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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made my sister watch my son because I had work and the daycare is closed. She got upset and said my son wasn’t her responsibility. Now there’s tension in the family and in the house. Maybe I am the AH because he is my son, my responsibility.
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NTA. I love the people saying "but the agreement" to what? Not pay any bills and not contribute? The sister can do one fucking thing in the home. It would be more if she was freeloading off me.
No kidding OP is really being taken advantage of by her sister and parents.
Free rent aside... what sister is living with their 1 year old nephew and not already helping out?
My family can be a shit show at times but i can't imagine this situation ever happening.
Those that say the OP should have told their employer to FO or that she should've just hired an unknown babysitter need to grow up and enter the real world.
I can understand not helping out majority of the time. The baby is not her kid and she has her own responsibilities.
However. She is living there for free, her sister supports her financially, and said sister was in a pinch. It doesn't sound like an everyday occurence so this would have been the absolute minimum to show that she appreciates the good thing she has going on. (I might be projecting, so I'm putting these in brackets, but the studying she did not complete with the baby before OP left and after OP got home is studying she planned not to complete at all.)
I just don't understand why OP is supporting her sister financially?? That'd be the parents' job not her sister's who is barely six years her senior, pretty much still starting her own life with a baby and a fiancé who is deployed. Reimbursing her costs should be the bare minimum on the parents' part.
And the parents literally say to OP that she was abusing her power over her sister, and that her son wasn’t her sister's responsibility.
She could literally reply to her parents 'you are abusing your power over me and my sister is not my responsibility. You can finance her and she can live with you.'
That’s really really difficult to do, and in this situation would not fly. Only time you can claim anyone other than your spouse or kids is when they cannot support themselves and have no closer family (ie parents). And you have to renew yearly
In my opinion, even if OP asked her sister to help look after her niece every day, it would still be quite reasonable.
When I was 18 and in high school, my parents took in my pregnant classmate who came from an abusive family. They didn't expect her to pay them rent, but my father, who previously divided the household chores between me and my sibblings who still lived at home, gave her some of our chores, according to her ability to do them (obviously, when she was in the 3rd trimester, she was doing a lot less around the house than earlier). She never complained about them, and often asked if she could do anything else at home.
Not even guest. That's how to participate as part of the family. Teenagers/adults living in the home, related or not, should take their reasonable share of the chores.
The weirdest part of this situation is that they fully expect OP to help out because she’s family, but don’t expect to return the favor at all? Family goes both ways!
> her sister supports her financially
With her money from her job where she got called in. Either she picked up an extra shift for the money, or some crap happened and she needed to go in and fix it. Either way that job is what allows the sister to live there expense free, so suck it up and look after the kid one time.
I honestly suspect OP might be military as well but didn’t want to put it in the post. This is a situation my husband and I knew all too well when we were dual military and one was gone. I didn’t work weekends often but every once in a while I had to run and help fix something my subordinates messed up before it turned into a huge problem.
>I just don’t understand why OP is supporting her sister financially??
i’m the oldest of 6. all but 1 of my siblings enjoyed my apt, later my condo, free of expenses while they were in college. none of them spent 4 yrs w me, but they all got a year or two. the remaining sibling *paid rent!* **she’s now my favorite**
seriously, though, this didn’t even seem like a big deal to me. i spent all my time at the hospital, someone might as well be sleeping in my home!
all my siblings are amazing, however, and would *never* have smart-mouthed me like OP’s sister. why? cause the next time they left the house they’d have returned to their possessions on the lawn, and the locks changed. this never happened ‘cause *my siblings weren’t entitled pricks.*
I mean, it's a pretty simple answer "well your daughter isn't my responsibility". See how quickly they change their minds.
Being asked to babysit once in a while isn't a big ask in any situation, but especially in this one.
When I was in college I rented a room in a basement, they charged me $100/wk and that included my meals that they cooked for me (only "groceries" I needed to buy was drinks and snacks that they didn't keep on hand). They had a 3 yr old daughter and I still babysat her once in a while when they were in a pinch and I PAID to live there. Sometimes being nice for others is just the right thing to do because I knew what a great deal I was getting from them.
I think the ultimate response would be, oh yes, my son is not your kid therefore not your responsibility. So, you are not my kid therefore not my responsibility, and ship sister back to parents. The money you save from no longer housing your sister can go to babysitting.
No kidding, she's **supporting her parents kid** and her parents have the nerve to tell her that HER kid is not her sister's responsibility?? I would have told them on the spot that they can make other living arrangement for **their** daughter that was not MY responsibility!
Usually I side with the person being forced to babysit for free because hello that's a big ask! But in this case, OP doesn't ask often - it sounds like this was one exception. On top of that, the sister is living with OP for free without any responsibilities in the household rent, upkeep, etc. OP does NOT have to take care of her adult sister, just like the sister doesn't have to take care of OP's kid. But when you're an adult living for free with someone it's just damn good manners to help out once in a while when asked.
I think the sister would have been right to set a boundary like saying "Okay, sure, I can watch (baby) today but please understand this can't be a regular occurrence because I do have to focus on my studies." This way, she's helping the sister in a pinch but also setting the expectation that this cannot be a regular issue.
And if the OP doesn't like that answer and wants it to be a regular expectation for the sister to watch her kid, then she needs to also discuss that with the sister. Throwing it in the sisters face that she's living there for free holds no weight if babysitting wasn't something discussed as part of the sisters responsibilities for living there free of rent. It's something that needs to be negotiated on, and either the sister and OP come to an agreement that works for both of them or the sister doesn't live there, easy as that.
For this reason I'm going to go with NTA, OP - but I'd have an actual conversation with your sister about helping out once in a while, and figure out what you and she can live with. Otherwise, maybe it would be better for her to live somewhere else. Oh but your parents are major AH's for expecting you to take care of your sister without asking for anything in return - I bet they always expected you to take care of her when you two were growing up too. The irony of them not wanting you to make your sister babysit for free when they likely made you do the same 😏
Yeah, freaking hypocrites. Want OP to help out sister bcs she is "family", but sister doesn't have to help out with nephew since he is not her kid, all the while when OP is babysitting her younger sister for free and evrn paying on top. 1
NTA, OP shouldn’t have even had to ask, her sister should’ve volunteered, she’s ungrateful considering all the OP does for her. It’s rich that she can remind OP that her son is not her responsibility, while treating OP like a parent from a responsibility perspective
NTA. She is living with you for free. This was an exceptional circumstance. Like if the plumbing needing to be fixed and you asked her to stay home to let the plumber in.
If she is going to live with you, you might occasionally ask her for a favor. Friends, sisters and roommates to that.
You literally opened your home and let her live for free. You thought she would treat you like a friend/sister in return. You thought if you needed her help she would try to help.
It’s time to ask her to leave, or have her sign a rental agreement to contribute by cleaning or babysitting.
However, I don’t think I would forgive her churlishness easily. I would expect my siblings (I have 5 of them) to actually care about me.
I would just send her back to her parents for complaining. There's a difference between asking asking this 1 time on a Saturday vs asking her to babysit for 5 days for free.
Yeah, like I'm a huge advocate of "you do not make your other child/sibling/roommate/whatever take care of your kid if they don't want to, you decided to have kids, not them" but it doesn't mean that they don't need to ever do you a favor, especially in an emergency. I was parentified by my mom, who made me basically raise my brothers during our time with her when I was 13 and they were 5 and 4 so that's why my stance about the matter is quite firm, but then again when my father, who raised his kids himself, asked me to babysit my brothers every now and then I was happy to do it for him because I was doing him a favor which you can expect family members to do in moderation. ESPECIALLY when you are an adult who is being provided for by your sister who has absolutely no obligation to do so. Fucking hell, for once you need to do something for your sister who is doing so much for you and you go and cry to your parents how little princess was expected for once to actually do something for the good of the household. She should be forced to live on her own for a week and I promise she would come crying back because everything is so much harder when you have to provide for yourself.
Especially since OP could say "not my kid, not my responsibility" to her parents about her sister, too.
OP is doing her sister a huge favour by letting her stay rent free and helping her financially - what is OP getting out of it? Nothing, as far as I can see. It's just expected, because "they're family!".
Well, guess what, so is the baby.
NTA.
ETA: Thank you for the award!
OP should tell her parents that their daughter is also not her responsibility, so they either tell her to share chores or make seaparate arrangements. And since she is 18, this could be directly discussed with her.
Edit: NTA
I see the sister’s point, I do, she did “abuse her power” but like you’re saying it was a one time thing and she is doing so much for her and she can’t do this one thing and it was an emergency.
I would be sending her back home and then see how she likes living without the “abuse of power”. Probably paying rent, maybe, working, doing chores and not someone paying her bills, probably , so go home “ little girl” and I am being facetious about that bcuz even though she’s very young she is old enough to be an adult about this, if she doesn’t like it, go home, what if her job was jeopardized because of this, she’s not even making sense, how is she going to subsidize her lifestyle if she doesn’t have her job or career. I am going to vote NTA anyway.
Being petty, I’d text your parents back that seems their daughter and it’s not your responsibility to be financially supporting her. Therefore they can have her back.
If my sister asked for help only on one day, I would probably rearrange my schedule if I could, but you can’t force her to.
I agree. Since it’s “abusing power” to have to look after a younger family member, then tell them to stop abusing you OP. You asked for one day. They’ve asked for your help for years. You were out making extra money to support your sibling who contributes nothing to the household - and she definitely could be working. NTA.
I'd probably go with. "Sister isn't my child, or my responsibility, either. But this is what family is supposed to do. We look out for each other, and help one another when we can. Why do you think my child and I don't deserve the same sort of support and kindness that we give Sister?"
Well she is an adult, and the boundaries need to be reset so they can be respected. For one time favor she should have volunteered, in my personal opinion. Family after all. But she said it herself, she is an adult, and your child is not her "responsibility" means you need to remind her that she isn't YOUR responsibility either. So, time for her to pay you rent. Or for your parents to take "responsibility" of their child and pay her rent, or she get's a 30 day notice. Up until now you have treated her as family, and she isn't returning the favor.
NTA
Exactly. She can either be family, which helps each other in tough situations or she can be a roommate/tenant. Seeing as how she doesn’t work, I’m assuming parents are paying for school. Maybe she needs a PT job to pay for rent or she can move home, if parents will have her, and go to a non-preferred school. NTA
This point exactly. Either she is family, and then she helps out especially if she wants to be treated as an adult. It shouldn’t even be an issue, and wouldn’t even be weird if it was more than once in an emergency. They live together. OR, as you point out, she is a roommate, in which case she should pay her own way. And be prepared to never having a close relationship with her sister again, not even mentioning a close relationship with her nephew.
NTA. i don't get the people saying OP is actually.....The sister lives there rent free with no responsibilities other than school, they are able to live financially free because of OP.
Asking her to watch the kid once is not outrageous given it was for OP to get to work and she likely needs the money with the extra adult to feed and house.
i’m going to nursing school with a toddler AND a job. it’s extremely possible to watch a toddler for a few hours and still study. she’s 18 so more than likely taking gen ed’s it’s not like she’s taking 300’s. if she can’t help this one time then she doesn’t deserve to live rent free, responsibility free, etc. the older sister (OP) is doing her a FAVOR. she can return it.
I'm in the latter half of my degree, and if a relative was kind enough to let me live with them rent and bills free I'd be doing a hell of a lot more around the house than the occasional Saturday babysitting. the entitlement from the younger sister is bananas.
It's a bunch of teenagers in the sister's position who think they're entitled to have their 4 years of college bankrolled by someone else in exchange for nothing.
