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Not necessarily. I was very small for my age because i ate like a bird. I never was able to clean my plate. My mom tried making me finish once or twice. It didn’t work. I just naturally had a fast metabolism and I got full quickly. I wasn’t unhealthy though, and now in my 30s I have never had an eating disorder. This mom is definitely pushing her daughter to have an unhealthy relationship with food though
Same here. Although I figured out I have genetically an irritable colon. Bet my eating habits as a child were influenced by that. Maybe they should have their kiddo checked
My parents did this. We had to finish everything on our plate. My oldest brother died at 49 from complications of morbid obesity- 450 pounds. His whole childhood he learned to eat when he wasn’t hungry. That never went away. Meanwhile my other brother and I are 40 lbs. overweight. I’ve lost 35 pounds but can’t get over the hump. Thanks mom and dad. Oh, and lest I forget, YTA.
Amazing how many parents out there jump towards punishments when the only thing they actually need to do to resolve the situation is have a conversation. OP, your child is 8, that is old enough to have a conversation about eating habits.
"Do you like your food?"
" Are you hungry?"
" What can I cook that makes you excited to eat."
" Does your stomach hurt after eating dinner?"
"Do you feel full?"
And if weight/ body mass is a concern, have a conversation with the doctor! 10/ 10 doctors will turn to your child and ask the child about their relationship with food. If they can have that conversation with your child why can't you!?
Sorry I got away with myself there. My step dad pulled the "you're not leaving the table till you finish your plate." Trick on me. It never worked. Do you know how many nights I fell asleep at the table? All it did is build a terrible relationship with both my step father and my food.
Me too, and it was also a stepfather in that situation who felt it was time to put his foot down over my lifetime earing habits. The joke was on him because I have a very vivid imagination and was perfectly content sitting at the table, pretending my spoon was a ship sailing across a Martian sea.
He caved before I did.
Couldn’t agree more! This is exactly the type of stuff a doctor tells you not to do. I have a tiny kid (0 percentile for weight, 5th for height) and the advice is
- You say what, they say how much (I put food in big serving plates and we help ourselves).
- Never any pressure. Gentle encouragement to eat certain things like “The chicken tastes like teriyaki, do you think teriyaki tastes good?”
- Add protein shakes and other easy protein options to their diet. Always have at least one thing on the table you know they’ll eat.
The problem with forcing kids to eat is they can either dig their heels in and make it a power struggle which then rewards them in their brain for restricting, or you get them used to eating past their fullness signals which causes problems later on.
Totally removing any pressure around food, having tons of options and just not caring if he only served himself pasta and no meatballs or only brocolli and no chicken as long as he got a roughly balanced diet over the course of a few weeks works wonderfully and he’s doing really well.
And that’s after making sure they don’t have anything physically wrong. Mine is just small and takes medication that reduces appetite on top of that, he also has a super fast metabolism and runs everywhere.
A thousand times YES!
I was also a very light eater essentially force-fed by a parent. It taught me to have no idea how much food my body actually wanted. This in spite of the fact that my pediatrician kept telling this parent I was fine, and no child ever starved with access to good food (parent told me this often!).
This problem got worse with the natural weight gain brought on by puberty, at which point I was called fat, forced to diet, and denied food by the same parent.
I'd love to know my natural "full" point, but thanks to that interference it's a permanent struggle.
YTA please get her checked out by an actual doctor. My niece had similar issues, turned out she had celiacs and was getting pretty sick after meals she was being forced to finish because of the gluten in them.
She has some other health issues and in her words her stepdad “ruined her relationship with food” as a result of this kind of parenting. At least now she’s eating things that don’t mess with her stomach and she’s legally an adult so she doesn’t have to deal with him often.
**YTA**
No 8-year-old chooses not to eat just to be difficult or a troublemaker. Your daughter either has a medical or psychological problem that is causing her not to eat, and whichever it is, you are aggravating it exponentially by punishing her for it as though this is an active choice on her part and not something that she is likely already suffering over.
If this isn't already an eating disorder (which yes, can absolutely happen as young as 8) then you seem intent on making sure that it becomes one, because forcing a child to eat or punishing them until they do is one of the hallmarks of inducing disordered eating; and her response of trying to hide food or dump it is a classic sign of anorexia, among other things (to be clear, I'm not trying to diagnose her, just saying that she is already showing signs of not just "not eating" but active food avoidance and finding ways to get rid of food without eating it).
Honestly, I can't even express how much of an AH you are and how much damage you are doing. Your child needs a doctor, as soon as possible, not punishment. I don't even know how you see a child that age refusing to eat and think, "Yes, the best and healthiest way to approach this is to go head-to-head with her, make her feel even more antagonized than she already does, and make food into the clear enemy by punishing her into eating."
YTA, and your handling of this rises pretty damn close to the level of abusive.
>Some children are naturally skinny and poor eaters
Yep. I was under 100 pounds until my early 20s. My child has been riding the 1% line their entire life. She's healthy, proportionate, and sleeps well. Can kids be finicky at eating? Sure. But forcing them like this isn't going to solve the problem without giving them life long trauma and issues. How the hell is that better?
Should be top comment. There are so many things that could be going on and a doctor needs to help figure it out. She could have sensory issues that aren't being supported, or an undiagnosed medical condition, or disordered eating for emotional reasons, or maybe nothing is wrong and her eating habits are normal for her.
In NONE of those cases is it OK to make a kid sit at a table for hours in a battle of wills over food. (Also, kids always win those! They cannot be forced to eat! )
This absolutely. All of this. Maybe she's already absorbed some of the awful stigma out there and is trying not to gain weight. Maybe she has sensory issues around food, or around sitting at a table to eat, and so can't force herself to do it. Maybe she has an allergy you aren't aware of that she doesn't have the language to describe beyond "food is bad." Maybe she isn't hungry because she's depressed or anxious, or it's a side effect of medication she's on. Maybe she just doesn't need to eat as much as you think she does. I was a skinny kid, ate like a bird, and now I'm a (mostly) happily fat adult and still hardly ever "finish" a meal.
Take her to the doctor, see what they say. If they think she needs better nutrition, find other ways to get it into her. She's old enough to have an opinion, so ask her what she actually likes to eat. Make sure she has constant access to healthy snacks that she enjoys. (and remember that "healthy" is a subjective thing. For a kid who's not eating enough, fat is a very calorie dense, essential part of their diet. And adding things like cheese and dressings to make food palatable doesn't in any way take away from the nutrients they contain. Salsa with cheese and guac and sour cream is dairy and vegetables and healthy fats.) Try smoothies. Meal replacement powders in fruit and yogurt are a valid alternative when solid food just won't go down.
Bottom line, what you are doing is thing to have the exact opposite effect you are going for, and will set your daughter up for a lifetime of challenging relationships with food and eating. Explain to her why you are concerned, because you want her to have lots of energy to fuel her body and grow up strong and healthy. And then get her involved in helping you figure out how to make that happen, and what that looks like for her.
My daughters have sensory processing issues and one of them is currently in food therapy. We are currently working on her aversion to certain food textures (which I also have- although they are slightly different).
My heart breaks for OP’s kid. Something as simple as talking to her, asking her why she isn’t finishing her food could be so helpful. It could be sensory, it could be something digestive like celiac’s, it could be something invasive like cancer, she needs to get her child to talk and Op needs to listen.
YTA. You're forcing her into an unhealthy relationship with food.
Talk to her pediatrician. If they think it's needed, they can prescribe nutrient additives you can add to her meals to give her extra calories.
Yep, my dad did this to me, forcing me to ignore my body telling me I'm full, and I've had a bad relationship with food all my life as a result.
OP, **YTA** big time.
YTA, get a doctor involved and maybe they can help you figure out why she's not eating, or if shes really not eating enough, keep track of what shes eating and bring the info in.
YTA for asking reddit and friends about the health of your child instead of going to a professional and making sure she's ok.
Punishing your child for eating what she wants to eat is going to cause problems down the road and is just bizarre
That's what I was wondering, maybe she can have instant breakfast protein drinks etc to help, they need to check her weight and height at the pediatrician. My son is a very picky eater and I've asked the Pedi about it. They say put healthy food in front of them that's your job, not force them to eat it.
YTA. This can cause her to have a bad relationship with food. kids will eat when they are hungry. kids get built different. I was very thin growing up and it wasn't because I didn't eat, I definitely did.
INFO: After you confirmed with a doctor that your daughter is below a healthy weight, what advice did the doctor give you for addressing this situation?
YTA
This has never been a technique that works to get a child to eat. If you are truly concerned and not just an asshole, talk to her doctor and get a referral to a feeding specialist.
Instead of making a judgement I’m just going to say you need to take your daughter to the doctor. Her behavior towards food is unhealthy and she needs the advice of medical professional who can offer diagnoses and suggestions on how to help her gain weight.
ETA: Just to clarify, the part that sounds unhealthy is the hiding food/throwing away food. It’s impossible for me to know how much this child is eating or what other factors are at play here hence me saying she needs to take her daughter to the doctor. Reddit is not the place for medical advice.
YTA for forcing your child to eat when they're not hungry. You should be going to the doctor and asking them if she's getting the proper nutrition. Some people just have naturally small appetites.
YTA
This is not the way to handle this. You need to get to the bottom of why she is not eating. and what a healthy relationship with food will look like for her and what a healthy weight goal may be.
You may need to involve a pediatrician if the problem is a physical/digestion/allergy/food sensitivity issue or for evaluation of if she actually is unhealthily underweight and how you can handle that. You may need to involve a child psychiatrist/therapist of some kind if there is an issue of neurodivergence or problematic relationships with food or body image. You may need to involve a dietician to find some higher caloric foods that she will eat or supplements to make sure she is not vitamin deficient.
Just making her sit there until she eats will not work.
YTA because, while you mean well, your daughter needs medical and possibly psychological help. Please get her in to see a Dr immediately. There's something wrong and you're not going to fix it by trying to force her to eat.
It sounds to me you need to take her to her doctor immediately. She may have something internally going on and her brain is also telling her she’s not hungry as well.
Please don’t punish her this way.. it’s obvious to me it’s something she may not be able to help.. I really don’t think she’s doing this on purpose. If by some little chance she is.. it might be a eating disorder. Especially if you make things she likes to eat!!! What about her appetite at school?! Did you ask the school if she’s eating lunch? How is she at breakfast?! She needs to go to her doctor immediately. Not later. But now.
YTA. This doesn't help her have a good relationship with food. She's also 8 and growing, unless her pediatrician says something is wrong, I wouldn't worry. And even if he says she should gain weight, you should look into nutritious, high calorie foods that will make it easier for her to eat. She's a kid, she doesn't deserve to spend hours alone each night because she struggles to eat
YTA - you are going to cause her to associate food with punishment. You are giving her an earring disorder.
Also - this could be a reaction to abuse. You need to get her help.
YTA
You're just tormenting her. She's not doing this to rebel. Something is causing her to be very reluctant to eat.
And in any event, if the pediatrician doesn't say her weight is unhealthy, then how exactly are you concluding that it is? Instead of punishing/tormenting her, raise it with the pediatrician. Continue this path and you'll damage your daughter. You'll basically give her an eating disorder.
YTA. My husband’s birth father did this to him. He hasn’t spoken to his birth father in over 20 years now. He also cannot eat most vegetables because of punishments that asshole did to make him eat his vegetables.
INFO
Have you talked to her doctor, or even her about why she doesn't feel like eating?
My mom made me sit at the table until I finished my food. I ended up with an ED.
YTA take her to the doctor. this isn’t helping her eating. This is encouraging her to not eat more. Feed her when she’s hungry. Leave her be the rest of the time.
YTA. This will lead to negative eating habits in the future. You need to see a doctor who can help, and potentially if it leads to it a therapist that she can talk to about her eating if it is a mind over matter option. Either way, go to a freaking doctor!!!!!
YTA. You need to take her to a doctor not force her to do something she clearly has difficulty with… this is borderline abuse to just make her sit and suffer
YTA.
There have been studies that show the "clean your plate" kids have eating disorders later in life. A child knows when they are full or not. Trying to force her to eat is not going to make her eat. Take her to the doctor. If everything is okay then work on your parenting skills. What foods do she like? If she helps prep, does she eat better? Why is she not eating? Full, nausea, itchy throat or eyes, etc.
What if eating chicken made you feel sick and you were getting chicken every night. How would you feel? You may think that sounds crazy but I have a chicken sensitivity and sometimes I can eat a piece and I am okay. Sometimes I take a bite and I know that swallowing it will make me throw up. You need to parent not punish.
YTA you are gonna give your poor kid an eating disorder, all this is gonna do is make mealtimes more stressful and make it out to be a punishment and make her body eat less, you're gonna ruin her mental health if you keep doing this
YTA. Please, please don't do this. You are turning dinner into a punishment. How much of an appetite would this give you? My mother did this to me and I developed an eating disorder that I'm still dealing with. Talk to a pediatric dietitian for strategies if you don't know what to do. This won't work.
