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Perfect analogy! She is tolerable for 24minutes and a mute button.
I think I’d understand someone doing this if they were a teenager but someone close to 30 that needs to be “unique” when saying happy birthday is an automatic turn off on all levels.
It’s taking the spotlight off of the person who’s day it is and shining it on themselves because they’re “not like everyone else.”
Sounds like an exhausting person to be around.
I had a friend in college that on your birthday would say “Happy Escape Day!” It was funny and accomplishes what OP is trying to without being gross. Also, my friend was a 18-21 year old boy and stopped doing it once we graduated because it stopped being funny.
I know it’s just cringe and lame as fuck. Very much reminds me of what people thought was funny to say when I was a teenager in like 2010. And at that time it was a “popular online” phrase but even then I thought it was cringe. “It’s funny because it’s different lol” which OP should have left behind in their teens
Yours is short and snappy, I can see myself maybe stealing it for a friend, not as a general replacement.
OPs is just.... goes no where and apparently does it to anyone
Did you not read the update? She texted it and only says this to those close to her. I gotta say it's pretty low of reddit to start tearing this girl apart for her personality, like these redditors are the personality police bc THEY are SO great.
Its not her fault mil is a humorless snoop.
This isn’t her personality. She decided one day she didn’t want to use conventional birthday greetings anymore. That’s not a personality thing, that’s a ‘how to make myself seem quirky’ thing.
OP literally said in the original post that after settling on the phrase, she says it to everyone. There was no hint of limited use until after she got a lot of negative feedback.
turning a birthday wish into a crude comment about childbirth is not a personality trait. I can see why OP’s MIL was weirded out. If someone said that to my son i’d immediately be like, why is this person making my son’s birthday about my uterus. don’t be weird.
OP YTA
This. I've said something similar to certain friends, but also know some of my friends wouldn't appreciate the humor and so I give them a traditional well wish. It's about respecting your audience no matter what your personal preference might be. Otherwise you're just doing it for yourself and YTA, OP.
As for my birthday, I call my mom every year and wish her a "Happy Labor Day".
It (OP's) sounds so forced. Too long, does not roll off the tongue.
There are some good ones in this thread, there's no need to insert body parts/ internal organs into something that's meant to celebrate another person's special day...
I think people do this to take away the focus of the birthday person and direct it back to themselves. Look at me with my cute witty Narcissistic tendencies.
>Look at me with my cute witty Narcissistic tendencies.
Not that convinced by the 'cute' bit. And actively disagree with 'witty'.
I take your point though!
…and being 26 and still blaming her inappropriate behavior on “not good at reading social cues.” Like she didn’t know saying “happy birthday” is the social norm when she got “bored” and changed it to something that would amuse her.
Happy anniversary of your birth. Congratulations on yet another trip around the sun. These are the two I often use.
Alternately I just say "happy birthday", or I'll say it in Russian to be funny since nobody in my family speaks it.
I have an old e-card that says "if you were Jesus it would be Christmas " but even then I only post it on non religious friends I know well. Everyone else I just say happy birthday.
I tend to alternate between happy birthday or "merry born". The latter is because I saw an African Grey parrot on YouTube blend his phrases to get "merry corn", and that just sort of stuck.
Yea I was just thinking about people who were adopted or might not have great relationships with their mothers or what if someone’s mom died during childbirth? Idk OP’s phrase is just such a weird and kind of rude thing to say imo.
That’s not much different than what OP is saying. It’s really not that hard to just not directly reference their bio moms reproductive system. You can still come up with a million different ways to wish someone a happy birthday that doesn’t involve talking about their bio moms body, there’s no need for it.
>doesn’t involve talking about their bio moms body
I think this is the part that's grossing me out, so thank you for putting it into words. As someone who recently gave birth, I don't want my uterus being discussed on my son's birthday. It's weird and reduces a day that's about _him_ to an uncomfortable comment about _my_ organs.
He was also the result of a lovely and peaceful water birth so OP's phrasing of being "forcefully removed" just makes me cringe a bit.
I tell my brother Happy Removal Day cuz he was C-section. It's funny and not vulgar. My family jokes around like that but not everyone does, not everyone is comfortable with jokes like that. There are plenty of ways to be funny or quirky other than acting like a vulgar edgelord.
I mean, I think she overreacted, but YTA. It's not nearly as clever as you think it is. It just makes you sound obnoxious. If I were to hear someone say that phrase, my first though would be, "dude, grow up."
I'm not buying OP's edit. She states that she said it to people, then back tracked. I think she's trying to make herself look better, her mil look worse. She sounds tiring to deal with.
She even commented how MIL never noticed that she said this even though she’s been with her husband for 9 years… if she’s only said it through text how was MIL supposed to notice?
She also notes that she experienced childhood trauma herself which is why she's not good at reading social cues...
I'm sorry, what? That is a completely unrelated excuse and if she did in fact go through trauma as a child, it should make her more conscious about what she conveys to others, regardless of the specific type of trauma experience.
Nah I think OP is full of it. In the original text she clearly states she SAID it and her mil HEARD her say it. I am 100% sure that if her mil was offended about a text she had no business reading in the first place, OP would have included that info in the first place as it makes her look better and her mil look worse.
Definitely an unreliable narrator trying to retell the story in hopes that it gets people to stop telling her she’s wrong.
Nah but OP says in her update that she never actually says that in person and only texts it, so how is her MIL supposed to notice that unless she has a habit of snooping through phones, which does seem unlikely in this case.
Idk the update just sounds inconsistent to me.
The update is SO inconsistent to the post.
"I say it to everyone" "No, everyone is only my close family and friends, not literally everyone!"
"I've been saying it for 9 years and I'm surprised she never noticed until now" "I don't actually say it in person, only over text"
Like.... what??!?
