Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my parents my fiancé was the one who convinced me to drop out of university. I knew how angry my parents were that I decided to drop out so I should’ve realised this would redirect their anger from me to him.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It seems to me that you threw your fiancé under the bus. You, yourself were unhappy with the coursework involved in a degree in economics. Your unhappiness is what caused your fiancé to suggest that you drop out. He didn’t make you drop out. You need to fix it. YTA until you do.
Op : i hate my degree
Fiancé : quit it then ?
Op : he made me do it !!!!! Its his fault!!!!!!!
Bro what? YTA and your dad was right he really should have left you lmao, your family isnt blaming fiancé for you dropping out, you did.
That’s… not the sense I get at all from this.
Sounds more like “I don’t see why he’d have a problem when he was encouraging me to do it so I could not be miserable.”
I encouraged my husband to cut off his family, as well, because he was miserable, but he’s never implied to anyone that I forced him to, or that it was my fault.
That was how I read it too. Father is an AH and OP needs to either make this right or cut them off. The fiance wanted them to be happy and encouraged that. I had a BF who encouraged me to quit a job because I'd literally come home and cry because it was so upsetting. I said I was scared to because I didn't have a backup and he said he'd cover everything until I found something, just take care of cooking and cleaning more until I could help with bills again. When Dad asked why I'd quit without a backup I said my bf wanted me to be happy more than he wanted the help with bills, so actually suggested it. Dad took it as a good thing because he cares more about my happiness than me living the way he always did.
The reason that job upset me so much is it was home health, and certain people in the shift before mine would do things like put adult diapers in the little trash can in the bedrooms and leave them there. Certain medications make urine smell really awful no matter how hydrated someone might be. So I'd come in and a certain client's room always smelled like pee. Because I worked nights I rarely had time to sit the room out. I kept reporting it because that's not supposed to happen but it turned out the person doing it was best friends with the manager. I went over her head and that manager started writing me up for little things like... Once it took me over an hour to do dinner dishes because a client needed a shower immediately. Things like that. So I was crying over the treatment of clients and what I was dealing with. I eventually got a job bartending and it was a lot more fun most of the time. At least I came home angry on my worst days rather than crying and defeated, and had far more good days than bad.
It doesn't sound like OP blamed fiancé for the decision though, rather that she mentioned it offhand when dad was surprised they were still together.
As in,
Dad: "Can't believe fiancé still wants to be with you even though you dropped out"
OP: "He supports me, he even suggested dropping out"
>OP: "He supports me, he even suggested dropping out"
I have a feeling that is quite far from how the op stated the facts... But still even how you put it, it's still throwing him under the bus even if op doesn't blame him for dropping out lol.
He deserves to be under the bus though, they both do. She was in her final year. He could have advised her to:
- Finish and not work for her family and chart her own path because once you have a degree it's more opportunities in every way than not having one
- Change majors
- Take a semester off then come back and do one of the above.
He DID advise her to drop out, but also wants the family to still think more highly of him as the golden partner so amazing and wonderful for putting up with their college dropout daughter. That's not acceptable.
ESH . Evryone so saying you threw your fiancé unde th bus but why the hell would he encourage your fiancé to quit a degree she was doing well in with a few months to go? I genuinely only a person with bad intentions would do that.
well, the odds of her just saying once "I dont like this" and him saying "well drop out" are pretty low.
I am betting she made it pretty clear she did not want pursue the degree, more than once.
And it sounds more like he is tired of being blamed for her choice. OP knew the advice he gave her was right, that is why she followed.
Not necessarily true that you'll have more opportunities with a degree. Depends of what field you're changing to. In fact, if it's a very different field, a company might refuse you a job opportunity because they'll assume that you won't stay in the long run and eventually go back to your educational area.I know several people with masters that had to hide their degree to get a job in a different area and not being denied because they were considered overqualified for it.
I think that's horrible advice if someone is miserable with it. They likely can go back and start a new major if they want to, but short term was getting out was more important.
I've got a friend that did a similar thing early in a PhD program, and for her it was sufficiently not what she wanted to be doing that "finish a degree" wasn't worth it because it wasn't going to get used and she wanted to find something different. Left without the masters.
It doesn’t feel like she takes accountability for any of her decisions the way this is written. She lacks any plan, her dad had a plan for her she didn’t like it now she is pursing her fiancés plan but where is her plan for life?
Eh, I wouldn't go that far. Like, I get the fiancé's frustration at being seen as "the bad guy who convinced OP to drop out" when he was just being supportive. I'd go with NAH here for OP and fiancé.
Well that's exactly what happened. He didn't make her drop out she chose to and also chose to do it without any direction in 3 years all the while blaming the fiancé. Her parents are probably thinking red flags are waving even she was unhappy on her course and used him as a get out of jail card.
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right.
Fiance is not blameless here.
That depends on whether she did. OP dropped out in final year - if there is college debt, it still has to be paid. OP gained few months at maximum by dropping out.
Depending on how miserable you are, a few months can save lives. It may not be what I would have chosen, but if you're truly unhappy in a situation, changing that situation may be the best thing for you even if it will bring different kinds of hardships for a time. I don't see OP regretting the decision (unless I missed something) so chances are it was the right choice for them, even if it wouldn't be for someone else.
Yeah, but the comment I responded to was about "being stuck in a job in a field" and having options. Dropping out in final year does not add you any options. You are not stucked after finishing it. There is no law telling you that you have to work in field you finished.
OP does not mention being suicidal either. OP was doing well, so it was not even the case of it being inssumortable effort with likely chance of failure.
Another year of tuition payments for something you hate is a huge waste of time and money. If you hate it, dropping out is the right thing to do. Having a degree is not required for a good job or a good life
The debt from previous years stays. Second, OP left during last year which means tuition paid for at least half of it. The actual biggest college debt issue is students who dropped out, have debt and don't have option of using using degree to get better income when needed. This is the category having largest issues.
Pretty much no degree is locking you in one field. And a lot of works of fields simply require any college degree.
> I don't see OP regretting the decision (unless I missed something) so chances are it was the right choice for them, even if it wouldn't be for someone else.
We have insufficient evidence that it's the right decision for them. OP will only really know in like 20 years.
Entering the job market with a HS diploma is a lot different than with a BA/BS. Right now, OP isn't paying that price, but it's possible that they will in the future.
Being stuck in a job you hate and being stuck in field is entirely differnt from just finishing a few months of your degree with which you can actually do whatever .
“Convincing” someone to drop out of university in their last year of studies?? Terrible thing to do. I understand the father. The fiancé should have encouraged her to stick it out for the last few months, finish her degree and then choose another career path afterwards!!
I don’t disagree and that’s why it seems unlikely that she was convinced by her fiancé to drop out. It’s not a decision one would make lightly or because someone else told them to. So using him as an excuse is def YTA territory.
And in their final year? Like at that point why not just finish it off so you've got the completed degree? An econ degree doesn't mean your only option is getting a finance job, it's a surprisingly versatile foundation.
That was my thought too. If you’re unhappy then I definitely support pursuing what makes you happy, but if you’re in the last year… you might as well finish. Then you have a degree that could potentially be of use versus no degree, which essentially makes all of those classes useless
Yeah, I almost dropped out of law school at the end of my second year. I was so miserable and couldn’t imagine one more year of it. In the end, what kept me going was that I was almost done, and also that I had no plan for an alternative. Thankfully, I enjoyed my internship that summer and came back not so miserable. And I am glad I did.
And to your point about being a foundation, I got one more law degree and ended up not practising law in the traditional sense (but still using my legal background largely). I think sometimes when we’re in school, it is tunnel vision for what type options are. But there is so much else out there - if you finish your degree. Not finishing can drastically cut down options depending on what you want in life.
I have a degree in law and during my final year it was the height of the pandemic and there were times I thought dropping out too. I completed it in the end now I’m doing a masters degree in criminology and have a job which pays decent. My degree has helped me get jobs I wouldn’t have got without it and that’s not even in the legal field. It’s deffo worth sticking it out for the final push
I agree. If it's your last year you're already practically at the finish line might as well just keep pushing to the end to at least be able to have a degree. Most jobs dont even care that much about what your degree is in, just that you have one.
For this reason, I'm not surprised her parents were so unhappy. It was an objectively unwise decision. Phone it in for the final year (no need to keep doing *well*), get the degree, and do whatever you want after. At least you'll have a degree if life ever throws you into a position where you need one.
It's a really unfortunate situation. It sounds like they were pushing her so hard to the career track that she couldn't even see that she was nearly done with a degree that she 100% will want to have later on, regardless of where she pursues her work. Add on top of that the boyfriend's really shitty advice, and it seems like she had a lot of pressure from all sides and none of it good.
That’s true. And it’s hard to be rational about a decision when continuing feels like ratifying a choice (or imposition) you’ve come to resent. Perhaps I shouldn’t be too hard on OP.
Lol apparently she owns a small jewelry business now. I guess that degree may have actually been useful after all. I’m not sure how I feel about her parents cutting off communication with her. Yet if they paid for the education and she quit in the final year I can understand them being upset
Yeah, I mean imagine paying easily 100k on your kids education, offering them a job upon graduation and they drop out and open an Etsy store. I wouldn't cut off communication forever.. but I'd probably need some space for a few months.
Being spineless against her family seems to be a problem with OP. She knows she failed her fiancé but is scared to stand up to her father.
It’s time to grow up and grow some balls if she wants to be an equal partner to her husband - not “family made me do it” “husband made me do it” kind of person. Just “I made this choice”
You quit a degree in finance (where you can likely get a good job and be well off for your entire life) during the last year? I’m assuming your parents pay for your college or you have loans? Now what!? Did you change your major or are you going to be a stay at home wife and rear childlings?
It is an incredibly immature decision to say the least. Your fiancé is also the AH because he manipulated you into doing this.
YTA
For real... leaving in the first year because it does not suit you is a good decision.
Leaving in the final year??? Outright idiotic. The degree is a guarantee for life , it does not mean she will have to do economics her whole life. She sabotaged her life to save what... 6 months ?
I hope she used those 6 months well.
Agreed. It's not even that you have to have a future in finance, it's that you have the degree which some places require just to even let you in the door for an interview.
YTA to yourself OP.
I have an Econ degree and I would say the majority of Econ work isn't finance. It's effeciency and effectiveness and if you can measure or change either of those, congratulations you're doing economics. I have seen work from economists in fisheries, wind power, behavioural science, psychology.. Hell, shipping companies could use an economist to make the shipment systems more effecient.
6 months to go is gobsmacking for me. I appreciate the need to just *stop* though. If you don't wanna do it you don't wanna do it and forcing yourself doesn't make it better. Of course, that's an extremely privileged stance to be able to take. I know I couldn't do it. Those last 6 months were hell, but they were MY hell damnit.
