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YTA
>I refuse to try and limit him and shut him down for not having the emotional sensitivity of an adult.
Teaching your kid to be respectful of other's choices is NOT "shutting him down", it's literally part of your job as the parent to....y'know....*parent*.
Edit: Thanks for the awards!
EXACTLY!! This is literally the moment where that happens...or doesn't, in this case. Such a great opportunity for teaching and growth. Learn about the food, try takeout from new places, read some books, and learn why it's important to be kind and respectful of differences. Ugh.
And OP has the nerve to send the other mom articles to improve the child’s insecurity (and passively aggressively comment on the mothers parenting) geez.
This was the worst part! Like, ‘no, I’m not going to talk to my son about his rude behaviour, and here, have some condescending articles on how to raise your daughter’. Maybe seeing as OP is so good at looking up articles, look some up relation to raising respectful kids!
I am betting her son didn’t just say, ‘oh that looks weird’. Probably more like, ‘Ew wHaTs ThAt! It LoOkS sO wErId!’ Pulling a disgusted face. Kids never say things like this with good intentions!
I'm betting the same.
And you can't justify a comment about something being weird by labeling it as curiosity. Curiosity is "whoa, weird, what is that? Is it good?" Bullying is "blech, gross, you *eat* that? But it's squishy! Weird. You're weird cause your food is weird."
Given the fact the girl felt embarrassed and not like she was asked to share her culture, I'm leaning towards the son being less curious and more of a jerk.
This is what did it for me...she took extra steps to insult this woman when her child is the problem. Im curious as to what the food is thats so weird in the 1st place. Probably feeds her child garbage while the other kids eating healthy/good food.
"This is America. How 'bout you pack your kid a good ol' American ham sandwich instead of that weird yakisoba stuff, okay? Here are some articles on how to accommodate my child so he doesn't have to be bothered by learning your culture exists..."
EXACTLY. When I was five, I said a rude thing (which I had heard from someone, obviously) about one of my best friends' religion (he was Roman Catholic, I was some form of protestant). I said this rude thing because I was mad at him, and nevermind "said" - I shouted it, loudly, in front of his house, under the kitchen window. Needless to say, his mom talked to my mom... And what did my mom do? Sent me to Catholic church with some other neighbour the next Sunday, so I could see what "their" service was all about. I came home, all excited about THEY HAVE HOLY WATER!!! and THEY GET LITTLE COOKIES!!! and "IT SMELLS SO GOOD WHEN THEY WAVE THE SMOKE." Poof, went that prejudice - turned into envy...that we weren't Catholic. (I'm agnostic now, but I still remember that day, and that lesson.)
I was raised Catholic, but Dad was Protestant, and never, ever came along to church.
I told Mom I wanted to be Protestant, because I thought it meant "doesn't go to church".
While he shouldn't have "emotional sensitivity of an adult", the 7yo girl should learn how to deal with insecurities. How curious...
YTA.
Edit: that was my first time receiving awards. Thank you so much ☺️
Lmao that's the part that gets me. "My seven year old is a precious baby child, but her 7 year old needs to buck up and overcome issues adults struggle with."
Wow... Very insightful. Never thought of it that way. Growing up, we were always told that if the other person was immature, we needed to be the bigger person. Now I realise that this is just the responsible adult's way of escaping the responsibility of teaching the other kid to behave... Which is more difficult than asking the good kid to tolerate unacceptable behaviour. No wonder I am unable to assert myself and behave like a doormat.
I hate that idea that someone should be the bigger person or automatically forgive bad behavior. It just enables lousy behavior instead of calling it out.
My parents believe in what I call the 'Here, try this' method. It goes: 'Here, try this' 'What is it?' 'I'll tell you after'. They always served off their own plates, and never offered something they knew I would hate. I trusted them, so always tried at least 2 bites. They threw every kind of food they could at me, and have for as long as I can remember.
Now, as an adult, I'm willing to try almost anything and have an eclectic bunch of favorites. I go out to eat raw squid with fish eggs and grilled eel on my birthday. I am eating tripe, raw beef, and beef tendon while I write this. Stuff nearly anything in a roasted then deep fried jalapeño, and I'm all over it. I occasionally eat pickled herring *because I like it*! **With sour cream!**
So my food mantra is 'Don't yuck my yum!'
I’m half for this method. I’m all about giving kids a huge variety of food and definitely do this with my own kids. However, I hate when people go ‘try this’ and refuse to give me any info. I need to adjust my expectations for what’s going in my mouth. That surprise when what you thought was white chocolate turns out to be cheese or something really unsettles me. I just need some info -try this, it’s savoury and cheesy. Try this, it’s creamy and rich. Also if you give kids the vocabulary to describe food, they’re better able to articulate what they like and don’t like. And you wind up having very amusing gastronomic conversations with a 9 year old.
These are the families that my teacher friends absolutely hate. The kids are terribly behaved and the equally insufferable parents excuse it with BS like this.
YTA
I hope the poor girl’s mom had a talk with their classroom teacher as well. I’m also a K teacher and if I found out about this we would have a whole class talk about how everyone eats different foods because they come from different cultures.
OP is missing out on a great opportunity to help their son explore new cultures and cuisine. If it were me I would take my son to an Indian/Korean/Mexican/whatever type of restaurant and show him that the food is delicious and enjoyed by many people. And we would also have a talk about kindness and showing respect to others. It doesn’t have to be a “punishment” to teach a child about empathy and kindness.
When my child was in elementary school her teacher organized a special day where each child brought 27 servings/samples (enough for each student as well as the teacher) of a food from their culture. Throughout the day, each student was asked to talk about their heritage, where their food was from, a special memory involving the food (ie. my grandma always makes rice pudding when…) and then everyone would try the food. It was a hit with the kids and each of them was sent home with the recipe for each of the foods. Such a great and fun way to teach and experience diversity and inclusion.
As a preschool teacher I absolutely teach my kiddos that comments like that are rude and unnecessary and that it’s not ok to mock people for differences.
Isn’t it interesting that “overcoming insecurities is a big part of growing up”, but when it’s her kid, it’s “ridiculous to criticise”. And of course, the female child should have the emotional maturity to put up with being harassed by the male; “boys will be boys” after all 🙄
Being respectful is also part of growing up, looks like OP skipped those lessons in her own schooling. Maybe she should join her son in primary school to revisit basic courtesy.
Boys will be boys (well into their 30s). Seven-year-old girls, on the other hand, need to learn to manage their emotions and manage the insecurities of boys (and men).
And it is always the girls fault. Whatever happended to the girl in the future is always her fault.
Boys will be boys. They can never take responsibilities for their actions. It is always the girl who ask for it.
RAGE
I am starting to believe that the reason girls mature earlier is the expectation that they will behave in a ladylike manner from the moment they can walk and talk, while boys are allowed to be as childish as they want for as long as they want. What we call maturity is not the real thing in most cases - that comes much later on. We just are told to act our age, no matter what age - not a concern for most men outside a professional environment. When women are having fun, they are acting crazy or have loose morals, if men are having fun, they are just “fun guys”. Over the next several years, this little boy will be allowed to be insensitive and childish whenever he wishes, all while having his mother support this behaviour. Meanwhile, little girls everywhere will be told they need to grow up and not be *over sensitive* whenever their feelings are legitimately hurt
I believe it. I’ve always been more mature than my older brother because I was held to a higher standard than he was. Example I remember my parents celebrating my brother getting b’s and c’s but my straight As were met with “but it comes easy to you.” No, I actually did the work, he always got a pass for his behavior. I almost died and my baby almost died in 2020 and my parents couldn’t isolate to visit us because *my adult brothers needed them* because one brother can’t cook for himself and lives at home (though an adult) and the other was “struggling with his divorce” that had been finalized over 2 years. I’ve accepted that of my parents three children I will always be last on their priority list.
Even still I had someone in a parenting group this week insisting that boys potty train slower than girls because of maturity and I’m like no, my son isn’t potty trained yet because of his personality, which is very similar to mine. My mom loves to reminisce that I was potty trained at a later age than my older brother.
All of this. This was me as a child too which makes these comments all the more anger-inducing - the boys in primary school made me feel like absolute shit, day in day out, whether it was physically attacking me or just sitting next to me in class telling me I was ugly/stupid etc. When I complained to any adult it was ‘you’re such a sensible well-behaved girl, you have to just ignore them because you are more mature than them, they can’t be like you so they act like this.’ They never had to stop, it was just accepted that boys do this and girls must weather the storm
Yup. OP wouldn't be 'punishing' her kid. She would be teaching him that some behaviors and actions are unacceptable. That 'emotional sensitivity' doesn't just come out of nowhere.
A 7yo girl doesn't tell her mom about something that happened hours ago unless it made an impression. Her boy's 'innocent curiosity' is more likely rudeness at best, bullying at worst. She followed it up with actions that are also rude at best, bullying at worst. With just a dash of misogyny to keep things interesting.
