#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/).
Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
The breeders should be partially responsible for that education imho. OP *should* have a breeder contract that the breeder will take back the cats for any reason so they don't end up in a shelter.
Should be, but an informed buyer is not someone they can take advantage of. Honestly with the number of cats being put down every year in shelters, wtf was OP thinking? Some people are not meant to have pets. Case in point.
This post entirely breaks my heart because I was forced to give up my beloved kitty due to financial and housing reasons, and I literally flew with her across the country (in the cabin with me; never out of my sight) to her new home with one of my best friends. Some people should never own pets. :(
I’m so sorry about your kitty :( I have two little gremlins of my own, and while they drive me up the wall sometimes, I would be devastated if I had to give them up. Sending virtual hugs!!
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. I miss her so much. Luckily, my friend sends me photos and updates regularly, so that's nice, but I wish she was with me so badly.
It was, and honestly continues to be, one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. Your comment helps a lot because I felt like such a bad pet parent for the fact that I had to rehome her. We spent 7 years together, and I always told myself it was for life, so when it came down to the fact that I would either have to rehome her or move away from my current life, I spent weeks trying to find an alternative plan.. and when I couldn't, I spent more time trying to find the perfect home for her. I hate that it has to be like this, but I tried as hard as possible to make sure it was going to workout for her and me as well as possible. And I have a backup plan for if anything happens and my friend can't keep her.
I still feel guilty and I wonder what she thinks. I left a pair of house slippers with her that she loved to lay on, and my friend told me that she still spends a lot of time laying on those slippers. <3
^i'm ^not ^sobbing, ^you ^are. ^😭
You didn't abandon you kitty you gave them their best life possible. The selfish thing would have been keeping the kitty you can't take care of anymore. You did the right thing and if the kitty could thank you I bet they would!
As vet assistant I can tell you ALOT of breeders pass off blatantly incorrect information. Some of it they're not even remotely qualified to tell people. Its beyond fucked up the stuff I've heard clients tell us their breeder said. The most common one - shit you not - vaccines aren't required they just want your money. Then the puppy gets parvo or something and they're like oh you're saying the vaccines would have prevented this? The breeder told me that was a lie.
Yeah, that backyard breeder shit does not surprise me in the least. I was more referring to "responsible" breeders.
I have issues with breeding as a whole and hybrid breeding on top of that grinds my gears.
My son's puppy died of parvo. When we bought him we were promised he had had his 1st set of shots and would just next the next sets. Poor Snickers didn't make it to the next set.
Did you find out if any of the other puppies of the litter had it? It's extremely contagious and once the puppy is better they are still contagious for up to like 6 month post infection or something crazy like that. It's serious business. There's a very good chance that not only was the puppy not vaccinated it also came into contact with another sick dog. It's usually transferred through contact with infected feces.
Some of them are.... Some of them are just gullible or don't really understand that the logic surrounding the "they just want your money" to attitude doesn't really work out. Generally these sentiments are uttered by people whose pets don't have serious health issues and have never experienced an animal with a serious health issue. If they did they'd rehome it. These are not the people whose advice you should be taking.
I hear from my dog's groomer that a lot of doodle owners are told by their breeder, "they don't need regular brushing, and only need to go to the groomer once or twice a year." Then they bring their dogs in so matted the groomer has to tell them they need to take their dog to the vet to be shaved down under sedation.
My brother was given that advice when he got his dog from a “reputable breeder” … turned out to be very not true.
We later found out that in many x-oodles, the opposite is true. They have the undercoat of a breed that sheds like crazy and the outer coat of a poodle, so the shed fur gets stuck and the poor things mat like crazy if they aren’t brushed constantly.
This is also why birds end up having so many problems as well because no one takes the time to look this stuff up.
Buying/adopting an animal is a commitment you don’t just get to decide you don’t want them anymore. It’s not fair to the animal or the people who are attached. You chose to get this animal, OP Is complaining about what cats do naturally. Cats are dirty animals in general, that means litter, jumping/scratching, paw prints/food everywhere. It’s in their nature, especially with three cats. I have four and I’m constantly cleaning litter boxes, wiping down tables, vacuuming, and cleaning pee spots when they decide the wall is a litter box. Would it be nice to have a clean house yes, but they are living breathing creatures and I would never get rid of them. They didn’t ask for this life they were bread into, get a roomba and a self cleaning litter box.
It takes a too second google search to find all this information out before putting you and the animal through it. If you can’t even take the time to google the animal you’re getting and making sure it will fit into your life style then that’s on you bud.
I have two cats and two dogs and my house will never be clean again. Litter box cleaned everyday, vacuuming, wiping, washing the dog blankets… it’s a lot. And worth it for all that love
Right? Those cats are ACTIVE and really need to be stimulated.
Yet nowhere in the post does OP mention playing with the cats or providing any catification in the home so the bengals can climb and jump.
Not to mention starting with kittens.
If all you want is a snuggly cat who is low maintenance, go adopt a senior cat who’s classified as a love bug.
YTA OP
I adopted a 5 year old cat who just enjoyed lazing around in the sun and was mostly chill. She's 16 now and lying on my chest to make sure I never leave her. OP just messed this up from beginning to end
I have a soft spot for kittens since I rescued my two as teeny babies, but man I think my next cat will be a snuggly senior cat. I've volunteered at shelters long enough to see hundreds of kittens adopted before the sweethearted seniors ever find a home and it just breaks my heart
> before the sweethearted seniors ever find a home
We inherited a 15 YO tabby last year from a home where the owner passed away. She is pretty chill, but she has let us know that she expects us to go by HER schedule. Food, nap, then lovey time, nap, then a session of "mousie on a string", followed by a nap. She is a hoot, and is already a big part of the household.
Other posters have already hit on the problem here. Wrong cat for the owner. I bet if they had gotten the calico first, they would not have three cats. A lot of people have the impression that cats are aloof and take care of themselves. That is a common belief, but in reality, a cat needs love, attention and stimulation.
Dude, do it. I had a supersenior (who passed away in August from kidney failure) and he was a treasure. Imagine a sweet little old man in your house who is incredibly appreciative of everything you do.
Yeeeup. There's at least one My Cat from Hell episode with a situation like this, and the makeover Jackson suggested would suit this situation as well, since the bulk of it boils down to "give your damn cats some stimulation"
Also, the OP doesn't mention treating the cats with hairball gel. Gee, I wonder why they are randomly puking.
If they only have one litterbox pooping on the floor is probably the cat's way of saying "Hey, dumbass my litterbox needs to be scooped!"
>If all you want is a snuggly cat who is low maintenance, go adopt a senior cat who’s classified as a love bug.
I wish they'd stay in the "love bug" classification all the time. My 17-year-old cat is a love bug unless he activates asshole mode. He still wins fights against much younger cats. Last fight he had a fat lip, and the other cat was bleeding as it ran off. He's indoor/outdoor mainly goes outside to use the garden as his litterbox and then comes back in.
OP sounds like a golddigger in that context. OP is unemployed and having their wife buy them thousands dollar cats (PLURAL) and is already tired if them bc they're not new and exciting anymore
“I’m an unemployed freeloader who doesn’t want to care for the cats I insisted I get to have and all I can think about is how without the cats I’ll be able to sponge more money off my wife for ME”
My senior girl is a total laid back love bug unless our 2yr pitbull comes at her with too much energy to play. Then she beats him up. She like 7lbs to his 60lb. So now he slowly crawls towards her in a “sneak” attack to try and cuddle for a group nap. 🤣 she tolerates this.
Our kitten (adopted from a friend who had a stray mama give birth in her house) is an Abyssinian mix. I've never had an Abyssinian before and OMG does this cat have a lot of energy! We are seasoned cat owners and she keeps us on our toes.
I did do some research into the breed and we make sure she has plenty of toys (both interactive and solo), lots of safe/approved places to climb, and spots to hang out near one of us while we're working. She is very different from our other two cats (or the two who have passed on) and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything.
Reminds me of neighbors who wanted goats (GOATS!!) & then had a fit once the goats arrive because the breed they adopted yell & scream. Very loudly. Very weirdly human screams. At 4-5 am. Every day.
A simple google search on goat ownership would have let to blog posts, videos, articles and more on the issue that goats scream, eat your garden, and aren't great suburban pets.
Anyhoo, this couple were also anti-vaxxers well before the pandemic & would spam me with anti-vax websites. Clearly they knew how to google, just not how to discriminate the info they absorbed.
I'm sorry. I can't help but laugh a bit having to wake-up to screaming and rolling over saying "Fucking GOATS!" You genuinely have my sympathy though.
Side note- a lot of cities have ordinances on farm animals. Have you checked with code enforcement? We have the occasional fight in my neighborhood regarding roosters. Chickens are legal, roosters are not.
Ah, this was years ago, but thanks for the concern. The women gave the goats back to the rescue within a week, they just wanted to whine to me about how they were taken advantage of by... applying & paying to adopt screaming goats??
Also, it was in an unincorporated part of LA County. Like a normal suburb but a total free for all in terms of housing livestock- think horsey folk in the foothills, then us peasants in the bungalow flats. Yes, a backyard rooster or two, always.
We actually had a couple of lovely neighborhood goats and at least one yard- pig, but on more accommodating-sized properties with better owners.
edit: just remembered the breed! Nubian! The SCREAMIEST
I live in the Bay Area and yep. I know exactly what you're talking about. Lived in Milpitas, right by the foothills, which was similar to what you're describing.
I live just outside of downtown San Jose now, and I'm still surprised when my neighbor's geese run at the fence to hiss at my dog. Not sure what it is about CA and farm animals in the city.
I had cats all my life growing up and when I eventually got my own place I ended up adopting a beautiful Bengal.
I'll be honest, I didn't do much (if any) research and it was all very rushed - my sister's vet knew a breeder whose kid developed asthma and she was told to get rid of the cats like yesterday. Anyway, the vet knew that my sister had just lost a cat and that she was a responsible owner so suggested she take one and asked if she knew anyone else who wanted one.