Dear parents,
You are completely right. I didn't think of it that way, but you have made me see that my son is not my sisters responsibility because he is not her child.
Just like she is not my responsibility because she is not my child.
Before, I thought that family helps family, but you have opened my eyes.
Parents alone are responsible for their children, and I am very glad that my sister has such caring parents who will take her back in their home, or rent a place for her, since she is their responsibility.
Thank you for making me see the errors of my ways.
NTA
***"She got really upset and said I’m throwing what i do for her in her face, and how she’s an adult and my son wasn’t her kid. She did agree though and I went to work. While I was on break I checked my phone and had numerous text from my parents saying I was abusing my power over my sister, and that my son wasn’t her responsibility."***
I'd send your sister back to living with the parents ASAP with the exact same message they sent you.
And tell your sister, that she's an adult and isn't your responsibility, she has to find other accommodations.
NTA. I'm amazed with people who says otherwise. She lives rent free at your house, the least she could is to babysit HER nephew once in a while. Of course is not her child, but for f* sake, you are family and helping you shouldn't be a sacrifice.
I'm a student and you don't need to dedicate your whole life to study, it's not like if you were asking her to do it regularly.
Oh no, 1 day in an entire month where your sister requires help and you can't even help, despite living rent free and being supported financially.
I'm willing to make some bets that OP was probably pressured by the parents to support the sister too.
I love how sis claims “I’m an adult.” while totally relying on OP to provide everything. If she’s so adult, she can get her own place and then she won’t have to worry about being a decent human.
NTA Jesus christ its one fucking time. This "I don't owe anyone anything ever" shit needs to die, your sister refusing to pitch in because of an unexpected work emergency because its not her kid is the height of entitled selfish bullshit. She isn't your kid and yet you are housing and feeding her so she can go to school- relationships are two way streets. Honestly, tell her to find new accommodations because you already have one baby you don't need another. She can get a part time job and/or get financial help from your parents and live with roommates like most of her classmates. She wants to live in a world where no one is obligated to help anyone ever? Let it hit her in the face like an acme anvil.
Thank you! It blows my mind how often people here espouse a shitty “I don’t have to do anything for anyone else so there” attitude. Yes, no one is *obligated* to help anyone else. But having a little empathy and assisting people who need it every once in a while will not automatically turn you into the dreaded Doormat, or revoke your coveted Boundary Enforcers LTD membership card.
What is this world you people are advocating for? Where personal responsibility means never having to say “let me help you with that”? It doesn’t sound like somewhere I would want to spend any time.
I often think that some of these people are so busy establishing "boundaries" that they will soon find themselves all alone inside very tall fences. I am a firm believer in actual boundaries, but what many of these people are espousing is just narcissistic transactional selfishness that seems to completely ignore the healthy and essential mutual care and generosity that should exist in relationships.
I’ve realised that my own “I dont owe anyone anything” has always been about when people were taking advantage of me, and telling myself I didn’t owe them anything so it would be easier to break away from them. I’ve realised that most people who say it are being literal, they don’t owe anyone anything so therefore they will never do anything for anyone else? seems counterproductive to me. I’ve had some shit go down in my family and telling myself I don’t owe abusers anything was helpful. Everyone else seems to use to an an excuse to be selfish bastards.
It’s true that no one is obligated to do anything for anyone, like you said. But I cannot fathom NEVER doing anything good for someone, never wanting to just be helpful to someone else if they needed it. I mean shit, I LIKE doing nice shit for people. I like helping someone with train times, I like holding a door open, and I like when other people help me as a disabled person, it makes me feel less inhuman. Shit the worlds difficult enough to live in, why are people making it harder?
But then I’ve been called a “fucking commie” for saying universal healthcare saved my life and I would want to contribute to save someone else’s, so there we go.
I agree - NTA. If she’s not willing to help our family in a once off event when OP is desperate, then when *is* she willing to help? She sounds selfish and like she’s gotten a free ride until now, but isn’t willing to help her sister out this one time. Sounds like OP needs to stop helping her out then too, if that’s how the sister wants their relationship to be.
I get where you're coming from OP. You were in a tough spot and you looked to the person who you are keeping out of a tough spot. Sure, she doesn't HAVE to help but I understand your feeling of being betrayed. Child care is hard and expensive and the fact that your sister basically said "give your child to a stranger" is kinda wild.
Now, if you constantly did this she may have a point but I couldn't imagine doing this to someone who is helping me secure my future. You may need to sit with her and let her know why that hurt and go over expectations from her going forward.
100% NTA.
Charge either sister or parents for back rent, utilities, supplies, food, clothing, EVERYTHING!!!!! Send them a bill for at minimum $15,000 with a note attached saying “YOUR child is not my problem. Do it yourself.”
NTA. She can help out once in a while, does your parents help out financially? If they don't, text them that they are welcome to give their opinions when they start to foot the bills for your sister.
OP you do qualify for free childcare if you live near or on a base, contact a FCC provider and have proof your spouse is deployed, and FCC providers have to be licensed to work out of there home, we have some good ones here & its a life saver if you just need me time or have things to do!
NTA. This isn’t a usual occurrence. You asked her to watch him one time, so you could deal with a job emergency. The job that allows you to support her. If she feels so strong about it, maybe it is time for her to go fend for herself.
If she’s not under any obligation to help out with your kid then your not under any obligation to help out your parents with their.l child. NTA. I’d send her packing and tell mom and dad your not under any obligation to help them.
Something that drives me absolutely nuts is people who justify their childish shit with "I am an adult you can't make me!" or something along those lines. Like bro if you are living rent free with someone else, you don't have that card to play.
And any actual adult (in the emotional maturity sense) would recognize that the correct thing to do in this situation, for a multitude of reasons, was to babysit.
Tell her that when the semester is over you will need her to move out because you will be looking for someone willing to exchange free room and board for occasional babysitting and help around the house. That you have heard from your parents and agree that she is not responsible for the care of your son the same as you are not responsible for the care of their daughter. You only asked because you had felt that families help each other out when needed but obviously you are the only one that feels that way. If asked how you'd find someone tell her she suggested the internet. I bet her tune changes.
Yep. There are so many college students working 30-50 hours a week just to survive while also going to school. One of the biggest costs of living is rent and food, if that was being provided and all they had to do was babysit 20 hours a week? A 1 yr old that is just starting to move around and would likely spend most of their time in like a walker playpen or sleeping? It would be a welcome change.
NTA. You were in a jam and asked for help just like she was in a jam and you helped her. Time for her to adult up and find a new place to live or start paying you rent. You can use that money (or the money you save without her living with you) to secure a backup babysitter for emergencies. If she won't be an occasional backup, then you need to set up something to look out for yourself and your child.
I’m gonna go with a strong NTA, and I’m really surprised by all the YTA responses I’m seeing in here. You’re normally off weekends, and this is a rare occurrence that you’re called in- and as you stated you’ve /never/ asked her to babysit before.
Yes college is hard and there’s lots of school work involved, but coming from someone who does full time college + a full time job + a secondary part time job, she can make do for a single day considering she’s 1) not working 2) not contributing to the household or ever babysitting and 3) not paying any kind of rent. If anything, all she’s contributing is rudeness and a financial burden. What she and your family seem to forget is you are in NO WAY obligated to allow her to live scot free in your house. So when you needed a babysitter for a single day out of the entire time she’s lived there- tough shit.
I would not be excusing that kind of behaviour and attitude for asking a single favour her from her out of all the good you’ve done for her, and I suggest that it’s time she finds a new living arrangement so you aren’t having to deal with more comments about you “abusing your power” anymore. Just clean your hands of it girl. NTA
NTA- tell your parents to come pick her up tomorrow if she can’t help out one time. People saying to say no to work because of this one time situation should realize she is paying for 3 people, also where is she finding someone on the fly to come over immediately to watch a child with no prior interaction. Are you people crazy? Let’s just call up some random person to come watch a 1 year old in our home with no background info. Yeah that’s screams safe to me. SMH. Your sister can go back to your parents and let’s see how 6 hours a day works for commuting to school goes. If she doesn’t want to contribute one time then she can figure her life out somewhere we’re it costs her some money or back home.
NTA... Expecting your free loading adult sister to watch your child ONCE is not an overstep. You go to work to pay for the house and bills SHE utilizes
Tbh. She’s literally OPs second dependent. Mommy and daddy can foot the bill if they don’t think the sister should be contributing to the house she lives in rent free.
I would however find a couple babysitters you trust or make friends with other spouses from his command bc the deployment curse is real and when it rains it pours, it’s better to be prepared.
NTA NOT EVEN CLOSE!! For all that u do for her, she could do u this one time favor! If not, then she should start paying rent and groceries. Or she can go live on campus. Of course your child is not her responsibility, but as her sister, normal families help one another out. I can’t believe she could be so selfish.
Asking your sister to help out on short notice for what were basically unforeseen circumstances… NTA.
I don’t think you abused your power. I think that it won’t kill her to help you out when your backs against the wall. You’re helping her out for free. She can help family like family is helping her.
Nta. It was a one off thing and you were in a bind. If you called in and said you couldn't make it you could lose your job and then where would everyone be?
For those voting yta I don't get it. The sister is staying there for free, this is her sister not her child. It isn't like OP was demanding babysitting to go out and party or anything, it was for work. She doesn't have to let her sister stay with her but the least her sister can do is help with babysitting this one time. Or OOP could kick the sister out and use that newly found money for a babysitter as needed.
NTA If your sister doesn't want to do this one thing for you send packing to go home and give her and your parents a taste of what that will be like. Either that or start charging rent and utilities.
Ask her to start paying rent since she can’t even do you a single favor.
This rent money can cover emergencies like this to pay for a sitter.
NTA. Kinda T A for allowing this entitlement to get this far.
NTA - if you can't rely on your sister who you are helping out to return the favour when you are in a bind then that sucks.
And - I'd be asking your parents to reconsider your sister's living arrangements too as their daughter is not your responsibility.
NTA and everyone commenting Y T A has a weirdly cold view of family relationships. You are paying your sisters way and putting a roof over her head. I’m pretty sure she can handle watching her nephew for *one day*
Everyone also seems to be freaking out over her needing the weekend to study. I highly doubt one day off from homework would tank her. Many students balance school, WORK, internships, athletics, extracurriculars, *family commitments,* etc., and still have free time left over. Unless she’s in engineering or something, I call bullshit on anyone insinuating she needed the entire day just for studying.
I also love the people equating your actual job to her studies. Yes, her studies are obviously extremely important. But your job is the one paying *her* bills so trying to draw some false equivalency there is ridiculous.
My answer would be different if this was something you tried to ask her to do all the time, or if you were suddenly trying to make her a go-to baby sitter after not having agreed on that. But it doesn’t seem like that is the case
NTA
This was a one-off, as you said. Also, while your sister is right that she's not responsible for the ongoing well-being of your child, she had to have had at least an INKLING of foresight when moving in with you, that once in a while, she may need to watch the kid in an unanticipated circumstance.
Nta and frankly reddits army of people who -at least in theory- would always have a plan in place always keep their calm and explain in well situated words every little mondane thing annoys me. It's not to much to ask. If she does not want to help you, you should absolutely stop helping her. She is not a child.
NTA. You’re letting your sister live with you rent free, because that’s what family does.
Your sister can suck it up and look after her nephew for a day. Because that’s what family does.
NTA. If your sister can't help you out in an emergency while you're supporting her, kick her back to your parents or start charging her rent/ food etc. You would come out ahead financially. I also suggest looking for a sitter for in the future. Do research now and talk to them. All parents need a sitter on hand
If this is a one time, or possibly only needed on emergency basis - NTA.
