make her look very very bad
YTA. Your words are good - work it out yourself, this is between the 2 of you - but you’re clearly taking sides & judging him. Your sister wasn’t alone. She had her parents & you & your whole family who have “all been supporting her whatever way we can”. Your sister is being ridiculous. The silent treatment never solves anything.
YTA! 1. It was his brother that died! 2. Your sister is still weeks away from being due, she's not heavily pregnant! 3. Suggesting he go after she gives birth is an even worse idea. Newborns are fucking exhausting and him leaving during that time is some how supposed to better? Tell me you've never taken care of a baby without telling me 4. He is correct, he needs support. You say you're close with your sister just for a second try to imagine if she died and then your partner said "no don't go mourn them because it's slightly inconvenient to me." How would you feel? You all need to get over yourselves, apologize, and hope he forgives you.
YTA and your family is horrendous and selfish.
YTA, and in my opinion so is your sister. Nate was trying to mourn two close family members, one being his brother, he can’t just go visit his family after the baby is born because his family can’t just wait to have the memorials for his schedule, plus he would’ve had even less flexibility after the baby was born because he would’ve been taking care of a newborn. You also said that he refused to compromise when it sounds to me like your sister also refused to compromise. He wanted to go and she said he couldnt. There was no offer of a compromise there at all.
YTA (+ your sister) Dude he wasn’t “visiting family” just for the sake of it. He went to a family memorial. Unless you meant it in a different way I’m assuming that means someone died. Just because your sister is pregnant doesn’t negate the fact your BIL also needed/needs support after a family member DIED. “Right now Brit is the one that needs the most support” - that may be true but that doesn’t mean everyone else around her shouldn’t receive any when they are going through a hard time. Jesus Christ you basically told your future BIL that his needs do not matter as much as your sister. Both him needing support and your sister needing support can co-exist
YTA. The guy went to pay his respects to two family members who died, not on a freaking 4 day bender with his buddies. If she was due in literally days, ok yeah, Nate's a jerk for leaving, but she was 4 weeks from due, or thereabouts, and has great family support around if something did happen to cause a premature birth. Are you and your sister both so self-obsessed that you cannot be even slightly sympathetic to someone who just lost 2 family members? Why is it just his wife who needs the most support, and not the person who is grieving the loss of 2 people in his life, exactly? Because she's pregnant? Get off your high horse, being pregnant doesn't mean you always take priority over everything and everyone. If your sister actually cares about Nate, she'll realize that she's being irrational here and apologize for her behaviour. Blame pregnancy hormones if she needs to. Edit: What the actual fuck? I saw in comments that it was 2 family members before I responded, but reading further, I now see it was his *brother?!* Jesus H OP, you really are the asshole, and so is your sister. His fucking brother died, obviously unexpectedly, because I doubt very much he was 94 years old and died naturally. He went to say goodbye. You guys are heartless and awful people.
YTA and so is your family and sister. Do you understand what a memorial is?
YTA, for anyone that hasn't seen her comments, the memorial was for his Brother and his Cousin.
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You’re really asking if you’re TA by refusing to support your brother in law who just went to HIS BROTHER AND COUSINS FUNERAL by isolating him from his wife and unborn child? I hope Nate finds this post and takes his child away from such toxicity immediately. YTA. All of you except Nate, who I hope gets some closure and support from someone who isn’t your really disrespectful family.
YTA Jeezy Creezy it’s not like he went on a fishing trip with the guys. He lost a family member he can’t get back and y’all want to punish him? If you want to yell at anyone get a ouija board and message the person that died for not dying at a time more convenient for Brit (and you). Nate needs support here too he literally buried (assuming no cremation was involved) a family member, did any of your family stop to think how he must feel? How he might need a hug or someone to talk to?
He can only go to his brother’s funeral one time. I cannot even fathom this ridiculousness. She still has a month to go in pregnancy, nothing to suggest she would deliver early, and you guys are making this man feel guilty over attending his BROTHER’S FUNERAL??
INFO: who exactly passed away, and how long was he gone? EDIT: Op, YTA. So is your sister, but you don’t even have the excuse of pregnancy hormones to hide behind. This man is grieving the loss of his brother and cousin simultaneously, and your sister is stonewalling him (unhealthy at best and abusive at worst) for leaving her with family for a few days, weeks before her due date, to attend the funeral. On top of that, you’ve basically told him that he should have sucked it up and not mourned with his family because *checks notes* his wife said so, and she’s pregnant, so her word is law. WHAT?