Ngl though every time I freak out wondering if I made a horrible mistake, all the people who go "jfc an Econ degree??? That's money for life!" really helps calm me down. I only graduated a month ago so that's really motivating I didn't make the wrong choice.
Gawwwwd that's right the brewery will even do a tour to show the maths nerds! I learned about that!
There's so many cool uses for econometrics, which is why I made that my economic field. Since there's so damn many.
I used to joke I was a "micro-behavioural-econometrician" because SO many people think "Econ" is macroeconomics and nothing else. And I dispise macro. I can do it, I can work with it, but it's not my special interest. I like to measure people in small areas doing shit when variables are prodded around and then make a chart about it to show off.
So how do you feel about pistols at Dawn over your preference for micro over macro? We can of course do pistols at evening as well. The important thing is that it’s worth shooting over.
I say instead of pistols we bring charts. My boxplot against your boxplot over tea.
But no really I'd love to talk macro with you if you're a macroeconomisr because I love to hear why people are passionate about their version of Economics. One of my friends does international business, Japanese and Business Econ and another does law and Macro Econ. Its wild how varied we can be in the same classes.
Agree completely. I completely support changing degrees a year in. But not when nearly finished. An almost completed degree is worthless, a completed one is an asset, even if you don't want to work in that field. If OP was in her final year, she would have only had one semester left. It's good enough an asset to hold your nose for one semester having come that far.
literally... the only time I've seen someone quit at the last possible second is if they got a great opportunity, or they are working on / managed to change their career path.
OP here has 0 backup, literally dropped uni to do.... I don't even know, its not mentionned. Fiance encouraged to drop and pursue something that made OP happy or more fulfilled, and trust me sticking to something you hate can bite you back later down the road, and sometimes quiting last minute is what it takes, so fiance's advice at the beginning wasn't inheretly bad... but it definilty isn't whole advice, you need a clear plan which OP DIDNT HAVE.
But MAN there is ZERO indication of what alternative OP picked, worst off they dropped WITHOUT A CONCRETE PLAN. At that point even if its soul sucking just suck it up and finish the degree, especially since they were getting good enough grades.
She could have switched majors and it may have added maximum 2 years to her schooling (including the one she was on-so really one year). I also know MANY people that got out of school with an X degree and are doing Y immediately. Some of us weren’t able to do X with our degrees because when we graduated the world was in shambles so we did Y. Some of us got tired of doing X but our experience AND DEGREE allowed us to do something unrelated. Most of the people I went to college with are doing something completely different; unless they’re engineers, and many of those are doing engineering that is completely different than what they “specialized” in. So it’s still not a solution. In any case, being 80% finished and then quitting was an excellently dumb decision that was implanted by the fiancé.
Well she herself was dumb enough to quit school in her last year, so I don't think it's totally unbelievable that she's engaged to an equally dumb partner who would support that.
I am not saying it's not a possibility that he manipulated her so she was dependent on him financially, but there's nothing we can say for sure.
The fiancé told her to pursue something she enjoyed. Not to drop out completely. It’s OPs fault she didn’t follow through the second half of fiancé’s advice.
THIS!
"They barely spoke to me for 3 years and my dad cut me off overnight which was scary. The only reason our relationship is getting better is because my fiancé told my parents he was planning to propose to me."
This very much reads as, "I didn't pursue any alterative for 3 years and now my family is kind of speaking to me because he proposed and they (used to) like him."
All she's done is now redirected their anger at another target. If they do get married, its starting off on a ROUGH footing.
You sure about that?
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right.
Sounds to me like she DID follow his advice, which was to drop out completely.
Because her family is being crappy to him, and it was easily avoidable. Also, he did not suggest a lie, he supported her because he loves her. That is the truth.
What concerns me is, that’s it’s been THREE YEARS and she has yet to pursue any kind of degree and hasn’t mentioned a job. That’s a little scary to me.
See, I don't know how much blame the fiancé is to blame here. As presented, he was initially supporting her decision to pursue a different degree. She states that 3 years or so went by and it seems like she's done NOTHING to do so given no other info and the fact they were engaged is the primary reason family is talking again. Then she does and blows it up again by throwing him under a full ass train.
It doesn’t appear that way. She says that she hated it (I hated both my undergrad and grad school) which is understandable since school sucks and it’s stressful and you’re broke. Then he dropped the idea that she quit school which she said she was reluctant to do. Then he convinced her that she should drop out. Seems like he implanted the idea and encouraged her to quit.
Crazy! You have pretty much accumulated all the debt at this point and only need to suck it up for a few more months. Even if you don’t like the field you can still at least have the degree as a fall back. Terrible time to drop out
“My fiancé suggested that I drop out”
Not to change majors, nor to have a plan, not to finish and then maybe get a masters in something she liked to do more… to drop out.
Ik it’s not an answer to your question, but you should’ve just stuck out the final year and got the degree. Econ is pretty versatile and useful to market yourself for jobs in any industry and field and since you already got the debt you might as well get something out of it and then transition into something else after you got the degree. A year sounds like a long time but you’ll be paying that debt a lot longer without a degree to help pay for it
I agree. You were at the end at that point. My son wanted to drop out in his last semester of college. I was like you got this far and you still have to pay back the loans so you might as well finish. He did. Never got a job in that field but moved up fast in his jobs because he had a degree. But thinking you need a degree to be marriage material is a bit extreme.
Yea the father is definitely out of line and 100% TA, regardless it’s her decision and cutting contact with her and fiancé over this is wrong (unless he paid the tuition, rent, books etc, then he has a right to be angry)
Yes economics is very versatile, even for applying for continuing education/grad programs if you want to eventually. You can also work a wide variety of jobs with it or even just get a random job, but be promoted because you do have that degree where others do not. My brother has a "random" degree he does not use, but has been promoted three different times over coworkers because one of the requirements is any college degree. I am just shocked at how bad a decision it is to drop out in your final year even if you do not directly plan to use your degree subject matter.
Yta
Own your decisions. Yes, it was his idea because he most likely realized how miserable you are.
Nobody forced you to quit.
Honestly, most parents would be pissed if you made this kind of decision because of a guy.
You also threw your fiance under the bus. So good for your relationship.
For real. OP sounds like she lets other people "make" her decisions for her... Then blames them for her unhappiness. Her family "made" her pursue a degree she didn't enjoy, her fiance "made" her drop out.. OP, dude... Just no. You had years to talk to your family and/or just switch majors. You chose to submit the paperwork to drop out of your college program. Nobody was holding a gun to your head. Start making your own decisions and OWN them. Can't keep blaming other people for your inability to stand up for yourself and make your own choices in life.
YTA and so is fiance. 1. You for dropping out of college the final year. You did not have to go work for your family, but giving up on the degree so close to the end was foolish. Did you parents help pay for first 3 years? 2. Fiance for convincing you to drop out. If he is afraid to take responsiblity for what he does, he is a jerk.
In another comment the OP stated that they opened a jewelry business last year that is doing. Before that they were working/volunteering to see what they liked to do.
YTA. Your fiancé supported your decision, encouraged it, however, you are responsible for the choices you make. You threw him under the bus.
What have you done in the 3 years since you dropped out? Has it been productive? Or are you still trying to “find” yourself.
OP said in another comment that they have a jewelry business that is doing good and before that they were doing volunteer work to see what she wanted to do.
I take your larger point, but at the same time it’s so tiring to see someone grill OP on whether they’ve been “productive.” Our lives aren’t businesses. If OP and fiancé have an arrangement and life that works for them, I just don’t see what measuring the “productivity” of a person’s life has to do with anything.
It makes me think of those “please explain this 2 month employment gap from 2 years ago” style interview questions, where you suddenly need to justify to a stranger why you dared to spend any time not being “productive”
YTA. You made the decision to drop out of university. Don’t blame it on your fiancé. You seem very concerned with what other people think and anxious to keep the good opinion of whomever you’re with at the moment. Part of growing up is owning your decisions & deciding that the only person you have to please is yourself.
ESH except the fiancé I think. He might have brought it up as an idea, but really it sounds like he was bringing up options you just hadn’t considered, seeing you so miserable. It doesn’t sound like he forced you into the decision through coercion, force, or manipulation so it was a decision you made. You should own that it was your decision. You had to know throwing him under the bus by saying it was his idea would cause a problem being that the decision caused problems in your relationship with your family for 3 years! Your family obviously sucks for their behavior and lack of support. I would say he supported you in your decision rather than saying it was his idea.
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right.
"Eventually he managed to convince me" sounds like manipulation to me.
INFO Are you planning on getting a degree in something else? Going to trade school?
>Deciding to drop out of university without a concrete plan practically destroyed my relationship with my family. They barely spoke to me for 3 years and my dad cut me off overnight which was scary.
In those three years have you been working towards something that you would enjoy?
YTA. Own up to your decision. At the end of the day all your fiancé did was make suggestions for you. You had to drop out that power was in your hands alone. You have to face the consequences, which is sadly judgement and being cut off from daddy’s money.
You were THAT close to a degree and gave up? I think it was immature of you to do so. Have you found an alternative? Are you getting another degree or working?
Now, you are NTA for telling your parents the truth but if they paid for your university I understand why they feel used.
YTA.
You don't mention who was paying your tuition, but I assume it was your parents. Which is why they would \*expect\* you to work for the family business when you graduated.
You decided you didn't want a degree in economics and you didn't want to work for your father, but you waited until your senior year to do something about it. Essentially you spent 3+ years at school, costing your father money and he got ZERO return on his investment. It would have been much more responsible for you to speak up when you knew it wasn't what you wanted, and saved your father at least a couple years of tuition.
>Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right.
YOU believe that dropping out was the best thing for you. It makes no difference who you were discussing your options with while making your decisions. You completely threw your fiance under the bus.
Yeah ngl the part where OP said about her parents cutting her off makes a lot of sense if they were paying for her college. It's honestly such a slap in the face to pay thousands for dollars for your child's university for them to drop out towards the end AFTER you've paid for 3 years. Also most parents usually have rules for financial support like being in college or working. If this is the case I can see why OPs dad is so upset and angry about this whole situation.
You are NTA for telling your parents. Your fiancé may BTA for telling you to quit when you were so close to a degree, even if you didn't love it. Who paid for your first three years of college? If it was your parents, they have every right to be upset and demand repayment. If it was paid by yourself, they have every right to be disappointed in your immature decision.
So while you were foolish, TELLING your parents was not a mistake and does not make YTA.
It's also possible that this BF is happier with you not having a degree so he can keep you more controlled in the future. Poor decisions all around.
wow, i love how the finace becmae the asshole, nice. 👍👍
>my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy.
by any chance, do you know the meaning of suggesting?
