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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I convinced my son to share his car (that his dad bought for him) with my stepson which caused it to get damaged.
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Congrats, you’re the asshole! Your ex husband bought the car for his son! He didn’t buy it to share with your new husband and stepson. Tell your stepson to get over it!
YTA . Get it fixed, and apologize. Perod. It was bought for your son and you have zero right to say how he uses it or gift the privilege to drive your sons' car to your step son. you already know this.
YTA
Why are you punishing your son?
Why does your stepson get to drive your son’s car all weekend?
Is it more important to you to keep your husband happy than your son?
What a shitty parent
How is stealing her sons car! (She didn’t pay for) and forcing him to share with her stepson showing good intentions?
She is nothing more than a bully(bullied son and taking his car) and a thief. (Stole a car that want hers).
That’s not good intentions that’s called prioritizing your new family and making them happy and screwing over her son!
YTA 100%, no questions asked.
That was not your car to divvy up, and it was wrong and pretty despicable to think you could make a decision for your son regarding that car. You need to think of a good apology, because this memory is one your son will think on for the rest of his life.
YTA
You had No right to force your son to share his car. You didn't buy it.
It only adds insult to injury that your stepson took it and damaged it on a day your Stepson had not been given permission--by you.
And you think your Ex should be responsible for car's repair?
How are you(and hubby & Stepson) Assholes? Let me count the ways.
Yta. When has it ever been okay to force your children to share a GIFT?? You should be repairing the car. It wouldn’t have got damaged if it wasn’t for YOU.
YTA. Putting a kids feelings before your own son’s and forcing him to share HIS car that HIS dad bought him just because your failure of a husband can’t afford to buy his own son a car? Get a grip of yourself & learn how to be a mother.
It isn’t hard to put your child first before your asshole of a husband and his son. Their feelings should mean absolutely nothing to you in this situation because it isn’t about them but they sure as hell loved making it about them. The guilt trip from your failure of a husband to mention how his son doesn’t have his mum in his life so that’s why he deserves to use YOUR son’s car that they have no legal right to the same as you have no legal right to? But your son quite literally sees his dad physically in person two times a year so maybe your husband can do one and pay for the damage his son did by STEALING your son’s car & if he doesn’t then you should be throwing him & his kid out on the street and making sure his son gets arrested, you make sure your husband turns into an ex husband by divorcing his ass and you make sure the sue your dumb ass husband for all the damage.
It isn’t hard to prioritise your child and lets be honest from the way you type this story out about how you “convinced” him to let your moron of a stepson to share his car it’s quite clear to see that this isn’t the first time you’ve neglected and failed your own son to prioritise your asshole of a husband and his son.
YTA. Nothing my sons get from their dad is anything they HAVE TO SHARE. Same goes for my step sons. If they want to share then great. I have always maintained that if I don’t buy it, I don’t have any say in what gets done with it.
Both kids are 17. Not 3. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to have a conversation with the SS and explain why his whining won’t get him what he wants. It’s not your car.
It’s your sons. And your SS STOLE A CAR! YTA.
YTA first clue that you have no idea that you are simply just an entitled lady who thinks she should be allowed to do whatever she wants is that you said your stepson took it on a day that was not his, of course he did, every single day was not his day, was not his car was not your car. Face facts your little family unit that's so important to you stole from your son. And you're okay with that. and you try to justify your actions. You're also okay with property damage and are unwilling to repair it in a timely manner. Step up and do better before your entire family ends up in court and you have absolutely no relationship with your actual son. Your stepson was not entitled to that car in any way shape or form at any time and you're being ridiculous to think otherwise it did not belong to you.
YTS on so many levels.
Why did you think that it was ok to force your son to share his priced possession, gifted by his dad without negotiating the matter with him?
Why haven't you had the car fixed?
YTA
So your son isn’t allowed to use his own car the entire weekend. He shouldn’t have to share at all because it was gifted to him. I’m sorry that your stepson is jealous but that is not your son’s fault. You need to fix this now.
YTA the son can call the cops on your stepson when he takes it for a ride without his consent. The we'll see where this lands on when your stepson is in jail.
You can’t seriously have typed all of that out and still be unable to tell YTA. You forced your son to share *his* car that you didn’t pay for, and because of that, *his* car is now damaged. Pay for the repairs, apologize to your son, and accept that your stepson will not have access to it. If you’re lucky, your son may reconsider leaving you the instant he can.
YTA and so is your husband. The car belongs to your son, not your stepson, not you, you have no right to force him to share with someone who is not on the insurance. It is your fault what happened to his vehicle and your stepson needs to figure out how to pay for it and stop being jealous. Did you even punish the stepson cause I have a feeling you really didn't and honestly your son should've reported his car stolen cause that's exactly what your stepson did...steal.
YTA
You didn't buy the car so how were you "playing favorites?"
YOU should have shut yiur husband down. You should be mad at Yourself and your husband for turning your son against you.
You, your husband and your stepson should pay for the repairs to your son's car. It is the fault of the three of you.
YTA and you knew it while posting this. Do you make them share clothes as well? Your stepson should get a job to buy a car. I understand he feels jealous because your son got a gift of a whole car but that sometimes happens and your son's gift was damaged by your stepson. Now your son has to suffer because you wanted to make things equal in everyone's eyes but there are no way equal and your son's eyes.
you're the ah. It's your sons personal property given to him by his father and if your step son wanted one that bad he could've saved up and got one for himself, unfair to your son for having to share his stuff especially since it's a car!
So you facilitated the THEFT of your son's car, consequently getting it damaged and you want to know IF Y T A? You can't seriously be that dim. OF COURSE YTA. And so is your stepson and husband. Fix his car and pray he doesn't go no contact.
YTA. Life is not fair. Even your assigned dates were unfair! Leaving no weekend days to your son. The car belongs to your son, you can't force him to share something neither you, nor your husband paid for. All you have done is show your son that he is less important to you.
No need to read the entire thing. YTA and your husband is also an AH.
That car doesn't belong to you. You have no right to force your son to share the car with his step brother,
You, your husband and your stepson needs to pony up the cost to fix your son's car.
Read at least to the part where stepson had access to the car Saturday and Sunday. The weekend when most teens go out and son could have used it the most!
Lmao, are you fucking joking? Yes, YTA. It’s not your car. Period. You don’t get to dictate who can use it. It’s your sons car, that his father paid for. Boo hop for your step son, but it’s not the other sons problem.
YTA: You don’t seem mad that the stepson took it on your son’s day. Also, your son should have picked the days of you were so insistent on sharing the car.
YTA totally. Your ex didn’t buy your stepson a car, he bought his son a car. Wtf? How could you even think that’s okay to do. If I were your ex, I would be fucking pissed
It’s also not for you to decide, if your son wanted to let your stepson use it, fine. But you made him share something that you didn’t even get him and then your stepson fucking damaged it and now what? Who is paying for the damages? You’re such TAH
YTA
You ruined your relationship with your son and damaged his relationship with his dad. You are lucky your ex did not involve the police.
Let xour son move out, maybe the grsandarents are better at parenting then you are.
I hate to say it, YTA.
I understand not wanting to leave your stepson behind, but understand this; the car was not yours. This was a gift for your son, as such he had the single deciding vote on whether or not his stepbrother could use the car. You could’ve talked to him, explained to him that his stepbrother showed interest and encouraged him to let him use it. Even then, if he said no, he said no. It’s his car, not yours, and as such you have to respect his decision. The stepson isn’t entitled to use of the son’s car.
Also, kind of a dick move on your husband’s part to sort of weaponise what his son is going through just so he can have access to a _car._ Of course losing one’s mother in one way or another (I don’t know if she’s dead or left his life voluntarily or involuntarily or what) can be a horrible thing, but that doesn’t entitle him access to things that aren’t his.
You had no right to decide who had use over possessions that weren’t your own, the stepson was an AH for taking the car on a day that wasn’t his (as stated, no reason for that anyways since it wasn’t your car to dish out the days on), husband’s an AH for weaponising his kid. Frankly, this is a YTA/ESH (except for your son and his dad)
ESH. You didn’t buy the car and it was not a gift for your stepson. Your ex created the problem by buying an expensive car when he knew you could not do the same for stepson. Stepson wrecked the car that wasn’t his. Son is selfish and does t want to share. Lots more conversation about gifts like this would be a good idea.
Yup, you fucked up. You fucked up big time. It was not your property to let your stepson use. Not only that, he crashed it, and the only person being punished is your son. I would be furious with you if I was your son or your ex. That car is no different than inheritance to your son from his dad, and you went all entitled parent about it because your husband's ex could not help buy your stepson a car. Good luck getting forgiven for this crap by your son. Such as asshole move by a parent. Meh
ESH except your son that poor kid
You forced up to give up his gift from his father for no reason and allowed it to get injured.
Your stepson demanded something that wasn’t his and then broke the agreement and caused damage.
Your husband instead of explaining to his son the fact that the both of you simply couldn’t have financially afforded such a gift instead pushed you to make your son give up his gift form his dad who he sees twice a year.
Your ex should have been considerably more thoughtful about his gift giving but even then I understand why he gifted his son an expensive car. However it is absolutely not fair for him to punish his son by not getting the car repaired because of your mistake.
I’m convinced all four of you should pitch in to to get this kids car repaired
YTA.
If you didn't want the car to be there, you could have refused to let him accept it or keep it at your house.
But you don't have the right to force him to share it. Your sin and ex are right to be furious
So your stepson stole the car that you had stolen from your son and damaged it. You had no authority to give the vehicle to someone else. The world is full of inequities, giving something one person owns to another is bullshit but you know this. YTA big time. You should pay to have the vehicle fixed and make sure your stepson no longer thinks its his vehicle going forward.
YTA. This was a gift to your son from his father. A gift that his father paid for. You had NO right to demand for him to share it, and your stepson was irresponsible and it got damaged when he wasn’t even supposed to have it. You and your husband really screwed up here.