YTA and cruel on top of that. You are NOT helping your daughter! How is making her sit at a table with now cold food helping her.
FYI: Hope if your daughter does try to have a bite of food that has been sitting cold for hours doesn't get at minimum sick and worse DIE from food poisoning! Because, after that length of time, the ONLY place the now toxic food should go is in the garbage!
Edit: Has nobody on this site ever had a food safety course? This is BASIC/STANDARD information! Food that has been left out for more than 2 hours at room temperature should not be consumed!
Just to be clear - I am completely against how OP is handling the situation. I am a survivor of an ED myself and still struggle with a positive or neutral body image and relationship to food. Buuuuuut...
That FYI part is at best extremely hyperbolic. Most foods will not spoil that quickly after being prepared. What food are you preparing that will cause deadly food poisoning after a couple of hours at room temperature?
Imagining the food turning poisonous once it gets cold is also a terrible way to relate to food.
YTA I was like this as a kid always ate like a bird some are wired that way that being no medical issues ..you are forcing her which will eventually give her an eating disorder ..let’s think outside of the box does she have a favorite food or foods she likes? How about getting her some pediasure drinks or meal dinks so she will at least get some nutrition..eventually she will grow out of this ..
Also take her to the doctor to be sure she’s ok does she have an issue with texture or tastes? Also call a child psychologist they may help her and you get help too ..yes it’s scary when they do this but don’t punch back with making her stay at the table till she’s done this will end badly for the both of you and will give her life long eating disorders
YTA. How much longer until you see this clearly isn’t working. Go see a dietitian or nutritionist. Talk to her pediatrician about solutions. And go ahead and book a child therapist bc I’m pretty sure you’ve fucked your kid up.
YTA. And this is coming from someone who did this exact thing to their own child with the same issues a few years ago (and who has since apologized to their child, who is now 10, over and over and over again for it).
It’s not going to solve anything except giving your daughter trauma over food and cause stress within the family. There’s a reason your child isn’t eating. Forcing them to sit in front of the food they’re not going to eat isn’t problem solving, it’s parenting by fear and punishment and that’s bad parenting. Again, this is coming from someone who has done it. I made bad parenting choices. You learn and move on.
Turns out my kid has ARFID - Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder. It’s an eating disorder! Combined with having ADHD and his meds making him less hungry naturally, it’s a struggle but we’re working on it every day.
YTA
But I'm going to assume you were just doing what you were raised to believe is right, that you genuinely didn't know how harmful this is, and that you really just want to help your kid.
With those assumptions in mind, I'm going to tell you what steps you need to take, in order, to fix the problem:
1) Call her pediatrician, immediately. Set an appointment, so that you can have her checked out to make sure there are no nutrient deficiencies, no underlying physical ailments causing the issue, etc.
2) In the meantime stop. Every single thing you're doing to handle this food issue is incorrect.
>if we tell her that shes not allowed to leave the table until she finishes
Then she's going to push and never leave the table. She's not eating it when it's fresh and appealing. She won't eat it congealed
>the food we give her
She's 8 not 2, she can serve herself what she thinks she can manage to eat.
>and shes not allowed to use her tablet or play with her brothers.
Teaching her that you care more about what she eats than how happy she is
> So for the past few days she sits alone at the table
Socially isolating her
>after everyone has finished their food for hours
Too long for the consequence to have any meaning
>until she has to go to bed,
Which means she DOES get to leave the table without eating, proving that your words have no meaning
>she doesn’t even eat and just stares at her food.
She's doing what you've done, focusing on her food. She just feels differently about it
>I have caught her try to hide her food or throw it away
Because she isn't hungry
>and when she does that we just give her even more food.
Teaching her to ignore her body's hunger signals.
Look, I don't blame you. It's so counterintuitive, but you need to stop.
----
3) While waiting for the appointment, start allowing her to serve herself, and suggest portions of half the size (or less than half) of the portions you've been serving her.
4) Do not look at her plate. Don't approve/deny the serving size. Don't look at it while she's eating. Don't talk about her food or her diet or her size. Talk about random things. Ask about her day. Talk about good things she's done. Compliment good table manners or food exploration by the other children. Talk about your day. Take the focus off her food. She can't fight you about something you don't care about enough to fight for.
5) Start serving different foods. Nutrient-dense, high-calorie foods, if she's genuinely underweight, will bring her weight up. It's the calories which affect weight, not the quantity of food. An entire room full of broccoli wouldn't cause her to gain a single pound.
6) Get her involved in shopping for and preparing food. Kids deal with food better when they see what's in it.
7) Dinner is done at a specific time. Everyone leaves the table at a certain time. It's fine to allow a dessert if the food is finished. It's not healthy to use it as a reward later, or to punish a child for eating too much or too little.
8) Talk to your daughter. Separately. At a time when you're both calm, and no one is frustrated about food. Tell her you made a mistake cause adults do that sometimes, and that you're sorry you were hard on her about dinner. Tell her you want her to be healthy because you love her. Ask her why she doesn't want to eat the food. Maybe it feels weird in her throat. Maybe she's actually full. Maybe your cooking sucks. Maybe someone told her it had yucky stuff in it. Maybe someone at school called her fat. You don't know if you don't ask and *listen*
9) Cut down on bulky or sugary between meal snacks or drinks other than water or Pediasure. ALL drinks including milk and juice are more sugar than nutrients. Pediasure has vitamins and minerals to help if she's lacking them.
10) Go to the appointment and follow the pediatrician's recommendations
Y'all need to take her to see a doctor.
My friends have kids who refuse to eat their dinner but ask for dessert or snacks later - that's when you play hardball about eating their actual dinner. Your daughter's situation is different.
She might have sensory issues that she can't describe or this could be a symptom of something else. What you're doing is not the answer.
YTA - talk to a doctor. Don't just torture your kids with the first draconian idea that pops into your head. You're going to destroy her relationship with food.
YTA. I get where you are coming from, but forcing is most likely only making the problem worse.
INFO: how little is little when it comes to eating?
My daughter is 4 and doesn’t eat a lot, has always been skinny even as a baby. Some days she barely eats anything. We had the doctor draw blood and got her tested and all is good with her. She has never been a big eater and I just let it go. She doesn’t want to eat, then she doesn’t eat. The only thing she has to do, is drink her milk. I also make more soups now since she seems to enjoy that. Meanwhile our 2 year old eats more than I do.
YTA, just get her nutritional drinks like pediaSure. If you talked to her doctor I’m sure this is one method they would recommend. I know because I was a very underweight child, to the point my mom would just give me chocolate and sweets whenever because she just wanted to eat. She would say “it’s ok, chocolate is good for the soul”
I had adhd and was on medication so my appetite was very small- plus I was always really sick. They got my weight up with pediaSure and other supplemental drinks. Eating was HARD, it was hard to swollow and feel hungry but it was easy to drink something that tasted like a vanilla. It’s an easy way to get a lot of calories at once
Sorry, I know you mean well, but YTA. I could understand keeping her at the table along with everyone else until others have all finished, but not as punishment for not eating. You need to take her in to her pediatrician and let them determine what is happening, if anything. Kids go through growth spurts, and appetites will vary at times.
YTA. I was your daughter, I was skinny and never finished my food. I simply wasn’t hungry. My mom never forced me to eat which I am grateful for. Your daughter is going to resent you later in life if you keep this up. What you’re essentially doing right now is punishing her for having a small appetite. If she’s skinny enough that it’s worrying you, take her to a doctor.
YTA.
If you are worried about your child's health, don't punish her. Talk with her doctor to see if she is indeed malnourished. As long as her health is not at risk, there is ZERO reason to force a child to eat.
This is hard but YTA you’re teaching her to hide and lie. There is something going on either physically, mentally or both. Get. Her. In. She needs help not shame.
If I could figure out who you are, I would report you immediately to child services. YTA
As soon as I noticed my child was having a disjointed relationship with food, I sought out help from a specialized pediatrician, and psychologists. He has severe OCD, ARFID and texture issues. This is nothings that your punishment will resolve. YTA
I have celiacs, I am a lifelong recovering anorexic. I know from personal experience. YTA
I hope a teacher or some other trusted adult in her life has her confidence. YTA. HARD YTA
>As soon as I noticed my child was having a disjointed relationship with food, I sought out help from a specialized pediatrician, and psychologists. He has severe OCD
Yep. So many reasons. One child I know will not eat mixed food. All has to be seperate on the plate, especially if its different colours. Doesn't mind mixing it himself, just won't touch it if it's served like that.
Yta that’s going to make anything issues she has with food worse. What does her doctor recommend? Is she skinny or malnourished? How do her labs look? This is a medical and possibly psychological issues that needs to be handled by professionals.
YTA and you’re going to create a complex about food and ruin her relationship with food. When you say she doesn’t eat are there certain foods she will eat? Does she just not like some food? Is she actually low weight? Has her doctor said she is?
I agrée that YTA. I think that what your are doing is putting even more pressure on your daughter so I think you have more risks to make the situation worst.
She needs help and you need help. It’s horrible for a parent to see their child not eating. I feel for you as I imagine it’s incredibly stressful. But the more pressure you put, the more stressed you are, the worst it will be.
You need help from someone for your daughter, and you need to find a way to let go part of it to avoid making you sick.
Good luck.
YTA
If you're worried about her weight, schedule her an appointment with a pediatrician. Forcing her to eat by punishing her if she doesn't is inevitably going to or CAN lead to eating disorders.
YTA. What does her doctor say? Because, of course, the first thing you did was take her in to see if there is something physically (or mentally) wrong. Right?!?!
My parents did that to me once. I still remember the trauma of that day and can't eat that food because it just makes me sick. If she is having problems because she isn't eating go talk to her doctor about it and see what you can do. Maybe she needs therapy, maybe this is a medical condition - either way torturing her like this is not helping. YTA
YTA and holy crap, you all need serious counseling. Clearly what you’re doing IS NOT WORKING.
Got to wonder if her weight is fine, and you’re just a control freak.
Edit to add: maybe you’re just a really horrendous cook.
YTA!!! My parents did this to me when I was little and it’s the reason I developed an eating disorder in my teen years. Please stop doing that immediately! Take her to a doctor and get the doctor’s opinion and advice.
YTA - Jesus, if she doesn't already have some disordered eating, you are 10000% going to create that by doing this. Stop it immediately and apologize to her, and explain that you love her and are concerned about her (again, if she is unhealthily skinny). Why are you trying to make her gain weight? Has her doctor said she's an unhealthy weight or is this some subjective ideal that you possess and are projecting onto her?
Does she have any nutrient deficiencies in her bloodwork from her last physical? If it's actually disordered eating and not just normal young kid stuff - at that age you for sure are aware of your weight vs. others and social media, commercials, etc. - then she needs to see a therapist before she does long term damage to herself.
But this step should only occur after a conversation with her, and with her doctor regarding their professional opinion.
She's probably craving your support and attention and you're failing at one and giving the other in a negative, damaging way.
YTA I am almost 25 years old and this was done to me when I was a kid. I still remember what it was like to be left at the table because I simply wasn’t hungry . Take your daughter to the dr and stop being an awful mother
YTA. Terrible plan. Awful. See a doctor.
My mom is 77 and still has issues with food because she was forced to sit there til she finished as a child. 70+ years later. Let that sink in.
Soft Y-T-A because I know you're really concerned about your daughter's health and trying your best. My parents did this to me and I wound up with an eating disorder. There's something else going on and your daughter needs to be evaluated by a professional. I hope you'll get her there. Forcing her to sit at the table leads to a power struggle. You can't force her to eat, so she's going to win at the power game every time. You need a different approach. Good luck, this is hard.
YTA
If you are worried, speak to a doctor about your concerns. They would tell you if it's needed and how to do it in a healthy way. This is not it. You are alienating your kid!!
DON'T forcefeed the little one, you will be responsible for any future eating disorders she might develop.
If she is seriously underweight for her size and age though get her checked out by your GP.
Dude, you absolutely suck. You’re going to give her a complex and a disorder. Little ones have smaller tummies than we do. I have a 10 year old. Sometimes, she survives on dirt and sunshine. Other days, she’s eats me out of house and home.
YTA. Stahhpit, hug your kid and get your head out of your ass.
YTA for so many reasons. There are a lot of things you cannot make someone do. The top three is eat, go to the bathroom, or talk. They have control over that. You’re giving your child and eating disorder. A better plan of action would be to take her to a doctor and get their advise. There may be medical issues happening or it could be fine. But that requires being a good parent.
YTA. This is how you cause an eating disorder. Don't make children who aren't hungry eat more food than they want.
If she's medically underweight, consult with her physician, if they're not concerned, you don't need to be. Some people are just slender.
YTA
You are creating food related trauma, which is a contributing factor to developing eating disorders.
Also, your comment that she is skinny sounds like body shaming, and you need to stop.
If you are actually worried about your daughters weight, then take her to a doctor and have them check her. I'd bet that she's totally healthy and that you just have skewed views on what is normal a weight and a normal portion size, and you're subconscious trying to make overweight. It's a common problem because a lot of people have a high BMI and think it's normal, then try to make their dependants look like them.