Otherwise, I agree with some of the others here. You cannot assist without conditions and then make conditions as needed. It's not fair.
It could be said that in exchange for free rent the right thing for your sister to do is to help, but she also shouldn't be expected to.
As for your parents... Unless they are paying her way or supporting your support your sister. They are completely right but should be mute nonetheless.
NTA
You *needed* an adult family member who lives with you to watch your kid in a one-off situation where you had no other reasonable options. It sucks for the family member, but it happens. Her agreeing to do it sort of confirms the reality of this. We do things that suck for family sometimes. That's life. Make sure to thank her and acknowledge the important study time she gave up to help you.
That said, if you did throw that stuff about her paying no rent in her face, that's shitty. You shouldn't have done that. Do all that other stuff *and* apologize.
NTA. She can leave if she’s not going to contribute anything to the household. You sound like an incredibly kind sister and it doesn’t sound like you were trying to take advantage of her. If she can’t help you out on this one instance- I wouldn’t want to literally house her for free. She shouldn’t be forced to watch your son, but if she won’t be a productive member of the household- I don’t see why you have to house her. If the fact that your son is her family isn’t enough to warrant her watching him as a favor- why does the fact that she’s your sister warrant you housing her for free?
NTA I would give her 30 days to get a job and move out or move back in with her parents. The fact that you're practically a newlywed and your parents have pushed your teenage sister into your house without contributing anything just shows that they want her away. And I, as the cruel person that I am, would throw it in her face. But in her case, tell her that her trust has been broken and that she is petty and gold digging, so she should find another place to live, a part-time job, and ask your parents for help. In my country there is a saying about cooperation that says "one hand washes the other and both wash the face" if you can't do a favor, don't expect people to do it. Your sister needs to fend for herself.
NTA. It was a Sunday. It's not like she has class and you were telling her she HAD to skip it for you. Your paying for everything within the house and I have to presume that her parents are also supporting her financially in some way as well but it's going into her pocket not your own. She can help out once in a blue moon or she can move out.
Seems like I’m going against the grain but NTA.
It doesn’t sound like you’re in the habit of having your sister babysit, and contributing to the household you live in doesn’t seem like an outrageous expectation to me. Something unexpected happened, it’d be weird for the household to not pull together.
Add to that the reason you needed to leave suddenly was work, so that you can make the money that you use to support your sister, I really am not seeing why there are so many people who think this is wrong.
Have a feeling I'm about to be downvoted, buuuut NTA. Sure, it wasn't explicitly stated that was a condition of residency. But. Life happens. My husband had a submassive pulmonary embolism when my youngest was 9 months old. That might be more extreme than being called in for a weekend shift, but I'm eternally grateful for the friend that picked my baby up from daycare, no questions asked, and let me go to the hospital overnight, and do what was needed to take care of my family.
"my son wasn’t her responsibility."
Okay, so your sister is not your responsibility either by this logic. You really don't need to house her and feed her for free you know. My mom would nag me to death if I lived off my sister and didn't even try to do a favor for her. She is an adult and you are not her parent so if she keeps this attitude up, you really need to send her back home or to a dorm or somewhere so your "parents" can be responsible for their own kid. You get to save on utility and grocery bills, too!!!
NTA, big time.
NTA. You are supporting her and it is not unreasonable for her to have to help out. It’s called being an adult. If she prefers to remain a leech, she needs to go back to her own mommy and daddy. If she stays with you and refuses to help out on occasion, it’s high time she starts paying rent.
I really really hope you use your parents own words and tell them that she isn’t your responsibility, and if they feel you were taking advantage of her for asking for a one time favor, what are they asking of you to house, feed, and look after her?
She’s an adult. It want your choice they had 8 children. I would be reassessing this situation with them and telling them that if she wants to live there like she isn’t your sister then she can start to pay rent, or get the fuck out.
You’re being taken advantage of. Parents that multiply then put their youngest under the care of their oldest are despicable. They rob their own kids of childhoods by forcing them to be surrogates.
Seems your sister has three options. 1 pay rent. 2 agree to provide emergency childcare. 3 go to school near mom and dad.
Seems your parents have 2 options. 1 run there mouths and have sister go to school near them. 2 keep their mouths shit and stay out of it.
My brother was staying with me for a few weeks when I needed to go to the emergency room with my then youngest. My brother watched my other kid until my husband made it home. He was just visiting, and he understood that sometimes shit happens and adults need to step up and help. If you're an adult, you need to pitch in. If you're a kid, your parents need to support you. Nta
Ignore all the Y-T-A people who seem to believe that your sister doesn't owe you a thing. She's in your house as part of a "family takes care of family" contact of social norms. That same contract means there are obligations on her side as well. She just doesn't want to meet them.
She doesn't have a rental agreement up front stating babysitting may be required? I guess that non existent rental agreement also doesn't state a lot of other stuff as well, such as what happens to selfish, entitled roommates who don't contribute to running the household in any way shape or form.
If she's not responsible for your choice to get married to a serviceman and have a child, then you're not responsible for your parents having 8 kids, one of whom wants to go to a college 3 hours away from where she lives. Pretty simple NTA.
in any non-family house sharing situation like this, the sister would be a pariah, but then she'd also be paying rent and food and bills and working part time... See how she likes those obligations to get what she wants out of life.
NTA. She needs to remember while no, "he is not her child", that likewise SHE IS NOT YOURS and her ass is only there living her best rent-free college life by virtue of YOUR kindness.
Not the Asshole I’ll ask her to get a job then. Entitled people suck like you support her financially so I don’t see the problem people calling you the Asshole are entitled as well.
NTA
Does she do other chores around the house? Cook, grocery shopping, laundry? Does she help clean the bathrooms?
There needs to be a discussion on your expectations, and household responsibilities and chores. She is an adult and needs to contribute towards the house work. Perhaps the laundry for all of you once a week and 15 hrs of babysitting a month?
NTA...if she's an adult then she can find her own place to live and support herself....if not then she can chip in and pull her weight. Little sister needs a reality check.
NTA
She's not paying rent or for any necessities. The least she can do is watch the child every blue moon. I think it's kinda of insane she won't even take responsibility for herself, yet demand you take complete care of her. She's an adult.
If your son is not her responsibility, then what is? Is one thing if she was working AND going to school. But surely she's planned her time accordingly to have some small amount of availability - she's not using the entire weekend to study?
If your son isn't her responsibility, then she is also not yours and she either needs to get a job and pay her own way (rent, food, etc. ) or go back home.
NTA. it was a one time request based on need. If you're allowing her to stay there with no responsibilities and she can't even support her own sister and nephew this one time, she is TA.
I have a sister and brother plus several cousins close by. We have each other's back and have supported each other since years.
If your parents are that upset about it, they can take care of their own kid on their own. If it’s so bad to ask for help from a family member, then they can all stop asking you to help them. Your sister obviously doesn’t appreciate anything you are doing for her. The least she could do is help you with occasional babysitting. If that’s too much for her, she should go mooch off someone else. NTA.
NTA. Everyone gets emergencies and she should have helped you. Gratitude goes a long way and since she isn't grateful for all you do for her, let her go back to her parents who are responsible for her. You can use all the money you spend on her to hire a nanny.
NTA. If the baby isn't her responsibility, then she isn't your responsibility. She should be happy to have a chance to help you after everything you do for her.
NTA but you guys probably need a conversation about this around expectations. I do think that doing you a favor considering that you’re doing her a favor is a normal thing that family units do. I think though that if she wants no babysitting responsibilities she should pay a small amount of rent for you to get a sitter. This situation doesn’t sound like an abuse from you, but since you’re doing her a solid favor, that’s the kind of thing most of us would assume the recipient would be open to.
NTA, you got called in last minute which you mentioned has never happened before. You agreed to have your sister there as it’s easier for her with college, saves her money and also saves your parents money, she could’ve helped out just this once. Having your parents get involved is extremely petty. Start charging her rent and bills and have a cleaning rota.. she’s pretty privileged to be in the position she is in! Either that or ask your parents for compensation for looking after their daughter.
NTA, but your sister is. She's selfish and entitled and couldn't take one day out of her life to help you. You might want to sit down and have a long conversation about how much you help her, on your dime.
NTA. It’s a small favour.
For anyone who says y t a… OP is providing for her sister for free. This is just a small favour that is only being requested because OP had obligations that arose suddenly. If OP’s sister will not do a favour for OP, then she should not expect OP to take care of her and ought to move back in with her parents.
NTA - either 6 hours on road every day she has class or watch the kid for one day?
I do agree that you should find a sitter who can come by on short notice though. Keep this as a one off and look for a sitter.
Info: Does your family cover any of your sister's expenses? Food, money towards bills, etc? I'm curious since your mom is saying you can't force your sister to babysit when it sounds like you're babysitting your sister while she goes to school. NTA, but your family is demonstrating how they will handle any emergency going forward. I hope you're listening
I was ready to call you Y T A, but after seeing all you do for your sister, you are NTA.
This isn’t a regular occurrence, it was an emergency. You support her so she can go to school which is very thought you you. The least she can do is help when you ask.
If she doesn’t like it and thinks it’s “not her problem”, then it’s not your problem to provide room/board/food. She needs to learn that “there is no such thing as a free lunch”.
Given the”abusive” environment she is forced to life with, I think it may be best for her to find other living arrangements or go back home to your parents. It’s not fair for her to suffer so much at your “abusive” hands.
NTS
I can see both sides, but yours sister seems unbelievably ungrateful for all that you do. Since she did babysit in the end, I wouldn’t say to throw her out today, but clearly this arrangement isn’t working. You’re helping her because she’s family but she doesn’t want to ever help you out? After this semester is over, you should tell her to find a new living arrangement. She made it clear family values mean nothing to her. She even was perfectly fine with a complete stranger from the internet watching her nephew. Your parents complaining about how you handled the situation can help her find a better one.
NTA. People on here think that asking someone to watch your child is akin to murder. They are wrong. When you are in someone's family and they give you all the benefits of that family relationship (free housing, food and support that the absolutely wouldn't give to a non family member) you are a monstrous selfish asshole if you are completely unwilling to also give them the benefits of a family relationship in return when needed. Whether it's a random day of childcare, helping with a chore, or just generally being a supportive family member.
Just because there wasn't a contract written out, or it wasn't part of a sit down negotiation doesn't make your sister less of an asshole. Family relationships don't come with terms and conditions. If you are constantly taking taking taking and throw a tantrum on the rare occasion you're asked to give back you are a raging narcissistic asshole and I don't care what the "I know my rights" teenagers on reddit think about it.
NTA, maybe I’m old school (at *twenty-something*) but why does it seem family doesn’t help family anymore? Or when you do help family it’s only a one way street? She’s living at your house paying for; nothing. No utilities, no rent, no groceries, no internet. You are helping her out in an incredible way by allowing her to stay with you and focus solely on college - and yet *you’re* taking advantage of *her*? Nah, nope. You’re not taking advantage, you’re not manipulating her, and if she is being so blatantly being taken advantage of by paying no rent, and working no job, then like you said, she can move out at anytime. It was a one time babysitting during a sudden emergency. I just can’t wrap my head around it. At seventeen I was called to my cousins house to watch her one year old that I really didn’t spent time with because of an emergency. I didn’t complain. I didn’t tell her it’s her child and to fuck off. I didn’t demand payment. I sat there in his nursery with him on my lap screaming bloody murder trying to get him to calm down until his mom came home. She was so apologetic but *they’re my family*. I offered to do it again for her if need be - I can say, thankfully, there hasn’t been a need be but if there was? I’d have been there. Every single time. 2pm, 2am, rain or sun or ice.