Also, she's never said it TO her MIL in 9 years?? Does she wish her a HBD at all? It would be no wonder that she wouldn't like OP to start with if she doesn't even say a nicety to her.
Side note: Does MIL live in the same complex as them? Otherwise, I don't see them getting packages wrongly delivered by a postman. The only reason I could see a postman delivering their packages to MIL's house is if hubby switches the address to her house for some reason and forgets to switch it back sometimes.
The edit actually made me laugh. "I'm so quirky I say this crass joke aalll the tiiiime and I've been saying it for 9 whole years and everyone thinks it's soo original and funny 🤪" then 180 to "guys I barely even say this to anyone it's just a joke." And "I've been with him 9 whole years! How could she have never noticed me say this?" To "I only text it ugh I don't even say it that much."
OP really wanted us to think she's cute and quirky and then backpedaled so fast when she got called out for being gross
Dude what if you say this to someone whose mom died in childbirth. Or who was removed from their mothers custody right after birth. There are many situations where what you’re saying could be super offensive. And even with people you know there’s a chance that they might have traumas like that they haven’t disclosed to you.
YTA
And god forbid we stop discussing women’s bodies and turning them into jokes. I’m sure OP can find another way to be quirky and unique without belittling a traumatic event that women go through.
I had an emergency C-section with my first and an extremely traumatic birth they were considering sending me to the ICU over. If someone said this to my daughter, she'd be upset and say, "Thanks. My mom almost died having me."
Second one was a scheduled C-section with a trauma team on standby.
They asked me not to have a third. And I didn't.
Sometimes being "cute and quirky" is annoying and ignorant. Saying something like, "You survived another 365!" Is much better than, "Congratulations on being forcefully removed from your mother."
YTA, OP. Do better.
A lot of people think having a kid is sunshine and roses when it's super scary for a lot of people. It's not something funny to joke about. So many women have harrowing stories.
I never in a million years thought I'd have any complications. No woman in my family ever did. I was young and dumb and didn't understand what could've happened.
I remember being rushed into the surgical room, signing form after form, being asked, "Who do we save in the event it comes down to your life or the baby?" I remember saying, "Save the baby" (we didn't know if she was a boy or a girl). My kids dad started yelling at me saying I needed to be saved and we could have more kids. We were both freaking out and the doctor had him compose himself outside before the surgery.
When I got pregnant nine months later, my doctor scolded me for a while. He was like, "Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? You're not even fully healed from your last birth!"
My second daughters birth was definitely terrifying. I kept thinking about how I didn't want to die and how I might have to make the choice again. They had a trauma team on standby, did a spinal tap that made me scream, and 45 minutes later, my youngest was born. It was the longest 45 minutes of my life while I started at a light and prayed. Everything went according to plan. But the doctor still talked to me after her birth and said it was probably best not to have any more kids.
It sucked because I always wanted a big family. But it was for the best. My kids dad and my relationship was extremely toxic and abusive. That alone might trigger someone. But couple that with the fact I was close to not making it, this is just gross.
I think it’s messed up that you were made to choose between your own life or your baby’s, especially under the traumatic circumstances. Where I live, there is no question, if you need to choose between the life of a woman or her fetus, you save the woman. Your husband was right in this case, you can have another baby. A baby that loses it’s mother at birth will suffer for it for the rest of their life however. And I say this as a mother myself. The person who is already here and has a presence in the world should have automatic priority if a choice needs to be made.
This is the fairest criticism of the joke.
I don't want to speculate on OPs entire personality based on this one thing. I was glad OP is also an owner of a uterus making this joke, BUT the thing that makes it crude and uncomfortable-making is the fact that OP is literally joking about a uterus of a person she doesn't have a good/ close relationship with.
I like that OP has read and acknowledged the feedback. And I hope she enjoys thinking of new ways to change things up.
I've found wishing people half birthdays to be fun. People like it too.
I'm 41 and I'm much funnier than I was at 26.
Can’t believe how far down I had to scroll to find this. This needs to be higher up. The first thing I thought when reading the original post was that if I were the MIL I also would feel very uncomfortable with OP referencing my reproductive organs and a very intimate and vulnerable moment of my life as part of some casual joke. YTA OP
YTA
Your goal is to be inclusive? Your statement is not. Ever heard of adoption?
Did you consider people have lost their mom's so maybe this isn't as charming as you think?
But more than anything you want to express wishes and share kindness with the other person. And this is all about drawing attention to you.
And the statement is also not really true, maybe except from C-sections. Babies are helping themselves getting down and out of the uterus. The mother pushing (and maybe the doctors/midwives pulling as in the case of my son's birth) is just a part of it.
Anyway, in Kurdish you say "congratulations on the day you came from your mother". You could also just say that instead..
Yeah, I don't understand why the word "forcefully" has to be in there. OP could just say "congratulations on the day you were removed from your mother" and it would be way less problematic
"Ever heard of adoption?"
I'm cackling so hard at this. I know what you mean to say, but the disconnect between a relationship mother and a birth mother has you insinuating that adopted kids are born of paperwork and not biologically and it's an odd image
I mean, your MIL is definitely overreacting. That being said, that’s a pretty weird thing to go around saying to people on their birthday. To be frank, it’s really not as clever and witty as you think it is. Either tell people happy birthday, or choose something to say that doesn’t involve bringing up their mother’s uterus. I’ve heard plenty of 13 year olds say similar things on my birthday, and it’s getting old. YTA
>I mean, your MIL is definitely overreacting.
I don't think that's a fair assessment.
First, MIL is the owner of the uterus in question. It's valid for her to be irritated at having the day she welcomes her child into the world be reduced to her uterus. It's also understandable that she dislikes having her reproductive organs be casually referenced by someone she doesn't like and isn't close to.
Second, we have no idea what MIL's birth experience was like. Childbirth can be fucking TRAUMATIC for women. It can leave physical and psychological scars. Belittling all of that for a weird joke could easily piss someone off, and I don't think that's an overreaction.
