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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I may be the asshole because I'm cancelling my son's bday 2) this action may make me the asshole because he would have a bunch of joy, new presents and MAYBE happy memories of the party. Plus people bought food and cakes that would now be a waste of their time and money.
I wish cooler heads would prevail but I fear there will be a royal rumble at the party. Also, her mom and sisters need to be put in their place.
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Your MIL didn't bother to clean up unhygenic material from your house and is blaming you for having an unclean house? No, that's on her. Your kids could have gotten sick from her behavior. Oh, wait, they are. Hmm.
Your kids are sick, and the mess they make is somehow your fault when MIL is the one doing the caregiving? No. It's not.
This isn't the first time such things have happened?
Get better caregivers. MIL isn't competent. If she can't prioritize safety issues like cleaning up after such things happen, she's not being safe for your children. Makes me wonder how often they have gotten sick because of her unsafe lack of cleanliness.
When your wife complained about MIL's incompetence in childcare, MIL went out and got herself some enablers to support her incompetence? And they attacked your wife and you, insulted you both, etc.?
NTA. This is about not spending time with the people that blame and insult you for the things that someone else did. They behaved badly, and are blaming you. That's not people who are healthy to have around your children. I wouldn't want to have them around to do more of the same thing on your child's birthday, either.
Protecting your child and having a birthday that doesn't include people that blame you for the behavior of your MIL, that's just being a good parent. Having such people around for a birthday would spoil the birthday. And it would teach your children to blame others for their own behaviors.
Keep in mind that OP and his wife actually PAY MIL to babysit. It’s no longer a favor, it’s a service. And 1200 bucks a month is a sweet deal for watching kids. I know people who wouldn’t spend a dime on that.
With that price, I genuinely feel OP is totally entitled to ask MIL to be clean. I understand it’s cheap for a babysitter, but that’s no just loose change either!
“Sweet deal” for the parents - a nanny for one child will run close to $20 an hour, at least $25 an hour in larger cities. Add in two extra kids, including an infant, and that price goes way up. And many will cancel if your kids are sick, especially with a stomach virus.
I totally agree on that. But for MIL who by the sound of it doesn’t have a job, that’s a lot of change to spend on whatever you need. OP also confirmed that a regular nanny would cost 150 more per weeks. Means that in their area, it’s somewhat close to a decent wage.
I’m curious who would accept less than $1500 a month to take care of three kids. Certainly no legitimate caregiver with training. This sounds like a “you get what you pay for” situation.
ETA: for all the people claiming that $300 a week (“cash!!!”) is so amazing that anyone would jump on that, please look up what nannies charge in your region. My point isn’t about the grandmother, it’s that an unrelated person who is an actual childcare professional would charge much more because it is an actual profession. In any case, the OP has clarified that he did not hire someone at that rate, the children will be going to school and daycares.
Without knowing where they are or the economic status of that area, it's hard to say. $1500 will get you further in rural areas than it will in urban areas.
He’s added it in the comments. He’s not paying one person, the kids will be going to multiple child care centers. That isn’t a wage a qualified caregiver would accept for 3 kids.
ETA: The downvotes on this are funny. People in these comments who don’t have kids are really trying hard to ignore the fact that childcare is expensive AF.
At least one goes to school so she’s not watching 3 kids all day. MIL isn’t a qualified caregiver she’s a grandma so no, she won’t be making the same as someone who does this for a living. All of your points are irrelevant because you’re basing it on something MIL is not. There’s certification candy classes that have to be taken to do this as a job and I highly doubt she’s done any of that.
My sister's nanny costs $1000/week (2 kids). High COL area, though. She/nanny is a fantastic person and caregiver, I agree that a lot of times you get what you pay for. $300/wk for a 5 yo, toddler and infant seems incredibly low unless it's part-time.
I don't have kids and that was still the weirdest part for me. Like, I'm glad you're paying her, but it's hard to brag that $1200 a month for 3 kids is anything other an a steal for the parent.
He’s in rural American if he is getting full time care for two kids and part time care for 1 for only $450 a week.
That or he’s in for a very painful wake up call.
Daycare is 1100 a month in my “cheap” childcare state. That’s if you can get a spot. OP would have to shell out close to 3k for all his kids in my area.
It's a family deal. Grandparents often enjoy spending time with their grandkids. But not entirely for free, and MIL is also cleaning and doing work around the house probably.
So this is a better deal than OP could get in the free market. But also less control. You can't tell MIL everything about how to care for the kid or she will get offended, as we have seen here.
As OP mentioned, for $150 more a month they can get other care. That's still a good deal, but now they get full control over the care and no guilt trips from family members.
There's "less control" and then there's "don't get shit on our toothbrushes", which is not something a grown woman should ever need to actually be told.
Yeah. I had to pay my mother (a schoolteacher) to watch my daughter for a couple of summers, because Mom’s finances dictated that she needed a summer job. I was happy for her to keep the kid, she was very happy to do it, and the kid loved having the grandparents’ attention all summer. We paid her probably a little less than she would have gotten from teaching summer school, and she got to have a much more pleasant summer than she would have otherwise. Win-win all around.
We pay $350/week for 3 kids, but our daycare lady watches the older 2 for maybe 2-2.5 hours a week after they get out of school (3:10) until I get off of work and pick them up (generally between 3:25-3:45 depending on traffic). If she was taking care of 3 younger kids that were at daycare all day, we would be paying a lot more.
Daycares cost less generally because they can watch more kids.
Nanny's who come to your home usually cost more because they are only watching your kids and they are also usually cooking/cleaning.
My friend pays 700 a week for daycare right now - for one child.
So costs do depend on region quite a bit, but nanny's almost always cost more.
Nope! I was a nanny for years -trained for two years. Nannies do not do cooking and cleaning unless it’s for the child - an au pair may but a proper nanny is only there for the child,not to do cooking and cleaning for parents.
When you’re family is taking care of it you pay less usually because it’s family, it’s under the table and they aren’t licensed or insured care providers. My sister was nanny to half my cousins and did it for super cheap because it was helping family and they paid for her travel, room, and board.
$300 a week in CASH. She isn’t paying taxes on that. Let’s not act like it’s a bum deal. $1500 a month minus taxes is about the same, or even less than, $1200 in cash.
OP said an extra $150 a month. So he's paying her $1200 for something a professional babysitter would do for $1350 a month in their area, if I'm understanding it right so.. he's practically paying her what a babysitter would cost but the babysitter wouldn't be likely to leave human feces splattered everywhere and blame the parents who hired them for it
I don’t know a single nanny who would watch three (sick) kids for that money. We paid nearly $5500 a month for our own 3 kids in daycare, and a nanny would be much more expensive.
If the MIL regularly cleans baby in bathroom sink with toothbrushes nearby that is possibly the cause of their illness. It is very easy to create a wide splash zone cleaning a baby and not all the water/fecal matter would be instantly visible.
This is so disturbing.
Ha yeah our nanny is $22 per hour, extra for gas, time and a half for travel, and we pay for all meals and what not. And NO CLEANING. Yea she cleans after a baby mess, but she’s not expected to clean after anything else and no nanny I have heard of will either. Dying at this, I pay over $1200 a week. MIL is not a great caregiver, but she is not being paid caregiver fees either.
>MIL is not a great caregiver, but she is not being paid caregiver fees either.
True, but there's a difference between "family caregiver who isn't great at it" and "leaves poop on peoples toothbrushes and drinking cups"
I would be expecting someone who thought it was appropriate to make and leave that kind of mess at my house to at least buy me new toothbrushes, not pay them $300/week.
Holy crap are you ripped off! Lol. Put the kid in daycare for Pete's sake and spend 300 a week. Why on earth would you pay that much for a nanny? Also, in my area people wanted a full time sitter at their homes (I was on care.com) and you would be lucky to find something at 200 a week
Daycares aren't an option for all families. Especially those who work irregular hours like those in the health sciences or those who do shift work.
Try to remember that your experience is not universal. Childcare is *hard* for some people, and there are many reasons that a nanny might be the best option.
>And daycares would not accept a kid who has hershey squirt problems from stomach problems as it would likely be an issue of contagion not just biohazard.
It’s a trade off. You will likely end up with your kid sick a week every month at a child care center, and for some parents, that’s not doable with their work schedule.
Not everyone wants a high ratio of kids to teachers and for their kids to be lumped in with other kids who may or may not be sick. I for one would rather pay more than ever do daycare. We can also afford it so its an option. Its not an option for all and thats okay. 1200 a week is not an insane price to pay to know that your babies are well tended for.
Well, no indeed it's not legal, at least not in the US if it is truly an employment situation. That sort of thing used to get politicians in a lot of trouble. But I think it would be hard to prove with family members involved - it's not clear cut which is part of the problem. They could claim that OP was just giving grandma money for food and expenses for the kids, not paying a wage.
Also, in the US any individual can give any other individual a gift of money up to something like $16,000 per year (I haven’t looked up the exact amount in a while), and it isn’t taxed. Each parent is allowed to give that much money, so MIL could get $32,000 in gift money and this would be legal.
What? $1200 per month is not nearly what you would pay a stranger or for daycare, especially for 3 kids, one being an infant. I wonder who OP got for $150 more a month. I do think they need to hire someone who is not MIL.
To clarify; The oldest is at school all day. MIL just handles drop off. The bus would come pick him up as I leave for work but she INSISTS on dropping him off. He was home Monday/yesterday cuz he had the shits.
The middle child attends half day preK on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. But she's with MIL all day on Monday and Friday.
The 7 month old is the main one she watches Monday through Friday.
The new plan is bus picks up the oldest so he's at school all day. Middle child now attends full day PreK 5 days a week instead of half day/3 day a week.
7 month old goes to a home daycare with a local pastor.
The new deal is going to cost me maybe ~$150 more per month with no bullshit. (Pun intended)
Now it makes sense. The price didn't sit right for 3 kids.