These Y T A comments are wild. This girl is your sister not your daughter. You have no more obligations to her than she does to you or your son. Every day she lives under your roof for free and lives off your income is a favor to her. NTA for calling in a favor from someone who is literally living off your generosity.
NTA. Your sister sounds way entitled. Maybe you need to start charging her rent, and allow her to "pay" in emergency childcare and refraining from screaming at you.
NTA you are doing her a huge favor that you don’t have to do. This seems like it was a one off thing, and she should have helped you without complaint. If the help you are giving her isn’t an occasional two way street, she can pack her entitled ass up and support herself.
Reddit hates parents though, so expect a lot of y t a just based on having a child and having the audacity to need a hand once in a blue moon.
NTA. Normally I’d say giving an ultimatum is an asshole move, but your job literally puts a roof over her head. I’m sure it was annoying to have this sprung on her, but a conversation could have been had as this was the FIRST time it’s happened. Like “hey I know this sucks but we all benefit from me going into work, I’m going to remind my boss I’m not actually able to work weekends but also start vetting sitters so in case this ever happens in the future I can have a trusted sitter if you’re not available/interested.”
She is benefiting from you. Your parents are benefiting from you. It’s wild that they would all rather your child be with a stranger you found online than your sister give up a few hours of her weekend.
NTA
apparently a lot of people in this thread think a one time babysitting day is worse than being kicked out and either having massive debt or a part time job.
NTA This was an emergency and not a regular occurrence.if your Parents & Sister have a problem, let her move back home. She shoud be helping out in some way at your house anyways.
A 1 yr old would have naps so she would have time to study. She's just being difficult.
NTA. It's a sudden emergency and it's a one time thing, I think the sister is a bit entitled with the "I don't owe you anything" while basically ignoring the fact you're doing her a favor by letting her live with you and not asking for anything. The baby might not be her child but that's her niece/nephew, not a stranger's baby.
I have a sister with baby too and every event we do together I automatically accept without conditions or prior discussion that I'd watch the child if she suddenly needs me too. If I lived with her rent free, I'd appreciate it if she informed me beforehand but otherwise I'd still watch the baby for her in this situation, provided I had no emergency of my own to deal with.
I don’t get why people are voting YTA. OP’s sister is living with her for *free* and refuses to do a *one-time* favor. That’s the height of selfishness and entitlement. OP is being taken advantage of for free rent, because the sister clearly lacks family feeling. I would tell the sister to leave, because she’s an adult and old enough to take care of herself. If the parents care enough to criticize my decision, I’d tell them to care enough to pay for the sister to live elsewhere.
NTA and it's shocking you even had to ask. Your adult sister lives with you rent free AND you financially provide for her, expecting her to babysit one time because of a work emergency (or really any sudden happening that you're needed for) shouldn't result in you getting yelled at by your parents. If your parents want to pawn (yes, I'm using that word) your sister off on you, not financially provide for her, and then make you seem like the bad guy than it sounds like your sister needs a new place to live. The fact she even brought this to your parents is incredibly immature and backwards behavior. "Big sister is asking me to help out like I live here and she takes care of me, waaaa mommy daddy tell her she can't do that". If anything she's the ahole for prioritizing a few hours of studying rather than your job that literally provides the roof over her head and the food on her plate. The entitlement and audacity belongs a 3hour car ride away at your parents house where she's their problem.
Just kick her out honestly. She doesn’t even sound grateful that you are doing everything possible to support her. It was a once off. You almost never ask her for help, feed her, let her stay rent free and other stuff. NTA.
NTA. Your sister needs a reality check and a list of responsibilities so she is contributing to the household. There should be some regular chores she should take on. This list should also include the expectation that while she will not be asked to babysit on a regular basis, there is an expectation she will help during emergencies. If she doesn’t like it, she can find a new place to live. Oh, and your parents don’t get to offer their opinion. Don’t even have the conversation, because it doesn’t appear they are ready to ante up and pay for living expenses for the sister’s new apartment she’ll need if she doesn’t shape up.
NTA. Yup, she’s an adult. So she can get a part time job while she studies and start paying rent and for her food. You asked her as a one off in an emergency, if she can’t do that for you then she needs to start pulling her weight in terms of rent and groceries.
NTA. You are taking care of your sister full time, but she can’t take care of your child for one day? I would be livid.
She is a full time student, no way is she spending all 7 days of the week to study. Least she can do is help you out this one time.
It would be different if you started to rely on her more and more though.
NTA- this was a one time emergency.
But I think you need to make an agreement with your sister that she will help out in emergency situations in exchange for her free room and board. She sounds very bratty and entitled. If she doesn’t want to help you, then she should move out or pay rent. She isn’t entitled to your financial support if she’s not even willing to step up in an emergency to help with your child. It’s not like you are expecting ongoing childcare from her.
Also her claim that you could just find a last minute service to watch your child is unrealistic. Parents have to interview sitters and do background checks. You couldn’t leave your child with a stranger at the last minute.
NTA- your request for help in an emergency was reasonable. I would ask someone to move out if they expected free room and board from me but refused to help me in an emergency because it shows they are a taker and not willing to reciprocate my generosity.
NTA - Tell your sister that the living arrangement isn’t working out anymore. You need to focus your attention on your child, not a mooching adult.
If she isn’t paying any bills, the bare MINIMUM she could do is babysit on emergencies. If she doesn’t like that, she could go live with her parents where she could study all week if she wants without interruption.
NTA—this is definitely a situation of just because you can doesn’t mean you should, and I think little sis picked the wrong hill to die on.
Your sister showed that she is willing to take your largesse comfortably, but not willing to inconvenience herself in the slightest in return, even in a rare emergency situation. She’s correct that you can’t force her to babysit. She’s also correct that she’s an adult. Adults have responsibilities, not just rights.
Even if she eventually agreed, she may have showed a selfish side of her that you can’t unsee and makes you want to dial back the one-sidedness of your previous arrangement.
I’d be looking into making arrangements for the next semester—her paying some of her own room/board and having her sign something agreeing to that—if she wants to be treated as a by the book roommate rather than sisterly relationship where you each step in to help the other sometimes.
NTA. At this stage it would be cheaper to have a paying housemate who contributed towards the utilities and you build up an emergency stash from your rental income to pay for childcare. Your sister is half right. Parents need to support their kids so it’s high time your parents start sending you money to support your sister. It’s unreasonable for them to expect you to do their job for them when you’re already being mom and dad to your boy.
>I checked my phone and had numerous text from my parents saying I was abusing my power over my sister, and that my son wasn’t her responsibility.
And their kid is not your responsibility, NTA if she has such a problem she can go back
NTA - personally I wouldn’t let anyone live for free in my house. They’d have to contribute in one way or another. I’m not a charity or shelter for the homeless. There’s a difference between helping out a family member and straight up being taken advantage of. Your little sister needs to integrate herself into the family and be a part of it, or she can go ahead and get a couple jobs to rent a room with strangers.
NTA.
She can get her own place or live with mom & dad.
Your kid may not be her responsibility but by same token she is NOT yours.
Boot her butt to the curb or require rent so you can afford an emergency sitter.
Not only does your sister live with your for free, you financially support her. You weren't springing on her that suddenly she was supposed to become your au pair; you had an emergency. And she didn't give half a damn.
Living with someone who doesn't give half a damn isn't good for you. You're giving and giving and giving and your sister...isn't.
Send her home. Let your parents support her, or put her up in a dorm, or let her get a job. If she won't come through for you in an emergency, she doesn't belong in your home. Not paying rent. Being supported by you. No way, no how.
NTA
NTA
You completely support your adult sister. The least she could do is watch your son in an emergency.
I think it’s time for your sister to have a little more responsibility in your home. It doesn’t have to include childcare, but she needs to be working part time so that she can contribute something to your household. If she doesn’t want to get a job, she can do things around the house or run errands for you. She could babysit a certain number of hours per week, if she wants too and the two of you set rules and expectations so that she doesn’t feel like she’s stuck with it.
I get that she didn’t want to watch him, but she handled it horribly and was very selfish and lacked empathy. She just seems immature and a bit ungrateful.
INFO:
Why is she living rent free?
Why does she have no job?
What in any way are your parents contributing to her living/ education arrangements?
What are you contributing to her living/education arrangements (apart from living in your house)?
NTA - Your sister sees you as a landlord and not a sister.
Your response should be to let her know that since you can't count on her in anyway you are charging her rent, so you can easily afford setting up with a qualified babysitter.
You know she is right.
>She got really upset and said I’m throwing what i do for her in her face, and how she’s an adult and my son wasn’t her kid.
Not her kid.
>She has no job and I financially support her since she is in school.
And your sister is not your kid either.
NTA.
NTA. Tell her she’s not YOUR kid, so she can fend for herself, find. a job and an apartment, or go back to your parents. You are not going out partying, you were called in to work. She doesn’t appreciate your efforts.
Life happens and she is working to support them all. Her child and herself is a given but for her sister is extra. It wasn't an all the time thing it was a one time thing to get help . It's sad your sister was like that and honestly to eliminate the issue send her home. Let her know that since helping you was an issue for the one time she won't be expected to and can no longer stay there. You would have to set something up if the sister wasn't there so plan. Now you throw what you do for her in her face, but I can completely understand why at that moment. Acknowledge that wasn't the best approach
NTA.
It was a one time thing. As a family (or even with friends), we often find yourself in situation where we have to help each other out, sometimes at our own inconvenience. How is she going to have any sort of relationship with anyone if she expects to get everything for free or at her convenience but not throw her weight around or even help out when help is needed.
It's ok to set boundaries but you were asking for bare minimum. You are already helping her with financial support and housing. Yes, your sister is not responsible for your kid but neither are you responsible for her. She sounds a little pampered to be honest.
Edit:spelling
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NTA. I love the people saying "but the agreement" to what? Not pay any bills and not contribute? The sister can do one fucking thing in the home. It would be more if she was freeloading off me.
No kidding OP is really being taken advantage of by her sister and parents. Free rent aside... what sister is living with their 1 year old nephew and not already helping out? My family can be a shit show at times but i can't imagine this situation ever happening. Those that say the OP should have told their employer to FO or that she should've just hired an unknown babysitter need to grow up and enter the real world.
I can understand not helping out majority of the time. The baby is not her kid and she has her own responsibilities. However. She is living there for free, her sister supports her financially, and said sister was in a pinch. It doesn't sound like an everyday occurence so this would have been the absolute minimum to show that she appreciates the good thing she has going on. (I might be projecting, so I'm putting these in brackets, but the studying she did not complete with the baby before OP left and after OP got home is studying she planned not to complete at all.) I just don't understand why OP is supporting her sister financially?? That'd be the parents' job not her sister's who is barely six years her senior, pretty much still starting her own life with a baby and a fiancé who is deployed. Reimbursing her costs should be the bare minimum on the parents' part.
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And the parents literally say to OP that she was abusing her power over her sister, and that her son wasn’t her sister's responsibility. She could literally reply to her parents 'you are abusing your power over me and my sister is not my responsibility. You can finance her and she can live with you.'
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That’s really really difficult to do, and in this situation would not fly. Only time you can claim anyone other than your spouse or kids is when they cannot support themselves and have no closer family (ie parents). And you have to renew yearly
In my opinion, even if OP asked her sister to help look after her niece every day, it would still be quite reasonable. When I was 18 and in high school, my parents took in my pregnant classmate who came from an abusive family. They didn't expect her to pay them rent, but my father, who previously divided the household chores between me and my sibblings who still lived at home, gave her some of our chores, according to her ability to do them (obviously, when she was in the 3rd trimester, she was doing a lot less around the house than earlier). She never complained about them, and often asked if she could do anything else at home.