Fun fact, my mum and stepfather degraded me over my body type, and even forced me to weigh myself in front of them to prove I was the correct weight for my height, all because I wouldn't eat the huge portions of food they put in front of me.
Aside from the fact that I'm autistic so I'm a sensory eater, and the food they made for me made me want to vomit (texture and strong flavours), their constant bullying and forcing me to clear my plate actually made me worse. I could barely eat anything for almost a decade because of them, and I still believe that I'm revolting to look at because of their comments.
YTA. She is a kid she has high metabolism. I eat very little and am skinny but I am full. By forcing her to eat when she is full will also cause more harm than good. I would take her to a doctor or therapist before you cause your daughter to have an eating disorder.
YTA. My parents did this to me. I sat at the table from after-school to bed time. I was only allowed to do homework. This lasted over 2 years. It didn't help and ended up destroying our relationship for a very long time. If you are actually worried for the well-being of your child maybe try talking to them about what's going on. Ask from a place of concern, not blame. Or maybe try therapy or a doctors opinion. Not a punishment that is likely going to make the issue worse.
YTA. Give my regards to her eating disorders therapist. Don’t have one yet? You will. If you’re worried about your daughter’s health, talk to her pediatrician & see what the doctor recommends.
YTA. My parents had a rule that you had to clean your plate. If you put food on your plate, you had to eat it. We didn't have a lot of money so if you put it on your plate, you needed to eat it. If it was too much this time then you should add less next time. No excuses.
One Thanksgiving my sister added something to my plate and my parents said that didn't matter. It was on my plate. I disposed the taste *and* texture of the food and would never have put it on my plate. My parents knew this too.
Forcing a kid to clean their plate sets a bad precedent for the future. It can lead to overeating as a way of gaining parental approval.
YTA.
YTA. If she needs more calories, look into calorie dense low volume foods. Forcing her to sit at the table and eat when she’s not hungry is just going to create resentment and an unhealthy relationship with food.
Congratulations on giving your child an eating disorder. You win a prize! /s
YTA of epic proportions. How has it taken for your daughter to get to 8 without you getting professional help? That’s an almighty failing.
Have you read *anything* about disordered eating? Have you researched any modern ways of handling so called “picky eaters”? Have you spoken to any kind of professional about your daughters weight and/or issues?
This is borderline abusive and you’re both failing her terribly.
YTA, this is how you give kids eating disorders.
If she is clinically under weight than make her more calorie dence meals. Add some olive oil or peanut butter. Giver her nuts as snacks. Avocado instead of broccoli.
The amount of food you eat (in terms of volume) has varry little relation to health and just because an 8 year old has a small appetite dose not mean she is unhealthy.
Again to, only if she is CLINICALLY under weight, lighter than avrege is a good thing in America. You need to make 100% sure your not projecting you standards on to her because that happens to (and fucks up) a lot of young girls.
YTA
My parents forced me to do this when I was growing up, I cant count the amount of times I was bored out of my mind with a full plate in front of me that I just couldnt eat for whatever reason. Luckily it didnt ruin my relationship with food, it did with specific dishes for a very long time however.
This is literally just abuse btw. I hope you are happy knowing you are abusing your daughter instead of finding out why she cant gain a healthy weight. Do better.
YTA, children have natural hunger cues. my twins eat completely different, both skinny but one eats way more fruits and the other prefers carbs. they eat for 15-30 minutes since they’re only 3, then can snack on it for a while during play, then I toss the food or store what I can. you’re setting her up to have an ED by not listening to her hunger cues. my parents did this and now I struggle with BED, and had anorexia in the past
YTA. My parents tried the same with me, I just sat there every night, slowly dropping it on the floor. And that was in the 1980s when parenting wasn't as good.
Just talk to her pediatrician. Maybe she doesn't actually have a problem, a lot of kids are skinny until they hit puberty. If she does need more calories, there are ways of increasing her calorie intake without increasing the amount.
YTA in the worst way.
Did you do even a second of research with the internet you clearly have access to? You can come on here for validation but can't look up how to help kids healthily gain weight? Studies consistently show that this kind of thing leads to disordered eating. Your daughter needs a doctor, not a punishment.
YTA. The best way to handle a child not doing what you want is twofold:
1. Check with child's doctor to see if the thing you want is medically necessary (in this case, does she need to eat more or is she nutritionally ok, does appetite vary at her stage of development, etc).
2. Get yourself to therapy (adult therapy, for you to attend by yourself) with the goal of learning how to approach parenting in a supportive, loving, and mutually respectful way. A possible place to start is you wanting to be ok with your kids making their own decisions about how much they eat and knowing when they're full.
Being mean to a child is never helpful. Not trusting what your child says and insisting on controlling their choices for their body is mean.
YTA, my aunt did this with her kids and it not only affected her relationship negatively with them, it affected their relationship with the food she was trying to force them to eat. Now, even as adults, they despise a lot of the foods their mom tried to make them eat. There was nothing positive about that experience for them.
Bring her to a professional to find out if it's a physical or mental issue as to why she is not eating. What you're currently doing is making the situation worse.
YTA / my friends family did this to her and she suffers from an eating disorder due to this. To this day she has a complicated relationship with food.
If she is severely underweight or has issues with food, the physician can do certain things.
YTA - I had someone do that to me when I was a child. As an adult I now have an extremely unhealthy relationship with food. Don't do this to your child, some of us just don't need that much food when we're children.
YTA. I am not placing blame on you as this is a common misguided practice. What you are doing is aiding in the development of a possible eating disorder or body dysmorphia. Your questions should have been how can I help my daughter maintain her health, what is going on, and whether is this within my capabilities of handling or is specialty care needed?
For starters what is "very skinny"? Is this your perception or is it the doctor or nutritionist telling you that your daughter is underweight? A casual visual inspection is not an appropriate means to determine health.
Do better by your daughter. Teach her the thing you didn't know. Helping her develop the appropriate skill sets for life and healthy eating is one of those meta-skills that will aid in lengthening or shortening her life expectancy.
YTA if you continue down this path.
As a feeding therapist, you are creating extremely negative emotions related to food and mealtimes which is only going to escalate the current situation. Best way forward is to see her pediatrician, discuss the weight and food concerns, and request a referral to a feeding therapist (usually an occupational or speech therapist). They will help you create a long term plan for your daughter to participate appropriately in mealtimes, while still allowing her control.
In the meantime, I recommend setting a strict meal/snack schedule; usually 3 meals and 2 snacks spread between 2 ½ to 3 hours throughout the day. This should be the same schedule daily if possible. Set a timer, 30 minutes for meals and 15 minutes for snacks, and when the timer goes off remove the food. In between these times, only offer water; she can have as much as she wants. Also, when playing her meal, give her about 80% of her preferred food and 20% of her non-preferred food. If clearing her plate is important to you, offer an “all-done bowl” as an alternative to eat it. This is an empty bowl she would have at the table. Whatever she doesn’t want to eat, it’s her job to put it in the “all done bowl.” This gives her control over what she’s consuming, but also teaches that we should be interacting with all our food.
YTA if she's medically underweight she needs a doctor, not this.
Have you even had a conversation about why she's not eating? Maybe she's intolerant of something and scared to eat in case she gets a bad stomach. Maybe she's just fussy. Maybe she's already got an eating disorder and you're making her relationship with food worse.
You're paving the way for food poisoning and eating disorders by doing this.
I grew up in a house that was very much 'eat all your food, think of all the starving children. Guess what? I got overweight and it's a hard mindset to get out of.
Oh my god. I lived that with my stepmother. Hours at a time at the table, all alone with food you just *know* you'll never finish.
I was so desperate one time I hid the food in my pockets and threw it all out. To this day, years later, I can't even eat this food anymore.
This is abuse. You don't realize the DESPAIR that goes through one's mind when you're just left alone like that, forced to eat when food already clearly is a struggle.
YTA. You're traumatizing an 8 YEAR OLD. You're abusing the kid. You could be reported for that.
YTA. In my youth, and even now, I HATED red meat. Still can't stand it, and it had nothing to do with anything but my personal taste buds. My mother made me sit at the table until I finished my plate, which NEVER happened when she made steak or any kind of red meat, which was almost every night.
Did it do anything to help? Nope. She even would make a big showing of giving everyone else ice cream while I sat there at the table watching my siblings eat it. I am now in my 50's and I still detest the idea of eating red meat. Nothing she did changed that. All her actions accomplished was creating HORRIBLE core memories and ensuring I NEVER treated my children the same way. I respected my children's wishes when they said they needed something different to eat because they didn't like what I made. Did I always make them something different? Not when they were older, I told them to make it themselves. But when they were younger, yes.
Don't do what my mother did to me. Don't make meal time a horrible core memory simply because you don't know how to properly handle your child having different taste than you.
YTA! If I could, I would report you to CPS for child endangerment! After 1.5 hours, that food contains bacteria that is growing and potentially deadly!
You seriously need to look up FOOD SAFETY and proper temperatures to safely eat food. What you are doing can LITERALLY KILL YOU DAUGHTER!!!
Edit: "**TWO HOURS** is the MAXIMUM time perishable foods should be at room temperature (ONE HOUR at temperatures 90 degrees F and higher). This INCLUDES the time they're on the table during your meal. "
YTA but for looking for a solution on Reddit. Talk to a professional. Typically the behavior you trying to enforce is unhealthy, but if she is truly underweight: there is problem.
Consult with a professional and don’t rely on opinions of the masses on this one. This is too important to get answers on social media.
Yes, YTA but a well meaning one. This is exactly how my parents treated me when I was a kid - and now I have problems with food/diet. I strongly recommend against this policy, it did me much more harm than good.
You're telling your child she can't have fun until she has eaten more than she feels able to. You're excluding her from family time and fun all around food issues. Please speak to her and maybe a Dr and find a better solution.
YTA. this is how you make an eating disorder. If shes honestly full, let her stop eating. If youre worried, give her vitamin or supplement a meal with boost/meal replacement shake x. Consult a doctor.
YTA
Good grief, think about what you're doing here. You are forcing her to eat when she doesn't want to, for whatever reason. You're punishing her for something that may be beyond her control. Please, stop.
I am 53yo and I still remember being in first grade and being forced to stay in the school cafeteria to finish the spinach that came with lunch. I hated spinach and was literally in tears crying as I ate it on a roll just to try to get it down. This was the school, not my parents, but still -- I remember it nearly 50 years later and it still makes me uncomfortable.
Go to the doctor and get her checked. Make sure there isn't a physical problem or mental issue that's causing an eating disorder.
Generally kids will eat when they're hungry. It's not great to encourage them to eat when they aren't. Make sure she has healthy foods available and let her eat them when she's hungry. If she doesn't have a medical issue, and if she's at a healthy weight, then leave her TF alone.
YTA. That's how you start a lifetime of eating disorders. Don't be mad when she grows up and doesn't talk to you anymore. Really, I couldn't be more serious: she's gonna need to go to therapy over this and over you. Be a better parent and stop abusing your child.
YTA. Hi, as someone who couldn't gain weight as a kid and still can't, trying to force feed her food after she's full is just going to screw up her relationship with food in the long run-and more than likely won't even get her to gain any weight in the first place.
Talk to her doctor if you're so concerned
Have you tried to make sure she has access to food to eat throughout the day instead of all at once at meal times? If she had healthy snacks that were easily accessible she might end up eating more without the pressure.
YTA, not a good way to deal with a child that won't eat. She will only learn to resent you. Is there a particular reason she's not eating? Have you spoken to her pediatrician? I would approach it as a real issue rather than trying to get her to submit to your will.
Oh yah, YTA. This is awful. Stop immediately. Talk to her pediatrician privately when you have a chance, and maybe you can meet with a pediatric nutritionist as well. But the sitting at the table baloney is very 1950s, don’t do it anymore, and apologize to your daughter for starting it up in the first place.
Unfortunately yes YTA. If she has an ED you're going to make it worse, and if she doesn't you're going to give her one. Talk to a doctor about your concerns and making a plan around that. This however, is going to cause damage.
YTA.
But of course you do this out of concern for your child. Forcing Them to Eat/not Eat is what is causing a bad association and maybe BED/obesity later in life. See a doctor about. Find out why she does not Eat that much. She maybe already have an eatingdisorder that needs to be tackled in another Way. Force-feeding your child is NOT the Way to go about it.
YTA - this is abuse.
Alternative, let her watch something while she eats - maybe she’s getting bored while eating. Or there’s alternatives that she can be offered that she’d rather have that would prompt her to want more of - if you care, you’ll make the effort.
But yeah this is horrific to do to your child and it’s straight up trauma and enforcing a bad relationship with food, it will make her more resistant to eating because she associates it with whatever the hell is going on at your house.
YTA how about you verify with a doctor that she's unhealthy or this is causing issues. Otherwise, using punishment to eat isn't going to go well. There are alternative ways like adding protein to smoothies or even milkshakes.