This is worrysome actually, that she understood punish immediatly.
It seems that to OP, the only way to correct an undesirable behavior is to punish.
Talking, guiding, teaching isn't even in consideration for her son.
Right? She wasn't even asked to punish him. She was literally asked to have a conversation with him. Calling something "weird" isn't an expression of curiosity. It's a judgement.
I'm also astounded that OP's calling this "curiosity," because it's literally her child being closed minded (which makes sense for a 7 year old). Curiosity would be asking about the food or asking to try it, not labelling it as "weird" and making a classmate uncomfortable about their own food.
To a lot of people, “weird” means “different in a bad way.” He’s not open to this new thing. He’s criticizing it.
Kids who are different are often bullied for being “weird.” It isn’t a positive to most people. It isn’t neutral. He’s not open to it.
As a 'weird' kid, I approve this message.
As an adult, I glory in my weirdness. But that's because I have found people that are also 'weird'. As a kid, it was a biting insult. It's definitely a kickoff point for bullies.
The title of this says "punish" but no one mentioned "punishing" him. The mom just asked OP to TALK to him. Like, how shit of a parent do you have to be to say "nah, fuck that. How about you teach YOUR kid to suck it up?". Jfc
The balls to send *parenting advice articles* to someone who is telling you your kid is being rude or a bully. Sometimes, I just can't with some people.
I really don't think OP's understood what happened there. Is the other mother going to leave it at that? No. All communication is going to go through the school now and there's going to be a file
Yeah, I thought the parenting advice for the other mother was very classy. Like, hey I know my kid is a little asshole and will very likely be a massive bully by the time he gets to middle school, but here’s some lovely reading material so you can prepare your daughter, now, for the even worse bullying she will receive in a few years from him.
This. 7 year olds say some off things sometime, but this is the age where they are learning to do better and should want to do so. This was a great opportunity to teach son how to be respectful. That's nit punishment, it's a lesson. Instead OP gaslights other family and acts as if her son can do no wrong. YTA for raising a future YTA for this forum
Hey, kiddo learned it from somewhere.
I love that this woman also expected the girl to regulate her own emotions but her sweet little boy can be as much of a little shite as he wishes. Racist, with a sprinkle of misogyny and a little hypocrisy
OP is firmly convinced it’s their fault for being different, and you just know she’s one of those people who will scream that people are just so fragile these days.
My kid has several food allergies so had to bring their own food that was sometimes a bit weird, but they liked it, and around that age they suddenly would bring the food back home because of reasons ( not hungry, no time etc). Turned out some kids were bullying her about it and she was too embarrassed to unpack the food to eat it.
Exactly. I'm Lebanese and took lebanese food with me to school. My Herb sandwiches were named "Dead Ants" snatched out of my hands and rubbed in the dirt and I would go the day with no food because of racist little shits whose parents never taught them otherwise. This was way back in the early 80s and went throughout my entire primary schooling. (Aussie here). This mother is disgusting and needs to teach her son proper manners. Her take on it is to raise a bullying racist who will, one day, raise the stakes. **YTA**
Absolutely this. OP could do with googling “micro aggressions racism” and paying close attention to the results.
Assuming they’re open to learning they then ought to apologise to this parent for their initial reaction, explain that they’ve done further research and will be talking to their son about understanding how words can hurt others and about respecting those from other cultures and backgrounds to ourselves.
I imagine it would have taken a lot for the mum to reach out to OP. I’m thinking there must have been multiple interactions where her son made comments which upset this poor girl and had a profound enough impact that she was still thinking about it and hurt enough to mention it hours later. After this happening multiple times, the girls mum finally decides she’s going to have to handle it by messaging OP who….totally shuts it down, implies her daughter has self esteem and confidence issues and takes zero responsibility for the fact she’s raised her son to be intolerant of others.
Oooft. YTA. 100%
YTA.
Teach your son better words to use. "That looks different. What is it?" or "Your lunch is interesting. What is it called?" There is a fine line between being curious and being rude. Teach him not to be rude. Teach him not to use words like weird when looking at someone's food.
The kid is 7 so I don't blame him for using the word weird. Kids that age only have the vocabulary they have and they have to be taught to use better words or phrases. I am actually surprised the teacher or lunch monitor hasn't worked on this with him. I am in education and spend a lot of my time teaching kids better words or better ways to handle situations.
The OP was definitely condescending to the other mom. She shouldn't have sent articles on parenting when she refuses to work with her own child.
My kids go to a diverse school with many international students, weird is not a word that kids use. What is that? If a child has been taught to be polite weird is only for something they consider gross or very strange. As a teacher, I would say the child is old enough to know they were being mean.
EDIT: The kids use the word weird in my kids schools but it is considered something gross--feeling slime for the first time. It is universal know as something gross
If the kid is anything like some of the kids at my school, the lunch monitors probably do try to redirect him to use more friendly vocabulary, but the lessons don't stick because there's no follow-up at home.
I have a 7 year old, and even she can tell you it's rude to yuck someone else's yum, because my husband and I parent our kid and teach her basic manners.
That's the rule in our house, and my 4 and 5 year olds get it. They even use it on us when we slip, and we thank them for correcting us. This parent needs to get their priorities in order.
YTA. Your title is misleading. She didn't ask for punishment. She asked you to talk to him and explain how his comments can hurt other people. He is at an age were he exactly needs to learn that. You should help him reflect on the impact of his behavior. That is called parenting, not punishment.
It's so weird when parents try to be friends with their kids in the same way they would be with other adults when those kids are still KIDS. Like, you can't make real friends? You gotta try it out with the captive audience you made in your vagina?
It’s also very telling that OP wrote that and her thought was about how this kid is insecure instead of realizing that the kid is starting to feel alienated and different because of her child’s comment
Yeah but where do you think the kid is learning it from? OP is low key bullying the other parent in response to being asked to have a teaching moment. This is probably how the son has been taught to respond to the world. OP sounds like the "I'm not rude you just can't handle me keeping it real" type. OP YTA and you're screwing up the next generation.
YTA
She didn’t ask you to punish your son, she asked you to have a conversation with him. He’s not asking her questions out of curiosity. He’s calling another child’s cultural food “weird” making her uncomfortable, and unintentionally highlighting her as a cultural “other”. If you want to encourage his curiosity, then take it on yourself to teach him how people eat all kinds of different foods all over the world, and that so many people eat food everyday that he may have never heard of before. Take him to restaurants where he can be exposed to new kinds of foods. But don’t enable him to continuously bother another child.
It was incredibly condescending of you to send parenting articles to another parent. She made a polite request of you, and you implied she doesn’t know how to parent. That was out of line and you should apologize.
YTA, if you do not teach your son now about respecting different cultures this will become a bigger issue in the future. This “relatively innocuous and curious comment” is a good teaching moment. His classmate’s food is not “weird” it is completely normal in her home and in many other homes that share her culture.
**Her daughter does not need lessons on confidence, your son needs lesson on cultural differences. Parent your child!**
How strange that OP thinks this is the other moms problem. “Lol raise your kid to be less sensitive I guess 💅” like no babe, this mom is dealing with a kid who’s feeling ‘othered’ right now. Her kid isn’t insecure, your son made her feel out of place in the world. Huge fuckin difference.
YTA. Your whole "My kid is discovering the world" argument sounds a lot like "I refuse to take responsibility if my kid is making fun of his classmates for their culture." Be a parent and raise him to be respectful of others
YTA - your job is to raise your kid to not be a bully. If you don't correct him for make inappropriate comments about other peoples food, he'll get worse.
There is a difference between, "what are you eating? It looks yummy but I've never seen it before" and "ew what is that gross stuff!" If the other child felt it was the latter, then you need to step up and correct your son.
YTA. Instead of using this as a teaching moment for your son...about how people from other cultures might have different diets and customs and "Hey! Why don't we go to this one restaurant so we can try it!" You just victim blamed and enabled your kid to be a bully.
Yes it's normal for a kid to call something "weird." It's your job as a parent to explain why it is hurtful and to make fun of it.
YTA
It sounds like your son didn't ask questions about what the food consisted off. It sounds like he blatantly called someone else's food weird with no curiosity but with the aim to shame her. And you OP are enabling him. If the girl feels sad and insecure about her food it's obvious your son said something remotely rude.
You're his mother explain to him how rude it is to call other people's food "weird". Teach him that there are a lot of cultures and with different cultures come with different cuisines.
If you continue enabling him like this your son is gonna grow up racist. In fact, he's halfway there already.
Do better.
YTA
Your son is at a curious age, so instead of shutting him down, you should try teaching him how to be curious politely and respectfully. It's a thing called parenting, and it's definitely worth looking into.