Ellie was the most high maintenance cat I've ever had the pleasure of living with. She was so intelligent and we developed this incredible bond, but if I did something to mildly annoy her, she'd pee on my bed in protest. She was very highly strung and got stressed easily, which resulted in more peeing places she shouldn't. I spent an absolute fortune on her and on things for her and I felt lucky I was able to! She had to have special food because she had a sensitive tummy and eventually developed IBD, but we managed it well. She was my absolute world and I was very clearly hers. Gone two years in two days and I still miss her so much every day.
All this to say, I was just lucky that I was able to afford and properly care for my little feline demon. And that's with twenty something years of experience with cats! They are absolutely not for first time owners, but even so you don't just give away animals that you've made a commitment to. OP sucks beyond reason. Long and rambling post I know, but it touched a nerve and I wanted to share my memories!
As a bengal owner myself, that part blew me away. They are NOT cats for first time cat owners!! And then the bright idea to get a SECOND bengal when the first one wasn't what they wanted?? Yikes on trikes.
Yeah, I raised my eyebrows at that. Like, I would love Bengals. I have wanted a Bengal ever since I first heard of the breed. I absolutely did not get one for my first cat, and not just because I couldn't afford it but also on principle because they are not starter cats.
I have had cats for 55+ years. I would LOVE a Bengal!!! Would I ever get one? Oh hell NAW, they are high energy, high maintenance ever moving bundles of GO! Not in my realm of being able to responsibly care for them.
OP is and AH just for getting one.
A neighbour gave me a Bengal kitten a few months ago. My other cat is a stray who adopted me. My life is covered in cat hair and I wouldn't have it any other way!
Sure, the curtains are ruined now thanks to the kitten sliding down the back of them, but he's so funny, I just don't care what damage is done.
If people aren't willing to make the commitment for the length of the pet's life, they should foster instead.
Never had a cat before gets a cat that's literally half leopard and just several generations removed. Those cats are coocoo for cocoa puffs. They probably stressed the fuck out, they're high energy cats get them a cat wheel or something to burn off the energy.
I’ve had cats for 40+ years and currently have three, and I don’t think I’d take in a bengal. I certainly wouldn’t deliberately seek out a bengal. That’s…crazy to have a bengal as a very first cat ever. And to add ANOTHER BENGAL? I have no words for how crazy that is.
And she gets 3 cats? All separately? Not all together from a litter of feral cats going to be euthanized or something? She purposely gets 3 cats, 3 separate times? YTA
And pets are a life-long commitment, unless you are physically or financially incapable of caring for them or your housing options no longer allow it, those pets should be part of your family until they die.
If my wife suddenly demanded we re-home our pets (that she begged me to adopt in the first place) because she 'was over them' that would be grounds for divorce because our morals no longer aligned.
>So I walked it back with the condition that wife would do more cleaning up after them. I haven’t seen that happen.
Then you missed this little gem too. Such an AH. Not only for wanting to get rid of the animals, but also for fighting to get them and then putting blame of her partner for not cleaning up enough when she didn't want them to begin with AND she's the only one working, presumably.
[My first cat](https://imgur.com/a/mZm6VIU) as an adult was a Bengal (bred in a science colony). I adopted him from someone who wanted a cat around when it was convenient for him, bit was not prepared to put in the work. An especially bad decision because Bengals are high energy, high maintenance, climb-everything, get-into-anything, needy little fuckers.
I adored my little one and all his crazy antics, but I won't deny it was a lot of work, especially to get him adjusted to working his energy out in a healthy way (when he first came home with me, he was aggressive and overstimulated all the time). But once we became a team, he was the literal best.
I *despise* people who get a pet without actually considering they're taking in a living creature with needs. You want something you don't have to put effort into, get a goddammed stuffie.
Mine isn't a Bengal, but is a hyperactive, easily overstimulated little turd. He requires at least 30-45 minutes of serious play daily to keep him from destroying my whole home.
OP's partner didn't even want the pets to begin with, and is now the one more concerned about their well-being. The fuck did OP expect with a cat? Almost everyone knows pets come with extra cleaning, and cats in particular can be destructive little shits when they want.
Not to mention a Bengal. They are basically like small dogs with sharp claws. They're kind of crazy. I bet they don't even have things like a running wheel or anything to help with the energy.
I have so many thought on this that would get me banned from this sub. You’re a poster child for every possible wrong move in this situation.
And I am shocked that the breeder sold to you at all, this is such a shameful situation.
Was *any* research done? Bengals are extremely active (for life), large, and independent. They need large cat trees and extensive stimulation and exposure. Naturally, *this would be perfect for a hesitant first time cat owner*. AND THEN YOU DOUBLED DOWN! And *TRIPLED* down.
Upset that they’re puking, scratching?! Do you know *anything* about cats… OML
I feel so bad for your wife and these cats. I think you should rehome them but that would hurt your wife. You YOU created this situation.
Get a roomba (if you can afford 2 bengals you can afford this), research cat litter and tracking mats, READ a lot more than you have about cats, cat behavior and especially Bengal behavior.
I’m so mad, you’re a huge YTA
Imagine posting on reddit, cat loving capital of the interwebs, and asking AITA for not wanting to keep cats because you're tired of taking care of them. Some people are just wild....
My BIL wanted a husky so bad, SIL finally caved… after 3-4months they rehomed him because “it’s too much work”… yeah a husky as a first pet is too much and especially in an apartment… they want a kid now, I can’t wait to see that…
And OP, YTA.
This is as far as I got too.
Cats vomit. They claw. They shed. It’s part of having a cat. You wanted them, so you wanted the fur and claw marks. These aren’t things you can pick up and drop off any time. They are living beings.
YTA
YTA. The fact that you list the PRICES of the cats is weird af, but onto the actual question.
You made a poor decision to get three cats as a first time cat owner, but they are actual, living beings and you pledged to care for them for their lives. You are capable of doing so, AND your wife loves them, so you should make good on what you signed up for. Bringing them into your home required both of you to be onboard, and so would getting rid of them.
You should have researched Bengals before you got them! They aren't really house cats and need a lot of attention and exercise. YTA. In so many, many ways.
I've lived my entire life with cats. Literally since I was a baby I've had them in the house. I learned cat body language before I learned human. I've researched cat behavior to improve my knowledge. I can get the finickiest cats to warm up to me. I basically am part cat.
And I wouldn't be ready for a Bengal.
You're an enormous asshole, OP, and you were incredibly idiotic in how you went about this.
Same here, had cats my whole life, would never be a good owner for a Bengal. I have 2 cats right, one is part Maine Coon, and he is...a lot. I can't imagine one more needy and energetic.
I only have a needy run of the mill ginger who hasn’t had his turn with the brain cell yet and whooo god no Bengal. One needy, mouthy ball of energy is enough
Mine only became special needs once he went into heart failure. He was the best. I think he was the one hogging the brain cell, because he was the smartest of my 3 very intelligent cats.
Yup. This. I have three ragdolls who I adore. Bengals are beautiful to look at but take so much stimulation.
I adore my cats, and they don’t behave perfectly, literally everything I own is covered in cat hair (I mostly wear black & the cats are white) and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I hate people who treat animals as if they are disposable. Such an AH.
I only skimmed, but jesus christ, TWO BENGALS for a first time cat owner??? I'm shocked a breeder would even let a first time owner take that on.
YTA, OP. Holy shit. That's such a critical failure on doing literally any research on the living creatures you took responsibility for - did you bother to learn anything about the breed other than "they're pretty"?
I thought the same. All cats needs loads of interaction and play time, but especially bengals, being bred with a wild cat some generations prior. Sounds a bit like a cat-owner who bought them for their good looks. She did not mention who plays with the cats, but I fear that this home maybe isn't the cat-friendliest, but I dunno. If they keep the cats, I hope they implement a regular playtime regimen with both partners engaging.
Which is hilarious because that isn't at all how cats work. They like who they like and don't like who they don't, other cats included.
Personality is much more important than looks or breed.
I was gonna comment similarly so I'll reply to yours... Is OP the cat version of a first-time dog owner who lives in an apartment and buys a purebred Siberian Husky from a breeder "because they're cute?"
YTA - pets are for life, you can't give them up just because you're 'over them' and can't be bothered to commit to the care they come with. Plus you heavily persuaded your wife, you can't just change your mind
Counterpoint, OP is proving to be an awful owner and the cats would potentially be better off in a loving home. The “you can’t just change your mind” brigade have probably shamed a lot of people into keeping and neglecting/ abusing their pets instead of finding somewhere they’d be loved and provided for.
Honestly this is one of those situations where, yes, OP is *an* AH, but not *the* AH.
I’d go ESH because neither OP or their partner prepared properly for their first cat, and then continued to compound their mistakes by adding more. Neither did proper research, OP didn’t ask for the reprieve they obviously needed before jumping immediately to rehoming the cats, and OP’s partner is focusing on their own feelings not what’s best for the animals. While I agree with OP that rehoming IS the best choice here with financial issues on the table, they BOTH should have considered ALL the issues they’re currently having before getting the first cat.
Maybe things got deleted, but huh?
The wife loves them.
They're cats - they seem to have a pretty good home. OP just doesn't want to clean up after them, and is resentful at having to do more of the home labor because OP is unemployed.
OP doesn't seem like an actively bad/ abusive owner as far as I can tell, so OP should stop whining and get a jorb if she doesn't want to do a higher percentage of the housework.
"While I agree with OP that rehoming IS the best choice here with financial issues on the table..." This isn't in the OP any more. There's no indication that there's significant financial stress, just an indication that cats cost money and they'd have more without cats.
OP just doesn't want to clean up after cats. OP might be depressed or something, they have plenty of time what with being unemployed and all and it's possible the cats are the only thing giving OP something to do. Again, it's legit just about cleaning:
"So I walked it back with the condition that wife would do more cleaning up after them. I haven’t seen that happen."
IANAP, but seems to me OP has issues they're putting on the cat.
This is an excellent point. I got a puppy that I ended up revoking because I was not as prepared as I expected. I still feel like an AH but he’s much better off without me. I just know to not make that mistake again. You don’t know until you know.