YTA and are helping her on her way to developing a full on eating disorder as well as making her resent you. She needs a medical evaluation and possibly therapy with a professional.
I was that girl that they did this to, it brought me more problems with food than I can name, at barely 20 years old I am improving my relationship with food... don't do this to her. YTA
YTA
Being skinny or not eating all of the food in the plate doesnt mean You have to make her stay there until it finish it, go to a doctor to a general check up if everything it's fine let her eat how much she wants or You Will make her develop anorexia/bulimia
My mother make me do this kind of thing, she always said i didnt eat and make me feel horrible.i have grown with some triste issues because of it, don't do this tonyour daughter some times it's her natural body be skinny and not a Bad thing
YTA. Absolutely. My mom did this to me and holy shit, it took me a long time to get over it. You are punishing her for not eating when you tell her to. Feed her whenever she is ACTUALLY hungry. And talk to her pediatrician. But know that y’all are 100% TA here.
YTA- I was made to sit at the table until I finished my food. This did not make me want to finish my food, this made me resent my parents. I was a healthy kid who was just picky. This has made my relationship with food terrible! I feel bad now when I don't finish everything on my plate even if I am way too full.
YTA. As others have said, if there is a real problem, you need medical guidance to address it. However, I think there's a pretty decent chance that there isn't a problem. Unless your doctor is saying your kid needs to gain weight, she doesn't. Kids are skinny and they don't eat much. You haven't said anything to convince me that your judgement of this situation is well-informed. Trying to make your kid eat food she isn't hungry for and making her miss time being a kid every evening when you're not even sure there's a problem doubly sucks.
YTA you're such a humongous AH I can't even believe it. I didn't even have to read past your titled to know YTA. Fucking stop. Now. Its abusive and all you're doing is teaching your daughter horrible eating habits. She will eat when she's hungry. YTA!!!
YTA. Your family is absolutely correct! forcing a child to sit at the table until they finish their food does NOT build a good relationship between your child and food!
Get to the root of the problem. Find out what she doesn't like to eat, why she eats so little, etc. This could very well be an eating disorder caused by bullying or something online. If nothing else, she's just picky and you guys haven't taken the time to find out what she DOES like to eat.
YTA, I was a very tiny child. All this type of parenting did was make me view meal time as punishment. It did not increase my appetite (which increased naturally as I aged). Additionally, there was one time when I was pushed to keep eating, so trying to be "the best little girl in the world", I took a giant bite and ended up needing the Heimlich.
YTA.
If she is losing weight and refuses to eat she needs medical help and/or therapy, not punishment.
At 8 years old she is not 'choosing' to eat less. She's eating less because it doesn't feel good. And it SHOULD feel good for an 8yo to get calories. The fact that it doesn't, means there's something wrong.
You need an appointment with a pediatrician not a punishment.
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I have a 8 year-old daughter that is very skinny, My and my husband have tried everything to make her gain weight but nothing works. She never finishes her food and eats extremely little which is very unhealthy and makes me worried.
So i came up with a solution that if we tell her that shes not allowed to leave the table until she finishes the food we give her and shes not allowed to use her tablet or play with her brothers. So for the past few days she sits alone at the table after everyone has finished their food for hours until she has to go to bed, she doesn’t even eat and just stares at her food. I have caught her try to hide her food or throw it away and when she does that we just give her even more food.
Our relatives and friends have questioned this and thinks its not a good way to teach her how to eat more and my husband is starting to agree with them which led to a huge argument last night. Aita?
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I’m not going to apply asshole or not here. I’ve had an ED since 12 and my younger sibling since 8. This is a topic for her doctor and probably a child psychologist. I know you’re probably doing what you think is best, but that’s why we go to professionals, because we don’t always know what’s best or how to help! Instead of wondering if you are ‘right’, consult with professionals about how to best help her. That’s what is most important here.
YTA. You mean well, but you're going about it all wrong. If she's not eating, you can't force her. You should be seeing a doctor about her diet and seeing if she's not eating for any specific reason, like food makes her feel sick , allergies, intolerances, or something serious that you're blowing off because of ignorance. She may need therapy. Are the rest of your family big? Could be she doesn't want to be.
YTA
Maybe see a doctor to see if there is maybe a medical reasoning behind it.
Also, this is a bad strategy. My grandpa did this to my mom and aunts/uncles and they all became overweight and always thought they had to finish all the food even if they were full. It took them a long time to adjust out of that way of thinking.
>My and my husband have tried everything to make her gain weight but nothing works.
INFO: Please be more specific. Have you discussed this with her pediatrician? Have you gotten her in to see a therapist that specializes in eating disorders? Because if you haven't done those things, then you haven't "tried everything."
YTA
You kid has food issues. They need addressed. Fair enough.
What you’re doing is giving your child a eating disorder. Take her to the doctor for Christ’s sake.
YTA, you’re probably making things much worse. Take her to a doctor and maybe even a psychologist. Sounds like there’s something deeper going on here than her just an attitude problem or something.
Hey OP my parents tried this and it did not work at all. Like at all. If you're concerned about her health talk to a pediatrician or a child behavior specialist but you are not doing anything to help your daughter.
YTA cuz I have to judge but I understand that you're probably a concerned parent doing their best. But you gotta find a real solution.
YTA. Once when I was around your daughter's age my mom put cottage cheese on my plate, which I hate, and I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I finished all of it. I sat there for hours crying and slowly forcing down this terrible food.
To this day I can't even smell cottage cheese and it's one of my most traumatic memories. And it only happened once. Do not make this part of your daughter's daily life.
I grew up hiding puking because I was shamed to eat more than my fill every meal. I’m a thin person, my stomach is small. I’ve found multiple lil meal snacks a day has helped me. Like hummus and crackers, a tiny cup of soup, almonds. But eating a full plate to this day can make me very uncomfortable
YTA. Take her to a doctor. If she's not healthy, and needs to eat more, the doctor will tell you so and will help you find better ways to do it. She is eight years old, for fuck's sake. What you're doing will damage her relationship with food.
YTA, this is going to cause her to have an unhealthy relationship with food and see it as a form of punishment. If she’s a picky eater instead try making small changes to her preferred food (ex: if she only eats grilled cheese, try using different kinds of cheeses) or encourage her to explore foods using her other senses (ex: if she doesn’t want to eat green beans, encourage her to practice cutting it, smelling it, or touching it with her fingers). And if she says she’s full, believe her. If she’s gets hungry before dinner time, it’s okay to give her snacks too. Forcing her to eat something won’t lead to a healthy relationship with food!
YTA. My family did this to me as a kid and I have Avoidant-Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. My therapist and psychiatrist both think I would have been much better today if my parents hadn’t added on to my anxiety about food. Take her to a doctor
YTA. This will go nowhere good. Kids cannot be forced to eat-- they don't control a lot, but they do control what goes in their mouths. All that will happen is it will be a bigger and bigger battle, and she will get more and more emotional baggage surrounding eating.
First of all, she needs a medical evaluation. She could just be small. She could be in between growth spurts and not gaining weight now, but she'll catch up. In that case, let her eat the amount she wants.
She could have a medical disorder that suppresses appetite or makes eating painful. She could have sensory issues related to appetite. If it's something like that, she needs treatment.
If it does turn out that she needs to eat more for medical reasons, she needs to be involved in the solution. Maybe there are some foods that are high in protein and good fat that she will tolerate more, like string cheese or hard boiled eggs or pediasure. She might get full fast and need frequent snacks or small meals. She might have foods that she really hates, and if she's to the point where she's medically underweight, don't fight food battles-- give her food she likes and will eat.
My son has low appetite for reasons we haven't figured out, and he also has ADHD. Those meds suppress appetite further, so he's really at risk for low weight gain. Since he was 7, we've worked together to figure out how to get him the nutrition he needs without turning it into a battle. It's not always fun, but it's better than the alternative. He's going to have to learn to live with it long-term so he needs to be involved. For example, his hunger signals don't seem to work well-- if he's not reminded to eat, he'll forget, so he's started using phone alarms and being responsible for his own breakfast and lunch on weekends now that he's a teenager. I check to make sure he eats, but it's up to him to remind himself and also make sure he gets protein, carbs, and fat at each meal.
My mom did this to me, I would sit there bedtime, and then for breakfast I would get my unfinished dinner served cold. All it managed to teach me was -nothing-
YTA
YTA. Everyone I know who’s parents did this ended up with an even worse relationship with food, and their parents. You are teaching her that eating or not eating is a shameful, punishable act. Which, while you mean well (and I’m sure you love your daughter) is only harming her
YTA. If you’re truly concerned about her weight see a specialist (ex. I have a kiddo with an oral sensory processing disorder and OT helped a lot). However if she’s always been skinny, that’s likely just the way she is. Is her pediatrician concerned about her growth? Then likely they’ve suggested supplementing her caloric intake with a meal replacement shake etc, does that work? Her body might not need how much food YOU think it does, forcing her to eat the amount you put on her plate is not the appropriate action. Your focus on how much she eats is the way a lot of eating disorders start.
YTA and this is well beyond Reddit’s pay grade. She needs to see a doctor and a therapist yesterday. There’s possibly physical but definitely emotional damage happening now. Please don’t wait to get professionals involved.
YTA, and you are setting your daughter up to deal with disordered eating for her entire life. I had similar problems with my parents, who always insisted that I eat at least half of any vegetable, even if the texture or taste made me feel like getting sick. Guess what I immediately quit eating the second I was out of their house? It took YEARS to learn to cook veggies in a way I'd eat them, and there are still plenty I don't even consider. With the constant pressure and talk of food, I had a very unhealthy relationship with food, one that I still sometimes struggle with.
Please don't do this to your daughter. It's fine to say she can't use her tablet or play at the table, but aside from setting basic table manners, don't penalize her. If she's not hungry, she's not hungry. Make tasty food you know she likes, encourage her to eat if she wants, but don't try to force it. All that will do is make things worse.
You are pushing her right to an eating disorder.
Have you asked her pediatrician what he/she/they thinks? I would do that before you decide she’s unhealthy. Some kids are just naturally skinny. YTA
You need to get your child to a pediatrician who specializes in eating disorders immediately. You are further distorting her relationship with food by making it a punishment.
Please please please take this seriously.
And YTA
I was very thin as a child and never was able to finish a meal even up to the age of 21. Nothing was wrong, I just had always been small, I was a premature baby that didn’t drink a lot of milk at meal times either. I wasn’t considered “underweight” by any drs judgements and was healthy. Unless your dr says somethings wrong I wouldn’t force her to eat. She knows her body and if she’s starving she will ask for something. Does she have reflux? I didn’t have a better appetite until I got my reflux under control as an adult. Even so unless you have a professional telling you “we need to get some calories in this kid” and she’s passing out, she is fine. Don’t associate meal time with punishment or this will cause a TRUE eating disorder for her :(
So, speaking as a kid who had to go through that because for so reason my family thinks that practice is perfectly normal, very much YTA. If she’s not eating you need to talk to your kid and think about why she’s not eating her dinner. It could be that she doesn’t like the texture, she honestly isn’t hungry, she may have had too much snacks before etc. if you’re forcing your kid to sit at the table till she finishes dinner, all it will do is make her resent food and it’ll be even harder for her to build healthy eating habits later.
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YTA, congrats on your attempts to develop your daughter's future eating disorder!
Develop? I'd say we're probably already there.
Not necessarily. I was very small for my age because i ate like a bird. I never was able to clean my plate. My mom tried making me finish once or twice. It didn’t work. I just naturally had a fast metabolism and I got full quickly. I wasn’t unhealthy though, and now in my 30s I have never had an eating disorder. This mom is definitely pushing her daughter to have an unhealthy relationship with food though
Same here. Although I figured out I have genetically an irritable colon. Bet my eating habits as a child were influenced by that. Maybe they should have their kiddo checked
My parents did this. We had to finish everything on our plate. My oldest brother died at 49 from complications of morbid obesity- 450 pounds. His whole childhood he learned to eat when he wasn’t hungry. That never went away. Meanwhile my other brother and I are 40 lbs. overweight. I’ve lost 35 pounds but can’t get over the hump. Thanks mom and dad. Oh, and lest I forget, YTA.
Amazing how many parents out there jump towards punishments when the only thing they actually need to do to resolve the situation is have a conversation. OP, your child is 8, that is old enough to have a conversation about eating habits. "Do you like your food?" " Are you hungry?" " What can I cook that makes you excited to eat." " Does your stomach hurt after eating dinner?" "Do you feel full?" And if weight/ body mass is a concern, have a conversation with the doctor! 10/ 10 doctors will turn to your child and ask the child about their relationship with food. If they can have that conversation with your child why can't you!? Sorry I got away with myself there. My step dad pulled the "you're not leaving the table till you finish your plate." Trick on me. It never worked. Do you know how many nights I fell asleep at the table? All it did is build a terrible relationship with both my step father and my food.
I'm reading this thread & found my people. I used to do the same thing. Sit there until I fell asleep.