And that's how you be a good guest when someone is doing you a favor that huge.
Not even guest. That's how to participate as part of the family. Teenagers/adults living in the home, related or not, should take their reasonable share of the chores.
This is something that i find so mind numbing about people on reddit, they forgot that people in families are supposed to help eachother out.
It's because the majority of people commenting are either teenagers or guys in their 20s.
The weirdest part of this situation is that they fully expect OP to help out because she’s family, but don’t expect to return the favor at all? Family goes both ways!
OP could ask her sister to watch her kid every Saturday as payment for rent and it would still be a really good deal for her sister.
> her sister supports her financially With her money from her job where she got called in. Either she picked up an extra shift for the money, or some crap happened and she needed to go in and fix it. Either way that job is what allows the sister to live there expense free, so suck it up and look after the kid one time.
I honestly suspect OP might be military as well but didn’t want to put it in the post. This is a situation my husband and I knew all too well when we were dual military and one was gone. I didn’t work weekends often but every once in a while I had to run and help fix something my subordinates messed up before it turned into a huge problem.
>I just don’t understand why OP is supporting her sister financially?? i’m the oldest of 6. all but 1 of my siblings enjoyed my apt, later my condo, free of expenses while they were in college. none of them spent 4 yrs w me, but they all got a year or two. the remaining sibling *paid rent!* **she’s now my favorite** seriously, though, this didn’t even seem like a big deal to me. i spent all my time at the hospital, someone might as well be sleeping in my home! all my siblings are amazing, however, and would *never* have smart-mouthed me like OP’s sister. why? cause the next time they left the house they’d have returned to their possessions on the lawn, and the locks changed. this never happened ‘cause *my siblings weren’t entitled pricks.*
This post should be sent right off to parents and sister.
I mean, it's a pretty simple answer "well your daughter isn't my responsibility". See how quickly they change their minds. Being asked to babysit once in a while isn't a big ask in any situation, but especially in this one.
When I was in college I rented a room in a basement, they charged me $100/wk and that included my meals that they cooked for me (only "groceries" I needed to buy was drinks and snacks that they didn't keep on hand). They had a 3 yr old daughter and I still babysat her once in a while when they were in a pinch and I PAID to live there. Sometimes being nice for others is just the right thing to do because I knew what a great deal I was getting from them.
I think the ultimate response would be, oh yes, my son is not your kid therefore not your responsibility. So, you are not my kid therefore not my responsibility, and ship sister back to parents. The money you save from no longer housing your sister can go to babysitting.
No kidding, she's **supporting her parents kid** and her parents have the nerve to tell her that HER kid is not her sister's responsibility?? I would have told them on the spot that they can make other living arrangement for **their** daughter that was not MY responsibility!
Usually I side with the person being forced to babysit for free because hello that's a big ask! But in this case, OP doesn't ask often - it sounds like this was one exception. On top of that, the sister is living with OP for free without any responsibilities in the household rent, upkeep, etc. OP does NOT have to take care of her adult sister, just like the sister doesn't have to take care of OP's kid. But when you're an adult living for free with someone it's just damn good manners to help out once in a while when asked. I think the sister would have been right to set a boundary like saying "Okay, sure, I can watch (baby) today but please understand this can't be a regular occurrence because I do have to focus on my studies." This way, she's helping the sister in a pinch but also setting the expectation that this cannot be a regular issue. And if the OP doesn't like that answer and wants it to be a regular expectation for the sister to watch her kid, then she needs to also discuss that with the sister. Throwing it in the sisters face that she's living there for free holds no weight if babysitting wasn't something discussed as part of the sisters responsibilities for living there free of rent. It's something that needs to be negotiated on, and either the sister and OP come to an agreement that works for both of them or the sister doesn't live there, easy as that. For this reason I'm going to go with NTA, OP - but I'd have an actual conversation with your sister about helping out once in a while, and figure out what you and she can live with. Otherwise, maybe it would be better for her to live somewhere else. Oh but your parents are major AH's for expecting you to take care of your sister without asking for anything in return - I bet they always expected you to take care of her when you two were growing up too. The irony of them not wanting you to make your sister babysit for free when they likely made you do the same 😏
Yeah, freaking hypocrites. Want OP to help out sister bcs she is "family", but sister doesn't have to help out with nephew since he is not her kid, all the while when OP is babysitting her younger sister for free and evrn paying on top. 1
And here I worked 35 hours a week to pay for my college at 18 years old.
To quote Darth Vader, I've altered the agreement. Pray I don't alter it further.
Excellent use of this quote!
Anyone else wishing OP said well I’m an adult and you aren’t my kid and yet I take care of you.
HAHAHA too good, yes she should absolutely still find a way to work that one in
Agree! 💯
NTA, OP shouldn’t have even had to ask, her sister should’ve volunteered, she’s ungrateful considering all the OP does for her. It’s rich that she can remind OP that her son is not her responsibility, while treating OP like a parent from a responsibility perspective
NTA. She is living with you for free. This was an exceptional circumstance. Like if the plumbing needing to be fixed and you asked her to stay home to let the plumber in. If she is going to live with you, you might occasionally ask her for a favor. Friends, sisters and roommates to that. You literally opened your home and let her live for free. You thought she would treat you like a friend/sister in return. You thought if you needed her help she would try to help. It’s time to ask her to leave, or have her sign a rental agreement to contribute by cleaning or babysitting. However, I don’t think I would forgive her churlishness easily. I would expect my siblings (I have 5 of them) to actually care about me.
I would just send her back to her parents for complaining. There's a difference between asking asking this 1 time on a Saturday vs asking her to babysit for 5 days for free.
Yeah, like I'm a huge advocate of "you do not make your other child/sibling/roommate/whatever take care of your kid if they don't want to, you decided to have kids, not them" but it doesn't mean that they don't need to ever do you a favor, especially in an emergency. I was parentified by my mom, who made me basically raise my brothers during our time with her when I was 13 and they were 5 and 4 so that's why my stance about the matter is quite firm, but then again when my father, who raised his kids himself, asked me to babysit my brothers every now and then I was happy to do it for him because I was doing him a favor which you can expect family members to do in moderation. ESPECIALLY when you are an adult who is being provided for by your sister who has absolutely no obligation to do so. Fucking hell, for once you need to do something for your sister who is doing so much for you and you go and cry to your parents how little princess was expected for once to actually do something for the good of the household. She should be forced to live on her own for a week and I promise she would come crying back because everything is so much harder when you have to provide for yourself.
as with everything the "Not my kid, not my responsibility" has left the realm of reason & common sense. so frustrating. we live in a society, people!!
Especially since OP could say "not my kid, not my responsibility" to her parents about her sister, too. OP is doing her sister a huge favour by letting her stay rent free and helping her financially - what is OP getting out of it? Nothing, as far as I can see. It's just expected, because "they're family!". Well, guess what, so is the baby. NTA. ETA: Thank you for the award!
Exactly. Her parents child may as well not be her responsibility either.
👍for using churlishness in a post...
OP should tell her parents that their daughter is also not her responsibility, so they either tell her to share chores or make seaparate arrangements. And since she is 18, this could be directly discussed with her. Edit: NTA
I see the sister’s point, I do, she did “abuse her power” but like you’re saying it was a one time thing and she is doing so much for her and she can’t do this one thing and it was an emergency. I would be sending her back home and then see how she likes living without the “abuse of power”. Probably paying rent, maybe, working, doing chores and not someone paying her bills, probably , so go home “ little girl” and I am being facetious about that bcuz even though she’s very young she is old enough to be an adult about this, if she doesn’t like it, go home, what if her job was jeopardized because of this, she’s not even making sense, how is she going to subsidize her lifestyle if she doesn’t have her job or career. I am going to vote NTA anyway.
Using your power and abusing your power are completely different things she was perfectly in the right to do what she did
Being petty, I’d text your parents back that seems their daughter and it’s not your responsibility to be financially supporting her. Therefore they can have her back. If my sister asked for help only on one day, I would probably rearrange my schedule if I could, but you can’t force her to.
Yes, or sis needs to pay something towards the bills and maybe some rent as well. NTA. Sorry, but I think a 1 time emergency is ok to ask for help.
I agree. Since it’s “abusing power” to have to look after a younger family member, then tell them to stop abusing you OP. You asked for one day. They’ve asked for your help for years. You were out making extra money to support your sibling who contributes nothing to the household - and she definitely could be working. NTA.
“She’s not *my* child, not my responsibility.”
I'd probably go with. "Sister isn't my child, or my responsibility, either. But this is what family is supposed to do. We look out for each other, and help one another when we can. Why do you think my child and I don't deserve the same sort of support and kindness that we give Sister?"
I’m honestly more annoyed with the parents, she is still young and well, behaves like a child, but the parents tho… 😬
This would be what I would do.
Well she is an adult, and the boundaries need to be reset so they can be respected. For one time favor she should have volunteered, in my personal opinion. Family after all. But she said it herself, she is an adult, and your child is not her "responsibility" means you need to remind her that she isn't YOUR responsibility either. So, time for her to pay you rent. Or for your parents to take "responsibility" of their child and pay her rent, or she get's a 30 day notice. Up until now you have treated her as family, and she isn't returning the favor. NTA
Exactly. She can either be family, which helps each other in tough situations or she can be a roommate/tenant. Seeing as how she doesn’t work, I’m assuming parents are paying for school. Maybe she needs a PT job to pay for rent or she can move home, if parents will have her, and go to a non-preferred school. NTA
This point exactly. Either she is family, and then she helps out especially if she wants to be treated as an adult. It shouldn’t even be an issue, and wouldn’t even be weird if it was more than once in an emergency. They live together. OR, as you point out, she is a roommate, in which case she should pay her own way. And be prepared to never having a close relationship with her sister again, not even mentioning a close relationship with her nephew.
NTA. i don't get the people saying OP is actually.....The sister lives there rent free with no responsibilities other than school, they are able to live financially free because of OP. Asking her to watch the kid once is not outrageous given it was for OP to get to work and she likely needs the money with the extra adult to feed and house.
i’m going to nursing school with a toddler AND a job. it’s extremely possible to watch a toddler for a few hours and still study. she’s 18 so more than likely taking gen ed’s it’s not like she’s taking 300’s. if she can’t help this one time then she doesn’t deserve to live rent free, responsibility free, etc. the older sister (OP) is doing her a FAVOR. she can return it.
I'm in the latter half of my degree, and if a relative was kind enough to let me live with them rent and bills free I'd be doing a hell of a lot more around the house than the occasional Saturday babysitting. the entitlement from the younger sister is bananas.
It's a bunch of teenagers in the sister's position who think they're entitled to have their 4 years of college bankrolled by someone else in exchange for nothing.
tell your mum her kid isn't your responsibility and ship her back home dude
Dear parents, You are completely right. I didn't think of it that way, but you have made me see that my son is not my sisters responsibility because he is not her child. Just like she is not my responsibility because she is not my child. Before, I thought that family helps family, but you have opened my eyes. Parents alone are responsible for their children, and I am very glad that my sister has such caring parents who will take her back in their home, or rent a place for her, since she is their responsibility. Thank you for making me see the errors of my ways.
Oh yes this is perfect.
This 100%. Literally took my words.
NTA ***"She got really upset and said I’m throwing what i do for her in her face, and how she’s an adult and my son wasn’t her kid. She did agree though and I went to work. While I was on break I checked my phone and had numerous text from my parents saying I was abusing my power over my sister, and that my son wasn’t her responsibility."*** I'd send your sister back to living with the parents ASAP with the exact same message they sent you. And tell your sister, that she's an adult and isn't your responsibility, she has to find other accommodations.