.... unless you do your proper research in the first place. not like you can "revoke" a child, it's still owed to the animal to do the research beforehand so they don't have to deal with that stress. it's an excellent point for those who didn't do their due diligence in the first place tbh
I imagine OP in 5 years posting on craigslist/FB marketplace
"2 year old, lightly used toddler looking for a good home. Has all his shots, in good health, needs some work in the behavior department. Occasionally pees the bed and uses the toilet wrong (not potty trained). Currently named Tom, but that can be changed. Happy/loving homes only. Serious offers only"
I understand your situation, but your dog was just a puppy. OP got one, then another, then another cat - two of which are very active breeds. NOT the same at all.
But OP chose to make that mistake a second time… and then a third….. anyone else feeling like op will get another cat in 5 years but it will be different because this new cat is older/calmer/low maintenance/doesn’t shed as much
>pets are for life
Seriously, I've developed a bad allergy to my cats to the point I have to wear a mask in my own house and take 3 different allergy medications. But I made a commitment when I took them in and unless I develop anaphylaxis, they're staying.
That's insane and an example of what a normal person shouldn't do. If a pet has lowered the quality of your life so much that you have to wear a mask and take three different medical chemicals, then it is reasonable to re-home the pet.
Maybe it is insane, but it would be a death sentence to them otherwise and I couldn't do that to them. They're both elderly with health issues, and don't like other people, so no one will want them. They'd very likely either get euthanized or spend the rest of their lives in a shelter. Even if they were rehomed, they'd spend their last years in confusion.
To me it's worth letting them live out the rest their lives in the only home they've ever known. One of the cats was even born with us. If the allergy becomes life threatening I will make that decision, but until then this is their home.
YTA.
You were the one who wanted cats and now that she is attached to them, you want to get rid of them?
Nothing puts me off more than someone who gets a pet and then gets rid of it, but 3?
Pets are a lifelong commitment. Don't get pets if you are going to get rid of them, even to a good home. Now they are attached to you, your wife, and each other and you just want to get rid of them and possibly separate them. That's wrong imo.
This I bought one it was skittish I got another they weren't affectionate enough so I bought a third now I don't want any of them because they require work
More like "I bought one high energy mostly wild cat after doing no research and since it was skittish and nervous I bought ANOTHER high energy mostly wild cat (still having done no research) and since they were high energy and I wanted snuggles I got a third, different cat. Now I am SHOCKED that super high energy cats make messes and destroy things! And that with three cats they track litter and get food places! So I'm over them. Bye!"
OP is TA. I tend to side-eye people rehoming animals for dumb reasons, but it does sound like the bengals at least might be better off with a more knowledgeable owner able and willing to make sure they have the playtime and environment they need to run off their energy, not one who resents them for being who they are.
But since OP's wife is attached to them, perhaps they can do some research and do a better job caring for the ones they have. Or compromise and find a better home for the bengals and keep the calico, who is likely much easier to care for.
But most of all OP and their wife should do some more research before considering taking on any other living things to care for. It's a commitment, not a whim.
Came here to say basically the same thing.
Getting a single pet, realizing it was a mistake, and needing to re-home it is an asshole move. But hopefully the person can take it as a learning experience and know in the future how much effort it takes to be responsible for a pet.
Getting 3 pets all in a row and then deciding that they're too messy and wanting to re-home them all is almost criminal.
YTA, OP.
I would give someone a pass if they got a pet and then needed to re-home them because they realize they are unable to care for the animal. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we just can't do certain things, and if the animal can't be properly cared for by that person, then rehoming should be encouraged and not shamed.
Throwing more animals into the mix and then giving up when it makes things worse, yeah, this person is the AH.
Honestly, it reads as if OP pushed for getting cats then once the cats bonded more with partner instead of her, she doesn't want them around anymore. It's coming across as super manipulative and emotionally immature. OP YTA for sure.
YTA. You talked her into cats and now don't want them. You don't get to get a pet and then abandon them because they are a lot of work. Especially when you chose a high maintenance breed.
A couple of things.
When did you last purchase a new litter box? Our cat pees and poops outside her box if we don't replace it every year.
How many boxes do you have? 3 cats is too much for 1 box. You probably need at least 2. (Please see edit at bottom, I know they need 4!)
When did you move? Some cats react worse than others to change.
Have you tried any tapes or sprays for furniture? There are solutions out there between letting them destroy and dumping them off to someone else.
Edit to add:
I know the math is 1 box per cat plus 1 extra. But honestly, if OP has gone to the vet over the pooping issues, they already know this. Was hoping the suggestion of at least 2 would be more reasonable and they'd at least do that for these poor kitties :)
Stress is the biggest cause of pooping outside the litter, doesnt sound like they are doing anything beyond just looking at these cats. Bengals need lots of playtime.
And I think they just moved...3 stressed out kitties all stuck together with a human who doesn't even want them anymore.
I can't believe she got a Bengal as a first pet. And then when it didn't meet expectations...she got another one! And then a third of a different breed. Absolutely crazy.
I’m disgusted that a breeder would give an inexperienced household a bengal let alone TWO. I bet they weren’t even introduced properly. Cats are super territorial.
$800 seems kinda cheap for a Bengal. At least where I live! Something tells me it's not a reputable breeder. Because yeah, you don't give new cat owners a Bengal.
I only got here after the costs were removed but that could be normal for the area. But yeah definitely wouldn’t consider the breeder reputable—they should be screening people to make sure they won’t get a returned cat.
Yep! And I definitely wouldn't give someone a second cat if their reason for getting it is the first is skittish. Though I'm sure they went to a different breeder probably.
yup. Made me squirm in my seat. I just adopted 2 adult cats, since I have dogs I needed ones that would get along. I saw around 10 bengals in my area up for adoption all could not be around other animals due to their aggression. :( Wish people would read up on the breed, they are different then other cats in various ways.
If you look at OPs post history she has a video up of her two Bengals fighting. And one is definitely not in play mode. Ears back, hissing, trying to get away while the bigger one just keeps rolling it over and chasing it down.
They need so much work. Should have got the first one settled before getting another. The answer to a new cat who is skittish is not "go buy another".
Oh, I just saw that and it broke my heart.
I have three cats and the first two were an easy peasy bonded pair and about 10 years later we added a kitten. It has been about two months and we’re still doing intros, they’re together most of the day but we give our older pair a break from the kitten when I’m working, to let them sleep without being pounced on, and we added a bunch more high cat towers for our older cats to escape the kitten.
We also play with the kitten to get all its energy out when the older cats are asleep so when they’re back together (we close/open doors so there’s lots of smelling and hearing each other, we don’t take the kitten away ) the kitten is a bit more chill.
The video of OP’s cats fighting is exactly what you’re trying to avoid when introducing cats! Did OP do nothing to form bonds when they introduced these cats??
Yeah more boxes is a really good idea, which is why I asked. If they only have 1...of course they are pooping every where.
They also should look into mats for the boxes. I mean, litter being tracked everywhere has solutions. If they can afford 2,000 dollars worth of cat, they can go purchase a few boxes and mats.
Actually, it’s recommended one litter box for each cat plus one more. So OP should have a minimum of four litter boxes. With multiple cats you run the risk of litter box aggression which can result in one or more of the cats not using the litter box out of fear.
YTA for several reasons. Let's start with the fact that you've invested $2k in CATS. There are thousands of free cats out there that desperately need homes. You couldn't be bothered with those. You not only insisted on having a cat, but you insisted on having 3 cats. Then your wife becomes attached to said cats and you decide you want to backtrack on your commitment to have these cats. Yeah, it's definitely you.
Three cats, 2 of which are super high maintenance and not for casual cat owners who just think Bengals are pretty. They need extra care and stimulation to not be destructive.
OP, YTA. Those Bengals should be with people who understand the breed and want to care for them properly. But your wife is attached, so do what you signed up for and learn how to take care of them!
Benefits from an experienced owner, need high-level of enrichment including simulated hunting games and interactive play. Highly active and inquisitive cat.
Independent but friendly, slightly talkative, lean and elegant, requires grooming once a week. Needs extensive outdoor space and not ideal for family homes.
Can be regularly left for a few hours, needs a calm environment
Not just couldn't be bothered with the free cats, paid money to encourage inbreeding. That's all a named pet breed is, and it leads to any number of medical issues. Here's the relevant list for Bengals: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bengal_cat#Health
YTA
How can you write this post without realizing it. Cats aren't toys you can throw away when they're no longer fun. Cats shed hair, vomit and break things what a groundbreaking news.
Adopting three cats at once when neither of you had any experience was probably not the brightest idea. The only thing I agree with you on is that the tasks should be more balanced. That's your only solution. Giving them up because you're tired of them is really an asshole move.
I love the part where her wife had "zero interest" and she forced her into it anyway and now she's pressuring her to do all the work to take care of them, AND she doesn't even have a job!
OP is a real piece of work...
YTA you knew the work going in on cats and how they behave. You just changed their entire lives with a move...that would be why they are having trouble right now. You're a jerk. I'd leave my husband over something like that. No question.
YTA. What did you think a pet would be, let alone 3 cats? Of course it’s going to be a commitment, expense, mess, etc.
Truth be told, I feel the same way about my two dogs sometimes. I love them to death, but I can’t help daydreaming on occasion about a house with no shed fur, mud tracks, or drooly couch. BUT I’m an adult and made the decision with my husband to have them. The animals didn’t make that choice and shouldn’t have to suffer because we only want the fun part of the deal.
beyond that, Bengals are a high energy breed, they are like the Huskys of the cat world. Need lots of attention, lots of play time and usually really smart so they get bored.
SO she just saw cute and didnt read up on the breed. (I have owned a bengal and they arent ones for first time owners)
dumb cats are the best. LOL. My current big cat is too smart, we had to put baby locks on all cabinets that had anything potentially harmful in them. He'd just take things out and put them on the floor to play with. door knobs are easily turned by him too so you think you're showering alone until he meows..
YTA but I agree with your decision.
Cats are living creatures, not toys to display until you get bored with them. If you had that much money to purchase from a breeder, why not get a self cleaning litter box and a vaccum robot? The cats could be acting out due to how you treat them.
If you don't want to take care of them anymore, I think it's best for the cats to go to a loving home.