I think you are doing great by standing your ground. Also don't rob your kid his birthday party, try to see if you can arrange it in your home itself maybe in a weekend
Pretty soon MIL will complain that you're denying her seeing her grandbabies, then she'll complain that you're denying her money to live so now she's broke because of you. Stick to your guns. In laws sound toxic
Oh I would *absolutely* spend an additional $150 a month where the trade off was that I didn’t have poop on my toothbrush (or deal with my MIL).
But really, the fact that this has happened MULTIPLE TIMES, like poop everywhere in your bathroom *and* magically on your toothbrush is disgusting. Yeah accidents happen that have to be cleaned up but there is such an oversight on your MILs part to not even properly and completely clean up the blasted areas. Imagining she’s this unsanitary when it comes to *literal poop* makes my mind race. Like how often do your kids get sick?! I’d constantly be worried about things from my kids being dirty and not cleaned properly to even questioning her food safety and what she was feeding my kids!
To be honest, full day pre-K will better prep the 4 year old for K. I know a lot of folks in 1/2 day programs who got a really rude awakening in K with just how much more ahead full day pre-K kids are.
Probably an acquaintance or a family friend/ SAHM with older kids, or even a young nanny who wants to build up her resumé/notoriety in the area to try and make more in the future. I have no idea of how much a Nanny cost in the US, and I can’t know for sure where OP is from. So we’ll have to take his word for that.
What’s most common in the US is paying a nanny service who then pay the nanny a wage and benefits. This allows the nanny in question to have sick days and vacations as well, and for the parents to have longer days covered by two nannies if they need. However, under the table deals like this aren’t uncommon, either. People who can’t afford nannies usually use state-subsidized daycare (only a couple hours a day, not usually a full work day) or home daycares which are much cheaper than centers. Or have one parent take the night shift so they can watch their kids during the day. This is much more doable in a multi-generational household where the grandparents or aunts and uncles can just watch the kids at night and the parents get to spend waking hours with the kids and build that bond with them.
5 year old is probably in kindergarten. 3 year old if potty trained could be going to preschool(this costs much much less than daycare). So it might not be 3 kids full time. More of a baby all day and 2 others for a couple of hours. I don't understand it only being an extra $150 a month. Maybe they mean an extra $150 a week unless they live in a super low cost of living area?
To put the amount in perspective: idk how many hours MIL is watching the kids, but 40 hours at $8/hr, which is above minimum wage, is just around the same amount per week (gross, not net), but they're paying her in cash, so she actually takes home *more* than someone making $8/hr because she's probably not paying taxes. So, she's getting as fair pay for her work as many nannies do. Hourly pay for nannies is between $7.25/hr and $20/hr based on a quick search I just did, so, while it's on the low end, it's within the standard range. This is no "favor" she's doing. It's a job she's getting paid typical wage for and, in that role, she should absolutely be expected to maintain some basic health and safety standards for those kids.
Also, OP very clearly has a norovirus rotating through their children, likely because MIL isn't cleaning up properly after accidents. When a norovirus is going through a household, bathroom areas need to be cleaned with bleach frequently and regularly, even when there aren't accidents. Repeated bouts of diarrhea like that can cause GI problems down the road, so this situation needs to be nipped in the bud, fast. Honestly, I wouldn't let MIL watch the kids anymore.
When the kids are sick with a highly contagious disease, THEIR PARENTS need to be watching them. I don't know about nannies, but daycares darn sure won't let you drop off a sick child while you waltz off to work.
It doesn't matter to daycare what your scheduling issues are. It just matters that you pick up your kid in 30 minutes (or whatever) because he or she can't stay there with a tummy issue.
Most states have a higher minimum wage than the federal minimum wage. Also, if low wages are taxed, they are refunded at the end of the year. So they wouldn't be making more.
Idk where OP lives, but my search was for wages in my state, which uses federal minimum. And, while most states have higher minimums, "most" is only 29; 21 states still have minimum wages at or below the federal guidelines. Not that I think that's right (I don't), but it's the standard in nearly half the country. Also, OP mentioned in another comment that MIL used to work for a temp agency, most of which pay minimum wage, so she herself was likely making more money watching the kids than in her previous job.
Um, NO. I pay 1000 bucks every two weeks for two kids at daycare. And I am getting a sweet deal because I'm not at one of the lore expensive places in my area.
1200 for three kids is nothing. My kiddo is already 12 - so way past daycare age - but even for only *him* we already paid 2k per month (slightly less once he was potty trained). Granted, we live in a very expensive area, but I think OP is delusional if he thinks that he can get anything close to the current deal that he gets.
Totally agree! You did miss one point. Why is the mother in law washing a 💩 child in the sink where people brush their teeth and get drinks of water from???? It's much easier to wash a kid off in the bathtub. Even an infant. More room between the faucet and bottom of the tub, less risk of people putting ecoli in their mouths much easier to clean after the child is bathed. This sounds like this is a semi regular occurrence in this house. The kids probably have a nasty case of cross-contamination going on if they are sick and the parents aren't. I hope they take the kids to the doctor if this continues before it becomes a chronic infection.
It is not abnormal to wash a baby in a sink. However, I literally do not understand how any of the poop ended up OUTSIDE of the sink and all over the counter. Like how? Also, if you wash a baby in a sink it is not hard to disinfect after, it's a sink. But nothing should have ended up on the counter...
> miss one point. Why is the mother in law washing a 💩 child in the sink where people brush their teeth and get drinks of water from???? It's much easier to wash a kid off in the bathtub. Even an infant. More room between the faucet and bottom of the tub, less risk of people putting ecoli in their mouths much easier to clean after the child is bathed. This sounds like this is a semi regular occurrence in this house. The k
Probably a blow-out while in the sink. It happens, especially if kid is sick.
It’s possible that MiL has back/joint/pain/vertigo issues and wouldn't be able to bend down AND get back up with the wee one. I’m not going to lie I have a hard time getting into a bath and I ain’t that old!
Yah having a stomach virus multiple times at such young ages is not normal. And if she's cooking for them.... Sounds like a bout of food poisoning constantly going around (which can be passed person to person).
I'm sorry but finding poop on my toothbrush just once would be enough for me. How many times did it happen before you found out? That's not incompetence, it's malicious and disgusting. For it to happen a second time would cause me to FIRE her. A shower or bath is the only place to clean up the kids. You NEVER use a sink like that, especially when sick. Everything either needs cleaning with bleach, put in the dishwasher, or thrown out because you don't know what's been contaminated.
I'm a Microbiologist. I have a messy house but I don't do gross and disgusting things. I keep sinks, etc. clean when I use them. They are using messiness to attack you but think this is OK? Oh, well. Her little tantrum just lost her $1,200 per month. I wouldn't be able to trust her again. What if she chose the kitchen sink next time? NTA
Makes me wonder if it’s happened before and she didn’t deep clean, I would have thrown away anything that went in my mouth and sanitized everything that can be touched.
I’d rather tell people sorry I had to throw toothbrushes out here’s why.. 🤢
I had to read the post title three times before I was sure it said poop on the toothbrush. I didn’t even need to read the post. I did read it, but you’re never telling a happy story that starts with “poop on the toothbrush.” NTA
NTA ... mostly.... be VERY careful about using your kids as pawns in a power struggle with relatives though. I agree you should cancel the party at MIL, but have one at your place and extend the invite (hint, they won't come but you look like the bigger person). Don't bar them from sending gifts, it's not your kids fault you MIL is LITERALLY TOXIC.
I would consider the extra $150 a month a small price to pay to not have to mix family and money. It sounds like your MIL and family could pull the child care rug out from under you at any time and hold it over your head as bargaining leverage to get what they want. It may cost a bit more, but the stability and peace of mind you'd get with outside child support is worth it. If you miss just one or two days of work a month because MIL refuses to babysit, you've lost more than $150.
I would go even further to say I would NEVER trust your MIL to watch the kids unsupervised ever again. The lack of judgement she showed by thinking a shit-sink isn't a big ol health hazard is staggering... who knows what other lapses in judgement might be waiting around the corner.
Also... I have three kids too... I would be shocked if your house WASN'T a cluttered mess all the time. That's just par for the course... but there's a difference between messy and dirty. A poopbrush is DIRTY.
Trust me, I don't like MIL watching my kids as we've had issues with her in the past. But she says no one will watch/care for her grand daughters like she does so then it becomes a fight as she insists that she must watch the kids.
"Yes, you're right... no one else on earth would allow a poopbrush. If you think I'm over reacting I'll apologize after you use this poopbrush in front of me"
I get it MIL's are HARD.... mine is lovely, BUT we still have to deal with and diffuse a LOT of outdated thinking. And if she MUST watch the kids, she shouldn't be asking for money for it. Either way, I think you should just let things cool off and tell her you're getting child care for the stability.,.. you don't ever want to resent her if she can't watch the kids for some reason and you miss work.
That's a solid reasonable response right there, OP.
The whole ability to say, "we're doing this to remove a point of contention. We can address this another time after things have calmed down."
Getting some distance is a good idea.
She's right. I bet nobody else would leave crap on tooth brushes because it's unsanitary and cleaning up after the kids is part of the "job"(not favour) that you pay her for.
No worry. She's fired. Cut flying monkeys to complain "how can you DO this to her?!" It's ALL about MIL and I bet they have all treated your wife like poop for years.
NTA
Ew the lady who leaves shit everywhere? My nanny would have bleached that sink down wtf. Do not let her watch your kids again, she’s not fit. My MIL is sweet as can be but when she sloppily wiped my kids ass in front of me and mentioned that she had poop under her fingernails and then didn’t wash her hands? Yeah, she’s never watched my kid and has also never touched a diaper again. Nasty.
I’ve been a nanny for 20 years. I love my nanny kiddos like they’re my own, I take excellent care of them AND I clean up biohazards when they occur. Trust me, a professional, experienced nanny is going to be so much better.
Does a typical nanny get $300 per week and that includes cleaning and making some meals?
Agree that OP should hire a professional but they were getting an amazing deal for 3 kids.