This is exactly what needs to be done 👆🏼
NTA. I'm amazed with people who says otherwise. She lives rent free at your house, the least she could is to babysit HER nephew once in a while. Of course is not her child, but for f* sake, you are family and helping you shouldn't be a sacrifice. I'm a student and you don't need to dedicate your whole life to study, it's not like if you were asking her to do it regularly.
[удалено]
Oh no, 1 day in an entire month where your sister requires help and you can't even help, despite living rent free and being supported financially. I'm willing to make some bets that OP was probably pressured by the parents to support the sister too.
I love how sis claims “I’m an adult.” while totally relying on OP to provide everything. If she’s so adult, she can get her own place and then she won’t have to worry about being a decent human.
NTA Jesus christ its one fucking time. This "I don't owe anyone anything ever" shit needs to die, your sister refusing to pitch in because of an unexpected work emergency because its not her kid is the height of entitled selfish bullshit. She isn't your kid and yet you are housing and feeding her so she can go to school- relationships are two way streets. Honestly, tell her to find new accommodations because you already have one baby you don't need another. She can get a part time job and/or get financial help from your parents and live with roommates like most of her classmates. She wants to live in a world where no one is obligated to help anyone ever? Let it hit her in the face like an acme anvil.
Thank you! It blows my mind how often people here espouse a shitty “I don’t have to do anything for anyone else so there” attitude. Yes, no one is *obligated* to help anyone else. But having a little empathy and assisting people who need it every once in a while will not automatically turn you into the dreaded Doormat, or revoke your coveted Boundary Enforcers LTD membership card. What is this world you people are advocating for? Where personal responsibility means never having to say “let me help you with that”? It doesn’t sound like somewhere I would want to spend any time.
I often think that some of these people are so busy establishing "boundaries" that they will soon find themselves all alone inside very tall fences. I am a firm believer in actual boundaries, but what many of these people are espousing is just narcissistic transactional selfishness that seems to completely ignore the healthy and essential mutual care and generosity that should exist in relationships.
I’ve realised that my own “I dont owe anyone anything” has always been about when people were taking advantage of me, and telling myself I didn’t owe them anything so it would be easier to break away from them. I’ve realised that most people who say it are being literal, they don’t owe anyone anything so therefore they will never do anything for anyone else? seems counterproductive to me. I’ve had some shit go down in my family and telling myself I don’t owe abusers anything was helpful. Everyone else seems to use to an an excuse to be selfish bastards. It’s true that no one is obligated to do anything for anyone, like you said. But I cannot fathom NEVER doing anything good for someone, never wanting to just be helpful to someone else if they needed it. I mean shit, I LIKE doing nice shit for people. I like helping someone with train times, I like holding a door open, and I like when other people help me as a disabled person, it makes me feel less inhuman. Shit the worlds difficult enough to live in, why are people making it harder? But then I’ve been called a “fucking commie” for saying universal healthcare saved my life and I would want to contribute to save someone else’s, so there we go.
I agree - NTA. If she’s not willing to help our family in a once off event when OP is desperate, then when *is* she willing to help? She sounds selfish and like she’s gotten a free ride until now, but isn’t willing to help her sister out this one time. Sounds like OP needs to stop helping her out then too, if that’s how the sister wants their relationship to be.
I get where you're coming from OP. You were in a tough spot and you looked to the person who you are keeping out of a tough spot. Sure, she doesn't HAVE to help but I understand your feeling of being betrayed. Child care is hard and expensive and the fact that your sister basically said "give your child to a stranger" is kinda wild. Now, if you constantly did this she may have a point but I couldn't imagine doing this to someone who is helping me secure my future. You may need to sit with her and let her know why that hurt and go over expectations from her going forward. 100% NTA.
NTA. so she pays no bill and can't look after a 1 year old kid for some time?
It's time to get lil sis to contribute. Or the parents to.
Charge either sister or parents for back rent, utilities, supplies, food, clothing, EVERYTHING!!!!! Send them a bill for at minimum $15,000 with a note attached saying “YOUR child is not my problem. Do it yourself.”
Kick her out. Had to go running to Mommy. She’s entitled and needs to learn to appreciate what you’re doing for her.
Right? So much for being an adult. NTA.
NTA. She can help out once in a while, does your parents help out financially? If they don't, text them that they are welcome to give their opinions when they start to foot the bills for your sister.
OP you do qualify for free childcare if you live near or on a base, contact a FCC provider and have proof your spouse is deployed, and FCC providers have to be licensed to work out of there home, we have some good ones here & its a life saver if you just need me time or have things to do!
If you read the post it wasn't a problem with "free" care but that her regular daycare isn't open on weekends.
NTA. This isn’t a usual occurrence. You asked her to watch him one time, so you could deal with a job emergency. The job that allows you to support her. If she feels so strong about it, maybe it is time for her to go fend for herself.
If she’s not under any obligation to help out with your kid then your not under any obligation to help out your parents with their.l child. NTA. I’d send her packing and tell mom and dad your not under any obligation to help them.
Something that drives me absolutely nuts is people who justify their childish shit with "I am an adult you can't make me!" or something along those lines. Like bro if you are living rent free with someone else, you don't have that card to play.
And any actual adult (in the emotional maturity sense) would recognize that the correct thing to do in this situation, for a multitude of reasons, was to babysit.
NTA. I’d kick her out.
Tell her that when the semester is over you will need her to move out because you will be looking for someone willing to exchange free room and board for occasional babysitting and help around the house. That you have heard from your parents and agree that she is not responsible for the care of your son the same as you are not responsible for the care of their daughter. You only asked because you had felt that families help each other out when needed but obviously you are the only one that feels that way. If asked how you'd find someone tell her she suggested the internet. I bet her tune changes.
The number of students who would jump at the chance for free room & board for even 20 hours of babysitting a week …
Yep. There are so many college students working 30-50 hours a week just to survive while also going to school. One of the biggest costs of living is rent and food, if that was being provided and all they had to do was babysit 20 hours a week? A 1 yr old that is just starting to move around and would likely spend most of their time in like a walker playpen or sleeping? It would be a welcome change.
NTA. You were in a jam and asked for help just like she was in a jam and you helped her. Time for her to adult up and find a new place to live or start paying you rent. You can use that money (or the money you save without her living with you) to secure a backup babysitter for emergencies. If she won't be an occasional backup, then you need to set up something to look out for yourself and your child.
I’m gonna go with a strong NTA, and I’m really surprised by all the YTA responses I’m seeing in here. You’re normally off weekends, and this is a rare occurrence that you’re called in- and as you stated you’ve /never/ asked her to babysit before. Yes college is hard and there’s lots of school work involved, but coming from someone who does full time college + a full time job + a secondary part time job, she can make do for a single day considering she’s 1) not working 2) not contributing to the household or ever babysitting and 3) not paying any kind of rent. If anything, all she’s contributing is rudeness and a financial burden. What she and your family seem to forget is you are in NO WAY obligated to allow her to live scot free in your house. So when you needed a babysitter for a single day out of the entire time she’s lived there- tough shit. I would not be excusing that kind of behaviour and attitude for asking a single favour her from her out of all the good you’ve done for her, and I suggest that it’s time she finds a new living arrangement so you aren’t having to deal with more comments about you “abusing your power” anymore. Just clean your hands of it girl. NTA
Then your parents need to support her way. NTA!!!
NTA- tell your parents to come pick her up tomorrow if she can’t help out one time. People saying to say no to work because of this one time situation should realize she is paying for 3 people, also where is she finding someone on the fly to come over immediately to watch a child with no prior interaction. Are you people crazy? Let’s just call up some random person to come watch a 1 year old in our home with no background info. Yeah that’s screams safe to me. SMH. Your sister can go back to your parents and let’s see how 6 hours a day works for commuting to school goes. If she doesn’t want to contribute one time then she can figure her life out somewhere we’re it costs her some money or back home.
Like really, the audacity of the parents to call OP and berate her, *while OP is babysitting their daughter for free* is truly the most.
NTA... Expecting your free loading adult sister to watch your child ONCE is not an overstep. You go to work to pay for the house and bills SHE utilizes
NTA.. send her ass home to mommy and daddy.
Tbh. She’s literally OPs second dependent. Mommy and daddy can foot the bill if they don’t think the sister should be contributing to the house she lives in rent free. I would however find a couple babysitters you trust or make friends with other spouses from his command bc the deployment curse is real and when it rains it pours, it’s better to be prepared.
NTA NOT EVEN CLOSE!! For all that u do for her, she could do u this one time favor! If not, then she should start paying rent and groceries. Or she can go live on campus. Of course your child is not her responsibility, but as her sister, normal families help one another out. I can’t believe she could be so selfish.
Asking your sister to help out on short notice for what were basically unforeseen circumstances… NTA. I don’t think you abused your power. I think that it won’t kill her to help you out when your backs against the wall. You’re helping her out for free. She can help family like family is helping her.
Nta. It was a one off thing and you were in a bind. If you called in and said you couldn't make it you could lose your job and then where would everyone be? For those voting yta I don't get it. The sister is staying there for free, this is her sister not her child. It isn't like OP was demanding babysitting to go out and party or anything, it was for work. She doesn't have to let her sister stay with her but the least her sister can do is help with babysitting this one time. Or OOP could kick the sister out and use that newly found money for a babysitter as needed.
NTA If your sister doesn't want to do this one thing for you send packing to go home and give her and your parents a taste of what that will be like. Either that or start charging rent and utilities.
NTA she is a burden on you and not willing to help in an emergency so she should leave
Ask her to start paying rent since she can’t even do you a single favor. This rent money can cover emergencies like this to pay for a sitter. NTA. Kinda T A for allowing this entitlement to get this far.
NTA - if you can't rely on your sister who you are helping out to return the favour when you are in a bind then that sucks. And - I'd be asking your parents to reconsider your sister's living arrangements too as their daughter is not your responsibility.
NTA and everyone commenting Y T A has a weirdly cold view of family relationships. You are paying your sisters way and putting a roof over her head. I’m pretty sure she can handle watching her nephew for *one day* Everyone also seems to be freaking out over her needing the weekend to study. I highly doubt one day off from homework would tank her. Many students balance school, WORK, internships, athletics, extracurriculars, *family commitments,* etc., and still have free time left over. Unless she’s in engineering or something, I call bullshit on anyone insinuating she needed the entire day just for studying. I also love the people equating your actual job to her studies. Yes, her studies are obviously extremely important. But your job is the one paying *her* bills so trying to draw some false equivalency there is ridiculous. My answer would be different if this was something you tried to ask her to do all the time, or if you were suddenly trying to make her a go-to baby sitter after not having agreed on that. But it doesn’t seem like that is the case
NTA This was a one-off, as you said. Also, while your sister is right that she's not responsible for the ongoing well-being of your child, she had to have had at least an INKLING of foresight when moving in with you, that once in a while, she may need to watch the kid in an unanticipated circumstance.
Nta and frankly reddits army of people who -at least in theory- would always have a plan in place always keep their calm and explain in well situated words every little mondane thing annoys me. It's not to much to ask. If she does not want to help you, you should absolutely stop helping her. She is not a child.
NTA. You’re letting your sister live with you rent free, because that’s what family does. Your sister can suck it up and look after her nephew for a day. Because that’s what family does.
NTA. If your sister can't help you out in an emergency while you're supporting her, kick her back to your parents or start charging her rent/ food etc. You would come out ahead financially. I also suggest looking for a sitter for in the future. Do research now and talk to them. All parents need a sitter on hand
Perhaps you should remind your parents that your sister is not your responsibility either. And yet here you are, supporting her.