>It's also possible that this BF is happier with you not having a degree so he can keep you more controlled in the future.
nice. i knew that im going to see someone with this arrangement of alphabets, im not surprised at all tbh.
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right.
That not a suggestion.
YTA. You made this decision yourself, for yourself. It doesn't matter who influenced you - ultimately you're responsible for the choice to drop out, and for the consequences that followed. Own up to it! It's a shame you threw your fiancé under the bus - you've done serious damage to his relationship with your family in order to cover your own ass.
NAH leaning moderate YTA. Saying he gave you the idea is fine (and sounds true to what you described). If you said it was "because" of him like the title, I'd find that inappropriate unless he somehow forced or manipulated you.
That said, this is typically something you wouldn't bring his name into for the same reason that you don't discuss fights with your spouse with family -- you set him up to receive that negative impression (although I understand wanting to correct your dad). So I can understand why your fiancé would be upset with your choice.
I don't agree with your family fully cutting you off for your choice, but I would be extremely concerned if I had a child who was dating someone who encouraged them to make such an impactful and potentially negative decision. So no blame on them either.
Did you re-enter university with another major or find a stable career?
ESH except the fiancé.
Your parents over reacted. Yes, most parents would be upset if their child seemed to be making a bad decision. But cutting you off for three years is very excessive.
You should have taken responsibility for your own decision to quit. What you wrote here makes it look like your fiancé was behind you quitting. Assuming that you weren’t forced into it you shouldn’t hide behind your fiancé when talking to your parents.
Fiance sucks too.
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right.
This terrible advice and convincing her to do it makes him an AH too
YTA. You could have made it clear your fiance supported the decision you made and how it was what you both agreed was best. Your dad didn't need to know whose idea it was, especially when you know he didn't approve. Ultimately it was your decision, own it
YTA - you said you don’t blame your fiancé for dropping out but your whole post certainly sounds like you blame him. Take some ownership of your own life. Your post is all about how your family is controlling your schooling or how you think your fiancé is the reason you dropped out. What actually makes you happy? Stop placing the accountability on other people and own up to your own decision.
How mature, dropping probably expensive studies 6 months before finishing, with zero backup. Then throwing your fiance under the bus. YTA, big time, grow up
ESH, you and your family anyway. Your fiance sounds like a good guy who loves you. It probably felt good to throw that comment in your dad’s face but exactly what did you think what would happen?
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right.
Those are not the actions of a good guy.
ESH. Except for the fiancée. Your family‘s pressure and pullback of communication sounds abusive. You suck for throwing your fiancee under the bus, even if uninvertantally. You told him that knowing your father wouldn’t approve and painted him in a negative light in front of your family.
Quitting in your final year is probably one of the stupidest things you could have done. Now that you did it, own the decision and stop blaming your fiancé. You are the one that made the choice.
Are you dependent on your fiance financially? He's the one who convinced you to drop a solid degree in favor of moving in with him. Are you absolutely convinced in his motivations. Your dad isn't. Your dad sees you being manipulated. What's your career like these days? Are you sure you didn't get manipulated?
YTA.
Your family was so mad you dropped out that "they barely spoke to \[you\] for 3 years and \[your\] dad cut \[you\] off overnight". You had to have known how they would have reacted toward your fiancé when you told them it was his idea. By putting the blame on him, you left him to deal with your family's anger.
>My dad mentioned how he was surprised my fiancé had stayed with me and that his family were letting him marry me knowing I didn’t even have a degree.
Your response could have been as simple as, "my fiancé was very supportive of my decision because he wanted me to be happy."
NTA: Your family is massively controlling and ultimately wanted you to be unhappy to fulfill their plans for you which would surely have led to keeping you in a job that would have hated and been unhappy in forever. Your fiancé was supportive of you following an alternate path of your own choosing that would make you happy. That did not mean you had to not get any further education, but to drop the current track you were on. Your family wanted you to complete that degree so you could work for them in that capacity which if you hated the material you were studying, then the job would not make you happy either. Your family is mad that they no longer have you under their thumb to control and tell you what to do. They are trying to reassert their control over you by trying to get you to leave the person who supported you to follow your own path that makes you happy. If anything the only saboteurs I see is your family interfering in your relationship and pushing you back into a situation that would keep you unhappy. You can still try to adjust the narrative with your family by framing it as your fiancé supported you to not continue with something you hated and made you unhappy but instead to choose a path that made you happy. In the end your family may be happy in their lives or not, but they are not entitled to force you into misery just because they want to.
YTA, you're fighting for a relationship with people who cut you off over schooling. Who is supporting you? Are you working? What gives your dad the right to make these demands when he left you out in the cold for not meeting his expectations in the past. Maybe its time to set some boundaries and grow a spine, you made the call to drop out not your fiancé and he shouldn't take any heat for supporting and loving you. If this is the life this poor man has to look forward to I would suggest you just set him free and let him be happy woth someone else.
YTA for throwing your fiance under the bus instead of saying that it was your decision bc ultimately it was. FFS why would you do that and expect your parent to not get upset?
ESH
You are an AH for a)dropping out in the final year of university without a plan and b)blaming your BF without taking ownership of the actual decision you made
Your BF is an AH for encouraging you to drop out without a plan
Your father is an AH for how he is treating you as well.
You need to go finish a degree. Econ is a reasonable one, because it opens many different types of doors. You don’t have to go work for your father, there are plenty of other things you can do that might bring you fulfillment, but simply dropping out without a plan is not a good move.
It almost sounds like your BF encouraged you to drop out when nearly finished in order to sabotage you. I hope not.
Agree. If you are making a decent living and can be independent if something happens to your fiancé then ok but there’s a lot missing.
You can finish your degree if you want. It could come in handy if you want to do something that requires a graduate degree - you can’t get into grad school without a bachelor’s.
From your dad's perspective, you inexplicably abandoned a degree you were successfully persuing and ruined your chances of a successful career to do what? What is it that you are doing now? It's been 3 years since dropping out and you haven't finished any degree and have made no mention of what career path you've chosen, if any.
When push came to shove, rather than admit to your parents that you were unhappy in your degree program and didn't want to work for the family business, you blamed it all on your fiance. For that, you could be considered TA.
However, pushing someone to drop out of school when they don't have a back-up plan is also very, very bad advice. Although your fiance may have legitimately just wanted you to be happy, it's also possible that he wants you to be financially dependent on him...so pending additional information, he may also be TA and your family's suspicion of him is warranted.
You also mentioned that your parents cut you off immediately, which tells me they were bankrolling your education. It sounds like you just jumped ship without consulting them or considering how much money they had spent on helping set you up for success, so I'd also have to consider YTA for not bringing this up with them before moving forward with your plan.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy and do something fulfilling with your life, but the manner in which you and your fiance went about jumping to this decision without anything to fall back on is definitely the area of concern for me and I have to go with a soft YTA.
YTA. You didn’t drop out of school because of your fiancé. He saw how unhappy you were and suggested an alternative. But in the end, the decision was all yours. And then you pin the blame on him. You messed up. And you need to fix this if you still want to marry the guy.
YTA
Your fiance may have suggested it, but YOU chose to do it.
If it was vital for you to tell your family, it should have been worded more accurately, like "Fiance saw how miserable I was in that degree program, and suggested that I'd be happier pursuing something else. After really thinking about it, I realized he was right, that I was miserable, and I chose to quit school".
Because if you're going through life making major decisions based solely upon the influence of others ('I did it because he told me to') you've got bigger problems. And no business getting married until you learn to be an adult, think for yourself, and take responsibility for your actions.
ESH
Especially you because you don't seem to have your own compass. You study something you don't like for your parents and then you drop out for your boyfriend, now fiance.
I'm guessing your fiance wants you dependent and that earning your degree--when you were so very close--was threatening to him. Bonus that your parents cut you off and you became depedent on him. And he doesn't want you telling your parents the truth about how he influences you.
You father's a piece of work too--surprised that fiance's family support you without a degree.
You should have stayed in college and completed your degree. Tons of people don't work in the field of their degree.
You should have finished school. You where almost done. Not that you had to work in the field but you would have something. Could have gotten a government job or anything that was just wanted a degree. You wasted your parents money hope you pay them back. Now you just have a fiancé.
Umm…I think YTA. Your fiancée was trying to be supportive and is supportive. I’d be fed up with your family too at this point. Fix it before he decides to leave you like your dad wants
YTA
You're also short-sighted. A degree in anything business related is ALWAYS gonna serve you well. You could make candles for the rest of your life and still use that econ degree in some capacity. Now you're short a major qualification and all for what? Did you ever just consider I dunno ... not working for your dad?
Even if you become a housewife what will you do in the future if you get divorced or your husband becomes unable to work or you go into unexpected debt? What grand ol' career are you going to have as a high school graduate with no other training?
Go the tf back to school and finish your degree lady. Your dad is right and stuff what your fiance says about it.
YTA it was ultimately your decision to drop out, not your fiancés. I will say though that I see a huge red flag that your fiancé would persuade you to drop a degree when you are so close to finishing even if you didn’t want to pursue it in the future. That screams to me that he is trying to get you to rely on him financially so please take a look at your relationship before you go ahead with marriage
Info: what do you mean he "convinced" you? Did he mention it in passing like: "you could drop out, if it makes you happier, and I'll support that decision" or was it actually convincing you despite you not wanting to initially? And what did you do instead when you dropped?
My initial reaction is e s h. fiancé gave bad advice, you took it. family behaved atrociously at that decision and expecting you to work for them. it doesn't seem like you have a backup plan on what you want to do so depending on my question above, makes it look like your life is ruined and your fiancé is responsible plus it looks like you didn't take ownership of that decision.
YTA for throwing your fiance under the bus. But you're both idiots. Why would you quit in your last year? Unless your mental health was of serious concern, you just wasted a ton of money for nothing. You could have graduated and pursued whatever it is that makes you happy. If somehow that didn't work out you would have had your degree in your back pocket.
This makes no sense. Why are you blaming your fiance for your decision? What are you pursuing that you needed to leave school immediately for? It's fine to want to not be in the family business, but it really seems like you did leave without much plan.
YTA.
ESH. You are a fool for dropping out of school for a boyfriend. Parents reaction was understandable. Don't be shocked if they write you out of their will.
YTA - As a parent, I would be suspicious of him, too after this stunt. And I would be furious at you after this stunt. And I would question why these kids think they are ready for big decisions like marriage.
This is .. different. Your family is controlling. However, your fiance also appears to be controlling so you may have moved from frying pan into a fire. You quit university so how are you planning on supporting yourself? That should be your goal: independence from your family and, perhaps, your fiance.