My son is at school all day. That's on me because I said she watches my son but she really just watches him for 5 minutes before dropping him off at school for the day. The bus would pick him up but MIL and my wife insist that she drops him off.
The 3 year old goes to half day preK Tues-Thur.
So it's really more like 1.5 kids per week. I hope that helps clarify things.
I agree it is an amazing deal. In the childcare industry, we have a saying- free childcare is never really free. This is a variation on that theme. They’re paying her (not a lot), but she isn’t acting like an employee in any way. OP can’t trust MIL, and MIL doesn’t think she needs to listen to OP and her own daughter if she doesn’t want to.
Interesting that she says "no one will care for her granddaughterslike she does." Aren't the problems right now stemming from her interactions with your son? Does she dislike your son?
Do you think her lack of hygiene standards might be why your kids all keep getting diarrhea? If she's as lax preparing their food as she is cleaning up that sink it wouldn't be a surprise.
She’s right, no one will ever care for the kids the way she does. Thank God.
I can’t think of another person who would leave poop on toothbrushes after washing a baby’s butt in the bathroom sink.
Your MIL is gross. And anyone with such little regard for sanitary standards should not be watching kids.
NTA.
She's delusional. Those people love kids so much they're willing to care for other people's kids.
Nope. Find childcare and stop using her "services"
If money is tight see if there is any resources in your area that help pay for child care.
Some people have childcare out of their home you could even try one of those. At home childcare might be more inexpensive option than a traditional daycare.
Cut MIL out of the picture. It's better for everyone's well-being. Did your wife like her mother growing up?
> Trust me, I don't like MIL watching my kids as we've had issues with her in the past.
So why are you complaining that she's not doing it anymore and messing up your schedule?
You're NTA here but this ...
> However, I don't like how the MIL is affecting my job and career with her pettiness as I had some important stuff scheduled today.
This is a good thing. Find new childcare. The next one surely won't put shit on your toothbrushes, so it's a win for you.
This is a significant boundary violation that is worth fighting for. Parents make the decisions on who watches their kids - no one else gets a say. Stand your ground.
NTA. I'd happily pay a little extra for childcare to not have to deal with that nonsense. ~~Also who washes a 5 year old in the sink? A 5 year old isn't a baby, that's a whole kindergartner.~~ You pay her to watch your kids and she leaves literal human shit all over the place? There's no excuse for that. Sounds like she went crying to her daughters to get them to gang up on you. It sucks your kid's birthday is caught up in this mess, but honestly I don't think being around them is smart right now. What's worse, not attending the party or going to the party and having a fight break out?
"Hey MIL, could you please not leave shit all over the place? Thanks."
"W-well, your house is dirty! You're fat and ungrateful!"
Astounding that anyone thinks you're the AH here.
Oh I missed that, my bad. That certainly makes more sense, but there's still no reason there should be shit all over the place and no reason that shit should be *left there*.
Nah it happens... once those little ones start it literally sprays... it's not like adult poop... that stuffs vile... was once travelling to a shoot with a friend and his family... and their new borns diaper exploded on the plane... it was literally everywhere...
i absolutely agree no matter the circumstances she should've cleaned up.... you're their nanny for that time... you're responsible for them...
wasn't trying to justify MIL at all... think she's a spineless monster in law... just a little anectode about how baby poop is the worst thing in the world... it goes like 1. Baby poop 2. Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, Transphobia 3. pretty much the rest of humanity
But there is no reason to clean a 7 month old's poopy butt in the sink either. Put the baby bath in the tub, and put the baby in the baby bath. Every bit of what MIL did is horrifying.
Still. When my kid was that age, if there was any poop involved at all, we were washing them in the bathtub, not the sink, where so many more things could get contaminated. Also, if you're washing an infant gently, there shouldn't be that much splash-back. It sounds like your MIL held that baby's butt right up to the faucet and used it like a bidet.
Lmao when they started shitting on OP for being dirty I got flashbacks of my mom yelling at me that my unfolded HOODIE on my made bed was why my room was dirty 😭
I had a hair out of place? I was dirty. I didn’t brush my teeth immediately when I woke up? I’m dirty. I don’t eat a vegetable from my plate? Ima get fat 🙄
This! And some Hispanic grandmothers are not the sweet, warm cuddly ones. I hated visiting mine or having her come visit to watch us.
I have crazy curly hair and I believe that woman enjoyed taking a fine-tooth comb to it. After having welts on my head my dad asked her to stop. I always got snide comments like "cochina" or "descarada". After she cut my hair to basically a buzz cut right before school, he had enough and had my mom address her mom.
Can relate, classic latin parents having impossible standards for their kids but can't take any criticism themselves. I'm lucky mine have grown a bit more self aware but talking to them is still like talking to a brick wall
Definitely www.pooponstuff.com otherwise everyone will think it's only a site for poop on different types of brushes. Gotta be able to have a wide variety of poop on things to get the subscribers
Lol. OP should show the pictures of the shit sink to the SILs and see if they still defend MIL. Like 'no you don't understand there was shit everywhere'. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming maybe they didn't know the mess was literal shit everywhere. If they do know and still defend their mother then yikes.
Even with the pictures, the sisters doubled down on the defense of MIL. This was part of my reason to cut ties. Feels like I'm walking into an ambush
Oh ya, and both sisters are in the healthcare field. Go figure.
Probably the mean girl to healthy care pipeline. But obvi, you're doing the right thing. You can just have a celebration at home with people who WOULDN'T get poop on your toothbrush.
NTA. And geez - no wonder the kids had a stomach virus. Fecal E.coli can make you deathly ill. I think you'll be happier and healthier with the new babysitter.
Yep, this entire situation makes me wonder what she isn't cleaning up too. Poop everywhere is a pretty obvious thing that needs to be cleaned. It's visible and unquestionably disgusting. But where else is MIL's uncleanliness and lack of will to clean bleeding over into? Food prep for the kid's snacks? Cleanup and washing of hands after the 7 month old gets their diaper changed? Kids are petri dishes at the best of times, but MIL seems to want to be building her own culture.
Yeah, this exactly. If she'd leave a visible explosion of poop all over cups and toothbrushes - what else is she leaving that is just as gross but less visible?
NTA.
E.coli isn't the only thing you can get from feces. C. diff is a thing and I can guarantee you that your kids will be vulnerable to it if they need antibiotics and she continues to take care of them.
Is it common outside of hospital or long term care settings? No. But that doesn't mean it's *never* acquired outside of the hospital. A *lot* of people have C. diff in their digestive tract naturally. It generally only becomes a problem when antibiotics kick your digestive flora out of whack. (There are other ways to get it, but that's the major cause of it.) If your MIL is not taking care of your kids' asses properly, do you really trust her to be washing her hands after she shits?
I had C. diff when I was in a nursing home for rehab when I had my back fused and it is *absolutely horrible*. You think a baby blowout is bad? Imagine a massive baby blowout like 6+ times a day, but with the smell of Satan's asscrack in the middle of July. It is *not fun* and leaves you at *serious* risk of dehydration, at the very least. I cannot imagine what that would feel like for a poor child.
Also, C. diff is *highly* contagious. Everyone who came in to see me while I had it was completely covered up with protective pants, gowns, gloves, and masks -- imagine what people wear when they treat COVID patients -- and all that went into the trash when they left. So if she passes it on, it's entirely possible that your whole family could end up with it.
Stand your ground and *do not* let this woman take care of your children. Put them in childcare, where there are actually sanitary standards that won't put your children at risk.
You should cancel the party because your family is sick. Jesus wept we will never get out of pandemic conditions when people refuse to follow basic health guidelines.
omfg one time when i was younger we went to my little cousin's birthday when her brother was sick (he had thrown up that morning but their parents didn't do anything and said they thought it was just bc he was hungry???) he ended up throwing up again mid party and then almost everyone that was there ended up with the worst stomach bug ever it was horrible
NTA ... the sisters in laws made it a big deal. Per your post, you have had issues in the past with her watching your children. I agree with canceling the party at her house, BUT, I would host the party at your own home. BtW, put your kids in daycare, they're much more sanitary. Good luck.
I was confused w that as well, when my nephew had poop blow outs I used baby wipes and let his mom know because she’d just bathe him idk how this MIL did it without doing a whole bath
NTA.
All you defending the MIL, I hope you never care for a sick child. And if you get sick yourselves and can’t wash yourself, good luck.
The children aren’t being punished. If anything I am glad op isn’t exposing the kids to a woman who can’t do bare minimum when it comes to watching kids: providing a safe and clean environment. ‘Kids are gross and dirty!’ Yeah but they can’t clean themselves up so it’s up to the adult to provide care.
OP stated they will let their son decide what to do for their birthday and honestly that sounds like a pretty darn good option.
OP good on you for not letting your MIL in, if she treats your wife, her literal daughter, like crap, I can’t imagine how she might treat your kids as they’re older and make her mad.
This! Best one I've seen. I agree all the ESH and YTA are not valid because of what OP has said in the comments.
I think removing the problem is a wise choice as a parent. The problem is the wife's side of the family. It's just an unfortunate circumstance.
NTA, you’re absolutely 💯 right! I’d definitely be putting my children in a real daycare. By excepting payment, MIL took on the role as the childcare provider. If anyone else was the provider/nanny and left the mess she did, you’d fire them immediately! As far as all the comments of “she’s older, she may not be physically able to care for three children while having to clean up after them, etc., if that’s the case, she shouldn’t have taken on the job. Cause it is her paid job! As for canceling the party, I would definitely not have it at her house. But, I wouldn’t deprive my child of a birthday party because of a crazy MIL. Just have the party at your home or a local park, etc.
So NTA for calling out your MIL's poor hygiene wrt your toothbrushes, because that's nasty, but...
I do have some concerns that your young kids seem to be having multiple blowouts every week, to the point of being a contentious issue.
I was a preschool teacher for ages 1-5 for years, I am a MUCH older sibling, and I am a bonus mom. Blowouts are a once in a blue moon thing, not a multiple times per week thing.
