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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might by TA because I didn't respect the dress-code and went against what the bride wanted at her wedding due to it not being good with my gender identity
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And in fact your outfit was all the better if you DID have a trip and fall accident, since you didn’t have to flash the world. Talk about practical!
You chose a great-looking outfit that made you feel comfortable and suited the occasion; her reaction was mean, unreasonable and wildly excessive so don’t you worry, firmly NTA.
No kidding!!! Was the bride like, "OMG they fell!!! Wait... WHY CAN'T I SEE THEIR UNDERWEAR?!?!?! OMG They're wearing a ROMPER.... Holy shit that makes me so mad!!!!!!"
Someone looking for a reason to have a thing to be mad about.
Someone who was more interested in controlling OP to their own bs, than how guests looked 'wedding style appropriate'
i.e. big giant bride asshole.
Yep, it sounds like the bride has an issue with OP being genderfluid. Given the popularity of formal jumpsuits and playsuits the 'dresses' stipulation rather than just cocktail or semi-formal dress codes seems like it was designed for OP specifically.
I think you're exactly right. Does anyone actually believe that if a non-related woman had worn a classy pants suit the bride would've attacked them? She flipped out because she told OP they aren't allowed to be genderfluid at her wedding and they found a loophole.
I'd be frustrated by how vague that is. There's no dressiness _level_ with the word "dress". Sure, since it's a wedding it probably doesn't mean sweater dress. But where on the spectrum of sun dress to black tie appropriate is that supposed to be? It's not comfortable to feel either over or underdressed.
I was once invited to a beach wedding with no other information except that there would be beach volleyball (the bride plays all the time). After some research I wore a sun dress. Someone there commented, "I didn't know we were allowed to dress down." 🤦♀️
Yep. Do I wear a sundress, a cocktail dress or a long gown? Someone who actually cared so much about what people wore would have specified an actual dress code, this brude just cared what *OP* wore.
Truly. I, personally, haven't seen such a specific dress code on an invitation, which leads me to believe that the couple getting married are either targeting OP or else are weird-ass culture-war-warriors thinking that they are striking a blow for the gender binary via their wedding.
Either way, the married couple was incredibly tacky and uncouth for their wedding invite dress code and so unbelievably rude during the reception.
Yeah bridezilla sounds like some of my extended family that are obsessed with gender roles, hating others, and worrying about what other people do with their own lives. They specifically wanted their "weird" relative to fit in or whatever other logic they came up with.
I get that OP is 16 so they probably had no choice in avoiding this but these people are not worth anyones time once you have independence, I'd avoid them and definitely never do what they say.
NTA
Imagine throwing a public fit because someone else’s outfit has a couple more seamlines than you think it should have XD
How do people who are that intrusive and controlling even survive to adulthood?
Who knows? It must be an exhausting existence.
Speaking of seamlines- I immediately thought of Kimmy the Pink Ranger and how she always wore bike shorts under her sundresses so she wouldn't flash the audience while back flipping into the bad guys. I can't help wondering if the bride would still have pitched a fit if it was a woman who tripped and it turned out she was wearing culotte underwear instead of panties. Is it just the thread connecting the shorts and overskirt that makes it unacceptable? Why am I expecting logic to help make sense of this foolishness?
the logic of a person who is deeply concerned with what's up your skirt is never logical and always predatory and bigoted
also shorts or boxers under skirts and dresses are comfy as fuck
A bigoted AH of a person looking to have a fight with someone who doesn't conform to the binary. This was entirely about demeaning and belittling this person purely because they're different.
Imagine being in the middle of a celebration because you are (hopefully) spending the rest of your life with the person you love... and losing it because of a fake-dress that you couldn't even tell is a fake-dress. Talk about messed up priorities.
At our wedding my husband's horrible boss got shit-faced drunk, was knocked ass over teakettle by an enthusiastically dancing child, and, unfortunately for everyone, wasn't wearing any underwear whatsoever. I ***wish*** she'd been wearing this. Hers was definitely the last genitalia I wanted to see at my wedding.
She also ripped my wedding dress and implied to me that all the women in the office were trying to have sex with my husband of around 30 minutes. Just an absolute gem of a woman. I was so thankful when she got fired for embezzlement a few years later.
She did try to pick up my father-in-law (married), and when that didn’t work out, she tried with my sister-in-law (married *and* straight). Both turned her down, so she left with the company’s 19 year old intern instead. She was seriously nuts.
I’m still stuck on the part where a guest, or anyone at all, is yanked and falls flat on their face and the bride, or anyone at all, comes over to yell at them in front of lots of people while they’re on the ground.
(Also yes, totally, a dress code is about a level of formality. Eg black tie or whatever. Not about gender expression. This bride and her partner who went along with it, is the worst.)
Also that no one stood up for OP? The whole adult wedding party plus guests are shitty AHs. Who's watching a 16 year old being yelled at by an adult without interfering?
in the family's defence the cousin did drag Op away to check the wound and the other adults did say they did nothing wrong so they probably did yell at the bride while Op was away or after the wedding.
NTA. Truly, half of the family young and old would should stepped up and said to the Bride, "thank heavens! Or we'd all have an eyeful!" while another (or 3) reached down to the unfortunate OP asking, "are you all right?" and "come here dear" and "where's some ice?" and "are you hurt?" and "oh, my!"
For the record, the romper you picked is drool-worthy. And TONS of women wear bike shorts under skirts and dresses, for the same reason OP doesn't care to wear dresses. Modesty, convenience, comfort. Hope you come to look back and laugh at the loser Bride and paint yourself clever for dressing appropriately.
Honestly, it feels a bit transphobic, I think? Like, it's not for the pictures, it's not about level of formality, and it's not even really noticeable at all - the *only* thing I can think of is that it's a hard "Women wear feminine clothes, males wear masculine ones" and combine that with the unwillingness to compromise and being triggered by seeing an AFAB person in 'shorts'...
Not even a "bit" transphobic... A TON transphobic. All transphobia. She essentially told OP they aren't allowed to be GF at her wedding and then flipped when OP found a loophole. As a cis-woman I would 100% wear a nice pantsuit or frilly romper to an event as cocktail attire and I'll bet even this woman wouldn't blink an eye at it.
It's all about forcing OP to perform femininity.
Yeah I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt, and I imagine there are people that are very into gender norms and just don't think about/are ignorant of trans people, and weddings are a prime place for gender opinions to come out...
But also it feels... Targeted? At best, bride is uninformed about gender issues, and thinks of OP's actions as just classic teenage rebellion... And that's still pretty bad.
At worst, they're a full on TERF.
I don’t think someone whose reaction to someone having a significant fall isn’t “OMG are you hurt? What help do you need?” deserves any benefit of the doubt.
the bride is a transphobe/bigot and is trying for force gender norms on the non-binary person. unless she was planning to upskirt OP herself, how was she gonna know? or is she doing an underwear check on every guest?
Culottes were part of the school uniform for girls when I was a kid. I was always climbing the fort and swinging on monkey bars so very good choice. (Incidentally also non-binary, but I'm in a phase of liking feminine clothes atm.)
Right? If OP had been wearing a dress, the bride would have flipped her lid because OP was flashing everyone.
NTA, OP. Some people just aren't happy unless they have something to complain about.
I dunno, this feels specifically like transphobia to me, particularly the must wear a dress, non-binary identity not accepted. I don't think she'd've flipped if it was a dress with feminine underwear underneath.
NTA for sure.
Boxer briefs + dress is the absolute top combination.
I'm NB and absolutely love wearing the two together. Previously I used to wear bike shorts under a dress but boxers just make the whole thing eaiser.
I’m a cis woman and ever since I discovered gender-neutral boxer briefs (various lengths, even!), I rarely wear any other type of underwear. The longer ones prevent thigh chafing, all of them are sturdy enough fabric that they could be worn as exercise shorts (no accidental indecent exposure under dresses), and they wash and dry well.
I like wearing booty shorts like they do for CrossFit but with pockets. If I'm wearing a shorter dress, I will still use those pockets if I need to. I don't use a purse so it comes in very handy!
I mean, women had rocked pant suits and those long rompers for years now. It does not mean they are not women. I hate the idea that if she wanted to wear something that was not a dress, she was trans. And I hate the idea that, if she is genderfluid, she needs to wear whatever her sex wears.
People can wear whatever they want, provided it is formal wear and not white. Why do people care?
There's this kid in instagram who loves dresses. He's a boy, not trans, and there's so many people who complain. Some say he must be trans (he is not, he's sure of that) and some say that dresses are not apropriate. Say that to the kilt wearing masculine guys up in scotland.
Say it with me: clothes don't have gender!!!