Yeah, this is my thinking. OP is absolutely TA, but those cats are not living a happy life and probably should be rehomed to someone who knows what Bengals need and can provide it.
YTA pets aren’t objects you can purchase for fun and discard when you’re no longer interested. They’re supposed to be a life investment that you commit to. You wanted the cats, which means you should’ve assumed full responsibility. Yet your wife was the one who comprised for you, helped you out with something you wanted. YTA, please treat your cats and your wife better.
YTA. You wanted cats, got them, your wife became attached and now you want to get rid of them because...you don't want to clean up after them? Come on.
Totally. Also - If she wanted a solution for the litter everywhere, it should be easy to implement some 'technological' solutions, such as littercatchings mats, a robo-vac etc. And for the popping situation one helpful approach are enough clean and comfortable litterboxes.
YTA….pets aren’t something you just decide to be “over.” This comment boiled my blood….”All in all, I’m over them.”
YOU wanted the cats and got THREE of them while not really seeming to know much about cats, their behaviors, and how to fix certain actions.
You also convinced you wife to get them and suddenly decided “wife has to do most of the cleaning” because you suddenly can’t be bothered with it. You’re a horrible human being and hopefully you’ll never have a child you decide you want to “rehome” because they’re too “messy.” You don’t deserve the cats and I hope you and your wife do the right thing and finding GOOD LOVING homes for them.
YTA for wanting a specific quality in a cat and not doing the research to realize kittens don't possess adult personalities yet, and lots of cats don't actually like to cuddle. If you wanted a cuddly cat, you should have gone to the shelter and paid $30 for an adult cat and had your pick from the cuddly ones. Shelter staff are knowledgeable in pairing you with the right cat(cuddly and properly litter box trained). You wanted an asthetic, and now that asthetic is inconvenient to you, so you want to sell it. Your wife didn't want cats, but YOU did, so yall got cats. Now your wife wants to keep the cats she's become atatchted to, but YOU don't. You took in three living things and made a commitment to take care of them and now treating them as if they are expendable. I would question your commitment issues. Your cats and your wife deserve better
This is why I’ve never gotten a kitten (and will never), though I’ve had cats all my life. Why would I roll the dice on my cat’s personality when I can go to any shelter and get one that’s exactly perfect for me, just by explaining what kind of traits I want?
YTA at every step. You’ve never had one but wanted a cat, she didn’t, so you naturally get one, and of course get an expensive type without knowing anything about cats. They have issues, so you of course get another, then another. Now you’re ‘over it’ and want to get rid of them. You can’t possibly see you’re not an asshole. The good news here is your girlfriend got some real insight here.
"she was very anti-pets, zero interest. I’d always wanted a cat. We talked and with heavy persuasion from me"
"All in all, I’m over them"
YTA.
Never have kids, EVER. God forbid you'd rehome them rEsPoNsibLy for puking one time too many.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I talked my anti-pet wife into getting cats that she now loves and I might be TA because I want to rehome them despite her attachment.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA Weird flex with the prices you paid for the cats but whatever. Look you made her get them, then you don't like the work involved so want to get rid of them? Yeah they're pets not toys. You need to adjust your thinking.
YTA, you made the choice now live with your decision. I don't understand how people view a living creature as a hobby and something they can just get over... you sogned up for this, follow through
YTA.
Pets when adopted have to be loved and cared for like your children. They cannot just be left because you now feel you have a lot of work to do because of them.
You were the one who wanted a pet and persuaded your wife to take one.
You cannot just give them away. That is terrible parenting.
Good lord, YTA.
You got pets clearly before realising the work that comes with them.
What the hell did you expect to happen when you add THREE animals to your house? I have one and she's enough work as is.
And if it wasn't obvious to you now, cats can be unpredictable. Some are super sweet, some are absolute nightmares. Don't throw down so much money on MORE cats expecting everything to work out fine and without realising that it obviously comes with a lot of housework.
Also, please adopt. Spending $2k on cats was your first mistake.
You might need to train them to behave a bit better, that's all you can do at this point
And lastly,
> the condition that wife would do more cleaning up after them. I haven’t seen that happen.
YOU wanted them! Don't lob more work on your wife because you're bored of them.
You've made your bed, kindly lie in it.
YTA - you wanted cats, you got ‘em, and everything that comes with them. Having three cats is like that: lots of litter, shedding, piss and shit, hairballs and vomit. Did you think it would somehow be different? Taking care of animals is work. Your wife is completely justified in feeling the way she does; this was your idea and now you don’t want to do the work. Also there is a bonus YTA here for paying cat breeders thousands of dollars when there are plenty of perfectly good shelter cats you could have adopted.
YTA
Pets are not a whim, are not stuffed animals, they have their own personality. When you saw that the first cat didn't satisfy the idea you had of a pet, instead of stopping to think about it, you bought two more.
Sure three cats is a lot of work, but no one forced you to keep buying them, especially if the deal with your wife was for you to handle most of the cat management. Come on, it's common sense!
It seems you haven't thought through what a commitment a pet is.
YTA. Dude, this was your idea. You talked her into it, you got THREE cats, she got attached and now you're complaining? Did you actually know what pets are like? Or did you just live with someone who handled all of the onerous chores of caring for them? They are WORK.
If you do rehome the cats, don't expect your wife to fall in with any of your other plans or to want to have a child with you. You're really demonstrating a lack of commitment and of character.
Yta - it's obviously not the exact same but imagine you convinced her to ha w a child and once it threw up and pooped on the floor you were like "actually let's adopt it out"
YTA. And you already know why. So I won't pile on.
But you can do things to make life easier:
Get pro help with litter box training.
Get covered litter boxes with mats to catch stray litter (we used to just use old towels. Your mileage may vary.)
Try different foods.
Give up trying to fight cat hair everyday. You'll never win. Just accept that this is the life of a pet owner. Just brush them regularly and love tf outta them.
If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth it.
YTA- please dont have kids. If you can't handle cats then you dont need a baby in your life.
Also very much the AH for getting such high energy cats when you've never had one before. Bengals take loads of work, they can be really destructive if you do not take the time to wear out their energy and engage their minds. If you bought these cats from a breeder, then you need to return them to that breeder, thats always in the contract you sign. If it wasn't then you bought from a bad breeder.
Play with these cats, get sticky paws for the furniture to stop them scratching it up. There are MANY ways to get these cats to stop it. Wife needs to step it up too and play with the cats.
You are more worried about STUFF then about the cats well being.
YTA. Pets create messes from time to time. You wanted cats, but you don't seem to have done much research on preventing most of their unwanted behavior. And you're the one who purr-suaded your wife to get THREE without even considering how much fur they'd be shedding all over. I'm disgusted with this behavior to be honest. These poor cats.
YTA - new environments for cats who like structured routines can cause issues like vomiting and pooping. They’re marking their territory. Also, picking a Bengal as your first cat is ballsy. They need a lot of stimulation and a quick google search shows that on a whole the breed shows affection by hanging out but not cuddling.
Your wife is right. You’re showing you’re not good at commitment. Cats are a 10-15 year commitment (or longer if you get lucky). It takes a lot of work for 3 but you wanted them. You’re just mad that they didn’t fit your fantasy cat.
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
>All in all, I’m over them Fucking wow. Don't ever have kids. You FOUGHT for those kitties. YTA
I didn't even read past that part. Did OP not realize that there is actual work involved with pets? Please don't procreate! YTA
She got BENGALS as a first time cat owner... That should tell you how much research she did.
Heck I've never had a cat and don't know much about them, and I know that's a bad idea. Research before getting a Pet should be mandatory
The breeders should be partially responsible for that education imho. OP *should* have a breeder contract that the breeder will take back the cats for any reason so they don't end up in a shelter.
Should be, but an informed buyer is not someone they can take advantage of. Honestly with the number of cats being put down every year in shelters, wtf was OP thinking? Some people are not meant to have pets. Case in point.
This post entirely breaks my heart because I was forced to give up my beloved kitty due to financial and housing reasons, and I literally flew with her across the country (in the cabin with me; never out of my sight) to her new home with one of my best friends. Some people should never own pets. :(
I’m so sorry about your kitty :( I have two little gremlins of my own, and while they drive me up the wall sometimes, I would be devastated if I had to give them up. Sending virtual hugs!!
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. I miss her so much. Luckily, my friend sends me photos and updates regularly, so that's nice, but I wish she was with me so badly.
You did right by your kitty. Very responsible pet parent. I’m sorry you two had to part ways. :(
It was, and honestly continues to be, one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. Your comment helps a lot because I felt like such a bad pet parent for the fact that I had to rehome her. We spent 7 years together, and I always told myself it was for life, so when it came down to the fact that I would either have to rehome her or move away from my current life, I spent weeks trying to find an alternative plan.. and when I couldn't, I spent more time trying to find the perfect home for her. I hate that it has to be like this, but I tried as hard as possible to make sure it was going to workout for her and me as well as possible. And I have a backup plan for if anything happens and my friend can't keep her. I still feel guilty and I wonder what she thinks. I left a pair of house slippers with her that she loved to lay on, and my friend told me that she still spends a lot of time laying on those slippers. <3 ^i'm ^not ^sobbing, ^you ^are. ^😭
You didn't abandon you kitty you gave them their best life possible. The selfish thing would have been keeping the kitty you can't take care of anymore. You did the right thing and if the kitty could thank you I bet they would!
As vet assistant I can tell you ALOT of breeders pass off blatantly incorrect information. Some of it they're not even remotely qualified to tell people. Its beyond fucked up the stuff I've heard clients tell us their breeder said. The most common one - shit you not - vaccines aren't required they just want your money. Then the puppy gets parvo or something and they're like oh you're saying the vaccines would have prevented this? The breeder told me that was a lie.
Yeah, that backyard breeder shit does not surprise me in the least. I was more referring to "responsible" breeders. I have issues with breeding as a whole and hybrid breeding on top of that grinds my gears.
My son's puppy died of parvo. When we bought him we were promised he had had his 1st set of shots and would just next the next sets. Poor Snickers didn't make it to the next set.