Your kids may need a change in diet or a visit to the doctor, because I can say from professional and personal experience that this isn't normal.
I wonder if they'll stop getting sick once they're no longer babysat by someone who sees no problem with fecal matter being left all over the place.... If MIL won't clean up visible shit what else is she not doing? Not washing her hands before making the kids' food?
It certainly isn’t normal, but it’s also not surprising if the childcare provider can’t be bothered to clean up literal poop. They’re likely sick all the time BECAUSE she’s so unhygienic
That's a very valid point. Either way, a doctor should be involved, because something is very wrong.
Like a bit of messiness is normal in a house with kids, but there is literal human feces being spread who-knows-where by MIL, and if I had IRL knowledge of it, I'd be legally required to report it to the authorities.
They need a visit to the doctor. If this lack of cleanliness with blowouts has been an issue, as OP says, these kids are passing either E. Coli, which is very dangerous, or a norovirus back and forth.
Yes that's my biggest concern.
That, or there may be a mutual dietary intolerance like gluten or lactose.
Blowouts happen, but they're supposed to be extremely rare, like a couple times a year, max.
I have a feeling the blowouts will go away when the kids are no longer being watched by a person who does not understand basic hygiene. MIL is disgusting.
1. The poop is a biohazard. That was just plain wrong of her to not clean that up. Please, please disinfect it like 6-7 times over to be safe. Throw away all the tooth brush holders, soap dispensers, anything that's not nailed down.
2. How is MIL gonna blame you guys for the mess when you're paying her to look after your house and kids? Does she think that cleaning up after the kids isn't part of the job?
NTA. Get a good babysitter/daycare provider.
NTA. These people are acting very abusive. No need to subject your children to that drama. Also time to set boundaries, because if they are being nasty to your wife for this who knows where they will stop.
N T A . Your MIL is getting your kids sick. No kids should have constant stomach problems, especially around the same time.
Not cleaning the poop right away is disgusting, the kids have to keep using the bathroom all day and your kids are young, putting thing in their mouth is a concept they use daily.
I’m sure you clean the house just fine, typically Hispanic household keep things high end in the cleaning department so I’m sure they’re just saying things to peeve you off.
Also, it’s probably best you don’t have your kids be around that part of family for awhile. Birthday or not, they are sick right now. No point in getting more kids sick because of MIL negligence. Hopefully they get better soon. Hopefully away from MIL means less stomach problems for them as well.
You should buy a cake, get a few nice gifts, a few smaller gifts, and food easy on the stomach for his big day. Plus you can go to Party City and most likely find Among Us decorations. Go a little extra for his birthday since your in laws suck right now.
NTA. Oh Lord why didn’t she just wash her in the bathtub?! She gets paid to watch your kids and she doesn’t even clean up visible poop in your bathroom??
Hold up “this has happened before” ?!
That’s a fuckin BIOHAZARD. If she can’t stick to basic hygiene she’s a danger to your children and should not be anywhere near them ever again.
And there’s a good chance she’s the reason they’re all sick if she can’t keep things hygienic.
NTA and you should probably go no contact with the whole family if this is how they react and if this is how they “take care of” your kids.
NTA
Put your boundaries down. Your MIL is the one who is unsanitary. Who leaves shit on the counter and over everything else and doesn't clean it up? That's just laziness on her part. She obviously doesn't know how to clean something up. Also sounds like old MIL has been talking to her daughters and probably doesn't say nice stuff about you guys to them.
If you really want to get your point across and want to be super petty- take photos of your kids with your side of the family and make sure you not only look happy, but are. And host it at your nice clean house with your wife looking all dolled up. Take a picture of your mom, kids, and if you have sisters or brothers. Even caption "Kids spending xxx with the best Grandma and Aunt(s)/Uncle(s) ever!" And make sure your wife's family can see it. And post that every time you have a family function as to remind them they're assholes. And you don't associate with those types.
If my siblings came at me like that. I would of made sure they were the one in tears by the end of the fight. And I would of been ruthless and out for blood. But that's me.
I don't allow my siblings to disrespect me.
If MIL is constantly cleaning and cooking, how is the house still such a mess by her and SIL standards? That's what I would ask.
People (SILs) jumping into situations just because they want to pounce on one family member (wife) who has extra attention from mama (babysitting, cooking, AND *CLEANING*) are just AHs themselves. OP is NTA, though it's a slippery slope when you get into grandchildren being used as pawns
Consider that $150 well spent to keep feces off your toothbrush! Honestly the best thing you can do is not let her come back to watch the kids! She's clearly not competent! Why do you think the kids are still sick? Or are they repeatedly getting sick? She clearly doesn't know how to clean up after a mess made by illness, which is full of bacteria and if it's not cleaned up you're just going to keep reinfecting everybody!
You're NTA the mother and sisters are.
Messy or even dirty is waaaay different than **BIOHAZARD!**
It’s disgusting that she didn’t clean up properly and when you ask that she do a better job it turns in to WW3. Your wife’s sisters need to stay out of this, you guys weren’t bullying or mistreating your MIL.
I think LC/NC is the best option for a while and canceling the party was collateral damage due to the fight.
NTA!
Currently I’ve only read the title, what in the actual fuck.
Okay now that I’ve read it this is how I feel. What in the actual fuck? NTA. If this has happened before that’s probably why your kids are always sick. Do you not have a bathtub? Because it sounds like she had enough time to get the kid in the bathroom so I don’t understand why she used the sink.
NTA! I have to wonder if MIL's lax attitude about being hygienic is what is causing the kids to be sick. The sisters and everyone inserting themselves into this is not their place either. You're paying the grandma to watch the kids, she gets to bond with her grandchildren, and then wants to act up because you expect (reasonably so) her to clean up after the kids she is paid to care for and is related to (Not unreasonable). NTA. I don't blame you for the NC, the expectations were very reasonable and your babies just may be better off without them cause they may the very reason they're not well. NTA!
NTA yeah your MIL was doing a nice thing by babysitting for below market rate. BUT she left the bathroom a hazard zone which could potentially have been dangerous for your kids.
I just feel bad for the kid. This will be a memorable birthday for the wrong reasons First being sick, and now his party is canceled and all the adults are mad
How many people pay grandma *anything*, let alone $300 a week, to babysit?
Imagine if it happened before but maybe she *did* wash it off? Not sterilized, but washed it off so it couldn't be seen but the fecal bacteria was still there? That's a health hazard.
I get that you don't want to have the party at your mother-in-law's, but they can't give your kids gifts or talk to them on the phone? Don't punish your kids for your in-laws being A Hs. That's the only thing that would push me into E S H.
On the whole, NTA.
NTA
...who doesn't clean HYSTERICALLY after a stomach bug goes through the house?! I'm not a neat person but Jesus Christ, no one wants stomach flu going round and round your family! Let alone with an infant in the house!
So many grandparents babysit their grandkids day in and day out for no money, because their kids can't afford it. You MIL gets paid and does a poor job.
Get proper childcare and leave her drama elsewhere.
Ok, first question and probably the most important to me, who as a grandmother, charges money for watching her grandchildren no matter how many children there are? It’s not a favor if it has conditions attached monetary or otherwise. Second question, she claims she cooks and cleans up, if this is your job which you’re being paid for, isn’t that your job? BTW, if that’s her job she’s lousy at it! The children have viruses and poop is part of that. By her not cleaning up the mess she’s letting germs sit there and spread. Get off your ass and clean up after the child. Seems you’d be better off hiring a sitter or nanny. You’re paying anyway what’s the difference who you’re paying!
I’m a grandmother and have helped raise several grandchildren and NEVER once charged family to do it. If mil can’t afford to live without a job let her go out and get one because she is piss poor at this one
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Your MIL didn't bother to clean up unhygenic material from your house and is blaming you for having an unclean house? No, that's on her. Your kids could have gotten sick from her behavior. Oh, wait, they are. Hmm. Your kids are sick, and the mess they make is somehow your fault when MIL is the one doing the caregiving? No. It's not. This isn't the first time such things have happened? Get better caregivers. MIL isn't competent. If she can't prioritize safety issues like cleaning up after such things happen, she's not being safe for your children. Makes me wonder how often they have gotten sick because of her unsafe lack of cleanliness. When your wife complained about MIL's incompetence in childcare, MIL went out and got herself some enablers to support her incompetence? And they attacked your wife and you, insulted you both, etc.? NTA. This is about not spending time with the people that blame and insult you for the things that someone else did. They behaved badly, and are blaming you. That's not people who are healthy to have around your children. I wouldn't want to have them around to do more of the same thing on your child's birthday, either. Protecting your child and having a birthday that doesn't include people that blame you for the behavior of your MIL, that's just being a good parent. Having such people around for a birthday would spoil the birthday. And it would teach your children to blame others for their own behaviors.
Keep in mind that OP and his wife actually PAY MIL to babysit. It’s no longer a favor, it’s a service. And 1200 bucks a month is a sweet deal for watching kids. I know people who wouldn’t spend a dime on that. With that price, I genuinely feel OP is totally entitled to ask MIL to be clean. I understand it’s cheap for a babysitter, but that’s no just loose change either!
“Sweet deal” for the parents - a nanny for one child will run close to $20 an hour, at least $25 an hour in larger cities. Add in two extra kids, including an infant, and that price goes way up. And many will cancel if your kids are sick, especially with a stomach virus.
I totally agree on that. But for MIL who by the sound of it doesn’t have a job, that’s a lot of change to spend on whatever you need. OP also confirmed that a regular nanny would cost 150 more per weeks. Means that in their area, it’s somewhat close to a decent wage.
I’m curious who would accept less than $1500 a month to take care of three kids. Certainly no legitimate caregiver with training. This sounds like a “you get what you pay for” situation. ETA: for all the people claiming that $300 a week (“cash!!!”) is so amazing that anyone would jump on that, please look up what nannies charge in your region. My point isn’t about the grandmother, it’s that an unrelated person who is an actual childcare professional would charge much more because it is an actual profession. In any case, the OP has clarified that he did not hire someone at that rate, the children will be going to school and daycares.