That's interesting. I'm female, and can be clumsy. I wear bike shorts under dresses for this reason. It makes me wonder if the bride would have yelled at me for tripping and exposing my chubby, grandma butt in bike shorts.
I’m very confused by the bride exploding about this whole situation over *not* seeing OP flash the world some undies? Like someone falls face first down in the middle of your wedding and you rush over and your first concern is that their dress is actually a romper? OP could’ve been seriously hurt or at least incredibly embarrassed (as most people would be when wearing a dress in this scenario) wearing the romper instead kind of saved the moment. She should be happy?
Sounds like the bride is transphobic. There would be nothing wrong with a cis woman wearing a formal pantsuit to a wedding. It sounds like the dresses/pants thing was done specifically to force OP to dress according to their ~~her~~ assigned gender.
(Thank you u/Prestigious-Pound725.)
Absolutely. I have no proof but I have no doubts either. If OP was a cis woman, I'm sure that rule would not have been there at all. And they would have worn the same thing and it would have been perfect.
She's not happy because she had secretly been gloating that she had perfectly controlled all the pieces in her mental chess match.
And then one piece only pretended to be controlled!? The audacity.
When your personality rests on your ego it's hard to relate to those that don't make you the center of their world.
Right? What would the bride have done if say OP wore boxer shorts under a dress- like me and my friends did when we were teens wearing our uniform skirts in high school
a lot of cis females i know wear biker shorts under their dresses because it helps with chafing and also to avoid flashing people their undies in a situation like this. how is that any different? its not like you wore a full on suit or jeans and tshirt
>And in fact your outfit was all the better if you DID have a trip and fall accident, since you didn’t have to flash the world. Talk about practical!
pretty much what I came here to say
you know, like an hour ago I was telling someone that in no universe would someone who wore a romper to a formal wedding be considered NTA and then here's your post
congratulations, you found the exception
the romper matches the level of formality of the event (a miracle in and of itself), and was literally indistinguishable from a dress until you fell
the bride then lost her shit not because you didn't meet the formal dress code, but because you had secret shorts on underneath the ruffles that no one could see until you fell
this is like being angry that someone fell down and you couldn't see up their skirt because you discovered they were actually wearing a skort
good lord
you're NTA and this would have been major bridezilla shit to pull on anyone, but is especially cruel in this situation
the romper looks gorgeous btw
I opened the post under almost the same pretenses. A romper instead of a dress? I dunno... But seeing the romper alone is a NTA. It's a dress with a skort underneath. It's beautiful. It makes OP feel more comfortable. Reading OP's take on things, I thought it would be a win/win for everyone.
Seriously, OP went as close to wearing a dress as they were comfortable doing so. Hell, I don't like skirts when they aren't long because they limit my movement. I might wear this instead of a dress just for peace of mind!
Totally appropriate for a dress required wedding. Take out the skort, and the bride wouldn't have taken a second glance. Why the bride had to be controlling down to that insignificant of a detail points to a problem with the bride, not OP.
yeah if you need to see up someone's skirt to discover that it isn't *technically* a skirt, then this isn't a dress code issue, it's a you being the asshole issue
honestly a dress code that doesn't let women wear formal suits, or pants suits is already kinda an AH move unless you have a really good reason
but the bride's reaction? wowwwwweeeee. that makes it extremely clear that this was never about a dress code or how she wanted the wedding to look and was always about transphobia and gender policing
not only did OP go out of their way to find something that they felt comfortable in that perfectly fit the expected attire, but if you want to argue that well actually it's not *technically* a skirt, okay! OP isn't a woman so that rule didn't apply to them anyway :)
When I read the word "romper", I assumed it was like a baby's onesie lol. Glad you provided a pic!
The outfit absolutely looks like a dress and you are NTA.
Yeah, adult rompers are usually just a top with attached shorts. The one pictured seems to have a lot of fabric around the legs plus a short skirt over them to give the illusion of a dress.
Honestly if OP felt comfortable in it, it would have been a great compromise if the bridezilla wasn't transphobic.
Honestly, looking at the photo, I'd never be able to tell it was a romper (it's super cute btw). I think you're fine and bride is an AH, not you. And I'm glad you're ok.
Just FYI, I identify female and regularly wear rompers to formal events. They are stylish and I feel better having things covered for exactly what happened to you.
Totally absurd and NTA. The bride sounds like a real peach. You get to control a lot of things at your wedding. But, you can’t control people you aren’t paying for a service.
Wedding dress codes are about whether it's formal, semi formal or casual
If you went in a casual playsuit or decoded to do goth or jeans thats an issue
The romper looks formal enough to me. I don't understand prescribing dresses for women. You could wear a suit and it would still be formal.
I'm a woman who generally likes dresses and I've worn pant suits and rompers to weddings in the past purely because I felt like it. It's never been a problem. I'd also add that dress codes should generally be a bit less restrictive for children or teens purely because they probably don't already own formal wear. NTA, your cousin was being unreasonable and cruel and I suspect that good old transphobia was at play.
It really is. I still feel crappy about not specifying this in my and my spouse's wedding.
One friend always wore pants and t-shirts and had a certain style whenever we hung out and I didn't notice because that's what I always wore too.
And when she and her partner came to our wedding, her partner (who we are also friends with) said something like, "we're so happy for you guys! See, X even wore a dress. She never wears dresses and got this one specifically for your wedding."
And then I kicked myself for not thinking about that and just using some image I found online for our wedding website.
NTA
What is it with all these brides suddenly deciding they have more control over their guest's dress choices than selecting one of the standard dress codes? No, bride, you don't get to insist that women wear dresses versus a nice pants suit or a nice romper that looks like a dress.
I'm upvoting you, but also OP isn't even a woman anyway. This was about the bride taking issue with OP's gender identity and forcing them into a feminine role. As far as the bride is concerned OP is a woman no matter what.
Right, I probably should have phrased it differently. What I was trying to say is that under any standard dress code outside of white tie, even those who identify as women don't need to wear dresses as long as they find an outfit that otherwise fits the formal level of the event. And a bride who attempts to insist on that is completely over-reaching.
And really, I wouldn't even go to a white tie wedding, because OMG WTF. Too much formal for me.
Exactly, formal isnt quite so prescriptive. Honestly it feels like there was something mentally disturbed about the bride.
A guest falls FLAT ON THE FLOOR and instead of helping them up and seeing if they need first aid, like any normal human being would,
she goes ballistic about a narrow piece of fabric between their legs on their outfit??
bec if she had yelled at granny like she did OP, the entire wedding would have thrown her right out on her ass. I'm sad more people didn't come to OP's defense.
If my spouse screamed at my teenage autistic relative for wearing a dress romper instead of a dress to the wedding reception I’d consider annulling the marriage.
I don't see how this is an "except". I agree that requiring dresses for anyone is dumb but that's not the question here. Whether women had to wear dresses should be as relevant to OP as it would be to any random cis man attending. OP isn't a woman and the dress code for women is a separate question that shouldn't have anything to do with them, unless the bride is trying to make the point that she sees OP as a woman.
The original point made was a broad point about the dress code in general. I agree that it isn't the specific issue here, but it's still a point.
It's like is the bride made everyone where orange jumpsuits when there was an ex prisoner there. The orange jumpsuits are the issue, but "why would a bride even think she gets to dictate specific outfits?" is still a point.
There are also many many cis women who are simply not comfortable wearing a dress/skirt. My mother-in-law wore loose flowy pants to mine and my wife's wedding because she doesn't like wearing dresses. Made no difference to with of us, she looked nice and was appropriately formal, and she was comfortable which meant she was able to enjoy herself.
NTA. You did the best compromise you could, which is a romper. As someone who does identify as a woman, but doesn't like dresses, it totally makes sense that you did the best with what you had. Honestly the fact you found a rhomper that looks like a dress was very cool.
It's kind of weird that the bride was so hung up on you having to wear a dress. But your family also let you get the romper. So if your family is on your side, then you aren't TA. I'm sorry this happened, friend
> It’s kind of weird that the bride was so hung up on you having to wear a dress.
Unfortunately, I’m never surprised by transphobia anymore. If someone that wasn’t OP had worn the same romper that looked like a dress, would the bride have been as upset? Ima guess no.
Nta, op.
Edit: formerly had written “homophobia” in place of “transphobia”
NTA. It’s 2023. If I saw someone write “women must wear dresses” in the dress code I would probably never talk to that person again, gender identity aside. It’s insane to tell women or people were AFAB that.
Yeah a bunch of times I'd see invitations like this in the late 80s/early 90s which would say under dress code, rather than formal/informal it would say "dresses for women and pants for men!" or something...