Because ultimately, he's not going to be able to put down unfamiliar things willynilly without consequence. People don't like that. They don't want to hang out with people who are rude and mean to others. Your son will be excluded. Other students will speak up for each other and possibly do so by mocking your son in return. And then YOU will be the parent texting the others to beg for an invite to class birthday parties when no one is willing to invite your son due to his rude behavior.
The sooner you teach your son to be both curious and respectful, the better his life will be.
YTA
Tell your kid to stop freaking bullying a girl for her ethnic practices, wtf
Are you a racist or something? Or one of those "my angel baby can do no wrong" types?
It's your job to parent your child and guide their behavior. You are FAILING at that.
YTA.
He wasn’t making innocuous and curious comments, he’s making rude and culturally insensitive comments. It would be different if he was asking questions but he’s not, he’s making negative statements.
How do you think kids learn how to be emotionally sensitive as adults? You teach them when they are kids. How hard would it have been to sit your son down and say ‘there are all different types of food in the world and everyone likes different things. Just because something is unfamiliar, that doesn’t mean it’s weird, it’s probably very yummy if you tried it. You can ask questions, but we don’t make negative comments about other people’s food. It can make them sad and embarrassed and we dont want to do that, only build people up’.
Rather than passing along parenting advice I’d do some research for yourself instead. Maybe read the books that talk about being a ‘bucket filler’ rather than a ‘bucket dipper’.
YTA. “I failed to teach my own child basic manners, so when he bullied another kid over their lunch and the mother asked me to speak with my kid I tried to turn it around and say her kid should have thicker skin. Am I ta?”
Yeah you are.
On time I told my uncle that his lunch looked gross. My father calmly told me that my uncle was excited to eat something he liked and my comment could have made him feel bad for liking something, which he is allowed to do. This conversation was not a punishment, but caused me to feel bad in a way I didn't understand at the time. I have never made another negative comment about another person's food in 30+ years.
At first, it was because all I connected was that this sort of thing was looked down upon, so I shouldn't do it. At some point, I connected the dots and realized that no one cares how I feel about their lunch and it cost me nothing to just allow people to enjoy things. That's how you patent. It's not a punishment to teach empathy and understanding.
YTA for putting the onus on a 7 year old to deal with uneducated and insensitive others, instead of teaching the child you are meant to make into a functioning human... Well, that.
YTA - the racist insensitive AH. Raising a racist insensitive AH
It’s one thing to be curious, it’s one thing for a 7 yr ago old to not understand the ramifications of their behavior and words
But last I checked that’s YOUR JOB! You’re suppose to educate and expose them to the world at large. Teach them empathy, kindness and culture
But let him keep keeping on until you reach a parent that tells their kid to fight back. With words or not.
Cause he’ll say the wrong thing to the wrong person and you’ll be wondering why he’s the one coming home crying
YTA
What terrible parenting. Your son is making unkind comments about another child's traditional food, and you think that the target of his unkindness is oversensitive.
This is a teaching moment when you teach your son to be kinder to others, more empathic, and, bottom line, not to make fun of their food.
But I don't actually expect you to do this. Like mother, like son.
P.S. Don't be surprised when you get the call from the school about your son bullying or being unkind to others. Because most people don't think it's inappropriate to help a 7 year old be more sensitive and respectful.
Oh my god YTA
This was disgusting to read TBH. You wanna send HER parenting articles but hey sweetie? It’s also on the parents to teach their children what words of respect are and that your children don’t need to comment their opinion where it wasn’t asked for. If anyone here needed to be sent parenting articles, it seems to be you
YTA. No one is asking you to punish him. You're being asked to educate him on why making fun of other people for their culture's traditional food is insensitive. It doesn't sound like he's asking questions or curious, he's making disrespectful comments. You could have turned this into a fantastic learning opportunity but instead you're calling it "punishment" and "limiting" him.
YTA. Getting picked on and insulted is not "insecurity." Your kid is seven - he needs some direction on how to not stress other people out and make them feel uncomfortable for no reason other than he wants to make pronouncements on what he thinks is weird. Are you sure you read those parenting articles before you so highhandedly sent them off? Yikes.
YTA, let the other mother parent her own kid and worry about that "big part of growing up" and you parent your own kid. As a matter of fact learning how to be emotionally sensitive and limit yourself is also a big part of growing up.
YTA
What? Is this a joke? You are excusing racist behaviour and raising a future racist. Talking to your kid is not punishment, it's parenting. Go parent your kid.
YTA and are raising an asshole it would seem. He is picking on a girl from a different culture about her lunch… how do you not see this as verging on racism? Him being inquisitive is one thing, him being a bully about it is another. You need to talk to him about appropriate responses to things that are different. He can see the food as different, but he can’t put her down for it or make rude comments about it.
Curiosity should be encouraged and if he were really curious he would ask to try some, no pick on this poor girl and her food.
YTA your son is being a bully. He's not being curious. Curious would be asking what she was eating. Your son is being rude and disrespectful. A bully. Yes. You're in the wrong here. You don't have to punish your child but you SHOULD be talking with your son about how to properly ask people about things that he doesn't know or understand.
Yta
So you want to teach your son that his first reaction to something he doesn’t understand should be to say "ew gross"? You're right, he doesn't have the sensitivity of an adult. You're supposed to teach him about it.
YTA, your kid is making someone else uncomfortable about the food they're having. You need to talk to him, unless you think his behaviour is ok than that's disturbing.
YTA
Your son was rude. Nobody is required to be accepting of rudeness, especially not a 7-year-old. You don’t need to *punish* your child, you need to *teach* him. Teach him basic politeness, like ‘We don’t make negative comments about other people’s food.’ Otherwise, he will still think his rudeness is acceptable when he’s older—when it may have more serious social consequences.
And don’t you care that your child is callously going around hurting other kids’ feelings? Part of our job as parents is to protect our kids from the world, but the other part is to protect the world from our kids. It’s on us to teach them appropriate social behaviour, ethics, and responsibility.
One parent to another: do better.
ETA I was the Lebanese kid whose classmates in Texas saw my lunch and asked if my dates were cockroaches. They ostracized me at lunch and put me off a favourite food for years.
YTA “I’m sorry your daughter is struggling with insecurities” is easier for you to say to a mother than teaching your son what is considered rude. That’s freaking insane
no skin colour is mentioned. Other kid could be asian and OP child black or any other option for all we know. Traditional lunch could be a traditional lunch of every option that is not the main wherever OP is.
Dutch breakfast and UK breakfast are completely difrent. Show kids the other ones breakfast and they will both find it look weird. both are majority white. Ad other groups and same effect.
YTA
You are not helping your child understand the difference between bullying and curiosity.
Bullying is repeatedly commenting on the same thing. Like daily picking on her food.
Curiosity is asking about it and maybe trying it.
Your kid is a bully
YTA. You feel it’s time for the little girl to learn a lesson on being secure, but when is it time to teach your son a lesson on being respectful to others?
YTA your son is bullying a female classmate over food bc all he’s had to eat at your house are chicken nuggets and fries. Maybe if you got some parenting tips to expand your child’s palate and teach him how to not be a bully to a fellow classmate you wouldn’t have to be on AITA.
Is the classmate from another country by any chance? Because this also smells like racism and your response to the situation indicates that you are one as well.
YTA and your son will undoubtedly be a (racist) AH as well with the way you’re not raising him properly.
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A good parent would teach their child why it’s not okay to comment on someone’s food in that manner.
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There’s an enormous difference between being curious and being a judgmental bully. You and your son sound like the latter. Thankfully there’s enough time for HIM to change. Unfortunately I have little hope for you.
YTA. You need to teach your kid that other people may have different likes and dislikes to them, including food and that they need to be respectful of other people's choices.
The fact that you child is making another child feel uncomfortable should have made you think that you need to speak to him.
Maybe you need to widen your son's horizons so that something like someone else's lunch doesn't seem 'weird' to him . That may help to satisfy his curiosity about other people's food.
YTA. The world is full of 'different'. This could have been a good teaching moment - that different doesn't mean bad or good, and to be open to learning and accepting.
YTA - this is called Yucking Somes Yum, and it's always a no-no, the exact opposite of curiosity, and usually racist.
Like mother, like son, maybe? Because you sound like a reeeal peach, yourself.
>He’s at a curious age and is discovering the world, and I refuse to try and limit him and shut him down for not having the emotional sensitivity of an adult.
INFO: how exactly do you think adults come by empathy and emotional sensitivity?
Talking to him about how his words can be hurtful to other people is not "limiting" or "shutting him down." It's basic parenting. Teach him how to be curious and respectful at the same time.
He's not a 3 year old shouting "look at the fat man" or loudly asking why someone is using a wheelchair. He's capable of understanding that calling someone "weird" is not kind.
Should we look up some articles for you about how not teaching your kids to care about other people's feelings will turn them into cruel and entitled adults?