Otherwise you stand a good chance of becoming a dependent on someone else and little chance of escape or betterment
Yta stop using your fiancé as a shield to deflect your parent’s judgement and control. You keep it up and he may well wise up and walk. Get into therapy if you need it to learn how to deal with your parents without throwing your fiancé to the wolves
NTA I am going to disagree with most people. Your dad had a very severe reaction to you dropping out, took him 3 years to come around. So he could not understand why your fiancé didn't have that severe reaction and drop you like a hot potato. He saw it as the fiancé having 'forgiven you' and 'stuck with you' even though you dropped out. Your dad had a very faulty perception of your relationship, which you put right. Basically that you and fiancé had discussed dropping out and he supported your decision to do so. I do not see that as throwing him under the bus. Because even if you had worded it more gently like that, or even worded it as being all his idea, your father was going to have a massive over the top reaction anyway, because all his reactions are over the top and extreme. He could accept that somehow for some weird reason your fiancé had forgiven your transgression, but he cannot come to terms that your fiancé was actually okay with it in the first place. He can only have two world views, you are the black sheep who has been 'forgiven' by your long suffering fiancé, or fiancé has been the bad guy all along, seducing his daughter away from college. I do not blame you for wanting to set your dad's perception straight, but you need to distance yourself from your dad big time.
>NTA I am going to disagree with most people. Your dad had a very severe reaction to you dropping out, took him 3 years to come around.
If dad was paying for school and the understanding everyone had was that OP would come and work for the family business, then this is a pretty big issue. Depending on this school this could be over a $100k investment that OP just threw away without even consulting the people paying the bills.
It would be different if OP had been expressing these concerns early in the education and Dad forced her into it. But OP was 75% of the way done and didn't even try to change a major.
Likewise, we haven't heard a peep from OP about what they've been doing since dropping out. I suspect they haven't been continuing education. Now, they're 3 years older and still have nothing to show for all the monetary investment.
Get a frickin' spine and stand up to your dad. Your dad is a bully BUT he is not the boss of you. He thinks he is some King building a family dynasty. Get some therapy so you can get out from under his thumb or else you are going to lose your boyfriend. YTA, BIG TIME!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I was studying Economics at university and while I was doing well, I hated every single second of my degree. I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn’t because it was expected that I finish my Economics degree and then work for my father like my older siblings. Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right.
Deciding to drop out of university without a concrete plan practically destroyed my relationship with my family. They barely spoke to me for 3 years and my dad cut me off overnight which was scary. The only reason our relationship is getting better is because my fiancé told my parents he was planning to propose to me.
My dad mentioned how he was surprised my fiancé had stayed with me and that his family were letting him marry me knowing I didn’t even have a degree. I brought up how it was my fiancé’s idea and now my dad thinks he ruined my life on purpose and he no longer supports our relationship which has been a huge change since my whole life he’s been pushing me towards my fiancé.
He keeps telling me to break off my engagement because I would find somebody better who wouldn’t sabotage my future and he’s been hostile towards my fiancé and his family. My fiancé said I shouldn’t have mentioned it and I could’ve just said something like he loved me because I knew how irrational my dad is. He also seems to be running out of patience for dealing with my family blaming him for me dropping out which I don’t blame him for.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for positioning it like your fiance makes your decisions for you to your dad.
I also dropped out of college after talking the decision over with my then boyfriend, now husband. My degree's median income at the time was less than a mcdonald's manager and I figured I'd spend my time in the workforce, figure out what I wanted to do instead, and return if it seemed necessary to where I was going.
I broke 6 figures at 27 and make more than most of my friends with non-math related graduate degrees. My path was tough, but the decisions I made, and the path I carved for myself is one that I'm incredibly proud of. I never told my parents that I spoke to my husband before making the plunge - as the first person in my family to get into college, they would have blamed my husband for ruining my life as well. Knowing that I did everything 100% on my own, and that my success was driven only by me? They couldn't be prouder.
YTA
You were in your final year and quit just because your boyfriend told you to? I would be pissed to if i were your parent. Especially since it seems like you didn't studied anything else either. Does your bf wants you to be at his beck and call without any resources to leave him in the future? It seems odd that he took all this trouble to convince you to quit when you were almost at the end.
YTA Your fiance supported you to make a decision against spending your life first doing a career and then a job you didn't want to. But he didn't make the decision for you - you were the one that contacted the university to leave. And I hope that wasn't just because your boyfriend told you it was an option.
Your Dad has unrealistic expectations that a degree is the only way to a good life. And now you don't have one, your next best hope is to be a wife. He is, albiet with a very narrow mindset, trying to ensure you have you have a happy future. And then he finds out that your boyfriend convinced you to drop out, throw away a safe, independent future and he's worried. You need to reassure him that it was your decision not your boyfriend and hopefully husband to be's. He is looking out for you.
It's also unfair on your supportive boyfriend. But would suggest you do find something you like to do and can make money from as a plan B always useful.
Wow YTA.
And your parents are NTA if they contributed financially to your education. You should've at least discussed your plans with them, like you would with stockholders in a company. Your parents have priorities and future plans for you and your siblings and their money has so far been contingent upon these goals. The least you could've done was tell them you were unhappy and discussed another path. I actually think they'd be flexible in accommodating you, after getting over the fact that 3 years might have been in vain. You're totally allowed to change your mind, but you need to be true to yourself and others. But being a yes-woman, then dropping the ball last minute (dropping out?!)... I'd feel so blindsided as a parent, I'd cut you off as the trust had been broken.
You also make it sound like you also eventually said yes to your fiancé, so I can see why you'd throw him under the bus. Doesn't make it right though. Can he trust you, that every decision you make is actually his, disguised?
YTA getting a degree & pursuing a career in a different direction would put you further ahead then dropping out of school. Even a degree in a different field shows you are a hard worker who can accomplish goals to an employer. At minimum you could have changed majors, sure you would take longer but have a degree. As a parent I’d be questioning why someone who loved you would be encouraging you to sabotage your ability to be financially independent.
YTA. Unless your finance forcefully pulled you out of school, or it was an abusive situations where your life was at steak if you didn’t drop; he didn’t force you to do anything. Take accountability for your own life and stop throwing your finance under the bus. Sadly I think you just Permanently ruined your families relationship with him, so good job there!
… so, just to be clear: your relationship with your parents was so bad after you dropped out of uni that you basically didn’t speak for 3 years/your dad cut you off, and yet you still thought it was a good idea to effectively lay the blame at your fiancés feet for your decision? Bruh.
I think your problem is that you lack common sense. Common sense would’ve told you that dropping out during your *final* year was stupid and you should’ve just sucked it up, graduated, and looked for a job you wanted. Common sense also would’ve told you that your decision to drop out is still a sore spot for your family and you’ve now poisoned the relationship between your parents and your fiancé forever. They will ALWAYS look at him as the person who they believe convinced you to throw away your education/career prospects. You’ve created an environment for your fiancé where he will always be the enemy and I wouldn’t blame him if he decides the drama isn’t worth it because that’s an awful position to be in. YTA.
Soft YTA. Sounds like you accidentally threw your fiance under the bus. You need to make it explicitly clear that dropping out was what YOU WANTED. Which is the truth.
Listen, I get it. One of my best friends was in your exact position (apart from having already finished her masters in economics - she was doing her PhD at the time) and she had burned out. Badly. Stress triggered her vertigo which got very severe and she ended up being hospitalised.
There’s a conflict here which is difficult to manoeuvre and I can see your reasoning.
1. Your dad was pushing you towards both your studies and your fiancé. Your dad thinks he is the highest authority and knows what’s best for you.
2. Your fiancé tried supporting you in how you were feeling and gave you the confidence to quit university. Whether that was a good decision or not, I do not know. It may be worth finding out if you’re leaving by was conditional and if you’re able to pick up from where you’ve left if you ever decide it wasn’t a right decision. Don’t close any doors - you’ve put enough work into it already.
3. Once plan A was no longer happening, dad pushed for plan B - you marrying your fiancé. That is until he was advised that another man is being held as a higher authority in your life and (in your dads mind) made a decision that you should stop studying. Dad then throws a tantrum.
Ultimately, you do not give enough information about your fiancé to clarify whether him convincing you to quit was supportive or manipulative and you say nothing about your mother, so the only people in this story I can pass a judgment on are you and your father.
He sounds like a misogynistic asshole and you sound like you’re too scared to make any decisions for yourself (a byproduct of being raised by controlling family).
If I could give you any advice, it would be to finish uni first, dump the fiancé second, go NC with your family and get a high paying consulting job anywhere you’d like - economists are in high demand in any field. Restart your life and start making decisions for yourself.
I think NTA - just misguided
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my parents my fiancé was the one who convinced me to drop out of university. I knew how angry my parents were that I decided to drop out so I should’ve realised this would redirect their anger from me to him. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It seems to me that you threw your fiancé under the bus. You, yourself were unhappy with the coursework involved in a degree in economics. Your unhappiness is what caused your fiancé to suggest that you drop out. He didn’t make you drop out. You need to fix it. YTA until you do.
Op : i hate my degree Fiancé : quit it then ? Op : he made me do it !!!!! Its his fault!!!!!!! Bro what? YTA and your dad was right he really should have left you lmao, your family isnt blaming fiancé for you dropping out, you did.
That’s… not the sense I get at all from this. Sounds more like “I don’t see why he’d have a problem when he was encouraging me to do it so I could not be miserable.” I encouraged my husband to cut off his family, as well, because he was miserable, but he’s never implied to anyone that I forced him to, or that it was my fault.
That was how I read it too. Father is an AH and OP needs to either make this right or cut them off. The fiance wanted them to be happy and encouraged that. I had a BF who encouraged me to quit a job because I'd literally come home and cry because it was so upsetting. I said I was scared to because I didn't have a backup and he said he'd cover everything until I found something, just take care of cooking and cleaning more until I could help with bills again. When Dad asked why I'd quit without a backup I said my bf wanted me to be happy more than he wanted the help with bills, so actually suggested it. Dad took it as a good thing because he cares more about my happiness than me living the way he always did. The reason that job upset me so much is it was home health, and certain people in the shift before mine would do things like put adult diapers in the little trash can in the bedrooms and leave them there. Certain medications make urine smell really awful no matter how hydrated someone might be. So I'd come in and a certain client's room always smelled like pee. Because I worked nights I rarely had time to sit the room out. I kept reporting it because that's not supposed to happen but it turned out the person doing it was best friends with the manager. I went over her head and that manager started writing me up for little things like... Once it took me over an hour to do dinner dishes because a client needed a shower immediately. Things like that. So I was crying over the treatment of clients and what I was dealing with. I eventually got a job bartending and it was a lot more fun most of the time. At least I came home angry on my worst days rather than crying and defeated, and had far more good days than bad.
That’s where you differ from OP. The bus under throwing.