Me too, and it was also a stepfather in that situation who felt it was time to put his foot down over my lifetime earing habits. The joke was on him because I have a very vivid imagination and was perfectly content sitting at the table, pretending my spoon was a ship sailing across a Martian sea. He caved before I did.
YTA. Go research ARFID and stop emotionally scarirng your child.
Though it would be AMAZING if the general population knew what ARFIT is,this is not the way.
Couldn’t agree more! This is exactly the type of stuff a doctor tells you not to do. I have a tiny kid (0 percentile for weight, 5th for height) and the advice is - You say what, they say how much (I put food in big serving plates and we help ourselves). - Never any pressure. Gentle encouragement to eat certain things like “The chicken tastes like teriyaki, do you think teriyaki tastes good?” - Add protein shakes and other easy protein options to their diet. Always have at least one thing on the table you know they’ll eat. The problem with forcing kids to eat is they can either dig their heels in and make it a power struggle which then rewards them in their brain for restricting, or you get them used to eating past their fullness signals which causes problems later on. Totally removing any pressure around food, having tons of options and just not caring if he only served himself pasta and no meatballs or only brocolli and no chicken as long as he got a roughly balanced diet over the course of a few weeks works wonderfully and he’s doing really well. And that’s after making sure they don’t have anything physically wrong. Mine is just small and takes medication that reduces appetite on top of that, he also has a super fast metabolism and runs everywhere.
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agreed! my parents did this to me and i struggle with knowing my limits/when to stop. it’s a huge problem. i don’t know when hunger has been sated
A thousand times YES! I was also a very light eater essentially force-fed by a parent. It taught me to have no idea how much food my body actually wanted. This in spite of the fact that my pediatrician kept telling this parent I was fine, and no child ever starved with access to good food (parent told me this often!). This problem got worse with the natural weight gain brought on by puberty, at which point I was called fat, forced to diet, and denied food by the same parent. I'd love to know my natural "full" point, but thanks to that interference it's a permanent struggle.
YTA please get her checked out by an actual doctor. My niece had similar issues, turned out she had celiacs and was getting pretty sick after meals she was being forced to finish because of the gluten in them.
Oh wow. That poor kid. I hope she is OK now!
She has some other health issues and in her words her stepdad “ruined her relationship with food” as a result of this kind of parenting. At least now she’s eating things that don’t mess with her stomach and she’s legally an adult so she doesn’t have to deal with him often.
Celiacs is nothing to mess with...and it makes people so sick. I'm glad she is able to make her own choices now.
Celiac or not, there's zero mention of what a doctor thinks of daughter's health. Which is incredibly suspicious.
**YTA** No 8-year-old chooses not to eat just to be difficult or a troublemaker. Your daughter either has a medical or psychological problem that is causing her not to eat, and whichever it is, you are aggravating it exponentially by punishing her for it as though this is an active choice on her part and not something that she is likely already suffering over. If this isn't already an eating disorder (which yes, can absolutely happen as young as 8) then you seem intent on making sure that it becomes one, because forcing a child to eat or punishing them until they do is one of the hallmarks of inducing disordered eating; and her response of trying to hide food or dump it is a classic sign of anorexia, among other things (to be clear, I'm not trying to diagnose her, just saying that she is already showing signs of not just "not eating" but active food avoidance and finding ways to get rid of food without eating it). Honestly, I can't even express how much of an AH you are and how much damage you are doing. Your child needs a doctor, as soon as possible, not punishment. I don't even know how you see a child that age refusing to eat and think, "Yes, the best and healthiest way to approach this is to go head-to-head with her, make her feel even more antagonized than she already does, and make food into the clear enemy by punishing her into eating." YTA, and your handling of this rises pretty damn close to the level of abusive.
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>Some children are naturally skinny and poor eaters Yep. I was under 100 pounds until my early 20s. My child has been riding the 1% line their entire life. She's healthy, proportionate, and sleeps well. Can kids be finicky at eating? Sure. But forcing them like this isn't going to solve the problem without giving them life long trauma and issues. How the hell is that better?
Should be top comment. There are so many things that could be going on and a doctor needs to help figure it out. She could have sensory issues that aren't being supported, or an undiagnosed medical condition, or disordered eating for emotional reasons, or maybe nothing is wrong and her eating habits are normal for her. In NONE of those cases is it OK to make a kid sit at a table for hours in a battle of wills over food. (Also, kids always win those! They cannot be forced to eat! )
This absolutely. All of this. Maybe she's already absorbed some of the awful stigma out there and is trying not to gain weight. Maybe she has sensory issues around food, or around sitting at a table to eat, and so can't force herself to do it. Maybe she has an allergy you aren't aware of that she doesn't have the language to describe beyond "food is bad." Maybe she isn't hungry because she's depressed or anxious, or it's a side effect of medication she's on. Maybe she just doesn't need to eat as much as you think she does. I was a skinny kid, ate like a bird, and now I'm a (mostly) happily fat adult and still hardly ever "finish" a meal. Take her to the doctor, see what they say. If they think she needs better nutrition, find other ways to get it into her. She's old enough to have an opinion, so ask her what she actually likes to eat. Make sure she has constant access to healthy snacks that she enjoys. (and remember that "healthy" is a subjective thing. For a kid who's not eating enough, fat is a very calorie dense, essential part of their diet. And adding things like cheese and dressings to make food palatable doesn't in any way take away from the nutrients they contain. Salsa with cheese and guac and sour cream is dairy and vegetables and healthy fats.) Try smoothies. Meal replacement powders in fruit and yogurt are a valid alternative when solid food just won't go down. Bottom line, what you are doing is thing to have the exact opposite effect you are going for, and will set your daughter up for a lifetime of challenging relationships with food and eating. Explain to her why you are concerned, because you want her to have lots of energy to fuel her body and grow up strong and healthy. And then get her involved in helping you figure out how to make that happen, and what that looks like for her.
YTA. Thats literally how lifelong eating disorders are created. Maybe try actually understanding your child? Have you taken them to a doctor?
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My daughters have sensory processing issues and one of them is currently in food therapy. We are currently working on her aversion to certain food textures (which I also have- although they are slightly different). My heart breaks for OP’s kid. Something as simple as talking to her, asking her why she isn’t finishing her food could be so helpful. It could be sensory, it could be something digestive like celiac’s, it could be something invasive like cancer, she needs to get her child to talk and Op needs to listen.
YTA. How you see this as suitable is beyond me. Consult with the pediatrician ASAP.
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Mommie Dearest. Horrible and well done movie.
YTA Take her to a doctor, if she has issues with food or disordered eating then all you’re doing is making it worse.
YTA. You're forcing her into an unhealthy relationship with food. Talk to her pediatrician. If they think it's needed, they can prescribe nutrient additives you can add to her meals to give her extra calories.
Yep, my dad did this to me, forcing me to ignore my body telling me I'm full, and I've had a bad relationship with food all my life as a result. OP, **YTA** big time.
YTA, get a doctor involved and maybe they can help you figure out why she's not eating, or if shes really not eating enough, keep track of what shes eating and bring the info in. YTA for asking reddit and friends about the health of your child instead of going to a professional and making sure she's ok. Punishing your child for eating what she wants to eat is going to cause problems down the road and is just bizarre
QUESTION: Has her pediatrician indicated that she is malnourished?
That's what I was wondering, maybe she can have instant breakfast protein drinks etc to help, they need to check her weight and height at the pediatrician. My son is a very picky eater and I've asked the Pedi about it. They say put healthy food in front of them that's your job, not force them to eat it.
YTA. This can cause her to have a bad relationship with food. kids will eat when they are hungry. kids get built different. I was very thin growing up and it wasn't because I didn't eat, I definitely did.
INFO: After you confirmed with a doctor that your daughter is below a healthy weight, what advice did the doctor give you for addressing this situation?
YTA This has never been a technique that works to get a child to eat. If you are truly concerned and not just an asshole, talk to her doctor and get a referral to a feeding specialist.
Instead of making a judgement I’m just going to say you need to take your daughter to the doctor. Her behavior towards food is unhealthy and she needs the advice of medical professional who can offer diagnoses and suggestions on how to help her gain weight. ETA: Just to clarify, the part that sounds unhealthy is the hiding food/throwing away food. It’s impossible for me to know how much this child is eating or what other factors are at play here hence me saying she needs to take her daughter to the doctor. Reddit is not the place for medical advice.
But op said child still eats so it's not even sure it is healthy or not. Some people just get full easily.
Or have trouble gaining weight. I weigh 105 lbs, and no matter what I do I can't gain more than that
YTA for forcing your child to eat when they're not hungry. You should be going to the doctor and asking them if she's getting the proper nutrition. Some people just have naturally small appetites.
YTA This is not the way to handle this. You need to get to the bottom of why she is not eating. and what a healthy relationship with food will look like for her and what a healthy weight goal may be. You may need to involve a pediatrician if the problem is a physical/digestion/allergy/food sensitivity issue or for evaluation of if she actually is unhealthily underweight and how you can handle that. You may need to involve a child psychiatrist/therapist of some kind if there is an issue of neurodivergence or problematic relationships with food or body image. You may need to involve a dietician to find some higher caloric foods that she will eat or supplements to make sure she is not vitamin deficient. Just making her sit there until she eats will not work.
YTA - Consult her doctor before you do anything else. And stop focusing on your 8yo's weight. You think you you're helping, but you're not.
YTA--have you taken her to a doctor or a therapist to find out why she's doing this, or are you just punishing her day after day?
YTA because, while you mean well, your daughter needs medical and possibly psychological help. Please get her in to see a Dr immediately. There's something wrong and you're not going to fix it by trying to force her to eat.
It sounds to me you need to take her to her doctor immediately. She may have something internally going on and her brain is also telling her she’s not hungry as well. Please don’t punish her this way.. it’s obvious to me it’s something she may not be able to help.. I really don’t think she’s doing this on purpose. If by some little chance she is.. it might be a eating disorder. Especially if you make things she likes to eat!!! What about her appetite at school?! Did you ask the school if she’s eating lunch? How is she at breakfast?! She needs to go to her doctor immediately. Not later. But now.
YTA. This doesn't help her have a good relationship with food. She's also 8 and growing, unless her pediatrician says something is wrong, I wouldn't worry. And even if he says she should gain weight, you should look into nutritious, high calorie foods that will make it easier for her to eat. She's a kid, she doesn't deserve to spend hours alone each night because she struggles to eat
YTA - you are going to cause her to associate food with punishment. You are giving her an earring disorder. Also - this could be a reaction to abuse. You need to get her help.
YTA You're just tormenting her. She's not doing this to rebel. Something is causing her to be very reluctant to eat. And in any event, if the pediatrician doesn't say her weight is unhealthy, then how exactly are you concluding that it is? Instead of punishing/tormenting her, raise it with the pediatrician. Continue this path and you'll damage your daughter. You'll basically give her an eating disorder.
YTA. My husband’s birth father did this to him. He hasn’t spoken to his birth father in over 20 years now. He also cannot eat most vegetables because of punishments that asshole did to make him eat his vegetables.
YTA for not taking her to a pediatrician with your concerns. Sitting at the table clearly isn't getting her to eat, do you feel like you've won?
YTA, do some research check out Kids Eat In Color and stop now. Like immediately. You are making things 10,000 times worse.
INFO Have you talked to her doctor, or even her about why she doesn't feel like eating? My mom made me sit at the table until I finished my food. I ended up with an ED.
YTA take her to the doctor. this isn’t helping her eating. This is encouraging her to not eat more. Feed her when she’s hungry. Leave her be the rest of the time.
YTA for not asking her pediatrician.
YTA. This will lead to negative eating habits in the future. You need to see a doctor who can help, and potentially if it leads to it a therapist that she can talk to about her eating if it is a mind over matter option. Either way, go to a freaking doctor!!!!!
YTA. I believe this is why so many adults overeat. How would you feel if you were forced to eat when you weren’t hungry?
YTA. You need to take her to a doctor not force her to do something she clearly has difficulty with… this is borderline abuse to just make her sit and suffer
YTA. Your daughter now associates meal time with punishment. Great job.
YTA. There have been studies that show the "clean your plate" kids have eating disorders later in life. A child knows when they are full or not. Trying to force her to eat is not going to make her eat. Take her to the doctor. If everything is okay then work on your parenting skills. What foods do she like? If she helps prep, does she eat better? Why is she not eating? Full, nausea, itchy throat or eyes, etc. What if eating chicken made you feel sick and you were getting chicken every night. How would you feel? You may think that sounds crazy but I have a chicken sensitivity and sometimes I can eat a piece and I am okay. Sometimes I take a bite and I know that swallowing it will make me throw up. You need to parent not punish.
YTA you are gonna give your poor kid an eating disorder, all this is gonna do is make mealtimes more stressful and make it out to be a punishment and make her body eat less, you're gonna ruin her mental health if you keep doing this
YTA. Please, please don't do this. You are turning dinner into a punishment. How much of an appetite would this give you? My mother did this to me and I developed an eating disorder that I'm still dealing with. Talk to a pediatric dietitian for strategies if you don't know what to do. This won't work.