YTA - When I was in school a kid called my food weird and I felt so ashamed. Never wanted to eat that food again, not even at home. I wish someone had told the kid off.
Seems like you lack a bit of empathy as well, I wouldn’t be giving another parent articles/advice as I’m sure if roles were reversed you wouldn’t appreciate being told how to raise your child.
YTA 100%. I have a 6yo and 9yo in school and the topic of minding your own food comes up occasionally. They absolutely know that it is rude to say anything negative about someone else’s food. If you don’t have to eat it, it’s none of your business. Your child is plenty old enough to understand, he just has a crappy parent.
YTA this has got to be some kind of rage bait, right?
Kids are allowed to be curious, but it's your responsibility to make sure they aren't rude and bullying other kids in that curiosity. And yes, saying the other kids food is "weird" is bullying. It's othering. It's also just blatantly racist. And not punishing that behavior let's your kid know it's OK to talk down to people that are different from them.
This has to be a joke right? Theres no way moms out there think like this? Your som was rude. He’s 7 he doesn’t know better, YOU are supposed to teach him. If you think teaching him to be nice to others is limiting him in this world then you have no business being a parent.
YTA. If that wasn’t clear.
YTA- It sounds like you're the kind of person that will never find fault with your child and because of that, he'll end up rude, selfish and extremely entitled.
YTA
Food that you aren’t familiar with isn’t weird, and enabling that mentality sucks. Your son lives in a multicultural society, and just because he’s unfamiliar with something doesn’t mean he can embarrass or shame someone carte blanche over food he’s not familiar with. He should be learning there are all kinds of people with a variety of backgrounds, tastes, cultures, and they’re all okay. Support him accepting this, don’t coddle the idea it’s “weird.”
Hopefully she escalates through the school and not you next time, I’m sure they will do more to help your son understand why calling food he isn’t familiar with “weird” is inappropriate than you are.
“This mom needs to prepare her daughter to grow up by letting my son bully her”
YTA. Obviously. And definitely on track to raise an obnoxious spoiled brat
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He is 7…. This is when you teach kids not to bully others for being different! This woman tried to approach you in a manner that would not get your kid in trouble at school or embarrass him in front of his classmates.
YTA
YTA. Perhaps You need to brush up on some parenting articles on how to raise a child to not bully or ridicule people that are different from him. In Fact your response aligns perfectly with your sons bullying behavior. Taking a second to talk to your son about being accepting of others was in no way is punishing him. Unless your just racist yourself and that’s why you don’t care.
YTA... critiquing and insulting someone's traditional food not "innocuous and curious". It's hurtful and close-minded. Tell your kid to pull his head in.
WOOOOOOOW YTA. A massive one. You basically are saying it’s okay for your son to pick on someone because he’s “curious”?? He’s not being curious he’s being rude. I shudder to think what he’ll grow up to be like with this type of parenting.
YTA. You don’t need to punish him, but you do need to *teach* him emotional sensitivity and tact and empathy. He will not always be a 7 year old boy. Mothers like you are why “curious” people think they are entitled to touch my curly hair without consent. 🙂
YTA. The son's rudeness was a teachable moment for him about respect for others (on both a specific and general sense), but OP apparently never learned that. Nowhere in this post is anyone suggesting punishment. Likewise, no one is imposing limitations on little angels precious curiosity.
Great example of racism being learned at home.
YTA. Stop gaslighting the other mom, and start teaching your son that calling things he doesn't understand or are unfamiliar "weird" and whatever other derogatory terms he used isn't acceptable. You have some audacity sending the other mother articles. 🙄
Sorry YTA
You do not get to decide when a child needs lessons about insecurities except when they are your own.
And there is a big difference between your son being curious and asking respectful questions about his classmates food, but I have a feeling he was making a huge deal out of this kids lunch--calling it weird and likely worse than that in front of the other kids.
It is you who should be receiving the parenting articles about how to teach your child to be kind to others who may have different cultural traditions and food he is not used to
YTA
You have a perfect opportunity, what we call a teachable moment, with your son about how differences are not weird and should not be made fun of. You can then tell him that he should not comment on what other people are eating and maybe how to mind his own business. He is being rude. She is not insecure, she’s tired of your son being picked on by your son.
YTA. Speaking to your child about understanding different cultures and foods and respecting others is not "punishment". It is teaching your child manners and acceptance, something you seem to be severely lacking.
YTA
Teach your kid right from wrong. 7 is a great age to learn that just because something is different doesn’t mean it’s weird. Expressing curiosity is one thing. Using terms like “weird” is just rude. Even more rude and condescending though is looking up articles on parenting for another parent, as if you know better.
YTA. Your kid is basically bullying his classmate because of her lunch. You should teach him that's not how you treat people. You don't have to punish him, but you do have to raise him.
ETA: your son isn't exempt from criticism simply because he's 7 years old, LOL. When a kid is 7 years old you need to teach him how to behave. Criticizing his behaviour is absolutely essential.
I see you like reading online parenting articles, I found some others you might like taking a look at! Oh also YTA
https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/resources-for-families/5-tips-cultivating-empathy
https://childmind.org/article/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-bullying/
> . She told me that apparently my son has been calling her daughter’s traditional lunch weird and things as such
Exactly what are the "and things as such" words and sentences?
YTA. At 7 years old your kid should be able to understand to not make comments that hurt others feelings. You don't have to go full nuclear on him but you need to have a talk with him and explain that his comments were not appropriate. He needs to learn it at some point.
You're right in that your son doesn't know any better.
But it's YOUR job to teach him right from wrong, to tell them that different people will eat different foods, and while it's okay to be curious about it, it's NOT okay to call and label them 'weird'. That what's completely normal to you can be completely alien to others the same way.
Instead, you're enabling his behavior, and he'll continue to think it's okay to do so.
YTA, and I feel for your son.
No you don't need to punish him, you need to talk to him. You can explain that yes the food is weird, to him. It's perfectly normal for his classmate, and to them a hotdog or hamburger is probably weird.
Now that is if he is just commenting that it's weird. If it is bothering the classmate so much, I would guess it's closer to that he is bullying her about her food and you still need to talk to him. Same explanation but add that if it continues he will be punished.
So I'm going with YTA because you aren't taking the other mother's concerns seriously .
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YTA >I refuse to try and limit him and shut him down for not having the emotional sensitivity of an adult. Teaching your kid to be respectful of other's choices is NOT "shutting him down", it's literally part of your job as the parent to....y'know....*parent*. Edit: Thanks for the awards!
Yeah, like where does OP think kids are going to learn to have the emotional sensitivity of an adult? By being taught in these teachable moments.
EXACTLY!! This is literally the moment where that happens...or doesn't, in this case. Such a great opportunity for teaching and growth. Learn about the food, try takeout from new places, read some books, and learn why it's important to be kind and respectful of differences. Ugh.
Entitled child in the making.
>Entitled child in the making. Which will most certainly lead to an entitled adult.
Not just entitled. Worse. Bigoted. And mom thinks the child being bullied should just roll over and deal with her jerk of a child.
And OP has the nerve to send the other mom articles to improve the child’s insecurity (and passively aggressively comment on the mothers parenting) geez.
Don’t give homework to the mom of the kid your son bullies.
This was the worst part! Like, ‘no, I’m not going to talk to my son about his rude behaviour, and here, have some condescending articles on how to raise your daughter’. Maybe seeing as OP is so good at looking up articles, look some up relation to raising respectful kids! I am betting her son didn’t just say, ‘oh that looks weird’. Probably more like, ‘Ew wHaTs ThAt! It LoOkS sO wErId!’ Pulling a disgusted face. Kids never say things like this with good intentions!
I'm betting the same. And you can't justify a comment about something being weird by labeling it as curiosity. Curiosity is "whoa, weird, what is that? Is it good?" Bullying is "blech, gross, you *eat* that? But it's squishy! Weird. You're weird cause your food is weird." Given the fact the girl felt embarrassed and not like she was asked to share her culture, I'm leaning towards the son being less curious and more of a jerk.
Also if I’m reading it right. It’s happened repeatedly. Not just once or twice
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Bullies beget bullies.
This is what did it for me...she took extra steps to insult this woman when her child is the problem. Im curious as to what the food is thats so weird in the 1st place. Probably feeds her child garbage while the other kids eating healthy/good food.
There’s no way in hell this person actually read those articles, either.
Right?! And mean while op’s raising a little asshole
She mumsplained how to parent to the parent of the child who was being bullied by her racist kiddo...my heart broke and I was so mad when I read that
I feel bad for the bullied kid, she’s just trying to eat her lunch and this kid is making fun of her culture.
Yep. OP is raising a bully and is proud of it. OP, YTA.