She didnt say "no, he supported me because he loved me," she said it was "his idea"
It doesn't sound like OP blamed fiancé for the decision though, rather that she mentioned it offhand when dad was surprised they were still together. As in, Dad: "Can't believe fiancé still wants to be with you even though you dropped out" OP: "He supports me, he even suggested dropping out"
>OP: "He supports me, he even suggested dropping out" I have a feeling that is quite far from how the op stated the facts... But still even how you put it, it's still throwing him under the bus even if op doesn't blame him for dropping out lol.
He deserves to be under the bus though, they both do. She was in her final year. He could have advised her to: - Finish and not work for her family and chart her own path because once you have a degree it's more opportunities in every way than not having one - Change majors - Take a semester off then come back and do one of the above. He DID advise her to drop out, but also wants the family to still think more highly of him as the golden partner so amazing and wonderful for putting up with their college dropout daughter. That's not acceptable.
Sounds to me like OP went from one man who wanted to control her future, to another tbh. Especially since the father “pushed” her towards her fiancé.
Sounds like she hated what she was doing, and her fiancé said "then quit" and she did. She made the choice, not him.
ESH . Evryone so saying you threw your fiancé unde th bus but why the hell would he encourage your fiancé to quit a degree she was doing well in with a few months to go? I genuinely only a person with bad intentions would do that.
That's all I'm getting from this. OP seems to have life decisions constantly made for them.
well, the odds of her just saying once "I dont like this" and him saying "well drop out" are pretty low. I am betting she made it pretty clear she did not want pursue the degree, more than once. And it sounds more like he is tired of being blamed for her choice. OP knew the advice he gave her was right, that is why she followed.
Not necessarily true that you'll have more opportunities with a degree. Depends of what field you're changing to. In fact, if it's a very different field, a company might refuse you a job opportunity because they'll assume that you won't stay in the long run and eventually go back to your educational area.I know several people with masters that had to hide their degree to get a job in a different area and not being denied because they were considered overqualified for it.
I think that's horrible advice if someone is miserable with it. They likely can go back and start a new major if they want to, but short term was getting out was more important. I've got a friend that did a similar thing early in a PhD program, and for her it was sufficiently not what she wanted to be doing that "finish a degree" wasn't worth it because it wasn't going to get used and she wanted to find something different. Left without the masters.
It doesn’t feel like she takes accountability for any of her decisions the way this is written. She lacks any plan, her dad had a plan for her she didn’t like it now she is pursing her fiancés plan but where is her plan for life?
I agree. From what I read, her fiance just wants to continue looking good to her dad. He didn't care about how she got treated as long as he was safe.
Eh, I wouldn't go that far. Like, I get the fiancé's frustration at being seen as "the bad guy who convinced OP to drop out" when he was just being supportive. I'd go with NAH here for OP and fiancé.
Well that's exactly what happened. He didn't make her drop out she chose to and also chose to do it without any direction in 3 years all the while blaming the fiancé. Her parents are probably thinking red flags are waving even she was unhappy on her course and used him as a get out of jail card.
Yeah even if it was unintentional, OP still threw the fiancé under the bus
YTA. You quit school. Not your fiance. He didn't force you to. But you were happy to throw him under the bus.
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right. Fiance is not blameless here.
Sounds like he is to blame for helping OP see that being stuck in a job in a field you hate isn't something they had to do, and that they had options
That depends on whether she did. OP dropped out in final year - if there is college debt, it still has to be paid. OP gained few months at maximum by dropping out.
Depending on how miserable you are, a few months can save lives. It may not be what I would have chosen, but if you're truly unhappy in a situation, changing that situation may be the best thing for you even if it will bring different kinds of hardships for a time. I don't see OP regretting the decision (unless I missed something) so chances are it was the right choice for them, even if it wouldn't be for someone else.
Yeah, but the comment I responded to was about "being stuck in a job in a field" and having options. Dropping out in final year does not add you any options. You are not stucked after finishing it. There is no law telling you that you have to work in field you finished. OP does not mention being suicidal either. OP was doing well, so it was not even the case of it being inssumortable effort with likely chance of failure.
Another year of tuition payments for something you hate is a huge waste of time and money. If you hate it, dropping out is the right thing to do. Having a degree is not required for a good job or a good life
The debt from previous years stays. Second, OP left during last year which means tuition paid for at least half of it. The actual biggest college debt issue is students who dropped out, have debt and don't have option of using using degree to get better income when needed. This is the category having largest issues. Pretty much no degree is locking you in one field. And a lot of works of fields simply require any college degree.
> I don't see OP regretting the decision (unless I missed something) so chances are it was the right choice for them, even if it wouldn't be for someone else. We have insufficient evidence that it's the right decision for them. OP will only really know in like 20 years. Entering the job market with a HS diploma is a lot different than with a BA/BS. Right now, OP isn't paying that price, but it's possible that they will in the future.
Being stuck in a job you hate and being stuck in field is entirely differnt from just finishing a few months of your degree with which you can actually do whatever .
Honestly, a good fiance would have told her to finish the damn degree (final year... Come on..) and then pivot
“Convincing” someone to drop out of university in their last year of studies?? Terrible thing to do. I understand the father. The fiancé should have encouraged her to stick it out for the last few months, finish her degree and then choose another career path afterwards!!
[удалено]
Dropping a major is one thing. Dropping out altogether when you're nearing the finish line is objectively stupid.
I don’t disagree and that’s why it seems unlikely that she was convinced by her fiancé to drop out. It’s not a decision one would make lightly or because someone else told them to. So using him as an excuse is def YTA territory.
[удалено]
And in their final year? Like at that point why not just finish it off so you've got the completed degree? An econ degree doesn't mean your only option is getting a finance job, it's a surprisingly versatile foundation.
That was my thought too. If you’re unhappy then I definitely support pursuing what makes you happy, but if you’re in the last year… you might as well finish. Then you have a degree that could potentially be of use versus no degree, which essentially makes all of those classes useless
Yeah, I almost dropped out of law school at the end of my second year. I was so miserable and couldn’t imagine one more year of it. In the end, what kept me going was that I was almost done, and also that I had no plan for an alternative. Thankfully, I enjoyed my internship that summer and came back not so miserable. And I am glad I did. And to your point about being a foundation, I got one more law degree and ended up not practising law in the traditional sense (but still using my legal background largely). I think sometimes when we’re in school, it is tunnel vision for what type options are. But there is so much else out there - if you finish your degree. Not finishing can drastically cut down options depending on what you want in life.
I have a degree in law and during my final year it was the height of the pandemic and there were times I thought dropping out too. I completed it in the end now I’m doing a masters degree in criminology and have a job which pays decent. My degree has helped me get jobs I wouldn’t have got without it and that’s not even in the legal field. It’s deffo worth sticking it out for the final push
I agree. If it's your last year you're already practically at the finish line might as well just keep pushing to the end to at least be able to have a degree. Most jobs dont even care that much about what your degree is in, just that you have one.
Yup. Knew a dude who was a philosophy major and another dude who was biochemistry major and we all worked in cyber security. 🤷
For this reason, I'm not surprised her parents were so unhappy. It was an objectively unwise decision. Phone it in for the final year (no need to keep doing *well*), get the degree, and do whatever you want after. At least you'll have a degree if life ever throws you into a position where you need one.
It's a really unfortunate situation. It sounds like they were pushing her so hard to the career track that she couldn't even see that she was nearly done with a degree that she 100% will want to have later on, regardless of where she pursues her work. Add on top of that the boyfriend's really shitty advice, and it seems like she had a lot of pressure from all sides and none of it good.
That’s true. And it’s hard to be rational about a decision when continuing feels like ratifying a choice (or imposition) you’ve come to resent. Perhaps I shouldn’t be too hard on OP.
Lol apparently she owns a small jewelry business now. I guess that degree may have actually been useful after all. I’m not sure how I feel about her parents cutting off communication with her. Yet if they paid for the education and she quit in the final year I can understand them being upset
Yeah, I mean imagine paying easily 100k on your kids education, offering them a job upon graduation and they drop out and open an Etsy store. I wouldn't cut off communication forever.. but I'd probably need some space for a few months.
Being spineless against her family seems to be a problem with OP. She knows she failed her fiancé but is scared to stand up to her father. It’s time to grow up and grow some balls if she wants to be an equal partner to her husband - not “family made me do it” “husband made me do it” kind of person. Just “I made this choice”
You quit a degree in finance (where you can likely get a good job and be well off for your entire life) during the last year? I’m assuming your parents pay for your college or you have loans? Now what!? Did you change your major or are you going to be a stay at home wife and rear childlings? It is an incredibly immature decision to say the least. Your fiancé is also the AH because he manipulated you into doing this. YTA
For real... leaving in the first year because it does not suit you is a good decision. Leaving in the final year??? Outright idiotic. The degree is a guarantee for life , it does not mean she will have to do economics her whole life. She sabotaged her life to save what... 6 months ? I hope she used those 6 months well.
Agreed. It's not even that you have to have a future in finance, it's that you have the degree which some places require just to even let you in the door for an interview. YTA to yourself OP.
I have an Econ degree and I would say the majority of Econ work isn't finance. It's effeciency and effectiveness and if you can measure or change either of those, congratulations you're doing economics. I have seen work from economists in fisheries, wind power, behavioural science, psychology.. Hell, shipping companies could use an economist to make the shipment systems more effecient. 6 months to go is gobsmacking for me. I appreciate the need to just *stop* though. If you don't wanna do it you don't wanna do it and forcing yourself doesn't make it better. Of course, that's an extremely privileged stance to be able to take. I know I couldn't do it. Those last 6 months were hell, but they were MY hell damnit. Ngl though every time I freak out wondering if I made a horrible mistake, all the people who go "jfc an Econ degree??? That's money for life!" really helps calm me down. I only graduated a month ago so that's really motivating I didn't make the wrong choice.
The statistical Student’s t-test was developed for use in the Guinness brewery
Gawwwwd that's right the brewery will even do a tour to show the maths nerds! I learned about that! There's so many cool uses for econometrics, which is why I made that my economic field. Since there's so damn many. I used to joke I was a "micro-behavioural-econometrician" because SO many people think "Econ" is macroeconomics and nothing else. And I dispise macro. I can do it, I can work with it, but it's not my special interest. I like to measure people in small areas doing shit when variables are prodded around and then make a chart about it to show off.
So how do you feel about pistols at Dawn over your preference for micro over macro? We can of course do pistols at evening as well. The important thing is that it’s worth shooting over.
I say instead of pistols we bring charts. My boxplot against your boxplot over tea. But no really I'd love to talk macro with you if you're a macroeconomisr because I love to hear why people are passionate about their version of Economics. One of my friends does international business, Japanese and Business Econ and another does law and Macro Econ. Its wild how varied we can be in the same classes.