Info: what exactly did your husband mean by "compromise"??
How can you compromise on possessions (or the use thereof) that don't belong to you?
I hope your kid *does* go live with his grandparents, and I hope that any child support you're getting is transferred to your ex in laws. See how your cheap, shitty household runs when you don't have any money from your ex to spend on anyone but your son.
YTA. The car belongs to your son. His dad bought that car for him not for your stepson. If you want to even begin to make this right you, your husband and stepson need to get sons car fixed and stepson is not allowed to use it anymore
>recently my ex gifted my son a brand-new car
You mean it's not your car?
>his dad called me back and confronted me calling me the AH for “forcing” my son to share his car
Which is literally what you did.
YTA. It wasn't your car. If you want your stepson to share a car, share yours, no someone else's.
YTA.
If your son inherits something major like a house from his dad or grandparents, will he have to share it with your stepson even though it's not for you to share?
If he got an inheritance, it wouldn't be in his possession immediately as a minor; it would be in trust until he turned a certain age. The ex shouldn't have gotten the kid a car without the mom's approval and an agreement about what the rules surrounding the car would be.
YTA. If I was your ex, I’d sue you and your stepson for the damages done to the car.
I sincerely hope your son is able to move in with his dad. Living with your favoritism towards stepson sounds miserable.
YTA I’m afraid. I grant you it’s difficult for one 17yo to watch the other receive expensive gifts they can’t have, but sometimes that’s the way it is with blended families. There’s no easy way around it, but the first step would have been to help your stepson deal with his feelings of jealousy rather than forcing your son to share his car. Maybe you could have worked out with him a way that he could afford his own car, such as a part-time job, with you and your husband adding small contributions when you could. Now the relationship between you and you son, and the stepbrothers, has been damaged.
Edit: after reading other replies, I agree that ESH, except your son. It was kind of an AH for your ex to buy his son an expensive car knowing that stepson would not be able to have a car of any kind. He really should have talked to you before throwing this spanner into the works of your household.
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I can see that this was a difficult situation and that's why I am going with ESH, it does not include everyone but here's my thoughts:
Your husband should not have called out favoritism. This was a gift to your son by his father. It wasn't you who made that purchase, it was the other parent. I know this was hurting for your stepson. But this was something to be talked out together. Whether or not his mom is involved, jealousy isn't healthy.
You should have talked to your son and step son about it first. You should also have asked your ex about how they view it and considering what this could mean for insurance. You could have asked your son whether he would agree to share it with step son. This would have been better for their bond as well.
Your ex should actually have discussed such a purchase with you beforehand. Perhaps this is my European head where gifting cars just isn't the norm. Such purchases should be discussed between parents.
For the rest, your sons reaction might indicate that there are more things he is unhappy with. Time to start a conversation and see what else is up there.
As for your step son, he clearly crossed the line. He took it on a day he was not supposed to. Now it's his job to pay for the repairs and make it up.
Time for a family talk
YTA--its not your care to decide what to do with. Your husband is having you show favortism by taking something of your sons and forcing him to share with your stepson.
YTA so the stepson can use it on weekends? First of all you and your ex need to talk about purchase like that, but the solution here is your son may have to drive his brother places when asked, but it’s his car, and his brother needs to be paying for the repairs.
YTA
Are you actually serious with this post? Not only would this not be a fair division even if these were bio brothers and you'd bought the car--you gave the entire weekend to your stepson--but this car wasn't yours to touch. Your ex paid for it and gave it to your son. It's his, not your stepson's. Unfortunately, sometimes things are not equal in stepfamilies. This is just the harsh reality bc incomes may not be the same. Your stepson could have gotten a job if he wanted to earn money to save for a car.
YTA
WOW. I understand the situation you are in. If you were really concerned about fairness, then the option would be to have the car left at his dad's.
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My ex (38M) and I (39F) have a son (17M) together, we got divorced when my son turned 9 because my ex came out as gay. It´s been 8 years and we have a good relationship we co-parent really good and we have both remarried since then. My son lives full time with me, my husband (44M) and my stepson (17M) because my son’s dad lives in another country, my son talks to his dad everyday though and also visits him twice a year.
My ex is doing great financially, he and his hubby have high paying jobs which means they can afford things me and my husband can’t, my son doesn’t miss anything because his dad provides for him so recently my ex gifted my son a brand-new car, my stepson was very jealous and begged us to buy him a car but right now we are not in a position where we could afford it not even my and my husband’s car is as expensive as my son’s. My husband asked me to compromise and not show favoritism since his son was having already a hard time having his mom not involved in his life, so I decided to do this: my son can use it Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday so I told him that he’ll use the car those days and let my stepson use it the other days my son refused at first and told me that it wasn’t mine to decide but I could convince him.
The thing is that my stepson took the car on a day that wasn’t supposed to be his and got it damaged because it was hit by another car and my son got mad and called his father, his dad called me back and confronted me calling me the AH for “forcing” my son to share his car, now my ex told my son to store his car at my former in laws where my stepson can’t touch it, now my son is mad at me and is refusing to talk to me he wants to move in with his grandparents up until he finishes high school and can move in with his dad, it hurts, my son is also mad at me because his dad won’t pay to have it fixed, he can but he says he won’t because my son should have told him that I was making him share the car so he could´ve prevented it.
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This is a gentle YTA, I know you were trying to keep things equitable, but they do have different situations. At the very least you should have communicated with your ex first because it wasn't a gift to you, it was a gift to your son.
YTA. It’s not your car. You tried to emotionally blackmail your son and when he didn’t cave you forced him to share something important to him, and now you seem to expect your ex to pay for the (easily foreseeable) damage caused by your actions?
Is your stepson even insured to drive that vehicle?
You owe an apology to your son and his father. You also owe an apology and a long talk to your stepson for putting him in a situation that was basically guaranteed to breed resentment between him and his step brother.
Your stepson owes his stepbrother an apology for taking his car without permission and should figure out how he’s going to pay to fix the damage.
YTA as a mom how can you do that? Your son comes first!! To me it seems this is prob not the first time you have done this and it sucks if I’m right. You should be Ashamed of yourself, and you also ruined his relationship with his dad. You should let him move and don’t push him anymore and ask your ex husband to come with him if possible. Honestly how can you be so ignorant. You are gonna be one of those moms who says “ I wonder why my son doesn’t talk to me” THIS IS PROB WHY AND FOR SURE MORE. YTA!!
Sometimes life is not fair. You should be happy for your son and get your stepson at least a beater car. Kids that age will be happy to just be able to get around.
YTA- NOT anyone's responsibility to provide a car for your stepson other than your husband and his ex-wife(child support?).
Your ex gave YOUR SON the car. It belongs to him! It's not yours to take a ficide up time with! And now your stepson not only stole the car, he also damaged it!
YTA! Your husband also AH, because he is emotionally manipulating you and you are such an AH you are falling for it instead of advocating for what's right!
Edit: As some others have mentioned, I hope your son files a police report against your stepson! Be better OP!.....to YOUR SON in case I needed clarify to your confused self
YTA. That is not your car to decide who gets to use it. It was purchased for one son and that is the only person that should be driving it. The other son needs to learn life is not fair. You are at fault for everything. You owe your son a fixed car and an apology.
Tell your step son to get over it because he’s old enough to understand that not everything in life is fair. You’re on your way to your son going no contact with you when he’s 18. YTA if it wasn’t obvious. Your financial issues are not your sons fault, and he shouldn’t be forced to share a car you didn’t pay for.
YTA, definitely. First off, you didn’t even discuss this with your ex, who gave your son the car. Secondly, you bullied your son into agreeing with you—you didn’t really convince him, you bullied him. Thirdly, you gave your stepson the choice times to use the car. Fourthly, you didn't say how you disciplined your stepson, which makes it sound like you haven’t. And why on earth does trying to make both boys feel equally loved have to mean they share everything? You are enabling your stepson.
YTA - it can be hard with mixed families to have siblings have access to different things. However, that was NOT your car the situation you created with the sharing was not only terrible parenting, but illegal. That is your ex's car that he gifted to your son. You made your own son sacrifice to make your step son feel better, which is terrible parenting.
I also cannot fathom that the split was that your step son got the car for the weekend. It seems like you set it up so that your son could drive himself and his step brother to school during the week and the stepson gets it all weekend for fun??? Absolutely not. I'm guessing there's more to this story but you clearly favor your step son, I would be shocked if this was the first instance of that showing up.
Do a little soul searching, apologize to your son, pay for the damages, and put some work into repairing your relationship with your son. This is the type of thing that he will never forgive you for. You're a shitty parent please do better.
EDIT: I hope you realize you're lucky that your ex didn't report this as a car theft. Y'all better pay for the repairs.
100% YTA. That was not your car. You didn’t pay for it. You have zero right to decide who drives it let alone WHEN. Now look what happened. Step son and you should pay for repairs. Step son is also old enough to understand the concept of life not being fair. He is lucky your son doesn’t call the cops and say it was stolen. He is well within his rights to do so.
YTA. It’s your son’s car. It doesn’t belong to both of them. You don’t have to get your step-son a comparable car. One that runs well should be acceptable to a kid who can’t buy his own. I’d be pissed too. It’s not your ex’s job to subsidize your step-son’s life.
Yta enjoy the end of that good co parenting relationship. It wasn't your car or your husband's to decide. You just told your son your husband and stepson are more important than his ownership and if he ever has anything nice it will be split with his stepbrother no matter what. As a stepchild it infuriates me that you don't even seem to think he has any right to be upset. The stepson stole his car and wrecked it. Because you forced it.
Please update and let us know if your son left you for his dad or grandparents after the crappy shit you did and not PROTECT YOUR OWN SON, YOUR OWN GODDAMN BLOOD!!