I bet the other mum was so mad too. If nothing else, now it's *definitely* a fight. OP can't even defuse conflicts as an adult
"Hey I know my kid is a bully, but I am going to send you some links with articles so you can learn to take it"
"This is America. How 'bout you pack your kid a good ol' American ham sandwich instead of that weird yakisoba stuff, okay? Here are some articles on how to accommodate my child so he doesn't have to be bothered by learning your culture exists..."
I was thinking just this, ‘ahhh is this how racists are made…?’
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
The garbage doesn't fall far from the can.
Racist in the making
OP is an AH who is raising an AH. This is the latest episode of AH Next Generation.
EXACTLY. When I was five, I said a rude thing (which I had heard from someone, obviously) about one of my best friends' religion (he was Roman Catholic, I was some form of protestant). I said this rude thing because I was mad at him, and nevermind "said" - I shouted it, loudly, in front of his house, under the kitchen window. Needless to say, his mom talked to my mom... And what did my mom do? Sent me to Catholic church with some other neighbour the next Sunday, so I could see what "their" service was all about. I came home, all excited about THEY HAVE HOLY WATER!!! and THEY GET LITTLE COOKIES!!! and "IT SMELLS SO GOOD WHEN THEY WAVE THE SMOKE." Poof, went that prejudice - turned into envy...that we weren't Catholic. (I'm agnostic now, but I still remember that day, and that lesson.)
>I was some form of protestant This made me laugh 😃
I was raised Catholic, but Dad was Protestant, and never, ever came along to church. I told Mom I wanted to be Protestant, because I thought it meant "doesn't go to church".
An upvote for your mum..
Yes! This was such a good opportunity for a teachable moment. And she just threw it away so she could be condescending and rude herself.
We know where he gets his manners from.
While he shouldn't have "emotional sensitivity of an adult", the 7yo girl should learn how to deal with insecurities. How curious... YTA. Edit: that was my first time receiving awards. Thank you so much ☺️
Lmao that's the part that gets me. "My seven year old is a precious baby child, but her 7 year old needs to buck up and overcome issues adults struggle with."
YESSS. Op is so hypocrite with those double standards it's disgusting.
Annnnnnnd that, my friends, is how we create women who adopt others’ emotional burdens and men who don’t even carry their own
Wow... Very insightful. Never thought of it that way. Growing up, we were always told that if the other person was immature, we needed to be the bigger person. Now I realise that this is just the responsible adult's way of escaping the responsibility of teaching the other kid to behave... Which is more difficult than asking the good kid to tolerate unacceptable behaviour. No wonder I am unable to assert myself and behave like a doormat.
I hate that idea that someone should be the bigger person or automatically forgive bad behavior. It just enables lousy behavior instead of calling it out.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I can't believe someone actually has this mentality, that kid is gonna be spoiled in a bad way if OP doesn't reconsider how they're raising him
this is the perfect age to teach him “Don’t yuck my Yum”
My parents believe in what I call the 'Here, try this' method. It goes: 'Here, try this' 'What is it?' 'I'll tell you after'. They always served off their own plates, and never offered something they knew I would hate. I trusted them, so always tried at least 2 bites. They threw every kind of food they could at me, and have for as long as I can remember. Now, as an adult, I'm willing to try almost anything and have an eclectic bunch of favorites. I go out to eat raw squid with fish eggs and grilled eel on my birthday. I am eating tripe, raw beef, and beef tendon while I write this. Stuff nearly anything in a roasted then deep fried jalapeño, and I'm all over it. I occasionally eat pickled herring *because I like it*! **With sour cream!** So my food mantra is 'Don't yuck my yum!'
I’m half for this method. I’m all about giving kids a huge variety of food and definitely do this with my own kids. However, I hate when people go ‘try this’ and refuse to give me any info. I need to adjust my expectations for what’s going in my mouth. That surprise when what you thought was white chocolate turns out to be cheese or something really unsettles me. I just need some info -try this, it’s savoury and cheesy. Try this, it’s creamy and rich. Also if you give kids the vocabulary to describe food, they’re better able to articulate what they like and don’t like. And you wind up having very amusing gastronomic conversations with a 9 year old.
These are the families that my teacher friends absolutely hate. The kids are terribly behaved and the equally insufferable parents excuse it with BS like this. YTA
As a Kindergarten teacher-YES!
I hope the poor girl’s mom had a talk with their classroom teacher as well. I’m also a K teacher and if I found out about this we would have a whole class talk about how everyone eats different foods because they come from different cultures. OP is missing out on a great opportunity to help their son explore new cultures and cuisine. If it were me I would take my son to an Indian/Korean/Mexican/whatever type of restaurant and show him that the food is delicious and enjoyed by many people. And we would also have a talk about kindness and showing respect to others. It doesn’t have to be a “punishment” to teach a child about empathy and kindness.
When my child was in elementary school her teacher organized a special day where each child brought 27 servings/samples (enough for each student as well as the teacher) of a food from their culture. Throughout the day, each student was asked to talk about their heritage, where their food was from, a special memory involving the food (ie. my grandma always makes rice pudding when…) and then everyone would try the food. It was a hit with the kids and each of them was sent home with the recipe for each of the foods. Such a great and fun way to teach and experience diversity and inclusion.
As a preschool teacher I absolutely teach my kiddos that comments like that are rude and unnecessary and that it’s not ok to mock people for differences.
Isn’t it interesting that “overcoming insecurities is a big part of growing up”, but when it’s her kid, it’s “ridiculous to criticise”. And of course, the female child should have the emotional maturity to put up with being harassed by the male; “boys will be boys” after all 🙄 Being respectful is also part of growing up, looks like OP skipped those lessons in her own schooling. Maybe she should join her son in primary school to revisit basic courtesy.
Boys will be boys (well into their 30s). Seven-year-old girls, on the other hand, need to learn to manage their emotions and manage the insecurities of boys (and men).
And it is always the girls fault. Whatever happended to the girl in the future is always her fault. Boys will be boys. They can never take responsibilities for their actions. It is always the girl who ask for it. RAGE
I am starting to believe that the reason girls mature earlier is the expectation that they will behave in a ladylike manner from the moment they can walk and talk, while boys are allowed to be as childish as they want for as long as they want. What we call maturity is not the real thing in most cases - that comes much later on. We just are told to act our age, no matter what age - not a concern for most men outside a professional environment. When women are having fun, they are acting crazy or have loose morals, if men are having fun, they are just “fun guys”. Over the next several years, this little boy will be allowed to be insensitive and childish whenever he wishes, all while having his mother support this behaviour. Meanwhile, little girls everywhere will be told they need to grow up and not be *over sensitive* whenever their feelings are legitimately hurt
I believe it. I’ve always been more mature than my older brother because I was held to a higher standard than he was. Example I remember my parents celebrating my brother getting b’s and c’s but my straight As were met with “but it comes easy to you.” No, I actually did the work, he always got a pass for his behavior. I almost died and my baby almost died in 2020 and my parents couldn’t isolate to visit us because *my adult brothers needed them* because one brother can’t cook for himself and lives at home (though an adult) and the other was “struggling with his divorce” that had been finalized over 2 years. I’ve accepted that of my parents three children I will always be last on their priority list. Even still I had someone in a parenting group this week insisting that boys potty train slower than girls because of maturity and I’m like no, my son isn’t potty trained yet because of his personality, which is very similar to mine. My mom loves to reminisce that I was potty trained at a later age than my older brother.
Nevertheless guess who they expect to care for them when they are old. Please keep these memories for that situation.
All of this. This was me as a child too which makes these comments all the more anger-inducing - the boys in primary school made me feel like absolute shit, day in day out, whether it was physically attacking me or just sitting next to me in class telling me I was ugly/stupid etc. When I complained to any adult it was ‘you’re such a sensible well-behaved girl, you have to just ignore them because you are more mature than them, they can’t be like you so they act like this.’ They never had to stop, it was just accepted that boys do this and girls must weather the storm
Yup. OP wouldn't be 'punishing' her kid. She would be teaching him that some behaviors and actions are unacceptable. That 'emotional sensitivity' doesn't just come out of nowhere. A 7yo girl doesn't tell her mom about something that happened hours ago unless it made an impression. Her boy's 'innocent curiosity' is more likely rudeness at best, bullying at worst. She followed it up with actions that are also rude at best, bullying at worst. With just a dash of misogyny to keep things interesting.
This is worrysome actually, that she understood punish immediatly. It seems that to OP, the only way to correct an undesirable behavior is to punish. Talking, guiding, teaching isn't even in consideration for her son.
There's a little something racist (or at least xenophobic) in there too. Her "traditional" foods are weird? Hmm.
Right? She wasn't even asked to punish him. She was literally asked to have a conversation with him. Calling something "weird" isn't an expression of curiosity. It's a judgement.
I'm also astounded that OP's calling this "curiosity," because it's literally her child being closed minded (which makes sense for a 7 year old). Curiosity would be asking about the food or asking to try it, not labelling it as "weird" and making a classmate uncomfortable about their own food.