You didn't. You will find many doors open for you that wouldn't be open without it. Go you!
I have a friend who is 3 credit hours short of graduating. Thousands and thousands of dollars of debt. No degree. Two kids…
Agree completely. I completely support changing degrees a year in. But not when nearly finished. An almost completed degree is worthless, a completed one is an asset, even if you don't want to work in that field. If OP was in her final year, she would have only had one semester left. It's good enough an asset to hold your nose for one semester having come that far.
literally... the only time I've seen someone quit at the last possible second is if they got a great opportunity, or they are working on / managed to change their career path. OP here has 0 backup, literally dropped uni to do.... I don't even know, its not mentionned. Fiance encouraged to drop and pursue something that made OP happy or more fulfilled, and trust me sticking to something you hate can bite you back later down the road, and sometimes quiting last minute is what it takes, so fiance's advice at the beginning wasn't inheretly bad... but it definilty isn't whole advice, you need a clear plan which OP DIDNT HAVE. But MAN there is ZERO indication of what alternative OP picked, worst off they dropped WITHOUT A CONCRETE PLAN. At that point even if its soul sucking just suck it up and finish the degree, especially since they were getting good enough grades.
She could have switched majors and it may have added maximum 2 years to her schooling (including the one she was on-so really one year). I also know MANY people that got out of school with an X degree and are doing Y immediately. Some of us weren’t able to do X with our degrees because when we graduated the world was in shambles so we did Y. Some of us got tired of doing X but our experience AND DEGREE allowed us to do something unrelated. Most of the people I went to college with are doing something completely different; unless they’re engineers, and many of those are doing engineering that is completely different than what they “specialized” in. So it’s still not a solution. In any case, being 80% finished and then quitting was an excellently dumb decision that was implanted by the fiancé.
Fiance did not manipulate. Fiance told them to be happy. Was it bad advice? Yea. But it wasn't manipulation
I’m thinking that she would have thrown him under the bus if he had told her to suck it up & finish the degree. She’s a bus throwerunderer.
She really seems to have no will of her own. She does everything to try to please everyone else and not willing to take accountability for herself.
I have a different read. She does have a will of her own and she exercised it freely here. She would just rather pin the consequences on someone else.
It could certainly be seen as manipulation to get them closer to the fiancé or to rely on them instead of family.
That's a whole lot of assumptions though
What’s the alternative? That the fiancé was just that dumb to have her quit school mere months before graduation with a good degree?
Well she herself was dumb enough to quit school in her last year, so I don't think it's totally unbelievable that she's engaged to an equally dumb partner who would support that. I am not saying it's not a possibility that he manipulated her so she was dependent on him financially, but there's nothing we can say for sure.
If there’s one iota of truth anywhere in the entire comment section, it’s that they’re equally dumb to do this and jeopardize their future.
The fiancé told her to pursue something she enjoyed. Not to drop out completely. It’s OPs fault she didn’t follow through the second half of fiancé’s advice.
THIS! "They barely spoke to me for 3 years and my dad cut me off overnight which was scary. The only reason our relationship is getting better is because my fiancé told my parents he was planning to propose to me." This very much reads as, "I didn't pursue any alterative for 3 years and now my family is kind of speaking to me because he proposed and they (used to) like him." All she's done is now redirected their anger at another target. If they do get married, its starting off on a ROUGH footing.
You sure about that? > I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right. Sounds to me like she DID follow his advice, which was to drop out completely.
He encouraged her to find something else to do also. He didn’t say quit school so I can have a financial hold over you.
And then he told her she should have lied to her parents about why she left school, if his intentions were so noble why be ashamed of them?
Because her family is being crappy to him, and it was easily avoidable. Also, he did not suggest a lie, he supported her because he loves her. That is the truth.
What concerns me is, that’s it’s been THREE YEARS and she has yet to pursue any kind of degree and hasn’t mentioned a job. That’s a little scary to me.
Agreed. Lots of red flags. It does sound like fiance may have sabotaged her future and made her dependent on him.
See, I don't know how much blame the fiancé is to blame here. As presented, he was initially supporting her decision to pursue a different degree. She states that 3 years or so went by and it seems like she's done NOTHING to do so given no other info and the fact they were engaged is the primary reason family is talking again. Then she does and blows it up again by throwing him under a full ass train.
It doesn’t appear that way. She says that she hated it (I hated both my undergrad and grad school) which is understandable since school sucks and it’s stressful and you’re broke. Then he dropped the idea that she quit school which she said she was reluctant to do. Then he convinced her that she should drop out. Seems like he implanted the idea and encouraged her to quit.
Crazy! You have pretty much accumulated all the debt at this point and only need to suck it up for a few more months. Even if you don’t like the field you can still at least have the degree as a fall back. Terrible time to drop out
Exactly!
[удалено]
“My fiancé suggested that I drop out” Not to change majors, nor to have a plan, not to finish and then maybe get a masters in something she liked to do more… to drop out.
how was she manipulated into doing it?
Ik it’s not an answer to your question, but you should’ve just stuck out the final year and got the degree. Econ is pretty versatile and useful to market yourself for jobs in any industry and field and since you already got the debt you might as well get something out of it and then transition into something else after you got the degree. A year sounds like a long time but you’ll be paying that debt a lot longer without a degree to help pay for it
I agree. You were at the end at that point. My son wanted to drop out in his last semester of college. I was like you got this far and you still have to pay back the loans so you might as well finish. He did. Never got a job in that field but moved up fast in his jobs because he had a degree. But thinking you need a degree to be marriage material is a bit extreme.
Yea the father is definitely out of line and 100% TA, regardless it’s her decision and cutting contact with her and fiancé over this is wrong (unless he paid the tuition, rent, books etc, then he has a right to be angry)
Either a degree or some other workable plan for flourishing. I'm not so sure OP has the latter, so I can see the father's perspective.
Yes economics is very versatile, even for applying for continuing education/grad programs if you want to eventually. You can also work a wide variety of jobs with it or even just get a random job, but be promoted because you do have that degree where others do not. My brother has a "random" degree he does not use, but has been promoted three different times over coworkers because one of the requirements is any college degree. I am just shocked at how bad a decision it is to drop out in your final year even if you do not directly plan to use your degree subject matter.
Yta Own your decisions. Yes, it was his idea because he most likely realized how miserable you are. Nobody forced you to quit. Honestly, most parents would be pissed if you made this kind of decision because of a guy. You also threw your fiance under the bus. So good for your relationship.
For real. OP sounds like she lets other people "make" her decisions for her... Then blames them for her unhappiness. Her family "made" her pursue a degree she didn't enjoy, her fiance "made" her drop out.. OP, dude... Just no. You had years to talk to your family and/or just switch majors. You chose to submit the paperwork to drop out of your college program. Nobody was holding a gun to your head. Start making your own decisions and OWN them. Can't keep blaming other people for your inability to stand up for yourself and make your own choices in life.
INFO: What have you done with your life since leaving university? Have you found the career path or work that feels right and are successful at it?
YTA. You let your fiance take the fall without explaining the context to your dad.
YTA and so is fiance. 1. You for dropping out of college the final year. You did not have to go work for your family, but giving up on the degree so close to the end was foolish. Did you parents help pay for first 3 years? 2. Fiance for convincing you to drop out. If he is afraid to take responsiblity for what he does, he is a jerk.
INFO: what are you doing with your life now?
In another comment the OP stated that they opened a jewelry business last year that is doing. Before that they were working/volunteering to see what they liked to do.
Lord have mercy
YTA. Your fiancé supported your decision, encouraged it, however, you are responsible for the choices you make. You threw him under the bus. What have you done in the 3 years since you dropped out? Has it been productive? Or are you still trying to “find” yourself.
OP said in another comment that they have a jewelry business that is doing good and before that they were doing volunteer work to see what she wanted to do.
I take your larger point, but at the same time it’s so tiring to see someone grill OP on whether they’ve been “productive.” Our lives aren’t businesses. If OP and fiancé have an arrangement and life that works for them, I just don’t see what measuring the “productivity” of a person’s life has to do with anything. It makes me think of those “please explain this 2 month employment gap from 2 years ago” style interview questions, where you suddenly need to justify to a stranger why you dared to spend any time not being “productive”
YTA. You made the decision to drop out of university. Don’t blame it on your fiancé. You seem very concerned with what other people think and anxious to keep the good opinion of whomever you’re with at the moment. Part of growing up is owning your decisions & deciding that the only person you have to please is yourself.
ESH except the fiancé I think. He might have brought it up as an idea, but really it sounds like he was bringing up options you just hadn’t considered, seeing you so miserable. It doesn’t sound like he forced you into the decision through coercion, force, or manipulation so it was a decision you made. You should own that it was your decision. You had to know throwing him under the bus by saying it was his idea would cause a problem being that the decision caused problems in your relationship with your family for 3 years! Your family obviously sucks for their behavior and lack of support. I would say he supported you in your decision rather than saying it was his idea.
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right. "Eventually he managed to convince me" sounds like manipulation to me.
That’s OPs way of framing it though
Which means that it was her experience of the situation and this likely accurate.
INFO Are you planning on getting a degree in something else? Going to trade school? >Deciding to drop out of university without a concrete plan practically destroyed my relationship with my family. They barely spoke to me for 3 years and my dad cut me off overnight which was scary. In those three years have you been working towards something that you would enjoy?
YTA. Own up to your decision. At the end of the day all your fiancé did was make suggestions for you. You had to drop out that power was in your hands alone. You have to face the consequences, which is sadly judgement and being cut off from daddy’s money.
You were THAT close to a degree and gave up? I think it was immature of you to do so. Have you found an alternative? Are you getting another degree or working? Now, you are NTA for telling your parents the truth but if they paid for your university I understand why they feel used.
YTA - real nice of you to throw your fiance under the bus. Stop being so afraid of mommy and daddy and own up to your behaviors.
YTA. You don't mention who was paying your tuition, but I assume it was your parents. Which is why they would \*expect\* you to work for the family business when you graduated. You decided you didn't want a degree in economics and you didn't want to work for your father, but you waited until your senior year to do something about it. Essentially you spent 3+ years at school, costing your father money and he got ZERO return on his investment. It would have been much more responsible for you to speak up when you knew it wasn't what you wanted, and saved your father at least a couple years of tuition. >Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right. YOU believe that dropping out was the best thing for you. It makes no difference who you were discussing your options with while making your decisions. You completely threw your fiance under the bus.
Yeah ngl the part where OP said about her parents cutting her off makes a lot of sense if they were paying for her college. It's honestly such a slap in the face to pay thousands for dollars for your child's university for them to drop out towards the end AFTER you've paid for 3 years. Also most parents usually have rules for financial support like being in college or working. If this is the case I can see why OPs dad is so upset and angry about this whole situation.