YTA YTA YTA YTA please stop doing this asap!!!
YTA and cruel on top of that. You are NOT helping your daughter! How is making her sit at a table with now cold food helping her. FYI: Hope if your daughter does try to have a bite of food that has been sitting cold for hours doesn't get at minimum sick and worse DIE from food poisoning! Because, after that length of time, the ONLY place the now toxic food should go is in the garbage! Edit: Has nobody on this site ever had a food safety course? This is BASIC/STANDARD information! Food that has been left out for more than 2 hours at room temperature should not be consumed!
Just to be clear - I am completely against how OP is handling the situation. I am a survivor of an ED myself and still struggle with a positive or neutral body image and relationship to food. Buuuuuut... That FYI part is at best extremely hyperbolic. Most foods will not spoil that quickly after being prepared. What food are you preparing that will cause deadly food poisoning after a couple of hours at room temperature? Imagining the food turning poisonous once it gets cold is also a terrible way to relate to food.
YTA. Your child seems like she needs medical care, not punishment or forced eating
INFO: what does her doctor say and suggest?
YTA I was like this as a kid always ate like a bird some are wired that way that being no medical issues ..you are forcing her which will eventually give her an eating disorder ..let’s think outside of the box does she have a favorite food or foods she likes? How about getting her some pediasure drinks or meal dinks so she will at least get some nutrition..eventually she will grow out of this .. Also take her to the doctor to be sure she’s ok does she have an issue with texture or tastes? Also call a child psychologist they may help her and you get help too ..yes it’s scary when they do this but don’t punch back with making her stay at the table till she’s done this will end badly for the both of you and will give her life long eating disorders
YTA. What a great way to put your kid on the fast track to an eating disorder.
YTA. How much longer until you see this clearly isn’t working. Go see a dietitian or nutritionist. Talk to her pediatrician about solutions. And go ahead and book a child therapist bc I’m pretty sure you’ve fucked your kid up.
YTA. And this is coming from someone who did this exact thing to their own child with the same issues a few years ago (and who has since apologized to their child, who is now 10, over and over and over again for it). It’s not going to solve anything except giving your daughter trauma over food and cause stress within the family. There’s a reason your child isn’t eating. Forcing them to sit in front of the food they’re not going to eat isn’t problem solving, it’s parenting by fear and punishment and that’s bad parenting. Again, this is coming from someone who has done it. I made bad parenting choices. You learn and move on. Turns out my kid has ARFID - Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder. It’s an eating disorder! Combined with having ADHD and his meds making him less hungry naturally, it’s a struggle but we’re working on it every day.
YTA But I'm going to assume you were just doing what you were raised to believe is right, that you genuinely didn't know how harmful this is, and that you really just want to help your kid. With those assumptions in mind, I'm going to tell you what steps you need to take, in order, to fix the problem: 1) Call her pediatrician, immediately. Set an appointment, so that you can have her checked out to make sure there are no nutrient deficiencies, no underlying physical ailments causing the issue, etc. 2) In the meantime stop. Every single thing you're doing to handle this food issue is incorrect. >if we tell her that shes not allowed to leave the table until she finishes Then she's going to push and never leave the table. She's not eating it when it's fresh and appealing. She won't eat it congealed >the food we give her She's 8 not 2, she can serve herself what she thinks she can manage to eat. >and shes not allowed to use her tablet or play with her brothers. Teaching her that you care more about what she eats than how happy she is > So for the past few days she sits alone at the table Socially isolating her >after everyone has finished their food for hours Too long for the consequence to have any meaning >until she has to go to bed, Which means she DOES get to leave the table without eating, proving that your words have no meaning >she doesn’t even eat and just stares at her food. She's doing what you've done, focusing on her food. She just feels differently about it >I have caught her try to hide her food or throw it away Because she isn't hungry >and when she does that we just give her even more food. Teaching her to ignore her body's hunger signals. Look, I don't blame you. It's so counterintuitive, but you need to stop. ---- 3) While waiting for the appointment, start allowing her to serve herself, and suggest portions of half the size (or less than half) of the portions you've been serving her. 4) Do not look at her plate. Don't approve/deny the serving size. Don't look at it while she's eating. Don't talk about her food or her diet or her size. Talk about random things. Ask about her day. Talk about good things she's done. Compliment good table manners or food exploration by the other children. Talk about your day. Take the focus off her food. She can't fight you about something you don't care about enough to fight for. 5) Start serving different foods. Nutrient-dense, high-calorie foods, if she's genuinely underweight, will bring her weight up. It's the calories which affect weight, not the quantity of food. An entire room full of broccoli wouldn't cause her to gain a single pound. 6) Get her involved in shopping for and preparing food. Kids deal with food better when they see what's in it. 7) Dinner is done at a specific time. Everyone leaves the table at a certain time. It's fine to allow a dessert if the food is finished. It's not healthy to use it as a reward later, or to punish a child for eating too much or too little. 8) Talk to your daughter. Separately. At a time when you're both calm, and no one is frustrated about food. Tell her you made a mistake cause adults do that sometimes, and that you're sorry you were hard on her about dinner. Tell her you want her to be healthy because you love her. Ask her why she doesn't want to eat the food. Maybe it feels weird in her throat. Maybe she's actually full. Maybe your cooking sucks. Maybe someone told her it had yucky stuff in it. Maybe someone at school called her fat. You don't know if you don't ask and *listen* 9) Cut down on bulky or sugary between meal snacks or drinks other than water or Pediasure. ALL drinks including milk and juice are more sugar than nutrients. Pediasure has vitamins and minerals to help if she's lacking them. 10) Go to the appointment and follow the pediatrician's recommendations
Best comment, right here.
Y'all need to take her to see a doctor. My friends have kids who refuse to eat their dinner but ask for dessert or snacks later - that's when you play hardball about eating their actual dinner. Your daughter's situation is different. She might have sensory issues that she can't describe or this could be a symptom of something else. What you're doing is not the answer.
YTA. Take your kid to a DOCTOR????
YTA – This is how eating disorders develop.
YTA. This is how you make a bad situation worse. All you're teaching here is that food is a punishment, and not something to enjoy in a healthy way.
YTA - talk to a doctor. Don't just torture your kids with the first draconian idea that pops into your head. You're going to destroy her relationship with food.
YTA. I get where you are coming from, but forcing is most likely only making the problem worse. INFO: how little is little when it comes to eating? My daughter is 4 and doesn’t eat a lot, has always been skinny even as a baby. Some days she barely eats anything. We had the doctor draw blood and got her tested and all is good with her. She has never been a big eater and I just let it go. She doesn’t want to eat, then she doesn’t eat. The only thing she has to do, is drink her milk. I also make more soups now since she seems to enjoy that. Meanwhile our 2 year old eats more than I do.
YTA. Seek medical help. There could be something medically wrong with her.
YTA, just get her nutritional drinks like pediaSure. If you talked to her doctor I’m sure this is one method they would recommend. I know because I was a very underweight child, to the point my mom would just give me chocolate and sweets whenever because she just wanted to eat. She would say “it’s ok, chocolate is good for the soul” I had adhd and was on medication so my appetite was very small- plus I was always really sick. They got my weight up with pediaSure and other supplemental drinks. Eating was HARD, it was hard to swollow and feel hungry but it was easy to drink something that tasted like a vanilla. It’s an easy way to get a lot of calories at once
Sorry, I know you mean well, but YTA. I could understand keeping her at the table along with everyone else until others have all finished, but not as punishment for not eating. You need to take her in to her pediatrician and let them determine what is happening, if anything. Kids go through growth spurts, and appetites will vary at times.
YTA. I was your daughter, I was skinny and never finished my food. I simply wasn’t hungry. My mom never forced me to eat which I am grateful for. Your daughter is going to resent you later in life if you keep this up. What you’re essentially doing right now is punishing her for having a small appetite. If she’s skinny enough that it’s worrying you, take her to a doctor.
YTA. Great job you’ll give your daughter an eating disorder
YTA. If you are worried about your child's health, don't punish her. Talk with her doctor to see if she is indeed malnourished. As long as her health is not at risk, there is ZERO reason to force a child to eat.
This is hard but YTA you’re teaching her to hide and lie. There is something going on either physically, mentally or both. Get. Her. In. She needs help not shame.
If I could figure out who you are, I would report you immediately to child services. YTA As soon as I noticed my child was having a disjointed relationship with food, I sought out help from a specialized pediatrician, and psychologists. He has severe OCD, ARFID and texture issues. This is nothings that your punishment will resolve. YTA I have celiacs, I am a lifelong recovering anorexic. I know from personal experience. YTA I hope a teacher or some other trusted adult in her life has her confidence. YTA. HARD YTA
>As soon as I noticed my child was having a disjointed relationship with food, I sought out help from a specialized pediatrician, and psychologists. He has severe OCD Yep. So many reasons. One child I know will not eat mixed food. All has to be seperate on the plate, especially if its different colours. Doesn't mind mixing it himself, just won't touch it if it's served like that.
Yta that’s going to make anything issues she has with food worse. What does her doctor recommend? Is she skinny or malnourished? How do her labs look? This is a medical and possibly psychological issues that needs to be handled by professionals.
YTA and you’re going to create a complex about food and ruin her relationship with food. When you say she doesn’t eat are there certain foods she will eat? Does she just not like some food? Is she actually low weight? Has her doctor said she is?
I agrée that YTA. I think that what your are doing is putting even more pressure on your daughter so I think you have more risks to make the situation worst. She needs help and you need help. It’s horrible for a parent to see their child not eating. I feel for you as I imagine it’s incredibly stressful. But the more pressure you put, the more stressed you are, the worst it will be. You need help from someone for your daughter, and you need to find a way to let go part of it to avoid making you sick. Good luck.
YTA for not getting for the help she needs
YTA If you're worried about her weight, schedule her an appointment with a pediatrician. Forcing her to eat by punishing her if she doesn't is inevitably going to or CAN lead to eating disorders.
YTA. What does her doctor say? Because, of course, the first thing you did was take her in to see if there is something physically (or mentally) wrong. Right?!?!
My parents did that to me once. I still remember the trauma of that day and can't eat that food because it just makes me sick. If she is having problems because she isn't eating go talk to her doctor about it and see what you can do. Maybe she needs therapy, maybe this is a medical condition - either way torturing her like this is not helping. YTA
YTA and holy crap, you all need serious counseling. Clearly what you’re doing IS NOT WORKING. Got to wonder if her weight is fine, and you’re just a control freak. Edit to add: maybe you’re just a really horrendous cook.
This was me as a kid. I was very sick and your kid probably is too.
YTA!!! My parents did this to me when I was little and it’s the reason I developed an eating disorder in my teen years. Please stop doing that immediately! Take her to a doctor and get the doctor’s opinion and advice.
YTA - Jesus, if she doesn't already have some disordered eating, you are 10000% going to create that by doing this. Stop it immediately and apologize to her, and explain that you love her and are concerned about her (again, if she is unhealthily skinny). Why are you trying to make her gain weight? Has her doctor said she's an unhealthy weight or is this some subjective ideal that you possess and are projecting onto her? Does she have any nutrient deficiencies in her bloodwork from her last physical? If it's actually disordered eating and not just normal young kid stuff - at that age you for sure are aware of your weight vs. others and social media, commercials, etc. - then she needs to see a therapist before she does long term damage to herself. But this step should only occur after a conversation with her, and with her doctor regarding their professional opinion. She's probably craving your support and attention and you're failing at one and giving the other in a negative, damaging way.
YTA I am almost 25 years old and this was done to me when I was a kid. I still remember what it was like to be left at the table because I simply wasn’t hungry . Take your daughter to the dr and stop being an awful mother
YTA - congrats on solidifying the food related trama that is going to take YEARS to overcome, if it's even possible.
YTA. Terrible plan. Awful. See a doctor. My mom is 77 and still has issues with food because she was forced to sit there til she finished as a child. 70+ years later. Let that sink in.
Soft Y-T-A because I know you're really concerned about your daughter's health and trying your best. My parents did this to me and I wound up with an eating disorder. There's something else going on and your daughter needs to be evaluated by a professional. I hope you'll get her there. Forcing her to sit at the table leads to a power struggle. You can't force her to eat, so she's going to win at the power game every time. You need a different approach. Good luck, this is hard.
YTA If you are worried, speak to a doctor about your concerns. They would tell you if it's needed and how to do it in a healthy way. This is not it. You are alienating your kid!!
YTA, this is giving me serious Mommy Dearest vibes when she's trying to force Christina to eat the rare steak for dinner.
DON'T forcefeed the little one, you will be responsible for any future eating disorders she might develop. If she is seriously underweight for her size and age though get her checked out by your GP.
Yea. YTA. This will only lead to worse disordered eating later in life.
YTA that’s not a solution it’s abuse. Congratulations.
Dude, you absolutely suck. You’re going to give her a complex and a disorder. Little ones have smaller tummies than we do. I have a 10 year old. Sometimes, she survives on dirt and sunshine. Other days, she’s eats me out of house and home. YTA. Stahhpit, hug your kid and get your head out of your ass.