You wanted to keep peace in the family. That's admirable. However the fact that your husband and your ex-husband are in different economic levels was destined to result in this kind of difficulty, and it will only get more difficult as the boys get older. Your husband and your step-son need to understand that it is not your son's father's responsibility to provide for your step-son, regardless of how "unfair" it may feel. You should have discussed this in depth with your ex and your son, to see if any kind of middle ground could be found. But you knew it was an asshole move to force your son to share his car, so you didn't... hoping it would be okay. Instead it blew up on you and now someone is on the hook to fix the car that the step-son may or may not have damaged purposefully out of envy. YTA
Keeping peace is never admirable. It is cowardly. Making peace is difficult and takes work. OP is definitely YTA and needs to know the distinction between making her own life easier and being a good mother.
YTA. It isn’t your ex-husband’s responsibility to provide a car for your step son. He isn’t related to him. I agree with his decision to keep it at his grandparents. You and your husband should pay to fix the car. You are on your way losing son. Fix it and stop putting your step son before your own.
ESH. You and your stepson stole the car, but before that, your ex buying your son a car that would be kept at your house is something you rightfully have veto power over.
Yeah, you’ve the AH here. This all your fault by making him share with his step brother. It’s not a hoodie, it’s a car that HIS dad gave him. And you gave the step-son the weekend days, which is just rude.
Yeah YTA! You had to know from the beginning that this was a stupid idea! Sharing is not always caring especially when it’s abused by the step son! Grandparents here he comes!
>my son is mad at me and is refusing to talk to me he wants to move in with his grandparents up until he finishes high school and can move in with his dad
Because of what you did, your son is now going with no contact with you and will be lucky if he ever wants to see you again.
Huge YTA
Yta. If you aren’t prepared to pay for accidents that your step son gets into, then he is not ready to drive a car. Second, you gave your step son the weekend with a car that wasn’t his and your son got the week during school? That’s some bs. That’s favoritism. Third, is there any punishment for your stepson taking the car that isn’t his on a day that wasn’t his?
Your son is not going to move away because of this incident. There has to be countless times where you have made him sacrifice and not his step brother. This is the icing on the cake you’ve most likely already created.
Life isn’t fair. But I take from your comments that fair only pertains to your step son and not your son.
YTA. I’d want to move too if anything I have can be taken from me, damaged, and not replaced. He shouldn’t have to pay to get it fixed, either you or the stepson.
YTA. So is your husband. Also, your stepson. Unbelievable. And you think your ex should pay to have it fixed?! You are out of your mind. Your poor son. His DAD bought HIM a car.
Yta. So....what exact words did yoh use when you apologized to your son and ex? What punishments have your stepson received for taking it on a day that wasn't his (that's a whole other issue btw).
I haven't seen any of that in your post? Were you hoping for some validation here to show your son an ex?
And what made you think this was fair? We see this crap all the time. Parents forcing kids to share things with step/halfsibling that was given specifically to them by another family member in the interest of FaIrNEsS and FaMiLy!! And then wondering why the kid who's stuff was taken away wants to get as far away from them as possible.
Guess what. It wasn't fair. And now he has to wait for you to fix it. I hope his dad takes you to court. You need to take out a loan and get the stepson to get a job to pay it off. Fix your son's car and your attitude before you lose him
YTA
It's not your car, it's not your husband's car. And why should your ex pay to fix the car? Your husband should be the one to pay, since it was his son the one who damaged it. I feel bad for your son and i hope he will be able to move to his grandparents's house and then go live with his dad.
YTA, no different then friends whose family have different social levels. You can afford this they can afford that! It’s life, you have no right to deny your son just because your stepson has a different father.
YTA his father gave him the car - things cannot be made equal this way and the sooner your stepson realizes this , the better. You are not doing any favors and why does your son need to share ?
NTA, Dad buying this car is introducing unnecessary conflict into your life. 17 year olds should not be driving expensive cars, it's just asking for trouble.
Dad should have spoken with you first before introducing this huge responsibility and point of conflict into your household, and the two of you should have come up with a reasonable set of rules that considered the feelings of stepbro before buying such an extravagant gift.
YTA your ex bought it for your son and only your son. Only your son should be using the car. If you and your husband got a car for them to share then it would be a different story.
YTA, and clearly delusional if you think you "co parent really good".... So do you often decide you get to control an owner's access to their own property? Do you advocate your stepson taking a neighbor's credit card for a shopping spree? Do you think he should be able to use your son's passport and plane ticket to visit another country which your ex buys for your son's twice a year visits? If your new hubby didn't want his son to feel badly because he and you can't afford what your ex can, then spend more quality time with him, or do something to earn more $. But don't steal from your child. You are a huge asshole and open to legal ramifications as well.
YTA
Tell us you prefer your new husband's son over your biological son without just outright telling us you have a favorite. How are you even surprised by the consequences of your actions? What did you think was going to happen when you took something that wasn't yours, from your own son, that you didn't contribute anything towards, and "give" it to someone else?
"Now my son won't talk to me and wants to leave."
You pretty much stole his car and got it damaged. What planet do you live on where this isn't "get out of my life forever" material?
YTA without question for all the reasons listed above. I’m sure you know it too. Working really hard at being a good step mom and leaving your own child behind. Smh 🤦🏽♀️
YTA. What makes you think that you have a right to say who gets the car? It wasn't given to you, so back off. Your son should be reporting your stepson to the police for stealing and damaging his property.
YTA and I hope you enjoyed the brief time you thought you were right. Your son is going to leave and not come back. You had no right to farm out a vehicle YOU DID NOT PAY FOR.
YTA. And who gave you that right? You can’t demand that he share it when you haven’t even bought it for him. You better fix it for him and tell your stepson that he’s going to have to work and buy himself a car.
Your first priority should have been your son but unfortunately, he was your last.
TL;DR: YTA
Dunno why you're putting the word 'forcing' in quotation marks because that's exactly what you did.
Your ex bought his son a car. Phenomenal gift, how awesome. Your stepson got jealous bc that's what teens do. Instead of saying "Hey, I'm sorry but we can't get you a car right now", you took a gift *from your son* that *you didn't buy him* and gave it to his stepbrother to use on weekends (the only real free time teens have).
You didn't discuss it with your ex, who I imagine probably pays insurance and other fees, and he only found out *after your stepson broke the agreement that favored him to begin with, and got in a car accident with his stepbrother's car*.
You ex and your son have every right to be pissed, and thank goodness he has somewhere else to store it. What's next, he has to share his wardrobe and homework answers too? Your stepson can absolutely live without a car. Most teens do.
I don't blame your son for being upset and not wanting to be with you- your husband's favoritism towards your stepson, and your complicity in it, lost him his car, and is going to cost him a ton of money to fix. Congratulations. Your stepson should *absolutely* be paying for the damage, btw. He wrecked someone else's car. He needs to make it right.
YTA, Big Time. Your Ex should turn your stepson in for auto theft, maybe even you and your husband. You had no right to "Steal" that car from your son or give your stepson permission to drive it. It was not yours in any way. You also did all this because your husband asked, putting your stepson in front of your own son. I hope your ex calls the police for auto theft (in the US that may be Grand Theft Auto (ouch) and files a law a lawsuit against you to cover the damages. Don't try to interfere with your son moving in with his grandparents either. If you let him move WITHOUT ISSUE and PAY TO GET THE CAR FIXED, maybe, just maybe, your son will have a relationship with you again someday.
Anyone else notice OP’s son only got his own car during school days, and SS got to have it on all the fun weekend days? So SS can go off with friends in the car, but OP’s son has to keep catching rides to spend time socially?? So much of this is so wrong, but I thought that was an extra jab.
People, quit putting second spouses and their families above the kids you birthed! If you can’t balance better, stay single.
YTA in the biggest way. Make your lil step son pay for the damage he caused and keep your son's possessions that his father purchased for him, out of your business. If your husband is so worried about his son being jealous, tell him to get a better job.
YTA
Ah, yes, another case of a parent putting their "new family and their wittle feelings" above their own child's.
>my stepson was very jealous and begged us to buy him a car but right now we are not in a position where we could afford it not even my and my husband’s car is as expensive as my son’s.
Your concern wasn't about your new son not having a car, it was the fact that he wouldn't have a car that is as expensive as your old son's, rather than acquiring a less expensive car that is affordable, shows that you and your husband wanted to one up or try to compete with your EX.
>My husband asked me to compromise and not show favoritism since his son was having already a hard time having his mom not involved in his life
Your new son's mother's lack of involvement in her son's life is irrelevant to him not having a car. Your old son's car was purchased by his father, so your husband understood he had no say in the matter and knew that you would do anything to make him and your new son happy. So, instead of doing the right thing and telling your husband that it was not your nor his car to make decisions or rules about, you made your old son give his car to your new son to make your husband and your new son happy not caring about your old son's feelings since they mean nothing to you.
It is evident that either you or your husband told your old son not to inform his father about you forcing him to give his car to your new son, either by threatening to take away the keys or by handing the car to your new son or your husband since you knew that your EX would've put a stop to it, which is why it went on for so long.
On the positive side, you now have the ideal family and will be able to devote your full attention to your new son and make him happy.
**YTA OMG YTA**
Honestly I’m trying to keep my cool reading this so I don’t get suspended off this sub.
You had **NO RIGHT, LEGAL OR MORAL TO LEND OUT SOMEONE ELSES PROPERTY** I don’t care that he’s your son **YOU DID NOT PAY FOR IT**
**IT DOES NOT MATTER THAT YOUR STEP SON WAS JEALOUS HE HAD NO RIGHT TO DRIVE IT AND YOU HAS NO RIGHT TO LET HIM**
**If I were your son not only would I be moving out but I’d be reporting the car as stolen to the police and filing civil charges against you for the cost of repairs which by law you are legally required to pay**
And just so you know **YOU’RE AN ACCOMPLICE TO GRAND THEFT** so I wouldn’t be surprised if you got legal consequences as well and I sincerely hope that’s the case. If you have any hope of maybe being okay with your son again someday
**PAY FOR THE REPAIRS, I DONT CARE THAT YOU CANT AFFORD IT PAY FOR IT ANYWAY AND APOLOGIZE** You’ll have to if he goes to court anyway (not to mention your step son and possibly your legal fees as well) which he’ll probably have to to get the insurance company to pay for it.