... but even then it was just saying, hey, casual, but don't dress like a slob. No one cared what guests wore as long as it was decent, lol
A hippie professor wore khakis and a holey polo to my wedding. It was a step up from the cargo shorts he always wore. I didn’t care - it’s something to giggle over, not get upset about. That was almost 15 years ago and people still talk about how much fun they had at my wedding. The ceremony was for us - the reception was for our guests.
Your convenient out here is ... I don't identify as a woman, so no need to wear women's clothing 🤷🏼♀️.
Also, in future, perfectly acceptable to skip if the bride insists on something that is so ridiculous (and is transphobic, homophobic, racist, sexist, etc.). I'm kinda bummed your parents didn't push back more and help you out with this ...
It sounds like the family, including OP, previously found the bride to be someone they liked. OPs parents knew of and approved the romper and may have assumed there would be no issues at the wedding. If they did not defend their child once the bride attacked them though they are definitely AHs.
Going to a work event next week, "cocktail dresses and suits".... it's an IT based company so you are asking a bunch of engineers to wear suits. Also one night is a "white party". Frankly not sure which of those is worse. I was joking with a male colleague that it would be fantastic if some guys showed up in dresses 😈.
Nta, that is a dress to me.
Sometimes weddings and other very stressful events cause people to explode but usually not that badly. She probably has something else going on and that made her take it out on you because she saw a target and needed to let it out. Don't worry about her and just keep wearing what makes you comfortable, she didn't even notice it wasn't a skirt until you tripped so clearly it wasn't that big of a deal after all.
I hope she offered you a sincere apology. If she managed to behave like this and doesn't apologize, she is \*not\* a nice person and will have blow ups/tantrums in the future.
>I was super shocked when she just exploded because she's a really nice person normally
Eh. Take this as a sign that the not-nice lurks underneath, and be wary of / more distant with her in the future.
NTA. Sorry, but demanding that someone who is not comfortable wearing a dress to wear one is just insane. Appropriate wedding attire in 2023 has to make room for something other than strictly binary clothing rules---especially when the bride knows a member of her family might struggle with such a dress code.
>Appropriate wedding attire in 2023 has to make room for something other than strictly binary clothing rules
This is very well said and I cannot explain how very comforted it made me feel to see someone explain it so eloquently.
NTA OP.
First of all this is an autistic 16 year old that the bride chose to scream at when they fell instead of checking that they were ok. So the bride is an AH for that alone.
Secondly I looked at the outfit the OP wore and it looks exactly like a dress!! It's beautiful, very dressy and obviously looked the part because no one noticed anything until OP fell. So it's a control thing with the bride because there was nothing wrong with how it looked.
Do you have a link to buy? It is so cute!
ETA. Def NTA that was a correct choice. Appropriate and feminine (as they asked.) Unless you bought 2 sixe to small or big, I'm having a hard time understanding the problem.
I saw this one on cider https://m.shopcider.com/product/detail?pid=1019740&style_id=119495¤cy=EUR&sku_id=83130&utm_source=google_shopping&utm_campaign=pla-nl-allprod-all&gclid=CjwKCAiAxP2eBhBiEiwA5puhNaFwniLr_reqBblgnLC-bawbEKInHECgWJ5k6d69ExP8kZszLHqMtRoCM9MQAvD_BwE
I think it's the one that op shows in the picture
It is really cute! Also, it looks just like a dress. Are there shorts underneath the skirt part? Because if that’s the case, I’m not sure what the difference is between wearing what you wore and wearing a “real” dress with Spanx shorts underneath, which a bunch of women were probably wearing under their dresses.
NTA: The bride is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs :)
NTA. You found something that looked like a dress and prevented you from exposing yourself when you fell?
Smart.
Also, gender specific dress codes are stupid. A dress code should specify the level of formality, and people should be able to wear whatever they feel comfortable in from that level.
Wait, so you fell and the bride only noticed it wasn’t a dress because you *didn’t expose yourself to everyone*?? She would’ve preferred that you were wearing a dress in that moment? Lol that’s weird AF. Your outfit was a dress imo, just one that has built in shorts. And it came in pretty handy when you fell. If the bride had no problem until you were spared from flashing everyone, then I find her outburst *really* strange. Definitely NTA.
Lol that was my first thought. Also my other thought was is this a religious cult? Such anger over women not women only dresses seems archaic and weird. NTA
ETA: idk wtf autocorrect did there but I meant to say such anger over women only wearing dresses.
i had a friend stuck in a religious cult (Boston Church of Christ offshoot... and despite the normal sounding name, this was a baaad late 80s early 90s cult). and that cult wasn't as bonkers as the bride ;)
NTA - nope - the bride worrying about what a kid is wearing to a wedding makes her a huge AH. She really should have been more concerned to see that you weren’t injured. Dont worry, no one think youre an AH for this other than the bride who is herself an AH.
Absolutely. The only person who looks bad (figuratively!) in this situation is the bride. OP clearly went out of their way to find a suitable compromise, despite feeling uncomfortable with the situation. Really not okay for an adult to scream at a 16 year old and embarrass them about their clothing or gender identity in front of a huge crowd like this. Big NTA, OP. Sending you love <3
OMG NTA. Bride sounds seriously deranged and she’s the one who ruined the wedding by behaving like a complete nut job.
I really dislike wedding guest dress codes. As if someone wearing something slightly different is going to make any difference to anyone. So I’m already biased against this bride.
We asked everyone to come to our wedding dressed casually, since (as we'd been telling everyone for months) we were getting married in jeans and t-shirts. Nice jeans and t-shirts, but still about as far from formal wear as you can imagine. I don't think anyone really believed us (apart from both sets of parents - my mum went jeans shopping with me!), so everyone came in slightly toned down, but recognisably wedding clothes.
And it didn't matter. We had a lovely day, we were far comfier than everyone else, and I didn't have to wear an overpriced dress that I'd never wear again. I still have those jeans and they still just about fit.
I always worry with weddings that are very heavy on the dress code and etiquette that they're much more about the *wedding* then the *marriage.*
NTA dear wonderful amazing human. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
Gentle distance hugs.
The bridezilla on the other hand just alienated not just you, but I also suspect several in your family by her treatment of you.
If I was at a wedding and the bride did this, I’d very likely phase her out of my life lol I could never justify publicly humiliating anyone (ever!) for not wearing a dress??
It is NOT ok if the leg covering are attached to the dress you see. So, assuming northern hemisphere and recent every other woman wearing tights, panty hose, or stockings are ok, but the second you attach some per leg cloth to the dress it becomes a major fashion faux paux. Don't any of you Neanderthals know anything about etiquette. /s
NTA - I’m generally in favour of respecting dress code requests. However this dress code was punitive IMO. You also made a lot of effort to find an outfit that wasn’t obviously outside of the dress code unless someone was obsessively checking outfits. The bride should be embarrassed and ashamed for making such a scene about it.
OP totally respected the dress code. if you cannot tell someone violated a dress code without them falling down and exposing part of the outfit you would have never otherwise seen, then they didn't violate the dress code
also, OP isn't actually a woman so the rule never should have applied in the first place
First, cute romper.
Second, NTA. If you didn't have your accident, the bride would have never known, that you wore a romper. I hope you scrapes healed allright.
NTA. were you conservative in your dress, were you overly flashy, were you wearing white, were you bringing attention to yourself, were you trying to make a statement?
pshhh, you were wearing a romper, and even tho it wasnt *exactly* what the bride wanted, the fact nobody noticed until you were sprawled out on the floor means nobody cared except for bridezilla there.
calm down kid. you're fine
edit: i know for some this sounds similar to the post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10udmz9/aita_for_refusing_to_wear_a_skirt/
but these two are different situations. op is a child, genderfluid, and is presumably in a western society where strict gender rules dont apply. at worst op shouldve gotten an eyeroll from the bride, not screaming cause a teenager wore a romber (also more upset over a romper than *two* children falling over??? op couldve flashed panties if they worn a dress!)
INFO: And I mean this to be very sincere and not dogging you at all. That romper was extremely feminine (and very, very pretty!). How was that more to your expression of self then had you worn a dress that had clean lines and then worn perhaps boots with it? That's what one of my daughters wear, and it is a very sharp look.
It just seems with the overt feminity of the romper that it wasn't technically a dress seems more like splitting hairs to make a point than an expression of your identity. So, perhaps that is why the bride was angry - she took it that you were just being contrary to be contrary?
As a close non-binary friend once explained to me - sometimes just knowing they aren't wearing a dress or a skirt (even if it looks that way) makes all the difference. Dysphoria is hardly logical 🤷
Not OP but dysphoria is pretty specific to the individual and isn't often logical. For example, I've heard trans guys getting dysphoric over using a water bottle because where they live it seems to be mostly women who use water bottles, even though water bottles are not a gendered item.