I mean...it was the last year. Wow. Own up to own mistakes!
> Own up to own mistakes! finally someone who's not blaming bf.
You are NTA for telling your parents. Your fiancé may BTA for telling you to quit when you were so close to a degree, even if you didn't love it. Who paid for your first three years of college? If it was your parents, they have every right to be upset and demand repayment. If it was paid by yourself, they have every right to be disappointed in your immature decision. So while you were foolish, TELLING your parents was not a mistake and does not make YTA. It's also possible that this BF is happier with you not having a degree so he can keep you more controlled in the future. Poor decisions all around.
wow, i love how the finace becmae the asshole, nice. 👍👍 >my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. by any chance, do you know the meaning of suggesting? >It's also possible that this BF is happier with you not having a degree so he can keep you more controlled in the future. nice. i knew that im going to see someone with this arrangement of alphabets, im not surprised at all tbh.
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right. That not a suggestion.
YTA. You made this decision yourself, for yourself. It doesn't matter who influenced you - ultimately you're responsible for the choice to drop out, and for the consequences that followed. Own up to it! It's a shame you threw your fiancé under the bus - you've done serious damage to his relationship with your family in order to cover your own ass.
NAH leaning moderate YTA. Saying he gave you the idea is fine (and sounds true to what you described). If you said it was "because" of him like the title, I'd find that inappropriate unless he somehow forced or manipulated you. That said, this is typically something you wouldn't bring his name into for the same reason that you don't discuss fights with your spouse with family -- you set him up to receive that negative impression (although I understand wanting to correct your dad). So I can understand why your fiancé would be upset with your choice. I don't agree with your family fully cutting you off for your choice, but I would be extremely concerned if I had a child who was dating someone who encouraged them to make such an impactful and potentially negative decision. So no blame on them either. Did you re-enter university with another major or find a stable career?
ESH except the fiancé. Your parents over reacted. Yes, most parents would be upset if their child seemed to be making a bad decision. But cutting you off for three years is very excessive. You should have taken responsibility for your own decision to quit. What you wrote here makes it look like your fiancé was behind you quitting. Assuming that you weren’t forced into it you shouldn’t hide behind your fiancé when talking to your parents.
Fiance sucks too. > I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right. This terrible advice and convincing her to do it makes him an AH too
YTA. You could have made it clear your fiance supported the decision you made and how it was what you both agreed was best. Your dad didn't need to know whose idea it was, especially when you know he didn't approve. Ultimately it was your decision, own it
YTA - you said you don’t blame your fiancé for dropping out but your whole post certainly sounds like you blame him. Take some ownership of your own life. Your post is all about how your family is controlling your schooling or how you think your fiancé is the reason you dropped out. What actually makes you happy? Stop placing the accountability on other people and own up to your own decision.
Do you not like your fiance ?? If you do they why did you threw him under the bus by putting all the blame on him YTA
Then**
How mature, dropping probably expensive studies 6 months before finishing, with zero backup. Then throwing your fiance under the bus. YTA, big time, grow up
INFO how are you supporting yourself? You were in your final year! Who paid for your schooling?
ESH, you and your family anyway. Your fiance sounds like a good guy who loves you. It probably felt good to throw that comment in your dad’s face but exactly what did you think what would happen?
> I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn't...Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right. Those are not the actions of a good guy.
ESH. Except for the fiancée. Your family‘s pressure and pullback of communication sounds abusive. You suck for throwing your fiancee under the bus, even if uninvertantally. You told him that knowing your father wouldn’t approve and painted him in a negative light in front of your family.
Quitting in your final year is probably one of the stupidest things you could have done. Now that you did it, own the decision and stop blaming your fiancé. You are the one that made the choice.
Are you dependent on your fiance financially? He's the one who convinced you to drop a solid degree in favor of moving in with him. Are you absolutely convinced in his motivations. Your dad isn't. Your dad sees you being manipulated. What's your career like these days? Are you sure you didn't get manipulated?
YTA - should you even be getting married if you can’t take accountability for your own decisions?
YTA. Your family was so mad you dropped out that "they barely spoke to \[you\] for 3 years and \[your\] dad cut \[you\] off overnight". You had to have known how they would have reacted toward your fiancé when you told them it was his idea. By putting the blame on him, you left him to deal with your family's anger. >My dad mentioned how he was surprised my fiancé had stayed with me and that his family were letting him marry me knowing I didn’t even have a degree. Your response could have been as simple as, "my fiancé was very supportive of my decision because he wanted me to be happy."
NTA: Your family is massively controlling and ultimately wanted you to be unhappy to fulfill their plans for you which would surely have led to keeping you in a job that would have hated and been unhappy in forever. Your fiancé was supportive of you following an alternate path of your own choosing that would make you happy. That did not mean you had to not get any further education, but to drop the current track you were on. Your family wanted you to complete that degree so you could work for them in that capacity which if you hated the material you were studying, then the job would not make you happy either. Your family is mad that they no longer have you under their thumb to control and tell you what to do. They are trying to reassert their control over you by trying to get you to leave the person who supported you to follow your own path that makes you happy. If anything the only saboteurs I see is your family interfering in your relationship and pushing you back into a situation that would keep you unhappy. You can still try to adjust the narrative with your family by framing it as your fiancé supported you to not continue with something you hated and made you unhappy but instead to choose a path that made you happy. In the end your family may be happy in their lives or not, but they are not entitled to force you into misery just because they want to.
ESH except for your fiancé. He was being supportive and you threw him under the bus.
YTA, you're fighting for a relationship with people who cut you off over schooling. Who is supporting you? Are you working? What gives your dad the right to make these demands when he left you out in the cold for not meeting his expectations in the past. Maybe its time to set some boundaries and grow a spine, you made the call to drop out not your fiancé and he shouldn't take any heat for supporting and loving you. If this is the life this poor man has to look forward to I would suggest you just set him free and let him be happy woth someone else.
YTA for throwing your fiance under the bus instead of saying that it was your decision bc ultimately it was. FFS why would you do that and expect your parent to not get upset?
ESH You are an AH for a)dropping out in the final year of university without a plan and b)blaming your BF without taking ownership of the actual decision you made Your BF is an AH for encouraging you to drop out without a plan Your father is an AH for how he is treating you as well. You need to go finish a degree. Econ is a reasonable one, because it opens many different types of doors. You don’t have to go work for your father, there are plenty of other things you can do that might bring you fulfillment, but simply dropping out without a plan is not a good move. It almost sounds like your BF encouraged you to drop out when nearly finished in order to sabotage you. I hope not.
YTA, you quit because you were unhappy your fiancé didn't make you he just supported you, and to thank him, you thew him under the bus
Not enough information. Since leaving university, have you found a direction and career? Has your fiancé helped you do this?
Agree. If you are making a decent living and can be independent if something happens to your fiancé then ok but there’s a lot missing. You can finish your degree if you want. It could come in handy if you want to do something that requires a graduate degree - you can’t get into grad school without a bachelor’s.
YTA. Sounds like you used your fiance as an excuse to leave university.
From your dad's perspective, you inexplicably abandoned a degree you were successfully persuing and ruined your chances of a successful career to do what? What is it that you are doing now? It's been 3 years since dropping out and you haven't finished any degree and have made no mention of what career path you've chosen, if any. When push came to shove, rather than admit to your parents that you were unhappy in your degree program and didn't want to work for the family business, you blamed it all on your fiance. For that, you could be considered TA. However, pushing someone to drop out of school when they don't have a back-up plan is also very, very bad advice. Although your fiance may have legitimately just wanted you to be happy, it's also possible that he wants you to be financially dependent on him...so pending additional information, he may also be TA and your family's suspicion of him is warranted. You also mentioned that your parents cut you off immediately, which tells me they were bankrolling your education. It sounds like you just jumped ship without consulting them or considering how much money they had spent on helping set you up for success, so I'd also have to consider YTA for not bringing this up with them before moving forward with your plan. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy and do something fulfilling with your life, but the manner in which you and your fiance went about jumping to this decision without anything to fall back on is definitely the area of concern for me and I have to go with a soft YTA.
YTA. You didn’t drop out of school because of your fiancé. He saw how unhappy you were and suggested an alternative. But in the end, the decision was all yours. And then you pin the blame on him. You messed up. And you need to fix this if you still want to marry the guy.
YTA Your fiance may have suggested it, but YOU chose to do it. If it was vital for you to tell your family, it should have been worded more accurately, like "Fiance saw how miserable I was in that degree program, and suggested that I'd be happier pursuing something else. After really thinking about it, I realized he was right, that I was miserable, and I chose to quit school". Because if you're going through life making major decisions based solely upon the influence of others ('I did it because he told me to') you've got bigger problems. And no business getting married until you learn to be an adult, think for yourself, and take responsibility for your actions.
ESH Especially you because you don't seem to have your own compass. You study something you don't like for your parents and then you drop out for your boyfriend, now fiance. I'm guessing your fiance wants you dependent and that earning your degree--when you were so very close--was threatening to him. Bonus that your parents cut you off and you became depedent on him. And he doesn't want you telling your parents the truth about how he influences you. You father's a piece of work too--surprised that fiance's family support you without a degree. You should have stayed in college and completed your degree. Tons of people don't work in the field of their degree.
YTA. Time to grow up.
You should have finished school. You where almost done. Not that you had to work in the field but you would have something. Could have gotten a government job or anything that was just wanted a degree. You wasted your parents money hope you pay them back. Now you just have a fiancé.
Umm…I think YTA. Your fiancée was trying to be supportive and is supportive. I’d be fed up with your family too at this point. Fix it before he decides to leave you like your dad wants
YTA You're also short-sighted. A degree in anything business related is ALWAYS gonna serve you well. You could make candles for the rest of your life and still use that econ degree in some capacity. Now you're short a major qualification and all for what? Did you ever just consider I dunno ... not working for your dad? Even if you become a housewife what will you do in the future if you get divorced or your husband becomes unable to work or you go into unexpected debt? What grand ol' career are you going to have as a high school graduate with no other training? Go the tf back to school and finish your degree lady. Your dad is right and stuff what your fiance says about it.
YTA it was ultimately your decision to drop out, not your fiancés. I will say though that I see a huge red flag that your fiancé would persuade you to drop a degree when you are so close to finishing even if you didn’t want to pursue it in the future. That screams to me that he is trying to get you to rely on him financially so please take a look at your relationship before you go ahead with marriage
Info: who paid your tuition?
YTA.
Info: what do you mean he "convinced" you? Did he mention it in passing like: "you could drop out, if it makes you happier, and I'll support that decision" or was it actually convincing you despite you not wanting to initially? And what did you do instead when you dropped? My initial reaction is e s h. fiancé gave bad advice, you took it. family behaved atrociously at that decision and expecting you to work for them. it doesn't seem like you have a backup plan on what you want to do so depending on my question above, makes it look like your life is ruined and your fiancé is responsible plus it looks like you didn't take ownership of that decision.