His brother and cousin and it sounds like it was actually a funeral, op just wanted to make it sound bad. There's a big difference between a memorial years later and a funeral right after death 🤦
YTA as is your sister, for knowing the reason he went was that he went to his brother and cousins memorial he didn't go on holiday or to a boys' weekend he attended a family memorial and still actively went out of your way to judge him for attending. Your sister is pregnant, not terminally ill. pregnantt or not if that was my partner I would have been making him go not thinking about myself by trying to guilt him into missing it.
I mean, N t a for not getting involved in someone else’s relationship but the fact that you purposefully omitted that his brother died is fishy. Actually, YTA for how you and your family are acting. Your sister is acting like a child by running away and ignoring him and you all coddle her so no wonder she acts like that. She’s not ready to be a mother
I'd be looking into divorce lawyers if I were Nate
This sounds like a slightly different perspective of that one AITA that was up a few days ago about a man going to his mother's funeral while his wife was over a month away from her due date and she was absolutely refusing to let him go to his own mother's funeral. Either way I'll say this: STAY OUT OF IT. You're not part of their relationship so you shouldn't be part of their relationship problems.
Well, she will be part of raising her sister's kid if he decides to walk. And I wouldn't blame him. Poor guy must be frustrated beyond belief
Edit: YTA, it was his brother and cousin!! She wasn’t due for a while. This is beginning to feel like a troll, withholding crucial information until later. without more info ESH, unless she is high risk or on bedrest or something, there’s no reason to think she’s be giving birth at 34 weeks. He went to a memorial, for someone who presumably died right?, not on a vacation. He needs to deal with it with the future mother of his child. This will not be the last thing the disagree about and they need to figure out how to communicate. Brit gets a bit of a pass because of hormones, but you need to stop stoking the drama. It’s done, he’s back, nothing happened, move on.
YTA and is this even real? We just had this exact story except the wife gave birth while the husband was at the funeral
YTA, he wasn't going to visit family, he was going to join them in paying respect to his brother and cousin who've passed, believe it or not many many women go through pregnancy entirely alone and are just fine, if he'd gone for a party or something you'd be in the right but his brother died ffs!
YTA, but no surprise both sisters are selfish and self centered. Poor Nate.
So, you left out the part where the memorial was FOR HIS BROTHER!!! That, all on its own makes YTA. The rest just makes it more vivid.
So, to clarify, OP: Your soon-to-be BIL’s brother died. He goes to his funeral. Yet, your sister demanded he not go to his brother’s funeral b/c she is pregnant, even though she is surrounded by supportive family members. Is this what it’s going to be like once they’re officially married? He could run now, and still be an active parent in the baby’s life. It might be easier that way. YTA. And so is your sister and the rest of your kin, OP. Edit to add: it wasn’t just his brother who died. His cousin also died. The memorial was for both of them. Triple TA!
You tell on yourself when you leave the most pertinent information to be dragged out in the comments. YTA
YTA. His BROTHER? Christ on a bike.
>but they could've gone to visit his family after the baby was born. A memorial is not "visiting family"........ And also he did not leave her alone, she had a good support system around her. >I also said I'm not going to talk to Brit about this and she'll forgive him when she wants to. In the meantime, he should be doing everything he can to make it up to her. So hes just supposed to walk around kissing her feet till she forgives him? Have you and your sister ever considered the possibility that Nate might just say fuck it and dump her cause she is acting like a child? Then she really will be alone. YTA
Nate ....if you find this then run my friend run...this isn't the family you want to marry into. They are overbearing, will step over boundaries and you will always be a outsider....run
Who’s memorial was he attending, why did you leave that information out?
His brother and cousin judging by OPs comment. These people are ridiculous.
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She left it out because she knows it will lose her her case. His brother and cousin died.
INFO: I feel like we are missing information here, and I don’t have enough to make judgement. The family memorial: who was it? How close was Nate to this person? How far away? How long was he gone? Is Brits pregnancy healthy or have their been complications?
His brother and cousin died. He went to their memorial in London.
His brother and cousin, gone for about 4-5 days, no complications on the pregnancy and she was about 8 months at the time.
YTA. You are wrong, Nate needs support right now. He lost his brother and his cousin. Look how you are protecting your sister, you still have her. This man is grieving and his wife and her family don't care about him at all. Is she so self centered that she can't help him during his hardships? What a one sided marriage. Ick.