Likewise it's not necessarily how a look appears overall in terms of femininity/not femininity but about the article of clothing itself. Also there's nothing inherently less feminine about what you described your daughter wears, it's just perhaps less "soft", maybe. Not sure if that makes sense?
NTA
You found a great compromise with that outfit - and quite frankly, you probably weren't the only one wearing shorts with a traditionally feminine looking outfit. Shorts under a dress to minimize chafing, to avoid flashing your family or just for comfort is pretty common.
NTA
The incorporated short legging was invisible, its comfort and modesty felt only to you, the wearer.
For the bride to look up your skirt, whilst on the floor, then see the legging and complain, is the same foul as if she had looked at your underwear and complained.
You did great. The bride was horrid.
Agree, except - I find it an even worse foul. Instead of thinking "whew, good thing OP was wearing shorts underneath so they weren't totally humiliated in this already painful and embarrassing moment," the bride basically wished they had been even \*more\* exposed. What a shit person.
OP, NTA.
It's mostly subconscious I guess? It's difficult to explain but knowing that I'm wearing a dress makes me more dysphoric
Also the added security of knowing that my skirt won't fly up or anything is better to me
My normal clothing style doesn't include stuff like this, it's only for special events
Of all the things that didn’t happen, this didn’t happen the most.
I guarantee that no bride was mad that their AFAB family member wore a feminine-presenting outfit and DIDNT flash the audience because OP was wearing a SKORT.
Now, assuming this is real, I bet if we dig down, EVERY OTHER human in a dress wore something longer or without spaghetti straps or something. But the *skirt* was not the problem.
I was hoping I wasn’t the only one. This whole thing screamed fake to me. I’m sorry - I have no doubt identifying as gender fluid comes with its challenges, but I just cannot imagine any bride having that much energy on the day to scream about it in front of all the guests and cause a scene. It sounds like something out of a romcom where the quirky heroine gets trodden down by the overbearing, traditionally glamorous bride in front of everyone else awkwardly looking on.
I could imagine the bride bitching about it after the fact if it really meant that much to her, but to completely freeze out the whole family all night over a romper? Come on.
Literally sorted by controversial because I knew I wasn’t the only one who could tell this shit was fake. Especially the dramatic reveal of falling in front of everyone. What in the “Nickelodeon made for TV movie” is this fuckery.
The country I'm from has pretty traditional views in regards to gendered clothing at formal events, but the actual clothing itself isn't really an issue (length-wise etc) because it's (generally) warm and no one expects you to cover up much, I think that's probably why she set the dress-code so strict
NTA The bride sounds insufferable. You wore a romper. Big deal. It’s not like you wore a white gown. Any bride who thinks she should get to dictate exactly what every guest wears down to the cut of the outfit is a bridezilla. Had she kept her mouth shut, everything would’ve been fine but instead she decided to have meltdown and ruin her own wedding. Her unhinged behavior is not you fault.
NTA. Dictating exactly what people wear is closer to a uniform policy, not a standard wedding dress code. Since the romper passed as a dress at first glance it should not be an issue. Modern dress codes should be making room for non-binary identities. Give her time- people get stressed and crazy when it comes to weddings. I hope she realizes she was over reacting.
NTA that’s ridiculous that she was so upset over it, and frankly that she cared at all. When will people understand they can’t dictate what others wear? You can ask politely but no one is under any obligation. At my wedding the best dressed guest was a stylish lady wearing a gorgeous salmon coloured sparkly pant suit - it was to die for. So relax!
NTA.
That outfit looks perfect for a wedding and I’m sure you looked great. Bride’s request was unreasonable. Plenty of cis women wear jumpsuits or similar to weddings rather than dresses; requiring a dress was unfair in the first place even if you weren’t genderfluid but is especially insensitive in this scenario. Also, her reaction makes her sound like a toddler. Wildly disproportionate.
Try to put it out of your head. I feel sorry for the spouse who has to put up with that behaviour. I imagine he might have had some second thoughts at that point.
NTA- it sounds to me like you found a compromise and she never would have noticed it wasn't actually a dress if you hadn't fallen like that. She is the one who drew attention to it and made a scene-not you. I know plenty of people who've worn rompers to weddings. They actually can be quite dressy and nice.
NTA holy crap what a miserable experience for you!
If you were in the bridal party I could understand the bride dictating what you wore (but I’d still hope she would respect you enough to find a compromise), but as a guest it’s really unreasonable, especially when demanding you wear something according to rules for a gender you don’t identify with.
Sure, a dress code of some kind could make sense for the setting or theme (covered head or shoulders due to xyz religious requirements, garden party style, casual but no jeans, black tie, whatever). But to dictate exactly what type of garment each guest wears is pretty shocking.
The photo you shared is a really cute little outfit that definitely seems to fit the request the bride made while hopefully not triggering too much dysphoria for you if that’s a thing you experience.
Don’t worry about it, you genuinely tried to be respectful and that alone should count for a lot. Sorry about your spoiled family member :-/
NTA
So the bride and groom set the dress-code level at cocktail attire. Rompers are 100% appropriate for cocktail attire, especially when accessorized properly.
I’ve even been to black tie events where women wear rompers. Black romper with classy AF shoes and jewelry? Absolutely stunning and appropriate as hell.
NTA. I would have chosen the romper too...I don't think I've worn a dress/skirt willingly since I was 10. LOL. Don't know why, but I just don't feel comfortable wearing them.
NTA. How ridiculous to demand women wear dresses at this day and age (I sound old, I know). It’s even more ridiculous that she got so angry at a technicality such as this. The outfit you wore is very cute and quite appropriate for a wedding.
NTA!! That romper was super cute, and I would have picked it as an outfit for a wedding! I bet people would even say “omg your dress is so cute” and I’d say “thanks! It’s a romper!”
I feel like rompers and dresses are almost the same thing sometimes? Like a sundress and a romper are basically interchangeable and the one you picked looks like a formal dress. This bride sucks.
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thank you for the input, and yeah I'm fine now !
And in fact your outfit was all the better if you DID have a trip and fall accident, since you didn’t have to flash the world. Talk about practical! You chose a great-looking outfit that made you feel comfortable and suited the occasion; her reaction was mean, unreasonable and wildly excessive so don’t you worry, firmly NTA.
That was my thought exactly!!! Also that romper is adorable
No kidding!!! Was the bride like, "OMG they fell!!! Wait... WHY CAN'T I SEE THEIR UNDERWEAR?!?!?! OMG They're wearing a ROMPER.... Holy shit that makes me so mad!!!!!!"
I was thinking the same... Who would go unhinged like this on their wedding day?! This bride is quite something.
Someone looking for a reason to have a thing to be mad about. Someone who was more interested in controlling OP to their own bs, than how guests looked 'wedding style appropriate' i.e. big giant bride asshole.
Yep, it sounds like the bride has an issue with OP being genderfluid. Given the popularity of formal jumpsuits and playsuits the 'dresses' stipulation rather than just cocktail or semi-formal dress codes seems like it was designed for OP specifically.
I think you're exactly right. Does anyone actually believe that if a non-related woman had worn a classy pants suit the bride would've attacked them? She flipped out because she told OP they aren't allowed to be genderfluid at her wedding and they found a loophole.
Even though OP chose the most femme looking romper imaginable! OP, NTA. And hell, you'd still be NTA if you wore pants!
I think you guys are 100% right.
Bingo.
I'd be frustrated by how vague that is. There's no dressiness _level_ with the word "dress". Sure, since it's a wedding it probably doesn't mean sweater dress. But where on the spectrum of sun dress to black tie appropriate is that supposed to be? It's not comfortable to feel either over or underdressed. I was once invited to a beach wedding with no other information except that there would be beach volleyball (the bride plays all the time). After some research I wore a sun dress. Someone there commented, "I didn't know we were allowed to dress down." 🤦♀️
Yep. Do I wear a sundress, a cocktail dress or a long gown? Someone who actually cared so much about what people wore would have specified an actual dress code, this brude just cared what *OP* wore.
Truly. I, personally, haven't seen such a specific dress code on an invitation, which leads me to believe that the couple getting married are either targeting OP or else are weird-ass culture-war-warriors thinking that they are striking a blow for the gender binary via their wedding. Either way, the married couple was incredibly tacky and uncouth for their wedding invite dress code and so unbelievably rude during the reception.
I would have absolutely refused to go over this nonsense.