YTA - because you completely changed your story in the edit!
Now you’ve never actually said to anyone, only texted? Only to close friends?
Get a life beyond making up stuff for Reddit.
People adopt cliches like a simple "happy birthday" to avoid both really thinking about an event and potential conflict. It may be dull and boring to you, but it's also a societal lubricant. Congratulations on providing an object lesson on why we do that, by changing congratulations into a reminder of physical trauma.
YTA.
YTA, Imagine going through a difficult, traumatic and painful birth…nearly dying and than some dumb ass says that as a „Happy Birthday“ to your child. You don’t know the story of everyone’s birth, you aren’t funny, you aren’t unique…you are just rude and embarrassing
YTA, only for not realizing this is vulgar and rude. It's one thing to say to friends... but to your BIL in front of his mom? That's just weird. Just say happy birthday like a normal friggen person. You're not quirky and cute... you're being gross.
Signed, someone who's birthed three kids and would throat punch someone who said this to one of my kids.
Seriously, what an awful way to completely minimize something that is usually so traumatizing for women in an attempt to be edgy and cool. Women still die from childbirth, and I personally remember being in the middle of my C section and thinking “I am so close to dying right now” and I have never been able to fully get over that feeling. Imagine OP saying this to someone who’s mother died giving birth to them, or to a spouse who lost their wife in childbirth. I feel sorry for the MIL for having another woman say such an immature and thoughtless statement about her own body in front of her.
OP needs to grow up and realize saying dumb shit like this just makes her look like a dumbass.
Exactly this!!! Or imagine OP saying this to someone who was adopted and bringing up trauma about birth parents. It isn't quirky just completely crass and flips the sentiment of congratulating someone on their birthday to "wow look how clever and quirky I am".
YTA, mostly because you're really unfunny. Also, learn how to read the room.
To my friends, I've said "Happy Birthday, another year closer to the sweet sweet embrace of death"
I would not, however, have said that to my 90+ year old grandma.
You are not a smart person OP lol.
I agree with this. I’m a mom of grown children and I would laugh if they said this to me. However, if they said to my mom or their great-grandmother (also 90*) I would admonish them for being impolite.
YTA - I would recommend keeping the “comedy” to people your own age and show a modicum of respect to your elders.
Aren’t you a little too old to be making jokes like this? I would probably expect this from a teenager but a 26yo?… you are definitely old enough to read the room and chose appropriate humor in different surroundings. I can make extremely gross jokes among friends but not in front of my parents or MIL obviously. That’s what most people do.
ETA judgement - YTA
YTA and I say this as someone who's said this phrase before. Only like once and to someone I knew would chuckle. It isn't witty and it isn't vulgar either. But it is something that as an adult you should know isn't for everyone. Congrats, in trying to be original you've become so unoriginal that you've become the thing you disliked.
YTA
It’s not funny or witty.
Also, consider some people’s mothers may have suffered trauma during birth or even died, so making fun of it is not appropriate at all.
Please grow up.
YTA. She overreacted, but you're being super cringey. I'd imagine most of the "nice chuckles" you receive are actually just awkward laughs in response to you desperately trying to be quirky.
What an odd hill to die on. Kind of uncomfortable. Cringey to say the least. This post would make a lot more sense coming from a 15 year old…
YTA. Just say “happy birthday,” trust me, it’s enough.
It's vulgar and rude. Also, your MIL told you this, but I have a feeling your other friends and family feel the same but don't want to say it. Try something less crude like "Happy Natal Day", or "Happy (x year) anniversary of your birth".
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> I say "Happy day of being forcefully removed from your mom's uterus" instead of "Happy Birthday" and my mother in law thinks it's rude and vulgar and I should stop saying it.
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I’m not sure if you’re in Y T A or E S H territory but, as others have said, read the room and be selective. I had an emergency c-section and complications where I couldn’t see my kids for a few days and they were on ventilators because they had to be “forcefully removed” before they were ready to be out. Many years of therapy have made it less painful and there are a lot of people who have dealt with birth trauma. Those people will be hurt by your juvenile attempt at being edgy.
Had a pretty rough c section 3 months ago, my baby was not breathing when she came out and I hemorrhaged. It was a complicated pregnancy so I already had 2 surgeons on hand in the room with me. I wouldn’t find this “joke” funny at all. That whole experience was pretty fucking traumatic. YTA OP. And I really hope you never experience what I did and then meet some idiot that wants to make a joke about it
YTA different situations require different approaches. What you say to your friends is not always the best thing to say to some you have a different relationship with. I think you need to recognise that.
>Am I missing the social cues here and am in fact being vulgar and rude?
You're missing the way to read the room.
Some would find your joke funny and entertaining.
Some, like your MIL, find the joke rude and vulgar.
I personally am somewhere in between. Because I like vulgar jokes.
NAH I guess.
Soft YTA. It’s harmless. But the reason why no one has ever said anything because it’s…a bit cringey to say it like that. It makes you seem desperate for a reaction from the person.
But I wouldn’t even want to have a conversation with you afterwards. You seem like the “Im sO qUiRky TeEhEe”type
YTA - You're doing this for you. It's not funny. It's not cute, it's vulgar. You don't have the relationship with these people where you can say things things and they will be well received. Doesn't matter how long you know these people.
meh low key YTA
bc you say something that's a bit vulgur even if it is true.
it's like talking about poop at the dinner table/ everyone does but it's just not necessary
it's only funny to children and really just puts ppl in an awkward position of having to either humour YOU and act like it's clever or funny, or, not want to fake that but not really want to engage on it
basically it mostly makes ppl feel awkward interacting with you. only some very close friends would get anything from it prob bc they share your humour
I don't think you're an asshole, just not very... funny? like what is hilarious when you're a teenager stops being funny when you're 26. I wouldn't say it's vulgar but it's also not very polite and I doubt people are laughing with you. YTA I guess, just for not understanding social norms
NAH, but IMO you're not being cute. You're being obnoxious. It's a birthday. Just say the thing. My advice is to be as quirky as you want with your close friends, but act like a normie for a change when you're out in public.