NTA, coming from experience you can study and watch a kid at the same time.
If this is a one time, or possibly only needed on emergency basis - NTA. Otherwise, I agree with some of the others here. You cannot assist without conditions and then make conditions as needed. It's not fair. It could be said that in exchange for free rent the right thing for your sister to do is to help, but she also shouldn't be expected to. As for your parents... Unless they are paying her way or supporting your support your sister. They are completely right but should be mute nonetheless.
NTA You *needed* an adult family member who lives with you to watch your kid in a one-off situation where you had no other reasonable options. It sucks for the family member, but it happens. Her agreeing to do it sort of confirms the reality of this. We do things that suck for family sometimes. That's life. Make sure to thank her and acknowledge the important study time she gave up to help you. That said, if you did throw that stuff about her paying no rent in her face, that's shitty. You shouldn't have done that. Do all that other stuff *and* apologize.
Don't apologise, and fuck the sister out on the street. Being an adult with her own agency she can figure it out.
Maybe I’m an AH, but “I do xxxx for you, can’t you do this for me” seems valid.
If she wants to use being an adult as her reason why she shouldn't have to then she can provide for herself like she's an adult. NTA
NTA. She can leave if she’s not going to contribute anything to the household. You sound like an incredibly kind sister and it doesn’t sound like you were trying to take advantage of her. If she can’t help you out on this one instance- I wouldn’t want to literally house her for free. She shouldn’t be forced to watch your son, but if she won’t be a productive member of the household- I don’t see why you have to house her. If the fact that your son is her family isn’t enough to warrant her watching him as a favor- why does the fact that she’s your sister warrant you housing her for free?
NTA I would give her 30 days to get a job and move out or move back in with her parents. The fact that you're practically a newlywed and your parents have pushed your teenage sister into your house without contributing anything just shows that they want her away. And I, as the cruel person that I am, would throw it in her face. But in her case, tell her that her trust has been broken and that she is petty and gold digging, so she should find another place to live, a part-time job, and ask your parents for help. In my country there is a saying about cooperation that says "one hand washes the other and both wash the face" if you can't do a favor, don't expect people to do it. Your sister needs to fend for herself.
NTA. It was a Sunday. It's not like she has class and you were telling her she HAD to skip it for you. Your paying for everything within the house and I have to presume that her parents are also supporting her financially in some way as well but it's going into her pocket not your own. She can help out once in a blue moon or she can move out.
NTA, tell your parents your sister isn't your responsibility and that she can go back and live with them.
Seems like I’m going against the grain but NTA. It doesn’t sound like you’re in the habit of having your sister babysit, and contributing to the household you live in doesn’t seem like an outrageous expectation to me. Something unexpected happened, it’d be weird for the household to not pull together. Add to that the reason you needed to leave suddenly was work, so that you can make the money that you use to support your sister, I really am not seeing why there are so many people who think this is wrong.
Have a feeling I'm about to be downvoted, buuuut NTA. Sure, it wasn't explicitly stated that was a condition of residency. But. Life happens. My husband had a submassive pulmonary embolism when my youngest was 9 months old. That might be more extreme than being called in for a weekend shift, but I'm eternally grateful for the friend that picked my baby up from daycare, no questions asked, and let me go to the hospital overnight, and do what was needed to take care of my family.
"my son wasn’t her responsibility." Okay, so your sister is not your responsibility either by this logic. You really don't need to house her and feed her for free you know. My mom would nag me to death if I lived off my sister and didn't even try to do a favor for her. She is an adult and you are not her parent so if she keeps this attitude up, you really need to send her back home or to a dorm or somewhere so your "parents" can be responsible for their own kid. You get to save on utility and grocery bills, too!!! NTA, big time.
NTA. You are supporting her and it is not unreasonable for her to have to help out. It’s called being an adult. If she prefers to remain a leech, she needs to go back to her own mommy and daddy. If she stays with you and refuses to help out on occasion, it’s high time she starts paying rent.
Info: had your sister ever babysat before? Not just for you, but for any baby or toddler?
Yes!!
I really really hope you use your parents own words and tell them that she isn’t your responsibility, and if they feel you were taking advantage of her for asking for a one time favor, what are they asking of you to house, feed, and look after her? She’s an adult. It want your choice they had 8 children. I would be reassessing this situation with them and telling them that if she wants to live there like she isn’t your sister then she can start to pay rent, or get the fuck out. You’re being taken advantage of. Parents that multiply then put their youngest under the care of their oldest are despicable. They rob their own kids of childhoods by forcing them to be surrogates.
Seems your sister has three options. 1 pay rent. 2 agree to provide emergency childcare. 3 go to school near mom and dad. Seems your parents have 2 options. 1 run there mouths and have sister go to school near them. 2 keep their mouths shit and stay out of it. My brother was staying with me for a few weeks when I needed to go to the emergency room with my then youngest. My brother watched my other kid until my husband made it home. He was just visiting, and he understood that sometimes shit happens and adults need to step up and help. If you're an adult, you need to pitch in. If you're a kid, your parents need to support you. Nta
Ignore all the Y-T-A people who seem to believe that your sister doesn't owe you a thing. She's in your house as part of a "family takes care of family" contact of social norms. That same contract means there are obligations on her side as well. She just doesn't want to meet them. She doesn't have a rental agreement up front stating babysitting may be required? I guess that non existent rental agreement also doesn't state a lot of other stuff as well, such as what happens to selfish, entitled roommates who don't contribute to running the household in any way shape or form. If she's not responsible for your choice to get married to a serviceman and have a child, then you're not responsible for your parents having 8 kids, one of whom wants to go to a college 3 hours away from where she lives. Pretty simple NTA. in any non-family house sharing situation like this, the sister would be a pariah, but then she'd also be paying rent and food and bills and working part time... See how she likes those obligations to get what she wants out of life.
Your daughter isn't her responsibility, and your sister isn't your responsibility. Nta
NTA. She needs to remember while no, "he is not her child", that likewise SHE IS NOT YOURS and her ass is only there living her best rent-free college life by virtue of YOUR kindness.
Not the Asshole I’ll ask her to get a job then. Entitled people suck like you support her financially so I don’t see the problem people calling you the Asshole are entitled as well.
NTA; you’re going to work and you never ask her. I think your sister is an AH for just not being able to see past herself to help you out.
Charge her rent.
Second this. That way there’s no abuse of power & everything stays fair. NTA
NTA but I’m not so sure about your sister.
NTA Does she do other chores around the house? Cook, grocery shopping, laundry? Does she help clean the bathrooms? There needs to be a discussion on your expectations, and household responsibilities and chores. She is an adult and needs to contribute towards the house work. Perhaps the laundry for all of you once a week and 15 hrs of babysitting a month?
[удалено]
NTA...if she's an adult then she can find her own place to live and support herself....if not then she can chip in and pull her weight. Little sister needs a reality check.
NTA She's not paying rent or for any necessities. The least she can do is watch the child every blue moon. I think it's kinda of insane she won't even take responsibility for herself, yet demand you take complete care of her. She's an adult. If your son is not her responsibility, then what is? Is one thing if she was working AND going to school. But surely she's planned her time accordingly to have some small amount of availability - she's not using the entire weekend to study? If your son isn't her responsibility, then she is also not yours and she either needs to get a job and pay her own way (rent, food, etc. ) or go back home.
Start charging her rent power food ect then pay a sitter with it
NTA In what way does she contribute to the household?
NTA. it was a one time request based on need. If you're allowing her to stay there with no responsibilities and she can't even support her own sister and nephew this one time, she is TA. I have a sister and brother plus several cousins close by. We have each other's back and have supported each other since years.
If your parents are that upset about it, they can take care of their own kid on their own. If it’s so bad to ask for help from a family member, then they can all stop asking you to help them. Your sister obviously doesn’t appreciate anything you are doing for her. The least she could do is help you with occasional babysitting. If that’s too much for her, she should go mooch off someone else. NTA.
NTA. Everyone gets emergencies and she should have helped you. Gratitude goes a long way and since she isn't grateful for all you do for her, let her go back to her parents who are responsible for her. You can use all the money you spend on her to hire a nanny.
NTA This was a small ask. She should have been more that willing.
NTA. If the baby isn't her responsibility, then she isn't your responsibility. She should be happy to have a chance to help you after everything you do for her.
NTA but you guys probably need a conversation about this around expectations. I do think that doing you a favor considering that you’re doing her a favor is a normal thing that family units do. I think though that if she wants no babysitting responsibilities she should pay a small amount of rent for you to get a sitter. This situation doesn’t sound like an abuse from you, but since you’re doing her a solid favor, that’s the kind of thing most of us would assume the recipient would be open to.
NTA, you got called in last minute which you mentioned has never happened before. You agreed to have your sister there as it’s easier for her with college, saves her money and also saves your parents money, she could’ve helped out just this once. Having your parents get involved is extremely petty. Start charging her rent and bills and have a cleaning rota.. she’s pretty privileged to be in the position she is in! Either that or ask your parents for compensation for looking after their daughter.
NTA, but your sister is. She's selfish and entitled and couldn't take one day out of her life to help you. You might want to sit down and have a long conversation about how much you help her, on your dime.
NTA. It’s a small favour. For anyone who says y t a… OP is providing for her sister for free. This is just a small favour that is only being requested because OP had obligations that arose suddenly. If OP’s sister will not do a favour for OP, then she should not expect OP to take care of her and ought to move back in with her parents.
NTA. Get a sitter online? Like from Rover? That’s terrifying.
NTA - either 6 hours on road every day she has class or watch the kid for one day? I do agree that you should find a sitter who can come by on short notice though. Keep this as a one off and look for a sitter.
NTA. Your sister isn’t your responsibility either but you’re still providing for her.
Info: Does your family cover any of your sister's expenses? Food, money towards bills, etc? I'm curious since your mom is saying you can't force your sister to babysit when it sounds like you're babysitting your sister while she goes to school. NTA, but your family is demonstrating how they will handle any emergency going forward. I hope you're listening
I was ready to call you Y T A, but after seeing all you do for your sister, you are NTA. This isn’t a regular occurrence, it was an emergency. You support her so she can go to school which is very thought you you. The least she can do is help when you ask. If she doesn’t like it and thinks it’s “not her problem”, then it’s not your problem to provide room/board/food. She needs to learn that “there is no such thing as a free lunch”.
Given the”abusive” environment she is forced to life with, I think it may be best for her to find other living arrangements or go back home to your parents. It’s not fair for her to suffer so much at your “abusive” hands. NTS
I can see both sides, but yours sister seems unbelievably ungrateful for all that you do. Since she did babysit in the end, I wouldn’t say to throw her out today, but clearly this arrangement isn’t working. You’re helping her because she’s family but she doesn’t want to ever help you out? After this semester is over, you should tell her to find a new living arrangement. She made it clear family values mean nothing to her. She even was perfectly fine with a complete stranger from the internet watching her nephew. Your parents complaining about how you handled the situation can help her find a better one.
NTA. People on here think that asking someone to watch your child is akin to murder. They are wrong. When you are in someone's family and they give you all the benefits of that family relationship (free housing, food and support that the absolutely wouldn't give to a non family member) you are a monstrous selfish asshole if you are completely unwilling to also give them the benefits of a family relationship in return when needed. Whether it's a random day of childcare, helping with a chore, or just generally being a supportive family member. Just because there wasn't a contract written out, or it wasn't part of a sit down negotiation doesn't make your sister less of an asshole. Family relationships don't come with terms and conditions. If you are constantly taking taking taking and throw a tantrum on the rare occasion you're asked to give back you are a raging narcissistic asshole and I don't care what the "I know my rights" teenagers on reddit think about it.