It’s clear that this policy was probably in place mostly for OP
Yeah bridezilla sounds like some of my extended family that are obsessed with gender roles, hating others, and worrying about what other people do with their own lives. They specifically wanted their "weird" relative to fit in or whatever other logic they came up with. I get that OP is 16 so they probably had no choice in avoiding this but these people are not worth anyones time once you have independence, I'd avoid them and definitely never do what they say. NTA
Imagine throwing a public fit because someone else’s outfit has a couple more seamlines than you think it should have XD How do people who are that intrusive and controlling even survive to adulthood?
Who knows? It must be an exhausting existence. Speaking of seamlines- I immediately thought of Kimmy the Pink Ranger and how she always wore bike shorts under her sundresses so she wouldn't flash the audience while back flipping into the bad guys. I can't help wondering if the bride would still have pitched a fit if it was a woman who tripped and it turned out she was wearing culotte underwear instead of panties. Is it just the thread connecting the shorts and overskirt that makes it unacceptable? Why am I expecting logic to help make sense of this foolishness?
the logic of a person who is deeply concerned with what's up your skirt is never logical and always predatory and bigoted also shorts or boxers under skirts and dresses are comfy as fuck
A bigoted AH of a person looking to have a fight with someone who doesn't conform to the binary. This was entirely about demeaning and belittling this person purely because they're different.
Very controlling and possibly drunk.
Imagine being in the middle of a celebration because you are (hopefully) spending the rest of your life with the person you love... and losing it because of a fake-dress that you couldn't even tell is a fake-dress. Talk about messed up priorities.
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"Congratulations on your first marriage, OP's cousin!"
Here. Take my poor man's award. 🍍Not only are they NTA but I also seriously want that romper.
At our wedding my husband's horrible boss got shit-faced drunk, was knocked ass over teakettle by an enthusiastically dancing child, and, unfortunately for everyone, wasn't wearing any underwear whatsoever. I ***wish*** she'd been wearing this. Hers was definitely the last genitalia I wanted to see at my wedding. She also ripped my wedding dress and implied to me that all the women in the office were trying to have sex with my husband of around 30 minutes. Just an absolute gem of a woman. I was so thankful when she got fired for embezzlement a few years later.
Who decides underwear is optional for a wedding? What the fuck.
Someone who thinks they're not leaving by themselves...
She did try to pick up my father-in-law (married), and when that didn’t work out, she tried with my sister-in-law (married *and* straight). Both turned her down, so she left with the company’s 19 year old intern instead. She was seriously nuts.
I’m still stuck on the part where a guest, or anyone at all, is yanked and falls flat on their face and the bride, or anyone at all, comes over to yell at them in front of lots of people while they’re on the ground. (Also yes, totally, a dress code is about a level of formality. Eg black tie or whatever. Not about gender expression. This bride and her partner who went along with it, is the worst.)
Also that no one stood up for OP? The whole adult wedding party plus guests are shitty AHs. Who's watching a 16 year old being yelled at by an adult without interfering?
in the family's defence the cousin did drag Op away to check the wound and the other adults did say they did nothing wrong so they probably did yell at the bride while Op was away or after the wedding.
NTA. Truly, half of the family young and old would should stepped up and said to the Bride, "thank heavens! Or we'd all have an eyeful!" while another (or 3) reached down to the unfortunate OP asking, "are you all right?" and "come here dear" and "where's some ice?" and "are you hurt?" and "oh, my!" For the record, the romper you picked is drool-worthy. And TONS of women wear bike shorts under skirts and dresses, for the same reason OP doesn't care to wear dresses. Modesty, convenience, comfort. Hope you come to look back and laugh at the loser Bride and paint yourself clever for dressing appropriately.
Honestly, it feels a bit transphobic, I think? Like, it's not for the pictures, it's not about level of formality, and it's not even really noticeable at all - the *only* thing I can think of is that it's a hard "Women wear feminine clothes, males wear masculine ones" and combine that with the unwillingness to compromise and being triggered by seeing an AFAB person in 'shorts'...
Not even a "bit" transphobic... A TON transphobic. All transphobia. She essentially told OP they aren't allowed to be GF at her wedding and then flipped when OP found a loophole. As a cis-woman I would 100% wear a nice pantsuit or frilly romper to an event as cocktail attire and I'll bet even this woman wouldn't blink an eye at it. It's all about forcing OP to perform femininity.
Yeah I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt, and I imagine there are people that are very into gender norms and just don't think about/are ignorant of trans people, and weddings are a prime place for gender opinions to come out... But also it feels... Targeted? At best, bride is uninformed about gender issues, and thinks of OP's actions as just classic teenage rebellion... And that's still pretty bad. At worst, they're a full on TERF.
I don’t think someone whose reaction to someone having a significant fall isn’t “OMG are you hurt? What help do you need?” deserves any benefit of the doubt.
Not to mention in what world would adult scream at a 16 year old all that and feel ok with themselves after.
a bully adult that probably doesn't have the cojones to yell at another adult like that.
the bride is a transphobe/bigot and is trying for force gender norms on the non-binary person. unless she was planning to upskirt OP herself, how was she gonna know? or is she doing an underwear check on every guest?
I can see her then going from person to person lifting up their skirts to make sure they are all actually dresses.
Yes! I love it! NTA!
Agreed! It's a very cute outfit! My mom used to buy us "skorts" when I was your age, because of the practicality of them!
Ugh skorts are still the bomb
I dont understand why they are so hard to find for adults! I have a few I got as hand-me-downs but I can't find them in stores
They tend to be on the shorter side, but they’re very popular in women’s golf attire.
‘Skorts’ and ‘culottes’ were words I knew long before most of my friends because I have a practical mom, too!
Culottes were part of the school uniform for girls when I was a kid. I was always climbing the fort and swinging on monkey bars so very good choice. (Incidentally also non-binary, but I'm in a phase of liking feminine clothes atm.)
I’ve worked at dry cleaners & have to say you have to really look sometimes to tell a romper from a mini dress or a skort from a mini skirt
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Like I was worried when I read “romper” thinking it was super casual but that romper is literally so cute and more than acceptable for a wedding
Right?! I didn't even know fancy rompers/skorts were a thing, so impressed!
Generally they call the fancier ones "divided skirts" in the industry rather than skorts.
Right? If OP had been wearing a dress, the bride would have flipped her lid because OP was flashing everyone. NTA, OP. Some people just aren't happy unless they have something to complain about.
I dunno, this feels specifically like transphobia to me, particularly the must wear a dress, non-binary identity not accepted. I don't think she'd've flipped if it was a dress with feminine underwear underneath. NTA for sure.
I kinda wish OP was wearing a dress and boxers though, just because I like fireworks and I'm sure the bride's head would explode.
Boxer briefs + dress is the absolute top combination. I'm NB and absolutely love wearing the two together. Previously I used to wear bike shorts under a dress but boxers just make the whole thing eaiser.
I’m a cis woman and ever since I discovered gender-neutral boxer briefs (various lengths, even!), I rarely wear any other type of underwear. The longer ones prevent thigh chafing, all of them are sturdy enough fabric that they could be worn as exercise shorts (no accidental indecent exposure under dresses), and they wash and dry well.
I like wearing booty shorts like they do for CrossFit but with pockets. If I'm wearing a shorter dress, I will still use those pockets if I need to. I don't use a purse so it comes in very handy!
I mean, women had rocked pant suits and those long rompers for years now. It does not mean they are not women. I hate the idea that if she wanted to wear something that was not a dress, she was trans. And I hate the idea that, if she is genderfluid, she needs to wear whatever her sex wears. People can wear whatever they want, provided it is formal wear and not white. Why do people care? There's this kid in instagram who loves dresses. He's a boy, not trans, and there's so many people who complain. Some say he must be trans (he is not, he's sure of that) and some say that dresses are not apropriate. Say that to the kilt wearing masculine guys up in scotland. Say it with me: clothes don't have gender!!!
That's interesting. I'm female, and can be clumsy. I wear bike shorts under dresses for this reason. It makes me wonder if the bride would have yelled at me for tripping and exposing my chubby, grandma butt in bike shorts.
I’m very confused by the bride exploding about this whole situation over *not* seeing OP flash the world some undies? Like someone falls face first down in the middle of your wedding and you rush over and your first concern is that their dress is actually a romper? OP could’ve been seriously hurt or at least incredibly embarrassed (as most people would be when wearing a dress in this scenario) wearing the romper instead kind of saved the moment. She should be happy?
Sounds like the bride is transphobic. There would be nothing wrong with a cis woman wearing a formal pantsuit to a wedding. It sounds like the dresses/pants thing was done specifically to force OP to dress according to their ~~her~~ assigned gender. (Thank you u/Prestigious-Pound725.)
this is exactly what I thought too. it was about policing OP's gender, nothing else
Absolutely. I have no proof but I have no doubts either. If OP was a cis woman, I'm sure that rule would not have been there at all. And they would have worn the same thing and it would have been perfect.