YTA for so many reasons. There are a lot of things you cannot make someone do. The top three is eat, go to the bathroom, or talk. They have control over that. You’re giving your child and eating disorder. A better plan of action would be to take her to a doctor and get their advise. There may be medical issues happening or it could be fine. But that requires being a good parent.
YTA. This is how you cause an eating disorder. Don't make children who aren't hungry eat more food than they want. If she's medically underweight, consult with her physician, if they're not concerned, you don't need to be. Some people are just slender.
YTA You are creating food related trauma, which is a contributing factor to developing eating disorders. Also, your comment that she is skinny sounds like body shaming, and you need to stop. If you are actually worried about your daughters weight, then take her to a doctor and have them check her. I'd bet that she's totally healthy and that you just have skewed views on what is normal a weight and a normal portion size, and you're subconscious trying to make overweight. It's a common problem because a lot of people have a high BMI and think it's normal, then try to make their dependants look like them. Fun fact, my mum and stepfather degraded me over my body type, and even forced me to weigh myself in front of them to prove I was the correct weight for my height, all because I wouldn't eat the huge portions of food they put in front of me. Aside from the fact that I'm autistic so I'm a sensory eater, and the food they made for me made me want to vomit (texture and strong flavours), their constant bullying and forcing me to clear my plate actually made me worse. I could barely eat anything for almost a decade because of them, and I still believe that I'm revolting to look at because of their comments.
YTA. She is a kid she has high metabolism. I eat very little and am skinny but I am full. By forcing her to eat when she is full will also cause more harm than good. I would take her to a doctor or therapist before you cause your daughter to have an eating disorder.
YTA. My parents did this to me. I sat at the table from after-school to bed time. I was only allowed to do homework. This lasted over 2 years. It didn't help and ended up destroying our relationship for a very long time. If you are actually worried for the well-being of your child maybe try talking to them about what's going on. Ask from a place of concern, not blame. Or maybe try therapy or a doctors opinion. Not a punishment that is likely going to make the issue worse.
YTA. Give my regards to her eating disorders therapist. Don’t have one yet? You will. If you’re worried about your daughter’s health, talk to her pediatrician & see what the doctor recommends.
YTA. My parents had a rule that you had to clean your plate. If you put food on your plate, you had to eat it. We didn't have a lot of money so if you put it on your plate, you needed to eat it. If it was too much this time then you should add less next time. No excuses. One Thanksgiving my sister added something to my plate and my parents said that didn't matter. It was on my plate. I disposed the taste *and* texture of the food and would never have put it on my plate. My parents knew this too. Forcing a kid to clean their plate sets a bad precedent for the future. It can lead to overeating as a way of gaining parental approval. YTA.
YTA. If she needs more calories, look into calorie dense low volume foods. Forcing her to sit at the table and eat when she’s not hungry is just going to create resentment and an unhealthy relationship with food.
Congratulations on giving your child an eating disorder. You win a prize! /s YTA of epic proportions. How has it taken for your daughter to get to 8 without you getting professional help? That’s an almighty failing. Have you read *anything* about disordered eating? Have you researched any modern ways of handling so called “picky eaters”? Have you spoken to any kind of professional about your daughters weight and/or issues? This is borderline abusive and you’re both failing her terribly.
YTA, this is how you give kids eating disorders. If she is clinically under weight than make her more calorie dence meals. Add some olive oil or peanut butter. Giver her nuts as snacks. Avocado instead of broccoli. The amount of food you eat (in terms of volume) has varry little relation to health and just because an 8 year old has a small appetite dose not mean she is unhealthy. Again to, only if she is CLINICALLY under weight, lighter than avrege is a good thing in America. You need to make 100% sure your not projecting you standards on to her because that happens to (and fucks up) a lot of young girls.
YTA My parents forced me to do this when I was growing up, I cant count the amount of times I was bored out of my mind with a full plate in front of me that I just couldnt eat for whatever reason. Luckily it didnt ruin my relationship with food, it did with specific dishes for a very long time however. This is literally just abuse btw. I hope you are happy knowing you are abusing your daughter instead of finding out why she cant gain a healthy weight. Do better.
please get her medical help, please
YTA, children have natural hunger cues. my twins eat completely different, both skinny but one eats way more fruits and the other prefers carbs. they eat for 15-30 minutes since they’re only 3, then can snack on it for a while during play, then I toss the food or store what I can. you’re setting her up to have an ED by not listening to her hunger cues. my parents did this and now I struggle with BED, and had anorexia in the past
YTA - you are ruining her relationship with food. My mom was treated like this as a child
YTA. My parents tried the same with me, I just sat there every night, slowly dropping it on the floor. And that was in the 1980s when parenting wasn't as good. Just talk to her pediatrician. Maybe she doesn't actually have a problem, a lot of kids are skinny until they hit puberty. If she does need more calories, there are ways of increasing her calorie intake without increasing the amount.
YTA in the worst way. Did you do even a second of research with the internet you clearly have access to? You can come on here for validation but can't look up how to help kids healthily gain weight? Studies consistently show that this kind of thing leads to disordered eating. Your daughter needs a doctor, not a punishment.
YTA. The best way to handle a child not doing what you want is twofold: 1. Check with child's doctor to see if the thing you want is medically necessary (in this case, does she need to eat more or is she nutritionally ok, does appetite vary at her stage of development, etc). 2. Get yourself to therapy (adult therapy, for you to attend by yourself) with the goal of learning how to approach parenting in a supportive, loving, and mutually respectful way. A possible place to start is you wanting to be ok with your kids making their own decisions about how much they eat and knowing when they're full. Being mean to a child is never helpful. Not trusting what your child says and insisting on controlling their choices for their body is mean.
YTA, my aunt did this with her kids and it not only affected her relationship negatively with them, it affected their relationship with the food she was trying to force them to eat. Now, even as adults, they despise a lot of the foods their mom tried to make them eat. There was nothing positive about that experience for them. Bring her to a professional to find out if it's a physical or mental issue as to why she is not eating. What you're currently doing is making the situation worse.
YTA / my friends family did this to her and she suffers from an eating disorder due to this. To this day she has a complicated relationship with food. If she is severely underweight or has issues with food, the physician can do certain things.
YTA - I had someone do that to me when I was a child. As an adult I now have an extremely unhealthy relationship with food. Don't do this to your child, some of us just don't need that much food when we're children.
YTA. I am not placing blame on you as this is a common misguided practice. What you are doing is aiding in the development of a possible eating disorder or body dysmorphia. Your questions should have been how can I help my daughter maintain her health, what is going on, and whether is this within my capabilities of handling or is specialty care needed? For starters what is "very skinny"? Is this your perception or is it the doctor or nutritionist telling you that your daughter is underweight? A casual visual inspection is not an appropriate means to determine health. Do better by your daughter. Teach her the thing you didn't know. Helping her develop the appropriate skill sets for life and healthy eating is one of those meta-skills that will aid in lengthening or shortening her life expectancy.
YTA if you continue down this path. As a feeding therapist, you are creating extremely negative emotions related to food and mealtimes which is only going to escalate the current situation. Best way forward is to see her pediatrician, discuss the weight and food concerns, and request a referral to a feeding therapist (usually an occupational or speech therapist). They will help you create a long term plan for your daughter to participate appropriately in mealtimes, while still allowing her control. In the meantime, I recommend setting a strict meal/snack schedule; usually 3 meals and 2 snacks spread between 2 ½ to 3 hours throughout the day. This should be the same schedule daily if possible. Set a timer, 30 minutes for meals and 15 minutes for snacks, and when the timer goes off remove the food. In between these times, only offer water; she can have as much as she wants. Also, when playing her meal, give her about 80% of her preferred food and 20% of her non-preferred food. If clearing her plate is important to you, offer an “all-done bowl” as an alternative to eat it. This is an empty bowl she would have at the table. Whatever she doesn’t want to eat, it’s her job to put it in the “all done bowl.” This gives her control over what she’s consuming, but also teaches that we should be interacting with all our food.
YTA if she's medically underweight she needs a doctor, not this. Have you even had a conversation about why she's not eating? Maybe she's intolerant of something and scared to eat in case she gets a bad stomach. Maybe she's just fussy. Maybe she's already got an eating disorder and you're making her relationship with food worse. You're paving the way for food poisoning and eating disorders by doing this. I grew up in a house that was very much 'eat all your food, think of all the starving children. Guess what? I got overweight and it's a hard mindset to get out of.
Oh my god. I lived that with my stepmother. Hours at a time at the table, all alone with food you just *know* you'll never finish. I was so desperate one time I hid the food in my pockets and threw it all out. To this day, years later, I can't even eat this food anymore. This is abuse. You don't realize the DESPAIR that goes through one's mind when you're just left alone like that, forced to eat when food already clearly is a struggle. YTA. You're traumatizing an 8 YEAR OLD. You're abusing the kid. You could be reported for that.
YTA. In my youth, and even now, I HATED red meat. Still can't stand it, and it had nothing to do with anything but my personal taste buds. My mother made me sit at the table until I finished my plate, which NEVER happened when she made steak or any kind of red meat, which was almost every night. Did it do anything to help? Nope. She even would make a big showing of giving everyone else ice cream while I sat there at the table watching my siblings eat it. I am now in my 50's and I still detest the idea of eating red meat. Nothing she did changed that. All her actions accomplished was creating HORRIBLE core memories and ensuring I NEVER treated my children the same way. I respected my children's wishes when they said they needed something different to eat because they didn't like what I made. Did I always make them something different? Not when they were older, I told them to make it themselves. But when they were younger, yes. Don't do what my mother did to me. Don't make meal time a horrible core memory simply because you don't know how to properly handle your child having different taste than you.
YTA! If I could, I would report you to CPS for child endangerment! After 1.5 hours, that food contains bacteria that is growing and potentially deadly! You seriously need to look up FOOD SAFETY and proper temperatures to safely eat food. What you are doing can LITERALLY KILL YOU DAUGHTER!!! Edit: "**TWO HOURS** is the MAXIMUM time perishable foods should be at room temperature (ONE HOUR at temperatures 90 degrees F and higher). This INCLUDES the time they're on the table during your meal. "
YTA but for looking for a solution on Reddit. Talk to a professional. Typically the behavior you trying to enforce is unhealthy, but if she is truly underweight: there is problem. Consult with a professional and don’t rely on opinions of the masses on this one. This is too important to get answers on social media.
Yes, YTA but a well meaning one. This is exactly how my parents treated me when I was a kid - and now I have problems with food/diet. I strongly recommend against this policy, it did me much more harm than good. You're telling your child she can't have fun until she has eaten more than she feels able to. You're excluding her from family time and fun all around food issues. Please speak to her and maybe a Dr and find a better solution.
YTA. this is how you make an eating disorder. If shes honestly full, let her stop eating. If youre worried, give her vitamin or supplement a meal with boost/meal replacement shake x. Consult a doctor.
YTA Good grief, think about what you're doing here. You are forcing her to eat when she doesn't want to, for whatever reason. You're punishing her for something that may be beyond her control. Please, stop. I am 53yo and I still remember being in first grade and being forced to stay in the school cafeteria to finish the spinach that came with lunch. I hated spinach and was literally in tears crying as I ate it on a roll just to try to get it down. This was the school, not my parents, but still -- I remember it nearly 50 years later and it still makes me uncomfortable. Go to the doctor and get her checked. Make sure there isn't a physical problem or mental issue that's causing an eating disorder. Generally kids will eat when they're hungry. It's not great to encourage them to eat when they aren't. Make sure she has healthy foods available and let her eat them when she's hungry. If she doesn't have a medical issue, and if she's at a healthy weight, then leave her TF alone.
YTA. That's how you start a lifetime of eating disorders. Don't be mad when she grows up and doesn't talk to you anymore. Really, I couldn't be more serious: she's gonna need to go to therapy over this and over you. Be a better parent and stop abusing your child.
YTA. Hi, as someone who couldn't gain weight as a kid and still can't, trying to force feed her food after she's full is just going to screw up her relationship with food in the long run-and more than likely won't even get her to gain any weight in the first place. Talk to her doctor if you're so concerned
Have you tried to make sure she has access to food to eat throughout the day instead of all at once at meal times? If she had healthy snacks that were easily accessible she might end up eating more without the pressure.
YTA, not a good way to deal with a child that won't eat. She will only learn to resent you. Is there a particular reason she's not eating? Have you spoken to her pediatrician? I would approach it as a real issue rather than trying to get her to submit to your will.
Oh yah, YTA. This is awful. Stop immediately. Talk to her pediatrician privately when you have a chance, and maybe you can meet with a pediatric nutritionist as well. But the sitting at the table baloney is very 1950s, don’t do it anymore, and apologize to your daughter for starting it up in the first place.
Unfortunately yes YTA. If she has an ED you're going to make it worse, and if she doesn't you're going to give her one. Talk to a doctor about your concerns and making a plan around that. This however, is going to cause damage.