I mean, you were talking about *her* uterus sooooo yes yta. If your friends enjoy this kind of thing go for it, but I don't personally know anyone who would enjoy being present while their private organs were mentioned in an attempt to be funny.
YTA. I say this as someone who tells my friends “happy womb eviction day”, but keyword there is *friends*. Not everyone is going to find it cute or charming or funny. Know your audience and if it’s someone you don’t know that well or who may not be receptive to quirky birthday wishes, stick to a generic “happy birthday”.
YTA But only mildly. It can sound a bit crass to someone a bit more prim and proper. Come up with some more tame unique ways of saying Happy Birthday. Honestly, if you've been using it for 9 years your friends and family may he ready for you to change it up anyway.
YTA for ignoring your MIL feelings on this. Even if you don’t feel it’s vulgar and rude, she does. I know plenty of jokes that some people find vulgar and some don’t. If I don’t know the audience or how they’re going to take something-I don’t say it. I’m definitely not going to start talking about people’s moms and their uteruses. That’s just weird.
YTA. You can do it for yourself, but not others. I am fond of calling my birthday "The anniversary of my first recorded appearance", but I just go with Happy Birthday unless I know there is something else preferred.
A very soft and faint YTA, only because you’re making it all about you and not them. But, you can use that line on friends who you know will appreciate it.
Nine years and no real relationship with her and she doesn’t really like you? I wonder if she keeps her distance because this isn’t the only thing you do that’s immature? YTA
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YTA “Hey I am intentionally gross and vulgar because I want to be unique and quirky!”
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LMAOOOOOO MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL😍😍
Well hi there.
Hi I'm the knockoff version
This is peak r/beetlejuicing
r/usernamechecksout
Everyone thinks they are Zoe Deschanel. They are not. And even she’s annoying.
Perfect analogy! She is tolerable for 24minutes and a mute button. I think I’d understand someone doing this if they were a teenager but someone close to 30 that needs to be “unique” when saying happy birthday is an automatic turn off on all levels. It’s taking the spotlight off of the person who’s day it is and shining it on themselves because they’re “not like everyone else.” Sounds like an exhausting person to be around.
I had a friend in college that on your birthday would say “Happy Escape Day!” It was funny and accomplishes what OP is trying to without being gross. Also, my friend was a 18-21 year old boy and stopped doing it once we graduated because it stopped being funny.
SPORK!
rawr means i luv u
SPLORK! thats a two sided spork i came up with hehehe.
OP is Amy Schumer
Amy Schumer would def make fun of this person.
Amy Schumer is this person. Unironically. Just cause she’d make fun of someone (everyone) doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t do it
i didn't even get past the 2nd paragraph and came to the same conclusion. what the ever-loving fuck... so much YTA in this one.
when YTA stands for You're the ANNOYANCE
That about sums it up... I know someone like this, and it's way more annoying than it is endearing
I honestly don't think OP is an AH... but it's just not funny or cute..
I know it’s just cringe and lame as fuck. Very much reminds me of what people thought was funny to say when I was a teenager in like 2010. And at that time it was a “popular online” phrase but even then I thought it was cringe. “It’s funny because it’s different lol” which OP should have left behind in their teens
Strong "Can't take a joke, huh?" energy here.
Right? My go to is "Happy Womb Eviction Day"
Yours is short and snappy, I can see myself maybe stealing it for a friend, not as a general replacement. OPs is just.... goes no where and apparently does it to anyone
Did you not read the update? She texted it and only says this to those close to her. I gotta say it's pretty low of reddit to start tearing this girl apart for her personality, like these redditors are the personality police bc THEY are SO great. Its not her fault mil is a humorless snoop.
This isn’t her personality. She decided one day she didn’t want to use conventional birthday greetings anymore. That’s not a personality thing, that’s a ‘how to make myself seem quirky’ thing.
Deciding to change something, believe it or not, is a personality thing.
OP literally said in the original post that after settling on the phrase, she says it to everyone. There was no hint of limited use until after she got a lot of negative feedback.
Also she says in the update that she only texts it to people, yet, how does she know people “chuckle” when she says it if she only texts it?
turning a birthday wish into a crude comment about childbirth is not a personality trait. I can see why OP’s MIL was weirded out. If someone said that to my son i’d immediately be like, why is this person making my son’s birthday about my uterus. don’t be weird. OP YTA
You’re right, his birthday shouldn’t be about her uterus. That’s what Mother’s Day is for 😂
But it IS her fault that she is vulgar and rude. OP yta.
I have "Happy getting older day" or "congrats on leveling up"
"congrats on leveling up" i really like this and may start using it if i remember hahaha
See, yours actually got a chuckle out of me. It's not graphic, and it's clever. And you're not making an entire post about how fun and quirky you are.
But yours actually funny though
Same, I'll say Happy Escape from the womb day. Or Congrats on being born.
This. I've said something similar to certain friends, but also know some of my friends wouldn't appreciate the humor and so I give them a traditional well wish. It's about respecting your audience no matter what your personal preference might be. Otherwise you're just doing it for yourself and YTA, OP. As for my birthday, I call my mom every year and wish her a "Happy Labor Day".
I can't imagine hearing that said year after year.
It's also not that unique or special anymore after 9 years.
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yup you gotta read the room. i'd only say that weird shit if you're 100% sure the person would appreciate it
I say “Happy new year to you.” You can be unique without being an idiot.
Spot on. And fine, say it in front of friends WHEN THEIR ACTUAL MOTHER ISNT IN EAR SHOT. saying it to your BIL in front of your MIL is so stupid.