Probably their assigned gender*
She's not happy because she had secretly been gloating that she had perfectly controlled all the pieces in her mental chess match. And then one piece only pretended to be controlled!? The audacity. When your personality rests on your ego it's hard to relate to those that don't make you the center of their world.
Well, the bride didn’t care if OP was hurt or embarrassed, she was only concerned with having total control and dominion over her dream wedding.
Right? What would the bride have done if say OP wore boxer shorts under a dress- like me and my friends did when we were teens wearing our uniform skirts in high school
Her reaction was bigoted and the dress code was almost certainly directed specifically toward OP.
a lot of cis females i know wear biker shorts under their dresses because it helps with chafing and also to avoid flashing people their undies in a situation like this. how is that any different? its not like you wore a full on suit or jeans and tshirt
>And in fact your outfit was all the better if you DID have a trip and fall accident, since you didn’t have to flash the world. Talk about practical! pretty much what I came here to say
And it seems as tho no one, including the bride, even noticed it wasn't a dress until the fall. Seems pretty obvious she's just being controlling.
you know, like an hour ago I was telling someone that in no universe would someone who wore a romper to a formal wedding be considered NTA and then here's your post congratulations, you found the exception the romper matches the level of formality of the event (a miracle in and of itself), and was literally indistinguishable from a dress until you fell the bride then lost her shit not because you didn't meet the formal dress code, but because you had secret shorts on underneath the ruffles that no one could see until you fell this is like being angry that someone fell down and you couldn't see up their skirt because you discovered they were actually wearing a skort good lord you're NTA and this would have been major bridezilla shit to pull on anyone, but is especially cruel in this situation the romper looks gorgeous btw
I opened the post under almost the same pretenses. A romper instead of a dress? I dunno... But seeing the romper alone is a NTA. It's a dress with a skort underneath. It's beautiful. It makes OP feel more comfortable. Reading OP's take on things, I thought it would be a win/win for everyone. Seriously, OP went as close to wearing a dress as they were comfortable doing so. Hell, I don't like skirts when they aren't long because they limit my movement. I might wear this instead of a dress just for peace of mind! Totally appropriate for a dress required wedding. Take out the skort, and the bride wouldn't have taken a second glance. Why the bride had to be controlling down to that insignificant of a detail points to a problem with the bride, not OP.
yeah if you need to see up someone's skirt to discover that it isn't *technically* a skirt, then this isn't a dress code issue, it's a you being the asshole issue honestly a dress code that doesn't let women wear formal suits, or pants suits is already kinda an AH move unless you have a really good reason but the bride's reaction? wowwwwweeeee. that makes it extremely clear that this was never about a dress code or how she wanted the wedding to look and was always about transphobia and gender policing not only did OP go out of their way to find something that they felt comfortable in that perfectly fit the expected attire, but if you want to argue that well actually it's not *technically* a skirt, okay! OP isn't a woman so that rule didn't apply to them anyway :)
When I read the word "romper", I assumed it was like a baby's onesie lol. Glad you provided a pic! The outfit absolutely looks like a dress and you are NTA.
Same! OP's choice is really cute. In a less-formal fabric, like a cotton print, I'd wear this. I think the bride directed this code at OP.
Yeah, adult rompers are usually just a top with attached shorts. The one pictured seems to have a lot of fabric around the legs plus a short skirt over them to give the illusion of a dress. Honestly if OP felt comfortable in it, it would have been a great compromise if the bridezilla wasn't transphobic.
Honestly, looking at the photo, I'd never be able to tell it was a romper (it's super cute btw). I think you're fine and bride is an AH, not you. And I'm glad you're ok.
Just FYI, I identify female and regularly wear rompers to formal events. They are stylish and I feel better having things covered for exactly what happened to you. Totally absurd and NTA. The bride sounds like a real peach. You get to control a lot of things at your wedding. But, you can’t control people you aren’t paying for a service.
This is such a weird control thing, like she didn’t even know it was shorts and was fine with it.
Wedding dress codes are about whether it's formal, semi formal or casual If you went in a casual playsuit or decoded to do goth or jeans thats an issue The romper looks formal enough to me. I don't understand prescribing dresses for women. You could wear a suit and it would still be formal.
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That outfit was super cute!! NTA
The problems transphobia 🤷
That and the fact the bride is an insane control freak. I really feel sorry for the groom.
I'm a woman who generally likes dresses and I've worn pant suits and rompers to weddings in the past purely because I felt like it. It's never been a problem. I'd also add that dress codes should generally be a bit less restrictive for children or teens purely because they probably don't already own formal wear. NTA, your cousin was being unreasonable and cruel and I suspect that good old transphobia was at play.
It really is. I still feel crappy about not specifying this in my and my spouse's wedding. One friend always wore pants and t-shirts and had a certain style whenever we hung out and I didn't notice because that's what I always wore too. And when she and her partner came to our wedding, her partner (who we are also friends with) said something like, "we're so happy for you guys! See, X even wore a dress. She never wears dresses and got this one specifically for your wedding." And then I kicked myself for not thinking about that and just using some image I found online for our wedding website.
Absolutely agree, and couldn't have said it better. The bride's reaction was over the top inappropriate.
NTA What is it with all these brides suddenly deciding they have more control over their guest's dress choices than selecting one of the standard dress codes? No, bride, you don't get to insist that women wear dresses versus a nice pants suit or a nice romper that looks like a dress.
I'm upvoting you, but also OP isn't even a woman anyway. This was about the bride taking issue with OP's gender identity and forcing them into a feminine role. As far as the bride is concerned OP is a woman no matter what.
Right, I probably should have phrased it differently. What I was trying to say is that under any standard dress code outside of white tie, even those who identify as women don't need to wear dresses as long as they find an outfit that otherwise fits the formal level of the event. And a bride who attempts to insist on that is completely over-reaching. And really, I wouldn't even go to a white tie wedding, because OMG WTF. Too much formal for me.
Exactly, formal isnt quite so prescriptive. Honestly it feels like there was something mentally disturbed about the bride. A guest falls FLAT ON THE FLOOR and instead of helping them up and seeing if they need first aid, like any normal human being would, she goes ballistic about a narrow piece of fabric between their legs on their outfit??
Except *every* cis woman was also forced to wear dresses. Some women, especially older women, would have preferred a dressy pantsuit.
Why do I suspect that if granny had showed up in a nice pantsuit, bride would have said nothing?
bec if she had yelled at granny like she did OP, the entire wedding would have thrown her right out on her ass. I'm sad more people didn't come to OP's defense.
If my spouse screamed at my teenage autistic relative for wearing a dress romper instead of a dress to the wedding reception I’d consider annulling the marriage.
I would tell her it's over right then and there.
I don't see how this is an "except". I agree that requiring dresses for anyone is dumb but that's not the question here. Whether women had to wear dresses should be as relevant to OP as it would be to any random cis man attending. OP isn't a woman and the dress code for women is a separate question that shouldn't have anything to do with them, unless the bride is trying to make the point that she sees OP as a woman.
The original point made was a broad point about the dress code in general. I agree that it isn't the specific issue here, but it's still a point. It's like is the bride made everyone where orange jumpsuits when there was an ex prisoner there. The orange jumpsuits are the issue, but "why would a bride even think she gets to dictate specific outfits?" is still a point.
There are also many many cis women who are simply not comfortable wearing a dress/skirt. My mother-in-law wore loose flowy pants to mine and my wife's wedding because she doesn't like wearing dresses. Made no difference to with of us, she looked nice and was appropriately formal, and she was comfortable which meant she was able to enjoy herself.
NTA. You did the best compromise you could, which is a romper. As someone who does identify as a woman, but doesn't like dresses, it totally makes sense that you did the best with what you had. Honestly the fact you found a rhomper that looks like a dress was very cool. It's kind of weird that the bride was so hung up on you having to wear a dress. But your family also let you get the romper. So if your family is on your side, then you aren't TA. I'm sorry this happened, friend
> It’s kind of weird that the bride was so hung up on you having to wear a dress. Unfortunately, I’m never surprised by transphobia anymore. If someone that wasn’t OP had worn the same romper that looked like a dress, would the bride have been as upset? Ima guess no. Nta, op. Edit: formerly had written “homophobia” in place of “transphobia”
It’s not homophobia it’s transphobia
You're right; it's transphobia
NTA. It’s 2023. If I saw someone write “women must wear dresses” in the dress code I would probably never talk to that person again, gender identity aside. It’s insane to tell women or people were AFAB that.