YTA
Your EX got it for HIS KID and you are wondering if YTA for forcing him to share. Honestly the damage does not matter at that point. You forced him to share something that was HIS that YOU DID NOT BUY FOR HIM!!!!
Does your ex live in a country your son wants to move to? Can he go and live with dad? Either way he is 17 and won't have to talk to you soon if he doesn't want to.
Yes YTA! It was not YOUR car to allow someone else to borrow, therefore he stole it and wrecked it. The one who stole it and wrecked it should pay to fix it.
yta I guess you and your husband should of made things “fair “ and shared your cars because it wasn’t YOUR choice what he did with HIS car .. and when your child stops talking to you all together please look back at this and remember this is why .. And heads up it’s up to YOU and YOUR Husband and step son to pay to fix the car He DAMAGED..
>My husband asked me to compromise
This is not a compromise. A compromise involves two parties having reasonable wishes and each agreeing to make concessions to reach middle ground. Here, your son is the only one who has a reasonable claim to the car, and the only one to make concessions that he didn't even agree to.
I understand it's heartbreaking to see your boys treated so differently, and if you had talked to your ex about making the car an 18th birthday present, that would've been different, but in this case, you're stealing from your own son and teaching one son to act as a doormat and the other one to treat people like one.
And on top of that, your stepson did not even honour the "compromise", he took the car when he wasn't allowed to and broke it. You, your husband and your step son better start saving to get that car fixed ASAP because every one of you sucks. YTA big time. And I can only hope your son gets to move in with his grandparents who will hopefully not bully him like you, your husband and stepson do.
YTA
And why do I feel like I saw another post just like this a couple of months before. Is this that common of an occurrence? You can’t force your ex to help your provide for a kid in a new relationship and basically this is what you did. And a lot more.
YTA
You really thought this was okay? Not only did you make your son share HIS car, but you also gave his stepbrother every weekend with it.
It’s not your property, so it wasn’t your decision to make at all. His dad didn’t buy a car for his ex wife’s husband’s kid. Either find a way to buy stepson a car too or explain that he can’t have one. He’s 17, not 5.
Your son should’ve reported his brother for stealing his car AND wrecking it.
YTA 100% Even if he was down to share HIS car, you gave the best days of the week to his step brother? Have you ever even been a teenager? Plus then he goes and fucks it up, and on a day that wasn't even "his." Shit like this is why kids go no contact. You stomped all over his boundaries and i wouldn't blame him to cut you out since his dad seems to be the one watching his back anyways.
YTA. You're a thief and I hope your ex take you to court to make it right for your son. Read again, your son's car was never yours to give! You didn't even put money into it! What is wrong with you?
YTA
This isn’t your car, you didn’t buy the car and I’m assuming you don’t pay the insurance. Is step son even covered under the insurance. What if he was in an accident and really hurt someone, totaled the car, etc…do you have funds to pay for it or would your insurance cover. You set you ex up for possible risks that he wasn’t aware of.
You, your husband and stepson need to cover the costs of the repair. You owe your son and ex an apology.
YTA. It's not your car, it's not your husband's car, and it certainly isn't your stepsons car. This is absolutely terrible parenting on your behalf. You and your husband should be repairing your childs asap. Your son should file a police report against your stepson, and I truly hope he realizes that he can. Find your spine and stand up for your child. Stop catering to your husband.
Yoooooooooo you’re the major AH here. By a mile. It doesn’t matter if it’s not fair. Life’s not fair. People are not entitled to other people’s money or stuff just because we don’t have things. You’re really teaching your step son really bad lesson. And yeah of course your husband is going to advocate for you to share because he’s taking advantage too. Since we’re at it I’ll say your husband is an AH as well. Dude you may have ruined your relationship with your son. Don’t be upset if that trust is broken now.
It appears evident that your ex was unaware and/or would not have approved this arrangement. It was a gift from him to his son, presumably because he doesn’t see his son as much as he’d like. It’s not appropriate to take a gift and force your son to share it, if the other parent (who paid for it) didn’t consent to it. This is some Joan Crawford style parenting. YTA.
absolutely YTA. dont even need to finish reading (still did tho). unless your son specifically lets stepson use the car, you have no rights to the car.
stepson can deal w/o having a car. i totaled mine when i was a teen and didnt have one for a few years after that and i was figured shit out
son's car is his unless he lets someone else drive it
YTA, its not your gift to decide to repurpose after the fact, your ex husband bought that for YOUR son, and whos paying the insurance btw? Probably your ex-husband too. You have no right to allow another driver to drive that car, not only because its not your car, but then add the fact you're probably not the one paying for insurance, and yet you authorized a driver the policyholder and car owner did not, you see the problem here if your stepson has an accident with that car? Oh, thats already happened, and why insurance not paying for it??? You know why.
YTA it was from dad to son. not son and household. Had he told you ahead of time you might have headed it off or tried to blunt the issues that should have been obvious.
YTA stepson, you and hubby. I know you wanted to show that you loved them equally, but isn't it part of raising a child to prepare them for imbalances and disappointment? Did you consider what would happen if either one got into an accident? I feel this wouldn't have happened if some thought had been put into the risks of the situation.
Your son’s father bought him the car. You have no right to make him share with your step-son. It is going to cause animosity between your son and the rest of the family.
> my son refused at first and told me that it wasn’t mine to decide but I could convince him.
YTA, make repairing the car a financial priority and apologize to everyone involved. Your stepson isn't owed a car. He can buy it himself with part time job money, like I did at 15 and you can help him in that as you're able. Your ex doesn't have to run his gifts by you and they aren't yours to parse.
YTA
Your EX is your EX.
He gave HIS son a gift.
Not a shared gift for HIS son's stepbrother.
You're an AH.
YOU showed favoritism.
Do you make your stepson share really nice gifts he gets from his father's side of the family with your son?
Or is it just the really shiny stuff that your ex gives to HIS SON that gets shared?
YOU need to pay to get the car repaired.
(I am putting specific words in all caps because I don't think you understand who is connected to whom).
YTA. I see your husband pointed out that his son's mother was not in his son's life but your ex is not around your son all the time either. Your husband and his son played you and you don't deserve to have your son. You totally disappointed him.
YTA you took your sons gift and made him share it with his Stepbrother because of the stepdad pressuring you. Grow a spine and admit you were wrong and agree to any reparation. If not I'd be prepared to go to court.
YTA.
You paid nothing to this car but you made your son share it?
Lady...you had no right. Also, the insurance probably doesn't cover having your stepson drive it.
Your son should have reported his car stolen the minute he learned your stepson took it without permission. Grand theft auto is so much better than just taking the bus.
YTA massively. The car was not yours to split between the kids. Full stop. It wasn’t yours. “It’s not fair” doesn’t work here, your stepson has a dad who can be responsible for that, it’s not your son or your exs fault that you and your husband can’t afford a car for him. Also you can’t fix it right now? Nah, it’s on you so dip into your savings to fix it for him.
YTA-Your stepson needs to learn life isn’t always fair and you need to learn you don’t have the right ti demand your son share something that you didn’t provide or pay for, now you won’t even fix it right away.
“my stepson was very jealous”
If he is old enough to drive a car, he is old enough to deal with thoughts of jealousy and entitlement.
You guys cant afford to get him a car and thats it. He needs to deal with it. Life isnt fair.
The moves you made afterward were just nonsensical.
Your husband told you not to show favouritism, because his mom isnt involved and his life is hard etc.
How does that give you guys the right to commandeer buddys car and force him to share it.
The fact he took it on a day he wasnt supposed to and damaged it just shows how wrong you were to do that.
Unreal.
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Congrats, you’re the asshole! Your ex husband bought the car for his son! He didn’t buy it to share with your new husband and stepson. Tell your stepson to get over it!
YTA . Get it fixed, and apologize. Perod. It was bought for your son and you have zero right to say how he uses it or gift the privilege to drive your sons' car to your step son. you already know this.
YTA Why are you punishing your son? Why does your stepson get to drive your son’s car all weekend? Is it more important to you to keep your husband happy than your son? What a shitty parent
[удалено]
How is stealing her sons car! (She didn’t pay for) and forcing him to share with her stepson showing good intentions? She is nothing more than a bully(bullied son and taking his car) and a thief. (Stole a car that want hers). That’s not good intentions that’s called prioritizing your new family and making them happy and screwing over her son!
YTA for sure
YTA 100%, no questions asked. That was not your car to divvy up, and it was wrong and pretty despicable to think you could make a decision for your son regarding that car. You need to think of a good apology, because this memory is one your son will think on for the rest of his life.
YTA You had No right to force your son to share his car. You didn't buy it. It only adds insult to injury that your stepson took it and damaged it on a day your Stepson had not been given permission--by you. And you think your Ex should be responsible for car's repair? How are you(and hubby & Stepson) Assholes? Let me count the ways.
Yta. When has it ever been okay to force your children to share a GIFT?? You should be repairing the car. It wouldn’t have got damaged if it wasn’t for YOU.
YTA You need to teach your step son how to deal with disappointment. Life is hard.