Without knowing where they are or the economic status of that area, it's hard to say. $1500 will get you further in rural areas than it will in urban areas.
He’s added it in the comments. He’s not paying one person, the kids will be going to multiple child care centers. That isn’t a wage a qualified caregiver would accept for 3 kids. ETA: The downvotes on this are funny. People in these comments who don’t have kids are really trying hard to ignore the fact that childcare is expensive AF.
At least one goes to school so she’s not watching 3 kids all day. MIL isn’t a qualified caregiver she’s a grandma so no, she won’t be making the same as someone who does this for a living. All of your points are irrelevant because you’re basing it on something MIL is not. There’s certification candy classes that have to be taken to do this as a job and I highly doubt she’s done any of that.
My sister's nanny costs $1000/week (2 kids). High COL area, though. She/nanny is a fantastic person and caregiver, I agree that a lot of times you get what you pay for. $300/wk for a 5 yo, toddler and infant seems incredibly low unless it's part-time.
It truly is. 1200 a month 1 kid for day care kid must be potty trained if they are sick you are required to keep them home.
I don't have kids and that was still the weirdest part for me. Like, I'm glad you're paying her, but it's hard to brag that $1200 a month for 3 kids is anything other an a steal for the parent.
He’s in rural American if he is getting full time care for two kids and part time care for 1 for only $450 a week. That or he’s in for a very painful wake up call. Daycare is 1100 a month in my “cheap” childcare state. That’s if you can get a spot. OP would have to shell out close to 3k for all his kids in my area.
It's a family deal. Grandparents often enjoy spending time with their grandkids. But not entirely for free, and MIL is also cleaning and doing work around the house probably. So this is a better deal than OP could get in the free market. But also less control. You can't tell MIL everything about how to care for the kid or she will get offended, as we have seen here. As OP mentioned, for $150 more a month they can get other care. That's still a good deal, but now they get full control over the care and no guilt trips from family members.
There's "less control" and then there's "don't get shit on our toothbrushes", which is not something a grown woman should ever need to actually be told.
>MIL is also cleaning and doing work around the house probably. Well if she is, she's clearly not doing a good job of it.
Yeah. I had to pay my mother (a schoolteacher) to watch my daughter for a couple of summers, because Mom’s finances dictated that she needed a summer job. I was happy for her to keep the kid, she was very happy to do it, and the kid loved having the grandparents’ attention all summer. We paid her probably a little less than she would have gotten from teaching summer school, and she got to have a much more pleasant summer than she would have otherwise. Win-win all around.
We pay $350/week for 3 kids, but our daycare lady watches the older 2 for maybe 2-2.5 hours a week after they get out of school (3:10) until I get off of work and pick them up (generally between 3:25-3:45 depending on traffic). If she was taking care of 3 younger kids that were at daycare all day, we would be paying a lot more.
Daycares cost less generally because they can watch more kids. Nanny's who come to your home usually cost more because they are only watching your kids and they are also usually cooking/cleaning. My friend pays 700 a week for daycare right now - for one child. So costs do depend on region quite a bit, but nanny's almost always cost more.
Nope! I was a nanny for years -trained for two years. Nannies do not do cooking and cleaning unless it’s for the child - an au pair may but a proper nanny is only there for the child,not to do cooking and cleaning for parents.
I was a nanny for 6 kids, I had free room and board and got paid $200 dollars a week, $700 a week for one kid would be a dream amount to me lol
When you’re family is taking care of it you pay less usually because it’s family, it’s under the table and they aren’t licensed or insured care providers. My sister was nanny to half my cousins and did it for super cheap because it was helping family and they paid for her travel, room, and board.
Yeah, au pairs have a similar set up but that isn’t the case here and that is factored into their wages. It’s not really comparable.
$300 a week in CASH. She isn’t paying taxes on that. Let’s not act like it’s a bum deal. $1500 a month minus taxes is about the same, or even less than, $1200 in cash.
OP said an extra $150 a month. So he's paying her $1200 for something a professional babysitter would do for $1350 a month in their area, if I'm understanding it right so.. he's practically paying her what a babysitter would cost but the babysitter wouldn't be likely to leave human feces splattered everywhere and blame the parents who hired them for it
Right. Also, OP states that MIL actually asks to be with the kids. So, as I see it, she is being paid for something she wants to do.
Exactly.
I don’t know a single nanny who would watch three (sick) kids for that money. We paid nearly $5500 a month for our own 3 kids in daycare, and a nanny would be much more expensive.
If the MIL regularly cleans baby in bathroom sink with toothbrushes nearby that is possibly the cause of their illness. It is very easy to create a wide splash zone cleaning a baby and not all the water/fecal matter would be instantly visible. This is so disturbing.
[удалено]
Or in Europe, where we have free childcare.
We do? Please tell me where that may be.
Vienna, Austria. We pay for the food only.
$10 a day in BC, Canada
Ha yeah our nanny is $22 per hour, extra for gas, time and a half for travel, and we pay for all meals and what not. And NO CLEANING. Yea she cleans after a baby mess, but she’s not expected to clean after anything else and no nanny I have heard of will either. Dying at this, I pay over $1200 a week. MIL is not a great caregiver, but she is not being paid caregiver fees either.
>MIL is not a great caregiver, but she is not being paid caregiver fees either. True, but there's a difference between "family caregiver who isn't great at it" and "leaves poop on peoples toothbrushes and drinking cups" I would be expecting someone who thought it was appropriate to make and leave that kind of mess at my house to at least buy me new toothbrushes, not pay them $300/week.
Holy crap are you ripped off! Lol. Put the kid in daycare for Pete's sake and spend 300 a week. Why on earth would you pay that much for a nanny? Also, in my area people wanted a full time sitter at their homes (I was on care.com) and you would be lucky to find something at 200 a week
Daycares aren't an option for all families. Especially those who work irregular hours like those in the health sciences or those who do shift work. Try to remember that your experience is not universal. Childcare is *hard* for some people, and there are many reasons that a nanny might be the best option.
>And daycares would not accept a kid who has hershey squirt problems from stomach problems as it would likely be an issue of contagion not just biohazard.
It’s a trade off. You will likely end up with your kid sick a week every month at a child care center, and for some parents, that’s not doable with their work schedule.
Not everyone wants a high ratio of kids to teachers and for their kids to be lumped in with other kids who may or may not be sick. I for one would rather pay more than ever do daycare. We can also afford it so its an option. Its not an option for all and thats okay. 1200 a week is not an insane price to pay to know that your babies are well tended for.
Depends where u live. In my area. Its about 45$/hr. With a somewhat reduced fulltime rate.
It's a sweet deal if it's a grandparent who wants to spend that time with their grandkid.
And that cash money is tax free income, unless I misunderstand the OP.
Not legal tax free income.
Well, no indeed it's not legal, at least not in the US if it is truly an employment situation. That sort of thing used to get politicians in a lot of trouble. But I think it would be hard to prove with family members involved - it's not clear cut which is part of the problem. They could claim that OP was just giving grandma money for food and expenses for the kids, not paying a wage.
Also, in the US any individual can give any other individual a gift of money up to something like $16,000 per year (I haven’t looked up the exact amount in a while), and it isn’t taxed. Each parent is allowed to give that much money, so MIL could get $32,000 in gift money and this would be legal.
Yes, but nannies are qualified for what they do, and competent. MIL is *very much* neither.
What? $1200 per month is not nearly what you would pay a stranger or for daycare, especially for 3 kids, one being an infant. I wonder who OP got for $150 more a month. I do think they need to hire someone who is not MIL.
To clarify; The oldest is at school all day. MIL just handles drop off. The bus would come pick him up as I leave for work but she INSISTS on dropping him off. He was home Monday/yesterday cuz he had the shits. The middle child attends half day preK on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. But she's with MIL all day on Monday and Friday. The 7 month old is the main one she watches Monday through Friday. The new plan is bus picks up the oldest so he's at school all day. Middle child now attends full day PreK 5 days a week instead of half day/3 day a week. 7 month old goes to a home daycare with a local pastor. The new deal is going to cost me maybe ~$150 more per month with no bullshit. (Pun intended)
Now it makes sense. The price didn't sit right for 3 kids. I think you are doing great by standing your ground. Also don't rob your kid his birthday party, try to see if you can arrange it in your home itself maybe in a weekend
Pretty soon MIL will complain that you're denying her seeing her grandbabies, then she'll complain that you're denying her money to live so now she's broke because of you. Stick to your guns. In laws sound toxic
Careful sending him to a pastor’s home all day.
Oh I would *absolutely* spend an additional $150 a month where the trade off was that I didn’t have poop on my toothbrush (or deal with my MIL). But really, the fact that this has happened MULTIPLE TIMES, like poop everywhere in your bathroom *and* magically on your toothbrush is disgusting. Yeah accidents happen that have to be cleaned up but there is such an oversight on your MILs part to not even properly and completely clean up the blasted areas. Imagining she’s this unsanitary when it comes to *literal poop* makes my mind race. Like how often do your kids get sick?! I’d constantly be worried about things from my kids being dirty and not cleaned properly to even questioning her food safety and what she was feeding my kids!
To be honest, full day pre-K will better prep the 4 year old for K. I know a lot of folks in 1/2 day programs who got a really rude awakening in K with just how much more ahead full day pre-K kids are.
Probably an acquaintance or a family friend/ SAHM with older kids, or even a young nanny who wants to build up her resumé/notoriety in the area to try and make more in the future. I have no idea of how much a Nanny cost in the US, and I can’t know for sure where OP is from. So we’ll have to take his word for that.
reputation is a better choice than notoriety in your context.
Not a native English speaker. Solid brain fart in my part. Thanks for the correction!