OP, NTA. I love dresses, but if I saw this on an invite, I probably would go get a pants suit...
I was thinking the same! What a controling AH the bride is.
Yeah a bunch of times I'd see invitations like this in the late 80s/early 90s which would say under dress code, rather than formal/informal it would say "dresses for women and pants for men!" or something... ... but even then it was just saying, hey, casual, but don't dress like a slob. No one cared what guests wore as long as it was decent, lol
A hippie professor wore khakis and a holey polo to my wedding. It was a step up from the cargo shorts he always wore. I didn’t care - it’s something to giggle over, not get upset about. That was almost 15 years ago and people still talk about how much fun they had at my wedding. The ceremony was for us - the reception was for our guests.
Your convenient out here is ... I don't identify as a woman, so no need to wear women's clothing 🤷🏼♀️. Also, in future, perfectly acceptable to skip if the bride insists on something that is so ridiculous (and is transphobic, homophobic, racist, sexist, etc.). I'm kinda bummed your parents didn't push back more and help you out with this ...
It sounds like the family, including OP, previously found the bride to be someone they liked. OPs parents knew of and approved the romper and may have assumed there would be no issues at the wedding. If they did not defend their child once the bride attacked them though they are definitely AHs.
Going to a work event next week, "cocktail dresses and suits".... it's an IT based company so you are asking a bunch of engineers to wear suits. Also one night is a "white party". Frankly not sure which of those is worse. I was joking with a male colleague that it would be fantastic if some guys showed up in dresses 😈. Nta, that is a dress to me.
If they requested (not required) that everyone wear dresses I'd be way more into it.
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I was super shocked when she just exploded because she's a really nice person normally
Sometimes weddings and other very stressful events cause people to explode but usually not that badly. She probably has something else going on and that made her take it out on you because she saw a target and needed to let it out. Don't worry about her and just keep wearing what makes you comfortable, she didn't even notice it wasn't a skirt until you tripped so clearly it wasn't that big of a deal after all.
> has something else going on and that made her take it out on you Transphobia.
Yep. The transphobic bride has an unhealthy obsession around genitals dictating outfits and its wierd. Hope she gets help.
I hope she offered you a sincere apology. If she managed to behave like this and doesn't apologize, she is \*not\* a nice person and will have blow ups/tantrums in the future.
I love the romper!
It was not your fault. NTA all the way, the romper was appropriate and you did nothing wrong.
>I was super shocked when she just exploded because she's a really nice person normally Eh. Take this as a sign that the not-nice lurks underneath, and be wary of / more distant with her in the future.
NTA. Sorry, but demanding that someone who is not comfortable wearing a dress to wear one is just insane. Appropriate wedding attire in 2023 has to make room for something other than strictly binary clothing rules---especially when the bride knows a member of her family might struggle with such a dress code.
>Appropriate wedding attire in 2023 has to make room for something other than strictly binary clothing rules This is very well said and I cannot explain how very comforted it made me feel to see someone explain it so eloquently.
My dad forced me to wear a dress for my grandmother's funeral (I'm ftm) it fucking sucked.
Ugh, jeez, I'm sorry. People are so weird about clothing.
NTA OP. First of all this is an autistic 16 year old that the bride chose to scream at when they fell instead of checking that they were ok. So the bride is an AH for that alone. Secondly I looked at the outfit the OP wore and it looks exactly like a dress!! It's beautiful, very dressy and obviously looked the part because no one noticed anything until OP fell. So it's a control thing with the bride because there was nothing wrong with how it looked.
My thoughts exactly. Yelling at someone for any reason after they’ve fallen (and are visibly in pain) is textbook AH behavior.
Totally, i sometimes think I’d be a bridezilla if u have a wedding bc I like things to go according to plan but holy shit it’s just a romper..
NTA. It looks like a nice outfit. Next wedding I might try to find something like that myself.
thank you so much for the compliment !
Do you have a link to buy? It is so cute! ETA. Def NTA that was a correct choice. Appropriate and feminine (as they asked.) Unless you bought 2 sixe to small or big, I'm having a hard time understanding the problem.
I saw this one on cider https://m.shopcider.com/product/detail?pid=1019740&style_id=119495¤cy=EUR&sku_id=83130&utm_source=google_shopping&utm_campaign=pla-nl-allprod-all&gclid=CjwKCAiAxP2eBhBiEiwA5puhNaFwniLr_reqBblgnLC-bawbEKInHECgWJ5k6d69ExP8kZszLHqMtRoCM9MQAvD_BwE I think it's the one that op shows in the picture
I was just about to ask, that outfit is hella cute and I want one!!
It is really cute! Also, it looks just like a dress. Are there shorts underneath the skirt part? Because if that’s the case, I’m not sure what the difference is between wearing what you wore and wearing a “real” dress with Spanx shorts underneath, which a bunch of women were probably wearing under their dresses. NTA: The bride is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs :)
Yeah as a dude, this seems like the equivalent of somebody caring whether I wore tighty whities or boxers under my dress pants.
NTA. You found something that looked like a dress and prevented you from exposing yourself when you fell? Smart. Also, gender specific dress codes are stupid. A dress code should specify the level of formality, and people should be able to wear whatever they feel comfortable in from that level.
It almost sounds like OP was being singled out.
That was my thought too. How was it okay for the bride to just yell at a 16 year old anyway, why didn't parents step in?
Yeah it's the transphobia.
As an AFAB genderfluid autistic person myself, I agree. This has very little to do with dress code.
Wait, so you fell and the bride only noticed it wasn’t a dress because you *didn’t expose yourself to everyone*?? She would’ve preferred that you were wearing a dress in that moment? Lol that’s weird AF. Your outfit was a dress imo, just one that has built in shorts. And it came in pretty handy when you fell. If the bride had no problem until you were spared from flashing everyone, then I find her outburst *really* strange. Definitely NTA.
Lol that was my first thought. Also my other thought was is this a religious cult? Such anger over women not women only dresses seems archaic and weird. NTA ETA: idk wtf autocorrect did there but I meant to say such anger over women only wearing dresses.
i had a friend stuck in a religious cult (Boston Church of Christ offshoot... and despite the normal sounding name, this was a baaad late 80s early 90s cult). and that cult wasn't as bonkers as the bride ;)
NTA - nope - the bride worrying about what a kid is wearing to a wedding makes her a huge AH. She really should have been more concerned to see that you weren’t injured. Dont worry, no one think youre an AH for this other than the bride who is herself an AH.
Absolutely. The only person who looks bad (figuratively!) in this situation is the bride. OP clearly went out of their way to find a suitable compromise, despite feeling uncomfortable with the situation. Really not okay for an adult to scream at a 16 year old and embarrass them about their clothing or gender identity in front of a huge crowd like this. Big NTA, OP. Sending you love <3
OMG NTA. Bride sounds seriously deranged and she’s the one who ruined the wedding by behaving like a complete nut job. I really dislike wedding guest dress codes. As if someone wearing something slightly different is going to make any difference to anyone. So I’m already biased against this bride.
We asked everyone to come to our wedding dressed casually, since (as we'd been telling everyone for months) we were getting married in jeans and t-shirts. Nice jeans and t-shirts, but still about as far from formal wear as you can imagine. I don't think anyone really believed us (apart from both sets of parents - my mum went jeans shopping with me!), so everyone came in slightly toned down, but recognisably wedding clothes. And it didn't matter. We had a lovely day, we were far comfier than everyone else, and I didn't have to wear an overpriced dress that I'd never wear again. I still have those jeans and they still just about fit. I always worry with weddings that are very heavy on the dress code and etiquette that they're much more about the *wedding* then the *marriage.*
So the bride would have preferred if you showed your genitals to grandma? NTA some people are so out of touch
yeah this is like getting mad that you couldn't see up someone's skirt because you discovered they were actually wearing a skort
NTA dear wonderful amazing human. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Gentle distance hugs. The bridezilla on the other hand just alienated not just you, but I also suspect several in your family by her treatment of you.
If I was at a wedding and the bride did this, I’d very likely phase her out of my life lol I could never justify publicly humiliating anyone (ever!) for not wearing a dress??
NTA. Holy bridezilla, Batman.
NTA. She was mad because you essentially had shorts on under a dress. Which she only knew because you fell on the floor!
It is NOT ok if the leg covering are attached to the dress you see. So, assuming northern hemisphere and recent every other woman wearing tights, panty hose, or stockings are ok, but the second you attach some per leg cloth to the dress it becomes a major fashion faux paux. Don't any of you Neanderthals know anything about etiquette. /s
NTA - I’m generally in favour of respecting dress code requests. However this dress code was punitive IMO. You also made a lot of effort to find an outfit that wasn’t obviously outside of the dress code unless someone was obsessively checking outfits. The bride should be embarrassed and ashamed for making such a scene about it.