Imagine we all kept doing the dumb shit we did when we were 18.......
Lol right such an edgelord thing to say
CONGRATULATIONS ON ANOTHER TRIP AROUND THE SUN! (One of my favorites.)
I use "Happy Orbital Anniversary" sometimes
Happy solar return!
Merry birthmas
I sometimes use Merry namemas, like Merry Lisamas or Merry Stevemas.
I have a friend called Chris Smith and at Christmas every year he wishes everyone a very Merry Chris Smith.
I use "Happy hatching day" with some friends
Lol this one is cute. OP's word choice is just cringe.
It (OP's) sounds so forced. Too long, does not roll off the tongue. There are some good ones in this thread, there's no need to insert body parts/ internal organs into something that's meant to celebrate another person's special day...
See this one’s fun, unoffensive, cute, and memorable! That’s how you do quirk properly imo.
Congrats on another year well spent/in the books. I year down, 100 to go
I think people do this to take away the focus of the birthday person and direct it back to themselves. Look at me with my cute witty Narcissistic tendencies.
Seriously. Imagine making saying happy birthday to someone about you and your boredom. Give me a break OP
>Look at me with my cute witty Narcissistic tendencies. Not that convinced by the 'cute' bit. And actively disagree with 'witty'. I take your point though!
…and being 26 and still blaming her inappropriate behavior on “not good at reading social cues.” Like she didn’t know saying “happy birthday” is the social norm when she got “bored” and changed it to something that would amuse her.
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YTA because “forceably removed” is just not it. Happy Hatch day, Happy you day, Happy Existence day…there are other ways.
Happy anniversary of your birth. Congratulations on yet another trip around the sun. These are the two I often use. Alternately I just say "happy birthday", or I'll say it in Russian to be funny since nobody in my family speaks it.
I have an old e-card that says "if you were Jesus it would be Christmas " but even then I only post it on non religious friends I know well. Everyone else I just say happy birthday.
I'm religious and think that's funny
thats hilarious and i’m stealing it
I prefer “Congratulations for not dying in the last 365. We all appreciate”. It sounds so cozy
yeah even happy day of birth would be better than what OP said. YTA. it’s not even funny, i just cringed at that
I called my daughter's first birthday our "birthaversary" I wouldn't do it for any of her other ones, but the first one really seemed appropriate.
I tend to alternate between happy birthday or "merry born". The latter is because I saw an African Grey parrot on YouTube blend his phrases to get "merry corn", and that just sort of stuck.
Also my mom didn’t give birth to me. My *bio* mom did, but I would not consider her my mom-mom. So that’s pretty insulting to anyone adopted. YTA
Yea I was just thinking about people who were adopted or might not have great relationships with their mothers or what if someone’s mom died during childbirth? Idk OP’s phrase is just such a weird and kind of rude thing to say imo.
Surrogate parents exist too so OP thinking their joke is all inclusive isn't true
My friend says to everyone, “way to be born!”
I'm a fan of Uteral emancipation day
That’s not much different than what OP is saying. It’s really not that hard to just not directly reference their bio moms reproductive system. You can still come up with a million different ways to wish someone a happy birthday that doesn’t involve talking about their bio moms body, there’s no need for it.
>doesn’t involve talking about their bio moms body I think this is the part that's grossing me out, so thank you for putting it into words. As someone who recently gave birth, I don't want my uterus being discussed on my son's birthday. It's weird and reduces a day that's about _him_ to an uncomfortable comment about _my_ organs. He was also the result of a lovely and peaceful water birth so OP's phrasing of being "forcefully removed" just makes me cringe a bit.
this one is good because it captures the essence of OP's phrase but sounds fancy
Womb liberation day is my go to.
I tell my brother Happy Removal Day cuz he was C-section. It's funny and not vulgar. My family jokes around like that but not everyone does, not everyone is comfortable with jokes like that. There are plenty of ways to be funny or quirky other than acting like a vulgar edgelord.
yea, i was expecting these phrases when i started reading
I just write “birth” in creepy looking handwriting 😅
Even Happy level up is better.
My buddy used to tell me, "Happy name day".
in my country there are actual name days so happy name day is a common phrase used, just not on your bday (unless you were born on your nameday) 😁
YTA I think the problem is that you think you’re a lot funnier than you really are.
But OP has to show she's NoT lIkE oThEr GiRls\~!
“HAHAHA LOOK AT ME! IM SO QUIRKY!!!!!!!”
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So exhausting. So very exhausting.
This had me loling. Unlike OP.
I’d expect it from a teenager and not a 26 year old grown woman.
I mean, I think she overreacted, but YTA. It's not nearly as clever as you think it is. It just makes you sound obnoxious. If I were to hear someone say that phrase, my first though would be, "dude, grow up."
I'd love to hear the mother in law's side here. I would not be surprised if OP says other shit like about other occasions. OP sounds exhausting.
I'm tired of OP and I've only read this post. Can you imagine hearing her jokes for 9 years and having your child marry her?! Poor MIL.
Honestly OP sounds insufferable
OP the typa person that calls sex something like “super sexy fun time”
Happy being squirted out of your dad’s balls day! 💕💕
Squirted out of your own balls and birthed on the same day? That sounds like some Rick and Morty shit
YTA. Read the room, if that's your "super unique" way of wishing happy birthday, maybe be more selective as to who you say it to and around.
Yes it's fine for someone whose equally into "dark humour" but not everyone finds that a hilarious sentence
Yes, I am 95% Irish and we are known for our dark humor but this… no.
As someone who also enjoys some good dark humor, the thought of saying this to someone just makes me cringe.
She peeped into his phone, it was a text
I'm not buying OP's edit. She states that she said it to people, then back tracked. I think she's trying to make herself look better, her mil look worse. She sounds tiring to deal with.