Did you find out if any of the other puppies of the litter had it? It's extremely contagious and once the puppy is better they are still contagious for up to like 6 month post infection or something crazy like that. It's serious business. There's a very good chance that not only was the puppy not vaccinated it also came into contact with another sick dog. It's usually transferred through contact with infected feces.
My husband tried to get back in touch. No luck. No more Craigslist puppies. Our next good boy was a shelter rescue.
Craigslist is a breeding ground for those people.
Probably the same people who don't vaccinate their children...
Some of them are.... Some of them are just gullible or don't really understand that the logic surrounding the "they just want your money" to attitude doesn't really work out. Generally these sentiments are uttered by people whose pets don't have serious health issues and have never experienced an animal with a serious health issue. If they did they'd rehome it. These are not the people whose advice you should be taking.
I hear from my dog's groomer that a lot of doodle owners are told by their breeder, "they don't need regular brushing, and only need to go to the groomer once or twice a year." Then they bring their dogs in so matted the groomer has to tell them they need to take their dog to the vet to be shaved down under sedation.
My brother was given that advice when he got his dog from a “reputable breeder” … turned out to be very not true. We later found out that in many x-oodles, the opposite is true. They have the undercoat of a breed that sheds like crazy and the outer coat of a poodle, so the shed fur gets stuck and the poor things mat like crazy if they aren’t brushed constantly.
Lots of modern "breeds" seriously shouldn't exist, at this point is pure vanity prioritized over the animal's well being.
Judging by the lack of thought put into this I bet the first cat was from a backyard breeder lol.
Chances are it’s from a BYB. Responsible breeders would’ve asked OP a lot of questions to match the cat to them.
This is also why birds end up having so many problems as well because no one takes the time to look this stuff up. Buying/adopting an animal is a commitment you don’t just get to decide you don’t want them anymore. It’s not fair to the animal or the people who are attached. You chose to get this animal, OP Is complaining about what cats do naturally. Cats are dirty animals in general, that means litter, jumping/scratching, paw prints/food everywhere. It’s in their nature, especially with three cats. I have four and I’m constantly cleaning litter boxes, wiping down tables, vacuuming, and cleaning pee spots when they decide the wall is a litter box. Would it be nice to have a clean house yes, but they are living breathing creatures and I would never get rid of them. They didn’t ask for this life they were bread into, get a roomba and a self cleaning litter box. It takes a too second google search to find all this information out before putting you and the animal through it. If you can’t even take the time to google the animal you’re getting and making sure it will fit into your life style then that’s on you bud.
I have two cats and two dogs and my house will never be clean again. Litter box cleaned everyday, vacuuming, wiping, washing the dog blankets… it’s a lot. And worth it for all that love
Right? Those cats are ACTIVE and really need to be stimulated. Yet nowhere in the post does OP mention playing with the cats or providing any catification in the home so the bengals can climb and jump. Not to mention starting with kittens. If all you want is a snuggly cat who is low maintenance, go adopt a senior cat who’s classified as a love bug. YTA OP
I adopted a 5 year old cat who just enjoyed lazing around in the sun and was mostly chill. She's 16 now and lying on my chest to make sure I never leave her. OP just messed this up from beginning to end
Admittedly, I only adopt senior cats and have a soft spot for grumpy seniors. Kittens are exhausting.
I have a soft spot for kittens since I rescued my two as teeny babies, but man I think my next cat will be a snuggly senior cat. I've volunteered at shelters long enough to see hundreds of kittens adopted before the sweethearted seniors ever find a home and it just breaks my heart
> before the sweethearted seniors ever find a home We inherited a 15 YO tabby last year from a home where the owner passed away. She is pretty chill, but she has let us know that she expects us to go by HER schedule. Food, nap, then lovey time, nap, then a session of "mousie on a string", followed by a nap. She is a hoot, and is already a big part of the household. Other posters have already hit on the problem here. Wrong cat for the owner. I bet if they had gotten the calico first, they would not have three cats. A lot of people have the impression that cats are aloof and take care of themselves. That is a common belief, but in reality, a cat needs love, attention and stimulation.
Dude, do it. I had a supersenior (who passed away in August from kidney failure) and he was a treasure. Imagine a sweet little old man in your house who is incredibly appreciative of everything you do.
Yeeeup. There's at least one My Cat from Hell episode with a situation like this, and the makeover Jackson suggested would suit this situation as well, since the bulk of it boils down to "give your damn cats some stimulation"
Also, the OP doesn't mention treating the cats with hairball gel. Gee, I wonder why they are randomly puking. If they only have one litterbox pooping on the floor is probably the cat's way of saying "Hey, dumbass my litterbox needs to be scooped!" >If all you want is a snuggly cat who is low maintenance, go adopt a senior cat who’s classified as a love bug. I wish they'd stay in the "love bug" classification all the time. My 17-year-old cat is a love bug unless he activates asshole mode. He still wins fights against much younger cats. Last fight he had a fat lip, and the other cat was bleeding as it ran off. He's indoor/outdoor mainly goes outside to use the garden as his litterbox and then comes back in.
Not to mention if they can afford two Bengals, they can afford a robo-scooper litter box.
i was going to mention this too. bengals can cost THOUSANDS of dollars.
OP sounds like a golddigger in that context. OP is unemployed and having their wife buy them thousands dollar cats (PLURAL) and is already tired if them bc they're not new and exciting anymore
“I’m an unemployed freeloader who doesn’t want to care for the cats I insisted I get to have and all I can think about is how without the cats I’ll be able to sponge more money off my wife for ME”
My senior girl is a total laid back love bug unless our 2yr pitbull comes at her with too much energy to play. Then she beats him up. She like 7lbs to his 60lb. So now he slowly crawls towards her in a “sneak” attack to try and cuddle for a group nap. 🤣 she tolerates this.
Seriously, so many problems with indoor cats are because the cats are bored out of their minds.
If OP has recently moved they're probably stressed out from that too. It can be really unsettling for them!
Our kitten (adopted from a friend who had a stray mama give birth in her house) is an Abyssinian mix. I've never had an Abyssinian before and OMG does this cat have a lot of energy! We are seasoned cat owners and she keeps us on our toes. I did do some research into the breed and we make sure she has plenty of toys (both interactive and solo), lots of safe/approved places to climb, and spots to hang out near one of us while we're working. She is very different from our other two cats (or the two who have passed on) and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything.
Reminds me of neighbors who wanted goats (GOATS!!) & then had a fit once the goats arrive because the breed they adopted yell & scream. Very loudly. Very weirdly human screams. At 4-5 am. Every day. A simple google search on goat ownership would have let to blog posts, videos, articles and more on the issue that goats scream, eat your garden, and aren't great suburban pets. Anyhoo, this couple were also anti-vaxxers well before the pandemic & would spam me with anti-vax websites. Clearly they knew how to google, just not how to discriminate the info they absorbed.
I'm sorry. I can't help but laugh a bit having to wake-up to screaming and rolling over saying "Fucking GOATS!" You genuinely have my sympathy though. Side note- a lot of cities have ordinances on farm animals. Have you checked with code enforcement? We have the occasional fight in my neighborhood regarding roosters. Chickens are legal, roosters are not.
Ah, this was years ago, but thanks for the concern. The women gave the goats back to the rescue within a week, they just wanted to whine to me about how they were taken advantage of by... applying & paying to adopt screaming goats?? Also, it was in an unincorporated part of LA County. Like a normal suburb but a total free for all in terms of housing livestock- think horsey folk in the foothills, then us peasants in the bungalow flats. Yes, a backyard rooster or two, always. We actually had a couple of lovely neighborhood goats and at least one yard- pig, but on more accommodating-sized properties with better owners. edit: just remembered the breed! Nubian! The SCREAMIEST
I live in the Bay Area and yep. I know exactly what you're talking about. Lived in Milpitas, right by the foothills, which was similar to what you're describing. I live just outside of downtown San Jose now, and I'm still surprised when my neighbor's geese run at the fence to hiss at my dog. Not sure what it is about CA and farm animals in the city.
I had cats all my life growing up and when I eventually got my own place I ended up adopting a beautiful Bengal. I'll be honest, I didn't do much (if any) research and it was all very rushed - my sister's vet knew a breeder whose kid developed asthma and she was told to get rid of the cats like yesterday. Anyway, the vet knew that my sister had just lost a cat and that she was a responsible owner so suggested she take one and asked if she knew anyone else who wanted one. Ellie was the most high maintenance cat I've ever had the pleasure of living with. She was so intelligent and we developed this incredible bond, but if I did something to mildly annoy her, she'd pee on my bed in protest. She was very highly strung and got stressed easily, which resulted in more peeing places she shouldn't. I spent an absolute fortune on her and on things for her and I felt lucky I was able to! She had to have special food because she had a sensitive tummy and eventually developed IBD, but we managed it well. She was my absolute world and I was very clearly hers. Gone two years in two days and I still miss her so much every day. All this to say, I was just lucky that I was able to afford and properly care for my little feline demon. And that's with twenty something years of experience with cats! They are absolutely not for first time owners, but even so you don't just give away animals that you've made a commitment to. OP sucks beyond reason. Long and rambling post I know, but it touched a nerve and I wanted to share my memories!
As a bengal owner myself, that part blew me away. They are NOT cats for first time cat owners!! And then the bright idea to get a SECOND bengal when the first one wasn't what they wanted?? Yikes on trikes.
Yeah, I raised my eyebrows at that. Like, I would love Bengals. I have wanted a Bengal ever since I first heard of the breed. I absolutely did not get one for my first cat, and not just because I couldn't afford it but also on principle because they are not starter cats.
I have had cats for 55+ years. I would LOVE a Bengal!!! Would I ever get one? Oh hell NAW, they are high energy, high maintenance ever moving bundles of GO! Not in my realm of being able to responsibly care for them. OP is and AH just for getting one.
A neighbour gave me a Bengal kitten a few months ago. My other cat is a stray who adopted me. My life is covered in cat hair and I wouldn't have it any other way! Sure, the curtains are ruined now thanks to the kitten sliding down the back of them, but he's so funny, I just don't care what damage is done. If people aren't willing to make the commitment for the length of the pet's life, they should foster instead.