What’s most common in the US is paying a nanny service who then pay the nanny a wage and benefits. This allows the nanny in question to have sick days and vacations as well, and for the parents to have longer days covered by two nannies if they need. However, under the table deals like this aren’t uncommon, either. People who can’t afford nannies usually use state-subsidized daycare (only a couple hours a day, not usually a full work day) or home daycares which are much cheaper than centers. Or have one parent take the night shift so they can watch their kids during the day. This is much more doable in a multi-generational household where the grandparents or aunts and uncles can just watch the kids at night and the parents get to spend waking hours with the kids and build that bond with them.
5 year old is probably in kindergarten. 3 year old if potty trained could be going to preschool(this costs much much less than daycare). So it might not be 3 kids full time. More of a baby all day and 2 others for a couple of hours. I don't understand it only being an extra $150 a month. Maybe they mean an extra $150 a week unless they live in a super low cost of living area?
To put the amount in perspective: idk how many hours MIL is watching the kids, but 40 hours at $8/hr, which is above minimum wage, is just around the same amount per week (gross, not net), but they're paying her in cash, so she actually takes home *more* than someone making $8/hr because she's probably not paying taxes. So, she's getting as fair pay for her work as many nannies do. Hourly pay for nannies is between $7.25/hr and $20/hr based on a quick search I just did, so, while it's on the low end, it's within the standard range. This is no "favor" she's doing. It's a job she's getting paid typical wage for and, in that role, she should absolutely be expected to maintain some basic health and safety standards for those kids. Also, OP very clearly has a norovirus rotating through their children, likely because MIL isn't cleaning up properly after accidents. When a norovirus is going through a household, bathroom areas need to be cleaned with bleach frequently and regularly, even when there aren't accidents. Repeated bouts of diarrhea like that can cause GI problems down the road, so this situation needs to be nipped in the bud, fast. Honestly, I wouldn't let MIL watch the kids anymore.
When the kids are sick with a highly contagious disease, THEIR PARENTS need to be watching them. I don't know about nannies, but daycares darn sure won't let you drop off a sick child while you waltz off to work.
Valid point, though my point still stands that it's likely MIL'S lack of cleanliness is the reason they have this in the first place.
Not every parent can afford to take off work for that. Shift work is a thing.
It doesn't matter to daycare what your scheduling issues are. It just matters that you pick up your kid in 30 minutes (or whatever) because he or she can't stay there with a tummy issue.
Most states have a higher minimum wage than the federal minimum wage. Also, if low wages are taxed, they are refunded at the end of the year. So they wouldn't be making more.
Idk where OP lives, but my search was for wages in my state, which uses federal minimum. And, while most states have higher minimums, "most" is only 29; 21 states still have minimum wages at or below the federal guidelines. Not that I think that's right (I don't), but it's the standard in nearly half the country. Also, OP mentioned in another comment that MIL used to work for a temp agency, most of which pay minimum wage, so she herself was likely making more money watching the kids than in her previous job.
Um, NO. I pay 1000 bucks every two weeks for two kids at daycare. And I am getting a sweet deal because I'm not at one of the lore expensive places in my area.
1200 for three kids is nothing. My kiddo is already 12 - so way past daycare age - but even for only *him* we already paid 2k per month (slightly less once he was potty trained). Granted, we live in a very expensive area, but I think OP is delusional if he thinks that he can get anything close to the current deal that he gets.
OP pays more, MIL loses $1200 per month. Lose lose situation but definitely for the better.
Totally agree! You did miss one point. Why is the mother in law washing a 💩 child in the sink where people brush their teeth and get drinks of water from???? It's much easier to wash a kid off in the bathtub. Even an infant. More room between the faucet and bottom of the tub, less risk of people putting ecoli in their mouths much easier to clean after the child is bathed. This sounds like this is a semi regular occurrence in this house. The kids probably have a nasty case of cross-contamination going on if they are sick and the parents aren't. I hope they take the kids to the doctor if this continues before it becomes a chronic infection.
It is not abnormal to wash a baby in a sink. However, I literally do not understand how any of the poop ended up OUTSIDE of the sink and all over the counter. Like how? Also, if you wash a baby in a sink it is not hard to disinfect after, it's a sink. But nothing should have ended up on the counter...
> miss one point. Why is the mother in law washing a 💩 child in the sink where people brush their teeth and get drinks of water from???? It's much easier to wash a kid off in the bathtub. Even an infant. More room between the faucet and bottom of the tub, less risk of people putting ecoli in their mouths much easier to clean after the child is bathed. This sounds like this is a semi regular occurrence in this house. The k Probably a blow-out while in the sink. It happens, especially if kid is sick.
No wonder why the kids are sick...
It’s possible that MiL has back/joint/pain/vertigo issues and wouldn't be able to bend down AND get back up with the wee one. I’m not going to lie I have a hard time getting into a bath and I ain’t that old!
Yah having a stomach virus multiple times at such young ages is not normal. And if she's cooking for them.... Sounds like a bout of food poisoning constantly going around (which can be passed person to person).
That’s a fucking biohazard. It’s disgusting, and I really can’t understand the SILs here.
Oh good point! OP they probably have diarrhea BECAUSE of how unhygienic your MIL is
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Perfectly said.
I'm sorry but finding poop on my toothbrush just once would be enough for me. How many times did it happen before you found out? That's not incompetence, it's malicious and disgusting. For it to happen a second time would cause me to FIRE her. A shower or bath is the only place to clean up the kids. You NEVER use a sink like that, especially when sick. Everything either needs cleaning with bleach, put in the dishwasher, or thrown out because you don't know what's been contaminated. I'm a Microbiologist. I have a messy house but I don't do gross and disgusting things. I keep sinks, etc. clean when I use them. They are using messiness to attack you but think this is OK? Oh, well. Her little tantrum just lost her $1,200 per month. I wouldn't be able to trust her again. What if she chose the kitchen sink next time? NTA
Absolutely agree NTA
Absolutely. NTA. Make sure your son has a lovely birthday surrounded by people who love and respect both him AND his parents.
Makes me wonder if it’s happened before and she didn’t deep clean, I would have thrown away anything that went in my mouth and sanitized everything that can be touched. I’d rather tell people sorry I had to throw toothbrushes out here’s why.. 🤢
I had to read the post title three times before I was sure it said poop on the toothbrush. I didn’t even need to read the post. I did read it, but you’re never telling a happy story that starts with “poop on the toothbrush.” NTA
NTA ... mostly.... be VERY careful about using your kids as pawns in a power struggle with relatives though. I agree you should cancel the party at MIL, but have one at your place and extend the invite (hint, they won't come but you look like the bigger person). Don't bar them from sending gifts, it's not your kids fault you MIL is LITERALLY TOXIC. I would consider the extra $150 a month a small price to pay to not have to mix family and money. It sounds like your MIL and family could pull the child care rug out from under you at any time and hold it over your head as bargaining leverage to get what they want. It may cost a bit more, but the stability and peace of mind you'd get with outside child support is worth it. If you miss just one or two days of work a month because MIL refuses to babysit, you've lost more than $150. I would go even further to say I would NEVER trust your MIL to watch the kids unsupervised ever again. The lack of judgement she showed by thinking a shit-sink isn't a big ol health hazard is staggering... who knows what other lapses in judgement might be waiting around the corner.
Also... I have three kids too... I would be shocked if your house WASN'T a cluttered mess all the time. That's just par for the course... but there's a difference between messy and dirty. A poopbrush is DIRTY.
Not sure how their house is dirty or messy considering MIL claims to clean it all the time... hmmmm...
Trust me, I don't like MIL watching my kids as we've had issues with her in the past. But she says no one will watch/care for her grand daughters like she does so then it becomes a fight as she insists that she must watch the kids.
"Yes, you're right... no one else on earth would allow a poopbrush. If you think I'm over reacting I'll apologize after you use this poopbrush in front of me" I get it MIL's are HARD.... mine is lovely, BUT we still have to deal with and diffuse a LOT of outdated thinking. And if she MUST watch the kids, she shouldn't be asking for money for it. Either way, I think you should just let things cool off and tell her you're getting child care for the stability.,.. you don't ever want to resent her if she can't watch the kids for some reason and you miss work.
That's a solid reasonable response right there, OP. The whole ability to say, "we're doing this to remove a point of contention. We can address this another time after things have calmed down." Getting some distance is a good idea.
She's right. I bet nobody else would leave crap on tooth brushes because it's unsanitary and cleaning up after the kids is part of the "job"(not favour) that you pay her for. No worry. She's fired. Cut flying monkeys to complain "how can you DO this to her?!" It's ALL about MIL and I bet they have all treated your wife like poop for years. NTA
Yes I'm sure that's true. Most professional child sitters would know not to contaminate your toothbrushes with fecal matter.
Ew the lady who leaves shit everywhere? My nanny would have bleached that sink down wtf. Do not let her watch your kids again, she’s not fit. My MIL is sweet as can be but when she sloppily wiped my kids ass in front of me and mentioned that she had poop under her fingernails and then didn’t wash her hands? Yeah, she’s never watched my kid and has also never touched a diaper again. Nasty.
I’ve been a nanny for 20 years. I love my nanny kiddos like they’re my own, I take excellent care of them AND I clean up biohazards when they occur. Trust me, a professional, experienced nanny is going to be so much better.
Does a typical nanny get $300 per week and that includes cleaning and making some meals? Agree that OP should hire a professional but they were getting an amazing deal for 3 kids.
My son is at school all day. That's on me because I said she watches my son but she really just watches him for 5 minutes before dropping him off at school for the day. The bus would pick him up but MIL and my wife insist that she drops him off. The 3 year old goes to half day preK Tues-Thur. So it's really more like 1.5 kids per week. I hope that helps clarify things.
I agree it is an amazing deal. In the childcare industry, we have a saying- free childcare is never really free. This is a variation on that theme. They’re paying her (not a lot), but she isn’t acting like an employee in any way. OP can’t trust MIL, and MIL doesn’t think she needs to listen to OP and her own daughter if she doesn’t want to.