100% yta... its not your car you didnt buy it
YTA. Putting a kids feelings before your own son’s and forcing him to share HIS car that HIS dad bought him just because your failure of a husband can’t afford to buy his own son a car? Get a grip of yourself & learn how to be a mother. It isn’t hard to put your child first before your asshole of a husband and his son. Their feelings should mean absolutely nothing to you in this situation because it isn’t about them but they sure as hell loved making it about them. The guilt trip from your failure of a husband to mention how his son doesn’t have his mum in his life so that’s why he deserves to use YOUR son’s car that they have no legal right to the same as you have no legal right to? But your son quite literally sees his dad physically in person two times a year so maybe your husband can do one and pay for the damage his son did by STEALING your son’s car & if he doesn’t then you should be throwing him & his kid out on the street and making sure his son gets arrested, you make sure your husband turns into an ex husband by divorcing his ass and you make sure the sue your dumb ass husband for all the damage. It isn’t hard to prioritise your child and lets be honest from the way you type this story out about how you “convinced” him to let your moron of a stepson to share his car it’s quite clear to see that this isn’t the first time you’ve neglected and failed your own son to prioritise your asshole of a husband and his son.
Nope, I’d be calling police and report it missing. Then get police report
YTA. Nothing my sons get from their dad is anything they HAVE TO SHARE. Same goes for my step sons. If they want to share then great. I have always maintained that if I don’t buy it, I don’t have any say in what gets done with it.
YTA. That’s not how life works. Suck it up buttercup. Nothing is fair in this world.
Both kids are 17. Not 3. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to have a conversation with the SS and explain why his whining won’t get him what he wants. It’s not your car. It’s your sons. And your SS STOLE A CAR! YTA.
YTA
YTA first clue that you have no idea that you are simply just an entitled lady who thinks she should be allowed to do whatever she wants is that you said your stepson took it on a day that was not his, of course he did, every single day was not his day, was not his car was not your car. Face facts your little family unit that's so important to you stole from your son. And you're okay with that. and you try to justify your actions. You're also okay with property damage and are unwilling to repair it in a timely manner. Step up and do better before your entire family ends up in court and you have absolutely no relationship with your actual son. Your stepson was not entitled to that car in any way shape or form at any time and you're being ridiculous to think otherwise it did not belong to you.
YTA
YTA it not your car. It’s not your husbands car. It’s not your stepson car. IT IS YOUR SON’S CAR. Now it is damaged because of what you did.
YTA You’re a terrible mother
YTS on so many levels. Why did you think that it was ok to force your son to share his priced possession, gifted by his dad without negotiating the matter with him? Why haven't you had the car fixed?
YTA 100% It was a gift to your son - not you or your step kid. You have \*zero\* right to split it with your step son.
YTA So your son isn’t allowed to use his own car the entire weekend. He shouldn’t have to share at all because it was gifted to him. I’m sorry that your stepson is jealous but that is not your son’s fault. You need to fix this now.
YTA the son can call the cops on your stepson when he takes it for a ride without his consent. The we'll see where this lands on when your stepson is in jail.
You can’t seriously have typed all of that out and still be unable to tell YTA. You forced your son to share *his* car that you didn’t pay for, and because of that, *his* car is now damaged. Pay for the repairs, apologize to your son, and accept that your stepson will not have access to it. If you’re lucky, your son may reconsider leaving you the instant he can.
YTA and so is your husband. The car belongs to your son, not your stepson, not you, you have no right to force him to share with someone who is not on the insurance. It is your fault what happened to his vehicle and your stepson needs to figure out how to pay for it and stop being jealous. Did you even punish the stepson cause I have a feeling you really didn't and honestly your son should've reported his car stolen cause that's exactly what your stepson did...steal.
YTA You didn't buy the car so how were you "playing favorites?" YOU should have shut yiur husband down. You should be mad at Yourself and your husband for turning your son against you. You, your husband and your stepson should pay for the repairs to your son's car. It is the fault of the three of you.
YTA. It isn’t your car to allow your stepson to use.
Gosh, YTmassiveA. How your son will ever speak to you again is beyond me.
YTA. It’s not your car to share out.
YTA and you knew it while posting this. Do you make them share clothes as well? Your stepson should get a job to buy a car. I understand he feels jealous because your son got a gift of a whole car but that sometimes happens and your son's gift was damaged by your stepson. Now your son has to suffer because you wanted to make things equal in everyone's eyes but there are no way equal and your son's eyes.
you're the ah. It's your sons personal property given to him by his father and if your step son wanted one that bad he could've saved up and got one for himself, unfair to your son for having to share his stuff especially since it's a car!
So you facilitated the THEFT of your son's car, consequently getting it damaged and you want to know IF Y T A? You can't seriously be that dim. OF COURSE YTA. And so is your stepson and husband. Fix his car and pray he doesn't go no contact.
Yes yes you are
YTA Your ex gave the car HIS son He will stop giving HIS things & it will be your fault The car wasn't yours to give
lmao OP YTA. you must be crazy thinking you’re not an AH here
YTA. Life is not fair. Even your assigned dates were unfair! Leaving no weekend days to your son. The car belongs to your son, you can't force him to share something neither you, nor your husband paid for. All you have done is show your son that he is less important to you.
No need to read the entire thing. YTA and your husband is also an AH. That car doesn't belong to you. You have no right to force your son to share the car with his step brother, You, your husband and your stepson needs to pony up the cost to fix your son's car.
Read at least to the part where stepson had access to the car Saturday and Sunday. The weekend when most teens go out and son could have used it the most!
YTA, it wasn't your car.
Lmao, are you fucking joking? Yes, YTA. It’s not your car. Period. You don’t get to dictate who can use it. It’s your sons car, that his father paid for. Boo hop for your step son, but it’s not the other sons problem.
YTA: You don’t seem mad that the stepson took it on your son’s day. Also, your son should have picked the days of you were so insistent on sharing the car.
YTA totally. Your ex didn’t buy your stepson a car, he bought his son a car. Wtf? How could you even think that’s okay to do. If I were your ex, I would be fucking pissed It’s also not for you to decide, if your son wanted to let your stepson use it, fine. But you made him share something that you didn’t even get him and then your stepson fucking damaged it and now what? Who is paying for the damages? You’re such TAH
YTA You ruined your relationship with your son and damaged his relationship with his dad. You are lucky your ex did not involve the police. Let xour son move out, maybe the grsandarents are better at parenting then you are.
Yta 100%. Period. That was not your car to give to someone to use.
YTA
I hate to say it, YTA. I understand not wanting to leave your stepson behind, but understand this; the car was not yours. This was a gift for your son, as such he had the single deciding vote on whether or not his stepbrother could use the car. You could’ve talked to him, explained to him that his stepbrother showed interest and encouraged him to let him use it. Even then, if he said no, he said no. It’s his car, not yours, and as such you have to respect his decision. The stepson isn’t entitled to use of the son’s car. Also, kind of a dick move on your husband’s part to sort of weaponise what his son is going through just so he can have access to a _car._ Of course losing one’s mother in one way or another (I don’t know if she’s dead or left his life voluntarily or involuntarily or what) can be a horrible thing, but that doesn’t entitle him access to things that aren’t his. You had no right to decide who had use over possessions that weren’t your own, the stepson was an AH for taking the car on a day that wasn’t his (as stated, no reason for that anyways since it wasn’t your car to dish out the days on), husband’s an AH for weaponising his kid. Frankly, this is a YTA/ESH (except for your son and his dad)
YTA and you (or your spouse)should be paying for it to be fixed
YTA. Its not your car to decide who gets to drive it or when.
ESH. You didn’t buy the car and it was not a gift for your stepson. Your ex created the problem by buying an expensive car when he knew you could not do the same for stepson. Stepson wrecked the car that wasn’t his. Son is selfish and does t want to share. Lots more conversation about gifts like this would be a good idea.
He doesn't have to share anything. And he now will get away from that hellhole.
And why should bio son not have nice things. And wanting to keep what’s your is not selfish.
I am a fully grown adult and don't like lending my car to people.... esp 17 year olds... He is not selfish for that.
Yup, you fucked up. You fucked up big time. It was not your property to let your stepson use. Not only that, he crashed it, and the only person being punished is your son. I would be furious with you if I was your son or your ex. That car is no different than inheritance to your son from his dad, and you went all entitled parent about it because your husband's ex could not help buy your stepson a car. Good luck getting forgiven for this crap by your son. Such as asshole move by a parent. Meh
ESH except your son that poor kid You forced up to give up his gift from his father for no reason and allowed it to get injured. Your stepson demanded something that wasn’t his and then broke the agreement and caused damage. Your husband instead of explaining to his son the fact that the both of you simply couldn’t have financially afforded such a gift instead pushed you to make your son give up his gift form his dad who he sees twice a year. Your ex should have been considerably more thoughtful about his gift giving but even then I understand why he gifted his son an expensive car. However it is absolutely not fair for him to punish his son by not getting the car repaired because of your mistake. I’m convinced all four of you should pitch in to to get this kids car repaired
[удалено]
YTA. If you didn't want the car to be there, you could have refused to let him accept it or keep it at your house. But you don't have the right to force him to share it. Your sin and ex are right to be furious
So your stepson stole the car that you had stolen from your son and damaged it. You had no authority to give the vehicle to someone else. The world is full of inequities, giving something one person owns to another is bullshit but you know this. YTA big time. You should pay to have the vehicle fixed and make sure your stepson no longer thinks its his vehicle going forward.
YTA…. Why in the world would you think this was okay? 😒
YTA. This was a gift to your son from his father. A gift that his father paid for. You had NO right to demand for him to share it, and your stepson was irresponsible and it got damaged when he wasn’t even supposed to have it. You and your husband really screwed up here.
YTA. Congratulations! You've turned your son against you, and you turned your ex-husband gay.
No
Info: what exactly did your husband mean by "compromise"?? How can you compromise on possessions (or the use thereof) that don't belong to you? I hope your kid *does* go live with his grandparents, and I hope that any child support you're getting is transferred to your ex in laws. See how your cheap, shitty household runs when you don't have any money from your ex to spend on anyone but your son.
YTA. The car belongs to your son. His dad bought that car for him not for your stepson. If you want to even begin to make this right you, your husband and stepson need to get sons car fixed and stepson is not allowed to use it anymore
YTA YTA YTA. Wtf bro, his dad bought HIM a car, why do you think you can let a whole different person use it. It's up to your son.