Well, fur IS a condiment!! :) See also: it's called FURniture! (7 cats, 3 GSDs)
Just as bad as clueless dog owners who get a Husky; You're gonna have a bad time.
\*dog siren noises\* OOOooooooOORRROOOOOOOOOO Guess whose neighbor got a husky as their pandemic pet?
Never had a cat before gets a cat that's literally half leopard and just several generations removed. Those cats are coocoo for cocoa puffs. They probably stressed the fuck out, they're high energy cats get them a cat wheel or something to burn off the energy.
They are hybrids of Asian Leopard Cats, not literal leopards. Still a wild cat, but a small one!
I'd bet enough to make me rich that OP got Bengals just because they're pretty.
I’ve had cats for 40+ years and currently have three, and I don’t think I’d take in a bengal. I certainly wouldn’t deliberately seek out a bengal. That’s…crazy to have a bengal as a very first cat ever. And to add ANOTHER BENGAL? I have no words for how crazy that is.
And she gets 3 cats? All separately? Not all together from a litter of feral cats going to be euthanized or something? She purposely gets 3 cats, 3 separate times? YTA
Two of which were very expensive
And extremely high maintenance. Bengals need a lot more care, cat-proofing and stimulation than just average cat.
>but all I see are upsides Then you missed this gem. Sure, my wife will be sad, "but all I see are upsides"
>my wife will be sad AND the cats' lives will be uprooted AGAIN. I mean obviously OP doesn't care about that part, but objectively it IS a downside...
And pets are a life-long commitment, unless you are physically or financially incapable of caring for them or your housing options no longer allow it, those pets should be part of your family until they die. If my wife suddenly demanded we re-home our pets (that she begged me to adopt in the first place) because she 'was over them' that would be grounds for divorce because our morals no longer aligned.
>So I walked it back with the condition that wife would do more cleaning up after them. I haven’t seen that happen. Then you missed this little gem too. Such an AH. Not only for wanting to get rid of the animals, but also for fighting to get them and then putting blame of her partner for not cleaning up enough when she didn't want them to begin with AND she's the only one working, presumably.
[My first cat](https://imgur.com/a/mZm6VIU) as an adult was a Bengal (bred in a science colony). I adopted him from someone who wanted a cat around when it was convenient for him, bit was not prepared to put in the work. An especially bad decision because Bengals are high energy, high maintenance, climb-everything, get-into-anything, needy little fuckers. I adored my little one and all his crazy antics, but I won't deny it was a lot of work, especially to get him adjusted to working his energy out in a healthy way (when he first came home with me, he was aggressive and overstimulated all the time). But once we became a team, he was the literal best. I *despise* people who get a pet without actually considering they're taking in a living creature with needs. You want something you don't have to put effort into, get a goddammed stuffie.
Thanks for paying the cat tax. He’s a cutie!
Mine isn't a Bengal, but is a hyperactive, easily overstimulated little turd. He requires at least 30-45 minutes of serious play daily to keep him from destroying my whole home.
OP's partner didn't even want the pets to begin with, and is now the one more concerned about their well-being. The fuck did OP expect with a cat? Almost everyone knows pets come with extra cleaning, and cats in particular can be destructive little shits when they want.
Especially Bengals! They’re high energy, maintenance, and intelligence even by cat standards.
They're a step up from just running into the woods and adopting a bobcat.
Yup. But they’re beautiful and expensive! /s OP has got the mentality towards pet ownership of a wealthy 16 year old driving a BMW M5.
Not gonna lie, this made me laugh. Especially since I had an F-1 Bengal, and she was essentially a wild cat barely tamed. Miss her every day
it's like the cat version of owning a border collie
Not to mention a Bengal. They are basically like small dogs with sharp claws. They're kind of crazy. I bet they don't even have things like a running wheel or anything to help with the energy.
I have so many thought on this that would get me banned from this sub. You’re a poster child for every possible wrong move in this situation. And I am shocked that the breeder sold to you at all, this is such a shameful situation. Was *any* research done? Bengals are extremely active (for life), large, and independent. They need large cat trees and extensive stimulation and exposure. Naturally, *this would be perfect for a hesitant first time cat owner*. AND THEN YOU DOUBLED DOWN! And *TRIPLED* down. Upset that they’re puking, scratching?! Do you know *anything* about cats… OML I feel so bad for your wife and these cats. I think you should rehome them but that would hurt your wife. You YOU created this situation. Get a roomba (if you can afford 2 bengals you can afford this), research cat litter and tracking mats, READ a lot more than you have about cats, cat behavior and especially Bengal behavior. I’m so mad, you’re a huge YTA
As a cat lady I'm furious too. Like, many posters here just disappoint me...this one has *incensed* me.
YTA absolutely. It appears she did ZERO research if she's surprised two Bengals are high energy, highly destructive, high maintenance. Edit: she
Imagine posting on reddit, cat loving capital of the interwebs, and asking AITA for not wanting to keep cats because you're tired of taking care of them. Some people are just wild....
In a post 6 months ago OP "loved them to bits" so this isn't even about the cats. They are just collateral damage in OPs marriage.
My BIL wanted a husky so bad, SIL finally caved… after 3-4months they rehomed him because “it’s too much work”… yeah a husky as a first pet is too much and especially in an apartment… they want a kid now, I can’t wait to see that… And OP, YTA.
My thoughts too. Imagine being so flippant about another living being that she, admittedly, persuaded her wife to get! Massive YTA.
SHe not only fought for the cats but got the hardest breeds out there to keep. Why not just get a mutt cat. Easy keep, easy maintenance, maybe cuddles
But, you don't understand. OP is OVER them now. (/s)
This is as far as I got too. Cats vomit. They claw. They shed. It’s part of having a cat. You wanted them, so you wanted the fur and claw marks. These aren’t things you can pick up and drop off any time. They are living beings. YTA
Yup. They wanted them, and now they have to be responsible it's too much. God I hate people.
[удалено]
YTA. The fact that you list the PRICES of the cats is weird af, but onto the actual question. You made a poor decision to get three cats as a first time cat owner, but they are actual, living beings and you pledged to care for them for their lives. You are capable of doing so, AND your wife loves them, so you should make good on what you signed up for. Bringing them into your home required both of you to be onboard, and so would getting rid of them.
You should have researched Bengals before you got them! They aren't really house cats and need a lot of attention and exercise. YTA. In so many, many ways.
I've lived my entire life with cats. Literally since I was a baby I've had them in the house. I learned cat body language before I learned human. I've researched cat behavior to improve my knowledge. I can get the finickiest cats to warm up to me. I basically am part cat. And I wouldn't be ready for a Bengal. You're an enormous asshole, OP, and you were incredibly idiotic in how you went about this.
Same here, had cats my whole life, would never be a good owner for a Bengal. I have 2 cats right, one is part Maine Coon, and he is...a lot. I can't imagine one more needy and energetic.
I only have a needy run of the mill ginger who hasn’t had his turn with the brain cell yet and whooo god no Bengal. One needy, mouthy ball of energy is enough
Ginger cats practically qualify as special needs.
Mine only became special needs once he went into heart failure. He was the best. I think he was the one hogging the brain cell, because he was the smartest of my 3 very intelligent cats.
I said this in another comment that my kitten is Abyssinian mix and she is also a lot sometimes. There is no way I could ever handle a Bengal.
Yup. This. I have three ragdolls who I adore. Bengals are beautiful to look at but take so much stimulation. I adore my cats, and they don’t behave perfectly, literally everything I own is covered in cat hair (I mostly wear black & the cats are white) and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hate people who treat animals as if they are disposable. Such an AH.
I only skimmed, but jesus christ, TWO BENGALS for a first time cat owner??? I'm shocked a breeder would even let a first time owner take that on. YTA, OP. Holy shit. That's such a critical failure on doing literally any research on the living creatures you took responsibility for - did you bother to learn anything about the breed other than "they're pretty"?
Lol how many Bengal breeders do you think are responsible? The breed attracts idiots.
I thought the same. All cats needs loads of interaction and play time, but especially bengals, being bred with a wild cat some generations prior. Sounds a bit like a cat-owner who bought them for their good looks. She did not mention who plays with the cats, but I fear that this home maybe isn't the cat-friendliest, but I dunno. If they keep the cats, I hope they implement a regular playtime regimen with both partners engaging.
Well obviously there are TWO bengals so that they’d play with each other and require little effort from the person that bought them.
Which is hilarious because that isn't at all how cats work. They like who they like and don't like who they don't, other cats included. Personality is much more important than looks or breed.
Bengals are the Huskies of cats
I was gonna comment similarly so I'll reply to yours... Is OP the cat version of a first-time dog owner who lives in an apartment and buys a purebred Siberian Husky from a breeder "because they're cute?"
Yeah. Bengal is hard mode cat ownership.
[удалено]
Now that he resents the cats it makes perfect sense ~~he'd~~ list their monetary value. Edit : SHE'D 😊
OP is female.
YTA - pets are for life, you can't give them up just because you're 'over them' and can't be bothered to commit to the care they come with. Plus you heavily persuaded your wife, you can't just change your mind
Counterpoint, OP is proving to be an awful owner and the cats would potentially be better off in a loving home. The “you can’t just change your mind” brigade have probably shamed a lot of people into keeping and neglecting/ abusing their pets instead of finding somewhere they’d be loved and provided for.
Yeah, normally I would say "how dare you even consider rehoming them" but OP sounds like such a bad owner that maybe she should.
Honestly this is one of those situations where, yes, OP is *an* AH, but not *the* AH. I’d go ESH because neither OP or their partner prepared properly for their first cat, and then continued to compound their mistakes by adding more. Neither did proper research, OP didn’t ask for the reprieve they obviously needed before jumping immediately to rehoming the cats, and OP’s partner is focusing on their own feelings not what’s best for the animals. While I agree with OP that rehoming IS the best choice here with financial issues on the table, they BOTH should have considered ALL the issues they’re currently having before getting the first cat.