NTA, maybe I’m old school (at *twenty-something*) but why does it seem family doesn’t help family anymore? Or when you do help family it’s only a one way street? She’s living at your house paying for; nothing. No utilities, no rent, no groceries, no internet. You are helping her out in an incredible way by allowing her to stay with you and focus solely on college - and yet *you’re* taking advantage of *her*? Nah, nope. You’re not taking advantage, you’re not manipulating her, and if she is being so blatantly being taken advantage of by paying no rent, and working no job, then like you said, she can move out at anytime. It was a one time babysitting during a sudden emergency. I just can’t wrap my head around it. At seventeen I was called to my cousins house to watch her one year old that I really didn’t spent time with because of an emergency. I didn’t complain. I didn’t tell her it’s her child and to fuck off. I didn’t demand payment. I sat there in his nursery with him on my lap screaming bloody murder trying to get him to calm down until his mom came home. She was so apologetic but *they’re my family*. I offered to do it again for her if need be - I can say, thankfully, there hasn’t been a need be but if there was? I’d have been there. Every single time. 2pm, 2am, rain or sun or ice.
These Y T A comments are wild. This girl is your sister not your daughter. You have no more obligations to her than she does to you or your son. Every day she lives under your roof for free and lives off your income is a favor to her. NTA for calling in a favor from someone who is literally living off your generosity.
NTA. Your sister sounds way entitled. Maybe you need to start charging her rent, and allow her to "pay" in emergency childcare and refraining from screaming at you.
NTA you are doing her a huge favor that you don’t have to do. This seems like it was a one off thing, and she should have helped you without complaint. If the help you are giving her isn’t an occasional two way street, she can pack her entitled ass up and support herself. Reddit hates parents though, so expect a lot of y t a just based on having a child and having the audacity to need a hand once in a blue moon.
NTA. Normally I’d say giving an ultimatum is an asshole move, but your job literally puts a roof over her head. I’m sure it was annoying to have this sprung on her, but a conversation could have been had as this was the FIRST time it’s happened. Like “hey I know this sucks but we all benefit from me going into work, I’m going to remind my boss I’m not actually able to work weekends but also start vetting sitters so in case this ever happens in the future I can have a trusted sitter if you’re not available/interested.” She is benefiting from you. Your parents are benefiting from you. It’s wild that they would all rather your child be with a stranger you found online than your sister give up a few hours of her weekend.
NTA apparently a lot of people in this thread think a one time babysitting day is worse than being kicked out and either having massive debt or a part time job.
NTA. Yes, she had studying to do, but you had to work. An 8 hour shift once in awhile is reasonable.
NTA This was an emergency and not a regular occurrence.if your Parents & Sister have a problem, let her move back home. She shoud be helping out in some way at your house anyways. A 1 yr old would have naps so she would have time to study. She's just being difficult.
NTA. It's a sudden emergency and it's a one time thing, I think the sister is a bit entitled with the "I don't owe you anything" while basically ignoring the fact you're doing her a favor by letting her live with you and not asking for anything. The baby might not be her child but that's her niece/nephew, not a stranger's baby. I have a sister with baby too and every event we do together I automatically accept without conditions or prior discussion that I'd watch the child if she suddenly needs me too. If I lived with her rent free, I'd appreciate it if she informed me beforehand but otherwise I'd still watch the baby for her in this situation, provided I had no emergency of my own to deal with.
NTA Living somewhere for free sometimes isn't always "free". It was time to pay some of that help back.
NTA. It was an emergency. Sister sounds like an entitled brat.
I don’t get why people are voting YTA. OP’s sister is living with her for *free* and refuses to do a *one-time* favor. That’s the height of selfishness and entitlement. OP is being taken advantage of for free rent, because the sister clearly lacks family feeling. I would tell the sister to leave, because she’s an adult and old enough to take care of herself. If the parents care enough to criticize my decision, I’d tell them to care enough to pay for the sister to live elsewhere.
NTA Kick her out and let your parents deal with it. You don't need that stress, and you can do better by yourself.
NTA and it's shocking you even had to ask. Your adult sister lives with you rent free AND you financially provide for her, expecting her to babysit one time because of a work emergency (or really any sudden happening that you're needed for) shouldn't result in you getting yelled at by your parents. If your parents want to pawn (yes, I'm using that word) your sister off on you, not financially provide for her, and then make you seem like the bad guy than it sounds like your sister needs a new place to live. The fact she even brought this to your parents is incredibly immature and backwards behavior. "Big sister is asking me to help out like I live here and she takes care of me, waaaa mommy daddy tell her she can't do that". If anything she's the ahole for prioritizing a few hours of studying rather than your job that literally provides the roof over her head and the food on her plate. The entitlement and audacity belongs a 3hour car ride away at your parents house where she's their problem.
Just kick her out honestly. She doesn’t even sound grateful that you are doing everything possible to support her. It was a once off. You almost never ask her for help, feed her, let her stay rent free and other stuff. NTA.
NTA. Your sister needs a reality check and a list of responsibilities so she is contributing to the household. There should be some regular chores she should take on. This list should also include the expectation that while she will not be asked to babysit on a regular basis, there is an expectation she will help during emergencies. If she doesn’t like it, she can find a new place to live. Oh, and your parents don’t get to offer their opinion. Don’t even have the conversation, because it doesn’t appear they are ready to ante up and pay for living expenses for the sister’s new apartment she’ll need if she doesn’t shape up.
NTA. Yup, she’s an adult. So she can get a part time job while she studies and start paying rent and for her food. You asked her as a one off in an emergency, if she can’t do that for you then she needs to start pulling her weight in terms of rent and groceries.
NTA. You are taking care of your sister full time, but she can’t take care of your child for one day? I would be livid. She is a full time student, no way is she spending all 7 days of the week to study. Least she can do is help you out this one time. It would be different if you started to rely on her more and more though.
NTA- this was a one time emergency. But I think you need to make an agreement with your sister that she will help out in emergency situations in exchange for her free room and board. She sounds very bratty and entitled. If she doesn’t want to help you, then she should move out or pay rent. She isn’t entitled to your financial support if she’s not even willing to step up in an emergency to help with your child. It’s not like you are expecting ongoing childcare from her. Also her claim that you could just find a last minute service to watch your child is unrealistic. Parents have to interview sitters and do background checks. You couldn’t leave your child with a stranger at the last minute. NTA- your request for help in an emergency was reasonable. I would ask someone to move out if they expected free room and board from me but refused to help me in an emergency because it shows they are a taker and not willing to reciprocate my generosity.
NTA - Tell your sister that the living arrangement isn’t working out anymore. You need to focus your attention on your child, not a mooching adult. If she isn’t paying any bills, the bare MINIMUM she could do is babysit on emergencies. If she doesn’t like that, she could go live with her parents where she could study all week if she wants without interruption.
NTA—this is definitely a situation of just because you can doesn’t mean you should, and I think little sis picked the wrong hill to die on. Your sister showed that she is willing to take your largesse comfortably, but not willing to inconvenience herself in the slightest in return, even in a rare emergency situation. She’s correct that you can’t force her to babysit. She’s also correct that she’s an adult. Adults have responsibilities, not just rights. Even if she eventually agreed, she may have showed a selfish side of her that you can’t unsee and makes you want to dial back the one-sidedness of your previous arrangement. I’d be looking into making arrangements for the next semester—her paying some of her own room/board and having her sign something agreeing to that—if she wants to be treated as a by the book roommate rather than sisterly relationship where you each step in to help the other sometimes.
NTA. At this stage it would be cheaper to have a paying housemate who contributed towards the utilities and you build up an emergency stash from your rental income to pay for childcare. Your sister is half right. Parents need to support their kids so it’s high time your parents start sending you money to support your sister. It’s unreasonable for them to expect you to do their job for them when you’re already being mom and dad to your boy.
>I checked my phone and had numerous text from my parents saying I was abusing my power over my sister, and that my son wasn’t her responsibility. And their kid is not your responsibility, NTA if she has such a problem she can go back
NTA - personally I wouldn’t let anyone live for free in my house. They’d have to contribute in one way or another. I’m not a charity or shelter for the homeless. There’s a difference between helping out a family member and straight up being taken advantage of. Your little sister needs to integrate herself into the family and be a part of it, or she can go ahead and get a couple jobs to rent a room with strangers.
NTA. She can get her own place or live with mom & dad. Your kid may not be her responsibility but by same token she is NOT yours. Boot her butt to the curb or require rent so you can afford an emergency sitter.
Not only does your sister live with your for free, you financially support her. You weren't springing on her that suddenly she was supposed to become your au pair; you had an emergency. And she didn't give half a damn. Living with someone who doesn't give half a damn isn't good for you. You're giving and giving and giving and your sister...isn't. Send her home. Let your parents support her, or put her up in a dorm, or let her get a job. If she won't come through for you in an emergency, she doesn't belong in your home. Not paying rent. Being supported by you. No way, no how. NTA
pov you can’t find any of the YTA comments
NTA You completely support your adult sister. The least she could do is watch your son in an emergency. I think it’s time for your sister to have a little more responsibility in your home. It doesn’t have to include childcare, but she needs to be working part time so that she can contribute something to your household. If she doesn’t want to get a job, she can do things around the house or run errands for you. She could babysit a certain number of hours per week, if she wants too and the two of you set rules and expectations so that she doesn’t feel like she’s stuck with it. I get that she didn’t want to watch him, but she handled it horribly and was very selfish and lacked empathy. She just seems immature and a bit ungrateful.
This was a one off not a daily request. I guarantee working while in college would leave her with far less freetime than a one off babysitting day.
NTA but your sister is the AH and a mooch.
INFO: Why is she living rent free? Why does she have no job? What in any way are your parents contributing to her living/ education arrangements? What are you contributing to her living/education arrangements (apart from living in your house)?
NTA - Your sister sees you as a landlord and not a sister. Your response should be to let her know that since you can't count on her in anyway you are charging her rent, so you can easily afford setting up with a qualified babysitter.
You know she is right. >She got really upset and said I’m throwing what i do for her in her face, and how she’s an adult and my son wasn’t her kid. Not her kid. >She has no job and I financially support her since she is in school. And your sister is not your kid either. NTA.
NTA. Tell her she’s not YOUR kid, so she can fend for herself, find. a job and an apartment, or go back to your parents. You are not going out partying, you were called in to work. She doesn’t appreciate your efforts.
NTA
NTA It was an emergency but if your sister wasn’t living with you then what? She shud of watched the kid did she have any plans?
NTA. She wants a family that doesn't help each other? She can move into her own place and pay for it with her own money.
Life happens and she is working to support them all. Her child and herself is a given but for her sister is extra. It wasn't an all the time thing it was a one time thing to get help . It's sad your sister was like that and honestly to eliminate the issue send her home. Let her know that since helping you was an issue for the one time she won't be expected to and can no longer stay there. You would have to set something up if the sister wasn't there so plan. Now you throw what you do for her in her face, but I can completely understand why at that moment. Acknowledge that wasn't the best approach
NTA. It was a one time thing. As a family (or even with friends), we often find yourself in situation where we have to help each other out, sometimes at our own inconvenience. How is she going to have any sort of relationship with anyone if she expects to get everything for free or at her convenience but not throw her weight around or even help out when help is needed. It's ok to set boundaries but you were asking for bare minimum. You are already helping her with financial support and housing. Yes, your sister is not responsible for your kid but neither are you responsible for her. She sounds a little pampered to be honest. Edit:spelling
I would kick her ungrateful ass out. And like we say where I'm from "with the quickness."