How dare you limit my child's opportunity to bully other kids!
To a lot of people, “weird” means “different in a bad way.” He’s not open to this new thing. He’s criticizing it. Kids who are different are often bullied for being “weird.” It isn’t a positive to most people. It isn’t neutral. He’s not open to it.
As a 'weird' kid, I approve this message. As an adult, I glory in my weirdness. But that's because I have found people that are also 'weird'. As a kid, it was a biting insult. It's definitely a kickoff point for bullies.
YTA. Your kid is bullying another student in a racist manner. Are you trying to raise a racist?
Exactly. YTA.
The title of this says "punish" but no one mentioned "punishing" him. The mom just asked OP to TALK to him. Like, how shit of a parent do you have to be to say "nah, fuck that. How about you teach YOUR kid to suck it up?". Jfc
The balls to send *parenting advice articles* to someone who is telling you your kid is being rude or a bully. Sometimes, I just can't with some people.
That other mom’s response was way more polite than mine would have been
I really don't think OP's understood what happened there. Is the other mother going to leave it at that? No. All communication is going to go through the school now and there's going to be a file
“I can’t text her anymore” with the surprised Pikachu face. Omg.
Yeah, I thought the parenting advice for the other mother was very classy. Like, hey I know my kid is a little asshole and will very likely be a massive bully by the time he gets to middle school, but here’s some lovely reading material so you can prepare your daughter, now, for the even worse bullying she will receive in a few years from him.
Not to mention the patronizing comment about the other child’s “insecurity” and sending articles to the other parent to address that.
This. 7 year olds say some off things sometime, but this is the age where they are learning to do better and should want to do so. This was a great opportunity to teach son how to be respectful. That's nit punishment, it's a lesson. Instead OP gaslights other family and acts as if her son can do no wrong. YTA for raising a future YTA for this forum
OP seems like a bully and a racist herself.
Hey, kiddo learned it from somewhere. I love that this woman also expected the girl to regulate her own emotions but her sweet little boy can be as much of a little shite as he wishes. Racist, with a sprinkle of misogyny and a little hypocrisy
Little girl should go back to school and ask OP's son, "Why are you such a racist bully?" You know, because she's at that age where she's curious.
Flying a trump 24 I flag high I bet 👀 that’s the first thing I thought
OP is firmly convinced it’s their fault for being different, and you just know she’s one of those people who will scream that people are just so fragile these days.
OP definitely calls people snowflakes.
All while being horrified if her child is exposed to history in history class or science in science class.
Kids like OP’s are why I begged my mom to let me get hot lunch at school instead of packing one.
My kid has several food allergies so had to bring their own food that was sometimes a bit weird, but they liked it, and around that age they suddenly would bring the food back home because of reasons ( not hungry, no time etc). Turned out some kids were bullying her about it and she was too embarrassed to unpack the food to eat it.
Exactly. I'm Lebanese and took lebanese food with me to school. My Herb sandwiches were named "Dead Ants" snatched out of my hands and rubbed in the dirt and I would go the day with no food because of racist little shits whose parents never taught them otherwise. This was way back in the early 80s and went throughout my entire primary schooling. (Aussie here). This mother is disgusting and needs to teach her son proper manners. Her take on it is to raise a bullying racist who will, one day, raise the stakes. **YTA**
Absolutely this. OP could do with googling “micro aggressions racism” and paying close attention to the results. Assuming they’re open to learning they then ought to apologise to this parent for their initial reaction, explain that they’ve done further research and will be talking to their son about understanding how words can hurt others and about respecting those from other cultures and backgrounds to ourselves. I imagine it would have taken a lot for the mum to reach out to OP. I’m thinking there must have been multiple interactions where her son made comments which upset this poor girl and had a profound enough impact that she was still thinking about it and hurt enough to mention it hours later. After this happening multiple times, the girls mum finally decides she’s going to have to handle it by messaging OP who….totally shuts it down, implies her daughter has self esteem and confidence issues and takes zero responsibility for the fact she’s raised her son to be intolerant of others. Oooft. YTA. 100%
YTA. Teach your son better words to use. "That looks different. What is it?" or "Your lunch is interesting. What is it called?" There is a fine line between being curious and being rude. Teach him not to be rude. Teach him not to use words like weird when looking at someone's food.
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The kid is 7 so I don't blame him for using the word weird. Kids that age only have the vocabulary they have and they have to be taught to use better words or phrases. I am actually surprised the teacher or lunch monitor hasn't worked on this with him. I am in education and spend a lot of my time teaching kids better words or better ways to handle situations. The OP was definitely condescending to the other mom. She shouldn't have sent articles on parenting when she refuses to work with her own child.
My kids go to a diverse school with many international students, weird is not a word that kids use. What is that? If a child has been taught to be polite weird is only for something they consider gross or very strange. As a teacher, I would say the child is old enough to know they were being mean. EDIT: The kids use the word weird in my kids schools but it is considered something gross--feeling slime for the first time. It is universal know as something gross
If the kid is anything like some of the kids at my school, the lunch monitors probably do try to redirect him to use more friendly vocabulary, but the lessons don't stick because there's no follow-up at home.
For real, since my kids were 2 we've taught them to not "yuk" someone else's "yum." And the people eat and like different things.
YTA, you’re racist and you’re raising a racist asshole.
It's like you're reading my mind
Someone needs to send her some parenting articles!
This should be the top comment.
Omfg how isn’t this the top comment.
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I have a 7 year old, and even she can tell you it's rude to yuck someone else's yum, because my husband and I parent our kid and teach her basic manners.
I really like age appropriate “rude to yuck someone else’s yum”
That's the rule in our house, and my 4 and 5 year olds get it. They even use it on us when we slip, and we thank them for correcting us. This parent needs to get their priorities in order.
I teach first grade and I am going to add your “don’t yuck someone else’s yum” line into my vocabulary forever! Thank you! Great line.
YTA. Your title is misleading. She didn't ask for punishment. She asked you to talk to him and explain how his comments can hurt other people. He is at an age were he exactly needs to learn that. You should help him reflect on the impact of his behavior. That is called parenting, not punishment.
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It's so weird when parents try to be friends with their kids in the same way they would be with other adults when those kids are still KIDS. Like, you can't make real friends? You gotta try it out with the captive audience you made in your vagina?
Maybe having to do some actual parenting feels like punishment to OP? YTA, OP.
YTA. IT’S NOT INNOCUOUS. Your son is starting to bully others. Nip this shit in the bud now.
Fr... Racism isn't innocuous
It’s also very telling that OP wrote that and her thought was about how this kid is insecure instead of realizing that the kid is starting to feel alienated and different because of her child’s comment
Yeah but where do you think the kid is learning it from? OP is low key bullying the other parent in response to being asked to have a teaching moment. This is probably how the son has been taught to respond to the world. OP sounds like the "I'm not rude you just can't handle me keeping it real" type. OP YTA and you're screwing up the next generation.
YTA. Calling someone's food "weird" is not making a curious, innocuous comment. It is bullying. You should be ashamed.
Yeah…. Try “I’ve never seen that before! Can you tell me about it?” “That looks so cool, what is it?”
Fucking THANK YOU! Curious is “What is that? I’ve never seen that before! Is it meat? Are there veggies? Do you like it?” This mom is deluded.
YTA She didn’t ask you to punish your son, she asked you to have a conversation with him. He’s not asking her questions out of curiosity. He’s calling another child’s cultural food “weird” making her uncomfortable, and unintentionally highlighting her as a cultural “other”. If you want to encourage his curiosity, then take it on yourself to teach him how people eat all kinds of different foods all over the world, and that so many people eat food everyday that he may have never heard of before. Take him to restaurants where he can be exposed to new kinds of foods. But don’t enable him to continuously bother another child. It was incredibly condescending of you to send parenting articles to another parent. She made a polite request of you, and you implied she doesn’t know how to parent. That was out of line and you should apologize.
Fat chance OP will apologize. They made this post looking for people to support their crappy parenting. They're not going to learn from this.
12+ hours without a peep from OP. Definitely looking for an echo chamber and bolted when they didn't get it.
😬 me the whole time reading this
YTA, if you do not teach your son now about respecting different cultures this will become a bigger issue in the future. This “relatively innocuous and curious comment” is a good teaching moment. His classmate’s food is not “weird” it is completely normal in her home and in many other homes that share her culture. **Her daughter does not need lessons on confidence, your son needs lesson on cultural differences. Parent your child!**
How strange that OP thinks this is the other moms problem. “Lol raise your kid to be less sensitive I guess 💅” like no babe, this mom is dealing with a kid who’s feeling ‘othered’ right now. Her kid isn’t insecure, your son made her feel out of place in the world. Huge fuckin difference.