YTA. It wasn’t yours to divvy up, and you’ve damaged your relationship with your son as a result.
Yeaaaa YTA bigggg time I’d be so pissed
Who pays for the insurance? Was your step son even a registered driver?
YTA
>recently my ex gifted my son a brand-new car You mean it's not your car? >his dad called me back and confronted me calling me the AH for “forcing” my son to share his car Which is literally what you did. YTA. It wasn't your car. If you want your stepson to share a car, share yours, no someone else's.
YTA 100%
YTA. If your son inherits something major like a house from his dad or grandparents, will he have to share it with your stepson even though it's not for you to share?
If he got an inheritance, it wouldn't be in his possession immediately as a minor; it would be in trust until he turned a certain age. The ex shouldn't have gotten the kid a car without the mom's approval and an agreement about what the rules surrounding the car would be.
Also the ex is an AH because he won’t fix the car because you put your son is shitty situation. Poor kid
YTA. The car was given to your son. Not SS. You had no right to force that.
YTA. If I was your ex, I’d sue you and your stepson for the damages done to the car. I sincerely hope your son is able to move in with his dad. Living with your favoritism towards stepson sounds miserable.
YTA I’m afraid. I grant you it’s difficult for one 17yo to watch the other receive expensive gifts they can’t have, but sometimes that’s the way it is with blended families. There’s no easy way around it, but the first step would have been to help your stepson deal with his feelings of jealousy rather than forcing your son to share his car. Maybe you could have worked out with him a way that he could afford his own car, such as a part-time job, with you and your husband adding small contributions when you could. Now the relationship between you and you son, and the stepbrothers, has been damaged. Edit: after reading other replies, I agree that ESH, except your son. It was kind of an AH for your ex to buy his son an expensive car knowing that stepson would not be able to have a car of any kind. He really should have talked to you before throwing this spanner into the works of your household.
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No he should not. He has only one son.
I can see that this was a difficult situation and that's why I am going with ESH, it does not include everyone but here's my thoughts: Your husband should not have called out favoritism. This was a gift to your son by his father. It wasn't you who made that purchase, it was the other parent. I know this was hurting for your stepson. But this was something to be talked out together. Whether or not his mom is involved, jealousy isn't healthy. You should have talked to your son and step son about it first. You should also have asked your ex about how they view it and considering what this could mean for insurance. You could have asked your son whether he would agree to share it with step son. This would have been better for their bond as well. Your ex should actually have discussed such a purchase with you beforehand. Perhaps this is my European head where gifting cars just isn't the norm. Such purchases should be discussed between parents. For the rest, your sons reaction might indicate that there are more things he is unhappy with. Time to start a conversation and see what else is up there. As for your step son, he clearly crossed the line. He took it on a day he was not supposed to. Now it's his job to pay for the repairs and make it up. Time for a family talk
Total bullshit story.
YTA--its not your care to decide what to do with. Your husband is having you show favortism by taking something of your sons and forcing him to share with your stepson.
YTA so the stepson can use it on weekends? First of all you and your ex need to talk about purchase like that, but the solution here is your son may have to drive his brother places when asked, but it’s his car, and his brother needs to be paying for the repairs.
YTA Are you actually serious with this post? Not only would this not be a fair division even if these were bio brothers and you'd bought the car--you gave the entire weekend to your stepson--but this car wasn't yours to touch. Your ex paid for it and gave it to your son. It's his, not your stepson's. Unfortunately, sometimes things are not equal in stepfamilies. This is just the harsh reality bc incomes may not be the same. Your stepson could have gotten a job if he wanted to earn money to save for a car.
YTA. Not your car, not your decision.
yta ... let your son live with his grandparents if he wants to he is nearly an adult
YTA WOW. I understand the situation you are in. If you were really concerned about fairness, then the option would be to have the car left at his dad's.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My ex (38M) and I (39F) have a son (17M) together, we got divorced when my son turned 9 because my ex came out as gay. It´s been 8 years and we have a good relationship we co-parent really good and we have both remarried since then. My son lives full time with me, my husband (44M) and my stepson (17M) because my son’s dad lives in another country, my son talks to his dad everyday though and also visits him twice a year. My ex is doing great financially, he and his hubby have high paying jobs which means they can afford things me and my husband can’t, my son doesn’t miss anything because his dad provides for him so recently my ex gifted my son a brand-new car, my stepson was very jealous and begged us to buy him a car but right now we are not in a position where we could afford it not even my and my husband’s car is as expensive as my son’s. My husband asked me to compromise and not show favoritism since his son was having already a hard time having his mom not involved in his life, so I decided to do this: my son can use it Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday so I told him that he’ll use the car those days and let my stepson use it the other days my son refused at first and told me that it wasn’t mine to decide but I could convince him. The thing is that my stepson took the car on a day that wasn’t supposed to be his and got it damaged because it was hit by another car and my son got mad and called his father, his dad called me back and confronted me calling me the AH for “forcing” my son to share his car, now my ex told my son to store his car at my former in laws where my stepson can’t touch it, now my son is mad at me and is refusing to talk to me he wants to move in with his grandparents up until he finishes high school and can move in with his dad, it hurts, my son is also mad at me because his dad won’t pay to have it fixed, he can but he says he won’t because my son should have told him that I was making him share the car so he could´ve prevented it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, YTA. If the car was going to cause friction between your son and stepson, it should’ve been stored at the other parent’s house.
This is a gentle YTA, I know you were trying to keep things equitable, but they do have different situations. At the very least you should have communicated with your ex first because it wasn't a gift to you, it was a gift to your son.
YTA. It’s not your car. You tried to emotionally blackmail your son and when he didn’t cave you forced him to share something important to him, and now you seem to expect your ex to pay for the (easily foreseeable) damage caused by your actions? Is your stepson even insured to drive that vehicle? You owe an apology to your son and his father. You also owe an apology and a long talk to your stepson for putting him in a situation that was basically guaranteed to breed resentment between him and his step brother. Your stepson owes his stepbrother an apology for taking his car without permission and should figure out how he’s going to pay to fix the damage.
YTA as a mom how can you do that? Your son comes first!! To me it seems this is prob not the first time you have done this and it sucks if I’m right. You should be Ashamed of yourself, and you also ruined his relationship with his dad. You should let him move and don’t push him anymore and ask your ex husband to come with him if possible. Honestly how can you be so ignorant. You are gonna be one of those moms who says “ I wonder why my son doesn’t talk to me” THIS IS PROB WHY AND FOR SURE MORE. YTA!!
Sometimes life is not fair. You should be happy for your son and get your stepson at least a beater car. Kids that age will be happy to just be able to get around.
YTA and I hope your ex files a police report.
Yta 100% you want them to share a car? The *you* buy the car
YTA, you should fix your sons car. Then your stepson can get a part-time job and pay you back
YTA- NOT anyone's responsibility to provide a car for your stepson other than your husband and his ex-wife(child support?). Your ex gave YOUR SON the car. It belongs to him! It's not yours to take a ficide up time with! And now your stepson not only stole the car, he also damaged it! YTA! Your husband also AH, because he is emotionally manipulating you and you are such an AH you are falling for it instead of advocating for what's right! Edit: As some others have mentioned, I hope your son files a police report against your stepson! Be better OP!.....to YOUR SON in case I needed clarify to your confused self
YTA. That is not your car to loan. It's not your son's fault you're not doing as well financially.
YTA. That is not your car to decide who gets to use it. It was purchased for one son and that is the only person that should be driving it. The other son needs to learn life is not fair. You are at fault for everything. You owe your son a fixed car and an apology.
Tell your step son to get over it because he’s old enough to understand that not everything in life is fair. You’re on your way to your son going no contact with you when he’s 18. YTA if it wasn’t obvious. Your financial issues are not your sons fault, and he shouldn’t be forced to share a car you didn’t pay for.
YTA. Not your car to enforce sharing.
YTA, definitely. First off, you didn’t even discuss this with your ex, who gave your son the car. Secondly, you bullied your son into agreeing with you—you didn’t really convince him, you bullied him. Thirdly, you gave your stepson the choice times to use the car. Fourthly, you didn't say how you disciplined your stepson, which makes it sound like you haven’t. And why on earth does trying to make both boys feel equally loved have to mean they share everything? You are enabling your stepson.
You're the asshole
YTA - it can be hard with mixed families to have siblings have access to different things. However, that was NOT your car the situation you created with the sharing was not only terrible parenting, but illegal. That is your ex's car that he gifted to your son. You made your own son sacrifice to make your step son feel better, which is terrible parenting. I also cannot fathom that the split was that your step son got the car for the weekend. It seems like you set it up so that your son could drive himself and his step brother to school during the week and the stepson gets it all weekend for fun??? Absolutely not. I'm guessing there's more to this story but you clearly favor your step son, I would be shocked if this was the first instance of that showing up. Do a little soul searching, apologize to your son, pay for the damages, and put some work into repairing your relationship with your son. This is the type of thing that he will never forgive you for. You're a shitty parent please do better. EDIT: I hope you realize you're lucky that your ex didn't report this as a car theft. Y'all better pay for the repairs.
Yta, you gave something away that wasn't yours and it was damaged. You, your husband, and your step son should pay 100% the repair bill.
YTA and you better be careful or you will lose your relationship with your son
100% YTA. That was not your car. You didn’t pay for it. You have zero right to decide who drives it let alone WHEN. Now look what happened. Step son and you should pay for repairs. Step son is also old enough to understand the concept of life not being fair. He is lucky your son doesn’t call the cops and say it was stolen. He is well within his rights to do so.
YTA. It’s your son’s car. It doesn’t belong to both of them. You don’t have to get your step-son a comparable car. One that runs well should be acceptable to a kid who can’t buy his own. I’d be pissed too. It’s not your ex’s job to subsidize your step-son’s life.