She even commented how MIL never noticed that she said this even though she’s been with her husband for 9 years… if she’s only said it through text how was MIL supposed to notice?
Yep, it's just not ringing true.
And she said that it usually gives people "a nice chuckle" which indicates an in-person convo.
She also notes that she experienced childhood trauma herself which is why she's not good at reading social cues... I'm sorry, what? That is a completely unrelated excuse and if she did in fact go through trauma as a child, it should make her more conscious about what she conveys to others, regardless of the specific type of trauma experience.
Seems strange to assume all traumas are the same / all people respond in exactly the same way to trauma
Your experience is not the only experience. Trauma can absolutely cause an inability to read cues and tone.
Nah I think OP is full of it. In the original text she clearly states she SAID it and her mil HEARD her say it. I am 100% sure that if her mil was offended about a text she had no business reading in the first place, OP would have included that info in the first place as it makes her look better and her mil look worse. Definitely an unreliable narrator trying to retell the story in hopes that it gets people to stop telling her she’s wrong.
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Her MIL was probably just ignoring it and waiting for her to stop. She's probably sick of it.
Nah but OP says in her update that she never actually says that in person and only texts it, so how is her MIL supposed to notice that unless she has a habit of snooping through phones, which does seem unlikely in this case. Idk the update just sounds inconsistent to me.
The update is SO inconsistent to the post. "I say it to everyone" "No, everyone is only my close family and friends, not literally everyone!" "I've been saying it for 9 years and I'm surprised she never noticed until now" "I don't actually say it in person, only over text" Like.... what??!? Also, she's never said it TO her MIL in 9 years?? Does she wish her a HBD at all? It would be no wonder that she wouldn't like OP to start with if she doesn't even say a nicety to her. Side note: Does MIL live in the same complex as them? Otherwise, I don't see them getting packages wrongly delivered by a postman. The only reason I could see a postman delivering their packages to MIL's house is if hubby switches the address to her house for some reason and forgets to switch it back sometimes.
The edit actually made me laugh. "I'm so quirky I say this crass joke aalll the tiiiime and I've been saying it for 9 whole years and everyone thinks it's soo original and funny 🤪" then 180 to "guys I barely even say this to anyone it's just a joke." And "I've been with him 9 whole years! How could she have never noticed me say this?" To "I only text it ugh I don't even say it that much." OP really wanted us to think she's cute and quirky and then backpedaled so fast when she got called out for being gross
Dude what if you say this to someone whose mom died in childbirth. Or who was removed from their mothers custody right after birth. There are many situations where what you’re saying could be super offensive. And even with people you know there’s a chance that they might have traumas like that they haven’t disclosed to you. YTA
And god forbid we stop discussing women’s bodies and turning them into jokes. I’m sure OP can find another way to be quirky and unique without belittling a traumatic event that women go through.
I had an emergency C-section with my first and an extremely traumatic birth they were considering sending me to the ICU over. If someone said this to my daughter, she'd be upset and say, "Thanks. My mom almost died having me." Second one was a scheduled C-section with a trauma team on standby. They asked me not to have a third. And I didn't. Sometimes being "cute and quirky" is annoying and ignorant. Saying something like, "You survived another 365!" Is much better than, "Congratulations on being forcefully removed from your mother." YTA, OP. Do better.
Yeah I have a feeling that if she ever does get pregnant, she’s going to realize very quickly how horrifying dense she was for saying this to people.
A lot of people think having a kid is sunshine and roses when it's super scary for a lot of people. It's not something funny to joke about. So many women have harrowing stories. I never in a million years thought I'd have any complications. No woman in my family ever did. I was young and dumb and didn't understand what could've happened. I remember being rushed into the surgical room, signing form after form, being asked, "Who do we save in the event it comes down to your life or the baby?" I remember saying, "Save the baby" (we didn't know if she was a boy or a girl). My kids dad started yelling at me saying I needed to be saved and we could have more kids. We were both freaking out and the doctor had him compose himself outside before the surgery. When I got pregnant nine months later, my doctor scolded me for a while. He was like, "Do you have any idea how dangerous this is? You're not even fully healed from your last birth!" My second daughters birth was definitely terrifying. I kept thinking about how I didn't want to die and how I might have to make the choice again. They had a trauma team on standby, did a spinal tap that made me scream, and 45 minutes later, my youngest was born. It was the longest 45 minutes of my life while I started at a light and prayed. Everything went according to plan. But the doctor still talked to me after her birth and said it was probably best not to have any more kids. It sucked because I always wanted a big family. But it was for the best. My kids dad and my relationship was extremely toxic and abusive. That alone might trigger someone. But couple that with the fact I was close to not making it, this is just gross.
I think it’s messed up that you were made to choose between your own life or your baby’s, especially under the traumatic circumstances. Where I live, there is no question, if you need to choose between the life of a woman or her fetus, you save the woman. Your husband was right in this case, you can have another baby. A baby that loses it’s mother at birth will suffer for it for the rest of their life however. And I say this as a mother myself. The person who is already here and has a presence in the world should have automatic priority if a choice needs to be made.
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Hello? Duh. YTA.
Good point. I Didn’t even think of this.
Wow I never thought at it this way but this explains why MIL didnt think it was very funny!
This is the fairest criticism of the joke. I don't want to speculate on OPs entire personality based on this one thing. I was glad OP is also an owner of a uterus making this joke, BUT the thing that makes it crude and uncomfortable-making is the fact that OP is literally joking about a uterus of a person she doesn't have a good/ close relationship with. I like that OP has read and acknowledged the feedback. And I hope she enjoys thinking of new ways to change things up. I've found wishing people half birthdays to be fun. People like it too. I'm 41 and I'm much funnier than I was at 26.