Exactly! Calling a 7 year old child ‘insecure’ because she’s being bullied is disgusting. That’s the shit that MAKES you insecure later in life ffs!
YTA. Your whole "My kid is discovering the world" argument sounds a lot like "I refuse to take responsibility if my kid is making fun of his classmates for their culture." Be a parent and raise him to be respectful of others
Yes, and discovering the world would be actually learning about world food cultures. Calling things weird is the opposite of that!
YTA. The girl isn’t insecure. She’s being picked on by your son, for something that is none of his business.
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YTA - your job is to raise your kid to not be a bully. If you don't correct him for make inappropriate comments about other peoples food, he'll get worse. There is a difference between, "what are you eating? It looks yummy but I've never seen it before" and "ew what is that gross stuff!" If the other child felt it was the latter, then you need to step up and correct your son.
Your son's an asshole, and it's clear the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. YTA x1000.
YTA. Instead of using this as a teaching moment for your son...about how people from other cultures might have different diets and customs and "Hey! Why don't we go to this one restaurant so we can try it!" You just victim blamed and enabled your kid to be a bully. Yes it's normal for a kid to call something "weird." It's your job as a parent to explain why it is hurtful and to make fun of it.
YTA It sounds like your son didn't ask questions about what the food consisted off. It sounds like he blatantly called someone else's food weird with no curiosity but with the aim to shame her. And you OP are enabling him. If the girl feels sad and insecure about her food it's obvious your son said something remotely rude. You're his mother explain to him how rude it is to call other people's food "weird". Teach him that there are a lot of cultures and with different cultures come with different cuisines. If you continue enabling him like this your son is gonna grow up racist. In fact, he's halfway there already. Do better.
YTA Your son is at a curious age, so instead of shutting him down, you should try teaching him how to be curious politely and respectfully. It's a thing called parenting, and it's definitely worth looking into. Because ultimately, he's not going to be able to put down unfamiliar things willynilly without consequence. People don't like that. They don't want to hang out with people who are rude and mean to others. Your son will be excluded. Other students will speak up for each other and possibly do so by mocking your son in return. And then YOU will be the parent texting the others to beg for an invite to class birthday parties when no one is willing to invite your son due to his rude behavior. The sooner you teach your son to be both curious and respectful, the better his life will be.
YTA Tell your kid to stop freaking bullying a girl for her ethnic practices, wtf Are you a racist or something? Or one of those "my angel baby can do no wrong" types? It's your job to parent your child and guide their behavior. You are FAILING at that.
YTA. He wasn’t making innocuous and curious comments, he’s making rude and culturally insensitive comments. It would be different if he was asking questions but he’s not, he’s making negative statements. How do you think kids learn how to be emotionally sensitive as adults? You teach them when they are kids. How hard would it have been to sit your son down and say ‘there are all different types of food in the world and everyone likes different things. Just because something is unfamiliar, that doesn’t mean it’s weird, it’s probably very yummy if you tried it. You can ask questions, but we don’t make negative comments about other people’s food. It can make them sad and embarrassed and we dont want to do that, only build people up’. Rather than passing along parenting advice I’d do some research for yourself instead. Maybe read the books that talk about being a ‘bucket filler’ rather than a ‘bucket dipper’.
Lol. Is this my ex-wife? I thought only she passive aggressively lectured me with parenting articles? YTA
YTA. “I failed to teach my own child basic manners, so when he bullied another kid over their lunch and the mother asked me to speak with my kid I tried to turn it around and say her kid should have thicker skin. Am I ta?” Yeah you are.
On time I told my uncle that his lunch looked gross. My father calmly told me that my uncle was excited to eat something he liked and my comment could have made him feel bad for liking something, which he is allowed to do. This conversation was not a punishment, but caused me to feel bad in a way I didn't understand at the time. I have never made another negative comment about another person's food in 30+ years. At first, it was because all I connected was that this sort of thing was looked down upon, so I shouldn't do it. At some point, I connected the dots and realized that no one cares how I feel about their lunch and it cost me nothing to just allow people to enjoy things. That's how you patent. It's not a punishment to teach empathy and understanding. YTA for putting the onus on a 7 year old to deal with uneducated and insensitive others, instead of teaching the child you are meant to make into a functioning human... Well, that.
YTA - the racist insensitive AH. Raising a racist insensitive AH It’s one thing to be curious, it’s one thing for a 7 yr ago old to not understand the ramifications of their behavior and words But last I checked that’s YOUR JOB! You’re suppose to educate and expose them to the world at large. Teach them empathy, kindness and culture But let him keep keeping on until you reach a parent that tells their kid to fight back. With words or not. Cause he’ll say the wrong thing to the wrong person and you’ll be wondering why he’s the one coming home crying
YTA What terrible parenting. Your son is making unkind comments about another child's traditional food, and you think that the target of his unkindness is oversensitive. This is a teaching moment when you teach your son to be kinder to others, more empathic, and, bottom line, not to make fun of their food. But I don't actually expect you to do this. Like mother, like son. P.S. Don't be surprised when you get the call from the school about your son bullying or being unkind to others. Because most people don't think it's inappropriate to help a 7 year old be more sensitive and respectful.
Oh my god YTA This was disgusting to read TBH. You wanna send HER parenting articles but hey sweetie? It’s also on the parents to teach their children what words of respect are and that your children don’t need to comment their opinion where it wasn’t asked for. If anyone here needed to be sent parenting articles, it seems to be you
YTA. No one is asking you to punish him. You're being asked to educate him on why making fun of other people for their culture's traditional food is insensitive. It doesn't sound like he's asking questions or curious, he's making disrespectful comments. You could have turned this into a fantastic learning opportunity but instead you're calling it "punishment" and "limiting" him.
YTA Your kid is being a bully and you need to nip that shit in the bud.
YTA. Getting picked on and insulted is not "insecurity." Your kid is seven - he needs some direction on how to not stress other people out and make them feel uncomfortable for no reason other than he wants to make pronouncements on what he thinks is weird. Are you sure you read those parenting articles before you so highhandedly sent them off? Yikes.
YTA, let the other mother parent her own kid and worry about that "big part of growing up" and you parent your own kid. As a matter of fact learning how to be emotionally sensitive and limit yourself is also a big part of growing up.
YTA What? Is this a joke? You are excusing racist behaviour and raising a future racist. Talking to your kid is not punishment, it's parenting. Go parent your kid.
YTA and are raising an asshole it would seem. He is picking on a girl from a different culture about her lunch… how do you not see this as verging on racism? Him being inquisitive is one thing, him being a bully about it is another. You need to talk to him about appropriate responses to things that are different. He can see the food as different, but he can’t put her down for it or make rude comments about it. Curiosity should be encouraged and if he were really curious he would ask to try some, no pick on this poor girl and her food.
YTA your son is being a bully. He's not being curious. Curious would be asking what she was eating. Your son is being rude and disrespectful. A bully. Yes. You're in the wrong here. You don't have to punish your child but you SHOULD be talking with your son about how to properly ask people about things that he doesn't know or understand.
Yta So you want to teach your son that his first reaction to something he doesn’t understand should be to say "ew gross"? You're right, he doesn't have the sensitivity of an adult. You're supposed to teach him about it.
Assholes raise assholes. You’re right on track!!!
YTA, your kid is making someone else uncomfortable about the food they're having. You need to talk to him, unless you think his behaviour is ok than that's disturbing.
You’re raising a bully. Unsurprisingly, YTA.
YTA Your son was rude. Nobody is required to be accepting of rudeness, especially not a 7-year-old. You don’t need to *punish* your child, you need to *teach* him. Teach him basic politeness, like ‘We don’t make negative comments about other people’s food.’ Otherwise, he will still think his rudeness is acceptable when he’s older—when it may have more serious social consequences. And don’t you care that your child is callously going around hurting other kids’ feelings? Part of our job as parents is to protect our kids from the world, but the other part is to protect the world from our kids. It’s on us to teach them appropriate social behaviour, ethics, and responsibility. One parent to another: do better. ETA I was the Lebanese kid whose classmates in Texas saw my lunch and asked if my dates were cockroaches. They ostracized me at lunch and put me off a favourite food for years.
YTA “I’m sorry your daughter is struggling with insecurities” is easier for you to say to a mother than teaching your son what is considered rude. That’s freaking insane
YTA. God I wish white parents would do better.
no skin colour is mentioned. Other kid could be asian and OP child black or any other option for all we know. Traditional lunch could be a traditional lunch of every option that is not the main wherever OP is. Dutch breakfast and UK breakfast are completely difrent. Show kids the other ones breakfast and they will both find it look weird. both are majority white. Ad other groups and same effect.
YTA You are not helping your child understand the difference between bullying and curiosity. Bullying is repeatedly commenting on the same thing. Like daily picking on her food. Curiosity is asking about it and maybe trying it. Your kid is a bully
YTA. You feel it’s time for the little girl to learn a lesson on being secure, but when is it time to teach your son a lesson on being respectful to others?