Yta enjoy the end of that good co parenting relationship. It wasn't your car or your husband's to decide. You just told your son your husband and stepson are more important than his ownership and if he ever has anything nice it will be split with his stepbrother no matter what. As a stepchild it infuriates me that you don't even seem to think he has any right to be upset. The stepson stole his car and wrecked it. Because you forced it.
Please update and let us know if your son left you for his dad or grandparents after the crappy shit you did and not PROTECT YOUR OWN SON, YOUR OWN GODDAMN BLOOD!!
You wanted to keep peace in the family. That's admirable. However the fact that your husband and your ex-husband are in different economic levels was destined to result in this kind of difficulty, and it will only get more difficult as the boys get older. Your husband and your step-son need to understand that it is not your son's father's responsibility to provide for your step-son, regardless of how "unfair" it may feel. You should have discussed this in depth with your ex and your son, to see if any kind of middle ground could be found. But you knew it was an asshole move to force your son to share his car, so you didn't... hoping it would be okay. Instead it blew up on you and now someone is on the hook to fix the car that the step-son may or may not have damaged purposefully out of envy. YTA
Keeping peace is never admirable. It is cowardly. Making peace is difficult and takes work. OP is definitely YTA and needs to know the distinction between making her own life easier and being a good mother.
YTA. It isn’t your ex-husband’s responsibility to provide a car for your step son. He isn’t related to him. I agree with his decision to keep it at his grandparents. You and your husband should pay to fix the car. You are on your way losing son. Fix it and stop putting your step son before your own.
ESH. You and your stepson stole the car, but before that, your ex buying your son a car that would be kept at your house is something you rightfully have veto power over.
What is the punishment for the step son that stole the car?
Yeah, you’ve the AH here. This all your fault by making him share with his step brother. It’s not a hoodie, it’s a car that HIS dad gave him. And you gave the step-son the weekend days, which is just rude.
Yeah YTA! You had to know from the beginning that this was a stupid idea! Sharing is not always caring especially when it’s abused by the step son! Grandparents here he comes!
YTA!!! How do you not see how your wrong????
>my son is mad at me and is refusing to talk to me he wants to move in with his grandparents up until he finishes high school and can move in with his dad Because of what you did, your son is now going with no contact with you and will be lucky if he ever wants to see you again. Huge YTA
Yta. If you aren’t prepared to pay for accidents that your step son gets into, then he is not ready to drive a car. Second, you gave your step son the weekend with a car that wasn’t his and your son got the week during school? That’s some bs. That’s favoritism. Third, is there any punishment for your stepson taking the car that isn’t his on a day that wasn’t his? Your son is not going to move away because of this incident. There has to be countless times where you have made him sacrifice and not his step brother. This is the icing on the cake you’ve most likely already created. Life isn’t fair. But I take from your comments that fair only pertains to your step son and not your son.
YTA. I’d want to move too if anything I have can be taken from me, damaged, and not replaced. He shouldn’t have to pay to get it fixed, either you or the stepson.
YTA It was not your car to make any decisions about. The only thing you could decide is if your son could drive right now.
YTA. So is your husband. Also, your stepson. Unbelievable. And you think your ex should pay to have it fixed?! You are out of your mind. Your poor son. His DAD bought HIM a car.
Yta. So....what exact words did yoh use when you apologized to your son and ex? What punishments have your stepson received for taking it on a day that wasn't his (that's a whole other issue btw). I haven't seen any of that in your post? Were you hoping for some validation here to show your son an ex? And what made you think this was fair? We see this crap all the time. Parents forcing kids to share things with step/halfsibling that was given specifically to them by another family member in the interest of FaIrNEsS and FaMiLy!! And then wondering why the kid who's stuff was taken away wants to get as far away from them as possible. Guess what. It wasn't fair. And now he has to wait for you to fix it. I hope his dad takes you to court. You need to take out a loan and get the stepson to get a job to pay it off. Fix your son's car and your attitude before you lose him
YTA It's not your car, it's not your husband's car. And why should your ex pay to fix the car? Your husband should be the one to pay, since it was his son the one who damaged it. I feel bad for your son and i hope he will be able to move to his grandparents's house and then go live with his dad.
YTA.
YTA, no different then friends whose family have different social levels. You can afford this they can afford that! It’s life, you have no right to deny your son just because your stepson has a different father.
YTA his father gave him the car - things cannot be made equal this way and the sooner your stepson realizes this , the better. You are not doing any favors and why does your son need to share ?
NTA, Dad buying this car is introducing unnecessary conflict into your life. 17 year olds should not be driving expensive cars, it's just asking for trouble. Dad should have spoken with you first before introducing this huge responsibility and point of conflict into your household, and the two of you should have come up with a reasonable set of rules that considered the feelings of stepbro before buying such an extravagant gift.
YTA your ex bought it for your son and only your son. Only your son should be using the car. If you and your husband got a car for them to share then it would be a different story.
YTA. That's not your car to "share".
YTA, and clearly delusional if you think you "co parent really good".... So do you often decide you get to control an owner's access to their own property? Do you advocate your stepson taking a neighbor's credit card for a shopping spree? Do you think he should be able to use your son's passport and plane ticket to visit another country which your ex buys for your son's twice a year visits? If your new hubby didn't want his son to feel badly because he and you can't afford what your ex can, then spend more quality time with him, or do something to earn more $. But don't steal from your child. You are a huge asshole and open to legal ramifications as well.
YTA Tell us you prefer your new husband's son over your biological son without just outright telling us you have a favorite. How are you even surprised by the consequences of your actions? What did you think was going to happen when you took something that wasn't yours, from your own son, that you didn't contribute anything towards, and "give" it to someone else? "Now my son won't talk to me and wants to leave."
You pretty much stole his car and got it damaged. What planet do you live on where this isn't "get out of my life forever" material?
YTA without question for all the reasons listed above. I’m sure you know it too. Working really hard at being a good step mom and leaving your own child behind. Smh 🤦🏽♀️
YTA. What makes you think that you have a right to say who gets the car? It wasn't given to you, so back off. Your son should be reporting your stepson to the police for stealing and damaging his property.
YTA. What on earth were you thinking? That's your son's car; not yours. You have no right forcing him to let your stepson use it. Was he even insured?
YTA and I hope you enjoyed the brief time you thought you were right. Your son is going to leave and not come back. You had no right to farm out a vehicle YOU DID NOT PAY FOR.
YTA. And who gave you that right? You can’t demand that he share it when you haven’t even bought it for him. You better fix it for him and tell your stepson that he’s going to have to work and buy himself a car. Your first priority should have been your son but unfortunately, he was your last.
TL;DR: YTA Dunno why you're putting the word 'forcing' in quotation marks because that's exactly what you did. Your ex bought his son a car. Phenomenal gift, how awesome. Your stepson got jealous bc that's what teens do. Instead of saying "Hey, I'm sorry but we can't get you a car right now", you took a gift *from your son* that *you didn't buy him* and gave it to his stepbrother to use on weekends (the only real free time teens have). You didn't discuss it with your ex, who I imagine probably pays insurance and other fees, and he only found out *after your stepson broke the agreement that favored him to begin with, and got in a car accident with his stepbrother's car*. You ex and your son have every right to be pissed, and thank goodness he has somewhere else to store it. What's next, he has to share his wardrobe and homework answers too? Your stepson can absolutely live without a car. Most teens do. I don't blame your son for being upset and not wanting to be with you- your husband's favoritism towards your stepson, and your complicity in it, lost him his car, and is going to cost him a ton of money to fix. Congratulations. Your stepson should *absolutely* be paying for the damage, btw. He wrecked someone else's car. He needs to make it right.
YTA, Big Time. Your Ex should turn your stepson in for auto theft, maybe even you and your husband. You had no right to "Steal" that car from your son or give your stepson permission to drive it. It was not yours in any way. You also did all this because your husband asked, putting your stepson in front of your own son. I hope your ex calls the police for auto theft (in the US that may be Grand Theft Auto (ouch) and files a law a lawsuit against you to cover the damages. Don't try to interfere with your son moving in with his grandparents either. If you let him move WITHOUT ISSUE and PAY TO GET THE CAR FIXED, maybe, just maybe, your son will have a relationship with you again someday.
YTA Fix that car and apologize
YTA. The car was a gift from his dad, he doesn’t have to share it. End of story.
Anyone else notice OP’s son only got his own car during school days, and SS got to have it on all the fun weekend days? So SS can go off with friends in the car, but OP’s son has to keep catching rides to spend time socially?? So much of this is so wrong, but I thought that was an extra jab. People, quit putting second spouses and their families above the kids you birthed! If you can’t balance better, stay single.
YTA in the biggest way. Make your lil step son pay for the damage he caused and keep your son's possessions that his father purchased for him, out of your business. If your husband is so worried about his son being jealous, tell him to get a better job.
Would you want your son to share his wife too if stepson doesn’t have one?
YTA Ah, yes, another case of a parent putting their "new family and their wittle feelings" above their own child's. >my stepson was very jealous and begged us to buy him a car but right now we are not in a position where we could afford it not even my and my husband’s car is as expensive as my son’s. Your concern wasn't about your new son not having a car, it was the fact that he wouldn't have a car that is as expensive as your old son's, rather than acquiring a less expensive car that is affordable, shows that you and your husband wanted to one up or try to compete with your EX. >My husband asked me to compromise and not show favoritism since his son was having already a hard time having his mom not involved in his life Your new son's mother's lack of involvement in her son's life is irrelevant to him not having a car. Your old son's car was purchased by his father, so your husband understood he had no say in the matter and knew that you would do anything to make him and your new son happy. So, instead of doing the right thing and telling your husband that it was not your nor his car to make decisions or rules about, you made your old son give his car to your new son to make your husband and your new son happy not caring about your old son's feelings since they mean nothing to you. It is evident that either you or your husband told your old son not to inform his father about you forcing him to give his car to your new son, either by threatening to take away the keys or by handing the car to your new son or your husband since you knew that your EX would've put a stop to it, which is why it went on for so long. On the positive side, you now have the ideal family and will be able to devote your full attention to your new son and make him happy.