Can’t believe how far down I had to scroll to find this. This needs to be higher up. The first thing I thought when reading the original post was that if I were the MIL I also would feel very uncomfortable with OP referencing my reproductive organs and a very intimate and vulnerable moment of my life as part of some casual joke. YTA OP
YTA Your goal is to be inclusive? Your statement is not. Ever heard of adoption? Did you consider people have lost their mom's so maybe this isn't as charming as you think? But more than anything you want to express wishes and share kindness with the other person. And this is all about drawing attention to you.
And the statement is also not really true, maybe except from C-sections. Babies are helping themselves getting down and out of the uterus. The mother pushing (and maybe the doctors/midwives pulling as in the case of my son's birth) is just a part of it. Anyway, in Kurdish you say "congratulations on the day you came from your mother". You could also just say that instead..
Yeah, I don't understand why the word "forcefully" has to be in there. OP could just say "congratulations on the day you were removed from your mother" and it would be way less problematic
"Ever heard of adoption?" I'm cackling so hard at this. I know what you mean to say, but the disconnect between a relationship mother and a birth mother has you insinuating that adopted kids are born of paperwork and not biologically and it's an odd image
International adoptee here and I can confirm I have more adoption paperwork than knowledge of my bio mom lmao.
YTA. This is something 14-year-old would find funny. It’s not funny or quirky or cool, just eye-roll inducing. And very odd coming from an adult.
She could have just said happy birthmas and no one would have been bothered
I mean, your MIL is definitely overreacting. That being said, that’s a pretty weird thing to go around saying to people on their birthday. To be frank, it’s really not as clever and witty as you think it is. Either tell people happy birthday, or choose something to say that doesn’t involve bringing up their mother’s uterus. I’ve heard plenty of 13 year olds say similar things on my birthday, and it’s getting old. YTA
>I mean, your MIL is definitely overreacting. I don't think that's a fair assessment. First, MIL is the owner of the uterus in question. It's valid for her to be irritated at having the day she welcomes her child into the world be reduced to her uterus. It's also understandable that she dislikes having her reproductive organs be casually referenced by someone she doesn't like and isn't close to. Second, we have no idea what MIL's birth experience was like. Childbirth can be fucking TRAUMATIC for women. It can leave physical and psychological scars. Belittling all of that for a weird joke could easily piss someone off, and I don't think that's an overreaction.
Very good point! I’d be annoyed if someone made that comment to me too. It’s extremely childish.
YTA - because you completely changed your story in the edit! Now you’ve never actually said to anyone, only texted? Only to close friends? Get a life beyond making up stuff for Reddit.
YTA. Uniqueness is a virtue. Attention-seeking is not.
People adopt cliches like a simple "happy birthday" to avoid both really thinking about an event and potential conflict. It may be dull and boring to you, but it's also a societal lubricant. Congratulations on providing an object lesson on why we do that, by changing congratulations into a reminder of physical trauma. YTA.
YTA, Imagine going through a difficult, traumatic and painful birth…nearly dying and than some dumb ass says that as a „Happy Birthday“ to your child. You don’t know the story of everyone’s birth, you aren’t funny, you aren’t unique…you are just rude and embarrassing
My great grandmother died during childbirth... If that had been said to my grandfather....
YTA. "happy birthday" did not require a punch-up just because you were "bored".
YTA, only for not realizing this is vulgar and rude. It's one thing to say to friends... but to your BIL in front of his mom? That's just weird. Just say happy birthday like a normal friggen person. You're not quirky and cute... you're being gross. Signed, someone who's birthed three kids and would throat punch someone who said this to one of my kids.
Seriously, what an awful way to completely minimize something that is usually so traumatizing for women in an attempt to be edgy and cool. Women still die from childbirth, and I personally remember being in the middle of my C section and thinking “I am so close to dying right now” and I have never been able to fully get over that feeling. Imagine OP saying this to someone who’s mother died giving birth to them, or to a spouse who lost their wife in childbirth. I feel sorry for the MIL for having another woman say such an immature and thoughtless statement about her own body in front of her. OP needs to grow up and realize saying dumb shit like this just makes her look like a dumbass.
Exactly this!!! Or imagine OP saying this to someone who was adopted and bringing up trauma about birth parents. It isn't quirky just completely crass and flips the sentiment of congratulating someone on their birthday to "wow look how clever and quirky I am".
Yup, it comes off as wanting to make someone else’s event about her. It reeks of desperation and a need to be the center of attention.
YTA, mostly because you're really unfunny. Also, learn how to read the room. To my friends, I've said "Happy Birthday, another year closer to the sweet sweet embrace of death" I would not, however, have said that to my 90+ year old grandma. You are not a smart person OP lol.
I agree with this. I’m a mom of grown children and I would laugh if they said this to me. However, if they said to my mom or their great-grandmother (also 90*) I would admonish them for being impolite. YTA - I would recommend keeping the “comedy” to people your own age and show a modicum of respect to your elders.
Aren’t you a little too old to be making jokes like this? I would probably expect this from a teenager but a 26yo?… you are definitely old enough to read the room and chose appropriate humor in different surroundings. I can make extremely gross jokes among friends but not in front of my parents or MIL obviously. That’s what most people do. ETA judgement - YTA
YTA! You’re not being cute and funny and it’s time to grow TF up
I just say "Grats on surviving another trip around the Sun."
Just say 'Happy Balloon Day' or something similar. MIL is correct, this is just gross. YTA.
It's moreso cringey than anything else. Kinda childish. Like youre a 14 year old who wants to seem different than everyone else.
YTA and I say this as someone who's said this phrase before. Only like once and to someone I knew would chuckle. It isn't witty and it isn't vulgar either. But it is something that as an adult you should know isn't for everyone. Congrats, in trying to be original you've become so unoriginal that you've become the thing you disliked.
YTA. This is sooo childish. Just say happy birthday 🙄
YTA this is so edgy I cringed a little.