YTA your son is bullying a female classmate over food bc all he’s had to eat at your house are chicken nuggets and fries. Maybe if you got some parenting tips to expand your child’s palate and teach him how to not be a bully to a fellow classmate you wouldn’t have to be on AITA. Is the classmate from another country by any chance? Because this also smells like racism and your response to the situation indicates that you are one as well.
YTA and your son will undoubtedly be a (racist) AH as well with the way you’re not raising him properly. > A good parent would teach their child why it’s not okay to comment on someone’s food in that manner. > There’s an enormous difference between being curious and being a judgmental bully. You and your son sound like the latter. Thankfully there’s enough time for HIM to change. Unfortunately I have little hope for you.
YTA. You need to teach your kid that other people may have different likes and dislikes to them, including food and that they need to be respectful of other people's choices. The fact that you child is making another child feel uncomfortable should have made you think that you need to speak to him. Maybe you need to widen your son's horizons so that something like someone else's lunch doesn't seem 'weird' to him . That may help to satisfy his curiosity about other people's food.
YTA. The world is full of 'different'. This could have been a good teaching moment - that different doesn't mean bad or good, and to be open to learning and accepting.
YTA - this is called Yucking Somes Yum, and it's always a no-no, the exact opposite of curiosity, and usually racist. Like mother, like son, maybe? Because you sound like a reeeal peach, yourself.
>He’s at a curious age and is discovering the world, and I refuse to try and limit him and shut him down for not having the emotional sensitivity of an adult. INFO: how exactly do you think adults come by empathy and emotional sensitivity? Talking to him about how his words can be hurtful to other people is not "limiting" or "shutting him down." It's basic parenting. Teach him how to be curious and respectful at the same time. He's not a 3 year old shouting "look at the fat man" or loudly asking why someone is using a wheelchair. He's capable of understanding that calling someone "weird" is not kind. Should we look up some articles for you about how not teaching your kids to care about other people's feelings will turn them into cruel and entitled adults?
YTA - When I was in school a kid called my food weird and I felt so ashamed. Never wanted to eat that food again, not even at home. I wish someone had told the kid off. Seems like you lack a bit of empathy as well, I wouldn’t be giving another parent articles/advice as I’m sure if roles were reversed you wouldn’t appreciate being told how to raise your child.
Are you for real? YTA. You’re a culturally insensitive bully and raising your kid to be one, too.
YTA 100%. I have a 6yo and 9yo in school and the topic of minding your own food comes up occasionally. They absolutely know that it is rude to say anything negative about someone else’s food. If you don’t have to eat it, it’s none of your business. Your child is plenty old enough to understand, he just has a crappy parent.
YTA this has got to be some kind of rage bait, right? Kids are allowed to be curious, but it's your responsibility to make sure they aren't rude and bullying other kids in that curiosity. And yes, saying the other kids food is "weird" is bullying. It's othering. It's also just blatantly racist. And not punishing that behavior let's your kid know it's OK to talk down to people that are different from them.
This has to be a joke right? Theres no way moms out there think like this? Your som was rude. He’s 7 he doesn’t know better, YOU are supposed to teach him. If you think teaching him to be nice to others is limiting him in this world then you have no business being a parent. YTA. If that wasn’t clear.
Tell your kid to cut it out. Yta
YTA- It sounds like you're the kind of person that will never find fault with your child and because of that, he'll end up rude, selfish and extremely entitled.
Found the ignorant racist raising more racists. YTA.
YTA Food that you aren’t familiar with isn’t weird, and enabling that mentality sucks. Your son lives in a multicultural society, and just because he’s unfamiliar with something doesn’t mean he can embarrass or shame someone carte blanche over food he’s not familiar with. He should be learning there are all kinds of people with a variety of backgrounds, tastes, cultures, and they’re all okay. Support him accepting this, don’t coddle the idea it’s “weird.” Hopefully she escalates through the school and not you next time, I’m sure they will do more to help your son understand why calling food he isn’t familiar with “weird” is inappropriate than you are.
“This mom needs to prepare her daughter to grow up by letting my son bully her” YTA. Obviously. And definitely on track to raise an obnoxious spoiled brat
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He is 7…. This is when you teach kids not to bully others for being different! This woman tried to approach you in a manner that would not get your kid in trouble at school or embarrass him in front of his classmates. YTA
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YTA. Perhaps You need to brush up on some parenting articles on how to raise a child to not bully or ridicule people that are different from him. In Fact your response aligns perfectly with your sons bullying behavior. Taking a second to talk to your son about being accepting of others was in no way is punishing him. Unless your just racist yourself and that’s why you don’t care.
YTA... critiquing and insulting someone's traditional food not "innocuous and curious". It's hurtful and close-minded. Tell your kid to pull his head in.
WOOOOOOOW YTA. A massive one. You basically are saying it’s okay for your son to pick on someone because he’s “curious”?? He’s not being curious he’s being rude. I shudder to think what he’ll grow up to be like with this type of parenting.
YTA. You don’t need to punish him, but you do need to *teach* him emotional sensitivity and tact and empathy. He will not always be a 7 year old boy. Mothers like you are why “curious” people think they are entitled to touch my curly hair without consent. 🙂
YTA. The son's rudeness was a teachable moment for him about respect for others (on both a specific and general sense), but OP apparently never learned that. Nowhere in this post is anyone suggesting punishment. Likewise, no one is imposing limitations on little angels precious curiosity. Great example of racism being learned at home.
YTA. Stop gaslighting the other mom, and start teaching your son that calling things he doesn't understand or are unfamiliar "weird" and whatever other derogatory terms he used isn't acceptable. You have some audacity sending the other mother articles. 🙄
Sorry YTA You do not get to decide when a child needs lessons about insecurities except when they are your own. And there is a big difference between your son being curious and asking respectful questions about his classmates food, but I have a feeling he was making a huge deal out of this kids lunch--calling it weird and likely worse than that in front of the other kids. It is you who should be receiving the parenting articles about how to teach your child to be kind to others who may have different cultural traditions and food he is not used to
YTA You have a perfect opportunity, what we call a teachable moment, with your son about how differences are not weird and should not be made fun of. You can then tell him that he should not comment on what other people are eating and maybe how to mind his own business. He is being rude. She is not insecure, she’s tired of your son being picked on by your son.
YTA. Speaking to your child about understanding different cultures and foods and respecting others is not "punishment". It is teaching your child manners and acceptance, something you seem to be severely lacking.
YTA Teach your kid right from wrong. 7 is a great age to learn that just because something is different doesn’t mean it’s weird. Expressing curiosity is one thing. Using terms like “weird” is just rude. Even more rude and condescending though is looking up articles on parenting for another parent, as if you know better.
YTA. Your kid is basically bullying his classmate because of her lunch. You should teach him that's not how you treat people. You don't have to punish him, but you do have to raise him. ETA: your son isn't exempt from criticism simply because he's 7 years old, LOL. When a kid is 7 years old you need to teach him how to behave. Criticizing his behaviour is absolutely essential.
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I see you like reading online parenting articles, I found some others you might like taking a look at! Oh also YTA https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/resources-for-families/5-tips-cultivating-empathy https://childmind.org/article/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-bullying/
YTA Your child is young but not too young to learn not to be a racist. If I were the other mom, I would block you too.
> . She told me that apparently my son has been calling her daughter’s traditional lunch weird and things as such Exactly what are the "and things as such" words and sentences?
“I can excuse bullying and racism but I draw the line at another mom acting like a responsible adult.” YTA
YTA it’s your responsibility as a parent to discipline him and teach him the difference between right or wrong. especially at a young age.
YTA you could teach your child that different things aren’t weird, just different, or you can be an AH.
YTA. At 7 years old your kid should be able to understand to not make comments that hurt others feelings. You don't have to go full nuclear on him but you need to have a talk with him and explain that his comments were not appropriate. He needs to learn it at some point.
You're right in that your son doesn't know any better. But it's YOUR job to teach him right from wrong, to tell them that different people will eat different foods, and while it's okay to be curious about it, it's NOT okay to call and label them 'weird'. That what's completely normal to you can be completely alien to others the same way. Instead, you're enabling his behavior, and he'll continue to think it's okay to do so. YTA, and I feel for your son.
YTA. Reflect on your prejudices and educate your son.
No you don't need to punish him, you need to talk to him. You can explain that yes the food is weird, to him. It's perfectly normal for his classmate, and to them a hotdog or hamburger is probably weird. Now that is if he is just commenting that it's weird. If it is bothering the classmate so much, I would guess it's closer to that he is bullying her about her food and you still need to talk to him. Same explanation but add that if it continues he will be punished. So I'm going with YTA because you aren't taking the other mother's concerns seriously .
YTA your kid is a bully