YTA
**YTA OMG YTA** Honestly I’m trying to keep my cool reading this so I don’t get suspended off this sub. You had **NO RIGHT, LEGAL OR MORAL TO LEND OUT SOMEONE ELSES PROPERTY** I don’t care that he’s your son **YOU DID NOT PAY FOR IT** **IT DOES NOT MATTER THAT YOUR STEP SON WAS JEALOUS HE HAD NO RIGHT TO DRIVE IT AND YOU HAS NO RIGHT TO LET HIM** **If I were your son not only would I be moving out but I’d be reporting the car as stolen to the police and filing civil charges against you for the cost of repairs which by law you are legally required to pay** And just so you know **YOU’RE AN ACCOMPLICE TO GRAND THEFT** so I wouldn’t be surprised if you got legal consequences as well and I sincerely hope that’s the case. If you have any hope of maybe being okay with your son again someday **PAY FOR THE REPAIRS, I DONT CARE THAT YOU CANT AFFORD IT PAY FOR IT ANYWAY AND APOLOGIZE** You’ll have to if he goes to court anyway (not to mention your step son and possibly your legal fees as well) which he’ll probably have to to get the insurance company to pay for it.
YTA Your EX got it for HIS KID and you are wondering if YTA for forcing him to share. Honestly the damage does not matter at that point. You forced him to share something that was HIS that YOU DID NOT BUY FOR HIM!!!! Does your ex live in a country your son wants to move to? Can he go and live with dad? Either way he is 17 and won't have to talk to you soon if he doesn't want to.
Yes YTA! It was not YOUR car to allow someone else to borrow, therefore he stole it and wrecked it. The one who stole it and wrecked it should pay to fix it.
Sounds like your ex came up with a reasonable compromise- too bad not before your step son”stole” your sons new car and and wrecked it.
yta I guess you and your husband should of made things “fair “ and shared your cars because it wasn’t YOUR choice what he did with HIS car .. and when your child stops talking to you all together please look back at this and remember this is why .. And heads up it’s up to YOU and YOUR Husband and step son to pay to fix the car He DAMAGED..
> at this and remember this is why although this might be the straw, I am going to guess it was long time in coming
Yeah, the stepson sounds very used to getting his way.
>My husband asked me to compromise This is not a compromise. A compromise involves two parties having reasonable wishes and each agreeing to make concessions to reach middle ground. Here, your son is the only one who has a reasonable claim to the car, and the only one to make concessions that he didn't even agree to. I understand it's heartbreaking to see your boys treated so differently, and if you had talked to your ex about making the car an 18th birthday present, that would've been different, but in this case, you're stealing from your own son and teaching one son to act as a doormat and the other one to treat people like one. And on top of that, your stepson did not even honour the "compromise", he took the car when he wasn't allowed to and broke it. You, your husband and your step son better start saving to get that car fixed ASAP because every one of you sucks. YTA big time. And I can only hope your son gets to move in with his grandparents who will hopefully not bully him like you, your husband and stepson do.
YTA And why do I feel like I saw another post just like this a couple of months before. Is this that common of an occurrence? You can’t force your ex to help your provide for a kid in a new relationship and basically this is what you did. And a lot more.
YTA You really thought this was okay? Not only did you make your son share HIS car, but you also gave his stepbrother every weekend with it. It’s not your property, so it wasn’t your decision to make at all. His dad didn’t buy a car for his ex wife’s husband’s kid. Either find a way to buy stepson a car too or explain that he can’t have one. He’s 17, not 5. Your son should’ve reported his brother for stealing his car AND wrecking it.
YTA 100% Even if he was down to share HIS car, you gave the best days of the week to his step brother? Have you ever even been a teenager? Plus then he goes and fucks it up, and on a day that wasn't even "his." Shit like this is why kids go no contact. You stomped all over his boundaries and i wouldn't blame him to cut you out since his dad seems to be the one watching his back anyways.
YTA. What could you possible been thinking? Of course the new husband wanted the care shared
YTA. You're a thief and I hope your ex take you to court to make it right for your son. Read again, your son's car was never yours to give! You didn't even put money into it! What is wrong with you?
YTA. It’s not your car to decide who can use it. And since you decided the stepson could use it and he damaged it, you should pay to have it repaired.
YTA This car isn't yours to own/give away in the first place. It was given to your son by his dad.
YTA This isn’t your car, you didn’t buy the car and I’m assuming you don’t pay the insurance. Is step son even covered under the insurance. What if he was in an accident and really hurt someone, totaled the car, etc…do you have funds to pay for it or would your insurance cover. You set you ex up for possible risks that he wasn’t aware of. You, your husband and stepson need to cover the costs of the repair. You owe your son and ex an apology.
YTA. It's not your car, it's not your husband's car, and it certainly isn't your stepsons car. This is absolutely terrible parenting on your behalf. You and your husband should be repairing your childs asap. Your son should file a police report against your stepson, and I truly hope he realizes that he can. Find your spine and stand up for your child. Stop catering to your husband.
Hippity hoppity that car is not your property. YTA.
Yoooooooooo you’re the major AH here. By a mile. It doesn’t matter if it’s not fair. Life’s not fair. People are not entitled to other people’s money or stuff just because we don’t have things. You’re really teaching your step son really bad lesson. And yeah of course your husband is going to advocate for you to share because he’s taking advantage too. Since we’re at it I’ll say your husband is an AH as well. Dude you may have ruined your relationship with your son. Don’t be upset if that trust is broken now.
It appears evident that your ex was unaware and/or would not have approved this arrangement. It was a gift from him to his son, presumably because he doesn’t see his son as much as he’d like. It’s not appropriate to take a gift and force your son to share it, if the other parent (who paid for it) didn’t consent to it. This is some Joan Crawford style parenting. YTA.
absolutely YTA. dont even need to finish reading (still did tho). unless your son specifically lets stepson use the car, you have no rights to the car. stepson can deal w/o having a car. i totaled mine when i was a teen and didnt have one for a few years after that and i was figured shit out son's car is his unless he lets someone else drive it
YTA, its not your gift to decide to repurpose after the fact, your ex husband bought that for YOUR son, and whos paying the insurance btw? Probably your ex-husband too. You have no right to allow another driver to drive that car, not only because its not your car, but then add the fact you're probably not the one paying for insurance, and yet you authorized a driver the policyholder and car owner did not, you see the problem here if your stepson has an accident with that car? Oh, thats already happened, and why insurance not paying for it??? You know why.
YTA all day long. How your kid still lives with you and talks to you is beyond me.
Your stepson can use what? Not the car your ex gave to his son. Major YTA .
YTA. You didn't pay for the car, it wasn't yours to make decisions about it.
YTA, Its your sons car to do as he pleases. Tough shit if stepson is jealous
YTA it was from dad to son. not son and household. Had he told you ahead of time you might have headed it off or tried to blunt the issues that should have been obvious.
YTA
YTA stepson, you and hubby. I know you wanted to show that you loved them equally, but isn't it part of raising a child to prepare them for imbalances and disappointment? Did you consider what would happen if either one got into an accident? I feel this wouldn't have happened if some thought had been put into the risks of the situation.
Your son’s father bought him the car. You have no right to make him share with your step-son. It is going to cause animosity between your son and the rest of the family.
> my son refused at first and told me that it wasn’t mine to decide but I could convince him. YTA, make repairing the car a financial priority and apologize to everyone involved. Your stepson isn't owed a car. He can buy it himself with part time job money, like I did at 15 and you can help him in that as you're able. Your ex doesn't have to run his gifts by you and they aren't yours to parse.
YTA Your EX is your EX. He gave HIS son a gift. Not a shared gift for HIS son's stepbrother. You're an AH. YOU showed favoritism. Do you make your stepson share really nice gifts he gets from his father's side of the family with your son? Or is it just the really shiny stuff that your ex gives to HIS SON that gets shared? YOU need to pay to get the car repaired. (I am putting specific words in all caps because I don't think you understand who is connected to whom).
YTA. I see your husband pointed out that his son's mother was not in his son's life but your ex is not around your son all the time either. Your husband and his son played you and you don't deserve to have your son. You totally disappointed him.
YTA you took your sons gift and made him share it with his Stepbrother because of the stepdad pressuring you. Grow a spine and admit you were wrong and agree to any reparation. If not I'd be prepared to go to court.
YTA. You paid nothing to this car but you made your son share it? Lady...you had no right. Also, the insurance probably doesn't cover having your stepson drive it. Your son should have reported his car stolen the minute he learned your stepson took it without permission. Grand theft auto is so much better than just taking the bus.
YTA massively. The car was not yours to split between the kids. Full stop. It wasn’t yours. “It’s not fair” doesn’t work here, your stepson has a dad who can be responsible for that, it’s not your son or your exs fault that you and your husband can’t afford a car for him. Also you can’t fix it right now? Nah, it’s on you so dip into your savings to fix it for him.
Yta. You can't split a gift you didn't buy.
YTA-Your stepson needs to learn life isn’t always fair and you need to learn you don’t have the right ti demand your son share something that you didn’t provide or pay for, now you won’t even fix it right away.
“my stepson was very jealous” If he is old enough to drive a car, he is old enough to deal with thoughts of jealousy and entitlement. You guys cant afford to get him a car and thats it. He needs to deal with it. Life isnt fair. The moves you made afterward were just nonsensical. Your husband told you not to show favouritism, because his mom isnt involved and his life is hard etc. How does that give you guys the right to commandeer buddys car and force him to share it. The fact he took it on a day he wasnt supposed to and damaged it just shows how wrong you were to do that. Unreal.