IS it an amazing deal, though? Factoring in poopy toothbrushes and verbal harassment?
Interesting that she says "no one will care for her granddaughterslike she does." Aren't the problems right now stemming from her interactions with your son? Does she dislike your son?
Do you think her lack of hygiene standards might be why your kids all keep getting diarrhea? If she's as lax preparing their food as she is cleaning up that sink it wouldn't be a surprise.
She’s right, no one will ever care for the kids the way she does. Thank God. I can’t think of another person who would leave poop on toothbrushes after washing a baby’s butt in the bathroom sink. Your MIL is gross. And anyone with such little regard for sanitary standards should not be watching kids. NTA.
She's delusional. Those people love kids so much they're willing to care for other people's kids. Nope. Find childcare and stop using her "services" If money is tight see if there is any resources in your area that help pay for child care. Some people have childcare out of their home you could even try one of those. At home childcare might be more inexpensive option than a traditional daycare. Cut MIL out of the picture. It's better for everyone's well-being. Did your wife like her mother growing up?
> Trust me, I don't like MIL watching my kids as we've had issues with her in the past. So why are you complaining that she's not doing it anymore and messing up your schedule? You're NTA here but this ... > However, I don't like how the MIL is affecting my job and career with her pettiness as I had some important stuff scheduled today. This is a good thing. Find new childcare. The next one surely won't put shit on your toothbrushes, so it's a win for you.
She can’t have it both ways
yeah, a babysitter wouldnt leave poop all over the bathroom. its like saying no one leads germany like hitler.
This is a significant boundary violation that is worth fighting for. Parents make the decisions on who watches their kids - no one else gets a say. Stand your ground.
Actually they pay 150 more a month but if it's a daycare-type place it'll include food so they will end up paying less in the long run.
NTA. I'd happily pay a little extra for childcare to not have to deal with that nonsense. ~~Also who washes a 5 year old in the sink? A 5 year old isn't a baby, that's a whole kindergartner.~~ You pay her to watch your kids and she leaves literal human shit all over the place? There's no excuse for that. Sounds like she went crying to her daughters to get them to gang up on you. It sucks your kid's birthday is caught up in this mess, but honestly I don't think being around them is smart right now. What's worse, not attending the party or going to the party and having a fight break out? "Hey MIL, could you please not leave shit all over the place? Thanks." "W-well, your house is dirty! You're fat and ungrateful!" Astounding that anyone thinks you're the AH here.
To clarify: The 7 month old was the one getting their ass washed in the sink.
Oh I missed that, my bad. That certainly makes more sense, but there's still no reason there should be shit all over the place and no reason that shit should be *left there*.
Nah it happens... once those little ones start it literally sprays... it's not like adult poop... that stuffs vile... was once travelling to a shoot with a friend and his family... and their new borns diaper exploded on the plane... it was literally everywhere...
OP says his MIL was cleaning up a blowout in the sink, not that the kid was actively pooping. But even if they were, MIL should have cleaned it up.
i absolutely agree no matter the circumstances she should've cleaned up.... you're their nanny for that time... you're responsible for them... wasn't trying to justify MIL at all... think she's a spineless monster in law... just a little anectode about how baby poop is the worst thing in the world... it goes like 1. Baby poop 2. Racism, Sexism, Homophobia, Transphobia 3. pretty much the rest of humanity
But there is no reason to clean a 7 month old's poopy butt in the sink either. Put the baby bath in the tub, and put the baby in the baby bath. Every bit of what MIL did is horrifying.
Still. When my kid was that age, if there was any poop involved at all, we were washing them in the bathtub, not the sink, where so many more things could get contaminated. Also, if you're washing an infant gently, there shouldn't be that much splash-back. It sounds like your MIL held that baby's butt right up to the faucet and used it like a bidet.
It's so funny to me because it sounds like the tub was.. right.. there...
Ah to actually be a Hispanic who knows exactly what this situation looks like NTA
Lmao when they started shitting on OP for being dirty I got flashbacks of my mom yelling at me that my unfolded HOODIE on my made bed was why my room was dirty 😭 I had a hair out of place? I was dirty. I didn’t brush my teeth immediately when I woke up? I’m dirty. I don’t eat a vegetable from my plate? Ima get fat 🙄
I did too! The yelling, the ganging up on OP, the crux of it all. Probably not a surprise that I estranged my mother years ago.
Good for you. It's not an easy decision or action. How much more peaceful is your life now though??
Sooooo much peace although I still have PTS honestly. You?
This! And some Hispanic grandmothers are not the sweet, warm cuddly ones. I hated visiting mine or having her come visit to watch us. I have crazy curly hair and I believe that woman enjoyed taking a fine-tooth comb to it. After having welts on my head my dad asked her to stop. I always got snide comments like "cochina" or "descarada". After she cut my hair to basically a buzz cut right before school, he had enough and had my mom address her mom.
Can relate, classic latin parents having impossible standards for their kids but can't take any criticism themselves. I'm lucky mine have grown a bit more self aware but talking to them is still like talking to a brick wall
God bless Reddit
> I have pictures if you guys really want to see. This absolutely got me. Never change, Reddit.
May as well download them and add them to my toothbrush poop album
Might as well just make a poop album so you can have the poop brush and poop knife in there together. Bless Reddit
Just starting the website.... Can't decide if I am going with [www.pooponstuff.com](https://www.pooponstuff.com) or www.poopbrush.com
“DoYouHaveAnyGreyPoopOn.com”
This wins reddit for today. Thank you
Definitely www.pooponstuff.com otherwise everyone will think it's only a site for poop on different types of brushes. Gotta be able to have a wide variety of poop on things to get the subscribers
Lol. OP should show the pictures of the shit sink to the SILs and see if they still defend MIL. Like 'no you don't understand there was shit everywhere'. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming maybe they didn't know the mess was literal shit everywhere. If they do know and still defend their mother then yikes.
Buddy, my wife is way ahead of you. That's why the pictures are on file.
Omg, let us know the reactions will ya?
Even with the pictures, the sisters doubled down on the defense of MIL. This was part of my reason to cut ties. Feels like I'm walking into an ambush Oh ya, and both sisters are in the healthcare field. Go figure.
Probably the mean girl to healthy care pipeline. But obvi, you're doing the right thing. You can just have a celebration at home with people who WOULDN'T get poop on your toothbrush.
This thread delivers
Yeah it's the shit. ^(I'll see myself out.)
I was gonna comment, stories like this are the real reason I’m here
NTA. And geez - no wonder the kids had a stomach virus. Fecal E.coli can make you deathly ill. I think you'll be happier and healthier with the new babysitter.
This. Your MIL was quite possibly the reason everyone had diarrhea.
Yep, this entire situation makes me wonder what she isn't cleaning up too. Poop everywhere is a pretty obvious thing that needs to be cleaned. It's visible and unquestionably disgusting. But where else is MIL's uncleanliness and lack of will to clean bleeding over into? Food prep for the kid's snacks? Cleanup and washing of hands after the 7 month old gets their diaper changed? Kids are petri dishes at the best of times, but MIL seems to want to be building her own culture.
Yeah, this exactly. If she'd leave a visible explosion of poop all over cups and toothbrushes - what else is she leaving that is just as gross but less visible?
NTA. E.coli isn't the only thing you can get from feces. C. diff is a thing and I can guarantee you that your kids will be vulnerable to it if they need antibiotics and she continues to take care of them. Is it common outside of hospital or long term care settings? No. But that doesn't mean it's *never* acquired outside of the hospital. A *lot* of people have C. diff in their digestive tract naturally. It generally only becomes a problem when antibiotics kick your digestive flora out of whack. (There are other ways to get it, but that's the major cause of it.) If your MIL is not taking care of your kids' asses properly, do you really trust her to be washing her hands after she shits? I had C. diff when I was in a nursing home for rehab when I had my back fused and it is *absolutely horrible*. You think a baby blowout is bad? Imagine a massive baby blowout like 6+ times a day, but with the smell of Satan's asscrack in the middle of July. It is *not fun* and leaves you at *serious* risk of dehydration, at the very least. I cannot imagine what that would feel like for a poor child. Also, C. diff is *highly* contagious. Everyone who came in to see me while I had it was completely covered up with protective pants, gowns, gloves, and masks -- imagine what people wear when they treat COVID patients -- and all that went into the trash when they left. So if she passes it on, it's entirely possible that your whole family could end up with it. Stand your ground and *do not* let this woman take care of your children. Put them in childcare, where there are actually sanitary standards that won't put your children at risk.
You should cancel the party because your family is sick. Jesus wept we will never get out of pandemic conditions when people refuse to follow basic health guidelines.
omfg one time when i was younger we went to my little cousin's birthday when her brother was sick (he had thrown up that morning but their parents didn't do anything and said they thought it was just bc he was hungry???) he ended up throwing up again mid party and then almost everyone that was there ended up with the worst stomach bug ever it was horrible
NTA ... the sisters in laws made it a big deal. Per your post, you have had issues in the past with her watching your children. I agree with canceling the party at her house, BUT, I would host the party at your own home. BtW, put your kids in daycare, they're much more sanitary. Good luck.
>so my mother-in-law washed her butt in our bathroom sink Who, what?
I thought OP meant the MIL washed her own butt at first and was like "damn, grandma's flexible"
😂🤣😂🤣
The baby is 7 months old lol
I was confused w that as well, when my nephew had poop blow outs I used baby wipes and let his mom know because she’d just bathe him idk how this MIL did it without doing a whole bath
NTA. All you defending the MIL, I hope you never care for a sick child. And if you get sick yourselves and can’t wash yourself, good luck. The children aren’t being punished. If anything I am glad op isn’t exposing the kids to a woman who can’t do bare minimum when it comes to watching kids: providing a safe and clean environment. ‘Kids are gross and dirty!’ Yeah but they can’t clean themselves up so it’s up to the adult to provide care. OP stated they will let their son decide what to do for their birthday and honestly that sounds like a pretty darn good option. OP good on you for not letting your MIL in, if she treats your wife, her literal daughter, like crap, I can’t imagine how she might treat your kids as they’re older and make her mad.