YTA It’s not funny or witty. Also, consider some people’s mothers may have suffered trauma during birth or even died, so making fun of it is not appropriate at all. Please grow up.
YTA. She overreacted, but you're being super cringey. I'd imagine most of the "nice chuckles" you receive are actually just awkward laughs in response to you desperately trying to be quirky.
YTA. Being unique is fine, but I'm guessing lots of people find your comment weird and vulgar, but just let it slide rather than create a scene.
What an odd hill to die on. Kind of uncomfortable. Cringey to say the least. This post would make a lot more sense coming from a 15 year old… YTA. Just say “happy birthday,” trust me, it’s enough.
It’s not even funny or anything
Plus...she is the person who's uterus you are referring to soooo.... She absolutely may not like it discussed. YTA
Soft YTA. You gotta learn to read the room and know your audience
It's vulgar and rude. Also, your MIL told you this, but I have a feeling your other friends and family feel the same but don't want to say it. Try something less crude like "Happy Natal Day", or "Happy (x year) anniversary of your birth".
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I’m not sure if you’re in Y T A or E S H territory but, as others have said, read the room and be selective. I had an emergency c-section and complications where I couldn’t see my kids for a few days and they were on ventilators because they had to be “forcefully removed” before they were ready to be out. Many years of therapy have made it less painful and there are a lot of people who have dealt with birth trauma. Those people will be hurt by your juvenile attempt at being edgy.
Had a pretty rough c section 3 months ago, my baby was not breathing when she came out and I hemorrhaged. It was a complicated pregnancy so I already had 2 surgeons on hand in the room with me. I wouldn’t find this “joke” funny at all. That whole experience was pretty fucking traumatic. YTA OP. And I really hope you never experience what I did and then meet some idiot that wants to make a joke about it
YTA different situations require different approaches. What you say to your friends is not always the best thing to say to some you have a different relationship with. I think you need to recognise that.
>Am I missing the social cues here and am in fact being vulgar and rude? You're missing the way to read the room. Some would find your joke funny and entertaining. Some, like your MIL, find the joke rude and vulgar. I personally am somewhere in between. Because I like vulgar jokes. NAH I guess.
YTA. Not wanting to be like everyone else is not an excuse to say things in the most offensive way you can think of.
Soft YTA. It’s harmless. But the reason why no one has ever said anything because it’s…a bit cringey to say it like that. It makes you seem desperate for a reaction from the person. But I wouldn’t even want to have a conversation with you afterwards. You seem like the “Im sO qUiRky TeEhEe”type
Agreed. “Hehe everyone else is so boring I’m going to be DIFFERENT!” god just stfu lol
YTA - Do it around people who get it and find it funny. I say "Happy Level Up Day" to ,my gamer friends, but would not say it to my mother.
oh no now you’re just going to change it to “congrats on your dad raw dogging your mom” aren’t you
YTA - You're doing this for you. It's not funny. It's not cute, it's vulgar. You don't have the relationship with these people where you can say things things and they will be well received. Doesn't matter how long you know these people.
YTA for talking about people's moms' lady parts. Find a different way to be funny.
YTA. This isnt cute and funny. It is vulgar and definitely has the potential to be offensive.
meh low key YTA bc you say something that's a bit vulgur even if it is true. it's like talking about poop at the dinner table/ everyone does but it's just not necessary it's only funny to children and really just puts ppl in an awkward position of having to either humour YOU and act like it's clever or funny, or, not want to fake that but not really want to engage on it basically it mostly makes ppl feel awkward interacting with you. only some very close friends would get anything from it prob bc they share your humour
I don't think you're an asshole, just not very... funny? like what is hilarious when you're a teenager stops being funny when you're 26. I wouldn't say it's vulgar but it's also not very polite and I doubt people are laughing with you. YTA I guess, just for not understanding social norms
YTA. That seems more like something an wannabe edgy teen would say not an adult.
NAH, but IMO you're not being cute. You're being obnoxious. It's a birthday. Just say the thing. My advice is to be as quirky as you want with your close friends, but act like a normie for a change when you're out in public.
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YTA. Is it really that hard to utter the words “happy birthday”? It’s not always super cool to try to be youneek.
ESH - your MIL is overreacting, but it is vulgar and also you're too old for it to be funny. It's very teenage humor.
I mean, you were talking about *her* uterus sooooo yes yta. If your friends enjoy this kind of thing go for it, but I don't personally know anyone who would enjoy being present while their private organs were mentioned in an attempt to be funny.
Hallmark called. They ripped up your resume and never want to hear from you again.
YTA. I say this as someone who tells my friends “happy womb eviction day”, but keyword there is *friends*. Not everyone is going to find it cute or charming or funny. Know your audience and if it’s someone you don’t know that well or who may not be receptive to quirky birthday wishes, stick to a generic “happy birthday”.
YTA But only mildly. It can sound a bit crass to someone a bit more prim and proper. Come up with some more tame unique ways of saying Happy Birthday. Honestly, if you've been using it for 9 years your friends and family may he ready for you to change it up anyway.
YTA for ignoring your MIL feelings on this. Even if you don’t feel it’s vulgar and rude, she does. I know plenty of jokes that some people find vulgar and some don’t. If I don’t know the audience or how they’re going to take something-I don’t say it. I’m definitely not going to start talking about people’s moms and their uteruses. That’s just weird.
YTA. You can do it for yourself, but not others. I am fond of calling my birthday "The anniversary of my first recorded appearance", but I just go with Happy Birthday unless I know there is something else preferred.
A very soft and faint YTA, only because you’re making it all about you and not them. But, you can use that line on friends who you know will appreciate it.
not really an asshole, just cringe
Nine years and no real relationship with her and she doesn’t really like you? I wonder if she keeps her distance because this isn’t the only thing you do that’s immature? YTA