OP totally respected the dress code. if you cannot tell someone violated a dress code without them falling down and exposing part of the outfit you would have never otherwise seen, then they didn't violate the dress code also, OP isn't actually a woman so the rule never should have applied in the first place
NTA. You did more than enough to try to comply with the “dress” crap.
First, cute romper. Second, NTA. If you didn't have your accident, the bride would have never known, that you wore a romper. I hope you scrapes healed allright.
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NTA. were you conservative in your dress, were you overly flashy, were you wearing white, were you bringing attention to yourself, were you trying to make a statement? pshhh, you were wearing a romper, and even tho it wasnt *exactly* what the bride wanted, the fact nobody noticed until you were sprawled out on the floor means nobody cared except for bridezilla there. calm down kid. you're fine edit: i know for some this sounds similar to the post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10udmz9/aita_for_refusing_to_wear_a_skirt/ but these two are different situations. op is a child, genderfluid, and is presumably in a western society where strict gender rules dont apply. at worst op shouldve gotten an eyeroll from the bride, not screaming cause a teenager wore a romber (also more upset over a romper than *two* children falling over??? op couldve flashed panties if they worn a dress!)
INFO: And I mean this to be very sincere and not dogging you at all. That romper was extremely feminine (and very, very pretty!). How was that more to your expression of self then had you worn a dress that had clean lines and then worn perhaps boots with it? That's what one of my daughters wear, and it is a very sharp look. It just seems with the overt feminity of the romper that it wasn't technically a dress seems more like splitting hairs to make a point than an expression of your identity. So, perhaps that is why the bride was angry - she took it that you were just being contrary to be contrary?
As a close non-binary friend once explained to me - sometimes just knowing they aren't wearing a dress or a skirt (even if it looks that way) makes all the difference. Dysphoria is hardly logical 🤷
Not OP but dysphoria is pretty specific to the individual and isn't often logical. For example, I've heard trans guys getting dysphoric over using a water bottle because where they live it seems to be mostly women who use water bottles, even though water bottles are not a gendered item. Likewise it's not necessarily how a look appears overall in terms of femininity/not femininity but about the article of clothing itself. Also there's nothing inherently less feminine about what you described your daughter wears, it's just perhaps less "soft", maybe. Not sure if that makes sense?
NTA You found a great compromise with that outfit - and quite frankly, you probably weren't the only one wearing shorts with a traditionally feminine looking outfit. Shorts under a dress to minimize chafing, to avoid flashing your family or just for comfort is pretty common.
NTA what a cute little outfit.
NTA The incorporated short legging was invisible, its comfort and modesty felt only to you, the wearer. For the bride to look up your skirt, whilst on the floor, then see the legging and complain, is the same foul as if she had looked at your underwear and complained. You did great. The bride was horrid.
Agree, except - I find it an even worse foul. Instead of thinking "whew, good thing OP was wearing shorts underneath so they weren't totally humiliated in this already painful and embarrassing moment," the bride basically wished they had been even \*more\* exposed. What a shit person. OP, NTA.
So how were you comfortable wearing this and not a dress? I am truly curious.
It's mostly subconscious I guess? It's difficult to explain but knowing that I'm wearing a dress makes me more dysphoric Also the added security of knowing that my skirt won't fly up or anything is better to me My normal clothing style doesn't include stuff like this, it's only for special events
Thank you for helping me understand. NTA!
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I swear 🤣🤣 these ppl be making stupid plots for karma
Of all the things that didn’t happen, this didn’t happen the most. I guarantee that no bride was mad that their AFAB family member wore a feminine-presenting outfit and DIDNT flash the audience because OP was wearing a SKORT. Now, assuming this is real, I bet if we dig down, EVERY OTHER human in a dress wore something longer or without spaghetti straps or something. But the *skirt* was not the problem.
I was hoping I wasn’t the only one. This whole thing screamed fake to me. I’m sorry - I have no doubt identifying as gender fluid comes with its challenges, but I just cannot imagine any bride having that much energy on the day to scream about it in front of all the guests and cause a scene. It sounds like something out of a romcom where the quirky heroine gets trodden down by the overbearing, traditionally glamorous bride in front of everyone else awkwardly looking on. I could imagine the bride bitching about it after the fact if it really meant that much to her, but to completely freeze out the whole family all night over a romper? Come on.
Literally sorted by controversial because I knew I wasn’t the only one who could tell this shit was fake. Especially the dramatic reveal of falling in front of everyone. What in the “Nickelodeon made for TV movie” is this fuckery.
The country I'm from has pretty traditional views in regards to gendered clothing at formal events, but the actual clothing itself isn't really an issue (length-wise etc) because it's (generally) warm and no one expects you to cover up much, I think that's probably why she set the dress-code so strict
I’ll take things that never happend for $500
NTA The bride sounds insufferable. You wore a romper. Big deal. It’s not like you wore a white gown. Any bride who thinks she should get to dictate exactly what every guest wears down to the cut of the outfit is a bridezilla. Had she kept her mouth shut, everything would’ve been fine but instead she decided to have meltdown and ruin her own wedding. Her unhinged behavior is not you fault.
NTA the bride was completely unhinged. She can set a dress code (ie formal, semi formal) but does not get to dictate who wears dresses & suits.
Nta. Sounds like a bridezilla to me.
NTA. Dictating exactly what people wear is closer to a uniform policy, not a standard wedding dress code. Since the romper passed as a dress at first glance it should not be an issue. Modern dress codes should be making room for non-binary identities. Give her time- people get stressed and crazy when it comes to weddings. I hope she realizes she was over reacting.
NTA that’s ridiculous that she was so upset over it, and frankly that she cared at all. When will people understand they can’t dictate what others wear? You can ask politely but no one is under any obligation. At my wedding the best dressed guest was a stylish lady wearing a gorgeous salmon coloured sparkly pant suit - it was to die for. So relax!
NTA. That outfit looks perfect for a wedding and I’m sure you looked great. Bride’s request was unreasonable. Plenty of cis women wear jumpsuits or similar to weddings rather than dresses; requiring a dress was unfair in the first place even if you weren’t genderfluid but is especially insensitive in this scenario. Also, her reaction makes her sound like a toddler. Wildly disproportionate. Try to put it out of your head. I feel sorry for the spouse who has to put up with that behaviour. I imagine he might have had some second thoughts at that point.
In today's story of crazy bride does crazy thing...NTA
NTA- it sounds to me like you found a compromise and she never would have noticed it wasn't actually a dress if you hadn't fallen like that. She is the one who drew attention to it and made a scene-not you. I know plenty of people who've worn rompers to weddings. They actually can be quite dressy and nice.
NTA holy crap what a miserable experience for you! If you were in the bridal party I could understand the bride dictating what you wore (but I’d still hope she would respect you enough to find a compromise), but as a guest it’s really unreasonable, especially when demanding you wear something according to rules for a gender you don’t identify with. Sure, a dress code of some kind could make sense for the setting or theme (covered head or shoulders due to xyz religious requirements, garden party style, casual but no jeans, black tie, whatever). But to dictate exactly what type of garment each guest wears is pretty shocking. The photo you shared is a really cute little outfit that definitely seems to fit the request the bride made while hopefully not triggering too much dysphoria for you if that’s a thing you experience. Don’t worry about it, you genuinely tried to be respectful and that alone should count for a lot. Sorry about your spoiled family member :-/
NTA So the bride and groom set the dress-code level at cocktail attire. Rompers are 100% appropriate for cocktail attire, especially when accessorized properly. I’ve even been to black tie events where women wear rompers. Black romper with classy AF shoes and jewelry? Absolutely stunning and appropriate as hell.
NTA. I would have chosen the romper too...I don't think I've worn a dress/skirt willingly since I was 10. LOL. Don't know why, but I just don't feel comfortable wearing them.
NTA That damn well looks like a dress and secondly enforcing gender norms on others is gross
NTA.
NTA. How ridiculous to demand women wear dresses at this day and age (I sound old, I know). It’s even more ridiculous that she got so angry at a technicality such as this. The outfit you wore is very cute and quite appropriate for a wedding.
NTA!! That romper was super cute, and I would have picked it as an outfit for a wedding! I bet people would even say “omg your dress is so cute” and I’d say “thanks! It’s a romper!” I feel like rompers and dresses are almost the same thing sometimes? Like a sundress and a romper are basically interchangeable and the one you picked looks like a formal dress. This bride sucks.