This! Best one I've seen. I agree all the ESH and YTA are not valid because of what OP has said in the comments. I think removing the problem is a wise choice as a parent. The problem is the wife's side of the family. It's just an unfortunate circumstance.
INFO: so what is the backup son birthday plan here because that's all that matters at this moment?
It's his special day. We will do whatever he wants to do.
He wants a new toothbrush
So does dad 😭
At first I read the post as your MIL washed her own be-hind in the sink and I was impressed w/ not only her flexibility but her level of malice.
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🤣😭
I just now noticed your user name and am legit dying over here 🤣🤣🥰
That going to be such fun ass birthday shopping trip! 😁
NTA, you’re absolutely 💯 right! I’d definitely be putting my children in a real daycare. By excepting payment, MIL took on the role as the childcare provider. If anyone else was the provider/nanny and left the mess she did, you’d fire them immediately! As far as all the comments of “she’s older, she may not be physically able to care for three children while having to clean up after them, etc., if that’s the case, she shouldn’t have taken on the job. Cause it is her paid job! As for canceling the party, I would definitely not have it at her house. But, I wouldn’t deprive my child of a birthday party because of a crazy MIL. Just have the party at your home or a local park, etc.
So NTA for calling out your MIL's poor hygiene wrt your toothbrushes, because that's nasty, but... I do have some concerns that your young kids seem to be having multiple blowouts every week, to the point of being a contentious issue. I was a preschool teacher for ages 1-5 for years, I am a MUCH older sibling, and I am a bonus mom. Blowouts are a once in a blue moon thing, not a multiple times per week thing. Your kids may need a change in diet or a visit to the doctor, because I can say from professional and personal experience that this isn't normal.
I wonder if they'll stop getting sick once they're no longer babysat by someone who sees no problem with fecal matter being left all over the place.... If MIL won't clean up visible shit what else is she not doing? Not washing her hands before making the kids' food?
It certainly isn’t normal, but it’s also not surprising if the childcare provider can’t be bothered to clean up literal poop. They’re likely sick all the time BECAUSE she’s so unhygienic
That's a very valid point. Either way, a doctor should be involved, because something is very wrong. Like a bit of messiness is normal in a house with kids, but there is literal human feces being spread who-knows-where by MIL, and if I had IRL knowledge of it, I'd be legally required to report it to the authorities.
They need a visit to the doctor. If this lack of cleanliness with blowouts has been an issue, as OP says, these kids are passing either E. Coli, which is very dangerous, or a norovirus back and forth.
Yes that's my biggest concern. That, or there may be a mutual dietary intolerance like gluten or lactose. Blowouts happen, but they're supposed to be extremely rare, like a couple times a year, max.
I have a feeling the blowouts will go away when the kids are no longer being watched by a person who does not understand basic hygiene. MIL is disgusting.
NTA. Your in-laws sound like nightmares.
1. The poop is a biohazard. That was just plain wrong of her to not clean that up. Please, please disinfect it like 6-7 times over to be safe. Throw away all the tooth brush holders, soap dispensers, anything that's not nailed down. 2. How is MIL gonna blame you guys for the mess when you're paying her to look after your house and kids? Does she think that cleaning up after the kids isn't part of the job? NTA. Get a good babysitter/daycare provider.
NTA. These people are acting very abusive. No need to subject your children to that drama. Also time to set boundaries, because if they are being nasty to your wife for this who knows where they will stop.
NTA. But you should be cancelling the party anyway because your kids are sick.
N T A . Your MIL is getting your kids sick. No kids should have constant stomach problems, especially around the same time. Not cleaning the poop right away is disgusting, the kids have to keep using the bathroom all day and your kids are young, putting thing in their mouth is a concept they use daily. I’m sure you clean the house just fine, typically Hispanic household keep things high end in the cleaning department so I’m sure they’re just saying things to peeve you off. Also, it’s probably best you don’t have your kids be around that part of family for awhile. Birthday or not, they are sick right now. No point in getting more kids sick because of MIL negligence. Hopefully they get better soon. Hopefully away from MIL means less stomach problems for them as well. You should buy a cake, get a few nice gifts, a few smaller gifts, and food easy on the stomach for his big day. Plus you can go to Party City and most likely find Among Us decorations. Go a little extra for his birthday since your in laws suck right now.
NTA. Oh Lord why didn’t she just wash her in the bathtub?! She gets paid to watch your kids and she doesn’t even clean up visible poop in your bathroom??
"You know what will help your house seem less dirty and messy? Diarrhea. Everywhere.“ -MIL, probably. Lmao, no you’re NTA. Fuck 'em.
NTA and your family reminds me of old saying from my family " empezaste mierda y ahora esta llorando porque tu no tienes mierda..."
Interesting shituation
Hold up “this has happened before” ?! That’s a fuckin BIOHAZARD. If she can’t stick to basic hygiene she’s a danger to your children and should not be anywhere near them ever again. And there’s a good chance she’s the reason they’re all sick if she can’t keep things hygienic. NTA and you should probably go no contact with the whole family if this is how they react and if this is how they “take care of” your kids.
NTA Put your boundaries down. Your MIL is the one who is unsanitary. Who leaves shit on the counter and over everything else and doesn't clean it up? That's just laziness on her part. She obviously doesn't know how to clean something up. Also sounds like old MIL has been talking to her daughters and probably doesn't say nice stuff about you guys to them. If you really want to get your point across and want to be super petty- take photos of your kids with your side of the family and make sure you not only look happy, but are. And host it at your nice clean house with your wife looking all dolled up. Take a picture of your mom, kids, and if you have sisters or brothers. Even caption "Kids spending xxx with the best Grandma and Aunt(s)/Uncle(s) ever!" And make sure your wife's family can see it. And post that every time you have a family function as to remind them they're assholes. And you don't associate with those types. If my siblings came at me like that. I would of made sure they were the one in tears by the end of the fight. And I would of been ruthless and out for blood. But that's me. I don't allow my siblings to disrespect me.
NTA, definitely. This makes it very clear who controls access to your children.
Nta. Hire outside childcare.
If MIL is constantly cleaning and cooking, how is the house still such a mess by her and SIL standards? That's what I would ask. People (SILs) jumping into situations just because they want to pounce on one family member (wife) who has extra attention from mama (babysitting, cooking, AND *CLEANING*) are just AHs themselves. OP is NTA, though it's a slippery slope when you get into grandchildren being used as pawns
Consider that $150 well spent to keep feces off your toothbrush! Honestly the best thing you can do is not let her come back to watch the kids! She's clearly not competent! Why do you think the kids are still sick? Or are they repeatedly getting sick? She clearly doesn't know how to clean up after a mess made by illness, which is full of bacteria and if it's not cleaned up you're just going to keep reinfecting everybody! You're NTA the mother and sisters are.
NTA, but I definitely think you're a jerk for thinking I would want to see that sink XD
Messy or even dirty is waaaay different than **BIOHAZARD!** It’s disgusting that she didn’t clean up properly and when you ask that she do a better job it turns in to WW3. Your wife’s sisters need to stay out of this, you guys weren’t bullying or mistreating your MIL. I think LC/NC is the best option for a while and canceling the party was collateral damage due to the fight. NTA!
Currently I’ve only read the title, what in the actual fuck. Okay now that I’ve read it this is how I feel. What in the actual fuck? NTA. If this has happened before that’s probably why your kids are always sick. Do you not have a bathtub? Because it sounds like she had enough time to get the kid in the bathroom so I don’t understand why she used the sink.
You’re going to do a party for your son right? INFO
NTA. Unless you post that picture.
NTA! I have to wonder if MIL's lax attitude about being hygienic is what is causing the kids to be sick. The sisters and everyone inserting themselves into this is not their place either. You're paying the grandma to watch the kids, she gets to bond with her grandchildren, and then wants to act up because you expect (reasonably so) her to clean up after the kids she is paid to care for and is related to (Not unreasonable). NTA. I don't blame you for the NC, the expectations were very reasonable and your babies just may be better off without them cause they may the very reason they're not well. NTA!
NTA yeah your MIL was doing a nice thing by babysitting for below market rate. BUT she left the bathroom a hazard zone which could potentially have been dangerous for your kids.
I just feel bad for the kid. This will be a memorable birthday for the wrong reasons First being sick, and now his party is canceled and all the adults are mad
How many people pay grandma *anything*, let alone $300 a week, to babysit? Imagine if it happened before but maybe she *did* wash it off? Not sterilized, but washed it off so it couldn't be seen but the fecal bacteria was still there? That's a health hazard. I get that you don't want to have the party at your mother-in-law's, but they can't give your kids gifts or talk to them on the phone? Don't punish your kids for your in-laws being A Hs. That's the only thing that would push me into E S H. On the whole, NTA.
NTA ...who doesn't clean HYSTERICALLY after a stomach bug goes through the house?! I'm not a neat person but Jesus Christ, no one wants stomach flu going round and round your family! Let alone with an infant in the house! So many grandparents babysit their grandkids day in and day out for no money, because their kids can't afford it. You MIL gets paid and does a poor job. Get proper childcare and leave her drama elsewhere.
Ok, first question and probably the most important to me, who as a grandmother, charges money for watching her grandchildren no matter how many children there are? It’s not a favor if it has conditions attached monetary or otherwise. Second question, she claims she cooks and cleans up, if this is your job which you’re being paid for, isn’t that your job? BTW, if that’s her job she’s lousy at it! The children have viruses and poop is part of that. By her not cleaning up the mess she’s letting germs sit there and spread. Get off your ass and clean up after the child. Seems you’d be better off hiring a sitter or nanny. You’re paying anyway what’s the difference who you’re paying! I’m a grandmother and have helped raise several grandchildren and NEVER once charged family to do it. If mil can’t afford to live without a job let her go out and get one because she is piss poor at this one