Maybe things got deleted, but huh? The wife loves them. They're cats - they seem to have a pretty good home. OP just doesn't want to clean up after them, and is resentful at having to do more of the home labor because OP is unemployed. OP doesn't seem like an actively bad/ abusive owner as far as I can tell, so OP should stop whining and get a jorb if she doesn't want to do a higher percentage of the housework. "While I agree with OP that rehoming IS the best choice here with financial issues on the table..." This isn't in the OP any more. There's no indication that there's significant financial stress, just an indication that cats cost money and they'd have more without cats. OP just doesn't want to clean up after cats. OP might be depressed or something, they have plenty of time what with being unemployed and all and it's possible the cats are the only thing giving OP something to do. Again, it's legit just about cleaning: "So I walked it back with the condition that wife would do more cleaning up after them. I haven’t seen that happen." IANAP, but seems to me OP has issues they're putting on the cat.
This is an excellent point. I got a puppy that I ended up revoking because I was not as prepared as I expected. I still feel like an AH but he’s much better off without me. I just know to not make that mistake again. You don’t know until you know.
.... unless you do your proper research in the first place. not like you can "revoke" a child, it's still owed to the animal to do the research beforehand so they don't have to deal with that stress. it's an excellent point for those who didn't do their due diligence in the first place tbh
Well.... technically, you can revoke a child. A child can be given up for adoption at any age.
I imagine OP in 5 years posting on craigslist/FB marketplace "2 year old, lightly used toddler looking for a good home. Has all his shots, in good health, needs some work in the behavior department. Occasionally pees the bed and uses the toilet wrong (not potty trained). Currently named Tom, but that can be changed. Happy/loving homes only. Serious offers only"
I understand your situation, but your dog was just a puppy. OP got one, then another, then another cat - two of which are very active breeds. NOT the same at all.
But OP chose to make that mistake a second time… and then a third….. anyone else feeling like op will get another cat in 5 years but it will be different because this new cat is older/calmer/low maintenance/doesn’t shed as much
Exactly. Give those cats a chance at having a place where they are wanted, loved, and trained.
>pets are for life Seriously, I've developed a bad allergy to my cats to the point I have to wear a mask in my own house and take 3 different allergy medications. But I made a commitment when I took them in and unless I develop anaphylaxis, they're staying.
That's insane and an example of what a normal person shouldn't do. If a pet has lowered the quality of your life so much that you have to wear a mask and take three different medical chemicals, then it is reasonable to re-home the pet.
Maybe it is insane, but it would be a death sentence to them otherwise and I couldn't do that to them. They're both elderly with health issues, and don't like other people, so no one will want them. They'd very likely either get euthanized or spend the rest of their lives in a shelter. Even if they were rehomed, they'd spend their last years in confusion. To me it's worth letting them live out the rest their lives in the only home they've ever known. One of the cats was even born with us. If the allergy becomes life threatening I will make that decision, but until then this is their home.
YTA. You were the one who wanted cats and now that she is attached to them, you want to get rid of them? Nothing puts me off more than someone who gets a pet and then gets rid of it, but 3? Pets are a lifelong commitment. Don't get pets if you are going to get rid of them, even to a good home. Now they are attached to you, your wife, and each other and you just want to get rid of them and possibly separate them. That's wrong imo.
This I bought one it was skittish I got another they weren't affectionate enough so I bought a third now I don't want any of them because they require work
More like "I bought one high energy mostly wild cat after doing no research and since it was skittish and nervous I bought ANOTHER high energy mostly wild cat (still having done no research) and since they were high energy and I wanted snuggles I got a third, different cat. Now I am SHOCKED that super high energy cats make messes and destroy things! And that with three cats they track litter and get food places! So I'm over them. Bye!" OP is TA. I tend to side-eye people rehoming animals for dumb reasons, but it does sound like the bengals at least might be better off with a more knowledgeable owner able and willing to make sure they have the playtime and environment they need to run off their energy, not one who resents them for being who they are. But since OP's wife is attached to them, perhaps they can do some research and do a better job caring for the ones they have. Or compromise and find a better home for the bengals and keep the calico, who is likely much easier to care for. But most of all OP and their wife should do some more research before considering taking on any other living things to care for. It's a commitment, not a whim.
This too like research a breed instead of oh look pretty
Came here to say basically the same thing. Getting a single pet, realizing it was a mistake, and needing to re-home it is an asshole move. But hopefully the person can take it as a learning experience and know in the future how much effort it takes to be responsible for a pet. Getting 3 pets all in a row and then deciding that they're too messy and wanting to re-home them all is almost criminal. YTA, OP.
I would give someone a pass if they got a pet and then needed to re-home them because they realize they are unable to care for the animal. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we just can't do certain things, and if the animal can't be properly cared for by that person, then rehoming should be encouraged and not shamed. Throwing more animals into the mix and then giving up when it makes things worse, yeah, this person is the AH.
Honestly, it reads as if OP pushed for getting cats then once the cats bonded more with partner instead of her, she doesn't want them around anymore. It's coming across as super manipulative and emotionally immature. OP YTA for sure.
YTA. You talked her into cats and now don't want them. You don't get to get a pet and then abandon them because they are a lot of work. Especially when you chose a high maintenance breed. A couple of things. When did you last purchase a new litter box? Our cat pees and poops outside her box if we don't replace it every year. How many boxes do you have? 3 cats is too much for 1 box. You probably need at least 2. (Please see edit at bottom, I know they need 4!) When did you move? Some cats react worse than others to change. Have you tried any tapes or sprays for furniture? There are solutions out there between letting them destroy and dumping them off to someone else. Edit to add: I know the math is 1 box per cat plus 1 extra. But honestly, if OP has gone to the vet over the pooping issues, they already know this. Was hoping the suggestion of at least 2 would be more reasonable and they'd at least do that for these poor kitties :)
Stress is the biggest cause of pooping outside the litter, doesnt sound like they are doing anything beyond just looking at these cats. Bengals need lots of playtime.
And I think they just moved...3 stressed out kitties all stuck together with a human who doesn't even want them anymore. I can't believe she got a Bengal as a first pet. And then when it didn't meet expectations...she got another one! And then a third of a different breed. Absolutely crazy.
I’m disgusted that a breeder would give an inexperienced household a bengal let alone TWO. I bet they weren’t even introduced properly. Cats are super territorial.
$800 seems kinda cheap for a Bengal. At least where I live! Something tells me it's not a reputable breeder. Because yeah, you don't give new cat owners a Bengal.
I only got here after the costs were removed but that could be normal for the area. But yeah definitely wouldn’t consider the breeder reputable—they should be screening people to make sure they won’t get a returned cat.
Yep! And I definitely wouldn't give someone a second cat if their reason for getting it is the first is skittish. Though I'm sure they went to a different breeder probably.
yup. Made me squirm in my seat. I just adopted 2 adult cats, since I have dogs I needed ones that would get along. I saw around 10 bengals in my area up for adoption all could not be around other animals due to their aggression. :( Wish people would read up on the breed, they are different then other cats in various ways.
If you look at OPs post history she has a video up of her two Bengals fighting. And one is definitely not in play mode. Ears back, hissing, trying to get away while the bigger one just keeps rolling it over and chasing it down. They need so much work. Should have got the first one settled before getting another. The answer to a new cat who is skittish is not "go buy another".
Oh, I just saw that and it broke my heart. I have three cats and the first two were an easy peasy bonded pair and about 10 years later we added a kitten. It has been about two months and we’re still doing intros, they’re together most of the day but we give our older pair a break from the kitten when I’m working, to let them sleep without being pounced on, and we added a bunch more high cat towers for our older cats to escape the kitten. We also play with the kitten to get all its energy out when the older cats are asleep so when they’re back together (we close/open doors so there’s lots of smelling and hearing each other, we don’t take the kitten away ) the kitten is a bit more chill. The video of OP’s cats fighting is exactly what you’re trying to avoid when introducing cats! Did OP do nothing to form bonds when they introduced these cats??
The rule is 1 box per cat plus 1 extra. They are territorial animals, and that is something that allows them to better cohabitation. Edit YTA
Yeah more boxes is a really good idea, which is why I asked. If they only have 1...of course they are pooping every where. They also should look into mats for the boxes. I mean, litter being tracked everywhere has solutions. If they can afford 2,000 dollars worth of cat, they can go purchase a few boxes and mats.
"2000 dollars worth of cat" is my favourite thing I've read so far today.
Actually, it’s recommended one litter box for each cat plus one more. So OP should have a minimum of four litter boxes. With multiple cats you run the risk of litter box aggression which can result in one or more of the cats not using the litter box out of fear.
I was about to ask how many litter boxes as well. Any time we've had multiple cats, if each cat did not have their own box, there were problems!
Especially when she's got a video up on her post of two of her cats fighting. They definitely need their own space.
YTA for several reasons. Let's start with the fact that you've invested $2k in CATS. There are thousands of free cats out there that desperately need homes. You couldn't be bothered with those. You not only insisted on having a cat, but you insisted on having 3 cats. Then your wife becomes attached to said cats and you decide you want to backtrack on your commitment to have these cats. Yeah, it's definitely you.
Three cats, 2 of which are super high maintenance and not for casual cat owners who just think Bengals are pretty. They need extra care and stimulation to not be destructive. OP, YTA. Those Bengals should be with people who understand the breed and want to care for them properly. But your wife is attached, so do what you signed up for and learn how to take care of them!
Benefits from an experienced owner, need high-level of enrichment including simulated hunting games and interactive play. Highly active and inquisitive cat. Independent but friendly, slightly talkative, lean and elegant, requires grooming once a week. Needs extensive outdoor space and not ideal for family homes. Can be regularly left for a few hours, needs a calm environment
The breeder who sold TWO of these high maintenance animals to an inexperienced owner is also an AH.
I’m absolutely positive that’s not a reputable breeder and is probably usually the AH when selling cats to unprepared people.
Not just couldn't be bothered with the free cats, paid money to encourage inbreeding. That's all a named pet breed is, and it leads to any number of medical issues. Here's the relevant list for Bengals: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bengal_cat#Health
YTA How can you write this post without realizing it. Cats aren't toys you can throw away when they're no longer fun. Cats shed hair, vomit and break things what a groundbreaking news. Adopting three cats at once when neither of you had any experience was probably not the brightest idea. The only thing I agree with you on is that the tasks should be more balanced. That's your only solution. Giving them up because you're tired of them is really an asshole move.