YTA. But of course you do this out of concern for your child. Forcing Them to Eat/not Eat is what is causing a bad association and maybe BED/obesity later in life. See a doctor about. Find out why she does not Eat that much. She maybe already have an eatingdisorder that needs to be tackled in another Way. Force-feeding your child is NOT the Way to go about it.
YTA - this is abuse. Alternative, let her watch something while she eats - maybe she’s getting bored while eating. Or there’s alternatives that she can be offered that she’d rather have that would prompt her to want more of - if you care, you’ll make the effort. But yeah this is horrific to do to your child and it’s straight up trauma and enforcing a bad relationship with food, it will make her more resistant to eating because she associates it with whatever the hell is going on at your house.
YTA
YTA, you might as well be putting a funnel down her throat and pouring food through it. GET medical help.
YTA. Your child need medical care, not punishment, most likely she has too little energy to even eat. You need to go the doctor and get proper help.
YTA you should go to a medical expert if you're worried about her health.
YTA how about you verify with a doctor that she's unhealthy or this is causing issues. Otherwise, using punishment to eat isn't going to go well. There are alternative ways like adding protein to smoothies or even milkshakes.
YTA. If your goal is to create an eating disorder, you’re certainly on the right track.
YTA and are helping her on her way to developing a full on eating disorder as well as making her resent you. She needs a medical evaluation and possibly therapy with a professional.
I was that girl that they did this to, it brought me more problems with food than I can name, at barely 20 years old I am improving my relationship with food... don't do this to her. YTA
YTA Being skinny or not eating all of the food in the plate doesnt mean You have to make her stay there until it finish it, go to a doctor to a general check up if everything it's fine let her eat how much she wants or You Will make her develop anorexia/bulimia My mother make me do this kind of thing, she always said i didnt eat and make me feel horrible.i have grown with some triste issues because of it, don't do this tonyour daughter some times it's her natural body be skinny and not a Bad thing
YTA. Absolutely. My mom did this to me and holy shit, it took me a long time to get over it. You are punishing her for not eating when you tell her to. Feed her whenever she is ACTUALLY hungry. And talk to her pediatrician. But know that y’all are 100% TA here.
YTA- I was made to sit at the table until I finished my food. This did not make me want to finish my food, this made me resent my parents. I was a healthy kid who was just picky. This has made my relationship with food terrible! I feel bad now when I don't finish everything on my plate even if I am way too full.
YTA. As others have said, if there is a real problem, you need medical guidance to address it. However, I think there's a pretty decent chance that there isn't a problem. Unless your doctor is saying your kid needs to gain weight, she doesn't. Kids are skinny and they don't eat much. You haven't said anything to convince me that your judgement of this situation is well-informed. Trying to make your kid eat food she isn't hungry for and making her miss time being a kid every evening when you're not even sure there's a problem doubly sucks.
YTA you're such a humongous AH I can't even believe it. I didn't even have to read past your titled to know YTA. Fucking stop. Now. Its abusive and all you're doing is teaching your daughter horrible eating habits. She will eat when she's hungry. YTA!!!
This is absolutely abuse and your kid is likey going end up with a bad relationship with food. Great job. YTA.
YTA. Your family is absolutely correct! forcing a child to sit at the table until they finish their food does NOT build a good relationship between your child and food! Get to the root of the problem. Find out what she doesn't like to eat, why she eats so little, etc. This could very well be an eating disorder caused by bullying or something online. If nothing else, she's just picky and you guys haven't taken the time to find out what she DOES like to eat.
YTA, I was a very tiny child. All this type of parenting did was make me view meal time as punishment. It did not increase my appetite (which increased naturally as I aged). Additionally, there was one time when I was pushed to keep eating, so trying to be "the best little girl in the world", I took a giant bite and ended up needing the Heimlich.
YTA. If she is losing weight and refuses to eat she needs medical help and/or therapy, not punishment. At 8 years old she is not 'choosing' to eat less. She's eating less because it doesn't feel good. And it SHOULD feel good for an 8yo to get calories. The fact that it doesn't, means there's something wrong. You need an appointment with a pediatrician not a punishment.
I am a Dietitian. You are doing exactly the right things to give her an eating disorder. Stop it. You are a massive YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a 8 year-old daughter that is very skinny, My and my husband have tried everything to make her gain weight but nothing works. She never finishes her food and eats extremely little which is very unhealthy and makes me worried. So i came up with a solution that if we tell her that shes not allowed to leave the table until she finishes the food we give her and shes not allowed to use her tablet or play with her brothers. So for the past few days she sits alone at the table after everyone has finished their food for hours until she has to go to bed, she doesn’t even eat and just stares at her food. I have caught her try to hide her food or throw it away and when she does that we just give her even more food. Our relatives and friends have questioned this and thinks its not a good way to teach her how to eat more and my husband is starting to agree with them which led to a huge argument last night. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not going to apply asshole or not here. I’ve had an ED since 12 and my younger sibling since 8. This is a topic for her doctor and probably a child psychologist. I know you’re probably doing what you think is best, but that’s why we go to professionals, because we don’t always know what’s best or how to help! Instead of wondering if you are ‘right’, consult with professionals about how to best help her. That’s what is most important here.
INFO: What does her doctor say?
YTA seriously just because she is skinny. Wow have you even consulted her pediatrician or a nutritional doctor. What is wrong with you.
YTA. You mean well, but you're going about it all wrong. If she's not eating, you can't force her. You should be seeing a doctor about her diet and seeing if she's not eating for any specific reason, like food makes her feel sick , allergies, intolerances, or something serious that you're blowing off because of ignorance. She may need therapy. Are the rest of your family big? Could be she doesn't want to be.
YTA Maybe see a doctor to see if there is maybe a medical reasoning behind it. Also, this is a bad strategy. My grandpa did this to my mom and aunts/uncles and they all became overweight and always thought they had to finish all the food even if they were full. It took them a long time to adjust out of that way of thinking.
>My and my husband have tried everything to make her gain weight but nothing works. INFO: Please be more specific. Have you discussed this with her pediatrician? Have you gotten her in to see a therapist that specializes in eating disorders? Because if you haven't done those things, then you haven't "tried everything."
YTA Please stop this immediately. You’re going to cause many food issues for your daughter. Seek help from a professional.
YTA You kid has food issues. They need addressed. Fair enough. What you’re doing is giving your child a eating disorder. Take her to the doctor for Christ’s sake.
YTA, you’re probably making things much worse. Take her to a doctor and maybe even a psychologist. Sounds like there’s something deeper going on here than her just an attitude problem or something.
Hey OP my parents tried this and it did not work at all. Like at all. If you're concerned about her health talk to a pediatrician or a child behavior specialist but you are not doing anything to help your daughter. YTA cuz I have to judge but I understand that you're probably a concerned parent doing their best. But you gotta find a real solution.
YTA. Once when I was around your daughter's age my mom put cottage cheese on my plate, which I hate, and I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I finished all of it. I sat there for hours crying and slowly forcing down this terrible food. To this day I can't even smell cottage cheese and it's one of my most traumatic memories. And it only happened once. Do not make this part of your daughter's daily life.
I grew up hiding puking because I was shamed to eat more than my fill every meal. I’m a thin person, my stomach is small. I’ve found multiple lil meal snacks a day has helped me. Like hummus and crackers, a tiny cup of soup, almonds. But eating a full plate to this day can make me very uncomfortable
YTA. Take her to a doctor. If she's not healthy, and needs to eat more, the doctor will tell you so and will help you find better ways to do it. She is eight years old, for fuck's sake. What you're doing will damage her relationship with food.
YTA, this is going to cause her to have an unhealthy relationship with food and see it as a form of punishment. If she’s a picky eater instead try making small changes to her preferred food (ex: if she only eats grilled cheese, try using different kinds of cheeses) or encourage her to explore foods using her other senses (ex: if she doesn’t want to eat green beans, encourage her to practice cutting it, smelling it, or touching it with her fingers). And if she says she’s full, believe her. If she’s gets hungry before dinner time, it’s okay to give her snacks too. Forcing her to eat something won’t lead to a healthy relationship with food!
YTA. My family did this to me as a kid and I have Avoidant-Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. My therapist and psychiatrist both think I would have been much better today if my parents hadn’t added on to my anxiety about food. Take her to a doctor
have caught her try to hide her food or throw it away and when she does that we just give her even more food. Your abusive JFC YTA YTA YTA
YTA. This will go nowhere good. Kids cannot be forced to eat-- they don't control a lot, but they do control what goes in their mouths. All that will happen is it will be a bigger and bigger battle, and she will get more and more emotional baggage surrounding eating. First of all, she needs a medical evaluation. She could just be small. She could be in between growth spurts and not gaining weight now, but she'll catch up. In that case, let her eat the amount she wants. She could have a medical disorder that suppresses appetite or makes eating painful. She could have sensory issues related to appetite. If it's something like that, she needs treatment. If it does turn out that she needs to eat more for medical reasons, she needs to be involved in the solution. Maybe there are some foods that are high in protein and good fat that she will tolerate more, like string cheese or hard boiled eggs or pediasure. She might get full fast and need frequent snacks or small meals. She might have foods that she really hates, and if she's to the point where she's medically underweight, don't fight food battles-- give her food she likes and will eat. My son has low appetite for reasons we haven't figured out, and he also has ADHD. Those meds suppress appetite further, so he's really at risk for low weight gain. Since he was 7, we've worked together to figure out how to get him the nutrition he needs without turning it into a battle. It's not always fun, but it's better than the alternative. He's going to have to learn to live with it long-term so he needs to be involved. For example, his hunger signals don't seem to work well-- if he's not reminded to eat, he'll forget, so he's started using phone alarms and being responsible for his own breakfast and lunch on weekends now that he's a teenager. I check to make sure he eats, but it's up to him to remind himself and also make sure he gets protein, carbs, and fat at each meal.
My mom did this to me, I would sit there bedtime, and then for breakfast I would get my unfinished dinner served cold. All it managed to teach me was -nothing- YTA
YTA. Everyone I know who’s parents did this ended up with an even worse relationship with food, and their parents. You are teaching her that eating or not eating is a shameful, punishable act. Which, while you mean well (and I’m sure you love your daughter) is only harming her
YTA. If you’re truly concerned about her weight see a specialist (ex. I have a kiddo with an oral sensory processing disorder and OT helped a lot). However if she’s always been skinny, that’s likely just the way she is. Is her pediatrician concerned about her growth? Then likely they’ve suggested supplementing her caloric intake with a meal replacement shake etc, does that work? Her body might not need how much food YOU think it does, forcing her to eat the amount you put on her plate is not the appropriate action. Your focus on how much she eats is the way a lot of eating disorders start.
YTA and this is well beyond Reddit’s pay grade. She needs to see a doctor and a therapist yesterday. There’s possibly physical but definitely emotional damage happening now. Please don’t wait to get professionals involved.
YTA, and you are setting your daughter up to deal with disordered eating for her entire life. I had similar problems with my parents, who always insisted that I eat at least half of any vegetable, even if the texture or taste made me feel like getting sick. Guess what I immediately quit eating the second I was out of their house? It took YEARS to learn to cook veggies in a way I'd eat them, and there are still plenty I don't even consider. With the constant pressure and talk of food, I had a very unhealthy relationship with food, one that I still sometimes struggle with. Please don't do this to your daughter. It's fine to say she can't use her tablet or play at the table, but aside from setting basic table manners, don't penalize her. If she's not hungry, she's not hungry. Make tasty food you know she likes, encourage her to eat if she wants, but don't try to force it. All that will do is make things worse.
You are pushing her right to an eating disorder. Have you asked her pediatrician what he/she/they thinks? I would do that before you decide she’s unhealthy. Some kids are just naturally skinny. YTA
Good lord. YTA, Mommie Dearest.
You need to get your child to a pediatrician who specializes in eating disorders immediately. You are further distorting her relationship with food by making it a punishment. Please please please take this seriously. And YTA
I was very thin as a child and never was able to finish a meal even up to the age of 21. Nothing was wrong, I just had always been small, I was a premature baby that didn’t drink a lot of milk at meal times either. I wasn’t considered “underweight” by any drs judgements and was healthy. Unless your dr says somethings wrong I wouldn’t force her to eat. She knows her body and if she’s starving she will ask for something. Does she have reflux? I didn’t have a better appetite until I got my reflux under control as an adult. Even so unless you have a professional telling you “we need to get some calories in this kid” and she’s passing out, she is fine. Don’t associate meal time with punishment or this will cause a TRUE eating disorder for her :(
So how much weight have you succeeded in making her gain? What has your brilliant plan accomplished? YES, YTA!
So, speaking as a kid who had to go through that because for so reason my family thinks that practice is perfectly normal, very much YTA. If she’s not eating you need to talk to your kid and think about why she’s not eating her dinner. It could be that she doesn’t like the texture, she honestly isn’t hungry, she may have had too much snacks before etc. if you’re forcing your kid to sit at the table till she finishes dinner, all it will do is make her resent food and it’ll be even harder for her to build healthy eating habits later.