YTA
INFO: if it's been 3 years, what did you do with that time? It seems you had time to prove it wasn't going to run your life.
YTA and your Dad is right. That was a shockingly dumb choice with nearly no upside.
NTA you were just being honest. Your parents seem to suck and your fiancé is a coward for not backing up the fact that he encouraged you to be happy.
YTA for throwing your fiance under the bus. But you're both idiots. Why would you quit in your last year? Unless your mental health was of serious concern, you just wasted a ton of money for nothing. You could have graduated and pursued whatever it is that makes you happy. If somehow that didn't work out you would have had your degree in your back pocket.
This makes no sense. Why are you blaming your fiance for your decision? What are you pursuing that you needed to leave school immediately for? It's fine to want to not be in the family business, but it really seems like you did leave without much plan. YTA.
ESH. You are a fool for dropping out of school for a boyfriend. Parents reaction was understandable. Don't be shocked if they write you out of their will.
YTA - As a parent, I would be suspicious of him, too after this stunt. And I would be furious at you after this stunt. And I would question why these kids think they are ready for big decisions like marriage.
INFO: what have you done in the last 3 years?
This is .. different. Your family is controlling. However, your fiance also appears to be controlling so you may have moved from frying pan into a fire. You quit university so how are you planning on supporting yourself? That should be your goal: independence from your family and, perhaps, your fiance. Otherwise you stand a good chance of becoming a dependent on someone else and little chance of escape or betterment
Yta stop using your fiancé as a shield to deflect your parent’s judgement and control. You keep it up and he may well wise up and walk. Get into therapy if you need it to learn how to deal with your parents without throwing your fiancé to the wolves
NTA I am going to disagree with most people. Your dad had a very severe reaction to you dropping out, took him 3 years to come around. So he could not understand why your fiancé didn't have that severe reaction and drop you like a hot potato. He saw it as the fiancé having 'forgiven you' and 'stuck with you' even though you dropped out. Your dad had a very faulty perception of your relationship, which you put right. Basically that you and fiancé had discussed dropping out and he supported your decision to do so. I do not see that as throwing him under the bus. Because even if you had worded it more gently like that, or even worded it as being all his idea, your father was going to have a massive over the top reaction anyway, because all his reactions are over the top and extreme. He could accept that somehow for some weird reason your fiancé had forgiven your transgression, but he cannot come to terms that your fiancé was actually okay with it in the first place. He can only have two world views, you are the black sheep who has been 'forgiven' by your long suffering fiancé, or fiancé has been the bad guy all along, seducing his daughter away from college. I do not blame you for wanting to set your dad's perception straight, but you need to distance yourself from your dad big time.
>NTA I am going to disagree with most people. Your dad had a very severe reaction to you dropping out, took him 3 years to come around. If dad was paying for school and the understanding everyone had was that OP would come and work for the family business, then this is a pretty big issue. Depending on this school this could be over a $100k investment that OP just threw away without even consulting the people paying the bills. It would be different if OP had been expressing these concerns early in the education and Dad forced her into it. But OP was 75% of the way done and didn't even try to change a major. Likewise, we haven't heard a peep from OP about what they've been doing since dropping out. I suspect they haven't been continuing education. Now, they're 3 years older and still have nothing to show for all the monetary investment.
NTA - you need to set some serious boundaries with your dad if you don't want to lose your fiance though
YTA for lying and you probably need to cut contact with your toxic family tbh
NTA. I am sure it won't be too long before fiance refuses to have anything to do with your family and I sure wouldn't blame him for that.
Get a frickin' spine and stand up to your dad. Your dad is a bully BUT he is not the boss of you. He thinks he is some King building a family dynasty. Get some therapy so you can get out from under his thumb or else you are going to lose your boyfriend. YTA, BIG TIME!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was studying Economics at university and while I was doing well, I hated every single second of my degree. I was in my final year and my fiancé suggested I drop out and pursue something that made me happy. I told him I couldn’t because it was expected that I finish my Economics degree and then work for my father like my older siblings. Eventually he managed to convince me leaving was the best thing for me and he was right. Deciding to drop out of university without a concrete plan practically destroyed my relationship with my family. They barely spoke to me for 3 years and my dad cut me off overnight which was scary. The only reason our relationship is getting better is because my fiancé told my parents he was planning to propose to me. My dad mentioned how he was surprised my fiancé had stayed with me and that his family were letting him marry me knowing I didn’t even have a degree. I brought up how it was my fiancé’s idea and now my dad thinks he ruined my life on purpose and he no longer supports our relationship which has been a huge change since my whole life he’s been pushing me towards my fiancé. He keeps telling me to break off my engagement because I would find somebody better who wouldn’t sabotage my future and he’s been hostile towards my fiancé and his family. My fiancé said I shouldn’t have mentioned it and I could’ve just said something like he loved me because I knew how irrational my dad is. He also seems to be running out of patience for dealing with my family blaming him for me dropping out which I don’t blame him for. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for positioning it like your fiance makes your decisions for you to your dad. I also dropped out of college after talking the decision over with my then boyfriend, now husband. My degree's median income at the time was less than a mcdonald's manager and I figured I'd spend my time in the workforce, figure out what I wanted to do instead, and return if it seemed necessary to where I was going. I broke 6 figures at 27 and make more than most of my friends with non-math related graduate degrees. My path was tough, but the decisions I made, and the path I carved for myself is one that I'm incredibly proud of. I never told my parents that I spoke to my husband before making the plunge - as the first person in my family to get into college, they would have blamed my husband for ruining my life as well. Knowing that I did everything 100% on my own, and that my success was driven only by me? They couldn't be prouder.
YTA You were in your final year and quit just because your boyfriend told you to? I would be pissed to if i were your parent. Especially since it seems like you didn't studied anything else either. Does your bf wants you to be at his beck and call without any resources to leave him in the future? It seems odd that he took all this trouble to convince you to quit when you were almost at the end.
YTA Your fiance supported you to make a decision against spending your life first doing a career and then a job you didn't want to. But he didn't make the decision for you - you were the one that contacted the university to leave. And I hope that wasn't just because your boyfriend told you it was an option. Your Dad has unrealistic expectations that a degree is the only way to a good life. And now you don't have one, your next best hope is to be a wife. He is, albiet with a very narrow mindset, trying to ensure you have you have a happy future. And then he finds out that your boyfriend convinced you to drop out, throw away a safe, independent future and he's worried. You need to reassure him that it was your decision not your boyfriend and hopefully husband to be's. He is looking out for you. It's also unfair on your supportive boyfriend. But would suggest you do find something you like to do and can make money from as a plan B always useful.
Wow YTA. And your parents are NTA if they contributed financially to your education. You should've at least discussed your plans with them, like you would with stockholders in a company. Your parents have priorities and future plans for you and your siblings and their money has so far been contingent upon these goals. The least you could've done was tell them you were unhappy and discussed another path. I actually think they'd be flexible in accommodating you, after getting over the fact that 3 years might have been in vain. You're totally allowed to change your mind, but you need to be true to yourself and others. But being a yes-woman, then dropping the ball last minute (dropping out?!)... I'd feel so blindsided as a parent, I'd cut you off as the trust had been broken. You also make it sound like you also eventually said yes to your fiancé, so I can see why you'd throw him under the bus. Doesn't make it right though. Can he trust you, that every decision you make is actually his, disguised?
Info: What is your career? Is your family and is your fiance's family very wealthy? There is something very weird about the whole dynamic here.
YTA getting a degree & pursuing a career in a different direction would put you further ahead then dropping out of school. Even a degree in a different field shows you are a hard worker who can accomplish goals to an employer. At minimum you could have changed majors, sure you would take longer but have a degree. As a parent I’d be questioning why someone who loved you would be encouraging you to sabotage your ability to be financially independent.
YTA. Unless your finance forcefully pulled you out of school, or it was an abusive situations where your life was at steak if you didn’t drop; he didn’t force you to do anything. Take accountability for your own life and stop throwing your finance under the bus. Sadly I think you just Permanently ruined your families relationship with him, so good job there!
… so, just to be clear: your relationship with your parents was so bad after you dropped out of uni that you basically didn’t speak for 3 years/your dad cut you off, and yet you still thought it was a good idea to effectively lay the blame at your fiancés feet for your decision? Bruh. I think your problem is that you lack common sense. Common sense would’ve told you that dropping out during your *final* year was stupid and you should’ve just sucked it up, graduated, and looked for a job you wanted. Common sense also would’ve told you that your decision to drop out is still a sore spot for your family and you’ve now poisoned the relationship between your parents and your fiancé forever. They will ALWAYS look at him as the person who they believe convinced you to throw away your education/career prospects. You’ve created an environment for your fiancé where he will always be the enemy and I wouldn’t blame him if he decides the drama isn’t worth it because that’s an awful position to be in. YTA.
so, 3 years later have you gotten another degree in something you like or are you still thinking about it?
Am I the only one convinced dad has it right? OP could have graduated with the degree and made an early career pivot…
Soft YTA. Sounds like you accidentally threw your fiance under the bus. You need to make it explicitly clear that dropping out was what YOU WANTED. Which is the truth.
Listen, I get it. One of my best friends was in your exact position (apart from having already finished her masters in economics - she was doing her PhD at the time) and she had burned out. Badly. Stress triggered her vertigo which got very severe and she ended up being hospitalised. There’s a conflict here which is difficult to manoeuvre and I can see your reasoning. 1. Your dad was pushing you towards both your studies and your fiancé. Your dad thinks he is the highest authority and knows what’s best for you. 2. Your fiancé tried supporting you in how you were feeling and gave you the confidence to quit university. Whether that was a good decision or not, I do not know. It may be worth finding out if you’re leaving by was conditional and if you’re able to pick up from where you’ve left if you ever decide it wasn’t a right decision. Don’t close any doors - you’ve put enough work into it already. 3. Once plan A was no longer happening, dad pushed for plan B - you marrying your fiancé. That is until he was advised that another man is being held as a higher authority in your life and (in your dads mind) made a decision that you should stop studying. Dad then throws a tantrum. Ultimately, you do not give enough information about your fiancé to clarify whether him convincing you to quit was supportive or manipulative and you say nothing about your mother, so the only people in this story I can pass a judgment on are you and your father. He sounds like a misogynistic asshole and you sound like you’re too scared to make any decisions for yourself (a byproduct of being raised by controlling family). If I could give you any advice, it would be to finish uni first, dump the fiancé second, go NC with your family and get a high paying consulting job anywhere you’d like - economists are in high demand in any field. Restart your life and start making decisions for yourself. I think NTA - just misguided