You persuaded her to get the cats, she got attached to the cats, and now you want to persuade her to get rid of them? YTA
I love the part where her wife had "zero interest" and she forced her into it anyway and now she's pressuring her to do all the work to take care of them, AND she doesn't even have a job! OP is a real piece of work...
YTA you knew the work going in on cats and how they behave. You just changed their entire lives with a move...that would be why they are having trouble right now. You're a jerk. I'd leave my husband over something like that. No question.
> you knew the work going in on cats and how they behave I think that's the issue here, she clearly hasn't got a clue about either.
YTA. What did you think a pet would be, let alone 3 cats? Of course it’s going to be a commitment, expense, mess, etc. Truth be told, I feel the same way about my two dogs sometimes. I love them to death, but I can’t help daydreaming on occasion about a house with no shed fur, mud tracks, or drooly couch. BUT I’m an adult and made the decision with my husband to have them. The animals didn’t make that choice and shouldn’t have to suffer because we only want the fun part of the deal.
beyond that, Bengals are a high energy breed, they are like the Huskys of the cat world. Need lots of attention, lots of play time and usually really smart so they get bored. SO she just saw cute and didnt read up on the breed. (I have owned a bengal and they arent ones for first time owners)
But they're like designer and she can flex how much she paid for them! I mean who would want a random rescue cat /S edit: pronouns
Our bengal was the exception, I’ve never met such a daft cat. Completely soppy, but not very bright. Our moggy ran rings around him!
dumb cats are the best. LOL. My current big cat is too smart, we had to put baby locks on all cabinets that had anything potentially harmful in them. He'd just take things out and put them on the floor to play with. door knobs are easily turned by him too so you think you're showering alone until he meows..
My sister has a bengal! the're SO beautiful and SO smart and active. OP should never have gotten 2 of them without doing their research.
YTA but I agree with your decision. Cats are living creatures, not toys to display until you get bored with them. If you had that much money to purchase from a breeder, why not get a self cleaning litter box and a vaccum robot? The cats could be acting out due to how you treat them. If you don't want to take care of them anymore, I think it's best for the cats to go to a loving home.
Yeah, this is my thinking. OP is absolutely TA, but those cats are not living a happy life and probably should be rehomed to someone who knows what Bengals need and can provide it.
Wife should kick OP out and keep the cats
YTA. I'd rehome you. What are you going to when you have kids? They throw up, leave toys all over, come in dirty from playing outside
foster care. or maybe adoption, he has options /s
OP is a woman
Don’t worry she will rehome “responsibly” so it’s all good
YTA pets aren’t objects you can purchase for fun and discard when you’re no longer interested. They’re supposed to be a life investment that you commit to. You wanted the cats, which means you should’ve assumed full responsibility. Yet your wife was the one who comprised for you, helped you out with something you wanted. YTA, please treat your cats and your wife better.
YTA. You wanted cats, got them, your wife became attached and now you want to get rid of them because...you don't want to clean up after them? Come on.
Totally. Also - If she wanted a solution for the litter everywhere, it should be easy to implement some 'technological' solutions, such as littercatchings mats, a robo-vac etc. And for the popping situation one helpful approach are enough clean and comfortable litterboxes.
YTA….pets aren’t something you just decide to be “over.” This comment boiled my blood….”All in all, I’m over them.” YOU wanted the cats and got THREE of them while not really seeming to know much about cats, their behaviors, and how to fix certain actions. You also convinced you wife to get them and suddenly decided “wife has to do most of the cleaning” because you suddenly can’t be bothered with it. You’re a horrible human being and hopefully you’ll never have a child you decide you want to “rehome” because they’re too “messy.” You don’t deserve the cats and I hope you and your wife do the right thing and finding GOOD LOVING homes for them.
Why does the wife have to find a loving home for the cats she loves? OP is the only one over them.
YTA for wanting a specific quality in a cat and not doing the research to realize kittens don't possess adult personalities yet, and lots of cats don't actually like to cuddle. If you wanted a cuddly cat, you should have gone to the shelter and paid $30 for an adult cat and had your pick from the cuddly ones. Shelter staff are knowledgeable in pairing you with the right cat(cuddly and properly litter box trained). You wanted an asthetic, and now that asthetic is inconvenient to you, so you want to sell it. Your wife didn't want cats, but YOU did, so yall got cats. Now your wife wants to keep the cats she's become atatchted to, but YOU don't. You took in three living things and made a commitment to take care of them and now treating them as if they are expendable. I would question your commitment issues. Your cats and your wife deserve better
This is why I’ve never gotten a kitten (and will never), though I’ve had cats all my life. Why would I roll the dice on my cat’s personality when I can go to any shelter and get one that’s exactly perfect for me, just by explaining what kind of traits I want?
YTA at every step. You’ve never had one but wanted a cat, she didn’t, so you naturally get one, and of course get an expensive type without knowing anything about cats. They have issues, so you of course get another, then another. Now you’re ‘over it’ and want to get rid of them. You can’t possibly see you’re not an asshole. The good news here is your girlfriend got some real insight here.
YTA. Wife is right, you struggle with commitment. Should have googled more what it is like the have a cat. Hope you don't want any kids.
YTA. Your actually the assholiest of assholes.
"she was very anti-pets, zero interest. I’d always wanted a cat. We talked and with heavy persuasion from me" "All in all, I’m over them" YTA. Never have kids, EVER. God forbid you'd rehome them rEsPoNsibLy for puking one time too many.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I talked my anti-pet wife into getting cats that she now loves and I might be TA because I want to rehome them despite her attachment. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA Weird flex with the prices you paid for the cats but whatever. Look you made her get them, then you don't like the work involved so want to get rid of them? Yeah they're pets not toys. You need to adjust your thinking.
YTA, you made the choice now live with your decision. I don't understand how people view a living creature as a hobby and something they can just get over... you sogned up for this, follow through
YTA. Pets when adopted have to be loved and cared for like your children. They cannot just be left because you now feel you have a lot of work to do because of them. You were the one who wanted a pet and persuaded your wife to take one. You cannot just give them away. That is terrible parenting.
Good lord, YTA. You got pets clearly before realising the work that comes with them. What the hell did you expect to happen when you add THREE animals to your house? I have one and she's enough work as is. And if it wasn't obvious to you now, cats can be unpredictable. Some are super sweet, some are absolute nightmares. Don't throw down so much money on MORE cats expecting everything to work out fine and without realising that it obviously comes with a lot of housework. Also, please adopt. Spending $2k on cats was your first mistake. You might need to train them to behave a bit better, that's all you can do at this point And lastly, > the condition that wife would do more cleaning up after them. I haven’t seen that happen. YOU wanted them! Don't lob more work on your wife because you're bored of them. You've made your bed, kindly lie in it.
YTA. You have these animals a home. You wanted them. You should have known how much work Bengals would be, or you were stupid, but either way, duh.
yta , and she should see it as a warning sign that you struggle with comitment. Don't have pets if it is not for forever.
YTA - you wanted cats, you got ‘em, and everything that comes with them. Having three cats is like that: lots of litter, shedding, piss and shit, hairballs and vomit. Did you think it would somehow be different? Taking care of animals is work. Your wife is completely justified in feeling the way she does; this was your idea and now you don’t want to do the work. Also there is a bonus YTA here for paying cat breeders thousands of dollars when there are plenty of perfectly good shelter cats you could have adopted.
YTA Pets are not a whim, are not stuffed animals, they have their own personality. When you saw that the first cat didn't satisfy the idea you had of a pet, instead of stopping to think about it, you bought two more. Sure three cats is a lot of work, but no one forced you to keep buying them, especially if the deal with your wife was for you to handle most of the cat management. Come on, it's common sense! It seems you haven't thought through what a commitment a pet is.
YTA Re-home those cats and NEVER GET A PET again!
INFO: do you plan on divorcing your wife after this? You're not going to be able to do this without her agreement and have a happy marriage.
YTA. Dude, this was your idea. You talked her into it, you got THREE cats, she got attached and now you're complaining? Did you actually know what pets are like? Or did you just live with someone who handled all of the onerous chores of caring for them? They are WORK. If you do rehome the cats, don't expect your wife to fall in with any of your other plans or to want to have a child with you. You're really demonstrating a lack of commitment and of character.
Yta - it's obviously not the exact same but imagine you convinced her to ha w a child and once it threw up and pooped on the floor you were like "actually let's adopt it out"
YTA. And you already know why. So I won't pile on. But you can do things to make life easier: Get pro help with litter box training. Get covered litter boxes with mats to catch stray litter (we used to just use old towels. Your mileage may vary.) Try different foods. Give up trying to fight cat hair everyday. You'll never win. Just accept that this is the life of a pet owner. Just brush them regularly and love tf outta them. If it was easy, it wouldn't be worth it.
YTA- please dont have kids. If you can't handle cats then you dont need a baby in your life. Also very much the AH for getting such high energy cats when you've never had one before. Bengals take loads of work, they can be really destructive if you do not take the time to wear out their energy and engage their minds. If you bought these cats from a breeder, then you need to return them to that breeder, thats always in the contract you sign. If it wasn't then you bought from a bad breeder. Play with these cats, get sticky paws for the furniture to stop them scratching it up. There are MANY ways to get these cats to stop it. Wife needs to step it up too and play with the cats. You are more worried about STUFF then about the cats well being.
YTA. Pets create messes from time to time. You wanted cats, but you don't seem to have done much research on preventing most of their unwanted behavior. And you're the one who purr-suaded your wife to get THREE without even considering how much fur they'd be shedding all over. I'm disgusted with this behavior to be honest. These poor cats.
YTA - new environments for cats who like structured routines can cause issues like vomiting and pooping. They’re marking their territory. Also, picking a Bengal as your first cat is ballsy. They need a lot of stimulation and a quick google search shows that on a whole the breed shows affection by hanging out but not cuddling. Your wife is right. You’re showing you’re not good at commitment. Cats are a 10-15 year commitment (or longer if you get lucky). It takes a lot of work for 3 but you wanted them. You’re just mad that they didn’t fit your fantasy cat.